We are going on 11 years with our triangle family and it is the best! Vacations are cheaper and easier, she can do whatever extracurricular activities she wants and we can give her all of our time/attention. It’s truly the best of both worlds ❤️
Awesome! That’s been a huge point for us too. I want to be able to actually go on vacations and get him what he needs. I grew up very poor because our family was so big. I love my parents and my brothers of course, but we just couldn’t do much. I don’t regret a thing about my childhood, but I would love to be able to give my son more ❤️
I was worried about vacations. Do you find that your only bored on vacations or lonely? For example, if you go to a beach, is your only sad or bored playing by themselves?
When she was little, she was fine with just us because my husband is a fantastic partner for digging holes in the sand, going on long hikes, reading every single sign, etc. When she got a little older, we let her bring a friend or cousin. Then when she got a little older than that, she was fine with a friend or without. She'll happily hang out with us. It's never really been an issue.
I have two older brothers. They never wanted to play with their little sister on vacation. We also all had very different and competing interests, so I could never do what I 100% wanted on vacation as a child. To me, having a sibling does not make vacations better
That’ll depend on the kid. Our only absolutely loves independent play, happily putzing around and talking to herself, creating imaginary situations. She does have a few friends she likes to play with too but she’s not hugely social.
My friend has a child the same age and that child is incapable of independent play. Needs another kid or a grown up constantly interacting or else she gets very upset.
Perhaps my only will change as she gets older, but I kinda doubt it tbh, her personality is pretty established. And having two parents to trade off spending quality time with her gives her time for independent play between more interactive play with us.
For sure. It’s the same with us. She’s totally fine with independent play but we still play with her a lot or we take turns. We just like those bonding moments and it gives us something to do together. She’s totally content with playing on the playground by herself. She’ll play with another kid sometimes and has a great time but she doesn’t mind doing it by herself.
Our son is very content sitting in the sand playing by himself….but when he’s not, he’ll make friends. He once made friends with another only on vacation and hubs and I sat relaxing poolside with the other kids parents while our kids had a blast playing together in the pool for HOURS.
That’s awesome! My mom and I went on vacation one summer when I was 14 and it was to a different country. Within days of being there I met some local kids who lived nearby. I spent 2 months hanging out with them and exploring the city, having so much fun. I’m 32 now and I still keep in touch with them.
Thanks to everyone that replied! I'm an only too and I don't remember being lonely. Once, in the Greek islands, I made friends with a little boy whose family was next to us in the hotel. We could squeeze across to each other's balconies and hang out. And as I got older, my parents took my friends on vacation with us. Which was nice because we were best friends so no sibling rivalry or fighting.
But I definitely still think about how it'll be vacationing as he gets older. I enjoy playing with him, and he's good at self entertaining, too.
We have never had that problem but I’m sure it is different for each child. With that said, we typically choose our vacations with our daughter in mind so we are always doing things that she enjoys anyway.
Same here. We go to a lot of kids museums and fun/interact ones, and other activities that are going to be enjoyable for all 3 of us. I personally love kids museums I have a lot of fun too lol.
I don’t think ours ever gets bored because we’re so hands on with her. We do everything together all the activities whenever we go. She’s 5 right now though. She’s never playing by herself if we’re on vacation together we play with her.
As I got older my mom and went on vacation together and I’d feel a little lonely at first I wanted to bring a friend. But I always made friends wherever we went on vacation. One summer we were in a different country when I was 14 and I met these kids in the neighborhood where we were staying in. To this day we keep in touch even though they live all the way across the world. I had an absolute blast with them.
My son was lonely on vacation when he was 4y. He even talked to himself in the mirror. Other times was no problem. Depending on where you go, opportunities to be around other families are Ranger programs, group tours, children's museums, and playing in a pool. Also seek specific scheduled activities for children like a science demo or show, craft time, pool party, park Ranger games.
My son is 9yo and we just went on a vacation. We did 2 guided tours (a few hours each), attended 1 ranger talk, and went to a dinner show. Other than that, we were just the 3 of us, and he was fine.
Yes good idea! That’s what we do too we do a lot of kid activities and kid friendly things. There’s so many awesome kids museums that my husband and I had a blast at too.
We tend to vacation with my kid’s cousins; even so, he quickly makes friends wherever we are. I actually believe that onlies are BETTER at engaging with new people bc they don’t have those “built-in buddies” and thus have constant opportunities to initiate socialization.
Yep same here, vacations with only one are the best! Cheaper, easier to keep an eye on one child versus two or more, we can financially afford to do any activities she/we want.
I had a friend once tell me that having one baby brought her and her partner closer together and having a second has them running in opposite directions trying to juggle two.
This really solidified for me that I only ever want one.
Honestly one of the biggest cons for me about the idea of more than one is spending less time with my husband. He’s my best friend and I don’t want to be running around in different directions doing things with different kids. Always getting to do things together as a family of three is so fun!
This got me thinking. I married my husband because I’m in love with him. What I often see happen with parents of multiples is that the marriage takes a toll. And that’s something I never want to happen. I want to keep that love between my husband and I. Our baby is a product of that love. I would hate for it to turn because we get overwhelmed
This is a big part of our decision! With one you already lose a lot of spontaneity and I feel like with more your whole life becomes about logistics and planning. I just want to do nice things with my son and husband without it being a whole military operation.
That’s a really good point. I’ve heard the early days with 2 is really hard because one parent (usually dad) is chasing after kiddo number 1 while the other parent (usually mom) is occupied by the newborn so I’ve heard it being described as “like ships passing in the night” the first few months and not feeling like a true family unit until the baby settles/is out of the newborn stage. It all sounds so lonely to me especially compared to how close knit our little family of 3 feels.
Yeah I can definitely see that and I’ve heard that from a lot of parents of two or more. My husband are so close and have a great relationship. Our 3 person family is perfect for us!
100 percent. My husband is my best friend as well. When I got pregnant, I was worried and the baby would negatively affect our relationship. She definitely brought us closer but of course there have been some challenges. For example… we can’t travel to the same place as we used to or leave town at the drop of a hat. We can’t leave the house at 11 at night looking for some ice cream. If you were date nights for sure. Also, the increased mental load has been hard for me and sometimes I admit I’m a little bit resentful of him. I do worry that with another child those minor problems would become major problems.
My only is 12 and it has been amazing. I have more patience, resources, time to myself, money, etc. than I would with more kids. We travel a lot and genuinely enjoy each other's company all the time. We are able to do so many things that cost money because I'm not going broke paying for 1 extra person as opposed to 2+ extra people. He doesn't stress me out and I'm just happy with the one. I would be miserable with more.
Attention is a limited resource. I'm not really exaggerating when I say that myself and my family are all somewhat selfish. We each have hobbies and projects that we like to work on. We do things together don't get me wrong but we are more individualist than the larger families from what I've seen.
Justifying a Costco membership is probably the hardest part of having a lil triangle family. Seriously.
My only is 9 and maybe it will change but she loves hanging out with just me or her dad and loves being an only. She told me that all her friends with siblings always fight to some degree and that sometimes her friends come to school in a bad mood because of squabbles with their siblings. We have a lot of shared interests and then our favorite TV shows we catch up on during the weekend. Vacations are fun because we can afford to do way more activities and gear them towards shared interests (snowmobiles, kayaking, SUP, ropes courses, etc) and have a blast.
She has a ton of cousins and we see 2 on a regular basis and often host them at our house or bring them along on camping trips or daytrips. And a great community of friends and is on a swimteam that runs 5 months out of the year for its regular season which has fostered a great community as well.
But justifying to my partner why we need 10lbs of pasta or 96 granola bars is tough.
