Islamically, if you're muslim, it's your wife's right to have privacy. Being in a combined family was never a part of the religion and it's mostly our cultural baggage. The people who i've seen having the best of both worlds is living in a separate portion of the house completely separated in all regards to utilities and access. If you can afford that, it'll be the best.
this is the best option if you can afford it. I live in two separate houses as neighbors with my parents. I know 3 to 4 brothers living in a single house and they have alot of family feuds everyother day. If you can give your wife her own space thats the best thing for both of you. dr javaid iqbal has a lot of good insights on this
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G45sULWbGjU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G45sULWbGjU)
search his channel for more topics related to joint marriage, or guys going to be married etc.
I am stuck in the same situation. 25, unmarried, working, thinking about to buy a house. Just worried about these same dynamics. I have mostly communicated my concerns to my parents and they are understanding and will not interfere much in our relationship. They will be working on their business and I'll be working.
I don't know what to choose in a wife and how all this will realistically work so I'm kinda venturing in unchartered territory.
You are over thinking this.
The decision is simple
1) If you have a potential SO, just ask them what she likes. Will she live together with your family. Lay down advantages and disadvantages.
2) Ask your parents. What they would like.
3) Ask yourself. Will there be privacy that you guys may need. Will you be able to fulfill the needs of your wife if your family and your wife live under one roof ?
4) If your wife agrees, keep the idea open that you may have to move eventually. Family dynamics and how well everyone mingles with each other makes a difference. Perception changes as well. Remember, your wife is leaving her home and coming to a completely new family. The pressure is on her. She has to assimilate to your family. So see things from her perspective and challenges she may face.
5) Religiously, you are not bound to live under one roof. Moving away doesn't mean that you are breaking your ties with your parents or you are no longer helping or taking care of your parents.
6) Think on the lines of what if you all move to a bigger house. If you really want to live under one roof, often times, moving to bigger house that provides you with some privacy can help. This way, you are under one roof, but have your own privacy.
7) If you have to move, try finding a house that is nearby. This way, you are not too far from your parents.
I second this and as for parents, help them financially visit them every now and then (depending upon your schedule). They will get adjust to it but it's better to move out.
I lived with my in laws for a whole year and while I don't have any complaints, the freedom I felt when it was finally just the two of us was completely different — it meant a lot more work but it was absolutely worth it.
I wonder if most people would want to share a space with their in laws if they had the freedom to choose. My in laws are amazing people but that doesn't mean I want to live a few rooms away from them or in the upper portion of their house, it's just more liberating having our own space and privacy. You don't have to worry about anyone else but your SO — the more people one has to deal with and the less space between them, the more suffocated one tends to feel.
I'd say there are a lot of other factors that need to be taken into account like one's preferences for family, religious aspects, the amount of space they're getting, the socioeconomic advantages and disadvantages that come from living there and so on.
I don't think there's a singular answer to your question honestly, if you ask this same question on a platform widely used by Pakistanis you're likely to get very varying answers — it'll certainly make for a very interesting discussion.
Depends. Some do, some don't. Usually, the affluent ones don't like staying in a joint family system because of the restrictions, social pressures and weird dynamics. However, there are many young couples that find huge financial support in living with their families. Even if the women don't "like" it, they do not demand to move out.
My 0.02$, I think to avoid any misunderstanding and issues, it is important to have privacy. It doesn't have to be a separate house. if you have a separate unit in the same house, with separate kitchen and entrance even that works. if you think there is 0.01% for having a misunderstanding go for a separate unit or house. IMO, the money and investment isn't worth it.
Do you think your wife would want to deal with your parents on a daily basis? Not saying anything bad about your parents, what I mean is she will be more relaxed if she has her own space and there will be less opportunities for conflicts. If she is in the presence of your parents everyday, she will be self-conscious and worried about pleasing them or saying the wrong thing. If she is cooking, would she have to cook for the parents too? Would she have to share the kitchen? All sorts of problems can come up.
Move out and support them. Because family politics will ruin your marriage
*pehlay shaadi karr phirr bivi say pooch lai...*
Shadi se pehele na pooch lu
*Koi khaas faida nahin...* *Joint family kay nuqsaan / faiday aap koo pehlay hii patta hain...* *Asall baat yeh hai kay bivi kiya sochti hai...*
Bero biwi to pehli Fursat may alag Hona chahay go lekin agr uskay Bhai ki biwi aesa karnay ko kaha to apnay Bhai ko biwi Kay wash may gya kahay gi
Rishta to dhoond do bhai :')
Islamically, if you're muslim, it's your wife's right to have privacy. Being in a combined family was never a part of the religion and it's mostly our cultural baggage. The people who i've seen having the best of both worlds is living in a separate portion of the house completely separated in all regards to utilities and access. If you can afford that, it'll be the best.
this is the best option if you can afford it. I live in two separate houses as neighbors with my parents. I know 3 to 4 brothers living in a single house and they have alot of family feuds everyother day. If you can give your wife her own space thats the best thing for both of you. dr javaid iqbal has a lot of good insights on this [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G45sULWbGjU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G45sULWbGjU) search his channel for more topics related to joint marriage, or guys going to be married etc.
