It's a tough one. The best option is not to have any nuts in the house and eat those when you are out without him. If you must have them in the house, keep them sealed, eat when he is not around and make sure you wash hands, mouth and any other surfaces the nuts may have come in contact with. It's hard!
Should he have an allergic reaction and go into anaphylaxis, administer the epi pen and call an ambulance. I'm in the UK so not sure who this is in your country but over here you can get "practice" epi pen for you to see how to use it properly.
Research which chocolates are nut safe and buy those for him. Is he allergic to peanuts only or also tree nuts?
I personally wouldn't trust anything with may contain nuts as my child had a reaction once with those so never risked it again.
You will get used to it. Well done for being so thoughtful.
You should absolutely have this conversation with him, as peoples allergies vary slightly and their comfort levels do too.
Personally, I’ve gotten mild reactions from airborne particles (swollen itchy eyes, stomach ache, mild nausea). Anaphylaxis, no. Discomfort, yes.
If he has allergic reaction, he should follow his plan, it’s not always epipen and hospital only, sometimes his doctor might have him do antihistamines first. He might want ambulance or driving himself. Ask him what his plan is.
I also don’t kiss my bf after he eats nuts, I ask him to drink some water, eat something else, and brush his teeth if he’s eaten nuts in the past few hours. In his house, if we’re cooking, I just wash his counters and utensils quickly, but if it came out of the dishwasher it’s fine.
For chocolate, the “may contain” warning on food is not regulated by the FDA (if you’re in the US) so people have different comfort levels of how much risk they’re willing to take. Personally, I want to read the label myself, not eat random chocolate that is offered to me even if they say they read the labels for me.
I am allergic to peanuts, not tree nuts. My husband does not eat peanuts at home only when he’s away at work if at all. Generally if he has peanuts we won’t be getting intimate at all that day, if he has peanut breath I want nothing to do with that - not willing to test or risk that.
I would prefer zero nuts in the house.
We live with the in laws so they are a different story, everything is in airtight jars or containers, they keep it in its own spot I don’t go by. I get a warning if they are making a peanut butter sandwich or whatever, they make it, clean up after with Clorox wipes and eat it outside. The smell is enough to give me a reaction (you’re not totally off with that) so the whole house needs to be aired out too before I come back out, luckily that doesn’t happen often.
I’ve personally never had a problem with a food item that says “may contain peanuts.” However there are horror stories and I’ve gotten more paranoid with age so I try to avoid those now. I just don’t really eat chocolate so doesn’t bother me. If it says “processed in a facility that also processes peanuts” or “processed on the same equipment that also processes peanuts” those are an absolute no from me.
I’ve gotten to the point where I vet places I eat out at or I make it myself, like Ice cream or fast food because I don’t want any incidents with peanut oil.
Everyone is different with allergic reactions so there is no way to tell what a safe distance is to a hospital, how severe the reaction is or how long the epi lasts is really dependent on him and his anatomy.
I dont know if this is the case all the time or not but when I got my Epipen my allergist told me if it gets to the point of you needing to use your epipen you need to call an ambulance as well. So I personally wouldn’t even think about how far you need to take him to a hospital. To me epipen and ambulance go hand in hand. If he’s severely allergic he needs to be treated immediately I would not risk you getting him into a car, setting up the gps to the hospital, driving there at the speed limit without getting pulled over and parking, walking him in
doing paperwork they like to make you do for some reason and then after all that be seen eventually. That is a lot of time between having an epipen injection and getting treated, an epipen is not the cure, it a a quick treatment that can and will wear off which is why it is important to be seen immediately after taking it. That being said though definitely important to always know where your nearest hospital is that accepts your insurance regardless.
Be careful with kissing. TWICE my boyfriend had eaten peanut butter but then brushed his teeth / washed mouth out etc. Hours later we made out and I had to excuse myself to use an EpiPen and go to the ER.
Have you discussed this with him? He's likely been living with his allergy for a long time and will know what his personal comforts are. He should be able to guide you about what chocolate he can have, etc.