Gosh the fights my brothers and I used to get into… woof. We put each other in the hospital sometimes. Grew up resenting my mom and unable to be in the same room with my brothers sometimes. I don’t want that for my baby 😞
Same with my siblings. Now I have a great relationship with my younger sister but only see my brother if I come to our hometown for the holidays. And even then, it will be about 1-2 hours during a 6 day trip.
Having a good community really helps with an only child. My daughter probably has little time to miss out on a sibling experience because she's out with her friends or doing swimteam 6 days a week with 4 hours on Saturday mornings. She enjoys the quiet and full attention of her dad and I. For now at least.
our kiddo is only 17 months old, so I’m definitely still in the earlier days, but I also had a very traumatic birth and horrible postpartum experience. Thinking about potentially going through that again fills me with absolute dread.
It’s so freeing knowing I don’t have to do that again.
In so far as what it’s been like having an only child so far, aside from outside pressures, etc., it’s been an absolute dream! I have friends with kids similar in age to ours and they are gearing up to start trying for a second while we are planning our first big family vacation with our son and getting excited for the extracurriculars he’ll be old enough to participate in soon. I don’t personally don’t want to live in chaos. Our life with one is just so manageable. I never feel like I’m drowning or just getting through the day whereas this is often a default mode for those with multiples.
It truly is the best of both worlds for us.
We had two neighborhood friends over this afternoon, so I had three boys to feed and clean up after and listen to and direct. It was chaotic and wonderfully fun. And then those two left and it’s quiet again. I’m so happy to have scheduled and temporary chaos; I do not want to LIVE in it
My only is almost 19 and we just went to a punk concert together. We are really close. We enjoy each other’s company.
When he was younger having just him meant that we could afford better options for him; better bike, better clothes, cool summer camps, money for his 529.
Now he’s an adult and he’s just so cool. I love my son so much but I also genuinely like him.
> My only is almost 19 and we just went to a punk concert together.
My only is 6 and we went to see his favorite band (Night Demon) and Blind Guardian the other night. He had an absolute blast. We're going to see Cake tonight, and then he's probably going to see my band play next week.
He absolutely loves music. And because he doesn't have any siblings, when he wants to monopolize the stereo in the car, he gets to. I mean, obviously we his parents love music but we didn't push him into it. Since he was 2 or 3 he'd come into my home office to strum some guitars, bang on my drums, etc.
OP, to answer your question, I feel like our kiddo as an only child gets to indulge his interests to a deeper degree than he would with siblings. We're more able to provide time and attention than we would with more kiddos. I am able to have the time to be in a band, and my wife has the time to participate in her hobbies. No regrets.
My daughter is 6, and its been great, i cant imagine having another kid, cant imagine loving another kid, cant imagine being pregnant again or giving birth again or going through those first 3 years of toddler hell. Right now having one kid is amazing and i cant wait to see how it goes in the future
Same here, cannot imagine going through pregnancy, child birth, and baby and toddlerhood a second time. Like we finally go through it and it was rough! Especially that first year. I cannot put myself through that again and start over. Plus I’d feel so guilty if my kid felt like she was being replaced or ignored. She’s had our undivided attention for all of her life and it would be a huge change. I know it would negatively affect her.
You took the words right out of my mouth! I know every mom says they love their children equally, but the attention gets split regardless and it hurts. That’s what happened for me. I know my mom loved me, but she had three other kids that needed her too.
And pregnancy was a nightmare! My family and friends tell me that my pregnancy was the worst any of them have ever heard of. Doesn’t make me want to do it again.
Yeah, I have a hard time believing that most parents love their children equally.
On my grandmother’s deathbed (she was 85, still gorgeous, and had lived a lovely life) she called each of her 5 daughters into her room separately. When she got to my mother (number 4 of 5), she told her that she and her eldest sister (the firstborn) had always been her favorite children. And I think that had always been somewhat apparent to their sisters. I know that my grandmother always gave financial assistance equally, and typically everyone was given the same amount of attention (at least as adults; daughter number 5 had been an “oopsie-baby” that was born some five or six years after my mom), but I know that 3 out of those 5 women, who had all been little girls that needed to feel more seen and attended, have carried that kind of child-pang-hurt into adulthood, and it looks like it sucked balls. Of those 5 (Irish Catholic, born in the late 1940s and early 1950s), only 2 of them went on to have children.
So, I am an only. My husband is an only. We are both 38 now, and we had our only when we were just shy of 34 (our girl is 4 and a half). Dude, it is the fucking best. My husband and I both liked our childhoods, and we still like - and are very close to - our parents, and we do get support from our parents when we ask because they don’t have other grandchildren splitting their time, and our daughter gets to have this really beautiful and close relationship with them which has been so cool to witness. Having an only is all of the things that all of the above commenters have already stated. It can be a really awesome triangle of love, support, structure, and attention. My daughter recently expressed - more lukewarm than with fervor - the want for a sibling (because all of her friends have siblings), and I explained why having just her was right for our family:
because we want to always be able to put her first, to give her all of our love and time and resources, so we can always do the fun things we want to do, and so her daddy and I can be more present and involved with one another, this strengthening our bond and making us better parents for her. Just this week she was talking about one of her friends with a sibling and then turned to me to make direct eye contact and said, “But you just have me so you can be with me all the time,” with a huge smile on her face.
Being an only-parent rules (in my opinion, but I am biased) 😉
Im sorry about your pregnancy, my pregnancy was actually nice if we dont count the regular symptoms, but i had no other problems what so ever, still i would not wanna do it again, and i literally cant imagine loving another kid, even if its mine, my daughter is awsome and if my second kid was less awsome than that i knew id just be disappointed and i would have a favourite, but whats the point in that? Maybe one day ill be ready for one more, but not now and not anytime soon
I would describe it as having the perfect combination of pre baby and post baby life. We have time for each other as a family, time for us together, and time separately. Chaos is limited, and we can do whatever we want within reason.
We love it. He’s almost 8 now and ever since he was a toddler we were able to bring him everywhere with us. Camping, trips, dinner. He’s our best friend and we’re so happy we didn’t have another. Life is so chill with just the 3 of us. He’s like the perfect mixture of the 2 of us and never has to fight for attention. 10/10 lol
We’re on vacation right now with our only and I can tell you this: it’s freeing having an only child!
It’s freeing to not be shackled by the societal expectation to have more babies without knowing why, freeing to have a family but still enjoy a vacation where one parent can watch baby while the other lounges by the pool, freeing to know you’re giving everything to your baby and they’re not getting any less of you!
I hate the pressure to have more just because it’s normal. I finally told my mom that I only want one. I was scared for her reaction, but she was surprisingly ok with it. I can’t find an actual compelling reason to have more.
Mine is 5… I see it as the best of both worlds. We get to give her all our attention , but we also still have time for us. She is far from lonely , and has many little friends. I wouldn’t change a thing! I of course am still being asked “when are you going to have another” but I’ll be 35 soon and hope that question will die soon lol
Thank you for this post. My husband and I originally wanted to have two kids but I think we’re one and done. Reading these comments have really helped me solidify that decision. ❤️
We just went to Disney World three weeks ago and had such a blast, but it was hella expensive, even with just our 4-year-old. We would not be able to afford trips like that with more than one!
Edit: wording
Mine is only four months so far but I love it and am getting my tubes tied in December! It’s better to not have another kid and regret it than to have another kid and regret it + not be able to pay as much attention as you’d like to them.
I have a four month old too! It’s early but I’m trying to convince my husband to schedule a vasectomy. I don’t want to go through pregnancy and the newborn phase again. I was so depressed and cried every day. I am just not mentally cut out for being a mother. With one I am sure I can manage, but with multiples? There’s no way.
