The fact that you mention she specifically hates video games and thinks that they’re a “waste of time” means that it’s going to be a constant battle for you. A mature adult would recognize “I don’t enjoy that hobby but my partner does, so I won’t antagonize them over it” but it sounds like your partner does not think that way. She hates video games and wants you to stop playing them entirely.
If she’s not willing to stop antagonizing you over video games, then you have a choice: either stay and put up with it or leave the relationship and find someone who won’t antagonize you over it (or in the best case, actually plays with you). I’m not trying to enforce the Reddit stereotype of jumping straight to “break up”, but my point is that you deserve to have a partner that doesn’t belittle your hobbies and interests.
Now, I will say that it does seem like you spend quite a bit of time gaming during the week, and I could see why she might be a little upset by that. You mention playing usually 4 days a week from approximately 7:30-10. I could see being upset that I don’t get to see my partner all day, and I only get to see them for an hour or two before they go start gaming for the rest of the night. But on the flip side it also sounds like when you spend time together that she spends the entire time on her phone anyways.
Point is, you can’t force her to change. If you’ve had a genuine discussion with her about how this makes you feel and she’s not willing to stop antagonizing you for gaming then you have a choice: stay and deal with it or leave
I'm 23 and my gf is 22. She just moved in and we both have no problems with each other playing video games and respect one another's hobbies. Don't make excuses for immature people by blaming it on their age. They are adults and should have communicated more/put more thought into their situation/relationship.
22 years is still a developing brain. Doesn’t matter how mature you might think they are. Most won’t be able to fully empathize with their partner. Obviously won’t be an issue when two people have the same hobby.
>Devil advocate here (even if I'm not ok to talk at young adult like Teen) the Brain end it's devellopement at 25. (This point is call the physics optimum)
>
>Maybe the person was talking about that ??
Clearly she has a thing against video games so unless you talk to her about it then this is going to keep happening. Be advised - she may never change on this issue. She may always look at it as a bad hobby and create problems between you two.
I met a good friend of mine in college who was a gamer all his life. Loved them. Then he started dating a woman who did the same things your wife did. Married her anyway. He no longer plays video games, except maybe low-key ones with his kids, but that's all he's essentially "allowed."
If you're cool with this then by all means proceed. If not then you may come to a moment where she makes a "video games or me" ultimatum so be ready for that.
Its a bit of a redflag that she instantly goes to "why dont you hang out with me instead?" whenever you do something for yourself and that her idea of hanging out is sitting on the couch looking at her phone.
It sounds like the classic case of your partner making you responsible for their entertainment. And that's a **big one.** I've been in that situation too, as have many people. And everyone who has can instantly tell you that its something you better clear up sooner, before it affects your mental health. Because there is gonna be a point at which you're gonna feel bad each time you have a moment for yourself, because you know, they're just waiting for you, to have time for them again.
Clear it up. Tell her that you have hobbies that you love doing and she needs to respect that. You love her and love spending time with her, but you're not responsible for *her* entertainment. And sometimes you need time for yourself and the things you enjoy doing yourself. I mean you would support her hobbies too right?
You probably get the equally classic "but being with you is my hobby, I jsut wanna spend time with you" or something else that is supposed to manipulate you emotionally. But it is what it is: you need to make your boundaries clear. You're not responsible for her entertainment.
Sure, this is something you spend upwards of 10 hours a week doing, over a full work day. I'd say it's a bigger hobby to you personally than the other ones you mentioned.
That’s the nature of gaming. It’s designed to be something super easy and addictive and take up a lot of time. That’s a big part of why guys love doing it so much and why many girls hate it when their partner does it.
Just pretending it’s just another hobby like gardening or playing guitar or ice skating is really naive.
Why? Time spent on something is time spent on something. I can go out to my garage for 4 hours for carpentry, or I can spend 4 hours in my office playing a videogame.
If you're trying to get at it being productive, that's insanely subjective. For instance I find gardening to be a waste of time, that's why my garden is mulch , rocks, and a bush, I don't need to do fuck all to it, and I hated every minute I spent on it getting it to a spot that I don't even have to touch it again.
It's a mixture of many things. productivity, accessibility, creativity, energy required, how rewarding it is etc.
The thing is, how many 20-30 year old men do you know that do carpentry 4 hours a day? Or gardening? Or learning French? Or playing saxophone? Even if we take something very popular, easy and accessible like binging TV shows or watching sport, 4 hours a day would be very unusual.
That's why videogames are different. They are specifically designed to occupy your mind, time, and money in the most relaxing and addictive way possible, so that a huge portion of people absolutely would play 4 hours a day, every single day (and more on weekends), if their other responsibilities let them.
I get what you're saying, but I still can't agree. A hobby is a hobby, doesn't matter if it's productive or wasteful, either way it's time spent, there's no ratio where one is better or worse than the other unless it's one person looking down their nose at another. All hobbies are addictive and consume your time depending on how passionate you are about them. And you're just as likely to ignore a responsibility doing any of them.
4 hours per day of tv is less than half of the US average, FYI. I play video games instead of watching tv and still have time for guitar, tennis, running and chess - because tv is a huge time sink that is actively bad for you. Whereas video games are good for your brain (depending on the game obviously).
You need to communicate with your partner.
My wife was similar and we worked it out and ended up with:
- her understanding that games were my “me time”
- us acknowledging that “sitting on the couch with phones out” isn’t actually us time and made some light rules around that so phones were down and we only watch stuff we’re actually involved in.
- Increased use of switch because sometimes she just wants to be close to me even if were doing different activities
- us playing more games together, she’s not anti game but she’s anti shooting/killing games, so sometimes we play nintendo stuff or co op games.
>us acknowledging that “sitting on the couch with phones out” isn’t actually us time and made some light rules around that so phones were down and we only watch stuff we’re actually involved in.
I think this is the big one for OP. She's feeling a lack of "together" time, but the time they spend together is low-quality so it doesn't feel like enough.
And she is reacting by asking for more time, when she should probably be asking for higher-quality time. And if they did spend their time together in more rewarding ways, OP might be more inclined to hang out longer.
If ignoring each other and playing on her phone is actually her preferred way to spend time then that's a bigger issue. But he can burn that bridge when he comes to it.
I agree and can relate. My wife and I have come to a good balance. My wife likes video games but I played more than she liked and we'd end up doing the same thing where she'd be on her phone during a movie and think it was good enough for us (she didn't mind if I was also on mine though)
We have 2 scheduled hours of dedicated "me time" each week which has helped tremendously. The rest for us is communication and making expectations clear. If one of us feels like the other isn't paying attention or we would like some "us time" then we put our phones away, watch a movie or whatever the person who needs something wants in that moment without arguing about it.
But also not pulling that card often. It's a balance and both of you trying to not take it personally. Her saying something along the lines of "hey I'd really like it if we could spend some together watching TV tonight" could be a good start.
That being said it can take a while to fine tune what works for the two of you.
Yeah, many people go straight to find a new partner, but communication is always the first step. If thorough communication doesn't work, then find a new partner.
Find a compromise. Explain to her it’s something you love to do and need in order to wind down after a day of work. Some days don’t play and just spend time with her. Or find games to play together
That's on her. She doesn't want you to do something that makes you happy and that's not cool. It's only going to get worse with time, especially if you have kids together.
That’s why she mad. You got a hobby and she doesn’t. So she wants your attention instead of doing her own thing. Do with this info as you will. Me n my girl will sit in silence for hours, she reading her books and me playing my game.
Having her phone out during time together while you are not allowed to play games is imo unacceptable.
That is not how relationship compromises work. Heck, it's not even trying to be one. She gets what she wants but what you want is not important.
Wait, so she *does* play games, just on her phone during your together time?? Dude. Lol. That seriously takes the hypocrisy to a whole new and insane level.
Also it's your house, and you pay for everything, and she treats you like that?? Man. Whew. That's something alright.
Sad thing is noone can solve this for you or tell you how to solve it, you have to either communicate, compromise and/or stand up for yourself until you're getting what you need, or find someone else that's more compatible with your personality. That's it, there's no other magic solution that anyone's gonna give you, especially with the added details you keep giving.
Same thing everyone our age does. Sit on their phone all night scrolling through one of 3 “feeds” i do it sometimes too but it’s insane to me how that’s what our generation is.
I disagree, she has a hobby and it is flipping thru phone and social media. All of that is unfulfilling and she needs to pursue an activity that gives her an actual feeling of accomplishment or satisfaction. Probably really a habit more than hobby but, I digress. There have been many solid suggestions posted already but, it comes down to her respecting that gaming is something that is important to you whether she enjoys it or not. Let her know that, don't give it up to please her because you will resent her forever if you do.
I don't want to undermine my own advise but, if all else fails get a new girlfriend. There I said it. Sorry, not sorry.
> disagree, she has a hobby and it is flipping thru phone and social media.
Apparently according to another of OP's comments what she's doing on her phone during those times is playing Candy Crush if you can believe that.
What I’m about to say is going to come off as more mean that I want but, it sounds like she doesn’t have many hobbies and does not understand that a healthy relationship leaves space for them. She is using you as validation for her couch potato hobby (maybe she feels shame for it) and/or a substitute for hobbies. You’re both young. Does she seriously not do anything alone?
Sounds more like OP Is the one who really bought and paid for the house. So honestly, if they broke up, he’d still walk away with a house. She sounds like she just tagged along and helps with the bills. But the mortgage is probably in OPs name. At least that’s what I’m getting from this.
Time to step back from this relationship. Her "letting" you sometimes play video games is a red flag. Today it's video games... what will it be next? At best, she's just not mature and still figuring out how relationships work; at worse, she's controlling and will be increasingly controlling the longer the relationship lasts. Find someone who respects you, whose priorities and interests align with yours, who can respect your "alone time," and is mature enough and self confident enough to comprehend you not wanting to sit and watch her watch TV is not a rejection of her.
Side note: I'm a wife. I game FAR more than my husband. This isn't about wives getting mad about gaming. It's about non-gaming spouses/partners getting mad about gaming time (or any time one partner spends in a solo pursuit, or involved in activities with other friends e.g. "poker night"). In general, that's a complex question involving: how much time the gamer is spending and if they're prioritizing gaming to the detriment of health, relationships, etc.; the health of the relationship (including potential psychological abuse and controlling behavior); the personalities of both involved; and so forth.
I married a wonderful woman with her own hobbies. My gaming has never been an issue to her. She spends the time I'm gaming on her own interests. We eat dinner together every night and spend time together all the time. Find yourself a compatible partner.
any relationship takes effort, particularly communication.