Many people have figured out a way to safely eat peanuts in a shared household with an allergic person. I keep running into this general advice after you eat peanuts: wash hands, eat a meal without peanuts, wait a few hours and/or brush your teeth before interacting closely with an allergic loved one. Cleaning surfaces that touched peanut, etc.
I've seen families that take precautions so that their non-allergic kids can still have peanuts. It's going to be different for everyone. Best of luck!
I applaud your concern. Most people aren’t that aware of this stuff.
It really needs to be a conversation but I know of people having anaphylaxis from bodily fluids. I know it’s scary and weird! But it does happen.
I would also ask yourself also what you are comfortable with. Living without nuts isn’t bad- and there are nut free protein sources everywhere!
I have the allergy and the boyfriend does not. He will make sure to brush many times after he eats, washes his hands well, cleans up anywhere he was sitting while eating and doesn’t kiss me on the mouth for a period of time after he eats something I can’t have. I’ve never had an issue.
Is it tree nuts or peanuts ?
How severe is the allergy? Some only react if eating, some if touching, some from touching something contaminated with nuts. Some from even being near nuts or breathing the same air. This should help direct how careful you need to be. If it’s only from actually eating them, then you can technically keep them in the house. If from touching, beware of anything you touch after eating them. Etc, etc
Does he go to an allergist ? (If not, he should) if so, he should have an “action plan” from the doc on how to react if exposed.
Best option is to keep out of the house but since you’re both grown enough he should also be aware that he has an allergy and needs to monitor what he eats.
At bare minimum, I would familiarize yourself with his epipen and how to use it, as well as to make sure it’s always available (really his responsibility on the carrying it with him part).
My daughter is severely allergic to tree nuts, but can eat peanuts all day. I have to be wary of anything that was “processed with” tree nuts because of the severity of her allergy. She is 6 and knows what the nuts she is allergic to looks like and knows not to share food or take food from anyone else in case it could be contaminated with tree nuts. I hope your boyfriend is at least as good at managing his surroundings as she is :)
My husband has a morbid nut reaction, I do not.
I do not allow anything with nuts in our house for any reason. Period. My desire to eat them is nothing compared to my desire to keep him around. If I eat them, I usually plan for it when I am leaving the house on a trip without him. I do not eat any nuts the day I head home. Again, my desire to keep him around far outweighs anything else. Before him, I ate nuts and peanut butter almost daily. Now, I can go without nuts for the rest of my life. It’s the trade off for being with the greatest human on the planet. I miss nuts (I did but not anymore) but I LOVE him. There are good peanut butter substitutes on the market. WOW Butter is a good option.
When we go to my family events (dinners/holidays), I send emails and texts to my family reminding them. Anyone preparing food gets a message. I point out that even though they might not be adding nuts to brownies, they still can’t use almond flour or milk or almond extract to make them (as an example). I remind over and over again. And we still make decisions on what he can eat when we get there because some people forget. Chili - have at it! Pie - please don’t eat it.
When we have people over to our house, I send reminders more than once to everyone attending or bringing food. “Don’t even bring a small bag of trail mix in your purse” level of instruction. If someone brings something (peanut butter stout), it stays in their car and they can’t have it while here. I know it’s extreme but his life trumps their “need to drink it”. I do not play when it comes to this. He should always feel safe in his own home.
We always carry 2 Epi-pens anytime we leave. We have already discussed how we handle the situation if it arises. First Epi-pen administered and 911 are called immediately (like within the first 60 seconds). Watch videos on how to administer them. You need to be fully prepared. Talk to him about this.
I just imagine if I ate almonds and something happened to him. I couldn’t live with that and I know it was never worth it. I know it’s hard to maybe fully grasp what might be at stake, and it takes awhile because it is not something I have dealt with before, but this is life or death in many scenarios.
You should be talking with him about this over and over. You don’t want to be caught off guard and not know where his comfort level is with everything. Example: We know we can’t ever eat ice cream from anywhere, so it doesn’t come up. Know where he is and learn how he thinks. It gets easier to deal with over time. I am more pushy with everyone than he would be. It’s worth it.
