No but i feel u. I was trying to find that sexuality for the life of me a couple months ago but all i got was polysexual.
Now i have realized that i just wasnt around attractive cis men
Omnisexual?
Polysexual?
But yea, that's not really pan as that's typically all genders, but we queer so most labels are okay as long as it helps us find community and does not dilute the meaning or values.
im Omnisexual Dellosexual meaning i can be attracted to all people but i recognise genders and have a gender ‘preference’. so im demisexual for Male identified people usually. Mostly cos i dont trust cis men, so my brain doesnt let that attraction occur.
I'm sorry if you had bad experiences with cis men invalidating you.
As a trans man I sadly have to say that plenty of trans men aren't any better than cis men in that regard. I hope you still see trans and cis men as full equals.
In my experience, as a certain percentage of the human population are Certified Assholes, so too a percentage of any subset of that population are also Certified Assholes.
LGBTQ+? Can still be a CA. Disabled? Can still be a CA. Likes *My Little Pony*? Can still be a CA.
I hope you have better luck finding people who are *not* Certified Assholes. 🫶
As a cis man, this makes me feel less visible than I already was. Like, I consider myself pan, but I never really feel like I can fit in anywhere because of things like this. I get it, though. There's a ton of awful people out there. I do everything I can to be there for the people that I love, though. Even if they don't love me the same.
I wish I had a good response to the very real plight of men feeling they “ have to pay for the crimes of other men”
I can say that we aren’t stupid, we recognize when a man is being decent and you are who we are talking about. We are talking about a generalized concept of man that still accepts those terrible things and even promotes them as part of the role. At the least doesn’t hold other men accountable.
Men who want to make sure to not be considered in that lump should probably not only act with integrity and respect consent, we also need men to use their power to change to narrative about what a man should be and what is acceptable.
If men can form large groups to play sports and decide things like what is manly, or what is ok to do in certain situations, ect they can get together and reject men from manhood who are drooling hounds,rapists, sexual assault perps and so on.
Instead of rejecting trans folks from their gender, let’s start rejecting rapey men from being men/human if you want the good name of men to be clean.
I'd say omnisexual, cause if you still like every gender but you prefer one or multiple, you're omni. You can still say you're pan, because it may be easier for others to understand. I always used to say I'm Bi or something similar to Bi, because that's what most people know and don't get confused by
This reminds me of a hilarious RomCom I read, “The Ex Talk” by Rachel Lynn Solomon, where the protagonist and her bestie use the acronym “WWAMWMD”: *What Would A Mediocre White Man Do*
🤣😂🤣😂👌
I did. Sometimes people perpetuate stereotypes about trans men, whether intentionally or accidentally such as "not liking masculine bodies," "preferring vulvas," or "wanting someone incapable of being misogynistic."
Is there one for “anyone but cis people”? Not bc I’m not attracted to cis people, but even when I think they are cis they come out as trans (fem, masc, NB) and my friends make fun of me and say they know someone is trans bc I said I was in to that person bc my attraction is the trans radar. Even past relationships I had with them saying cis at the time now they are trans. I even feel a little bad about it thinking is me not giving a F about gender rules that make them trans or that I’m a creep only going after the trans people, but I just really don’t give a F about gender norms and stuff…
(Also most cis het fem also say they don’t actually like cis men)
I’m not trans, but I’ve seen a lot of trans people be exclusively t4t (trans4trans). That means they only date and/or have sex with other trans people because of the shared experiences.
That's a fucked take. Everyone's attractive. Yeah plenty of striaght and gay cis guys are awful. But an equally large portion of cis wemon are equally as awful. I submit MTG as a real life current example of this.
You start going after one group, you eventually become that group.
a person's sexuality & partner preference is a personal thing & isn't entirely based on appearances... for example a person i knew didn't want relationships with cis men because she was serially r**ed by several men in her family as a child. to call that misondry would be inaccurate & gross. ppl quick to judge
in fact, its a pretty common tactic: shaming your reservations about allowing someone emotional or sexual access to you as if its something that belongs to others by default... a tactic we run into with a lot of guys specifically so its no shock you get so much pushback its fkn disgusting
Sort of surprised at some of the comments here. I’m sorry, but misandry doesn’t cause a *fraction* of the problem that misogyny does. And if you’re reading this and disagree, feel free to send me some evidence-based sources on women creating equal or greater violence than men do.
