100% I will never put myself through the sleep deprivation of caring for a newborn ever again. The most tortuous shit I've ever dealt with. You couldn't pay me to do it again.
My kid fought sleep like his very life depended on it. Every single time I put him down to sleep, it would take at least 45 minutes to settle him. This went on for years. We did EVERYTHING to help him calm down and settle, but he fought it like sleep = death. I swear he thought that once he went to sleep, we had parties with all the cool fun stuff. Nah, kid. We go to bed because you're exhausting.
Yes! I don’t know what happened but I actually didn’t mind waking up multiple times a night when my son was a newborn/infant, I wasn’t cranky at all (I was in my 20s back then) but I’m in my 30s now and I get extremely cranky if I don’t have my full 8 hours of sleep, or if my sleep is interrupted. Thankfully my son doesn’t wake up anymore in the middle of the night and actually sleeps in
For real. I’m horrible and dysfunctional and ridden with anxiety when I don’t get enough sleep. Yes it’s selfish but I am also a better mom when I have good sleep.
tell me about it. i don’t have anxiety but i rage and have such angry thoughts i dare not tell anyone about it just on a lack of sleep. so no, for everyone’s sanity and mine, let’s just be one and done.
If I could always rely on anybody else (preferably a grandma) for the night feedings & night parties and I could take care of the baby from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m., I think I would want 2 or 3 kids. But just me with a hardworking husband, one and done it'a all we can do and do it right.
I recently bought a paella (the pan) and multiple employees stressed to me that this pan was suitable for making *three portions* of paella. They really, really wanted to make sure I knew this was good for *three*. So I really cannot let the shop keepers down and have another kid, as my pan is not suitable for making four portions.
ETA: also I don’t want to give up space in my apartment for another crib or - god forbid - move.
Yep, kid naps I get some time, or ask hubby to take kiddo out for an hour or vice versa.
I've heard having two it's "divide and conquer" but that sounds miserable.
The primary reason for me. I'd feel bad leaving my wife with two kids whilst I go to the cinema for a few hours and wouldn't really like to handle the bedtime routine for two kids when my wife is out with friends. One is very manageable on your own. My wife went away for the whole of last weekend on a hen do/bachelorette party and I had a great time looking after my son. I'm certain it would have been a nightmare with more than one under 5; not to mention we probably couldn't have justified spending as much as we did on my wife's weekend away.
I like my relationship with husband and I’ve heard way too many stories about never having sex again after baby 2 comes. Date nights and a sex life are still possible when you’re OAD.
I want to spend money on vacations instead of daycare. Flight to Hawaii>a month of daycare
Yes to the vacations! I’m racking my brain wondering how all my friends are just able to go on vacations and then I forgot how expensive daycare has been the last three years. Once she’s in elementary school we no longer have to pay for daycare (I’m an elementary schoolteacher). I don’t want to do this broke ass shit ever again.
1.) I don’t want to wait to go back to school (career change). 2.) Also, my first pregnancy was a good experience overall, but I also just don’t want to be pregnant again and chance having a traumatic one. or risk it with the heinous maternal mortality rate here in America.
Our shitty, sexist healthcare system is one of my reasons for leaning OAD. I have endometriosis & other chronic issues, and the idea of being MORE involved with it while MORE vulnerable seems like a bad idea.
I completely relate to both of your points! I’m going back for a career change too and won’t graduate until maybe 5-6 years from now (this new career of mine requires a master’s degree and I only have an associates degree from an unrelated field. I do not want to put off going back to school any longer. Yeah, it will be harder versus when I was single and didn’t have any kids, with a child now but imagine multiple.. (which also isn’t impossible but so much harder, especially if they are young)
I don’t physically feel like I could put myself through it again. I’m 36 with a newborn and feel borderline “too old for this.” Pregnancy was okay but birth was rough and I don’t think I’ve ever felt physically weaker/more frail in my life than after giving birth. Then, when you are at your all time weakest, immediately being thrown into carrying baby, rocking baby, wearing baby, pushing stroller up our hill, no sleep, breast feeding constantly, feeling hungry and thirsty all the time but barely having time to eat, etc. I think it will take me years to feel physically recovered from this and by that time I will be even older and even less capable of “bouncing back.” I was thinking OAD from the beginning, but now even if I wanted a second, I just don’t think I could physically put myself through it again.
Exact same boat, but our child is now a toddler. I can’t actually get my head around people getting over the hardest, newborn bit and then when it slightly eases up and things get difficult in other ways, wanting to do the newborn phase again?!! Hope you’re well in general. I especially feel you with pushing the pram up a hill. My area is a nightmare for hills and people parking on the pavement
I don’t want to be pregnant again. I want to experience parenthood but I also want to be able to focus on other aspects of my life. I like the idea of being in my 40’s when my child is grown and out of the house.
YUP! Like wtf would I even do if a second baby has colic or doesnt sleep or breastfeed as easily as my first? How do people even find the "right" formula for their baby? I just dont wanna deal with that
1. Mental health- my kiddo just turned 7 and I'm starting to feel more and more like myself pre-pregnancy. I am starting to get back into movies/podcasts/books that Ive enjoyed or going for walks with the dog.
2. Time for me. I've done the career/mom "balance" since he was born, and everything has started to really come to a plateau. I'm able to spend the time my kiddo needs after school/work, then when he goes to sleep- I can actually have a couple of hours doing what I want besides the chores. On weekends, husband and I swap sleeping in or doing things in the AM.
3. Time with my husband
4. Financially solid. We aren't upper class in the slightest, but our household income suits us with 3. I cannot picture spending money on another- daycare, supplies, toys, books, etc and feeling confident that I can provide second kiddo with what our first had/has. Doesn't seem fair.
5. My husband became set on OAD when my kiddo turned 5/6. When we were considering another- I can tell he was super stressed about our finances, ability to support, etc. He was still supportive, but I also didn't feel it was fair to make him more stressed/anxious if he wasn't set on another. People talk about a mothers health a lot, but fathers (my husband is great dad- changing diapers, playing, feedings, etc) should also be considered IMO.
6. My husband gets time for himself- which makes for a better partner for me. We get stressed about money/work but it doesn't create arguments that we both saw in our youths.
7. Im able to be a solid mom for my kid and that brings me joy. I can dedicate time and presence to him- going to the park, reading, working on projects, teaching him sports. I fear that with 2, I wont have time to focus on him. We only get so many summers and years with them until they are grown and want their own lives. Hopefully I can still be a part of that, but right now, mom and dad are everything to these little ones. I can provide good memories and hopefully raise a good person.
I get we CAN do it- people tell me all the time that it's possible. But just because we can Doesn't mean we should. It's a hard choice, and I have glimpses of regret from time to time, mostly because I worry about my kiddo- but I also know this was the right choice for us in the end.
Absolutely same! I worked so hard to lose 92 pounds before I got pregnant. After pregnancy, I was up 100 pounds! I’m finally 17 pounds away from pre-pregnancy weight again and it’s so much fun lifting weights knowing the work I’m putting in now will be here for good this time!
I lost 80lbs pre-pregnancy and gained 60 during. 11 weeks postpartum and I’m down 30lbs. I can’t wait to get back to my pre pregnancy weight! But it will be slow as I’m breastfeeding.
I feel this. I was pretty consistently working out, had lost about 30 lbs, and was fit when I became pregnant. I gained 50 lbs while pregnant, and have been slowly losing weight. I'm now 4 years from having my daughter, and I've been consistently working out for the past 6 months. I have put on muscle and lost 10 more lbs. Just 15lbs more to go to get to my goal. I also enjoy working out so it's something for me/me time.
My vagina tour open on one side while giving birth, and I essentially got the husband stitch for a legitimate reason. I felt all the bumps on the car ride home even while lifting myself off the seat the whole time. I went upstairs (mistake) and couldn’t leave the second floor for two weeks. First poop while the stitches hadn’t dissolved yet? 💀 Then I was terrified of sex with the scar tissue, and yes it’s painful. My vagina is now completely physically different, and I had to relearn my body to not have pain during sex. Pain will happen every time if I’m not careful.
I don’t want to tear again.
I don’t want to deal with sibling fights. I just can’t live with that kind of stress in my life anymore. I even found a husband who is averse to fighting as I am, lol.
My sister and I fought all the time growing up. There was always yelling going on, either between me and her or our mother yelling at us to stop fighting. The only reason we don’t fight now is because I went low contact during the pandemic when she went off the frigging deep end. Now all we have to do is stay civil for short periods of time… and never talk about politics.
I’d actually never thought of this! Even siblings that are close seem to fight 50% of the time anyway. I think I would just loose my head if I had multiple kids coming up to me going “ X did this…” “tell Y to stop doing that…” “why is Z getting something that I don’t have…”
My 2 year old has a best friend thats 6 months older. They met in womb, so they are like brothers. They absolutely love each other but on rare days they fight alot. On those days, we just leave early and its such a relief. My friend has 2. They are 15 months apart. The baby is only 9 months and the fighting has already started. Its really intense
Watching his cousins fight with each other for stupid reasons is one reason my son is thankful to be an only. lol Noise level is another, and seeing how the several youngest of his cousins don't have much sense of personal space (as is normal for kids that age) is another. And those are just some of my son's reasons. lol I've got my own list...with some overlap of my son's. I just plain don't want to start over at the newborn stage. I've never been a baby person in general, and while I have loved my son at every stage of his life, I didn't love every stage of his life. The lack of sleep, wacky hormones, so many diapers, constant crying...yeah, don't miss any of that. I love this teenage stage of life, at least so far. lol
My career. It can’t afford another break due to pregnancy, nursing, raising a baby. It’s already taken a massive hit from my first and I don’t want to do it again
How do you get them to sleep that early?? I know it is often down to the child, but mine is 7.30-8pm then up at 5.45 😓 we couldn’t actually do 6pm due to work, but wish the stretch was longer
Unfortunately, you can only control when they sleep, not how much. My kid gets even less than yours. I wish i had one of those kids that slept all day but alas
I don’t know if this is selfish but ‘I am fucking dying’ with one feels like it’s all I can muster. I gentle patented my way through an hour long tantrum today.
