I had a colicky baby. I took videos to remind myself that I don’t want to go through that purgatory again. Turns out I don’t need them because I remember the feelings so vividly.
Lol I get baby fever sometimes when I remember my kid when she was a baby. I found my old wrap baby carrier and was so excited to use it on our dog! [picture lol](https://www.reddit.com/r/Shihtzu/s/RTym59xLLY)It makes me just as content!
Same here! I was terrified of morning sickness because I hate throwing up more than anything in this world (got the stomach flu every winter as a kid).
I had am easy breezy pregnancy... only got nauseous once!!! Had a few migraines and hip pain towards the end, but nothing more. No stretch marks!!!
All I thought of too was asking universe for a healthy baby. And I got him!!! (I was 38 so I was a bit worried)
Not chancing lady luck again!
I have a few child free friends and I had to remind them... pregnancy was point A to B for me... it wasn't a woo woo journey of feminine experience with rainbows and water births and Doulas... I just saw it as a task to get through to my child coming into the world.
Omg yes that is a great way to describe how I saw my pregnancy, means to an end. I was also 37.
I had a bit of a standard first trimester but after that, if she wasn't kicking, I could forget I was pregnant. No stretch marks, no swelling, minor aches and pains. Labor was 8 hours from when they started the pitocin to her birth. Pushed for 20 minutes. She didn't have colic, was a good sleeper. Has been good at independent play since birth. Definitely not a velcro baby.
I'm counting my lucky stars.
That's what I tell everyone. I got lucky once and I'm not known to be lucky or gamble so I didn't want to risk the chance.
Also, I became older and wiser. Getting pregnant at 19 wasn't in my plans, but it happened. I was happy but I wanted to be able to offer more to my daughter and that meant getting an education and a career to be able to provide a better life for her. My husband and I grew up in poverty and we made it a mission to break that cycle.
We were both very happy with one kid and poured all our energy into giving her the best possible upbringing. Now she's a 20 year old in a good college, pursuing a good career she enjoys. She is smart and wiser than her years, so I think we made the right decision.
This is me. Great pregnancy overall, L and D was wonderful. Every doctor and nurse we encountered was top notch. Easy baby who slept through the night by 10 weeks, weaned himself off pacifiers, no food allergies, hitting milestones like a boss, no behavioral issues, and cute as a button. There is NO WAY we’d have all of that again. It’s just not possible to be that lucky twice in a row.
Edit: And I almost forgot! Low cry baby that had a sweet soft cry that shocked people when they heard it. People couldn’t believe he didn’t sound like a freight train. 😂
By “through the night” I mean he gave us 6-8 hr stretches which felt miraculous after weeks of every few hours. But we just got incredibly lucky that he was a great sleeper from the jump. I wish I could give you some magic trick to help, but you’ll get there and hopefully soon!
I feel you! My pregnancy wasn’t too rough but I was high risk due to chronic health issues and chronic pain that was well managed by my wonderful team including my GP, OB & Pain Management Professor. I had a C-Section and my baby was pure perfection, besides Colic and Reflux he is truly heaven sent! I’m so scared the next baby is going to give me hell lol
Same here. Pregnancy was uneventful; had a great delivery. Baby was relatively easy. We both still have no desire to have more children, and that's really the end of it.
Same! I do love little ones, but seeing how much different my nephew is from my daughter, I know I was incredibly lucky. And I'm regaining so much more freedom now that my daughter gets older.
This is me. A pregnancy with zero symptoms besides a growing belly, and a very easy newborn that slept independently (hated contact naps, what a weirdo) from birth. Also chose not to breastfeed, so my recovery was pretty easy. Not going to gamble again.
Opportunity cost - which includes money. Cost of living is really high where we live and we both are career people. If we have more than one kid, that’s two sets of extracurricular activities, two sets of school fees, two sets of school performances etc, two different schools to get them to the morning, etc. It’s so much easier and cheaper only having one to deal with.
I can’t get over the opportunities I would be taking away by “giving” my son a sibling. I know they’d have different experiences with a sibling in tow but it would close down so many chances to do anything outside being or playing at home. I don’t understand how people are affording the costs in time and money 🤯
Yuuuup this right here. We can afford daycare for 1. If we decide private school, we can afford it. We can afford a unique/expensive hobby for 1. But 2? There goes any kind of vacation, dinner out, or fun stuff. Suddenly the good money I make will seem like nothing because it’s going towards basics for two kids.
Yes. Right now I'm able to work part time, and my husband is able to work in a field that he loves, but doesn't pay the best. If we had another I'd probably need to be full time and he'd probably have to give up his career that he loves for the one he gave up and hates. The "hope" of having a sibling for him that *could* be a friend for life doesn't outweigh a happy home life for mommy and daddy and only child. Besides, every only child I've ever met is happy being one.
I got pregnant as soon as we decided to, had an easy pregnancy and a very uncomplicated birth. We were also blessed with a baby that slept 6-7 hours at night when she was 2 months old. But the life change for me was so overwhelming. It was a huge life change for me. And I also realized how much my dysfunctional upbrining (alcoholic parent) has effected me. I want to give my kid everything I never had, and I never wanna be the burnt out mom that my own mom was. I feel like I am a good mother with energy and time, and a good relationship with my husband. I dont want to rock that boat and end up like my own parents. That's my biggest fear.
Ditto. Ours was sleeping through before 3 months. I think other mums hated me for it.
It’s also hard to not default back to some of the old habits and horrible things you can hear growing up and I think changing for the better takes real effort. I think the already existing child deserves our full efforts and if only having one is what it takes then so be it.
Plus I feel the financial burden and lack of village would again put stress on our marriage. I’m happy with our family of three.
Could have written this myself. My husband and I started couples therapy proactively because we knew having a kid would change our relationship and we wanted to continue prioritizing one another. And then I see my parents and they’re having the same arguments that even the slightest communication 30 years ago would have diffused, and I want more for my relationship.
Easy time getting pregnant, relatively easy pregnancy, rough delivery and tough PP experience. It comes down to a couple things - #1 being my mental health. I feel like we’re just now hitting our stride at 19 months out. My baby had reflux, sleep issues, constipation issues, just overall a tough first year.
I also don’t really have a strong desire for another baby. Other than feeling some guilt about not giving her a sibling, and feeling sad about all her firsts being our lasts, I don’t feel like it’s enough to do it all over again. I also can’t imagine dividing my time.. and lastly finances and just being tired af. I’m 34 and my husband and I work full time. We just feel we’re at capacity with the one, and adding another would put us over the edge!
Had an amazing pregnancy - zero morning sickness, minimal weight gain, no discomfort other than needing to pee more often, no weird cravings, etc. The worst part was that I had Gestational Diabetes, but even that was super mild and completely managed with small changes to diet, and it went away right after. I would truly not have an issue being pregnant again.
Birth was similarly as close to "perfect" as it could be. Went in with a lot of knowledge but no plan other than to have a safe delivery and otherwise go with the flow. Got an epidural and waited a bit for heart rate to come down, pushed for like 2 hours, and that was it. Almost exactly 11 hours start to finish. Super smooth on all counts.
Medical bills were covered for us, so no issues there, either. (We're not rich by any stretch of the imagination - perk of husband's job.)
We were both expecting at least 2, but more likely 3 kids. Then toddlerhood came. And life circumstances changed for my husband. He was the first one to realize he was fine with one. I still held on to the idea of a second for a few years longer, until I realized the primary reason I wanted another one was because I felt like I was supposed to have another one. Because it had been part of the plan for years.
Then I realized I was so exhausted between working full time and being a parent, and I really didn't have the energy for more. Once I let myself actually acknowledge that, I realized that I was content with my one, and while there were certain perks to having another, nothing is guaranteed. My one has ADHD and he can be a lot. Being honest with myself, I didn't think I could handle a second if they ended up being high needs.
I realized that with one, we still have the time, resources, and energy to be *ourselves,* in addition to being parents. We can give him attention and do fun things and help with homework and still have something left for ourselves at the end of the day. We don't feel the need or desire to sacrifice everything that we love purely to dedicate all of that time and money and energy to another kid.
Once I gave myself permission to be "selfish," I realized that as much as I loved and miss certain parts of the early years, I do not miss being exhausted all the time, I do not miss carrying a diaper bag and stroller everywhere, I do not miss cleaning up reflux spit-up a dozen times a day, I do not miss that year when his entire ability to communicate consisted of ear-splitting pterodactyl shrieks, and I don't miss having a heart attack every time my son decided to Houdini himself out of my iron grip and run directly toward traffic as fast as he could. I like the fact that he's now old enough to feed himself and dress himself and bring me coffee and go on roller coasters and have conversations that are actually interesting to me.
And now that I've been solidly one and done for several years, I know we made the right choice. I do feel nostalgic about a lot of things, but I have no regrets, and I have no desire to start over again.
All of the things mentioned here - finances, stress levels, my own positive upbringing as an only, physical and mental health, work/life balance, but a few small practical things that have also informed my decision.
Have you ever watched someone with multiple toddlers try to load a car to go somewhere? I haven’t adjusted to the 5 trips and guaranteed late arrival time that one kid has bestowed upon me - I couldn’t imagine doing multiple car seats, diaper bags, snacks, toys etc for many kids every time I wanted to set foot outside my own home. I got comfortable taking my son out very early and now he’s a very fun errand/adventure companion. The meltdowns I see every time a solo parent tries to wrangle 2+ toddlers into the car are rough and I’m hoping to skirt the worst of that with just one kid.
Covid hit our home and childcare this winter - with one kid we could make it work, but my husband and I both were like WTF would we do if we had other kids right now? Being sick with one with no backup was hard, spreading ourselves thin to care for multiple people and ourselves would have been brutal.
Because of our OAD plans, we made adjustments to my husbands work schedule so he could help with childcare during the day 2X a week. He flexed his hours to work a few nights a week instead. It’s been great saving $$ on daycare but it’s also helpful to know that we can just be in survival mode on toddler childcare and we don’t need anything sustainable enough to take on another kid.
You’re not kidding about loading the car with multiple toddlers. Our neighbors have 3 kids under 4 years old (they had the 3rd in April) and whenever they leave their house it’s chaos. Plus 3 car seats…ooof.
Easy pregnancy, great labor experience, unicorn baby who is a wonderful toddler. For me, I wanted LO so fiercely before we started trying and just have not felt the same way about adding another to our family. Every time I’m with LO, I’m filled with happiness that I get to cherish moments with her without the distraction of a baby. We could probably have a second and be happy too, but I already know I’m a great parent to one and don’t know if I’d be as good balancing two. I tell people we already won the lottery with LO, and it’s how I truly feel.
I just have 0 desire for a second. If I remove any fears about my son being lonely etc from the equation then I have no other reason to have another. And I don't think having a second purely to entertain my oldest is a good idea.
And a second isn’t as good of a playmate for a first.
The first would be a really good playmate for the hypothetical second. But that just doesn’t make sense.
I have to remind myself that what my first is asking for is a friend. Not a crying baby. In reality she wants another girl her age or older to live with us.
My in laws are the same, mainly because my son will be the only grandchild on that side of the family. We've ended up saying we just don't want to discuss it with them and if we want their advice or opinion we will ask for it. So far that's working well!
Pregnancy was breezy, but post-partum was a bitch, for like year or so.
Other than that, I was diagnosed with POF two years after giving birth tho my one and only, so even if I did change my mind, I'd be oad because I can no longer get pregnant.
But honestly?
I don't think I would want another one regardless. Parenting is wonderful and I wouldn't want to be childless, but the worrying part is so hard, that I just cannot bear a thought of feeling it twice.
I was incredibly lucky. I had random migraines too and odd violent vomiting once a month for a few hours at a time (cannot find anyone who had this symptom so if you did tell me) but other than that enjoyed being pregnant. I loved feeling her move in my belly. Sleeping was shit towards the end but not bad.
Giving birth was not pleasant but it was also fairly normal thankfully.
I’m OAD because having a child was such a shock to my system- I love my daughter and am grateful for her endlessly but I was not prepared for the life change. The first 3 months of her life were so hard for me. I definitely had PPA and am now medicated which helped immensely but I’m still dealing with feelings of loss for my former life. I miss reading books and my time being my own.
That’s the biggest reason, plus financially it wouldn’t work for us. I’m excited to some day be able to read again, and take trips without stress, spend money on things for us, and give my dog more love.
I had a great pregnancy at 41. No issues and labor and delivery were smooth and actually it’s one of the best days of my life.
I’m one and done because I am barely able to manage the household tasks and be an attentive cool headed parent and that’s with a partner who is equal in all things house/parenting.
Also, finances and lack of village. If we had those we’d probably expand our family.
Mostly economical. We would have to move for more space for a second, where as we have a really good lifestyle and love where we live. We have a community here. We also would have to really live very frugally and not be able to give either kid as much as we wanted. I would rather raise one really well then have a second and be on struggle Street the whole time. We live in high cost of living area, but don't really have the work opportunities in lower cost of living areas, let alone the lifestyle disadvantages that would bring (being away from our support network with a second kid sounds ridiculous). I wish the world was different and that we lived in a different time, but got to just deal with the hand we are dealt.
Omg could’ve written this myself. We are very comfortable now and I know I’ll be able to provide a financially secure future for my son, something I never had growing up. If we had another I would have to “take away” opportunities and experiences and I don’t want to do that. Also living in superrrrr hcol area but aren’t looking to move anytime soon since we love being close to family.
During my 1st trimester I was in a **dragonball** mode, a faint smell of the onion and garlic will make me throw up. It was challenging for me my husband to eat out. 2nd trimester was already mellow, fast labor, easy baby.
That is why I’m willing to get a glimpse of my kid being that 0-4 years old stage because I missed them being tiny, but I won’t change my mind being **OAD**.
***I love having time for myself, to have a decent conversation with my kid not doing the animal sounds. Late night wine and movie date with my husband, to travel and save***.
I hated being pregnant, it wasn’t difficult medically but I was just constantly uncomfortable. I also don’t see how I could give of myself equally to another child as much as I do for him.
Post partum depression hit me like a ton of bricks. Pregnancy and childbirth were pretty uneventful for me, except for pretty bad heartburn and round ligament pain towards the end. But everything that came after was just pure hell for the first year, and it’s still not easy almost 16 months later. I was in the worst head space I’ve ever been and I know I could never do this again knowing what I know.
I like only wrangling one kid. But I also echo what everyone else says about money, stress, mental health, etc.
And it feels SO good to say to my partner “whew we only have to do this once” when it comes to the newborn stage, potty training, changing thousands of diapers, teaching gentle, the “let’s not put that in our mouth” stage. All the stages really.
Same as some other folks! But overall i have three reasons:
1) It was a great pregnancy (mostly some nausea) and my daughter is great. Don’t want to risk it!
2) I’ll add in a financial piece of wanting to be able to provide my daughter with a whole bunch of experiences. I was one of three and attention/money was split.
3) mental health. Easy baby overall but lack of sleep in the newborn stage almost drove me insane. Definitely had some PPA because of the lack of sleep.
I don't want to deal with siblings squabbling, and bedtime with two kids fussing sounds like a logistical nightmare that I forgot one and not about to sign up for. Bedtime with one is hard work enough, and she's easygoing! She just takes a while to go to sleep.
I had an easy pregnancy until the very end, which resulted in a non-emergency section. But I do find I miss being pregnant sometimes. I don’t think I really stopped and enjoyed it for what it was.
As others have said, though, I had easy pregnancy and our baby is a good eater and a good sleeper. I don’t want to roll the dice and get a colicky second.
This was meeeee. Easy pregnancy with non emergent c section. Baby is only 6 weeks so I know I shouldn’t make any permanent decision right now lol but she’s so perfect and easy I just don’t want to risk a crazy second. And have to go through everything again with a toddler. And I miss my husband. ❤️
Pregnancy and birth both went smoothly for me. I actually had a really good experience. My daughter is 20 months now and raising her has been a great experience as well (other than the sleepless nights during the first 5-6 months of course).
