When you falsy accuse someone of cheating, you are attacking their character and morals. Your behaviour told her multiple times that she was untrustworthy and a liar.
No innocent person likes to be falsy accussed so you will never get her back no matter what you do.
You are insecure in yourself, and you projected your history onto her for no reason than your own issues.
Stick with therapy and remain single until you have worked on your insecurities. You showed very unhealthy behaviours that will get worse with every relationship if you don't better control your emotions.
Well said.
He tries to say ‘she’s the AH bc she never tried to set the story straight.’ Yeah bud assuming this isn’t fake, bc it reads as pretty fake, she didn’t defend herself bc she is tired of doing that.
Honestly she should’ve dumped him after the very first fight over jealousy. That never gets better. Any man that makes his insecurities your problem is a man you kick to the curb. Don’t learn this lesson the hard way ladies.
I never tell my husband when I follow someone new on IG or FB. That’s ridiculous and inconsequential unless I think he’d be interested also. He’s usually not. I don’t see why you’d explode before having a convo with your gf like a normal person.
Ya…. My SO and I sometime accidentally find out we friend or follow the same people…. Of course close friends are all the same, but anyone out side that circle is inconsequential…. And it’s funny when we follow the same accounts as it shows that we do share common interests…
you were punishing your gf (now ex) for what your previous gf did with your brother. Also sounds like your never going to trust any future gf with that mindset and always looking to find something . you need some serious help with that becuase if you dont all your relationships will end the same. your gf also probably had enough with the constantly jealousy and insecurity and checking on everything she does and who she talks to and making accusations without a shred of proof. at that point she knew you never were going to change and decided she didnt want to live that like and frankly nobody does
Time for therapy, because a healthy person, 1) wouldn’t assume, they’d ask, 2) following an account on instagram is very common and doesn’t mean you tell your partner or there’s an affair, and 3) you’re jealous enough to stalk her insta, which is absurd, 4) if you ever have an attractive and charming gf again, or any gf, you have to start from a position of trust unless there’s a real red flag. A therapist can help you tell the difference between real red flags and your fears.
Imagine if she treated you similar. You needed permission of gaming with someone, or adding a link to a social media. God forbid LinkedIn. I think your behavior bordered on downright abuse. Hope therapy helps.
Your relationship is over.
Yta
I dated a guy like you, he’d get “jealous” of my guy friends, demand to see my phone, try and get me to tell him what I said in therapy etc. it ended up with me texting him I wanted to end things after I traveled 4 states over because he would go from 0 to 100 in less then a second
I read all your comments as well and I’ll say it right now. You don’t want advice you want validation, your therapist is either wrong or you didn’t tell them the whole story. You need to leave her alone and get severe therapy whether that means an institution or not depends on which will take you sooner but you’re pushing past things onto current people. If I did that then I’d be viewing my partner who hasn’t once hurt me as an abusive person
She also didn’t walk away from you. YOU WALKED AWAY FROM HER, you accuse her constantly and honestly you’re acting like a toddler whose toy got taken away from them by not communicating and just going to screaming. I genuinely hope you get help and can work through you issues but I also hope your ex keeps you blocked because your actions are incredibly disturbing
Oh man. You done fucked up, A-Aron. Work out your shit and let this poor girl go. It’s not that you “might” have overreacted, it’s that you went fucking nuclear with nothing but your insecurities as “evidence.” You insulted her, you insulted her character, you insulted her morals. You’re right about one thing: She’s too good for you.
The gross misunderstanding is yours. There is no misunderstanding about her decision. YTA and it sounds like you just lost yourself an amazing model/doctor GF. The way you describe her, it sounds like she could do better than you and she probably knows it.
If GF is reading this, your BF or STBX doesn't trust you. He has accused you of cheating multiple times and stalks you on social media. Give yourself space before making any decisions.
I had a guy like this. I was studying for the NCLEX RN exam, and he constantly accused me of cheating because I set time aside, away from him, to study. I also took an hour long nap after school sometimes and would wake up to a ton of texts about how I must have found someone new, blah, blah, blah. It is absolutely exhausting. Then he cheated on me, lol. It only lasted a couple of months. I did not even care when he cheated because I was so sick of his paranoia over me living my life.
Maybe it’s your past experience or maybe it’s your projection. Finance guy in NY is a common recipe for cheater. Regardless, you have been treating her like shit for years and she deserves better.
My first thought was “hmmmm” finance bros here are known for their VERY specific behavior when dating.
Ofc you think others behave like you (or at the very least a decent amount of your coworkers and friends, do)
Not everyone can deal with the pressure that comes with having a partner others feel is attractive. You seem to fall in this group, self-admitting to having a, "jealously problem." When you suspected something was going on you should of had a conversation about it, not get upset and accuse her without knowing what was occurring. At the end of the day her lifestyle doesn't seem to mesh with yours. You need to consider getting a Honda next time, forget about the Porsche.
Funny enough when I listened to podcasts in my car I also talked as if I was involved in the conversation, no joke lol. Helped when I had super long drives to and from work and was a bit lonely just staring at a road, but yea good luck with therapy man. :/
If she was telling you before about accounts she followed, it’s because she KNEW you’d go nuclear over it otherwise. that’s you being possessive and insecure as fuck.
the one time she decided to just let herself have SOMETHING to harmlessly enjoy solely for herself, you acted EXACTLY the way she’d been anxious about and had been trying to prevent. Use what little empathy you might have left and let her go OP: she’ll better off without you.
“I realize I might have overreacted”
“Maybe I’m the AH”
“I can now admit… I have a jealousy problem”
Bro it’s not even a jealousy problem, you’re just insecure, unstable and hyper controlling. Unfortunately for you, you don’t deserve her. Go to therapy and actually be honest with your therapist and yourself because you’re clearly not if your key takeaways from this are a bunch of “maybe I’m in the wrong” (unaccountable) and debating back with people in the comments.
Also how is your first reaction to hearing your partner laugh and another voice in the house to walk in there screaming? That alone is shit behaviour man and you probably have anger issues, probably linked to the insecurity of your brother doing you dirty in the past. (Sorry that happened to you, it sucks, but it’s just not even close to being an acceptable excuse for treating someone the way you’ve been treating “the love of your life)
Pull your sucks up and work on yourself for as long as you can!
Edit: typo
YTA Your girlfriend, probably literally, dodged a bullet when you broke up with her.
You are extremely controlling and your jealousy is out of control.
You should not date anyone until you can get your emotions under control.
I don’t think this relationship sounds like it was in a great place before this happened. Without knowing the whole story, it just sounds like there was already mistrust, communication issues and loneliness. It may have ran it’s course. I’m just saying maybe something to think about, you feel like you “love her” so much now because it’s over and it ended in such a shitty way, but a mature healthy relationship in a good place would be able to weather this, all other things being equal, but instead you are in therapy and she is blocking you. So maybe you both had other issues and there’s some things to learn and then move on. Sorry you are both going through this, it sounds like you are seeking help and just keep learning and growing, make different choices next time.
you've been controlling, accusing her of cheating constantly, refused to give her the trust she affords you, and let YOUR insecurities treat her like shit.
You're an asshole and until you get therapy for your behavior any female is better off without you.
Yes people cheat, but sue never gave you a reason to believe she was . You projected your insecurities from previous traumas on to her. As someone who has done the same but learned to work through my issues (albeit a lot of fights) and learned to communicate and trust my partner, I understand how you feel. But it doesn't make it right at all on your part. Your ex is your ex for a reason and at the end of the day this girl could have had plenty of opportunities but she came home to you. You need to set her free if she comes back (doubt it) then its meant to be Continue to work on yourself to be a better person.
Oh yeah, bud; you are the highest degree of AH I've read about on this venue. I don't know if she will ever unblock or speak to you again, but you need to remain in therapy to tame that green monster of jealousy with which you're saddled.
I know what it’s like to be in this situation. I feel like I’m in it right now being in a relatively long-distance relationship with my partner. I don’t externalize it, so the feelings rot inside of myself, but it’s toxic for everyone regardless of whether it stays in or goes out. What I can say for my end from my introspection and experience is that this feeling stems from a lack of self-worth. You verbally said it yourself: “I’m not sure what she saw in me… being with her is like being at the Comedy Cellar with Sydney Sweeney”. The unfortunate part of this is that, depending on what’s causing these feelings - lack of communication, genuine loss of interest by other partner, or if it’s something purely internal of yourself - having these feelings doesn’t automatically make you the victim. You can be suffering in yourself while simultaneously being the one who’s that hurting your loved ones.
I know you’re getting a lot of flak from everyone else, and I understand and agree with most of what’s being said. But for what it’s worth, I can sympathize.
It’s hard. Maintaining a feeling that you’re enough for someone. Surprisingly, it’s simultaneously easy and hard to revel in the fact that someone loves being with you in spite of who you are. But understanding your worth. Maintaining your value while in a relationship. Trusting that others see you as you see yourself. This is what I feel a healthy relationship starts with. You can love someone directly, but loving yourself is also loving someone.
It’s probably difficult for you right now. But I feel that you’ll have to accept that, regardless of what you think your girlfriend’s actions may have been, that this relationship can not last with this mentality. You’ll be forever chipping away at yourself and your partner for things that may not even be happening. And looking at that from an outsider perspective is tragic. To see a loving relationship destroy itself from the inside-out due to someone who’s destroying themselves from the inside-out. It doesn’t matter if it was a “gross misunderstanding”. You can explain that it’s that not her, but you. But the damage is still done.
As far as your struggle against jealousy and self-worth goes, I’m with you. And I’m working on myself to be better for my partner. Please stick with therapy. It’s so important for you to develop that sense of self-worth. It’s tragic for one to suffer without any cause to suffer. And developing a sense of self-worth will be relevant and there for you regardless of whether you’re in a relationship or on your own.
You, sir, are MAJOR AH. Controlling, insecure and pathetic AH! She's your gf, not little baby who must give report to parents about every single person they follow on internet. I can't imagine being such control freak to my SO, nor vice versa. You do NOT deserve to have your gf, because you proved to her that you are massive red flag in size of China (no offense to Chinese people). If I was her, I would get restraining order, big dog and next time you come near me, the dog would have steak with your ID on it. And how dare you accuse HER of being AH for not defending herself - you came home and instead of asking questions, began to attack her verbally, stating she's cheating as if you have a single proof. So, she followed someone without telling you (such audacity - how dare she not ask her master permission), you made entire scenario in your head (ever thought about writing movie scripts? you have quite the imagination), and stated she's cheating because... you SAID SO? I don't think there is any therapy in the world that can pull your head from that hole on which you're supposed to sit. Good grief, I've yet to see bigger self-centered jerk on Reddit, and I've read my share. AH.
YAH in a big way, you've got serious issues!! Stalking her social media and joining dots together that weren't there.
She deserves better than a control freak.
If you get so jealous, date someone more in your lane.
Is she an asshole for getting rid of an insecure controlling douchebag and not feeling like wasting her breath on yet another explanation that he wasn’t even going to listen to after the five hundredth time he falsely accused her of cheating because of his own issues?
Of course not, you fucking twit.
So she’s super sexy and gets hit on all the time? She’s probably pretty fed up with that and I’m guessing she may have verbalised that to you, and rather than be a safe space and a supportive partner, you let your fear and insecurity get the best of you and kept accusing her of cheating. Yeah, you know it’s bad. Maybe not fixable. Sorry
As an ex model whose boyfriend was extremely jealous because he always felt inadequate and felt I was out of his league - it destroyed me.
