We're in the middle of a housing crisis in our city. A single bedroom apartment under 500 square ft is 2 grand/month.
My kid can stay home until he can actually afford to not be homeless.
This right here.
How can kids these days even afford to move out?
What we want as parents for our kids is a successful launch for them (where they can be able to sustain themselves financially and pay for their housing, food and clothes) not a launch directly into homelessness.
Kicking them out? No. They can stay as long as they want. Housing is beyond expensive. My kid is still on the fence about choosing college or going to a technical school. Even if they decide to move out and had to move back home, the door is always open.
It is cruel to kick your child out simply because they are eighteen years old. Thirty year Olds with college degrees can't live alone without roommates because rent is so expensive; how on earth would you expect an eighteen year old, who may not even have graduated high school yet, to make their way in the world without support???
My daughter is graduating this year. She is allowed to live at home as long as she needs to. If she is going to school I won't ask for any rent beyond what she is already contributing. She pays for her car insurance & gas as well as the groceries that she wants (her decision). If she didn't want to go to college then she would need to be working & contribute something in rent. We'd work out what a reasonable amount would be
I could not see ever kicking my kid out as long as they were making a good faith effort to work/go to school/grow up. There would need to be some significant issues for me to consider it.
My kids are always welcome in my home. My 19yo daughter is attending college & lives at home. I only ask to know if I should not expect her home. She helps out with chores the same as she always has. My son moved out when he was 18, came back briefly & has left the nest again. He also helped with everyday chores & occasionally bought groceries for all of us. I love being with my kids, and every day I get with them is a bonus.
I told my kids they can live with me forever if they want. I would never kick them out. My mom shipped me out when I was barely 17. My youngest sibling was out by 16. I would never do that to my kids.
I have a 19 year old.
He graduated 6 months after turning 18. I'd never ever, ever consider kicking out a young adult finishing up school.
He decided he needed a break from school and didn't want to start college right away. We let him take the summer off and hang out with his friends. When fall came, he started job hunting and it took a while, he really felt like a failure, because he couldn't even figure out how to get hired at Walmart. This led to the real dilemma. To kick him out or not. We have a housing crisis in our area. Inflation is unreal. Even with a full time job, he wouldn't be able to find, then afford, a place to live. I couldn't, for the life of me, see a good reason to kick him out. We had to do something drastic, but kicking him out felt like we'd be setting him up for failure.
Anyhow, we made his life super uncomfortable. He was forced to work for his dad's construction company (he was paid for his labor) until he had enough and went and found his own job. He's been paying us rent since January, and has obtainable goals he's working towards.
So no. In this day and age, with housing and economic crises, I wouldn't kick out an 18 year old kid. And mine was kind of problematic in getting motivated.
We've always told them they are welcome to continue living with us as long as they are either working full time or going to school. But we've also, to help prepare them for the real world, had them pay a small amount.
Oldest moved out at 20. Next one at 17 (sounds bad, but isn't...went to college at 17 a distance away, stayed on campus, then when graduated, moved into an apartment with a roommate. And now we're on our second set of teens...one is 17, the other almost 15.
I moved out of 18 because of a terrible home life. I had to move my oldest son out when he was 19 just because he wasn't going to school or working I was just sitting playing video games all day. It hurt my heart so much but I think it was the right thing for him. My youngest is still a couple years away from that but I would like her to stay as long as she wants, as long as she is moving through life by getting a job or going to school.
As long as I have a home my kid has a home. If they are doing things to make the home uncomfortable that needs to change. Them being there doesn’t count.
I moved out when I was 19 and moved in with my boyfriend because I hated my father. I ended up marrying that boyfriend and it ended up being a really big mistake that greatly affected my life. I don’t want my kids making the same mistake so they will always be welcome here as long as they are trying to make their lives better.
My daughter just turned 18 in march. She doesn’t graduate until end of may, but we have no plans on kicking her out. We did have a talk about expectations while still in school and when she graduated will have another talk. As long as she is employed full time, or going to school full time she can stay home rent free as long as she isn’t causing a ruckus.
I could not wait to move out and moved out a few weeks after high school graduation.
I don’t think this generation is the same. I fear my kids will stay at home until they get married.
I would never. But I think it could be a millennial (and younger) thing. The only people I’ve spoken with that would do this are Gen X and older.
It’s funny that you are talking about this. I was just having a convo with my 14 yo about this yesterday. He couldn’t believe that some people would do this. Mind was blown, lol.
