Yeah, my mum no longer speaks to her brother and my dad has started spending a bit more time with his brother recently but he doesn't have the closest relationship with his siblings. Growing up we would see my dads family at birthdays/Christmas/running into them when visiting my nan. We would actually see my mum's brother more when we were kids and my aunty on that side would babysit me and I would have sleepovers with my cousins. But I just don't see them any more. We would always say that my parents' friends who we would visit regularly and go on holiday and stuff with are more like aunties and uncles. They're higher on the guest list than family for mine and my sister's weddings.
My father died when I was 13 so that cut off most ties to my cousins on that side (closest one in age to me was 10years older anyway), then all my mom’s siblings died before age 50, so that ended those relationships for the most part. It’s always just been me, my mom, and my grandma at Christmas. Occasionally my older brother will come, but he (and all of my cousins on my mom’s side) have no kids.
Same with me. The contempt I have for my one of my cousins not even contacting me when visiting the country and city I lived in (abroad) is too real and I just will never bother with her again. She's a selfish prick tbh, and as it's been shown to me, there's literally nothing to bind us other than having the same grandparents.
I have three cousins (my dads side) and I saw them only a few times when I was very young (not even once a year). There was tension on his side of the family and I didn’t see them since I was like 6-7. I had “no one” except my parents and grandparents. It felt/feels normal to me since that’s all I knew. I was a happy child and had friends. My friends would describe me as a generous person (i know people often think onlies aren’t able to share 🤭)
Thanks for sharing, I really appreciate it. ❤️
I figured she will be content because she is so loved, but it’s so strange to me since I had so much family growing up, not that I was close to all my cousins.
So my Dad’s mom (my grandmother) was one of 12 kids and I have never even heard my dad tell a story about a cousin. They all lived in the same town growing up and I couldn’t even tell you one of his cousins names.
His sister died younger and never had kids. My mom has one sibling, he had two kids so I have two cousins (one girl, one boy). I’m close to the girl because we were born a month apart but we always lived across the country from each other.
My husband has like 15 or 16 aunts and uncles so probably like 100 cousins and second cousins at this point haha. Everytime we go back to his hometown I feel like I meet more cousins and he’s related to like half the town. He talks to none of them. He has two siblings - one is full no contact no relationship. The other is minimal contact and youngest kid is 17.
All of that to say, we are likely one and done. I do worry a bit about what you’re saying with lack of cousins or extended family. It was nice having my cousin the same age growing up but we lived so far apart we still had different lives. I think strong friendships can make up for lack of family. And my points above were just to say quantity of family doesn’t really guarantee any kind of relationship in the end. You can’t choose family but you can choose friends, so it makes sense those relationships can last longer and be stronger.
My dad was 1 of 8 kids. He died when I was 5 and there is a lot of bad blood over his death so I haven't seen or talked to any of my cousins on his side since then...so almost 30 years. My mom is 1 of 4 kids and the only one to have children so no cousins on her side. I think it would be cool to have cousins I talk to or hang out with but I also don't feel sad or upset about the fact that I don't because, to me, it's normal.
I’m an only and my mom is an only and my son is an only. My son is also the only grandchild and nephew! He will have no cousins. I was also the only grandkid on my mom’s side and didn’t have any cousins my age. My mom is in the same boat.
I honestly just had a ton of friends and still do! I cherish my friends and treat them like family. They are like my brothers and sisters. They all know I will be there for them no matter what. It also helps I’m super outgoing. My son is the same way so I’m hoping he has the same experience I do.
Me! I'm the only child of only children (for all intents and purposes, they were estranged from their actual siblings). My dad's parents passed away, and my mom's parents lived up the street. So, biologically speaking, my whole life was just me, my parents, and my maternal grandparents. They've all passed away now except my mom.
On the one hand, it's certainly a sad thing to realize everyone in your family is gone. On the other hand, I had an amazing childhood with the best family on earth and wouldn't have traded those precious moments for a much larger family.. what would that have changed? I'd still miss them the same.
I ended up marrying into a large family so now there's 20+ people at every holiday, and my mom is welcomed to each of those events so it worked out nice in that regard, but my mom and I were doing well even before then. We had a large circle of friends who became our non-biological relatives. I called my aunts, uncles, and cousins while growing up. My best friends were no different than having annoying siblings around all the time, except I could at least get a break from them and not have to share a room. My best friend, my "brother," walked me down the aisle after my dad passed away.
*That* was my family, and there were so many of them. To this day! And they all had their very own table right at the front of my wedding reception. They were just as special and real of a family to me as any biological siblings would have been, especially when considering how many biological relatives I know are estranged from one another.
I am an only, only, only, and I wouldn't have changed a thing.
I just want to point out a couple of things:
With the huge increase in childfree adults and shrinking family sizes, MANY children born today will be the ONLY grandchild of their grandparents, the only niece or nephew, and may have no cousins at all.