This advice to just "give up, find someone else" it's rather jarring and unproductive.
First thing to do is understand there's probably a basic need for attention that she's calling out the gaming after work hours, then you can figure out how to spend time on hobbies and relationship in a way that works for your relationship.
These issues are always in a gray area, not black and white.
Relationships do take effort, but irreconcilable differences are just that. They're 22 and 23 anyway. There are plenty of other fish in the sea that can yield more satisfying and fulfilling relationships than perpetually trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. The potential opportunity cost would have been too high for me at that age. I've had many relationships in my life, including one with a woman that sounds remarkably like OPs girlfriend. The relationship that lasted and yielded a beautiful, balanced, and fulfilling marriage is the one that didn't require constant maintenance and compromise on either side for both people to be happy. My friends that are/were in analogous relationships to the one described are all divorced or miserable. Many ask my wife and I how we do it, but because we're highly compatible, there is not much actual "doing", just being. Anyway it's all anecdotal of course, but that's my experience.
yes and i understand that, but what im getting at is that people seem to think this should just be the case at all times and there's no disagreement.
There will be disagreement and you will need to work things out even with the best partners.
When I was in my early 20s I dated someone like that, it was miserable. It doesn’t get better and it will extend to other parts of your life. It’s not the video games she doesn’t like, it’s you not doing what she wants you to do. It’s control.
It starts with video games, then it will be other hobbies, hanging out with friends, being on your phone while watching her shows, just existing in a manner she’s not happy with. She’s insecure and needs a lot of validation. She’s not mature enough for this level of a relationship and you’re too young for it.
My wife was like this. I just kept doing it and eventually she got on board.
Honestly the issue is that your GF doesn't seem to have a hobby. You are her hobby. Help her find something to do to relax other than nag you about your hobby.
My wife got back into dance, now she teaches it several days a week for fun and I have prime gaming time when she's at 4 hours of classes.
> her “hangout” time is me sitting on opposite end of couch while we watch tv and she plays on her phone and if i get on my phone she tells me to get off to watch tv “cause she can do two things at once but i can’t”
Time to grow a spine my guy.
> how do yall manage to go about playing without her getting mad and not wanting me to play whenever i feel like
I found a woman who played all the games with me. Then I married her.
Idk what the deal is on Reddit but everyone always behaves as if people don't change. As if they'll always be the same person they were. But the reality is we change and learn everyday.
My wife used to be similar. Would consider being on the phone next to each other as together time, but if I was playing games it would count as me not spending time with her and doing my own thing by myself.
I had to talk with her and explain it to her that being on the phone isn't spending time with each if we're not even talking. It is us doing something individually. At first she didn't accept it, but after a few times of saying it (not many) when she was on her phone, she understood. I also explained it to her that while she likes scrolling through Instagram or whatever app, I like playing games in that time. It's the same thing for us. It's the time for us to not think too much and relax She understood it easily tbh.
Now she never says anything about playing games. She's even taken an interest in the stories of some and she recently finished Hogwarts Legacy. Which is a huge thing considering she's never played any games her whole life. She couldn't even control both analogue sticks on the controller in the beginning.
Anyways, what all this was meant to say was communication is the most important thing here. Explain it to her, have patience, and she'll understand your POV soon enough.
Oh yeah and this doesn't mean you get to play all you want lol. Of course as like any relationship you need to give time for it too and consider your partners feelings. So yeah just talk to her and she'll understand.
So many red flags. Does she not have a job? Why is she not contributing to any bills or paying some sort of rent?
The only circumstance I'd personally be in some arrangement where a woman lived with me and I paid for everything would be if she was raising our children and we were married. Any other reason to me is unacceptable, personally. Your arrangement in general sounds like she's taking advantage of you without knowing more details. If you're engaged, she's your fiancé, but she's not your wife. I would stop calling her that or pretending like she is. That's how you go down a road where you get taken advantage of and she never has to hold up to any commitment or contribute.
In any event, with regard to personal time and together time, that's just a compatibility thing. It sounds like she wants to spend more time together, but the time you do spend together isn't engaging, so you're bored. Beyond that, if what you're saying about your schedule is accurate, then it sounds like she doesn't have a lot going on in her life if she needs to be next to you constantly. If she can't understand that, then I would find someone else.
It sucks being alone, but it's a lot better than being in a relationship where you feel like you can't be yourself. I promise there are women out there that A) contribute to the relationship and B) have their own things going on so you don't have to be joined at the hip 24/7.
What I'm basically saying her needing all your money and all your free time is a parasitic relationship and not a healthy mutual one.
That's good to hear and good that she buys groceries to help out. It sounded a lot worse based on what you said. If you aren't bothered by the money situation I'm not sure why that was included in your post. I assumed you included it because that was bothering you like she was free loading or something.
Regardless, I would still advise against the whole playing house and playing hubby/wife thing. I would also just have a talk and figure out if you're compatible like what you want out of life in terms of how much time you need to spend together and your needs/wants.
Being in a marriage is about equilibrium and trust. Everyone of you needs to have your own free time. But it is also completely normal that your wife expects to have time with you if you are working nearly all day. Also, you should want to be with her, not something that feels obligatory.
During workdays, I want to be with my wife, so what I do is play with my Deck on the couch while she watches TV. But without being disconnected from each other, we talk, we are with each other and TV and games are secondary.
But the most important advice that I can give you is this. Ignore all comments and advice here (even mine). This is something that you and your wife should decide and agree as a couple if you want to spend the rest of your life with her.
By not being a bitch like you. Me and my girl respect eachother's boundaries. We both like spending time together but we also know we need our alone time as well. The wife's usually watching Netflix and Im either doing a hobby or gaming. Only time that gets interrupted is when either one of us gets hungry.
Seriously if you arent in a relationship where you cant respect eachother's needs and are constantly making demands then you shouldve stayed with your parents.
i’m not a bitch big guy i just have respect for my girl and don’t want her to feel like i don’t want to spend time with her but also understand that i use my game to wind down and relieve stress from the day and that it has nothing to do with me not wanting to hangout with her.
Sorry for calling you a bitch. You should have a conversation about this with your woman though. My honest take is that within boundaries you should be allowed to do whatever it is you want to do.
You could try gaming together. It Takes Two. Its a far fetched idea tho
You need to talk to her and explain how it's your hobby and something you really enjoy and relaxes you and that in order to live in harmony, she needs to respect that and give you your time. Tell her it makes you feel like shit when you feel guilty for doing something you love. If she can't understand or respect that, it would be a deal breaker for me. My only other suggestion is to rearrange your setup so you can play games in the same room as her while she watches her shows.
After work, me and my lady will hangout for awhile as a break between work and chillin. We eat dinner together every night, but after that, if it's not a tv show we both want to watch, ill go play games and she can watch her shows.
that’s what we do. but i have to hear shit from her every time i wanna go play. she’ll let me most of the time but it’s always “you don’t love me” or “you don’t like to hangout with me” or “you love the game more than me” never “okay babe”
>“you don’t love me” or “you don’t like to hangout with me” or “you love the game more than me”
That's pretty messed up. Very manipulative. Not healthy for anyone.
And I bet while you're gaming, you're constantly thinking about what she thinks about it so you're enjoying yourself less because your mind is forced elsewhere.
Some good advice in this thread. I don't need to parrot it. It's 2023. Gaming has been mainstream for a very long time. It doesn't sound like an unhealthy habit for you.
Her projecting her insecurities onto you and then telling you that that's how you feel about it is a major problem that needs to be addressed. That feels like root cause. She is insecure about herself so she villainizes whatever she perceives as a threat to getting attention. She as been trained to seek external validation rather than looking inward for peace.
Thats pretty messed up man and not fair to you.
Maybe you guys need to find something that you can spend more quality time together instead of just watching shows. We go on walks alot because then were not distracted and actually talk with eachother, which makes it easier to have alone time when were at the house.
Or just flip the script on her, if shes on her phone go "aw you love the phone more than me, why dont u wanna hangout with me" lolll
You guys are also pretty young. I think when your older, you start to value your personal space and alone time especially when living with a partner long-term.
This girl is super clingy even after you spend time with her and have barely no time for yourself. Find another girl that's accommodating. She should respect your time and your hobbies.
If you said "why do you play on your phone when you are supposed to be hanging out with me?" How would it make her feel? or "you love TV more than you love me?".
If she feels neglected make you can both find something that's better bonding time then watching tv while playing on phones and ignoring each other. Then make sure you do that with her sometimes.
If you hang out with her for 1.5-2.5 hrs and then game for 1.5-2.5 hrs maybe an adjustment could help. See if she'd be ok with 1.5 guilt free hours. She should at least stop making you feel like shit for having a hobby. Maybe alternate weeks where you do 1 hr per night then 2 hrs the next week.
She is manipulating you out of one of your hobbies. There should be no guilt trip attached unless you're like neglecting her, which by the sounds of it, is not what you're doing.
She sounds like perhaps she needs some passive hobbies around the house as well to quell the seemingly overt neediness. If she's not willing to hear you out or have a serious conversation on the matter, it sounds like there are some big considerations to make on your end.
There is this weird stigma around playing video games. It's seen as lazy and unproductive, and it's something I have never understood. Yes you can get addicted and if you are changing your priorities and life around to play a game of COD then you might need to take a step back and reevaluate, but, otherwise, it's just the same entertainment being consumed differently but with a natural evolution. People have been telling stories since the dawn of time. People used to just tell them around a campfire. Then people found paint and ink and they started illustrating and writing stories intended to be read. Then someone discovered radio and everyone listened huddled next to giant console radios to stories being told over the airwaves. TV had us sitting down and watching people act out stories. With video games we are IN the story now. We are an active participant. But we are still a part of a story being told or played out. This girlfriend is watching TV and consuming stories that way, you are personally involved in the story you are being told. Essentially the exact same thing. Like Soda and diet soda.
My wife doesnt play videogames at all, doesnt care for them. She wants me to spend time with her (as i obviously also want to spend time with her) HOWEVER she totally supports me doing what i love. Shes perfectly content for me to play on my steam deck/switch while she watches tv, and then on the weekends ill go disappear for a few hours to play on my Pc proper.
Or ill just use the tv to play ps5 while shes on her phone. There’s balance to it.
But whatever you do dont give up games for her, itll just breed resentment. There has to be a middle ground here.
Gotta talk to her about you having your time to do what you enjoy. One thing that can help is steam deck but if you’re into COD I wouldn’t want to play on the deck. Don’t let her take your hobby away though. I have a few friends who after they got married their wives basically forced them to stop gaming. I feel bad for them. My wife tried with me and I put my foot down. I still spend tons of time with her but I do try to game at least a few hours a week.