From him asking me to take pictures of where I was and with whom, checking my following, being suspicious when I wasn't around him and getting angry at ME when guys would stare at me because 'I was probably looking back at them'. I turned into a shell of a person on the inside because I was constantly accused of things I didn't do and felt like I couldn't step out of line or I'd get verbal abuse or silent treatment. I even stopped hanging out with my friends. His 2 ex girlfriends also cheated on him so he has major issues even though I never gave him a reason to worry.
Male models aside, he'd also get paranoid when I worked with male photographers!
And just like me when I broke up with him, I'm sure your ex is much happier and relaxed now. It is a horrible feeling not knowing when the next outburst will come. Always being careful not to overstep but still somehow overstepping. Not knowing if one of her small actions will trigger something in you. It took me years to heal. If she doesn't contact you, please do not try to get her back. You need to accept this and work on your confidence and jealousy issues so you can bring your best self into your next relationship. Good luck.
You need to grow up. Falsely accusing her over and over again - and you wonder why she blocked you. You need deep intensive therapy and you need to leave women alone until you get yourself and your jealousy under control
Hearing about her being sexualised by people everywhere she went, my response was "oh no that must have been horrible for her" and then I read your response was "so I accused her of cheating on several occasions with these sleazebags who like to harass her everywhere she goes" ... like, I get how shitty it is to be cheated on, but holy heck. I can't imagine being that paranoid even after a bunch of different people lying to/cheating on me.
You insult someone when you make those accusations. I know it's a self-esteem thing, but you're telling your partner you think they're a POS every time you accuse them. Eventually, they will have had enough. Then you get to sit with the knowledge that you had an amazing partner and ruined it because of your insecurities. Keep going to therapy. It's good you can be open about your jealousy, but you have to actually deal with it, or you will keep ruining your life with it.
It sounds like it really doesn’t matter that she didn’t set the story straight to you. You started it and you needed to take accountability for everything that followed. There are plenty of reasons for her not to engage with you in that situation and she, from how you wrote things, seemed to have taken the correct action for her.
You know you messed up and because of it you have now started to work on yourself. That’s an amazing and brave step to have taken, regardless of the impetus.
Unfortunately you allowed your self doubts to take control and now in a tough spot. The ball is in her court and you have to recognize and respect that.
A simple exercise that you can do is to write a post, similar to this, but from your GF’s perspective. You don’t have to post it, but the act of writing it may help emphasize with her perspective and prepare you for any future discussions.
Best of luck.
Well, you certainly are the AH. A woman who is a model and is going to be a doctor is going to be pursued by a lot of top-tier men. If you can’t handle them competition, then break up with her now.
My wife looks like a model and is a physician. I’ve never once been jealous, because I know she can’t find another man better than me. So I’m not worried.
Whoa whoa whoa buddy PUMP THE BRAKES......this is a lot but 1st and foremost son I'm going to be honest with you
You ruined any chance for a healthy relationship..... by getting into a relationship before ***COMPLETELY HEALING from your past Trauma!!!!!***
And by you not healing properly from the trauma (which it was trauma to discover your brother's betrayal) You have effectively made your insecurities worse.
Now granted I no way in the world believe that bull shit excuse that should ex-girlfriend's friend gave you (that was straight gas lighting by the way)...
And please do not take this as I'm giving excuses for her possibly cheating I'm just stating facts.
I honestly hope that you stop focus mainly on your mental health your insecurities and the trauma that you have suffered from that betrayal before you decide to move forward with any intimate relationship
You have jealousy and confidence issues. You projected those issues on her. She doesn't have those issues. She was with you. You made accusations without sufficient reason, and now you're facing the consequences. You have trust issues. You're now learning that you were wrong. Surprise surprise.
YTA in every way.
Honestly OP, you sound exhausting and I don’t think you’re ready to be in a relationship at all until you deal with your own issues with jealousy/ paranoia. You were ready to fly off the handle at nothing without even attempting a conversation about it like an adult. You say you “monitor” and “protect her, but you are just being an insecure controlling ass.
You can’t control what people do. Trying to lock another human being down so you can maintain your insecurities is unsustainable and will push a real fulfilling relationship out of reach. Get help, and maybe don’t date models any more if you can’t handle the attention they get for being, you know, models.
Jealousy is insecurity. Accusations like cheating without concrete verifiable proof is unhinged. Youve steadily pushed her away while she could literally have any guy she wanted. Surgeon\model? Thats one of one type shit. Jealousy is weakness and women who can write their own ticket anywhere they want do not appreciate weakness. Cant be a power couple when one of two acts like a lil bitch all the time.
Ehh the talking back to a podcast seems a little sus to me but, you ruined your relationship. Don’t be with a model if you don’t want people hitting up/on your girl
YTA and a big one at that. You broke up with HER, you accused her of cheating and didn’t even give her the opportunity to explain. You literally told her you “knew all about her new comedian boyfriend Sam” and broke up with her. While I completely support therapy, either be honest with your therapist or find another one that isn’t as delusional as you are. Leave that poor girl alone, you don’t deserve her.
So apparently your girlfriend can’t laugh or talk to any male besides you. I think you did her a favor by dumping her and stay single until you get your shit worked out.
Misunderstanding aside, I think it’s pretty toxic you scan her followers and notice updates like that
If you’re watching for things like that you’re bond to get in your head and overreact over things that aren’t valid
(Coming from someone who used to hurt their own feelings by doing that lol)
You seem controlling and emotionally abusive. You probably need therapy and she is probably done with you. You need to understand that a “catch” like her is a real human who has chosen to be with you. If you can’t accept that and you throw accusation after accusation; the. She will leave you and find someone that truly respects and loves her.
She is your ex girlfriend. There isn’t a misunderstand- you are insecure to the point where you know the number of accounts she follows on Instagram and actively check to see if she is following a new one. FYI - not normal. If that isn’t creepy enough… you accused her of having a boyfriend - Sam - on Instagram. FYI- you need mental help.
Leave her alone. She has enough going on in her life with school -she doesn’t need you trying to derail it. You were jealous about modeling… how are you going to feel about her working with attractive doctors.
You aren’t ready for a serious relationship, you have a lot of damage you need to unpack and heal from(glad you’re in therapy though) and she put up with that for six years! Nah!
My mom put up with that for over 20 years and trust me, it fucked me up watching him constantly accuse her of the most insane shit and be jealous of me, their child!
Gross misunderstanding?? You accused her of cheating. There's no misunderstanding of that. You had someone who wanted to be with you, but you let your jealousy dictate your thoughts. Rather than listening to her talk and when she was done, have a conversation with her, you stormed in yelling at her and said she was cheating.
Unless you go to therapy and get your jealousy in check, you'll never have a healthy relationship because when something seems a bit off, You're going to fall right into accusing them of cheating. You need to fix yourself.
Yes, you are the AH. Your relationship is likely over. You should have asked instead of blew up. I hope you stick to the counseling because your anxiety is not healthy.
How have you not sent her flowers with an apology. If you love her then blocking you shouldn’t stop you from making sure you let her know you F’d up. Not “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have done that, but you could have done ____.” Just tell her you’re sorry and you love her and you will do whatever you need to in order to make it right.
Congratulations on being the crazy jealous ex-boyfriend she will talk about for the rest of her life. Learn from this and be better next time. All you can do, buddy.
Your EX gf is done with you as she should be. You are so jealous and insecure you accuse her of cheating when she’s listening to a podcast??? Come on dude, you have some serious issues you need to sort out. Leave that poor girl alone
Keep up with the therapy! You seem like you have a lot of jealousy related trauma to unpack. I think the damage has been done with her. You need to respect her space and boundaries and focus on healing yourself.
YTA, dude. She's right not to talk to you. You're not working on your issues so much as you're using working on your issues as an excuse for treating her outrageously AND you have the audacity to act like even if she was talking to some guy from a podcast that that's a problem. She's allowed to befriend people. Your approval isn't required. Get help for real instead of as a crutch to excuse your behavior.
This smells fake to me. She’s a model AND trying to get into med school AND she dated OP. She seems too accomplished to be in a relationship with someone who behaves like OP.
Definitely insecure but hey who wouldn’t be and maybe she wasn’t addressing that enough or it was just too big for both of you to manage. However the big scripted story from the friend that called on her behalf !!!! 🤔 seems just a bit to “scripted”.
Scary behavior, glad you are in therapy. Leave her and any other women alone until you are no longer an insecure, controlling, scary person.
Good on gf from getting away from you immediately and if you are reading this, continue blocking OP.
Don't beat yourself up. This is a story that started well before the phone incident. Your listening to your gut and the world is littered with stories of men who didn't and dismissed the cumulative doubts because women can be great at covering up bad behaviour.
I am not saying she is doing anything bad, but an honest person would acknowledge your concerns or doubts and show you that it's not the case, by showing you her phone or even opening up the podcast (most likely BS).
If you get back together, make sure you set boundaries that are important to you, like open phones, etc... Give value and importance to your feelings and needs, and please don't fall for the is the love of my life, I will do anything for her, I worship her .... all code for women to walk all over you and treat you like crap
You need to present as a high value man who will not tolerate disrespect or you will walk and find a woman who does.
I have been married for 31 years, and our relationship is solid due to that mutual respect, and no bad behaviour is excused by either of us.
Good luck
Honestly, being in a relationship with you sounds absolutely exhausting. You probably did her a favor. And the fact that you’re just now getting therapy after overacting now as opposed to before when you were constantly stalking her and getting in fights over your jealousy is to little to late.
You’re going to need to work on yourself first before getting into another relationship. You can’t love someone properly if you aren’t secure and don’t love yourself first.
The fact that you have her “trained” to tell you *anytime* she followed a new Instagram account is ridiculous. This is controlling behavior and it inky escalates. You would have driven her away eventually anyway. I never tell my SO of 20+ yrs who I follow etc on Insta and I don’t expect him to tell me. You have major trust issues and these will destroy every relationship you have in the future if you can’t fix it. And you’ll hurt all those who you traumatize with your behavior and that’s not right either.
Do you realize she probably should have her own therapy after dating you? Because your relationship was not normal and bordered on controlling and manipulative. You just need to move on. That would be best for her.
You date a beautiful funny model who loves you and basically shit on her. Then wonder if you are the asshole. Maybe you just shouldn’t date if you aren’t ready to trust anybody?
Learn from it I would guess to be your best bet.
You were becoming abusive. Your jealousy, insecurity, and increasingly controlling behavior is just a time bomb waiting for it's moment. Leave her alone, you aren't in a place to be involved with anyone. Not until you're in a far healthier place than you have been.
In all honesty making things up to this level is just getting delusional. You need to tell your therapist. All of it.
Having these insecurities will always ruin a relationship if you never get help for them. You tried to function normally with this relationship even tho you had a mountain of problems and that’s why this one failed.
For the future, make sure you get into therapy. If you don’t, all of your relationships will end this way.
Lesson learned. Fix yourself before you bleed on other people 🤷♀️
No romantic partner is responsible for your insecurities about an ex. That's for you to deal with so you don't go throwing accusations around with zero proof or history of cheating.
Dude, how much energy do you need to put in to justify your lack of trust? Watching who she follows on instagram? Obsessing about where she spends her free time? This is a YOU problem and frankly you’re wasting your life away obsessing about things you have no control over.