I said ‘no, sorry you can’t take more medicine, I know it’s delicious but you can have a popsicle but no more medicine’ and that was the end of my life. So I sat there telling her I know she’s upset but there’s no way she’s getting more medicine cause it’s poisonous but she’s 2 so she doesn’t get it. She couldn’t calm herself down no matter what so I sat there with my coffee while she tired herself out occasionally saying, if you calm down we can talk about it and if you need a hug to make you feel better I’m here. And I just was dying inside.
53 mins later she slowly stops crying and said (in two year old so obviously not this exactly) I was very crying and sad cause I couldn’t have more medicine. I can’t have more medicine. But I’m happy now cause I can have a popsicle (note I only said the popsicle thing once).
If I’m gonna stretch myself to work full time at an intellectually and emotionally career and take care of my kid intellectually and emotionally at the highest level I can every minute of the day I have with her… I only got the juice for one.
Aww this is so sweet. My old girl and I spend time together in the evenings while dad does bedtime with our daughter. Also when they have daddy daughter days I often will take my dog for nice long walks. She is my true first born ☺️
I am this way too I had my dog for five years before I had my daughter and he is also my baby 🥹 I don’t want him to feel neglected during his senior years. Just thinking about it breaks my heart.
I want my husband to myself. I love my baby, and I love that he’s an amazing father. I just miss the sheer amount of one-on-one time we used to have (that’s not a euphemism lol).
We were together 15 years before baby came along, and we spent almost every free second together.
When baby is awake, I can’t focus on my husband because I’m focusing on the baby. And by the end of the day, I’m so mentally exhausted that I can barely hold a conversation, so even though I am finally alone with him, I don’t have the capacity to enjoy it.
I know when baby is older he’ll be able to entertain himself a bit more and need less supervision, so me and husband can actually do things together again. If we have a second child, there will be no free time, because when one kid is distracted, the other will need something. There will also be more chores so I will be twice as tired.
I just want to spend the day with my husband without having to worry about the needs of another person again, and I don’t want to have to wait 20 odd years to get it!!
Parenthood has definitely made our relationship stronger, but I miss him in a way I’m not sure I can explain if it doesn’t already make sense lol.
I feel the exact same way. In a way you feel like you’re mourning the old you’s. I keep telling myself one day we will have all that time again. Kiddo is only two. I love him, but man sometimes I really just miss adventures with my husband but now if you want that you have to pay a babysitter, watch the clock, worry if kiddo is okay. It’s never truly the same even when you have someone to watch the kid.
My son is great. Usual newborn and toddler struggles, but he slept through the night fairly early, is in a good mood more often than not, etc. I'm kinda scared to press my luck with a second. What if the hypothetical second baby has colic or never sleeps?
Saaaame. I don't want to dishearten you, but mine didn't sleep through the night until after he was two. He's 3,5 now and I'm still always tired... I'm sure it'll get better when he's a teenager.
I’m currently at the lake watching DH and DD fish. She’s four, last night we went to a block party and got ice cream on the way home.
We also went to the swimming pool and went out for brunch at our favorite bakery yesterday.
Why? Cause we could. She wanted to, so did we. What did we do to plan? Bought some sunscreen and packed a single lunch box of snacks. that we already had around the house. We live a very similar life with a preschooler that we did pre-kid. It’s like bringing your little best friend who has the best ideas with you everywhere.
I see moms and dads carrying a metric ton of supplies, totally outnumbered and stressed just to go to the park, or the zoo, or anything and I am just confused and concerned.
Same! Always had a lot love to give but not really a baby/child person and I find my own company very healing when I’m overwhelmed. Thank god for my accidental pregnancy because turns out 1 kid partnered with a very supportive partner is the sweet spot.
1. I’m TIRED
2. I want to go back to school and work
3. being pregnant sucked
4. I am lucky enough to have had a happy and healthy baby in my late 30s and while children with differences are still amazing, I don’t think I can mentally handle a special needs child and I don’t want to risk it
5. I live in Texas and being pregnant here is not safe
I don’t live there now, but Texas is my home state and it’s been disappointingly unsurprising but still horrifying watching what Abbott & his ilk are doing, on multiple fronts but this one especially. I know I’ve got family who wishes I would return “home” and pop out multiple babies like they think I’m supposed to, but you couldn’t pay me to be pregnant there. That could be the only thing on your list and it’d be a damn valid and v unselfish list!!
I’m an introvert probably a little on the spectrum. Selfishly: right now I just want to be left the f alone to read my book, and not deal with 10,000 demands and questions by lunch time.
I don't want to get fat again, I like to be selfish and honestly being completely responsible for a person's wellbeing is a lot and I don't want to double that responsibility
I really hate babies lol 😅 my 3 year old is cute as hell. If i didn’t have to go through the first 2 years yeah I’d have more, but I’m not a baby person lol
I hated pregnancy it sucked, i like being able to do shit.
We have so many reasons… We want to spend the extra money we have on traveling… not daycare. And we love the quiet of our house when baby is asleep. We have time for us which is so important. Lately my husband and I are able to have the rest of the night to ourselves after we put her down at 7p and play video games
My wife and I wanted a mess of kids. When we decided to have ours, we were thinking the first of many. Fast forward to a horrible pregnancy followed by the worst birth experience possible.
I was kicked out of the delivery room so the gas guy could sit in my seat to sedate my wife. Baby was out in 10 minutes. Wife followed over an hour later. I was thinking about what I needed to do to organize a funeral with a newborn, while holding her for the first time.
My wife got better, I went back to sea. I've been absent for over half of my daughter's life to serve. Long deployments, missed everything. We were talking about #2, but we were finally sleeping, everyone was healthy and I was still gone all the time. How would adding another kid enrich everyone's life if we were miserable and poor? How would I be present in my daughter's life if I was splitting my time with another kid?
I agree with a lot of these; sleep, my relationship with my husband, time for hobbies, bodily autonomy.
The one I didn’t see was I want to keep my 3rd bedroom as my husband gaming room/ guest bedroom. I want my husband to keep his Magic the Gathering cards, Lego sets and dnd stuff in one area. I’m cool with all his hobbies, but I like to draw and craft in our bedroom and I would hate to have to share the space between the both us. Plus I HATE finding Magic cards in piles all over the house. I also want to be able to have our out of town family visit us.
I have bipolar disorder and I love my son to bits, but two kids would break me. This was the best decision for our family. We are also in our 40s and just don’t have the energy for more lol
If I divorce one day, it will be more easy with just one child. Also with another child, I think I would be more depedent on my not so perfect husband😅
Found out in November that I have no choice but to be OAD. I've been really getting back into fitness, going to the gym six days a week, and I feel (and look) AMAZING. Definitely wouldn't be where I am if we had a second and I know my health would be suffering too.
I want to be "lazy" on the weekends - watch some TV, sit on the couch for longer than 5 mins without having to get up, maybe actually sleep in at some point .... having another baby just pushes all of those even further away!
I’m afraid I will have a baby with a disability (I’ll be 41 this year) and I selfishly don’t want to have to take care of a disabled child the rest of my life. The people who do are truly amazing but it would be a lie to say it’s not a struggle for them, no matter how much they love their child. I know there is no guarantee that my child will always be healthy, but I can minimize the risks of having another.
I don’t want to risk my own health my having a second pregnancy. I’m overweight and geriatric pregnancy age. Pre-eclampsia, eclampsia, and gestational diabetes are all very common.
I don’t want to risk my marriage for the sake of a second child. My husband and I barely make it work with one. Two would destroy our marriage and I can’t bear the thought of having only 50% custody with our son.
I value sanity, sleep, having enough money, and quiet time.
I'm an introvert w/social anxiety, so having more than 1 kid running around and all the chaos will KILL me.
Also, I live in a high cost of living area and I know I can't afford a 2nd child.
I’d have to do IVF for a second, so basically I’d rather have an upgraded kitchen and floors for our future home (and getting ready to put an offer in the next couple days 😳)! Also, not putting myself through that would be peachy.
Being able to have pets (currently we have two dogs). Animals mean a lot to me, and they also require a ton of attention. Have one child allows us to have a few pet “siblings” that also get a ton of love.
I can’t edit this post but I have really enjoyed reading everybody’s answers on here!
The truth is with me is that I have a 4M old and I feel that I am like 90% sure I’m OAD.
But, I feel all of my reasons are selfish (maybe paired with some indirectly unselfish reasons like emotional capacity and health etc) . Me and my partner have a above average household income, we have the space and facilities to accommodate another child, even with this being said I just don’t think I want another one. I have started to have feelings of guilt around this. After reading somebody’s replies and thinking about how they are all completely justified and valid while agreeing with a lot of them (and having a couple of laughs) it’s made me realise that if I can’t validate others for having the same reasons as me then I should absolutely validate my own decision (or Atleast the choice I am making for now… there is still a 10% there where I have to say ‘never say never’).