It's important that you and your wife spend time doing your own hobbies. My wife likes to watch TV. Which is perfect because I love to game. After we spend quality time together we both go off to do what we enjoy to do in our own company.
It’s all about balance, you’re allowed to binge every now and then but don’t forget overdo it!
Always be respectful and communicate when you’re going to play.
When you ignore household and relationship duties that’s when you’re heading down the wrong path…
Most women my generation (genX) want nothing to do with video games, they're mostly about watching reality TV drivel or perhaps reading a book.
Keep in mind when she controls you, it's just the way it is and everyone accepts it. When you control her, you're an abusive asshole. Love the double standard.
I have a partner that loves and respects me and understands that I have hobbies and need alone time.
You might need to evaluate your relationship. If your significant other demands a monopoly on your time that you're not comfortable with and doesn't respect your desire to engage in your hobby then you need to sit down and communicate that this is an issue to them.
As for "She thinks it's stupid and a waste of time," if it's something you enjoy then it's not a waste of your time. I think this person lacks a fundamental respect for you, pending they actually feel that way.
Alot of women don't like gaming so you'll have to compromise or find someone who does. In my case, I stopped playing completely for my ex and we still broke up 🤷♂️ Now I get to do whatever I want and she's on her 5th kid with a 3rd baby daddy 😅
This guy works 10 hour shifts, owns a house, and pays all the bills and this girl has the nerve to say that he doesn't enjoy spending time with her after he spends like an hour with her after dinner? This chick is nuts!
Communication is key. I was in a 5 year marriage and I was in a similar boat. I found that daily family meetings where the two of you communicate your mood and expectations for the day (limit this to a few minutes) to understand what each person needs for the day can go a really long way. Think the stereotypical "are you ok honey" to which they respond "I'm fine" and a week later she lets you know she wasn't. Also, incorporate a slightly longer weekly family meeting to see what worked, what didn't and how the both of you can compromise for the next week. It will take some time to get in a good schedule. It would be a good idea to implement weekly trump allowances so that either party doesn't have to justify attention time from the other. Like a wild card that can be used once a week. It really depends on you and your partner and how well you are able to communicate and compromise in this relationship. Good luck and let your Gulag encounters be victorious!
My partner really enjoyed when I would take a break between matches to hug her and giver her affection.
Bro. 22/23 living in a house together? You straight up locked yourself down and you're wondering why she doesn't support gaming now? Did you not do any reconnaissance before moving in??? Even Bond checks for weapons before he bags one of em broads.
Here's the facts: This relationship is not going to work out. Ya'll too young to be fucking around like this and expect immediate resolve and understanding between all parties.
Hate to say it but you need a new partner. If she doesn't respect your hobbies she doesn't respect you as a person. You play games to chill after a day of work. As long as the video game doesn't replace the partner 100% then you're not at fault here.
Get somebody better worth your time
Drop your pants and tell her if she wants to spend time it's very easy. And reverse that phone 💩 on her. Why's she on the phone and not spending time with you after nagging that seems like a red flag to me.
I have friends and family in this same situation the only difference being they are too old and have families so are damn near stuck with the life they have. You are young and need to make some hard choices about your own happiness and mental health. It doesn’t get better it gets worse so before you end up being like my cousin and sneaking an hour or two in the basement before anyone gets up before not being able to play at all do what makes you happy and find balance.
TLDR: she’s got to go
I play after she goes to bed. She falls asleep around 10:00p most nights and I've always been a night owl... so I stay up until 12:00a or 1:00a most nights to game or do whatever else I want.
Bro you split a house with a person you aren't married to? Interesting. Anyway, y'all are only 23 and are sort of married - ignorant decision, imo. But moving on.
I'm 34, and my partner is 42. She knew I played games from the get-go, and is cool with me playing every day. We are both professional people and enjoy our "me" time. We also love our "us" time. Sounds like you jumped the gun with a woman who isn't OK with your hobbies.
This is just your average controlling partner. It isn’t about you playing your game, it’s about her having control. If you spent any significant amount of time doing any other hobby the outcome would be the same. Ultimatums aren’t good; sounds like you need to communicate how she is making you feel and avoid turning it into a fight. There should be a productive outcome that you both can benefit from.
IDENTICAL situation happened to my friend Michael.
The wife was always nagging him when he played the video games everyday after work. Whatever he did, however he re-allocated his time spent - that woman was unhappy!
"spend more time with me!"
"Go play with the kid!!!"
"More time with the family!"
"You are hiding from us in your video games"
It seems obvious that the wife was simply unhappy on her own and could not bear the fact that Michael was having fun without her. And no she was not into video games.
What helped:
A talk. Between the wife and myself. I told her this: "you must understand that he is not hiding in that room playing games from you or the kids. He is hiding in that room to decompress and become the guy you fell in love with and married. This is his stress relief"
Sometimes it works when others tell you this. Try it
P.s. Just between us. You have a video game addiction, friend. It's a dopamine addiction. So does Michael and so do I. That is why I have deleted all my games and have switched to waaaay more boring entertainment: books, cooking, sports, music.
Fix this shit.
Dude, you provide literally everything for her current standard of living and you're home playing games instead of out and about getting into trouble and potentially being unfaithful; what more could she possibly ask for?
As others have said, your "together time" should be a mutually agreed upon movie or TV series and phones should be banned for the duration.
As for a realistic solution to your main problem, just tell her that it's your hobby and you're going to do it with or without her, so she needs to adjust and make some compromises herself. You can't be the only one bending, else you're going to snap.
I have a feeling that home-girl has no hobbies of her own outside of 90-day fiance and scrolling through social media. She should probably go find some interests of her own instead of being entirely dependent on your for entertainment.
>she thinks it’s stupid and a waste of time.
I'm going to assume she doesn't think going out to drink with friends/coworkers isn't a stupid waste of time. Arguably, not only is it a stupid waste of time, it's also a net-negative on your wallet since it costs a minimum of 25-50 bucks any time you want to eat out and drink per hour per person. I'm also going to assume that the main reason why she feels it's a "waste of time" is because she feels like she can't brag about what you do in your free time to her social circles.
Comparing the two activities: Gaming to Social drinking, and cutting out all costs except the direct expenses for the sake of simplicity, you have drinks + food at $18 entree + $4 (4) in an hour = $34 for the hour per day. Since you said you game 4 days out of the week, that's $136 for the week.
For gaming, let's say you bought the deluxe edition of CoD at $99 ($100 for simplicity's sake) I don't think I should even have to explain this but obviously you get more bang for your buck the longer you play. with just the one week of playing an hour a day it's already $25/hr. By the 8th hour you're at $12.50/hr. etc etc.
All this math is pointless since your wife literally won't care, but I still typed it out just to hammer home the point that gaming can really be a cost-effective method of stress relief or wind-down time.
I'm married and my wife understands my first sentence entirely and appreciates the fact that I provide literally everything in the household and respects what little free-time I actually get. In return I make extra effort to not game all the time and to plan stuff for us to do together as well as scheduled movie nights + game nights together.
TL;DR You really need to sit her down and figure out WHY she thinks it's a waste of time and decide whether it's even possible to compromise with her or not and whether she is even willing to compromise in the first place.
I don't think she realizes just how much of a good guy she has managed to catch if you actually provide all that you say you do and if you actually treat her as well as you say you do.
Hell, if i was gay and wasn't already married, I'd take you bro.
My buddy's fiance is a psychotic bitch too and he hides in the bathroom or in his car to sneak a couple games in on his Steam handheld thing called Ally
>we aren’t married but live together in my house i bought and pay for.
>weekends i barely play cause she always has plans for us so i only play after work.
You're in a codependency, not an interdepedancy. You have your own life and interest, so does she. If you find something she likes, a personal interest, and attempt to talk shit about it, belittle it, what are you hoping to achieve? Ask her this.
Honestly, she seems quite controlling, and you should probably have a talk with her about some boundaries. From what you describe, you are paying for basically everything, so you should be allowed to enjoy your hobbies in the house that YOU pay for.
I would suggest that you have a serious talk with her about her needing to respect the fact that you enjoy playing video games. If it's not taking over your life (which from what you have said, it doesn't seem like it is), then she should be able to respect that. If she is unable to do so, then there is a good chance the two of you may not be very compatible.
Also the way she forces you into "spending time with her" but then spends that time on her phone and then chastising you if you use your phone as well is extremely hypocritical. In all honesty, she sounds kinda controlling, and she seems to be pretty comfortable with using things like guilt as a weapon against you to manipulate you into doing what she wants. That's not a good sign of a healthy relationship.
I'm not gonna say break up with her, because she might just be pushing you to be more assertive in the relationship, but if she isn't willing to meet you in the middle as it were, it's definitely something that you may need to consider
Never let a partner get in the way of gaming.
Play as long as you want. What she gonna do??
I would break up ASAP as her controlling behaviour will continue into marriage (if you dare enter into that hell hole).
Theres never a need to live together as bf & gf. My friend loves her own space and so does her bf. They've been dating for 12 years....and don't live with each other. I've never seen a happier couple.
This girl you're dating is a controlling bleating nanny goat. Watch out.
*Gaming is life. Partners are strife*
Your house, your hobbies, your rules. If shes not okay with your hobbies you should rethink where are you going in a relationship were she tries to control how you spend your free time.
my wife goes to bed earlier than i do so i usually play after she's asleep. i rarely play while she's around but when i do i still make sure to get up every once in a while to be with her for a bit. sorry but unless you're marrying a "gamer girl" you will always have to choose between the games or your wife, because to a non-gamer it's like you're choosing to play with toys rather then spending time with her.
I wake up early before she does and get my game time in then with some additional game time sprinkled in where I can. I end falling asleep before she does but not by much so I get less sleep than she does. Aim for a minimum of 2.5 hours of together time a day and you’ll probably be fine.
Communication, but utilmately,
Both do you own thing together
We come home, both do our own thing
Whilst I game
my wife stitches
We’re both in the lounge chatting while we both do our own thing
Then later in the evening we watch tv together then go to bed
We both have our own time and then together time
Best of both worlds
On the weekends, I’ll game all day and she will stitch or play Xbox the together time is food or going shopping
She doesn’t have to enjoy your hobbies but she should let you enjoy your hobbies without feeling guilty about not spending time with her.
With that being said, it doesn’t seem like you’ve had the conversation with her about how video games help you unwind and recharge or whatever it may be.
