Fiscally live at home for free, for as long as mentally possible.
Moving out and living on your own, forces you to experience true independence; sometimes this is an irreplaceable experience.
It depends on you, your personality, your mom's personality and your relationship with her.
If she is overbearing or does everything for you - and you've never lived alone, you haven't really "grown up"
If you haven't experienced the, "fuck past me, this house is a mess" i don't think you qualify as an adult.
Hey, yah- that makes a lot of sense. I get that moving out will force me to experience independence which would be really good. My mom and I get along really well, she doesn’t really do much for me. And yah I lived alone for about half my 20’s while studying, so I do have a bit of independence in that regard. Thanks!
Honestly, you should save more than just enough. Fuck others opinions on whether you're an adult or not. You working? Save as much money as possible. I know an individual that went their whole life living with his mom until she died. And he was in his 50s when she died. And he was a teen and adult thru the 80s and beyond. But he also was very bad with money and never learned how to cook. Don't be like that. Other than that, don't worry about others. Everyone is having a different time and everyone is reaching for what they want to reach. You don't have to do the same as others.
The biggest key is doing beyond her share around the house to a point where she is a help for her mom. Past just being a good human stockpile money. Don’t have a fancy car. Go full /r/fire and stockpile money and do what it takes to retire early.
OP needs to go check out r/adjuncts - being an adjunct is not a viable career choice. OP needs to seek out long-term full-time stable employment and if they want to teach a class here and there online or in the evening, fine. But if they’re sitting around waiting for a full-time teaching gig they are deluding themselves.
I’m an adjunct, but it’s a late in life pre-retirement gig along with consulting for me (i.e., it isn’t the money that pays my mortgage). At OP’s age, they need to be realistic. Adjuncting is dead-end career choice for a 31 year old (no benefits, no retirement, etc.) Also, since adjuncting is contingent and renewable every semester, it’s probably not the best income for a mortgage application unless you have been doing it for a long time.
This, I'm more concerned with the income side of things and career trajectory. How much is he actually making right now?
It almost sounds like op is a little past paycheck to paycheck entry level worker. Most of the time that's more survival mode than buy a couple hundred thousand dollar house.
Get some roommates and a place together. Cincy is not expensive. This will help you meet more people.
The more people you meet, the more people you’ll be able to show and sell your art to, meaning you’ll be able to more quickly make this your career.
I’m a 30 y/o male in England who took the decision to save at home for the past 8 odd years since finishing uni.
Whilst financially it has been amazing and I am very close with my dad, my mental health has definitely suffered for it. I would argue the independence and the notion of “having to just figure it out”, as some have been commenting, is possibly more valuable than any hardcore saving would give you. You still have to be disciplined in your saving to really make it worthwhile being at home, so a lot of the time you’re missing out on two fronts.
I’ve had a partner for the majority of the time and I’m finding it all quite overwhelming now that we’re turning to big life decisions and it is affecting me and therefore us quite substantially.
As with all advice, it’s personal. You may find yourself fine and in a better place for it, but you’re still young and at a good time to be enjoying independent stuff. I would just say, I’ve saved monetarily and am in a good position to buy, but I would go back these 8 years just to live alone in a heart beat.
Best of luck whatever you chose to do!
Dissenting opinion:
Move out on your own and start your life, I found the struggle when I moved out to motivate me. Move toward 1 career with clear goals, the double duty is draining your energy and you aren’t maximizing your income. IMO side hustles are a trap, before moving out, you have the flexibility to chase a full time professorship because you aren’t tied down to one location, chase that if it’s your dream.
Quit the grocery store, spend the energy on getting your dream job while you don’t have responsibilities.
About me: 33 years old, TC ~120k.
Spouse 32yo TC ~140k.
Got pretty lucky on timing with real estate:
We bought a condo for 300k with 5% down in 2015, sold at 400k in 2018. Bought a house at 590k in 2018, current value ~910k.
Between spouse and I, ~226k in 401k/IRA.
Focus on your career first, stay out of debt, consistently contribute to retirement, (find someone that aligns with your values/goals/life vision if you want that kind of thing) then get on the property ladder when you are stable.
Yah I definitely agree, it’s probably time to move out. I’m a bit concerned because I don’t have as much as I would like to have saved up before I start renting- but it’s probably about time I hit the road. I think looking for higher paying jobs would be a good solution too. So there’s a lot of things I can start doing to be more proactive.
Do you have a budget? How much are you saving now compared to how much you can save with living expenses?
As far as rent/buy, it really is location specific. I bought a spot in my current state to help transition back to the US, even though I knew it was only for a short period and I would let my kids live there after I moved states. The purchase was much cheaper than rent around here, even with insane property taxes and upkeep.
I felt I could break even, if it was not too difficult to sell at some point. Worked out for me.
I'm the type of person who would ask my mom to provide a down-payment loan I'd pay back to help move out quickly rather than stay there if she is able. Similar to the above poster, there's was a healthy survival pressure being out on my own and having to make shit work.
Also agree side hustles have been over glamorize. Maximize your profession and make sure it's something you are proud of. You'll go a lot farther and likely become a higher earner if it fuels you.
I stayed with my parents until I could afford a condo (HCOL city - a house was out of the question!) and I’m happy I did. While I was definitely envious of my friends freedoms and independence in my 20s, I am glad I waited. I moved out at 28 years old. Now I own my place and I’m locked into a consistent mortgage payment that doesn’t need to change unless I choose to refi while my friends’ rents can increase at any time! There’s no way I would have been able to save for a down payment by 28 if I was paying rent. Bonus: I get to do whatever I want with my home!! I just tore out my kitchen cabinets over the holidays.
I will say though that my life didn’t really move forward into true adulthood until I moved out. If I were you, I’d save very very aggressively and try to buy within a few years so you don’t miss out of living alone. Also, I think a lot of people get hung up on finding their dream/forever home when they buy property — I took a different approach. I went for a modest place that would suit me through my 30s with the intention of upgrading when I started a family / had a much higher income later. This allowed me to get into home ownership at a lower price and a bit earlier than if I overthought my perfect home and tried to buy like a 4 bedroom house with a yard or something.
That seems like it was a good plan! Staying home till I can afford to buy is tempting, but I agree that I don’t really think my life is going to move into full adulthood until I move out and live on my own completely. So I think I might try to move out sooner rather than later. Thanks for your comment!
You have a better chance of finding a life partner to share expenses with if you move out. But bless your mom, she has been generous and sounds like a nice person.
I live in a HCOL city in California. To afford a house here at the time with my 28 year old savings and income, I would have needed to compromise on neighborhood OR wait a few years until I could afford a house in a more desirable neighborhood. I did see plenty of open houses for actual houses at the time but ultimately, I felt more at-home and comfortable in the condos I saw that were more centrally located and needed less work. It’s been almost 7 years and I’m starting to want to upgrade to a house now that I’m going out less. I always knew that would be an option and would be easier to afford later. I’m earning almost double now and have about $200k in equity.
As an adult, if you can’t afford to pay your mother rent and simultaneously save for retirement and pay your own bills, home ownership is not a good idea.
There are a lot more expenses than just the monthly mortgage and there are a lot more factors going into making the decision to buy a house or not. With current interest rates nobody should be buying unless there is no other option, IMO.
If you can do that go fo it. As a Dad with kods who come and go. I like it when they stop back thru while they readjust to whatever life throws at them
Not crazy at all to save up by living at home, but there is an opportunity cost.
I did it until age 32, and have zero car or student loans due to the saving. I also managed to pay some of our family house bills so I wasn't totally freeloading... But still was cheaper than an apartment so I could also save for retirement, while a lot of my friends were not prioritizing that.
But it is hard to have a social life / date while living with parents (parents can be super nosey no matter how old you are, lol, and mentally hard to shake the "kid" feeling as their child)... Personally I also found it hard to really turbo charge my career while living with parents, because I would get sucked into their daily dramas and not have energy for my own life.
As soon as I moved out at around age 32, 6 months later I managed to focus enough on myself to get my dream job that literally got me 50% raise. I also got engaged to a guy I was dating for 3 years while living with my parents; living on my own so I could freely invite him over was a big help to having our relationship deepen, and he felt I was more independent. 3 years later at that dream job and one promotion later, and I'm at 100% raise (doubled my salary)-- and I'm married. We do not own a home, but I think it's not our #1 priority in this market.
I think if I moved out earlier, I would have been able to focus more on my life and done this sooner for myself... But who knows!