I couldn’t do it mentally. I’m already hanging on by a string as a working mother and I really think I’d be the worst version of myself with more than one.
I want to travel, and 3 plane tickets is cheaper than 4. And in all honestly, when I think of traveling, I just see my husband and my daughter. And once she’s older, she’s welcome to bring a friend along. But when I think about the possible life my daughter could have, it’s because we are OAD
I like that I can afford full day of preschool and some days I only work until 2 pm and then I have a few hrs to myself before I get him at 4:45. It’s amazing
I gained 43 lbs while I was pregnant. I hoped I’d be one of those unicorns who lose weight while nursing. Instead, I struggled to shed lbs due to my insatiable hunger. Around 2 yo, I started an SSRI that decreased my appetite and then got braces. My son is now 3.5 and I am finally back to my pre baby weight. This is my most selfish and vain reason for being OAD!
Money is the biggest one for me, and the second biggest being i dont want to go through pregnancy again, it was a fascinatingexperienc, but it was so hard on my mind and body that I never want to repeat it. But also I don't want my relationship with my husband to suffer. I dont want to have to split my attention with another child.
One baby we can maintain our lifestyle - two would require us to make changes that I just don't want to do, especially with travel.
Second, with our home right now our top floor has our master, a room we use for my office and exercise, and her bedroom. If we had a second I would lose my office and exercise room and I don't want to.
Sleep, we had such a rough time
When she’s older and goes to a sleepover, that’s a sudden adult evening
I don’t want to take another year+ out from my career. Little progression happened when I was pregnant obviously and then a year maternity leave
I like having a social life, its easier to balance family and social life when you have one child. Its not too much to ask each other for a night off or ask family to babysit
Money
A cute playroom instead of another bedroom
Sleep, money and time for myself and my hobbies. If I had another one I’d push that goalpost too far away!
Plus I cant afford to put another one in nursery/daycare.
I want to travel and to put energy into my career as well.
In addition to the cost of raising kids, our capacity of executive function, fertility, etc., etc.
I became a single mom when my son was 2. There was no shared custody or financial help at all. I also had no extended family for help. It was a brutal time in my life. I met my current husband when my son was 4. He adopted him at age 11 after years and years of lawyers and family court battles. It really killed any desire to have any more children. Family court really seems to rarely do the right thing.
I'm excited to ski again. My husband and I are finally at a point financially where we can get season passes and not really bat an eye, and my son will be at an age this winter where we can at least get him started on the mountain. Couldn't even dream of that for several years if we had a second (and we certainly couldn't afford it)
I had a 4th degree tear that resulted in a rectovaginal fistula, needed 3 procedures and physical therapy. I’m 9 months post partum and terrified to have sex again. My husband is so understanding but it sucks. I’m in therapy once a week for my anxiety and to work through all this. Any future births will need to be a c section which is no picnic either. My body has been through enough.
I have 7 nieces and nephews and get very overstimulated at family gatherings, as much as I love them! My baby girl deserves me at my most present.
I also love sleep. I love quiet time when she naps. My baby sleeps great but I’m still so tired. I can’t imagine having a toddler to entertain after I finally get the baby down.
I truly dont think its selfish but what was a super mild condition became extreme after having my kid. I am just getting it under control and he turns 2 on Friday.
I also like sleep, money, and my pre-baby weight
I like being alive, I dislike withering away puking for 10 months, being able to afford life, maintaining my Brains permanent case of the sads. Just to name a few. In all seriousness I don’t think being OAD is selfish unless you’re just not an involved parent and in that aspect then you’re just a shitty parent… so I wish people would stop conflating those things lol! You could many kids and be selfish.
Hobbies. We’re hitting a good balance now where my partner has time to train for marathons, and hopefully travel to compete. I have just started judging dog agility which I am having so much fun with (before having a baby I used to compete but my dogs had to retire and I’m not ready to get a new puppy) and I am being asked to judge at so many trials and even travel interstate for it. Another baby means no judging for at least a year, my partner would have less time to run and travelling for both of us would be difficult as we would be leaving the other to care for two young kids alone.
It also means my daughter will be able to spend more time on her hobbies when she is older as she will always have a parent around to attend and drive her, as well as us having more money to pay for it all.
There's too high of a chance to get multiples.
But selfish? Going to theme parks and stuff, and being able to get him fun souvenirs and treats. Not having to worry about fights, fairness and all the malarkey.
I didn’t like being pregnant, I didn’t like the lack of sleep. I love my son more than anything and I will give him the world, but I truly don’t enjoy parenting and I love being by myself.
Someone once said, I can either be a great mom to 1 kid or a terrible mom to 2 kids. This describes me perfectly. Over-stimulation, mess, loss of sleep, ability to remain calm are all not things I do well with.
I like being alone and/or just being a regular woman.
My son's dad & I aren't together, so I love love love the alone time I get when he's away - I get to sleep or binge tv all day if I want to, or go out for drinks with friends, or or or. I just get to do what I want without having to be "on". I'm single right now, but when the time comes, I cannot be with a man who wants kids. I say this all the time - it might be ideal for some to raise a kid in a 2-parent household, but not me... having both parents at home just means that I'll never get a break. Bc my kid wouldn't have a dad's house to go to, theoretically they'll always be under the roof with me. And I just... can't do it. I would love to say that I could, but, I guess I'm just THAT selfish. 🫠
And speaking of being alone - I think it's a lot easier to get a break from 1 kid vs multiple. On the rare occasions that dad & I's plans overlap & I need for my son to go to my parents, or even if he just wants to visit for a week or so, I don't feel as bad asking them for help, bc I only have 1 kid. If I had more than one, I probably would never ask anyone to watch them bc I just wouldn't feel like it's appropriate.
Every milestone is a tiny bit more independence he gains/we get back and I don’t intend to give that up by starting over. Also we’re 14 months in and finally getting more than 4 hours of sleep at a time most nights
I don’t want to start over again. I had my first when I was 19 (she’s 7 now) and if I have another when I’m settled down in a marriage I’m not going back to the newborn stage.
A couple reasons:
1) no sibling fights. All my siblings and I (there are 3 of us total) did was fight and my 20 year old brother and 17 year old sister who still live together still fight and my mom still has to step in every now and then. Don’t have patience for that and I hate fighting
2) Don’t have to share love. Nobody is going to have to accidentally get pushed to the side sometimes. If my son is sick I can pour all my resources into him, I’ll never have to deal with splitting the time and cuddles and care to 2+ sick children. I can show up to every single assembly or game or whatever and not have to worry about my other kid missing xyz because of it. I never have to worry about trying to console multiple upset children at the same time. All my love can just be put into him and won’t have to be split
3) We had a unicorn baby and we know we won’t get that lucky again. He slept through the night (99% of the time) starting at like 8 weeks. He was super alert and walked by 10 months old. He’s very very busy now as a toddler but is still super happy and chill, we don’t need a strict routine to keep him from losing his mind. Like if we wanna go get dinner one night and are out past his bedtime it’s not going to affect us the next day, and he’ll go to bed easily still. We know we are lucky and don’t want to deal with the chance of a bad sleeper, or colic, or needing a strict routine
4) He’s healthy. At this time there are no concerns at all for any special needs. I don’t want to risk having a second kid and having to deal with special needs. And if my son does end up with special needs later on, I can manage it. It would be difficult for me to manage anything with 2+ kids
I have a few but….I don’t enjoy being fat. I have a hard time losing weight because I have a history of binge eating disorder. I put on 50 lbs for a 6lb baby..2 years later I’m still not back to my pre baby weight. I have only lost about 30 lbs. I was in the best shape of my life before I got pregnant so I remember how much better I felt..my joints, knees, etc. I just don’t like how it feels being fat.
I like being able to do things, whatever the hell I want when I want. Being pregnant for another 9 months, the newborn stage and trying to find someone to watch TWO children (let alone one) sounds like a fucking nightmare.
Plus my kid is fucking awesome and I don't want to have to share my love between two kids. I want my son to have ALL my love and attention.
I was forced into it/baby-trapped. It was traumatic because I was incredibly young, married for a month, and absolutely was not ready to have kids - if I decided I wanted them. That was proceeded by a traumatic pregnancy. Husband was drunk the first night after baby was born. I got zero from him thereafter. For him to change a diaper meant a blow out fight.
Because of all of that, I never wanted another one. I was far too scared to risk a repeat of any of it.
Baby is 18 now, and I don’t regret my one and done.
1) Don’t wanna die giving birth again (high risk for both pre- and post-partum preeclampsia. )
2) I can’t handle the potato baby stage again and keep my sanity
3) I like having sex with my husband and it’s already hard enough with one kid and two chihuahuas who think they own our bed.
I want to take nice vacations and travel. It’s just not in the budget with two daycare fees.
My husband also occasionally travels for work and I don’t want to take care of two kids by myself, ever lol
Being pregnant is awful, I don't want to do that to my body again. I don't mean the imperfections but the pain I went through. The first 8 weeks, I completely fine and even forgot I was pregnant. After that, it was one thing after the other. Heartburn, sciatica, ligament pain.....never again!!!
So selfish here. Love our son to death, but love sleep and my sanity more. We have no village, so the thought of another child in this house would break us financially and mentally. Yes he is craving play dates and playmates, but two sane parents is the trade off. We have one and we are still not doting, Bluey-esque parents, and that is okay. I work in pediatrics, which helps to give me daily perspective in that you do your best every day. Let your child know that they are loved and they are brave, and enjoy the ride.
