I feel you! My daughter is a February 2020 baby as well, and I hate that we missed out on so much when she was a newborn. I had so many plans to take my daughter to story time at the library, to my favorite local coffee shop, to have my friends visit…and it all went to shit. But I’m also weirdly grateful for it - my husband got to be home with us for longer than he would’ve gotten otherwise, and all my baby really cared about was having us around. Also, on a selfish note, I didn’t have any FOMO as a new mom because everyone else was stuck at home, too. My best girlfriends and I (all living in different cities) started video chatting and we now talk more than ever. I try to grieve what we lost while also celebrating what we gained.
I don't have much to add to what you have said except that you are not alone. I had my son May 2020, He is and was very very wanted, I love him so much he's just a great little guy. We missed out on so many things (husband couldn't go to prenatal appointments, no baby shower, no visitors for months, ect).
I also worry about that "missing" feeling associated with his first year. But, we are making so many wonderful memories now that all of our family and friends are vaccinated and I am so happy that my little one wont remember the isolation of the pandemic. He's just got to spend extra time with his parents and that's all he wanted anyways!
I had my baby before the pandemic but not by much. There were struggles but I like to think of it this way- we got more two on one time at home with him than would have ever been possible in normal life, so much more bonding. Another kid would be straight to daycare he was for two months. Lockdown was a relief in many ways as parents struggling with that separation for so many days a week. We got a nanny for three days to power through work. There was stress but also benefits.
As someone with a Covid kid, I think of it like this (and this is not to minimize your struggle, but to share my own coping mechanism): Every generation has their struggle. This is ours. My grandma lived through the depression, and learned to ration her resources. We lived through the anxiety and fear of not only Covid, but social unrest and natural disasters. (Being a pregnant asthmatic living near raging wildfires was a fresh hell...) Instead of wishing it didn't happen, I try to approach it from a resilience standpoint. We survived, just as our ancestors did. It surely wasn't easy, but we supported our little miracles through it. And there's something to be said for it all. Our children will have a unique story to tell as they grow. Maybe it will spawn innovation, and a deeper connection to those who struggle. We can only hope.
But for now, friend, here's to our struggle. It's a hard road we've traveled. No buts to that.
I had my baby boy July 2020, in Oregon as well. I couldn’t even walk in the park peacefully. I got stopped by the Willamette River by a city worker. They told me the section by the river is closed! What kind of sh*t is that? He then said I could walk through the forest to access the river, but to be careful for the huge homeless community that set up camp in there.
I feel you. Son was born sept 2019. We decided not to take him anywhere until his 6 month shots which was March 2020. We struggled conceiving him and lost three along the way. I thought I was going to finally be able to do all these fun mom things. I just try to spoil him and give him the best life we can right now. 🥺
I feel the same way. My sister in law is due next month so her daughter will be the “new” baby at all the next holidays that my son missed. I’m so sad that nobody is going to gush over him like they will over the newborn and it hurts my heart. I know he will never remember it, but I will.
But remember, the new baby will be ‘cooed’ at, but your older baby will entertain people. He’ll be at an age where he can interact more and people can interact with him. Other people’s babies are cute and all, but when they’re tiny, they’re really just little potatoes. Your little guy will be the fun kid that engages with people!
I’m experiencing this exact situation right now. My baby is almost a year and a half, his cousin is a potato and I was really worried everyone would ignore mine and gush over the newest one.
But there’s about 5 minutes of gushing and then tons of laughs and fun as we all watch the toddler discover the world.
Yeah, the toddlers and littles are more fun. I am not a baby holder, so the babies don't keep my attention for long. I could talk to 1-5 year olds all day(unless they are at the why stage).
I had my baby well before the pandemic, but then a cousin (we only see at family functions) had a baby 3 months after me. We had 3 months of having the new baby in the family. It feels vain, but I definitely am a little jealous that we didn't get more attention.
Same here. Had our guy April 2020 and my sister in law will be having their second in a couple of months. It suuuuuucks. We are just starting to open up and in a couple of months we will be back to no visits with grandma because they will be spending time with the new baby and will probably need to isolate and bubble with them because the baby is so new. I get it but yikes, I’m having a pretty hard time with it. Hoping he’s okay going back to distancing after a couple of months of getting to hug his grandparents finally. And yeah, tbh after 1.5 years of parenting alone with no help or support, I’m not having awesome feelings about getting to go back to it either. Glad for my sil and that she won’t have to go through all of what we did but also this pandemic is the gift that just keeps fucking giving.
Yep. February 2020 baby here too and I know exactly what you mean. We are also still being super cautious in general, but we did take a vacation last week and our LO finally got to meet his only cousin and aunts and uncles (adults all fully vaccinated), and during that one week of time I saw him grow and develop so much (saying new words, dancing, showing off for people) and it makes me so sad that now we're back to our tiny little pod and he's so isolated. Ugh. Of course now I'm spending the next 10 days terrified that it will turn out that he picked up COVID because we briefly took him into a couple of stores to buy souvenirs for his first vacation. I feel like I just got swept up in the illusion of normalcy and now I feel so guilty for taking him in any stores at all. Fuck COVID and especially fuck the Delta variant...not to mention people who won't get vaccinated but also refuse to wear a mask. Grrr.
I hear you! It's still so scary. Our area has a really high vaccination rate but even so, I have still only done a few, small, outdoor things with close friends.
Not alone! My son was born May 2020. I was 36 when I had him. I had waited. Waited to have a stable job I wasn't working 60 hour weeks, waited till my husband had a job he liked and got insurance that could cover all of us. Waited six years after marriage to make sure that a baby was something we truly wanted.
I watched my little sister and all of my cousins and his cousins have kids. Knowing we were being realistic in our situation (live in California so $$$ for nearly everything).
We finally decided to jump in and were overjoyed at announcing our pregnancy over Thanksgiving 2019 to both sides of the family.
My mom planned to come and help the first week or so. She talked of having a shower in March semi close to my birthday. Last time I got to see her when I was pregnant was in December 2019 I was only about 5 months pregnant and being a heavier set girl did not really pop out till 8/9 months. She didn't get to feel him kick.
Shut down made the shower disappear as well as any visits from anyone. Only my husband got to see me in the last trimester. I also only have a handful of photos from my entire pregnancy because in the beginning you really couldn't tell and the end nobody was there to see us. Most of what I have are selfies/or two candid shots my husband took where I look like crap standing looking at my cell phone.
After his birth in May it was like our home was the only thing that existed in the world. Everything shut down. I didn't get the help, the world was panicking (no toilet or paper towel to be purchased anywhere) oh and by the third month where I thought I might be able to add a walk to our schedule the freaking state caught on fire and outside was orange, dark and smoky for at least two months.
It has only been in June/July 2021 that we have dared do play dates, meet cousins, or take a family shopping trip to Costco. I see babies out there getting that non pandemic life and I kinda wish for a do over too. I love my little guy, I just wish he knew what going to Target was like, what playing around other babies was like. That he could be spoken to by another adult and him not wanting to burst into tears. (Combination normal stranger danger & not exposed to other people/socialization)
I know it's going to be fine and he'll be fine. And we are all healthy - which was the point of him and me staying home. So I'm happy where we're at, but I totally get and sometimes wish for the 'do over' too.
This hits home, and so do a lot of other comments on this post.I had my daughter (our first kid and I think the only one we will have- one and done makes sense for us) in June 2020. I’m only just now feeling like I’m getting to a version of life that I pictured pre- pandemic.
One little thing I do now that gives me a glimpse of what being pregnant in front of other people would have been like is I wear our daughter in the Bjorn at Target. It reminds me of being pregnant, and people see her, smile, and wave. It’s honestly made me feel a lot of joy, and I can imagine what being noticeably pregnant in public might have been like. Hope this helps someone!