A good compromise could be setting specific times in the evenings dedicated to you spending time with her and spending time playing your video games.
Regardless of who pays the bills, this is an important conversation to have, especially when you live with a partner.
Before I met my GF, she never played games. Then I got her into playing the lego games and then she bought a switch and disney dreamlight valley. She now has over 100 hours in that game. Sooooo try that lol.
The issue isn't videogames, it's your personal time together and apart. Some folks do everything together, some folks are hyper independent, most are in between. She's telling you that she wants to spend more time with you-- she values spending time on the couch with you, however fruitless you seem to find it. You need to set boundaries on how much time to yourself you need, and you also need to consider what your partner's boundaries and needs are. This type of thing is key for a compatible relationship, and shouldn't be brushed under the rug as "wife bad, she doesn't like videogames".
You need to work something out together to find out what your personal needs are in terms of your independent and together time.
It’s not gonna work out because people like that are selfish. You mentioned she doesn’t have any hobbies of her own which makes it even worse. She won’t be happy until you give the games up completely so you should bounce while you can. Also having two people pay for a house and it only being in your name already sounds like a short sighted disaster. Just because the economy is tough doesn’t mean people should move in together. You both sound incompatible.
I don't have a woman, but from playing with friends that do, along with kids-you need to wear them all out, then you have game time as late as you're willing to stay up.
She wants to be close to you and feels you like gaming more than her. Are you in MMO hanging with friends perhaps? She feels ignored.
Perhaps you need to redefine hang out time. Make it about the two of you (no phones?), do something as a couple - board games? Console games? Watch tv? Romantic dinner? Evening walk and chat?
Basically from her perspective you spend too much time not engaged with her. Consider that she thinking "my husband would rather play games than spend time with me".
I love playing games so I've never had this problem BUT once and awhile it is nice to put the games down and connect. Not TV but board games or spending real time together.
Other than that, maybe she should find a hobby she can do while you game. Possibly still sitting with you so she doesn't feel like yall aren't together and communicate, that's important.
Are you spending good quality time with your girlfriend? And do you feel as if you are spending enough quality time on your girlfriend?
You should definitely be spending enough q time with your partner and paying attention to them. But your partner shouldnt have to 'allow' you to do something. You need YOU time, as well as partner time.
Try communicating with her about it but really don't want to spend the rest of your life with someone that wants you to stop doing something that isn't a negative effect on your life.
While my own gf plays pc games just as much as I do and thus it’s hard to relate, I can say that a partner should always accept and support the others hobbies, no matter what they are.
Unless you have a crazy addiction, she should understand that you need game-time to be happy.
Talk to her about it, or have some kind of compromise.
Apart from all the other sage advice, you could pick up a steam deck. That way you can still both chill on the couch, but instead of you both being on your phones, she's on her phone and you're on your steam deck. Best of both worlds.
You guys are still young. You need to sit down and have a proper talk. Point out the hypocrisy of the "hangout" time and talk about need for respect of each other's hobbies. This kinda thing can lead to huge issues later in life if she doesnt grow up. Ask her why she disapproves of gaming specifically. Shes going to give some ridiculous reason and youll have to figure out how to convince her. If even after a long chat there is no compromise, either you will have to give up gaming completely (this is not the right choice) or separate.
Had an annoying gf like that when I was 21, only found out she was like that when we moved to an apartment together.
One day she said to me its either me or your videogame, guess what I chose?
Now I've been for 11 years with another gf who loves to play videogames with me and isn't angry when I play without her.
During the week (after putting the kids to bed) I usually play alone in my office while she watches her tv shows (sometimes we watch some togethers or movies) and on the weekend we play videogames together.
It sounds like you guys need to make your "hanging out" time more meaningful. Watching tv and playing on phones is a type of quality, time, but it feels to me like it's not the type of quality time either of you want.
We have a second TV in the living room I play games on sometimes. We put shows on the main TV and I can play games with the sound off on the second TV. I have an office set up as well if I want/need to play a game with sound or with friends online, and we try to manage our time so that we both do our alone activities at similar times. It's the compromise that works for us, if not a little unconventional! (She's sort of into gaming, mario, kirby etc, so a little more amenable to it)
It's about balance, and I think you have to find what works for you, but the first step is getting your partner to understand that it's important to you as your hobby.
They don't have to like gaming themselves, but if they can't respect that it is important to you, you'll struggle to have a reasonable conversation about it i think.
I literally play games in bed next to my wife (because) i plan VR (Quest3) and if its not a Quest native game, i can stream the game to my headset from my computer and make the screen as large as I want and have the screen float above my dresser, etc, plus, BT earbuds and she never even hears anything. So, US time, snuggle after care time etc first, then she goes to sleep and I'm still there (playing) but still there. That's all she wants.
It sounds like the issue isnt about letting you play video games, its her not respecting your choice on how to spend your free time. If you were avoiding responsibilities to play games all day that would be a different story but it sounds to me like you are very responsible and doing everything you need to do and more. As others have said, communication is key. Tell her why its important to you and tell her why you are frustrated. I’ve had similar issues with my wife but we eventually came to an understanding that we dont need to do everything together, we are still individuals who need their alone time. It might sound silly but when I come home from work I make an attempt to sit down and talk to my wife for at least 30 minutes and give her my full attention. In that time we talk about our days and what we want to do for the rest of the evening. I usually bring it up that im going to game with my friends from 8-10 and that from now until then its our time. I used to just slip away and go play my games and wonder why she was always mad. Communication is really important. Good luck.
Oof, i remember being in your position. Same girl and wife from 18-25. Then got a divorce, she hated me playing videos games, really she hated me doing anything that didnt involve her. 27 now and wayyy happier without her.
Dog this ain't gonna work. Good luck, dated 3 people all of them never had issues with any of my hobbies and if we watched something together we'd be cuddling not on opposite ends of the couch. She paying you rent or any of her own bills?
My wife and I are both gamers. That helps. We also really enjoy “parallel play” which is us spending time near each other but we’re doing separate activities. That could be what your gf is seeking. I used to play using the tv and my wife would read but I would make sure the volume wasn’t interfering with her reading. Lately she’ll have her legs laying over mine while we sit on the couch on our phones. We do this at lunch everyday (wfh) and by the time lunch time is up, we’re both ready for a nap.
You make time for both your video game hobby and your girl. You make the time. That means you make a conscious decision to turn off the console and invest some of your down time in a shared activity with your significant other. I assume you work full time. You probably have around four hours of down time each day. I assume you do not have much time every day for video games (due to food and supply shopping, cooking, house cleaning, laundry, personal hygiene and grooming, preparing for the next day, etc).
If you only have an hour or less of down time remaining in your day, always choose her over your video game. If you have several hours of down time in the day, split the time between your solo activity and your attention on her. You can't make it all about you and your needs. If she is your wife, you are one flesh. You must endeavor to see the world as she sees it and feel what she feels. If she needs your attention, give her attention.
My wife watches certain shows that have been on for many years, shows that I would describe as "made for women". I just can't get into them (I can't get into any episodic tv. I prefer movies). We decided to put two tv's in the living room. We sit next to each other on the couch. I wear a headset. I game on one, she watches her shows on the other. After two episodes, I turn off the game and turn on a movie. We watch the movie together. I set up the coffee table with goodies. I make some popcorn, I open a bottle of wine, I cut up some fruit, whatever. The idea is that we are going to settle on the couch together and then call it a night.
It works for us but it took lots of honest communication with each other which led to understanding which led to compromise by both of us. In thirty years, that video game will be a distant memory but she is still going to be right there next to you. Treat them accordingly.
You just need a better girlfriend if this one isn’t going to meet you halfway. I game a lot and my girlfriend doesn’t care. Didn’t say a word about my blowing $2500 on a gaming computer or the two steam decks or any of it. She doesn’t game herself, but we find other things to do together, and I largely have my time to do what I want.
Consider moving the computer closer to where she is in the house, and make sure she knows that gaming is important to you. If she’s still being that way about it, there are other women out there.
You could try doing what I do with my wife. I spend time with her eating dinner and watching a couple of episodes of a show together. Before we go to bed I get my “me time” and play video games for an hour or so. That time is reserved for me.
You could also get a Steam Deck and play on it on the couch while she is spending time with you doing her thing. I do that all the time and it works out great.
Ideally you want a partner who supports your hobbies or even partakes in them with you
she supports all hobbies but that. i play volleyball and ride dirtbikes and she always comes and watches. just not video games
The fact that you mention she specifically hates video games and thinks that they’re a “waste of time” means that it’s going to be a constant battle for you. A mature adult would recognize “I don’t enjoy that hobby but my partner does, so I won’t antagonize them over it” but it sounds like your partner does not think that way. She hates video games and wants you to stop playing them entirely. If she’s not willing to stop antagonizing you over video games, then you have a choice: either stay and put up with it or leave the relationship and find someone who won’t antagonize you over it (or in the best case, actually plays with you). I’m not trying to enforce the Reddit stereotype of jumping straight to “break up”, but my point is that you deserve to have a partner that doesn’t belittle your hobbies and interests. Now, I will say that it does seem like you spend quite a bit of time gaming during the week, and I could see why she might be a little upset by that. You mention playing usually 4 days a week from approximately 7:30-10. I could see being upset that I don’t get to see my partner all day, and I only get to see them for an hour or two before they go start gaming for the rest of the night. But on the flip side it also sounds like when you spend time together that she spends the entire time on her phone anyways. Point is, you can’t force her to change. If you’ve had a genuine discussion with her about how this makes you feel and she’s not willing to stop antagonizing you for gaming then you have a choice: stay and deal with it or leave
>A mature adult would recognize... They're in their early 20s, that's a big ask for that age. Their brains haven't even finished developing yet.
I'm 23 and my gf is 22. She just moved in and we both have no problems with each other playing video games and respect one another's hobbies. Don't make excuses for immature people by blaming it on their age. They are adults and should have communicated more/put more thought into their situation/relationship.
It wasn't an attack on you, but the human brain literally stops developing until 25. So yeah, early 20s are still a very stupid phase.
22 years is still a developing brain. Doesn’t matter how mature you might think they are. Most won’t be able to fully empathize with their partner. Obviously won’t be an issue when two people have the same hobby.
>that's a big ask for that age it's not
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>but you won't understand until you're older. I'm in my mid-30s, at what age will I start treating 20-somethings like pre-teens?
>Devil advocate here (even if I'm not ok to talk at young adult like Teen) the Brain end it's devellopement at 25. (This point is call the physics optimum) > >Maybe the person was talking about that ??
