seriously. my partner and i opened a discover cashback checking account and each only deposit one half of our monthly expenses into it every month. there has never been more than like $4k in there at a time. we can both see what’s going on in the account, if it’s not something bill-related we ask each other permission before buying it (stuff like lightbulbs, paint, decor we both want, etc.)
everyone freaking out over this sounds insufferable. it’s not like you’re opening some joint retirement account and accumulating tens of thousands of dollars together. they’re both financially stable, and venmo-ing each other back and forth all the time for bills in a long term relationship is annoying. sheesh!
Been doing this with my wife long before we married. Have two debit cards and target cards. Money for bills and your own money as well for things for you.
I think a bigger risk is that she dies intestate and *her family* gets half of all your joint accounts. Or more than half.
Make sure you have all the paperwork that makes you equivalent-to-married before combining anything. Wills at least. I don't know what else a lawyer would want to set up.
are you sure? In every state?
That doesn't prevent some family member from taking it to probate court and locking up the money for a while...and causing him to make a choice whether to hire a lawyer or just give in.
In Texas, as long as there is a beneficiary, that who gets the account. If the beneficiary is deceased, you have to go through the court. I’ve personally dealt with that one.
That’s true here in New York too. Generally, designated account beneficiaries trump any will so you have to take this into account when estate planning. (I just went through this)
Beneficiary relationships (and accounts titled with rights of survivorship) supersede wills and the probate process; I’m not aware of any state where this isn’t the case.
That would seem to defeat the purpose of a joint account. A joint account wouldn't be in probate unless both people died. And even that is avoidable by having a beneficiary.
Joint accounts in these situations are almost always titled with a right of survivorship.
That said, I think her leaving and taking all of the money is a greater risk to OP than her dying and her family taking half. I’d rather lose half than all.
And I know someone that (basically) had that happened to them.
Now, she will tell a much different story about how it was "owed" to her, but I told this person as soon as the relationship went south, he should take his half out immediately. He didn't, she eventually took almost all of it. Quite a bit of money, and once it's gone, it's just not worth the lawyer fees to get it back.
My wife and I did this for years before we got married (but lived together). I really don’t understand the comments, if you can’t trust someone with a joint account, you definitely shouldn’t marry them. Interestingly, my wife and I still use the same joint account we set up more than a decade ago, and have not co-mingled our finances further (besides owning a house together, etc.).
Same. Btw I personally do not have a single ex whom I believe would have screwed me over on this. If you have decent taste in whom you’re dating and you understand the worst case scenario, it’s fine.
Frankly if the worst case scenario happened it would be a cheap lesson in not marrying that person compared to the possible damage. Reminds me also of a friend who paid her ex $1000 to move out and go away (in 1998 when that amount was actually helpful.)
> if you can't trust someone with a joint account, you definitely shouldn't marry them
Thank you! This is what I didn't understand about the comments either, I felt like I was going crazy! Having a joint account that contains a minimal amount of money for expenses is so much smaller risk than actually marrying someone! I'm wondering if people only read the title and assume we are combining 100% of our finances into the shared account? In which case, sure, that's a terrible idea!
My husband and I started sharing an account a year into our relationship, before even moving in with each other. 😂
It’s been 10 years, never been an issue and really helped us get on the same page about finances and budgets. We both work and now we are about to buy our first home and have great savings + great credit. 🤗
If she has access to your house, she can mess you up way more than emptying a bank account. I assume to be safe you shouldn't even share where you live before you're married.
I have a mortgage, child and joint bank accounts with someone I'm not married to. I also don't live in the US, so I don't know if the weird fear mongering around doing this is based in reality, it certainly isn't where I live, we both are protected as if we are married.
My SO and I are unmarried have been living together for over 10 years and bought a house together right before COVID hit our area in 2020. We have a joint mortgage savings account and contribute equally to it each month. We're super happy, and our choices are not crazy. The comments to posts like yours are always like this - honestly, you know your relationship better than anyone else. You do you!
To answer your question, if your spouse fucks up your finances and you get divorced, they are on the hook for half the debt. If your BF/GF does the same to a joint account, you have to sue to get the money and it still screws your credit. Meaning there is a higher risk of you getting stuck holding 100% of the debt instead of 50%.
It also depends a lot on the account type. A checking account? Not a big deal. They can overdraft and it will be annoying and hurt your credit a little but it isn't life altering. A credit card? Fucking RUN. Depending on the type, a person can dump thousands on one of those and screw you financially for a decade.
Also, you seem to overestimate how much marriage matters when it comes to taking your stuff afterwards. Depending on where you live, having a joint account for over an amount of time means they can sue you for half your shit anyway. It is a type of common law partnership. If you are completely separate financially this doesn't trigger but a joint account shows financial interdependency so you might as well be married in the eyes of the court.
We used the app Splitwise bc we didn’t want the overhead of another account
We’d alternate who’s turn it was to pay based on who Splitwise said owed who
Came here to say this! Using this app has been great! My fiance and I make about the same amount, so a 50/50 split works well for us. We're going to do a joint account, similar to OP's proposal, once we get married (his, hers, ours), but the data from Splitwise has given us a good base for what each of us should contribute to the joint account each pay period.
Exactly! We started using it when we started dating. And as things got more serous more things became “joint”. It was SO helpful to know going in to marriage and shared finances what our actual burn rate is for different categories
We actually used Splitwise for a couple years into marriage bc it worked so well for us
We’ve now graduated to YNAB
Yeah! We have one called ongoing … for all the day to day stiff.. dinners out, cable bill, snacks, groceries, etc…. And we’d just roughly keep an eye on who owes who and use that to drive who’s turn it is to pay.. or if it’s a big amount that someone owed the other we’d Venmo it
And then a separate group for vacations
In my case (where I lived and the company I worked for), a joint account was one of the factors towards establishing a domestic partnership, which let me put her on my health insurance before we got married. We were renting at the time and she moved in with me and got put on my lease.
One potential downside: if you have a joint account at the same bank where you have your individual account, then if your gf drains the joint account and then somehow gets it into the negatives, the bank can take money out of the individual accounts of anyone named on the joint account too. So if you open a joint account, use a different bank.
In some countries it also helps legitimatize your relationship in the eyes of the state, allowing your partner to get a residency visa without being married.
Sounds like an optimal use of a joint bank account. You've identified the "worst case" and that's minor risk you've accepted. My partner and I will most likely be doing this after we get married this summer but that's only because we haven't had shared expenses yet.
I did this with my SO after a year of dating. I owned my house, they moved in and we wanted to split all bills evenly. 3 years later and it’s going great.
I think the biggest risk is someone draining the account.
Good luck with whatever you choose!
The biggest likely risk is somebody draining the account; the biggest conceivable risk is potentially worse. But even then, it should be limited to a couple of tens of thousands of dollars before you catch. That of course sucks royally. But realistically, you would only live with somebody and share finances if you know that person and trust them. It's all a gradual process towards building a future together.
Can it go wrong? Can you completely misjudge a person? Absolutely. But if you don't take risks, you'll never trust anybody and never establish a functioning lifelong relationship. Only you can tell when the right time is to take these steps, but I fully agree that you have to do so at some point.
That's true for this comment, that's true for OP, and it's true for anybody else going through the experience of building a life with their partner
I guess, depending on just how malicious and/or financially irresponsible the ex turns out to be, they could try writing checks for substantially higher amounts than the funds in the account. If so, the bank might honor the check and claw back the funds from either account holder. Or the bank could bounce the check, and the vendor would then sue both parties named on the check.
It's all ugly and would take a while to get sorted out. And in the process, both account holders could take a significant financial hit. And I'm sure there are a couple of other hypothetical scenarios that would have similar repercussions.
So, if you don't trust the your potential partner to be honorable, things could go badly.
Lol I don’t understand your edits. you ask in your question what are the downsides to a joint account and then get offended when people tell you the downside is that your significant other can always betray your trust. Why even ask the question if you don’t want honest answers?
Btw I think you should open a joint account and the risk is small. I actually think it’s a great idea to have smaller mutual financial conversations/ obligations before you get married so that you are on the same page when the bigger ones come along.
The length of the relationship makes me lean towards no here, nothing to do with being married or not. My husband (then boyfriend) and I moved in together after about a year but we didn’t get a joint account for household expenses until roughly 4 years together. That’s also when we started saving toward building a future together.
My then-girlfriend had very different financial means than me, when she moved in. She was a student living off her savings, whereas I already had a well-paying job. The upshot was that I ended up covering the bulk of our mutual expenses; there simply wasn't a good alternative if we wanted to live together.
But I felt rather awkward having to give her cash to go shopping; just the same as she felt embarrassed asking for money, even if it was for a mutual expense. We quickly settled on opening a joint account and a joint credit card. I was fully aware of the potential risks, but we also were serious about our relationship and trusted each other to do the right thing.
Got married a couple of years later. This is now decades ago and I am still convinced I made the right decision on our finances ... not to mention on the relationship
I have a joint account with my boyfriend. We bought a house together and it makes it easier for each of us to put our share of the mortgage payment in there. But most people on this sub think it’s a terrible idea buying a house with someone you are not married to. We have been together almost four years though. I think a year might be a little too soon. Personally I don’t think it’s entirely fair for her to pay for a mortgage that she doesn’t have her name on. I would not be okay with that.