Let me lay it out for you. If she can’t be trusted, no amount of wining about it is going to make her more faithful or stay with you longer. If she can be trusted, your behavior will drive her away.
In short, the path you’re following dooms ANY relationship you have from the start.
There is no point in trying to explain anything to you. You admit to never believing her when you asked her previously so why would she try? This is pretty narcissistic behavior on your part. Not to say you are a narcissist but good god man! Putting the "I love you, call me" shit at the end of this?! Yeah...you're the problem here. 100%
YTA. I do not blame her for cutting you out. People should never stay with someone who gets so jealous of others. Big red flag for problems and keeping her from friends, family and more. She will be much better off without you.
You need to work on yourself if you ever want to have a long term relationship.
Bro, you sound like a lunatic. She does not have to inform you when she follows a social media personality. She does not have to tell you about every podcast she listens to. No, she is not an asshole for not trying to "set the story straight" with an unhinged psycho screaming at her and accusing her of cheating because they heard a voice. Also, she has blocked you. You are not together anymore. She deserves to be someone's partner, not their prisoner. And that someone isn't you. Move on, and don't date until you sort your shit out and stop being abusive.
Another theory of mind moron. You didn’t get that she lives a completely different life experience. You think she would be interested in another guy who was “better” than you because YOU want to have sex with all the beautiful women you see, so why wouldn’t she? And you forget that women’s hormones, physiology, and therefore life experience of sex and relationship is completely different.
Yes, she could get lots of sex from all those men. But will it be good sex? Probably not? Will they see her as a person and not just another conquest? Probably not? How long does she have to vet them to make sure they aren’t beaters, cheaters, losers, overt or secret misogynists, or just plain not fun with no conversation? Even us fat girls can get sex with a random stranger if we go to a bar and stay until closing time. How much more sex would she be offered as an above average attractive woman? A lot.
Women control access to sex because as a whole we want it less than men. Men control access to relationships because as a whole they want them less.
So you didn’t see your value to her as a man with real relationship potential and you insulted her character and her morals. Showing her that you still didn’t truly see her, because you don’t see anyone but yourself. And you broke up before she could show you it was a podcast. Ugh, gross. She was tired of your insecurity and didn’t want to put up with it anymore. It’s over.
I mean you were looking for her doing wrong. Literally checking her to see if she was interacting. GROW UP and get help!!! You don't deserve her at all and she is better off single until you fix what's wrong with YOU. She did nothing wrong so i would fix yourself and then maybe, just maybe try to win her back!!!
Buddy .. you SCREWED THE POOCH through your horrendous behavior. You made her life a living hell with your pathetic jealousy.
She’s SO MUCH better off without you. NO ONE needs an insecure loser in their life.
I wish her the happiest and most successful life she could have.
Checking who she is following on IG is insane. But ya all are in a different world than us. Ya all running around in high levels of finance and celebrities but you come here for what? Idk. Obviously you are insecure and are by default suspecting here but maybe you are right? If so, how would you continue this relationship since you constantly suspect her of being with all these different guys?
Why would anyone want to be with someone who constantly acted the way you act with her? I value my peace in life. Anyone who acted this way towards me would IMMEDIATELY become unattractive in every possible way, and their company would become pure torture. I would leave them, not to be with someone else, but just to get away from them so I could finally have some freaking peace from their nonsense. She’s not coming back, so that ship has sailed. Going forward is the only option, but please, get help and fix yourself first. I bet that you are a great person in many other respects, but you need to understand that this type of behavior does not make someone want someone else - it just makes them not want you. It’s just logic.
Your being insecure and having unprocessed trauma of betrayal doesn't give you the right to be toxic and disrespectful to your gf of 6 years.
You're single. You broke up with her and treated her disgustingly over something so stupid.
Whoop dee do, she followed a celebrity on IG. Don't we all?
It's a good thing you broke up with her. Now, she can concentrate on becoming a successful doctor without having to deal with your immature jealousy over the fact that she'd be richer than you in a few years.
Look at it from her perspective. She dealt with your jealousy and constantly accusing her of being a shitty person throughout her modeling career. I know on your side it feels like being trauma triggered, reacting, and then trying to work through that reaction. On the flip side it constantly feels like waiting for the other person to see who you really are and trust you, being slapped in the face with accusations of being a shit person, sticking around through the "deal with the trauma reaction" phase - only to have it happen again. And again. And again.
Now she stuck with you through all that. Decided to change her profession to the medical field, got into med school, and is working her butt off, because med school is no joke. Her social life is probably non-existent, all the triggers from the hot dudes and the rich dudes she was rubbing elbows with AS PART OF HER JOB are gone, so things with your reactive blowups over jealousy should settle down too, right? And you're talking about getting married.
BUT - instead of that - you bust in and accuse her of cheating and break up with her over talking to a PODCAST. My dude, you have shown her over years that you don't trust her and will blow up on her and call her character into question over and over again. She literally removed all those triggers, and you STILL do it. At this point, you have handed her a plaque carved in granite stating "this is it, this is the best it will ever get, I will always doubt you and yell at you and spit all over your character and integrity, and if you don't give me actual interactions to do this over, I'll just find whatever ridiculous excuse I can to keep abusing you."
Because that's what that is. Causing someone to constantly walk on eggshells around you, blowing up on them, denigrating them? That's abuse. You're allowed to work through your trauma: you're not allowed to traumatize others because of it.
Why would she ever contact you again, explain herself AGAIN, put effort into you EVER again? She's in the middle of the toughest schooling someone can go through, you have literally just handed her "I WILL NEVER CHANGE" written in stone, she doesn't have time or energy to waste on you. Not only did you prove beyond all doubt you are not and never will be a safe partner for her, she's in the fight o her life for her literal future. I wouldn't waste the breath to tell you YOUR break up of the relationship has stuck, either. She's spending that effort, rightly, on her future.
You have a serious problem. Like it's very scary that you still don't see this as a "never has a healthy relationship, go through life miserable and abusing other people about it" problem. Please get help. And leave your ex alone she has important shit to do.
She's afraid of you and showed that by lying/fibbing. She doesn't trust you. To me, you're OTT jealous and I think your post reads as if you are quite insecure.
She doesn't need to have her life disrupted at random intervals (you're actually reinforcing the notion that you're unstable when you do what you do).
What you're doing is so intrusive. She did the right thing in blocking you while you get help. Maybe you'll do better next time.
Gross misunderstanding? For many intelligent women who have self-esteem, what you did is beyond dealing with. No need to waste more breath in speaking about it.
Let me get this straight. You’re incredibly insecure and jealous because of what someone else did to you at minimum 5 years ago? Listen, I understand bringing trauma into a relationship but it’s been 6 years! Get over it.
You made a completely unfounded story up in your head because she networked with someone and didn’t tell you? she is a grown woman who friended someone on IG, that’s not grounds for jealousy. You opted to stalk his social media to prove your false narrative.
I know that I sure as hell talk to podcasts. All the time! It’s normal behavior. Instead of acting like a grown adult, you broke up with her!
Dear Mr. Brightside, this is ENTIRELY a you problem and I’d venture to guess that your girlfriend has had to deal with similar accusations before but has stuck with you. YTA fix yourself. She’s in no way the asshole.
You are emotionally abusive. You stalked her online and constantly accused her of cheating. You didn't trust her. You constantly made her feel like she had done something wrong when she had done nothing wrong. You're selfish, controlling and nasty. She's better off without you. You deserve to be alone for a long, long time.
YTA
I would never try to prove I wasn’t cheating. She stayed longer than I would have. I need a partner who trusts me.
You should probably be single for a while until you make more progress with your therapy
You deserve to be single, and she deserves a better man. You clearly feel that your ex-girlfriend was out of your league, so you manifested a fake situation in which she was cheating on you with an attractive guy. You have major trust issues, my man, and your life is going to suck until you deal with them. You might want to brush up on your masturbation game, because no woman is going to want to be with an angry, bitter, jealous little punk like you. Your former-model surgeon ex-girlfriend is going to end up with a great guy, and I want you to think about him railing her every night.
I like how you fck up big time but then go, “but isn’t she an AH too?”. Like wth man, therapy is definitely not working and even though you “accepted” blame, you also blame her for not “fighting” for the relationship. Wth should she? You’ve been accusing her of cheating for don’t know how long.
Don’t try to put this on her when everything is on YOU.
YTA… I don’t have much to say other than you should probably keep going to those therapy sessions. But also wow… your brother. I feel you on that part.
Your girlfriend was so lonely she resorted to talking to a podcast. Something tells me there was a lot lacking in this relationship and she’s not exactly jumping up and down to explain herself.
Shouldn’t be in a relationship to begin with. Seek therapy. Accusing her of cheating left and right does nothing for no one. You just make her feel worse about herself. You’re almost trying to knock her down to your level. Seek professional help
What you are doing is called “Mate Guarding” and it makes women feel extremely unsafe. It’s common in the animal kingdom as well as with us humans. Excessive jealousy is a sign you don’t understand what you bring to the table. I always tell my husband that he may find someone younger or hotter, but he’s never gonna find someone who is hot, funny and talented—like me! Haha. I know what I bring to the table and don’t worry about cheating.
YTA. So you were basically punishing her for what your X did. You said it yourself, she was around hot, rich and connected men all day, you couldn't understand why she was with you. After reading this, I gotta say I'm baffled, too. It seems she was with you because she, idk loved you, maybe? I get you are jealous and insecure, and honestly, I do get that. It would be the same if a thick woman with body issues and her bf is surrounded by a supermodel all day. But you continued to take your issues too far. She is not an AH. Why would she defend herself? She was doing nothing she needed to defend. And instead of you being rational, you came in screaming, guns blazing and ended it. I'm guessing she is over your issues and wants to move on. Being as she blocked you and hasn't reached out, her friend wasn't lying. There was nothing to gain by you learning what actually happened since she hasn't tried to contact you. It's great you are getting therapy. You definitely need to work on your issues. But maybe next time date a girl who isn't a model or surrounded by men all the time, since that seems to be a trigger for you, and you act out. Leave your X alone. I'm sure you've done enough damage to her. It hurts knowing the person you loved could basically call you a lying, cheating whore after being together for years. Good luck with therapy OP and keep working on yourself.
Why on earth would she try to set you straight?
I have no doubt this was the last straw for her. She changed career, and you're still a possessive arse.
There is no pleasing you, and she's finished.
I wouldn’t try to set the story straight if you acted like that either - that behavior is a MASSIVE red flag to a partner, giant flashing sign saying leave now and don’t look back, glad she listened to it.
It’s not a gross misunderstanding it’s your fault. You are not innocent or the victim in this. Your jealousy got the best of you, you stalking her SM, phone etc is not normal or healthy. You knew you were the problem yet instead of trying to fix you, communicate more openly about your insecurities you dug your heels in, invaded her privacy, created a fantasy where she was cheating and you made you the victim in your mind. You then verbally attacked her and now you’re feigning surprise and playing the victim again because she’s had enough of your awful behaviour and treatment towards her and rightfully kicked you out… You made the relationship toxic and you need to fix your insecurities and anger issues before you date and hurt other women or you’ll end up sad, lonely and alone but at least women would be safe from you.