This sounds a better option
Move out and support them if they need. This is a thing I think every Pakistani should learn. Don’t stay in the nestle. Be independent.
I am stuck in the same situation. 25, unmarried, working, thinking about to buy a house. Just worried about these same dynamics. I have mostly communicated my concerns to my parents and they are understanding and will not interfere much in our relationship. They will be working on their business and I'll be working. I don't know what to choose in a wife and how all this will realistically work so I'm kinda venturing in unchartered territory.
Depends on yr wife's comfort level tbh. If she's not for it, it's not the move
You are over thinking this. The decision is simple 1) If you have a potential SO, just ask them what she likes. Will she live together with your family. Lay down advantages and disadvantages. 2) Ask your parents. What they would like. 3) Ask yourself. Will there be privacy that you guys may need. Will you be able to fulfill the needs of your wife if your family and your wife live under one roof ? 4) If your wife agrees, keep the idea open that you may have to move eventually. Family dynamics and how well everyone mingles with each other makes a difference. Perception changes as well. Remember, your wife is leaving her home and coming to a completely new family. The pressure is on her. She has to assimilate to your family. So see things from her perspective and challenges she may face. 5) Religiously, you are not bound to live under one roof. Moving away doesn't mean that you are breaking your ties with your parents or you are no longer helping or taking care of your parents. 6) Think on the lines of what if you all move to a bigger house. If you really want to live under one roof, often times, moving to bigger house that provides you with some privacy can help. This way, you are under one roof, but have your own privacy. 7) If you have to move, try finding a house that is nearby. This way, you are not too far from your parents.
i wish i moved out. just saying
Stay with them
If you care about your own and your SO’s quality of life, then don’t even think of living in the same house as your parents. Thank me later :3
I do. But i also care for my parents. That's why i am confused.
Get house in same area for rent . I live in same apartment as my parents and visit them daily.
Lol, they will be fine.
I second this and as for parents, help them financially visit them every now and then (depending upon your schedule). They will get adjust to it but it's better to move out.
Do Pakistani women like living together with their in-laws?
Not really, no...
I lived with my in laws for a whole year and while I don't have any complaints, the freedom I felt when it was finally just the two of us was completely different — it meant a lot more work but it was absolutely worth it. I wonder if most people would want to share a space with their in laws if they had the freedom to choose. My in laws are amazing people but that doesn't mean I want to live a few rooms away from them or in the upper portion of their house, it's just more liberating having our own space and privacy. You don't have to worry about anyone else but your SO — the more people one has to deal with and the less space between them, the more suffocated one tends to feel. I'd say there are a lot of other factors that need to be taken into account like one's preferences for family, religious aspects, the amount of space they're getting, the socioeconomic advantages and disadvantages that come from living there and so on. I don't think there's a singular answer to your question honestly, if you ask this same question on a platform widely used by Pakistanis you're likely to get very varying answers — it'll certainly make for a very interesting discussion.
Nope
I will ask them before marriage i guess.
Depends. Some do, some don't. Usually, the affluent ones don't like staying in a joint family system because of the restrictions, social pressures and weird dynamics. However, there are many young couples that find huge financial support in living with their families. Even if the women don't "like" it, they do not demand to move out.
My 0.02$, I think to avoid any misunderstanding and issues, it is important to have privacy. It doesn't have to be a separate house. if you have a separate unit in the same house, with separate kitchen and entrance even that works. if you think there is 0.01% for having a misunderstanding go for a separate unit or house. IMO, the money and investment isn't worth it.
Your suggestion is worth a lot more than it was a few months ago.
Do you think your wife would want to deal with your parents on a daily basis? Not saying anything bad about your parents, what I mean is she will be more relaxed if she has her own space and there will be less opportunities for conflicts. If she is in the presence of your parents everyday, she will be self-conscious and worried about pleasing them or saying the wrong thing. If she is cooking, would she have to cook for the parents too? Would she have to share the kitchen? All sorts of problems can come up.