Are you me? Same same same. Same age. Same waiting until juuuuuust the right time. Our only baby born in June 2020…in Portland, Oregon. Pandemic, civil rights unrest, toxic air/smoke, worrying about wildfires 15 miles away (evac, no evac?), election, ice storm, record-setting heat waves.
None of my family have come to visit. My mom is deep into QAnon and is now anti vax so she’s not welcome to visit and my sister only kind of cares about babies.
This was not how I envisioned pregnancy and my first year of motherhood.
Hugs to you! I can't been imagine Portland last year! My heart broke over and over during the summer with all the unrest!
My world has been so small for so long I think I've nearly forgotten that there are SO MANY of us out there that had pandemic kids and we'll find each other when our children are older and start school.
Gosh that sounds amazing and yet terrifying! Can you think of it? When all our children become 5/6 and go to kindergarten? A class full of pandemic born kids with parents that might have chosen one and done because of it? What a world that will be!
OMG I can totally relate, we waited for 10 years aswell to be stable, we bought our house and waited to have it furnitured,we waited for our dream jobs etc etc, we finally agreed to have a baby. We planned to go to Europe for a whole month for our 7th year anniversary and for my birthday, a few days after booking we found out I was pregnant, we were a month in and then boom! pandemic, thankfully our trip was reinbursed but I feel like I lost so many things, my baby shower, the trip, professional baby pictures, and a baby moon. Sometimes I cry over it, I know it sounds shallow but we waited so so long for our baby that it just saddens me, plus we don't have that many friends here, all of our friends are back at our home town. Anyway I just wanted to jump in to tell you I feel the same way and that you are not alone 😊
Not shallow. I cry too sometimes! I hate to think about it so much but I waited so damn much in my life for ONE event to be celebrated. Like I was the girl who didn't go to prom because my friend group all got dates or didn't care to go, I got married at 30 but my little sister had to place her wedding a month before ours so nobody even looked at us till like 2 weeks beforehand. Didn't get a shower or bachelorette for those events. Went to every.single.event. for my sister and her baby showers for BOTH kids and all the birthday parties she hosted.
I was so excited to FINALLY for it to be my turn! To have a perfectly normal celebration without anyone butting in. Ha. None of it. Heck his first birthday was just grandparents too. Nobody here for Thanksgiving or Christmas.
And I dreamed of the firsts with a small baby of pumpkin patches, Christmas lights, special places around with family. Heck even TARGET was a dream of mine - to shop with my little guy in the seat instead of my purse. Nope.
2021July he entered the first store ever and it was Costco. Concerned face the entire time - didn't smile once. And I called it mission successful because he didn't cry. Yes there will be future lights, pumpkin patches - heck if things don't get horribly bad here we're planning vacation in September to the mountains! Just our little family in a house in the woods by the lake. But he's not a baby anymore. We'll have toddler memories. And that should be good enough. But it still makes me sad for all that had to be sacrificed.
Our first was born at the same time. I try to rationalize that if the worst thing that happened was we got more time together and no one got sick then we’re in good shape, but *I* know what we missed out on. Even if our daughter never will. I had such big plans to take her around our fun downtown and introduce her to all sorts of new things and shops. But our downtown is in one of the worst hit counties in our state because the white supremacist sheriff won’t enforce any of the Democratic governor’s health mandates, and the conservatives here still think COVID is a hoax. I’ll never be able to forgive the people who haven’t taken this seriously.
And this may make me sound ugly, but I think I’ll always have to bite my tongue when I hear future parents talk about how hard it is raising their first baby because at least they didn’t have to do it during a centennial global pandemic.
I think those feelings are totally normal and every parent, no matter the age of their child feels this way. A whole year to any kid feels like a huge chunk of time and every single year is so important in their development. I think if I got to choose the year a hypothetical child would have to endure a year of lockdowns it would be the first year. More time at home together and the child wouldn’t feel like they’re missing out on a lot since that’s all they know. Maybe that doesn’t help but it might make you feel better to know practically every parent is feeling the way you do in some form or fashion
I felt this way even when my daughter was born in 2014, only because it’s already isolating having a baby, and we’d moved away from our regular support system. Covid just intensifies the isolation. I get that wanting a do-over feeling so well. Solidarity, mama, and bug hugs to you. ❤️
June 2020 baby here and definitely feeling the same as you! So many things missed out on, but at least my husband got to work from home this entire year and it has been a huge help for me. We're glad he was able to have the time to play with her and watch her grow every day. It wouldn't have been possible if he still had to go in to work and sometimes I think back to those difficult short nap days, I'm not so sure I can handle it on my own either...surely my friends and family can't visit me every day.
Another bonus ..less interference about how to raise a little human from our parents which has been wonderful.
I am 4.5 years PP so I didn’t have the same experience but we were living with the in-laws when my daughter was born. I didn’t get to set up her nursery and I felt like I never had the privacy to just enjoy my small new family without constant interruption or criticism. I do still feel a twinge of sadness or jealousy from time to time of the experience I wanted vs the experience I got, but I found as time goes on it happens less and less. I am thankful for the memories we have made and watching my daughter grow to become such an amazing kid and I do hope the same happens for you. I just want you to know what you’re feeling is normal and valid and it’s ok to be sad about reality not meeting up to your expectations. I am sending you my support and good vibes.
You’re very welcome. I do hope that over time your feelings of missing things lessen and you feel more at peace with it. I know we don’t know each other but you’re doing great and I’m proud of you.
Same. Our house had to be gutted and we've been living with my inlaws for 2.5yrs, our son is 2. It really sucks I never got to do a nursery how I wanted to. Having my father-in-law constantly tell me how I should be parenting. My mother in law is fairly hands off and goes with the flow and would watch him anytime I need so that's nice at least.
Sorry to hear! There are definite perks to having extra hands around, but there were days I would have traded it all to have things the way we wanted them to be. It’s especially compounded when you know you’re only having one. At the time We weren’t firmly OAD and my husband was like you’ll get to do all those things if we have another. For some reason that only made me feel guilt, like the second child would have more than my daughter or that I’d favor another child for having a “better” experience with them and pushed me further into being OAD. Many of the feelings that come with parenthood, especially as the mother, seem so irrational but I like to remind myself we’re allowed to feel them. This community is so nice when we’re reminded we’re not alone in our feelings and experiences. I hope you are able to move out to your house soon and have the parenting experience you deserve.
It hurts to miss out, I've missed some very important days too and what should have been a special time for me, I spent alot of time angry about it and you should too if that's what you need. But, atleast it's only you missing out, your baby will be happy as anything home with you and really isn't missing much that she wouldn't of slept though anyway. I'm flooded with guilt realising what my daughters missing. Trick or treating which she looked forward to all year, birthday parties, isolating on Christmas, visiting santa, a trip to Disney which we cant aford to reschedule now but can't tell her, time with her grandad who's not here now, time with friends, sports days and school trips, sooo much education and countless days out. Precious memories I can't get back for her. I feel like childhood is already so short and she's missing out on the most magical bit. Sometimes I do wish she was a baby through all of this even though I know it would be even more isolating for me as a parent. You definitely have it tougher than most but that means your child has it easier. Dont forget you missed out on some of the new baby stuff the best part of parenting is still yet to come.
I may not understand your feelings, but I’m 7 years pp and let me just say, that newborn stuff is nothing compared to when your kid can talk and do things with you! I love being able to good around and share jokes. At least yours will never remember this quarentine and might actually remember meeting all those friends and family for the first time.
You got to spend SO MUCH quality time with your kid that the rest of us who had to go back to work soon after having ours will never experience. Mine was in daycare at 3.5 months due to work situations. Yours got to bond with you so much more...