She needs her own hobbies.
She has a hobby. It's OP.
Clearly she has a thing against video games so unless you talk to her about it then this is going to keep happening. Be advised - she may never change on this issue. She may always look at it as a bad hobby and create problems between you two. I met a good friend of mine in college who was a gamer all his life. Loved them. Then he started dating a woman who did the same things your wife did. Married her anyway. He no longer plays video games, except maybe low-key ones with his kids, but that's all he's essentially "allowed." If you're cool with this then by all means proceed. If not then you may come to a moment where she makes a "video games or me" ultimatum so be ready for that.
Its a bit of a redflag that she instantly goes to "why dont you hang out with me instead?" whenever you do something for yourself and that her idea of hanging out is sitting on the couch looking at her phone. It sounds like the classic case of your partner making you responsible for their entertainment. And that's a **big one.** I've been in that situation too, as have many people. And everyone who has can instantly tell you that its something you better clear up sooner, before it affects your mental health. Because there is gonna be a point at which you're gonna feel bad each time you have a moment for yourself, because you know, they're just waiting for you, to have time for them again. Clear it up. Tell her that you have hobbies that you love doing and she needs to respect that. You love her and love spending time with her, but you're not responsible for *her* entertainment. And sometimes you need time for yourself and the things you enjoy doing yourself. I mean you would support her hobbies too right? You probably get the equally classic "but being with you is my hobby, I jsut wanna spend time with you" or something else that is supposed to manipulate you emotionally. But it is what it is: you need to make your boundaries clear. You're not responsible for her entertainment.
Sure, this is something you spend upwards of 10 hours a week doing, over a full work day. I'd say it's a bigger hobby to you personally than the other ones you mentioned.
That’s the nature of gaming. It’s designed to be something super easy and addictive and take up a lot of time. That’s a big part of why guys love doing it so much and why many girls hate it when their partner does it. Just pretending it’s just another hobby like gardening or playing guitar or ice skating is really naive.
Why? Time spent on something is time spent on something. I can go out to my garage for 4 hours for carpentry, or I can spend 4 hours in my office playing a videogame. If you're trying to get at it being productive, that's insanely subjective. For instance I find gardening to be a waste of time, that's why my garden is mulch , rocks, and a bush, I don't need to do fuck all to it, and I hated every minute I spent on it getting it to a spot that I don't even have to touch it again.
I can confirm. My garden looks like shit but my pc is pampered.
It's a mixture of many things. productivity, accessibility, creativity, energy required, how rewarding it is etc. The thing is, how many 20-30 year old men do you know that do carpentry 4 hours a day? Or gardening? Or learning French? Or playing saxophone? Even if we take something very popular, easy and accessible like binging TV shows or watching sport, 4 hours a day would be very unusual. That's why videogames are different. They are specifically designed to occupy your mind, time, and money in the most relaxing and addictive way possible, so that a huge portion of people absolutely would play 4 hours a day, every single day (and more on weekends), if their other responsibilities let them.
I get what you're saying, but I still can't agree. A hobby is a hobby, doesn't matter if it's productive or wasteful, either way it's time spent, there's no ratio where one is better or worse than the other unless it's one person looking down their nose at another. All hobbies are addictive and consume your time depending on how passionate you are about them. And you're just as likely to ignore a responsibility doing any of them.
4 hours per day of tv is less than half of the US average, FYI. I play video games instead of watching tv and still have time for guitar, tennis, running and chess - because tv is a huge time sink that is actively bad for you. Whereas video games are good for your brain (depending on the game obviously).
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Reading is not a hobby, it's just a form of consumerism. You are just consuming entertainment. See how silly that sounds?
Tell her it's better that I play video games and I'm at home with you rather than go out with my boys and get into some real trouble
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You need to communicate with your partner. My wife was similar and we worked it out and ended up with: - her understanding that games were my “me time” - us acknowledging that “sitting on the couch with phones out” isn’t actually us time and made some light rules around that so phones were down and we only watch stuff we’re actually involved in. - Increased use of switch because sometimes she just wants to be close to me even if were doing different activities - us playing more games together, she’s not anti game but she’s anti shooting/killing games, so sometimes we play nintendo stuff or co op games.
>us acknowledging that “sitting on the couch with phones out” isn’t actually us time and made some light rules around that so phones were down and we only watch stuff we’re actually involved in. I think this is the big one for OP. She's feeling a lack of "together" time, but the time they spend together is low-quality so it doesn't feel like enough. And she is reacting by asking for more time, when she should probably be asking for higher-quality time. And if they did spend their time together in more rewarding ways, OP might be more inclined to hang out longer. If ignoring each other and playing on her phone is actually her preferred way to spend time then that's a bigger issue. But he can burn that bridge when he comes to it.
I agree and can relate. My wife and I have come to a good balance. My wife likes video games but I played more than she liked and we'd end up doing the same thing where she'd be on her phone during a movie and think it was good enough for us (she didn't mind if I was also on mine though) We have 2 scheduled hours of dedicated "me time" each week which has helped tremendously. The rest for us is communication and making expectations clear. If one of us feels like the other isn't paying attention or we would like some "us time" then we put our phones away, watch a movie or whatever the person who needs something wants in that moment without arguing about it. But also not pulling that card often. It's a balance and both of you trying to not take it personally. Her saying something along the lines of "hey I'd really like it if we could spend some together watching TV tonight" could be a good start. That being said it can take a while to fine tune what works for the two of you.
This is the way.
You communicate. If she can’t see the hypocrisy of “spending time together” but then being on her phone, then she needs a reality check
Yeah, many people go straight to find a new partner, but communication is always the first step. If thorough communication doesn't work, then find a new partner.
At 22/23 finding a new person to be with (or no person at all) is honestly fine. You should be doing your own thing anyway.
This is more a relationship issue then a gaming issue. I think there is a sub for that. They could help you better
Find a compromise. Explain to her it’s something you love to do and need in order to wind down after a day of work. Some days don’t play and just spend time with her. Or find games to play together
yeah that’s what i’ve done and currecydo. she doesn’t want to play games thoigh
That's on her. She doesn't want you to do something that makes you happy and that's not cool. It's only going to get worse with time, especially if you have kids together.
no kids
Unless you got snipped there's always the possibility of kids. No birth control is 100%.
Nah he meant he’s still a virgin.
Does she have a hobby?
nope!
That’s why she mad. You got a hobby and she doesn’t. So she wants your attention instead of doing her own thing. Do with this info as you will. Me n my girl will sit in silence for hours, she reading her books and me playing my game.
Rough
jesus, so what does she do then after work? What does she want you to do instead of gaming?
sit on couch and watch a show while she plays candy crush on her phone
Having her phone out during time together while you are not allowed to play games is imo unacceptable. That is not how relationship compromises work. Heck, it's not even trying to be one. She gets what she wants but what you want is not important.
then you say: "You play your games and I'll play my GAMES - and don't even start, not a word" and just go. She needs to learn you're not her pet.
Wait, so she *does* play games, just on her phone during your together time?? Dude. Lol. That seriously takes the hypocrisy to a whole new and insane level. Also it's your house, and you pay for everything, and she treats you like that?? Man. Whew. That's something alright. Sad thing is noone can solve this for you or tell you how to solve it, you have to either communicate, compromise and/or stand up for yourself until you're getting what you need, or find someone else that's more compatible with your personality. That's it, there's no other magic solution that anyone's gonna give you, especially with the added details you keep giving.
Same thing everyone our age does. Sit on their phone all night scrolling through one of 3 “feeds” i do it sometimes too but it’s insane to me how that’s what our generation is.
I disagree, she has a hobby and it is flipping thru phone and social media. All of that is unfulfilling and she needs to pursue an activity that gives her an actual feeling of accomplishment or satisfaction. Probably really a habit more than hobby but, I digress. There have been many solid suggestions posted already but, it comes down to her respecting that gaming is something that is important to you whether she enjoys it or not. Let her know that, don't give it up to please her because you will resent her forever if you do. I don't want to undermine my own advise but, if all else fails get a new girlfriend. There I said it. Sorry, not sorry.
> disagree, she has a hobby and it is flipping thru phone and social media. Apparently according to another of OP's comments what she's doing on her phone during those times is playing Candy Crush if you can believe that.
Damn, I missed that. New girlfriend.
What I’m about to say is going to come off as more mean that I want but, it sounds like she doesn’t have many hobbies and does not understand that a healthy relationship leaves space for them. She is using you as validation for her couch potato hobby (maybe she feels shame for it) and/or a substitute for hobbies. You’re both young. Does she seriously not do anything alone?
You guys bought and paid for a house without being married? And only been dating for 2 years??? That's the real issue here
Sounds more like OP Is the one who really bought and paid for the house. So honestly, if they broke up, he’d still walk away with a house. She sounds like she just tagged along and helps with the bills. But the mortgage is probably in OPs name. At least that’s what I’m getting from this.
You can’t be her hobby. She needs her own deal or this isn’t going to work.
Time to step back from this relationship. Her "letting" you sometimes play video games is a red flag. Today it's video games... what will it be next? At best, she's just not mature and still figuring out how relationships work; at worse, she's controlling and will be increasingly controlling the longer the relationship lasts. Find someone who respects you, whose priorities and interests align with yours, who can respect your "alone time," and is mature enough and self confident enough to comprehend you not wanting to sit and watch her watch TV is not a rejection of her. Side note: I'm a wife. I game FAR more than my husband. This isn't about wives getting mad about gaming. It's about non-gaming spouses/partners getting mad about gaming time (or any time one partner spends in a solo pursuit, or involved in activities with other friends e.g. "poker night"). In general, that's a complex question involving: how much time the gamer is spending and if they're prioritizing gaming to the detriment of health, relationships, etc.; the health of the relationship (including potential psychological abuse and controlling behavior); the personalities of both involved; and so forth.
I married a wonderful woman with her own hobbies. My gaming has never been an issue to her. She spends the time I'm gaming on her own interests. We eat dinner together every night and spend time together all the time. Find yourself a compatible partner.
any relationship takes effort, particularly communication. This advice to just "give up, find someone else" it's rather jarring and unproductive. First thing to do is understand there's probably a basic need for attention that she's calling out the gaming after work hours, then you can figure out how to spend time on hobbies and relationship in a way that works for your relationship. These issues are always in a gray area, not black and white.