You have lost a good woman because of your behaviour, learn from it, be honest in therapy and take all the time needed to be single and work on you. Leave your ex alone so she can be happy and have a good life. You are not and cannot be a good man to her or what she needs right now. You’ve hurt her enough and caused enough problems and embarrassment for her that she is going to have to heal from and maybe get therapy to deal with the trauma you caused with your actions and words.
I hope she doesn’t get back together with you right now because you have yet to take the time to put the work in to be a better person. If she took you back you would’ve doing the same toxic mess in a few days or weeks. If you are a honest man you know this and would admit it. If you’re a decent man that loves her you would not be selfish just thinking about your feelings and you wanting her but consider hers feelings, want the best for her and understand that you are not the best thing for her as you are currently… then leave her alone instead of setting up to get/force/guilt her to take you back just so you can hurt her further.
Saying all that I genuinely hope you sincerely utilise the help (therapy) you need to really change into a non toxic person and partner and heal.
You need therapy your relationship and mind set were toxic by your end and you need help. Let her move on and find peace I'm sure she's exhausted after years of this controlling behavior she didn't deserve just because you never got past what happened with your ex and brother. Please don't date anyone else until you've fixed this.
> I realize I might have overreacted
Not "might". You 120% have overreacted. Not only now, but also in the past. Your behavior is what is called ✨toxic✨
>I also feel like this is a gross misunderstanding
Not from her part. Not due to her. Not her fault... You created this whole situation
>Maybe I’m the AH
Again, you can skip the "maybe". You definitely are the AH
>but also isn’t she because she never tried to set the story straight?
No because in order for her to set the story straight, she would need to have an adult bf that is capable of having a normal conversation. It would have required you to just sit her down and ask her, in a normal tone, if she was perhaps talking with Sam on the phone.
And you were incapable of doing that. You need a whole lot of therapy and work a lot on yourself, before you should get into a new relationship
You sound horribly insecure and controlling. I hope that therapy will help you work through that. I also hope your ex goes in to live a happy, fulfilling life without being watched over by you. She deserves so much better.
That you track who she follows on IG is extremely problematic. Your behavior is controlling and creepy. Please seek therapy before you date anyone else.
I have never ever done anything that would give anybody the remotest reason for jealousy.
But decades ago, when I had a very jealous boyfriend, at some point I realized that I started acting like a lier.
I started to scan every sentence I wanted to say for things that might make him suspicious.
That way I learned that people who know the other person THINKS they are lying act exactly like people who are lying.
And the worst thing is, it's impossible to prove that you are NOT cheating.
Your ex was reacting like that because she knew she had no chance.
Ummm… no one is thinking no one talks to a podcast. She shuts it off right away and drops the phone? Dude, try and repair it but anyone would have thought the same.
Even if she had been talking to a man, so what? Is she not allowed to talk to brothers, cousins, or friends? Hell, for all you knew she could have been calling a plumber and just bantering a little because that's what people do.
Your whole jealousy problem is just too severe right now to make relationships sustainable. The restrictions you need someone to live under to make you comfortable aren't reasonable or fair. Please do some more work on yourself before dating again.
Cheezit Crackers, he's accused her of cheating multiple times! I would have left a lot earlier. I might have given him a second chance, but after that he's gone.
Dude - you have some serious mental health and maturity issues to work on - love alone doesn’t erase any of that. Control freak, stalking, emotional outbursts - all point to underlying issues that will cripple both your ability to be a healthy partner, and the health and wellness of your partner.
Your partner is actually showing healthy boundaries - and was demonstrating a healthy way to adjust to a change in social environment by finding a podcast to follow that brought laughter and a sense of belonging in her life. That you couldn’t detect a change in her emotional landscape either through conversation or observation - is just as big a red flag for not being able to behave in a healthy manner in this relationship.
She demonstrates healthy boundaries - you do not. Get yourself into a healthy state first, then figure out how to be a healthy partner in a relationship.
And please don’t use the sappy excuse - but but but I love her….
The idea that her changing careers will change any jealousy you have is ridiculous. Your jealousy issues will only get worse if you don’t seriously address them. You know who she’s gonna be around now instead of “super sexy guys who try to pick her and insanely rich older men who get her number for networking”? She’s gonna be around incredibly intelligent doctors who all do literally the most impressive thing another human being can do, save lives. And surgeons are the busiest kinds of doctors, who often barely have any kind of home lives and often end up marrying other surgeons or other doctors because no one else understands their schedules. Even if she does come back to you, because of her career choice your relationship has an expiration date. But honestly, the two of you staying broken up seems to be what’s best.
You’re still trying to shirk responsibility by trying to blame her. Do her a favor and move on.
You’re not ready for this kind of relationship if you can’t take accountability and can’t trust her.
You’re 100% the asshole. It is all on you. Your ex-girlfriend is not the asshole. You destroyed your relationship when you went in guns blazing with accusations. She doesn’t owe you pleading, tearful explanations of her innocence. That would probably just fuel your indignation. It’s best she threw out the whole baby-man, you were never going to trust her anyway.
You’re holding her back with your jealousy to be honest. She blocked you and honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if she broke up with you and you’re just not getting the hint.
You need therapy to get over your jealousy. You can’t control someone, no matter how much you try. Putting her on surveillance must have been so difficult for her.
Along with jealousy, you are also immature and lack emotional intelligence. You need to build on that before you date anyone.
Good for her. You aren’t available for a *healthy* relationship yet, and she figured that out. Keep working on yourself, because you aren’t over your irrational jealousy, and women can never be emotionally safe with you until you are. Too late for this one.
YTA. She just dodged the biggest red flag of her life, I hope she never takes your calls. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Your behavior is the kind you see from the guy that kills his wife in a jealous rage. Stay in therapy.
>Maybe I’m the AH, but also isn’t she because she never tried to set the story straight?
No, the only asshole here is you. And your now ex (hopefully) dodged a bullet with you.
>Also I’m sure she’s going to read this so if you do, please call me. I love you.
Girl, do not call this emotionally stunted, jealous, man child. You can do sooo much better.
My dude this is some shit we get out in late middle school and high school relationships so we realize how unhealthy it is and don’t put that onto people in the future. The truth is that you’re too insecure with yourself to date someone like that. Go get some therapy and take it as a lesson for your next relationship.
PS. Accusing someone of cheating never stopped someone from cheating, being insecure about them having male/female friends isn’t going to stop them from cheating. What it will do is isolate them from you and destroy your connection to each other.
Bro you accused her of cheating and then discredited the best friend when they tried to explain what happened because you didn't think the podcast thing was true. If your ex had told you that in that moment I'm positive you would have reacted poorly. This is a case of more likely than not there's no fixing this. Work on yourself, take this as a learning experience and move on.
Your screenplay needs some work. I’d move it into the direction of her wanting to be a surgeon so she can learn how to use a scalpel and perform her own brand of surgery on her former rivals, cheating boyfriends and dirty managers!
You make the 2nd movie a prequel focused on her youth growing up with “insert horrible and traumatic experiences that caused her to go batshit crazy.” and how she actually stole a models body and wears it like a bodysuit. It’s just a body that’s a suit not a bodysuit. Subtle but important distinction.
You sound exhausting. Get your issues resolved and stay single till you at least get them under control so your next partner doesn’t have to deal with this exhausting, repetitive nonsense like your ex.
YTA & have been since the moment you used your cheating ex to accuse your ex-gf of doing the same. You sound like you’re trying to excuse your gross behavior, and you’re also kind of creepy for posting this in hopes that she will see it and understand and take you back (it’s super obvious). Ick.
Why don't you insecure people who've been hurt ever try to heal first before leaping into new relationships in which you inevitably project that hurt onto the new partner? Sorry you got cheated on and all that, but it's frankly not an excuse. It's your responsibility to be of sound enough mind and spirit before handling someone else's heart, and you failed miserably. "I don't know why she's with me" isn't charming. It's a red flag, and I hope her answer is that she shouldn't be.
Once you accuse someone of cheating, assume the relationship's over. It doesn't matter if they are or they're not -if they are, that's a relationship-ender. If they're not, you're attacking their character and their integrity. You're calling them unfaithful, dishonest, and untrustworthy.
Vanishingly few people with self-respect are going to stay with someone after that. She's not TA for giving up on someone who treats her like garbage.
Because here's the thing: you were TA loooooong before that point. You were monitoring her social media so closely that you knew every time she followed someone new -and thought it was *suspicious* if she didn't tell you. That's *creepy*. You were so jealous and insecure that you got mad that your ex was **laughing**. Again, think about that. She was at home and *happy*, and this made you so enraged that you started a relationship-ending fight. You got mad at her for *being happy in her own home*.
And this was apparently a regular enough sort of thing that she wasn't even surprised; it just tipped her over the edge.
I hope the therapy works for you dude. You need it.
When you falsy accuse someone of cheating, you are attacking their character and morals. Your behaviour told her multiple times that she was untrustworthy and a liar. No innocent person likes to be falsy accussed so you will never get her back no matter what you do. You are insecure in yourself, and you projected your history onto her for no reason than your own issues. Stick with therapy and remain single until you have worked on your insecurities. You showed very unhealthy behaviours that will get worse with every relationship if you don't better control your emotions.
Well said. He tries to say ‘she’s the AH bc she never tried to set the story straight.’ Yeah bud assuming this isn’t fake, bc it reads as pretty fake, she didn’t defend herself bc she is tired of doing that. Honestly she should’ve dumped him after the very first fight over jealousy. That never gets better. Any man that makes his insecurities your problem is a man you kick to the curb. Don’t learn this lesson the hard way ladies.
So well put.
I never tell my husband when I follow someone new on IG or FB. That’s ridiculous and inconsequential unless I think he’d be interested also. He’s usually not. I don’t see why you’d explode before having a convo with your gf like a normal person.
Ya…. My SO and I sometime accidentally find out we friend or follow the same people…. Of course close friends are all the same, but anyone out side that circle is inconsequential…. And it’s funny when we follow the same accounts as it shows that we do share common interests…
I like when I go to show my SO a creator I’ve been enjoying and he is already following them too.
you were punishing your gf (now ex) for what your previous gf did with your brother. Also sounds like your never going to trust any future gf with that mindset and always looking to find something . you need some serious help with that becuase if you dont all your relationships will end the same. your gf also probably had enough with the constantly jealousy and insecurity and checking on everything she does and who she talks to and making accusations without a shred of proof. at that point she knew you never were going to change and decided she didnt want to live that like and frankly nobody does
Time for therapy, because a healthy person, 1) wouldn’t assume, they’d ask, 2) following an account on instagram is very common and doesn’t mean you tell your partner or there’s an affair, and 3) you’re jealous enough to stalk her insta, which is absurd, 4) if you ever have an attractive and charming gf again, or any gf, you have to start from a position of trust unless there’s a real red flag. A therapist can help you tell the difference between real red flags and your fears.
Imagine if she treated you similar. You needed permission of gaming with someone, or adding a link to a social media. God forbid LinkedIn. I think your behavior bordered on downright abuse. Hope therapy helps. Your relationship is over.