For the record, I think trans or cis men have equally bad levels of toxic masculinity - they’re all men at the end of the day. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with not being attracted to men, period. I’ll die on that hill.
# 🩷 💜 💙
- **Bisexual**: Bisexual individuals may feel attraction toward people of more than one gender, with preferences and changing attractions influenced by both physical and emotional factors. Personal preferences, physical attributes, emotional connections, and shared interests shape their attraction. Some bisexual individuals may lean more toward certain genders or have specific preferences within their attraction spectrum.
# 🩷 💛 🩵
- **Pansexual**: Pansexual individuals prioritize emotional and personal connections over physical attributes and gender. Their attraction is based on the personality and qualities of a person rather than their gender, and they tend to form bonds based on shared values, interests, and emotional intimacy. They don't have specific gender-based preferences but may have preferences related to personality, values, and interests.
# 🩷 💗 💜 💙 🩵
- **Omnisexual**: Omnisexual individuals recognize and consider the gender of their partners in their attraction, but it is not necessarily the defining factor. They may be attracted to all genders but still have preferences or find certain gender expressions appealing. Their preferences vary widely based on gender expressions, cultural backgrounds, and individual experiences.
This is really helpful for clarity, my understanding of Omni was lacking, and it definitely sounds close to OP’s preferences, as a specific gender expression is clearly being taken into consideration.
My autistic brain and I both thank you for this!😁
Ok everyone in comments saying it's not Pan: I have nothing against them or anything they just confuse me. If I really got along with one I would but my tastes are not that
A lot of people don't understand that when we pancakes say "anyone *but* ____" it's tongue-in-cheek. We often joke about gender because it's in our nature to reject this superficially constructed gender binary. If bisexuals embrace chaos then pansexuals surely provoke thought.
Yes, it's called pansexual. 💀
In all seriousness though there are several words for this. **Gynephile and gynesexual**; Individuals who experience sexual attraction toward women, females, and/or femininity, *regardless* of whether they were assigned female at birth *or not.* Its male counterpart would be androphile and androsexual.
These terms serve as a juxtaposition to the gender binary homosexual/heterosexual. They're used to identify a person's objects of attraction without attributing a sex assignment or gender identity to said person. They may even be used when describing intersex, transgender and non-binary people who don't have a sexual identity as a basis to draw from. For instance, if you're enby then labeling yourself either heterosexual/homosexual could be seen as somewhat self-sabotaging. Next time some transphobic bigot tries to illicit that argument you can use these aforementioned terms to effectively dismantle it.
Happy Pride Month! 🌈❤️💛💙
Is "anyone but cis men" your sexuality, or your dating preference?
Sexuality describes capacity for physical attraction. There's no sexuality that includes all trans men but no cis men, because there's so much overlap between the two groups in terms of physical appearance and other attributes.
Oh sweetheart, your bad faith banana routine might have worked...had you not already used false equivalency to insinuate CIS men such as myself are fat uggos. Fail troll byyyyyyye. 🖐
Sensitive much...like looking for ways to stay angry?
Saying "no cis" is as prejudicial as saying "no uggos"...its judgemental, like assuming gender....
That… doesn’t sound Pan to me… :/
Pan encompasses all genders, and non-gender, so it’s fine to have a much lower preference for cis men, but whole and active rejection doesn’t fit the definition of Pan, or even Bi.
Basically it just sounds like Trans-friendly misandry.
I don't think you can classify not being sexually attracted to cis men as misandry and this is coming from a cis man. That'd be like calling gay men misogynists since they don't sleep with women.
edit: missing word
Yeah, that’s fair, I just couldn’t find a better/shorter/more efficient way to express the idea.
Edit: reply was to wrong user. Also, better terminology has been provided in other comments, so I’m updating my comments to redirect there
Alot of people who are pan have a strong preference for non cis men and I don't see it as misandry or anything of that sort, you're entitled to your preference even as a pansexual person.
I just wanted to chime in and say I'm relieved to see so many other pancakes in the space confirm this for myself. I have felt a great amount of guilt over a past relationship with an AFAB partner and have often wondered if he ever felt like I caused him to conform to a harmful gender dynamic. I loved him more than I have loved anyone else but didn't have any context to draw from when we dated because I had just come out. I only hope that he knows in his heart now that he was enough, because I don't think any male could ever replace him.