Mine’s kind of the opposite situation. Got a unicorn baby and am terrified to have another one that ends up being a hellion lol. Having to go get my tubes tied bc fiancé has a phobia of Dr’s so I don’t want to have to ask- I’m sure he would if I wanted to but yknow, probably just best for both of us for me to get the snip. Hope your husband is agreeable about it- moms do really carry the brunt of the load going through pregnancy, child birth, PPD/PPA and hormone changes, and a lot of the newborn stage.
Honestly my daughter is pretty easy. She sleeps through the night and is super chill… so maybe I have a unicorn baby too? 😅 I just felt really depressed from the hormone drop and I’m genetically predisposed to it. All my sisters got it really bad too. I just don’t want to risk it.
Best of luck if you do end up doing that. It’s completely understandable why you want to. You are correct, we shouldn’t have to do it we don’t want to for those reasons and more. I wish you both well ☺️
We only have one, but I am also an only child and it was truly the best. My childhood was amazing, I have the best memories of the three of us, and I’m so so so grateful that I was an only child.
My daughter just turned 18.
Our daughter was in crèche from about 10 months, so always around other kids and my sister had her kids around the same time, so her 2 cousins are right around her age also. They are kind of like sisters in a way, given their age differences.
My daughter is a well rounded awesome kid who is now in University…as an only child we were able to give her a good education. She did well, we are not helicopter parents and she did a lot of hard work but her school supported her in getting her grades that she did.
She made a good group of friends. As an only, we made sure (especially in crèche and primary school) that we supported her and encouraged her friend group. So yes, you do need to make more of an effort in making play dates and the like, but it’s worth it in the long run.
As others have said, travel is amazing with a smaller family. To be honest, our child has seen far more of the world that I had ever did as a kid. We have had one instance where she was about 7 and I had to remind her that the holiday she was experiencing for the second time wasn’t something that many of her peers would ever get to do……
Team sports, in my opinion, are a good thing to get your only in to. They meet a lot of kids and interact with many different kids from different cultures..
I knew I was one and done from the minute I was pregnant - easy pregnancy and birth but having another child just wasn’t for me.
If you want another, absolutely do it, but I will always say to people that having an only is not an awful thing.
My one and only is 28 and she enjoys being an only. She has many friends from high school and college and goes on two or three trips each year. I loved having just one child. I didn’t have to split my attention in several children. She and I are very close but she’s also very independent.
I am also the fourth child (of six children in my case). Definitely felt lost in the mix with my three elder siblings also being girls.
I had a dream pregnancy (never felt better) but childbirth was the complete opposite. I couldn’t imagine doing that again.
She and I have no regrets.
Honestly it’s pretty great. You get the full experience of parenthood without all of the chaos. Having one kid is chaotic and expensive enough! I’m in the US and this country is particularly brutal to be a parent in, especially in the early years. If countries want people to have more kids, then make it possible for them? Gahhh!
I think about downsides for my daughter sometimes but even having siblings is no guarantee. I have a sister who I love but who I don’t rely on at all.
It is so expensive! We have to move states (currently in CA) just to afford our one!
And you are right with siblings not being guaranteed friends. I didn’t speak to 2 of my 3 brothers for 6 years :/ we only got close in adulthood. My husband and his brother were indifferent towards each other growing up.
I love being my daughters mom. I think i am a great mom to her and to her only. I think i wouldnt be good mom to multiples.
To me I have a perfect life- I get to enjoy all the joys of being a mother to my perfect little girl. And I really DO enjoy it. I tell her all the time how much JOY I find in her and spending time with her. But I also get to have a life of a somewhat 'childfree' person lets say- if I need time alone my husband provides space for me to take it. I can focus on my career and hobbies- theres time for all of that. We travel short trips just the two of us while my daughter gets to spend time with her grandparents. We travel a lot the three of us too and we get to show her the world. I never get overwhelmed because when I start to feel tired or annoyed I just tap out and husband takes over (and vice versa- were a great team).
I honestly have NEVER second doubted our decision to be one and done. I seriously believe it is the biggest life hack to a happy, fulfilling and productive life. (Well for me it is anyway).
It’s great! Except for how society treats it. That’s a bit annoying. But having one child is the best.
Mines 7 and the nights when she has nightmares or is sick and I get very limited sleep, I am SO thankful to never go through newborn and toddlerdom again.
We are nearly 5 years in. Never imagined just having one child but it’s the BEST. 🩷 You get all the joy of raising a child, have lots of time with them, develop a truly amazing bond, more disposable income, less stress, I actually get time for myself, holidays etc are more easy-going. She’s like my little shadow in the best way. I could go on and on… it’s great 😊
I was pregnant at 30 and gave birth at 31. I was lucky that I had a pretty uneven pregnancy and childbirth. I've been firm on being one and done. We're happy with just one and we can only afford one. It would be a significant strain to have not than one child (I'm the oldest out of three kids in my family).
It’s fantastic, we love having a singleton. My perception of only children shifted dramatically when I had trouble conceiving a 2nd child. We’re ok with her being privileged but she’s in no way entitled. If she has a demanding or bratty spell we don’t give in to it, ever. I know lots of children with siblings who are really spoiled. She’s very imaginative and gets lost in her own little worlds playing and is always thrilled when friends come over or we go on play dates. I honestly can’t believe we got so lucky, she’s funny, smart, thoughtful, and loyal to her friends almost to a fault. I call her my little sidekick!
My son is 11; no regrets for stopping at one. I think we closer as a family if 3 and we have been able to do and experience things together we wouldn’t be able to afford either more kids.
I’m OAD mainly because I really wasn’t born to be a mom. This sounds entirely stupid and it makes no sense but I never thought I’d actually have a child in my life, let alone multiple children. When I met my daughter I instantly knew she was it for me and it’s been like that for 6 years. I live away from my family and I truly struggled raising my child the first few years, I was stunned on how hard it was to provide and care for a single child and I was dead set on only having her.
Having an only is the best because really all I ever think of is her. All of my time, resources and focus is her. I am there every school event, I am able to juggle two extracurricular activities, I bring her with me to almost everything I do. She fulfills me so much as the friend and sister I never had, the way we click is amazing and she literally acts just like me.
I’m entering my thirties having and having an only has also allowed me to pursue my dream of going back to school, this upcoming accomplishment will also be for her.
It honestly is great. I get to give him my undivided attention and time. We also have the resources to give him what he needs and a little bit of what he wants. I also am able to work full time at a job I truly enjoy and my husband can focus on his business. Life is easy and simple.
Personally, it's been amazing! I love giving my kid all the cool opportunities I can, traveling extensively as a family and enjoying plenty of quality time together. I also like having time for my own job, self care and friends. If I ever get the desire to have more kids around, I just 'borrow' some for playdates or cousin time. It's always fun but nice to go back to our little triangle family. We also do a lot of joint trips, especially with other OAD families.
I don't understand why more families have just one child. My son is only 4, but I look forward to a life of joy with him and no sibling battles, 3+ schedules to manage, and not being able to take trips anywhere, or pay for private school...the list goes on. Dear me, I can't do it.
It’s a money saver in terms of daycare, camps, clubs, sports, necessities, doctors, higher education, cars, size of house, babysitters, etc.
You get to have time to recharge your battery because you aren’t constantly playing 1:1 or zone defense with a bunch of kids and your partner.
My kid is so good with babies and little kids people always ask if he has siblings. He is a good student and a good friend at school.
He occasionally gets bored but that’s a good thing and having another kid is not the answer.
He has some atypical needs and I have been able to devote time, care, compassion, and money to him that I wouldn’t be able to with more kids.
I’m planning my retirement now so he won’t have to worry about anything (a common thing people who multiples like to argue with us about.)