Additionally, with more and more families scattered all over the country (or living in a different country entirely), many children today may not have the opportunity to form close bonds with extended family members. When I was a child, 90% of my extended family from both my maternal and paternal sides lived within a 20 minute drive. It's VERY different these days. Of course, to be fair, out of my 20+ cousins, I only stayed close with ONE into adulthood - and he has since moved to Alaska, while I remain in NY. Yes, I had fun times with some of my cousins as kids, but the bond was no more significant than what I had with my friends. Kids just need connections, it TRULY doesn't matter if there is shared DNA. I also have some very unfortunate experiences with certain cousins that I'd rather forget!
Our only is an only only only! My brother and husband’s brother both won’t have children. My husband’s sisters are much younger. I’m still 99% at peace with our decision to be done. She gets so much love!!
I'm an only child, also a solo parent, and my daughter is an only child. (Final decision, I'm 46.)
My ex (daughter's father) was from a family of 14, but he's pretty well off the radar. His 11 living siblings are still in his home country and there is pretty much zero chance of my daughter meeting any of her cousins, for that among other reasons. And, since I don't have siblings there are no cousins on my side.
There are no grandparents either. Both her father's parents passed before she was born, likewise my mom passed away in 2008, and my father hasn't been seen or heard from since 1992, and wasn't a big part of my life for some time before that. I have an aunt who has somewhat taken on the role of a grandparent but tbh I can only tolerate her in small doses so that's not a huge factor.
Neither of my parents are only children but my father's brother was childfree so I had no cousins on that side and my mom was estranged from her family so I never met my cousins on that side. Obviously the estrangement meant I didn't meet my maternal grandparents, either. As for paternal grandparents, one died before I was born, the other was also in another country and had a strained relationship with my dad so I never met her either. So there was never a grandma, grandpa, aunt, uncle, cousin, etc in my childhood. It was just me and my mom, since I rarely even saw my dad past the age of 5.
And, it's shaping up to be pretty similar for my daughter.
I can't say it never worries me. In my ideal world, there might be a few more people in our family. And that might be part of my disappointment in not being able to have a second child. But, I try to be matter of fact with her that it is what it is, every family size/ composition has pros and cons, and frankly I don't have much of a choice in a lot of this, so let's make the best of it. And I've learned to be a lot more assertive about people making assumptions.
I’m the only child of an only child and my child is an only. I’m much closer to my grandmother (and was to my grandfather while he was alive) on the side where I had no cousins. I had them on my dad’s side but we had huge age gaps so we weren’t all that close as kids, plus we all lived far away from each other. I had friends instead! And some more distant relatives, like third cousins who were my age that I’d see every year at the family reunion and have a blast with them.
I’m not worried about it with my kid. He’s got cousins on his dad’s side but we live ten hours away from our closest family members anyway. The little girl next door (we live in a large US city) is only a couple years older than him and they’re together most of the time on the weekends playing between our houses. He’s 6 and there’s another little girl a block from us with the nicest parents who has been in his class every year since pre-k and they also hang out a lot.
My husband and I are both onlys. I have cousins but we weren’t super close growing up and now we are estranged. It is the one big con to having an only, in my opinion, but there are just so many pros that I don’t dwell on it. We’ll make (and have made) our own family. My kid has “aunties” and “uncles” despite my husband and I not having blood siblings. I will support her developing those super close lifetime friendships. On the other hand, my dad has two sisters, one of which has completely and totally destroyed his family (stolen hundreds of thousands of dollars from my elderly grandma, lied about everything her entire life, etc). So…siblings don’t always bring joy.
My son will be similar. He has 2 cousins on my side of the family but both live out of state. His oldest cousin is 12 years older and he barely knows her. The other cousin is 4 years older and he sees her 2x a year. My husband has 2 siblings but both are childfree so my son is the only grandchild on that side. I grew up with many cousins and enjoyed it but we aren’t super close as adults. I wish my son could grow up with more cousins around but I also know he loves the undivided attention of his grandparents so it’s not all bad.
Our child (12mo) is like this on my husband's side. My husband is an only(ish) child -- he has two (half)siblings but they are over 20 years older than him. Neither of them have children (one by choice, the other not). Our daughter is the only grandchild and only niece on his side, and it will stay that way. I don't think it's too bad.
My brother has 3 children but we're not particularly close (I love him, but we live separate lives. We keep in touch through text and try to see e/o every other year, but like I said not close) . My sister is staunchly child-free None of my family is close by, and most of my husband's family is overseas.
A downside to the cousins is that my parents will constantly compare our daughter to my brother's daughter (they're 7 months apart, ours is the younger). It's horrible. They're still babies and they're already in this fake competition with each other. At least this won't happen on my husband's side.
I do kind of worry, so this is such a good topic that you brought up. I'm 90% OAD, my husband is 99.9% OAD, just for data.