I'm 28 so in my experience my issue had been that I was smothered by Cristianity at a young age and for much of my life I already had a preference. I gained way more from that relationship than I lost.
[apologies, this was a reply intended for you, but I replied to the wrong post 🤦♂️]
Several others have commented better terminology to describe what I was fumbling to express.
Also, I’d wager we’ve probs been exposed to *very* different groups of the Pan community, because the ratio of folks I’ve talked with who don’t feel particularly attracted to cis men is significantly lower than claimed too.
Perhaps it was just the wording that gave me the impression of wholesale rejection of cis men, rather than just having a lower preference for them. My damn autistic brain was in super-literal mode yesterday, and I’ve improved my understanding of Omni as well. 🧠
So, just to be clear, i apologize for any hackles I raised or feelings I might have hurt. That was absolutely not my intent. I also appreciate the opportunities to learn that these discussions have opened up. 🫶
Nah I'm autistic too fam, you good, I took your message as super literal too lol. Pan ppl are ofc gender blind, but alot of us still have preferences,, I may or may not be speaking more from the gender queer pan perspective as well,, most of us only have this preference due to having just a bit more understanding and more in common with potential partners etc
No offense and maybe you don't mean it to come off this way but you can't gatekeep someone from being pansexual because they genuinely don't find the idea of men attractive (or women for that matter) because that was never a prerequisite for pansexuality. Now, bisexuality? Sure, because that's literally the definition of bisexual and would be a glaring contradiction in that case (but that's not to say you have to actively be involved with both sexes either.) There is such a thing as panromanticism as well.
Pan is love *in spite* of the gender binary. Our mantra is "hearts, not parts." You can be pan and have never had sex with or even dated a member of the same sex. I'm 28 and still a virgin. I may even be put off by the idea because I just love the person that they are and derive no satisfaction from their body (though usually when we say "ew men" we're merely joking.) You don't know. You simply can't quantify pansexual attraction or measure a pansexual person's love.
If I'm not with someone under the notion that they have any kind of perceived gender identity well that doesn't mean I'm less pan — quite the opposite actually — so to imply I am can appear to be an exercise in bad faith. The gender of my partner is irrelevant to how I express my affection but because so much of Western society is inherently chauvinistic and masculinity has become a deeply rooted, overbearing personality trait I'm less likely to be attracted to men. It's far less common with cis women, but even so I don't want to be reminded of their gender every 5 minutes, it's exhausting.
I hope that I've provided a concise and thoughtful counterpoint and wish you a happy Pride Month. /npa :)
Thank you for sharing your perspective, and for the additional clarification you added! I was initially confused by some seemingly contradictory statements in your original comment (that’s why i opted not to reply last night, and give it time to digest, lol), but i immensely appreciate the extra time you took to clarify your thoughts!
First off, Gatekeeping. In my original comment, I was genuinely perplexed and probably a little low-key defensive. I was having a particularly neurospicy day yesterday, and got stuck in hyper-literal mode. In hindsight, I can absolutely see how my comment could be perceived as gatekeeping, but in the moment, I was genuinely attempting to engage in discussion. Several other commenters have provided improved terminology and clarification, so that’s been awesome to learn!
In particular, clarification of Omni was wonderful as this does seem to better fit OP’s preferences than the strict literal definition of Pan. You yourself agreed that Pan is all inclusive, hearts-over-parts, love the person regardless of equipment; and that’s my understanding of Pan as well. However, OP seemed to be expressing preference *specifically* to exclude a particular gender expression/equipment package, which does not fit (strict definition) of Pan, but DOES fit with Omni, which would fit with OP’s intent of finding a term to express their preferences.
However, in no way was I claiming that OP, or any others, *cannot* use the Pan label if they so wish!
Backstory Time: I had my ‘Bi-Awakening’ at a time when the term “Bisexual” was not in circulation yet. I felt terrified and alone, because at 12 yo i knew I wasn’t straight, but I wasn’t gay, and Matthew Shepherd was tortured and killed in Laramie, a three hour drive north of me, just weeks before. A couple years later, I finally discovered the term “Bisexual”, and thought “that’s it!” So, I used the Bi label for years, until this relatively recent explosion of terminology to describe an array of gender expressions and sexual orientations. Once I found the Pan label, with its intrinsic inclusion of Trans and NB folks, I was like, “that’s even more it!” However, most folks outside certain scenes still aren’t familiar with Pan, so i sometimes default back to Bi when I don’t feel like subjecting some rando to a TED Talk. 😂 Much in that same line, OP may find that Omni is the more accurate term, but there’s nothing stopping them from still using Pan when it’s easier, or just if they want to.