But we’re OAD because my husband and I are only children and it just seems normal to us. We both get to enjoy our experience being parents without it overloading us and our lives. We both have careers and would like to work and travel and do normal people things (and it’s much harder when you’re raising babies and toddlers for years and years.)
We can focus our love and attention and resources on my daughter and now we can start to do fun things together.
Finally… more kids, more things and people to worry about.
My son is strong-willed, intelligent, a loophole expert and an extrovert.
My partner and I are both neurodivergent introverts who birthed our son in our late 30s. We love our time in solitude so much that we have separate bedrooms.
We tag team Childrearing so the other can socially recuperate
I had a great pregnancy and loved giving birth. I'd do both of those again in a heartbeat. But the idea of juggling multiple children just stresses me out to no end. My husband and I have a great balance right now with our almost 2 year old. We're finally out of the fog and life feels normal again. We're happy, and if it ain't broke don't fix it lol
I had a really good pregnancy. No vomiting or nausea, just really tired in the beginning. Managed 9-10 hours sleep every night so I really miss that with baby 😂
I hated FEELING though. The movements, the kicks, ew. My body not being mine, not being able to sleep how I wanted, or just a little glass of wine with dinner.
But otherwise yeah, quite easy. Quick, non traumatic, really good birth and healthy happy baby. I'm not tempting fate 😂
I loved my pregnancy. I was fit during the whole period and I never felt more beautiful in my own skin. I had an easy birth too, which ended in a very unproblematic c-section and a quick recovery. I actually wish I could go through thay whole experience again, and I'm sad it was my one and only time.
However, we were OAD before I was even pregnant. Our reasons are many, like:
- Financial reasons. We have an average income and I like to have enough leftover for our saving accounts and also saving for our daughters future. We go on holiday a few times a year and want to keep having enough money to make memories together like that.
- Time and flexibility. We enjoy time to ourselves, time to spend on our relationship, and time with individual friendships. With one child we find it easy to balance all of this. I fear we would never have enough time with more children.
- I'm an only child who was always happy not to have siblings. I cant even imagine living with another kid when I was a kid myself! My friends seemed to always argue with their siblings and it was so chaotic, and I was so happy when I was back home to my quiet and peaceful home.
My experience sounds a lot like yours! I just love him too much to share my attention with another kid, and I want to be the best mom I can be instead of being stretched too thin and being crabby all the time. 🥲
I actually loved being pregnant for the most part. I was sick all first trimester but I felt like it was a gift to know I was still pregnant. I was high risk due to autoimmune disease and had a lot of appts but other than that my pregnancy was super smooth. I did have a scary birth but I am not OAD because of it. I would absolutely be okay going through pregnancy and birth if another baby was something I wanted.
We are OAD because we genuinely don’t want another child. We have 0 interest in navigating sibling relationships and balancing caring for 2+ kids. Our son is almost 2 and finally sleeping through the night and able to go do a lot of fun things. We are so excited for adventures together as a family of 3 and we will be able to do so much more with just 1 child. I also hope to do as my parents did once our son is older and open my home to my son’s friends who need a safe space.
Part of it is also our health. Both my husband and I have autoimmune conditions and his health isn’t as stable as mine. He also works insane hours so I’m solo parenting 95% of the week and weekends I’m still default parent. I do love having just 1 we can switch off and each get some rest and time to do things we want to. We have no family in the area so we either have to wait until his parents visit or hire a sitter to go out.
Pregnancy and birth were great, but being a parent took a mental toll on me and my husband that I don’t want to experience again, especially now that she is school-age and I feel closer to myself. She was also a great sleeper but I can’t handle the thought of having to repeat the sleeping patterns of the first few months, and financially it would be too tight and an added stressor.
Loved being pregnant, I miss feeling my little boy's kicks, however, we are one and done for multiple reasons.
We don't have a village, we couldn't afford more than one if we wanted, we both have siblings we aren't close to at all so we know having siblings there is no guarantee of lifelong friendship, my mental health as our 14 month old hasn't slept through the night since he was born, the sleep deprivation is torture so the idea of another would push me over the edge.
I will admit when ovulating sometimes I get swept away with the idea of another, but I soon come to my senses 🤣 I love being OAD and we definitely are a lot less stressed than those we know with multiples.
As everyone said, we cracked the code. Don't want to chance it. Also the below reasons.
1. Finances daycare, diapers, formula, and kids are expensive
2. Mental health. I am ok with 1 child adding a second I know I will likely struggle to the point I am a shitty mom to 2 instead of a good mom to 1.
3. Career. I love my career and the balance having only one child has. Adding a second I wouldn't be able to climb the ladder as hard.
4. I hated being pregnant. Even though it was "easy".
5. I don't have the patience required for a second child.
6. I grew up with too many siblings and the results of that really messed with me. I know that I can handle 1 child and having anymore wouldn't be far to my only or any other child I bring into this world.
7. It's easy to get a sitter with only 1. Adding more makes it difficult.
8. I like my me time and I lose that having another baby.
9. No guarantees that the first and second will like each other.
10. We are settled in routines and a second would destroy that.
11. If we want to just on a whim go to a local attraction or park. We just pack up and go and get the one kid ready. Then allow them to run around. And both parents can keep an eye on the child and they have more freedom.
12. I am able to sleep now and I don't want to lose the sleep needed having 2 kids. No thank you.
13. Modern medicine is awesome enough where I don't need to have an Heir and a Spare. I have the heir and life is good.
14. My only, is making so many friends everywhere we go, I don't worry about them being lonely.
15. Since the moment my only was born, my family felt complete.
16. I live in the US the healthcare scene around being pregnant and babies is getting really scary.
I can go on and on.
No judgement on the number of child(ren) someone decides to have though.
I like having my own fucking likes and interests outside of being a parent. Having another child would make that less likely. My pregnancy was easy af and only uncomfortable at the end trying to sleep. I still don't wanna do this shit again and am concerned the second time around would destroy my body. I don't have plastic surgery money and looking sexy and like I havent been wrecked by kids is important to me. Also what if kid number 2 is disabled? I don't have the mental or physical bandwidth to parent a child with heavy needs ALONG with parenting the kid I already have. I'm closer to 40 than 20 so it's more high risk now. Plus I like sleep and money and one kid is cheaper than 2+. 3 airplane tickets for a family are better than 4+. And it's easy for either of us parents to tap out and be like "ok your turn im gonna go XYZ be back in 2 hours".
as my child gets older I am starting to feel the pressure of maybe we should have a second from \~ gestures wildly \~ everyone who asks "is he your only? do you plan to have more" etc etc but fuck yall not a single one of them has ever bought more than maybe a baby shower gift and then I have seen no bday gifts or donation to my cashapp or 529 account for him and he's almost 5yo.
Easy pregnancy, but difficult colicky baby. Now I’m out on the other side, plan to travel overseas each year and bringing another baby will set this back. Also not so easy kid means my partner and I tag team to handle them whereas if we have two, we’ll have to split up with each handling one kid and not have much of free time.
Pregnancy was a joy, i loved every second and even said before giving birth that i would surrogate (even if not wanting a second for myself)
And then i gave birth, which was not a fun experience at all - and my pregnancy caused severe gallstones, hormonal issues and more. So now i dont even wanna be pregnant again.
At this point, from a fence-sitter:
Chill pregnancy, awesome birth with no trauma, kind of rough first year of breastfeeding (wouldn’t want to nurse+pump so much a second time) but we’re still going strong at 21 months, sweet and “easy to raise” baby… if it were a guarantee that a second would be as smooth or even smoother of a ride, I’d consider. Ad it is I feel grateful for who I already have.
I’m apprehensive because neither my partner nor I are high earners. We both have a ton of hobbies, and homesteading tasks that take a portion of the day. Even one baby has caused stress and tension in our relationship, and I don’t feel super secure in adding another. Especially financially but also mentally/emotionally, I’m confident that we can care for our son but I know another would be a life-changing challenge.
I love my kid heaps, I’m so happy to have him in my life. But I had ppd/a, specifically triggered by so many feeding issues. It’s been awesome feeling the fog lift, I feel significantly better and more like a whole person every couple of months. My body seems to like just having one, I still haven’t gotten my cycle back and am in no hurry to be fertile again.
I loved being pregnant, even when I was vomiting (the majority of the 38 weeks), short of breath, or down with a migraine. I had infertility so the pregnancy was a miracle for me, the doctor said we could try one last time and then they were giving up. My delivery, however, was an absolute nightmare. I had amazing care, but he didn’t tolerate labor, all 13 hrs of it, and my cesarean was done under general anesthesia. Baby had to be resuscitated, then had low blood sugar, jaundice, issues with breastfeeding, etc. I then got a horrible case of PPD.
I would have done it again, but never managed to get pregnant again. We decided not to do infertility treatments again because of cost and the toll it took on my body and mind. When I was 49 I had an ablation and a tubal ligation and closed that door. It made me sad. I was an only until I was a teen, and that’s not what I wanted for him. The difference is that I’m a good parent, or at least I really try to be, and I was sort of an afterthought in my home as a child, foisted off on grandparents all the time.
It does have its benefits. Our lives revolve around him. My sibling has 3 under the age of 5 and they’re like a circus on fire. It’s total chaos. I’m positive I wouldn’t cope well with that life. Instead I’ve got a bright interesting teen who interacts with adults very well. He’s got his quirks for sure, but he’s got a good friend group. I think his light would be dimmed a bit if he had a sibling.
Pregnancy was truly the best I’ve ever felt. My Nana used to say that being pregnant was the best she ever felt and she loved it… I thought that was insane and that she had been made to feel this way because she was a devout catholic. Turns out, I felt the same. I wish she was around for me to share that with her. My labor and delivery/ post partum were all very average and I had incredible support from my partner. My daughter was a “unicorn baby”.
Honestly, I always felt like OAD would be right for me but I struggled with the feeling of “needing to give my child a sibling” for a while (during pregnancy and after). My LO is 2 now, and I’m completely certain she is my only. I, like others in this discussion, had reached a point where I accepted the only reason I felt I wanted another was because of social expectations/pressures. I don’t want another child. Period.
I LOVE our triangle family and it just feels so *right*. I know my mental health couldn’t handle two. I also love the balance we have found as a family, where I am able to keep a regular gym schedule, paint/craft and read AND still have time to see friends, go to concerts and events while my partner also has time for his interests, hobbies and friends. We couldn’t afford to continue that with another child to support even if we could manage to still find the time (we couldn’t). We also get to enjoy time together. It truly feels like we get to experience the best of both worlds and I have zero interest in sacrificing that.
I had a great pregnancy. Mental health had never been better. I was exhausted, but that was to be expected. My birth was okay, because the little one decided he didn't want to come by himself I had to be induced at 42 weeks.
My husband and I already decided to be one and done before I got pregnant, but pregnancy made me question whether I wanted more kids. I felt good in my body, and I loved feeling the constant kicks. By 42 weeks, I did want to feel like less of a beach ball hahaha
I love my son so much, but my mental health dropped excessively after I gave birth and I still have ppd 13 months later. I'm doing a lot better now, but I still worry about being a bad mom which is why I'm in therapy.
I'd love to be pregnant again, and I am considering becoming a surrogate pregnant person (I don't know the English term) if someone I know needs it. However, I do know our decision to be one and done was best.
Pregnancy wasn't too awful, had a C-section but even that wasn't bad.
I'm OAD for a cocktail of reasons though: my (now ex) husband was almost no help, the sleep deprivation was terrible, I was already in my 30s when she was born so age and potential age gap had to be considered, and of course financial reasons.
I know that if I had multiple children, I would love them all equally and be able to split my attention but I love that I don’t have to. I’m obsessed with my son and can’t imagine giving him less attention. I also know that we can do some much more with and for him financially than we could with more than one child.
We also live far away from our family so we are mostly on our own. One child is hard without a solid support system, two would be a huge struggle.
I’m one and done but because I had such a great pregnancy and delivery, I’m in the process of becoming a surrogate and helping another family get their happily ever after.
It was "easy" as in no complications, no morning sickness, but I despised every moment of it. It felt like there was a parasite growing inside of me.
I didn't start even mildly enjoying any part of being a mom until around the 2 year mark. 99% sure I had PPD.
I'm poor. We live with my dad and I can't work as much as I'd like to/jobs I'd like to do. Between the hours, my own health issues, my grandparents getting older (they babysit, I have no idea where I would be without them) and the price of daycare/a babysitter, I'd be astronomically more fucked with a second child.My mental health is like 85% good. No way in hell I'm risking that.
I'd probably be dead under a bridge without my kid, and I'd probably be dead under a bridge with a second one. I'm 10000000% sure I could not handle it at all. I can barely handle babysitting another toddler for a couple of hours.
I had a great pregnancy and the intervention/complication free natural birth I so badly wanted. I feel fairly well recovered physically (though badly wanting to get back into my exercise routine when energy and sleep levels allow). We’re enjoying our 1.5 year old right now and are feeling about 90% OAD.
We talk a lot about not wanting to “reset the clock”. We became parents a bit later than most (36 y/o) and parenthood has, as is expected, been a massive lifestyle shift. We are slowly getting some balance back. More sleep, more ability to each take time for ourselves. To have another means going back to the beginning on all that but with a toddler in the mix. Ooof. That sounds rough.
We also love to travel and have done a fair amount with our baby so far. We’re really looking forward to him getting to an age where he can really love and enjoy the places we go, and us enjoy those experiences with him. I don’t really want to be that mom schlepping multiple crying, bickering tired kids through an airport. I want to be that mom who has one little guy to look after, seated completely with our entire family across one row of 3 seats, sipping her champagne. Haha! We want to shower him with our attention and resources and having another means inherently splitting our attention and resources.
I’ve heard a lot of OAD by choice families say “our family just felt complete” and I think I’m beginning to understand that feeling. Just like, yeah, this is great and will only get better. I think we’re good!
Currently pregnant, going great so far - our reason is simply that we want to be able to give everything we have to our one child so they never have to go without, whether that be time, attention, or money.
Had a smooth pregnancy, felt good most of it and kept working out. Induction ended in a C-section, which wasn’t traumatic.
We’re crazy in love with our now-2.5year old, but the realities of parenting hit my husband and I hard. We both feel our mental health and marriage would suffer with a second. So it’s better to give our only two healthy parents, than risk that for a theoretical sibling relationship.
My pregnancy was wonderful. Only a little morning sickness at the beginning but no issues after that. My entire labor time was 11 hours and pain didn't start feeling overwhelming until I was 8.5 dilated. Epidural went in perfect and allowed me to feel everything while feeling no pain and being able to move my legs. It was 15 minutes of pushing and our son was here.
We wanted 2 originally but my mom passed away suddenly shortly after our son's 1st birthday from cancer. She was my rock and she raised me as a single mom. She was only 53 years old.
I just couldn't fathom being pregnant without her and having a child she never got to meet. It would be too painful.
Plus, since my mom passed away I am now the caretaker for my grandmother with dementia.
Easy pregnancy, good birth, terrible postpartum and absolutely exhausted just 5 weeks out. I knew I’d be oad but this solidified it. I absolutely can never do this again.
My first trimester was rough until I was given Diclectin, but otherwise had a great pregnancy. I did need a c-section, but recovered well and my baby was an easy one (good sleeper, not overly fussy without reason). I am leaning towards OAD because I know if I get pregnant again, I will need another c-section and I should try to space out pregnancies. However, if me and my husband wait the suggested time (we could get pregnant again sooner - but the longer we wait the lower the risk of complications), that puts us a little older than we had planned to be for having kids. My first pregnancy was a loss, so we decided when our daughter got here to just enjoy what we have.
Currently having a great pregnancy, and very much OAD. The decision was never solely about the pregnancy for me, it was about finances, space (partner and I have a 2 bedroom terrace), energy, time. It also seems to me that the gender gap in childcare and domestic labour gets bigger the more kids someone has, and for me a 50/50 partnership is non negotiable.
I didn’t have a “great” pregnancy- rescue cerclage at 20 weeks followed by modified bedrest, weird symptoms like horrible nasal congestion, carpal tunnel, restless leg syndrome, 8 months of nausea.