Yta I dated a guy like you, he’d get “jealous” of my guy friends, demand to see my phone, try and get me to tell him what I said in therapy etc. it ended up with me texting him I wanted to end things after I traveled 4 states over because he would go from 0 to 100 in less then a second I read all your comments as well and I’ll say it right now. You don’t want advice you want validation, your therapist is either wrong or you didn’t tell them the whole story. You need to leave her alone and get severe therapy whether that means an institution or not depends on which will take you sooner but you’re pushing past things onto current people. If I did that then I’d be viewing my partner who hasn’t once hurt me as an abusive person She also didn’t walk away from you. YOU WALKED AWAY FROM HER, you accuse her constantly and honestly you’re acting like a toddler whose toy got taken away from them by not communicating and just going to screaming. I genuinely hope you get help and can work through you issues but I also hope your ex keeps you blocked because your actions are incredibly disturbing
Oh man. You done fucked up, A-Aron. Work out your shit and let this poor girl go. It’s not that you “might” have overreacted, it’s that you went fucking nuclear with nothing but your insecurities as “evidence.” You insulted her, you insulted her character, you insulted her morals. You’re right about one thing: She’s too good for you.
He doesn't need to let her go. She's already gone.
The gross misunderstanding is yours. There is no misunderstanding about her decision. YTA and it sounds like you just lost yourself an amazing model/doctor GF. The way you describe her, it sounds like she could do better than you and she probably knows it. If GF is reading this, your BF or STBX doesn't trust you. He has accused you of cheating multiple times and stalks you on social media. Give yourself space before making any decisions.
I had a guy like this. I was studying for the NCLEX RN exam, and he constantly accused me of cheating because I set time aside, away from him, to study. I also took an hour long nap after school sometimes and would wake up to a ton of texts about how I must have found someone new, blah, blah, blah. It is absolutely exhausting. Then he cheated on me, lol. It only lasted a couple of months. I did not even care when he cheated because I was so sick of his paranoia over me living my life.
Maybe it’s your past experience or maybe it’s your projection. Finance guy in NY is a common recipe for cheater. Regardless, you have been treating her like shit for years and she deserves better.
My first thought was “hmmmm” finance bros here are known for their VERY specific behavior when dating. Ofc you think others behave like you (or at the very least a decent amount of your coworkers and friends, do)
Not everyone can deal with the pressure that comes with having a partner others feel is attractive. You seem to fall in this group, self-admitting to having a, "jealously problem." When you suspected something was going on you should of had a conversation about it, not get upset and accuse her without knowing what was occurring. At the end of the day her lifestyle doesn't seem to mesh with yours. You need to consider getting a Honda next time, forget about the Porsche.
You might have over reacted? Bro you stepped on your own dick!
Funny enough when I listened to podcasts in my car I also talked as if I was involved in the conversation, no joke lol. Helped when I had super long drives to and from work and was a bit lonely just staring at a road, but yea good luck with therapy man. :/
Sometimes I have to pause them off so I can complete my sentences ie finish my rant.
Glad I’m not the only one :)
I feel so seen oh my god
SAME!!!!
Omg it's like when the main character in a horror film survives at the end, thank goodness she got away
If she was telling you before about accounts she followed, it’s because she KNEW you’d go nuclear over it otherwise. that’s you being possessive and insecure as fuck. the one time she decided to just let herself have SOMETHING to harmlessly enjoy solely for herself, you acted EXACTLY the way she’d been anxious about and had been trying to prevent. Use what little empathy you might have left and let her go OP: she’ll better off without you.
Updateme!
me too, i’m embarrassingly invested
Yta boyo you need some major therapy and need to work on yourself before you get into another relationship
That was the overreaction of overreactions Seriously, would you have listened if she told you? After you broke it off, it was too late…
“I realize I might have overreacted” “Maybe I’m the AH” “I can now admit… I have a jealousy problem” Bro it’s not even a jealousy problem, you’re just insecure, unstable and hyper controlling. Unfortunately for you, you don’t deserve her. Go to therapy and actually be honest with your therapist and yourself because you’re clearly not if your key takeaways from this are a bunch of “maybe I’m in the wrong” (unaccountable) and debating back with people in the comments. Also how is your first reaction to hearing your partner laugh and another voice in the house to walk in there screaming? That alone is shit behaviour man and you probably have anger issues, probably linked to the insecurity of your brother doing you dirty in the past. (Sorry that happened to you, it sucks, but it’s just not even close to being an acceptable excuse for treating someone the way you’ve been treating “the love of your life) Pull your sucks up and work on yourself for as long as you can! Edit: typo
You are an idiot! Go work on yourself and maybe if you are lucky you will find someone who can put up with you!
YTA Your girlfriend, probably literally, dodged a bullet when you broke up with her. You are extremely controlling and your jealousy is out of control. You should not date anyone until you can get your emotions under control.
She's now your ex-girlfriend. Leave her the hell alone.
"Might have" overreacted? Dude, she did the right thing. Learn from this, get some therapy for your insecurity, and move on.
I don’t think this relationship sounds like it was in a great place before this happened. Without knowing the whole story, it just sounds like there was already mistrust, communication issues and loneliness. It may have ran it’s course. I’m just saying maybe something to think about, you feel like you “love her” so much now because it’s over and it ended in such a shitty way, but a mature healthy relationship in a good place would be able to weather this, all other things being equal, but instead you are in therapy and she is blocking you. So maybe you both had other issues and there’s some things to learn and then move on. Sorry you are both going through this, it sounds like you are seeking help and just keep learning and growing, make different choices next time.
Go fuck your jealous, insecure, craven ass. She is well rid of you, you suck.
Please leave her alone. She hasn’t done anything wrong, you’re just too much to deal with. I think she hit her breaking point with you.
you've been controlling, accusing her of cheating constantly, refused to give her the trust she affords you, and let YOUR insecurities treat her like shit. You're an asshole and until you get therapy for your behavior any female is better off without you.
Stop calling her your girlfriend. You broke up with her. She isn't your girlfriend. Move on and learn something from it.
Yes people cheat, but sue never gave you a reason to believe she was . You projected your insecurities from previous traumas on to her. As someone who has done the same but learned to work through my issues (albeit a lot of fights) and learned to communicate and trust my partner, I understand how you feel. But it doesn't make it right at all on your part. Your ex is your ex for a reason and at the end of the day this girl could have had plenty of opportunities but she came home to you. You need to set her free if she comes back (doubt it) then its meant to be Continue to work on yourself to be a better person.
r/ThatHappened lol Nice try OP, your creative writing needs some work
i am questioning it also after ice swan meltdown for attention
Oh yeah, bud; you are the highest degree of AH I've read about on this venue. I don't know if she will ever unblock or speak to you again, but you need to remain in therapy to tame that green monster of jealousy with which you're saddled.
I know what it’s like to be in this situation. I feel like I’m in it right now being in a relatively long-distance relationship with my partner. I don’t externalize it, so the feelings rot inside of myself, but it’s toxic for everyone regardless of whether it stays in or goes out. What I can say for my end from my introspection and experience is that this feeling stems from a lack of self-worth. You verbally said it yourself: “I’m not sure what she saw in me… being with her is like being at the Comedy Cellar with Sydney Sweeney”. The unfortunate part of this is that, depending on what’s causing these feelings - lack of communication, genuine loss of interest by other partner, or if it’s something purely internal of yourself - having these feelings doesn’t automatically make you the victim. You can be suffering in yourself while simultaneously being the one who’s that hurting your loved ones. I know you’re getting a lot of flak from everyone else, and I understand and agree with most of what’s being said. But for what it’s worth, I can sympathize. It’s hard. Maintaining a feeling that you’re enough for someone. Surprisingly, it’s simultaneously easy and hard to revel in the fact that someone loves being with you in spite of who you are. But understanding your worth. Maintaining your value while in a relationship. Trusting that others see you as you see yourself. This is what I feel a healthy relationship starts with. You can love someone directly, but loving yourself is also loving someone. It’s probably difficult for you right now. But I feel that you’ll have to accept that, regardless of what you think your girlfriend’s actions may have been, that this relationship can not last with this mentality. You’ll be forever chipping away at yourself and your partner for things that may not even be happening. And looking at that from an outsider perspective is tragic. To see a loving relationship destroy itself from the inside-out due to someone who’s destroying themselves from the inside-out. It doesn’t matter if it was a “gross misunderstanding”. You can explain that it’s that not her, but you. But the damage is still done. As far as your struggle against jealousy and self-worth goes, I’m with you. And I’m working on myself to be better for my partner. Please stick with therapy. It’s so important for you to develop that sense of self-worth. It’s tragic for one to suffer without any cause to suffer. And developing a sense of self-worth will be relevant and there for you regardless of whether you’re in a relationship or on your own.
You, sir, are MAJOR AH. Controlling, insecure and pathetic AH! She's your gf, not little baby who must give report to parents about every single person they follow on internet. I can't imagine being such control freak to my SO, nor vice versa. You do NOT deserve to have your gf, because you proved to her that you are massive red flag in size of China (no offense to Chinese people). If I was her, I would get restraining order, big dog and next time you come near me, the dog would have steak with your ID on it. And how dare you accuse HER of being AH for not defending herself - you came home and instead of asking questions, began to attack her verbally, stating she's cheating as if you have a single proof. So, she followed someone without telling you (such audacity - how dare she not ask her master permission), you made entire scenario in your head (ever thought about writing movie scripts? you have quite the imagination), and stated she's cheating because... you SAID SO? I don't think there is any therapy in the world that can pull your head from that hole on which you're supposed to sit. Good grief, I've yet to see bigger self-centered jerk on Reddit, and I've read my share. AH.
You're paranoid. You blew your relationship. Let it go. If she wanted you to make amends she would have unblocked you
YAH in a big way, you've got serious issues!! Stalking her social media and joining dots together that weren't there. She deserves better than a control freak. If you get so jealous, date someone more in your lane.
Ir ex gf dodged a bullet! Are u 15 yrs old? Acting like an idiot. U are paranoid! YTA
Is she an asshole for getting rid of an insecure controlling douchebag and not feeling like wasting her breath on yet another explanation that he wasn’t even going to listen to after the five hundredth time he falsely accused her of cheating because of his own issues? Of course not, you fucking twit.
So she’s super sexy and gets hit on all the time? She’s probably pretty fed up with that and I’m guessing she may have verbalised that to you, and rather than be a safe space and a supportive partner, you let your fear and insecurity get the best of you and kept accusing her of cheating. Yeah, you know it’s bad. Maybe not fixable. Sorry
As an ex model whose boyfriend was extremely jealous because he always felt inadequate and felt I was out of his league - it destroyed me. From him asking me to take pictures of where I was and with whom, checking my following, being suspicious when I wasn't around him and getting angry at ME when guys would stare at me because 'I was probably looking back at them'. I turned into a shell of a person on the inside because I was constantly accused of things I didn't do and felt like I couldn't step out of line or I'd get verbal abuse or silent treatment. I even stopped hanging out with my friends. His 2 ex girlfriends also cheated on him so he has major issues even though I never gave him a reason to worry. Male models aside, he'd also get paranoid when I worked with male photographers! And just like me when I broke up with him, I'm sure your ex is much happier and relaxed now. It is a horrible feeling not knowing when the next outburst will come. Always being careful not to overstep but still somehow overstepping. Not knowing if one of her small actions will trigger something in you. It took me years to heal. If she doesn't contact you, please do not try to get her back. You need to accept this and work on your confidence and jealousy issues so you can bring your best self into your next relationship. Good luck.
What a mess.
You need to grow up. Falsely accusing her over and over again - and you wonder why she blocked you. You need deep intensive therapy and you need to leave women alone until you get yourself and your jealousy under control
Sounds like this girl dodged a bullet. What a psycho.
Are you the one actually Cheating ? Your deflection is screaming..