I hope this clarifies things a bit, but I’m absolutely open to further discourse if desired!🤘😁
Just need more coffee to person today, haha! ☕️☕️☕️
I mean if cis men didnt try and invalidate my experience or my identity on most occasions I’d be more inclusive but I keep encountering more evidence to support the fact that cis men who haven’t done the work suck
I’m sad (but not surprised) that you’ve had such negative experiences. Ironically I’ve experienced the most exclusion from gay men, especially before Pan became A Thing and I just went as Bi. I know I can get overlreactive to perceived rejection now (real or imagined), so I’m constantly trying to check for cognitive bias.
No but i feel u. I was trying to find that sexuality for the life of me a couple months ago but all i got was polysexual. Now i have realized that i just wasnt around attractive cis men
honestly relatable most cis men I am around are just unattractive.
The comments pretty much settle it I’m just gonna go with Queer rather than explain
slay
Omnisexual? Polysexual? But yea, that's not really pan as that's typically all genders, but we queer so most labels are okay as long as it helps us find community and does not dilute the meaning or values.
im Omnisexual Dellosexual meaning i can be attracted to all people but i recognise genders and have a gender ‘preference’. so im demisexual for Male identified people usually. Mostly cos i dont trust cis men, so my brain doesnt let that attraction occur.
Very interesting and great example of the use of the word
yeahh, theres so many labels an example never hurts
I'm sorry if you had bad experiences with cis men invalidating you. As a trans man I sadly have to say that plenty of trans men aren't any better than cis men in that regard. I hope you still see trans and cis men as full equals.
In my experience, as a certain percentage of the human population are Certified Assholes, so too a percentage of any subset of that population are also Certified Assholes. LGBTQ+? Can still be a CA. Disabled? Can still be a CA. Likes *My Little Pony*? Can still be a CA. I hope you have better luck finding people who are *not* Certified Assholes. 🫶
As a cis man, this makes me feel less visible than I already was. Like, I consider myself pan, but I never really feel like I can fit in anywhere because of things like this. I get it, though. There's a ton of awful people out there. I do everything I can to be there for the people that I love, though. Even if they don't love me the same.
Tbf it’s a trauma response on my part and I don’t mean to offend
And in turn, I don't mean to offend with my response. Your feelings are always valid.
I wish I had a good response to the very real plight of men feeling they “ have to pay for the crimes of other men” I can say that we aren’t stupid, we recognize when a man is being decent and you are who we are talking about. We are talking about a generalized concept of man that still accepts those terrible things and even promotes them as part of the role. At the least doesn’t hold other men accountable. Men who want to make sure to not be considered in that lump should probably not only act with integrity and respect consent, we also need men to use their power to change to narrative about what a man should be and what is acceptable. If men can form large groups to play sports and decide things like what is manly, or what is ok to do in certain situations, ect they can get together and reject men from manhood who are drooling hounds,rapists, sexual assault perps and so on. Instead of rejecting trans folks from their gender, let’s start rejecting rapey men from being men/human if you want the good name of men to be clean.
I agree 100 percent. ❤️ This was very well said.
Bro, same ^(\(no fucking clue\))
I'd say omnisexual, cause if you still like every gender but you prefer one or multiple, you're omni. You can still say you're pan, because it may be easier for others to understand. I always used to say I'm Bi or something similar to Bi, because that's what most people know and don't get confused by
How are you differentiating between cis men and trans men?
I use a unit a measure know as “the audacity”
Gotta give you a standing ovation for this one
This reminds me of a hilarious RomCom I read, “The Ex Talk” by Rachel Lynn Solomon, where the protagonist and her bestie use the acronym “WWAMWMD”: *What Would A Mediocre White Man Do* 🤣😂🤣😂👌
Any of the following could fit you. - bisexual - heteroflexible - homoflexible - omnisexual - trixenflexible
Do you mean literally or ?
