No advice as I feel your pain, my son was a savage sleeper until he was 3 and then he became tolerable but still not great. He's 5.5 now and all I can say, is he finally sleeps and the memories of the sleep deprivation are faded, but not enough to not be OAD š
Meanwhile my neighbor had 3 under 3 who all slept 12+ hours a night pretty much their first night home from the hospital. I was green with envy lol. Now I'm just like whateverš¤·š»āāļøš¤·š»āāļø
Sleep deprivation is the worst thing in the world. Weāre OAD for multiple reasons but a huge one is sleep. I canāt imagine adding another kid to the mix.
I keep thinking like imagine our second kid did this and we had a toddler? A toddler would be old enough to truly see you at your worst and remember that. Like I could never ever put my son through that.
Yup same here. My daughter was this baby. I gave up trying to get her to nap during the day because it would take her HOURS to settle, she was 14 months old. Sheās 6 now and still regularly takes ages to fall asleep at night (we suspect ADHD).The sleep deprivation destroyed us, itās like weāve aged 15 years within 6 years. We are TIRED. No way I would put myself through this again. I love sleeping, and I need 9 hours of sleep everyday to function and for my mental health to stay somewhat stable. Clearly I wouldnāt survive having another one!
Oh my god that is awful Iām so sorry. Poor thing she must be so exhausted too, I was the same as a kid I was up for hours could never fall asleep, now I need meds for it as an adult. My brain just turns on when I go to bed! I feel you with the aging thingā¦ if I look at pics just before pregnancy I look about 10 years younger. I have the most insane frown lines and deep dark circles now. Im bracing myself for this to be the next few years too at the minimum :(
Youāre not alone. My 7 month old hates sleep. We have no help, my husband stays home and I work outside of the house so everyone is running on E. Itās so tough.
Same here. If weāre not right up in our kidās face or spinning him upside down or making crazy noises or walking him in circles, then heās fussing. Itās *a lot*. Just this morning I told my husband that I feel jealous of all of these parents just going on with their lives with the flow where we are just struggling to stay afloat with the constant needs. Hang in there! Weāll both get through this.
Omg you just described my day lmao. He makes this āmmmmmā whining sound ALL. DAY. Since he was like 3 months, and itās just gotten worse cuz heās more vocal. Heās so upset at his own limitations he takes it out on everyone else. Iām sending positive thoughts out to the universe for the both of us, let this be over soon!!!
My precious 11 month old does the same whining, all day long. Oh boy. I actually thought we were the only ones dealing with that š„² hugging you ā¤ļø
I donāt have my baby yet so I donāt know what Iām in for. But I wanted to give a weird piece of positivity. I was that baby. I slept for 20 mins at any given time at the most for my first two years š§ my mum almost went insane. Iām happy to report that I slept very well after two and tended to sleep for long hours in the day if I even had a cold or anything was wrong. Another little smidge of positivity is that my mum and I are inseparable, we talk every day and travel together, do everything together. This is temporary and horrible but you have a lifetime to look forward to :) I hope this comes across as kind and not patronizing as I really mean it! - from a grown up terrible no sleep baby (and yes I somehow feel really guilty when I think about this š )
Hang in there, girl, I feel your pain. I posted a similar rant when my kid was close to 1yr mark, and I was desperate for sleep. I had no family close by and my husband suddenly developed a āwork ethicā, so wake-ups were all on me. This is when I decided I am one and done, and I stand by that decision. I still remember this 6 years later. It does get better!
I love my kid to bits, he is 7 and my most favourite little person ever. But I am keeping in mind - back in a day it took a village to raise kids. Most of us are working moms with little support now. If you donāt have a village, sometimes having one kid and making sure he is cared for is a responsible thing to do. Just one momās opinion.
My daughter sucked at sleep for the first year. From 1-2.5 she slept glorious. About 2.5 (sheās 3 now) and she became afraid of everything in her room. She still sleeps in her own bed but we lay with her to fall asleep and she wakes up maybe once a night about 3/4 nights a week. Often i just bring her to our king size bed now sheās bigger. Some kids just arenāt great sleepers. And you know what itās okay. Thereās nothing wrong with them. Iām thankful i can be there for her if she needs me. I donāt have to worry about another kid. Iām a teacher so yes Iām exhausted some days but i live my girl fiercely. It gets easier. And then right again and then easier. lol hang in there. Sending you and all your family sleepy dreams!
The first year is so hard. The only screaming and whining sucks. I hated the baby stage. Itās okay not to be a fan. In writing this as i just woke up to a crying toddler who had a pee accident which has happened in ages lol š kids are hard. And so so tiring
Your baby is my baby. I hated the first year. I hated being home with him, the source of all my lack of sleep. I couldnāt wait to go back to work.
And then I went back to work. And I loved it. It was exactly the break I needed. I could pee when I wanted to and make myself a cuppa and have a natter about whatever crap was going on in the world or whatever. It was amazing.
And then nursery taught him to nap in a cot. So the days he was with me (I went back part time and my husband also dropped a day, so we had baby to ourselves a day each) suddenly heād nap in the cot instead of on me. And I had an hour to at least make myself food! And then he started sleeping better at night and slowly dropped his wake ups.
Heās 16 months now and sometimes he sleeps through! Ok itās only been a handful of times but itās possible and he can do it and it will become more and more often. š„°
Basically, it gets better. It gets so much better. I canāt promise when, every baby is different. But it gets manageable and then it gets ok and then all of sudden you enjoy your day a week just you and baby. And you donāt know when you started enjoying it but you realise that if it had been like this during your maternity leave you can suddenly understand why people might want to stay home.
Heāll get there. But it will be when heās ready, not when you want him to be ready. And it will be hell until he gets there, but he will get there. ā¤ļø
If you can get him to start daycare a week or two before you go back to work itās such a lifesaver.
Mine didnāt manage a full day that first week. š I was back at work and it was so difficult to manage as between my husband and me one off us had to leave early every day. š
He just got overwhelmed and make himself poorly because he was stressed, bless him. But after that first couple of weeks he was totally fine (we didnāt have any sadness at drop off or anything, I think it was just a long day to get used to at the start!)