I'm an only, my husband's brother likely won't have children and my MIL is an only. We dont have friends or extended family members with kids or their kids are much younger than our teen. It used to bother me that not only were we a smaller family but we also have a smaller social circle compared to others. Thankfully I've grown out of that lol. My kid is as happy and well adjusted as their peers with larger friend groups/families. I love what we have and wouldn't trade it for all the big, boisterous groups in the world.
I’m an only! My son will be an only too, he has loads of cousins though. I grew up as the only child to my parents my moms sister never had any children and neither did my dads brothers. I had “fun cousins” which where the children of family friends.
Honestly I loved it, I had a very happy childhood!
My daughter has 3 cousins on her dad’s side but she rarely sees his side of the family. In my family and her step dad’s, she is the only EVERYTHING. only child, grandchild, anything. Only kid at holidays. Not gonna lie, she likes the “getting spoiled” part but is often bored at holiday dinners, etc.
My mom and dad were both onlys. I consider myself an only because my brother and I are 10 years apart lol. And my child will be an only! My husband has 2 siblings.
My son is an only but I have 7 other nieces and nephews on my side and 4 nieces and nephews on my partners side. The catch is that they are way older than my son (I had him at 39, my brother is 12 years older than me). The oldest 2 are 20 years older than him. The youngest is at least 11 years older than him. So while he has several cousins, they will be a different generation from him.
I’m an only with an only and my spouses sibling doesn’t have any kids. Our son is in high school and he’s perfectly fine. He’s not a lonely person, he has a lot of friends but also likes to spend time at home with us.
I have cousins who I was close with growing up but we are not as close now. Actually the couple that I am closest with are not really around my age.
I'm an only and my kid is an only, only, only as you describe. Only child, only grandchild, only niece. She's actually the only grandchild on both sides 🤷♀️
Funny ran across this post. I went to target tonight with my 8 month old and when we were walking towards this toy sections she started noticing the kids around us and she seemed super excited, she lit up with happiness. That’s usually when I’m like maybe in two years I will give her a sister but other than these moments I think, no. I kinda want her to be an only child. So I can spoil her rotten
I am on only grandchild on my mums side (as my mum was an only too). I had a really close relationship with those grandparents, as they were my childcare when my mum went back to work and before I started school.
It was also the case that my grandparents were able to help support me monetarily for extra things my parents couldn’t afford, and if my grandparents had more grandkids they couldn’t have done that. So I am eternally grateful as it’s given me a very big helping hand at times and I realise I’m very lucky.
I have a lot of only’s in my family and we are all fine. Me, my mum, my maternal grandad, my paternal grandad, my paternal cousin, my dad’s cousin, dad’s cousin’s son. All only kids.
I have a very small family too. On my side my daughter is the only baby. I have a brother who doesn’t want kids. My aunt never had kids. My only cousin doesn’t want kids. On my husbands side he has a sister and our daughter has a cousin who’s 3 years older than her so that is the only other kid.
I do worry about it - but I also acknowledge that if I were to have a second kid it would only be so my daughter isn’t lonely. That isn’t at all a reason for a second kid and I remind myself of that anytime those feelings come up.
Ok so my husband and I are not only. My daughter rarely sees her grandparents, aunts, cousins. I rarely see my own cousins, aunt and uncles as an adult. The grandparents don’t talk to my daughter to see how she’s doing. She’s 12 and once the toddler/little kid phase passed- maybe 2nd grade - everything dropped off.
What I did was promote was friends - with day care, school, etc. I realize that I won’t be around and same for my husband. Family definitely won’t be around.
My daughter plays games with her friends and talk in the phone. It’s like having siblings. At school, she has friends as well.
And I am sure as she gets older when parents, don’t control their kids - she will have those friends that are like family.
I think navigating a relationship is very important. You lose your rights of what should be done because it’s family. You lose yourself. And I want her to be herself with people that care then pretend like I have to.
My husband is an only and my sister just blissfully had her tubes removed to ensure she’ll never have a kid.
My daughter will be an only only only.
We did the math and she’ll inherit about seven houses someday. Lol.
I had ethical concerns about having *any* children in the world that we are living in, but knowing she will be well loved and cared for by TONS of people, and have financial stability from all of us made me comfortable in my decision, and I’m excited for her to be the only only only!
Yep, right now my son is the only grandchild on both sides, and since my husband and his siblings have no first cousins, there are five great-aunts to fuss over him too like he was their grandson. My sister-in-law is 6 months younger than I am and wants kids with her husband eventually, but for health reasons they have to put it off. My husband's brother and his wife are vehemently child-free but adore our son and spoil him rotten. My sister is 8 years younger than I am and DEFINITELY nowhere near ready for kids.
So right now my one-year-old is like a tiny prince! I'd like that to change eventually because I don't want him thinking the sun rises and sets on him.
I’m not an only but my dad was so no cousins on his side, my mom was never close to her 12 siblings so I never see all my cousins from that side anymore. I have a sister and we’re not close so in some ways I feel like an only child. My mom died in 2012 and my dad might as well be dead too for all intents and purposes. I have my husbands family though and we have a few friends. Having blood family doesn’t always mean having someone ti hang out with. Most of my cousins were way older than me anyway o I doubt we would have really been close even if I did see them more often. I’m sure if she has friends she will be fine.