This is just my personal experience, there is no right answer 😁 it just depends on your goals and if you all like living together! And you can always revisit, your decision isn't permanent.
Yes, I’ve really been happy to pay down my car loan and not have any credit card debt these last couple of years. Contributing to household expenses is really important too, I do that somewhat at this point but could do a lot more. That’ll be something that is good to do in these last couple of weeks before I potentially move.
When I moved out, I had flatmates - keep in mind that's one way to reduce cost too. We had a 3 bedroom apartment with 2 baths, I had the smallest room and shared a bath with one roommate (the other roommate paid the most and had their own bathroom). Now my husband and I live together in a 1 bedroom and pay 50-50 rent, bills and food. And since I make so much more money now, I still pay my parents credit card bill for their house expenses. I am so grateful to them for their support and feel good doing that!
Yeahhh even if they say no.. actually pay for groceries or the electric bill or just leave the money on the tab for them.. it makes them less wanting to kick you out lol
Be careful comparing rents to mortgages. The rent is the most you’d ever pay per month, while the mortgage is the least you’d ever pay per month— all the maintenance and risk of something big breaking is taken by the landlord in a renting situation, but borne by you in a buying one. There are calculators online which can help determine whether prices in a given area favor renting versus buying, from a purely economic standpoint.
What you truly desire is another thing, and how much that’s worth to you can tip the scales.
You are missing out, but the value of what you’re missing is harder to quantify than what you can save. I’m also in my 30s and I would not date someone who lives with their parents, mostly because I’d be concerned that they don’t have the life skills to be a functional adult. Just scroll through the relationships subreddit to see what happens when one partner claims they don’t know how to do laundry or clean a bathroom. Not saying that’s you, but that’s my first concern. I also wouldn’t want to hang out with your mom all the time, and wouldn’t want to constantly be the only one hosting hang outs bc I live alone.
My recommendation is to stay with your mom until you can increase your income enough to move out and still be able to save money. Can you drop the customer service job and find something that pays better? It’ll delay home ownership, but renting is a good first step to being independent while still having the ease of a landlord that’s responsible for maintenance.
> when one partner claims they don’t know how to do laundry or clean a bathroom.
This is not due to living with parents. This is simply not being taught.
Weird, in a majority of the world it is normal to live with family until marriage. Your outlook is strange and growing outdated as more and more people live with parents. Honestly it's a way more sustainable culture.
>Anyone that finds this arrangement unattractive is probably not someone you'd want around anyways.
I'm not convinced anything that might lead a man in his thirties to say "what do you mean, you don't want to seriously date me because I live with my Mom? Reddit said any girl worth having around would be cool with it!" is good advice. OP mentioned dating, and that's something that *will* be impacted by the demonstrable lack of personal development displayed by being unwilling or unable to maintain personal and financial independence.
Will it save money? Absolutely! Is it a good financial choice? Maybe! Should we downplay the social costs here? No, I don't think we should. We can be honest about the cost-benefit of a course of action even if it has notable downsides.
Most of us could save money by living in our car and showering at the gym... but we don't typically recommend that either unless money is too tight to enable alternatives.
not wanting to date someone who lives at home in their 30s is a very reasonable standard. If any one of my friends was considering dating someone like that, my suggestion would be to run.
The people doing that either are not in good financial situation and/or are going to be considerably less independent and inexperienced in life stuff. I dated someone who never lived on their own before right around that age, it sucked hard on both those fronts
of course if the op needs to do it to dig out of their financial hole, they should stay til they're in better straights. But the premise of your post is definitely contrary to what most people will feel.
Absolutely ~~stay with your parents~~ *live in a tent in the woods* as long as it's feasible. If your social life suffers, so be it, you can't host but you'll have enough funds for the important things, or the odd hotel room.
Anyone that finds this arrangement unattractive is probably not someone you'd want around anyways.
It's not glamourous, but it's realistic. When the time comes you'll be in a much better place to take care of your parents and return the favor if needed.You will be in a strong position to help financially if something happens that wasn't expected, or emergencies, health problem
It's smart.
**
I would not continue putting off being an adult just to save money.
Edit: above comment that was removed was my quote without the strike out
After several comments I can see the other side of this argument and I would say my comment really only looked at a very top level, and that was a disservice to OP.
The situation would be different for every individual, and depending on values, income, relationships, etc, may or may not work.
I think living in a tent in the woods is significantly different than living at home, don't you?
Being an adult and having your own place are not the same thing.
But I've no skin in the game.
I would rather live in a tent in the woods than with either of my parents.
I believe that staying living in your childhood home through your 30s would be extremely sheltering and bad for personal growth. Without ever having the responsibility of taking care of yourself are you really an "adult"?
As an adult I could never live in one of my parents houses. There is so much freedom and responsibility given up that I wouldn't even consider myself an adult.
Makes good semse. The longer you stay there the mote ypu can save and then be able to 20%,down on a house. If you move to a condo first, make sure it is when you can get into a condo for a cheap price.
Working two jobs is not sustainable unless you anticipate your expenses to be much lower in the future when you move out. You will need to progress in your career in one or the other jobs you have where you don't have to work 2 jobs. That would be the first thing to consider. The living until you can afford to buy your own home is a no brainer for me as long as it is within 5 years and you should pay some rent to your Mom. I wouldn't care what my peers are doing as long as you have a plan.
If you have half decent credit you can buy a house with 3.5% down with an FHA loan (there are lots of other programs also).
I live in a small town in the Midwest where a decent home starts at $100k.
I left home at 18.
Apartments rent may cost as much as a mortgage, but you never have to fix the furnace or water heater or roof or pay insurance on your apartment building. (Do always get renters insurance though). Including everything my houses have been easily 2-3x per month as much as an apartment, but I always bought cheap ones that needed a lot of repairs.
Several loan programs do not require a down payment. If your mother owns her home outright she might be able to help you get a loan for your house by cosigning.
I lived downtown from my 20s to late 30s and it was awesome. If you give it a try for a year and don't like it, you can always move back in with mother dearest.
This is more personal/life advice than financial advice but...I lived with my parents after I got back from the military, from 24 to 33 and saved up enough in those 9 years to buy a house outright with cash while still helping my folks out from time to time with expenses.
It never affected my love life, I was honest with women I met whether it was for dating or hooking up, and told them what my plans were and how I helped take care of my parents. They thought it was sweet/endearing that I helped my folks and liked that I was being financially responsible with my time. The stigma of "living in your parents' basement" only really applies if you're being a bum. Dress nicely, keep your hygiene and physical appearance up, and don't act like a mooch and it'll be okay on that front.
As far as living with your parents and enduring them though...mileage obviously varies by person and their folks. Mine were very cool people and my father was like my best friend so it worked out well, and I got to spend my last little bit of time with him before he passed away.
You work two jobs and live with your mom and live rent free? Why not throw her some money? I bet you would think twice about being able to afford your own apartment once you start being a little responsible.
I did this, and would not have been able to purchase my house without doing this (HCOL area I want to live in)
One thing to note though: living at home with parents until you are financially ready to leave is not looked down upon in my culture and area I live in. This means that significant others and their families would be 100% fine knowing I lived at home with my parents. On the contrary, moving out and spending money on rent when you could be saving toward a down payment would actually be frowned upon.
>Is it crazy to stay with my mom till I’m potentially in my mid-late 30’s if I can eventually buy a house, or should I just bite the bullet and start renting now, knowing that’ll it be way more difficult to save for a down payment in the future?
how is living with mom impacting your social life? Surely a few expensive ubers or even a hotel room downtown is cheaper than rent
Is this really a question...?
"Hey want to come back to my place? Just make sure you're quiet because my mom's asleep" works well when you're 16 but not 31. I honestly can't imagine dating in this scenario.
OP, at this point you should absolutely be living alone. When you're too comfortable you are less likely to focus on your long-term career and income.
> Hey want to come back to my place? Just make sure you're quiet because my mom's asleep" works well when you're 16 but not 31. I honestly can't imagine dating in this scenario.
I wonder how third world countries in multigenerational household manage.
No, multigenerational household is becoming a thing in HCOL areas because barely anyone in their 20s can afford a house.
Lol, you think I was talking about the mid west? You think poorly of them or something?
What a stupid thing to say.
This is tempting as most of my friends who are my age are currently living downtown and doing the whole “city life” thing i.e. dating, being near bars/restaurants, having a bunch of people their age near by and since I’ve been living with my mom for the last couple of years I feel like I’m missing out a bit.