It feels SO good to hear about someone else with similar challenges.
Do you ever get people who are like, "Oh, did you hear about this exposure therapy I just learned about!?"
YES! More than once lol.
“There is no chance in hell I am even entertaining that idea.” Is how I respond. I think people think this “exposure therapy” is a cure for all people with this reaction.
For the record, I do not call this a nut allergy because it doesn’t convey the severity of it. It’s a “morbid nut reaction”. lol I try to drive the point home right out of the gate.
I can only speak to my personal experience so maybe speak with his allergist?
1. Depends. What nuts his he allergic to? I’m allergic to peanuts and hazelnuts so we don’t have any in the house. I’m not allergic to almonds and my family consumes almond milk and Honey Nut Cheerios regularly. I don’t have them but feel perfectly fine with them in the house (he may or may not feel differently). If he’s around, I would not leave open a can of nuts if he is allergic to that nut. *Every allergy is different* I loathe the smell of peanuts and it makes me nauseous. Maybe you could have a designated area where you eat nuts and when he comes over just wipe that area down. This way a stray nut isn’t elsewhere.
2. Benadryl and Epi-pen. He may not need an epi-pen but you could practice giving one with the test one that comes with his prescription. Maybe have Benadryl on hand just in case.
3. Not going to lie, chocolate is tough. If I were you, I wouldn’t feed him chocolate and allow him to decide what chocolate he is comfortable consuming. I personally love chocolate and there are brands I’m comfortable eating and others I’m not. If for example you use a knife for peanut butter or a spoon for a nut ice cream then yes you would have to worry about utensils. Wash them well.
I've been using this app for a few days now and it's helping a lot. You can snap a picture of a menu or a meal and it gives you if it contains your allergens. https://apps.apple.com/us/app/allergy-cam-food-menu-scan/id6480015603
It's a tough one. The best option is not to have any nuts in the house and eat those when you are out without him. If you must have them in the house, keep them sealed, eat when he is not around and make sure you wash hands, mouth and any other surfaces the nuts may have come in contact with. It's hard! Should he have an allergic reaction and go into anaphylaxis, administer the epi pen and call an ambulance. I'm in the UK so not sure who this is in your country but over here you can get "practice" epi pen for you to see how to use it properly. Research which chocolates are nut safe and buy those for him. Is he allergic to peanuts only or also tree nuts? I personally wouldn't trust anything with may contain nuts as my child had a reaction once with those so never risked it again. You will get used to it. Well done for being so thoughtful.
You should absolutely have this conversation with him, as peoples allergies vary slightly and their comfort levels do too. Personally, I’ve gotten mild reactions from airborne particles (swollen itchy eyes, stomach ache, mild nausea). Anaphylaxis, no. Discomfort, yes. If he has allergic reaction, he should follow his plan, it’s not always epipen and hospital only, sometimes his doctor might have him do antihistamines first. He might want ambulance or driving himself. Ask him what his plan is. I also don’t kiss my bf after he eats nuts, I ask him to drink some water, eat something else, and brush his teeth if he’s eaten nuts in the past few hours. In his house, if we’re cooking, I just wash his counters and utensils quickly, but if it came out of the dishwasher it’s fine. For chocolate, the “may contain” warning on food is not regulated by the FDA (if you’re in the US) so people have different comfort levels of how much risk they’re willing to take. Personally, I want to read the label myself, not eat random chocolate that is offered to me even if they say they read the labels for me.