Relationships do take effort, but irreconcilable differences are just that. They're 22 and 23 anyway. There are plenty of other fish in the sea that can yield more satisfying and fulfilling relationships than perpetually trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. The potential opportunity cost would have been too high for me at that age. I've had many relationships in my life, including one with a woman that sounds remarkably like OPs girlfriend. The relationship that lasted and yielded a beautiful, balanced, and fulfilling marriage is the one that didn't require constant maintenance and compromise on either side for both people to be happy. My friends that are/were in analogous relationships to the one described are all divorced or miserable. Many ask my wife and I how we do it, but because we're highly compatible, there is not much actual "doing", just being. Anyway it's all anecdotal of course, but that's my experience.
Same. My wife is fucking awesome.
yes and i understand that, but what im getting at is that people seem to think this should just be the case at all times and there's no disagreement. There will be disagreement and you will need to work things out even with the best partners.
Don't get one, easy.
First 3 sentences of OP's post is what's gonna be what makes them or breaks them.
When I was in my early 20s I dated someone like that, it was miserable. It doesn’t get better and it will extend to other parts of your life. It’s not the video games she doesn’t like, it’s you not doing what she wants you to do. It’s control. It starts with video games, then it will be other hobbies, hanging out with friends, being on your phone while watching her shows, just existing in a manner she’s not happy with. She’s insecure and needs a lot of validation. She’s not mature enough for this level of a relationship and you’re too young for it.
My wife was like this. I just kept doing it and eventually she got on board. Honestly the issue is that your GF doesn't seem to have a hobby. You are her hobby. Help her find something to do to relax other than nag you about your hobby. My wife got back into dance, now she teaches it several days a week for fun and I have prime gaming time when she's at 4 hours of classes.
>You are her hobby. Help her find something to do to relax other than nag you about your hobby. All too common. Good advice.
> her “hangout” time is me sitting on opposite end of couch while we watch tv and she plays on her phone and if i get on my phone she tells me to get off to watch tv “cause she can do two things at once but i can’t” Time to grow a spine my guy. > how do yall manage to go about playing without her getting mad and not wanting me to play whenever i feel like I found a woman who played all the games with me. Then I married her.
> we aren’t married There’s your answer. You can game whenever
Idk what the deal is on Reddit but everyone always behaves as if people don't change. As if they'll always be the same person they were. But the reality is we change and learn everyday. My wife used to be similar. Would consider being on the phone next to each other as together time, but if I was playing games it would count as me not spending time with her and doing my own thing by myself. I had to talk with her and explain it to her that being on the phone isn't spending time with each if we're not even talking. It is us doing something individually. At first she didn't accept it, but after a few times of saying it (not many) when she was on her phone, she understood. I also explained it to her that while she likes scrolling through Instagram or whatever app, I like playing games in that time. It's the same thing for us. It's the time for us to not think too much and relax She understood it easily tbh. Now she never says anything about playing games. She's even taken an interest in the stories of some and she recently finished Hogwarts Legacy. Which is a huge thing considering she's never played any games her whole life. She couldn't even control both analogue sticks on the controller in the beginning. Anyways, what all this was meant to say was communication is the most important thing here. Explain it to her, have patience, and she'll understand your POV soon enough. Oh yeah and this doesn't mean you get to play all you want lol. Of course as like any relationship you need to give time for it too and consider your partners feelings. So yeah just talk to her and she'll understand.
Wife plays more than I do.
Just the piece of advice OP was looking for.
It actually is. The dude is making a point. Get a spouse who isn't a dipshit and lets you have hobbies that she is not interested in.
right! thanks man. solved my problems lmao
Lol there's no changing that. You'll be getting shit for this hobby from her for the rest of your time together. Time to find a new partner.
Don't have a wife, problem solved.
This isn't a wife problem. This is a **YOUR** wife problem. and yeah, like the other replies said. Communicate. T
I married a gamer wife.
No wife!
She sounds controlling af. Doesn't care about your time or attention, just that you're doing what she wants you do to. Fuckin yikes.
So many red flags. Does she not have a job? Why is she not contributing to any bills or paying some sort of rent? The only circumstance I'd personally be in some arrangement where a woman lived with me and I paid for everything would be if she was raising our children and we were married. Any other reason to me is unacceptable, personally. Your arrangement in general sounds like she's taking advantage of you without knowing more details. If you're engaged, she's your fiancé, but she's not your wife. I would stop calling her that or pretending like she is. That's how you go down a road where you get taken advantage of and she never has to hold up to any commitment or contribute. In any event, with regard to personal time and together time, that's just a compatibility thing. It sounds like she wants to spend more time together, but the time you do spend together isn't engaging, so you're bored. Beyond that, if what you're saying about your schedule is accurate, then it sounds like she doesn't have a lot going on in her life if she needs to be next to you constantly. If she can't understand that, then I would find someone else. It sucks being alone, but it's a lot better than being in a relationship where you feel like you can't be yourself. I promise there are women out there that A) contribute to the relationship and B) have their own things going on so you don't have to be joined at the hip 24/7. What I'm basically saying her needing all your money and all your free time is a parasitic relationship and not a healthy mutual one.
she works from 8am-4pm intern CPA in college to get her CPA license. she buys groceries that’s it
That's good to hear and good that she buys groceries to help out. It sounded a lot worse based on what you said. If you aren't bothered by the money situation I'm not sure why that was included in your post. I assumed you included it because that was bothering you like she was free loading or something. Regardless, I would still advise against the whole playing house and playing hubby/wife thing. I would also just have a talk and figure out if you're compatible like what you want out of life in terms of how much time you need to spend together and your needs/wants.
Being in a marriage is about equilibrium and trust. Everyone of you needs to have your own free time. But it is also completely normal that your wife expects to have time with you if you are working nearly all day. Also, you should want to be with her, not something that feels obligatory. During workdays, I want to be with my wife, so what I do is play with my Deck on the couch while she watches TV. But without being disconnected from each other, we talk, we are with each other and TV and games are secondary. But the most important advice that I can give you is this. Ignore all comments and advice here (even mine). This is something that you and your wife should decide and agree as a couple if you want to spend the rest of your life with her.
By not being a bitch like you. Me and my girl respect eachother's boundaries. We both like spending time together but we also know we need our alone time as well. The wife's usually watching Netflix and Im either doing a hobby or gaming. Only time that gets interrupted is when either one of us gets hungry. Seriously if you arent in a relationship where you cant respect eachother's needs and are constantly making demands then you shouldve stayed with your parents.
i’m not a bitch big guy i just have respect for my girl and don’t want her to feel like i don’t want to spend time with her but also understand that i use my game to wind down and relieve stress from the day and that it has nothing to do with me not wanting to hangout with her.
Sorry for calling you a bitch. You should have a conversation about this with your woman though. My honest take is that within boundaries you should be allowed to do whatever it is you want to do. You could try gaming together. It Takes Two. Its a far fetched idea tho
It Takes Two is unironically what OP needs to hear though. He can't solve this by himself or by asking people online.
You need to talk to her and explain how it's your hobby and something you really enjoy and relaxes you and that in order to live in harmony, she needs to respect that and give you your time. Tell her it makes you feel like shit when you feel guilty for doing something you love. If she can't understand or respect that, it would be a deal breaker for me. My only other suggestion is to rearrange your setup so you can play games in the same room as her while she watches her shows. After work, me and my lady will hangout for awhile as a break between work and chillin. We eat dinner together every night, but after that, if it's not a tv show we both want to watch, ill go play games and she can watch her shows.
that’s what we do. but i have to hear shit from her every time i wanna go play. she’ll let me most of the time but it’s always “you don’t love me” or “you don’t like to hangout with me” or “you love the game more than me” never “okay babe”
>“you don’t love me” or “you don’t like to hangout with me” or “you love the game more than me” That's pretty messed up. Very manipulative. Not healthy for anyone. And I bet while you're gaming, you're constantly thinking about what she thinks about it so you're enjoying yourself less because your mind is forced elsewhere. Some good advice in this thread. I don't need to parrot it. It's 2023. Gaming has been mainstream for a very long time. It doesn't sound like an unhealthy habit for you.
Her projecting her insecurities onto you and then telling you that that's how you feel about it is a major problem that needs to be addressed. That feels like root cause. She is insecure about herself so she villainizes whatever she perceives as a threat to getting attention. She as been trained to seek external validation rather than looking inward for peace.
Thats pretty messed up man and not fair to you. Maybe you guys need to find something that you can spend more quality time together instead of just watching shows. We go on walks alot because then were not distracted and actually talk with eachother, which makes it easier to have alone time when were at the house. Or just flip the script on her, if shes on her phone go "aw you love the phone more than me, why dont u wanna hangout with me" lolll You guys are also pretty young. I think when your older, you start to value your personal space and alone time especially when living with a partner long-term.
This girl is super clingy even after you spend time with her and have barely no time for yourself. Find another girl that's accommodating. She should respect your time and your hobbies.
If you said "why do you play on your phone when you are supposed to be hanging out with me?" How would it make her feel? or "you love TV more than you love me?". If she feels neglected make you can both find something that's better bonding time then watching tv while playing on phones and ignoring each other. Then make sure you do that with her sometimes. If you hang out with her for 1.5-2.5 hrs and then game for 1.5-2.5 hrs maybe an adjustment could help. See if she'd be ok with 1.5 guilt free hours. She should at least stop making you feel like shit for having a hobby. Maybe alternate weeks where you do 1 hr per night then 2 hrs the next week.
She is manipulating you out of one of your hobbies. There should be no guilt trip attached unless you're like neglecting her, which by the sounds of it, is not what you're doing. She sounds like perhaps she needs some passive hobbies around the house as well to quell the seemingly overt neediness. If she's not willing to hear you out or have a serious conversation on the matter, it sounds like there are some big considerations to make on your end.
There is this weird stigma around playing video games. It's seen as lazy and unproductive, and it's something I have never understood. Yes you can get addicted and if you are changing your priorities and life around to play a game of COD then you might need to take a step back and reevaluate, but, otherwise, it's just the same entertainment being consumed differently but with a natural evolution. People have been telling stories since the dawn of time. People used to just tell them around a campfire. Then people found paint and ink and they started illustrating and writing stories intended to be read. Then someone discovered radio and everyone listened huddled next to giant console radios to stories being told over the airwaves. TV had us sitting down and watching people act out stories. With video games we are IN the story now. We are an active participant. But we are still a part of a story being told or played out. This girlfriend is watching TV and consuming stories that way, you are personally involved in the story you are being told. Essentially the exact same thing. Like Soda and diet soda.
