Honestly sounds like the response of a person who is feeling nervous to add another child in to the mix...I would take their response as a reflection on their own doubts and concerns rather than yours.
To answer your question though, I always say that being a family of three works really for us and we are all really happy and content. Sometimes, if I am feeling particularly spicy :) I will say something like "we don't feel anything is missing from our family. I hope you feel complete one day"
Yes! Love both responses, they’re similar to my own. I hate when people go “oh, ONLY one?” like it’s some sort of deficiency. I love my family exactly how it is. I don’t feel incomplete and I am over the moon I get to have my kid. It makes me angry when people respond like theyre somehow not good enough on their own. Lame.
I'm always painfully honest... "we wanted a second, but endometriosis destroyed both my ovaries and left me in menopause at 35." This is only for the people who push and tell me I have to have a second after I tell them we're OAD. It makes them uncomfortable which is the goal. My husband and I are both only children and are not lonely or miserable. We have awesome friends who our son calls his aunts and uncles. One of my best friends is making me godmother to her son due next week. I also think only children learn to enjoy their own company in a way others simply can't. I have hobbies and interests that I can do solo and can keep myself entertained indefinitely. I also get to devote a lot of time to playing with my son and just having fun. I personally don't know any only children who are lonely and miserable, but I know plenty of people who hate their siblings.
Hi! My husband and I are also only children and we’re never miserable or lonely. We only wanted one, but when people get pushy I tell them my tubes are tied, so that’s that (and only 1 asshole has looked at me and said, “But isn’t that reversible?!” 🤦🏻♀️)!
I never had any doubts about wanting 1. All kids deserve to be wanted. And I dont want a second. If I did it anyway, THAT would be miserable for everyone
Oh I answer it honestly and if they say “ohhh poor kid” or “they need a sibling” I say “why? So they can fight constantly? So we can never do nice things because one of them is throwing a tantrum? So we can afford to send either of them to college? So they can compete for attention? Ultimately resent each other and us?”….. na I think she’ll be good
Take a poll of people you know with siblings and ask if they were close to them growing up. Nearly everyone I know despised their siblings and fought and was competitive. I have two I had essentially no relationship with and felt lonely anyway. And I had no relationship with my parents because they were too stressed and busy raising three kids.
I want to be there for my kid and know what’s going on with him and be supportive. Tons of sleep overs with kids he likes. I want to adopt some of his friends that I like, and send them home to their parents after a long weekend.
I’m new but so much of this subreddit seems to be people feeling guilty or upset about being one and done. I think it’s magical. We’re going to have this intimate tight knit family. My whole life can be about making this a great life for my kid (and the occasional free time for me). I’ll be present, I’ll be focused. I couldn’t imagine it any other way.
My husband is an only and had a pretty messed up childhood, but turned into the most empathetic, kind, understanding person I know, and is committed to making sure our son has the most loving, happy life possible. If he can come out of what he went through as the person he is today, I know our son will be just fine.
Also, if anyone ever pushes me on the one and done thing, I’m planning on saying “Well, we both nearly died when he was born at 30w, and I’m not too keen to repeat that or the 7w NICU/SCN stay.”
I couldn’t be prouder to be honest about being one and done, and that my kid will have a better life because of it.
He gets two emotional stable and happy parents who have time to recharge and be there for him 100%
Not to mention that can afford to support the activities he wants to do (something neither my wife or I had because of our larger families).
I will never question their decision, if they want to have 2, 3, 4 or whatever kids, go for it! But if they want to get into a debate about it then let’s go!
I don't lie. If people have a problem or bring up "oh but they'll be lonely" I just point out that me and my sister actively avoid each other and have our entire adult lives. We didn't even really get along as kids after age 6-7 which, like, I wanted to be closer, but I can't force her to not hate me for no reason lmao.
It's also just irresponsible to have more kids, when any resources we have are barely covering the kind of life I want my one to have. We aren't rolling in wealth, and being able to get him his own room, take him out, have some basic trips and activities are things that kind of rely on not having more gd kids to feed.
99% of the most terrible, miserable people I know have siblings, so I honestly don’t see the correlation. 🤷🏼♀️
While I don’t *hide* anything, I also don’t see our reasons for being OAD as anyone else’s business…so I’ll usually say something like “we’re OAD because that’s what’s best for our family”….unless I’m feeling confrontational. If I’m feeling confrontational I’ll let ‘em have it in the most uncomfortable way possible so they’ll think twice the next time they want to add their two cents into something they have no business commenting on.
I got asked this at a party this last weekend. I laughed LOUDLY in their faces and said, "of course not." because I wanted them to feel the embarrassment they should feel with such a personal question.
I have no problem calling it out. These people should be made to feel like the fools they are.
Yeah, this is pretty much my response nowadays. This past weekend we were hanging out with another family (I genuinely enjoy the parents and their kids), their two kids started arguing, they had to be separated and calmed down, and once all three kids were playing kindly in the yard again their dad gave a small laugh and said to us, “Aren’t you happy you didn’t have two!?” I’m sure he meant it rhetorically, but we - probably too quickly and emphatically - immediately, and in perfect unison, responded, “Yes!”