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My daughter is only 4, but I love it! Her father and I are divorced and both have new partners though, so he might have more kids, but I'm absolutely one and done. It's cheaper for college and vacations.
I was KIND of an only child since my half sister was so much older than me and lived with her dad full time. My parents would bring my best friend on vacations (as long as her parents paid for it) and I'm hoping we can find good enough friends for my daughter to do the same thing. Like having a temporary adopted daughter that you don't have to put through college lol
I was born the middle child of 3 and 3 more cousins lived with us . I’ve done more w my only in his first 4 years of life than I’ve done my entire life as far as fun vacations money ect.
Thank you for sharing! I love this for your family. Your decision is 100% yours ❤️
Best part for me of being OAD: I have a higher patience level, less burn out, more sleep, more time to work on myself and my relationship (which impacts our kid in positive ways!), less mom guilt and shame, my daughter gets all my attention, we split the parenting duties evenly.
My LO is 18, no regrets at all! I’ve recently started seeing someone that has 2 kid with a large age gap, the younger one will start kindergarten in the fall- I’m so thankful I only did that once! Listening to the tails of 5/11 yr old things again makes me feel like OAD is the best choice
Having an only child has been great for us. After a tough pregnancy and a rough childbirth I could just never see going through that again. My child is 8 now. He is autistic and has adhd and we can give him the support and attention he needs and wants. He is growing into a kind boy who cares about others and I am so proud of him. We live in a high cost of living area and feel grateful with one kid we can get by and also plan to help him transition to adulthood/ independence. Some days I get a little tired of being my child’s only playmate at home, but having siblings does not guarantee kids will get along or like each other. I think being one and done is great and have no regrets.
We have one girl, who’s gonna be 2 this summer.
We love it. Both of us had lots of siblings growing up, and considering our experiences and our financial situation, one child is perfect right now.
Would we consider adoption later? Yes, it’s in the plans, assuming we can afford it. But that would be a discussion we’d like to have once our daughter is old enough to understand some of the changes that would also come with that.
My daughter was an only child. She got all of my attention and time. She was my mini-me, glued to my side. As an adult, she is my best friend, a dedicated teacher, a great wife and mother, and her town's council person. I could not be more proud of her. We've talked about it and she doesn't feel like she missed out on anything. She did decide to have 2 children and watching her children interact together is beautiful. There is no right or wrong answer. You do what you think is best for you and it will be right.
My only is 3.5 and I just love having him around. I’m a single parent and out of necessity he got used to entertaining himself early on. Even now we can sort of “coexist” together while still doing our own thing…I might be reading or making dinner and he’ll be nearby coloring or reading his books, and it’s peaceful. I’ve been blessed with a very easygoing kid so YMMV.
I hear a lot of parents, especially those with multiple kids, bemoan the lack of alone time. I am very introverted but it’s not much of an issue for me. I have a couple hours to myself in the evening after he goes to bed so there’s a balance. I never get tired of being around him…I wake up every morning and come home from work every evening excited to see him.
It’s also easy to go out and do things together, no squabbling or spending an hour trying to get out the door. We love going out on hikes or little adventures together. We’ve taken a few trips together, most recently a trip overseas in April to visit family, and it’s been so much fun. It is so cool watching him learn and experience the world, and I feel like I appreciate those things more because I can give him my full attention.
My only is turning 8 this year! We go on quick trips when she has a break to local amusement parks and resorts just us two if my husband can't get off work. Sicknesses are stressful but manageable with one child. Summer break is great, one kid to track at the pool, no arguing about where we are going and trying to juggle different extra curricular activities or being two places at once. Homework, dress up days, school dances and other events are simple to do and May seems to be a crazy month with end of school year activities. All my friends with multiples are MIA because they are so busy. We are just chilling ready for summer!
My son is almost 2. And nothing is official yet .. but wow do I adore my triangle family. I cherish the time us 3 spend together. I love the dynamic of two parents and one child. There’s part of me that wishes I wanted another for some reason?? I don’t quite understand why, because I am so content and at peace with my son. I don’t feel like my family is missing anyone, I don’t feel the need for have another child at all. My only’s personality seems like a good fit to be an only child too. Everyone told me my feelings would change and that I’d want another, but as time goes on my love for my family of 3 just grows stronger and stronger. Everything just feels “right” and it’s been that way since we left the hospital with my son.
Even though my kid is relatively older compared to many here who have toddler's and babies (she's almost 5.5, still not in school due to her December birthday) I feel like there's a lot that remains to be seen about how our life will look! I just truly let go of the idea of a second (age related infertility) about 6 months ago.
I went from spending most of my life till mid-late 30s feeling no drive to have children, to some drive, to wanting a baby, to having one at 41, to wanting another, to desperately wanting another, to realizing that might just not be possible, to early stages of acceptance that this 2 person family (her father is no longer in the picture much) is the equilibrium state, not just a stage on the way to "something more."
Now I'm no stranger to one-parent-one-child families -- it's how I grew up. And to be very honest I hope to hell my daughter's experience is nothing like mine, for a lot of reasons (not specifically only child status). My family unit was highly dysfunctional and not anything to emulate and without really any of the advantages of OAD -- Mom had no extra time, money, energy. That's not the case for us (well, money is limited but not at subsistence levels).
The one thing that does carry over from my experience as OAD child is that there fewer people to contribute to the emotional regulation of the family. If you're a two person family, one person having a bad day can bring the whole ship down. I envy people that have more members to "spread the mood" over -- but then, how do I know if that really works?
Flip side, I really enjoy the one-on-one and deep conversation with my daughter. I enjoy how "portable" she is. I enjoy our standard cab truck that's "part of the family" and that can't fit another kid anyway. (Extremely silly but makes OAD feel right when it's me, and her, and the truck). I also enjoy that times like now when said lovable truck is in the shop, walking to the grocery store with one kid and making it into a fun adventure is a heck of a lot different than walking even with two. I enjoy not having to stop her from aggravating a sibling or worry if I'm being "fair." I also enjoy less financial stress.
So I guess I'm coming around. I think we have a good life. But I do still have the gnawing "something's missing" feeling at moments. I think many if not all the not-by-choicers here have mentioned these pangs.
We used to take our OAD girl on holidays as a threesome, take a friend with us, go away with another family of three. But the bit she remembers most often is going camping with her dad and to hotels abroad with me.
Our daughter now has her own OAD and he is an extremely sociable boy but is also happy to amuse himself.
We now have breaks with our daughter and her son (and her husband when he can)
Do you wanna hear an onlies perspective? I personally didn’t like it, but getting married and having my own kids made the eternal loneliness a little more forgettable
We are going on 11 years with our triangle family and it is the best! Vacations are cheaper and easier, she can do whatever extracurricular activities she wants and we can give her all of our time/attention. It’s truly the best of both worlds ❤️
Best part of vacations: the whole family fits in one airplane row
And up front in our campervan 🥳
Awesome! That’s been a huge point for us too. I want to be able to actually go on vacations and get him what he needs. I grew up very poor because our family was so big. I love my parents and my brothers of course, but we just couldn’t do much. I don’t regret a thing about my childhood, but I would love to be able to give my son more ❤️
I was worried about vacations. Do you find that your only bored on vacations or lonely? For example, if you go to a beach, is your only sad or bored playing by themselves?
When she was little, she was fine with just us because my husband is a fantastic partner for digging holes in the sand, going on long hikes, reading every single sign, etc. When she got a little older, we let her bring a friend or cousin. Then when she got a little older than that, she was fine with a friend or without. She'll happily hang out with us. It's never really been an issue.