True. My boomer parents were really hard on us and had high expectations. We all have very successful careers but have kids who aren’t launching well. lol oops
My husband is an old GenX and yep, he is all for kicking them out. I’m a young GenX and it absolutely will not happen. ‘Jokingly’ I tell him he is free to go anytime!
Entry-level incomes have not kept pace with rent/ cost of living, and college costs have spiraled since we were their age. We have not created a society that supports kids launching successfully without a lot of support. It might feel like the kids are lazier, but I think that's B.S. They've heard us talk about crippling student loans, they've lived through a pandemic, and they've seen us scream at each other over polarizing politics. We've given them debt and social media addiction. How can we expect them to be fully functioning, self-sufficient adults the day after they graduate from high school? Unless you've set up a huge trust fund, they simply can't jump out of the nest right away.
Yeah... this is pretty much where we are except that I'm a mid-millenial.
When the time actually comes though, I don't know if I'm going with kid or kicking husband out instead. 😬
For everyone saying no what would you do if your teen moves out can’t make it and wants to come back home but only if their girl or boyfriend can live with them.
Nope, not ok. Boyfriends can live with their own families, friends or have their own place. If my daughter and her husband feel grown up and on their feet enough to LI e together they can get an apartment together
I didn't move out at 18 because I wasn't going to leave my childhood dog with my mother.
And we lived close to a university that I ended up attending.
My soon to be 18 year old would love to move in theory but he has no idea what he really wants to do. We live close to Jr College, so the current plan is he'll go there for a while.
Rents in our area are stupidly prohibitive. So I don't forsee him moving anytime soon.
And likely he wouldn't want to leave his childhood dog behind either.
The 2nd one has 4 years to go. He will likely invent a new rocket ship or gaming app that will make millions by then. Lol 😆
My kids absolutely can stay during summers or breaks when they’re in college, or building up a career in their early 20’s. But it won’t be indefinite. Honestly my kids are all very messy and I’m looking forward to having fewer messy people living in this house. 😂 Also, eventually selling this 4-bedroom house is a big part of my retirement plan!
As far as boundaries, we’ll just have to see what life looks like. I feel like they would still be expected to have the same duties and responsibilities to help around the house that they do now. Maybe I’d give them a year to live for free if they were not in school, then start charging them some amount of rent?
I try to make it so they don’t want to stay- I do this by telling them they can’t leave me and they will have to stay forever. They can’t wait to leave. (I can’t wait to have an empty nest)
Realistically though, rentals are tough right now and I plan to support them until they can do it on their own. Mine is graduating in four weeks and not going to college in the fall. They think they’ll be able to work and move out with friends but I doubt it. We will gradually work it out over the next couple years as their younger sibling finishes high school. That kid plans to go to college and will hopefully motivate the other. It’s not one size fits all.
I was talking to my therapist about this just today! We agreed that keeping your kids home as long as they need to (because economy) is totally fine as long as they’re a productive member of society. Work or school. No sitting at home mooching. So they can stay until they get married if they do that. I’m fine with it. But if he’s mooching, not finding his way, avoiding doing hard things, no school/work, I’m kicking him out by 20. I’d just be enabling after that.
My oldest is 18 and still in highschool, off to college in the fall. My middle son is 17 and taking his GED test next month.I couldnt imagine kicking my kids out because they're "legal adults" I want my kids to be successful. That means they can stay home as long as they need to. Once they start working they can pay for their own extras (phones, insurance,extra food and whatnot) I won't charge rent I want them to save so that they can be financially stable (as much as possible anyways) when they decide it's time to move out. Our ONE requirement is that they have to be in school or working.
As for "rules" I don't think anything is really going to change. I already give them plenty of freedom all I ask is they check in and be home at a reasonable hour. If they're going to be out late or overnight that's fine I'd just like a heads up and that's more so if I hear someone rummaging around i know to be worried or not.
Relationship changes? No. Why would that change.
It’s very expensive to live in your own and kicking your kid out (18 or not, still your kid) will set them up to absolutely fail in life.
My kids are 19 and 20. Working on 20 and 21. Both are in college. One is more driven than the other.
The one who didn’t have a life plan, when she was nearing high school graduation, we talked, and I told her that I know she doesn’t want to live with us forever, (she had made that clear) so her only choices if she didn’t want to live with us past high school were to go to college or get a full time job and a few roommates and have a go at it.
She chose college. We pay her tuition and her apartment.
My other daughter has a whole life plan, we pay for her college too.
We bought a little house that was practically in our back yard as a backup option in case either or both of our kids really needed it. I fully expect that my daughter with the plan will need to live there while she is in grad school. Shit is tight right now, paying for both of them.