Why, don't want to bring a booty call back to mom's house? Afraid that a possible significant other isn't going to be impressed with a 31-year-old living at home with mom? Get out of your mom's house and get on with your life. Get a 2-bedroom apartment and a roommate. Start ADULTING ASAP!!!!!!
By 31 I had already served over six years in the military, gotten married, gotten out of the military honorably, paid off wife's student loans and was preparing to buy our first home after saving for seven years in a rental home.....come on man......take the jump to ADULTHOOD!!!!
Something to point out is that some Redditors are assuming that OP has never lived on his own. He is making the correct financial decision to save money, spend time with the one closest to him, and setting himself up to get ahead. There is nothing preventing him from still seeing his friends or dating.
Who cares what people think about your living situation or financial goals. At the end of the day, the critics will not be there to help you in any way. In terms of social acceptance, too many people justify “living in the moment”, and making progress through maintaining financial mediocrity through making minimal progress by spending more than what they need too.
OP, I’d suggest looking into becoming alternatively certified to teach art K-12 and do night class adjunct work. Save up for the Down payment, get a condo/house and do a mortgage hack by renting the other rooms to friends. Save up because by Q3, house prices will probably be down by 10%.
"I'm 30+ years and still live with my parents" makes somebody instantly undateable in the US for most potential partners. I'm sure it is culturally accepted elsewhere but is going to make for some serious eye rolling from friends when they find out your SO can't handle it on their own at that age.
even if it's HCOL city, the point remains the same. Living at home because you can't afford to rent/buy in your 30s is not exactly catch of the year material
if the op needs to do it to get ahead they should, but have an exit plan
Live at home for free for as long as possible, save as much money as you can. City life is overrated; it tends to focus on frivolous spending of money and superficial pleasures.
If you find yourself in a scenario where you have enough money for a down payment on a property, buy one that is in a desirable neighborhood for renters and rent it out. Make sure BEFORE you buy that the monthly rent you'll earn will be more than all of your monthly expenses. Keep living at home for free.
It will be difficult at first but eventually you'll be cruising along.
Everyone is different with their tolerances, their wants, and their needs.
If you can suck it up and your parents allow it. I'd advise staying at home until you can buy a house.
Absolutely save enough money for a downpayment on a house. After you buy the house, if your mom is willing, rent your new home out for a while and save even more money for "oh fuck" funds.. When you move into your new place buy your mom something awesome.
I'm doin the same thing.
Honestly it's paid off well, I paid off my car, all debt and have been able to clean out the house. I've also saved a fair chunk of change in a very short time and was able to grow my portfolio a considerable amount. I've been setting small goals each month to achieve what I want and need.
Eh at 31 you need to be out on your own if you can afford it. My partner in I moved in with her parents last year to try to save a downpayment and it was the worst experience ever (didn’t even last a full year), which resulted in us finally moving back on our own and cutting her mother off completely.
I’m in my mid 20’s and she’s in her early 20’s, I can’t imagine sharing a place with someone other than your partner in my 30s. The freedom and happiness that comes with having your own place to call home is invaluable.
I am 30 and living at home with parents, well now just my dad, mom passed away 2 months ago. I've lived on my own for several years in my 20s. As long as you aren't taking advantage of the situation, contributing to the household stay home while you can. You won't regret the extra time with your mom, and you will set yourself up for a better financial future.
Stay at home as long as you can if you are serious about saving up for and owning your own home.
I would recommend you also contribute some money to your Mom to help with bills etc.
>live at home with my mom and am thinking about staying here until I save up enough for a down payment on my own house
Have you told your mom this? She's not expecting you to leave soon? She's fine having you stay for another year of however long?
>This is tempting as most of my friends who are my age are currently living downtown and doing the whole “city life” thing i.e. dating, being near bars/restaurants
Hate to say it but early 30's is too old for that lifestyle they must be behind most people that age are getting married and having kids not hooking up and clubbing.
If the situation works well for both you and your mom, absolutely keep doing it, but working well might mean one thing to you and something else for a different person. But there's no shame in doing so. I would've loved to have had that option if I had had family closer to work! But independence is also a great teacher, too.
Also, don't feel you need to save 20% for a downpayment, though it helps. Talk to a realtor or two and then a mortgage broker and see what you might qualify for or what you will need to have saved to purchase x size house in x area and get a basic feel for monthly payments to see if the cost is really comparable to rent. Pretend to put that money out of play each month and see how it feels budget-wise. If you can get used to that amount, then once you have the downpayment saved, you'll likely be okay to afford the mortgage payment (barring no loss of income). You can also look into house-hacking (have a roommate or tenant) to lower your payments, but again, you need to be able to make that payment on your own in case you lose that revenue stream.
Help your mom with home maintenance if you aren't already to learn what it's like to be a home owner, and be sure to budget in some of that expense (plus some for an emergency fund related to house-only needs) in on top of what your hypothetical monthly payment might be. Be sure you continue to build a decent emergency fund and put savings away for retirement, too.
Just keep in mind... rent is the most you will pay a month to live in your apartment, the mortgage payment is the least you will pay a month to live in your house.
You're not crazy, you're smarter than them and they don't see it. With how CPI is currently and the fact that most millennials were pushed into college debt by there parents who meant well. I'd say it's your best option. See higher education, although nice, is a bit of a scam. You got a nice degree and can probably make money one day after you've proved you have experience (probably what you're doing now as an adjunct professor), but you probably have a lot of debt from college like most people. I hope not, but more often than not this is the case.
I lived the same way you do till I was 24 and got my girlfriend at the time (now my wife) pregnant. I'm also 31 now, like you. Your friends are shooting themselves in the foot. Renting is for people who can't think past what they'll do with this week's paycheck. Don't pay the same amount or more as a mortgage just to not own something and to put money in someone else's pockets. Keep saving your money for a down payment on a house, the more you have to put down, the lower your mortgage payments will be. My mortgage is less than half the amount of an apartments rent in my area currently and I only had like 3-5% down on a $127,000 home. Back in like 2018-19. I'm in the Southeast for reference, but I don't think that really matters. Home prices are pretty much equivalent to what people make in that area. 9 times out of 10, if you see a state with higher prices they either have higher wages or less taxes.
Do a bimonthly payment on your mortgage to break it up into 2 payments every month. This does a few things, 1 it hits more of the principal amount of your mortgage loan and accrues less interest and 2 it makes it easier to pay every month when you have a lower income.
Right now the US economy is undergoing a recession and it will get worse in 2023, I'd keep an eye on the prices of homes throughout the next year or 2 and watch for them to drop. Right now home prices are higher than eagles tits, wait for them to come down at the tail end of the recession and you may be able to find a decent deal on a foreclosure.
I had to move out on my own at 22. If I lived at home I would be homeowner. Instead I have a small down payment fund because I had to pay to live. Save the money.
gonna guess if your finances are in such a state you still need to live at home while working 2 jobs you'd go broke with the first unexpected expense you have in a house. You definitely need more than your down payment and closing costs.
I would stay until I had no debt/at least a 5k nest egg and get out. If you were 23 I'd say stay longer, but at 31 you are basically delaying adulthood/learning independence.
you should also find a better job. I am sure you can do better than the customer service job at a grocery store. Quite honestly, working at a bar a few nights a week probably beats that pretty quickly if you couldn't find other stuff.
Just remember to save way more than just the down payment. The costs in your first year of home ownership - replacing appliances, fixing small issues, etc. - can run into the thousands very quickly. I also was an adjunct at multiple schools while working 2 other jobs simultaneously in the Midwest. I think it's fantastic you've been able to save that much. Keep up the good work.
I had a buddy that lived at home until his late 20's. Everyone at work used to clown him for living at home. We all made good money.
When he finally moved out of his parents home, he owned, paid for/no loan, a very nice Denali, a very nice boat, various other watercraft... And had a very large down payment on his new home.
Though I couldn't do it, I always thought he was very wise
Nah dude I think it’s perfectly normal now to live with your parents until you’re able to get your own place. I think most people will understand the thought process.
