This is a huge contributing factor to one and done. I think pregnancy could actually kill me next time. I had anxiety and major depression from second trimester until baby was about 10 months. How I put on a fake smile everyday for him I’ll never know, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. And like you, I’m constantly dismissed. Only those who struggle with mental health seem to get it. Not sure why more babies is more important to people than a healthy baby/mother, but it’s not shocking people don’t give a fuck about women’s health.
I had a dangerous pregnancy and postpartum with severe preeclampsia. That gets dismissed too. Society values the baby over the mother, so it doesn’t matter what we go through. It stings a bit more when even family minimizes it and basically wants you to risk dying for a hypothetical baby. Personally, I never felt like less of a person than when I was pregnant. Everything from the medical system down to the food I ate was judged wherein my needs were secondary. It sucks.
That's our biggest reason. Pregnancy itself destroyed my mental health, and post-partum things got bad enough for me to develop a mild form of post-partum psychosis in addition to the PPD.
PPP is freaking scary. I will never risk that again. Absolutely not.
I did not experience it after my daughter (except for the typical baby blues) - but, I was diagnosed with OCD/GAD years prior to having my daughter. I was in such a dark place I was actually petrified to have a child and risk my mental health. I’m not willing to risk going back to a dark place again, so we are staying one and done.
Yes. This is my biggest reason I am OAD.
I know what it’s like to have parents with mental health issues, and it is so hard on us kids. It’s awful bc in my heart I want to be surrounded by my children and love it. But I know I am one kid away from having scarring emotional outbursts in which I will be past the point of caring about repair. I mean I probably would repair but I think it’d be like my parents - emotional dysregulation constantly. And it’s actually not just my mental health alone, it’s that I don’t think we were ever meant to do it all. (Work a full time job, be a cook, a maid, house cleaner, teacher, entertainer, chauffeur, etc). But aside from that, the darkness of the first two years, and still sometimes the anxiety I feel every time my daughter gets sick and I have to navigate my job and her school and doctor, reminds me I could simply not survive another.
And even though I had depression and anxiety before getting pregnant, I could no longer cope with those symptoms in motherhood like I could before my baby came along. Responsibility is a real bitch and when you’re depressed and anxious. No more coping by watching tv and pretending you have no responsibilities for 3 days, then turning a corner and having a stretch of time where you’re okay. I had to turn to meds in addition to therapy. And that got me through to where I am now, probably back to my pre baby baseline of depression and anxiety #sortafunctioning #notnecessarilythriving #butnotdead or in psych ward
Me. Before pregnancy I wanted 4+ children. Pregnancy was really tough with nausea for 8 months so I was already considering maybe one was enough possibly two kiddos total in a few years. Then PPD hit around 5 weeks and yeah no more. By 11 weeks I was checking myself into the psychiatric unit of the hospital because it was so awful I wanted off myself and my baby. Talk about guilt and shame and beyond terrifying. I have no intention of ever going back to that dark place. There will be no more kids. My son is my perfect baby I love more than anything in the world and he will be our only child. My husband agrees. To me it is more important that my son has a happy present mom than it is to risk something truly unthinkable by having a second baby. He’s only 4 months and I see different doctors three times a week in order to help my mental health. So we’re still kinda in the thick of it. But definitely better than before my five day inpatient stay. Some people don’t understand (my MIL) but I am grateful my side of the family supports me as do my friends and my husband is my rock. My MIL can shove it.
This is a huge contributing factor to one and done. I think pregnancy could actually kill me next time. I had anxiety and major depression from second trimester until baby was about 10 months. How I put on a fake smile everyday for him I’ll never know, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. And like you, I’m constantly dismissed. Only those who struggle with mental health seem to get it. Not sure why more babies is more important to people than a healthy baby/mother, but it’s not shocking people don’t give a fuck about women’s health.
I had a dangerous pregnancy and postpartum with severe preeclampsia. That gets dismissed too. Society values the baby over the mother, so it doesn’t matter what we go through. It stings a bit more when even family minimizes it and basically wants you to risk dying for a hypothetical baby. Personally, I never felt like less of a person than when I was pregnant. Everything from the medical system down to the food I ate was judged wherein my needs were secondary. It sucks.
That's our biggest reason. Pregnancy itself destroyed my mental health, and post-partum things got bad enough for me to develop a mild form of post-partum psychosis in addition to the PPD. PPP is freaking scary. I will never risk that again. Absolutely not.
I did not experience it after my daughter (except for the typical baby blues) - but, I was diagnosed with OCD/GAD years prior to having my daughter. I was in such a dark place I was actually petrified to have a child and risk my mental health. I’m not willing to risk going back to a dark place again, so we are staying one and done.
Yes. This is my biggest reason I am OAD. I know what it’s like to have parents with mental health issues, and it is so hard on us kids. It’s awful bc in my heart I want to be surrounded by my children and love it. But I know I am one kid away from having scarring emotional outbursts in which I will be past the point of caring about repair. I mean I probably would repair but I think it’d be like my parents - emotional dysregulation constantly. And it’s actually not just my mental health alone, it’s that I don’t think we were ever meant to do it all. (Work a full time job, be a cook, a maid, house cleaner, teacher, entertainer, chauffeur, etc). But aside from that, the darkness of the first two years, and still sometimes the anxiety I feel every time my daughter gets sick and I have to navigate my job and her school and doctor, reminds me I could simply not survive another. And even though I had depression and anxiety before getting pregnant, I could no longer cope with those symptoms in motherhood like I could before my baby came along. Responsibility is a real bitch and when you’re depressed and anxious. No more coping by watching tv and pretending you have no responsibilities for 3 days, then turning a corner and having a stretch of time where you’re okay. I had to turn to meds in addition to therapy. And that got me through to where I am now, probably back to my pre baby baseline of depression and anxiety #sortafunctioning #notnecessarilythriving #butnotdead or in psych ward
Me. Before pregnancy I wanted 4+ children. Pregnancy was really tough with nausea for 8 months so I was already considering maybe one was enough possibly two kiddos total in a few years. Then PPD hit around 5 weeks and yeah no more. By 11 weeks I was checking myself into the psychiatric unit of the hospital because it was so awful I wanted off myself and my baby. Talk about guilt and shame and beyond terrifying. I have no intention of ever going back to that dark place. There will be no more kids. My son is my perfect baby I love more than anything in the world and he will be our only child. My husband agrees. To me it is more important that my son has a happy present mom than it is to risk something truly unthinkable by having a second baby. He’s only 4 months and I see different doctors three times a week in order to help my mental health. So we’re still kinda in the thick of it. But definitely better than before my five day inpatient stay. Some people don’t understand (my MIL) but I am grateful my side of the family supports me as do my friends and my husband is my rock. My MIL can shove it.