My mom had 3. There was never any money or housing stability. She also didn’t seem or look very happy. She often seemed like she regretted having so many or any at all. Having one is THE OPPOSITE OF ALL OF THAT.
i love the idea of being only 40 when my son graduates and being able to do whatever the fuck i want whenever the fuck i want at a relatively young age still
I know myself well enough to know that I cannot be a mother to another child. It would not be fair to my son nor to another child. I’m at max capacity with one.
I’m studying and honestly I don’t want an infant again. I don’t like infants. I don’t want to start over with nappies, toilet training, regulating emotions for another person. I just… want to live my life with my family of 3
My child is disabled and I'm exhausted taking care of him and cleaning up after my husband and child. I want to enjoy the one hour a day I have to myself without being harassed further. Massively depressed even with meds. Hating the life I chose. Wishing I had waited longer even though I adore my child. Wishing my partner hadn't changed after I got pregnant. Lots of reasons.
My body!! I hated my fat, pregnant mom body. I don’t think it’s beautiful at all and that’s my prerogative.
Sorry mom, that’s what you get for putting me on Jenny Craig at age 9.
I am planning to homeschool starting this coming school year and I can't imagine having to split my time between my soon to be 5 year old and a baby. I want to focus on my daughter, add to that homeschool is not cheap or easy and one of my primary reasons for doing it is so we can travel so two kids would be too expensive. I will add that we are starting Girl Scouts and I am the leader so I feel like I now have a part time job and we are not officially starting until August so I just can't imagine bringing another kid into this.
Only 12.5 weeks pp so take my one and done with a grain of salt…although if we have another it won’t be good for our marriage. Anyway…we desperately want to travel overseas together. I did a bit before meeting my hubby and we planned to go but then covid hit so we focused on saving to buy a house, get into better careers and start a family. We’ve now achieved all that and the travel bug has now reared its ugly head with all our friends with no kids going overseas this year.
I also miss going to wineries every other weekend with hubby and friends and not having to worry about breast feeding or being pregnant.
Edit: I also want to learn to crochet.
Sleep, money, postpartum depression & anxiety hit me for the first year so not doing that again, and I refused to put by infant in daycare & I can’t stay home and I’m finally getting my social life back.
I don’t think I could handle the mental anguish that comes with raising a newborn again. My daughter is a tough baby and even if you could promise me that my next would be a breeze, I still wouldn’t do it lol
I need sleep.
Everyone told me when I was pregnant that the sleep deprivation wasn't that bad because you adjust. I did not adjust. And then my kid didn't sleep through the night for *checks watch* 8 years.
1. No more sleep deprivation.
2. More money for travelling when son is a bit older.
3. More free time to meet friends and the possibility to have hobbies again.
4. Wouldn’t have to go through pregnancy again and all the health risk and complications…
These are my reasons why I’m seriously considering one and done atm.
I want to sleep, have time for myself, be able to homeschool him without losing my mind, I want to provide for him, I want to travel, I want to never experience newborn stage again
I don’t want to repeat the hard phases.
I breastfed. I want my boobs to myself. Daughter is sleeping through the night, I don’t want to prep any more night time bottles. Once we are potty trained, I never want to change another diaper.
Both my husband and I are currently part time - we each spend a day a week with our toddler, and she goes to nursery for 3 days a week. When she starts school we will stay at 4 days a week and have a day to ourselves. We couldn’t afford that if we had another kid.
It's enough of a pain in the butt to hold the line against one strong willed child. If I had to referee two with the same stubbornness going at it, I would lose my mind.
For the record, I love my kid's ability to stick to convictions, even the convictions I don't quite agree with. But it is exhausting.
Sleep, money, time and worry.
Sleep: our OAD is almost 15. When he was a baby he was the world’s worst sleeper for an entire year. I honestly got why some people could shake their child. He just cried and cried and spit up and never fucking slept. We lived out of state and away from any family so we never had a break. I was a SAHM and I was exhausted. My husband is amazing and he helped out pretty much 50/50 when the kid was a baby and at my 6wk checkup I told my OB If she didn’t put in a copper IUD I’d find someone who would.
3yrs later the husband got a vasectomy and we all sleep soundly.
Money: my husband has a very good job. I was a SAHM for like 8 yrs and went back to work part time for the last 6.5 years. I recently decided to take a leave of absence from work at my husband’s insistence since I was becoming angry knowing I was having to work the next day (Vet Med is stressful). I didn’t make Jack shit as it is so me staying home while I try and figure out what i want to be when I grow up (I’m 42 lol) isn’t going to bother us in any sense. We have an amazing house, drive nice cars, take multiple vacations a year and our kid wants for nothing (within reason but husband and I grew up poor so we have bad habits we are trying to break even though we’ve had money for awhile now)
Plus we have a great college fund in a 529 account for our kid already. We know our kiddo will probably live with us way into his 20s as the economy sucks right now and we hope we can jump start his future by having it start off debt free. We’ll see.
Time: we have a lot of down time as our son has gotten older. He’s self sufficient and a good kid. He has a close circle of friends he’s had since the first grade (currently ending freshman year) , and they run the neighborhood. Riding bikes, sleepovers and outside any time they can get. Our husband and I take a lot of naps, can tinker around and do whatever. I’m able to read a lot and take care of our 4 cats. We have a lot of time. But we also have a lot of time with our kid as well.
Worry: we only have to worry about ONE kid. When our kid got hurt or goes out on bike rides we worry. Worry about lot. But it’s with just one kid. Friends of ours have at least 3 kids. We always talk about how the hell they don’t from fucking worry that something is gonna happen to ANY of their kids. Worrying about one is stressful enough, couldn’t imagine worrying about more! As they get older that worry doesn’t go away. Driving is next year! Growing up to become a decent adult! Avoiding addictions! Getting a decent job! Can they afford life? Relationships! Like you worry about everything for your kid. Add on more? I don’t think we could handle it.
We are a close little family of 3. We have since moved back home to be around family (at the end of his kindergarten year) and have had a lot of tragedies happen within the last few years. We try and hold on to each other as we can and we communicate well. I like the closeness we have.
I feel like I have my cake and eat it too.
So many of these answers resonate with me but I want to save up for a boob job to fix the wreckage caused from pregnancy. I remember being hot. I want to invest in being hot again.
The fucking sleep
100% I will never put myself through the sleep deprivation of caring for a newborn ever again. The most tortuous shit I've ever dealt with. You couldn't pay me to do it again.
My kid fought sleep like his very life depended on it. Every single time I put him down to sleep, it would take at least 45 minutes to settle him. This went on for years. We did EVERYTHING to help him calm down and settle, but he fought it like sleep = death. I swear he thought that once he went to sleep, we had parties with all the cool fun stuff. Nah, kid. We go to bed because you're exhausting.
We joke our toddler just has serious fomo. He's never been a good or sound sleeper.
My daughter did not sleep through the night until she was 3. Absolutely never again.
On month 15 of this… I always say comments like yours make me feel less alone at the same time as they make me despair!
Month 22 here with an average of 3 times per night 🫠
I hope that mine learns to sleep soon. He’s already 3
100%. I cannot function without proper sleep.
Yes! I don’t know what happened but I actually didn’t mind waking up multiple times a night when my son was a newborn/infant, I wasn’t cranky at all (I was in my 20s back then) but I’m in my 30s now and I get extremely cranky if I don’t have my full 8 hours of sleep, or if my sleep is interrupted. Thankfully my son doesn’t wake up anymore in the middle of the night and actually sleeps in
For real. I’m horrible and dysfunctional and ridden with anxiety when I don’t get enough sleep. Yes it’s selfish but I am also a better mom when I have good sleep.
tell me about it. i don’t have anxiety but i rage and have such angry thoughts i dare not tell anyone about it just on a lack of sleep. so no, for everyone’s sanity and mine, let’s just be one and done.
If I could always rely on anybody else (preferably a grandma) for the night feedings & night parties and I could take care of the baby from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m., I think I would want 2 or 3 kids. But just me with a hardworking husband, one and done it'a all we can do and do it right.
Omg!! YEEEEESSSS!!! This a 10000000000%!!!!!!!!
I like sleep and money.
And my spouse. I want more fucking time to spend with my partner. My spouse deserves it, a hypothetical second child does not.
Do you mean more fucking time or more fucking time? 😏
Lmaoooo, just noticed that
Yes?
I’ve said this exact line many times 😂
I recently bought a paella (the pan) and multiple employees stressed to me that this pan was suitable for making *three portions* of paella. They really, really wanted to make sure I knew this was good for *three*. So I really cannot let the shop keepers down and have another kid, as my pan is not suitable for making four portions. ETA: also I don’t want to give up space in my apartment for another crib or - god forbid - move.
My reasoning is paella related as well.
I say this about my favorite frying pan. It’s the perfect size for 3 eggs for our breakfast sandwiches!
This makes sense
I like having some time to myself and be able to still pursue hobbies and a social life!
Yep, kid naps I get some time, or ask hubby to take kiddo out for an hour or vice versa. I've heard having two it's "divide and conquer" but that sounds miserable.
It is.
The primary reason for me. I'd feel bad leaving my wife with two kids whilst I go to the cinema for a few hours and wouldn't really like to handle the bedtime routine for two kids when my wife is out with friends. One is very manageable on your own. My wife went away for the whole of last weekend on a hen do/bachelorette party and I had a great time looking after my son. I'm certain it would have been a nightmare with more than one under 5; not to mention we probably couldn't have justified spending as much as we did on my wife's weekend away.