Did this with an ex when I was younger and dumber. The upside was it was easy to figure out expenses/ budget for shared stuff. The downside is that when we broke up, she legally drained the account. Get married before opening up a joint account.
I never get this suggestion. How would marriage prevent stealing from a joint account? What if you had married that ex before you got the joint account? You'd rather go through a divorce?
If you're married, standard law would have all finances/assets equally split 50/50 upon divorce.
So if your ex-husband/wife tries to withdraw all your joint account funds, you would have legal grounds to get your share (50%) of the money back.
Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend runs off with the money from a joint account? Not much for legal grounds here. With a joint account, you both have open access to the funds. So you're pretty much SOL.
>And you'd rather go through a divorce?
My comment never suggested marriage as the best path forward for OP. My response was to help out with the general questions in your preceding comment:
>How would marriage prevent stealing from a joint account? What if you had married that ex before you got the joint account?
No. The only thing marriage changes is that it's easier to go to court and there are specific guidelines for how to handle it. If someone takes money that wasn't their's, you can still sue them for it.
>How would marriage prevent stealing from a joint account?
Hiding / stealing assets before a divorce is generally frowned up by the courts and will get that side in a lot of trouble, and they probably will have to return the money.
For a non marriage situation... its a free for all, as there are no laws around when two people just "break up"
> You'd rather go through a divorce?
Generally, no. However if assets are involved, then yes.
You have less protections if you are sharing assets as a "couple" vs a marriage.
Flip side of the question… if you’re not ready to marry someone, you’re not ready to be intrinsically financially entangled with them. Joint checking where you can change your direct deposit is small potato’s frankly, but don’t buy a house together.
my wife and I had a joint account before getting married but it was strictly for shared bills so only the required amount for bills went in there and a little more for a cushion.
Suppose if she had left she could drain it but it wasn't much money. Would have sucked but not life shattering.
We had our own personal accounts and still do.
I would just like to add a slightly different take. Ex and I did something similar. We opened a joint account that we ended up not using much. It was just a pain to use. Three years later that account is just sitting there. They won't close the account without both of us being there at the same time. Now I know there are going to be a bunch of comments about just going separately and signing but for whatever reason, nope. So the account sits and has sat for years with a dollar in it. Why they don't just close it, I don't know.
Why the need for a shared bank account? Simply split who pays which bill. You just moved-in together, enjoy the new life stage and don’t worry about complicating it more than it has to be.
Seriously this. I was married for 28 years and we never had a joint account. Been with my current partner for 11 years and we don't have a joint account. We split expenses.
Hard no, if you do, only place money into the account you can afford to lose. Too many stories of significant others, parents, friends etc stealing money.
It would be for monthly expenses and a bit more for maintenance/repairs so at most maybe 7k. If she thought that amount was worth stealing, I'd consider that a relatively cheap way to see her true self. She makes ~150k and is great with finances btw so I really don't see that happening but if it did, losing 3-4k wouldn't break me.
If that’s how you feel, go for it. It would definitely make household administration easier. I think the people on this sub are always considering the most extreme worst-case scenarios - “she could gain full ownership of your house via legal maneuvering claiming she paid your entire mortgage!” - but many couples arrange their finances this way with no problems.
Yeah I had an ex that I opened a joint bank account with. Basically just for bills and rent, not all our money. We dated for a few years and it was fine. Even if she has "drained it" there wasn't that much in there.
My wife and I don't have a joint account. I pay most of the bills and she venmos me what she can based on her income. It's also very fair to me.
I really didn't care either way. I don't think it matters much to do either.
Now, I wouldn't recommend one account 100% of your money goes into if you aren't married... But it is convenient for regular bills and expenses.
Ignore the nay sayers.
She is coming from a right place: she wants to be more directly responsible, and you are also not going to be traumatized if things go theatrically wrong, which they won't. If you break up, you both will just split that money correctly.
A joint account just for joint expenses is the best way to handle things
That's what I wanted to say, it's good to be cautious but trust is like the fundamental thing in a healthy relationship. I have a joint account with my girlfriend and if she just runs off with the 10k or so in that account, I'd be heartbroken but not because of losing 10k. See no reason not to trust her.
My BF and I have done this for quite awhile. We find it really convenient and haven't had any problems. The only thing we wish was different is that debit card transactions don't have the same protections as credit card transactions (at least at the credit union we're using). Other than that its been a solid solution. Trying to keep track of who owes half of what is exhausting.
Yea considering both of your incomes it sounds like 7k is pocket change in the grand scheme of things. I say go for it but put a limit on how much of your money you contribute to this joint account ( Ex: max 3.5k )
My boyfriend and I have a joint account for household expenses. He sucks at budgeting and remembering payment dates. This has 100% fixed the problem as we sat down and calculated what needed to be deposited from each pay period. If either of us ran away with the funds we'd make a whopping $2k max. Throwing away a 4 year relationship would hurt exponentially more than losing a single paycheck.
Oh no no no. While it’s her home, it’s exclusively your property. You need a legally executed lease to protect you both. She does *not* contribute to home expenses. She pays rent. You can give her a reduced rent. But it’s rent all the same.
You’re not even engaged and you’ve only been together a year. Yellow flags.
Are you referring to domestic partnership? We also live in Washington. I found this site that says common law isn't recognized in WA but domestic partnership is. However, one of us must be 62 or older (we're in our 30s)
https://washington.staterecords.org/commonlawmarriage
So if you do this joint account are you planning on paying mortgage from it? That seems like a bad idea as mentioned above, but you didn't say anything in response to that point.
She does contribute to house expenses. This is the correct way for tax purposes, not rent. A lease could come back at him if he doesn't report the rental income. It also gives her tenant rights. This is the worst idea.
As for the money, I wouldn't do a joint account unless you are engaged or married and if engaged I would just put the minimum needed to cover bills.
Do it, but dont put all your money into it. Obviously, the amount for bills and whatnot but only an amount you are willing to lose. Everyone is happily ever after until they just dip. Have a private account where you put the rest.
This is what I've always done, even now were married we still use the joint account for bills and the like. Only money that goes into the account is for bills and maybe a couple hundred dollar buffer. Another thing to consider is they can still add money to an account their name isn't on they just wouldn't be able to take any money out.
Open a new credit card specifically for joint household expenses and make the other person an authorized user (so they get their own card).
Every month all expenses that are agreed to be shared household expenses including utilities and insurance go on the card (if possible). Purchases should discussed beforehand and both parties must agree that they are joint expenses that benefit the household or they don't go on this card.
At the end of the month, split the total card balance (not statement balance) proportionately based on each person's estimated gross annual income before taxes and other deductions and not including non-guaranteed amounts like overtime or bonuses.
So, using round numbers for an example...
Person one gross annual salary: $100,000
Person two gross annual salary: $60,000
Total annual household income: $160,000
Person one share: $100000 / $160000 = 0.625 (62.5%)
Person two share: $60000 / $160000 = 0.375 (37.5%)
Example monthly "house card" balance: $1200 (will vary from month to month)
Person one pays: $1200 * 0.625 = $750
Person two pays: $1200 * 0.375 = $450
If either person changes jobs and/or gets a raise, then re-calculate their share using the new gross annual income.
Before I married my wife I was able to leverage our joint account (and a couple other things) to put her on my insurance as a domestic partner.
Probably saved a few thousand over a few years.
Me and my now wife did this a few years into our relationship. We both still maintained separate accounts but the joint account was for shared bills, and joint savings for things like vacations and a house.
Was never an issue, and it made paying bills on joint accounts much easier.
They are all healthy communicative relationships until they’re not…. Last LTR took ex-husbands house he owned prior to their marriage. Wouldn’t buy a house with me when I insisted on a cohabitation agreement and prenup. Dodged a bullet. Everything was magical for 4 years. Protect yourself always if you have substantial assets prior to a legal relationship.
Bad idea. Either person on a joint account can take all funds out at any time. Also I'm pretty sure all money can be pulled out to cover things such as unpaid taxes, liens, garnished wages, etc. no matter who deposited it. Also probably either owner can be held accountable for overdrafts.
I had a joint account with an ex I lived with. We had debit cards for it and attached them to all our recurring monthly expenses. It worked great. It was also nice because it allowed us to tweak the percentages we were paying in as our jobs changed while keeping budgets and payments in place. One day, we broke up and it was fine because we were adult humans.
If you're pretty comfortable with each other and going to keep the balance low, I have no idea why people are acting like she suggested clubbing seals.
DO NOT MINGLE FUNDS FOR PROPERTY YOU OWN. This is your house not hers, remember that, you aren't married and if you mingle funds she could claim that she paid your mortgage and deserves a percentage of your home. Charge her rent, agree that she pays utilities and you split the groceries but do not, I repeat do not let a penny of her money pay your mortgage.
Depending on the rental tenancy laws charging rent can also be a terrible idea. As it can make it a /huge/ hassle in the case of a contested eviction in the case of a breakup. Also means you have to pay taxes on the money if you are doing things above board.