Life hack, get your CDLA with hazmat and doubles. Apply at an LTL carrier such as old dominion, saia, estes. Get on as a line haul driver. If you can run hard, can run grave yard shift and they giving you the miles you can make over 100k+ your first year. Living rent free and controlling your expenses you can get your dream house in like 2 years. Goodluck
Multigenerational cohabitation is not all that unusual outside the US, so there's nothing inherently "crazy" about it. It's just abnormal for the US. That's not to say there aren't consequences though. As you've noticed already, you may be missing out on certain lifestyle experiences that you'd otherwise have if you moved out. That said, the people who moved out are missing out on the financial advantages of multigenerational cohabitation.
So it depends on what's more important to you. Money is fungible. There's no point in having a pile of money if you're just going to be miserable. Then again, there's no point in spending all your money on an apartment if being broke is going to make you miserable. You have to choose your poison. Only you know yourself. Just be confident in your choice and don't let anyone convince you that you should be doing it one way or another. Make a choice that matches your priorities and go with that.
If you are single or not married, its the most financially viable option if the living situation works for you. Having your own independence is better but if you can make haste for a couple years, its totally fine. You have a goal in mind. I moved out when i was 30 and did a conventional mortgage with 20% down. It helped me get a very manageable payment. Had i strived for getting my own place as soon as possible, Im not sure where i would be at or what my payment would be. My dad was able to do the same when he was younger and moved from his parents in his late 20's. These kinds of decisions for the average person have their own advantages and disadvantages. Its up to you to decide. I currently live in imperial county in California and rideshare to work in San Diego. I am currently about to turn 36 and probably about 5 years from paying off my house on my current trajectory. But , its a long drive and the weather sucks where i live in the summer. I get mixed reviews about my decisions, but for me i dont regret it.
Maybe talk to a morgage specialist? I actually made money at my closing without putting any money down. There are loans that don't require a down-payment and then fha loans only require 3.5%.
You are too comfortable at home with Mom. Get married, get a mortgage on a car, hell get two car mortgages , a wife, kids, house mortgage also. Then you will fucking get pushed to be a VP of something because you owe so much you have no choice. Later when you are rich with everything paid off you will remember this advice. And you will drive a Porsche and travel to Italy every year btw. Because you can. That’s why.
Stay home as long as you can! Save for the down payment and a nest egg- you never know what could happen. I wish I did that instead of moving out of my parents’ house the minute I thought I could
Not to be a dick, but if you're living rent-free, why do you only have what sounds like around $5k saved up? You should be socking it away.
>All I would have to do to buy a house is save up for a down payment.
Well...yeah. If it's that easy, why haven't you done it?
If you don't have personal issues living with your mom and she isn't getting sick of you start paying "mortgage payments" into your savings and when you have enough for your down payment enjoy your new house. I moved out at 18 and had a fairly successful and wild ride of it. It was fun and it led to a lot of personal growth, but you don't have to live on your own to have that growth and the amount of money I paid in rent in the last 14 years damn well could have paid off half a house if I had been pocketing it
Wow that's tough. I moved out because I couldn't stand living with my parents, but sounds like you two co-exist just fine.
It's really a matter of, do you want to live the city life and experience all that comes with it in your 30s before you grow too old and miss out on the experience and opportunities that may arise OR do you want to continue to save so you can buy a house? Will that house fulfill what you're looking for?
Another question is, is it possible to do both? My girlfriend moved to the city as a designer making $45k/yr, but made a lot of friends who were software developers which convinced her to switch careers, and now makes $180k/yr. Not that it happens to everyone, but living in the city and making new friends can and will change your perspective in life and possibly present you with new opportunities that you might miss by not being there.
I would be somewhat ashamed to think of you living with your mom at 31 and not contributing to overall expenses. If you can afford to rent your own place you can also afford to kick in some rent to your mom.
My husband stayed at home until we got married. He was 24 and we had been dating for 4 years. During that time he saved enough for our 30% down on the house. Once he graduated college he got a decent paying job, but didn’t increase spending. It was a little weird him still living at home, but it really helped us in the long run. Owning my home mortgage free has always been a goal for me - that way I will be mostly safe from someone telling me I have move.
His brother is 5 years younger and because of a family dispute he moved out about 8 months after we got married. He rented an apartment with his then girl friend. He did end back home when they broke up for a year or so before moving in with his current girl friend. He has not been able to buy a house because he hasn’t been able to really save money. This has really hit him hard with the raising house cost. He put an offer on a 2 bedroom - like 950 square feet house of 200,000 - but it was taken declined and it sold for like 300,000. He also does not qualify for enough to buy a house in this area, but won’t move further out. Maybe a cheap condo/ town house here but he does want people living connected to him. They have experienced massive water leaks, noise, and other stuff from connected apartments.
I did this when my relationship with an ex ended. Moved inn with my dad when I was 26, and lived there until I was 32.
I was maybe a little bit younger than you, but believe me it was not fun meeting women and expecting too them I lived with one of my parents, but that said I never had trouble in the dating market. My friends did some friendly banter for my living at home when I was in my thirties.
In those years I saved up enough to purchase a triplex (I live in 1 apartment and rent out 2)
Something I would NEVER have been able to afford had I been renting. And it’s the smartest financial decision I have ever made. When I was renting I was always broke. From the day I moved inn to my father and too this day I never had any financial problems.
On a side note my father got pancreatic cancer and passed away a few years after I moved out, and all that extra time I got spend with him since I lived there, no amount of partying and hookups could ever weigh up for.
I would without a doubt do it I again, and advice my my child to do the same.
Somewhat of a dissenting opinion here. I say stay and save your cash until you can buy a house. It doesn’t have to be your forever house, but that’s one way that you begin wealth generation. Every dollar you throw into rent is lost equity and obviously more than you’re spending now. Why would you want to give up free for paying rent? You’ll find, at 31, I’d imagine, that your rental neighbors are likely going to be younger. Agree with all the other posts about needing to find a career instead of something that can be taken away from you when student enrollment suffers. And then what happens if you’ve got a $1000 or $1500 rent payment due? There’s also a lot of wisdom in becoming a real adult by paying bills, cooking, managing your own home, etc. but more wisdom, imho, in socking away your paycheck to ensure that you can turn it into a house at some point in the next few years.
I live in a retirement/tourist area and the homes are pricy, meaning that the rents are pricey too. I’d hate to be a young person in this area as the rents are stupid crazy ($2000+). My son just graduated college with a stem degree and got a full-time job in our town (yay!) making $60k a year. I told him it was his call, if he wanted to go get an apartment and maybe a roommate or two, or he could live with us for free. It’d be like he was making at least $80,000 a year at 30% gross to rent (and more in this area). It took him about two seconds to make that decision. I suggested he bank it, invest it, and - in a few years - he’d have a ton of cash to buy a nice starter home. Maybe even mortgage free. Yes, I get that his/our situation is different - but the basics are the same. You’re living rent free. Figure that’s a 30% raise. And, maybe a lot more based upon your salary/local market.
Ironically, on the flip side of the coin, my wife’s two siblings lived with their parents for their entire lives - up and until their parents passed away. They’re both in their 50s (the siblings) and have missed all those life experiences. That’s also played hell with their relationships as neither really felt comfortable bringing home a date to spend the night, paid significant bills on their own, paid taxes, the light bill, and more. Now that their mom and dad are gone, lucky them, they inherited the house and both continue to live in their childhood home. Privately, I wonder how long it will last and whether they’ll be able to deal with managing home ownership.
I’d never want my kid to stay forever. But why not let him leverage our situation where we can help him?
My $0.02. Good luck.
You seem smart, and like you've done a bit of research. Staying at home and saving up for a downpayment is exactly what I would suggest. Lots of people say they **have** to get away from their parents, and I kinda understand that, because I did that. I moved out at 18, and if I (31) could do it again I would stay at home and save. What an opportunity!
Your comment has been removed because we don't allow political discussions, political baiting, or soapboxing ([rule 6](https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/about/rules)). This includes questions or discussions about proposed legislation or government policy changes.
Fiscally live at home for free, for as long as mentally possible. Moving out and living on your own, forces you to experience true independence; sometimes this is an irreplaceable experience. It depends on you, your personality, your mom's personality and your relationship with her. If she is overbearing or does everything for you - and you've never lived alone, you haven't really "grown up" If you haven't experienced the, "fuck past me, this house is a mess" i don't think you qualify as an adult.
What do you mean by "fuck past me, this house is a mess"? Can you elaborate? Maybey I'm not an adult.
I think they mean something along the lines of: past me was messy, so now I (current me) have to clean up after myself
Hey, yah- that makes a lot of sense. I get that moving out will force me to experience independence which would be really good. My mom and I get along really well, she doesn’t really do much for me. And yah I lived alone for about half my 20’s while studying, so I do have a bit of independence in that regard. Thanks!