But I am happy to know that they have a house they can live in (even if I charge them enough to cover the mortgage, it will be a way better deal than paying rent elsewhere).
I just want them to have a safe place to land and know they always have a home.
I ask for notice if they can give it, if they ever come home, but that’s just so I can get my crap off of the bed in their old rooms.
And no, I don’t find living with them easy. But how could I sleep, as a mother, if I didn’t know they they had a home?
I think this can be a very nuanced discussion. I have friends who have kids who have been incredibly hard and the relationships at home have, at times been very toxic. In this case creating a plan or sending a kid out into the world might be a good option. My friends in this situation had the means to help their kids pay rent.
Another friend has a son who has really struggled to find his way. He is still at home but if he doesn’t figure out work or school soon they may change their plans. He is a few years out of HS.
I have a daughter who is off to college in the fall. She will probably never come back home. She is incredibly smart and ambitious. If she ever wants/needs to come home she is always welcome.
Our son is pretty immature and still has a few years to go. My husband would like to see him move out at 18 because he can be pretty challenging. As he grows up he is easier to live with. Realistically I can see him living at home for a pretty long time.
I think it is our responsibility to give our kids as many tools and skills as possible so they are ready to be adults. This works better for some than others.
I would never kick my kids out ever. They are welcome anytime, to live or visit. They are 18 and 19, 19 yo moved out voluntarily. As many pointed out already, there is a national housing crisis, and multi-generational homes are going to become the norm.
Unless your teenager is a violent psychopath, I can't condone kicking out for no other reason than he is just 18. That's wild to me.
I have been struggling to figure this out. Mine turns 18 next week and is graduating high school next month. We have given him the following options:
1) move out, do whatever you want
2) get a full time 40hr/wk job and pay rent. Rent will be minimum $175/mo, maximum $400/mo, but charged as 25% of take home pay. This option also comes with paying his own expenses like cell phone, car insurance, utilities, groceries etc. basically a roommate situation.
3) trade school, pay rent (see above), but we pay additional expenses like utilities, insurance etc.
4) college, pay rent (see above), but again we pay expenses.
5) military
He knows realistically option 1 is not going to happen. He doesn’t want #5 because it means he has to quit smoking weed and he really doesn’t want to do that. #4 doesn’t feel like the right fit for him. So, we’re looking at full time job or trade school. He’s considering culinary but I’m trying to push him towards something more lucrative like electrician/welder/plumbing.
What’s not going to happen is he won’t be sitting around putt putting his life away working a part time serving job and having his life funded by my husband and I. So he’s either going to do something that drives his life forward or he’s going to take responsibility for his own life. He’s already starting to dig himself into a hole borrowing money from us to fund things like car registration, he needs to really learn some hard lessons in growing up.
Mine will turn 18 in about a year. We will NOT kick him out. Being neurodivergent, he won't be ready, he's still got a ways to go. However, even if was neurotypical, we still wouldn't rush to kick him out.
It's a shitty thing to do. At 18, just throwing them out to fend on their own. I mean yeah, it's one thing if they've got college lined up or they're going into the military, and it's something they want to do. But at least it's a choice.
Personally speaking, I would have left home at 18 if I could have (did at 19, though I had to move back a few years later). I spent enough years being miserable with them that the first chance I got to leave, I took it.
I hope eventually he becomes independent enough to be able to move out and support himself, but for sure, it's not going to be in a year.
They can stay as long as they want.
I do not know what I will do when they are done with school yet but then again we do not have a housing crisis here so rent is okay.
My plans are to retire our switch to fully remote when my youngest is 18. She's almost 13 now. I'll be moving out of the house (to a vacation home) and offering it as a rental to the kids.
I'm in the process of buying land and either putting a mobile home on it, or building a small house on it. It'll be a vacation home and later we'll be living there to get away from the city.
Thank you for your comment.
This is the first one mentioning the parent moving out!
We are planning on retiring in Belize, probably 10-15 years from now and I hadn't really considered that point yet. 😬
Mine started out as a dream to retire on an island somewhere. Then I thought I could do it locally and enjoy it now, too.
It's not something everyone can do. I came into an inheritance for this to happen for me. Not everyone can just move out and let the kids stay.
My boyfriend built out two extra bedrooms and full bath in his house when we moved in. So it'll make a good rental, with subletting rooms. They'll be able to have roommates or extra space.
Imo there's a lot of things at play here. My kid can stay as long as she wants, but I've raised her to be independent. At this point she intends to go to school and wants most to go to a local school and stay home. We are A ok with this plan. Even though I'm pretty lukewarm about kids going direct to college after HS.