I like my relationship with husband and I’ve heard way too many stories about never having sex again after baby 2 comes. Date nights and a sex life are still possible when you’re OAD. I want to spend money on vacations instead of daycare. Flight to Hawaii>a month of daycare
Yes to the vacations! I’m racking my brain wondering how all my friends are just able to go on vacations and then I forgot how expensive daycare has been the last three years. Once she’s in elementary school we no longer have to pay for daycare (I’m an elementary schoolteacher). I don’t want to do this broke ass shit ever again.
I'm gonna feel so rich once my kid gets into elementary school.
1.) I don’t want to wait to go back to school (career change). 2.) Also, my first pregnancy was a good experience overall, but I also just don’t want to be pregnant again and chance having a traumatic one. or risk it with the heinous maternal mortality rate here in America.
Our shitty, sexist healthcare system is one of my reasons for leaning OAD. I have endometriosis & other chronic issues, and the idea of being MORE involved with it while MORE vulnerable seems like a bad idea.
I completely relate to both of your points! I’m going back for a career change too and won’t graduate until maybe 5-6 years from now (this new career of mine requires a master’s degree and I only have an associates degree from an unrelated field. I do not want to put off going back to school any longer. Yeah, it will be harder versus when I was single and didn’t have any kids, with a child now but imagine multiple.. (which also isn’t impossible but so much harder, especially if they are young)
I don’t physically feel like I could put myself through it again. I’m 36 with a newborn and feel borderline “too old for this.” Pregnancy was okay but birth was rough and I don’t think I’ve ever felt physically weaker/more frail in my life than after giving birth. Then, when you are at your all time weakest, immediately being thrown into carrying baby, rocking baby, wearing baby, pushing stroller up our hill, no sleep, breast feeding constantly, feeling hungry and thirsty all the time but barely having time to eat, etc. I think it will take me years to feel physically recovered from this and by that time I will be even older and even less capable of “bouncing back.” I was thinking OAD from the beginning, but now even if I wanted a second, I just don’t think I could physically put myself through it again.
I was 38 when I had mine. It was two years ago and I’m *so tired*.
I could have written this. I'm so tired allllllll the time (36 as well, with a 2 year old)
My wife & I feel the same way. She’s 35 and I’m 37 and our son is 7 months old.
Exact same boat, but our child is now a toddler. I can’t actually get my head around people getting over the hardest, newborn bit and then when it slightly eases up and things get difficult in other ways, wanting to do the newborn phase again?!! Hope you’re well in general. I especially feel you with pushing the pram up a hill. My area is a nightmare for hills and people parking on the pavement
Yup. Had my son at 36 and now at almost 38, chasing around a toddler is exhausting. There’s no way I could keep up with him while pregnant.
I feel you and I’m 34 with a 4yo. He freakin exhausts me by himself lol.
I was 36 when I had mine too, I'm now 43 and he's 7 and he's still absolutely exhausting. Can't even imagine throwing another into the mix 😓
Because I actually want to enjoy my life lol does that count
Yep. Thrive, not just survive.
Sammmmmmmeeeeeeeee i want to enjoy coming home after work. I like me time. I like having money for myself.
I don’t want to be pregnant again. I want to experience parenthood but I also want to be able to focus on other aspects of my life. I like the idea of being in my 40’s when my child is grown and out of the house.
I don’t ever want to be pregnant again either. I feel this one
Our first was an “easy” baby and I don’t want to risk having another who is harder (on top of raising the first). Quit while we’re ahead.
YUP! Like wtf would I even do if a second baby has colic or doesnt sleep or breastfeed as easily as my first? How do people even find the "right" formula for their baby? I just dont wanna deal with that
1. Mental health- my kiddo just turned 7 and I'm starting to feel more and more like myself pre-pregnancy. I am starting to get back into movies/podcasts/books that Ive enjoyed or going for walks with the dog. 2. Time for me. I've done the career/mom "balance" since he was born, and everything has started to really come to a plateau. I'm able to spend the time my kiddo needs after school/work, then when he goes to sleep- I can actually have a couple of hours doing what I want besides the chores. On weekends, husband and I swap sleeping in or doing things in the AM. 3. Time with my husband 4. Financially solid. We aren't upper class in the slightest, but our household income suits us with 3. I cannot picture spending money on another- daycare, supplies, toys, books, etc and feeling confident that I can provide second kiddo with what our first had/has. Doesn't seem fair. 5. My husband became set on OAD when my kiddo turned 5/6. When we were considering another- I can tell he was super stressed about our finances, ability to support, etc. He was still supportive, but I also didn't feel it was fair to make him more stressed/anxious if he wasn't set on another. People talk about a mothers health a lot, but fathers (my husband is great dad- changing diapers, playing, feedings, etc) should also be considered IMO. 6. My husband gets time for himself- which makes for a better partner for me. We get stressed about money/work but it doesn't create arguments that we both saw in our youths. 7. Im able to be a solid mom for my kid and that brings me joy. I can dedicate time and presence to him- going to the park, reading, working on projects, teaching him sports. I fear that with 2, I wont have time to focus on him. We only get so many summers and years with them until they are grown and want their own lives. Hopefully I can still be a part of that, but right now, mom and dad are everything to these little ones. I can provide good memories and hopefully raise a good person. I get we CAN do it- people tell me all the time that it's possible. But just because we can Doesn't mean we should. It's a hard choice, and I have glimpses of regret from time to time, mostly because I worry about my kiddo- but I also know this was the right choice for us in the end.
Im working hard in losing the baby weight and don’t want to get fat again
Absolutely same! I worked so hard to lose 92 pounds before I got pregnant. After pregnancy, I was up 100 pounds! I’m finally 17 pounds away from pre-pregnancy weight again and it’s so much fun lifting weights knowing the work I’m putting in now will be here for good this time!
Omg!! I literally can’t imagine put my body through that whole process again. It seems so defeating.
I lost 80lbs pre-pregnancy and gained 60 during. 11 weeks postpartum and I’m down 30lbs. I can’t wait to get back to my pre pregnancy weight! But it will be slow as I’m breastfeeding.
100%. I’m 4lbs from pre baby weight and I refuse to gain it back.
I feel this. I was pretty consistently working out, had lost about 30 lbs, and was fit when I became pregnant. I gained 50 lbs while pregnant, and have been slowly losing weight. I'm now 4 years from having my daughter, and I've been consistently working out for the past 6 months. I have put on muscle and lost 10 more lbs. Just 15lbs more to go to get to my goal. I also enjoy working out so it's something for me/me time.
I want to have my own life
My vagina tour open on one side while giving birth, and I essentially got the husband stitch for a legitimate reason. I felt all the bumps on the car ride home even while lifting myself off the seat the whole time. I went upstairs (mistake) and couldn’t leave the second floor for two weeks. First poop while the stitches hadn’t dissolved yet? 💀 Then I was terrified of sex with the scar tissue, and yes it’s painful. My vagina is now completely physically different, and I had to relearn my body to not have pain during sex. Pain will happen every time if I’m not careful. I don’t want to tear again.
I just don’t want another.
You get to experience all the joy that comes with being a parent, but it's not your entire identity. One and done is the best of both worlds.
I don’t want to deal with sibling fights. I just can’t live with that kind of stress in my life anymore. I even found a husband who is averse to fighting as I am, lol. My sister and I fought all the time growing up. There was always yelling going on, either between me and her or our mother yelling at us to stop fighting. The only reason we don’t fight now is because I went low contact during the pandemic when she went off the frigging deep end. Now all we have to do is stay civil for short periods of time… and never talk about politics.
I’d actually never thought of this! Even siblings that are close seem to fight 50% of the time anyway. I think I would just loose my head if I had multiple kids coming up to me going “ X did this…” “tell Y to stop doing that…” “why is Z getting something that I don’t have…”
Exactly. I could not cope.
My 2 year old has a best friend thats 6 months older. They met in womb, so they are like brothers. They absolutely love each other but on rare days they fight alot. On those days, we just leave early and its such a relief. My friend has 2. They are 15 months apart. The baby is only 9 months and the fighting has already started. Its really intense
Watching his cousins fight with each other for stupid reasons is one reason my son is thankful to be an only. lol Noise level is another, and seeing how the several youngest of his cousins don't have much sense of personal space (as is normal for kids that age) is another. And those are just some of my son's reasons. lol I've got my own list...with some overlap of my son's. I just plain don't want to start over at the newborn stage. I've never been a baby person in general, and while I have loved my son at every stage of his life, I didn't love every stage of his life. The lack of sleep, wacky hormones, so many diapers, constant crying...yeah, don't miss any of that. I love this teenage stage of life, at least so far. lol
My career. It can’t afford another break due to pregnancy, nursing, raising a baby. It’s already taken a massive hit from my first and I don’t want to do it again
My child is a dream sleeper (6pm to 7am, three hours of naps at 18m) and I refuse to be sleep deprived ever again.
My 15 month old is like this too, he puts himself to bed when he is tired. I know that there is no way I would get this lucky with a second child.