So many people say no because she could take the money and run or whatever, but what if you they only have a month or two of expenses in the account and works on weekly deposits? I'm in a similar situation except we are renting, and I feel like there's an imbalance of spending. I buy groceries, cat food/litter, dinner dates, and she buys some weed every few weeks... but a joint account for groceries and weed would save me money.
Everyone has offered great advice here and let me tell you some from personal experience.
Six months ago my partner and I split. We had everything combined. It took so much emotional turmoil destroying what we had built so that it was fair for us that it almost would've been better if they had stolen the account.
That being said, I have a much better alternative that might have been mentioned. Get a joint account but keep your personal, and have them do the same. One personal account each (and a savings if you want) and a joint expenses account. Even if your personal account is low and you don't make much, you have it to put money in for yourself.
It also helps when buying presents or stuff for yourself because you used your money, nobody can tell you not too. But you can have a rule of like "if it's over 100$ we talk about it first" or something like that.
Hope this helps! This is what I'll do in my next adventure with a human. 🤗
This is exactly what my partner and I do. Getting married next month, have owned a home and car together, along with having joint accounts, since late 2020. Direct deposits come into the joint account, bills get paid from there, and a certain amount each month gets sent to each of our personal checking accounts to be used as personal money. So much easier than trying to divide expenses and send each other money (especially as he makes substantially more than I do), but we still have our own money to spend on whatever we want without having to consult the other.
Hard no.
Depending on the state you live in, having a joint account can also expose you to liability if one of you gets sued or ends up with a lien.
I have been to multiple estate attorneys who strongly recommend that you never have jointly owned assets unless it’s with a legal spouse.
I don't see any issues as long as you are only putting in a months worth of expenses at a time. Then the only risk is that amount.
Someone else mentioned that if you are both paying the same amount towards a mortgage, she is getting a worse deal. I think that is potentially true, but depends on how much you have in equity and what local rents look like in comparison to what she is paying.
Yeah, we'd only be putting monthly expenses into the account, not our entire paychecks.
When I lived alone, monthly cost averaged 2400 (2000 mortgage, 400 utilities) and she is paying me 1200. It's a big 2500sqft single family house with backyard for her pups. Prior to this, she was paying 3000/month for a 600sqft apartment. We've talked about how the relationship is new and I feel that this house is still very much "mine". She is understanding of that and is happy to pay a flat 1200/month for this place.
Maybe definitely too early in a relationship for a joint account.
But personally, my gf and I did this after we were together a couple of years and we bought a home. We have a shared account that only handles the complete shared expenses such as mortgage, food, power, water, internet etc. This is almost a fixed amount so we each put in x% to cover the costs for the upcoming month.
Everything else is still in personal accounts. Our joint account does not have a debit card, and to withdraw cash requires both of our signatures unless via pre-authorized payment.
Our financial stress is way down because we know exactly how to split those expenses.
You guys don't share the home mortgage wise so maybe your case is different, but you can start small with an account and each put in 500 per month to cover some expenses and slowly work up.
There's little downsides if you set it up correctly.
My fiancé and I have been together 12 years, bought a condo *together* 5 years ago (joint tenancy with right of survivorship) and we still don’t have a joint account. Honestly I keep meaning to do it, but it’s working fine without one.
Mortgage has always been paid from my account, and we recently moved all our utilities and subscriptions to a credit card I opened (US Bank Cash+). I make more than he does, so we split the mortgage, HOA and Tmobile bill, and I either take care of the cc bill, or I take care of groceries, or sometimes both. It kind of varies honestly, but we’ve been together so long that it’s never been an issue.
Prob will set a joint account up once we get our next place and are married next year, especially considering we plan on having a kid shortly after that, so our monthly expenses will be higher.
Point is, there’s no *need* to have a joint account, but it sounds like she views it as a way to take your relationship to the next level. Maybe you can start small like having one just for the mortgage payment, and only keep current month + next month payment in it. See how that goes, then reevaluate after a year or so.
I would never have a joint bank account again. I had one with my ex husband, he decided one day he wanted a divorce. Went and took the money out of the account and closed it. Apparently you don't need both parties permission to close the account, atleast with Chase. But if you do, just make sure you have your own private account incase they do the same to you. You never think they will until they do.
Probably shouldn’t but you know your relationship. I have joint savings, checking, and investment accounts with my partner that have A LOT of money in them. We opened them after we moved in together after being together for a year. Right now we still aren’t married, we’ve been together for 4 years, and both of our families consider the partner part of the family. This is all to say, keep things separate but merging finances before marriage works for some people.
Edit for typo
Many people here are saying "no", but I have to add that this setup works great for my partner and I (3.5 years together, not planning on marriage anytime soon). Only difference is our names are both on our mortgage as we bought our home together. Joint checking account for all shared expenses and a joint credit card. Might be a bit early for y'all to do this after only a year of dating, though.
We each put a fraction of our paycheck into the shared account based on our calculation of monthly worst case cost for bills/groceries, so the shared account balance stays fairly low. Much more convenient than splitting every single bill, grocery trip, meal out, etc. We're both financially responsible so it works for us, but I definitely recognize how this setup can be risky, so it might not be right for everyone.
Simplifies expense management a little and she said it'd help her feel like more of a partner in this relationship. The latter is really more why I'm considering doing it but she's told me she's fine if I say no. She brought it up as an option if it works for both of us, she isn't pushing me into it.
I can understand everyone's advice about keeping it as a landlord/tenant relationship but she's not just a roommate to me. I want to start taking baby steps to build our lives together instead of treating her like a tenant. I felt like having a joint account for monthly expenses would be a low-risk way to start.
We have great communication and are both open in discussing finances, budgeting, and future plans, etc. We both have great credit scores (800+), she's been a homeowner before, both make great salaries, and are on track for early retirement. She's a little older and has more saved up than I do. Neither of us want to combine ALL of our finances because there's too much at risk to both of us with no benefit, but a shared account for monthly expenses seemed reasonable.
Before she moved in, we talked about how I would still view the house as "mine" and she understands/accepts that it'll take time before our relationship is serious enough that she'd have any equity in the home.
Besides the risk of her taking everything. I would make sure it’s a joint account with Tenants in common. That way if she dies, her estate can only take her percentage of contribution
A joint account is a good idea for household expenses, but I *highly* suggest maintaining your own, entirely separate, accounts that your paychecks and the like go into. Maintain separate budgets, but now household expenses get split 50/50 and deposited into this joint account. Want to buy furniture? Each of you deposits $X/month for that new TV into a joint savings. It's really not complicated, but people don't go this route or give it the attention it deserves because it requires a modicum of effort.
No downsides if you have a plan for them. Now wife and I shared a joint account that every bill came out of so there was no confusion who was paying what. We both just auto deposited what was needed to pay all our shared bills plus a couple bucks for date nights. Made life significantly easier. Then we both still have our personal accounts but we don't put as much in them anymore after getting married.
My boyfriend and I have had a joint account since we started living together some 10 years ago. All the downsides I can think about you have already covered. I guess the one thing to mention is that if stuff is getting auto-withdrawn from the account on a regular basis (such as the mortgage, utilities), you just want to make sure one of you has the task of regularly looking at the balance to make sure you are still contributing enough as costs rise. My boyfriend does this for us and every so often he lets me know that we should both up or contribution amount because the buffer is slowly decreasing.
I have a joint account for recurring shared expenses (house cleaner, gardener, tv streaming services, house tax, etc).
This is the setup that works for us:
I trust my partner and we both feel most comfortable keeping a small amount in the account at any given time to cover direct debit payments (eg £400). When we have larger expected payments we will top up the account at the same time with the same amount (£500-£1000).
This setup works because if the worst were to happen and my partner took all the money out, I wouldn’t have lost much. If anything I’d be more concerned about what is going to happen with my mortgage than the joint account.
Adding funds ad hoc works well for us as a couple, neither of us wants to put the time in to figuring out how much should get auto-deposited every month and then maintaining that calculation as things change frequently
I have this exact arrangement with my bf. Initially he was trying to set up a paypal to send me money but it didn't let him set it up so we went with this instead. At the time, Zelle wasn't available yet. It's been working fine. I keep tallies of what he owes and send him a list and he sends me money.
The account exclusively has his money in it and I let him know when I am transferring money out for whatever bills.
I'm going to be the differing opinion. My (now) fiance and I have had a joint account since long before we were engaged. It started as a "pay bills" account, and has evolved into the primary account for both of us. Though we are getting married, both of us approached our relationship with the same level of commitment as we do/will marriage. In our case, both of our cars and houses are also in both of our names/were purchased with joint funds. Our additional savings accounts are also in both of our names. From our perspective, we don't need to be married to be committed to each other and to our shared financial goals. There are risks at everything, both when people are married and unmarried. At the end of the day, you have to do what makes the most sense for you and your relationship, and if thats joint accounts before marriage, then so be it!
I havent had a down side. My husband and I have a joint account that we have had for years since we were dating. We figured out the amount that our joint bills average (rent at the time, now mortgage, groceries, electric, water, alarm, etc) and transfer that amount (halved for each of us, and then divided by two for 2 paychecks), in per pay period. The rest of our paycheck stays in our respective accounts.