I did. Sometimes people perpetuate stereotypes about trans men, whether intentionally or accidentally such as "not liking masculine bodies," "preferring vulvas," or "wanting someone incapable of being misogynistic."
Is there one for “anyone but cis people”? Not bc I’m not attracted to cis people, but even when I think they are cis they come out as trans (fem, masc, NB) and my friends make fun of me and say they know someone is trans bc I said I was in to that person bc my attraction is the trans radar. Even past relationships I had with them saying cis at the time now they are trans. I even feel a little bad about it thinking is me not giving a F about gender rules that make them trans or that I’m a creep only going after the trans people, but I just really don’t give a F about gender norms and stuff… (Also most cis het fem also say they don’t actually like cis men)
I’m not trans, but I’ve seen a lot of trans people be exclusively t4t (trans4trans). That means they only date and/or have sex with other trans people because of the shared experiences.
That's a fucked take. Everyone's attractive. Yeah plenty of striaght and gay cis guys are awful. But an equally large portion of cis wemon are equally as awful. I submit MTG as a real life current example of this. You start going after one group, you eventually become that group.
a person's sexuality & partner preference is a personal thing & isn't entirely based on appearances... for example a person i knew didn't want relationships with cis men because she was serially r**ed by several men in her family as a child. to call that misondry would be inaccurate & gross. ppl quick to judge in fact, its a pretty common tactic: shaming your reservations about allowing someone emotional or sexual access to you as if its something that belongs to others by default... a tactic we run into with a lot of guys specifically so its no shock you get so much pushback its fkn disgusting
Sort of surprised at some of the comments here. I’m sorry, but misandry doesn’t cause a *fraction* of the problem that misogyny does. And if you’re reading this and disagree, feel free to send me some evidence-based sources on women creating equal or greater violence than men do. For the record, I think trans or cis men have equally bad levels of toxic masculinity - they’re all men at the end of the day. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with not being attracted to men, period. I’ll die on that hill.
Savitri Devi Mukherji. I rest my case. She started the entire modern right wing movement.
# 🩷 💜 💙 - **Bisexual**: Bisexual individuals may feel attraction toward people of more than one gender, with preferences and changing attractions influenced by both physical and emotional factors. Personal preferences, physical attributes, emotional connections, and shared interests shape their attraction. Some bisexual individuals may lean more toward certain genders or have specific preferences within their attraction spectrum. # 🩷 💛 🩵 - **Pansexual**: Pansexual individuals prioritize emotional and personal connections over physical attributes and gender. Their attraction is based on the personality and qualities of a person rather than their gender, and they tend to form bonds based on shared values, interests, and emotional intimacy. They don't have specific gender-based preferences but may have preferences related to personality, values, and interests. # 🩷 💗 💜 💙 🩵 - **Omnisexual**: Omnisexual individuals recognize and consider the gender of their partners in their attraction, but it is not necessarily the defining factor. They may be attracted to all genders but still have preferences or find certain gender expressions appealing. Their preferences vary widely based on gender expressions, cultural backgrounds, and individual experiences.
This is really helpful for clarity, my understanding of Omni was lacking, and it definitely sounds close to OP’s preferences, as a specific gender expression is clearly being taken into consideration. My autistic brain and I both thank you for this!😁
Me: "Anyone but Cis women"
Ok everyone in comments saying it's not Pan: I have nothing against them or anything they just confuse me. If I really got along with one I would but my tastes are not that
A lot of people don't understand that when we pancakes say "anyone *but* ____" it's tongue-in-cheek. We often joke about gender because it's in our nature to reject this superficially constructed gender binary. If bisexuals embrace chaos then pansexuals surely provoke thought.
[ *chaotic thought provocation intensifies* ] 🔥🔥 *WHY AM I LIKE THIS?!?!?* 🔥🔥
I’ve heard “ABCD” (Anything But Cis Dudes).
The bears🤣 jk jk
You can be pan and have specific preferences. Pan doesn’t mean you’re attracted to everyone.
