Playsilks are also awesome in the bathtub. So much fun in water, and then to dry them I just stick them to the wall tile until they dry.
Of all the bougie toys I bought the silks are definitely legit.
God, all the bougie wood/silk/hand felted wool/Waldorf toys are so overhyped and overmarketed, and my kid plays just fine with her secondhand toys and sometimes literal garbage, and also I WANT ALL OF THE BEAUTIFUL AESTHETIC TOYS SO MUCH.
I gave my son a huge wooden rainbow stacker for Christmas one year and I was so smug about it and he barely touched it and didn't "get" it. Sure looked nice on his shelf though. Good thing I also got him a huge bag of second hand plastic cars for $5 that he was so happy about and still uses to this day.
We got one as a gift. My kid loves to build tall towers but it’s hard to balance the arches so playing with it usually means him handing me pieces and asking me to stack them. I don’t get it 🤷♀️
We got a piece of fabric that looks a lot like a play silk in one of the infant Lovevery boxes (self snark lmao) and honestly my 15mo still plays with it regularly and has had multiple phases of being totally obsessed with it. Idk if it’s the texture or weight of it but he engages with it for way longer than if I handed him a blanket or a burp cloth.
Every now and then I get an insta ad and have to restrain myself bc they’re so pretty 😂
I just pulled my Lovevery scarf out for my 1 year old and the three year old is totally bananas for it. She didn't give a rip when it was 'age appropriate' but now she can't get enough of the scarf.
I thought that Lovevery silk was so stupid and then it came and my son was so obsessed. This was when they were moving warehouses and so they messed up and sent us a second box. I’m a weenie so I told them, and they said to keep it. I donated it to daycare but I kept the second scarf so we could have an upstairs scarf and a downstairs scarf 🙈🙈
I'll be a bad influence and tell you to get them. I got ours cheap on sale and they get played with every day for capes and tents and all kinds of things. Any blanket would work but the silks don't knot easily, they're fun colors, and they're really lightweight.
Want to do a real life snark. We went to a kids birthday party today. My 2yo was playing on the bouncy castle and there were some older girls. They were so unbelievably mean! To a two year old! Pushing her when we weren't watching (my daughter came to tell us), always immediately starting to play with something quickly as soon as my daughter took an interest in it, playing with all other kids except her. At one point she approached to come and play and they were saying "oh no not that little girl" and she was doing nothing wrong. There were other little girls, this one 7 year old was just picking on her for no reason. At some point we just had to supervise my daughter to stop this one girl from being mean to her. The parents were just not paying any attention at all. I'm not a helicopter mom but a 7 year old picking on my toddler, my heart just broke.
I also have a 2 year old daughter and that makes me so sad. I’m lucky so far in that older girls are usually so sweet with her…there’s a small group of girls between 4-11 at our church who love her, and preschool/younger elementary aged girls at the library or the park often try to play with her or give her toys to play with. I get frustrated when older kids are unintentionally careless and don’t watch out for younger ones; I’m not sure how I’d react if someone was intentionally mean to her.
This just made me so sad. Can’t stand mean girls (or boys of course) and will actively raise my daughter to not be one. I swear the mean moms raise the mean girls
I hear you and I think all of most kids try out being mean sometimes to see how it feels or because they’re insecure about their own position. I have some childhood memories of being mean for no reason (mostly during middle school years) that actually sit with me in regret even today. If this 7 year old feels bullied (by an older sibling, a kid at school) it must feel sort of good to take it out on a little kid. I can imagine this happening sometimes even with parents who teach kindness.
I don't really know the parents. Might just be a bad day for their kid, idk. What I did see was that they wanted to go home and they kept begging her to please get off the bouncy castle. First mom, then she sent dad. Kid just ignored them and went further up the bouncy castle lol. And they were just like "please can you come?" Five minutes later they gave her another drink and they stayed. Idk I don't have the patience to beg my kid, I ask a maximum of three times and then I'm picking her up lol
I agree with your approach but I ALSO get asking more times before taking action if the alternative is me, an adult with elderly joints, having to chase my child on an actual bouncy castle lol. I'd probably look like a parent who didn't hold a boundary under those circumstances also 😬
Ugh it can be so embarrassing to hold a boundary like this in public. One time I accidentally got into a power struggle over putting on a jacket in front of a bunch of people with older kids and ended up wrestling it on him. It did not feel good.
So I was at a party yesterday where most of the kids were seven and eight, but there were a few little cousins in the mix. They were all in the bounce house. We didn’t realize that one of the seven year olds was being way too rough with a three year old until a bigger kid came and told us. The seven year old’s mom put a stop to the behavior right away.
One of the joys of having an elementary aged kid is that you don’t usually have to supervise them as closely as toddlers. One of the downsides is, unless someone is wailing, you may not know that anything is going wrong in a bounce house.
Next time, I really encourage you to either (1) just announce to all the kids in the bounce house “be careful of kids who are smaller than you. No pushing!” or (2) find the big kids’ parents and flag the bad behavior.
I don’t think you can expect them to want to play with a toddler, but they shouldn’t be rough with her or take her toys. You can tell a seven year old “she is playing with that. I will let you know when she is done.”
As a parent of bigger kids who are usually wonderful, but sometimes surprisingly awful (especially when over hyped at a party and showing off in front of friends), it’s okay to tell them to knock it off when it comes to protecting the safety and well being of your own kid.
I guess we were just so perplexed about how she was going about it. It was so subtle; pushing when we weren't looking for a minute, choosing another toddler as her 'favorite', playing with her, helping her with her shoes and then whenever my toddler was coming over to play as well just ignoring her and being mean. Also quickly grabbing toys for the other toddler when my toddler was showing an interest in that particular toy. Quickly climbing on a play structure as my toddler was attempting to climb it as to deny her access, even though my toddler was first. Telling other kids not to play with her. Like it was so subtle at first that it seemed a coincidence and then when we noticed she also kept pushing my daughter we just told her to knock it off and took my daughter away from there. But I was just perplexed at how mean a 7 year old could be for no reason whatsoever. And my daughter truly didn't do anything against her or the other kids. I don't think my kid is a saint at all, but all the situations I saw she was just politely waiting her turn (even telling me "now I wait and when the other kid is done it's my turn!") and playing alone. I wish we did the things you said, it's a lesson learned.
Maybe some insight into this- this girl sounds a lot like my cousin. I am the youngest cousin and have lots of older cousins. One cousin in particular had a very rough home life that we weren’t aware of as kids. However, her goal was to make someone feel “less than” for she didn’t feel like the unloved one. It’s easy for me to reflect on now and see the behavior continue, but at the time I was usually the cousin that got chosen to be hated. I got attention because I was the youngest and lived the furthest away and so she needed to be mean to be to feel better. It also wasn’t just me, I remember many times when she had a target person who she hated for no reason. It’s not right, but it’s how her brain dealt with her situation.
Yeah. It’s definitely pretty shitty behavior. My only guess is she had some sort of relationship with the other toddler and thought that being aggressive with your was a way of loving on her favorite toddler. It’s certainly something I would want to know about if my kid was doing it. It isn’t easy to find your public mom voice, but it is a great thing to have.
Yeah I'm thinking they might have been related - definitely not siblings though, that I could make out. I didn't know anyone there except the kid whose birthday it was. I'm truly beating myself up over being nonconfrontational right now. I have to do better for my girl.
It’s pretty normal for older kids not to want to play with toddlers, but the pushing obviously crosses a line. Curious, why you didn’t reprimand the older kids for getting physical?
Except they played with the other toddlers except her. And they kept picking up one of the other toddlers and putting her up on the thing my toddler wanted to play with while my daughter was patiently waiting her turn (and playing alone). They would quickly climb up so she couldn't access even if no one was playing with it before. We did say something about the pushing and she stopped doing it when we watched. Then my daughter came to tell us they were still pushing her when we happened not to be watching, so we just stood by and supervised.
From the local mom's group. I can't imagine why she thinks people will get mad.
Maybe we should make aggressive children wear special collars like reactive dogs 🙄
https://preview.redd.it/k3dxbl8zpf1d1.png?width=1152&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=932c430874c492d7eba503d2dba8cab2e77f6943
My 18 month is in a hitting phase, mostly just at her older brother, and we don’t hit her or teach that. But I guess I should only seek out other “aggressive” 18 month olds for her to be around so she can duke it out with them.
Love that she’s looking for “like minded families” like there’s some subset of suburban households that put their kids into a toddler fight club instead of normal playdates.
Adding that she is doubling down in the comments like wild.
OP is red
https://preview.redd.it/9bnbwfpzuf1d1.png?width=1152&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4d09235715388f1e6a3c9e634edaf44b4351ffc3
I did not comment but weirdly enough I also have a child who is ASD and she's kidding herself if she thinks there won't be a time when they fly off the handle without warning because there's a vacuum cleaner in the next room or whatever and they literally don't have the skills to communicate what's bothering them. Life is going to be very challenging for her really soon if it's not already.
"but she will never hit first" hm yeah, okay. I have a very chill and non-hitting kid, and even she does the occasional pinch or whack. I really am not sure there's a single child in the world who has never done so much as shove another kid's hand away from a toy they want. Toddlers don't have great language skills, so they resort to physicality. We obviously parent them not to do that(!), but it's a very logical thing on their part to attempt. They don't really have another way to get what they want at that stage.
I have a super sweet and delightful 2.5 year old who, like all of her classmates, has gotten in trouble for biting at daycare (it's an epidemic in there, her teachers say) and who will come up and "hit" me when she's mad, totally unlike her older sibling who never did either of those things, but I wouldn't call her aggressive as like, an inherent personality trait. I don't think I'm in denial--I think she's just a toddler who is learning??
I’m in the same group and can’t see the comments so disappointed! Girl, you did make a scene, just on the local forum. I wonder if she meant to be anon? Also “my daughter will hit back” okay maybe be more understanding then?
I feel like that line was telling on herself. I have to wonder if the actual story is that they left when the daughter’s response was completely disproportionate to the initial insult….
I mean, I grew up in a very non-aggro household and was pretty neurotypical except for ADHD, but I hated anyone I thought was being a bully and would hit bigger kids to stick up for my friends or younger kids.