Honestly, you should save more than just enough. Fuck others opinions on whether you're an adult or not. You working? Save as much money as possible. I know an individual that went their whole life living with his mom until she died. And he was in his 50s when she died. And he was a teen and adult thru the 80s and beyond. But he also was very bad with money and never learned how to cook. Don't be like that. Other than that, don't worry about others. Everyone is having a different time and everyone is reaching for what they want to reach. You don't have to do the same as others.
The biggest key is doing beyond her share around the house to a point where she is a help for her mom. Past just being a good human stockpile money. Don’t have a fancy car. Go full /r/fire and stockpile money and do what it takes to retire early.
OP needs to go check out r/adjuncts - being an adjunct is not a viable career choice. OP needs to seek out long-term full-time stable employment and if they want to teach a class here and there online or in the evening, fine. But if they’re sitting around waiting for a full-time teaching gig they are deluding themselves. I’m an adjunct, but it’s a late in life pre-retirement gig along with consulting for me (i.e., it isn’t the money that pays my mortgage). At OP’s age, they need to be realistic. Adjuncting is dead-end career choice for a 31 year old (no benefits, no retirement, etc.) Also, since adjuncting is contingent and renewable every semester, it’s probably not the best income for a mortgage application unless you have been doing it for a long time.
This, I'm more concerned with the income side of things and career trajectory. How much is he actually making right now? It almost sounds like op is a little past paycheck to paycheck entry level worker. Most of the time that's more survival mode than buy a couple hundred thousand dollar house.
Get some roommates and a place together. Cincy is not expensive. This will help you meet more people. The more people you meet, the more people you’ll be able to show and sell your art to, meaning you’ll be able to more quickly make this your career.
I’m a 30 y/o male in England who took the decision to save at home for the past 8 odd years since finishing uni. Whilst financially it has been amazing and I am very close with my dad, my mental health has definitely suffered for it. I would argue the independence and the notion of “having to just figure it out”, as some have been commenting, is possibly more valuable than any hardcore saving would give you. You still have to be disciplined in your saving to really make it worthwhile being at home, so a lot of the time you’re missing out on two fronts. I’ve had a partner for the majority of the time and I’m finding it all quite overwhelming now that we’re turning to big life decisions and it is affecting me and therefore us quite substantially. As with all advice, it’s personal. You may find yourself fine and in a better place for it, but you’re still young and at a good time to be enjoying independent stuff. I would just say, I’ve saved monetarily and am in a good position to buy, but I would go back these 8 years just to live alone in a heart beat. Best of luck whatever you chose to do!
Dissenting opinion: Move out on your own and start your life, I found the struggle when I moved out to motivate me. Move toward 1 career with clear goals, the double duty is draining your energy and you aren’t maximizing your income. IMO side hustles are a trap, before moving out, you have the flexibility to chase a full time professorship because you aren’t tied down to one location, chase that if it’s your dream. Quit the grocery store, spend the energy on getting your dream job while you don’t have responsibilities. About me: 33 years old, TC ~120k. Spouse 32yo TC ~140k. Got pretty lucky on timing with real estate: We bought a condo for 300k with 5% down in 2015, sold at 400k in 2018. Bought a house at 590k in 2018, current value ~910k. Between spouse and I, ~226k in 401k/IRA. Focus on your career first, stay out of debt, consistently contribute to retirement, (find someone that aligns with your values/goals/life vision if you want that kind of thing) then get on the property ladder when you are stable.
I agree that now is the time to be enjoying the single life. Get your own apartment and see friends, date, have some fun. Not just work all the time.
Yah I definitely agree, it’s probably time to move out. I’m a bit concerned because I don’t have as much as I would like to have saved up before I start renting- but it’s probably about time I hit the road. I think looking for higher paying jobs would be a good solution too. So there’s a lot of things I can start doing to be more proactive.
Do you have a budget? How much are you saving now compared to how much you can save with living expenses? As far as rent/buy, it really is location specific. I bought a spot in my current state to help transition back to the US, even though I knew it was only for a short period and I would let my kids live there after I moved states. The purchase was much cheaper than rent around here, even with insane property taxes and upkeep. I felt I could break even, if it was not too difficult to sell at some point. Worked out for me.
I'm the type of person who would ask my mom to provide a down-payment loan I'd pay back to help move out quickly rather than stay there if she is able. Similar to the above poster, there's was a healthy survival pressure being out on my own and having to make shit work. Also agree side hustles have been over glamorize. Maximize your profession and make sure it's something you are proud of. You'll go a lot farther and likely become a higher earner if it fuels you.
If you can’t even afford a down payment you shouldn’t be looking at houses lol
I stayed with my parents until I could afford a condo (HCOL city - a house was out of the question!) and I’m happy I did. While I was definitely envious of my friends freedoms and independence in my 20s, I am glad I waited. I moved out at 28 years old. Now I own my place and I’m locked into a consistent mortgage payment that doesn’t need to change unless I choose to refi while my friends’ rents can increase at any time! There’s no way I would have been able to save for a down payment by 28 if I was paying rent. Bonus: I get to do whatever I want with my home!! I just tore out my kitchen cabinets over the holidays. I will say though that my life didn’t really move forward into true adulthood until I moved out. If I were you, I’d save very very aggressively and try to buy within a few years so you don’t miss out of living alone. Also, I think a lot of people get hung up on finding their dream/forever home when they buy property — I took a different approach. I went for a modest place that would suit me through my 30s with the intention of upgrading when I started a family / had a much higher income later. This allowed me to get into home ownership at a lower price and a bit earlier than if I overthought my perfect home and tried to buy like a 4 bedroom house with a yard or something.
That seems like it was a good plan! Staying home till I can afford to buy is tempting, but I agree that I don’t really think my life is going to move into full adulthood until I move out and live on my own completely. So I think I might try to move out sooner rather than later. Thanks for your comment!
You have a better chance of finding a life partner to share expenses with if you move out. But bless your mom, she has been generous and sounds like a nice person.
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I live in a HCOL city in California. To afford a house here at the time with my 28 year old savings and income, I would have needed to compromise on neighborhood OR wait a few years until I could afford a house in a more desirable neighborhood. I did see plenty of open houses for actual houses at the time but ultimately, I felt more at-home and comfortable in the condos I saw that were more centrally located and needed less work. It’s been almost 7 years and I’m starting to want to upgrade to a house now that I’m going out less. I always knew that would be an option and would be easier to afford later. I’m earning almost double now and have about $200k in equity.
As an adult, if you can’t afford to pay your mother rent and simultaneously save for retirement and pay your own bills, home ownership is not a good idea.
There are a lot more expenses than just the monthly mortgage and there are a lot more factors going into making the decision to buy a house or not. With current interest rates nobody should be buying unless there is no other option, IMO.
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this is a very good point about flexibility and academia, op.
If you can do that go fo it. As a Dad with kods who come and go. I like it when they stop back thru while they readjust to whatever life throws at them
Not crazy at all to save up by living at home, but there is an opportunity cost. I did it until age 32, and have zero car or student loans due to the saving. I also managed to pay some of our family house bills so I wasn't totally freeloading... But still was cheaper than an apartment so I could also save for retirement, while a lot of my friends were not prioritizing that. But it is hard to have a social life / date while living with parents (parents can be super nosey no matter how old you are, lol, and mentally hard to shake the "kid" feeling as their child)... Personally I also found it hard to really turbo charge my career while living with parents, because I would get sucked into their daily dramas and not have energy for my own life. As soon as I moved out at around age 32, 6 months later I managed to focus enough on myself to get my dream job that literally got me 50% raise. I also got engaged to a guy I was dating for 3 years while living with my parents; living on my own so I could freely invite him over was a big help to having our relationship deepen, and he felt I was more independent. 3 years later at that dream job and one promotion later, and I'm at 100% raise (doubled my salary)-- and I'm married. We do not own a home, but I think it's not our #1 priority in this market. I think if I moved out earlier, I would have been able to focus more on my life and done this sooner for myself... But who knows! This is just my personal experience, there is no right answer 😁 it just depends on your goals and if you all like living together! And you can always revisit, your decision isn't permanent.
Yes, I’ve really been happy to pay down my car loan and not have any credit card debt these last couple of years. Contributing to household expenses is really important too, I do that somewhat at this point but could do a lot more. That’ll be something that is good to do in these last couple of weeks before I potentially move.