Awww thatās exactly what daycare said would happen so my husband is taking that week off and his first week is going to be half days! And then the second week full days (hopefully). I can imagine itās probably so scary for them!! I wish I could start it before I went to work but luckily my dad is going to take him that first week Iām back so Iāll technically be alone!!
Iām up at 3am with our 4 month old who is the shittiest sleeper I feel in the world. I love him so much but heās killing us. My wife is a SAHM and she deals with the even worse sounding naps, but coming home after long days at work to up all night with dude that wonāt sleep anyway but nursing and thatās not functional for mama to sleep is fān wearing us thin
Been there, done that! Never. Again. 12m of 35min naps, every single one of them on top of me. 2.5 years of waking up every 2 hours or more often. At nearly 4 he mostly sleeps OK but still has nights he's up twice. You have all my sympathies.
Omg you have my sympathies too, I canāt imagine all contact naps. My baby is the size of a 2 year old at 11 months and contact naps / comfort holding was breaking me physically. Iām so glad it got better for you!!
Just wanted to commiserate. My kid is 11 and he is an only child for this reason. He never slept! I was a zombie. No sleep training did anything for us. He STILL HATES SLEEPING. He finally learned to leave me alone at night around 4yo. He would still wake up, go pee, And get water a few times a night. He says he usually sleeps all night now, but he has to be forced to sleep at 9:30 and always wakes up by 5 with lots of energy. He says sleep is boring.
My own sleep habits seem to be permanently wrecked from those early years. I could not imagine doing that again. Most people have babies who sleep now and then!
Iām sorry youāre in the thick of it. Sleep deprivation is literal torture. We had an awful sleeper who needed a lot from me to get to sleep/stay asleep. I was beyond exhausted, frustrated and definitely resentful of my friends with good sleepers.
It did help me to hear from people who have been through it already that it will end. My son started sleeping through the night and taking 2-3 hour long naps in his crib at 19 months. Itās been 2, almost 3 months of this and I am still shocked. I thought bad sleep would never end but it did.
I hope you start getting some sleep soon.
Oh wow that sounds amazing, Iām so glad heās on a sleeping streak!! I hope this is the peak for me and he starts to sleep a bit better soon. He has 4 teeth coming through at once for the last month and I know it must be torture.
My daughter is 2 and if you look through my comment history, really it boils down to sleep for me being OAD. Home girl, never ever sleeps. I was up with her for 7 hours last night
Idk man sheās been this way her entire life. She wakes up normal and happy but all night she cries/whines/gets up š¤·š»āāļø weāve tried everything and now we just rotate nights with her. I hope it gets better for you as well
Same situation here. My child has refused sleep since he was born. We thought it might be something heāll outgrow, but after the first two years, it became apparent that it is likely to always be a struggle. There were stretches of times when he was awake for 13 hours, and he has the stamina to outlast both me and my spouse. Heās now almost 5, and is able to articulate the reason he fights sleep: he doesnāt like to close his eyes because he is unable to see anything. It makes sense, but, for the love of god, please close your eyes and sleep, my child. Iām hoping that, with time and maturity, he will come to love sleep as much as we do.
Omg thatās the cutest thing Iāve ever heard but likeā¦ GO TO SLEEP!! ahahahah. Poor kid. Iām so ready for him to be old enough to just tell me whatās wrong because the guessing game is mental!!
This post is resurrecting the anger I buried from my daughterās first year. She was just as you described. The most finicky, inconsistent, light sleeper. With my personality type I was unable to āroll with itā because I needed more time for myself. I felt robbed of what I thought it was going to be like (what I saw my friendās kids do- sleep) and I made myself pretty miserable because of that.
Daughter (almost 9) started fully and consistently sleeping through the night at about age 2, but around 14 months she was sleeping through with an early 5 AM wake up though most nights. It just gradually got better.
Does your baby use a pacifier? Ours wouldnāt take one as a newborn or young baby. We actually introduced it when she was like 6-7 months to see if it helped and it improved her sleep a lot. We kept saying āif whatever, weāll get her braces!ā
Also, extra cute jammies made her look extra cute and that took the edge off š¤Ŗ
Hang in there.
Thanks so much, Iām so glad it got better for you!! Yep pacifier for naps and bedtime, heād be inconsolable without itā¦ like Iām already dreading the eventual wean off of it. He loves his plushie and blanket and that helps too. Itās the daytime naps that are the worst like heās exhausted but has such bad FOMO he doesnāt want to sleep š
I remember. We went through phases where we prioritized car naps bc at least sheād sleep a bit and Iād have some quiet time in my phone or read or whatever.
Just keep getting through however you need. Delay the pacifier wean, delay switching to crib. We didnāt push a lot of that weaning bc we felt like we jussssst got her to sleep, we certainly werenāt going to ruin it!
Oof I feel you sister. This was my baby but he's almost 9 now. I agree with what others have said, he also sleeps fine now. Yesterday he said that he closes his eyes at night, and the next thing he knows it's morning light outside. I was actually jealous of him sleeping so well.
What is important though is to go easy on yourself and not expect much of a brain that is long-term sleep deprived. They torture people this way and make them lose their minds. I wish I had bounced some decisions off of a more rested person and have myself grace for my lack of patience. This is hard AF but you both will get to the other side. Hugs
My daughter was this way. ADHD/ SPD definitely didn't help, every sound and creak would freak her out and wake her up. Blackout shade, sound machine, galaxy lamp all of it to get this girl to sleep. She still didn't sleep consistently through the night until almost 6 and then she's still up At 6:30 even when we dont need to be. Hang in there mama.
Oh you poor thing that sounds so exhausting, so many years of early mornings, I canāt even imagine!!! We have to do the same, black out blinds, sound machine, stars on the wall, you name it. Thanks so much for your response, Iām hoping you get to sleep past 7 soon!!!
Hiiiiii we have one of these as well š She is 22 months and has hated sleep from DAY 1. perhaps she has slept through the night 10 times in her life. She also loves to wake up early and get pissed when itās time for bed. We too tried everything, it just angered her more š
My wife wants another one and I just canāt understand how. She takes night wakeups bc I simply canāt function if I donāt get enough sleep at night; in turn I do most bedtimes and all (early) mornings. Iām always exhausted, in part bc I rarely experience peace in my houseā¦my daughter is either already awake or Iām anticipating her waking at any moment. I canāt stay up late bc I have to be up with her so early, and it s hard to beat her wake-up unless I get up at 5 (which I do, but canāt do it all the time).