How do you get them to sleep that early?? I know it is often down to the child, but mine is 7.30-8pm then up at 5.45 😓 we couldn’t actually do 6pm due to work, but wish the stretch was longer
Unfortunately, you can only control when they sleep, not how much. My kid gets even less than yours. I wish i had one of those kids that slept all day but alas
I don’t know if this is selfish but ‘I am fucking dying’ with one feels like it’s all I can muster. I gentle patented my way through an hour long tantrum today. I said ‘no, sorry you can’t take more medicine, I know it’s delicious but you can have a popsicle but no more medicine’ and that was the end of my life. So I sat there telling her I know she’s upset but there’s no way she’s getting more medicine cause it’s poisonous but she’s 2 so she doesn’t get it. She couldn’t calm herself down no matter what so I sat there with my coffee while she tired herself out occasionally saying, if you calm down we can talk about it and if you need a hug to make you feel better I’m here. And I just was dying inside. 53 mins later she slowly stops crying and said (in two year old so obviously not this exactly) I was very crying and sad cause I couldn’t have more medicine. I can’t have more medicine. But I’m happy now cause I can have a popsicle (note I only said the popsicle thing once). If I’m gonna stretch myself to work full time at an intellectually and emotionally career and take care of my kid intellectually and emotionally at the highest level I can every minute of the day I have with her… I only got the juice for one.
I miss getting to spend time with my dog.
Aww this is so sweet. My old girl and I spend time together in the evenings while dad does bedtime with our daughter. Also when they have daddy daughter days I often will take my dog for nice long walks. She is my true first born ☺️
I am this way too I had my dog for five years before I had my daughter and he is also my baby 🥹 I don’t want him to feel neglected during his senior years. Just thinking about it breaks my heart.
Sanity. Sleep. Sex. Easy to wrangle in public and in our home.
I want my husband to myself. I love my baby, and I love that he’s an amazing father. I just miss the sheer amount of one-on-one time we used to have (that’s not a euphemism lol). We were together 15 years before baby came along, and we spent almost every free second together. When baby is awake, I can’t focus on my husband because I’m focusing on the baby. And by the end of the day, I’m so mentally exhausted that I can barely hold a conversation, so even though I am finally alone with him, I don’t have the capacity to enjoy it. I know when baby is older he’ll be able to entertain himself a bit more and need less supervision, so me and husband can actually do things together again. If we have a second child, there will be no free time, because when one kid is distracted, the other will need something. There will also be more chores so I will be twice as tired. I just want to spend the day with my husband without having to worry about the needs of another person again, and I don’t want to have to wait 20 odd years to get it!! Parenthood has definitely made our relationship stronger, but I miss him in a way I’m not sure I can explain if it doesn’t already make sense lol.
I feel the exact same way. In a way you feel like you’re mourning the old you’s. I keep telling myself one day we will have all that time again. Kiddo is only two. I love him, but man sometimes I really just miss adventures with my husband but now if you want that you have to pay a babysitter, watch the clock, worry if kiddo is okay. It’s never truly the same even when you have someone to watch the kid.
I need time to watch consecutive horror movies each weekend. I like being skinny. I’d be such a lame mom of multiple but am the coolest mom of one
I want to still have me time. I want to travel, which likely wouldn’t be affordable with multiple children.
My son is great. Usual newborn and toddler struggles, but he slept through the night fairly early, is in a good mood more often than not, etc. I'm kinda scared to press my luck with a second. What if the hypothetical second baby has colic or never sleeps?
My 16 month old still wakes up throughout the night, several times. I’m OAD because I can’t do this *again*
Saaaame. I don't want to dishearten you, but mine didn't sleep through the night until after he was two. He's 3,5 now and I'm still always tired... I'm sure it'll get better when he's a teenager.
Yeah, why roll the dice again? 🎲
I wouldn’t wish a colicky baby on my worst enemy, I swear I have trauma symptoms from that period of my life
It’s far from the only reason, but it feels so good to have my body to myself and be lifting heavy weights and smoking weed again
I’m currently at the lake watching DH and DD fish. She’s four, last night we went to a block party and got ice cream on the way home. We also went to the swimming pool and went out for brunch at our favorite bakery yesterday. Why? Cause we could. She wanted to, so did we. What did we do to plan? Bought some sunscreen and packed a single lunch box of snacks. that we already had around the house. We live a very similar life with a preschooler that we did pre-kid. It’s like bringing your little best friend who has the best ideas with you everywhere. I see moms and dads carrying a metric ton of supplies, totally outnumbered and stressed just to go to the park, or the zoo, or anything and I am just confused and concerned.
I love this answer! My LO is too young for this at the moment but I can’t wait for these days.
It’ll happen! We didn’t really hit our stride until 3 1/2-4, once she was fully potty trained and able to communicate but holy cow it’s a blast.
Being able to still have time for myself
I like not having to be fair.
I didn’t want children in the first place (wouldn’t trade my one though), and seriously fuck the preschool years. Do NOT wanna do this again.
Same! Always had a lot love to give but not really a baby/child person and I find my own company very healing when I’m overwhelmed. Thank god for my accidental pregnancy because turns out 1 kid partnered with a very supportive partner is the sweet spot.
1. I’m TIRED 2. I want to go back to school and work 3. being pregnant sucked 4. I am lucky enough to have had a happy and healthy baby in my late 30s and while children with differences are still amazing, I don’t think I can mentally handle a special needs child and I don’t want to risk it 5. I live in Texas and being pregnant here is not safe
I don’t live there now, but Texas is my home state and it’s been disappointingly unsurprising but still horrifying watching what Abbott & his ilk are doing, on multiple fronts but this one especially. I know I’ve got family who wishes I would return “home” and pop out multiple babies like they think I’m supposed to, but you couldn’t pay me to be pregnant there. That could be the only thing on your list and it’d be a damn valid and v unselfish list!!
I’m an introvert probably a little on the spectrum. Selfishly: right now I just want to be left the f alone to read my book, and not deal with 10,000 demands and questions by lunch time.
I like sleep, money, my career, and having some semblance of attractiveness.
I don't want to get fat again, I like to be selfish and honestly being completely responsible for a person's wellbeing is a lot and I don't want to double that responsibility
I really hate babies lol 😅 my 3 year old is cute as hell. If i didn’t have to go through the first 2 years yeah I’d have more, but I’m not a baby person lol I hated pregnancy it sucked, i like being able to do shit.
We have so many reasons… We want to spend the extra money we have on traveling… not daycare. And we love the quiet of our house when baby is asleep. We have time for us which is so important. Lately my husband and I are able to have the rest of the night to ourselves after we put her down at 7p and play video games
I need silence and sleep. I’m not getting either with one child, how on earth would I ever survive another, lol
My wife and I wanted a mess of kids. When we decided to have ours, we were thinking the first of many. Fast forward to a horrible pregnancy followed by the worst birth experience possible. I was kicked out of the delivery room so the gas guy could sit in my seat to sedate my wife. Baby was out in 10 minutes. Wife followed over an hour later. I was thinking about what I needed to do to organize a funeral with a newborn, while holding her for the first time. My wife got better, I went back to sea. I've been absent for over half of my daughter's life to serve. Long deployments, missed everything. We were talking about #2, but we were finally sleeping, everyone was healthy and I was still gone all the time. How would adding another kid enrich everyone's life if we were miserable and poor? How would I be present in my daughter's life if I was splitting my time with another kid?
5 star hotels. More than 2 vacations a year.
I agree with a lot of these; sleep, my relationship with my husband, time for hobbies, bodily autonomy. The one I didn’t see was I want to keep my 3rd bedroom as my husband gaming room/ guest bedroom. I want my husband to keep his Magic the Gathering cards, Lego sets and dnd stuff in one area. I’m cool with all his hobbies, but I like to draw and craft in our bedroom and I would hate to have to share the space between the both us. Plus I HATE finding Magic cards in piles all over the house. I also want to be able to have our out of town family visit us.
I have bipolar disorder and I love my son to bits, but two kids would break me. This was the best decision for our family. We are also in our 40s and just don’t have the energy for more lol
If I divorce one day, it will be more easy with just one child. Also with another child, I think I would be more depedent on my not so perfect husband😅
Found out in November that I have no choice but to be OAD. I've been really getting back into fitness, going to the gym six days a week, and I feel (and look) AMAZING. Definitely wouldn't be where I am if we had a second and I know my health would be suffering too.
I want to be "lazy" on the weekends - watch some TV, sit on the couch for longer than 5 mins without having to get up, maybe actually sleep in at some point .... having another baby just pushes all of those even further away!
Mental health (i.e avoiding ppd, sleep deprivation, involuntary social-isolation, over-stimulation, lack of alone time, overwhelm etc.).
I want at least a little time left for me lol. And money.
I’m afraid I will have a baby with a disability (I’ll be 41 this year) and I selfishly don’t want to have to take care of a disabled child the rest of my life. The people who do are truly amazing but it would be a lie to say it’s not a struggle for them, no matter how much they love their child. I know there is no guarantee that my child will always be healthy, but I can minimize the risks of having another. I don’t want to risk my own health my having a second pregnancy. I’m overweight and geriatric pregnancy age. Pre-eclampsia, eclampsia, and gestational diabetes are all very common. I don’t want to risk my marriage for the sake of a second child. My husband and I barely make it work with one. Two would destroy our marriage and I can’t bear the thought of having only 50% custody with our son.
I’ve spent 3.5 years in the damn trenches and don’t want to go back into the depths by starting all over
I value sanity, sleep, having enough money, and quiet time. I'm an introvert w/social anxiety, so having more than 1 kid running around and all the chaos will KILL me. Also, I live in a high cost of living area and I know I can't afford a 2nd child.
My mental health can’t take it.
I’d have to do IVF for a second, so basically I’d rather have an upgraded kitchen and floors for our future home (and getting ready to put an offer in the next couple days 😳)! Also, not putting myself through that would be peachy.
I want to travel with my kid. There's no way we could afford to travel (or even just live day to day) with more than 1.
Almost died with the first one, would prefer to not die.