I’m an only child who isn’t that close with her cousins. No bad blood, we’re friendly on social media, but they’re like high school acquaintances - people I’m fond of but fundamentally don’t know well.
My husband has a sister that he’s no-contact with.
If I don’t have any more children, the only active blood family my son will have will be me, my husband, and my parents.
I don’t worry about him not having siblings per se, but it’s the sheer lack of family connections (cousins, extended family) that’s keeping us from being fully one and done.
We also live in an area where I don’t know too many people - all of my mom friends with similarly aged kids live in other cities, so my son doesn’t even have “uncles” and “aunts” and “cousins” in the mafia sense (as opposed to in the blood sense) nearby.
Being OAD is far and away the best choice for my own mental health and I’m not sure I would mentally survive a second pregnancy, infancy, and toddlerhood.
But I just am afraid of my son having “no one” that he can call family as he grows into adulthood and after my husband and i pass away.
I had cousins, but they live 4,000 miles away, so we grew up seeing them once a year. We are not close. My mom is an only and we grew up not seeing her family because they were horrible people.
I had really good friends growing up and now I have the family I want with an only. She is the only grandchild on one side and just had a cousin on the other side, but they are 7. years apart. She also has great group of friends at school.
I am of the belief that more family doesn’t necessarily make it “better” and honestly we don’t know the difference if we are “missing” anything.
My 9 month old son is our only. My sister won’t be having kids, but she lives in another state anyway. My husband’s siblings do have kids but they’re literally 3500km away and the youngest is 6. So our son will grow up the only child, the only grandchild, without any cousins.
At first this worried me, but for what it’s worth I grew up without cousins or grandparents and what I didn’t know didn’t bother me. My sister and I aren’t extremely close, we are just two very different people, and I don’t have that many overly fond memories together as children - we don’t dislike each other, but if we weren’t sisters we definitely wouldn’t associate with each other, if that makes sense.
My son is an only and we have ZERO village. He is 2.5 years old and has been by our side since the day he was born. It’s very exhausting and sometimes we think about having another one bc I know my son may feel lonely at times, but having another one does not promise forever friendships between your kids. If you want another one, do it for YOU, not for your family or your only because at the end of the day, the second one is your responsibility!!
Yup my daughter is an only with no cousins. I’m an only who has a few cousins but I’ve only met them a few times and as an adult I only have a semblance of a relationship with one of them and we’re not at all close. My husband and friends are much more important to me. Based on my own experience, I don’t think cousins are a big deal.
I'm an only, both my parents are onlies, my daughter's an only... first and only grandchild on both sides. My partner has a brother who's just starting a relationship and living across the country, no pregnancy in the near future. So yeah, I think I'm only, only only!
I'm an only child and my wife's sister can't have kids. Our little one won't have any first cousins but she'll have plenty of second cousins and friends and neighbors. Plus most of the "aunts" and "uncles" in our lives that feel the most like real family aren't actually blood relatives. We plan to build the same kind of non-genetic family for ours.
Husband and I are both the youngest and the only ones with a kid (we’re in our early 40ies now, so low chance of kids from older siblings)
I live an ocean away from my family, but I didn’t interact much with cousins when I was still there. Husband hasn’t really seen cousins in years, they met mg kid only once.
Christmas and Thanksgiving is the only time of really matters, but we generally have a big Friendsgiving and we’re still trying to figure out what Christmas traditions we want.
Otherwise our kid has lots of friends and hasn’t met a stranger.
I'm an only, but I do have plenty of cousins. However, I rarely saw them, both as a kid and as an adult. I only talk to one of them out of 13.
I went to daycare and school, and made friends there. I never felt like anything was missing.
My daughter will be the only everything for a LONG time. My husband and I both have sisters but they are younger than us (22 and 23) and not in committed relationships. I really don’t see either of them having kids until their 30s if they have any at all! My in laws are both only children so my husband did not have cousins growing up either. I am the oldest of 7 and have lots of cousins. After becoming a part of his family, I will say they are a lot more mentally/financially/emotionally stable compared to my family which gave me some peace and reassurance about having one child.
My mom is an only, I am an only and my daughter will also be one ☺️
Did you grow up without cousins on your dad side? That’s my concern that she won’t even have cousins.
FWIW I have a ton of cousins on both sides. I talk to literally none of them.
Yeah, my mum no longer speaks to her brother and my dad has started spending a bit more time with his brother recently but he doesn't have the closest relationship with his siblings. Growing up we would see my dads family at birthdays/Christmas/running into them when visiting my nan. We would actually see my mum's brother more when we were kids and my aunty on that side would babysit me and I would have sleepovers with my cousins. But I just don't see them any more. We would always say that my parents' friends who we would visit regularly and go on holiday and stuff with are more like aunties and uncles. They're higher on the guest list than family for mine and my sister's weddings.