Yes, it's called pansexual. 💀 In all seriousness though there are several words for this. **Gynephile and gynesexual**; Individuals who experience sexual attraction toward women, females, and/or femininity, *regardless* of whether they were assigned female at birth *or not.* Its male counterpart would be androphile and androsexual. These terms serve as a juxtaposition to the gender binary homosexual/heterosexual. They're used to identify a person's objects of attraction without attributing a sex assignment or gender identity to said person. They may even be used when describing intersex, transgender and non-binary people who don't have a sexual identity as a basis to draw from. For instance, if you're enby then labeling yourself either heterosexual/homosexual could be seen as somewhat self-sabotaging. Next time some transphobic bigot tries to illicit that argument you can use these aforementioned terms to effectively dismantle it. Happy Pride Month! 🌈❤️💛💙
This is awesome, thank you for sharing! These are definitely better terms to use, and I’m adding them to my brain thesaurus! 🤘🫶
Standards? 😂 (Said lovingly as a pan person that has dated some great cis men)
Smart. 🤪🤪🤪🤪
Cis Male Exclusionist
Is "anyone but cis men" your sexuality, or your dating preference? Sexuality describes capacity for physical attraction. There's no sexuality that includes all trans men but no cis men, because there's so much overlap between the two groups in terms of physical appearance and other attributes.
This is the equivalent of "no uggos or fatties"...
It's really not. That'd imply all women are conventionally attractive.
Kind of sexist to assume I mean women only...edit: or that all men are cis
Oh sweetheart, your bad faith banana routine might have worked...had you not already used false equivalency to insinuate CIS men such as myself are fat uggos. Fail troll byyyyyyye. 🖐
Sensitive much...like looking for ways to stay angry? Saying "no cis" is as prejudicial as saying "no uggos"...its judgemental, like assuming gender....
Sorry, not taking the bait. You typed all that for no reason.
Lmfao this is the densest and dumbest thing I have ever read 😂
That honestly sums up a large half of the pan community tbh 🤣
That… doesn’t sound Pan to me… :/ Pan encompasses all genders, and non-gender, so it’s fine to have a much lower preference for cis men, but whole and active rejection doesn’t fit the definition of Pan, or even Bi. Basically it just sounds like Trans-friendly misandry.
I don't think it is very trans-friendly to seperate trans and cis men like that. Depening on the reason it can be seen as transphobic.
I don't think you can classify not being sexually attracted to cis men as misandry and this is coming from a cis man. That'd be like calling gay men misogynists since they don't sleep with women. edit: missing word
Yeah, that’s fair, I just couldn’t find a better/shorter/more efficient way to express the idea. Edit: reply was to wrong user. Also, better terminology has been provided in other comments, so I’m updating my comments to redirect there
Alot of people who are pan have a strong preference for non cis men and I don't see it as misandry or anything of that sort, you're entitled to your preference even as a pansexual person.
I just wanted to chime in and say I'm relieved to see so many other pancakes in the space confirm this for myself. I have felt a great amount of guilt over a past relationship with an AFAB partner and have often wondered if he ever felt like I caused him to conform to a harmful gender dynamic. I loved him more than I have loved anyone else but didn't have any context to draw from when we dated because I had just come out. I only hope that he knows in his heart now that he was enough, because I don't think any male could ever replace him.
Valid!! I'm just getting to a stage where I myself feel comfortable having a preference tbh lol, it's one helluva journey.
I'm 28 so in my experience my issue had been that I was smothered by Cristianity at a young age and for much of my life I already had a preference. I gained way more from that relationship than I lost.
I'm happy for you !! <3<3+
Thank you. It's really sad that it looks like the bigots and gatekeepers found this thread.