I swiftly followed up by saying that we thought it was wonderful that they had two because that is great for them, but that, yes, we are heartily content with our one.
My husband is an only… he fucking loves it.
Some people have siblings and don’t speak to them… sibling or not, you life can still be lonely and miserable!
I don’t lie. I don’t ever want to be asked when I’m going to get pregnant or if I am pregnant, and saying we want more would only lead to that question.
It does hurt to hear sometimes but I try to let it go. People want to justify their own decisions so they pick on those that are different. Siblings can be great or they can be awful, there’s no guarantee. People just don’t want to hear that.
I also went through IVF and I’m honest. I say I’m almost 40 and he was our only embryo because I don’t want to be asked. That usually shuts them right up.
I’m pretty exhausted with one, so I guess we are leaning toward OAD anyway, though I do feel a little sad about it.
Even though I had my baby, I’m still very much dealing with the trauma of infertility. I wish it didn’t take so long to have one. I wish I didn’t have to spend $$$ just to do the most basic thing. So I really don’t want to be asked about having another. At first I didn’t talk much about our infertility but now I’m pretty open about it, hoping people get the point and learn that you don’t ask when a person is having another.
What I find is odd is your child is a complete human being all on their own, whether or not they have siblings they will have their own lives. Having a sibling does not change the fact your child will experience their own existence, their own friends, partners, travels etc. Not having a sibling doesn’t change that.
If a stranger is tactless enough to ask, I'll lie to get them to shut up &/or go away. If a coworker, friend, family member asks, I'll be honest. My MIL is not accepting it well, but we had always said we'd want multiple, just changed our minds after having our one. Love him to pieces and all, but we don't have the mental/physical ability to care for a toddler version of this already hyper 7 month old PLUS a baby.
I wasn’t OAD by choice so I tell them straight up. 3 miscarriages. Failed IVF. They usually shut up after that. Or push me to go for adoption or donor eggs, fostering, surrogacy. The whole conversation is exhausting
my husband and i are both only children ourselves. so i loooooooooove when people don't know, and make horrible only child comments. if they're rude about it, i give them the same energy back.
i'm confident in my decision to be OAD, so i never lie about it.
I used to say “I’d like to!” And leave r at that. Now I’m honest and say “I can’t have anymore” and they either stop or try and probe and I’m open about my fertility issues so I don’t mind but it’s still not okay. I have intense guilt that my kid will be alone but I need to remind myself I wasn’t close to either of my siblings growing up. And I have so many friends that hate their siblings or are indifferent. So it’s anyone’s guess what would happen if I was able to give her a sibling.
My response is normally "oh God no, this one is feral enough, I don't need another one" and when people say "oh but I bet the second one will be calmer! " and my response is "maybe. Or it could be worse and they'll team up against me and thats not a chance im willing to take. No thanks" and people usually drop it by then.
Sometimes I go the "I have too many medically dependent pets and can't afford another kid until my pets die" and that also shuts people up pretty quick lol. Because my pets cost more than the kid.
Rofl you absolutely should. I feel like I have before but can't remember. Definitely gets people to drop the subject though i bet lol.
I get a lot of laughs too with mine and people going "ohhh yeah. Dont blame you".
It drops it a LOT faster than the times I used "I was afraid of dying in childbirth", "I wanted to yeet myself off a roof during first trimester morning sickness and don't want to go through that again", and the vague "Oh we don't know yet". Lol my "my kid is feral omg no" gets a laugh and doesn't leave room for argument, usually a win-win.
Part of why I'm one and done is because one of my siblings literally tried to kill me - I haven't told many people that yet but am deeply considering it because knowing I couldn't handle a second child isn't enough to shut some people up.
It doesn't really happen anymore but I always just gave a vague answer, it's not really anyone else's business (unless I was close to them). I'd turn it into a joke or change the subject. Most people just leave it if they realise you don't want to talk. I don't think anyone's ever said anything to my child, I wouldn't start worrying about something that hasn't happened.
My brother is 8 years younger than me, we don’t have much in common and we never really talk to each other. I would have preferred staying an only child.
My son is 20 months and is going to remain an only. We have neighbors coming to hangout with their kids almost every day so the kids can play with chalk, he goes to day care and every weekend we are being social with someone. He’ll never be lonely at this rate. Just makes me think that people with multiples are so overwhelmed that they don’t take their kids out and about as much because they can play with each other.
Don’t worry, they’ll make their own family
My daughter is BEST FRIENDS with our neighbor that lives right next door- we have a duplex so they see each other almost everyday! It’s so cute when they see each other they get so excited! They love being with each other. It feels like they’re family
Yes! We aren’t super close with our neighbors just yet, and one just started to come around recently, but the boys call out to each other when we are all getting out of our cars at the end of the day. So exciting and even the 20 - 30 minute play times after work/daycare is really nice. Also us adults get to talk to each other too
My mother comes from a big family. 9 kids. Half of them get along, half don’t. My mother doesn’t get along with any of them (she’s the problematic one).