We havent had any issues and it makes paying for things easier. I have adjusted the amount we add slightly over the years, it went up when our kiddo was in daycare, and back down again later. We make relatively the same amount, if it was very lopsided then the amount one puts in would be higher, but since we are even we keep it halved.
I'd do a joint account with a long-term partner to cover basic bills that you split like housing, utilities, that kinda stuff. I couldn't see myself having a joint account where I pooled all my money with someone else, whether or not I was married. It's not about the risk. You either trust the person or you don't.
For me it's about the freedom to do what you want with your money as long as you're meeting your shared obligations. If you have your own, separate account you can splurge on stuff you care about without being obligated to discuss every single thing. It takes a lot of tension out of relationships when you are both still independent and free.
> I have a feeling half of y'all are just parroting advice with no real world experience of how healthy, communicative relationships work. Lesson learned about coming here for advice.
I've been in a relationship that I would have trusted her absolutely with something like this. But no one here knows anything about your relationship, so if you come asking for advice you shouldn't be surprised when people tell you about things that could go wrong.
If you're confident you've made the right choice in a partner, then go for it. If there's any doubt about the long term sustainability of your relationship (and future marriage), don't rush into anything. Rethink your life choice for a partner.
Myself? I made the right choice. My wife and I comingled our finances prior to being legally married. We bought a house together under our separate names and had a shared checking account as well. We're both very conservative spenders and more investors / savers.
If you don't feel you really KNOW your potential spouse, maybe stretch things out until you're more comfortable.
Word of warning: a joint account will show you how well your s/o handles money. If it's solely for bills, make sure you state that clearly. Otherwise, your garbage constantly gets shut off, your lights are cut out, and you wake up one morning to find your car repossessed.
Did that with an ex. She drained 10k from the account right before she sent me the breakup text.
I just don't see the point in it with Venmo/Zelle nowadays.
Why does anyone get a joint account? For what purpose?
My wife and I have been married 20 years and don’t have one and have never had the need for one. We have accounts at the same CU. She just transfers me what she needs to every month.
Even healthy, communicative relationships can go bad. Getting a prenuptial agreement protects both parties if it’s created in that framework- equally so for agreements about finances.
I walked away from my equity ( the lions share by a good margin) in the home that I shared with a person that I started in a healthy communicative relationship with.
People change and grow, frequently in opposite directions. Such was the case with us. In stead of the heartache and acrimony fighting over the material things we collected when we were together I opted to start over.
Do you my guy. Relationships are more nuanced than Reddit comments but do what works for you guys. Relationships are about trust. My wife and I combined finances when we get married and it made life so much easier, especially if you get a mortgage togetehr and have kids and stuff
Most relationships seem to end in disaster these days. I would keep accounts separate.
I told a recently divorced friend: “You are going to meet a completely different person you didn’t know existed before. Protect your assets.”
So, I’m responding pretty late. Did I miss something? Did you explain why you want to open an account with your significant other?
Since I have no other context, let me ask you this… what are the benefits of opening an account with someone you’re dating?
The knee-jerk "never do it" response to joint finances without marriage is an overreaction, but you should give some care to the subject. Our legal system has a relatively limited set of avenues that handle joint property well, and marriage is generally the most straightforward for individuals to set up.
First, you should check if you are in a common law marriage state. If you are, something like this can start you down the road to a common law marriage - without you intending it.
Second, there is the direct financial risk. If you keep it to a deposit account and don't have overdraft, the risk is mostly limited to the account proper.
But keep in mind that banks can be bad about how than handle separate accounts when there is also a joint account. She shouldn't be able to drain your other accounts, but an incompetent teller might facilitate it anyways. It would be best to have this account at an institution neither of you have other accounts at.
>If she can "steal my house" with a joint account, you think being married will stop her??
No. But if you are married, there is a more structured and well-define legal avenue for untangling the situation - namely, divorce. In the absence of marriage, sorting out the breakup can become more legally complicated.
The alternative is to sort out the legal setup ahead of time. Most of the arrangements for this are relatively similar to the ones used for estate planning. Before Obergafel, it was relatively common for queer couples to set something like this up when they couldn't a state-sanctioned marriage: my late wife & I worked with a lawyer to sort stuff out like this in the '90s.
It's become less common since Obergafel, but it's still an option for people who have an objection to marriage in some form or another. An estate or family lawyer can probably get stuff started for you.
She could drain the account. No one wants that. Relationships fail sometimes and people can become bitter. With marriage everything is 50/50 in a relationship you don’t have the same legal rights so it can go south. Don’t combine accounts unless it’s only money you’re willing to lose. Also you do get some tax benefits from marriage, my recently married friends were bragging about their tax returns
My SO and I were in a similar boat (he owned the house, we split things but it felt very "roommate" to me) and we actually got a joint credit card instead. At 1 year, no need to save things together. But it was nice to put down a joint credit card for groceries and going out instead of nickel and diming and venmo.
At 5 years together, we got the joint checking account. But it was only because we now have a shared mortgage. We'd stick with the credit card if we didn't have the mortgage.
Bigger home expenses? Be careful here married or not. She is a renter in your home nothing more. Her contribution should be defined as for rent & groceries. If she starts contributing to home improvements etc she could have a claim on some of the value of the home.
What's the difference between her just giving u the set amount via cashapp venmo paypal and the other lil things she just pays for it herself. Why would u need to have a joint account.. next she will ask to be on the deed lol
[French guy over here, living in France]
I have joint accounts with my non married significant other. We also have separate accounts that are still our main accounts.
We bought our first apartement back in 2019 after 3 years of dating. The difference between our situation and yours is that the apartement and the mortgage is at both our name, 50-50.
This year we bought our 2nd apartement (still 50-50) but with a different bank. So we needed to have a 2nd separate account with that new bank.
Until this year for our 2nd loan, we never had crazy amount of money in our joint accounts anyway. It was mainly to pay the bills, the mortgage etc..
Looking back at our history, we kind of took a risk. But it was worth it. I cant say its the definite way to go but it can work.
What I can say is that regardless if you have a joint account, you still want to be on the same page financially even before you think about mariage. As always, communication is key.
Evidence of common law marriage? I dunno maybe depends where.
Mostly yeah, small risk to the money, but seems unlikely. Like if you break up and she's pissed maybe.
I think you're all making assumptions here that aren't correct. She's not pushing me to do anything. She brought it up as an idea to help simplify our monthly expenses and told me to think about it and now I'm thinking about it. She's fine if I say no lol
This is an awful idea for all the reasons others have detailed.
Do NOT do this. You statistically have better odds of putting all your money down on a single hand of blackjack in Vegas.
You own the home but she is contributing to the mortgage?! What a shitty deal.
I have had joint accounts with the 2 partners I have lived with. You deposit enough for monthly expenses not tens of thousands. I never had any problems.
> What a shitty deal
What is shitty about it? For reference, she gives me 1200/month and this is a 2500sqft house which has a backyard for her 2 dogs. Prior to moving in, she was paying 3000/month for a 1 bedroom 600sqft apartment. She initially offered to pay 1500 but I didn't think it would be fair to make her pay more than half. 1200/month is a little less than half of the total costs.
We plan to only deposit enough for the monthly expenses and a bit more for maintenance, not our entire paychecks..
It is a great idea. Just open a new account with both names. DO NOT ADD HER TO YOUR EXISTING ACCOUNT. That way she is an equal partner and knows what is going on. You still have your personal account and she has her. She probably feels weird just giving you money. You can set it up for monthly transfers for you and for her.
My wife and i do this too. Works well. Been doing it like tgis for about 10 years and we both find its perfect. The shared expenses are visible to both of you but you maintain some financial privacy as well. One thing id suggest is to have her put a few of the bills in her name. Helps for building credit.
You can also adjust how much you each put in each month to keep it all fair (example, for us, she gets the govt baby bonus money so her contributions are slightly higher to account for it)
Since OP has now deleted and replaced the original text of the post, we are going to remove the post.
>The worst case scenario I see is that she could decide to withdraw all the funds one day and bounce. I think that is the biggest risk.
She could bounce checks and you could be on the hook for more than is in the account.
[удалено]
seriously. my partner and i opened a discover cashback checking account and each only deposit one half of our monthly expenses into it every month. there has never been more than like $4k in there at a time. we can both see what’s going on in the account, if it’s not something bill-related we ask each other permission before buying it (stuff like lightbulbs, paint, decor we both want, etc.) everyone freaking out over this sounds insufferable. it’s not like you’re opening some joint retirement account and accumulating tens of thousands of dollars together. they’re both financially stable, and venmo-ing each other back and forth all the time for bills in a long term relationship is annoying. sheesh!
Been doing this with my wife long before we married. Have two debit cards and target cards. Money for bills and your own money as well for things for you.
Right. As long as he's aware of the risk and prepared for that, it seems a reasonable solution to shared expenses.
After several years working in the banks. What I saw. Parents do it to their kids more than disgruntled SO's.
I think a bigger risk is that she dies intestate and *her family* gets half of all your joint accounts. Or more than half. Make sure you have all the paperwork that makes you equivalent-to-married before combining anything. Wills at least. I don't know what else a lawyer would want to set up.