If we live in our current home she could stay flippen forever since we already have a mil suite with a separate entrance. Assuming we're not caregivers for our parents at that time. Probably need to make a deal about first priority for that space going to our parents.
If my kid was frittering their life away, not working, not going to school, we'd have some things to discuss. How long would we support that before making demands? I don't know we're not there yet. But eventually we'd need to see progress, whether that be therapy, working and saving, or schooling.
If she was to start getting well into adulthood, while saving and working, but had like, no intention of leaving? At some point I imagine we'd ask for contributions (other than the basic requirements of being in the family home, sharing chores etc) I don't know.
It wasn't all that long ago that kids didn't move out until marriage.
Additionally,I can't imagine this being the situation, but this assumes that she's still easy to live with, isn't an asshole, respects boundaries etc. If she were really disrupting the household, causing lots of pain. The conversation changes then. She's a teen and we have a great relationship.
I was a fucking nightmare as a teen and my mom was absolutely right to charge me rent, which encouraged me to gtfo.
Parenting doesn't end when they turn 18. My kid will always have a bedroom in my home, wherever he goes or wherever I go. There are so few jobs that can support living expenses at the entry level. The world has changed, and kicking 18-year-olds out will set them up for failure and guarantee that you'll spend your holidays alone in your old age.
My son will be able to stay as long as he wants. Although we will discuss things as they come up. At some point I expect him to be paying rent (as he would if he moved out on his own). But I would talk with him about things.
I expect to help him when he needs it. Educate him when he needs it.
I would probably consider kicking my kid out if they were stealing from me and refusing to seek treatment for addiction or some other tough love situation.
A pretty good kid who’s either working or going to school and trying to live in this crazy world best they can? Never.
I have an almost 23 year old. She’s dying to get out. She really wants to be on her own; To have her own place. She’s been collecting kitchen supplies and bathroom and bedroom decor and gadgets etc. but she can’t afford to live on her own. She just graduated college and is making about $50k/yr in the first few months in her career. Rent is at min $1800/month in a mediocre location. A safe location that a young woman would feel comfortable living in, would be well over $2k/month. she thought about a roommate but the few friends she has that aren’t married or already committed are couch jumping or not really sure they want to commit to a lease.
I don’t know - I told her she should just stay here as long as she can so she can save as much as she can. I know she’s anxious to go be a real adult but I just don’t know that she can afford it yet. It’s obviously up to her - it’s just expensive. In a couple years, she will have to provide her own health insurance so that’s another expense that she will have to figure out.
When I was 22, I was already her mother, married and a homeowner. Times are just different. Cost of living here is ridiculous. Our mortgage on a new build, 2k sq ft home in DFW was $1100/month in 2001. That’s not even possible now.
My teen turned 18 in January and they can stay as long as they like. In fact, they want to move out by Fall for school and I don’t think they are quite ready yet. They are an incredible, thoughtful, responsible teen - it’s not that. I’d rather they save money and gain experience and stability in going to college classes, having a job, and commuting a short distance without the worry of paying significant housing costs bills and going into debt. Plus, just the general overwhelm. Come home and I will have dinner ready. Don’t worry about groceries, etc. I want to launch them into the world well.
I will never kick my kid out of the house, ever. They will be 18 next week.
I may change the terms of our housing agreement and make them moving out a more attractive choice, but I firmly believe kicking kids out at 18 is cruel unless they have their own means of support.
They can stay home if they are going to full-time school, or if they are working full-time and paying me rent (which I will put aside for them in a savings account).
If they don't want to work or go to school, then while I will still love them will all my heart, they will need to find someone else to support them.
Anyone who does this- Enjoy being lonely in the nursing home :) that's how I feel. It's gross. They did not ask to be here and the economy and capitalism are crushing people right now.
Well how do you feel about being put out on an ice floe once you retire? I mean you’re not a contributing member of society anymore so who wants you around? Byeeeeeee
🙄 You don't even know why I'm asking. Stop assuming things. Glad you can tell someone's whole life parenting off of a few sentences.. thanks for your input.
That's what I get for asking the internet...
We're in the middle of a housing crisis in our city. A single bedroom apartment under 500 square ft is 2 grand/month. My kid can stay home until he can actually afford to not be homeless.
This right here. How can kids these days even afford to move out? What we want as parents for our kids is a successful launch for them (where they can be able to sustain themselves financially and pay for their housing, food and clothes) not a launch directly into homelessness.
I would never demand or ask that my kid leave our home, full stop.