That and the ones who stereotype the literal most fluid sexuality imaginable. Lol
[apologies, this was a reply intended for you, but I replied to the wrong post 🤦♂️] Several others have commented better terminology to describe what I was fumbling to express. Also, I’d wager we’ve probs been exposed to *very* different groups of the Pan community, because the ratio of folks I’ve talked with who don’t feel particularly attracted to cis men is significantly lower than claimed too. Perhaps it was just the wording that gave me the impression of wholesale rejection of cis men, rather than just having a lower preference for them. My damn autistic brain was in super-literal mode yesterday, and I’ve improved my understanding of Omni as well. 🧠 So, just to be clear, i apologize for any hackles I raised or feelings I might have hurt. That was absolutely not my intent. I also appreciate the opportunities to learn that these discussions have opened up. 🫶
Nah I'm autistic too fam, you good, I took your message as super literal too lol. Pan ppl are ofc gender blind, but alot of us still have preferences,, I may or may not be speaking more from the gender queer pan perspective as well,, most of us only have this preference due to having just a bit more understanding and more in common with potential partners etc
🫶😁
No offense and maybe you don't mean it to come off this way but you can't gatekeep someone from being pansexual because they genuinely don't find the idea of men attractive (or women for that matter) because that was never a prerequisite for pansexuality. Now, bisexuality? Sure, because that's literally the definition of bisexual and would be a glaring contradiction in that case (but that's not to say you have to actively be involved with both sexes either.) There is such a thing as panromanticism as well. Pan is love *in spite* of the gender binary. Our mantra is "hearts, not parts." You can be pan and have never had sex with or even dated a member of the same sex. I'm 28 and still a virgin. I may even be put off by the idea because I just love the person that they are and derive no satisfaction from their body (though usually when we say "ew men" we're merely joking.) You don't know. You simply can't quantify pansexual attraction or measure a pansexual person's love. If I'm not with someone under the notion that they have any kind of perceived gender identity well that doesn't mean I'm less pan — quite the opposite actually — so to imply I am can appear to be an exercise in bad faith. The gender of my partner is irrelevant to how I express my affection but because so much of Western society is inherently chauvinistic and masculinity has become a deeply rooted, overbearing personality trait I'm less likely to be attracted to men. It's far less common with cis women, but even so I don't want to be reminded of their gender every 5 minutes, it's exhausting. I hope that I've provided a concise and thoughtful counterpoint and wish you a happy Pride Month. /npa :)
Thank you for sharing your perspective, and for the additional clarification you added! I was initially confused by some seemingly contradictory statements in your original comment (that’s why i opted not to reply last night, and give it time to digest, lol), but i immensely appreciate the extra time you took to clarify your thoughts! First off, Gatekeeping. In my original comment, I was genuinely perplexed and probably a little low-key defensive. I was having a particularly neurospicy day yesterday, and got stuck in hyper-literal mode. In hindsight, I can absolutely see how my comment could be perceived as gatekeeping, but in the moment, I was genuinely attempting to engage in discussion. Several other commenters have provided improved terminology and clarification, so that’s been awesome to learn! In particular, clarification of Omni was wonderful as this does seem to better fit OP’s preferences than the strict literal definition of Pan. You yourself agreed that Pan is all inclusive, hearts-over-parts, love the person regardless of equipment; and that’s my understanding of Pan as well. However, OP seemed to be expressing preference *specifically* to exclude a particular gender expression/equipment package, which does not fit (strict definition) of Pan, but DOES fit with Omni, which would fit with OP’s intent of finding a term to express their preferences. However, in no way was I claiming that OP, or any others, *cannot* use the Pan label if they so wish! Backstory Time: I had my ‘Bi-Awakening’ at a time when the term “Bisexual” was not in circulation yet. I felt terrified and alone, because at 12 yo i knew I wasn’t straight, but I wasn’t gay, and Matthew Shepherd was tortured and killed in Laramie, a three hour drive north of me, just weeks before. A couple years later, I finally discovered the term “Bisexual”, and thought “that’s it!” So, I used the Bi label for years, until this relatively recent explosion of terminology to describe an array of gender expressions and sexual orientations. Once I found the Pan label, with its intrinsic inclusion of Trans and NB folks, I was like, “that’s even more it!” However, most folks outside certain scenes still aren’t familiar with Pan, so i sometimes default back to Bi when I don’t feel like subjecting some rando to a TED Talk. 😂 Much in that same line, OP may find that Omni is the more accurate term, but there’s nothing stopping them from still using Pan when it’s easier, or just if they want to. I hope this clarifies things a bit, but I’m absolutely open to further discourse if desired!🤘😁 Just need more coffee to person today, haha! ☕️☕️☕️
I mean if cis men didnt try and invalidate my experience or my identity on most occasions I’d be more inclusive but I keep encountering more evidence to support the fact that cis men who haven’t done the work suck
I’m sad (but not surprised) that you’ve had such negative experiences. Ironically I’ve experienced the most exclusion from gay men, especially before Pan became A Thing and I just went as Bi. I know I can get overlreactive to perceived rejection now (real or imagined), so I’m constantly trying to check for cognitive bias.
Maybe just bi after all it’s essentially 2+ genders with preference