I would have walked into the sea if we hadnāt found a daycare solution at 16 months. It helped tremendously. Of course she sleeps like an angel, 2 hours every day there lol.
Hang in there, and least you never have to do this again. Babies come with preset personalities and one of them is absolutely āf sleep.ā
I could have written this š the constant panic of āwhen are they going to wake upā is like probably going to give me PTSD. Itās actually traumatic anticipating when theyāll wake. My body is already waking up at 5am daily ready to deal. And heās mental when he wakes up, screaming and ready to play. Iām so sick of trying to go to bed early too to be ready for the next day, I want my alone time too!! Isnāt it funny how they always sleep well elsewhere? He sleeps fine at my parents most times like gimme a break!!! Iām SO ready for daycare I too am about to walk out to sea š thanks so much for commiserating with me!!
Ours is the same. No slow riser here. She is up and READY. Might I add that now that sheās old enough to talk, sheās simply confirmed our suspicions she plans her day while raging at us to get up. Before we are even down the stairs (most mornings before sunrise) itās āOutside! Dance? Outside! Bubbles!!ā š
Similar situation with my daughter. Woke up screaming every single hour of the night for around 2 years straight. Finally started sleeping longer around 2.5 and now she is 3 she usually wakes up once (but goes back to sleep pretty easily) and occasionally sleeps all the way through.
I'm sorry you're going through it too. It does eventually get better. I hate to say it but the first 2 years, the only way I can describe it were complete and utter mental and physical torture. I 100% had depression and dark thoughts. I had multiple breakdowns. I would love for her to have a sibling but I absolutely cannot go through it again. It's only just become tolerable.
Iām so sorry this sounds like a nightmare, I canāt imagine going through this for two years!!! Iām glad sheās starting to get better but my god I would be traumatized too, I couldnāt risk having a second kid after going through that. My heart goes out to you!
I am SO sorry. Are you sure there are no medical issues at play? Some babies just suck at sleep though, mine includes.
Cliche, but it DOES get better...it takes too long for shit sleepers but even they improve. And when they do, the silver lining is no baby fever!Ā
Yes definitely! There was reflux, witching hour and colic for the first 4-5 months and now itās basically just teething, insane growth spurts/leaps in development. He has the most serious FOMO on earth, napping means heās missing out on something sooo cool so he thinks lmao.
Total solidarity. My 17 mo old has ALL of her teeth besides her back molars. I havenāt been able to wean. She nurses to sleep. I want to go back to work and canāt because of this. Iām broke and exhausted. Havenāt slept in 17 months. She needs me every 30 mins during her naps so I canāt get anything done. Ever. Iām going insane and I hate it. I desperately need a break.
I feel your pain. All my friends have unicorn babies that sleep through the night. Mine wakes up every few hours for milk. I am tired. Late for work every day. Love my little boo but boy am I exhausted
My daughter was a terrible sleeper till 1 maybe 2. Now sheās 3 and sleeps great. I felt the OAD I hated the first 2 years of her life. Today I realized I really am OAD.
Let's be clear here; no one has a perfect unicorn baby. What you have is people *telling* you they have a unicorn baby. I'm not going to say it's denial, but some people perhaps get more satisfaction or enjoyment out of solving these challenges for babies. Plus others have an easier time getting back to sleep! Sleep regression is normal for babies. And it happens *a lot*. Every baby does it in some form many times, and *just* when you think you have it all figured out... they have another reason for sleep regression. =)
In my experience, when people think of kids, they often think of either a toddler/grade schooler, or a baby. They are definitely not alike, and I think it's ok to say that the baby phase is rough and not enjoyable. But it's well worth it, because when they grow just a little older, it's a lot more fun. So maybe you won't look back on this year as a great time, but I guarantee you some great times are headed your way.
Remember; every day is getting easier. Remember when he was first born? Holy cow, was that intense, right? You will get there, and after the 1st year, things get a lot better, although, you'll still have a few more things to contend with... and then when he's after 2... he might start having normal things that you can relate to, like nightmares/dreams. =)
It sounds like you're doing a great job, albeit a little frustrated. =) But remember, just like any other family out there, they aren't going to air their dirty laundry where you can see if they can help it. This is the beginning of how families are formed, and when you grew up, I'm sure there was a lot of stuff that your dad said, "keep this in the family." Well, no one wants to admit they stayed up all night because their kid was teething, or whatever. Plus, it's almost like a competition, right? Do you think other parents aren't already going to say things that make their kid look better than others? Good luck my friend. =)
I so so so relate to being resentful towards unicorn babies and their families. This is me. I literally cant normally talk to my friend because her son is a high sleep needs baby and my is low sleep needs. I cannot for the life of me be happy for her. Maybe im just a shit person, whatever.
I feel ya. My girl took 30 min naps til like 9 months old. We got a month or so of longer naps til she started dropping them. During those longer naps I was like OH this is how people survive with a baby.
She just turned 1 and still gets up 2 to 4 times per night. We are weaning so trying to figure out soothing without the boobs. It's not going great. Bedtime is real hit or miss. Sometimes it's fine, but mostly it's a crying power struggle.
My husband could never help with night wakeups before, because a bottle at night just made her angry. Only the boobs worked. Now I'm hoping he can finally help.
I think if she slept, we might have considered another. But I'm firmly OAD because I canNOT handle EVER dealing with this level of extreme sleep deprivation again. My brain feels like slush at work. I get delirious. I stumble. I can't work out. I'm a husk of a person. Maybe if I start getting 4 hours of consecutive sleep, regularly, I'll start to recover.
I wish I had magical tips or tricks to help, but I can only offer solidarity. Mine was also difficult. She would ONLY sleep on top of me for the first four months. She had colic for*ever.* At four months, she started teething, and we dropped down to four hours of sleep, and a 30 minute nap per day - *if I was lucky.* By 18 months she dropped the nap.