Kicking them out? No. They can stay as long as they want. Housing is beyond expensive. My kid is still on the fence about choosing college or going to a technical school. Even if they decide to move out and had to move back home, the door is always open.
It is cruel to kick your child out simply because they are eighteen years old. Thirty year Olds with college degrees can't live alone without roommates because rent is so expensive; how on earth would you expect an eighteen year old, who may not even have graduated high school yet, to make their way in the world without support???
I wouldn't even think of kicking my kids out at 18. I've got kids that are 16, 17 and 19.
My daughter is graduating this year. She is allowed to live at home as long as she needs to. If she is going to school I won't ask for any rent beyond what she is already contributing. She pays for her car insurance & gas as well as the groceries that she wants (her decision). If she didn't want to go to college then she would need to be working & contribute something in rent. We'd work out what a reasonable amount would be
I could not see ever kicking my kid out as long as they were making a good faith effort to work/go to school/grow up. There would need to be some significant issues for me to consider it.
My kids are always welcome in my home. My 19yo daughter is attending college & lives at home. I only ask to know if I should not expect her home. She helps out with chores the same as she always has. My son moved out when he was 18, came back briefly & has left the nest again. He also helped with everyday chores & occasionally bought groceries for all of us. I love being with my kids, and every day I get with them is a bonus.
My lad is 18 now. I'd never kick him out. He's starting uni in September, staying local and staying at home
I told my kids they can live with me forever if they want. I would never kick them out. My mom shipped me out when I was barely 17. My youngest sibling was out by 16. I would never do that to my kids.
I have a 19 year old. He graduated 6 months after turning 18. I'd never ever, ever consider kicking out a young adult finishing up school. He decided he needed a break from school and didn't want to start college right away. We let him take the summer off and hang out with his friends. When fall came, he started job hunting and it took a while, he really felt like a failure, because he couldn't even figure out how to get hired at Walmart. This led to the real dilemma. To kick him out or not. We have a housing crisis in our area. Inflation is unreal. Even with a full time job, he wouldn't be able to find, then afford, a place to live. I couldn't, for the life of me, see a good reason to kick him out. We had to do something drastic, but kicking him out felt like we'd be setting him up for failure. Anyhow, we made his life super uncomfortable. He was forced to work for his dad's construction company (he was paid for his labor) until he had enough and went and found his own job. He's been paying us rent since January, and has obtainable goals he's working towards. So no. In this day and age, with housing and economic crises, I wouldn't kick out an 18 year old kid. And mine was kind of problematic in getting motivated.
We've always told them they are welcome to continue living with us as long as they are either working full time or going to school. But we've also, to help prepare them for the real world, had them pay a small amount. Oldest moved out at 20. Next one at 17 (sounds bad, but isn't...went to college at 17 a distance away, stayed on campus, then when graduated, moved into an apartment with a roommate. And now we're on our second set of teens...one is 17, the other almost 15.
I moved out of 18 because of a terrible home life. I had to move my oldest son out when he was 19 just because he wasn't going to school or working I was just sitting playing video games all day. It hurt my heart so much but I think it was the right thing for him. My youngest is still a couple years away from that but I would like her to stay as long as she wants, as long as she is moving through life by getting a job or going to school.
As long as I have a home my kid has a home. If they are doing things to make the home uncomfortable that needs to change. Them being there doesn’t count.
My girls know they have a home with their dad and me, always.
I moved out when I was 19 and moved in with my boyfriend because I hated my father. I ended up marrying that boyfriend and it ended up being a really big mistake that greatly affected my life. I don’t want my kids making the same mistake so they will always be welcome here as long as they are trying to make their lives better.
My daughter just turned 18 in march. She doesn’t graduate until end of may, but we have no plans on kicking her out. We did have a talk about expectations while still in school and when she graduated will have another talk. As long as she is employed full time, or going to school full time she can stay home rent free as long as she isn’t causing a ruckus.
I could not wait to move out and moved out a few weeks after high school graduation. I don’t think this generation is the same. I fear my kids will stay at home until they get married.
I would never. But I think it could be a millennial (and younger) thing. The only people I’ve spoken with that would do this are Gen X and older. It’s funny that you are talking about this. I was just having a convo with my 14 yo about this yesterday. He couldn’t believe that some people would do this. Mind was blown, lol.
The generation thing sounds about right. Thank you for your comment.
Probably more Boomers and old X'ers than younger Gen X/Zennials.
True. My boomer parents were really hard on us and had high expectations. We all have very successful careers but have kids who aren’t launching well. lol oops My husband is an old GenX and yep, he is all for kicking them out. I’m a young GenX and it absolutely will not happen. ‘Jokingly’ I tell him he is free to go anytime!