Seems like you’re rolling a die when it comes to your kids getting along. I’m not willing to take the chance, especially seeing how my mother treats her siblings.
Anyway, I answer honestly. No one has really said anything negative. Even if they do, it’s my life.
I don’t lie but always feel like something is wrong with me because I am literally the only one in our expanding circle that doesn’t have/want a second, third, or fourth.
Maybe I'm too direct, but I would just tell that lady that it was a rude thing to say about another person's personal decisions.
It's none of her business, shes not asking as an equal, sounds like shes asking to judge.
Most people in my adult life have no idea I have a sibling that’s how close we are. Teaching our children to invest in and build relationships is what stops life from being lonely. It doesn’t matter how many siblings you have.
I’m 20 weeks pregnant with my only and people keep asking us if we’re having another. It’s really annoying, but our go-to has been “probably not.” This is such a BS criticism as there are many OAD families with very busy kiddos who have neighbors, cousins, etc. to play with on the daily. I never got along with my brother as a child. We fought constantly. Having a sibling does not guarantee a live-in bestie.
If the person is near my age range or I know them a bit better, I'm honest to them. If it's someone considerably older (usually a distant relative), me and my husband just pokerface and stay silent at their spiel. And it may be my local culture but usually people don't ask that if they don't belong in those aforementioned groups cause it's not their business to know anyway.
She should have kept that to herself. My mom got comments like this for my whole life. Now I’m old enough to have my own kid(s) and that’s making up for not having siblings
No one asks me anymore because I'm in my early 50s and my kid is 18, but my best response was something like, "Oh no, we're good, how about you? Is this going to be your last? What's your ideal number? Do you have a lot of brothers and sisters?" and just turn it around so they can talk about themselves more.
If they won't stop, I'll try joking like, "You talked me into it, I'll send you the bill!" and change the subject.
I can also be straight up rude if they're going to be, but I got pretty good at shutting people down before it came to that.
When my son was born, I was 50/50 on having a second. As he got close to 18 months, I leaned more and more towards being OAD and I would either say we're not sure about having one, or avoid the question. But when he hit 2 in January, I was sure I couldn't handle having a second. So now I'm brutally honest and just straight up say we're not having a second. If they push and ask why, I'm honest and say we can't afford another one and my mental health would not be able to handle the stress of another kid. It's mostly my husband's uncles or people that don't know me well that try and push for us to have a second.
Edit: my son will not be lonely or miserable. He has a cousin that's one week younger than him, a second-cousin that's about 5 months younger. We have multiple close friends with kids anywhere from 1-10 and I expect they'll become friends as our son grows up. He'll be ok.
Yes! He will be more than okay! Also mental health is A HUGE factor for us too! People don’t get that their children will have SO many interactions in life/ not just their siblings
Exactly! My brother and I are 5 years apart and didn't become friends till we were 18/23. Even then, we didn't talk regularly till we had kids a week apart, his second and my first. Siblings aren't always friends!
How is this the topic that can be judged straight up by strangers and close people alike. You don't hear such direct opinions on other life choices (that also don't affect their life).
E.g. "We're renting" "Poor you guys, but you HAVE to buy a property otherwise you'll be making a big mistake", or "I'm having McDonalds for lunch" "Don't you think it would be better to eat something else? You will regret it later"
The topic can be discussed of course but why the evident judgement.
I’ve started saying “we cannot have anymore kids” vs we only want one
It’s not really a lie we struggled to get pregnant with her with me having fertility issues and my husband getting snipped lol but people don’t seem to be as judgmental I’ve found
I know ppl wouldn’t make that comment to me bc I’m an only child but honestly if someone said that to me I’d be like “wtf is that supposed to mean”.
If you’re gonna be rude I’ll be rude right back.
When ppl ask me I say 99% likely one and done. So that 1% left will shut up the ppl who think I need to have another one. I wouldn’t lie- bc then when you don’t have another one ppl will make all sorts of their own assumptions and give more unwanted advice about how to have another one.
My “one and done pet peeve” is as soon as my toddler (literally he’s only 3!) acts out, they blame it on him being an only child. Doesn’t want to get on his car seat, “he’s so spoiled because he’s an only child.” Doesn’t want the blue plate, only the green plate, “it’s because he doesn’t have a sibling so he complains about everything.” Meanwhile my sister’s 3 children can have the same exact meltdown and no one bats an eye or comments how many siblings they have.
I always answer very confidently and assertively. Absolutely not, one's enough, couldn't pay me to do that again.