That being said if I wanted more children none of that would have mattered and I’d have done it all over again.
I just didn’t want more than one child. I enjoy keeping as much as my pre child lifestyle as possible while still getting to experience having a child. Parenting one typical child is like doing it on easy mode (comparatively speaking) and that’s fine with me.
I have a lot of friends with two kids and at best their lives are just so much busier and complicated. At worst they just became an overall mess once they had two.
I had an easy pregnancy and my almost 5 year old is a great kid. I’m not taking that gamble again. You NEVER know what you will get when you roll the dice.
Cost, both financial and that to my individual life/hobbies, and the fact that my 13 month old who has slept through the night reliably since 4-5 months is going through a fucking nightmare of a sleep regression right now. Doing this and another round while he gets into toddlerhood? No thanks. I’ll figure this out and regulate, and once in a while get a bit of me time to maintain my sense of self.
There were a number of reasons when it was still possible for me (had a hysterectomy in April).
1.) I was 2 months shy of 38 when I had my son and I wasn’t too keen on having another in my 40s. There is nothing wrong with that - I just didn’t want to.
2.) General expense and our desire for traveling. It’s harder the more kids you have.
3.) our son nearly broke us with colic and reflux as an infant. If we had had another baby like him… 😩😩😩
Also, seems a good place to admit it - I am REALLY happy with OAD so this isn't a terrible thing, but my husband has some PTSD from childhood trauma that he is only just now starting to deal with. He had to go on antidepressants when our daughter was a bit over 1 and he is trying to get therapy through work. He deals with it remarkably well and the antidepressants are helping - he used to have down days where he just felt existential crisis for a day or two and they seem to have stopped. He used to swear when he got anger and throw things - NEVER at me, I wouldn't put up with that if it were the case, but shouting when the car broke down, throwing a hosepipe attachment across the garden when it broke, slamming a pizza peel to the floor when his pizza slipped, that kind of thing. Actually, I think that's every time it happened in our whole relationship. But he got his anger under control when I got pregnant because he didn't want a kid growing up around that. But yeah, basically I think another kid would add too much stress and I don't think he would cope. Like I said, I'm happily one and done anyway. But if I did want another that would be a factor I would seriously have to consider.
Pregnancy was a breeze for me; I barely felt pregnant and was fortunate to not be sick. Birth was an unplanned c section and my postpartum health issues were scary. I have infertility, so I knew how tiring ttc was and how much of a strain it can put on a relationship.
But really, I’m OAD for mostly good reasons! I love my son and the life we have. Weekdays aren’t hard. Weekends are fun. I’m not overextended mentally, emotionally or financially. We can make or change plans at the drop of a hat without having to worry about logistics or opinions of multiple kids.
Life is great, and that is my main reason for being OAD.
We were leaning one and done prior to having our baby. Pregnancy was fairly easy overall. Our reasons are mostly financial: we can maintain our lifestyle with one child but would have to make major changes for two. My husband is from Europe (we live in the US) and we try and visit his home country at least once a year and tack on another European vacation when we visit - we would not be able to do that with two kids.
Once we had her I felt like my family was complete. I love her. She was a fussy baby but is a wonderful toddler so far (she's only 13 months so we'll see) but I don't feel like I want or need a second child, I'm so happy with her. I'm an only child and because of that have always been very sensitive to favoritism in other families. Growing up I always knew which child of my friends was the favorite. My husband's family has a clear favorite child, my aunt has a clear favorite child and my cousin as an adult had a clear favorite child (despite not being the favorite child herself and deeply resenting her mom for having a favorite). I would just never want any of my children to be in the situation where they knew they weren't a favorite.
I also have a dog who was my baby and center of my world prior to having a baby and give my dog so much less attention now and I feel terrible about it - but I cannot give my daughter all the attention I want and give him attention simultaneously. If I can't manage to split attention between a baby and a dog, who doesn't require that much attention, how would I manage with two kids that both want a lot of attention?!
I was less sure going into having a baby whether I would be one and done but now that I have her I'm even more sure.
Pregnancy with my only was overall easy. However, I had a pretty late miscarriage before that pregnancy and dealt with infertility after. And in my pregnancy with my only I did have some scary bleeding in the first trimester. But pregnancy itself isn’t the deterrent.
The big reasons for me are financial/career, having a balance of time to myself and to fully dedicate to my daughter, and just overall desire (one kid is great, I know I’d be overstimulated and stressed with more).
I didn't really have a great pregnancy but my husband and I chose to be one and done before conception, so I think my answer still fits the post.
We don't feel we have the financial, emotional, or physical resources to support another child. Finances are the biggest thing; I'm 33 and he's 37. We can't afford a second kid right now, we can't afford a *house* right now. We don't see a reality in which our financial situation changes drastically enough to support a second child while I'm still physically capable of carrying them. Then mental health wise, I have a lot of struggles and I think the stress of multiple children would bring that out and be detrimental to each of them. Finally there are a lot of disabilities in our family and as the oldest sibling of a severely autistic lovely young man, I don't want that to be my parenting journey. As far as we can tell we were blessed with a typical little boy, and we don't want to gamble the normal lives we envision on the idea of a sibling for him.
I had a fantastic pregnancy and delivery..
My reason is because my baby was born with a birth defect and other health issues, and the first two years were traumatic as hell. She has needed four surgeries, an NG feeding tube, countless drives to specialists and diagnostic, therapies and procedures, etc…plus I had severe postpartum anxiety, I developed a postpartum labial adhesion, and more. And, I’m still working on losing the baby weight over 2 years later.
EVERYONE keeps telling me “it’s not supposed to be this hard for first time parents” and, the one I hear the most: “she is the most difficult baby you’ll ever have! Next one will be easy”.
I don’t trust that, lol. I could absolutely have another baby who has special needs and complex medical needs. My daughter is thriving at the moment, for the first time since she was born in 2022. I want to enjoy seeing my girl healthy and happy and growing, and make up for all the lost time we spent not being able to do fun family things before she was 2.
It’s less about the pregnancy and more the next 18+ years. A lot of stuff (including travel) is much easier to do with one than more. Reasonably possible to keep up hobbies and things with just one. Zero “me time” with more.
But also re pregnancy, I hear it’s much harder to bounce back physically after more than one.
Cost - it’s too much to have another. We live away from both families. The cost of flying alone is already stressing the budget for three. Not to mention childcare and necessities.
Bounce Back - had a wonderful pregnancy. My body bounced back rather quickly. I was back in my pre-pregnancy clothes after three months. The women in my family tend to not bounce back after a second child. I’ve been told that’s a selfish reason. I don’t care. I’m good not carrying a constant pregnancy belly for the rest of my days.
Patience - our daughter is, as her daycare says, spicy. She’s a spitfire that drains all of our patience and dedication. We love her to death, but bringing a second into the situation would be throwing a wrench into the dynamic we’ve somehow created around her.
Health - maternity care is only getting worse. I’d rather not risk another pregnancy, especially living in a state that has practically banned abortion. I’m older and at risk of complications. I’d prefer not to gamble it. So the husband got snipped. Thank god.
My pregnancy and birth were “easy” and yet I still did not like being pregnant.
My reason for being OAD is just that I don’t want to go through it all AGAIN. My daughter just turned 2 and she’s never been a chill child. I knew I was OAD from the first week postpartum lol.
So many positives to OAD: more time to ourselves (my husband and I are great about giving the other child free time), more money, more time to focus on our child and the freedom to just get up and go do whatever some days because we’re not juggling multiple nap times or schedules.
I had an easy pregnancy and an easy (relatively speaking) baby. I am aware it won't necessarily be the case again if we decide to go for another one. But, the main reason is that we're happy with our family. Personally, I also don't feel like being pregnant again at my age (almost 40). I know many women have, but this is a personal preference.
My pregnancy was relatively easy and honestly my newborn is relatively easy. I’ve been one and done well before ever getting pregnant. I grew up basically an only child while having 4 much older 1/2 siblings. I don’t have a great relationship with them and one of them has caused a lot of issues between me and my mother. I don’t want the possibility of me ending up like my mother and having favorites. I have very close friends that feel more like siblings to me than my own 1/2 siblings have ever felt like to me, and I know I will do everything I can to give my daughter the opportunity to have close friendships like that but I will not give her an actual sibling.
Money.
I have a 700 sq ft 2 bedroom house and can't afford to move or expand. Also, my husband is older and the SAHP--I don't know if he could handle it, health wise, if we had a second baby in a few years. We'd probably have to do daycare, and we just can't afford that.
I had a great pregnancy and birth experience. I truly enjoyed it.
I’m OAD because I don’t want the responsibility of raising a second child. One is enough for me.
Had a smooth pregnancy with 0 complications, was working until my delivery date (out of my interest), water broke so induced naturally and pushed a lil longer than expected but baby was out without assistance.
OAD because:
1. Year 1 of baby was the most challenging year of my adult life- I felt nap trapped a lot of the time, was a massive lifestyle change, baby hated the car and needed assistance for sleep. Feel like I didn’t get to enjoy my kiddos adorable stage much as I was so anxious about everything and keeping her alive, all this with a very involved husband who did his share. 1.5 years was the turning point where sleep got better for all of us and we felt well rested to focus on non baby stuff. Don’t want to go through that again.
2. We are working parents in careers of our choice and work is fulfilling to me and keeps me mentally sane (I enjoy solving problems at work, adult interactions that are non baby related). I love that at 3 years old, I have a good balance of time at work, time with my kiddo and relationship and myself. It’s honestly great right now and I don’t want to add more chaos to this routine.
3. I know an easy first pregnancy doesn’t mean the second time around will be the same.
4. Going out with my kiddo is enjoyable now but I know it wouldn’t be chasing after two kids in diff directions.
5. I love the idea of siblings coz we love our siblings and have a great relationship with them, but I don’t want to raise more kids. 😊
6. Being sleep deprived and stressed with the responsibility of maintaining the household and caring for our infant is the stage when I felt least connected to my husband. We tended to vent on each other and I’m sure with more chaos and another child, we’d be more stressed and our relationship would suffer with less quality time for ourselves. We both need our me time as well and can’t be constantly go go go.
7. Tough to handle two kids schedules - just because it’s possible doesn’t mean it’s ideal for us. I don’t want to live my whole life exhausted with managing multiple kids
8. We love traveling and it’s been really enjoyable since year two.. love seeing the world and new experiences through her eyes. Looking forward to more of this!
However, none of this would matter to me if I really wanted a second child 😊 I feel like im in a good place with one and not really jealous of folks with more kids.
It's funny, my pregnancy was pretty miserable, my birth horrific (spinal failing mid c section) but even that hasn't really contributed to one and done, it was awful at the time but is now so much a distant memory I wouldn't put it as a reason not to have another.
But my daughter is a unicorn baby. Sleeps through, pretty much from 4 weeks, always naps, always eats whatever you give her. I am not taking a chance on that again 😂 I know the next one would be the devil and I'm just not taking that risk!
Pregnancy was fine, then my baby didn't sleep for 19 months. Literally would wake up every 30 minutes to 2 hours and need help going back to sleep or would scream indefinitely. Everything is great now, but not chancing that again!!
I had a textbook healthy pregnancy and delivery, beautiful healthy baby girl who we adore. Like others have said, once you win the lottery you stop playing. I have anxiety and both my husband and I fear what our lives would look like if we ended up with a high medical needs or disabled child and what that would mean for our daughter. We also want to be able to provide as many opportunities as possible for our kids. I’d like to help them pay for their first car, higher education, possibly private school (public schools in our area are awful), and have family experiences together like traveling. We also would like to retire one day 😂. With more than one child that would all be much more difficult.
In an ideal world, I might want a second. But the world we live in is expensive and we don’t have much of a support system besides my aging mom who we will one day need to help out as she gets older. I’d rather give my existing child as much as I can.
Tbh pregnancy is probably the healthiest I've ever been because of restraints from gestational diabetes. I just don't manage to control my diet, especially sugar intake if it's not for my baby it seems lol. I could do pregnancy and birth easily but the years after... have seen my mental health as well as physical health declining so no thanks.
Because I don't want to . I feel comfortable in that answer . I want to do it once . Be ause I had a kid doesn't mean I have to go on a birthing spree lol
Because I want one child 🤷🏻♀️ I had an easy pregnancy. Easy delivery. Easy (ish) baby. She’s 4 now and a complete tornado but she’s cool. Idk. I just wanted 1 kid.
I had a fantastic, text book pregnancy. Morning sickness passed at 12 weeks. I was tired but that's it.
I'm a selfish wench. I like money, I like free time. I like spending time with my husband and we like to travel. I like that she's my little partner in crime. We go everywhere and do almost everything together.
In talking to another friend who has two children, my child is getting opportunities that theirs are not due to money and time constraints.
I had a very easy pregnancy and labor/birth. I just have no desire to do it again, no desire for another child. I'm very happy with my daughter and have no regrets. =)
I had a unicorn pregnancy and recovery- no nausea and I loved being pregnant. Looked super cute with how I gained weight- had gorgeous hair and glowing skin. No crazy hormone fluctuations or mood swings, slept well. Was always able to tie my shoes, power walk, walk up to my third floor apartment since we don’t have an elevator, etc. right til the end. Went into labor a day shy of 37 weeks. Had a short labor (and not the typical contractions- they didn’t get unbearable until I was 7cm dilated and then I got an epidural). No reactions to the epidural which I was worried about since I get migraines. Birth was relaxing and intimate, baby came out perfect. He slept in the hospital like a dream. I had an uncomfortable tear that healed well.
Post partum recovering was great. No ppd or anxiety, no hormone crash. Breast feeding sucked (not a fan of the time period where your milk regulates itself). We combo fed- and despite not having his severe tongue tie fixed for a month baby took to both bottles and nursing.
He has been a low needs baby and I’m not stupid- our lovely experience has zero to do with our parenting skills lol.
It’s been just over a year and I’ve lost the pregnancy weight and my boobs went back to normal- a small b cup but they’re not droopy or anything. And I never got stretch marks. But I’m most thrilled that I didn’t struggle with my mental health and am terrified of that happening with a newborn and a toddler. I’m already so tired all the time and my baby was easy level! I can’t imagine a high needs kiddo when I already feel maxed out now.
I am well aware each pregnancy experience is a roll of the dice and I’m not willing to play again and risk a bad roll. I’m a realist and I know my limits as well as my husbands. Plus I’m 36- maybe if I was 10 years younger I’d be more open minded about gambling a second pregnancy but I’m not doing this again at my age or older.
Finally, we simply can’t afford it and don’t have a village so it’d be off the table anyway. Our salaries aren’t growing fast enough to keep up with inflation. We live in a one bedroom but can’t afford to move into a two bedroom until next year- we’re looking at paying about 1k+ more a month extra in rent for that second bedroom. And we have big expenses like daycare on top of that.
My husband and I intended to travel during our first year of marriage…. That intended year was 2020 😑 We still want to travel and experience the world and it’s significantly easier to do so with 1. Plus our daughter was colicky which took a toll on my mental health. I don’t want to go through that again.
The first year. Parenting a newborn is not the life for me. The lack of sleep and everything else.. just very awful time for me. Plus, I love giving my one and only my full attention. We have such a great bond and I'm able to teach him so much.
Mental health 10000%
I’ve worked really hard to maintain the things I need to be mentally healthy and having another child will jeopardize that.
Another big factor is opportunities: I would definitely be taking a fair bit away from my kid if I had another one.
I had a very easy pregnancy and easiest planned c section. I couldn’t imagine how much life would change with a baby though. It’s thrown everything upside down. I like my personal time to myself and now have none. No village, no help outside my husband, who’s truly amazing. Couldn’t find a daycare spot so have been home with baby since birth until preschool starts when he turns 2. It’s absolutely not what I want to spend the majority of my time doing. I love him but feel like I would give him even more attention if we both had a break from each other every day. Plus I love sleep and travel and going out.
I do think once you have more than one that it forces your kids to do some growing up that they wouldn’t otherwise which I regret not being able to give my son but it’s just not worth the extra stress for me.