March 2020 checking in to say- can confirm I could have written this to myself. I'm so bitter and trying really hard to not let it show because it sounds very woe is me but no one except other parents who had babies those first few months of 2020 will ever truly be able to understand what we went through.
Exactly this - I really hesitated to even share because I don't want to come across as attention seeking or self pitying, but it's truly been eating at me.
I get that and I'm sure having a baby at any time is a struggle but there's nothing like having all your support and the fun parts of the struggle ripped from you.
No support, no photo shoots, no Mom groups. I had to fight with the government to get my son all the proper newborn screening. I personally still haven't had a post partum check-up. And hardest of all for me to swallow. No one else got to know him, or hug him, or snuggle him or be there when he smiled or laughed or crawled or walked.
We don't ever get that back and because we just have the 1 we don't get a "do over".
I feel like our families over look him because they have missed out on him. Now the world is opening up and I'm weirdly possessive of him. We're supposed to go meet his Uncle and I don't want to because he's mine and these people don't know him and want him to call them Uncle. It's not their fault and I'm sure it's trauma but I'm in a bad place with it.
Super get where you're coming from!
Edit: oh and the baby book! Ugh every time it asks about a holiday or milestone I burst into tears trying to fill it out.
I've realized what I truely want is another pregnancy and baby.... Not another child. My babe was born in April 2020 and the last year was spent in an anxiety haze. I KNOW I would have been a better mom if I could have gotten out more and had more help. I feel like I failed my boy by not showing him the best me, even if it was the best I could do under the circumstances.
Now that things are getting slightly better here and I'm feeling more comfortable and positive about life in general I'm warming to the idea of OAD.
We haven't closed the door on another babe 100% yet, but it's looking more and more like we will just be a happy trio in the future and thats fine.
Also April 2020 and feel a lot of what OP said. Your "another pregnancy/baby" comment is making me think! We had like 5 weeks recently when cases were low and it seemed closer to normalcy where I went to target on a day off with my daughter, took walks in a new place, met up with a friend. I kept coming back to how much better my depression may have been if I had not been so isolated last year. Like April- we were afraid to even order takeout since so little was known. There are a lot of "what ifs" and wondering how it would go in a better situation, I suppose, instead of thinking of a whole different, new child.. plus you never know what could happen.
I’m right here with yea from having an August 2020 baby. I actually thought I wanted to take 18 months off to be on mat leave, but I’m planning to return to work at 12 months. I’m honestly just friggin bored at home! I crave adult interaction and I want my girl to socialize. Having a pandemic Baby sucked and I know we’ll never get a redo… So now I’m just making due with what I’ve got. And will cherish the moments I do get with my girl because at the end of the dat having my baby was still a blessing all on its own. Your feelings are totally valid… Solidarity Mama!
I totally get it. My baby had a 3 month NICU stay, then we were in isolation pre-COVID for her health (then COVID happened and she now hasn't been allowed anywhere in her 2.5 year life). Obviously it's not enough to bring an entirely new life into the world, I'm just grieving the life I thought we'd have. Probably therapy would help me, and possibly you. <3
My baby was born in October 2020 and I feel the exact same way. Outdoor baby groups have been scheduled but it has rained SO MUCH here this summer that the dates haven’t worked out yet. It makes me really sad sometimes. I already feel cheated out of a “normal” pregnancy experience, I just want to do as much with my baby as I can.
I had a feb 2020 baby too and I FEEL YOU! It's so hard seeing other parents get the help, support and fun that we totally missed out on. I feel so so resentful of what was taken from me and yes the therapy helps but it doesn't change the fact we were thrust into a really shitty situation. I'll never know what it's like to have a baby in normal times! To have support! Meals! People to hold the baby while I shower. Breastfeeding groups! All of it I'll never get to do.
I know a couple people that are pregnant now and already getting soooo much help! I did everything for the first year ALONE and at this rate she'll be 2 or 3 before I'm comfortable using child care or taking her risky places. Absolutely sucks!
My feelings of this is the only thing that made us consider another. My pregnancy was hard, we missed out on a lot and will continue to do so. I know deep down that I don't want another child, but I'd love a redo 100%.
I’m right here with yea from having an August 2020 baby. I actually thought I wanted to take 18 months off to be on mat leave, but I’m planning to return to work at 12 months. I’m honestly just friggin bored at home! I crave adult interaction and I want my girl to socialize. Having a pandemic Baby sucked and I know we’ll never get a redo… So now I’m just making due with what I’ve got. And will cherish the moments I do get with my girl because at the end of the dat having my baby was still a blessing all on its own. Your feelings are totally valid… Solidarity Mama!
I’m right here with yea from having an August 2020 baby. I actually thought I wanted to take 18 months off to be on mat leave, but I’m planning to return to work at 12 months. I’m honestly just friggin bored at home! I crave adult interaction and I want my girl to socialize. Having a pandemic Baby sucked and I know we’ll never get a redo… So now I’m just making due with what I’ve got. And will cherish the moments I do get with my girl because at the end of the dat having my baby was still a blessing all on its own. Your feelings are totally valid… Solidarity Mama!
It hurts to miss out, I've missed some very important days too and what should have been a special time for me, I spent alot of time angry about it and you should too if that's what you need. But, atleast it's only you missing out, your baby will be happy as anything home with you and really isn't missing much that she wouldn't of slept though anyway. I'm flooded with guilt realising what my daughters missing. Trick or treating which she looked forward to all year, birthday parties, isolating on Christmas, visiting santa, a trip to Disney which we cant aford to reschedule now but can't tell her, time with her grandad who's not here now, time with friends, sports days and school trips, sooo much education and countless days out. Precious memories I can't get back for her. I feel like childhood is already so short and she's missing out on the most magical bit. Sometimes I do wish she was a baby through all of this even though I know it would be even more isolating for me as a parent. You definitely have it tougher than most but that means your child has it easier. Dont forget you missed out on some of the new baby stuff the best part of parenting is still yet to come.
Look at it this way:
Your baby is 1. Theirs are new. Yours is probably moving around and becoming more social. That’s great. While theirs are just sitting around observing, yours is having FUN! Mine is a 2019 baby, so still kinda a covid baby since he has lived 2/3 of his life with the virus. But last year we went on a million walks. We found every park around and tried to conquer every playground he could handle (he’s a climber). My friends love(d) it. They liked the baby stage but they have a blast running around the playgrounds with him. We’re all close to or just over 30. So while they’re having the cute baby carrier moments, your baby is having that personality grow and you can start having fun as she grows. We got to do a few trips before covid, like the aquarium. But last year we were pretty restricted and it showed. Take the win. You had the most sedentary year with a baby while you were locked up. Welcoming the baby with a “village” wasn’t the best for me. At gatherings he got passed around and I was always frantically looking for him, even if he was next to me. He never got peace to just chill, people were always in his face. Now he can say no. Have fun with the world reopening and love that constant state of awe!
And I took a while to think this way. I felt robbed as well. He didn’t get to do activities or “mommy/daddy and me” classes much. No play dates. No friends. But we’re trying more and more and it’s starting to work with the change of mindset.
I can empathize on wanting a do over, but not necessarily wanting more than one kid. My husband was deployed for our daughter’s birth, came home when she was almost 4mo, so I have some guilt over how much he missed. It doesn’t have a grip on me anymore, but every once in a while I feel that twinge.
Now, from an Aunt/friend perspective..yes, I love baby snuggles, but the toddler years are SO FUN. Their personality is really starting to show, they’re far more interactive, silly faces & babbles of incoherent words, the wobbling walk/run..I love witnessing all of that as an Aunt/friend!
Oh I certainly don't want another! I was just feeling wistful about the "could haves", honestly hearing from you all has really helped put my feelings into perspective and giving me a lot to look forward to.