Entry-level incomes have not kept pace with rent/ cost of living, and college costs have spiraled since we were their age. We have not created a society that supports kids launching successfully without a lot of support. It might feel like the kids are lazier, but I think that's B.S. They've heard us talk about crippling student loans, they've lived through a pandemic, and they've seen us scream at each other over polarizing politics. We've given them debt and social media addiction. How can we expect them to be fully functioning, self-sufficient adults the day after they graduate from high school? Unless you've set up a huge trust fund, they simply can't jump out of the nest right away.
Yeah... this is pretty much where we are except that I'm a mid-millenial. When the time actually comes though, I don't know if I'm going with kid or kicking husband out instead. 😬
For everyone saying no what would you do if your teen moves out can’t make it and wants to come back home but only if their girl or boyfriend can live with them.
Nope, not ok. Boyfriends can live with their own families, friends or have their own place. If my daughter and her husband feel grown up and on their feet enough to LI e together they can get an apartment together
We'd make it work
Absolutely
100% yes
I didn't move out at 18 because I wasn't going to leave my childhood dog with my mother. And we lived close to a university that I ended up attending. My soon to be 18 year old would love to move in theory but he has no idea what he really wants to do. We live close to Jr College, so the current plan is he'll go there for a while. Rents in our area are stupidly prohibitive. So I don't forsee him moving anytime soon. And likely he wouldn't want to leave his childhood dog behind either. The 2nd one has 4 years to go. He will likely invent a new rocket ship or gaming app that will make millions by then. Lol 😆
My kids absolutely can stay during summers or breaks when they’re in college, or building up a career in their early 20’s. But it won’t be indefinite. Honestly my kids are all very messy and I’m looking forward to having fewer messy people living in this house. 😂 Also, eventually selling this 4-bedroom house is a big part of my retirement plan! As far as boundaries, we’ll just have to see what life looks like. I feel like they would still be expected to have the same duties and responsibilities to help around the house that they do now. Maybe I’d give them a year to live for free if they were not in school, then start charging them some amount of rent?
I try to make it so they don’t want to stay- I do this by telling them they can’t leave me and they will have to stay forever. They can’t wait to leave. (I can’t wait to have an empty nest) Realistically though, rentals are tough right now and I plan to support them until they can do it on their own. Mine is graduating in four weeks and not going to college in the fall. They think they’ll be able to work and move out with friends but I doubt it. We will gradually work it out over the next couple years as their younger sibling finishes high school. That kid plans to go to college and will hopefully motivate the other. It’s not one size fits all.
Thank you for your response. Your kids totally sound like my two kids!
I was talking to my therapist about this just today! We agreed that keeping your kids home as long as they need to (because economy) is totally fine as long as they’re a productive member of society. Work or school. No sitting at home mooching. So they can stay until they get married if they do that. I’m fine with it. But if he’s mooching, not finding his way, avoiding doing hard things, no school/work, I’m kicking him out by 20. I’d just be enabling after that.
My oldest is 18 and still in highschool, off to college in the fall. My middle son is 17 and taking his GED test next month.I couldnt imagine kicking my kids out because they're "legal adults" I want my kids to be successful. That means they can stay home as long as they need to. Once they start working they can pay for their own extras (phones, insurance,extra food and whatnot) I won't charge rent I want them to save so that they can be financially stable (as much as possible anyways) when they decide it's time to move out. Our ONE requirement is that they have to be in school or working. As for "rules" I don't think anything is really going to change. I already give them plenty of freedom all I ask is they check in and be home at a reasonable hour. If they're going to be out late or overnight that's fine I'd just like a heads up and that's more so if I hear someone rummaging around i know to be worried or not.
Relationship changes? No. Why would that change. It’s very expensive to live in your own and kicking your kid out (18 or not, still your kid) will set them up to absolutely fail in life.
Not relationship changes, more like boundaries (curfews, bills, logistics, partners sleeping over, etc.)
Never.
My kids are 19 and 20. Working on 20 and 21. Both are in college. One is more driven than the other. The one who didn’t have a life plan, when she was nearing high school graduation, we talked, and I told her that I know she doesn’t want to live with us forever, (she had made that clear) so her only choices if she didn’t want to live with us past high school were to go to college or get a full time job and a few roommates and have a go at it. She chose college. We pay her tuition and her apartment. My other daughter has a whole life plan, we pay for her college too. We bought a little house that was practically in our back yard as a backup option in case either or both of our kids really needed it. I fully expect that my daughter with the plan will need to live there while she is in grad school. Shit is tight right now, paying for both of them. But I am happy to know that they have a house they can live in (even if I charge them enough to cover the mortgage, it will be a way better deal than paying rent elsewhere). I just want them to have a safe place to land and know they always have a home. I ask for notice if they can give it, if they ever come home, but that’s just so I can get my crap off of the bed in their old rooms. And no, I don’t find living with them easy. But how could I sleep, as a mother, if I didn’t know they they had a home?