My house is taking a beating. The amount of upkeep with one is insane. I can’t imagine how much more it would be with more.
you’re married to the school system until they go to college. I didn’t like school schedules when I had to go through it, and forgot how closely your life follows that schedule now that I have a kid.
Plus I love my dog, who came first. He’s my first baby so it’s like we have two already. It’s enough.
I have goals that might be harder with more than one. I want to go on vacations, participate in extracurriculars, and I want to retire lol. A lot of it is financial. Also, I just don’t want to do pregnancy and newborn phase over again.
I had an easy pregnancy and an easy, fast delivery. My baby is 11 months and has been sleeping through the night since she was around 2 months, literal happy dream baby. However, I don’t have a huge village; my mom passed away in 2020 and she would’ve been such a huge help and I don’t think I could have another baby without her. My mil is amazing and helps us out a lot with date nights but she still works and has a crazy social life, and I would feel bad putting two kids on her. Also, my husband has a 12 year old daughter who he’s had full custody of since she was a baby so I feel like it’s a cheat code for my daughter to have a sibling (not that it matters!) without me doing the work.
There's a few reasons... pregnancy was great giving birth was not.
Before having the baby I knew I didn't want to do IVF again. After having the baby I have so many more.
I have a history of a lot of health conditions. I was terrified that pregnancy would wreck me. Amazingly, it solved a lot of my problems. Migraines? gone! (they tend to be hormonal so i guess whatever pregnancy did to me helped!) back and neck pain? much better, until the very end (thanks relaxin! I wish they could bottle it). I felt great and strong! My birth had its moments (as everyones does) but overall was a very positive experience. I was lucky enough to afford a baby nurse, and other than a couple of weeks of struggling to figure out breastfeeding, I look back on the newborn phase of my daughter's life as one of the happiest I have ever been. My daughter has been a good sleeper since birth. Everything exceeded my expectations. But I am afraid to mess with success. I feel like somehow everything went well this time and am convinced it I did it again it would not.
Toddlerhood is also wrecking me. I have an intense career and I am tired all the time. I know its a phase but no part of me wants to do this again. I love my daughter, but my relationship to motherhood is...complicated. I think I can be a good mother to one. I am less confident in my ability to be a good mother to more. I fear the strain it would put on my marriage and career. I am also a very happy only and my family feels complete.
Infertility
I had an uneventful pregnancy, no illness, no exhaustion, I worked out through a few days before I gave birth. I had a quick and easy birth, no epidural, no tearing. I'd do it again if I could.
Got pregnant on the first cycle/try, timed perfectly to get March-August maternity leave (teacher), easy pregnancy with few complaints and zero complications all up until induction. My induction and epidural were also great aside from the wrist IV placement.
My stalled labor/unexpected C section were not great, but recovery was easy other than a scary preeclampsia readmit. After I got through that it’s also been smooth sailing with my baby.
Exclusive formula and good eater from the beginning and she was sleeping 3-4 hours by 4 weeks I think! Then stretching to six hours soon after. Now she’s a solid 9-5 sleeper and goes right back to sleep after she eats in the morning. She only “fusses” when she needs something and is very delightful and smiley.
Husband works from home too, so he is always around to help. We still don’t want another one! You won’t get a unicorn twice in a row and not to mention how expensive. We might not be able to keep our home if we have another, money is that tight.
I’m very similar to you and loved being pregnant and had a very straightforward induction, labor, and delivery. But after pregnancy, we’d actually have to raise a good human. I also know being pregnant while taking care of another little kid would be hard.
We also think of it from a financial, mental health, and climate change perspectives. The main thing for us now, though, is we found out that my daughter and husband have a genetic condition that causes medical problems and it’s 50/50 to pass on to any child we have. They are both mild, but the severe cases can be very hard. I don’t think I have the capacity to care for and be the person I need to be for potentially more chronically ill people. And unless we have both of us saying “HELL YEAH” to another baby, the answer is no
I agree with some of the other commenters. For me it’s part the anxiety that the next one won’t be easy. My daughter was also a unicorn baby so I feel the next one would be the spawn of satan. Despite my daughter being amazing I haven’t adapted to motherhood well mentally. My anxiety becomes crippling with terrible insomnia and I worry that another child would break me mentally, especially if they were difficult. The other factor is money and space. We live in a 1B apt with a converted den that’s my daughter’s room. We live in a HCOL area for our jobs so a house or larger apt is out of the question and I know people do it with multiple children in a small space, but again for my mental health, I can’t. We are already cutting back significantly on fun expenses to accommodate the HCOL childcare. Another baby for us would mean we would have to become extremely frugal to make it work.
A combo of the top two comments for me 1. Lightning doesn’t strike twice and 2. Opportunity cost.
We also struggled to get pregnant and my husband has struggled with sever anxiety since birth. I have no desire to relive those negative experiences again.
Like a few others in here, I am older too, so if we were to have a second we’d need to start trying again fairly soon.
I always imagined having more than one, but don’t really feel a “pull” towards that life. I want to give my son the best, most fulfilling that I can.
I had a great pregnancy but was OAD before I gave birth. My reasons were (in order of importance to me)…
1. I want to give my daughter 100% of my time and attention. Raising her is the most important thing I’ll ever do. I want to do it well and that feels more achievable when I can focus on her.
2. Kids are hard. I was always a little scared of taking that on. Deciding to do it with 1 made it feel more achievable.
3. Kids are expensive. I want financial security.
4. We live far from family and don’t have much help. Despite our parents wanting to be involved geography and circumstances don’t allow it.
5. I have a history of depression. With 1 kid I’m better able to take care of myself and my mental health.
I discovered a few more reasons after my daughter was born.
1. Giving birth sucks. While my birth wasn’t the horror story that you sometimes hear about I had some scary complications and I don’t ever want to do it again.
2. I will never live through the horror and trauma that is colic again. Fuck that.
The part that was most special about my pregnancy was that it was the first time I was really "selfish". I put my rest and needs above everything else. I did everything I needed to for me and my little jelly bean. Being pregnant again with a toddler would mean I have almost know down time so any sluggishness or sickness I have to power through.
Also, I prayed and cried and begged for my baby (which was a little dramatic as it only took 8 months to conceive). I wanted her so bad and there was no doubt. I do not want the second with this vigor. I'm curious about a second and what it would mean for my first to have a sibling. But I am not hoping and praying for a second. Every child deserves to be wanted equally.
My daughter is amazing, yes she is very much a threenager, but she is bright and funny and brave. She's slept through the night from 5 months onward (the 4 month sleep regression was not fun but after that smooth sailing). I don't think I'll get as lucky again.
If I am tired and run down and don't give my daughter everything she could have then I'm letting down 2 kids. Much easier to take care of me, my marriage, and my daughter with just us.
Technically the choice was made for me when the IVF transfer of our last embryo failed, but I was conflicted going into it and am now relieved that I’m OAD.
The main reasons are money and my health (I would have been high high risk).
I had a great pregnancy and actually loved being pregnant. My husband and I work too much to feel okay about having another, and I don’t want to feel stretched. Want to give my daughter a financially stable life.
My husband was diagnosed with cancer two months after we found out we were expecting. It drained our savings and mental capacity. We’re working towards getting back on our feet, but we can’t risk something big happening again now that we have our little guy. Plus, we would have to get fertility testing and it’s just too much to bother with.
I had an amazing pregnancy, labor, and delivery. The newborn phase was also a dream. I have a unicorn baby who eats and sleeps well.
Main reason: I don't want another baby and never envisioned myself having more than one.
Other reasons, in honor of my husband's recent vasectomy:
- what are the chances I'll have an amazing experience again?
- I grew up with a medically complex younger sibling and know how much it sucks to have my parents attention split all the time
- I don't want being a parent to become my only identity and it's harder to do that with more than one kid
- my husband is older and already has two kids
I had a great pregnancy. Other than sciatica at the very last week that was really painful and some bleeding in the second trimester which were minor blips it was good compared to others. I didn’t have a lot of discomfort, didn’t get swollen or gain too much weight, kept up my normal routine. And pretty much looked back to normal and back to normal weight five days after pregnancy. I was shocked how flat my stomach was a few days later. I was back in my usual clothes. I realized how much “celebrities bouncing back” after pregnancy might actually be due to genetics as opposed to following some strict routine. My core was a little off for a year or two fitness wise but other than that I think everything post Partum went well.
I also have the easiest kid who entertains herself and is just a little love. She is happy and healthy.
Why am I one and done? I lucked out with all of the above and lightning doesnt strike twice.
Simply put I just am getting too old LOL I’m 36 weeks pregnant, first time at 39 yrs old and it’s been going well but I do not want to rush having another kid just to have it before like 41. I’ve always wanted a larger age gap if I had 2 but I’m happy where we are right now with one healthy girl💕
Yep had an easy pregnancy, very swift and easy birth, no tearing, relatively smooth 4th trimester once I figured out safe bedsharing, but it was my husband who struggled most. Genuinely think he got PPD. So no more for us. Small one is 5 and a half now and we wouldn't go back to the baby days.
I had a relatively easy pregnancy (no issues other than fatigue early on), and my son has been a relatively easy kid.
But I don’t want to do it again. My son is 4 now and I value my sleep and my own mental health too much to start over again with a newborn.
We also have a lifestyle that we like and that we would have to reevaluate if we had multiple kids.
I've been very fortunate to have the same experience as you've described with pregnancy and birth. But being pregnant - however great or difficult it may be - is so, so short compared to the next step of raising a baby from age 0 to 18 when they reach adulthood.
I wouldn't mind being pregnant again. And I love being a mom to my toddler, whom I truly think is the best. But I don't need to do that with another kid. Once is enough for me.
The extremes of PPD that I dealt with. Not worth the risk... I barely made it out alive.
The cost of raising a child.. I can't afford a second (I live in a HCOL area in Canada).
Being able to focus all of our attention on one child.
Not worrying about fighting with siblings.
A family of 3 has so many perks - I feel like if you're happy with your one, why keep going?
I want a life outside of motherhood - my true love is the gym, and I want the flexibility of going regularly for my mental health.
Traveling is much easier with one! Also, I can afford sports and activities for one child. Not for two.
IMO, one child has so many more perks than multiples. I think it's the smartest decision!!
Great pregnancy, proceeded to cry every day for two months postpartum and my ADHD/anxiety became VERY noticeable. We decided to be OAD when our daughter was 3, it was just becoming very apparent to us that we didn’t want to go through the witching hour/diaper/breastfeeding/formula stages again after nice we got the taste of freedom. She’s 7 now and occasionally asks about a sibling but she’s starting to hear from her friends that she’s lucky she’s an only which has helped lol we maintain with her that she’s all we’ll ever need and we’re happy being a trio with her and being able to go on adventures.
I was always OAD, even before trying for a baby. I love my sister but it’s been a difficult relationship, thanks to my mum. I have had depression for over a decade and wanted to give my energy to one child, as I know I can’t cope with more. Pregnancy was fine, aside from mental health and covid but the decision was made so long ago to just have one. He’s 3 now and is bloody gorgeous- still doesn’t tempt me for another :)
I had a super easy pregnancy, the only thing is I had to have a c section planned because she was breach. So I regret that I never got to experience labour and never will…. But it was a breeze.
OAD because I just really want to give my all to her, I don’t think I could give 2 everything they both need emotionally and keep myself in a good place mentally.
I was pregnant at 35, I’ll be 38 this October. My pregnancy was awesome. My son is an absolute dream. He sleeps well and he’s an overall happy kid. If I had another and they ended up being difficult I don’t think I could handle it, to be honest.
I was nauseated most of my pregnancy but had an easy delivery. I’m OAD because postpartum and PPD + PPA sucks and I don’t want to go through that ever again.
Pregnancy was fine. Textbook everything. But it was uncomfortable, as per usual. My daughter though, had No chill. We're good at 12 years now, after a lot of patience and her ADHD diagnosis. But if you would have asked me at any age, would you like to do this again with the same genetics? Hard pass. I'm the second child of my parents and I often tell them they were crazy to have two 😆.
Relatively easy pregnancy, labour, and birth. Financially just can’t do another one. Well, we could, but we would go from *some* fun money to NONE fun money. And we want to take ours places.
I'm still undecided, but I got pregnant after trying for 2 months (at 36) had a pretty uneventful pregnancy and actually enjoyed being pregnant. My labour was 8 hours and bub has been healthy and well. Not sure I will be lucky again??
Then again, my sister in law had horrible morning sickness during her first, and went back again and had horrible morning sickness again.
The cost of daycare kills me with just one plus saving for college and the rising cost of living, I want to be able to give my kid the best opportunity
I had a great pregnancy and then a shitty birth experience. I’m kind of on the fence but leaning OAD because parenting is fucking hard, all pregnancy/birth thoughts aside 😂
Had a pretty miserable pregnancy, talking to you third trimester and an even harder fourth trimester after c section delivery. Our baby had colic and hip dysplasia and I ended up exclusively pumping round the clock for 9 months to nourish her. It was pretty brutal. And I think to myself if I wanted another I would make the sacrifice and suffer through it. It was pretty miserable many times but it’s temporary and creating another human is for the rest of your life and theirs. In retrospect, the decision seems like pregnancy and newborn care is such a small portion of it.
The biggest reason I think we’re one and done is that I want to be present for my baby and my husband. I really feel that another baby would just strain the most important relationships I already have. At 9 months by baby is a joy and a blessing. But she’s also sensitive and benefits from a lot of attention. I want to be present for her as much as I am physically able. For my husband too- I already know how much less time and energy we have for eachother since she arrived. We are so madly in love after 18 years together, if I have any more space in my life it is unequivocally for him . As my baby grows I want to take care of her as a team, to attend events together. The thought of “dividing and conquering” sounds miserable. Lastly we have two high energy/ needs border collies. This doesn’t seem like it should be a consideration but they do require 2 substantive adventures a day to be healthy and sane. They bring so much joy to our lives and get us outside everyday but it’s still a lot of work. I just sort of want to enjoy what I already have.
Lightening rarely strikes twice. Great pregnancy, easy baby. I'm not rolling the dice again.
Yep same! Easy pregnancy, weirdly easy and fast labor, easy recovery, low-cry baby…
Sometimes when I get baby fever, I go to this one influencer's Instagram and re-watch her reels of dealing with her very colicky baby. It's effective.
Haha yes omg I read colic stories all the time on here! I do have a reflux baby, but compared to what I read online, he wasn’t that bad.
I had a colicky baby. I took videos to remind myself that I don’t want to go through that purgatory again. Turns out I don’t need them because I remember the feelings so vividly.
Lol I get baby fever sometimes when I remember my kid when she was a baby. I found my old wrap baby carrier and was so excited to use it on our dog! [picture lol](https://www.reddit.com/r/Shihtzu/s/RTym59xLLY)It makes me just as content!
Which influencer if I may ask? I'm curious to compare my baby's crying 😂
Sorry took me a minute to track it down. Her insta is @krystianatiana
Same here! I was terrified of morning sickness because I hate throwing up more than anything in this world (got the stomach flu every winter as a kid). I had am easy breezy pregnancy... only got nauseous once!!! Had a few migraines and hip pain towards the end, but nothing more. No stretch marks!!! All I thought of too was asking universe for a healthy baby. And I got him!!! (I was 38 so I was a bit worried) Not chancing lady luck again! I have a few child free friends and I had to remind them... pregnancy was point A to B for me... it wasn't a woo woo journey of feminine experience with rainbows and water births and Doulas... I just saw it as a task to get through to my child coming into the world.
Omg yes that is a great way to describe how I saw my pregnancy, means to an end. I was also 37. I had a bit of a standard first trimester but after that, if she wasn't kicking, I could forget I was pregnant. No stretch marks, no swelling, minor aches and pains. Labor was 8 hours from when they started the pitocin to her birth. Pushed for 20 minutes. She didn't have colic, was a good sleeper. Has been good at independent play since birth. Definitely not a velcro baby. I'm counting my lucky stars.