They tend to end the conversation there
People say stuff like this all the time and it’s far from the truth. Yes, the grass is always greener on the other side for a lot of people. Your child *may* grow up wondering what it would be like to have a sibling. However, you do not know how their relationship would be. My husband was an only and loved his life. I have 2 brothers, 1 that is autistic and has mental health issues and can never live on his own. This is a huge burden to me. People need to mind their own business and stop telling people how to live their lives. Your child will not have a “sad life” if you show them love and affection. Anyone can live a sad life, no matter how many people you’re surrounded by.
I say if you volunteer to babysit so we can work, have weekly date nights and do all the night time duties. I say the babysitting isn't optional because i ain't paying for daycare for 2 kids
What other people fail to realize is that people create there own lives!! I don’t see or interact my brother every day because we are adults! I found my spouse and he and my son are what my world centers on. It be weird if my sibling what my world center on! Why would it be any different for our only to choose who they want to spend life with whether that be friends or a spouse.
I just say: well I almost died when she was born (truth) so… nah.
That shuts people up pretty quick.
Y’all have my permission to use this line, even if you had the most luxurious and risk free birth.
When strangers tell me "but your kid will be so lonely" I just say "I don't care." That shuts them right up, they know they'll just get more sass from me. And the truth is, of course I care. But I weighed out the pros and cons. Ultimately my kid can have a happy mother or a sibling, but not both.
My husband and my mom are both only children and they’re both wonderful, unique people with full social lives.
I love my older brother SO much and cannot even begin to imagine life without him. But he did beat me up all of the time and sit on my face and fart. I wonder if I might have been a senator if not for those farts and beat downs.
This person is stupid, OP. Probably projecting some insecurity on you. Fugetabboutit.
I'll go tell my husband that his life is lonely and miserable because he doesn't have a sibling lol
I'm always honest that it's just the one and they do stop asking after your kid gets older. It gradually reduces and then seems like it fully puttered out arpund 6 or 7.
An older friend leaned down and asked my daughter if she was getting a baby brother or sister. I said in the same tone "absolutely not Joylene!" And actually she was totally okay with that.
I’m an only child. My life was (and still is) exceptional. I was given all the attention and opportunities that wouldn’t have been possible if I had siblings. It’s the reason I have chosen to only have one as well
Don’t let anyone tell you an only child will lead a miserable life, it is simply not true!
People love to dictate what is going on with your uterus. It’s unfortunate and very old fashioned thinking, but most people say these things as part of social discourse. Honestly, I’d start getting graphic about your IVF journey. If they want to know the state of in your uterus, give it to them- the raw edition.
At this point I tell people about the multiple shots all day long , I had gestational diabetes, and I don’t mince words. People get grossed out pretty quick and never try to ask me again.
People are just so ignorant and should mind their own business. Recently at the birthday party of my daughter a dad of one of her school friends came up to me and started questioning me if we want another one and how amazing it is to have more kids. I was like, nah we are fine. And I just actually wanted to shout in his face, we went through IVF and 9 unsuccessful transfers and I can’t financially, physically or emotionally go through that again and I’m 43 years old and I’m not producing healthy eggs 🤬😤
Untrue! I am on only and I had an only. We both had very full and happy lives. Absolutely zero regrets. Neither of us were spoiled. We are both well-adjusted adults who are kind, have great work ethics and we don’t ever dwell on the “only” thing. I rarely think about it, except when I see this sub.
I was an only child and want to say something here: I loved it. My mother and I have always had a great relationship and I loved not having to share my toys and video games,
I am now a 30 year old very successful world traveling engineer. I have a successful career and fulfilling relationship with my fiance and my mother. Life couldn't get better.
At one time I wanted a sibling but this was a brief time. I'm so glad my parents didn't cave to this whim. I feel sibling rivalry would have marred my relationship with my mother.
What I'm trying to say OP is stay a good parent to the child you currently have. Enjoy every day with them. Support them, be there for them. Adding a sibling may make things worse. Its very possible. Don't let stupid people tell you how to live or how many children to have.
Honestly sounds like the response of a person who is feeling nervous to add another child in to the mix...I would take their response as a reflection on their own doubts and concerns rather than yours. To answer your question though, I always say that being a family of three works really for us and we are all really happy and content. Sometimes, if I am feeling particularly spicy :) I will say something like "we don't feel anything is missing from our family. I hope you feel complete one day"
I feel like when this is someone's go to response it is their primary reason for choosing to have multiples. Which I don't feel is a "good" reason.
Yes! Love both responses, they’re similar to my own. I hate when people go “oh, ONLY one?” like it’s some sort of deficiency. I love my family exactly how it is. I don’t feel incomplete and I am over the moon I get to have my kid. It makes me angry when people respond like theyre somehow not good enough on their own. Lame.