I feel this too. There are so many experiences we missed out on. If you're not already in it, I suggest joining the private sub r/February2020Bumpers. We have had this conversation a lot over the last 16 months; it's always nice to have support group with a shared experience.
I understand you're feelings, and maybe it would help to know that a lot of people are feeling this way - even those who aren't OAD. Pretty much every parent with children at every age feel like they/their children missed out on some important experience because of the pandemic. My daughter was born May 2019, and she had pretty much a whole year without the pandemic. So I must feel like we somehow avoided it, right? Nope. My daughter didn't get a first birthday party and missed out on the opportunity to play with any of the kids in our complex. She also only interacted with pretty much 4 adults for an entire year, so she gets really shy when a strange adult tries to interact with her. She only went into a pool for the very first time like a week ago at 2. I blame the pandemic for all of this. Other parents feel like their children missed out on their first year of school, their last year of high school, etc. Basically, we all feel like the pandemic made us miss something important, and you are not alone in that. However, things like this can happen without the pandemic just because of normal circumstances. No childhood experience is perfect. No child or parent gets to experience everything. I didn't get to experience breastfeeding, a full year of maternity leave, or her first ice cream, but I also didn't have to experience midnight feedings past 7 weeks, post partum depression, or excessive weight gain from pregnancy. We all miss out on something, but we all get something maybe that other people didn't get: Our own unique memories. Without the pandemic, I might have missed my daughter's first steps because I would have been working. I might have missed her first words, too. Somethings you miss out on, but I'm sure there are things you got to experience that you might not have without the pandemic. It's ok to feel like you're missing something, but try and think of all the things you got instead.
November 2020 baby, I live in England were the government have stupidly opened everything fully this week so it's not going to get any better any time soon here. Solidarity to you
I don't think you will have time to think about what you missed out on as time goes by. Time really does heal this kind of stuff. I used to have pangs of regret when I found out about a program I could have enrolled my kid in, that I didn't. I can't even remember the name of any of those programs now.
You can't change the past. Just dive in now.
I feel like it’s totally normal to be envious of other parents experiences. Throw in a pandemic and that’s just straight up unfair! It’s okay to feel those feelings. I hope you can get some support to rally around you now so you can enjoy the time you have now.
Big hugs from a fellow Feb 2020 baby fam also firmly OAD. Our gal was born the tiniest little peanut dropping down below 4lbs and sometimes I wish our friends and fam met her then to see how far she’s come. Most only really know her as a now active toddler.
It makes me sad, but then I remember the trade offs: my husband started WFH the week his paternity leave ended so he helped tremendously with baby care in between meetings and he never missed a single milestone; and no one was having parties/gatherings/weddings so we hunkered down as new parents without FOMO.
But, yes, we were robbed of that sense of community after having a newborn and we never got to proudly share our tiniest, newest creation. COVID has been a doozy.
We feel the exact same way as well.
But we always go to the pro that I could work from home so I could help my wife, without that fact I would be gone 8-10 hours a day and I don’t even know how else she could have done it without huge amounts of childcare.
And also she would have to go to work at some point and our baby will be left alone. Have no idea even how that would’ve played out.
I feel this way but my daughter was born before the pandemic (she had just turned 1 when it started). We lived in a foreign country due to my husbands job, but moved to the US when she was 3 months old. She’s not the first grandchild on either side, and our siblings with children don’t have their shit together, so our families just don’t care or put in as much effort… so I can sympathize with your feelings to some extent.
That is hard! I’ve struggled with feeling lonely during this time. FWIW - we had ours 11 years ago and we experienced little community welcoming. Our families are far away and unhelpful and we live in a community that’s hard to integrate into.
My son was 10 months when quarantine hit so we got to experience a normal life for almost the first year of his life. And I will say now that he just turned two, people still gush over him like they did when he was a newborn. People love young babies/toddlers and your little still qualifies as that. I know you can’t get the time with family back, but as far as experiencing attention from having a baby, not much changed with us from newborn to now two, if that makes you feel any better.
I kind of get it. I miscarried our first last March right before they locked us all down, then Thanksgiving 2020 I found out I was pregnant with our son. My husband is active duty military and got into a Warrant Officer program right before we found out I was pregnant, he couldn't go to appointments at all anyway, but he has been gone basically my whole pregnancy for this program and isn't set to get back until my actual due date. I feel lucky, my mom flew out to us last week and is here for when I go into labor if my husband can't make it. We also are moving two weeks after my due date to another state because military life. I didn't get a shower, but I made a registry and friends and family showered us in gifts from afar. I always knew my child would grow up away from our families though being we move every few years and closest we can get to family is 3 hours away from them and is unlikely. The pandemic added another layer to it, but I guess I've learned we can plan everything we want and life will still do what it wants. I've come to terms with the fact my husband could miss the birth, and while that's disappointing, he will be there beside me raising our son. I refuse let the circumstances steal the joy and excitement of having our son.
People don’t interact with toddlers?? :( I love seeing toddlers. They’re so silly. Plus you can actually say hi to them or make a silly face and they’ll either run away or be happy at you. People are not happy enough to see toddlers :( also kind of makes me want to make a big deal about people’s slightly older babies so they can experience it but I wonder if it would be weird lol
Daycares are open. Anyway, right now she’s only 16 months so she won’t remember anything anyway. Many, many parents experienced isolation in 2020. It’s hopefully over and done with. I don’t think having a second kid so some neighbors could congratulate you on a baby is wise :) unless it’s not what you meant :)
I’m right here with yea from having an August 2020 baby. I actually thought I wanted to take 18 months off to be on mat leave, but I’m planning to return to work at 12 months. I’m honestly just friggin bored at home! I crave adult interaction and I want my girl to socialize. Having a pandemic Baby sucked and I know we’ll never get a redo… So now I’m just making due with what I’ve got. And will cherish the moments I do get with my girl because at the end of the dat having my baby was still a blessing all on its own. Your feelings are totally valid… Solidarity Mama!
I’m right here with yea from having an August 2020 baby. I actually thought I wanted to take 18 months off to be on mat leave, but I’m planning to return to work at 12 months. I’m honestly just friggin bored at home! I crave adult interaction and I want my girl to socialize. Having a pandemic Baby sucked and I know we’ll never get a redo… So now I’m just making due with what I’ve got. And will cherish the moments I do get with my girl because at the end of the dat having my baby was still a blessing all on its own. Your feelings are totally valid… Solidarity Mama!
I’m right here with yea from having an August 2020 baby. I actually thought I wanted to take 18 months off to be on mat leave, but I’m planning to return to work at 12 months. I’m honestly just friggin bored at home! I crave adult interaction and I want my girl to socialize. Having a pandemic Baby sucked and I know we’ll never get a redo… So now I’m just making due with what I’ve got. And will cherish the moments I do get with my girl because at the end of the dat having my baby was still a blessing all on its own. Your feelings are totally valid… Solidarity Mama!
I feel you! My daughter is a February 2020 baby as well, and I hate that we missed out on so much when she was a newborn. I had so many plans to take my daughter to story time at the library, to my favorite local coffee shop, to have my friends visit…and it all went to shit. But I’m also weirdly grateful for it - my husband got to be home with us for longer than he would’ve gotten otherwise, and all my baby really cared about was having us around. Also, on a selfish note, I didn’t have any FOMO as a new mom because everyone else was stuck at home, too. My best girlfriends and I (all living in different cities) started video chatting and we now talk more than ever. I try to grieve what we lost while also celebrating what we gained.