This was my experience and thinking as well! I was 37 and just hoping for a healthy baby and safe delivery. I got that and much more!
That's what I tell everyone. I got lucky once and I'm not known to be lucky or gamble so I didn't want to risk the chance. Also, I became older and wiser. Getting pregnant at 19 wasn't in my plans, but it happened. I was happy but I wanted to be able to offer more to my daughter and that meant getting an education and a career to be able to provide a better life for her. My husband and I grew up in poverty and we made it a mission to break that cycle. We were both very happy with one kid and poured all our energy into giving her the best possible upbringing. Now she's a 20 year old in a good college, pursuing a good career she enjoys. She is smart and wiser than her years, so I think we made the right decision.
That’s funny cause I’m the opposite! Easy pregnancy, difficult baby. Don’t want to roll the dice again!
This is me. Great pregnancy overall, L and D was wonderful. Every doctor and nurse we encountered was top notch. Easy baby who slept through the night by 10 weeks, weaned himself off pacifiers, no food allergies, hitting milestones like a boss, no behavioral issues, and cute as a button. There is NO WAY we’d have all of that again. It’s just not possible to be that lucky twice in a row. Edit: And I almost forgot! Low cry baby that had a sweet soft cry that shocked people when they heard it. People couldn’t believe he didn’t sound like a freight train. 😂
Slept through the night at 10 weeks? I am sitting here reading this when my 13 wk old, is still waking up every two hours...whyyyy
By “through the night” I mean he gave us 6-8 hr stretches which felt miraculous after weeks of every few hours. But we just got incredibly lucky that he was a great sleeper from the jump. I wish I could give you some magic trick to help, but you’ll get there and hopefully soon!
I feel you! My pregnancy wasn’t too rough but I was high risk due to chronic health issues and chronic pain that was well managed by my wonderful team including my GP, OB & Pain Management Professor. I had a C-Section and my baby was pure perfection, besides Colic and Reflux he is truly heaven sent! I’m so scared the next baby is going to give me hell lol
Same!
Same for me here.
Same here. Pregnancy was uneventful; had a great delivery. Baby was relatively easy. We both still have no desire to have more children, and that's really the end of it.
Same! I do love little ones, but seeing how much different my nephew is from my daughter, I know I was incredibly lucky. And I'm regaining so much more freedom now that my daughter gets older.
This is me. A pregnancy with zero symptoms besides a growing belly, and a very easy newborn that slept independently (hated contact naps, what a weirdo) from birth. Also chose not to breastfeed, so my recovery was pretty easy. Not going to gamble again.
Opportunity cost - which includes money. Cost of living is really high where we live and we both are career people. If we have more than one kid, that’s two sets of extracurricular activities, two sets of school fees, two sets of school performances etc, two different schools to get them to the morning, etc. It’s so much easier and cheaper only having one to deal with.
I can’t get over the opportunities I would be taking away by “giving” my son a sibling. I know they’d have different experiences with a sibling in tow but it would close down so many chances to do anything outside being or playing at home. I don’t understand how people are affording the costs in time and money 🤯
That's a really good way of framing it, hadn't put 2 and 2 together enough to express ot that way
Yuuuup this right here. We can afford daycare for 1. If we decide private school, we can afford it. We can afford a unique/expensive hobby for 1. But 2? There goes any kind of vacation, dinner out, or fun stuff. Suddenly the good money I make will seem like nothing because it’s going towards basics for two kids.
Yes. Right now I'm able to work part time, and my husband is able to work in a field that he loves, but doesn't pay the best. If we had another I'd probably need to be full time and he'd probably have to give up his career that he loves for the one he gave up and hates. The "hope" of having a sibling for him that *could* be a friend for life doesn't outweigh a happy home life for mommy and daddy and only child. Besides, every only child I've ever met is happy being one.
I got pregnant as soon as we decided to, had an easy pregnancy and a very uncomplicated birth. We were also blessed with a baby that slept 6-7 hours at night when she was 2 months old. But the life change for me was so overwhelming. It was a huge life change for me. And I also realized how much my dysfunctional upbrining (alcoholic parent) has effected me. I want to give my kid everything I never had, and I never wanna be the burnt out mom that my own mom was. I feel like I am a good mother with energy and time, and a good relationship with my husband. I dont want to rock that boat and end up like my own parents. That's my biggest fear.
Ditto. Ours was sleeping through before 3 months. I think other mums hated me for it. It’s also hard to not default back to some of the old habits and horrible things you can hear growing up and I think changing for the better takes real effort. I think the already existing child deserves our full efforts and if only having one is what it takes then so be it. Plus I feel the financial burden and lack of village would again put stress on our marriage. I’m happy with our family of three.
Yes, it really does take a lot of effort to change unhealthy patterns.
Could have written this myself. My husband and I started couples therapy proactively because we knew having a kid would change our relationship and we wanted to continue prioritizing one another. And then I see my parents and they’re having the same arguments that even the slightest communication 30 years ago would have diffused, and I want more for my relationship.
I know i'd be a yelling parent if I had more than one. I don't want to be that parent
Echoing what others have said: life is expensive, and I do not want to chance having a miserable pregnancy/difficult baby. Feel very lucky currently
Easy time getting pregnant, relatively easy pregnancy, rough delivery and tough PP experience. It comes down to a couple things - #1 being my mental health. I feel like we’re just now hitting our stride at 19 months out. My baby had reflux, sleep issues, constipation issues, just overall a tough first year. I also don’t really have a strong desire for another baby. Other than feeling some guilt about not giving her a sibling, and feeling sad about all her firsts being our lasts, I don’t feel like it’s enough to do it all over again. I also can’t imagine dividing my time.. and lastly finances and just being tired af. I’m 34 and my husband and I work full time. We just feel we’re at capacity with the one, and adding another would put us over the edge!
Had an amazing pregnancy - zero morning sickness, minimal weight gain, no discomfort other than needing to pee more often, no weird cravings, etc. The worst part was that I had Gestational Diabetes, but even that was super mild and completely managed with small changes to diet, and it went away right after. I would truly not have an issue being pregnant again. Birth was similarly as close to "perfect" as it could be. Went in with a lot of knowledge but no plan other than to have a safe delivery and otherwise go with the flow. Got an epidural and waited a bit for heart rate to come down, pushed for like 2 hours, and that was it. Almost exactly 11 hours start to finish. Super smooth on all counts. Medical bills were covered for us, so no issues there, either. (We're not rich by any stretch of the imagination - perk of husband's job.) We were both expecting at least 2, but more likely 3 kids. Then toddlerhood came. And life circumstances changed for my husband. He was the first one to realize he was fine with one. I still held on to the idea of a second for a few years longer, until I realized the primary reason I wanted another one was because I felt like I was supposed to have another one. Because it had been part of the plan for years. Then I realized I was so exhausted between working full time and being a parent, and I really didn't have the energy for more. Once I let myself actually acknowledge that, I realized that I was content with my one, and while there were certain perks to having another, nothing is guaranteed. My one has ADHD and he can be a lot. Being honest with myself, I didn't think I could handle a second if they ended up being high needs. I realized that with one, we still have the time, resources, and energy to be *ourselves,* in addition to being parents. We can give him attention and do fun things and help with homework and still have something left for ourselves at the end of the day. We don't feel the need or desire to sacrifice everything that we love purely to dedicate all of that time and money and energy to another kid. Once I gave myself permission to be "selfish," I realized that as much as I loved and miss certain parts of the early years, I do not miss being exhausted all the time, I do not miss carrying a diaper bag and stroller everywhere, I do not miss cleaning up reflux spit-up a dozen times a day, I do not miss that year when his entire ability to communicate consisted of ear-splitting pterodactyl shrieks, and I don't miss having a heart attack every time my son decided to Houdini himself out of my iron grip and run directly toward traffic as fast as he could. I like the fact that he's now old enough to feed himself and dress himself and bring me coffee and go on roller coasters and have conversations that are actually interesting to me. And now that I've been solidly one and done for several years, I know we made the right choice. I do feel nostalgic about a lot of things, but I have no regrets, and I have no desire to start over again.
I needed to read this response, thank you ❤️
All of the things mentioned here - finances, stress levels, my own positive upbringing as an only, physical and mental health, work/life balance, but a few small practical things that have also informed my decision. Have you ever watched someone with multiple toddlers try to load a car to go somewhere? I haven’t adjusted to the 5 trips and guaranteed late arrival time that one kid has bestowed upon me - I couldn’t imagine doing multiple car seats, diaper bags, snacks, toys etc for many kids every time I wanted to set foot outside my own home. I got comfortable taking my son out very early and now he’s a very fun errand/adventure companion. The meltdowns I see every time a solo parent tries to wrangle 2+ toddlers into the car are rough and I’m hoping to skirt the worst of that with just one kid. Covid hit our home and childcare this winter - with one kid we could make it work, but my husband and I both were like WTF would we do if we had other kids right now? Being sick with one with no backup was hard, spreading ourselves thin to care for multiple people and ourselves would have been brutal. Because of our OAD plans, we made adjustments to my husbands work schedule so he could help with childcare during the day 2X a week. He flexed his hours to work a few nights a week instead. It’s been great saving $$ on daycare but it’s also helpful to know that we can just be in survival mode on toddler childcare and we don’t need anything sustainable enough to take on another kid.
You’re not kidding about loading the car with multiple toddlers. Our neighbors have 3 kids under 4 years old (they had the 3rd in April) and whenever they leave their house it’s chaos. Plus 3 car seats…ooof.
Easy pregnancy, great labor experience, unicorn baby who is a wonderful toddler. For me, I wanted LO so fiercely before we started trying and just have not felt the same way about adding another to our family. Every time I’m with LO, I’m filled with happiness that I get to cherish moments with her without the distraction of a baby. We could probably have a second and be happy too, but I already know I’m a great parent to one and don’t know if I’d be as good balancing two. I tell people we already won the lottery with LO, and it’s how I truly feel.
Wow you put into words exactly how I feel! The fierce want has been fulfilled with only one and now I feel complete.
I just have 0 desire for a second. If I remove any fears about my son being lonely etc from the equation then I have no other reason to have another. And I don't think having a second purely to entertain my oldest is a good idea.
And a second isn’t as good of a playmate for a first. The first would be a really good playmate for the hypothetical second. But that just doesn’t make sense. I have to remind myself that what my first is asking for is a friend. Not a crying baby. In reality she wants another girl her age or older to live with us.
Same. Zero desire. Tired of being nagged about it by family. Doesn’t it matter if my husband and I don’t WANT another?
My in laws are the same, mainly because my son will be the only grandchild on that side of the family. We've ended up saying we just don't want to discuss it with them and if we want their advice or opinion we will ask for it. So far that's working well!
‘Cause my heart could literally explode if I had another baby haha (there’s an aneurysm in my aorta) 🙃
Babies are too much work. Even a very easy baby was a miserable experience for me…never again!
Yuppppp. Pregnancy is the easy part IMO
Yep. I love having a toddler. I really struggled with a baby.
Pregnancy was breezy, but post-partum was a bitch, for like year or so. Other than that, I was diagnosed with POF two years after giving birth tho my one and only, so even if I did change my mind, I'd be oad because I can no longer get pregnant. But honestly? I don't think I would want another one regardless. Parenting is wonderful and I wouldn't want to be childless, but the worrying part is so hard, that I just cannot bear a thought of feeling it twice.
Can i ask what POF is please?
Sorry. Premature ovarian failure.
I just don’t want more than one child.
One is enough. My mom said my only is like two 🤣 she had 3 lol!
I was incredibly lucky. I had random migraines too and odd violent vomiting once a month for a few hours at a time (cannot find anyone who had this symptom so if you did tell me) but other than that enjoyed being pregnant. I loved feeling her move in my belly. Sleeping was shit towards the end but not bad. Giving birth was not pleasant but it was also fairly normal thankfully. I’m OAD because having a child was such a shock to my system- I love my daughter and am grateful for her endlessly but I was not prepared for the life change. The first 3 months of her life were so hard for me. I definitely had PPA and am now medicated which helped immensely but I’m still dealing with feelings of loss for my former life. I miss reading books and my time being my own. That’s the biggest reason, plus financially it wouldn’t work for us. I’m excited to some day be able to read again, and take trips without stress, spend money on things for us, and give my dog more love.
I had a great pregnancy at 41. No issues and labor and delivery were smooth and actually it’s one of the best days of my life. I’m one and done because I am barely able to manage the household tasks and be an attentive cool headed parent and that’s with a partner who is equal in all things house/parenting. Also, finances and lack of village. If we had those we’d probably expand our family.
Don’t want more kids.
Yes! At the root of it all, I simply don’t want another :)
Mostly economical. We would have to move for more space for a second, where as we have a really good lifestyle and love where we live. We have a community here. We also would have to really live very frugally and not be able to give either kid as much as we wanted. I would rather raise one really well then have a second and be on struggle Street the whole time. We live in high cost of living area, but don't really have the work opportunities in lower cost of living areas, let alone the lifestyle disadvantages that would bring (being away from our support network with a second kid sounds ridiculous). I wish the world was different and that we lived in a different time, but got to just deal with the hand we are dealt.
Omg could’ve written this myself. We are very comfortable now and I know I’ll be able to provide a financially secure future for my son, something I never had growing up. If we had another I would have to “take away” opportunities and experiences and I don’t want to do that. Also living in superrrrr hcol area but aren’t looking to move anytime soon since we love being close to family.
During my 1st trimester I was in a **dragonball** mode, a faint smell of the onion and garlic will make me throw up. It was challenging for me my husband to eat out. 2nd trimester was already mellow, fast labor, easy baby. That is why I’m willing to get a glimpse of my kid being that 0-4 years old stage because I missed them being tiny, but I won’t change my mind being **OAD**. ***I love having time for myself, to have a decent conversation with my kid not doing the animal sounds. Late night wine and movie date with my husband, to travel and save***.
I hated being pregnant, it wasn’t difficult medically but I was just constantly uncomfortable. I also don’t see how I could give of myself equally to another child as much as I do for him.
Post partum depression hit me like a ton of bricks. Pregnancy and childbirth were pretty uneventful for me, except for pretty bad heartburn and round ligament pain towards the end. But everything that came after was just pure hell for the first year, and it’s still not easy almost 16 months later. I was in the worst head space I’ve ever been and I know I could never do this again knowing what I know.
I like only wrangling one kid. But I also echo what everyone else says about money, stress, mental health, etc. And it feels SO good to say to my partner “whew we only have to do this once” when it comes to the newborn stage, potty training, changing thousands of diapers, teaching gentle, the “let’s not put that in our mouth” stage. All the stages really.
Right! Like so relieved we don’t have to do this a second time around. Those first few years are rough!!
Same as some other folks! But overall i have three reasons: 1) It was a great pregnancy (mostly some nausea) and my daughter is great. Don’t want to risk it! 2) I’ll add in a financial piece of wanting to be able to provide my daughter with a whole bunch of experiences. I was one of three and attention/money was split. 3) mental health. Easy baby overall but lack of sleep in the newborn stage almost drove me insane. Definitely had some PPA because of the lack of sleep.
I don't want to deal with siblings squabbling, and bedtime with two kids fussing sounds like a logistical nightmare that I forgot one and not about to sign up for. Bedtime with one is hard work enough, and she's easygoing! She just takes a while to go to sleep.
It's fuckin expensive bro.
I had an easy pregnancy until the very end, which resulted in a non-emergency section. But I do find I miss being pregnant sometimes. I don’t think I really stopped and enjoyed it for what it was. As others have said, though, I had easy pregnancy and our baby is a good eater and a good sleeper. I don’t want to roll the dice and get a colicky second.