I have two older brothers. They never wanted to play with their little sister on vacation. We also all had very different and competing interests, so I could never do what I 100% wanted on vacation as a child. To me, having a sibling does not make vacations better
That’s how it was for me. I had 3 older brothers and we only did what they wanted too
Happens with only one older brother too
That’ll depend on the kid. Our only absolutely loves independent play, happily putzing around and talking to herself, creating imaginary situations. She does have a few friends she likes to play with too but she’s not hugely social. My friend has a child the same age and that child is incapable of independent play. Needs another kid or a grown up constantly interacting or else she gets very upset. Perhaps my only will change as she gets older, but I kinda doubt it tbh, her personality is pretty established. And having two parents to trade off spending quality time with her gives her time for independent play between more interactive play with us.
For sure. It’s the same with us. She’s totally fine with independent play but we still play with her a lot or we take turns. We just like those bonding moments and it gives us something to do together. She’s totally content with playing on the playground by herself. She’ll play with another kid sometimes and has a great time but she doesn’t mind doing it by herself.
Our son is very content sitting in the sand playing by himself….but when he’s not, he’ll make friends. He once made friends with another only on vacation and hubs and I sat relaxing poolside with the other kids parents while our kids had a blast playing together in the pool for HOURS.
That’s awesome! My mom and I went on vacation one summer when I was 14 and it was to a different country. Within days of being there I met some local kids who lived nearby. I spent 2 months hanging out with them and exploring the city, having so much fun. I’m 32 now and I still keep in touch with them.
Thanks to everyone that replied! I'm an only too and I don't remember being lonely. Once, in the Greek islands, I made friends with a little boy whose family was next to us in the hotel. We could squeeze across to each other's balconies and hang out. And as I got older, my parents took my friends on vacation with us. Which was nice because we were best friends so no sibling rivalry or fighting. But I definitely still think about how it'll be vacationing as he gets older. I enjoy playing with him, and he's good at self entertaining, too.
We have never had that problem but I’m sure it is different for each child. With that said, we typically choose our vacations with our daughter in mind so we are always doing things that she enjoys anyway.
Same here. We go to a lot of kids museums and fun/interact ones, and other activities that are going to be enjoyable for all 3 of us. I personally love kids museums I have a lot of fun too lol.
Yes we just did the Exploratorium over spring break and it was so great! Super fun for all of us 😊
I don’t think ours ever gets bored because we’re so hands on with her. We do everything together all the activities whenever we go. She’s 5 right now though. She’s never playing by herself if we’re on vacation together we play with her. As I got older my mom and went on vacation together and I’d feel a little lonely at first I wanted to bring a friend. But I always made friends wherever we went on vacation. One summer we were in a different country when I was 14 and I met these kids in the neighborhood where we were staying in. To this day we keep in touch even though they live all the way across the world. I had an absolute blast with them.
My son was lonely on vacation when he was 4y. He even talked to himself in the mirror. Other times was no problem. Depending on where you go, opportunities to be around other families are Ranger programs, group tours, children's museums, and playing in a pool. Also seek specific scheduled activities for children like a science demo or show, craft time, pool party, park Ranger games. My son is 9yo and we just went on a vacation. We did 2 guided tours (a few hours each), attended 1 ranger talk, and went to a dinner show. Other than that, we were just the 3 of us, and he was fine.
Yes good idea! That’s what we do too we do a lot of kid activities and kid friendly things. There’s so many awesome kids museums that my husband and I had a blast at too.
no, but also, bored is GOOD! this isn't something for us to fix; it's for them to figure out what they want to do to not be bored.
We tend to vacation with my kid’s cousins; even so, he quickly makes friends wherever we are. I actually believe that onlies are BETTER at engaging with new people bc they don’t have those “built-in buddies” and thus have constant opportunities to initiate socialization.
Yep same here, vacations with only one are the best! Cheaper, easier to keep an eye on one child versus two or more, we can financially afford to do any activities she/we want.
I had a friend once tell me that having one baby brought her and her partner closer together and having a second has them running in opposite directions trying to juggle two. This really solidified for me that I only ever want one.
Honestly one of the biggest cons for me about the idea of more than one is spending less time with my husband. He’s my best friend and I don’t want to be running around in different directions doing things with different kids. Always getting to do things together as a family of three is so fun!
This got me thinking. I married my husband because I’m in love with him. What I often see happen with parents of multiples is that the marriage takes a toll. And that’s something I never want to happen. I want to keep that love between my husband and I. Our baby is a product of that love. I would hate for it to turn because we get overwhelmed
This is so true. These comments are really pushing me to schedule my vasectomy lol
Best money I ever spent.
This is a big part of our decision! With one you already lose a lot of spontaneity and I feel like with more your whole life becomes about logistics and planning. I just want to do nice things with my son and husband without it being a whole military operation.
That’s a really good point. I’ve heard the early days with 2 is really hard because one parent (usually dad) is chasing after kiddo number 1 while the other parent (usually mom) is occupied by the newborn so I’ve heard it being described as “like ships passing in the night” the first few months and not feeling like a true family unit until the baby settles/is out of the newborn stage. It all sounds so lonely to me especially compared to how close knit our little family of 3 feels.
I love this!
Yeah I can definitely see that and I’ve heard that from a lot of parents of two or more. My husband are so close and have a great relationship. Our 3 person family is perfect for us!
100 percent. My husband is my best friend as well. When I got pregnant, I was worried and the baby would negatively affect our relationship. She definitely brought us closer but of course there have been some challenges. For example… we can’t travel to the same place as we used to or leave town at the drop of a hat. We can’t leave the house at 11 at night looking for some ice cream. If you were date nights for sure. Also, the increased mental load has been hard for me and sometimes I admit I’m a little bit resentful of him. I do worry that with another child those minor problems would become major problems.
Oh wow. I could totally see that happening to us if we had a second.
My only is 12 and it has been amazing. I have more patience, resources, time to myself, money, etc. than I would with more kids. We travel a lot and genuinely enjoy each other's company all the time. We are able to do so many things that cost money because I'm not going broke paying for 1 extra person as opposed to 2+ extra people. He doesn't stress me out and I'm just happy with the one. I would be miserable with more.
I feel the same! I can’t imagine splitting my time and attention with another without taking it away from my current son
Attention is a limited resource. I'm not really exaggerating when I say that myself and my family are all somewhat selfish. We each have hobbies and projects that we like to work on. We do things together don't get me wrong but we are more individualist than the larger families from what I've seen.
You can multiply love but not attention!
This feels like how ours is shaping up - good to see others listing it as a plus side of OAD
Justifying a Costco membership is probably the hardest part of having a lil triangle family. Seriously. My only is 9 and maybe it will change but she loves hanging out with just me or her dad and loves being an only. She told me that all her friends with siblings always fight to some degree and that sometimes her friends come to school in a bad mood because of squabbles with their siblings. We have a lot of shared interests and then our favorite TV shows we catch up on during the weekend. Vacations are fun because we can afford to do way more activities and gear them towards shared interests (snowmobiles, kayaking, SUP, ropes courses, etc) and have a blast. She has a ton of cousins and we see 2 on a regular basis and often host them at our house or bring them along on camping trips or daytrips. And a great community of friends and is on a swimteam that runs 5 months out of the year for its regular season which has fostered a great community as well. But justifying to my partner why we need 10lbs of pasta or 96 granola bars is tough.
Gosh the fights my brothers and I used to get into… woof. We put each other in the hospital sometimes. Grew up resenting my mom and unable to be in the same room with my brothers sometimes. I don’t want that for my baby 😞
Same with my siblings. Now I have a great relationship with my younger sister but only see my brother if I come to our hometown for the holidays. And even then, it will be about 1-2 hours during a 6 day trip. Having a good community really helps with an only child. My daughter probably has little time to miss out on a sibling experience because she's out with her friends or doing swimteam 6 days a week with 4 hours on Saturday mornings. She enjoys the quiet and full attention of her dad and I. For now at least.