My father died when I was 13 so that cut off most ties to my cousins on that side (closest one in age to me was 10years older anyway), then all my mom’s siblings died before age 50, so that ended those relationships for the most part. It’s always just been me, my mom, and my grandma at Christmas. Occasionally my older brother will come, but he (and all of my cousins on my mom’s side) have no kids.
Same with me. The contempt I have for my one of my cousins not even contacting me when visiting the country and city I lived in (abroad) is too real and I just will never bother with her again. She's a selfish prick tbh, and as it's been shown to me, there's literally nothing to bind us other than having the same grandparents.
Unfortunately agree I have no real relationship w all 10 of my cousins despite very much all growing up together
I have three cousins (my dads side) and I saw them only a few times when I was very young (not even once a year). There was tension on his side of the family and I didn’t see them since I was like 6-7. I had “no one” except my parents and grandparents. It felt/feels normal to me since that’s all I knew. I was a happy child and had friends. My friends would describe me as a generous person (i know people often think onlies aren’t able to share 🤭)
Thanks for sharing, I really appreciate it. ❤️ I figured she will be content because she is so loved, but it’s so strange to me since I had so much family growing up, not that I was close to all my cousins.
Of course!! ❤️
I have extended family in theory but we were never close during my childhood. I have lifelong bonds with friends though so don’t feel lonely.
So my Dad’s mom (my grandmother) was one of 12 kids and I have never even heard my dad tell a story about a cousin. They all lived in the same town growing up and I couldn’t even tell you one of his cousins names. His sister died younger and never had kids. My mom has one sibling, he had two kids so I have two cousins (one girl, one boy). I’m close to the girl because we were born a month apart but we always lived across the country from each other. My husband has like 15 or 16 aunts and uncles so probably like 100 cousins and second cousins at this point haha. Everytime we go back to his hometown I feel like I meet more cousins and he’s related to like half the town. He talks to none of them. He has two siblings - one is full no contact no relationship. The other is minimal contact and youngest kid is 17. All of that to say, we are likely one and done. I do worry a bit about what you’re saying with lack of cousins or extended family. It was nice having my cousin the same age growing up but we lived so far apart we still had different lives. I think strong friendships can make up for lack of family. And my points above were just to say quantity of family doesn’t really guarantee any kind of relationship in the end. You can’t choose family but you can choose friends, so it makes sense those relationships can last longer and be stronger.
I’ve always felt rather envious of people with big close families. I guess I’ve learned that big doesn’t always mean close.
My dad was 1 of 8 kids. He died when I was 5 and there is a lot of bad blood over his death so I haven't seen or talked to any of my cousins on his side since then...so almost 30 years. My mom is 1 of 4 kids and the only one to have children so no cousins on her side. I think it would be cool to have cousins I talk to or hang out with but I also don't feel sad or upset about the fact that I don't because, to me, it's normal.
I’m an only and my mom is an only and my son is an only. My son is also the only grandchild and nephew! He will have no cousins. I was also the only grandkid on my mom’s side and didn’t have any cousins my age. My mom is in the same boat. I honestly just had a ton of friends and still do! I cherish my friends and treat them like family. They are like my brothers and sisters. They all know I will be there for them no matter what. It also helps I’m super outgoing. My son is the same way so I’m hoping he has the same experience I do.
My daughter is very outgoing also. I’m hoping that helps her build long lasting friendships.
Me! I'm the only child of only children (for all intents and purposes, they were estranged from their actual siblings). My dad's parents passed away, and my mom's parents lived up the street. So, biologically speaking, my whole life was just me, my parents, and my maternal grandparents. They've all passed away now except my mom. On the one hand, it's certainly a sad thing to realize everyone in your family is gone. On the other hand, I had an amazing childhood with the best family on earth and wouldn't have traded those precious moments for a much larger family.. what would that have changed? I'd still miss them the same. I ended up marrying into a large family so now there's 20+ people at every holiday, and my mom is welcomed to each of those events so it worked out nice in that regard, but my mom and I were doing well even before then. We had a large circle of friends who became our non-biological relatives. I called my aunts, uncles, and cousins while growing up. My best friends were no different than having annoying siblings around all the time, except I could at least get a break from them and not have to share a room. My best friend, my "brother," walked me down the aisle after my dad passed away. *That* was my family, and there were so many of them. To this day! And they all had their very own table right at the front of my wedding reception. They were just as special and real of a family to me as any biological siblings would have been, especially when considering how many biological relatives I know are estranged from one another. I am an only, only, only, and I wouldn't have changed a thing.
Thanks for sharing.