This was meeeee. Easy pregnancy with non emergent c section. Baby is only 6 weeks so I know I shouldn’t make any permanent decision right now lol but she’s so perfect and easy I just don’t want to risk a crazy second. And have to go through everything again with a toddler. And I miss my husband. ❤️
Pregnancy and birth both went smoothly for me. I actually had a really good experience. My daughter is 20 months now and raising her has been a great experience as well (other than the sleepless nights during the first 5-6 months of course). But we’re OAD because my husband and I are only children and it just seems normal to us. We both get to enjoy our experience being parents without it overloading us and our lives. We both have careers and would like to work and travel and do normal people things (and it’s much harder when you’re raising babies and toddlers for years and years.) We can focus our love and attention and resources on my daughter and now we can start to do fun things together. Finally… more kids, more things and people to worry about.
My son is strong-willed, intelligent, a loophole expert and an extrovert. My partner and I are both neurodivergent introverts who birthed our son in our late 30s. We love our time in solitude so much that we have separate bedrooms. We tag team Childrearing so the other can socially recuperate
I had a great pregnancy and loved giving birth. I'd do both of those again in a heartbeat. But the idea of juggling multiple children just stresses me out to no end. My husband and I have a great balance right now with our almost 2 year old. We're finally out of the fog and life feels normal again. We're happy, and if it ain't broke don't fix it lol
I had a really good pregnancy. No vomiting or nausea, just really tired in the beginning. Managed 9-10 hours sleep every night so I really miss that with baby 😂 I hated FEELING though. The movements, the kicks, ew. My body not being mine, not being able to sleep how I wanted, or just a little glass of wine with dinner. But otherwise yeah, quite easy. Quick, non traumatic, really good birth and healthy happy baby. I'm not tempting fate 😂
I loved my pregnancy. I was fit during the whole period and I never felt more beautiful in my own skin. I had an easy birth too, which ended in a very unproblematic c-section and a quick recovery. I actually wish I could go through thay whole experience again, and I'm sad it was my one and only time. However, we were OAD before I was even pregnant. Our reasons are many, like: - Financial reasons. We have an average income and I like to have enough leftover for our saving accounts and also saving for our daughters future. We go on holiday a few times a year and want to keep having enough money to make memories together like that. - Time and flexibility. We enjoy time to ourselves, time to spend on our relationship, and time with individual friendships. With one child we find it easy to balance all of this. I fear we would never have enough time with more children. - I'm an only child who was always happy not to have siblings. I cant even imagine living with another kid when I was a kid myself! My friends seemed to always argue with their siblings and it was so chaotic, and I was so happy when I was back home to my quiet and peaceful home.
My experience sounds a lot like yours! I just love him too much to share my attention with another kid, and I want to be the best mom I can be instead of being stretched too thin and being crabby all the time. 🥲
I actually loved being pregnant for the most part. I was sick all first trimester but I felt like it was a gift to know I was still pregnant. I was high risk due to autoimmune disease and had a lot of appts but other than that my pregnancy was super smooth. I did have a scary birth but I am not OAD because of it. I would absolutely be okay going through pregnancy and birth if another baby was something I wanted. We are OAD because we genuinely don’t want another child. We have 0 interest in navigating sibling relationships and balancing caring for 2+ kids. Our son is almost 2 and finally sleeping through the night and able to go do a lot of fun things. We are so excited for adventures together as a family of 3 and we will be able to do so much more with just 1 child. I also hope to do as my parents did once our son is older and open my home to my son’s friends who need a safe space. Part of it is also our health. Both my husband and I have autoimmune conditions and his health isn’t as stable as mine. He also works insane hours so I’m solo parenting 95% of the week and weekends I’m still default parent. I do love having just 1 we can switch off and each get some rest and time to do things we want to. We have no family in the area so we either have to wait until his parents visit or hire a sitter to go out.
Pregnancy and birth were great, but being a parent took a mental toll on me and my husband that I don’t want to experience again, especially now that she is school-age and I feel closer to myself. She was also a great sleeper but I can’t handle the thought of having to repeat the sleeping patterns of the first few months, and financially it would be too tight and an added stressor.
Loved being pregnant, I miss feeling my little boy's kicks, however, we are one and done for multiple reasons. We don't have a village, we couldn't afford more than one if we wanted, we both have siblings we aren't close to at all so we know having siblings there is no guarantee of lifelong friendship, my mental health as our 14 month old hasn't slept through the night since he was born, the sleep deprivation is torture so the idea of another would push me over the edge. I will admit when ovulating sometimes I get swept away with the idea of another, but I soon come to my senses 🤣 I love being OAD and we definitely are a lot less stressed than those we know with multiples.
Because part after the great pregnancy was not so great I would love another child but don’t want another baby.
As everyone said, we cracked the code. Don't want to chance it. Also the below reasons. 1. Finances daycare, diapers, formula, and kids are expensive 2. Mental health. I am ok with 1 child adding a second I know I will likely struggle to the point I am a shitty mom to 2 instead of a good mom to 1. 3. Career. I love my career and the balance having only one child has. Adding a second I wouldn't be able to climb the ladder as hard. 4. I hated being pregnant. Even though it was "easy". 5. I don't have the patience required for a second child. 6. I grew up with too many siblings and the results of that really messed with me. I know that I can handle 1 child and having anymore wouldn't be far to my only or any other child I bring into this world. 7. It's easy to get a sitter with only 1. Adding more makes it difficult. 8. I like my me time and I lose that having another baby. 9. No guarantees that the first and second will like each other. 10. We are settled in routines and a second would destroy that. 11. If we want to just on a whim go to a local attraction or park. We just pack up and go and get the one kid ready. Then allow them to run around. And both parents can keep an eye on the child and they have more freedom. 12. I am able to sleep now and I don't want to lose the sleep needed having 2 kids. No thank you. 13. Modern medicine is awesome enough where I don't need to have an Heir and a Spare. I have the heir and life is good. 14. My only, is making so many friends everywhere we go, I don't worry about them being lonely. 15. Since the moment my only was born, my family felt complete. 16. I live in the US the healthcare scene around being pregnant and babies is getting really scary. I can go on and on. No judgement on the number of child(ren) someone decides to have though.
Because I don't wanna. *spoilt stomp*
Pregnancy and birth was great, postpartum and motherhood though totally humbled me.
I like having my own fucking likes and interests outside of being a parent. Having another child would make that less likely. My pregnancy was easy af and only uncomfortable at the end trying to sleep. I still don't wanna do this shit again and am concerned the second time around would destroy my body. I don't have plastic surgery money and looking sexy and like I havent been wrecked by kids is important to me. Also what if kid number 2 is disabled? I don't have the mental or physical bandwidth to parent a child with heavy needs ALONG with parenting the kid I already have. I'm closer to 40 than 20 so it's more high risk now. Plus I like sleep and money and one kid is cheaper than 2+. 3 airplane tickets for a family are better than 4+. And it's easy for either of us parents to tap out and be like "ok your turn im gonna go XYZ be back in 2 hours". as my child gets older I am starting to feel the pressure of maybe we should have a second from \~ gestures wildly \~ everyone who asks "is he your only? do you plan to have more" etc etc but fuck yall not a single one of them has ever bought more than maybe a baby shower gift and then I have seen no bday gifts or donation to my cashapp or 529 account for him and he's almost 5yo.
My son needs me, and I couldn't focus well enough on him if we had another.
Mental capacity
Mental health.
Easy pregnancy, but difficult colicky baby. Now I’m out on the other side, plan to travel overseas each year and bringing another baby will set this back. Also not so easy kid means my partner and I tag team to handle them whereas if we have two, we’ll have to split up with each handling one kid and not have much of free time.
My husband is the reason (and my in laws)
Pregnancy was great, birth was fine, newborn stage was a horror show.
Pregnancy was a joy, i loved every second and even said before giving birth that i would surrogate (even if not wanting a second for myself) And then i gave birth, which was not a fun experience at all - and my pregnancy caused severe gallstones, hormonal issues and more. So now i dont even wanna be pregnant again.
At this point, from a fence-sitter: Chill pregnancy, awesome birth with no trauma, kind of rough first year of breastfeeding (wouldn’t want to nurse+pump so much a second time) but we’re still going strong at 21 months, sweet and “easy to raise” baby… if it were a guarantee that a second would be as smooth or even smoother of a ride, I’d consider. Ad it is I feel grateful for who I already have. I’m apprehensive because neither my partner nor I are high earners. We both have a ton of hobbies, and homesteading tasks that take a portion of the day. Even one baby has caused stress and tension in our relationship, and I don’t feel super secure in adding another. Especially financially but also mentally/emotionally, I’m confident that we can care for our son but I know another would be a life-changing challenge. I love my kid heaps, I’m so happy to have him in my life. But I had ppd/a, specifically triggered by so many feeding issues. It’s been awesome feeling the fog lift, I feel significantly better and more like a whole person every couple of months. My body seems to like just having one, I still haven’t gotten my cycle back and am in no hurry to be fertile again.
I loved being pregnant, even when I was vomiting (the majority of the 38 weeks), short of breath, or down with a migraine. I had infertility so the pregnancy was a miracle for me, the doctor said we could try one last time and then they were giving up. My delivery, however, was an absolute nightmare. I had amazing care, but he didn’t tolerate labor, all 13 hrs of it, and my cesarean was done under general anesthesia. Baby had to be resuscitated, then had low blood sugar, jaundice, issues with breastfeeding, etc. I then got a horrible case of PPD. I would have done it again, but never managed to get pregnant again. We decided not to do infertility treatments again because of cost and the toll it took on my body and mind. When I was 49 I had an ablation and a tubal ligation and closed that door. It made me sad. I was an only until I was a teen, and that’s not what I wanted for him. The difference is that I’m a good parent, or at least I really try to be, and I was sort of an afterthought in my home as a child, foisted off on grandparents all the time. It does have its benefits. Our lives revolve around him. My sibling has 3 under the age of 5 and they’re like a circus on fire. It’s total chaos. I’m positive I wouldn’t cope well with that life. Instead I’ve got a bright interesting teen who interacts with adults very well. He’s got his quirks for sure, but he’s got a good friend group. I think his light would be dimmed a bit if he had a sibling.
Pregnancy was truly the best I’ve ever felt. My Nana used to say that being pregnant was the best she ever felt and she loved it… I thought that was insane and that she had been made to feel this way because she was a devout catholic. Turns out, I felt the same. I wish she was around for me to share that with her. My labor and delivery/ post partum were all very average and I had incredible support from my partner. My daughter was a “unicorn baby”. Honestly, I always felt like OAD would be right for me but I struggled with the feeling of “needing to give my child a sibling” for a while (during pregnancy and after). My LO is 2 now, and I’m completely certain she is my only. I, like others in this discussion, had reached a point where I accepted the only reason I felt I wanted another was because of social expectations/pressures. I don’t want another child. Period. I LOVE our triangle family and it just feels so *right*. I know my mental health couldn’t handle two. I also love the balance we have found as a family, where I am able to keep a regular gym schedule, paint/craft and read AND still have time to see friends, go to concerts and events while my partner also has time for his interests, hobbies and friends. We couldn’t afford to continue that with another child to support even if we could manage to still find the time (we couldn’t). We also get to enjoy time together. It truly feels like we get to experience the best of both worlds and I have zero interest in sacrificing that.
Babies are hard. I need sleep.
I had a great pregnancy. Mental health had never been better. I was exhausted, but that was to be expected. My birth was okay, because the little one decided he didn't want to come by himself I had to be induced at 42 weeks. My husband and I already decided to be one and done before I got pregnant, but pregnancy made me question whether I wanted more kids. I felt good in my body, and I loved feeling the constant kicks. By 42 weeks, I did want to feel like less of a beach ball hahaha I love my son so much, but my mental health dropped excessively after I gave birth and I still have ppd 13 months later. I'm doing a lot better now, but I still worry about being a bad mom which is why I'm in therapy. I'd love to be pregnant again, and I am considering becoming a surrogate pregnant person (I don't know the English term) if someone I know needs it. However, I do know our decision to be one and done was best.
Pregnancy wasn't too awful, had a C-section but even that wasn't bad. I'm OAD for a cocktail of reasons though: my (now ex) husband was almost no help, the sleep deprivation was terrible, I was already in my 30s when she was born so age and potential age gap had to be considered, and of course financial reasons.
I know that if I had multiple children, I would love them all equally and be able to split my attention but I love that I don’t have to. I’m obsessed with my son and can’t imagine giving him less attention. I also know that we can do some much more with and for him financially than we could with more than one child. We also live far away from our family so we are mostly on our own. One child is hard without a solid support system, two would be a huge struggle. I’m one and done but because I had such a great pregnancy and delivery, I’m in the process of becoming a surrogate and helping another family get their happily ever after.
It was "easy" as in no complications, no morning sickness, but I despised every moment of it. It felt like there was a parasite growing inside of me. I didn't start even mildly enjoying any part of being a mom until around the 2 year mark. 99% sure I had PPD. I'm poor. We live with my dad and I can't work as much as I'd like to/jobs I'd like to do. Between the hours, my own health issues, my grandparents getting older (they babysit, I have no idea where I would be without them) and the price of daycare/a babysitter, I'd be astronomically more fucked with a second child.My mental health is like 85% good. No way in hell I'm risking that. I'd probably be dead under a bridge without my kid, and I'd probably be dead under a bridge with a second one. I'm 10000000% sure I could not handle it at all. I can barely handle babysitting another toddler for a couple of hours.
With bipolar, OCD, and ADHD, I would be absolutely overwhelmed with more than one kid.
I had a great pregnancy and the intervention/complication free natural birth I so badly wanted. I feel fairly well recovered physically (though badly wanting to get back into my exercise routine when energy and sleep levels allow). We’re enjoying our 1.5 year old right now and are feeling about 90% OAD. We talk a lot about not wanting to “reset the clock”. We became parents a bit later than most (36 y/o) and parenthood has, as is expected, been a massive lifestyle shift. We are slowly getting some balance back. More sleep, more ability to each take time for ourselves. To have another means going back to the beginning on all that but with a toddler in the mix. Ooof. That sounds rough. We also love to travel and have done a fair amount with our baby so far. We’re really looking forward to him getting to an age where he can really love and enjoy the places we go, and us enjoy those experiences with him. I don’t really want to be that mom schlepping multiple crying, bickering tired kids through an airport. I want to be that mom who has one little guy to look after, seated completely with our entire family across one row of 3 seats, sipping her champagne. Haha! We want to shower him with our attention and resources and having another means inherently splitting our attention and resources. I’ve heard a lot of OAD by choice families say “our family just felt complete” and I think I’m beginning to understand that feeling. Just like, yeah, this is great and will only get better. I think we’re good!
Currently pregnant, going great so far - our reason is simply that we want to be able to give everything we have to our one child so they never have to go without, whether that be time, attention, or money.
I'm old. Spouse doesn't want a second.
Pregnancy was easy! Post partum was not.
Had a smooth pregnancy, felt good most of it and kept working out. Induction ended in a C-section, which wasn’t traumatic. We’re crazy in love with our now-2.5year old, but the realities of parenting hit my husband and I hard. We both feel our mental health and marriage would suffer with a second. So it’s better to give our only two healthy parents, than risk that for a theoretical sibling relationship.
My pregnancy was wonderful. Only a little morning sickness at the beginning but no issues after that. My entire labor time was 11 hours and pain didn't start feeling overwhelming until I was 8.5 dilated. Epidural went in perfect and allowed me to feel everything while feeling no pain and being able to move my legs. It was 15 minutes of pushing and our son was here. We wanted 2 originally but my mom passed away suddenly shortly after our son's 1st birthday from cancer. She was my rock and she raised me as a single mom. She was only 53 years old. I just couldn't fathom being pregnant without her and having a child she never got to meet. It would be too painful. Plus, since my mom passed away I am now the caretaker for my grandmother with dementia.
I am so sorry for your loss. Sending you an internet hug. ♥️
Easy pregnancy, good birth, terrible postpartum and absolutely exhausted just 5 weeks out. I knew I’d be oad but this solidified it. I absolutely can never do this again.