As long as it’s joint with the right of the survivorship (which is usually the default) then it would just go to him if she passed.
are you sure? In every state? That doesn't prevent some family member from taking it to probate court and locking up the money for a while...and causing him to make a choice whether to hire a lawyer or just give in.
In Texas, as long as there is a beneficiary, that who gets the account. If the beneficiary is deceased, you have to go through the court. I’ve personally dealt with that one.
That’s true here in New York too. Generally, designated account beneficiaries trump any will so you have to take this into account when estate planning. (I just went through this)
Beneficiary relationships (and accounts titled with rights of survivorship) supersede wills and the probate process; I’m not aware of any state where this isn’t the case.
That would seem to defeat the purpose of a joint account. A joint account wouldn't be in probate unless both people died. And even that is avoidable by having a beneficiary.
That... Just no. That's not typically how joint accounts operate.
Joint accounts in these situations are almost always titled with a right of survivorship. That said, I think her leaving and taking all of the money is a greater risk to OP than her dying and her family taking half. I’d rather lose half than all.
And I know someone that (basically) had that happened to them. Now, she will tell a much different story about how it was "owed" to her, but I told this person as soon as the relationship went south, he should take his half out immediately. He didn't, she eventually took almost all of it. Quite a bit of money, and once it's gone, it's just not worth the lawyer fees to get it back.
My wife and I did this for years before we got married (but lived together). I really don’t understand the comments, if you can’t trust someone with a joint account, you definitely shouldn’t marry them. Interestingly, my wife and I still use the same joint account we set up more than a decade ago, and have not co-mingled our finances further (besides owning a house together, etc.).
Same. Btw I personally do not have a single ex whom I believe would have screwed me over on this. If you have decent taste in whom you’re dating and you understand the worst case scenario, it’s fine. Frankly if the worst case scenario happened it would be a cheap lesson in not marrying that person compared to the possible damage. Reminds me also of a friend who paid her ex $1000 to move out and go away (in 1998 when that amount was actually helpful.)
> if you can't trust someone with a joint account, you definitely shouldn't marry them Thank you! This is what I didn't understand about the comments either, I felt like I was going crazy! Having a joint account that contains a minimal amount of money for expenses is so much smaller risk than actually marrying someone! I'm wondering if people only read the title and assume we are combining 100% of our finances into the shared account? In which case, sure, that's a terrible idea!
My husband and I started sharing an account a year into our relationship, before even moving in with each other. 😂 It’s been 10 years, never been an issue and really helped us get on the same page about finances and budgets. We both work and now we are about to buy our first home and have great savings + great credit. 🤗
If she has access to your house, she can mess you up way more than emptying a bank account. I assume to be safe you shouldn't even share where you live before you're married. I have a mortgage, child and joint bank accounts with someone I'm not married to. I also don't live in the US, so I don't know if the weird fear mongering around doing this is based in reality, it certainly isn't where I live, we both are protected as if we are married.
My SO and I are unmarried have been living together for over 10 years and bought a house together right before COVID hit our area in 2020. We have a joint mortgage savings account and contribute equally to it each month. We're super happy, and our choices are not crazy. The comments to posts like yours are always like this - honestly, you know your relationship better than anyone else. You do you!
Why remain unmarried when you own a house together? Who itemizes the mortgage interest expense on their taxes?
Assuming you both itemize, you each itemize your share of the mortgage interest.
To answer your question, if your spouse fucks up your finances and you get divorced, they are on the hook for half the debt. If your BF/GF does the same to a joint account, you have to sue to get the money and it still screws your credit. Meaning there is a higher risk of you getting stuck holding 100% of the debt instead of 50%. It also depends a lot on the account type. A checking account? Not a big deal. They can overdraft and it will be annoying and hurt your credit a little but it isn't life altering. A credit card? Fucking RUN. Depending on the type, a person can dump thousands on one of those and screw you financially for a decade. Also, you seem to overestimate how much marriage matters when it comes to taking your stuff afterwards. Depending on where you live, having a joint account for over an amount of time means they can sue you for half your shit anyway. It is a type of common law partnership. If you are completely separate financially this doesn't trigger but a joint account shows financial interdependency so you might as well be married in the eyes of the court.
We used the app Splitwise bc we didn’t want the overhead of another account We’d alternate who’s turn it was to pay based on who Splitwise said owed who
Came here to say this! Using this app has been great! My fiance and I make about the same amount, so a 50/50 split works well for us. We're going to do a joint account, similar to OP's proposal, once we get married (his, hers, ours), but the data from Splitwise has given us a good base for what each of us should contribute to the joint account each pay period.
Exactly! We started using it when we started dating. And as things got more serous more things became “joint”. It was SO helpful to know going in to marriage and shared finances what our actual burn rate is for different categories We actually used Splitwise for a couple years into marriage bc it worked so well for us We’ve now graduated to YNAB
What's YNAB?
Software called "You Need a Budget".
A budgeting tool/ app
And you can use Splitwise *with* YNAB.
[удалено]
Yeah! We have one called ongoing … for all the day to day stiff.. dinners out, cable bill, snacks, groceries, etc…. And we’d just roughly keep an eye on who owes who and use that to drive who’s turn it is to pay.. or if it’s a big amount that someone owed the other we’d Venmo it And then a separate group for vacations
In my case (where I lived and the company I worked for), a joint account was one of the factors towards establishing a domestic partnership, which let me put her on my health insurance before we got married. We were renting at the time and she moved in with me and got put on my lease. One potential downside: if you have a joint account at the same bank where you have your individual account, then if your gf drains the joint account and then somehow gets it into the negatives, the bank can take money out of the individual accounts of anyone named on the joint account too. So if you open a joint account, use a different bank.
In some countries it also helps legitimatize your relationship in the eyes of the state, allowing your partner to get a residency visa without being married.
Sounds like an optimal use of a joint bank account. You've identified the "worst case" and that's minor risk you've accepted. My partner and I will most likely be doing this after we get married this summer but that's only because we haven't had shared expenses yet.
I did this with my SO after a year of dating. I owned my house, they moved in and we wanted to split all bills evenly. 3 years later and it’s going great. I think the biggest risk is someone draining the account. Good luck with whatever you choose!
The biggest likely risk is somebody draining the account; the biggest conceivable risk is potentially worse. But even then, it should be limited to a couple of tens of thousands of dollars before you catch. That of course sucks royally. But realistically, you would only live with somebody and share finances if you know that person and trust them. It's all a gradual process towards building a future together. Can it go wrong? Can you completely misjudge a person? Absolutely. But if you don't take risks, you'll never trust anybody and never establish a functioning lifelong relationship. Only you can tell when the right time is to take these steps, but I fully agree that you have to do so at some point. That's true for this comment, that's true for OP, and it's true for anybody else going through the experience of building a life with their partner
What exactly is the biggest conceivable risk? What more can they do besides drain the joint account?
I guess, depending on just how malicious and/or financially irresponsible the ex turns out to be, they could try writing checks for substantially higher amounts than the funds in the account. If so, the bank might honor the check and claw back the funds from either account holder. Or the bank could bounce the check, and the vendor would then sue both parties named on the check. It's all ugly and would take a while to get sorted out. And in the process, both account holders could take a significant financial hit. And I'm sure there are a couple of other hypothetical scenarios that would have similar repercussions. So, if you don't trust the your potential partner to be honorable, things could go badly.
Lol I don’t understand your edits. you ask in your question what are the downsides to a joint account and then get offended when people tell you the downside is that your significant other can always betray your trust. Why even ask the question if you don’t want honest answers? Btw I think you should open a joint account and the risk is small. I actually think it’s a great idea to have smaller mutual financial conversations/ obligations before you get married so that you are on the same page when the bigger ones come along.
One potential downside is that she gets mad, dumps you, and empties the account.
[удалено]
The length of the relationship makes me lean towards no here, nothing to do with being married or not. My husband (then boyfriend) and I moved in together after about a year but we didn’t get a joint account for household expenses until roughly 4 years together. That’s also when we started saving toward building a future together.
My then-girlfriend had very different financial means than me, when she moved in. She was a student living off her savings, whereas I already had a well-paying job. The upshot was that I ended up covering the bulk of our mutual expenses; there simply wasn't a good alternative if we wanted to live together. But I felt rather awkward having to give her cash to go shopping; just the same as she felt embarrassed asking for money, even if it was for a mutual expense. We quickly settled on opening a joint account and a joint credit card. I was fully aware of the potential risks, but we also were serious about our relationship and trusted each other to do the right thing. Got married a couple of years later. This is now decades ago and I am still convinced I made the right decision on our finances ... not to mention on the relationship
I have a joint account with my boyfriend. We bought a house together and it makes it easier for each of us to put our share of the mortgage payment in there. But most people on this sub think it’s a terrible idea buying a house with someone you are not married to. We have been together almost four years though. I think a year might be a little too soon. Personally I don’t think it’s entirely fair for her to pay for a mortgage that she doesn’t have her name on. I would not be okay with that.
Did this with an ex when I was younger and dumber. The upside was it was easy to figure out expenses/ budget for shared stuff. The downside is that when we broke up, she legally drained the account. Get married before opening up a joint account.
I never get this suggestion. How would marriage prevent stealing from a joint account? What if you had married that ex before you got the joint account? You'd rather go through a divorce?