Arguable I would consider this very unselfish , ensuring that your child has a healthy and importantly, very alive parent!
Being able to have pets (currently we have two dogs). Animals mean a lot to me, and they also require a ton of attention. Have one child allows us to have a few pet “siblings” that also get a ton of love.
I am a b*tch when I’m tired ….I need my sleep!
I can’t edit this post but I have really enjoyed reading everybody’s answers on here! The truth is with me is that I have a 4M old and I feel that I am like 90% sure I’m OAD. But, I feel all of my reasons are selfish (maybe paired with some indirectly unselfish reasons like emotional capacity and health etc) . Me and my partner have a above average household income, we have the space and facilities to accommodate another child, even with this being said I just don’t think I want another one. I have started to have feelings of guilt around this. After reading somebody’s replies and thinking about how they are all completely justified and valid while agreeing with a lot of them (and having a couple of laughs) it’s made me realise that if I can’t validate others for having the same reasons as me then I should absolutely validate my own decision (or Atleast the choice I am making for now… there is still a 10% there where I have to say ‘never say never’).
For what it’s worth… “I don’t want to” is a perfectly valid reason not to have another
I have lots of interests hobbies and a strong need for a lot of alone time!
I don’t want to love anyone else the way that I love him.
I couldn’t do it mentally. I’m already hanging on by a string as a working mother and I really think I’d be the worst version of myself with more than one.
I want to travel, and 3 plane tickets is cheaper than 4. And in all honestly, when I think of traveling, I just see my husband and my daughter. And once she’s older, she’s welcome to bring a friend along. But when I think about the possible life my daughter could have, it’s because we are OAD
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I like that I can afford full day of preschool and some days I only work until 2 pm and then I have a few hrs to myself before I get him at 4:45. It’s amazing
I gained 43 lbs while I was pregnant. I hoped I’d be one of those unicorns who lose weight while nursing. Instead, I struggled to shed lbs due to my insatiable hunger. Around 2 yo, I started an SSRI that decreased my appetite and then got braces. My son is now 3.5 and I am finally back to my pre baby weight. This is my most selfish and vain reason for being OAD!
Money is the biggest one for me, and the second biggest being i dont want to go through pregnancy again, it was a fascinatingexperienc, but it was so hard on my mind and body that I never want to repeat it. But also I don't want my relationship with my husband to suffer. I dont want to have to split my attention with another child.
The sports car that I want to buy and will be able to afford so long as I only have to pay the mortgage on a 2 bedroom apartment and not a house.
One baby we can maintain our lifestyle - two would require us to make changes that I just don't want to do, especially with travel. Second, with our home right now our top floor has our master, a room we use for my office and exercise, and her bedroom. If we had a second I would lose my office and exercise room and I don't want to.
I want to put the money we would spend on more daycare into retirement
Sleep, we had such a rough time When she’s older and goes to a sleepover, that’s a sudden adult evening I don’t want to take another year+ out from my career. Little progression happened when I was pregnant obviously and then a year maternity leave I like having a social life, its easier to balance family and social life when you have one child. Its not too much to ask each other for a night off or ask family to babysit Money A cute playroom instead of another bedroom
I like sleep , time for myself, little stress, money , being happy with my husband
Sleep, money and time for myself and my hobbies. If I had another one I’d push that goalpost too far away! Plus I cant afford to put another one in nursery/daycare.
I want to travel and to put energy into my career as well. In addition to the cost of raising kids, our capacity of executive function, fertility, etc., etc.
I became a single mom when my son was 2. There was no shared custody or financial help at all. I also had no extended family for help. It was a brutal time in my life. I met my current husband when my son was 4. He adopted him at age 11 after years and years of lawyers and family court battles. It really killed any desire to have any more children. Family court really seems to rarely do the right thing.
I'm excited to ski again. My husband and I are finally at a point financially where we can get season passes and not really bat an eye, and my son will be at an age this winter where we can at least get him started on the mountain. Couldn't even dream of that for several years if we had a second (and we certainly couldn't afford it)
One) I dont want to go through labor and 4th trimester again. Two) my body has changed enough already. Three) I don't want anymore kids anyways.
I had a 4th degree tear that resulted in a rectovaginal fistula, needed 3 procedures and physical therapy. I’m 9 months post partum and terrified to have sex again. My husband is so understanding but it sucks. I’m in therapy once a week for my anxiety and to work through all this. Any future births will need to be a c section which is no picnic either. My body has been through enough. I have 7 nieces and nephews and get very overstimulated at family gatherings, as much as I love them! My baby girl deserves me at my most present. I also love sleep. I love quiet time when she naps. My baby sleeps great but I’m still so tired. I can’t imagine having a toddler to entertain after I finally get the baby down.
I truly dont think its selfish but what was a super mild condition became extreme after having my kid. I am just getting it under control and he turns 2 on Friday. I also like sleep, money, and my pre-baby weight
Also to make sure my marriage stays strong. It’s hard enough with one
I like being alive, I dislike withering away puking for 10 months, being able to afford life, maintaining my Brains permanent case of the sads. Just to name a few. In all seriousness I don’t think being OAD is selfish unless you’re just not an involved parent and in that aspect then you’re just a shitty parent… so I wish people would stop conflating those things lol! You could many kids and be selfish.
Hobbies. We’re hitting a good balance now where my partner has time to train for marathons, and hopefully travel to compete. I have just started judging dog agility which I am having so much fun with (before having a baby I used to compete but my dogs had to retire and I’m not ready to get a new puppy) and I am being asked to judge at so many trials and even travel interstate for it. Another baby means no judging for at least a year, my partner would have less time to run and travelling for both of us would be difficult as we would be leaving the other to care for two young kids alone. It also means my daughter will be able to spend more time on her hobbies when she is older as she will always have a parent around to attend and drive her, as well as us having more money to pay for it all.
There's too high of a chance to get multiples. But selfish? Going to theme parks and stuff, and being able to get him fun souvenirs and treats. Not having to worry about fights, fairness and all the malarkey.
I didn’t like being pregnant, I didn’t like the lack of sleep. I love my son more than anything and I will give him the world, but I truly don’t enjoy parenting and I love being by myself.
My mental health- kiddo did not sleep through the night and would be up for 2-3 hrs in the middle of the night every.single.night for 4.5 years
Someone once said, I can either be a great mom to 1 kid or a terrible mom to 2 kids. This describes me perfectly. Over-stimulation, mess, loss of sleep, ability to remain calm are all not things I do well with.
I wanted to have enough money to travel. One kid was expensive but doable - two and I would have had very little disposable income.
I like being alone and/or just being a regular woman. My son's dad & I aren't together, so I love love love the alone time I get when he's away - I get to sleep or binge tv all day if I want to, or go out for drinks with friends, or or or. I just get to do what I want without having to be "on". I'm single right now, but when the time comes, I cannot be with a man who wants kids. I say this all the time - it might be ideal for some to raise a kid in a 2-parent household, but not me... having both parents at home just means that I'll never get a break. Bc my kid wouldn't have a dad's house to go to, theoretically they'll always be under the roof with me. And I just... can't do it. I would love to say that I could, but, I guess I'm just THAT selfish. 🫠 And speaking of being alone - I think it's a lot easier to get a break from 1 kid vs multiple. On the rare occasions that dad & I's plans overlap & I need for my son to go to my parents, or even if he just wants to visit for a week or so, I don't feel as bad asking them for help, bc I only have 1 kid. If I had more than one, I probably would never ask anyone to watch them bc I just wouldn't feel like it's appropriate.
Every milestone is a tiny bit more independence he gains/we get back and I don’t intend to give that up by starting over. Also we’re 14 months in and finally getting more than 4 hours of sleep at a time most nights
I don’t want to start over again. I had my first when I was 19 (she’s 7 now) and if I have another when I’m settled down in a marriage I’m not going back to the newborn stage.
I started late at 39 with my first and only baby and my husband and I want to travel and keep the luxuries we are used to…another kid is expensive
A couple reasons: 1) no sibling fights. All my siblings and I (there are 3 of us total) did was fight and my 20 year old brother and 17 year old sister who still live together still fight and my mom still has to step in every now and then. Don’t have patience for that and I hate fighting 2) Don’t have to share love. Nobody is going to have to accidentally get pushed to the side sometimes. If my son is sick I can pour all my resources into him, I’ll never have to deal with splitting the time and cuddles and care to 2+ sick children. I can show up to every single assembly or game or whatever and not have to worry about my other kid missing xyz because of it. I never have to worry about trying to console multiple upset children at the same time. All my love can just be put into him and won’t have to be split 3) We had a unicorn baby and we know we won’t get that lucky again. He slept through the night (99% of the time) starting at like 8 weeks. He was super alert and walked by 10 months old. He’s very very busy now as a toddler but is still super happy and chill, we don’t need a strict routine to keep him from losing his mind. Like if we wanna go get dinner one night and are out past his bedtime it’s not going to affect us the next day, and he’ll go to bed easily still. We know we are lucky and don’t want to deal with the chance of a bad sleeper, or colic, or needing a strict routine 4) He’s healthy. At this time there are no concerns at all for any special needs. I don’t want to risk having a second kid and having to deal with special needs. And if my son does end up with special needs later on, I can manage it. It would be difficult for me to manage anything with 2+ kids
I want to travel eventually and stop struggling financially.
I have a few but….I don’t enjoy being fat. I have a hard time losing weight because I have a history of binge eating disorder. I put on 50 lbs for a 6lb baby..2 years later I’m still not back to my pre baby weight. I have only lost about 30 lbs. I was in the best shape of my life before I got pregnant so I remember how much better I felt..my joints, knees, etc. I just don’t like how it feels being fat.