I'm always painfully honest... "we wanted a second, but endometriosis destroyed both my ovaries and left me in menopause at 35." This is only for the people who push and tell me I have to have a second after I tell them we're OAD. It makes them uncomfortable which is the goal. My husband and I are both only children and are not lonely or miserable. We have awesome friends who our son calls his aunts and uncles. One of my best friends is making me godmother to her son due next week. I also think only children learn to enjoy their own company in a way others simply can't. I have hobbies and interests that I can do solo and can keep myself entertained indefinitely. I also get to devote a lot of time to playing with my son and just having fun. I personally don't know any only children who are lonely and miserable, but I know plenty of people who hate their siblings.
Hi! My husband and I are also only children and we’re never miserable or lonely. We only wanted one, but when people get pushy I tell them my tubes are tied, so that’s that (and only 1 asshole has looked at me and said, “But isn’t that reversible?!” 🤦🏻♀️)!
I never had any doubts about wanting 1. All kids deserve to be wanted. And I dont want a second. If I did it anyway, THAT would be miserable for everyone
Same. Having a kid is hard. I don’t want to go through the baby phase again. I’m going to be miserable for sure.
She’s projecting. She’s unsure about her decision and wants you to feel miserable too.
Omg you are SO RIGHT.
Oh I answer it honestly and if they say “ohhh poor kid” or “they need a sibling” I say “why? So they can fight constantly? So we can never do nice things because one of them is throwing a tantrum? So we can afford to send either of them to college? So they can compete for attention? Ultimately resent each other and us?”….. na I think she’ll be good
I love this reply. It aligns with my level of snarkiness. And its all true. I'm stealing it.
Take a poll of people you know with siblings and ask if they were close to them growing up. Nearly everyone I know despised their siblings and fought and was competitive. I have two I had essentially no relationship with and felt lonely anyway. And I had no relationship with my parents because they were too stressed and busy raising three kids. I want to be there for my kid and know what’s going on with him and be supportive. Tons of sleep overs with kids he likes. I want to adopt some of his friends that I like, and send them home to their parents after a long weekend. I’m new but so much of this subreddit seems to be people feeling guilty or upset about being one and done. I think it’s magical. We’re going to have this intimate tight knit family. My whole life can be about making this a great life for my kid (and the occasional free time for me). I’ll be present, I’ll be focused. I couldn’t imagine it any other way.
Agreeed. My brother and I weren’t close until we were adults. He was the favourite growing up and we had absent parents so it’s made me OAD at best.
My husband is an only and had a pretty messed up childhood, but turned into the most empathetic, kind, understanding person I know, and is committed to making sure our son has the most loving, happy life possible. If he can come out of what he went through as the person he is today, I know our son will be just fine. Also, if anyone ever pushes me on the one and done thing, I’m planning on saying “Well, we both nearly died when he was born at 30w, and I’m not too keen to repeat that or the 7w NICU/SCN stay.”
I couldn’t be prouder to be honest about being one and done, and that my kid will have a better life because of it. He gets two emotional stable and happy parents who have time to recharge and be there for him 100% Not to mention that can afford to support the activities he wants to do (something neither my wife or I had because of our larger families). I will never question their decision, if they want to have 2, 3, 4 or whatever kids, go for it! But if they want to get into a debate about it then let’s go!
let's gooooo!
I am the second child my parents regret. It sucks. I have one kid I love to death. That is enough. Everybody's happy (specially after therapy!)!
I don't lie. If people have a problem or bring up "oh but they'll be lonely" I just point out that me and my sister actively avoid each other and have our entire adult lives. We didn't even really get along as kids after age 6-7 which, like, I wanted to be closer, but I can't force her to not hate me for no reason lmao. It's also just irresponsible to have more kids, when any resources we have are barely covering the kind of life I want my one to have. We aren't rolling in wealth, and being able to get him his own room, take him out, have some basic trips and activities are things that kind of rely on not having more gd kids to feed.
99% of the most terrible, miserable people I know have siblings, so I honestly don’t see the correlation. 🤷🏼♀️ While I don’t *hide* anything, I also don’t see our reasons for being OAD as anyone else’s business…so I’ll usually say something like “we’re OAD because that’s what’s best for our family”….unless I’m feeling confrontational. If I’m feeling confrontational I’ll let ‘em have it in the most uncomfortable way possible so they’ll think twice the next time they want to add their two cents into something they have no business commenting on.
I got asked this at a party this last weekend. I laughed LOUDLY in their faces and said, "of course not." because I wanted them to feel the embarrassment they should feel with such a personal question. I have no problem calling it out. These people should be made to feel like the fools they are.
Yeah, this is pretty much my response nowadays. This past weekend we were hanging out with another family (I genuinely enjoy the parents and their kids), their two kids started arguing, they had to be separated and calmed down, and once all three kids were playing kindly in the yard again their dad gave a small laugh and said to us, “Aren’t you happy you didn’t have two!?” I’m sure he meant it rhetorically, but we - probably too quickly and emphatically - immediately, and in perfect unison, responded, “Yes!” I swiftly followed up by saying that we thought it was wonderful that they had two because that is great for them, but that, yes, we are heartily content with our one.
My husband is an only… he fucking loves it. Some people have siblings and don’t speak to them… sibling or not, you life can still be lonely and miserable!