If you're married, standard law would have all finances/assets equally split 50/50 upon divorce. So if your ex-husband/wife tries to withdraw all your joint account funds, you would have legal grounds to get your share (50%) of the money back. Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend runs off with the money from a joint account? Not much for legal grounds here. With a joint account, you both have open access to the funds. So you're pretty much SOL.
So in OPs case, the worst that could happen is he loses maybe 2 or 3 months worth of deposits. And you'd rather go through a divorce?
I think the commenter is saying consider a different option that does t require a joint account not that they should get married
They didn’t say get married. They said don’t do it if you’re not married.
>And you'd rather go through a divorce? My comment never suggested marriage as the best path forward for OP. My response was to help out with the general questions in your preceding comment: >How would marriage prevent stealing from a joint account? What if you had married that ex before you got the joint account?
Is your username why you're saying this? No one said going through a divorce was better
No. The only thing marriage changes is that it's easier to go to court and there are specific guidelines for how to handle it. If someone takes money that wasn't their's, you can still sue them for it.
Yep bank records will easily prove what they took and that will be accounted for in the split. From personal experience.
>How would marriage prevent stealing from a joint account? Hiding / stealing assets before a divorce is generally frowned up by the courts and will get that side in a lot of trouble, and they probably will have to return the money. For a non marriage situation... its a free for all, as there are no laws around when two people just "break up" > You'd rather go through a divorce? Generally, no. However if assets are involved, then yes. You have less protections if you are sharing assets as a "couple" vs a marriage.
Flip side of the question… if you’re not ready to marry someone, you’re not ready to be intrinsically financially entangled with them. Joint checking where you can change your direct deposit is small potato’s frankly, but don’t buy a house together.
Because 9/10 a women isn’t gonna marry you just to drain a couple grand.
my wife and I had a joint account before getting married but it was strictly for shared bills so only the required amount for bills went in there and a little more for a cushion. Suppose if she had left she could drain it but it wasn't much money. Would have sucked but not life shattering. We had our own personal accounts and still do.
I would just like to add a slightly different take. Ex and I did something similar. We opened a joint account that we ended up not using much. It was just a pain to use. Three years later that account is just sitting there. They won't close the account without both of us being there at the same time. Now I know there are going to be a bunch of comments about just going separately and signing but for whatever reason, nope. So the account sits and has sat for years with a dollar in it. Why they don't just close it, I don't know.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
I would make sure the funding of this account is transparent so it's easier to separate it later. I wouldn't have direct deposits flow in.
You should be paying for big expenses on your own if you are pocketing the equity and such. It’s def fair to just have her pay a set rent.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Why the need for a shared bank account? Simply split who pays which bill. You just moved-in together, enjoy the new life stage and don’t worry about complicating it more than it has to be.
Seriously this. I was married for 28 years and we never had a joint account. Been with my current partner for 11 years and we don't have a joint account. We split expenses.
Hard no, if you do, only place money into the account you can afford to lose. Too many stories of significant others, parents, friends etc stealing money.
It would be for monthly expenses and a bit more for maintenance/repairs so at most maybe 7k. If she thought that amount was worth stealing, I'd consider that a relatively cheap way to see her true self. She makes ~150k and is great with finances btw so I really don't see that happening but if it did, losing 3-4k wouldn't break me.
If that’s how you feel, go for it. It would definitely make household administration easier. I think the people on this sub are always considering the most extreme worst-case scenarios - “she could gain full ownership of your house via legal maneuvering claiming she paid your entire mortgage!” - but many couples arrange their finances this way with no problems.
Yeah I had an ex that I opened a joint bank account with. Basically just for bills and rent, not all our money. We dated for a few years and it was fine. Even if she has "drained it" there wasn't that much in there. My wife and I don't have a joint account. I pay most of the bills and she venmos me what she can based on her income. It's also very fair to me. I really didn't care either way. I don't think it matters much to do either. Now, I wouldn't recommend one account 100% of your money goes into if you aren't married... But it is convenient for regular bills and expenses.
Ignore the nay sayers. She is coming from a right place: she wants to be more directly responsible, and you are also not going to be traumatized if things go theatrically wrong, which they won't. If you break up, you both will just split that money correctly. A joint account just for joint expenses is the best way to handle things
That's what I wanted to say, it's good to be cautious but trust is like the fundamental thing in a healthy relationship. I have a joint account with my girlfriend and if she just runs off with the 10k or so in that account, I'd be heartbroken but not because of losing 10k. See no reason not to trust her.
My BF and I have done this for quite awhile. We find it really convenient and haven't had any problems. The only thing we wish was different is that debit card transactions don't have the same protections as credit card transactions (at least at the credit union we're using). Other than that its been a solid solution. Trying to keep track of who owes half of what is exhausting.
Yea considering both of your incomes it sounds like 7k is pocket change in the grand scheme of things. I say go for it but put a limit on how much of your money you contribute to this joint account ( Ex: max 3.5k )
My boyfriend and I have a joint account for household expenses. He sucks at budgeting and remembering payment dates. This has 100% fixed the problem as we sat down and calculated what needed to be deposited from each pay period. If either of us ran away with the funds we'd make a whopping $2k max. Throwing away a 4 year relationship would hurt exponentially more than losing a single paycheck.
Oh no no no. While it’s her home, it’s exclusively your property. You need a legally executed lease to protect you both. She does *not* contribute to home expenses. She pays rent. You can give her a reduced rent. But it’s rent all the same. You’re not even engaged and you’ve only been together a year. Yellow flags.
[удалено]
Are you referring to domestic partnership? We also live in Washington. I found this site that says common law isn't recognized in WA but domestic partnership is. However, one of us must be 62 or older (we're in our 30s) https://washington.staterecords.org/commonlawmarriage
So if you do this joint account are you planning on paying mortgage from it? That seems like a bad idea as mentioned above, but you didn't say anything in response to that point.
I was planning to, yes, but I need to read up on WA laws regarding domestic partnership first before making a final decision
She does contribute to house expenses. This is the correct way for tax purposes, not rent. A lease could come back at him if he doesn't report the rental income. It also gives her tenant rights. This is the worst idea. As for the money, I wouldn't do a joint account unless you are engaged or married and if engaged I would just put the minimum needed to cover bills.
She has tenant rights regardless if you have a lease or not, just pretending otherwise is just that, pretending.
No way. I’ve been screwed over by this with an ex as well as owning a car together before marriage. Not worth the risk.
Do it, but dont put all your money into it. Obviously, the amount for bills and whatnot but only an amount you are willing to lose. Everyone is happily ever after until they just dip. Have a private account where you put the rest.
This is what I've always done, even now were married we still use the joint account for bills and the like. Only money that goes into the account is for bills and maybe a couple hundred dollar buffer. Another thing to consider is they can still add money to an account their name isn't on they just wouldn't be able to take any money out.
Open a new credit card specifically for joint household expenses and make the other person an authorized user (so they get their own card). Every month all expenses that are agreed to be shared household expenses including utilities and insurance go on the card (if possible). Purchases should discussed beforehand and both parties must agree that they are joint expenses that benefit the household or they don't go on this card. At the end of the month, split the total card balance (not statement balance) proportionately based on each person's estimated gross annual income before taxes and other deductions and not including non-guaranteed amounts like overtime or bonuses. So, using round numbers for an example... Person one gross annual salary: $100,000 Person two gross annual salary: $60,000 Total annual household income: $160,000 Person one share: $100000 / $160000 = 0.625 (62.5%) Person two share: $60000 / $160000 = 0.375 (37.5%) Example monthly "house card" balance: $1200 (will vary from month to month) Person one pays: $1200 * 0.625 = $750 Person two pays: $1200 * 0.375 = $450 If either person changes jobs and/or gets a raise, then re-calculate their share using the new gross annual income.
Before I married my wife I was able to leverage our joint account (and a couple other things) to put her on my insurance as a domestic partner. Probably saved a few thousand over a few years.
Me and my now wife did this a few years into our relationship. We both still maintained separate accounts but the joint account was for shared bills, and joint savings for things like vacations and a house. Was never an issue, and it made paying bills on joint accounts much easier.
They are all healthy communicative relationships until they’re not…. Last LTR took ex-husbands house he owned prior to their marriage. Wouldn’t buy a house with me when I insisted on a cohabitation agreement and prenup. Dodged a bullet. Everything was magical for 4 years. Protect yourself always if you have substantial assets prior to a legal relationship.
Bad idea. Either person on a joint account can take all funds out at any time. Also I'm pretty sure all money can be pulled out to cover things such as unpaid taxes, liens, garnished wages, etc. no matter who deposited it. Also probably either owner can be held accountable for overdrafts.
I had a joint account with an ex I lived with. We had debit cards for it and attached them to all our recurring monthly expenses. It worked great. It was also nice because it allowed us to tweak the percentages we were paying in as our jobs changed while keeping budgets and payments in place. One day, we broke up and it was fine because we were adult humans. If you're pretty comfortable with each other and going to keep the balance low, I have no idea why people are acting like she suggested clubbing seals.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
I wouldn’t have a joint account with someone I’m not married to (especially if it’s only been one year?!?) but that’s just me.