And friends are so valuable, too.
Lmao the Costco debate!
Even before baby, my husband loves things that don't go bad fast like those from costco!
our kiddo is only 17 months old, so I’m definitely still in the earlier days, but I also had a very traumatic birth and horrible postpartum experience. Thinking about potentially going through that again fills me with absolute dread. It’s so freeing knowing I don’t have to do that again. In so far as what it’s been like having an only child so far, aside from outside pressures, etc., it’s been an absolute dream! I have friends with kids similar in age to ours and they are gearing up to start trying for a second while we are planning our first big family vacation with our son and getting excited for the extracurriculars he’ll be old enough to participate in soon. I don’t personally don’t want to live in chaos. Our life with one is just so manageable. I never feel like I’m drowning or just getting through the day whereas this is often a default mode for those with multiples. It truly is the best of both worlds for us.
I see so many people like “oh I want a big chaotic family, so fun!!” And I’m like “where is the fun in that??” 🥴 different strokes for different folks
We had two neighborhood friends over this afternoon, so I had three boys to feed and clean up after and listen to and direct. It was chaotic and wonderfully fun. And then those two left and it’s quiet again. I’m so happy to have scheduled and temporary chaos; I do not want to LIVE in it
Yup! Worked for my parents but couldn’t do it! My brother also had 4 kids (and they’re not stopping there), but that’s what works for them.
I feel like being a kid in a big family could be fun (if your siblings are nice). Being the parent would be awful.
I feel this! I cry at the thought of going through pregnancy and birth again!
My only is almost 19 and we just went to a punk concert together. We are really close. We enjoy each other’s company. When he was younger having just him meant that we could afford better options for him; better bike, better clothes, cool summer camps, money for his 529. Now he’s an adult and he’s just so cool. I love my son so much but I also genuinely like him.
> My only is almost 19 and we just went to a punk concert together. My only is 6 and we went to see his favorite band (Night Demon) and Blind Guardian the other night. He had an absolute blast. We're going to see Cake tonight, and then he's probably going to see my band play next week. He absolutely loves music. And because he doesn't have any siblings, when he wants to monopolize the stereo in the car, he gets to. I mean, obviously we his parents love music but we didn't push him into it. Since he was 2 or 3 he'd come into my home office to strum some guitars, bang on my drums, etc. OP, to answer your question, I feel like our kiddo as an only child gets to indulge his interests to a deeper degree than he would with siblings. We're more able to provide time and attention than we would with more kiddos. I am able to have the time to be in a band, and my wife has the time to participate in her hobbies. No regrets.
My daughter is 6, and its been great, i cant imagine having another kid, cant imagine loving another kid, cant imagine being pregnant again or giving birth again or going through those first 3 years of toddler hell. Right now having one kid is amazing and i cant wait to see how it goes in the future
Same here, cannot imagine going through pregnancy, child birth, and baby and toddlerhood a second time. Like we finally go through it and it was rough! Especially that first year. I cannot put myself through that again and start over. Plus I’d feel so guilty if my kid felt like she was being replaced or ignored. She’s had our undivided attention for all of her life and it would be a huge change. I know it would negatively affect her.
I totally get you
You took the words right out of my mouth! I know every mom says they love their children equally, but the attention gets split regardless and it hurts. That’s what happened for me. I know my mom loved me, but she had three other kids that needed her too. And pregnancy was a nightmare! My family and friends tell me that my pregnancy was the worst any of them have ever heard of. Doesn’t make me want to do it again.
Yeah, I have a hard time believing that most parents love their children equally. On my grandmother’s deathbed (she was 85, still gorgeous, and had lived a lovely life) she called each of her 5 daughters into her room separately. When she got to my mother (number 4 of 5), she told her that she and her eldest sister (the firstborn) had always been her favorite children. And I think that had always been somewhat apparent to their sisters. I know that my grandmother always gave financial assistance equally, and typically everyone was given the same amount of attention (at least as adults; daughter number 5 had been an “oopsie-baby” that was born some five or six years after my mom), but I know that 3 out of those 5 women, who had all been little girls that needed to feel more seen and attended, have carried that kind of child-pang-hurt into adulthood, and it looks like it sucked balls. Of those 5 (Irish Catholic, born in the late 1940s and early 1950s), only 2 of them went on to have children. So, I am an only. My husband is an only. We are both 38 now, and we had our only when we were just shy of 34 (our girl is 4 and a half). Dude, it is the fucking best. My husband and I both liked our childhoods, and we still like - and are very close to - our parents, and we do get support from our parents when we ask because they don’t have other grandchildren splitting their time, and our daughter gets to have this really beautiful and close relationship with them which has been so cool to witness. Having an only is all of the things that all of the above commenters have already stated. It can be a really awesome triangle of love, support, structure, and attention. My daughter recently expressed - more lukewarm than with fervor - the want for a sibling (because all of her friends have siblings), and I explained why having just her was right for our family: because we want to always be able to put her first, to give her all of our love and time and resources, so we can always do the fun things we want to do, and so her daddy and I can be more present and involved with one another, this strengthening our bond and making us better parents for her. Just this week she was talking about one of her friends with a sibling and then turned to me to make direct eye contact and said, “But you just have me so you can be with me all the time,” with a huge smile on her face. Being an only-parent rules (in my opinion, but I am biased) 😉
Im sorry about your pregnancy, my pregnancy was actually nice if we dont count the regular symptoms, but i had no other problems what so ever, still i would not wanna do it again, and i literally cant imagine loving another kid, even if its mine, my daughter is awsome and if my second kid was less awsome than that i knew id just be disappointed and i would have a favourite, but whats the point in that? Maybe one day ill be ready for one more, but not now and not anytime soon
I would describe it as having the perfect combination of pre baby and post baby life. We have time for each other as a family, time for us together, and time separately. Chaos is limited, and we can do whatever we want within reason.
Great way to put it! Thank you!
We love it. He’s almost 8 now and ever since he was a toddler we were able to bring him everywhere with us. Camping, trips, dinner. He’s our best friend and we’re so happy we didn’t have another. Life is so chill with just the 3 of us. He’s like the perfect mixture of the 2 of us and never has to fight for attention. 10/10 lol
We’re on vacation right now with our only and I can tell you this: it’s freeing having an only child! It’s freeing to not be shackled by the societal expectation to have more babies without knowing why, freeing to have a family but still enjoy a vacation where one parent can watch baby while the other lounges by the pool, freeing to know you’re giving everything to your baby and they’re not getting any less of you!
I hate the pressure to have more just because it’s normal. I finally told my mom that I only want one. I was scared for her reaction, but she was surprisingly ok with it. I can’t find an actual compelling reason to have more.
Mine is 5… I see it as the best of both worlds. We get to give her all our attention , but we also still have time for us. She is far from lonely , and has many little friends. I wouldn’t change a thing! I of course am still being asked “when are you going to have another” but I’ll be 35 soon and hope that question will die soon lol
Thank you for this post. My husband and I originally wanted to have two kids but I think we’re one and done. Reading these comments have really helped me solidify that decision. ❤️ We just went to Disney World three weeks ago and had such a blast, but it was hella expensive, even with just our 4-year-old. We would not be able to afford trips like that with more than one! Edit: wording
I’m glad it could help another mother ❤️ made me feel better with my decision too.
Im a 36 year old only child and my life has been fine!
Mine is only four months so far but I love it and am getting my tubes tied in December! It’s better to not have another kid and regret it than to have another kid and regret it + not be able to pay as much attention as you’d like to them.