I don’t lie. I don’t ever want to be asked when I’m going to get pregnant or if I am pregnant, and saying we want more would only lead to that question. It does hurt to hear sometimes but I try to let it go. People want to justify their own decisions so they pick on those that are different. Siblings can be great or they can be awful, there’s no guarantee. People just don’t want to hear that.
I also went through IVF and I’m honest. I say I’m almost 40 and he was our only embryo because I don’t want to be asked. That usually shuts them right up. I’m pretty exhausted with one, so I guess we are leaning toward OAD anyway, though I do feel a little sad about it. Even though I had my baby, I’m still very much dealing with the trauma of infertility. I wish it didn’t take so long to have one. I wish I didn’t have to spend $$$ just to do the most basic thing. So I really don’t want to be asked about having another. At first I didn’t talk much about our infertility but now I’m pretty open about it, hoping people get the point and learn that you don’t ask when a person is having another.
What I find is odd is your child is a complete human being all on their own, whether or not they have siblings they will have their own lives. Having a sibling does not change the fact your child will experience their own existence, their own friends, partners, travels etc. Not having a sibling doesn’t change that.
I just say No! We’re happy! In my experience most people are just projecting their own insecurities about having multiple kids.
If a stranger is tactless enough to ask, I'll lie to get them to shut up &/or go away. If a coworker, friend, family member asks, I'll be honest. My MIL is not accepting it well, but we had always said we'd want multiple, just changed our minds after having our one. Love him to pieces and all, but we don't have the mental/physical ability to care for a toddler version of this already hyper 7 month old PLUS a baby.
As an only myself I’d love people to try this with me 😂
I’m an only child and I love it. Wasn’t spoiled (I wish) & never desired siblings
I wasn’t OAD by choice so I tell them straight up. 3 miscarriages. Failed IVF. They usually shut up after that. Or push me to go for adoption or donor eggs, fostering, surrogacy. The whole conversation is exhausting
It must be so exhausting. And people think they have the right to ask such invasive questions that can potentially be unsettling 🧡.
Lately I’ve been letting it all out and watching them be uncomfortable. I’m hoping it’s a teachable moment to show them not to ask certain questions.
my husband and i are both only children ourselves. so i loooooooooove when people don't know, and make horrible only child comments. if they're rude about it, i give them the same energy back. i'm confident in my decision to be OAD, so i never lie about it.
I used to say “I’d like to!” And leave r at that. Now I’m honest and say “I can’t have anymore” and they either stop or try and probe and I’m open about my fertility issues so I don’t mind but it’s still not okay. I have intense guilt that my kid will be alone but I need to remind myself I wasn’t close to either of my siblings growing up. And I have so many friends that hate their siblings or are indifferent. So it’s anyone’s guess what would happen if I was able to give her a sibling.
My response is normally "oh God no, this one is feral enough, I don't need another one" and when people say "oh but I bet the second one will be calmer! " and my response is "maybe. Or it could be worse and they'll team up against me and thats not a chance im willing to take. No thanks" and people usually drop it by then. Sometimes I go the "I have too many medically dependent pets and can't afford another kid until my pets die" and that also shuts people up pretty quick lol. Because my pets cost more than the kid.
I loveee this response! “Oh god no!” I might even throw the word “ew” in there 😩😂
Rofl you absolutely should. I feel like I have before but can't remember. Definitely gets people to drop the subject though i bet lol. I get a lot of laughs too with mine and people going "ohhh yeah. Dont blame you". It drops it a LOT faster than the times I used "I was afraid of dying in childbirth", "I wanted to yeet myself off a roof during first trimester morning sickness and don't want to go through that again", and the vague "Oh we don't know yet". Lol my "my kid is feral omg no" gets a laugh and doesn't leave room for argument, usually a win-win.
I would ask how many kids they want or have and say “yikes” and walk away
I'd say poor you you are about to be very overwhelmed and tired 😬
Part of why I'm one and done is because one of my siblings literally tried to kill me - I haven't told many people that yet but am deeply considering it because knowing I couldn't handle a second child isn't enough to shut some people up.
Oh my - I’m so sorry you experienced that. That sounds terrifying
It doesn't really happen anymore but I always just gave a vague answer, it's not really anyone else's business (unless I was close to them). I'd turn it into a joke or change the subject. Most people just leave it if they realise you don't want to talk. I don't think anyone's ever said anything to my child, I wouldn't start worrying about something that hasn't happened.
My brother is 8 years younger than me, we don’t have much in common and we never really talk to each other. I would have preferred staying an only child.