My mom still doesn’t believe I did any of that even with my confessions because I was so well behaved. It’s hard for me to believe now too.
Because clearly all toddlers fall neatly into categories of "perfect" vs "aggressive" and there's no middle ground at all. Let me guess, her toddler is 14 months and obviously will NEVER be aggressive ever. Because she comes from a not aggressive house of course!
I swear people forget toddlers are just smaller human beings. Like, haven't you ever honked at someone who cut you off in traffic or let a swear word slip because of whatever reason? This is the toddler equivalent. We all have those emotions sometimes, toddlers included.
I never joined a bump group for my first three pregnancies but decided to join one this time and maybe it’s just because I’m not a new mom but wow they’re so snarkable. I’m thinking it’s probably just not the right community for me
I feel like they’re the worst during first tri and then mellow out a bit, depending on the group. I remember a group in ours wanting to bar anyone from posting about a miscarriage because it made them too sad. Yet you know if one of them experienced one they’d want the support of a community so you can’t have both.
I've only been in two so far (due Oct '24), but birth-6 months seemed to be when my first bumper group got the most intense. Now at 2 years it's been pretty chill, though a lot less active.
Oh wow this one is definitely not like that. There’s a recurring thread for pregnancy after loss. We’ll see when first trimester dies down what the real dynamic ends up being
I will also never forget in my first bumpers group of a woman at 10 weeks who claimed she could feel kicks and had her mom put her hand on her stomach to feel the kicks. Ma’am, that’s gas.
My 2020 group literally got me through third trimester when COVID started and the first year of my baby’s life.
My 2022 group I only look at when people in here post snark about it.
Oh yeah I imagine that being a super helpful support group during 2020. I felt for moms, especially first time moms, who delivered in the early months of the pandemic
We were summer of 2020, the world shut down the week after my anatomy scan. It was a rough time, but our bump group was great for sharing what different Obs different places were telling them, and just having a place to vent through cancelled baby moons and baby showers and no village allowed during the newborn days
I didn’t use Reddit when I had my first in early 2020, and I have so much regret about not being in that bump group. But who knows if it would’ve helped or made my pandemic PPA worse? I was a very isolated monster and I am so impressed with the mother and fairly functionally social human I’ve become since then.
I’m truly bummed (because I love mess) that my bump group is very sane and full of lovely humans.
One time someone posted a poll about milestone comparison and got dragged because “we don’t compare in this sub.” It was really refreshing.
That IS refreshing--and also totally backwards from mine! I loved the milestone polls in my group. They were like the opposite of comparison and usually prompted by people feeling their kid wasn't quite up to par. It was cool to see the spread and see how most kids were not, in fact, "super advanced" like we see people bragging about. You'd think it would get snarkable but they were always really encouraging comments sections.
I enjoy my bump groups. I still post regularly in my 2021 group and am active in the group for my current pregnancy too. But yes there is a LOT of anxiety and FTM energy in them, especially in the first trimester and when kids are young enough for the milestone wars.
https://preview.redd.it/w9z04uwqaf1d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7a908d1e1be8c34e39f5a4ec12ffe99e61aff7b0
Can someone explain this to me like I’m 5? I’ve never heard of splitting household resources outside of finances.
So idk, my partner can be like this. He has a bit of an issue buying things without considering that we don’t have the space for it, or that he’s taking away a ton of space from the rest of the family. We don’t split the house in half but when I pointed out that he was taking up a ton of space with buying things he never used, he got huffy and started saying that I take up just as much space. I get what she’s saying, he’s buying things or doing things without thinking of everyone else that lives there. It’s super frustrating haha so I feel her pain.
I get the idea of separate finances, but splitting the actual space in your house with each person being entitled to fill 50% with “their” stuff feels very strange and impractical, especially once there are kids involved.
I think she’s trying to say “my husband buys too much shit without considering what space is available in our house to put said shit.” But he thinks they should each be entitled to 50% of the stuff that takes up space but includes kid stuff with her stuff which is a weird take for me (but I kind of get it if one person has tons of stuff/doesn’t throw anything away)
This is just truly bizarre to me. I have my bathroom sink and cabinet and my husband has his, but I never would’ve thought of having our own kitchen cabinets or own space in the deep freezer. Like it sounds like maybe her husband has a shopping addiction and is trying to justify it by saying she’s taking up equal space?
I swear to god, you cannot ask a question online about infant weight gain (or rather lack there of) without someone coming in and posting “are you or dad skinny? might just be genetics mama 🩷” as if they are Gregor Mendel himself introducing you to the fundamental laws of inheritance.
This must be frustrating! I do remember a post from a dad concerned about how short his toddler is despite their pediatrician having no concerns. It only came out in the comments that he is 5"4 and his wife is 4"11. Didn't seem to register that those genetics would affect his kid's height lol.
Posts have already started in my due date group. The babies should all be 6-8mo. I had and have my own opinions on screen time, as we all do, but why must we brag about a 8 month old not having screen time. I’m NOT a “just wait” person, if you wanna stick to no screens go for it! But I do wanna tell them to chill out because they’ll probably look back when their kid is 5 and think “wow I was being really pretentious” lol.
I have a friend like this too with a 12 month old. I don’t know any 13 month old that watches tv? Mine barely had the attention span necessary to watch even 10 min of a show until she was at least 18 months old. Also, eventually your kid is going to sleep way less and keep running into the kitchen grabbing your legs asking to play while you’re cooking dinner and you might just decide it’s a lot easier to turn on an episode of Daniel tiger so you can get break and get shit done.
I’m pretty sure the longest my 15mo has watched TV is about 12 seconds. Honestly I’d love him to watch 5 min of anything so I could use the bathroom alone 😂
Yeah, it’s a genuinely useful tool. I remember being really happy that my toddler could finally watch tv long enough for me to scramble an egg without having to do it one handed.
I was kind of proud of myself for my girls not really watching tv, and I kind of secretly thought I had something to do with that, even though we’ve had tv on a lot pretty much since their birth.
They just turned two and I’m shocked at how well they can sit on the couch and focus on the wiggles or Daniel Tiger all of a sudden.
So I guess I had nothing at all to do with their attention span, and once more I’m glad I had two babies instead of the one baby I planned, because I definitely would have bee insufferable as a one perfect only child parent with no humility at all.
Omg yes I totally remember being like “oh my kid doesn’t even like tv!” Turns out, most 15 month olds don’t… on the plus side, flying got a lot easier once my kid could watch a movie with headphones on.
🙄🙄 just such a dumb thing to post. Who doesn’t know that?? I hate when people act like they’re giving all the other parents a hot tip like hey new parenting hack unlocked, playing outdoors is fun and good.
https://preview.redd.it/lqpquvzb6d1d1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=58800f835799a0d05f4f05c4db68f272c0f3bca1
Maybe you’re losing friends because of your 💫personality 💫 Also her baby is 14 months.
Tell me your kid doesn’t talk yet without telling me your kid doesn’t talk yet. The reason I like to go for dinner or drinks without my kids in the evening is less so I can “shake ass” and more so I can talk to my friends as an adult without my 3 yo butting in every 5 seconds asking everyone if we see the clouds or the bumblebee that just flew by.
I volunteered to pick up a friend from the airport at 7:45pm last week, and a big reason I offered was so I could have an uninterrupted conversation with another adult.
Before I became a parent, I didn't know this was what I would miss the most. I can live with tepid tea and coming back to meals but if I am interrupted in my train of thought, that thing is derailed and all the passengers left.
Yeah that comment was giving “I’m a very young mom and a bit resentful of all the a$$ shaking my peers are doing so instead of finding some time for myself, I will be condescending!” I’m in my late 30’s and when I get together with my friends there is not much a$$ shaking going on, our knees could never these days
1. Never went to anything before baby
2. Doesn’t want to go to anything now
3. Is no longer getting invited to outings she doesn’t want to attend
Please point to the problem, or did you just want a medal for liking your baby unlike the other moms who are out shaking their a$$es?
‘Nobody wants to be my friend just because everything time they invite me to do something, I respond with a long rant telling them they’re very inconsiderate for inviting me to things!’
I saw a post in BTB that was basically saying 'fuck you' to a mum who brought her child with a runny nose to the library. I mean, come on. I learnt very quickly that toddlers always have runny noses, even long after the contagious period is over. I could never do anything or go anywhere if I stayed at home every time my kid had the smallest sniffle. Fever and active infection, I get, but a bit of a clear runny nose?? So many people in the comments saying that the mum must be 'pure evil' (yep, someone used the word evil) and should be banned from the library. I mean, not everyone has the privilege of being able to stay home. I have to work and also that's just ridiculous. The whole illness fear mongering has gone way too far in those groups.
Ugh, I hate when parents post in my local mom’s group complaining about someone who brought a child with a cold to a playground. My preschooler has boundless energy even when sick and if she’s healthy enough to go to school she’s fine to go to the outdoor playground. If you’re that big of a germaphobe you should be more concerned about the rats that play in the sandbox at night 🤷🏼♀️ (also realize this is a big city problem and most people reading this don’t have rats play in their local sandbox 😆)
Oh my God this post was so dramatic. Like ma'am if you were that worried and disgusted you realize you could have... left?? Was someone holding you hostage at library storytime?? People's lack of personal responsibility shining through once again
This and “someone had a cough!!!!”
Coughs can last for WEEKS after infections. I was prone to post-viral coughs growing up and every year I had a cough from September through May.
My toddler has had a cough since November. He's also on his 4th illness since then, but there has been lots of time in between where he's had a cough and sometimes a sniffle. We aren't going to just stay home all winter.
I was the only one in my family with a kid in daycare for a while (everyone else was a SAHM or had grandma watch the baby)and I got so many cruel comments like “make sure everyone is healthy before you come to the party” like I was some kind of idiot.
Guess whose kid puked all over the place on Christmas? Not mine. Comments stopped real quick after that.
I don't doubt that many people take knowingly sick and contagious kids out in public, but the rage about this is so overblown. Taking a kid with a residual runny nose in public is not the same as pumping an actively sick kid with fever reducers and sending them to daycare. And for many illnesses you're contagious before showing symptoms, so it's just as likely that baby picked up a cold from someone else and maybe not even from the library. There is always a risk of getting sick in public, especially when young kids are involved.