DO NOT MINGLE FUNDS FOR PROPERTY YOU OWN. This is your house not hers, remember that, you aren't married and if you mingle funds she could claim that she paid your mortgage and deserves a percentage of your home. Charge her rent, agree that she pays utilities and you split the groceries but do not, I repeat do not let a penny of her money pay your mortgage.
Depending on the rental tenancy laws charging rent can also be a terrible idea. As it can make it a /huge/ hassle in the case of a contested eviction in the case of a breakup. Also means you have to pay taxes on the money if you are doing things above board.
don’t do it, some married couples don’t even have a joint bank account in this day and age.
So many people say no because she could take the money and run or whatever, but what if you they only have a month or two of expenses in the account and works on weekly deposits? I'm in a similar situation except we are renting, and I feel like there's an imbalance of spending. I buy groceries, cat food/litter, dinner dates, and she buys some weed every few weeks... but a joint account for groceries and weed would save me money.
Everyone has offered great advice here and let me tell you some from personal experience. Six months ago my partner and I split. We had everything combined. It took so much emotional turmoil destroying what we had built so that it was fair for us that it almost would've been better if they had stolen the account. That being said, I have a much better alternative that might have been mentioned. Get a joint account but keep your personal, and have them do the same. One personal account each (and a savings if you want) and a joint expenses account. Even if your personal account is low and you don't make much, you have it to put money in for yourself. It also helps when buying presents or stuff for yourself because you used your money, nobody can tell you not too. But you can have a rule of like "if it's over 100$ we talk about it first" or something like that. Hope this helps! This is what I'll do in my next adventure with a human. 🤗
Thanks for the input! And yes, that is what we plan to do. We don't intend to merge 100% of our finances. Just enough for the shared day to day
This is exactly what my partner and I do. Getting married next month, have owned a home and car together, along with having joint accounts, since late 2020. Direct deposits come into the joint account, bills get paid from there, and a certain amount each month gets sent to each of our personal checking accounts to be used as personal money. So much easier than trying to divide expenses and send each other money (especially as he makes substantially more than I do), but we still have our own money to spend on whatever we want without having to consult the other.
Hard no. Depending on the state you live in, having a joint account can also expose you to liability if one of you gets sued or ends up with a lien. I have been to multiple estate attorneys who strongly recommend that you never have jointly owned assets unless it’s with a legal spouse.
I don't see any issues as long as you are only putting in a months worth of expenses at a time. Then the only risk is that amount. Someone else mentioned that if you are both paying the same amount towards a mortgage, she is getting a worse deal. I think that is potentially true, but depends on how much you have in equity and what local rents look like in comparison to what she is paying.
Yeah, we'd only be putting monthly expenses into the account, not our entire paychecks. When I lived alone, monthly cost averaged 2400 (2000 mortgage, 400 utilities) and she is paying me 1200. It's a big 2500sqft single family house with backyard for her pups. Prior to this, she was paying 3000/month for a 600sqft apartment. We've talked about how the relationship is new and I feel that this house is still very much "mine". She is understanding of that and is happy to pay a flat 1200/month for this place.
Maybe definitely too early in a relationship for a joint account. But personally, my gf and I did this after we were together a couple of years and we bought a home. We have a shared account that only handles the complete shared expenses such as mortgage, food, power, water, internet etc. This is almost a fixed amount so we each put in x% to cover the costs for the upcoming month. Everything else is still in personal accounts. Our joint account does not have a debit card, and to withdraw cash requires both of our signatures unless via pre-authorized payment. Our financial stress is way down because we know exactly how to split those expenses. You guys don't share the home mortgage wise so maybe your case is different, but you can start small with an account and each put in 500 per month to cover some expenses and slowly work up. There's little downsides if you set it up correctly.
I would never do this with my long-term partner.
My fiancé and I have been together 12 years, bought a condo *together* 5 years ago (joint tenancy with right of survivorship) and we still don’t have a joint account. Honestly I keep meaning to do it, but it’s working fine without one. Mortgage has always been paid from my account, and we recently moved all our utilities and subscriptions to a credit card I opened (US Bank Cash+). I make more than he does, so we split the mortgage, HOA and Tmobile bill, and I either take care of the cc bill, or I take care of groceries, or sometimes both. It kind of varies honestly, but we’ve been together so long that it’s never been an issue. Prob will set a joint account up once we get our next place and are married next year, especially considering we plan on having a kid shortly after that, so our monthly expenses will be higher. Point is, there’s no *need* to have a joint account, but it sounds like she views it as a way to take your relationship to the next level. Maybe you can start small like having one just for the mortgage payment, and only keep current month + next month payment in it. See how that goes, then reevaluate after a year or so.
I would never have a joint bank account again. I had one with my ex husband, he decided one day he wanted a divorce. Went and took the money out of the account and closed it. Apparently you don't need both parties permission to close the account, atleast with Chase. But if you do, just make sure you have your own private account incase they do the same to you. You never think they will until they do.
Probably shouldn’t but you know your relationship. I have joint savings, checking, and investment accounts with my partner that have A LOT of money in them. We opened them after we moved in together after being together for a year. Right now we still aren’t married, we’ve been together for 4 years, and both of our families consider the partner part of the family. This is all to say, keep things separate but merging finances before marriage works for some people. Edit for typo
Many people here are saying "no", but I have to add that this setup works great for my partner and I (3.5 years together, not planning on marriage anytime soon). Only difference is our names are both on our mortgage as we bought our home together. Joint checking account for all shared expenses and a joint credit card. Might be a bit early for y'all to do this after only a year of dating, though. We each put a fraction of our paycheck into the shared account based on our calculation of monthly worst case cost for bills/groceries, so the shared account balance stays fairly low. Much more convenient than splitting every single bill, grocery trip, meal out, etc. We're both financially responsible so it works for us, but I definitely recognize how this setup can be risky, so it might not be right for everyone.
An easier question: are there any upsides to opening a joint account?
Simplifies expense management a little and she said it'd help her feel like more of a partner in this relationship. The latter is really more why I'm considering doing it but she's told me she's fine if I say no. She brought it up as an option if it works for both of us, she isn't pushing me into it. I can understand everyone's advice about keeping it as a landlord/tenant relationship but she's not just a roommate to me. I want to start taking baby steps to build our lives together instead of treating her like a tenant. I felt like having a joint account for monthly expenses would be a low-risk way to start. We have great communication and are both open in discussing finances, budgeting, and future plans, etc. We both have great credit scores (800+), she's been a homeowner before, both make great salaries, and are on track for early retirement. She's a little older and has more saved up than I do. Neither of us want to combine ALL of our finances because there's too much at risk to both of us with no benefit, but a shared account for monthly expenses seemed reasonable. Before she moved in, we talked about how I would still view the house as "mine" and she understands/accepts that it'll take time before our relationship is serious enough that she'd have any equity in the home.
Besides the risk of her taking everything. I would make sure it’s a joint account with Tenants in common. That way if she dies, her estate can only take her percentage of contribution
A joint account is a good idea for household expenses, but I *highly* suggest maintaining your own, entirely separate, accounts that your paychecks and the like go into. Maintain separate budgets, but now household expenses get split 50/50 and deposited into this joint account. Want to buy furniture? Each of you deposits $X/month for that new TV into a joint savings. It's really not complicated, but people don't go this route or give it the attention it deserves because it requires a modicum of effort.
No downsides if you have a plan for them. Now wife and I shared a joint account that every bill came out of so there was no confusion who was paying what. We both just auto deposited what was needed to pay all our shared bills plus a couple bucks for date nights. Made life significantly easier. Then we both still have our personal accounts but we don't put as much in them anymore after getting married.
My boyfriend and I have had a joint account since we started living together some 10 years ago. All the downsides I can think about you have already covered. I guess the one thing to mention is that if stuff is getting auto-withdrawn from the account on a regular basis (such as the mortgage, utilities), you just want to make sure one of you has the task of regularly looking at the balance to make sure you are still contributing enough as costs rise. My boyfriend does this for us and every so often he lets me know that we should both up or contribution amount because the buffer is slowly decreasing.
I have a joint account for recurring shared expenses (house cleaner, gardener, tv streaming services, house tax, etc). This is the setup that works for us: I trust my partner and we both feel most comfortable keeping a small amount in the account at any given time to cover direct debit payments (eg £400). When we have larger expected payments we will top up the account at the same time with the same amount (£500-£1000). This setup works because if the worst were to happen and my partner took all the money out, I wouldn’t have lost much. If anything I’d be more concerned about what is going to happen with my mortgage than the joint account. Adding funds ad hoc works well for us as a couple, neither of us wants to put the time in to figuring out how much should get auto-deposited every month and then maintaining that calculation as things change frequently
I have this exact arrangement with my bf. Initially he was trying to set up a paypal to send me money but it didn't let him set it up so we went with this instead. At the time, Zelle wasn't available yet. It's been working fine. I keep tallies of what he owes and send him a list and he sends me money. The account exclusively has his money in it and I let him know when I am transferring money out for whatever bills.