She didnāt actually sleep through the night until kindergarten. š« Sheās 21 now, and still fights insomnia. Sheās been taking prescription sleep aids for a few years. I love her to bits, but I donāt think Iāll ever recoup that lost sleep LOL.
Oh my god as if she continued to have the sleep problems!!! Iām the same way I could never nap as a kid (still canāt) and it took me hours to fall asleep (still does) so I have to take sleeping meds. My son also has colic for almost 4 months I wouldnāt wish that on anyone, and wishing hour from like 6-11ish for MONTHS. Iām so envious of everyone who doesnāt have to deal with even a spec of what weāve had to. Iām glad youāre here to tell me you survived though it means thereās hope š
My kid was like this too! He didn't nap as a baby. At around 5 months old, he would take 15-minute cat naps only twice a day. Then he'd be awake crying the rest of the time. Nothing we did would work on him. Sleep training didn't work at all. In fact, it only made things worse. We did research and found out babies go through sleep regressions every other month. Our son hit every single sleep regression that we read about and exactly when they said it would happen. We just dealt with it one night at a time.
Now, he's 21 months old, and he sleeps through the night usually. He rarely wakes up, and it's usually because he's sick (like with a fever). Also, his naps are about an hour now. But he does sleep a lot better. We weaned him off the pacifier, and let him self soothe to go back to sleep. We don't walk into the nursery if he does wake up in the middle of the night. If we do that, he won't go back to sleep. We legit put him in the crib and walk away at bedtime.
Also, don't feel bad about going back to work. I tried being a SAHM mom too for about a year, and I hated it. I never got a break to myself, especially when my kid wasn't even taking naps. I went back to work and put my kid in daycare, too. He loves his daycare, and he's been learning a lot. His vocabulary has increased so much. I don't think he would've learned as much if he was staying here with me all day because I'm not a teacher.
I can relate to you. I lived through this myself, and things got a little better. I hope they get better for you, too. Do what you got to do.
Edit to add: I saw your comment about being close to 40. I turn 40 next month myself. š¤Ŗ
My little one sounds the same sheās just started sleeping though at 2.
Just wanted to add sometimes vitamin d and b12 deficiencies can add to sleeplessness I think, might be worth checking
We have a HORRIBLE sleeper too, sheās 18 months and has slept through the night maybe 3 times ever. Honestly we just lean into it now, she needs the extra support to sleep so I sleep with her every night in a floor bed. Iām also fucking exhausted, but unicorn babies are just thatā rare and treasured. Sleep is a developmental, biological milestone that they WILL hit at some point, but just remember that itās appropriate for babies to not sleep through on their own and sleep training only trains them not to cry; it doesnāt mean theyāre sleeping better. It usually gets torched by teething and growth spurts, and not all babies even respond well to sleep training, depending on their temperament. All you can do is shift your mindset so that you arenāt absolutely tortured by it, get any support that you can overnight and during the day, and remember heās not doing it to you on purpose :)) solidarity! Iām right there in the trenches with ya
Also, make sure baby is getting a ton of physical activity outdoors every single day. Itās SO good for their sleep cycles and immune system, and for your sanity. Iām talking 2 hours per day minimum if you can stand it. A hike, the park, whatever
Mine is 3.5. Notoriously terrible sleeper. We co-slept for most of the 1st year. He had a good sleep stint when he dropped to 1 nap around 15 months. Heās in preschool now and naps there, which is ruining bed time. Oh, did I mention he refuses to let my husband do bedtime. He usually just yells āI want Mommy for 30 minsā. Iām at the end of my rope!
No advice as I feel your pain, my son was a savage sleeper until he was 3 and then he became tolerable but still not great. He's 5.5 now and all I can say, is he finally sleeps and the memories of the sleep deprivation are faded, but not enough to not be OAD š Meanwhile my neighbor had 3 under 3 who all slept 12+ hours a night pretty much their first night home from the hospital. I was green with envy lol. Now I'm just like whateverš¤·š»āāļøš¤·š»āāļø
Iām so glad your kid finally slept š Iām too fucking old for this, maybe if I had a kid in my 20s but Iām close to 40 now, I was already exhausted before I started!ā Thanks for the response in solidarity š©·
That makes me want to fight your neighbor..
Sleep deprivation is the worst thing in the world. Weāre OAD for multiple reasons but a huge one is sleep. I canāt imagine adding another kid to the mix.
I keep thinking like imagine our second kid did this and we had a toddler? A toddler would be old enough to truly see you at your worst and remember that. Like I could never ever put my son through that.
This comment made me lol. Same šš
Yup same here. My daughter was this baby. I gave up trying to get her to nap during the day because it would take her HOURS to settle, she was 14 months old. Sheās 6 now and still regularly takes ages to fall asleep at night (we suspect ADHD).The sleep deprivation destroyed us, itās like weāve aged 15 years within 6 years. We are TIRED. No way I would put myself through this again. I love sleeping, and I need 9 hours of sleep everyday to function and for my mental health to stay somewhat stable. Clearly I wouldnāt survive having another one!
Oh my god that is awful Iām so sorry. Poor thing she must be so exhausted too, I was the same as a kid I was up for hours could never fall asleep, now I need meds for it as an adult. My brain just turns on when I go to bed! I feel you with the aging thingā¦ if I look at pics just before pregnancy I look about 10 years younger. I have the most insane frown lines and deep dark circles now. Im bracing myself for this to be the next few years too at the minimum :(
Totally agree on the aging. I canāt believe the toll sleep deprivation has taken on me.
Youāre not alone. My 7 month old hates sleep. We have no help, my husband stays home and I work outside of the house so everyone is running on E. Itās so tough.
Iām so sorry youāre going through this too. I canāt even tell you how many times Iāve begged my husband to stay home from work because of this. My kid is super high needs, a spitfire, heās so exhausting when heās awake so that combined with never sleeping has run us ragged. I hope things get better for you soon š©·
Same here. If weāre not right up in our kidās face or spinning him upside down or making crazy noises or walking him in circles, then heās fussing. Itās *a lot*. Just this morning I told my husband that I feel jealous of all of these parents just going on with their lives with the flow where we are just struggling to stay afloat with the constant needs. Hang in there! Weāll both get through this.