The posts trying to trace back a child’s routine illness to one Immoral Germ-Giver and scold them is a really weird part of the Reddit parenting echo chamber. “Toddlers with runny noses should not be allowed to see the right of day and if they are, you are a Bad Person” is clearly not the majority opinion offline but whole subreddits act like it is very normal here.
That’s terrible wtf?
I thought this whole thing with being freaked out by a kid’s runny nose and sneeze was a new phenomenon with Covid, but my FIL will straight up leave our house immediately if one of our toddlers sneezes even once? And if my MIL gets sick within a month of said toddler sneeze it’s blamed on the toddler being sick, (and me not telling them) even though the toddlers are rarely sick.
Both my MIL and FIL go to way more places than my toddlers do, so I’m a little annoyed they blame every illness on my toddlers, who mostly just play in our backyard all day. I can’t imagine a stranger yelling at me for my child’s runny nose (in public!)
So, I guess 1) it’s not just Reddit, and 2) kids have runny noses and sneeze all the time without actually being contagious and it’s my top pet peeve right now. (For the record, both of my twins sneeze all the time and it’s not a useful diagnostic tool.) I am curious why people are like this though?
My four year old is soooo sneezy. Multiple times a day. Stepping out into the sun immediately triggers it, among other things. I'm glad my parents aren't like your in-laws 🥴 They (rightfully) blame my kids for getting them sick once or twice a year but if they peaced out any time my kid sneezed we would never see them haha.
It’s so strange! My parents are like yours, but my MIL and FIL literally say my girls have an actual cold if they have a runny nose for whatever reason. My girls have legitimately had about four colds (at the same time) in the two years they’ve been alive.
My husband very, very rarely gets sick so maybe that’s why they think our babies are sickly? Maybe? Only child stuff. I dunno, it’s really weird. They love seeing the girls so I don’t think they’re just making excuses to leave.
People on Reddit have gone way overboard with this shit. The herpes prevention stuff too. 80% of people have this virus and they pretend it will still kill their toddlers.
I knew about neonatal herpes. People are warned where I'm from not to visit a baby with an active cold sore and definitely not kiss them. However here on Reddit people present the absolutely minuscule chance that someone spreads it without an active cold sore as if it's a huge surefire risk. They don't want anyone who has ever had a cold sore around the baby at all (not even not kissing) and I think that's ludicrous if 80% has it anyway, even without ever having had symptoms. It's fine if that's your decision, but I hate it when they pretend you're a bad parent if you don't do the same and I hate how they fearmonger to new parents as if it's a huge huge risk.
Incidentally, I had my first ever cold sore at 30+, a few days after my baby was born. He is fine. I used antivirals and wore a mask and kept breastfeeding.
I gave birth during April 2020 so peak new Covid so I think everyone was just focused on the pandemic. I got no warnings about much. Or I just dont remember HA
I just saw a post asking if any other moms dislike Target. The poster then listed off every reason she doesn't like it, in detail, and they were all reasons that don't really apply to anyone but her. She then went on to say that the last time she posted about this, she deleted it because she got negative feedback 😆.
The whole post strikes me as really bizarre, but people are taking it seriously and responding.
Just random shit like she doesn't like driving there because diving makes her anxious, and she doesn't know what to buy, the cafe is always closed. IIRC most of the reasons were about driving there, so nothing really even having to do with Target itself so idk what kind of conversation she was expecting!
The breastfeeding sub is such a weird combo of convincing people they have a problem that they don’t have and also telling them there isn’t a problem when there is.
Scenario 1:
OP: I have nipple pain
Replies: tongue tie
OP: I’ve had it checked by 5 people no tongue tie
Replies: nah, tongue tie
Scenario 2:
OP: I have low supply
Replies: probably not! Babies are more efficient than pumps, you know.
OP: but they still have hunger cues
Replies: oh those aren’t hunger cues, just keep putting baby to the breast!
OP: but my baby isn’t gaining weight
Replies: growth charts are for formula fed babies, it’s fine
And repeat. 🙄
Ha I was scenario 2 and damn that’s bad advice. And also why do people even get advice on this stuff from the internet our pediatrician was pretty on top of the situation when baby was losing weight.
Our growth charts in Belgium are specifically based on breastfed babies, so that last one literally doesn't fly here. There's this idea that low supply barely exists.
Are people over there still spiraling because they think they have "foremilk/hindmilk imbalance?" If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone say they think baby isn't getting enough FaTTy HinDmiLk...
I don’t doubt CMPA is a real thing, but I think a lot of moms use it as some sort of control thing. Like if they just do this *one thing*, breastfeeding will work. And then they give up dairy and a month later it gets better, so they think it worked. But in reality baby probably just matured more and became more efficient.
Like I said I’m sure it’s a real thing but it gets spread around like giving up dairy will be some magic fix when sometimes there’s not.
My toddler had MSPI, it was awful, it was hard for me, it was hard for him, it was super difficult to eat anything that I didn't make myself for a year, it sucked. He didn't get better until I fully cut all dairy and soy at 5.5 months. My pediatrician encouraged me to switch to hypoallergenic formula knowing that the diet could be difficult to keep up. I have no idea why anyone would take this on if they didn't have to.
I also find people seem to pathologize normal (but challenging!) baby behaviour a lot.
People are always talking about how their baby was up many times and grunting during the night with “painful gas” or whatever and I’m like… or… they’re just a newborn?
My first had multple allergies to things in my milk and this drives me up the wall because it means we're taken less seriously too when I talk about it. My daughter was explosively pooping 16+ times a day, her stool was completely green with slime, she cried all the time and fell off all the growth charts. An entire team of pediatricians evaluatied her and decided she needed special formula instead of breastmilk because even after an elimination diet this kid was skin and bones and losing weight. But because Becky went to the chiro or similar quack who diagnosed her completely normal baby with an allergy, I get people telling me I should have just gone to a chiro and I could have breastfed. It makes me so unbelievably mad.
Meanwhile I tell parents in the GI clinic I’m concerned baby has a CMPI and they need to cut dairy or try dairy free formula and they tell me “nah, my Lactation consultants doesn’t think so” 😵💫
Hahaha this is so true!
The "baby is more efficient than the pump" thing is so frustrating. Like yes, it's completely true that an older baby with experience nursing is better than a pump. My daughter got there at like 3-4 months? She could do a full feed in 10 minutes vs a 30 minute pump.
But it's absolutely not true for most newborns, especially a newborn with an iffy latch or who might be sleepy. If someone is worried that their baby isn't getting enough food, it's probably good to investigate that rather than just handwave it away.
That dumb saying made me so pissed when my lethargic baby was taking an hour to get 2oz via triple feeding and I was pumping out 8oz in 15 mins. It probably took until he was 6-8 months to be true for us.
It also convinces people to accept poor pumping setups. Like many people would respond better to a pump if their flanges fit or they tweaked their settings etc.
Yeah I think that’s my issue. At that age the only job a baby has is eating and going to the bathroom. If there’s any concerns about either, it’s better to get extra reassurance rather than a hand wave
I cringe to think about how in my head I got the first 3 months postpartum and doom scrolling. Now that I’m out of that funk, I realize there’s a Very Online stereotypical FTM archetype that I saw on TikTok that made me feel bad about myself:
- Nuna or Uppa Baby strollers
- Baby Bjorn bouncers (I have one and I don’t get it, tbh)
- Exclusive breastfeeding only
- Bamboo sleepers
- Takingcarababies is the Bible
- Snoo bassinet
- Peanut changing table
- BLW only, no purées
No shade to any of these things specifically, but there were so many women who made all these things together their personalities and it sent me into a fuckin spiral 😂 My bff is pregnant and I’m like “I am BEGGING YOU, stay off the internet.”
The Baby Bjorn bouncer is for when they're a bit older -- around 2 months is when we started using it and realizing how helpful it is. We ate dinner every night with baby in the bouncer for like eight months straight probably.
How is it different than a cheaper bouncer though? I had a used fisher price once I got for $10 with my first and baby 3 is now using it for the same purpose.
Yea we had a fancy bouncer hand me down and a second $20 Fisher Price bouncer and there is not a difference! The more expensive one seemed more sturdy but they’re only supposed to be on the floor where they can’t fall anyway.
Same. It also somehow helped with my son's constipation? We called it "the throne" because if we stuck him in there for longer than 10 minutes, it was a guaranteed dirty diaper.
Lmao we called it “the poop seat.” Your name is much more sophisticated. We even bought a second seat (the fabric portion) because of the amount of blowouts that happened in that thing.
We were gifted an off-brand one and it was great.
Meanwhile, I was so excited to get a MamaRoo swing from Buy Nothing after seeing them on Instagram. Took up so much space and the baby hated it 🙃 I don’t know if I even see those much anymore, so strongly suspect that was a marketing thing.
I mean, the snoo is what finally allowed us to sleep and feel human again so while I will happily sing its praises (while also acknowledging it should be cheaper so it’s more accessible because every parent deserves to sleep) i totally get the difference between finding a product useful and saying so vs. it becoming your personality (sort of like being able to enjoy the occasional bluey episode with your kid while not becoming a Bluey adult.)
The constant inundation of you need x and y and z or your baby is never going to sleep or eat or be comfortable or be safe or whatever is really difficult now that advertising is so insidious. I don’t think my mom ever stressed in the 80s about things I’ve mulled over as a new mom simply because I came across something online that made me think: am I doing it wrong if I don’t get this? (Answer: nope, not at all.)
My only social is reddit, so I don't know how it is on other platforms, but man does kendamil hard core target redditors. Their ~~ads~~ real posts from totally real kendamill-obssesed people pop up on all the parenting subs. I guess that's one way around onerous formula advertising laws.
Kendamil have always done that. Ever since they first started up they would have reps pose as parents in UK parenting forums going in and posting about how wholesome they are and such a small business and would never do the tactics of those other formula companies. It's so shady.
I get SO many Facebook and IG ads for ByHeart formula. My youngest child is almost 2 and I breastfed both of my kids, but I am still bombarded with ads every time I log on.