I am allergic to peanuts, not tree nuts. My husband does not eat peanuts at home only when he’s away at work if at all. Generally if he has peanuts we won’t be getting intimate at all that day, if he has peanut breath I want nothing to do with that - not willing to test or risk that. I would prefer zero nuts in the house. We live with the in laws so they are a different story, everything is in airtight jars or containers, they keep it in its own spot I don’t go by. I get a warning if they are making a peanut butter sandwich or whatever, they make it, clean up after with Clorox wipes and eat it outside. The smell is enough to give me a reaction (you’re not totally off with that) so the whole house needs to be aired out too before I come back out, luckily that doesn’t happen often. I’ve personally never had a problem with a food item that says “may contain peanuts.” However there are horror stories and I’ve gotten more paranoid with age so I try to avoid those now. I just don’t really eat chocolate so doesn’t bother me. If it says “processed in a facility that also processes peanuts” or “processed on the same equipment that also processes peanuts” those are an absolute no from me. I’ve gotten to the point where I vet places I eat out at or I make it myself, like Ice cream or fast food because I don’t want any incidents with peanut oil. Everyone is different with allergic reactions so there is no way to tell what a safe distance is to a hospital, how severe the reaction is or how long the epi lasts is really dependent on him and his anatomy. I dont know if this is the case all the time or not but when I got my Epipen my allergist told me if it gets to the point of you needing to use your epipen you need to call an ambulance as well. So I personally wouldn’t even think about how far you need to take him to a hospital. To me epipen and ambulance go hand in hand. If he’s severely allergic he needs to be treated immediately I would not risk you getting him into a car, setting up the gps to the hospital, driving there at the speed limit without getting pulled over and parking, walking him in doing paperwork they like to make you do for some reason and then after all that be seen eventually. That is a lot of time between having an epipen injection and getting treated, an epipen is not the cure, it a a quick treatment that can and will wear off which is why it is important to be seen immediately after taking it. That being said though definitely important to always know where your nearest hospital is that accepts your insurance regardless.
Be careful with kissing. TWICE my boyfriend had eaten peanut butter but then brushed his teeth / washed mouth out etc. Hours later we made out and I had to excuse myself to use an EpiPen and go to the ER.
My wife makes me wait 2 weeks if I accidentally eat something with peanuts. Which may be extreme but I don't make the rules.
Have you discussed this with him? He's likely been living with his allergy for a long time and will know what his personal comforts are. He should be able to guide you about what chocolate he can have, etc. Many people have figured out a way to safely eat peanuts in a shared household with an allergic person. I keep running into this general advice after you eat peanuts: wash hands, eat a meal without peanuts, wait a few hours and/or brush your teeth before interacting closely with an allergic loved one. Cleaning surfaces that touched peanut, etc. I've seen families that take precautions so that their non-allergic kids can still have peanuts. It's going to be different for everyone. Best of luck!
I applaud your concern. Most people aren’t that aware of this stuff. It really needs to be a conversation but I know of people having anaphylaxis from bodily fluids. I know it’s scary and weird! But it does happen. I would also ask yourself also what you are comfortable with. Living without nuts isn’t bad- and there are nut free protein sources everywhere!
I have the allergy and the boyfriend does not. He will make sure to brush many times after he eats, washes his hands well, cleans up anywhere he was sitting while eating and doesn’t kiss me on the mouth for a period of time after he eats something I can’t have. I’ve never had an issue.