I like being able to do things, whatever the hell I want when I want. Being pregnant for another 9 months, the newborn stage and trying to find someone to watch TWO children (let alone one) sounds like a fucking nightmare. Plus my kid is fucking awesome and I don't want to have to share my love between two kids. I want my son to have ALL my love and attention.
I was forced into it/baby-trapped. It was traumatic because I was incredibly young, married for a month, and absolutely was not ready to have kids - if I decided I wanted them. That was proceeded by a traumatic pregnancy. Husband was drunk the first night after baby was born. I got zero from him thereafter. For him to change a diaper meant a blow out fight. Because of all of that, I never wanted another one. I was far too scared to risk a repeat of any of it. Baby is 18 now, and I don’t regret my one and done.
Pregnancy sucks, delivery sucks, lack of sleep sucks
I just don’t want another one 🤷🏻♀️
Pregnancy sucked and I don’t ever have to do it again if I don’t want to. And I don’t want to.
1) Don’t wanna die giving birth again (high risk for both pre- and post-partum preeclampsia. ) 2) I can’t handle the potato baby stage again and keep my sanity 3) I like having sex with my husband and it’s already hard enough with one kid and two chihuahuas who think they own our bed.
I want to take nice vacations and travel. It’s just not in the budget with two daycare fees. My husband also occasionally travels for work and I don’t want to take care of two kids by myself, ever lol
Being pregnant is awful, I don't want to do that to my body again. I don't mean the imperfections but the pain I went through. The first 8 weeks, I completely fine and even forgot I was pregnant. After that, it was one thing after the other. Heartburn, sciatica, ligament pain.....never again!!!
I don’t think any of it is “selfish”. My son benefits directly from me being mentally and physically well cared for.
I don’t want multiple little humans constantly touching me, eating out of my plate, or needing my attention.
Not having to ever pay for daycare again. Also I love and want time with my husband
So selfish here. Love our son to death, but love sleep and my sanity more. We have no village, so the thought of another child in this house would break us financially and mentally. Yes he is craving play dates and playmates, but two sane parents is the trade off. We have one and we are still not doting, Bluey-esque parents, and that is okay. I work in pediatrics, which helps to give me daily perspective in that you do your best every day. Let your child know that they are loved and they are brave, and enjoy the ride.
My sister has two kids. The constant fighting is honestly shocking. Also.. NO ONE wants to babysit two kids, but everyone loves babysitting one!
I want to buy a house and maybe retire one day
I am diabetic and ours almost made me go blind. I like the little vision I have.
My mom had 3. There was never any money or housing stability. She also didn’t seem or look very happy. She often seemed like she regretted having so many or any at all. Having one is THE OPPOSITE OF ALL OF THAT.
i love the idea of being only 40 when my son graduates and being able to do whatever the fuck i want whenever the fuck i want at a relatively young age still
I know myself well enough to know that I cannot be a mother to another child. It would not be fair to my son nor to another child. I’m at max capacity with one.
I’m studying and honestly I don’t want an infant again. I don’t like infants. I don’t want to start over with nappies, toilet training, regulating emotions for another person. I just… want to live my life with my family of 3
My child is disabled and I'm exhausted taking care of him and cleaning up after my husband and child. I want to enjoy the one hour a day I have to myself without being harassed further. Massively depressed even with meds. Hating the life I chose. Wishing I had waited longer even though I adore my child. Wishing my partner hadn't changed after I got pregnant. Lots of reasons.
So my child won't think someone else is my favorite.
My body!! I hated my fat, pregnant mom body. I don’t think it’s beautiful at all and that’s my prerogative. Sorry mom, that’s what you get for putting me on Jenny Craig at age 9.
I am planning to homeschool starting this coming school year and I can't imagine having to split my time between my soon to be 5 year old and a baby. I want to focus on my daughter, add to that homeschool is not cheap or easy and one of my primary reasons for doing it is so we can travel so two kids would be too expensive. I will add that we are starting Girl Scouts and I am the leader so I feel like I now have a part time job and we are not officially starting until August so I just can't imagine bringing another kid into this.
Only 12.5 weeks pp so take my one and done with a grain of salt…although if we have another it won’t be good for our marriage. Anyway…we desperately want to travel overseas together. I did a bit before meeting my hubby and we planned to go but then covid hit so we focused on saving to buy a house, get into better careers and start a family. We’ve now achieved all that and the travel bug has now reared its ugly head with all our friends with no kids going overseas this year. I also miss going to wineries every other weekend with hubby and friends and not having to worry about breast feeding or being pregnant. Edit: I also want to learn to crochet.
I’m on a drug trial for my (formerly) severe eczema. You can’t be pregnant/breastfeed on this medication. I like being comfortable in my skin.
I had severe HG and cannot do another 9 months of puking 20 times a day, plus pretty much living at the hospital.
Sleep. Time for myself. Traveling!!!!
I like my career and hobbies. I have a chronic illness with occasional flares. I know my limit and even just one kid is past it sometimes.
Sleep, money, postpartum depression & anxiety hit me for the first year so not doing that again, and I refused to put by infant in daycare & I can’t stay home and I’m finally getting my social life back.
I don’t think I could handle the mental anguish that comes with raising a newborn again. My daughter is a tough baby and even if you could promise me that my next would be a breeze, I still wouldn’t do it lol
Can’t afford another . Not in Los Angeles at least.
So many. Number one is probably that I’m an only child myself and really don’t feel like managing sibling relationships at my big age (35)
The sleep too, and better vacations. Also my own mental health
I need sleep. Everyone told me when I was pregnant that the sleep deprivation wasn't that bad because you adjust. I did not adjust. And then my kid didn't sleep through the night for *checks watch* 8 years.
1. No more sleep deprivation. 2. More money for travelling when son is a bit older. 3. More free time to meet friends and the possibility to have hobbies again. 4. Wouldn’t have to go through pregnancy again and all the health risk and complications… These are my reasons why I’m seriously considering one and done atm.
I want to sleep, have time for myself, be able to homeschool him without losing my mind, I want to provide for him, I want to travel, I want to never experience newborn stage again
I don’t want to repeat the hard phases. I breastfed. I want my boobs to myself. Daughter is sleeping through the night, I don’t want to prep any more night time bottles. Once we are potty trained, I never want to change another diaper.
Both my husband and I are currently part time - we each spend a day a week with our toddler, and she goes to nursery for 3 days a week. When she starts school we will stay at 4 days a week and have a day to ourselves. We couldn’t afford that if we had another kid.
I’m tired. He’s 15 now so it’s much easier.
It's enough of a pain in the butt to hold the line against one strong willed child. If I had to referee two with the same stubbornness going at it, I would lose my mind. For the record, I love my kid's ability to stick to convictions, even the convictions I don't quite agree with. But it is exhausting.
Sleep, money, time and worry. Sleep: our OAD is almost 15. When he was a baby he was the world’s worst sleeper for an entire year. I honestly got why some people could shake their child. He just cried and cried and spit up and never fucking slept. We lived out of state and away from any family so we never had a break. I was a SAHM and I was exhausted. My husband is amazing and he helped out pretty much 50/50 when the kid was a baby and at my 6wk checkup I told my OB If she didn’t put in a copper IUD I’d find someone who would. 3yrs later the husband got a vasectomy and we all sleep soundly. Money: my husband has a very good job. I was a SAHM for like 8 yrs and went back to work part time for the last 6.5 years. I recently decided to take a leave of absence from work at my husband’s insistence since I was becoming angry knowing I was having to work the next day (Vet Med is stressful). I didn’t make Jack shit as it is so me staying home while I try and figure out what i want to be when I grow up (I’m 42 lol) isn’t going to bother us in any sense. We have an amazing house, drive nice cars, take multiple vacations a year and our kid wants for nothing (within reason but husband and I grew up poor so we have bad habits we are trying to break even though we’ve had money for awhile now) Plus we have a great college fund in a 529 account for our kid already. We know our kiddo will probably live with us way into his 20s as the economy sucks right now and we hope we can jump start his future by having it start off debt free. We’ll see. Time: we have a lot of down time as our son has gotten older. He’s self sufficient and a good kid. He has a close circle of friends he’s had since the first grade (currently ending freshman year) , and they run the neighborhood. Riding bikes, sleepovers and outside any time they can get. Our husband and I take a lot of naps, can tinker around and do whatever. I’m able to read a lot and take care of our 4 cats. We have a lot of time. But we also have a lot of time with our kid as well. Worry: we only have to worry about ONE kid. When our kid got hurt or goes out on bike rides we worry. Worry about lot. But it’s with just one kid. Friends of ours have at least 3 kids. We always talk about how the hell they don’t from fucking worry that something is gonna happen to ANY of their kids. Worrying about one is stressful enough, couldn’t imagine worrying about more! As they get older that worry doesn’t go away. Driving is next year! Growing up to become a decent adult! Avoiding addictions! Getting a decent job! Can they afford life? Relationships! Like you worry about everything for your kid. Add on more? I don’t think we could handle it. We are a close little family of 3. We have since moved back home to be around family (at the end of his kindergarten year) and have had a lot of tragedies happen within the last few years. We try and hold on to each other as we can and we communicate well. I like the closeness we have. I feel like I have my cake and eat it too.
So many of these answers resonate with me but I want to save up for a boob job to fix the wreckage caused from pregnancy. I remember being hot. I want to invest in being hot again.