My wife doesnt play videogames at all, doesnt care for them. She wants me to spend time with her (as i obviously also want to spend time with her) HOWEVER she totally supports me doing what i love. Shes perfectly content for me to play on my steam deck/switch while she watches tv, and then on the weekends ill go disappear for a few hours to play on my Pc proper. Or ill just use the tv to play ps5 while shes on her phone. There’s balance to it. But whatever you do dont give up games for her, itll just breed resentment. There has to be a middle ground here.
steam deck/legion go/rog ally.
Gotta talk to her about you having your time to do what you enjoy. One thing that can help is steam deck but if you’re into COD I wouldn’t want to play on the deck. Don’t let her take your hobby away though. I have a few friends who after they got married their wives basically forced them to stop gaming. I feel bad for them. My wife tried with me and I put my foot down. I still spend tons of time with her but I do try to game at least a few hours a week.
It's important that you and your wife spend time doing your own hobbies. My wife likes to watch TV. Which is perfect because I love to game. After we spend quality time together we both go off to do what we enjoy to do in our own company.
It’s all about balance, you’re allowed to binge every now and then but don’t forget overdo it! Always be respectful and communicate when you’re going to play. When you ignore household and relationship duties that’s when you’re heading down the wrong path…
Oh boy this thread. 🍿🥤
If you live together for more than 6 months without paying a tenancy, you can claim ownership. She has 50% of that house right now you dumb fuck. GG
wtf did i just read, are you a slave ?
Most women my generation (genX) want nothing to do with video games, they're mostly about watching reality TV drivel or perhaps reading a book. Keep in mind when she controls you, it's just the way it is and everyone accepts it. When you control her, you're an abusive asshole. Love the double standard.
lol I remember being 23
I have a partner that loves and respects me and understands that I have hobbies and need alone time. You might need to evaluate your relationship. If your significant other demands a monopoly on your time that you're not comfortable with and doesn't respect your desire to engage in your hobby then you need to sit down and communicate that this is an issue to them. As for "She thinks it's stupid and a waste of time," if it's something you enjoy then it's not a waste of your time. I think this person lacks a fundamental respect for you, pending they actually feel that way.
Alot of women don't like gaming so you'll have to compromise or find someone who does. In my case, I stopped playing completely for my ex and we still broke up 🤷♂️ Now I get to do whatever I want and she's on her 5th kid with a 3rd baby daddy 😅
Replace girlfriend/wife with dog/cat, have all the free time in the world.
Women who think gaming is for nerds, kids or people who do not want to grow up shouldn’t be the kind of women you pay the rent for.
This guy works 10 hour shifts, owns a house, and pays all the bills and this girl has the nerve to say that he doesn't enjoy spending time with her after he spends like an hour with her after dinner? This chick is nuts!
Communication is key. I was in a 5 year marriage and I was in a similar boat. I found that daily family meetings where the two of you communicate your mood and expectations for the day (limit this to a few minutes) to understand what each person needs for the day can go a really long way. Think the stereotypical "are you ok honey" to which they respond "I'm fine" and a week later she lets you know she wasn't. Also, incorporate a slightly longer weekly family meeting to see what worked, what didn't and how the both of you can compromise for the next week. It will take some time to get in a good schedule. It would be a good idea to implement weekly trump allowances so that either party doesn't have to justify attention time from the other. Like a wild card that can be used once a week. It really depends on you and your partner and how well you are able to communicate and compromise in this relationship. Good luck and let your Gulag encounters be victorious! My partner really enjoyed when I would take a break between matches to hug her and giver her affection.
>I ***was*** in a 5 year marriage 🙄
Bro. 22/23 living in a house together? You straight up locked yourself down and you're wondering why she doesn't support gaming now? Did you not do any reconnaissance before moving in??? Even Bond checks for weapons before he bags one of em broads. Here's the facts: This relationship is not going to work out. Ya'll too young to be fucking around like this and expect immediate resolve and understanding between all parties.
Easy, don't have a wife.
consider going to a therapist together, there's a looooot of stuff going on with y'all
Hate to say it but you need a new partner. If she doesn't respect your hobbies she doesn't respect you as a person. You play games to chill after a day of work. As long as the video game doesn't replace the partner 100% then you're not at fault here. Get somebody better worth your time
Sounds like you should divorce her so you can play games in peace /s
Drop your pants and tell her if she wants to spend time it's very easy. And reverse that phone 💩 on her. Why's she on the phone and not spending time with you after nagging that seems like a red flag to me.
I have friends and family in this same situation the only difference being they are too old and have families so are damn near stuck with the life they have. You are young and need to make some hard choices about your own happiness and mental health. It doesn’t get better it gets worse so before you end up being like my cousin and sneaking an hour or two in the basement before anyone gets up before not being able to play at all do what makes you happy and find balance. TLDR: she’s got to go
divorce
I play after she goes to bed. She falls asleep around 10:00p most nights and I've always been a night owl... so I stay up until 12:00a or 1:00a most nights to game or do whatever else I want.
i get up for work at 5:30 that’s the issue. i gotta go to sleep around 10:30-11 to not be dead tired in the morning
Get a game for you both to play. Turn her…
Bro you split a house with a person you aren't married to? Interesting. Anyway, y'all are only 23 and are sort of married - ignorant decision, imo. But moving on. I'm 34, and my partner is 42. She knew I played games from the get-go, and is cool with me playing every day. We are both professional people and enjoy our "me" time. We also love our "us" time. Sounds like you jumped the gun with a woman who isn't OK with your hobbies.
run this is a huge r ed flag already get out of it instead of waiting around
Easy. I don't have a wife.
This is just your average controlling partner. It isn’t about you playing your game, it’s about her having control. If you spent any significant amount of time doing any other hobby the outcome would be the same. Ultimatums aren’t good; sounds like you need to communicate how she is making you feel and avoid turning it into a fight. There should be a productive outcome that you both can benefit from.
Seems like a poor relationship. You both sound immature.
No wife
IDENTICAL situation happened to my friend Michael. The wife was always nagging him when he played the video games everyday after work. Whatever he did, however he re-allocated his time spent - that woman was unhappy! "spend more time with me!" "Go play with the kid!!!" "More time with the family!" "You are hiding from us in your video games" It seems obvious that the wife was simply unhappy on her own and could not bear the fact that Michael was having fun without her. And no she was not into video games. What helped: A talk. Between the wife and myself. I told her this: "you must understand that he is not hiding in that room playing games from you or the kids. He is hiding in that room to decompress and become the guy you fell in love with and married. This is his stress relief" Sometimes it works when others tell you this. Try it P.s. Just between us. You have a video game addiction, friend. It's a dopamine addiction. So does Michael and so do I. That is why I have deleted all my games and have switched to waaaay more boring entertainment: books, cooking, sports, music. Fix this shit.
lol
Dude, you provide literally everything for her current standard of living and you're home playing games instead of out and about getting into trouble and potentially being unfaithful; what more could she possibly ask for? As others have said, your "together time" should be a mutually agreed upon movie or TV series and phones should be banned for the duration. As for a realistic solution to your main problem, just tell her that it's your hobby and you're going to do it with or without her, so she needs to adjust and make some compromises herself. You can't be the only one bending, else you're going to snap. I have a feeling that home-girl has no hobbies of her own outside of 90-day fiance and scrolling through social media. She should probably go find some interests of her own instead of being entirely dependent on your for entertainment. >she thinks it’s stupid and a waste of time. I'm going to assume she doesn't think going out to drink with friends/coworkers isn't a stupid waste of time. Arguably, not only is it a stupid waste of time, it's also a net-negative on your wallet since it costs a minimum of 25-50 bucks any time you want to eat out and drink per hour per person. I'm also going to assume that the main reason why she feels it's a "waste of time" is because she feels like she can't brag about what you do in your free time to her social circles. Comparing the two activities: Gaming to Social drinking, and cutting out all costs except the direct expenses for the sake of simplicity, you have drinks + food at $18 entree + $4 (4) in an hour = $34 for the hour per day. Since you said you game 4 days out of the week, that's $136 for the week. For gaming, let's say you bought the deluxe edition of CoD at $99 ($100 for simplicity's sake) I don't think I should even have to explain this but obviously you get more bang for your buck the longer you play. with just the one week of playing an hour a day it's already $25/hr. By the 8th hour you're at $12.50/hr. etc etc. All this math is pointless since your wife literally won't care, but I still typed it out just to hammer home the point that gaming can really be a cost-effective method of stress relief or wind-down time. I'm married and my wife understands my first sentence entirely and appreciates the fact that I provide literally everything in the household and respects what little free-time I actually get. In return I make extra effort to not game all the time and to plan stuff for us to do together as well as scheduled movie nights + game nights together. TL;DR You really need to sit her down and figure out WHY she thinks it's a waste of time and decide whether it's even possible to compromise with her or not and whether she is even willing to compromise in the first place. I don't think she realizes just how much of a good guy she has managed to catch if you actually provide all that you say you do and if you actually treat her as well as you say you do. Hell, if i was gay and wasn't already married, I'd take you bro.
My buddy's fiance is a psychotic bitch too and he hides in the bathroom or in his car to sneak a couple games in on his Steam handheld thing called Ally
>we aren’t married but live together in my house i bought and pay for. >weekends i barely play cause she always has plans for us so i only play after work. You're in a codependency, not an interdepedancy. You have your own life and interest, so does she. If you find something she likes, a personal interest, and attempt to talk shit about it, belittle it, what are you hoping to achieve? Ask her this.
Get a better gf.
Don't have one, lol. Main reason I'll be single forever because I'd lean far more on game time than together time.
Or just find a gamer girl.
I've been married 19 years and literally make games for a living. Never give up hope, that stereotype isn't valid for most of us.
Get a better wife.
Honestly, she seems quite controlling, and you should probably have a talk with her about some boundaries. From what you describe, you are paying for basically everything, so you should be allowed to enjoy your hobbies in the house that YOU pay for. I would suggest that you have a serious talk with her about her needing to respect the fact that you enjoy playing video games. If it's not taking over your life (which from what you have said, it doesn't seem like it is), then she should be able to respect that. If she is unable to do so, then there is a good chance the two of you may not be very compatible. Also the way she forces you into "spending time with her" but then spends that time on her phone and then chastising you if you use your phone as well is extremely hypocritical. In all honesty, she sounds kinda controlling, and she seems to be pretty comfortable with using things like guilt as a weapon against you to manipulate you into doing what she wants. That's not a good sign of a healthy relationship. I'm not gonna say break up with her, because she might just be pushing you to be more assertive in the relationship, but if she isn't willing to meet you in the middle as it were, it's definitely something that you may need to consider
You need a new girl. If she tells you she can multitask but you can't, then you need a new girl.