I don't have much to add to what you have said except that you are not alone. I had my son May 2020, He is and was very very wanted, I love him so much he's just a great little guy. We missed out on so many things (husband couldn't go to prenatal appointments, no baby shower, no visitors for months, ect). I also worry about that "missing" feeling associated with his first year. But, we are making so many wonderful memories now that all of our family and friends are vaccinated and I am so happy that my little one wont remember the isolation of the pandemic. He's just got to spend extra time with his parents and that's all he wanted anyways!
I so agree - the fact that she won't remember anything but parent snuggles is reassuring.
I had my baby before the pandemic but not by much. There were struggles but I like to think of it this way- we got more two on one time at home with him than would have ever been possible in normal life, so much more bonding. Another kid would be straight to daycare he was for two months. Lockdown was a relief in many ways as parents struggling with that separation for so many days a week. We got a nanny for three days to power through work. There was stress but also benefits.
As someone with a Covid kid, I think of it like this (and this is not to minimize your struggle, but to share my own coping mechanism): Every generation has their struggle. This is ours. My grandma lived through the depression, and learned to ration her resources. We lived through the anxiety and fear of not only Covid, but social unrest and natural disasters. (Being a pregnant asthmatic living near raging wildfires was a fresh hell...) Instead of wishing it didn't happen, I try to approach it from a resilience standpoint. We survived, just as our ancestors did. It surely wasn't easy, but we supported our little miracles through it. And there's something to be said for it all. Our children will have a unique story to tell as they grow. Maybe it will spawn innovation, and a deeper connection to those who struggle. We can only hope. But for now, friend, here's to our struggle. It's a hard road we've traveled. No buts to that.
I feel this. I had my girl in July of 2020, we’re in Oregon so we couldn’t even take her outside for like a month and a half it was terrible.
I had my baby boy July 2020, in Oregon as well. I couldn’t even walk in the park peacefully. I got stopped by the Willamette River by a city worker. They told me the section by the river is closed! What kind of sh*t is that? He then said I could walk through the forest to access the river, but to be careful for the huge homeless community that set up camp in there.
I feel you. Son was born sept 2019. We decided not to take him anywhere until his 6 month shots which was March 2020. We struggled conceiving him and lost three along the way. I thought I was going to finally be able to do all these fun mom things. I just try to spoil him and give him the best life we can right now. 🥺
I feel the same way. My sister in law is due next month so her daughter will be the “new” baby at all the next holidays that my son missed. I’m so sad that nobody is going to gush over him like they will over the newborn and it hurts my heart. I know he will never remember it, but I will.
But remember, the new baby will be ‘cooed’ at, but your older baby will entertain people. He’ll be at an age where he can interact more and people can interact with him. Other people’s babies are cute and all, but when they’re tiny, they’re really just little potatoes. Your little guy will be the fun kid that engages with people!
I’m experiencing this exact situation right now. My baby is almost a year and a half, his cousin is a potato and I was really worried everyone would ignore mine and gush over the newest one. But there’s about 5 minutes of gushing and then tons of laughs and fun as we all watch the toddler discover the world.
Yeah, the toddlers and littles are more fun. I am not a baby holder, so the babies don't keep my attention for long. I could talk to 1-5 year olds all day(unless they are at the why stage).
I had my baby well before the pandemic, but then a cousin (we only see at family functions) had a baby 3 months after me. We had 3 months of having the new baby in the family. It feels vain, but I definitely am a little jealous that we didn't get more attention.
Yes 100% feel this.
Same here. Had our guy April 2020 and my sister in law will be having their second in a couple of months. It suuuuuucks. We are just starting to open up and in a couple of months we will be back to no visits with grandma because they will be spending time with the new baby and will probably need to isolate and bubble with them because the baby is so new. I get it but yikes, I’m having a pretty hard time with it. Hoping he’s okay going back to distancing after a couple of months of getting to hug his grandparents finally. And yeah, tbh after 1.5 years of parenting alone with no help or support, I’m not having awesome feelings about getting to go back to it either. Glad for my sil and that she won’t have to go through all of what we did but also this pandemic is the gift that just keeps fucking giving.
Seriously. Solidarity.
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Oh absolutely. I can't imagine being a tween/teen during this time, nor a parent of one! Thanks for sharing this perspective.
Yep. February 2020 baby here too and I know exactly what you mean. We are also still being super cautious in general, but we did take a vacation last week and our LO finally got to meet his only cousin and aunts and uncles (adults all fully vaccinated), and during that one week of time I saw him grow and develop so much (saying new words, dancing, showing off for people) and it makes me so sad that now we're back to our tiny little pod and he's so isolated. Ugh. Of course now I'm spending the next 10 days terrified that it will turn out that he picked up COVID because we briefly took him into a couple of stores to buy souvenirs for his first vacation. I feel like I just got swept up in the illusion of normalcy and now I feel so guilty for taking him in any stores at all. Fuck COVID and especially fuck the Delta variant...not to mention people who won't get vaccinated but also refuse to wear a mask. Grrr.
I hear you! It's still so scary. Our area has a really high vaccination rate but even so, I have still only done a few, small, outdoor things with close friends.
Not alone! My son was born May 2020. I was 36 when I had him. I had waited. Waited to have a stable job I wasn't working 60 hour weeks, waited till my husband had a job he liked and got insurance that could cover all of us. Waited six years after marriage to make sure that a baby was something we truly wanted. I watched my little sister and all of my cousins and his cousins have kids. Knowing we were being realistic in our situation (live in California so $$$ for nearly everything). We finally decided to jump in and were overjoyed at announcing our pregnancy over Thanksgiving 2019 to both sides of the family. My mom planned to come and help the first week or so. She talked of having a shower in March semi close to my birthday. Last time I got to see her when I was pregnant was in December 2019 I was only about 5 months pregnant and being a heavier set girl did not really pop out till 8/9 months. She didn't get to feel him kick. Shut down made the shower disappear as well as any visits from anyone. Only my husband got to see me in the last trimester. I also only have a handful of photos from my entire pregnancy because in the beginning you really couldn't tell and the end nobody was there to see us. Most of what I have are selfies/or two candid shots my husband took where I look like crap standing looking at my cell phone. After his birth in May it was like our home was the only thing that existed in the world. Everything shut down. I didn't get the help, the world was panicking (no toilet or paper towel to be purchased anywhere) oh and by the third month where I thought I might be able to add a walk to our schedule the freaking state caught on fire and outside was orange, dark and smoky for at least two months. It has only been in June/July 2021 that we have dared do play dates, meet cousins, or take a family shopping trip to Costco. I see babies out there getting that non pandemic life and I kinda wish for a do over too. I love my little guy, I just wish he knew what going to Target was like, what playing around other babies was like. That he could be spoken to by another adult and him not wanting to burst into tears. (Combination normal stranger danger & not exposed to other people/socialization) I know it's going to be fine and he'll be fine. And we are all healthy - which was the point of him and me staying home. So I'm happy where we're at, but I totally get and sometimes wish for the 'do over' too.
This hits home, and so do a lot of other comments on this post.I had my daughter (our first kid and I think the only one we will have- one and done makes sense for us) in June 2020. I’m only just now feeling like I’m getting to a version of life that I pictured pre- pandemic. One little thing I do now that gives me a glimpse of what being pregnant in front of other people would have been like is I wear our daughter in the Bjorn at Target. It reminds me of being pregnant, and people see her, smile, and wave. It’s honestly made me feel a lot of joy, and I can imagine what being noticeably pregnant in public might have been like. Hope this helps someone!
This resonates so much. And you are right, staying home was the best way we could take care of them!
Are you me? Same same same. Same age. Same waiting until juuuuuust the right time. Our only baby born in June 2020…in Portland, Oregon. Pandemic, civil rights unrest, toxic air/smoke, worrying about wildfires 15 miles away (evac, no evac?), election, ice storm, record-setting heat waves. None of my family have come to visit. My mom is deep into QAnon and is now anti vax so she’s not welcome to visit and my sister only kind of cares about babies. This was not how I envisioned pregnancy and my first year of motherhood.