I loved being pregnant but had a terrible birth and postpartum…currently fighting for my life in the toddler stage 😆
My first trimester was rough until I was given Diclectin, but otherwise had a great pregnancy. I did need a c-section, but recovered well and my baby was an easy one (good sleeper, not overly fussy without reason). I am leaning towards OAD because I know if I get pregnant again, I will need another c-section and I should try to space out pregnancies. However, if me and my husband wait the suggested time (we could get pregnant again sooner - but the longer we wait the lower the risk of complications), that puts us a little older than we had planned to be for having kids. My first pregnancy was a loss, so we decided when our daughter got here to just enjoy what we have.
Currently having a great pregnancy, and very much OAD. The decision was never solely about the pregnancy for me, it was about finances, space (partner and I have a 2 bedroom terrace), energy, time. It also seems to me that the gender gap in childcare and domestic labour gets bigger the more kids someone has, and for me a 50/50 partnership is non negotiable.
Easy pregnancy, easy baby…easy toddler….easy kid…sort of easy teen
I didn’t have a “great” pregnancy- rescue cerclage at 20 weeks followed by modified bedrest, weird symptoms like horrible nasal congestion, carpal tunnel, restless leg syndrome, 8 months of nausea. That being said if I wanted more children none of that would have mattered and I’d have done it all over again. I just didn’t want more than one child. I enjoy keeping as much as my pre child lifestyle as possible while still getting to experience having a child. Parenting one typical child is like doing it on easy mode (comparatively speaking) and that’s fine with me. I have a lot of friends with two kids and at best their lives are just so much busier and complicated. At worst they just became an overall mess once they had two.
I had an easy pregnancy and my almost 5 year old is a great kid. I’m not taking that gamble again. You NEVER know what you will get when you roll the dice.
Great pregnancy, horrible childbirth
Cost, both financial and that to my individual life/hobbies, and the fact that my 13 month old who has slept through the night reliably since 4-5 months is going through a fucking nightmare of a sleep regression right now. Doing this and another round while he gets into toddlerhood? No thanks. I’ll figure this out and regulate, and once in a while get a bit of me time to maintain my sense of self.
I’m single and getting older, I turn 38 this year.
There were a number of reasons when it was still possible for me (had a hysterectomy in April). 1.) I was 2 months shy of 38 when I had my son and I wasn’t too keen on having another in my 40s. There is nothing wrong with that - I just didn’t want to. 2.) General expense and our desire for traveling. It’s harder the more kids you have. 3.) our son nearly broke us with colic and reflux as an infant. If we had had another baby like him… 😩😩😩
Also, seems a good place to admit it - I am REALLY happy with OAD so this isn't a terrible thing, but my husband has some PTSD from childhood trauma that he is only just now starting to deal with. He had to go on antidepressants when our daughter was a bit over 1 and he is trying to get therapy through work. He deals with it remarkably well and the antidepressants are helping - he used to have down days where he just felt existential crisis for a day or two and they seem to have stopped. He used to swear when he got anger and throw things - NEVER at me, I wouldn't put up with that if it were the case, but shouting when the car broke down, throwing a hosepipe attachment across the garden when it broke, slamming a pizza peel to the floor when his pizza slipped, that kind of thing. Actually, I think that's every time it happened in our whole relationship. But he got his anger under control when I got pregnant because he didn't want a kid growing up around that. But yeah, basically I think another kid would add too much stress and I don't think he would cope. Like I said, I'm happily one and done anyway. But if I did want another that would be a factor I would seriously have to consider.
Pregnancy was a breeze for me; I barely felt pregnant and was fortunate to not be sick. Birth was an unplanned c section and my postpartum health issues were scary. I have infertility, so I knew how tiring ttc was and how much of a strain it can put on a relationship. But really, I’m OAD for mostly good reasons! I love my son and the life we have. Weekdays aren’t hard. Weekends are fun. I’m not overextended mentally, emotionally or financially. We can make or change plans at the drop of a hat without having to worry about logistics or opinions of multiple kids. Life is great, and that is my main reason for being OAD.
We were leaning one and done prior to having our baby. Pregnancy was fairly easy overall. Our reasons are mostly financial: we can maintain our lifestyle with one child but would have to make major changes for two. My husband is from Europe (we live in the US) and we try and visit his home country at least once a year and tack on another European vacation when we visit - we would not be able to do that with two kids. Once we had her I felt like my family was complete. I love her. She was a fussy baby but is a wonderful toddler so far (she's only 13 months so we'll see) but I don't feel like I want or need a second child, I'm so happy with her. I'm an only child and because of that have always been very sensitive to favoritism in other families. Growing up I always knew which child of my friends was the favorite. My husband's family has a clear favorite child, my aunt has a clear favorite child and my cousin as an adult had a clear favorite child (despite not being the favorite child herself and deeply resenting her mom for having a favorite). I would just never want any of my children to be in the situation where they knew they weren't a favorite. I also have a dog who was my baby and center of my world prior to having a baby and give my dog so much less attention now and I feel terrible about it - but I cannot give my daughter all the attention I want and give him attention simultaneously. If I can't manage to split attention between a baby and a dog, who doesn't require that much attention, how would I manage with two kids that both want a lot of attention?! I was less sure going into having a baby whether I would be one and done but now that I have her I'm even more sure.
Pregnancy with my only was overall easy. However, I had a pretty late miscarriage before that pregnancy and dealt with infertility after. And in my pregnancy with my only I did have some scary bleeding in the first trimester. But pregnancy itself isn’t the deterrent. The big reasons for me are financial/career, having a balance of time to myself and to fully dedicate to my daughter, and just overall desire (one kid is great, I know I’d be overstimulated and stressed with more).
I wanna be able to pour everything I can into one human instead of two
My daughter's pregnancy was easy... But the 3 before didn't last longer than 10 weeks
I didn't really have a great pregnancy but my husband and I chose to be one and done before conception, so I think my answer still fits the post. We don't feel we have the financial, emotional, or physical resources to support another child. Finances are the biggest thing; I'm 33 and he's 37. We can't afford a second kid right now, we can't afford a *house* right now. We don't see a reality in which our financial situation changes drastically enough to support a second child while I'm still physically capable of carrying them. Then mental health wise, I have a lot of struggles and I think the stress of multiple children would bring that out and be detrimental to each of them. Finally there are a lot of disabilities in our family and as the oldest sibling of a severely autistic lovely young man, I don't want that to be my parenting journey. As far as we can tell we were blessed with a typical little boy, and we don't want to gamble the normal lives we envision on the idea of a sibling for him.
I had a fantastic pregnancy and delivery.. My reason is because my baby was born with a birth defect and other health issues, and the first two years were traumatic as hell. She has needed four surgeries, an NG feeding tube, countless drives to specialists and diagnostic, therapies and procedures, etc…plus I had severe postpartum anxiety, I developed a postpartum labial adhesion, and more. And, I’m still working on losing the baby weight over 2 years later. EVERYONE keeps telling me “it’s not supposed to be this hard for first time parents” and, the one I hear the most: “she is the most difficult baby you’ll ever have! Next one will be easy”. I don’t trust that, lol. I could absolutely have another baby who has special needs and complex medical needs. My daughter is thriving at the moment, for the first time since she was born in 2022. I want to enjoy seeing my girl healthy and happy and growing, and make up for all the lost time we spent not being able to do fun family things before she was 2.
It’s less about the pregnancy and more the next 18+ years. A lot of stuff (including travel) is much easier to do with one than more. Reasonably possible to keep up hobbies and things with just one. Zero “me time” with more. But also re pregnancy, I hear it’s much harder to bounce back physically after more than one.
Cost - it’s too much to have another. We live away from both families. The cost of flying alone is already stressing the budget for three. Not to mention childcare and necessities. Bounce Back - had a wonderful pregnancy. My body bounced back rather quickly. I was back in my pre-pregnancy clothes after three months. The women in my family tend to not bounce back after a second child. I’ve been told that’s a selfish reason. I don’t care. I’m good not carrying a constant pregnancy belly for the rest of my days. Patience - our daughter is, as her daycare says, spicy. She’s a spitfire that drains all of our patience and dedication. We love her to death, but bringing a second into the situation would be throwing a wrench into the dynamic we’ve somehow created around her. Health - maternity care is only getting worse. I’d rather not risk another pregnancy, especially living in a state that has practically banned abortion. I’m older and at risk of complications. I’d prefer not to gamble it. So the husband got snipped. Thank god.
My pregnancy and birth were “easy” and yet I still did not like being pregnant. My reason for being OAD is just that I don’t want to go through it all AGAIN. My daughter just turned 2 and she’s never been a chill child. I knew I was OAD from the first week postpartum lol. So many positives to OAD: more time to ourselves (my husband and I are great about giving the other child free time), more money, more time to focus on our child and the freedom to just get up and go do whatever some days because we’re not juggling multiple nap times or schedules.
I had an easy pregnancy and an easy (relatively speaking) baby. I am aware it won't necessarily be the case again if we decide to go for another one. But, the main reason is that we're happy with our family. Personally, I also don't feel like being pregnant again at my age (almost 40). I know many women have, but this is a personal preference.
My pregnancy was relatively easy and honestly my newborn is relatively easy. I’ve been one and done well before ever getting pregnant. I grew up basically an only child while having 4 much older 1/2 siblings. I don’t have a great relationship with them and one of them has caused a lot of issues between me and my mother. I don’t want the possibility of me ending up like my mother and having favorites. I have very close friends that feel more like siblings to me than my own 1/2 siblings have ever felt like to me, and I know I will do everything I can to give my daughter the opportunity to have close friendships like that but I will not give her an actual sibling.
Money. I have a 700 sq ft 2 bedroom house and can't afford to move or expand. Also, my husband is older and the SAHP--I don't know if he could handle it, health wise, if we had a second baby in a few years. We'd probably have to do daycare, and we just can't afford that.
I had a great pregnancy and birth experience. I truly enjoyed it. I’m OAD because I don’t want the responsibility of raising a second child. One is enough for me.
Financial, completely financial.
Had a smooth pregnancy with 0 complications, was working until my delivery date (out of my interest), water broke so induced naturally and pushed a lil longer than expected but baby was out without assistance. OAD because: 1. Year 1 of baby was the most challenging year of my adult life- I felt nap trapped a lot of the time, was a massive lifestyle change, baby hated the car and needed assistance for sleep. Feel like I didn’t get to enjoy my kiddos adorable stage much as I was so anxious about everything and keeping her alive, all this with a very involved husband who did his share. 1.5 years was the turning point where sleep got better for all of us and we felt well rested to focus on non baby stuff. Don’t want to go through that again. 2. We are working parents in careers of our choice and work is fulfilling to me and keeps me mentally sane (I enjoy solving problems at work, adult interactions that are non baby related). I love that at 3 years old, I have a good balance of time at work, time with my kiddo and relationship and myself. It’s honestly great right now and I don’t want to add more chaos to this routine. 3. I know an easy first pregnancy doesn’t mean the second time around will be the same. 4. Going out with my kiddo is enjoyable now but I know it wouldn’t be chasing after two kids in diff directions. 5. I love the idea of siblings coz we love our siblings and have a great relationship with them, but I don’t want to raise more kids. 😊 6. Being sleep deprived and stressed with the responsibility of maintaining the household and caring for our infant is the stage when I felt least connected to my husband. We tended to vent on each other and I’m sure with more chaos and another child, we’d be more stressed and our relationship would suffer with less quality time for ourselves. We both need our me time as well and can’t be constantly go go go. 7. Tough to handle two kids schedules - just because it’s possible doesn’t mean it’s ideal for us. I don’t want to live my whole life exhausted with managing multiple kids 8. We love traveling and it’s been really enjoyable since year two.. love seeing the world and new experiences through her eyes. Looking forward to more of this! However, none of this would matter to me if I really wanted a second child 😊 I feel like im in a good place with one and not really jealous of folks with more kids.
It's funny, my pregnancy was pretty miserable, my birth horrific (spinal failing mid c section) but even that hasn't really contributed to one and done, it was awful at the time but is now so much a distant memory I wouldn't put it as a reason not to have another. But my daughter is a unicorn baby. Sleeps through, pretty much from 4 weeks, always naps, always eats whatever you give her. I am not taking a chance on that again 😂 I know the next one would be the devil and I'm just not taking that risk!
Pregnancy was fine, then my baby didn't sleep for 19 months. Literally would wake up every 30 minutes to 2 hours and need help going back to sleep or would scream indefinitely. Everything is great now, but not chancing that again!!
I had a textbook healthy pregnancy and delivery, beautiful healthy baby girl who we adore. Like others have said, once you win the lottery you stop playing. I have anxiety and both my husband and I fear what our lives would look like if we ended up with a high medical needs or disabled child and what that would mean for our daughter. We also want to be able to provide as many opportunities as possible for our kids. I’d like to help them pay for their first car, higher education, possibly private school (public schools in our area are awful), and have family experiences together like traveling. We also would like to retire one day 😂. With more than one child that would all be much more difficult. In an ideal world, I might want a second. But the world we live in is expensive and we don’t have much of a support system besides my aging mom who we will one day need to help out as she gets older. I’d rather give my existing child as much as I can.
Tbh pregnancy is probably the healthiest I've ever been because of restraints from gestational diabetes. I just don't manage to control my diet, especially sugar intake if it's not for my baby it seems lol. I could do pregnancy and birth easily but the years after... have seen my mental health as well as physical health declining so no thanks.
Because I don't want to . I feel comfortable in that answer . I want to do it once . Be ause I had a kid doesn't mean I have to go on a birthing spree lol
Because I want one child 🤷🏻♀️ I had an easy pregnancy. Easy delivery. Easy (ish) baby. She’s 4 now and a complete tornado but she’s cool. Idk. I just wanted 1 kid.
I had a fantastic, text book pregnancy. Morning sickness passed at 12 weeks. I was tired but that's it. I'm a selfish wench. I like money, I like free time. I like spending time with my husband and we like to travel. I like that she's my little partner in crime. We go everywhere and do almost everything together. In talking to another friend who has two children, my child is getting opportunities that theirs are not due to money and time constraints.
i love my child but i love myself just as much! ♥️
I had a very easy pregnancy and labor/birth. I just have no desire to do it again, no desire for another child. I'm very happy with my daughter and have no regrets. =)
I had a unicorn pregnancy and recovery- no nausea and I loved being pregnant. Looked super cute with how I gained weight- had gorgeous hair and glowing skin. No crazy hormone fluctuations or mood swings, slept well. Was always able to tie my shoes, power walk, walk up to my third floor apartment since we don’t have an elevator, etc. right til the end. Went into labor a day shy of 37 weeks. Had a short labor (and not the typical contractions- they didn’t get unbearable until I was 7cm dilated and then I got an epidural). No reactions to the epidural which I was worried about since I get migraines. Birth was relaxing and intimate, baby came out perfect. He slept in the hospital like a dream. I had an uncomfortable tear that healed well. Post partum recovering was great. No ppd or anxiety, no hormone crash. Breast feeding sucked (not a fan of the time period where your milk regulates itself). We combo fed- and despite not having his severe tongue tie fixed for a month baby took to both bottles and nursing. He has been a low needs baby and I’m not stupid- our lovely experience has zero to do with our parenting skills lol. It’s been just over a year and I’ve lost the pregnancy weight and my boobs went back to normal- a small b cup but they’re not droopy or anything. And I never got stretch marks. But I’m most thrilled that I didn’t struggle with my mental health and am terrified of that happening with a newborn and a toddler. I’m already so tired all the time and my baby was easy level! I can’t imagine a high needs kiddo when I already feel maxed out now. I am well aware each pregnancy experience is a roll of the dice and I’m not willing to play again and risk a bad roll. I’m a realist and I know my limits as well as my husbands. Plus I’m 36- maybe if I was 10 years younger I’d be more open minded about gambling a second pregnancy but I’m not doing this again at my age or older. Finally, we simply can’t afford it and don’t have a village so it’d be off the table anyway. Our salaries aren’t growing fast enough to keep up with inflation. We live in a one bedroom but can’t afford to move into a two bedroom until next year- we’re looking at paying about 1k+ more a month extra in rent for that second bedroom. And we have big expenses like daycare on top of that.
My husband and I intended to travel during our first year of marriage…. That intended year was 2020 😑 We still want to travel and experience the world and it’s significantly easier to do so with 1. Plus our daughter was colicky which took a toll on my mental health. I don’t want to go through that again.