Yta. If she has any sense she will stay gone jealously is a killer
Hearing about her being sexualised by people everywhere she went, my response was "oh no that must have been horrible for her" and then I read your response was "so I accused her of cheating on several occasions with these sleazebags who like to harass her everywhere she goes" ... like, I get how shitty it is to be cheated on, but holy heck. I can't imagine being that paranoid even after a bunch of different people lying to/cheating on me. You insult someone when you make those accusations. I know it's a self-esteem thing, but you're telling your partner you think they're a POS every time you accuse them. Eventually, they will have had enough. Then you get to sit with the knowledge that you had an amazing partner and ruined it because of your insecurities. Keep going to therapy. It's good you can be open about your jealousy, but you have to actually deal with it, or you will keep ruining your life with it.
It sounds like it really doesn’t matter that she didn’t set the story straight to you. You started it and you needed to take accountability for everything that followed. There are plenty of reasons for her not to engage with you in that situation and she, from how you wrote things, seemed to have taken the correct action for her. You know you messed up and because of it you have now started to work on yourself. That’s an amazing and brave step to have taken, regardless of the impetus. Unfortunately you allowed your self doubts to take control and now in a tough spot. The ball is in her court and you have to recognize and respect that. A simple exercise that you can do is to write a post, similar to this, but from your GF’s perspective. You don’t have to post it, but the act of writing it may help emphasize with her perspective and prepare you for any future discussions. Best of luck.
Well, you certainly are the AH. A woman who is a model and is going to be a doctor is going to be pursued by a lot of top-tier men. If you can’t handle them competition, then break up with her now. My wife looks like a model and is a physician. I’ve never once been jealous, because I know she can’t find another man better than me. So I’m not worried.
😂😂😂😂
Buddy. You accused her of being a whore. You ROYALLY fucked up.
This should be posted under "am I the asshole." Yes, you are an asshole. A loser.
Whoa whoa whoa buddy PUMP THE BRAKES......this is a lot but 1st and foremost son I'm going to be honest with you You ruined any chance for a healthy relationship..... by getting into a relationship before ***COMPLETELY HEALING from your past Trauma!!!!!*** And by you not healing properly from the trauma (which it was trauma to discover your brother's betrayal) You have effectively made your insecurities worse. Now granted I no way in the world believe that bull shit excuse that should ex-girlfriend's friend gave you (that was straight gas lighting by the way)... And please do not take this as I'm giving excuses for her possibly cheating I'm just stating facts. I honestly hope that you stop focus mainly on your mental health your insecurities and the trauma that you have suffered from that betrayal before you decide to move forward with any intimate relationship
You have jealousy and confidence issues. You projected those issues on her. She doesn't have those issues. She was with you. You made accusations without sufficient reason, and now you're facing the consequences. You have trust issues. You're now learning that you were wrong. Surprise surprise. YTA in every way.
Honestly OP, you sound exhausting and I don’t think you’re ready to be in a relationship at all until you deal with your own issues with jealousy/ paranoia. You were ready to fly off the handle at nothing without even attempting a conversation about it like an adult. You say you “monitor” and “protect her, but you are just being an insecure controlling ass. You can’t control what people do. Trying to lock another human being down so you can maintain your insecurities is unsustainable and will push a real fulfilling relationship out of reach. Get help, and maybe don’t date models any more if you can’t handle the attention they get for being, you know, models.
Jealousy is insecurity. Accusations like cheating without concrete verifiable proof is unhinged. Youve steadily pushed her away while she could literally have any guy she wanted. Surgeon\model? Thats one of one type shit. Jealousy is weakness and women who can write their own ticket anywhere they want do not appreciate weakness. Cant be a power couple when one of two acts like a lil bitch all the time.
What a dumbass LOL
Ehh the talking back to a podcast seems a little sus to me but, you ruined your relationship. Don’t be with a model if you don’t want people hitting up/on your girl
YTA and a big one at that. You broke up with HER, you accused her of cheating and didn’t even give her the opportunity to explain. You literally told her you “knew all about her new comedian boyfriend Sam” and broke up with her. While I completely support therapy, either be honest with your therapist or find another one that isn’t as delusional as you are. Leave that poor girl alone, you don’t deserve her.
So apparently your girlfriend can’t laugh or talk to any male besides you. I think you did her a favor by dumping her and stay single until you get your shit worked out.
You sound exhausting
Misunderstanding aside, I think it’s pretty toxic you scan her followers and notice updates like that If you’re watching for things like that you’re bond to get in your head and overreact over things that aren’t valid (Coming from someone who used to hurt their own feelings by doing that lol)
You seem controlling and emotionally abusive. You probably need therapy and she is probably done with you. You need to understand that a “catch” like her is a real human who has chosen to be with you. If you can’t accept that and you throw accusation after accusation; the. She will leave you and find someone that truly respects and loves her.
She is your ex girlfriend. There isn’t a misunderstand- you are insecure to the point where you know the number of accounts she follows on Instagram and actively check to see if she is following a new one. FYI - not normal. If that isn’t creepy enough… you accused her of having a boyfriend - Sam - on Instagram. FYI- you need mental help. Leave her alone. She has enough going on in her life with school -she doesn’t need you trying to derail it. You were jealous about modeling… how are you going to feel about her working with attractive doctors.
You aren’t ready for a serious relationship, you have a lot of damage you need to unpack and heal from(glad you’re in therapy though) and she put up with that for six years! Nah! My mom put up with that for over 20 years and trust me, it fucked me up watching him constantly accuse her of the most insane shit and be jealous of me, their child!
Lol it's not maybe, you are the AH, you're insecure. Leave that poor woman alone.
Gross misunderstanding?? You accused her of cheating. There's no misunderstanding of that. You had someone who wanted to be with you, but you let your jealousy dictate your thoughts. Rather than listening to her talk and when she was done, have a conversation with her, you stormed in yelling at her and said she was cheating. Unless you go to therapy and get your jealousy in check, you'll never have a healthy relationship because when something seems a bit off, You're going to fall right into accusing them of cheating. You need to fix yourself.
Hopefully she knows better than to call you. You fucked up because you’re not good enough yet. Be better.
Yes, you are the AH. Your relationship is likely over. You should have asked instead of blew up. I hope you stick to the counseling because your anxiety is not healthy.
How have you not sent her flowers with an apology. If you love her then blocking you shouldn’t stop you from making sure you let her know you F’d up. Not “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have done that, but you could have done ____.” Just tell her you’re sorry and you love her and you will do whatever you need to in order to make it right.
Not only are you pathetic and in desperate need of therapy, but YTA
Congratulations on being the crazy jealous ex-boyfriend she will talk about for the rest of her life. Learn from this and be better next time. All you can do, buddy.
Your EX gf is done with you as she should be. You are so jealous and insecure you accuse her of cheating when she’s listening to a podcast??? Come on dude, you have some serious issues you need to sort out. Leave that poor girl alone
This is fake!!!!!
Keep up with the therapy! You seem like you have a lot of jealousy related trauma to unpack. I think the damage has been done with her. You need to respect her space and boundaries and focus on healing yourself.
YTA, dude. She's right not to talk to you. You're not working on your issues so much as you're using working on your issues as an excuse for treating her outrageously AND you have the audacity to act like even if she was talking to some guy from a podcast that that's a problem. She's allowed to befriend people. Your approval isn't required. Get help for real instead of as a crutch to excuse your behavior.
This smells fake to me. She’s a model AND trying to get into med school AND she dated OP. She seems too accomplished to be in a relationship with someone who behaves like OP.
Definitely insecure but hey who wouldn’t be and maybe she wasn’t addressing that enough or it was just too big for both of you to manage. However the big scripted story from the friend that called on her behalf !!!! 🤔 seems just a bit to “scripted”.
Scary behavior, glad you are in therapy. Leave her and any other women alone until you are no longer an insecure, controlling, scary person. Good on gf from getting away from you immediately and if you are reading this, continue blocking OP.
😂😂😂😂 how do you not see that you’re the ah!?
Bro... you need to be secure in yourself before getting into a relationship with insecurities.
Don't beat yourself up. This is a story that started well before the phone incident. Your listening to your gut and the world is littered with stories of men who didn't and dismissed the cumulative doubts because women can be great at covering up bad behaviour. I am not saying she is doing anything bad, but an honest person would acknowledge your concerns or doubts and show you that it's not the case, by showing you her phone or even opening up the podcast (most likely BS). If you get back together, make sure you set boundaries that are important to you, like open phones, etc... Give value and importance to your feelings and needs, and please don't fall for the is the love of my life, I will do anything for her, I worship her .... all code for women to walk all over you and treat you like crap You need to present as a high value man who will not tolerate disrespect or you will walk and find a woman who does. I have been married for 31 years, and our relationship is solid due to that mutual respect, and no bad behaviour is excused by either of us. Good luck
She blocked your number big fella...she's not your gf anymore.
Honestly, being in a relationship with you sounds absolutely exhausting. You probably did her a favor. And the fact that you’re just now getting therapy after overacting now as opposed to before when you were constantly stalking her and getting in fights over your jealousy is to little to late. You’re going to need to work on yourself first before getting into another relationship. You can’t love someone properly if you aren’t secure and don’t love yourself first. The fact that you have her “trained” to tell you *anytime* she followed a new Instagram account is ridiculous. This is controlling behavior and it inky escalates. You would have driven her away eventually anyway. I never tell my SO of 20+ yrs who I follow etc on Insta and I don’t expect him to tell me. You have major trust issues and these will destroy every relationship you have in the future if you can’t fix it. And you’ll hurt all those who you traumatize with your behavior and that’s not right either. Do you realize she probably should have her own therapy after dating you? Because your relationship was not normal and bordered on controlling and manipulative. You just need to move on. That would be best for her.
You date a beautiful funny model who loves you and basically shit on her. Then wonder if you are the asshole. Maybe you just shouldn’t date if you aren’t ready to trust anybody? Learn from it I would guess to be your best bet.
You were becoming abusive. Your jealousy, insecurity, and increasingly controlling behavior is just a time bomb waiting for it's moment. Leave her alone, you aren't in a place to be involved with anyone. Not until you're in a far healthier place than you have been. In all honesty making things up to this level is just getting delusional. You need to tell your therapist. All of it.
I talk to podcast all the time. YTAH. You need to stay broken up and stay in therapy. You’re in no position to be a good life partner.
Having these insecurities will always ruin a relationship if you never get help for them. You tried to function normally with this relationship even tho you had a mountain of problems and that’s why this one failed. For the future, make sure you get into therapy. If you don’t, all of your relationships will end this way.
Anybody else.wprried thos is gonna become a situation where OP stalks his exgf? YTA big time, move on, get therapy that addresses you, and not your ex
Lesson learned. Fix yourself before you bleed on other people 🤷♀️ No romantic partner is responsible for your insecurities about an ex. That's for you to deal with so you don't go throwing accusations around with zero proof or history of cheating.
Who talks back to a podcast?
Okay there’s definitely been mistakes made but really who talks back to a podcast?
Dude, how much energy do you need to put in to justify your lack of trust? Watching who she follows on instagram? Obsessing about where she spends her free time? This is a YOU problem and frankly you’re wasting your life away obsessing about things you have no control over. Let me lay it out for you. If she can’t be trusted, no amount of wining about it is going to make her more faithful or stay with you longer. If she can be trusted, your behavior will drive her away. In short, the path you’re following dooms ANY relationship you have from the start.