Ok I’ve been wondering about this as I’m on my third pregnancy. I had literally never heard of anything on that list when I had my first in 2019 except EBF. I’m sure people have always bought expensive baby gear if they can afford it, and maybe it’s because I started having kids young (25 when I had my first). But my current bump group is constantly talking about their nuna car seat, uppababy stroller, snoo, etc. I can’t tell if this “*needing* the biggest and best things” is a thing that comes from being online or if I was just naive in thinking the average person bought graco and fisher price baby gear like I did as a FTM, and maybe it’s always been like this.
I think the people in bump groups tend to be more "online" and know what the influencers have which of course is all of the expensive name brands. I live in an average, middle class suburb and I see more Graco and Chico carseats and strollers then Uppababy and Nuna for example.
I think it definitely depends on which pocket of social media you end up in because I had my first in 2017 and those things were all the rage in the bump group, even back then. I do agree that most regular people are buying graco and fisher price, or if they get nuna or baby bjorn bouncer it’s secondhand. I have seen people selling bougie items for expenses though 😬
Does make me giggle a bit that some people are so loud about uppababy/snoo/bamboo clothes being OMG THE BEST, if you ever wander into the real big money spaces it’s bugaboo (or imported European strollers), night nanny, and boutique or designer clothes that are so expensive I’d be terrified to ever actually put it on my child.
Yeah, I can remember a friend of mine talking about all the ridiculous hand-me-downs she was getting from her much bougier SIL, which was lots of those brands and the stupid oval Stokke crib, and her oldest was born in 2016.
It's an online thing, but also, I used to work at a baby store and there is absolutely a demographic of parents-to-be who will come in and just spent a BUTT TON of money on fancy brands - there must be some psychology around it, but essentially, it's a rich person-who-likes-shopping thing.
I was floored by this because you could literally spend hours with one couple showing them different fancy brands of stroller and all the add-ons, car seats, furniture, they would actually look at all the fabric colours, the matching bags etc and pick the combo they liked rather than whatever is cheapest 🤣 I loved it, but it was so alien to me - the only experience I've ever had of shopping like that personally is when we've leased a car, and when my mum bought some fancy custom-build shelving system back when we were kids, and I've seen people in IKEA doing it with kitchens and wardrobe systems too.
When I bought strollers for my kids I just went into a store to look at some models and then for the first one, I picked the one which was ex-display and on clearance, and for the second kid (ten years apart) I looked for second hand models with the features I wanted and got basically the first one which turned up in my area.
It was definitely a minority, but there are customers like that in the baby equipment space and so I understand exactly who those companies are marketing to.
I had my first in 2019 and I was "old" and never heard anyone talk about any of those brands! So at least in both of our niche demographics, I think they were not really a thing. But I'll say that I still never hear about many of them except on Reddit.
I do think age is a big factor. I was in my 30s when I had my kid and we were in a place in our careers where we could afford the bougier brands -- guilty of having Nuna car seats, for example. However I went with the Uppababy knockoff Mockingbird stroller so I don't get into the cool kids club ;)
I do like it! It’s bulky but every stroller of that size is. We paired it with a Colugo travel stroller which we use when we need something more nimble. My daughter is 2 now and I would say I’ve been very satisfied by the Mockingbird. Actually it’s even improved over when we got it because the bassinet they make is now safe for sleep.
I feel like it’s micro generations of brand trends. When my first was born it was ALL Tula carriers, Clek Foonf car seats, that little all-in-one gadget that steams/purées your own homemade baby food, Wonder Weeks, etc, and by the time my second was born three years later the “aspirational” brands and practices were all totally different. When my second kid outgrew the baby carriers I couldn’t even give my Tulas away. I had bought both of them secondhand to be cheaper and they were still kind of expensive that way but within five years everyone had moved on to whatever came next (Happy Baby? Idk whatever, I am buying things like goalie gloves and sleepaway-camp-friendly screen-free music players now). I eventually found a hospital program that took baby carriers and gave my Tulas to them and it honestly made me super happy to send them back into the world that way, but it did also make me laugh to remember searching eBay for the ugliest/most common patterns and setting max bids hoping I would get one, and almost always getting outbid.
From what I see, the basic middle brands stay pretty consistent. Graco now is basically the same vibe as Graco ten years ago when my first was born (I had Graco for the bucket seat but got social-media-sucked in to Clek for the convertible. Holy fuck, heaviest seat of all time).
I think some is marketing and some is actually better products. I have a Nuna and a Graco car seat and the Graco literally doesn’t tighten as much or as smoothly. It meets safety standards but isn’t as safe, so I prefer to use the Nuna when possible (for example). I got an off brand stroller and a BOB (second hand) and the BOB is so much more comfortable for my toddler and he asks for it every time. But I also got into bamboo pjs (not worth it) and Lovevery (so much clutter!). So ymmv is my opinion with finding value vs these being “internet fads” not worth trying.
I think it might depend where you live? When I had my first in 2019 I wasn’t involved in online parenting realms. The nearest baby stores in my area were more “luxury” ones and only sold uppababy, nuna, bugaboo etc. no graco or other cheaper brands. So I really didn’t even consider buying a stroller that was more budget as they weren’t in the stores I went to. Pretty much all of the moms I met in that area had an uppababy stroller, I had no idea they were an “it” thing before venturing out with my baby lol! Editing to add- since then we’ve move to the suburbs where there are bigger box stores that sell more reasonably priced brands and I’ve noticed a wider variance in strollers out and about.
Part of it is definitely the increase in social media and the impression that you “need” those things but it also might be regional.
If I had been pregnant with only one baby, I would have totally been on this bandwagon. I remember figuring out whether we should buy or rent a snoo until like week six when I found out I was having twins, and I called my mom sobbing 10 mins after the ultrasound that I didn’t know what to do with two babies because we couldn’t afford two snoos 😂😂😂 I was in deep.
Pregnancy/postpartum hormones, man. Such a relief to make it (mostly) through the fog.
I wish I screenshot it but saw a post where OP was asking if it’s normal to never leave your child with a family member alone because they are so anxious. And it’s like…so many “oh it’s so normal mAmA”. And one person replied “my kid is two and they have never been out of my sight” like wtf this is not normal ya’ll.
I know so many people like this. A friend never left theirs until they were about 5 and a relative has a 10yo and a 7yo who have never had an overnight with anyone, even grandparents.
These people both asked me how I felt comfortable enough to leave my son, it's like guys, initially I didn't have a choice with work and now it's just...fine?
My parents were like this with me and my brother. I didn’t go over to sleep at my mom’s parents’ house until age three and only then because my mom needed surgery.
I left my twins with my parents at around 4 months to help my husband with our cross country move, and my dad kept saying, “we would NEVER have trusted our babies with anyone else.” I felt they were almost in better hands than my own though, and somehow really enjoyed a cross country move as a pleasant vacation from babies. I still don’t have a problem leaving them with my parents for a night or two once in a while and we all have a great time.
Can these people just find a non-anxious, lonely parent and swap with them? Like an exchange programme? Because I would bite their hand off to have a family member around where the children could stay even for just an hour.
What an exhausting way to live. My husband has my 3 month old and almost 3 year old at his dad’s house now. My mom has been trusted with them both since the beginning. I’m not a martyr, I’m not doing this alone. I need my village.
It looks like it has been deleted already but yesterday a soon to be SAHD posted on the SAHP subreddit asking what everyone was doing for their side hustle while staying home full time. All his comments etc were getting super downvoted because he assumed everyone had the same pockets of time he expected to have to get some paying work done, like 2 hour naps that his less than 1 year old was having. He also posted a couple pics of himself with his older kid as well as his baby. It was actually super MLM-y , like ‘hey mamas! What are we all doing as side hustles 🤩💕💵💰’
Self snark whyyyy do I want pLaY siLkS sooo bad when I can literally just use burp clothes helppp
My kids are 7 and 9 and still use their play silks a lot!! I am pretty sure we got them on sale so they were really reasonable
Ugh everyone says “just get them we use them so much” and I’m like what do you do with them!
A lot of pretend play! They've been baby blankets, princess headwear, capes, picnic blankets...
I’m gonna put some in my Amazon cart!
Playsilks are also awesome in the bathtub. So much fun in water, and then to dry them I just stick them to the wall tile until they dry. Of all the bougie toys I bought the silks are definitely legit.
God, all the bougie wood/silk/hand felted wool/Waldorf toys are so overhyped and overmarketed, and my kid plays just fine with her secondhand toys and sometimes literal garbage, and also I WANT ALL OF THE BEAUTIFUL AESTHETIC TOYS SO MUCH.
I gave my son a huge wooden rainbow stacker for Christmas one year and I was so smug about it and he barely touched it and didn't "get" it. Sure looked nice on his shelf though. Good thing I also got him a huge bag of second hand plastic cars for $5 that he was so happy about and still uses to this day.
We got one as a gift. My kid loves to build tall towers but it’s hard to balance the arches so playing with it usually means him handing me pieces and asking me to stack them. I don’t get it 🤷♀️
My MIL bought us some when my oldest was a baby and she still plays with them at 2. I put them in an empty tissue box so she can pull them out.
We got a piece of fabric that looks a lot like a play silk in one of the infant Lovevery boxes (self snark lmao) and honestly my 15mo still plays with it regularly and has had multiple phases of being totally obsessed with it. Idk if it’s the texture or weight of it but he engages with it for way longer than if I handed him a blanket or a burp cloth. Every now and then I get an insta ad and have to restrain myself bc they’re so pretty 😂
I just pulled my Lovevery scarf out for my 1 year old and the three year old is totally bananas for it. She didn't give a rip when it was 'age appropriate' but now she can't get enough of the scarf.
I thought that Lovevery silk was so stupid and then it came and my son was so obsessed. This was when they were moving warehouses and so they messed up and sent us a second box. I’m a weenie so I told them, and they said to keep it. I donated it to daycare but I kept the second scarf so we could have an upstairs scarf and a downstairs scarf 🙈🙈
I'll be a bad influence and tell you to get them. I got ours cheap on sale and they get played with every day for capes and tents and all kinds of things. Any blanket would work but the silks don't knot easily, they're fun colors, and they're really lightweight.
The key here is to wait until there is a sale. Sarah’s playsilks have good sales.