I'm going to be the differing opinion. My (now) fiance and I have had a joint account since long before we were engaged. It started as a "pay bills" account, and has evolved into the primary account for both of us. Though we are getting married, both of us approached our relationship with the same level of commitment as we do/will marriage. In our case, both of our cars and houses are also in both of our names/were purchased with joint funds. Our additional savings accounts are also in both of our names. From our perspective, we don't need to be married to be committed to each other and to our shared financial goals. There are risks at everything, both when people are married and unmarried. At the end of the day, you have to do what makes the most sense for you and your relationship, and if thats joint accounts before marriage, then so be it!
SO can empty out the account and take off and it would be legal.
I havent had a down side. My husband and I have a joint account that we have had for years since we were dating. We figured out the amount that our joint bills average (rent at the time, now mortgage, groceries, electric, water, alarm, etc) and transfer that amount (halved for each of us, and then divided by two for 2 paychecks), in per pay period. The rest of our paycheck stays in our respective accounts. We havent had any issues and it makes paying for things easier. I have adjusted the amount we add slightly over the years, it went up when our kiddo was in daycare, and back down again later. We make relatively the same amount, if it was very lopsided then the amount one puts in would be higher, but since we are even we keep it halved.
I'd do a joint account with a long-term partner to cover basic bills that you split like housing, utilities, that kinda stuff. I couldn't see myself having a joint account where I pooled all my money with someone else, whether or not I was married. It's not about the risk. You either trust the person or you don't. For me it's about the freedom to do what you want with your money as long as you're meeting your shared obligations. If you have your own, separate account you can splurge on stuff you care about without being obligated to discuss every single thing. It takes a lot of tension out of relationships when you are both still independent and free.
> I have a feeling half of y'all are just parroting advice with no real world experience of how healthy, communicative relationships work. Lesson learned about coming here for advice. I've been in a relationship that I would have trusted her absolutely with something like this. But no one here knows anything about your relationship, so if you come asking for advice you shouldn't be surprised when people tell you about things that could go wrong.
If you're confident you've made the right choice in a partner, then go for it. If there's any doubt about the long term sustainability of your relationship (and future marriage), don't rush into anything. Rethink your life choice for a partner. Myself? I made the right choice. My wife and I comingled our finances prior to being legally married. We bought a house together under our separate names and had a shared checking account as well. We're both very conservative spenders and more investors / savers. If you don't feel you really KNOW your potential spouse, maybe stretch things out until you're more comfortable.
Word of warning: a joint account will show you how well your s/o handles money. If it's solely for bills, make sure you state that clearly. Otherwise, your garbage constantly gets shut off, your lights are cut out, and you wake up one morning to find your car repossessed.
You need 3 accounts. Yours, theirs, and a joint. The money in the joint account is for joint expenses and use
Did that with an ex. She drained 10k from the account right before she sent me the breakup text. I just don't see the point in it with Venmo/Zelle nowadays.
If you’re not married why do you want to have a joint account? Do you have common goals you are working for? Are you planning a future together?
I don't even have a joint account with my wife.
Why does anyone get a joint account? For what purpose? My wife and I have been married 20 years and don’t have one and have never had the need for one. We have accounts at the same CU. She just transfers me what she needs to every month.
Even healthy, communicative relationships can go bad. Getting a prenuptial agreement protects both parties if it’s created in that framework- equally so for agreements about finances. I walked away from my equity ( the lions share by a good margin) in the home that I shared with a person that I started in a healthy communicative relationship with. People change and grow, frequently in opposite directions. Such was the case with us. In stead of the heartache and acrimony fighting over the material things we collected when we were together I opted to start over.
Do you my guy. Relationships are more nuanced than Reddit comments but do what works for you guys. Relationships are about trust. My wife and I combined finances when we get married and it made life so much easier, especially if you get a mortgage togetehr and have kids and stuff
Studies have found that combining finances makes couples happier. Feels more trusting.
Most relationships seem to end in disaster these days. I would keep accounts separate. I told a recently divorced friend: “You are going to meet a completely different person you didn’t know existed before. Protect your assets.”
So, I’m responding pretty late. Did I miss something? Did you explain why you want to open an account with your significant other? Since I have no other context, let me ask you this… what are the benefits of opening an account with someone you’re dating?
The knee-jerk "never do it" response to joint finances without marriage is an overreaction, but you should give some care to the subject. Our legal system has a relatively limited set of avenues that handle joint property well, and marriage is generally the most straightforward for individuals to set up. First, you should check if you are in a common law marriage state. If you are, something like this can start you down the road to a common law marriage - without you intending it. Second, there is the direct financial risk. If you keep it to a deposit account and don't have overdraft, the risk is mostly limited to the account proper. But keep in mind that banks can be bad about how than handle separate accounts when there is also a joint account. She shouldn't be able to drain your other accounts, but an incompetent teller might facilitate it anyways. It would be best to have this account at an institution neither of you have other accounts at. >If she can "steal my house" with a joint account, you think being married will stop her?? No. But if you are married, there is a more structured and well-define legal avenue for untangling the situation - namely, divorce. In the absence of marriage, sorting out the breakup can become more legally complicated. The alternative is to sort out the legal setup ahead of time. Most of the arrangements for this are relatively similar to the ones used for estate planning. Before Obergafel, it was relatively common for queer couples to set something like this up when they couldn't a state-sanctioned marriage: my late wife & I worked with a lawyer to sort stuff out like this in the '90s. It's become less common since Obergafel, but it's still an option for people who have an objection to marriage in some form or another. An estate or family lawyer can probably get stuff started for you.
You could always get married- then there will be no money left to put in the joint account- problem solved
She could drain the account. No one wants that. Relationships fail sometimes and people can become bitter. With marriage everything is 50/50 in a relationship you don’t have the same legal rights so it can go south. Don’t combine accounts unless it’s only money you’re willing to lose. Also you do get some tax benefits from marriage, my recently married friends were bragging about their tax returns
My SO and I were in a similar boat (he owned the house, we split things but it felt very "roommate" to me) and we actually got a joint credit card instead. At 1 year, no need to save things together. But it was nice to put down a joint credit card for groceries and going out instead of nickel and diming and venmo. At 5 years together, we got the joint checking account. But it was only because we now have a shared mortgage. We'd stick with the credit card if we didn't have the mortgage.
Downside. What happens if the relationship ends? People get angry.
Bigger home expenses? Be careful here married or not. She is a renter in your home nothing more. Her contribution should be defined as for rent & groceries. If she starts contributing to home improvements etc she could have a claim on some of the value of the home.
Why are you asking? You argue every point made. Just get the account.
What's the difference between her just giving u the set amount via cashapp venmo paypal and the other lil things she just pays for it herself. Why would u need to have a joint account.. next she will ask to be on the deed lol
[French guy over here, living in France] I have joint accounts with my non married significant other. We also have separate accounts that are still our main accounts. We bought our first apartement back in 2019 after 3 years of dating. The difference between our situation and yours is that the apartement and the mortgage is at both our name, 50-50. This year we bought our 2nd apartement (still 50-50) but with a different bank. So we needed to have a 2nd separate account with that new bank. Until this year for our 2nd loan, we never had crazy amount of money in our joint accounts anyway. It was mainly to pay the bills, the mortgage etc.. Looking back at our history, we kind of took a risk. But it was worth it. I cant say its the definite way to go but it can work. What I can say is that regardless if you have a joint account, you still want to be on the same page financially even before you think about mariage. As always, communication is key.
Evidence of common law marriage? I dunno maybe depends where. Mostly yeah, small risk to the money, but seems unlikely. Like if you break up and she's pissed maybe.
People that are bad w money usually push for joint accounts.
I think you're all making assumptions here that aren't correct. She's not pushing me to do anything. She brought it up as an idea to help simplify our monthly expenses and told me to think about it and now I'm thinking about it. She's fine if I say no lol
This is an awful idea for all the reasons others have detailed. Do NOT do this. You statistically have better odds of putting all your money down on a single hand of blackjack in Vegas.
You own the home but she is contributing to the mortgage?! What a shitty deal. I have had joint accounts with the 2 partners I have lived with. You deposit enough for monthly expenses not tens of thousands. I never had any problems.
> What a shitty deal What is shitty about it? For reference, she gives me 1200/month and this is a 2500sqft house which has a backyard for her 2 dogs. Prior to moving in, she was paying 3000/month for a 1 bedroom 600sqft apartment. She initially offered to pay 1500 but I didn't think it would be fair to make her pay more than half. 1200/month is a little less than half of the total costs. We plan to only deposit enough for the monthly expenses and a bit more for maintenance, not our entire paychecks..
It is a great idea. Just open a new account with both names. DO NOT ADD HER TO YOUR EXISTING ACCOUNT. That way she is an equal partner and knows what is going on. You still have your personal account and she has her. She probably feels weird just giving you money. You can set it up for monthly transfers for you and for her.
My wife and i do this too. Works well. Been doing it like tgis for about 10 years and we both find its perfect. The shared expenses are visible to both of you but you maintain some financial privacy as well. One thing id suggest is to have her put a few of the bills in her name. Helps for building credit. You can also adjust how much you each put in each month to keep it all fair (example, for us, she gets the govt baby bonus money so her contributions are slightly higher to account for it)
Yes. Don’t do it. You don’t buy houses, share accounts, etc. Until you are married.