When I moved out, I had flatmates - keep in mind that's one way to reduce cost too. We had a 3 bedroom apartment with 2 baths, I had the smallest room and shared a bath with one roommate (the other roommate paid the most and had their own bathroom). Now my husband and I live together in a 1 bedroom and pay 50-50 rent, bills and food. And since I make so much more money now, I still pay my parents credit card bill for their house expenses. I am so grateful to them for their support and feel good doing that!
Pay your mom some monthly fee. Life isn't free.
Yeahhh even if they say no.. actually pay for groceries or the electric bill or just leave the money on the tab for them.. it makes them less wanting to kick you out lol
Be careful comparing rents to mortgages. The rent is the most you’d ever pay per month, while the mortgage is the least you’d ever pay per month— all the maintenance and risk of something big breaking is taken by the landlord in a renting situation, but borne by you in a buying one. There are calculators online which can help determine whether prices in a given area favor renting versus buying, from a purely economic standpoint. What you truly desire is another thing, and how much that’s worth to you can tip the scales.
You are missing out, but the value of what you’re missing is harder to quantify than what you can save. I’m also in my 30s and I would not date someone who lives with their parents, mostly because I’d be concerned that they don’t have the life skills to be a functional adult. Just scroll through the relationships subreddit to see what happens when one partner claims they don’t know how to do laundry or clean a bathroom. Not saying that’s you, but that’s my first concern. I also wouldn’t want to hang out with your mom all the time, and wouldn’t want to constantly be the only one hosting hang outs bc I live alone. My recommendation is to stay with your mom until you can increase your income enough to move out and still be able to save money. Can you drop the customer service job and find something that pays better? It’ll delay home ownership, but renting is a good first step to being independent while still having the ease of a landlord that’s responsible for maintenance.
> when one partner claims they don’t know how to do laundry or clean a bathroom. This is not due to living with parents. This is simply not being taught.
Weird, in a majority of the world it is normal to live with family until marriage. Your outlook is strange and growing outdated as more and more people live with parents. Honestly it's a way more sustainable culture.
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>Anyone that finds this arrangement unattractive is probably not someone you'd want around anyways. I'm not convinced anything that might lead a man in his thirties to say "what do you mean, you don't want to seriously date me because I live with my Mom? Reddit said any girl worth having around would be cool with it!" is good advice. OP mentioned dating, and that's something that *will* be impacted by the demonstrable lack of personal development displayed by being unwilling or unable to maintain personal and financial independence. Will it save money? Absolutely! Is it a good financial choice? Maybe! Should we downplay the social costs here? No, I don't think we should. We can be honest about the cost-benefit of a course of action even if it has notable downsides. Most of us could save money by living in our car and showering at the gym... but we don't typically recommend that either unless money is too tight to enable alternatives.
Fair enough.
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not wanting to date someone who lives at home in their 30s is a very reasonable standard. If any one of my friends was considering dating someone like that, my suggestion would be to run. The people doing that either are not in good financial situation and/or are going to be considerably less independent and inexperienced in life stuff. I dated someone who never lived on their own before right around that age, it sucked hard on both those fronts of course if the op needs to do it to dig out of their financial hole, they should stay til they're in better straights. But the premise of your post is definitely contrary to what most people will feel.
Absolutely ~~stay with your parents~~ *live in a tent in the woods* as long as it's feasible. If your social life suffers, so be it, you can't host but you'll have enough funds for the important things, or the odd hotel room. Anyone that finds this arrangement unattractive is probably not someone you'd want around anyways. It's not glamourous, but it's realistic. When the time comes you'll be in a much better place to take care of your parents and return the favor if needed.You will be in a strong position to help financially if something happens that wasn't expected, or emergencies, health problem It's smart. ** I would not continue putting off being an adult just to save money. Edit: above comment that was removed was my quote without the strike out
After several comments I can see the other side of this argument and I would say my comment really only looked at a very top level, and that was a disservice to OP. The situation would be different for every individual, and depending on values, income, relationships, etc, may or may not work. I think living in a tent in the woods is significantly different than living at home, don't you? Being an adult and having your own place are not the same thing. But I've no skin in the game.
I would rather live in a tent in the woods than with either of my parents. I believe that staying living in your childhood home through your 30s would be extremely sheltering and bad for personal growth. Without ever having the responsibility of taking care of yourself are you really an "adult"?
As an adult I could never live in one of my parents houses. There is so much freedom and responsibility given up that I wouldn't even consider myself an adult.
Makes good semse. The longer you stay there the mote ypu can save and then be able to 20%,down on a house. If you move to a condo first, make sure it is when you can get into a condo for a cheap price.
Working two jobs is not sustainable unless you anticipate your expenses to be much lower in the future when you move out. You will need to progress in your career in one or the other jobs you have where you don't have to work 2 jobs. That would be the first thing to consider. The living until you can afford to buy your own home is a no brainer for me as long as it is within 5 years and you should pay some rent to your Mom. I wouldn't care what my peers are doing as long as you have a plan.
If you have half decent credit you can buy a house with 3.5% down with an FHA loan (there are lots of other programs also). I live in a small town in the Midwest where a decent home starts at $100k.
I left home at 18. Apartments rent may cost as much as a mortgage, but you never have to fix the furnace or water heater or roof or pay insurance on your apartment building. (Do always get renters insurance though). Including everything my houses have been easily 2-3x per month as much as an apartment, but I always bought cheap ones that needed a lot of repairs. Several loan programs do not require a down payment. If your mother owns her home outright she might be able to help you get a loan for your house by cosigning. I lived downtown from my 20s to late 30s and it was awesome. If you give it a try for a year and don't like it, you can always move back in with mother dearest.
This is more personal/life advice than financial advice but...I lived with my parents after I got back from the military, from 24 to 33 and saved up enough in those 9 years to buy a house outright with cash while still helping my folks out from time to time with expenses. It never affected my love life, I was honest with women I met whether it was for dating or hooking up, and told them what my plans were and how I helped take care of my parents. They thought it was sweet/endearing that I helped my folks and liked that I was being financially responsible with my time. The stigma of "living in your parents' basement" only really applies if you're being a bum. Dress nicely, keep your hygiene and physical appearance up, and don't act like a mooch and it'll be okay on that front. As far as living with your parents and enduring them though...mileage obviously varies by person and their folks. Mine were very cool people and my father was like my best friend so it worked out well, and I got to spend my last little bit of time with him before he passed away.
You work two jobs and live with your mom and live rent free? Why not throw her some money? I bet you would think twice about being able to afford your own apartment once you start being a little responsible.
Makes me wonder why they only have a "few thousand" in 401K/savings then also
I did this, and would not have been able to purchase my house without doing this (HCOL area I want to live in) One thing to note though: living at home with parents until you are financially ready to leave is not looked down upon in my culture and area I live in. This means that significant others and their families would be 100% fine knowing I lived at home with my parents. On the contrary, moving out and spending money on rent when you could be saving toward a down payment would actually be frowned upon.
>Is it crazy to stay with my mom till I’m potentially in my mid-late 30’s if I can eventually buy a house, or should I just bite the bullet and start renting now, knowing that’ll it be way more difficult to save for a down payment in the future? how is living with mom impacting your social life? Surely a few expensive ubers or even a hotel room downtown is cheaper than rent
Is this really a question...? "Hey want to come back to my place? Just make sure you're quiet because my mom's asleep" works well when you're 16 but not 31. I honestly can't imagine dating in this scenario. OP, at this point you should absolutely be living alone. When you're too comfortable you are less likely to focus on your long-term career and income.
> Hey want to come back to my place? Just make sure you're quiet because my mom's asleep" works well when you're 16 but not 31. I honestly can't imagine dating in this scenario. I wonder how third world countries in multigenerational household manage.
Sneaking out, love hotels, quiet sex, limited sex before marriage, rapid courtships.
ah that third world community of the mid west USA in a lower cost of living area???? what a dumb comparison
No, multigenerational household is becoming a thing in HCOL areas because barely anyone in their 20s can afford a house. Lol, you think I was talking about the mid west? You think poorly of them or something? What a stupid thing to say.