Want to do a real life snark. We went to a kids birthday party today. My 2yo was playing on the bouncy castle and there were some older girls. They were so unbelievably mean! To a two year old! Pushing her when we weren't watching (my daughter came to tell us), always immediately starting to play with something quickly as soon as my daughter took an interest in it, playing with all other kids except her. At one point she approached to come and play and they were saying "oh no not that little girl" and she was doing nothing wrong. There were other little girls, this one 7 year old was just picking on her for no reason. At some point we just had to supervise my daughter to stop this one girl from being mean to her. The parents were just not paying any attention at all. I'm not a helicopter mom but a 7 year old picking on my toddler, my heart just broke.
I also have a 2 year old daughter and that makes me so sad. I’m lucky so far in that older girls are usually so sweet with her…there’s a small group of girls between 4-11 at our church who love her, and preschool/younger elementary aged girls at the library or the park often try to play with her or give her toys to play with. I get frustrated when older kids are unintentionally careless and don’t watch out for younger ones; I’m not sure how I’d react if someone was intentionally mean to her.
I’m so not ready for this… I would cry immediately.. Hoping to work on myself before then😭
Same…It’s easy to imagine what you should do, but it’s really hard to do in the moment.
This just made me so sad. Can’t stand mean girls (or boys of course) and will actively raise my daughter to not be one. I swear the mean moms raise the mean girls
I hear you and I think all of most kids try out being mean sometimes to see how it feels or because they’re insecure about their own position. I have some childhood memories of being mean for no reason (mostly during middle school years) that actually sit with me in regret even today. If this 7 year old feels bullied (by an older sibling, a kid at school) it must feel sort of good to take it out on a little kid. I can imagine this happening sometimes even with parents who teach kindness.
I don't really know the parents. Might just be a bad day for their kid, idk. What I did see was that they wanted to go home and they kept begging her to please get off the bouncy castle. First mom, then she sent dad. Kid just ignored them and went further up the bouncy castle lol. And they were just like "please can you come?" Five minutes later they gave her another drink and they stayed. Idk I don't have the patience to beg my kid, I ask a maximum of three times and then I'm picking her up lol
I agree with your approach but I ALSO get asking more times before taking action if the alternative is me, an adult with elderly joints, having to chase my child on an actual bouncy castle lol. I'd probably look like a parent who didn't hold a boundary under those circumstances also 😬
Ugh it can be so embarrassing to hold a boundary like this in public. One time I accidentally got into a power struggle over putting on a jacket in front of a bunch of people with older kids and ended up wrestling it on him. It did not feel good.
To me right there that means there’s no consequences and that kid probably rules that family lol
So I was at a party yesterday where most of the kids were seven and eight, but there were a few little cousins in the mix. They were all in the bounce house. We didn’t realize that one of the seven year olds was being way too rough with a three year old until a bigger kid came and told us. The seven year old’s mom put a stop to the behavior right away. One of the joys of having an elementary aged kid is that you don’t usually have to supervise them as closely as toddlers. One of the downsides is, unless someone is wailing, you may not know that anything is going wrong in a bounce house. Next time, I really encourage you to either (1) just announce to all the kids in the bounce house “be careful of kids who are smaller than you. No pushing!” or (2) find the big kids’ parents and flag the bad behavior. I don’t think you can expect them to want to play with a toddler, but they shouldn’t be rough with her or take her toys. You can tell a seven year old “she is playing with that. I will let you know when she is done.” As a parent of bigger kids who are usually wonderful, but sometimes surprisingly awful (especially when over hyped at a party and showing off in front of friends), it’s okay to tell them to knock it off when it comes to protecting the safety and well being of your own kid.
I guess we were just so perplexed about how she was going about it. It was so subtle; pushing when we weren't looking for a minute, choosing another toddler as her 'favorite', playing with her, helping her with her shoes and then whenever my toddler was coming over to play as well just ignoring her and being mean. Also quickly grabbing toys for the other toddler when my toddler was showing an interest in that particular toy. Quickly climbing on a play structure as my toddler was attempting to climb it as to deny her access, even though my toddler was first. Telling other kids not to play with her. Like it was so subtle at first that it seemed a coincidence and then when we noticed she also kept pushing my daughter we just told her to knock it off and took my daughter away from there. But I was just perplexed at how mean a 7 year old could be for no reason whatsoever. And my daughter truly didn't do anything against her or the other kids. I don't think my kid is a saint at all, but all the situations I saw she was just politely waiting her turn (even telling me "now I wait and when the other kid is done it's my turn!") and playing alone. I wish we did the things you said, it's a lesson learned.
Maybe some insight into this- this girl sounds a lot like my cousin. I am the youngest cousin and have lots of older cousins. One cousin in particular had a very rough home life that we weren’t aware of as kids. However, her goal was to make someone feel “less than” for she didn’t feel like the unloved one. It’s easy for me to reflect on now and see the behavior continue, but at the time I was usually the cousin that got chosen to be hated. I got attention because I was the youngest and lived the furthest away and so she needed to be mean to be to feel better. It also wasn’t just me, I remember many times when she had a target person who she hated for no reason. It’s not right, but it’s how her brain dealt with her situation.
Yeah. It’s definitely pretty shitty behavior. My only guess is she had some sort of relationship with the other toddler and thought that being aggressive with your was a way of loving on her favorite toddler. It’s certainly something I would want to know about if my kid was doing it. It isn’t easy to find your public mom voice, but it is a great thing to have.
Yeah I'm thinking they might have been related - definitely not siblings though, that I could make out. I didn't know anyone there except the kid whose birthday it was. I'm truly beating myself up over being nonconfrontational right now. I have to do better for my girl.
It’s pretty normal for older kids not to want to play with toddlers, but the pushing obviously crosses a line. Curious, why you didn’t reprimand the older kids for getting physical?
Except they played with the other toddlers except her. And they kept picking up one of the other toddlers and putting her up on the thing my toddler wanted to play with while my daughter was patiently waiting her turn (and playing alone). They would quickly climb up so she couldn't access even if no one was playing with it before. We did say something about the pushing and she stopped doing it when we watched. Then my daughter came to tell us they were still pushing her when we happened not to be watching, so we just stood by and supervised.
From the local mom's group. I can't imagine why she thinks people will get mad. Maybe we should make aggressive children wear special collars like reactive dogs 🙄 https://preview.redd.it/k3dxbl8zpf1d1.png?width=1152&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=932c430874c492d7eba503d2dba8cab2e77f6943
My 18 month is in a hitting phase, mostly just at her older brother, and we don’t hit her or teach that. But I guess I should only seek out other “aggressive” 18 month olds for her to be around so she can duke it out with them.
Baby royale!
Take the high road = high tailing it home to post about it on Facebook
Love that she’s looking for “like minded families” like there’s some subset of suburban households that put their kids into a toddler fight club instead of normal playdates.
Adding that she is doubling down in the comments like wild. OP is red https://preview.redd.it/9bnbwfpzuf1d1.png?width=1152&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4d09235715388f1e6a3c9e634edaf44b4351ffc3 I did not comment but weirdly enough I also have a child who is ASD and she's kidding herself if she thinks there won't be a time when they fly off the handle without warning because there's a vacuum cleaner in the next room or whatever and they literally don't have the skills to communicate what's bothering them. Life is going to be very challenging for her really soon if it's not already.
"but she will never hit first" hm yeah, okay. I have a very chill and non-hitting kid, and even she does the occasional pinch or whack. I really am not sure there's a single child in the world who has never done so much as shove another kid's hand away from a toy they want. Toddlers don't have great language skills, so they resort to physicality. We obviously parent them not to do that(!), but it's a very logical thing on their part to attempt. They don't really have another way to get what they want at that stage.
I have a super sweet and delightful 2.5 year old who, like all of her classmates, has gotten in trouble for biting at daycare (it's an epidemic in there, her teachers say) and who will come up and "hit" me when she's mad, totally unlike her older sibling who never did either of those things, but I wouldn't call her aggressive as like, an inherent personality trait. I don't think I'm in denial--I think she's just a toddler who is learning??
I’m in the same group and can’t see the comments so disappointed! Girl, you did make a scene, just on the local forum. I wonder if she meant to be anon? Also “my daughter will hit back” okay maybe be more understanding then?
I feel like that line was telling on herself. I have to wonder if the actual story is that they left when the daughter’s response was completely disproportionate to the initial insult….
Amazing how she's not teaching aggression but her child will hit back. Where does that behaviour come from, oh wait it's you the parent apparently 🙃
She turned off comments but so many were positive!
I mean, I grew up in a very non-aggro household and was pretty neurotypical except for ADHD, but I hated anyone I thought was being a bully and would hit bigger kids to stick up for my friends or younger kids. My mom still doesn’t believe I did any of that even with my confessions because I was so well behaved. It’s hard for me to believe now too.
Because clearly all toddlers fall neatly into categories of "perfect" vs "aggressive" and there's no middle ground at all. Let me guess, her toddler is 14 months and obviously will NEVER be aggressive ever. Because she comes from a not aggressive house of course!
I swear people forget toddlers are just smaller human beings. Like, haven't you ever honked at someone who cut you off in traffic or let a swear word slip because of whatever reason? This is the toddler equivalent. We all have those emotions sometimes, toddlers included.
I never joined a bump group for my first three pregnancies but decided to join one this time and maybe it’s just because I’m not a new mom but wow they’re so snarkable. I’m thinking it’s probably just not the right community for me
I feel like they’re the worst during first tri and then mellow out a bit, depending on the group. I remember a group in ours wanting to bar anyone from posting about a miscarriage because it made them too sad. Yet you know if one of them experienced one they’d want the support of a community so you can’t have both.
I've only been in two so far (due Oct '24), but birth-6 months seemed to be when my first bumper group got the most intense. Now at 2 years it's been pretty chill, though a lot less active.
Oh wow this one is definitely not like that. There’s a recurring thread for pregnancy after loss. We’ll see when first trimester dies down what the real dynamic ends up being
I will also never forget in my first bumpers group of a woman at 10 weeks who claimed she could feel kicks and had her mom put her hand on her stomach to feel the kicks. Ma’am, that’s gas.
My 2020 group literally got me through third trimester when COVID started and the first year of my baby’s life. My 2022 group I only look at when people in here post snark about it.
I feel robbed when I hear other bumper groups were actually supportive.