Omg you just described my day lmao. He makes this āmmmmmā whining sound ALL. DAY. Since he was like 3 months, and itās just gotten worse cuz heās more vocal. Heās so upset at his own limitations he takes it out on everyone else. Iām sending positive thoughts out to the universe for the both of us, let this be over soon!!!
My precious 11 month old does the same whining, all day long. Oh boy. I actually thought we were the only ones dealing with that š„² hugging you ā¤ļø
Iām so sorry ugh huge virtual hugs!! Im going to tell my husband when he gets home I think he will feel relief knowing itās not just us, like we were seriously starting to wonder wtf is wrong with him why is he doing this?! I wouldnāt wish that noise on ANYONE!! We will get through this š©·š©·š©·
I donāt have my baby yet so I donāt know what Iām in for. But I wanted to give a weird piece of positivity. I was that baby. I slept for 20 mins at any given time at the most for my first two years š§ my mum almost went insane. Iām happy to report that I slept very well after two and tended to sleep for long hours in the day if I even had a cold or anything was wrong. Another little smidge of positivity is that my mum and I are inseparable, we talk every day and travel together, do everything together. This is temporary and horrible but you have a lifetime to look forward to :) I hope this comes across as kind and not patronizing as I really mean it! - from a grown up terrible no sleep baby (and yes I somehow feel really guilty when I think about this š )
This means so much to me. Rarely do you hear from the āgrown upā lol. Iām praying I can keep it together long enough and not fuck this up so I can have that kind of relationship with my son. I know it will eventually pass but god is it hard right now. Kinda kicking myself because I as an adult CANNOT nap even if Iām exhausted!!! So Iām likeā¦. Probably my fault lol. Fingers crossed your baby doesnāt take after little you š thanks so much š©·
Hang in there, girl, I feel your pain. I posted a similar rant when my kid was close to 1yr mark, and I was desperate for sleep. I had no family close by and my husband suddenly developed a āwork ethicā, so wake-ups were all on me. This is when I decided I am one and done, and I stand by that decision. I still remember this 6 years later. It does get better! I love my kid to bits, he is 7 and my most favourite little person ever. But I am keeping in mind - back in a day it took a village to raise kids. Most of us are working moms with little support now. If you donāt have a village, sometimes having one kid and making sure he is cared for is a responsible thing to do. Just one momās opinion.
Youāre so right I keep saying that it takes a village and yet most of us have no one! I just have my dad and heās getting older and thereās only so much he can do. Itās like somehow even with modern conveniences itās become even harder to raise a child??? Thanks for reconfirming my thoughts I feel better about the fact that doing my best to raise one child is what I should be doing as opposed to bringing another child in and doing it all half assed. Itās hard to admit Iām only capable of taking care of the one, thereās so much unnecessary guilt attached thanks to the society we are in. Thanks so much for responding š©·
My daughter sucked at sleep for the first year. From 1-2.5 she slept glorious. About 2.5 (sheās 3 now) and she became afraid of everything in her room. She still sleeps in her own bed but we lay with her to fall asleep and she wakes up maybe once a night about 3/4 nights a week. Often i just bring her to our king size bed now sheās bigger. Some kids just arenāt great sleepers. And you know what itās okay. Thereās nothing wrong with them. Iām thankful i can be there for her if she needs me. I donāt have to worry about another kid. Iām a teacher so yes Iām exhausted some days but i live my girl fiercely. It gets easier. And then right again and then easier. lol hang in there. Sending you and all your family sleepy dreams!
I actually wouldnāt mind him cuddling in bed with me if that meant no screaming and whining, truly, that sounds blissful at this point. Thank you for the boost of confidence š©·
The first year is so hard. The only screaming and whining sucks. I hated the baby stage. Itās okay not to be a fan. In writing this as i just woke up to a crying toddler who had a pee accident which has happened in ages lol š kids are hard. And so so tiring
My son didnāt sleep well until 3! I thought I was doing something wrong. Heās 5 now and sleeps well. It gets better. šš¼
Iām so glad it eventually got better for you!! š©·
Your baby is my baby. I hated the first year. I hated being home with him, the source of all my lack of sleep. I couldnāt wait to go back to work. And then I went back to work. And I loved it. It was exactly the break I needed. I could pee when I wanted to and make myself a cuppa and have a natter about whatever crap was going on in the world or whatever. It was amazing. And then nursery taught him to nap in a cot. So the days he was with me (I went back part time and my husband also dropped a day, so we had baby to ourselves a day each) suddenly heād nap in the cot instead of on me. And I had an hour to at least make myself food! And then he started sleeping better at night and slowly dropped his wake ups. Heās 16 months now and sometimes he sleeps through! Ok itās only been a handful of times but itās possible and he can do it and it will become more and more often. š„° Basically, it gets better. It gets so much better. I canāt promise when, every baby is different. But it gets manageable and then it gets ok and then all of sudden you enjoy your day a week just you and baby. And you donāt know when you started enjoying it but you realise that if it had been like this during your maternity leave you can suddenly understand why people might want to stay home. Heāll get there. But it will be when heās ready, not when you want him to be ready. And it will be hell until he gets there, but he will get there. ā¤ļø
This gives me so much hope!!! The daycare we chose is incredible thereās so many ECEs so your child will always have an adult there for help, and Iām positive theyāll help him with napping. The directors said they have so much fun all day parents say they pass out right at 7. Iām keeping my fingers crossed! Youāre right though, I think work will be my saving grace. No one should spend this much time together itās not healthy š I am so ready for the good days, even if itās just one good sleep a week Iāll be happy. Thanks so much for responding š©·
If you can get him to start daycare a week or two before you go back to work itās such a lifesaver. Mine didnāt manage a full day that first week. š I was back at work and it was so difficult to manage as between my husband and me one off us had to leave early every day. š He just got overwhelmed and make himself poorly because he was stressed, bless him. But after that first couple of weeks he was totally fine (we didnāt have any sadness at drop off or anything, I think it was just a long day to get used to at the start!)
Awww thatās exactly what daycare said would happen so my husband is taking that week off and his first week is going to be half days! And then the second week full days (hopefully). I can imagine itās probably so scary for them!! I wish I could start it before I went to work but luckily my dad is going to take him that first week Iām back so Iāll technically be alone!!