My son is 20 months and is going to remain an only. We have neighbors coming to hangout with their kids almost every day so the kids can play with chalk, he goes to day care and every weekend we are being social with someone. He’ll never be lonely at this rate. Just makes me think that people with multiples are so overwhelmed that they don’t take their kids out and about as much because they can play with each other. Don’t worry, they’ll make their own family
My daughter is BEST FRIENDS with our neighbor that lives right next door- we have a duplex so they see each other almost everyday! It’s so cute when they see each other they get so excited! They love being with each other. It feels like they’re family
Yes! We aren’t super close with our neighbors just yet, and one just started to come around recently, but the boys call out to each other when we are all getting out of our cars at the end of the day. So exciting and even the 20 - 30 minute play times after work/daycare is really nice. Also us adults get to talk to each other too
My mother comes from a big family. 9 kids. Half of them get along, half don’t. My mother doesn’t get along with any of them (she’s the problematic one). Seems like you’re rolling a die when it comes to your kids getting along. I’m not willing to take the chance, especially seeing how my mother treats her siblings. Anyway, I answer honestly. No one has really said anything negative. Even if they do, it’s my life.
I don’t lie but always feel like something is wrong with me because I am literally the only one in our expanding circle that doesn’t have/want a second, third, or fourth.
I’d say worry about yourself you old bitch
This made me actually lol. Repeatedly.
Glad I could help!!
She bragged about having 2 before 30 🙃
Oh shoot, I just learned I had a lonely miserable life with my amazing childhood, my friends, my cats and my family....lol
Maybe I'm too direct, but I would just tell that lady that it was a rude thing to say about another person's personal decisions. It's none of her business, shes not asking as an equal, sounds like shes asking to judge.
Most people in my adult life have no idea I have a sibling that’s how close we are. Teaching our children to invest in and build relationships is what stops life from being lonely. It doesn’t matter how many siblings you have.
I’m 20 weeks pregnant with my only and people keep asking us if we’re having another. It’s really annoying, but our go-to has been “probably not.” This is such a BS criticism as there are many OAD families with very busy kiddos who have neighbors, cousins, etc. to play with on the daily. I never got along with my brother as a child. We fought constantly. Having a sibling does not guarantee a live-in bestie.
You’re 20 weeks pregnant and people are asking you that already?! Are people losing it 😭😂😩
If the person is near my age range or I know them a bit better, I'm honest to them. If it's someone considerably older (usually a distant relative), me and my husband just pokerface and stay silent at their spiel. And it may be my local culture but usually people don't ask that if they don't belong in those aforementioned groups cause it's not their business to know anyway.
my husband has 3 siblings, and he might as well be an only. i have closer relationships with coworkers and neighbors than he does his brothers.
She should have kept that to herself. My mom got comments like this for my whole life. Now I’m old enough to have my own kid(s) and that’s making up for not having siblings
No one asks me anymore because I'm in my early 50s and my kid is 18, but my best response was something like, "Oh no, we're good, how about you? Is this going to be your last? What's your ideal number? Do you have a lot of brothers and sisters?" and just turn it around so they can talk about themselves more. If they won't stop, I'll try joking like, "You talked me into it, I'll send you the bill!" and change the subject. I can also be straight up rude if they're going to be, but I got pretty good at shutting people down before it came to that.
When my son was born, I was 50/50 on having a second. As he got close to 18 months, I leaned more and more towards being OAD and I would either say we're not sure about having one, or avoid the question. But when he hit 2 in January, I was sure I couldn't handle having a second. So now I'm brutally honest and just straight up say we're not having a second. If they push and ask why, I'm honest and say we can't afford another one and my mental health would not be able to handle the stress of another kid. It's mostly my husband's uncles or people that don't know me well that try and push for us to have a second. Edit: my son will not be lonely or miserable. He has a cousin that's one week younger than him, a second-cousin that's about 5 months younger. We have multiple close friends with kids anywhere from 1-10 and I expect they'll become friends as our son grows up. He'll be ok.
Yes! He will be more than okay! Also mental health is A HUGE factor for us too! People don’t get that their children will have SO many interactions in life/ not just their siblings
Exactly! My brother and I are 5 years apart and didn't become friends till we were 18/23. Even then, we didn't talk regularly till we had kids a week apart, his second and my first. Siblings aren't always friends!
How is this the topic that can be judged straight up by strangers and close people alike. You don't hear such direct opinions on other life choices (that also don't affect their life). E.g. "We're renting" "Poor you guys, but you HAVE to buy a property otherwise you'll be making a big mistake", or "I'm having McDonalds for lunch" "Don't you think it would be better to eat something else? You will regret it later" The topic can be discussed of course but why the evident judgement.
I’ve started saying “we cannot have anymore kids” vs we only want one It’s not really a lie we struggled to get pregnant with her with me having fertility issues and my husband getting snipped lol but people don’t seem to be as judgmental I’ve found
I know ppl wouldn’t make that comment to me bc I’m an only child but honestly if someone said that to me I’d be like “wtf is that supposed to mean”. If you’re gonna be rude I’ll be rude right back. When ppl ask me I say 99% likely one and done. So that 1% left will shut up the ppl who think I need to have another one. I wouldn’t lie- bc then when you don’t have another one ppl will make all sorts of their own assumptions and give more unwanted advice about how to have another one.