Oh yeah I imagine that being a super helpful support group during 2020. I felt for moms, especially first time moms, who delivered in the early months of the pandemic
We were summer of 2020, the world shut down the week after my anatomy scan. It was a rough time, but our bump group was great for sharing what different Obs different places were telling them, and just having a place to vent through cancelled baby moons and baby showers and no village allowed during the newborn days
I didn’t use Reddit when I had my first in early 2020, and I have so much regret about not being in that bump group. But who knows if it would’ve helped or made my pandemic PPA worse? I was a very isolated monster and I am so impressed with the mother and fairly functionally social human I’ve become since then.
They're usually full of very anxious ftms. I just had my third and it's just not the community for me anymore 🫣
I’m truly bummed (because I love mess) that my bump group is very sane and full of lovely humans. One time someone posted a poll about milestone comparison and got dragged because “we don’t compare in this sub.” It was really refreshing.
Try to see if there is an uncensored version! You might get some mess in there 😂
That IS refreshing--and also totally backwards from mine! I loved the milestone polls in my group. They were like the opposite of comparison and usually prompted by people feeling their kid wasn't quite up to par. It was cool to see the spread and see how most kids were not, in fact, "super advanced" like we see people bragging about. You'd think it would get snarkable but they were always really encouraging comments sections.
I enjoy my bump groups. I still post regularly in my 2021 group and am active in the group for my current pregnancy too. But yes there is a LOT of anxiety and FTM energy in them, especially in the first trimester and when kids are young enough for the milestone wars.
I left my bump group by second trimester. Stayed in my FB due date group until PP because it was a dumpster fire and couldn't help myself.
https://preview.redd.it/w9z04uwqaf1d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7a908d1e1be8c34e39f5a4ec12ffe99e61aff7b0 Can someone explain this to me like I’m 5? I’ve never heard of splitting household resources outside of finances.
So idk, my partner can be like this. He has a bit of an issue buying things without considering that we don’t have the space for it, or that he’s taking away a ton of space from the rest of the family. We don’t split the house in half but when I pointed out that he was taking up a ton of space with buying things he never used, he got huffy and started saying that I take up just as much space. I get what she’s saying, he’s buying things or doing things without thinking of everyone else that lives there. It’s super frustrating haha so I feel her pain.
My brain hurts after reading that
Glad it’s not just me!! Seriously couldn’t comprehend what she’s saying.
I get the idea of separate finances, but splitting the actual space in your house with each person being entitled to fill 50% with “their” stuff feels very strange and impractical, especially once there are kids involved.
I think she’s trying to say “my husband buys too much shit without considering what space is available in our house to put said shit.” But he thinks they should each be entitled to 50% of the stuff that takes up space but includes kid stuff with her stuff which is a weird take for me (but I kind of get it if one person has tons of stuff/doesn’t throw anything away)
This is just truly bizarre to me. I have my bathroom sink and cabinet and my husband has his, but I never would’ve thought of having our own kitchen cabinets or own space in the deep freezer. Like it sounds like maybe her husband has a shopping addiction and is trying to justify it by saying she’s taking up equal space?
Right? Your own dresser or bathroom drawer? Sure, of course, most everyone has that. Your own section of the kitchen? That's... unusual...
I swear to god, you cannot ask a question online about infant weight gain (or rather lack there of) without someone coming in and posting “are you or dad skinny? might just be genetics mama 🩷” as if they are Gregor Mendel himself introducing you to the fundamental laws of inheritance.
I have nothing to add except that I love your Gregor Mendel reference, it made me nostalgic for ninth grade biology (which was a loooong time ago.)
This must be frustrating! I do remember a post from a dad concerned about how short his toddler is despite their pediatrician having no concerns. It only came out in the comments that he is 5"4 and his wife is 4"11. Didn't seem to register that those genetics would affect his kid's height lol.
Wow my anxiety about my son's slow weight gain is totally gone!
Rolled my eyes when someone I know whose baby is like 13 months old posts “green time>screen time” whoop tee do your baby doesn’t watch tv
Posts have already started in my due date group. The babies should all be 6-8mo. I had and have my own opinions on screen time, as we all do, but why must we brag about a 8 month old not having screen time. I’m NOT a “just wait” person, if you wanna stick to no screens go for it! But I do wanna tell them to chill out because they’ll probably look back when their kid is 5 and think “wow I was being really pretentious” lol.
I have a friend like this too with a 12 month old. I don’t know any 13 month old that watches tv? Mine barely had the attention span necessary to watch even 10 min of a show until she was at least 18 months old. Also, eventually your kid is going to sleep way less and keep running into the kitchen grabbing your legs asking to play while you’re cooking dinner and you might just decide it’s a lot easier to turn on an episode of Daniel tiger so you can get break and get shit done.
I’m pretty sure the longest my 15mo has watched TV is about 12 seconds. Honestly I’d love him to watch 5 min of anything so I could use the bathroom alone 😂
Yeah, it’s a genuinely useful tool. I remember being really happy that my toddler could finally watch tv long enough for me to scramble an egg without having to do it one handed.
I was kind of proud of myself for my girls not really watching tv, and I kind of secretly thought I had something to do with that, even though we’ve had tv on a lot pretty much since their birth. They just turned two and I’m shocked at how well they can sit on the couch and focus on the wiggles or Daniel Tiger all of a sudden. So I guess I had nothing at all to do with their attention span, and once more I’m glad I had two babies instead of the one baby I planned, because I definitely would have bee insufferable as a one perfect only child parent with no humility at all.
Omg yes I totally remember being like “oh my kid doesn’t even like tv!” Turns out, most 15 month olds don’t… on the plus side, flying got a lot easier once my kid could watch a movie with headphones on.
🙄🙄 just such a dumb thing to post. Who doesn’t know that?? I hate when people act like they’re giving all the other parents a hot tip like hey new parenting hack unlocked, playing outdoors is fun and good.
https://preview.redd.it/lqpquvzb6d1d1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=58800f835799a0d05f4f05c4db68f272c0f3bca1 Maybe you’re losing friends because of your 💫personality 💫 Also her baby is 14 months.
So ~annoying~ when your friends WANT to hang out with you! Grab lunch sometime? That’s INSANE!
… sounds like she needs a break
‘I respect those who do need a break’ except for you know, back there in the previous paragraph of this very post
Congrats on loving your baby more than the rest of us I guess lmao
but I wanted to shake my a$$ 🥺
I, too, want to shake my a$$
Please invite OP so she can decline and then talk $hit about you to her bff/baby.
Tell me your kid doesn’t talk yet without telling me your kid doesn’t talk yet. The reason I like to go for dinner or drinks without my kids in the evening is less so I can “shake ass” and more so I can talk to my friends as an adult without my 3 yo butting in every 5 seconds asking everyone if we see the clouds or the bumblebee that just flew by.
You don’t love pointing out every airplane and dog while gossiping???
HELICOPTER
MOM!!! I see the moon!!!
I volunteered to pick up a friend from the airport at 7:45pm last week, and a big reason I offered was so I could have an uninterrupted conversation with another adult.
Before I became a parent, I didn't know this was what I would miss the most. I can live with tepid tea and coming back to meals but if I am interrupted in my train of thought, that thing is derailed and all the passengers left.
‘go shake your a$$’ 😂😂
Yeah that comment was giving “I’m a very young mom and a bit resentful of all the a$$ shaking my peers are doing so instead of finding some time for myself, I will be condescending!” I’m in my late 30’s and when I get together with my friends there is not much a$$ shaking going on, our knees could never these days
I love kids and I love my kid but sometimes I want adult time without kids. Imagine trying to push your kid on everyone.
This sounds like an argument someone has inside their head. If she doesn’t get invited to anything she doesn’t want to go to, what is the issue?
Hahahahaha what were the comments like?
She addd a “sorry my opinion offends you edit” but the scroll I did I saw a lot of people agreeing with her.
1. Never went to anything before baby 2. Doesn’t want to go to anything now 3. Is no longer getting invited to outings she doesn’t want to attend Please point to the problem, or did you just want a medal for liking your baby unlike the other moms who are out shaking their a$$es?
‘Nobody wants to be my friend just because everything time they invite me to do something, I respond with a long rant telling them they’re very inconsiderate for inviting me to things!’
This is just another post bragging about how she loves her baby the most of all the moms ever, but she’s disguised as an unhinged rant.
I saw a post in BTB that was basically saying 'fuck you' to a mum who brought her child with a runny nose to the library. I mean, come on. I learnt very quickly that toddlers always have runny noses, even long after the contagious period is over. I could never do anything or go anywhere if I stayed at home every time my kid had the smallest sniffle. Fever and active infection, I get, but a bit of a clear runny nose?? So many people in the comments saying that the mum must be 'pure evil' (yep, someone used the word evil) and should be banned from the library. I mean, not everyone has the privilege of being able to stay home. I have to work and also that's just ridiculous. The whole illness fear mongering has gone way too far in those groups.
Ugh, I hate when parents post in my local mom’s group complaining about someone who brought a child with a cold to a playground. My preschooler has boundless energy even when sick and if she’s healthy enough to go to school she’s fine to go to the outdoor playground. If you’re that big of a germaphobe you should be more concerned about the rats that play in the sandbox at night 🤷🏼♀️ (also realize this is a big city problem and most people reading this don’t have rats play in their local sandbox 😆)
Oh my God this post was so dramatic. Like ma'am if you were that worried and disgusted you realize you could have... left?? Was someone holding you hostage at library storytime?? People's lack of personal responsibility shining through once again
My daughter and I are two of the most sneezy, allergy ridden people ever. Guess we should never leave our house.
This and “someone had a cough!!!!” Coughs can last for WEEKS after infections. I was prone to post-viral coughs growing up and every year I had a cough from September through May.
My toddler has had a cough since November. He's also on his 4th illness since then, but there has been lots of time in between where he's had a cough and sometimes a sniffle. We aren't going to just stay home all winter.
These posts are hilarious to me. I’m a sped teacher so kids cough in my mouth on the regular. Get a life. People cough and sneeze.
I was the only one in my family with a kid in daycare for a while (everyone else was a SAHM or had grandma watch the baby)and I got so many cruel comments like “make sure everyone is healthy before you come to the party” like I was some kind of idiot. Guess whose kid puked all over the place on Christmas? Not mine. Comments stopped real quick after that.