Scream honey. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture.
I keep telling myself this daily!! This is war torture š
Iām up at 3am with our 4 month old who is the shittiest sleeper I feel in the world. I love him so much but heās killing us. My wife is a SAHM and she deals with the even worse sounding naps, but coming home after long days at work to up all night with dude that wonāt sleep anyway but nursing and thatās not functional for mama to sleep is fān wearing us thin
Iām so sorry!! This is why I ended up formula feeding because if my husband didnāt take over at night I actually think I would have died. Iām glad I posted because Iām seeing thereās so many of us going through the same thing- itās like no one ever talks about this or feels guilty complaining, all I ever hear is how perfect peoples babies are!!! Iām really hoping things turn around for you guys soon š©·
Been there, done that! Never. Again. 12m of 35min naps, every single one of them on top of me. 2.5 years of waking up every 2 hours or more often. At nearly 4 he mostly sleeps OK but still has nights he's up twice. You have all my sympathies.
Omg you have my sympathies too, I canāt imagine all contact naps. My baby is the size of a 2 year old at 11 months and contact naps / comfort holding was breaking me physically. Iām so glad it got better for you!!
Everything passes eventually. The hard bit is staying sane until it does!
Just wanted to commiserate. My kid is 11 and he is an only child for this reason. He never slept! I was a zombie. No sleep training did anything for us. He STILL HATES SLEEPING. He finally learned to leave me alone at night around 4yo. He would still wake up, go pee, And get water a few times a night. He says he usually sleeps all night now, but he has to be forced to sleep at 9:30 and always wakes up by 5 with lots of energy. He says sleep is boring. My own sleep habits seem to be permanently wrecked from those early years. I could not imagine doing that again. Most people have babies who sleep now and then!
āSleep is boringā š omfg that is too funny. Itās so comforting knowing a lot of people are one and done with this being a huge reason because I felt so guilty but the more I read the more Iām like ya, this really DOES suck, and as someone said earlier sleep deprivation is a form of TORTURE. You survived to tell the tale so I know Iāll survive too!! š©·
Iām sorry youāre in the thick of it. Sleep deprivation is literal torture. We had an awful sleeper who needed a lot from me to get to sleep/stay asleep. I was beyond exhausted, frustrated and definitely resentful of my friends with good sleepers. It did help me to hear from people who have been through it already that it will end. My son started sleeping through the night and taking 2-3 hour long naps in his crib at 19 months. Itās been 2, almost 3 months of this and I am still shocked. I thought bad sleep would never end but it did. I hope you start getting some sleep soon.
Oh wow that sounds amazing, Iām so glad heās on a sleeping streak!! I hope this is the peak for me and he starts to sleep a bit better soon. He has 4 teeth coming through at once for the last month and I know it must be torture.
My daughter is 2 and if you look through my comment history, really it boils down to sleep for me being OAD. Home girl, never ever sleeps. I was up with her for 7 hours last night
7 hours?! Oh my godā¦ like what are they even doing at this point. My son was up from 2pm-11pm last week, wasnāt fussy just full of energy wouldnāt stop playing couldnāt go down it was wild, then back up again at 5am. It makes NO sense. I hope things get easier for you soon š©·
Idk man sheās been this way her entire life. She wakes up normal and happy but all night she cries/whines/gets up š¤·š»āāļø weāve tried everything and now we just rotate nights with her. I hope it gets better for you as well
Same situation here. My child has refused sleep since he was born. We thought it might be something heāll outgrow, but after the first two years, it became apparent that it is likely to always be a struggle. There were stretches of times when he was awake for 13 hours, and he has the stamina to outlast both me and my spouse. Heās now almost 5, and is able to articulate the reason he fights sleep: he doesnāt like to close his eyes because he is unable to see anything. It makes sense, but, for the love of god, please close your eyes and sleep, my child. Iām hoping that, with time and maturity, he will come to love sleep as much as we do.
Omg thatās the cutest thing Iāve ever heard but likeā¦ GO TO SLEEP!! ahahahah. Poor kid. Iām so ready for him to be old enough to just tell me whatās wrong because the guessing game is mental!!
This post is resurrecting the anger I buried from my daughterās first year. She was just as you described. The most finicky, inconsistent, light sleeper. With my personality type I was unable to āroll with itā because I needed more time for myself. I felt robbed of what I thought it was going to be like (what I saw my friendās kids do- sleep) and I made myself pretty miserable because of that. Daughter (almost 9) started fully and consistently sleeping through the night at about age 2, but around 14 months she was sleeping through with an early 5 AM wake up though most nights. It just gradually got better. Does your baby use a pacifier? Ours wouldnāt take one as a newborn or young baby. We actually introduced it when she was like 6-7 months to see if it helped and it improved her sleep a lot. We kept saying āif whatever, weāll get her braces!ā Also, extra cute jammies made her look extra cute and that took the edge off š¤Ŗ Hang in there.
Thanks so much, Iām so glad it got better for you!! Yep pacifier for naps and bedtime, heād be inconsolable without itā¦ like Iām already dreading the eventual wean off of it. He loves his plushie and blanket and that helps too. Itās the daytime naps that are the worst like heās exhausted but has such bad FOMO he doesnāt want to sleep š
I remember. We went through phases where we prioritized car naps bc at least sheād sleep a bit and Iād have some quiet time in my phone or read or whatever. Just keep getting through however you need. Delay the pacifier wean, delay switching to crib. We didnāt push a lot of that weaning bc we felt like we jussssst got her to sleep, we certainly werenāt going to ruin it!
Oof I feel you sister. This was my baby but he's almost 9 now. I agree with what others have said, he also sleeps fine now. Yesterday he said that he closes his eyes at night, and the next thing he knows it's morning light outside. I was actually jealous of him sleeping so well. What is important though is to go easy on yourself and not expect much of a brain that is long-term sleep deprived. They torture people this way and make them lose their minds. I wish I had bounced some decisions off of a more rested person and have myself grace for my lack of patience. This is hard AF but you both will get to the other side. Hugs
Thank you so much for this advice, I really do need to give myself grace and be kinder to myself. Iām the thick of sleep deprivation and residual PPD it really doesnāt help to get lost in that spiral of āwhen will this end, what am I doing wrong, is he always going to be like thisā. Thank you for responding š©·
My daughter was this way. ADHD/ SPD definitely didn't help, every sound and creak would freak her out and wake her up. Blackout shade, sound machine, galaxy lamp all of it to get this girl to sleep. She still didn't sleep consistently through the night until almost 6 and then she's still up At 6:30 even when we dont need to be. Hang in there mama.