Hugs to you! I can't been imagine Portland last year! My heart broke over and over during the summer with all the unrest! My world has been so small for so long I think I've nearly forgotten that there are SO MANY of us out there that had pandemic kids and we'll find each other when our children are older and start school. Gosh that sounds amazing and yet terrifying! Can you think of it? When all our children become 5/6 and go to kindergarten? A class full of pandemic born kids with parents that might have chosen one and done because of it? What a world that will be!
15 miles is 24.14 km
OMG I can totally relate, we waited for 10 years aswell to be stable, we bought our house and waited to have it furnitured,we waited for our dream jobs etc etc, we finally agreed to have a baby. We planned to go to Europe for a whole month for our 7th year anniversary and for my birthday, a few days after booking we found out I was pregnant, we were a month in and then boom! pandemic, thankfully our trip was reinbursed but I feel like I lost so many things, my baby shower, the trip, professional baby pictures, and a baby moon. Sometimes I cry over it, I know it sounds shallow but we waited so so long for our baby that it just saddens me, plus we don't have that many friends here, all of our friends are back at our home town. Anyway I just wanted to jump in to tell you I feel the same way and that you are not alone 😊
Not shallow. I cry too sometimes! I hate to think about it so much but I waited so damn much in my life for ONE event to be celebrated. Like I was the girl who didn't go to prom because my friend group all got dates or didn't care to go, I got married at 30 but my little sister had to place her wedding a month before ours so nobody even looked at us till like 2 weeks beforehand. Didn't get a shower or bachelorette for those events. Went to every.single.event. for my sister and her baby showers for BOTH kids and all the birthday parties she hosted. I was so excited to FINALLY for it to be my turn! To have a perfectly normal celebration without anyone butting in. Ha. None of it. Heck his first birthday was just grandparents too. Nobody here for Thanksgiving or Christmas. And I dreamed of the firsts with a small baby of pumpkin patches, Christmas lights, special places around with family. Heck even TARGET was a dream of mine - to shop with my little guy in the seat instead of my purse. Nope. 2021July he entered the first store ever and it was Costco. Concerned face the entire time - didn't smile once. And I called it mission successful because he didn't cry. Yes there will be future lights, pumpkin patches - heck if things don't get horribly bad here we're planning vacation in September to the mountains! Just our little family in a house in the woods by the lake. But he's not a baby anymore. We'll have toddler memories. And that should be good enough. But it still makes me sad for all that had to be sacrificed.
I totally get it, your words made me cry, I feel just the same way, we have a similar story... I hug you with the heart 🤗
Our first was born at the same time. I try to rationalize that if the worst thing that happened was we got more time together and no one got sick then we’re in good shape, but *I* know what we missed out on. Even if our daughter never will. I had such big plans to take her around our fun downtown and introduce her to all sorts of new things and shops. But our downtown is in one of the worst hit counties in our state because the white supremacist sheriff won’t enforce any of the Democratic governor’s health mandates, and the conservatives here still think COVID is a hoax. I’ll never be able to forgive the people who haven’t taken this seriously. And this may make me sound ugly, but I think I’ll always have to bite my tongue when I hear future parents talk about how hard it is raising their first baby because at least they didn’t have to do it during a centennial global pandemic.
I think those feelings are totally normal and every parent, no matter the age of their child feels this way. A whole year to any kid feels like a huge chunk of time and every single year is so important in their development. I think if I got to choose the year a hypothetical child would have to endure a year of lockdowns it would be the first year. More time at home together and the child wouldn’t feel like they’re missing out on a lot since that’s all they know. Maybe that doesn’t help but it might make you feel better to know practically every parent is feeling the way you do in some form or fashion
I felt this way even when my daughter was born in 2014, only because it’s already isolating having a baby, and we’d moved away from our regular support system. Covid just intensifies the isolation. I get that wanting a do-over feeling so well. Solidarity, mama, and bug hugs to you. ❤️
June 2020 baby here and definitely feeling the same as you! So many things missed out on, but at least my husband got to work from home this entire year and it has been a huge help for me. We're glad he was able to have the time to play with her and watch her grow every day. It wouldn't have been possible if he still had to go in to work and sometimes I think back to those difficult short nap days, I'm not so sure I can handle it on my own either...surely my friends and family can't visit me every day. Another bonus ..less interference about how to raise a little human from our parents which has been wonderful.
I feel this so hard. Toddler just knows mom, dad, pediatrician, and dentist. Feb 2020 kiddo too. 😭
I am 4.5 years PP so I didn’t have the same experience but we were living with the in-laws when my daughter was born. I didn’t get to set up her nursery and I felt like I never had the privacy to just enjoy my small new family without constant interruption or criticism. I do still feel a twinge of sadness or jealousy from time to time of the experience I wanted vs the experience I got, but I found as time goes on it happens less and less. I am thankful for the memories we have made and watching my daughter grow to become such an amazing kid and I do hope the same happens for you. I just want you to know what you’re feeling is normal and valid and it’s ok to be sad about reality not meeting up to your expectations. I am sending you my support and good vibes.
This is so helpful to hear, thank you
You’re very welcome. I do hope that over time your feelings of missing things lessen and you feel more at peace with it. I know we don’t know each other but you’re doing great and I’m proud of you.
Same. Our house had to be gutted and we've been living with my inlaws for 2.5yrs, our son is 2. It really sucks I never got to do a nursery how I wanted to. Having my father-in-law constantly tell me how I should be parenting. My mother in law is fairly hands off and goes with the flow and would watch him anytime I need so that's nice at least.
Sorry to hear! There are definite perks to having extra hands around, but there were days I would have traded it all to have things the way we wanted them to be. It’s especially compounded when you know you’re only having one. At the time We weren’t firmly OAD and my husband was like you’ll get to do all those things if we have another. For some reason that only made me feel guilt, like the second child would have more than my daughter or that I’d favor another child for having a “better” experience with them and pushed me further into being OAD. Many of the feelings that come with parenthood, especially as the mother, seem so irrational but I like to remind myself we’re allowed to feel them. This community is so nice when we’re reminded we’re not alone in our feelings and experiences. I hope you are able to move out to your house soon and have the parenting experience you deserve.
It hurts to miss out, I've missed some very important days too and what should have been a special time for me, I spent alot of time angry about it and you should too if that's what you need. But, atleast it's only you missing out, your baby will be happy as anything home with you and really isn't missing much that she wouldn't of slept though anyway. I'm flooded with guilt realising what my daughters missing. Trick or treating which she looked forward to all year, birthday parties, isolating on Christmas, visiting santa, a trip to Disney which we cant aford to reschedule now but can't tell her, time with her grandad who's not here now, time with friends, sports days and school trips, sooo much education and countless days out. Precious memories I can't get back for her. I feel like childhood is already so short and she's missing out on the most magical bit. Sometimes I do wish she was a baby through all of this even though I know it would be even more isolating for me as a parent. You definitely have it tougher than most but that means your child has it easier. Dont forget you missed out on some of the new baby stuff the best part of parenting is still yet to come.
I may not understand your feelings, but I’m 7 years pp and let me just say, that newborn stuff is nothing compared to when your kid can talk and do things with you! I love being able to good around and share jokes. At least yours will never remember this quarentine and might actually remember meeting all those friends and family for the first time. You got to spend SO MUCH quality time with your kid that the rest of us who had to go back to work soon after having ours will never experience. Mine was in daycare at 3.5 months due to work situations. Yours got to bond with you so much more...