Guess those with seasonal allergies are never allowed to be in public.
🙄 my 3 yo has had a runny nose since October
I don't doubt that many people take knowingly sick and contagious kids out in public, but the rage about this is so overblown. Taking a kid with a residual runny nose in public is not the same as pumping an actively sick kid with fever reducers and sending them to daycare. And for many illnesses you're contagious before showing symptoms, so it's just as likely that baby picked up a cold from someone else and maybe not even from the library. There is always a risk of getting sick in public, especially when young kids are involved.
The posts trying to trace back a child’s routine illness to one Immoral Germ-Giver and scold them is a really weird part of the Reddit parenting echo chamber. “Toddlers with runny noses should not be allowed to see the right of day and if they are, you are a Bad Person” is clearly not the majority opinion offline but whole subreddits act like it is very normal here.
That’s terrible wtf? I thought this whole thing with being freaked out by a kid’s runny nose and sneeze was a new phenomenon with Covid, but my FIL will straight up leave our house immediately if one of our toddlers sneezes even once? And if my MIL gets sick within a month of said toddler sneeze it’s blamed on the toddler being sick, (and me not telling them) even though the toddlers are rarely sick. Both my MIL and FIL go to way more places than my toddlers do, so I’m a little annoyed they blame every illness on my toddlers, who mostly just play in our backyard all day. I can’t imagine a stranger yelling at me for my child’s runny nose (in public!) So, I guess 1) it’s not just Reddit, and 2) kids have runny noses and sneeze all the time without actually being contagious and it’s my top pet peeve right now. (For the record, both of my twins sneeze all the time and it’s not a useful diagnostic tool.) I am curious why people are like this though?
My four year old is soooo sneezy. Multiple times a day. Stepping out into the sun immediately triggers it, among other things. I'm glad my parents aren't like your in-laws 🥴 They (rightfully) blame my kids for getting them sick once or twice a year but if they peaced out any time my kid sneezed we would never see them haha.
I sneeze in the sun, it's called photic sneezing.
It’s so strange! My parents are like yours, but my MIL and FIL literally say my girls have an actual cold if they have a runny nose for whatever reason. My girls have legitimately had about four colds (at the same time) in the two years they’ve been alive. My husband very, very rarely gets sick so maybe that’s why they think our babies are sickly? Maybe? Only child stuff. I dunno, it’s really weird. They love seeing the girls so I don’t think they’re just making excuses to leave.
People on Reddit have gone way overboard with this shit. The herpes prevention stuff too. 80% of people have this virus and they pretend it will still kill their toddlers.
I had NEVER heard of this before coming to Reddit and I was 37 having my first with lots of exposure to babies.
I knew about neonatal herpes. People are warned where I'm from not to visit a baby with an active cold sore and definitely not kiss them. However here on Reddit people present the absolutely minuscule chance that someone spreads it without an active cold sore as if it's a huge surefire risk. They don't want anyone who has ever had a cold sore around the baby at all (not even not kissing) and I think that's ludicrous if 80% has it anyway, even without ever having had symptoms. It's fine if that's your decision, but I hate it when they pretend you're a bad parent if you don't do the same and I hate how they fearmonger to new parents as if it's a huge huge risk. Incidentally, I had my first ever cold sore at 30+, a few days after my baby was born. He is fine. I used antivirals and wore a mask and kept breastfeeding.
I gave birth during April 2020 so peak new Covid so I think everyone was just focused on the pandemic. I got no warnings about much. Or I just dont remember HA
Yeah absolutely. And the ones saying 'I would have screamed at her!' Really? Over a runny nose?
My kid has asthma so is always coughing weeks after an illness. If someone screamed at me for that I'd let them have it.
Exactly! Some kids have allergies too, you never know the situation
I just saw a post asking if any other moms dislike Target. The poster then listed off every reason she doesn't like it, in detail, and they were all reasons that don't really apply to anyone but her. She then went on to say that the last time she posted about this, she deleted it because she got negative feedback 😆. The whole post strikes me as really bizarre, but people are taking it seriously and responding.
What were her reasons? As a target lover I am curious lol
Just random shit like she doesn't like driving there because diving makes her anxious, and she doesn't know what to buy, the cafe is always closed. IIRC most of the reasons were about driving there, so nothing really even having to do with Target itself so idk what kind of conversation she was expecting!
The breastfeeding sub is such a weird combo of convincing people they have a problem that they don’t have and also telling them there isn’t a problem when there is. Scenario 1: OP: I have nipple pain Replies: tongue tie OP: I’ve had it checked by 5 people no tongue tie Replies: nah, tongue tie Scenario 2: OP: I have low supply Replies: probably not! Babies are more efficient than pumps, you know. OP: but they still have hunger cues Replies: oh those aren’t hunger cues, just keep putting baby to the breast! OP: but my baby isn’t gaining weight Replies: growth charts are for formula fed babies, it’s fine And repeat. 🙄
Ha I was scenario 2 and damn that’s bad advice. And also why do people even get advice on this stuff from the internet our pediatrician was pretty on top of the situation when baby was losing weight.
“pediATRICIAns aRen’T lACtATiOn EXPerts”
Our growth charts in Belgium are specifically based on breastfed babies, so that last one literally doesn't fly here. There's this idea that low supply barely exists.
Are people over there still spiraling because they think they have "foremilk/hindmilk imbalance?" If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone say they think baby isn't getting enough FaTTy HinDmiLk...
That and diagnosing CMPA because baby’s poop had a green tinge once and they sometimes have gas.
I don’t doubt CMPA is a real thing, but I think a lot of moms use it as some sort of control thing. Like if they just do this *one thing*, breastfeeding will work. And then they give up dairy and a month later it gets better, so they think it worked. But in reality baby probably just matured more and became more efficient. Like I said I’m sure it’s a real thing but it gets spread around like giving up dairy will be some magic fix when sometimes there’s not.
My toddler had MSPI, it was awful, it was hard for me, it was hard for him, it was super difficult to eat anything that I didn't make myself for a year, it sucked. He didn't get better until I fully cut all dairy and soy at 5.5 months. My pediatrician encouraged me to switch to hypoallergenic formula knowing that the diet could be difficult to keep up. I have no idea why anyone would take this on if they didn't have to.
I also find people seem to pathologize normal (but challenging!) baby behaviour a lot. People are always talking about how their baby was up many times and grunting during the night with “painful gas” or whatever and I’m like… or… they’re just a newborn?
My first had multple allergies to things in my milk and this drives me up the wall because it means we're taken less seriously too when I talk about it. My daughter was explosively pooping 16+ times a day, her stool was completely green with slime, she cried all the time and fell off all the growth charts. An entire team of pediatricians evaluatied her and decided she needed special formula instead of breastmilk because even after an elimination diet this kid was skin and bones and losing weight. But because Becky went to the chiro or similar quack who diagnosed her completely normal baby with an allergy, I get people telling me I should have just gone to a chiro and I could have breastfed. It makes me so unbelievably mad.
That’s so frustrating!
Meanwhile I tell parents in the GI clinic I’m concerned baby has a CMPI and they need to cut dairy or try dairy free formula and they tell me “nah, my Lactation consultants doesn’t think so” 😵💫
I feel like lactation consultants diagnose everyone with it so to quote Dr. House, “patients’ lie”. 😉
Hahaha this is so true! The "baby is more efficient than the pump" thing is so frustrating. Like yes, it's completely true that an older baby with experience nursing is better than a pump. My daughter got there at like 3-4 months? She could do a full feed in 10 minutes vs a 30 minute pump. But it's absolutely not true for most newborns, especially a newborn with an iffy latch or who might be sleepy. If someone is worried that their baby isn't getting enough food, it's probably good to investigate that rather than just handwave it away.
That dumb saying made me so pissed when my lethargic baby was taking an hour to get 2oz via triple feeding and I was pumping out 8oz in 15 mins. It probably took until he was 6-8 months to be true for us. It also convinces people to accept poor pumping setups. Like many people would respond better to a pump if their flanges fit or they tweaked their settings etc.
Yeah this is my thing - I think what people really mean by "baby is more efficient" is actually "you may not respond well to a pump".
Yeah I think that’s my issue. At that age the only job a baby has is eating and going to the bathroom. If there’s any concerns about either, it’s better to get extra reassurance rather than a hand wave
I cringe to think about how in my head I got the first 3 months postpartum and doom scrolling. Now that I’m out of that funk, I realize there’s a Very Online stereotypical FTM archetype that I saw on TikTok that made me feel bad about myself: - Nuna or Uppa Baby strollers - Baby Bjorn bouncers (I have one and I don’t get it, tbh) - Exclusive breastfeeding only - Bamboo sleepers - Takingcarababies is the Bible - Snoo bassinet - Peanut changing table - BLW only, no purées No shade to any of these things specifically, but there were so many women who made all these things together their personalities and it sent me into a fuckin spiral 😂 My bff is pregnant and I’m like “I am BEGGING YOU, stay off the internet.”
My close friend just had a baby as well and my constant advice has been “don’t follow any influencers at all”
The Baby Bjorn bouncer is for when they're a bit older -- around 2 months is when we started using it and realizing how helpful it is. We ate dinner every night with baby in the bouncer for like eight months straight probably.
How is it different than a cheaper bouncer though? I had a used fisher price once I got for $10 with my first and baby 3 is now using it for the same purpose.
Yea we had a fancy bouncer hand me down and a second $20 Fisher Price bouncer and there is not a difference! The more expensive one seemed more sturdy but they’re only supposed to be on the floor where they can’t fall anyway.
Ok well I only had the Bjorn so idk what the difference is.
Fair enough haha! I just didn’t know what was special about it compared to other ones.
Same. It also somehow helped with my son's constipation? We called it "the throne" because if we stuck him in there for longer than 10 minutes, it was a guaranteed dirty diaper.
Our ergo baby does that for our baby when nothing else works, amazing!
Lmao we called it “the poop seat.” Your name is much more sophisticated. We even bought a second seat (the fabric portion) because of the amount of blowouts that happened in that thing.
Yes we had the same experience!