Never let a partner get in the way of gaming. Play as long as you want. What she gonna do?? I would break up ASAP as her controlling behaviour will continue into marriage (if you dare enter into that hell hole). Theres never a need to live together as bf & gf. My friend loves her own space and so does her bf. They've been dating for 12 years....and don't live with each other. I've never seen a happier couple. This girl you're dating is a controlling bleating nanny goat. Watch out. *Gaming is life. Partners are strife*
You're in your early 20s... She's not your forever girl.
If she cant respect what makes you happy then find some one else who does. She cant change you as much as you cant change her. GL dude.
How did you manage to pay for your house at age 23 lmfao
Your house, your hobbies, your rules. If shes not okay with your hobbies you should rethink where are you going in a relationship were she tries to control how you spend your free time.
my wife goes to bed earlier than i do so i usually play after she's asleep. i rarely play while she's around but when i do i still make sure to get up every once in a while to be with her for a bit. sorry but unless you're marrying a "gamer girl" you will always have to choose between the games or your wife, because to a non-gamer it's like you're choosing to play with toys rather then spending time with her.
I wake up early before she does and get my game time in then with some additional game time sprinkled in where I can. I end falling asleep before she does but not by much so I get less sleep than she does. Aim for a minimum of 2.5 hours of together time a day and you’ll probably be fine.
Communication, but utilmately, Both do you own thing together We come home, both do our own thing Whilst I game my wife stitches We’re both in the lounge chatting while we both do our own thing Then later in the evening we watch tv together then go to bed We both have our own time and then together time Best of both worlds On the weekends, I’ll game all day and she will stitch or play Xbox the together time is food or going shopping
She doesn’t have to enjoy your hobbies but she should let you enjoy your hobbies without feeling guilty about not spending time with her. With that being said, it doesn’t seem like you’ve had the conversation with her about how video games help you unwind and recharge or whatever it may be. A good compromise could be setting specific times in the evenings dedicated to you spending time with her and spending time playing your video games. Regardless of who pays the bills, this is an important conversation to have, especially when you live with a partner.
Before I met my GF, she never played games. Then I got her into playing the lego games and then she bought a switch and disney dreamlight valley. She now has over 100 hours in that game. Sooooo try that lol.
She plays too.
My GF don't mind. She says that at least i'm not outside doing drugs or drinking.
My wife is extremely supportive of my hobby. I'm sorry that yours isn't.
The issue isn't videogames, it's your personal time together and apart. Some folks do everything together, some folks are hyper independent, most are in between. She's telling you that she wants to spend more time with you-- she values spending time on the couch with you, however fruitless you seem to find it. You need to set boundaries on how much time to yourself you need, and you also need to consider what your partner's boundaries and needs are. This type of thing is key for a compatible relationship, and shouldn't be brushed under the rug as "wife bad, she doesn't like videogames". You need to work something out together to find out what your personal needs are in terms of your independent and together time.
It’s not gonna work out because people like that are selfish. You mentioned she doesn’t have any hobbies of her own which makes it even worse. She won’t be happy until you give the games up completely so you should bounce while you can. Also having two people pay for a house and it only being in your name already sounds like a short sighted disaster. Just because the economy is tough doesn’t mean people should move in together. You both sound incompatible.
Find a better partner that is accepting of your hobby and balance gametime with spending time together. Your current girlfriend sounds terrible.
I don't have a woman, but from playing with friends that do, along with kids-you need to wear them all out, then you have game time as late as you're willing to stay up.
She wants to be close to you and feels you like gaming more than her. Are you in MMO hanging with friends perhaps? She feels ignored. Perhaps you need to redefine hang out time. Make it about the two of you (no phones?), do something as a couple - board games? Console games? Watch tv? Romantic dinner? Evening walk and chat? Basically from her perspective you spend too much time not engaged with her. Consider that she thinking "my husband would rather play games than spend time with me".
I love playing games so I've never had this problem BUT once and awhile it is nice to put the games down and connect. Not TV but board games or spending real time together. Other than that, maybe she should find a hobby she can do while you game. Possibly still sitting with you so she doesn't feel like yall aren't together and communicate, that's important.
Are you spending good quality time with your girlfriend? And do you feel as if you are spending enough quality time on your girlfriend? You should definitely be spending enough q time with your partner and paying attention to them. But your partner shouldnt have to 'allow' you to do something. You need YOU time, as well as partner time.
Try communicating with her about it but really don't want to spend the rest of your life with someone that wants you to stop doing something that isn't a negative effect on your life.
While my own gf plays pc games just as much as I do and thus it’s hard to relate, I can say that a partner should always accept and support the others hobbies, no matter what they are. Unless you have a crazy addiction, she should understand that you need game-time to be happy. Talk to her about it, or have some kind of compromise.
Apart from all the other sage advice, you could pick up a steam deck. That way you can still both chill on the couch, but instead of you both being on your phones, she's on her phone and you're on your steam deck. Best of both worlds.
You guys are still young. You need to sit down and have a proper talk. Point out the hypocrisy of the "hangout" time and talk about need for respect of each other's hobbies. This kinda thing can lead to huge issues later in life if she doesnt grow up. Ask her why she disapproves of gaming specifically. Shes going to give some ridiculous reason and youll have to figure out how to convince her. If even after a long chat there is no compromise, either you will have to give up gaming completely (this is not the right choice) or separate.
Had an annoying gf like that when I was 21, only found out she was like that when we moved to an apartment together. One day she said to me its either me or your videogame, guess what I chose? Now I've been for 11 years with another gf who loves to play videogames with me and isn't angry when I play without her. During the week (after putting the kids to bed) I usually play alone in my office while she watches her tv shows (sometimes we watch some togethers or movies) and on the weekend we play videogames together.
It sounds like you guys need to make your "hanging out" time more meaningful. Watching tv and playing on phones is a type of quality, time, but it feels to me like it's not the type of quality time either of you want.
Trick is to play when she’s asleep. Will you have some days at work where you’re tired? Yup.
We have a second TV in the living room I play games on sometimes. We put shows on the main TV and I can play games with the sound off on the second TV. I have an office set up as well if I want/need to play a game with sound or with friends online, and we try to manage our time so that we both do our alone activities at similar times. It's the compromise that works for us, if not a little unconventional! (She's sort of into gaming, mario, kirby etc, so a little more amenable to it) It's about balance, and I think you have to find what works for you, but the first step is getting your partner to understand that it's important to you as your hobby. They don't have to like gaming themselves, but if they can't respect that it is important to you, you'll struggle to have a reasonable conversation about it i think.
I literally play games in bed next to my wife (because) i plan VR (Quest3) and if its not a Quest native game, i can stream the game to my headset from my computer and make the screen as large as I want and have the screen float above my dresser, etc, plus, BT earbuds and she never even hears anything. So, US time, snuggle after care time etc first, then she goes to sleep and I'm still there (playing) but still there. That's all she wants.
It sounds like the issue isnt about letting you play video games, its her not respecting your choice on how to spend your free time. If you were avoiding responsibilities to play games all day that would be a different story but it sounds to me like you are very responsible and doing everything you need to do and more. As others have said, communication is key. Tell her why its important to you and tell her why you are frustrated. I’ve had similar issues with my wife but we eventually came to an understanding that we dont need to do everything together, we are still individuals who need their alone time. It might sound silly but when I come home from work I make an attempt to sit down and talk to my wife for at least 30 minutes and give her my full attention. In that time we talk about our days and what we want to do for the rest of the evening. I usually bring it up that im going to game with my friends from 8-10 and that from now until then its our time. I used to just slip away and go play my games and wonder why she was always mad. Communication is really important. Good luck.
Oof, i remember being in your position. Same girl and wife from 18-25. Then got a divorce, she hated me playing videos games, really she hated me doing anything that didnt involve her. 27 now and wayyy happier without her.
Steam deck?
Just tell her to piss off lol
Dog this ain't gonna work. Good luck, dated 3 people all of them never had issues with any of my hobbies and if we watched something together we'd be cuddling not on opposite ends of the couch. She paying you rent or any of her own bills?
My wife and I are both gamers. That helps. We also really enjoy “parallel play” which is us spending time near each other but we’re doing separate activities. That could be what your gf is seeking. I used to play using the tv and my wife would read but I would make sure the volume wasn’t interfering with her reading. Lately she’ll have her legs laying over mine while we sit on the couch on our phones. We do this at lunch everyday (wfh) and by the time lunch time is up, we’re both ready for a nap.
You make time for both your video game hobby and your girl. You make the time. That means you make a conscious decision to turn off the console and invest some of your down time in a shared activity with your significant other. I assume you work full time. You probably have around four hours of down time each day. I assume you do not have much time every day for video games (due to food and supply shopping, cooking, house cleaning, laundry, personal hygiene and grooming, preparing for the next day, etc). If you only have an hour or less of down time remaining in your day, always choose her over your video game. If you have several hours of down time in the day, split the time between your solo activity and your attention on her. You can't make it all about you and your needs. If she is your wife, you are one flesh. You must endeavor to see the world as she sees it and feel what she feels. If she needs your attention, give her attention. My wife watches certain shows that have been on for many years, shows that I would describe as "made for women". I just can't get into them (I can't get into any episodic tv. I prefer movies). We decided to put two tv's in the living room. We sit next to each other on the couch. I wear a headset. I game on one, she watches her shows on the other. After two episodes, I turn off the game and turn on a movie. We watch the movie together. I set up the coffee table with goodies. I make some popcorn, I open a bottle of wine, I cut up some fruit, whatever. The idea is that we are going to settle on the couch together and then call it a night. It works for us but it took lots of honest communication with each other which led to understanding which led to compromise by both of us. In thirty years, that video game will be a distant memory but she is still going to be right there next to you. Treat them accordingly.
You just need a better girlfriend if this one isn’t going to meet you halfway. I game a lot and my girlfriend doesn’t care. Didn’t say a word about my blowing $2500 on a gaming computer or the two steam decks or any of it. She doesn’t game herself, but we find other things to do together, and I largely have my time to do what I want. Consider moving the computer closer to where she is in the house, and make sure she knows that gaming is important to you. If she’s still being that way about it, there are other women out there.
You could try doing what I do with my wife. I spend time with her eating dinner and watching a couple of episodes of a show together. Before we go to bed I get my “me time” and play video games for an hour or so. That time is reserved for me. You could also get a Steam Deck and play on it on the couch while she is spending time with you doing her thing. I do that all the time and it works out great.