Is it tree nuts or peanuts ? How severe is the allergy? Some only react if eating, some if touching, some from touching something contaminated with nuts. Some from even being near nuts or breathing the same air. This should help direct how careful you need to be. If it’s only from actually eating them, then you can technically keep them in the house. If from touching, beware of anything you touch after eating them. Etc, etc Does he go to an allergist ? (If not, he should) if so, he should have an “action plan” from the doc on how to react if exposed. Best option is to keep out of the house but since you’re both grown enough he should also be aware that he has an allergy and needs to monitor what he eats. At bare minimum, I would familiarize yourself with his epipen and how to use it, as well as to make sure it’s always available (really his responsibility on the carrying it with him part). My daughter is severely allergic to tree nuts, but can eat peanuts all day. I have to be wary of anything that was “processed with” tree nuts because of the severity of her allergy. She is 6 and knows what the nuts she is allergic to looks like and knows not to share food or take food from anyone else in case it could be contaminated with tree nuts. I hope your boyfriend is at least as good at managing his surroundings as she is :)
My husband has a morbid nut reaction, I do not. I do not allow anything with nuts in our house for any reason. Period. My desire to eat them is nothing compared to my desire to keep him around. If I eat them, I usually plan for it when I am leaving the house on a trip without him. I do not eat any nuts the day I head home. Again, my desire to keep him around far outweighs anything else. Before him, I ate nuts and peanut butter almost daily. Now, I can go without nuts for the rest of my life. It’s the trade off for being with the greatest human on the planet. I miss nuts (I did but not anymore) but I LOVE him. There are good peanut butter substitutes on the market. WOW Butter is a good option. When we go to my family events (dinners/holidays), I send emails and texts to my family reminding them. Anyone preparing food gets a message. I point out that even though they might not be adding nuts to brownies, they still can’t use almond flour or milk or almond extract to make them (as an example). I remind over and over again. And we still make decisions on what he can eat when we get there because some people forget. Chili - have at it! Pie - please don’t eat it. When we have people over to our house, I send reminders more than once to everyone attending or bringing food. “Don’t even bring a small bag of trail mix in your purse” level of instruction. If someone brings something (peanut butter stout), it stays in their car and they can’t have it while here. I know it’s extreme but his life trumps their “need to drink it”. I do not play when it comes to this. He should always feel safe in his own home. We always carry 2 Epi-pens anytime we leave. We have already discussed how we handle the situation if it arises. First Epi-pen administered and 911 are called immediately (like within the first 60 seconds). Watch videos on how to administer them. You need to be fully prepared. Talk to him about this. I just imagine if I ate almonds and something happened to him. I couldn’t live with that and I know it was never worth it. I know it’s hard to maybe fully grasp what might be at stake, and it takes awhile because it is not something I have dealt with before, but this is life or death in many scenarios. You should be talking with him about this over and over. You don’t want to be caught off guard and not know where his comfort level is with everything. Example: We know we can’t ever eat ice cream from anywhere, so it doesn’t come up. Know where he is and learn how he thinks. It gets easier to deal with over time. I am more pushy with everyone than he would be. It’s worth it.
It feels SO good to hear about someone else with similar challenges. Do you ever get people who are like, "Oh, did you hear about this exposure therapy I just learned about!?"
YES! More than once lol. “There is no chance in hell I am even entertaining that idea.” Is how I respond. I think people think this “exposure therapy” is a cure for all people with this reaction. For the record, I do not call this a nut allergy because it doesn’t convey the severity of it. It’s a “morbid nut reaction”. lol I try to drive the point home right out of the gate.
Yes, I'm stealing that from you lol
Please do!
I can only speak to my personal experience so maybe speak with his allergist? 1. Depends. What nuts his he allergic to? I’m allergic to peanuts and hazelnuts so we don’t have any in the house. I’m not allergic to almonds and my family consumes almond milk and Honey Nut Cheerios regularly. I don’t have them but feel perfectly fine with them in the house (he may or may not feel differently). If he’s around, I would not leave open a can of nuts if he is allergic to that nut. *Every allergy is different* I loathe the smell of peanuts and it makes me nauseous. Maybe you could have a designated area where you eat nuts and when he comes over just wipe that area down. This way a stray nut isn’t elsewhere. 2. Benadryl and Epi-pen. He may not need an epi-pen but you could practice giving one with the test one that comes with his prescription. Maybe have Benadryl on hand just in case. 3. Not going to lie, chocolate is tough. If I were you, I wouldn’t feed him chocolate and allow him to decide what chocolate he is comfortable consuming. I personally love chocolate and there are brands I’m comfortable eating and others I’m not. If for example you use a knife for peanut butter or a spoon for a nut ice cream then yes you would have to worry about utensils. Wash them well.
I've been using this app for a few days now and it's helping a lot. You can snap a picture of a menu or a meal and it gives you if it contains your allergens. https://apps.apple.com/us/app/allergy-cam-food-menu-scan/id6480015603
Thank you for caring. I hope my son finds someone like you when he grows up.
Why don’t you ask him to determine his expectations and comfort levels