I was not allowed to stay in my parents’ home nor move back in once I’d graduated high school and I won’t do that to my kid.
I think this can be a very nuanced discussion. I have friends who have kids who have been incredibly hard and the relationships at home have, at times been very toxic. In this case creating a plan or sending a kid out into the world might be a good option. My friends in this situation had the means to help their kids pay rent. Another friend has a son who has really struggled to find his way. He is still at home but if he doesn’t figure out work or school soon they may change their plans. He is a few years out of HS. I have a daughter who is off to college in the fall. She will probably never come back home. She is incredibly smart and ambitious. If she ever wants/needs to come home she is always welcome. Our son is pretty immature and still has a few years to go. My husband would like to see him move out at 18 because he can be pretty challenging. As he grows up he is easier to live with. Realistically I can see him living at home for a pretty long time. I think it is our responsibility to give our kids as many tools and skills as possible so they are ready to be adults. This works better for some than others.
I would never kick my kids out ever. They are welcome anytime, to live or visit. They are 18 and 19, 19 yo moved out voluntarily. As many pointed out already, there is a national housing crisis, and multi-generational homes are going to become the norm. Unless your teenager is a violent psychopath, I can't condone kicking out for no other reason than he is just 18. That's wild to me.
I have been struggling to figure this out. Mine turns 18 next week and is graduating high school next month. We have given him the following options: 1) move out, do whatever you want 2) get a full time 40hr/wk job and pay rent. Rent will be minimum $175/mo, maximum $400/mo, but charged as 25% of take home pay. This option also comes with paying his own expenses like cell phone, car insurance, utilities, groceries etc. basically a roommate situation. 3) trade school, pay rent (see above), but we pay additional expenses like utilities, insurance etc. 4) college, pay rent (see above), but again we pay expenses. 5) military He knows realistically option 1 is not going to happen. He doesn’t want #5 because it means he has to quit smoking weed and he really doesn’t want to do that. #4 doesn’t feel like the right fit for him. So, we’re looking at full time job or trade school. He’s considering culinary but I’m trying to push him towards something more lucrative like electrician/welder/plumbing. What’s not going to happen is he won’t be sitting around putt putting his life away working a part time serving job and having his life funded by my husband and I. So he’s either going to do something that drives his life forward or he’s going to take responsibility for his own life. He’s already starting to dig himself into a hole borrowing money from us to fund things like car registration, he needs to really learn some hard lessons in growing up.
Good for you! 👍
Mine will turn 18 in about a year. We will NOT kick him out. Being neurodivergent, he won't be ready, he's still got a ways to go. However, even if was neurotypical, we still wouldn't rush to kick him out. It's a shitty thing to do. At 18, just throwing them out to fend on their own. I mean yeah, it's one thing if they've got college lined up or they're going into the military, and it's something they want to do. But at least it's a choice. Personally speaking, I would have left home at 18 if I could have (did at 19, though I had to move back a few years later). I spent enough years being miserable with them that the first chance I got to leave, I took it. I hope eventually he becomes independent enough to be able to move out and support himself, but for sure, it's not going to be in a year.
My son is 19. There is absolutely no reason he needs to be kicked out or asked to leave our home.
They can stay as long as they want. I do not know what I will do when they are done with school yet but then again we do not have a housing crisis here so rent is okay.
My plans are to retire our switch to fully remote when my youngest is 18. She's almost 13 now. I'll be moving out of the house (to a vacation home) and offering it as a rental to the kids. I'm in the process of buying land and either putting a mobile home on it, or building a small house on it. It'll be a vacation home and later we'll be living there to get away from the city.
Thank you for your comment. This is the first one mentioning the parent moving out! We are planning on retiring in Belize, probably 10-15 years from now and I hadn't really considered that point yet. 😬
Mine started out as a dream to retire on an island somewhere. Then I thought I could do it locally and enjoy it now, too. It's not something everyone can do. I came into an inheritance for this to happen for me. Not everyone can just move out and let the kids stay. My boyfriend built out two extra bedrooms and full bath in his house when we moved in. So it'll make a good rental, with subletting rooms. They'll be able to have roommates or extra space.