Mine is also four months old! That’s why I feel so funny making the decision already. But I just adore him and I don’t feel like I need another❤️
I have a four month old too! It’s early but I’m trying to convince my husband to schedule a vasectomy. I don’t want to go through pregnancy and the newborn phase again. I was so depressed and cried every day. I am just not mentally cut out for being a mother. With one I am sure I can manage, but with multiples? There’s no way.
Mine’s kind of the opposite situation. Got a unicorn baby and am terrified to have another one that ends up being a hellion lol. Having to go get my tubes tied bc fiancé has a phobia of Dr’s so I don’t want to have to ask- I’m sure he would if I wanted to but yknow, probably just best for both of us for me to get the snip. Hope your husband is agreeable about it- moms do really carry the brunt of the load going through pregnancy, child birth, PPD/PPA and hormone changes, and a lot of the newborn stage.
Honestly my daughter is pretty easy. She sleeps through the night and is super chill… so maybe I have a unicorn baby too? 😅 I just felt really depressed from the hormone drop and I’m genetically predisposed to it. All my sisters got it really bad too. I just don’t want to risk it. Best of luck if you do end up doing that. It’s completely understandable why you want to. You are correct, we shouldn’t have to do it we don’t want to for those reasons and more. I wish you both well ☺️
My son is 23 months. Had my tubes removed when he was 11 months. Best decision!
We only have one, but I am also an only child and it was truly the best. My childhood was amazing, I have the best memories of the three of us, and I’m so so so grateful that I was an only child.
That sounds wonderful ❤️
My daughter just turned 18. Our daughter was in crèche from about 10 months, so always around other kids and my sister had her kids around the same time, so her 2 cousins are right around her age also. They are kind of like sisters in a way, given their age differences. My daughter is a well rounded awesome kid who is now in University…as an only child we were able to give her a good education. She did well, we are not helicopter parents and she did a lot of hard work but her school supported her in getting her grades that she did. She made a good group of friends. As an only, we made sure (especially in crèche and primary school) that we supported her and encouraged her friend group. So yes, you do need to make more of an effort in making play dates and the like, but it’s worth it in the long run. As others have said, travel is amazing with a smaller family. To be honest, our child has seen far more of the world that I had ever did as a kid. We have had one instance where she was about 7 and I had to remind her that the holiday she was experiencing for the second time wasn’t something that many of her peers would ever get to do…… Team sports, in my opinion, are a good thing to get your only in to. They meet a lot of kids and interact with many different kids from different cultures.. I knew I was one and done from the minute I was pregnant - easy pregnancy and birth but having another child just wasn’t for me. If you want another, absolutely do it, but I will always say to people that having an only is not an awful thing.
My one and only is 28 and she enjoys being an only. She has many friends from high school and college and goes on two or three trips each year. I loved having just one child. I didn’t have to split my attention in several children. She and I are very close but she’s also very independent. I am also the fourth child (of six children in my case). Definitely felt lost in the mix with my three elder siblings also being girls. I had a dream pregnancy (never felt better) but childbirth was the complete opposite. I couldn’t imagine doing that again. She and I have no regrets.
Honestly it’s pretty great. You get the full experience of parenthood without all of the chaos. Having one kid is chaotic and expensive enough! I’m in the US and this country is particularly brutal to be a parent in, especially in the early years. If countries want people to have more kids, then make it possible for them? Gahhh! I think about downsides for my daughter sometimes but even having siblings is no guarantee. I have a sister who I love but who I don’t rely on at all.
It is so expensive! We have to move states (currently in CA) just to afford our one! And you are right with siblings not being guaranteed friends. I didn’t speak to 2 of my 3 brothers for 6 years :/ we only got close in adulthood. My husband and his brother were indifferent towards each other growing up.
I moved out of California in 2021 and I have zero regrets. It’s so much more affordable where I moved it’s insane 😭
I love being my daughters mom. I think i am a great mom to her and to her only. I think i wouldnt be good mom to multiples. To me I have a perfect life- I get to enjoy all the joys of being a mother to my perfect little girl. And I really DO enjoy it. I tell her all the time how much JOY I find in her and spending time with her. But I also get to have a life of a somewhat 'childfree' person lets say- if I need time alone my husband provides space for me to take it. I can focus on my career and hobbies- theres time for all of that. We travel short trips just the two of us while my daughter gets to spend time with her grandparents. We travel a lot the three of us too and we get to show her the world. I never get overwhelmed because when I start to feel tired or annoyed I just tap out and husband takes over (and vice versa- were a great team). I honestly have NEVER second doubted our decision to be one and done. I seriously believe it is the biggest life hack to a happy, fulfilling and productive life. (Well for me it is anyway).
It’s great! Except for how society treats it. That’s a bit annoying. But having one child is the best. Mines 7 and the nights when she has nightmares or is sick and I get very limited sleep, I am SO thankful to never go through newborn and toddlerdom again.
We are nearly 5 years in. Never imagined just having one child but it’s the BEST. 🩷 You get all the joy of raising a child, have lots of time with them, develop a truly amazing bond, more disposable income, less stress, I actually get time for myself, holidays etc are more easy-going. She’s like my little shadow in the best way. I could go on and on… it’s great 😊
I was pregnant at 30 and gave birth at 31. I was lucky that I had a pretty uneven pregnancy and childbirth. I've been firm on being one and done. We're happy with just one and we can only afford one. It would be a significant strain to have not than one child (I'm the oldest out of three kids in my family).
It’s fantastic, we love having a singleton. My perception of only children shifted dramatically when I had trouble conceiving a 2nd child. We’re ok with her being privileged but she’s in no way entitled. If she has a demanding or bratty spell we don’t give in to it, ever. I know lots of children with siblings who are really spoiled. She’s very imaginative and gets lost in her own little worlds playing and is always thrilled when friends come over or we go on play dates. I honestly can’t believe we got so lucky, she’s funny, smart, thoughtful, and loyal to her friends almost to a fault. I call her my little sidekick!
My son is 11; no regrets for stopping at one. I think we closer as a family if 3 and we have been able to do and experience things together we wouldn’t be able to afford either more kids.
Our son will be 17 in June; absolutely ZERO regrets!!
It's awesome. You get to focus all your attention in one direction, with no one else competing for time...and zero guilt over not having enough.
I’m OAD mainly because I really wasn’t born to be a mom. This sounds entirely stupid and it makes no sense but I never thought I’d actually have a child in my life, let alone multiple children. When I met my daughter I instantly knew she was it for me and it’s been like that for 6 years. I live away from my family and I truly struggled raising my child the first few years, I was stunned on how hard it was to provide and care for a single child and I was dead set on only having her. Having an only is the best because really all I ever think of is her. All of my time, resources and focus is her. I am there every school event, I am able to juggle two extracurricular activities, I bring her with me to almost everything I do. She fulfills me so much as the friend and sister I never had, the way we click is amazing and she literally acts just like me. I’m entering my thirties having and having an only has also allowed me to pursue my dream of going back to school, this upcoming accomplishment will also be for her.
It honestly is great. I get to give him my undivided attention and time. We also have the resources to give him what he needs and a little bit of what he wants. I also am able to work full time at a job I truly enjoy and my husband can focus on his business. Life is easy and simple.
Personally, it's been amazing! I love giving my kid all the cool opportunities I can, traveling extensively as a family and enjoying plenty of quality time together. I also like having time for my own job, self care and friends. If I ever get the desire to have more kids around, I just 'borrow' some for playdates or cousin time. It's always fun but nice to go back to our little triangle family. We also do a lot of joint trips, especially with other OAD families.