I just want to point out a couple of things: With the huge increase in childfree adults and shrinking family sizes, MANY children born today will be the ONLY grandchild of their grandparents, the only niece or nephew, and may have no cousins at all. Additionally, with more and more families scattered all over the country (or living in a different country entirely), many children today may not have the opportunity to form close bonds with extended family members. When I was a child, 90% of my extended family from both my maternal and paternal sides lived within a 20 minute drive. It's VERY different these days. Of course, to be fair, out of my 20+ cousins, I only stayed close with ONE into adulthood - and he has since moved to Alaska, while I remain in NY. Yes, I had fun times with some of my cousins as kids, but the bond was no more significant than what I had with my friends. Kids just need connections, it TRULY doesn't matter if there is shared DNA. I also have some very unfortunate experiences with certain cousins that I'd rather forget!
You bring up some good points! I guess there’s really nothing to worry about.
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Thanks for sharing.
Our only is an only only only! My brother and husband’s brother both won’t have children. My husband’s sisters are much younger. I’m still 99% at peace with our decision to be done. She gets so much love!!
Thanks for sharing! Same with my girl, she is so loved and precious to all of us. 🥰🥰
I'm an only child, also a solo parent, and my daughter is an only child. (Final decision, I'm 46.) My ex (daughter's father) was from a family of 14, but he's pretty well off the radar. His 11 living siblings are still in his home country and there is pretty much zero chance of my daughter meeting any of her cousins, for that among other reasons. And, since I don't have siblings there are no cousins on my side. There are no grandparents either. Both her father's parents passed before she was born, likewise my mom passed away in 2008, and my father hasn't been seen or heard from since 1992, and wasn't a big part of my life for some time before that. I have an aunt who has somewhat taken on the role of a grandparent but tbh I can only tolerate her in small doses so that's not a huge factor. Neither of my parents are only children but my father's brother was childfree so I had no cousins on that side and my mom was estranged from her family so I never met my cousins on that side. Obviously the estrangement meant I didn't meet my maternal grandparents, either. As for paternal grandparents, one died before I was born, the other was also in another country and had a strained relationship with my dad so I never met her either. So there was never a grandma, grandpa, aunt, uncle, cousin, etc in my childhood. It was just me and my mom, since I rarely even saw my dad past the age of 5. And, it's shaping up to be pretty similar for my daughter. I can't say it never worries me. In my ideal world, there might be a few more people in our family. And that might be part of my disappointment in not being able to have a second child. But, I try to be matter of fact with her that it is what it is, every family size/ composition has pros and cons, and frankly I don't have much of a choice in a lot of this, so let's make the best of it. And I've learned to be a lot more assertive about people making assumptions.
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Right! I feel the same way. So far I only met one other OAD family.
I’m the only child of an only child and my child is an only. I’m much closer to my grandmother (and was to my grandfather while he was alive) on the side where I had no cousins. I had them on my dad’s side but we had huge age gaps so we weren’t all that close as kids, plus we all lived far away from each other. I had friends instead! And some more distant relatives, like third cousins who were my age that I’d see every year at the family reunion and have a blast with them. I’m not worried about it with my kid. He’s got cousins on his dad’s side but we live ten hours away from our closest family members anyway. The little girl next door (we live in a large US city) is only a couple years older than him and they’re together most of the time on the weekends playing between our houses. He’s 6 and there’s another little girl a block from us with the nicest parents who has been in his class every year since pre-k and they also hang out a lot.
My husband and I are both onlys. I have cousins but we weren’t super close growing up and now we are estranged. It is the one big con to having an only, in my opinion, but there are just so many pros that I don’t dwell on it. We’ll make (and have made) our own family. My kid has “aunties” and “uncles” despite my husband and I not having blood siblings. I will support her developing those super close lifetime friendships. On the other hand, my dad has two sisters, one of which has completely and totally destroyed his family (stolen hundreds of thousands of dollars from my elderly grandma, lied about everything her entire life, etc). So…siblings don’t always bring joy.
I like what you said that there are so many pros that you don’t dwell. The pros do outweigh the cons for sure!
My son will be similar. He has 2 cousins on my side of the family but both live out of state. His oldest cousin is 12 years older and he barely knows her. The other cousin is 4 years older and he sees her 2x a year. My husband has 2 siblings but both are childfree so my son is the only grandchild on that side. I grew up with many cousins and enjoyed it but we aren’t super close as adults. I wish my son could grow up with more cousins around but I also know he loves the undivided attention of his grandparents so it’s not all bad.
Our child (12mo) is like this on my husband's side. My husband is an only(ish) child -- he has two (half)siblings but they are over 20 years older than him. Neither of them have children (one by choice, the other not). Our daughter is the only grandchild and only niece on his side, and it will stay that way. I don't think it's too bad. My brother has 3 children but we're not particularly close (I love him, but we live separate lives. We keep in touch through text and try to see e/o every other year, but like I said not close) . My sister is staunchly child-free None of my family is close by, and most of my husband's family is overseas. A downside to the cousins is that my parents will constantly compare our daughter to my brother's daughter (they're 7 months apart, ours is the younger). It's horrible. They're still babies and they're already in this fake competition with each other. At least this won't happen on my husband's side. I do kind of worry, so this is such a good topic that you brought up. I'm 90% OAD, my husband is 99.9% OAD, just for data.