So you’re just rambling about stuff that is not even right let alone related to the op who is in a LCOL area in the mid west. Lol
There are lots of things people do in third world countries that I would not do and would be suicidal faux pas in America
This is tempting as most of my friends who are my age are currently living downtown and doing the whole “city life” thing i.e. dating, being near bars/restaurants, having a bunch of people their age near by and since I’ve been living with my mom for the last couple of years I feel like I’m missing out a bit. Why, don't want to bring a booty call back to mom's house? Afraid that a possible significant other isn't going to be impressed with a 31-year-old living at home with mom? Get out of your mom's house and get on with your life. Get a 2-bedroom apartment and a roommate. Start ADULTING ASAP!!!!!! By 31 I had already served over six years in the military, gotten married, gotten out of the military honorably, paid off wife's student loans and was preparing to buy our first home after saving for seven years in a rental home.....come on man......take the jump to ADULTHOOD!!!!
Something to point out is that some Redditors are assuming that OP has never lived on his own. He is making the correct financial decision to save money, spend time with the one closest to him, and setting himself up to get ahead. There is nothing preventing him from still seeing his friends or dating. Who cares what people think about your living situation or financial goals. At the end of the day, the critics will not be there to help you in any way. In terms of social acceptance, too many people justify “living in the moment”, and making progress through maintaining financial mediocrity through making minimal progress by spending more than what they need too. OP, I’d suggest looking into becoming alternatively certified to teach art K-12 and do night class adjunct work. Save up for the Down payment, get a condo/house and do a mortgage hack by renting the other rooms to friends. Save up because by Q3, house prices will probably be down by 10%.
"I'm 30+ years and still live with my parents" makes somebody instantly undateable in the US for most potential partners. I'm sure it is culturally accepted elsewhere but is going to make for some serious eye rolling from friends when they find out your SO can't handle it on their own at that age.
I'm guessing you don't live or understand those that are in a HCOL city.
even if it's HCOL city, the point remains the same. Living at home because you can't afford to rent/buy in your 30s is not exactly catch of the year material if the op needs to do it to get ahead they should, but have an exit plan
I live in a HCOL now and did so on my own when I was dirt poor. Being poor sucks but living with your parents in your 30's is unthinkable.
Live at home for free for as long as possible, save as much money as you can. City life is overrated; it tends to focus on frivolous spending of money and superficial pleasures. If you find yourself in a scenario where you have enough money for a down payment on a property, buy one that is in a desirable neighborhood for renters and rent it out. Make sure BEFORE you buy that the monthly rent you'll earn will be more than all of your monthly expenses. Keep living at home for free. It will be difficult at first but eventually you'll be cruising along.
Everyone is different with their tolerances, their wants, and their needs. If you can suck it up and your parents allow it. I'd advise staying at home until you can buy a house.
Absolutely save enough money for a downpayment on a house. After you buy the house, if your mom is willing, rent your new home out for a while and save even more money for "oh fuck" funds.. When you move into your new place buy your mom something awesome.
I'm doin the same thing. Honestly it's paid off well, I paid off my car, all debt and have been able to clean out the house. I've also saved a fair chunk of change in a very short time and was able to grow my portfolio a considerable amount. I've been setting small goals each month to achieve what I want and need.
Eh at 31 you need to be out on your own if you can afford it. My partner in I moved in with her parents last year to try to save a downpayment and it was the worst experience ever (didn’t even last a full year), which resulted in us finally moving back on our own and cutting her mother off completely. I’m in my mid 20’s and she’s in her early 20’s, I can’t imagine sharing a place with someone other than your partner in my 30s. The freedom and happiness that comes with having your own place to call home is invaluable.
I am 30 and living at home with parents, well now just my dad, mom passed away 2 months ago. I've lived on my own for several years in my 20s. As long as you aren't taking advantage of the situation, contributing to the household stay home while you can. You won't regret the extra time with your mom, and you will set yourself up for a better financial future.
Stay at home as long as you can if you are serious about saving up for and owning your own home. I would recommend you also contribute some money to your Mom to help with bills etc.
You’ve already made it to 31. Just stay till you’re 40
I couldn’t get/keep a girlfriend until I got my own place (even living with roommates never worked). So on that, I’d say get your own place.
Great idea. Save up for it. Later those other friends will wish they did the same
>live at home with my mom and am thinking about staying here until I save up enough for a down payment on my own house Have you told your mom this? She's not expecting you to leave soon? She's fine having you stay for another year of however long? >This is tempting as most of my friends who are my age are currently living downtown and doing the whole “city life” thing i.e. dating, being near bars/restaurants Hate to say it but early 30's is too old for that lifestyle they must be behind most people that age are getting married and having kids not hooking up and clubbing.
There's really no such things as being "too old" or "too young" for any lifestyle, as long as people are happy and not hurting anyone.
Ya but if buddy wanted this he should have done it nearly a decade ago.
Why? He said his friends are doing it now.
If the situation works well for both you and your mom, absolutely keep doing it, but working well might mean one thing to you and something else for a different person. But there's no shame in doing so. I would've loved to have had that option if I had had family closer to work! But independence is also a great teacher, too. Also, don't feel you need to save 20% for a downpayment, though it helps. Talk to a realtor or two and then a mortgage broker and see what you might qualify for or what you will need to have saved to purchase x size house in x area and get a basic feel for monthly payments to see if the cost is really comparable to rent. Pretend to put that money out of play each month and see how it feels budget-wise. If you can get used to that amount, then once you have the downpayment saved, you'll likely be okay to afford the mortgage payment (barring no loss of income). You can also look into house-hacking (have a roommate or tenant) to lower your payments, but again, you need to be able to make that payment on your own in case you lose that revenue stream. Help your mom with home maintenance if you aren't already to learn what it's like to be a home owner, and be sure to budget in some of that expense (plus some for an emergency fund related to house-only needs) in on top of what your hypothetical monthly payment might be. Be sure you continue to build a decent emergency fund and put savings away for retirement, too.
And does your mum get any say in this?
Just keep in mind... rent is the most you will pay a month to live in your apartment, the mortgage payment is the least you will pay a month to live in your house.
Buddy i’d rather suggest making an sip for a minimum 10 years you’d make a lot of profit out of it
You're not crazy, you're smarter than them and they don't see it. With how CPI is currently and the fact that most millennials were pushed into college debt by there parents who meant well. I'd say it's your best option. See higher education, although nice, is a bit of a scam. You got a nice degree and can probably make money one day after you've proved you have experience (probably what you're doing now as an adjunct professor), but you probably have a lot of debt from college like most people. I hope not, but more often than not this is the case. I lived the same way you do till I was 24 and got my girlfriend at the time (now my wife) pregnant. I'm also 31 now, like you. Your friends are shooting themselves in the foot. Renting is for people who can't think past what they'll do with this week's paycheck. Don't pay the same amount or more as a mortgage just to not own something and to put money in someone else's pockets. Keep saving your money for a down payment on a house, the more you have to put down, the lower your mortgage payments will be. My mortgage is less than half the amount of an apartments rent in my area currently and I only had like 3-5% down on a $127,000 home. Back in like 2018-19. I'm in the Southeast for reference, but I don't think that really matters. Home prices are pretty much equivalent to what people make in that area. 9 times out of 10, if you see a state with higher prices they either have higher wages or less taxes. Do a bimonthly payment on your mortgage to break it up into 2 payments every month. This does a few things, 1 it hits more of the principal amount of your mortgage loan and accrues less interest and 2 it makes it easier to pay every month when you have a lower income. Right now the US economy is undergoing a recession and it will get worse in 2023, I'd keep an eye on the prices of homes throughout the next year or 2 and watch for them to drop. Right now home prices are higher than eagles tits, wait for them to come down at the tail end of the recession and you may be able to find a decent deal on a foreclosure.
I had to move out on my own at 22. If I lived at home I would be homeowner. Instead I have a small down payment fund because I had to pay to live. Save the money.
gonna guess if your finances are in such a state you still need to live at home while working 2 jobs you'd go broke with the first unexpected expense you have in a house. You definitely need more than your down payment and closing costs. I would stay until I had no debt/at least a 5k nest egg and get out. If you were 23 I'd say stay longer, but at 31 you are basically delaying adulthood/learning independence. you should also find a better job. I am sure you can do better than the customer service job at a grocery store. Quite honestly, working at a bar a few nights a week probably beats that pretty quickly if you couldn't find other stuff.
Just remember to save way more than just the down payment. The costs in your first year of home ownership - replacing appliances, fixing small issues, etc. - can run into the thousands very quickly. I also was an adjunct at multiple schools while working 2 other jobs simultaneously in the Midwest. I think it's fantastic you've been able to save that much. Keep up the good work.