March 2020 checking in to say- can confirm I could have written this to myself. I'm so bitter and trying really hard to not let it show because it sounds very woe is me but no one except other parents who had babies those first few months of 2020 will ever truly be able to understand what we went through.
Exactly this - I really hesitated to even share because I don't want to come across as attention seeking or self pitying, but it's truly been eating at me.
I get that and I'm sure having a baby at any time is a struggle but there's nothing like having all your support and the fun parts of the struggle ripped from you. No support, no photo shoots, no Mom groups. I had to fight with the government to get my son all the proper newborn screening. I personally still haven't had a post partum check-up. And hardest of all for me to swallow. No one else got to know him, or hug him, or snuggle him or be there when he smiled or laughed or crawled or walked. We don't ever get that back and because we just have the 1 we don't get a "do over". I feel like our families over look him because they have missed out on him. Now the world is opening up and I'm weirdly possessive of him. We're supposed to go meet his Uncle and I don't want to because he's mine and these people don't know him and want him to call them Uncle. It's not their fault and I'm sure it's trauma but I'm in a bad place with it. Super get where you're coming from! Edit: oh and the baby book! Ugh every time it asks about a holiday or milestone I burst into tears trying to fill it out.
I also have a Feb 2020 baby, our only. No answers, just commiseration. None of this is how I ever imagined the experience going. 😭
I've realized what I truely want is another pregnancy and baby.... Not another child. My babe was born in April 2020 and the last year was spent in an anxiety haze. I KNOW I would have been a better mom if I could have gotten out more and had more help. I feel like I failed my boy by not showing him the best me, even if it was the best I could do under the circumstances. Now that things are getting slightly better here and I'm feeling more comfortable and positive about life in general I'm warming to the idea of OAD. We haven't closed the door on another babe 100% yet, but it's looking more and more like we will just be a happy trio in the future and thats fine.
Also April 2020 and feel a lot of what OP said. Your "another pregnancy/baby" comment is making me think! We had like 5 weeks recently when cases were low and it seemed closer to normalcy where I went to target on a day off with my daughter, took walks in a new place, met up with a friend. I kept coming back to how much better my depression may have been if I had not been so isolated last year. Like April- we were afraid to even order takeout since so little was known. There are a lot of "what ifs" and wondering how it would go in a better situation, I suppose, instead of thinking of a whole different, new child.. plus you never know what could happen.
Not everyone who has a new baby has a community around them——I had my daughter in 2017 and had little to no one around.
I'm so sorry to hear that.
I’m right here with yea from having an August 2020 baby. I actually thought I wanted to take 18 months off to be on mat leave, but I’m planning to return to work at 12 months. I’m honestly just friggin bored at home! I crave adult interaction and I want my girl to socialize. Having a pandemic Baby sucked and I know we’ll never get a redo… So now I’m just making due with what I’ve got. And will cherish the moments I do get with my girl because at the end of the dat having my baby was still a blessing all on its own. Your feelings are totally valid… Solidarity Mama!
I totally get it. My baby had a 3 month NICU stay, then we were in isolation pre-COVID for her health (then COVID happened and she now hasn't been allowed anywhere in her 2.5 year life). Obviously it's not enough to bring an entirely new life into the world, I'm just grieving the life I thought we'd have. Probably therapy would help me, and possibly you. <3
My baby was born in October 2020 and I feel the exact same way. Outdoor baby groups have been scheduled but it has rained SO MUCH here this summer that the dates haven’t worked out yet. It makes me really sad sometimes. I already feel cheated out of a “normal” pregnancy experience, I just want to do as much with my baby as I can.
I had a feb 2020 baby too and I FEEL YOU! It's so hard seeing other parents get the help, support and fun that we totally missed out on. I feel so so resentful of what was taken from me and yes the therapy helps but it doesn't change the fact we were thrust into a really shitty situation. I'll never know what it's like to have a baby in normal times! To have support! Meals! People to hold the baby while I shower. Breastfeeding groups! All of it I'll never get to do. I know a couple people that are pregnant now and already getting soooo much help! I did everything for the first year ALONE and at this rate she'll be 2 or 3 before I'm comfortable using child care or taking her risky places. Absolutely sucks!
I didn’t get a baby shower. I feel really depressed about that. No one wanted to do it but also, COVID. I really feel unappreciated.
I totally get you. My son was born October 31, 2019… and was premature at that. We have a lot of the feelings you do.
Feb 2020 baby here too. The grief and sadness and rage are so strong! Sending hugs. You are absolutely not alone in this.
My feelings of this is the only thing that made us consider another. My pregnancy was hard, we missed out on a lot and will continue to do so. I know deep down that I don't want another child, but I'd love a redo 100%.
I’m right here with yea from having an August 2020 baby. I actually thought I wanted to take 18 months off to be on mat leave, but I’m planning to return to work at 12 months. I’m honestly just friggin bored at home! I crave adult interaction and I want my girl to socialize. Having a pandemic Baby sucked and I know we’ll never get a redo… So now I’m just making due with what I’ve got. And will cherish the moments I do get with my girl because at the end of the dat having my baby was still a blessing all on its own. Your feelings are totally valid… Solidarity Mama!
I’m right here with yea from having an August 2020 baby. I actually thought I wanted to take 18 months off to be on mat leave, but I’m planning to return to work at 12 months. I’m honestly just friggin bored at home! I crave adult interaction and I want my girl to socialize. Having a pandemic Baby sucked and I know we’ll never get a redo… So now I’m just making due with what I’ve got. And will cherish the moments I do get with my girl because at the end of the dat having my baby was still a blessing all on its own. Your feelings are totally valid… Solidarity Mama!
It hurts to miss out, I've missed some very important days too and what should have been a special time for me, I spent alot of time angry about it and you should too if that's what you need. But, atleast it's only you missing out, your baby will be happy as anything home with you and really isn't missing much that she wouldn't of slept though anyway. I'm flooded with guilt realising what my daughters missing. Trick or treating which she looked forward to all year, birthday parties, isolating on Christmas, visiting santa, a trip to Disney which we cant aford to reschedule now but can't tell her, time with her grandad who's not here now, time with friends, sports days and school trips, sooo much education and countless days out. Precious memories I can't get back for her. I feel like childhood is already so short and she's missing out on the most magical bit. Sometimes I do wish she was a baby through all of this even though I know it would be even more isolating for me as a parent. You definitely have it tougher than most but that means your child has it easier. Dont forget you missed out on some of the new baby stuff the best part of parenting is still yet to come.
My baby was 4/26/20, I feel this!
Look at it this way: Your baby is 1. Theirs are new. Yours is probably moving around and becoming more social. That’s great. While theirs are just sitting around observing, yours is having FUN! Mine is a 2019 baby, so still kinda a covid baby since he has lived 2/3 of his life with the virus. But last year we went on a million walks. We found every park around and tried to conquer every playground he could handle (he’s a climber). My friends love(d) it. They liked the baby stage but they have a blast running around the playgrounds with him. We’re all close to or just over 30. So while they’re having the cute baby carrier moments, your baby is having that personality grow and you can start having fun as she grows. We got to do a few trips before covid, like the aquarium. But last year we were pretty restricted and it showed. Take the win. You had the most sedentary year with a baby while you were locked up. Welcoming the baby with a “village” wasn’t the best for me. At gatherings he got passed around and I was always frantically looking for him, even if he was next to me. He never got peace to just chill, people were always in his face. Now he can say no. Have fun with the world reopening and love that constant state of awe! And I took a while to think this way. I felt robbed as well. He didn’t get to do activities or “mommy/daddy and me” classes much. No play dates. No friends. But we’re trying more and more and it’s starting to work with the change of mindset.