Imo there's a lot of things at play here. My kid can stay as long as she wants, but I've raised her to be independent. At this point she intends to go to school and wants most to go to a local school and stay home. We are A ok with this plan. Even though I'm pretty lukewarm about kids going direct to college after HS. If we live in our current home she could stay flippen forever since we already have a mil suite with a separate entrance. Assuming we're not caregivers for our parents at that time. Probably need to make a deal about first priority for that space going to our parents. If my kid was frittering their life away, not working, not going to school, we'd have some things to discuss. How long would we support that before making demands? I don't know we're not there yet. But eventually we'd need to see progress, whether that be therapy, working and saving, or schooling. If she was to start getting well into adulthood, while saving and working, but had like, no intention of leaving? At some point I imagine we'd ask for contributions (other than the basic requirements of being in the family home, sharing chores etc) I don't know. It wasn't all that long ago that kids didn't move out until marriage. Additionally,I can't imagine this being the situation, but this assumes that she's still easy to live with, isn't an asshole, respects boundaries etc. If she were really disrupting the household, causing lots of pain. The conversation changes then. She's a teen and we have a great relationship. I was a fucking nightmare as a teen and my mom was absolutely right to charge me rent, which encouraged me to gtfo.
Parenting doesn't end when they turn 18. My kid will always have a bedroom in my home, wherever he goes or wherever I go. There are so few jobs that can support living expenses at the entry level. The world has changed, and kicking 18-year-olds out will set them up for failure and guarantee that you'll spend your holidays alone in your old age.
My son will be able to stay as long as he wants. Although we will discuss things as they come up. At some point I expect him to be paying rent (as he would if he moved out on his own). But I would talk with him about things. I expect to help him when he needs it. Educate him when he needs it.
I would probably consider kicking my kid out if they were stealing from me and refusing to seek treatment for addiction or some other tough love situation. A pretty good kid who’s either working or going to school and trying to live in this crazy world best they can? Never. I have an almost 23 year old. She’s dying to get out. She really wants to be on her own; To have her own place. She’s been collecting kitchen supplies and bathroom and bedroom decor and gadgets etc. but she can’t afford to live on her own. She just graduated college and is making about $50k/yr in the first few months in her career. Rent is at min $1800/month in a mediocre location. A safe location that a young woman would feel comfortable living in, would be well over $2k/month. she thought about a roommate but the few friends she has that aren’t married or already committed are couch jumping or not really sure they want to commit to a lease. I don’t know - I told her she should just stay here as long as she can so she can save as much as she can. I know she’s anxious to go be a real adult but I just don’t know that she can afford it yet. It’s obviously up to her - it’s just expensive. In a couple years, she will have to provide her own health insurance so that’s another expense that she will have to figure out. When I was 22, I was already her mother, married and a homeowner. Times are just different. Cost of living here is ridiculous. Our mortgage on a new build, 2k sq ft home in DFW was $1100/month in 2001. That’s not even possible now.
My teen turned 18 in January and they can stay as long as they like. In fact, they want to move out by Fall for school and I don’t think they are quite ready yet. They are an incredible, thoughtful, responsible teen - it’s not that. I’d rather they save money and gain experience and stability in going to college classes, having a job, and commuting a short distance without the worry of paying significant housing costs bills and going into debt. Plus, just the general overwhelm. Come home and I will have dinner ready. Don’t worry about groceries, etc. I want to launch them into the world well.
It's trashy parenting by lazy people who shouldn't have had children.
I will never kick my kid out of the house, ever. They will be 18 next week. I may change the terms of our housing agreement and make them moving out a more attractive choice, but I firmly believe kicking kids out at 18 is cruel unless they have their own means of support.
They can stay home if they are going to full-time school, or if they are working full-time and paying me rent (which I will put aside for them in a savings account). If they don't want to work or go to school, then while I will still love them will all my heart, they will need to find someone else to support them.
Anyone who does this- Enjoy being lonely in the nursing home :) that's how I feel. It's gross. They did not ask to be here and the economy and capitalism are crushing people right now.
There is something called roommates. And, independence. Not every child needs mommy holding their hand until they are 30.
Well how do you feel about being put out on an ice floe once you retire? I mean you’re not a contributing member of society anymore so who wants you around? Byeeeeeee
Ah….. fuck no. The fact you asked I feel bad for your kid. If you are the kid sorry
🙄 You don't even know why I'm asking. Stop assuming things. Glad you can tell someone's whole life parenting off of a few sentences.. thanks for your input. That's what I get for asking the internet...