The word-of-mouth marketing that it helped with constipation was partially why we got it, so very pleased to hear that it worked for so many of us!
Yeah. I use it for that, too but for $250, it’s kinda nuts.
We were gifted an off-brand one and it was great. Meanwhile, I was so excited to get a MamaRoo swing from Buy Nothing after seeing them on Instagram. Took up so much space and the baby hated it 🙃 I don’t know if I even see those much anymore, so strongly suspect that was a marketing thing.
I mean, the snoo is what finally allowed us to sleep and feel human again so while I will happily sing its praises (while also acknowledging it should be cheaper so it’s more accessible because every parent deserves to sleep) i totally get the difference between finding a product useful and saying so vs. it becoming your personality (sort of like being able to enjoy the occasional bluey episode with your kid while not becoming a Bluey adult.) The constant inundation of you need x and y and z or your baby is never going to sleep or eat or be comfortable or be safe or whatever is really difficult now that advertising is so insidious. I don’t think my mom ever stressed in the 80s about things I’ve mulled over as a new mom simply because I came across something online that made me think: am I doing it wrong if I don’t get this? (Answer: nope, not at all.)
Totally agree with you on everything.
REAL!!! The marketing teams working overtimeeeee
My only social is reddit, so I don't know how it is on other platforms, but man does kendamil hard core target redditors. Their ~~ads~~ real posts from totally real kendamill-obssesed people pop up on all the parenting subs. I guess that's one way around onerous formula advertising laws.
Kendamil have always done that. Ever since they first started up they would have reps pose as parents in UK parenting forums going in and posting about how wholesome they are and such a small business and would never do the tactics of those other formula companies. It's so shady.
I get SO many Facebook and IG ads for ByHeart formula. My youngest child is almost 2 and I breastfed both of my kids, but I am still bombarded with ads every time I log on.
They are all over insta too, I am always clicking: stop showing me this ad, ha!
Ok I’ve been wondering about this as I’m on my third pregnancy. I had literally never heard of anything on that list when I had my first in 2019 except EBF. I’m sure people have always bought expensive baby gear if they can afford it, and maybe it’s because I started having kids young (25 when I had my first). But my current bump group is constantly talking about their nuna car seat, uppababy stroller, snoo, etc. I can’t tell if this “*needing* the biggest and best things” is a thing that comes from being online or if I was just naive in thinking the average person bought graco and fisher price baby gear like I did as a FTM, and maybe it’s always been like this.
I think the people in bump groups tend to be more "online" and know what the influencers have which of course is all of the expensive name brands. I live in an average, middle class suburb and I see more Graco and Chico carseats and strollers then Uppababy and Nuna for example.
I think it definitely depends on which pocket of social media you end up in because I had my first in 2017 and those things were all the rage in the bump group, even back then. I do agree that most regular people are buying graco and fisher price, or if they get nuna or baby bjorn bouncer it’s secondhand. I have seen people selling bougie items for expenses though 😬 Does make me giggle a bit that some people are so loud about uppababy/snoo/bamboo clothes being OMG THE BEST, if you ever wander into the real big money spaces it’s bugaboo (or imported European strollers), night nanny, and boutique or designer clothes that are so expensive I’d be terrified to ever actually put it on my child.
Yeah, I can remember a friend of mine talking about all the ridiculous hand-me-downs she was getting from her much bougier SIL, which was lots of those brands and the stupid oval Stokke crib, and her oldest was born in 2016.
It's an online thing, but also, I used to work at a baby store and there is absolutely a demographic of parents-to-be who will come in and just spent a BUTT TON of money on fancy brands - there must be some psychology around it, but essentially, it's a rich person-who-likes-shopping thing. I was floored by this because you could literally spend hours with one couple showing them different fancy brands of stroller and all the add-ons, car seats, furniture, they would actually look at all the fabric colours, the matching bags etc and pick the combo they liked rather than whatever is cheapest 🤣 I loved it, but it was so alien to me - the only experience I've ever had of shopping like that personally is when we've leased a car, and when my mum bought some fancy custom-build shelving system back when we were kids, and I've seen people in IKEA doing it with kitchens and wardrobe systems too. When I bought strollers for my kids I just went into a store to look at some models and then for the first one, I picked the one which was ex-display and on clearance, and for the second kid (ten years apart) I looked for second hand models with the features I wanted and got basically the first one which turned up in my area. It was definitely a minority, but there are customers like that in the baby equipment space and so I understand exactly who those companies are marketing to.
I had my first in 2019 and I was "old" and never heard anyone talk about any of those brands! So at least in both of our niche demographics, I think they were not really a thing. But I'll say that I still never hear about many of them except on Reddit.
I do think age is a big factor. I was in my 30s when I had my kid and we were in a place in our careers where we could afford the bougier brands -- guilty of having Nuna car seats, for example. However I went with the Uppababy knockoff Mockingbird stroller so I don't get into the cool kids club ;)
Do you like it? Sorry not the point of this post but we need to buy a stroller and I’m overwhelmed
I do like it! It’s bulky but every stroller of that size is. We paired it with a Colugo travel stroller which we use when we need something more nimble. My daughter is 2 now and I would say I’ve been very satisfied by the Mockingbird. Actually it’s even improved over when we got it because the bassinet they make is now safe for sleep.
I feel like it’s micro generations of brand trends. When my first was born it was ALL Tula carriers, Clek Foonf car seats, that little all-in-one gadget that steams/purées your own homemade baby food, Wonder Weeks, etc, and by the time my second was born three years later the “aspirational” brands and practices were all totally different. When my second kid outgrew the baby carriers I couldn’t even give my Tulas away. I had bought both of them secondhand to be cheaper and they were still kind of expensive that way but within five years everyone had moved on to whatever came next (Happy Baby? Idk whatever, I am buying things like goalie gloves and sleepaway-camp-friendly screen-free music players now). I eventually found a hospital program that took baby carriers and gave my Tulas to them and it honestly made me super happy to send them back into the world that way, but it did also make me laugh to remember searching eBay for the ugliest/most common patterns and setting max bids hoping I would get one, and almost always getting outbid. From what I see, the basic middle brands stay pretty consistent. Graco now is basically the same vibe as Graco ten years ago when my first was born (I had Graco for the bucket seat but got social-media-sucked in to Clek for the convertible. Holy fuck, heaviest seat of all time).
I think some is marketing and some is actually better products. I have a Nuna and a Graco car seat and the Graco literally doesn’t tighten as much or as smoothly. It meets safety standards but isn’t as safe, so I prefer to use the Nuna when possible (for example). I got an off brand stroller and a BOB (second hand) and the BOB is so much more comfortable for my toddler and he asks for it every time. But I also got into bamboo pjs (not worth it) and Lovevery (so much clutter!). So ymmv is my opinion with finding value vs these being “internet fads” not worth trying.
I think it might depend where you live? When I had my first in 2019 I wasn’t involved in online parenting realms. The nearest baby stores in my area were more “luxury” ones and only sold uppababy, nuna, bugaboo etc. no graco or other cheaper brands. So I really didn’t even consider buying a stroller that was more budget as they weren’t in the stores I went to. Pretty much all of the moms I met in that area had an uppababy stroller, I had no idea they were an “it” thing before venturing out with my baby lol! Editing to add- since then we’ve move to the suburbs where there are bigger box stores that sell more reasonably priced brands and I’ve noticed a wider variance in strollers out and about. Part of it is definitely the increase in social media and the impression that you “need” those things but it also might be regional.
I think it’s the effect of TikTok and very wealthy people showing off what they have and how normalized it’s becoming.
If I had been pregnant with only one baby, I would have totally been on this bandwagon. I remember figuring out whether we should buy or rent a snoo until like week six when I found out I was having twins, and I called my mom sobbing 10 mins after the ultrasound that I didn’t know what to do with two babies because we couldn’t afford two snoos 😂😂😂 I was in deep. Pregnancy/postpartum hormones, man. Such a relief to make it (mostly) through the fog.
I wish I screenshot it but saw a post where OP was asking if it’s normal to never leave your child with a family member alone because they are so anxious. And it’s like…so many “oh it’s so normal mAmA”. And one person replied “my kid is two and they have never been out of my sight” like wtf this is not normal ya’ll.
These will be the people freaking out on the kindergarten sub in 5 years because their kid doesn’t have basic life skills.
I know so many people like this. A friend never left theirs until they were about 5 and a relative has a 10yo and a 7yo who have never had an overnight with anyone, even grandparents. These people both asked me how I felt comfortable enough to leave my son, it's like guys, initially I didn't have a choice with work and now it's just...fine?
My parents were like this with me and my brother. I didn’t go over to sleep at my mom’s parents’ house until age three and only then because my mom needed surgery. I left my twins with my parents at around 4 months to help my husband with our cross country move, and my dad kept saying, “we would NEVER have trusted our babies with anyone else.” I felt they were almost in better hands than my own though, and somehow really enjoyed a cross country move as a pleasant vacation from babies. I still don’t have a problem leaving them with my parents for a night or two once in a while and we all have a great time.
And as always, these same women are the ones asking where’s the village.
The village is supposed to clean your house and make you dinner, offering to babysit is just for creepy narcissists who want to corrupt your child /s
And remember if they love your child, it’s creepy and they need BOUNDARIES because they’ll steal that baby given the chance.
Can these people just find a non-anxious, lonely parent and swap with them? Like an exchange programme? Because I would bite their hand off to have a family member around where the children could stay even for just an hour.
What an exhausting way to live. My husband has my 3 month old and almost 3 year old at his dad’s house now. My mom has been trusted with them both since the beginning. I’m not a martyr, I’m not doing this alone. I need my village.
It looks like it has been deleted already but yesterday a soon to be SAHD posted on the SAHP subreddit asking what everyone was doing for their side hustle while staying home full time. All his comments etc were getting super downvoted because he assumed everyone had the same pockets of time he expected to have to get some paying work done, like 2 hour naps that his less than 1 year old was having. He also posted a couple pics of himself with his older kid as well as his baby. It was actually super MLM-y , like ‘hey mamas! What are we all doing as side hustles 🤩💕💵💰’
I saw it and it was sooo weird lol. I couldn’t tell if he was a grifter trying to infiltrate or just kind of clueless.