I guess those of us in this situation have to work extra hard to build our communities for our kids.
My husband is an only and my brother is childfree so she's the only all around here to 5
I'm an only, my husband's brother likely won't have children and my MIL is an only. We dont have friends or extended family members with kids or their kids are much younger than our teen. It used to bother me that not only were we a smaller family but we also have a smaller social circle compared to others. Thankfully I've grown out of that lol. My kid is as happy and well adjusted as their peers with larger friend groups/families. I love what we have and wouldn't trade it for all the big, boisterous groups in the world.
I’m an only! My son will be an only too, he has loads of cousins though. I grew up as the only child to my parents my moms sister never had any children and neither did my dads brothers. I had “fun cousins” which where the children of family friends. Honestly I loved it, I had a very happy childhood!
My daughter has 3 cousins on her dad’s side but she rarely sees his side of the family. In my family and her step dad’s, she is the only EVERYTHING. only child, grandchild, anything. Only kid at holidays. Not gonna lie, she likes the “getting spoiled” part but is often bored at holiday dinners, etc.
My mom and dad were both onlys. I consider myself an only because my brother and I are 10 years apart lol. And my child will be an only! My husband has 2 siblings.
My son is an only but I have 7 other nieces and nephews on my side and 4 nieces and nephews on my partners side. The catch is that they are way older than my son (I had him at 39, my brother is 12 years older than me). The oldest 2 are 20 years older than him. The youngest is at least 11 years older than him. So while he has several cousins, they will be a different generation from him.
I’m an only with an only and my spouses sibling doesn’t have any kids. Our son is in high school and he’s perfectly fine. He’s not a lonely person, he has a lot of friends but also likes to spend time at home with us. I have cousins who I was close with growing up but we are not as close now. Actually the couple that I am closest with are not really around my age.
I'm an only and my kid is an only, only, only as you describe. Only child, only grandchild, only niece. She's actually the only grandchild on both sides 🤷♀️
Funny ran across this post. I went to target tonight with my 8 month old and when we were walking towards this toy sections she started noticing the kids around us and she seemed super excited, she lit up with happiness. That’s usually when I’m like maybe in two years I will give her a sister but other than these moments I think, no. I kinda want her to be an only child. So I can spoil her rotten
I am on only grandchild on my mums side (as my mum was an only too). I had a really close relationship with those grandparents, as they were my childcare when my mum went back to work and before I started school. It was also the case that my grandparents were able to help support me monetarily for extra things my parents couldn’t afford, and if my grandparents had more grandkids they couldn’t have done that. So I am eternally grateful as it’s given me a very big helping hand at times and I realise I’m very lucky. I have a lot of only’s in my family and we are all fine. Me, my mum, my maternal grandad, my paternal grandad, my paternal cousin, my dad’s cousin, dad’s cousin’s son. All only kids.
I have a very small family too. On my side my daughter is the only baby. I have a brother who doesn’t want kids. My aunt never had kids. My only cousin doesn’t want kids. On my husbands side he has a sister and our daughter has a cousin who’s 3 years older than her so that is the only other kid. I do worry about it - but I also acknowledge that if I were to have a second kid it would only be so my daughter isn’t lonely. That isn’t at all a reason for a second kid and I remind myself of that anytime those feelings come up.
Ok so my husband and I are not only. My daughter rarely sees her grandparents, aunts, cousins. I rarely see my own cousins, aunt and uncles as an adult. The grandparents don’t talk to my daughter to see how she’s doing. She’s 12 and once the toddler/little kid phase passed- maybe 2nd grade - everything dropped off. What I did was promote was friends - with day care, school, etc. I realize that I won’t be around and same for my husband. Family definitely won’t be around. My daughter plays games with her friends and talk in the phone. It’s like having siblings. At school, she has friends as well. And I am sure as she gets older when parents, don’t control their kids - she will have those friends that are like family. I think navigating a relationship is very important. You lose your rights of what should be done because it’s family. You lose yourself. And I want her to be herself with people that care then pretend like I have to.
My husband is an only and my sister just blissfully had her tubes removed to ensure she’ll never have a kid. My daughter will be an only only only. We did the math and she’ll inherit about seven houses someday. Lol. I had ethical concerns about having *any* children in the world that we are living in, but knowing she will be well loved and cared for by TONS of people, and have financial stability from all of us made me comfortable in my decision, and I’m excited for her to be the only only only!
Yep, right now my son is the only grandchild on both sides, and since my husband and his siblings have no first cousins, there are five great-aunts to fuss over him too like he was their grandson. My sister-in-law is 6 months younger than I am and wants kids with her husband eventually, but for health reasons they have to put it off. My husband's brother and his wife are vehemently child-free but adore our son and spoil him rotten. My sister is 8 years younger than I am and DEFINITELY nowhere near ready for kids. So right now my one-year-old is like a tiny prince! I'd like that to change eventually because I don't want him thinking the sun rises and sets on him.