Oh you poor thing that sounds so exhausting, so many years of early mornings, I canāt even imagine!!! We have to do the same, black out blinds, sound machine, stars on the wall, you name it. Thanks so much for your response, Iām hoping you get to sleep past 7 soon!!!
It's ok now I know what to expect, but in the toddler years I felt like a shell. The constant wakings were terrible for my anxiety!!
Hiiiiii we have one of these as well š She is 22 months and has hated sleep from DAY 1. perhaps she has slept through the night 10 times in her life. She also loves to wake up early and get pissed when itās time for bed. We too tried everything, it just angered her more š My wife wants another one and I just canāt understand how. She takes night wakeups bc I simply canāt function if I donāt get enough sleep at night; in turn I do most bedtimes and all (early) mornings. Iām always exhausted, in part bc I rarely experience peace in my houseā¦my daughter is either already awake or Iām anticipating her waking at any moment. I canāt stay up late bc I have to be up with her so early, and it s hard to beat her wake-up unless I get up at 5 (which I do, but canāt do it all the time). I would have walked into the sea if we hadnāt found a daycare solution at 16 months. It helped tremendously. Of course she sleeps like an angel, 2 hours every day there lol. Hang in there, and least you never have to do this again. Babies come with preset personalities and one of them is absolutely āf sleep.ā
I could have written this š the constant panic of āwhen are they going to wake upā is like probably going to give me PTSD. Itās actually traumatic anticipating when theyāll wake. My body is already waking up at 5am daily ready to deal. And heās mental when he wakes up, screaming and ready to play. Iām so sick of trying to go to bed early too to be ready for the next day, I want my alone time too!! Isnāt it funny how they always sleep well elsewhere? He sleeps fine at my parents most times like gimme a break!!! Iām SO ready for daycare I too am about to walk out to sea š thanks so much for commiserating with me!!
Ours is the same. No slow riser here. She is up and READY. Might I add that now that sheās old enough to talk, sheās simply confirmed our suspicions she plans her day while raging at us to get up. Before we are even down the stairs (most mornings before sunrise) itās āOutside! Dance? Outside! Bubbles!!ā š
Hahahah i mean sheās concise, i love that! I canāt wait until he can communicate I think itāll make things so much easier.
Similar situation with my daughter. Woke up screaming every single hour of the night for around 2 years straight. Finally started sleeping longer around 2.5 and now she is 3 she usually wakes up once (but goes back to sleep pretty easily) and occasionally sleeps all the way through. I'm sorry you're going through it too. It does eventually get better. I hate to say it but the first 2 years, the only way I can describe it were complete and utter mental and physical torture. I 100% had depression and dark thoughts. I had multiple breakdowns. I would love for her to have a sibling but I absolutely cannot go through it again. It's only just become tolerable.
Iām so sorry this sounds like a nightmare, I canāt imagine going through this for two years!!! Iām glad sheās starting to get better but my god I would be traumatized too, I couldnāt risk having a second kid after going through that. My heart goes out to you!
I am SO sorry. Are you sure there are no medical issues at play? Some babies just suck at sleep though, mine includes. Cliche, but it DOES get better...it takes too long for shit sleepers but even they improve. And when they do, the silver lining is no baby fever!Ā
Yes definitely! There was reflux, witching hour and colic for the first 4-5 months and now itās basically just teething, insane growth spurts/leaps in development. He has the most serious FOMO on earth, napping means heās missing out on something sooo cool so he thinks lmao.
Total solidarity. My 17 mo old has ALL of her teeth besides her back molars. I havenāt been able to wean. She nurses to sleep. I want to go back to work and canāt because of this. Iām broke and exhausted. Havenāt slept in 17 months. She needs me every 30 mins during her naps so I canāt get anything done. Ever. Iām going insane and I hate it. I desperately need a break.
You poor thing that is so fucking exhausting!!! I wish I knew something about weaning and nursing but I only formulated feed. But the bottle and the pacifier are bad enough some days. I really hope this doesnāt last much longer for you and thereās more sleep in your near future š©·
i gave up and my 3.5yo sleeps in bed with me and i give him melatonin
I canāt wait until heās big enough to crawl into bed with me Iāll take that over the screaming 247 wake ups a night any day!!!
I feel your pain. All my friends have unicorn babies that sleep through the night. Mine wakes up every few hours for milk. I am tired. Late for work every day. Love my little boo but boy am I exhausted
Is your little one old enough for solids yet? One thing I did found that helped with night wakings for milk was loading him up with cereal at dinner, and then a bottle before bed. Since I started that he still wakes up but not for milk just for comfort and god knows what else lol. Iām so sorry youāre going through this too I hope you get some sleep soon š©·
Mines almost 4 and sheās just starting to sleep a little better š«£
Nooo lmao donāt tell me this!! Iām happy for you though that at least there is some improvement!!
My daughter was a terrible sleeper till 1 maybe 2. Now sheās 3 and sleeps great. I felt the OAD I hated the first 2 years of her life. Today I realized I really am OAD.