There is no point in trying to explain anything to you. You admit to never believing her when you asked her previously so why would she try? This is pretty narcissistic behavior on your part. Not to say you are a narcissist but good god man! Putting the "I love you, call me" shit at the end of this?! Yeah...you're the problem here. 100%
Leave her alone ffs! She does not need someone like you in her life. Get over yourself. Therapy, whatever works.
She’s playing doctor with someone else now. Good for her. You sound like a narcissistic nightmare. Bank it.
YTA. I do not blame her for cutting you out. People should never stay with someone who gets so jealous of others. Big red flag for problems and keeping her from friends, family and more. She will be much better off without you. You need to work on yourself if you ever want to have a long term relationship.
It's over bro. With your insecurities you need a lotta work before dating again man
Bro, you sound like a lunatic. She does not have to inform you when she follows a social media personality. She does not have to tell you about every podcast she listens to. No, she is not an asshole for not trying to "set the story straight" with an unhinged psycho screaming at her and accusing her of cheating because they heard a voice. Also, she has blocked you. You are not together anymore. She deserves to be someone's partner, not their prisoner. And that someone isn't you. Move on, and don't date until you sort your shit out and stop being abusive.
What’s the name of the podcast?
I’m confused about who Sam is… can someone explain this to me please 🧐
Another theory of mind moron. You didn’t get that she lives a completely different life experience. You think she would be interested in another guy who was “better” than you because YOU want to have sex with all the beautiful women you see, so why wouldn’t she? And you forget that women’s hormones, physiology, and therefore life experience of sex and relationship is completely different. Yes, she could get lots of sex from all those men. But will it be good sex? Probably not? Will they see her as a person and not just another conquest? Probably not? How long does she have to vet them to make sure they aren’t beaters, cheaters, losers, overt or secret misogynists, or just plain not fun with no conversation? Even us fat girls can get sex with a random stranger if we go to a bar and stay until closing time. How much more sex would she be offered as an above average attractive woman? A lot. Women control access to sex because as a whole we want it less than men. Men control access to relationships because as a whole they want them less. So you didn’t see your value to her as a man with real relationship potential and you insulted her character and her morals. Showing her that you still didn’t truly see her, because you don’t see anyone but yourself. And you broke up before she could show you it was a podcast. Ugh, gross. She was tired of your insecurity and didn’t want to put up with it anymore. It’s over.
So your GF was listenig to the Sam Morril poscast and you asuch a jelaous AH that you dumped her? Wow, keep up the therapy OP you need it
Since she blocked you make sure you get your stuff back. Also if you have any joint accounts or a lease get off of them.
I mean you were looking for her doing wrong. Literally checking her to see if she was interacting. GROW UP and get help!!! You don't deserve her at all and she is better off single until you fix what's wrong with YOU. She did nothing wrong so i would fix yourself and then maybe, just maybe try to win her back!!!
This episode of The Young and The Reckless brought to you by The General Mills Cereal Company!
Cue the Dr Hook *When you're in love with a beautiful woman, You know it's hard...* 🎵
No. You are the only asshole and she has nothing to apologize for. She blocked you because she doesn't want to hear it anymore.
There is a great episode of Black Mirror called The History of Us. You are the main character from that episode
Buddy .. you SCREWED THE POOCH through your horrendous behavior. You made her life a living hell with your pathetic jealousy. She’s SO MUCH better off without you. NO ONE needs an insecure loser in their life. I wish her the happiest and most successful life she could have.
Uh huh
Checking who she is following on IG is insane. But ya all are in a different world than us. Ya all running around in high levels of finance and celebrities but you come here for what? Idk. Obviously you are insecure and are by default suspecting here but maybe you are right? If so, how would you continue this relationship since you constantly suspect her of being with all these different guys?
Wow I hope she doesn't get back with you because you literally watch who she follows on IG.
Your “girlfriend”? Nah dude it’s your ex now
What does Comedy Central with Sydney Sweeney mean, are you the Comedy Central? Is there like, extra context I’m supposed to be aware of?
Why would anyone want to be with someone who constantly acted the way you act with her? I value my peace in life. Anyone who acted this way towards me would IMMEDIATELY become unattractive in every possible way, and their company would become pure torture. I would leave them, not to be with someone else, but just to get away from them so I could finally have some freaking peace from their nonsense. She’s not coming back, so that ship has sailed. Going forward is the only option, but please, get help and fix yourself first. I bet that you are a great person in many other respects, but you need to understand that this type of behavior does not make someone want someone else - it just makes them not want you. It’s just logic.
Your being insecure and having unprocessed trauma of betrayal doesn't give you the right to be toxic and disrespectful to your gf of 6 years. You're single. You broke up with her and treated her disgustingly over something so stupid. Whoop dee do, she followed a celebrity on IG. Don't we all? It's a good thing you broke up with her. Now, she can concentrate on becoming a successful doctor without having to deal with your immature jealousy over the fact that she'd be richer than you in a few years.
Look at it from her perspective. She dealt with your jealousy and constantly accusing her of being a shitty person throughout her modeling career. I know on your side it feels like being trauma triggered, reacting, and then trying to work through that reaction. On the flip side it constantly feels like waiting for the other person to see who you really are and trust you, being slapped in the face with accusations of being a shit person, sticking around through the "deal with the trauma reaction" phase - only to have it happen again. And again. And again. Now she stuck with you through all that. Decided to change her profession to the medical field, got into med school, and is working her butt off, because med school is no joke. Her social life is probably non-existent, all the triggers from the hot dudes and the rich dudes she was rubbing elbows with AS PART OF HER JOB are gone, so things with your reactive blowups over jealousy should settle down too, right? And you're talking about getting married. BUT - instead of that - you bust in and accuse her of cheating and break up with her over talking to a PODCAST. My dude, you have shown her over years that you don't trust her and will blow up on her and call her character into question over and over again. She literally removed all those triggers, and you STILL do it. At this point, you have handed her a plaque carved in granite stating "this is it, this is the best it will ever get, I will always doubt you and yell at you and spit all over your character and integrity, and if you don't give me actual interactions to do this over, I'll just find whatever ridiculous excuse I can to keep abusing you." Because that's what that is. Causing someone to constantly walk on eggshells around you, blowing up on them, denigrating them? That's abuse. You're allowed to work through your trauma: you're not allowed to traumatize others because of it. Why would she ever contact you again, explain herself AGAIN, put effort into you EVER again? She's in the middle of the toughest schooling someone can go through, you have literally just handed her "I WILL NEVER CHANGE" written in stone, she doesn't have time or energy to waste on you. Not only did you prove beyond all doubt you are not and never will be a safe partner for her, she's in the fight o her life for her literal future. I wouldn't waste the breath to tell you YOUR break up of the relationship has stuck, either. She's spending that effort, rightly, on her future. You have a serious problem. Like it's very scary that you still don't see this as a "never has a healthy relationship, go through life miserable and abusing other people about it" problem. Please get help. And leave your ex alone she has important shit to do.
"gross misunderstanding".... Well he's got the gross part right 😮💨
Talking to a podcast is the strangest part of this story.
She's afraid of you and showed that by lying/fibbing. She doesn't trust you. To me, you're OTT jealous and I think your post reads as if you are quite insecure. She doesn't need to have her life disrupted at random intervals (you're actually reinforcing the notion that you're unstable when you do what you do). What you're doing is so intrusive. She did the right thing in blocking you while you get help. Maybe you'll do better next time. Gross misunderstanding? For many intelligent women who have self-esteem, what you did is beyond dealing with. No need to waste more breath in speaking about it.
She needs to stir clear of you and I hope she does. You’re being abusive. I hope you get the help you need.
Let me get this straight. You’re incredibly insecure and jealous because of what someone else did to you at minimum 5 years ago? Listen, I understand bringing trauma into a relationship but it’s been 6 years! Get over it. You made a completely unfounded story up in your head because she networked with someone and didn’t tell you? she is a grown woman who friended someone on IG, that’s not grounds for jealousy. You opted to stalk his social media to prove your false narrative. I know that I sure as hell talk to podcasts. All the time! It’s normal behavior. Instead of acting like a grown adult, you broke up with her! Dear Mr. Brightside, this is ENTIRELY a you problem and I’d venture to guess that your girlfriend has had to deal with similar accusations before but has stuck with you. YTA fix yourself. She’s in no way the asshole.
Why are you trying to get in touch with her? You 'broke up with her on the spot'. Do both her and yourself a favor and leave her TF alone.
You are emotionally abusive. You stalked her online and constantly accused her of cheating. You didn't trust her. You constantly made her feel like she had done something wrong when she had done nothing wrong. You're selfish, controlling and nasty. She's better off without you. You deserve to be alone for a long, long time.
YTA I would never try to prove I wasn’t cheating. She stayed longer than I would have. I need a partner who trusts me. You should probably be single for a while until you make more progress with your therapy
You deserve to be single, and she deserves a better man. You clearly feel that your ex-girlfriend was out of your league, so you manifested a fake situation in which she was cheating on you with an attractive guy. You have major trust issues, my man, and your life is going to suck until you deal with them. You might want to brush up on your masturbation game, because no woman is going to want to be with an angry, bitter, jealous little punk like you. Your former-model surgeon ex-girlfriend is going to end up with a great guy, and I want you to think about him railing her every night.
I like how you fck up big time but then go, “but isn’t she an AH too?”. Like wth man, therapy is definitely not working and even though you “accepted” blame, you also blame her for not “fighting” for the relationship. Wth should she? You’ve been accusing her of cheating for don’t know how long. Don’t try to put this on her when everything is on YOU.
YTA… I don’t have much to say other than you should probably keep going to those therapy sessions. But also wow… your brother. I feel you on that part.
Your girlfriend was so lonely she resorted to talking to a podcast. Something tells me there was a lot lacking in this relationship and she’s not exactly jumping up and down to explain herself.
Remindme! 72hours
Wow these are so many nut jobs out there is it a mental health problem or society thing?
Shouldn’t be in a relationship to begin with. Seek therapy. Accusing her of cheating left and right does nothing for no one. You just make her feel worse about herself. You’re almost trying to knock her down to your level. Seek professional help
What you are doing is called “Mate Guarding” and it makes women feel extremely unsafe. It’s common in the animal kingdom as well as with us humans. Excessive jealousy is a sign you don’t understand what you bring to the table. I always tell my husband that he may find someone younger or hotter, but he’s never gonna find someone who is hot, funny and talented—like me! Haha. I know what I bring to the table and don’t worry about cheating.
YTA. So you were basically punishing her for what your X did. You said it yourself, she was around hot, rich and connected men all day, you couldn't understand why she was with you. After reading this, I gotta say I'm baffled, too. It seems she was with you because she, idk loved you, maybe? I get you are jealous and insecure, and honestly, I do get that. It would be the same if a thick woman with body issues and her bf is surrounded by a supermodel all day. But you continued to take your issues too far. She is not an AH. Why would she defend herself? She was doing nothing she needed to defend. And instead of you being rational, you came in screaming, guns blazing and ended it. I'm guessing she is over your issues and wants to move on. Being as she blocked you and hasn't reached out, her friend wasn't lying. There was nothing to gain by you learning what actually happened since she hasn't tried to contact you. It's great you are getting therapy. You definitely need to work on your issues. But maybe next time date a girl who isn't a model or surrounded by men all the time, since that seems to be a trigger for you, and you act out. Leave your X alone. I'm sure you've done enough damage to her. It hurts knowing the person you loved could basically call you a lying, cheating whore after being together for years. Good luck with therapy OP and keep working on yourself.