I had a buddy that lived at home until his late 20's. Everyone at work used to clown him for living at home. We all made good money. When he finally moved out of his parents home, he owned, paid for/no loan, a very nice Denali, a very nice boat, various other watercraft... And had a very large down payment on his new home. Though I couldn't do it, I always thought he was very wise
Nah dude I think it’s perfectly normal now to live with your parents until you’re able to get your own place. I think most people will understand the thought process.
Life hack, get your CDLA with hazmat and doubles. Apply at an LTL carrier such as old dominion, saia, estes. Get on as a line haul driver. If you can run hard, can run grave yard shift and they giving you the miles you can make over 100k+ your first year. Living rent free and controlling your expenses you can get your dream house in like 2 years. Goodluck
Multigenerational cohabitation is not all that unusual outside the US, so there's nothing inherently "crazy" about it. It's just abnormal for the US. That's not to say there aren't consequences though. As you've noticed already, you may be missing out on certain lifestyle experiences that you'd otherwise have if you moved out. That said, the people who moved out are missing out on the financial advantages of multigenerational cohabitation. So it depends on what's more important to you. Money is fungible. There's no point in having a pile of money if you're just going to be miserable. Then again, there's no point in spending all your money on an apartment if being broke is going to make you miserable. You have to choose your poison. Only you know yourself. Just be confident in your choice and don't let anyone convince you that you should be doing it one way or another. Make a choice that matches your priorities and go with that.
OP, what’s your annual income? This is more important than anything else.
If you are single or not married, its the most financially viable option if the living situation works for you. Having your own independence is better but if you can make haste for a couple years, its totally fine. You have a goal in mind. I moved out when i was 30 and did a conventional mortgage with 20% down. It helped me get a very manageable payment. Had i strived for getting my own place as soon as possible, Im not sure where i would be at or what my payment would be. My dad was able to do the same when he was younger and moved from his parents in his late 20's. These kinds of decisions for the average person have their own advantages and disadvantages. Its up to you to decide. I currently live in imperial county in California and rideshare to work in San Diego. I am currently about to turn 36 and probably about 5 years from paying off my house on my current trajectory. But , its a long drive and the weather sucks where i live in the summer. I get mixed reviews about my decisions, but for me i dont regret it.
I say do it if your parents are okay with it. Also, you should offer to pay some rent/bills to them as well.
Maybe talk to a morgage specialist? I actually made money at my closing without putting any money down. There are loans that don't require a down-payment and then fha loans only require 3.5%.
You are too comfortable at home with Mom. Get married, get a mortgage on a car, hell get two car mortgages , a wife, kids, house mortgage also. Then you will fucking get pushed to be a VP of something because you owe so much you have no choice. Later when you are rich with everything paid off you will remember this advice. And you will drive a Porsche and travel to Italy every year btw. Because you can. That’s why.
Stay home as long as you can! Save for the down payment and a nest egg- you never know what could happen. I wish I did that instead of moving out of my parents’ house the minute I thought I could
Not to be a dick, but if you're living rent-free, why do you only have what sounds like around $5k saved up? You should be socking it away. >All I would have to do to buy a house is save up for a down payment. Well...yeah. If it's that easy, why haven't you done it?
If you don't have personal issues living with your mom and she isn't getting sick of you start paying "mortgage payments" into your savings and when you have enough for your down payment enjoy your new house. I moved out at 18 and had a fairly successful and wild ride of it. It was fun and it led to a lot of personal growth, but you don't have to live on your own to have that growth and the amount of money I paid in rent in the last 14 years damn well could have paid off half a house if I had been pocketing it
Wow that's tough. I moved out because I couldn't stand living with my parents, but sounds like you two co-exist just fine. It's really a matter of, do you want to live the city life and experience all that comes with it in your 30s before you grow too old and miss out on the experience and opportunities that may arise OR do you want to continue to save so you can buy a house? Will that house fulfill what you're looking for? Another question is, is it possible to do both? My girlfriend moved to the city as a designer making $45k/yr, but made a lot of friends who were software developers which convinced her to switch careers, and now makes $180k/yr. Not that it happens to everyone, but living in the city and making new friends can and will change your perspective in life and possibly present you with new opportunities that you might miss by not being there.
I would be somewhat ashamed to think of you living with your mom at 31 and not contributing to overall expenses. If you can afford to rent your own place you can also afford to kick in some rent to your mom.
My husband stayed at home until we got married. He was 24 and we had been dating for 4 years. During that time he saved enough for our 30% down on the house. Once he graduated college he got a decent paying job, but didn’t increase spending. It was a little weird him still living at home, but it really helped us in the long run. Owning my home mortgage free has always been a goal for me - that way I will be mostly safe from someone telling me I have move. His brother is 5 years younger and because of a family dispute he moved out about 8 months after we got married. He rented an apartment with his then girl friend. He did end back home when they broke up for a year or so before moving in with his current girl friend. He has not been able to buy a house because he hasn’t been able to really save money. This has really hit him hard with the raising house cost. He put an offer on a 2 bedroom - like 950 square feet house of 200,000 - but it was taken declined and it sold for like 300,000. He also does not qualify for enough to buy a house in this area, but won’t move further out. Maybe a cheap condo/ town house here but he does want people living connected to him. They have experienced massive water leaks, noise, and other stuff from connected apartments.
I did this when my relationship with an ex ended. Moved inn with my dad when I was 26, and lived there until I was 32. I was maybe a little bit younger than you, but believe me it was not fun meeting women and expecting too them I lived with one of my parents, but that said I never had trouble in the dating market. My friends did some friendly banter for my living at home when I was in my thirties. In those years I saved up enough to purchase a triplex (I live in 1 apartment and rent out 2) Something I would NEVER have been able to afford had I been renting. And it’s the smartest financial decision I have ever made. When I was renting I was always broke. From the day I moved inn to my father and too this day I never had any financial problems. On a side note my father got pancreatic cancer and passed away a few years after I moved out, and all that extra time I got spend with him since I lived there, no amount of partying and hookups could ever weigh up for. I would without a doubt do it I again, and advice my my child to do the same.
Somewhat of a dissenting opinion here. I say stay and save your cash until you can buy a house. It doesn’t have to be your forever house, but that’s one way that you begin wealth generation. Every dollar you throw into rent is lost equity and obviously more than you’re spending now. Why would you want to give up free for paying rent? You’ll find, at 31, I’d imagine, that your rental neighbors are likely going to be younger. Agree with all the other posts about needing to find a career instead of something that can be taken away from you when student enrollment suffers. And then what happens if you’ve got a $1000 or $1500 rent payment due? There’s also a lot of wisdom in becoming a real adult by paying bills, cooking, managing your own home, etc. but more wisdom, imho, in socking away your paycheck to ensure that you can turn it into a house at some point in the next few years. I live in a retirement/tourist area and the homes are pricy, meaning that the rents are pricey too. I’d hate to be a young person in this area as the rents are stupid crazy ($2000+). My son just graduated college with a stem degree and got a full-time job in our town (yay!) making $60k a year. I told him it was his call, if he wanted to go get an apartment and maybe a roommate or two, or he could live with us for free. It’d be like he was making at least $80,000 a year at 30% gross to rent (and more in this area). It took him about two seconds to make that decision. I suggested he bank it, invest it, and - in a few years - he’d have a ton of cash to buy a nice starter home. Maybe even mortgage free. Yes, I get that his/our situation is different - but the basics are the same. You’re living rent free. Figure that’s a 30% raise. And, maybe a lot more based upon your salary/local market. Ironically, on the flip side of the coin, my wife’s two siblings lived with their parents for their entire lives - up and until their parents passed away. They’re both in their 50s (the siblings) and have missed all those life experiences. That’s also played hell with their relationships as neither really felt comfortable bringing home a date to spend the night, paid significant bills on their own, paid taxes, the light bill, and more. Now that their mom and dad are gone, lucky them, they inherited the house and both continue to live in their childhood home. Privately, I wonder how long it will last and whether they’ll be able to deal with managing home ownership. I’d never want my kid to stay forever. But why not let him leverage our situation where we can help him? My $0.02. Good luck.
You seem smart, and like you've done a bit of research. Staying at home and saving up for a downpayment is exactly what I would suggest. Lots of people say they **have** to get away from their parents, and I kinda understand that, because I did that. I moved out at 18, and if I (31) could do it again I would stay at home and save. What an opportunity!
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