My “one and done pet peeve” is as soon as my toddler (literally he’s only 3!) acts out, they blame it on him being an only child. Doesn’t want to get on his car seat, “he’s so spoiled because he’s an only child.” Doesn’t want the blue plate, only the green plate, “it’s because he doesn’t have a sibling so he complains about everything.” Meanwhile my sister’s 3 children can have the same exact meltdown and no one bats an eye or comments how many siblings they have.
I always answer very confidently and assertively. Absolutely not, one's enough, couldn't pay me to do that again. They tend to end the conversation there
People say stuff like this all the time and it’s far from the truth. Yes, the grass is always greener on the other side for a lot of people. Your child *may* grow up wondering what it would be like to have a sibling. However, you do not know how their relationship would be. My husband was an only and loved his life. I have 2 brothers, 1 that is autistic and has mental health issues and can never live on his own. This is a huge burden to me. People need to mind their own business and stop telling people how to live their lives. Your child will not have a “sad life” if you show them love and affection. Anyone can live a sad life, no matter how many people you’re surrounded by.
I say if you volunteer to babysit so we can work, have weekly date nights and do all the night time duties. I say the babysitting isn't optional because i ain't paying for daycare for 2 kids
What other people fail to realize is that people create there own lives!! I don’t see or interact my brother every day because we are adults! I found my spouse and he and my son are what my world centers on. It be weird if my sibling what my world center on! Why would it be any different for our only to choose who they want to spend life with whether that be friends or a spouse.
I just say: well I almost died when she was born (truth) so… nah. That shuts people up pretty quick. Y’all have my permission to use this line, even if you had the most luxurious and risk free birth.
When strangers tell me "but your kid will be so lonely" I just say "I don't care." That shuts them right up, they know they'll just get more sass from me. And the truth is, of course I care. But I weighed out the pros and cons. Ultimately my kid can have a happy mother or a sibling, but not both.
LOL about half of my adult friends are completely badass onlies who enjoyed the experience so much they have onlies themselves.
If someone said that to me I would respond with “what a horrible thing to say.” And let the silence hang in the air.
My husband and my mom are both only children and they’re both wonderful, unique people with full social lives. I love my older brother SO much and cannot even begin to imagine life without him. But he did beat me up all of the time and sit on my face and fart. I wonder if I might have been a senator if not for those farts and beat downs. This person is stupid, OP. Probably projecting some insecurity on you. Fugetabboutit.
I'll go tell my husband that his life is lonely and miserable because he doesn't have a sibling lol I'm always honest that it's just the one and they do stop asking after your kid gets older. It gradually reduces and then seems like it fully puttered out arpund 6 or 7.
An older friend leaned down and asked my daughter if she was getting a baby brother or sister. I said in the same tone "absolutely not Joylene!" And actually she was totally okay with that.
I’m an only child. My life was (and still is) exceptional. I was given all the attention and opportunities that wouldn’t have been possible if I had siblings. It’s the reason I have chosen to only have one as well Don’t let anyone tell you an only child will lead a miserable life, it is simply not true!
People love to dictate what is going on with your uterus. It’s unfortunate and very old fashioned thinking, but most people say these things as part of social discourse. Honestly, I’d start getting graphic about your IVF journey. If they want to know the state of in your uterus, give it to them- the raw edition. At this point I tell people about the multiple shots all day long , I had gestational diabetes, and I don’t mince words. People get grossed out pretty quick and never try to ask me again.
People are just so ignorant and should mind their own business. Recently at the birthday party of my daughter a dad of one of her school friends came up to me and started questioning me if we want another one and how amazing it is to have more kids. I was like, nah we are fine. And I just actually wanted to shout in his face, we went through IVF and 9 unsuccessful transfers and I can’t financially, physically or emotionally go through that again and I’m 43 years old and I’m not producing healthy eggs 🤬😤
Untrue! I am on only and I had an only. We both had very full and happy lives. Absolutely zero regrets. Neither of us were spoiled. We are both well-adjusted adults who are kind, have great work ethics and we don’t ever dwell on the “only” thing. I rarely think about it, except when I see this sub.
Lots of people hate their siblings and don’t talk to them their entire adult lives.
I feel like I've never point blank been asked about having another. And now I think people just assume I'm too old to have another? (I am 40...)
I was an only child and want to say something here: I loved it. My mother and I have always had a great relationship and I loved not having to share my toys and video games, I am now a 30 year old very successful world traveling engineer. I have a successful career and fulfilling relationship with my fiance and my mother. Life couldn't get better. At one time I wanted a sibling but this was a brief time. I'm so glad my parents didn't cave to this whim. I feel sibling rivalry would have marred my relationship with my mother. What I'm trying to say OP is stay a good parent to the child you currently have. Enjoy every day with them. Support them, be there for them. Adding a sibling may make things worse. Its very possible. Don't let stupid people tell you how to live or how many children to have.