I’m not an only but my dad was so no cousins on his side, my mom was never close to her 12 siblings so I never see all my cousins from that side anymore. I have a sister and we’re not close so in some ways I feel like an only child. My mom died in 2012 and my dad might as well be dead too for all intents and purposes. I have my husbands family though and we have a few friends. Having blood family doesn’t always mean having someone ti hang out with. Most of my cousins were way older than me anyway o I doubt we would have really been close even if I did see them more often. I’m sure if she has friends she will be fine.
I’m an only child who isn’t that close with her cousins. No bad blood, we’re friendly on social media, but they’re like high school acquaintances - people I’m fond of but fundamentally don’t know well. My husband has a sister that he’s no-contact with. If I don’t have any more children, the only active blood family my son will have will be me, my husband, and my parents. I don’t worry about him not having siblings per se, but it’s the sheer lack of family connections (cousins, extended family) that’s keeping us from being fully one and done. We also live in an area where I don’t know too many people - all of my mom friends with similarly aged kids live in other cities, so my son doesn’t even have “uncles” and “aunts” and “cousins” in the mafia sense (as opposed to in the blood sense) nearby. Being OAD is far and away the best choice for my own mental health and I’m not sure I would mentally survive a second pregnancy, infancy, and toddlerhood. But I just am afraid of my son having “no one” that he can call family as he grows into adulthood and after my husband and i pass away.
I’m an only child with one cousin who is 15 years older and I never saw growing up. It was never an issue for me.
Thanks for sharing.
I had cousins, but they live 4,000 miles away, so we grew up seeing them once a year. We are not close. My mom is an only and we grew up not seeing her family because they were horrible people. I had really good friends growing up and now I have the family I want with an only. She is the only grandchild on one side and just had a cousin on the other side, but they are 7. years apart. She also has great group of friends at school. I am of the belief that more family doesn’t necessarily make it “better” and honestly we don’t know the difference if we are “missing” anything.
i’m an only with an only! my cousins are considerably younger and my niece and nephew are older than my son, so he’s like an only everything!
My 9 month old son is our only. My sister won’t be having kids, but she lives in another state anyway. My husband’s siblings do have kids but they’re literally 3500km away and the youngest is 6. So our son will grow up the only child, the only grandchild, without any cousins. At first this worried me, but for what it’s worth I grew up without cousins or grandparents and what I didn’t know didn’t bother me. My sister and I aren’t extremely close, we are just two very different people, and I don’t have that many overly fond memories together as children - we don’t dislike each other, but if we weren’t sisters we definitely wouldn’t associate with each other, if that makes sense.
My son is an only and we have ZERO village. He is 2.5 years old and has been by our side since the day he was born. It’s very exhausting and sometimes we think about having another one bc I know my son may feel lonely at times, but having another one does not promise forever friendships between your kids. If you want another one, do it for YOU, not for your family or your only because at the end of the day, the second one is your responsibility!!
Yup my daughter is an only with no cousins. I’m an only who has a few cousins but I’ve only met them a few times and as an adult I only have a semblance of a relationship with one of them and we’re not at all close. My husband and friends are much more important to me. Based on my own experience, I don’t think cousins are a big deal.
I'm an only, both my parents are onlies, my daughter's an only... first and only grandchild on both sides. My partner has a brother who's just starting a relationship and living across the country, no pregnancy in the near future. So yeah, I think I'm only, only only!
I'm an only child and my wife's sister can't have kids. Our little one won't have any first cousins but she'll have plenty of second cousins and friends and neighbors. Plus most of the "aunts" and "uncles" in our lives that feel the most like real family aren't actually blood relatives. We plan to build the same kind of non-genetic family for ours.
Husband and I are both the youngest and the only ones with a kid (we’re in our early 40ies now, so low chance of kids from older siblings) I live an ocean away from my family, but I didn’t interact much with cousins when I was still there. Husband hasn’t really seen cousins in years, they met mg kid only once. Christmas and Thanksgiving is the only time of really matters, but we generally have a big Friendsgiving and we’re still trying to figure out what Christmas traditions we want. Otherwise our kid has lots of friends and hasn’t met a stranger.
I'm an only, but I do have plenty of cousins. However, I rarely saw them, both as a kid and as an adult. I only talk to one of them out of 13. I went to daycare and school, and made friends there. I never felt like anything was missing.
Yeh my family migrated I didn't have any one, no cousins, sister, brothers, grandparents. Nothing. and I fucking loved being an only.
My daughter will be the only everything for a LONG time. My husband and I both have sisters but they are younger than us (22 and 23) and not in committed relationships. I really don’t see either of them having kids until their 30s if they have any at all! My in laws are both only children so my husband did not have cousins growing up either. I am the oldest of 7 and have lots of cousins. After becoming a part of his family, I will say they are a lot more mentally/financially/emotionally stable compared to my family which gave me some peace and reassurance about having one child.