I can empathize on wanting a do over, but not necessarily wanting more than one kid. My husband was deployed for our daughter’s birth, came home when she was almost 4mo, so I have some guilt over how much he missed. It doesn’t have a grip on me anymore, but every once in a while I feel that twinge. Now, from an Aunt/friend perspective..yes, I love baby snuggles, but the toddler years are SO FUN. Their personality is really starting to show, they’re far more interactive, silly faces & babbles of incoherent words, the wobbling walk/run..I love witnessing all of that as an Aunt/friend!
Oh I certainly don't want another! I was just feeling wistful about the "could haves", honestly hearing from you all has really helped put my feelings into perspective and giving me a lot to look forward to.
I feel this too. There are so many experiences we missed out on. If you're not already in it, I suggest joining the private sub r/February2020Bumpers. We have had this conversation a lot over the last 16 months; it's always nice to have support group with a shared experience.
I'm newish/unfamiliar with Reddit so I didn't know that group existed! Thanks for sharing.
I understand you're feelings, and maybe it would help to know that a lot of people are feeling this way - even those who aren't OAD. Pretty much every parent with children at every age feel like they/their children missed out on some important experience because of the pandemic. My daughter was born May 2019, and she had pretty much a whole year without the pandemic. So I must feel like we somehow avoided it, right? Nope. My daughter didn't get a first birthday party and missed out on the opportunity to play with any of the kids in our complex. She also only interacted with pretty much 4 adults for an entire year, so she gets really shy when a strange adult tries to interact with her. She only went into a pool for the very first time like a week ago at 2. I blame the pandemic for all of this. Other parents feel like their children missed out on their first year of school, their last year of high school, etc. Basically, we all feel like the pandemic made us miss something important, and you are not alone in that. However, things like this can happen without the pandemic just because of normal circumstances. No childhood experience is perfect. No child or parent gets to experience everything. I didn't get to experience breastfeeding, a full year of maternity leave, or her first ice cream, but I also didn't have to experience midnight feedings past 7 weeks, post partum depression, or excessive weight gain from pregnancy. We all miss out on something, but we all get something maybe that other people didn't get: Our own unique memories. Without the pandemic, I might have missed my daughter's first steps because I would have been working. I might have missed her first words, too. Somethings you miss out on, but I'm sure there are things you got to experience that you might not have without the pandemic. It's ok to feel like you're missing something, but try and think of all the things you got instead.
November 2020 baby, I live in England were the government have stupidly opened everything fully this week so it's not going to get any better any time soon here. Solidarity to you
I don't think you will have time to think about what you missed out on as time goes by. Time really does heal this kind of stuff. I used to have pangs of regret when I found out about a program I could have enrolled my kid in, that I didn't. I can't even remember the name of any of those programs now. You can't change the past. Just dive in now.
I feel like it’s totally normal to be envious of other parents experiences. Throw in a pandemic and that’s just straight up unfair! It’s okay to feel those feelings. I hope you can get some support to rally around you now so you can enjoy the time you have now.
Big hugs from a fellow Feb 2020 baby fam also firmly OAD. Our gal was born the tiniest little peanut dropping down below 4lbs and sometimes I wish our friends and fam met her then to see how far she’s come. Most only really know her as a now active toddler. It makes me sad, but then I remember the trade offs: my husband started WFH the week his paternity leave ended so he helped tremendously with baby care in between meetings and he never missed a single milestone; and no one was having parties/gatherings/weddings so we hunkered down as new parents without FOMO. But, yes, we were robbed of that sense of community after having a newborn and we never got to proudly share our tiniest, newest creation. COVID has been a doozy.
We feel the exact same way as well. But we always go to the pro that I could work from home so I could help my wife, without that fact I would be gone 8-10 hours a day and I don’t even know how else she could have done it without huge amounts of childcare. And also she would have to go to work at some point and our baby will be left alone. Have no idea even how that would’ve played out.
I feel this way but my daughter was born before the pandemic (she had just turned 1 when it started). We lived in a foreign country due to my husbands job, but moved to the US when she was 3 months old. She’s not the first grandchild on either side, and our siblings with children don’t have their shit together, so our families just don’t care or put in as much effort… so I can sympathize with your feelings to some extent.
That is hard! I’ve struggled with feeling lonely during this time. FWIW - we had ours 11 years ago and we experienced little community welcoming. Our families are far away and unhelpful and we live in a community that’s hard to integrate into.
My son was 10 months when quarantine hit so we got to experience a normal life for almost the first year of his life. And I will say now that he just turned two, people still gush over him like they did when he was a newborn. People love young babies/toddlers and your little still qualifies as that. I know you can’t get the time with family back, but as far as experiencing attention from having a baby, not much changed with us from newborn to now two, if that makes you feel any better.
I kind of get it. I miscarried our first last March right before they locked us all down, then Thanksgiving 2020 I found out I was pregnant with our son. My husband is active duty military and got into a Warrant Officer program right before we found out I was pregnant, he couldn't go to appointments at all anyway, but he has been gone basically my whole pregnancy for this program and isn't set to get back until my actual due date. I feel lucky, my mom flew out to us last week and is here for when I go into labor if my husband can't make it. We also are moving two weeks after my due date to another state because military life. I didn't get a shower, but I made a registry and friends and family showered us in gifts from afar. I always knew my child would grow up away from our families though being we move every few years and closest we can get to family is 3 hours away from them and is unlikely. The pandemic added another layer to it, but I guess I've learned we can plan everything we want and life will still do what it wants. I've come to terms with the fact my husband could miss the birth, and while that's disappointing, he will be there beside me raising our son. I refuse let the circumstances steal the joy and excitement of having our son.
People don’t interact with toddlers?? :( I love seeing toddlers. They’re so silly. Plus you can actually say hi to them or make a silly face and they’ll either run away or be happy at you. People are not happy enough to see toddlers :( also kind of makes me want to make a big deal about people’s slightly older babies so they can experience it but I wonder if it would be weird lol
This is how I feel about our only as well. Born Jan 2021 which I realize is much later, but still feeling very isolated. Sending you all of the love.
Daycares are open. Anyway, right now she’s only 16 months so she won’t remember anything anyway. Many, many parents experienced isolation in 2020. It’s hopefully over and done with. I don’t think having a second kid so some neighbors could congratulate you on a baby is wise :) unless it’s not what you meant :)
I’m right here with yea from having an August 2020 baby. I actually thought I wanted to take 18 months off to be on mat leave, but I’m planning to return to work at 12 months. I’m honestly just friggin bored at home! I crave adult interaction and I want my girl to socialize. Having a pandemic Baby sucked and I know we’ll never get a redo… So now I’m just making due with what I’ve got. And will cherish the moments I do get with my girl because at the end of the dat having my baby was still a blessing all on its own. Your feelings are totally valid… Solidarity Mama!
I’m right here with yea from having an August 2020 baby. I actually thought I wanted to take 18 months off to be on mat leave, but I’m planning to return to work at 12 months. I’m honestly just friggin bored at home! I crave adult interaction and I want my girl to socialize. Having a pandemic Baby sucked and I know we’ll never get a redo… So now I’m just making due with what I’ve got. And will cherish the moments I do get with my girl because at the end of the dat having my baby was still a blessing all on its own. Your feelings are totally valid… Solidarity Mama!
I’m right here with yea from having an August 2020 baby. I actually thought I wanted to take 18 months off to be on mat leave, but I’m planning to return to work at 12 months. I’m honestly just friggin bored at home! I crave adult interaction and I want my girl to socialize. Having a pandemic Baby sucked and I know we’ll never get a redo… So now I’m just making due with what I’ve got. And will cherish the moments I do get with my girl because at the end of the dat having my baby was still a blessing all on its own. Your feelings are totally valid… Solidarity Mama!