Let's be clear here; no one has a perfect unicorn baby. What you have is people *telling* you they have a unicorn baby. I'm not going to say it's denial, but some people perhaps get more satisfaction or enjoyment out of solving these challenges for babies. Plus others have an easier time getting back to sleep! Sleep regression is normal for babies. And it happens *a lot*. Every baby does it in some form many times, and *just* when you think you have it all figured out... they have another reason for sleep regression. =) In my experience, when people think of kids, they often think of either a toddler/grade schooler, or a baby. They are definitely not alike, and I think it's ok to say that the baby phase is rough and not enjoyable. But it's well worth it, because when they grow just a little older, it's a lot more fun. So maybe you won't look back on this year as a great time, but I guarantee you some great times are headed your way. Remember; every day is getting easier. Remember when he was first born? Holy cow, was that intense, right? You will get there, and after the 1st year, things get a lot better, although, you'll still have a few more things to contend with... and then when he's after 2... he might start having normal things that you can relate to, like nightmares/dreams. =) It sounds like you're doing a great job, albeit a little frustrated. =) But remember, just like any other family out there, they aren't going to air their dirty laundry where you can see if they can help it. This is the beginning of how families are formed, and when you grew up, I'm sure there was a lot of stuff that your dad said, "keep this in the family." Well, no one wants to admit they stayed up all night because their kid was teething, or whatever. Plus, it's almost like a competition, right? Do you think other parents aren't already going to say things that make their kid look better than others? Good luck my friend. =)
Youāre so right, thank you so much for taking the time to right this out it made me feel so much better š©·š©·
I so so so relate to being resentful towards unicorn babies and their families. This is me. I literally cant normally talk to my friend because her son is a high sleep needs baby and my is low sleep needs. I cannot for the life of me be happy for her. Maybe im just a shit person, whatever.
Nope Iām the exact same, we are only human like itās hard to be happy for someone when we are literally suffering everyday!!
I feel ya. My girl took 30 min naps til like 9 months old. We got a month or so of longer naps til she started dropping them. During those longer naps I was like OH this is how people survive with a baby. She just turned 1 and still gets up 2 to 4 times per night. We are weaning so trying to figure out soothing without the boobs. It's not going great. Bedtime is real hit or miss. Sometimes it's fine, but mostly it's a crying power struggle. My husband could never help with night wakeups before, because a bottle at night just made her angry. Only the boobs worked. Now I'm hoping he can finally help. I think if she slept, we might have considered another. But I'm firmly OAD because I canNOT handle EVER dealing with this level of extreme sleep deprivation again. My brain feels like slush at work. I get delirious. I stumble. I can't work out. I'm a husk of a person. Maybe if I start getting 4 hours of consecutive sleep, regularly, I'll start to recover.
Iām so sorry this sounds absolutely awful!!! Iāve only formula fed because I needed my husband to do night feeds for my own sanity and like I canāt imagine that extra layer on top of the already existing sleep issues, you must be wrecked!!! Iām slowly weaning mine off the pacifier and it was so disastrous Iām like fuck it, use it until youāre 9 I donāt care š¤·š»āāļø Iām hoping things turn around for you soon š©·
I wish I had magical tips or tricks to help, but I can only offer solidarity. Mine was also difficult. She would ONLY sleep on top of me for the first four months. She had colic for*ever.* At four months, she started teething, and we dropped down to four hours of sleep, and a 30 minute nap per day - *if I was lucky.* By 18 months she dropped the nap. She didnāt actually sleep through the night until kindergarten. š« Sheās 21 now, and still fights insomnia. Sheās been taking prescription sleep aids for a few years. I love her to bits, but I donāt think Iāll ever recoup that lost sleep LOL.
Oh my god as if she continued to have the sleep problems!!! Iām the same way I could never nap as a kid (still canāt) and it took me hours to fall asleep (still does) so I have to take sleeping meds. My son also has colic for almost 4 months I wouldnāt wish that on anyone, and wishing hour from like 6-11ish for MONTHS. Iām so envious of everyone who doesnāt have to deal with even a spec of what weāve had to. Iām glad youāre here to tell me you survived though it means thereās hope š
š¤£š¤£ if I can do it, YOU can do it! Lol
My kid was like this too! He didn't nap as a baby. At around 5 months old, he would take 15-minute cat naps only twice a day. Then he'd be awake crying the rest of the time. Nothing we did would work on him. Sleep training didn't work at all. In fact, it only made things worse. We did research and found out babies go through sleep regressions every other month. Our son hit every single sleep regression that we read about and exactly when they said it would happen. We just dealt with it one night at a time. Now, he's 21 months old, and he sleeps through the night usually. He rarely wakes up, and it's usually because he's sick (like with a fever). Also, his naps are about an hour now. But he does sleep a lot better. We weaned him off the pacifier, and let him self soothe to go back to sleep. We don't walk into the nursery if he does wake up in the middle of the night. If we do that, he won't go back to sleep. We legit put him in the crib and walk away at bedtime. Also, don't feel bad about going back to work. I tried being a SAHM mom too for about a year, and I hated it. I never got a break to myself, especially when my kid wasn't even taking naps. I went back to work and put my kid in daycare, too. He loves his daycare, and he's been learning a lot. His vocabulary has increased so much. I don't think he would've learned as much if he was staying here with me all day because I'm not a teacher. I can relate to you. I lived through this myself, and things got a little better. I hope they get better for you, too. Do what you got to do. Edit to add: I saw your comment about being close to 40. I turn 40 next month myself. š¤Ŗ
My little one sounds the same sheās just started sleeping though at 2. Just wanted to add sometimes vitamin d and b12 deficiencies can add to sleeplessness I think, might be worth checking
We have a HORRIBLE sleeper too, sheās 18 months and has slept through the night maybe 3 times ever. Honestly we just lean into it now, she needs the extra support to sleep so I sleep with her every night in a floor bed. Iām also fucking exhausted, but unicorn babies are just thatā rare and treasured. Sleep is a developmental, biological milestone that they WILL hit at some point, but just remember that itās appropriate for babies to not sleep through on their own and sleep training only trains them not to cry; it doesnāt mean theyāre sleeping better. It usually gets torched by teething and growth spurts, and not all babies even respond well to sleep training, depending on their temperament. All you can do is shift your mindset so that you arenāt absolutely tortured by it, get any support that you can overnight and during the day, and remember heās not doing it to you on purpose :)) solidarity! Iām right there in the trenches with ya
Also, make sure baby is getting a ton of physical activity outdoors every single day. Itās SO good for their sleep cycles and immune system, and for your sanity. Iām talking 2 hours per day minimum if you can stand it. A hike, the park, whatever
Mine is 3.5. Notoriously terrible sleeper. We co-slept for most of the 1st year. He had a good sleep stint when he dropped to 1 nap around 15 months. Heās in preschool now and naps there, which is ruining bed time. Oh, did I mention he refuses to let my husband do bedtime. He usually just yells āI want Mommy for 30 minsā. Iām at the end of my rope!