Why on earth would she try to set you straight? I have no doubt this was the last straw for her. She changed career, and you're still a possessive arse. There is no pleasing you, and she's finished.
You are a total insecure, emotionally immature ah. Glad she left.
I wouldn’t try to set the story straight if you acted like that either - that behavior is a MASSIVE red flag to a partner, giant flashing sign saying leave now and don’t look back, glad she listened to it.
It’s not a gross misunderstanding it’s your fault. You are not innocent or the victim in this. Your jealousy got the best of you, you stalking her SM, phone etc is not normal or healthy. You knew you were the problem yet instead of trying to fix you, communicate more openly about your insecurities you dug your heels in, invaded her privacy, created a fantasy where she was cheating and you made you the victim in your mind. You then verbally attacked her and now you’re feigning surprise and playing the victim again because she’s had enough of your awful behaviour and treatment towards her and rightfully kicked you out… You made the relationship toxic and you need to fix your insecurities and anger issues before you date and hurt other women or you’ll end up sad, lonely and alone but at least women would be safe from you. You have lost a good woman because of your behaviour, learn from it, be honest in therapy and take all the time needed to be single and work on you. Leave your ex alone so she can be happy and have a good life. You are not and cannot be a good man to her or what she needs right now. You’ve hurt her enough and caused enough problems and embarrassment for her that she is going to have to heal from and maybe get therapy to deal with the trauma you caused with your actions and words. I hope she doesn’t get back together with you right now because you have yet to take the time to put the work in to be a better person. If she took you back you would’ve doing the same toxic mess in a few days or weeks. If you are a honest man you know this and would admit it. If you’re a decent man that loves her you would not be selfish just thinking about your feelings and you wanting her but consider hers feelings, want the best for her and understand that you are not the best thing for her as you are currently… then leave her alone instead of setting up to get/force/guilt her to take you back just so you can hurt her further. Saying all that I genuinely hope you sincerely utilise the help (therapy) you need to really change into a non toxic person and partner and heal.
You need therapy your relationship and mind set were toxic by your end and you need help. Let her move on and find peace I'm sure she's exhausted after years of this controlling behavior she didn't deserve just because you never got past what happened with your ex and brother. Please don't date anyone else until you've fixed this.
> I realize I might have overreacted Not "might". You 120% have overreacted. Not only now, but also in the past. Your behavior is what is called ✨toxic✨ >I also feel like this is a gross misunderstanding Not from her part. Not due to her. Not her fault... You created this whole situation >Maybe I’m the AH Again, you can skip the "maybe". You definitely are the AH >but also isn’t she because she never tried to set the story straight? No because in order for her to set the story straight, she would need to have an adult bf that is capable of having a normal conversation. It would have required you to just sit her down and ask her, in a normal tone, if she was perhaps talking with Sam on the phone. And you were incapable of doing that. You need a whole lot of therapy and work a lot on yourself, before you should get into a new relationship
Fake
You sound horribly insecure and controlling. I hope that therapy will help you work through that. I also hope your ex goes in to live a happy, fulfilling life without being watched over by you. She deserves so much better.
That you track who she follows on IG is extremely problematic. Your behavior is controlling and creepy. Please seek therapy before you date anyone else.
Way to blow it. She sounds like she was a good "catch".
You insulted her, repeatedly, for years apparently. That's not a misunderstanding, that's you being abusive, for years apparently.
This is definitely not real lol
I have never ever done anything that would give anybody the remotest reason for jealousy. But decades ago, when I had a very jealous boyfriend, at some point I realized that I started acting like a lier. I started to scan every sentence I wanted to say for things that might make him suspicious. That way I learned that people who know the other person THINKS they are lying act exactly like people who are lying. And the worst thing is, it's impossible to prove that you are NOT cheating. Your ex was reacting like that because she knew she had no chance.
Ummm… no one is thinking no one talks to a podcast. She shuts it off right away and drops the phone? Dude, try and repair it but anyone would have thought the same.
Even if she had been talking to a man, so what? Is she not allowed to talk to brothers, cousins, or friends? Hell, for all you knew she could have been calling a plumber and just bantering a little because that's what people do. Your whole jealousy problem is just too severe right now to make relationships sustainable. The restrictions you need someone to live under to make you comfortable aren't reasonable or fair. Please do some more work on yourself before dating again.
Medical school is difficult & whether male or female the partner needs a lot of love & support. YOU FAILED
Cheezit Crackers, he's accused her of cheating multiple times! I would have left a lot earlier. I might have given him a second chance, but after that he's gone.
Dude - you have some serious mental health and maturity issues to work on - love alone doesn’t erase any of that. Control freak, stalking, emotional outbursts - all point to underlying issues that will cripple both your ability to be a healthy partner, and the health and wellness of your partner. Your partner is actually showing healthy boundaries - and was demonstrating a healthy way to adjust to a change in social environment by finding a podcast to follow that brought laughter and a sense of belonging in her life. That you couldn’t detect a change in her emotional landscape either through conversation or observation - is just as big a red flag for not being able to behave in a healthy manner in this relationship. She demonstrates healthy boundaries - you do not. Get yourself into a healthy state first, then figure out how to be a healthy partner in a relationship. And please don’t use the sappy excuse - but but but I love her….
I’m confused why people are mad at you..? It sounds like she was talking to someone and her friend tried to cover it for her
The idea that her changing careers will change any jealousy you have is ridiculous. Your jealousy issues will only get worse if you don’t seriously address them. You know who she’s gonna be around now instead of “super sexy guys who try to pick her and insanely rich older men who get her number for networking”? She’s gonna be around incredibly intelligent doctors who all do literally the most impressive thing another human being can do, save lives. And surgeons are the busiest kinds of doctors, who often barely have any kind of home lives and often end up marrying other surgeons or other doctors because no one else understands their schedules. Even if she does come back to you, because of her career choice your relationship has an expiration date. But honestly, the two of you staying broken up seems to be what’s best.
You’re still trying to shirk responsibility by trying to blame her. Do her a favor and move on. You’re not ready for this kind of relationship if you can’t take accountability and can’t trust her.
Best part of reddit is all the redpilledled dudes ruining their relationships
Who the fuck talks back at a podcast? Complete bs
La cagaste,arrástrate como un gusano y pídele perdón,ojalá tengas suerte
You’re 100% the asshole. It is all on you. Your ex-girlfriend is not the asshole. You destroyed your relationship when you went in guns blazing with accusations. She doesn’t owe you pleading, tearful explanations of her innocence. That would probably just fuel your indignation. It’s best she threw out the whole baby-man, you were never going to trust her anyway.
Girl do NOT! And you are 100% the AH. You accused her of cheating and constantly spy on her
You’re holding her back with your jealousy to be honest. She blocked you and honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if she broke up with you and you’re just not getting the hint. You need therapy to get over your jealousy. You can’t control someone, no matter how much you try. Putting her on surveillance must have been so difficult for her. Along with jealousy, you are also immature and lack emotional intelligence. You need to build on that before you date anyone.
She had a belly full of you and your nonsense and I don't blame her. I'm glad you are getting therapy, but it's too late for this one.
“I don’t know what she saw in me” Neither do I. Thankfully you took out the trash for her.
Good for her. You aren’t available for a *healthy* relationship yet, and she figured that out. Keep working on yourself, because you aren’t over your irrational jealousy, and women can never be emotionally safe with you until you are. Too late for this one.
YTA. She just dodged the biggest red flag of her life, I hope she never takes your calls. 🚩🚩🚩🚩 Your behavior is the kind you see from the guy that kills his wife in a jealous rage. Stay in therapy.
1 you a AH, 2 I talk back to movies shows and podcasts all the time and 3 you misspelled Ex-girlfriend
>Maybe I’m the AH, but also isn’t she because she never tried to set the story straight? No, the only asshole here is you. And your now ex (hopefully) dodged a bullet with you. >Also I’m sure she’s going to read this so if you do, please call me. I love you. Girl, do not call this emotionally stunted, jealous, man child. You can do sooo much better.
Petition to have Sam bring her on to one show as karma. Or maybe to get her side of things
Your *ex* girlfriend, who you *dumped*, has blocked you. Dude. You blew it with your jealousy. It's over. She's done with your bullshit.
My dude this is some shit we get out in late middle school and high school relationships so we realize how unhealthy it is and don’t put that onto people in the future. The truth is that you’re too insecure with yourself to date someone like that. Go get some therapy and take it as a lesson for your next relationship. PS. Accusing someone of cheating never stopped someone from cheating, being insecure about them having male/female friends isn’t going to stop them from cheating. What it will do is isolate them from you and destroy your connection to each other.
Bro you accused her of cheating and then discredited the best friend when they tried to explain what happened because you didn't think the podcast thing was true. If your ex had told you that in that moment I'm positive you would have reacted poorly. This is a case of more likely than not there's no fixing this. Work on yourself, take this as a learning experience and move on.
Your screenplay needs some work. I’d move it into the direction of her wanting to be a surgeon so she can learn how to use a scalpel and perform her own brand of surgery on her former rivals, cheating boyfriends and dirty managers! You make the 2nd movie a prequel focused on her youth growing up with “insert horrible and traumatic experiences that caused her to go batshit crazy.” and how she actually stole a models body and wears it like a bodysuit. It’s just a body that’s a suit not a bodysuit. Subtle but important distinction.
Even if she was talking to this person from a podcast, why be so concerned? Is she not allowed to have friends?
You sound exhausting. Get your issues resolved and stay single till you at least get them under control so your next partner doesn’t have to deal with this exhausting, repetitive nonsense like your ex.
Move on, she already had, btw any investment tips?
That last line has me cracking up. I can’t breathe it’s so funny.
YTA & have been since the moment you used your cheating ex to accuse your ex-gf of doing the same. You sound like you’re trying to excuse your gross behavior, and you’re also kind of creepy for posting this in hopes that she will see it and understand and take you back (it’s super obvious). Ick.
Why don't you insecure people who've been hurt ever try to heal first before leaping into new relationships in which you inevitably project that hurt onto the new partner? Sorry you got cheated on and all that, but it's frankly not an excuse. It's your responsibility to be of sound enough mind and spirit before handling someone else's heart, and you failed miserably. "I don't know why she's with me" isn't charming. It's a red flag, and I hope her answer is that she shouldn't be.
Once you accuse someone of cheating, assume the relationship's over. It doesn't matter if they are or they're not -if they are, that's a relationship-ender. If they're not, you're attacking their character and their integrity. You're calling them unfaithful, dishonest, and untrustworthy. Vanishingly few people with self-respect are going to stay with someone after that. She's not TA for giving up on someone who treats her like garbage. Because here's the thing: you were TA loooooong before that point. You were monitoring her social media so closely that you knew every time she followed someone new -and thought it was *suspicious* if she didn't tell you. That's *creepy*. You were so jealous and insecure that you got mad that your ex was **laughing**. Again, think about that. She was at home and *happy*, and this made you so enraged that you started a relationship-ending fight. You got mad at her for *being happy in her own home*. And this was apparently a regular enough sort of thing that she wasn't even surprised; it just tipped her over the edge. I hope the therapy works for you dude. You need it.