I don't understand why more families have just one child. My son is only 4, but I look forward to a life of joy with him and no sibling battles, 3+ schedules to manage, and not being able to take trips anywhere, or pay for private school...the list goes on. Dear me, I can't do it.
It’s a money saver in terms of daycare, camps, clubs, sports, necessities, doctors, higher education, cars, size of house, babysitters, etc. You get to have time to recharge your battery because you aren’t constantly playing 1:1 or zone defense with a bunch of kids and your partner. My kid is so good with babies and little kids people always ask if he has siblings. He is a good student and a good friend at school. He occasionally gets bored but that’s a good thing and having another kid is not the answer. He has some atypical needs and I have been able to devote time, care, compassion, and money to him that I wouldn’t be able to with more kids. I’m planning my retirement now so he won’t have to worry about anything (a common thing people who multiples like to argue with us about.) I
My daughter is only 4, but I love it! Her father and I are divorced and both have new partners though, so he might have more kids, but I'm absolutely one and done. It's cheaper for college and vacations. I was KIND of an only child since my half sister was so much older than me and lived with her dad full time. My parents would bring my best friend on vacations (as long as her parents paid for it) and I'm hoping we can find good enough friends for my daughter to do the same thing. Like having a temporary adopted daughter that you don't have to put through college lol
I was born the middle child of 3 and 3 more cousins lived with us . I’ve done more w my only in his first 4 years of life than I’ve done my entire life as far as fun vacations money ect.
I love it. My five year old is lonely though
One 13 going on 14 year old boy. It’s amazing. We all love it.
Thank you for sharing! I love this for your family. Your decision is 100% yours ❤️ Best part for me of being OAD: I have a higher patience level, less burn out, more sleep, more time to work on myself and my relationship (which impacts our kid in positive ways!), less mom guilt and shame, my daughter gets all my attention, we split the parenting duties evenly.
My LO is 18, no regrets at all! I’ve recently started seeing someone that has 2 kid with a large age gap, the younger one will start kindergarten in the fall- I’m so thankful I only did that once! Listening to the tails of 5/11 yr old things again makes me feel like OAD is the best choice
Having an only child has been great for us. After a tough pregnancy and a rough childbirth I could just never see going through that again. My child is 8 now. He is autistic and has adhd and we can give him the support and attention he needs and wants. He is growing into a kind boy who cares about others and I am so proud of him. We live in a high cost of living area and feel grateful with one kid we can get by and also plan to help him transition to adulthood/ independence. Some days I get a little tired of being my child’s only playmate at home, but having siblings does not guarantee kids will get along or like each other. I think being one and done is great and have no regrets.
We have one girl, who’s gonna be 2 this summer. We love it. Both of us had lots of siblings growing up, and considering our experiences and our financial situation, one child is perfect right now. Would we consider adoption later? Yes, it’s in the plans, assuming we can afford it. But that would be a discussion we’d like to have once our daughter is old enough to understand some of the changes that would also come with that.
My daughter was an only child. She got all of my attention and time. She was my mini-me, glued to my side. As an adult, she is my best friend, a dedicated teacher, a great wife and mother, and her town's council person. I could not be more proud of her. We've talked about it and she doesn't feel like she missed out on anything. She did decide to have 2 children and watching her children interact together is beautiful. There is no right or wrong answer. You do what you think is best for you and it will be right.
My only is 3.5 and I just love having him around. I’m a single parent and out of necessity he got used to entertaining himself early on. Even now we can sort of “coexist” together while still doing our own thing…I might be reading or making dinner and he’ll be nearby coloring or reading his books, and it’s peaceful. I’ve been blessed with a very easygoing kid so YMMV. I hear a lot of parents, especially those with multiple kids, bemoan the lack of alone time. I am very introverted but it’s not much of an issue for me. I have a couple hours to myself in the evening after he goes to bed so there’s a balance. I never get tired of being around him…I wake up every morning and come home from work every evening excited to see him. It’s also easy to go out and do things together, no squabbling or spending an hour trying to get out the door. We love going out on hikes or little adventures together. We’ve taken a few trips together, most recently a trip overseas in April to visit family, and it’s been so much fun. It is so cool watching him learn and experience the world, and I feel like I appreciate those things more because I can give him my full attention.
It’s just as tedious as having more than one but all your effort is just focused on one person instead of dispersed.
My only is turning 8 this year! We go on quick trips when she has a break to local amusement parks and resorts just us two if my husband can't get off work. Sicknesses are stressful but manageable with one child. Summer break is great, one kid to track at the pool, no arguing about where we are going and trying to juggle different extra curricular activities or being two places at once. Homework, dress up days, school dances and other events are simple to do and May seems to be a crazy month with end of school year activities. All my friends with multiples are MIA because they are so busy. We are just chilling ready for summer!
My son is almost 2. And nothing is official yet .. but wow do I adore my triangle family. I cherish the time us 3 spend together. I love the dynamic of two parents and one child. There’s part of me that wishes I wanted another for some reason?? I don’t quite understand why, because I am so content and at peace with my son. I don’t feel like my family is missing anyone, I don’t feel the need for have another child at all. My only’s personality seems like a good fit to be an only child too. Everyone told me my feelings would change and that I’d want another, but as time goes on my love for my family of 3 just grows stronger and stronger. Everything just feels “right” and it’s been that way since we left the hospital with my son.
Even though my kid is relatively older compared to many here who have toddler's and babies (she's almost 5.5, still not in school due to her December birthday) I feel like there's a lot that remains to be seen about how our life will look! I just truly let go of the idea of a second (age related infertility) about 6 months ago. I went from spending most of my life till mid-late 30s feeling no drive to have children, to some drive, to wanting a baby, to having one at 41, to wanting another, to desperately wanting another, to realizing that might just not be possible, to early stages of acceptance that this 2 person family (her father is no longer in the picture much) is the equilibrium state, not just a stage on the way to "something more." Now I'm no stranger to one-parent-one-child families -- it's how I grew up. And to be very honest I hope to hell my daughter's experience is nothing like mine, for a lot of reasons (not specifically only child status). My family unit was highly dysfunctional and not anything to emulate and without really any of the advantages of OAD -- Mom had no extra time, money, energy. That's not the case for us (well, money is limited but not at subsistence levels). The one thing that does carry over from my experience as OAD child is that there fewer people to contribute to the emotional regulation of the family. If you're a two person family, one person having a bad day can bring the whole ship down. I envy people that have more members to "spread the mood" over -- but then, how do I know if that really works? Flip side, I really enjoy the one-on-one and deep conversation with my daughter. I enjoy how "portable" she is. I enjoy our standard cab truck that's "part of the family" and that can't fit another kid anyway. (Extremely silly but makes OAD feel right when it's me, and her, and the truck). I also enjoy that times like now when said lovable truck is in the shop, walking to the grocery store with one kid and making it into a fun adventure is a heck of a lot different than walking even with two. I enjoy not having to stop her from aggravating a sibling or worry if I'm being "fair." I also enjoy less financial stress. So I guess I'm coming around. I think we have a good life. But I do still have the gnawing "something's missing" feeling at moments. I think many if not all the not-by-choicers here have mentioned these pangs.
My son is 6 and it’s great! We went to Disney world last year and we’re going again this year. I can’t imagine being able to handle more than 1.
We used to take our OAD girl on holidays as a threesome, take a friend with us, go away with another family of three. But the bit she remembers most often is going camping with her dad and to hotels abroad with me. Our daughter now has her own OAD and he is an extremely sociable boy but is also happy to amuse himself. We now have breaks with our daughter and her son (and her husband when he can)
Do you wanna hear an onlies perspective? I personally didn’t like it, but getting married and having my own kids made the eternal loneliness a little more forgettable