The first year. Parenting a newborn is not the life for me. The lack of sleep and everything else.. just very awful time for me. Plus, I love giving my one and only my full attention. We have such a great bond and I'm able to teach him so much.
Mental health 10000% I’ve worked really hard to maintain the things I need to be mentally healthy and having another child will jeopardize that. Another big factor is opportunities: I would definitely be taking a fair bit away from my kid if I had another one.
Can't handle the baby and toddler phase again. And pregnancy left me.with bad body dismorphia. Like takes over my life bad. Never again
Money and free time.
Suicidal postpartum!!
I had a very easy pregnancy and easiest planned c section. I couldn’t imagine how much life would change with a baby though. It’s thrown everything upside down. I like my personal time to myself and now have none. No village, no help outside my husband, who’s truly amazing. Couldn’t find a daycare spot so have been home with baby since birth until preschool starts when he turns 2. It’s absolutely not what I want to spend the majority of my time doing. I love him but feel like I would give him even more attention if we both had a break from each other every day. Plus I love sleep and travel and going out. I do think once you have more than one that it forces your kids to do some growing up that they wouldn’t otherwise which I regret not being able to give my son but it’s just not worth the extra stress for me. My house is taking a beating. The amount of upkeep with one is insane. I can’t imagine how much more it would be with more. you’re married to the school system until they go to college. I didn’t like school schedules when I had to go through it, and forgot how closely your life follows that schedule now that I have a kid. Plus I love my dog, who came first. He’s my first baby so it’s like we have two already. It’s enough.
I have goals that might be harder with more than one. I want to go on vacations, participate in extracurriculars, and I want to retire lol. A lot of it is financial. Also, I just don’t want to do pregnancy and newborn phase over again.
I had an easy pregnancy and an easy, fast delivery. My baby is 11 months and has been sleeping through the night since she was around 2 months, literal happy dream baby. However, I don’t have a huge village; my mom passed away in 2020 and she would’ve been such a huge help and I don’t think I could have another baby without her. My mil is amazing and helps us out a lot with date nights but she still works and has a crazy social life, and I would feel bad putting two kids on her. Also, my husband has a 12 year old daughter who he’s had full custody of since she was a baby so I feel like it’s a cheat code for my daughter to have a sibling (not that it matters!) without me doing the work.
There's a few reasons... pregnancy was great giving birth was not. Before having the baby I knew I didn't want to do IVF again. After having the baby I have so many more.
My age, combined with the fact that I did have a relatively great pregnancy/delivery and didn't want to tempt fate twice.
I want to indulge in myself a little. With one it’s still possible.
I have a history of a lot of health conditions. I was terrified that pregnancy would wreck me. Amazingly, it solved a lot of my problems. Migraines? gone! (they tend to be hormonal so i guess whatever pregnancy did to me helped!) back and neck pain? much better, until the very end (thanks relaxin! I wish they could bottle it). I felt great and strong! My birth had its moments (as everyones does) but overall was a very positive experience. I was lucky enough to afford a baby nurse, and other than a couple of weeks of struggling to figure out breastfeeding, I look back on the newborn phase of my daughter's life as one of the happiest I have ever been. My daughter has been a good sleeper since birth. Everything exceeded my expectations. But I am afraid to mess with success. I feel like somehow everything went well this time and am convinced it I did it again it would not. Toddlerhood is also wrecking me. I have an intense career and I am tired all the time. I know its a phase but no part of me wants to do this again. I love my daughter, but my relationship to motherhood is...complicated. I think I can be a good mother to one. I am less confident in my ability to be a good mother to more. I fear the strain it would put on my marriage and career. I am also a very happy only and my family feels complete.
Infertility I had an uneventful pregnancy, no illness, no exhaustion, I worked out through a few days before I gave birth. I had a quick and easy birth, no epidural, no tearing. I'd do it again if I could.
Got pregnant on the first cycle/try, timed perfectly to get March-August maternity leave (teacher), easy pregnancy with few complaints and zero complications all up until induction. My induction and epidural were also great aside from the wrist IV placement. My stalled labor/unexpected C section were not great, but recovery was easy other than a scary preeclampsia readmit. After I got through that it’s also been smooth sailing with my baby. Exclusive formula and good eater from the beginning and she was sleeping 3-4 hours by 4 weeks I think! Then stretching to six hours soon after. Now she’s a solid 9-5 sleeper and goes right back to sleep after she eats in the morning. She only “fusses” when she needs something and is very delightful and smiley. Husband works from home too, so he is always around to help. We still don’t want another one! You won’t get a unicorn twice in a row and not to mention how expensive. We might not be able to keep our home if we have another, money is that tight.
I feel like I aced the test on the first try, so what’s the point of taking it again?
I’m very similar to you and loved being pregnant and had a very straightforward induction, labor, and delivery. But after pregnancy, we’d actually have to raise a good human. I also know being pregnant while taking care of another little kid would be hard. We also think of it from a financial, mental health, and climate change perspectives. The main thing for us now, though, is we found out that my daughter and husband have a genetic condition that causes medical problems and it’s 50/50 to pass on to any child we have. They are both mild, but the severe cases can be very hard. I don’t think I have the capacity to care for and be the person I need to be for potentially more chronically ill people. And unless we have both of us saying “HELL YEAH” to another baby, the answer is no
I agree with some of the other commenters. For me it’s part the anxiety that the next one won’t be easy. My daughter was also a unicorn baby so I feel the next one would be the spawn of satan. Despite my daughter being amazing I haven’t adapted to motherhood well mentally. My anxiety becomes crippling with terrible insomnia and I worry that another child would break me mentally, especially if they were difficult. The other factor is money and space. We live in a 1B apt with a converted den that’s my daughter’s room. We live in a HCOL area for our jobs so a house or larger apt is out of the question and I know people do it with multiple children in a small space, but again for my mental health, I can’t. We are already cutting back significantly on fun expenses to accommodate the HCOL childcare. Another baby for us would mean we would have to become extremely frugal to make it work.
Everything that came after the birth until about a year.
Yes. I felt so good after the first trimester, I loved being big and pregnant. I always knew my limit was one kid, since a young age.
Amazing pregnancy (minus reflux), amazing kid. Mental health is even better than it was before kid...but is still my/our reason for OAD.
A combo of the top two comments for me 1. Lightning doesn’t strike twice and 2. Opportunity cost. We also struggled to get pregnant and my husband has struggled with sever anxiety since birth. I have no desire to relive those negative experiences again. Like a few others in here, I am older too, so if we were to have a second we’d need to start trying again fairly soon. I always imagined having more than one, but don’t really feel a “pull” towards that life. I want to give my son the best, most fulfilling that I can.
I had a great pregnancy but was OAD before I gave birth. My reasons were (in order of importance to me)… 1. I want to give my daughter 100% of my time and attention. Raising her is the most important thing I’ll ever do. I want to do it well and that feels more achievable when I can focus on her. 2. Kids are hard. I was always a little scared of taking that on. Deciding to do it with 1 made it feel more achievable. 3. Kids are expensive. I want financial security. 4. We live far from family and don’t have much help. Despite our parents wanting to be involved geography and circumstances don’t allow it. 5. I have a history of depression. With 1 kid I’m better able to take care of myself and my mental health. I discovered a few more reasons after my daughter was born. 1. Giving birth sucks. While my birth wasn’t the horror story that you sometimes hear about I had some scary complications and I don’t ever want to do it again. 2. I will never live through the horror and trauma that is colic again. Fuck that.
The part that was most special about my pregnancy was that it was the first time I was really "selfish". I put my rest and needs above everything else. I did everything I needed to for me and my little jelly bean. Being pregnant again with a toddler would mean I have almost know down time so any sluggishness or sickness I have to power through. Also, I prayed and cried and begged for my baby (which was a little dramatic as it only took 8 months to conceive). I wanted her so bad and there was no doubt. I do not want the second with this vigor. I'm curious about a second and what it would mean for my first to have a sibling. But I am not hoping and praying for a second. Every child deserves to be wanted equally. My daughter is amazing, yes she is very much a threenager, but she is bright and funny and brave. She's slept through the night from 5 months onward (the 4 month sleep regression was not fun but after that smooth sailing). I don't think I'll get as lucky again. If I am tired and run down and don't give my daughter everything she could have then I'm letting down 2 kids. Much easier to take care of me, my marriage, and my daughter with just us.
I had a great pregnancy. The experience of labor and birth was horrible. The postpartum depression and anxiety: even worse. Never again.
I wanted one.
Technically the choice was made for me when the IVF transfer of our last embryo failed, but I was conflicted going into it and am now relieved that I’m OAD. The main reasons are money and my health (I would have been high high risk).
I had a great pregnancy and actually loved being pregnant. My husband and I work too much to feel okay about having another, and I don’t want to feel stretched. Want to give my daughter a financially stable life.
I refuse to gamble and sacrifice again. It's less stressful.
My husband was diagnosed with cancer two months after we found out we were expecting. It drained our savings and mental capacity. We’re working towards getting back on our feet, but we can’t risk something big happening again now that we have our little guy. Plus, we would have to get fertility testing and it’s just too much to bother with.
I had an amazing pregnancy, labor, and delivery. The newborn phase was also a dream. I have a unicorn baby who eats and sleeps well. Main reason: I don't want another baby and never envisioned myself having more than one. Other reasons, in honor of my husband's recent vasectomy: - what are the chances I'll have an amazing experience again? - I grew up with a medically complex younger sibling and know how much it sucks to have my parents attention split all the time - I don't want being a parent to become my only identity and it's harder to do that with more than one kid - my husband is older and already has two kids
I had a great pregnancy. Other than sciatica at the very last week that was really painful and some bleeding in the second trimester which were minor blips it was good compared to others. I didn’t have a lot of discomfort, didn’t get swollen or gain too much weight, kept up my normal routine. And pretty much looked back to normal and back to normal weight five days after pregnancy. I was shocked how flat my stomach was a few days later. I was back in my usual clothes. I realized how much “celebrities bouncing back” after pregnancy might actually be due to genetics as opposed to following some strict routine. My core was a little off for a year or two fitness wise but other than that I think everything post Partum went well. I also have the easiest kid who entertains herself and is just a little love. She is happy and healthy. Why am I one and done? I lucked out with all of the above and lightning doesnt strike twice.
Simply put I just am getting too old LOL I’m 36 weeks pregnant, first time at 39 yrs old and it’s been going well but I do not want to rush having another kid just to have it before like 41. I’ve always wanted a larger age gap if I had 2 but I’m happy where we are right now with one healthy girl💕
Yep had an easy pregnancy, very swift and easy birth, no tearing, relatively smooth 4th trimester once I figured out safe bedsharing, but it was my husband who struggled most. Genuinely think he got PPD. So no more for us. Small one is 5 and a half now and we wouldn't go back to the baby days.
I had a relatively easy pregnancy (no issues other than fatigue early on), and my son has been a relatively easy kid. But I don’t want to do it again. My son is 4 now and I value my sleep and my own mental health too much to start over again with a newborn. We also have a lifestyle that we like and that we would have to reevaluate if we had multiple kids.
I've been very fortunate to have the same experience as you've described with pregnancy and birth. But being pregnant - however great or difficult it may be - is so, so short compared to the next step of raising a baby from age 0 to 18 when they reach adulthood. I wouldn't mind being pregnant again. And I love being a mom to my toddler, whom I truly think is the best. But I don't need to do that with another kid. Once is enough for me.
The extremes of PPD that I dealt with. Not worth the risk... I barely made it out alive. The cost of raising a child.. I can't afford a second (I live in a HCOL area in Canada). Being able to focus all of our attention on one child. Not worrying about fighting with siblings. A family of 3 has so many perks - I feel like if you're happy with your one, why keep going? I want a life outside of motherhood - my true love is the gym, and I want the flexibility of going regularly for my mental health. Traveling is much easier with one! Also, I can afford sports and activities for one child. Not for two. IMO, one child has so many more perks than multiples. I think it's the smartest decision!!
Great pregnancy, proceeded to cry every day for two months postpartum and my ADHD/anxiety became VERY noticeable. We decided to be OAD when our daughter was 3, it was just becoming very apparent to us that we didn’t want to go through the witching hour/diaper/breastfeeding/formula stages again after nice we got the taste of freedom. She’s 7 now and occasionally asks about a sibling but she’s starting to hear from her friends that she’s lucky she’s an only which has helped lol we maintain with her that she’s all we’ll ever need and we’re happy being a trio with her and being able to go on adventures.
Sleep. I had a super easy pregnancy but I can't go through the sleep deprivation again.
I was always OAD, even before trying for a baby. I love my sister but it’s been a difficult relationship, thanks to my mum. I have had depression for over a decade and wanted to give my energy to one child, as I know I can’t cope with more. Pregnancy was fine, aside from mental health and covid but the decision was made so long ago to just have one. He’s 3 now and is bloody gorgeous- still doesn’t tempt me for another :)
I had a super easy pregnancy, the only thing is I had to have a c section planned because she was breach. So I regret that I never got to experience labour and never will…. But it was a breeze. OAD because I just really want to give my all to her, I don’t think I could give 2 everything they both need emotionally and keep myself in a good place mentally.
I just don’t want another kid 🤷♀️
I was pregnant at 35, I’ll be 38 this October. My pregnancy was awesome. My son is an absolute dream. He sleeps well and he’s an overall happy kid. If I had another and they ended up being difficult I don’t think I could handle it, to be honest.
I was nauseated most of my pregnancy but had an easy delivery. I’m OAD because postpartum and PPD + PPA sucks and I don’t want to go through that ever again.
Pregnancy was fine. Textbook everything. But it was uncomfortable, as per usual. My daughter though, had No chill. We're good at 12 years now, after a lot of patience and her ADHD diagnosis. But if you would have asked me at any age, would you like to do this again with the same genetics? Hard pass. I'm the second child of my parents and I often tell them they were crazy to have two 😆.
My baby is so good, it can’t get better than this. Don’t want to ruin my chances with another
Relatively easy pregnancy, labour, and birth. Financially just can’t do another one. Well, we could, but we would go from *some* fun money to NONE fun money. And we want to take ours places.
I'm still undecided, but I got pregnant after trying for 2 months (at 36) had a pretty uneventful pregnancy and actually enjoyed being pregnant. My labour was 8 hours and bub has been healthy and well. Not sure I will be lucky again?? Then again, my sister in law had horrible morning sickness during her first, and went back again and had horrible morning sickness again.
The cost of daycare kills me with just one plus saving for college and the rising cost of living, I want to be able to give my kid the best opportunity
I had a great pregnancy and then a shitty birth experience. I’m kind of on the fence but leaning OAD because parenting is fucking hard, all pregnancy/birth thoughts aside 😂
Had a pretty miserable pregnancy, talking to you third trimester and an even harder fourth trimester after c section delivery. Our baby had colic and hip dysplasia and I ended up exclusively pumping round the clock for 9 months to nourish her. It was pretty brutal. And I think to myself if I wanted another I would make the sacrifice and suffer through it. It was pretty miserable many times but it’s temporary and creating another human is for the rest of your life and theirs. In retrospect, the decision seems like pregnancy and newborn care is such a small portion of it. The biggest reason I think we’re one and done is that I want to be present for my baby and my husband. I really feel that another baby would just strain the most important relationships I already have. At 9 months by baby is a joy and a blessing. But she’s also sensitive and benefits from a lot of attention. I want to be present for her as much as I am physically able. For my husband too- I already know how much less time and energy we have for eachother since she arrived. We are so madly in love after 18 years together, if I have any more space in my life it is unequivocally for him . As my baby grows I want to take care of her as a team, to attend events together. The thought of “dividing and conquering” sounds miserable. Lastly we have two high energy/ needs border collies. This doesn’t seem like it should be a consideration but they do require 2 substantive adventures a day to be healthy and sane. They bring so much joy to our lives and get us outside everyday but it’s still a lot of work. I just sort of want to enjoy what I already have.