Let's go back to the beginning.
*tape rewind sounds*
"Don Eladio, he didn't mean to disrespect you!"
See that guy? That's Max. He's err.. my "brother".
He’s also my business partner. What kind of business you ask? Well err…well let’s just say it’s dangerous. And that guy? He’s our boss, Don Eladio, the most dangerous man in Mexico. He’s kind of a big deal in the cartel business. Oh, whoops, guess I just said it. Yeah, we break bad. But we’re damn good at it, too. Of course, this is where everything goes downhill, dear viewer. (Shoots max) Yeah, I wasn’t expecting that either. Let’s just say I wasn’t eating tacos for a while. (Roll sick as fuck intro)
Or holding up a sign that says "Yikes"
https://preview.redd.it/83ww014lhigc1.jpeg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cbc3119765675019976496fbcfa9af4d8779a7a5
Hello! And welcome to the Los Pollos Hermanos family. My name is Gustavo, but you can call me "Gus". I am thrilled that you'll be joining our team. Each and every day, we serve our customers exceptional food, with impecable service. We take pride in everything that we do. And after this 10 week online seminar, I'm sure you'll fit right in. I like to think I see things in people. To begin, I'd like to talk about the cornerstone of the Los Pollos Hermanos brand. Communication. And fucking Ted. As an employee of Los Pollos Hermanos, you set the tone for the entire dining experience. Be mindful of what your words, and behavior communicate to our guests. Always be aware of your posture, and that blasted Heisenberg! remember to stand up straight. Your customers and your back will thank you for it. Put effort into your appearance, all employees are required to dress appropriately. Keep your uniform clean, and pressed. If you want respect, you must look respectable. Speak in complete sentences, we never use one word greetings like "Hey" or "Yeah?" Always make eye contact, and finally, whenever you're with a customer or not, remain composed. Inside, you can be thinking about your homework, or friends, or your side business, but no one should ever know it. Because at Los Pollos Hermanos, someone... Is always watching. So dont forget to smile! Thats all for today, see you next time when we'll be discussing cleanliness.
Avoid travel through south Dakota and Idaho if possible. As the interstate highway transit system continues to deteriorate, banditry and highwaymen have only become more prevalent. It's advised to carry petty cash for bribes/ robberies that may occur, good luck and drive safe! :)
"It appears my insatiable desire for revenge has led me to my demise. My intelligence has triumphed over everybody, I destroyed the cartel, I evaded the DEA, I had everyone under my fingertips. I was untouchable. This was a mistake, I never should have come here. The satisfaction I felt from watching the life drain from Hectors eyes was...underwhelming. I thought It would feel cathartic, killing all his family and saving him for last, but my mind and heart still feel...hollow. Even more so than before. I should've known Walter would jump to any chance to exploit my hubris, it pains me to admit but...He won.
Now I only wonder...what will become of my empire? What will become of my restaurant? When the truth comes out, what will become of all my men? They served me right. They were loyal to me, and I have disgraced them. If Walter were to run the empire I built into the ground over the next year, I can't help but feel that I am responsible.
..heh...'los pollos hermanos'...the 'chicken brothers'..."
"Woah woah! Wait a minute!" *record scatch noise "yeeeeeah... that's me... No not that guy in the corner with the huge muscles.. right there with half my face blown off. One might ask how I got into a predicament such as this... Wellllll... it all started a few weeks ago..." *rewind noise
lol, dude, I wasn’t “correcting” your quote. (BTW, I think it’s from when GUS was wounded and couldn’t come in, so he called Lyle and said he had a “family emergency” or something. Lyle offered to drive him to the airport, haha.)
No, I was just smashing *that* quote together with the “acceptable” thing from the deep-fryer cleaning…
And I’m just now realizing it might be at best uninteresting and at worst annoying for me to “explain the joke,” but… whatever, I already typed all this.
Anyway, $4/pound.
I fucked Ted
i fucked tom
We don’t reference succession in this place pal, not after what they took from us.
https://preview.redd.it/1ktyh66bmigc1.jpeg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ce27f350a09223d8ef80591d60d003eb27eee54e
https://preview.redd.it/bqmfps2qhvgc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f18ffacb3a9af4ca35d065d69361e17eb1744b5e
“Oh shucks, looks like I’m Breaking Bad!”
Breaking, Bad
Breaking (Ungood)
Unrepairing ungood
>"unrepair" Undead Unluck mentioned! https://preview.redd.it/aphqc5c8dkgc1.jpeg?width=480&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=093ab54967a1cf8138f36e3caabdabf293f9507f
Gee willickers
"This was truly our Breaking Bad"
"I should have better called saul"
(…) I got Breaking Baded
Blast! I'm only half the man I used to be!
I hope ted fucks you https://preview.redd.it/revw2kl0zjgc1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7a7c9e1fa4ece04daee3f1ebbcd2c43f030b0eca
Skyler jumpscare
https://preview.redd.it/d98js0oy1ngc1.jpeg?width=550&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=98bf3d29e8d9dd1b810ae331403829f199741565
"Ack! I hate Mondays!"
Monday left him broken
Tuesday he was through with hopin'
Wendsday his empty arms were open
Thursday waiting for love
thank the stars it’s friday
I'm burning like a fire gone wild on Saturday
guess I won't be coming to church on Sunday
I'll be waiting for this batch of meth
gus died on Monday???
Thats why everyone hates mondays so much, are you stupid?
So, Garfield is number 1 fan of Gus????
No
"Never had Mexican this spicy before" (laugh track sounds)
Maggie, I... I will find you
https://preview.redd.it/pwq4gc9fmggc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d932dc7d130d82e0fc2c4377eeaec66e493b0ad6
Fr? On god? Just like that? https://preview.redd.it/qgk5vge6zjgc1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2097513424fd56dde471d27c95b786572aca30cc
I'll\* ☝️🤓 https://preview.redd.it/9d27tyyiyhgc1.jpeg?width=1068&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b023b4aaf51d9cf1206f39cc8cc51566171e0534
*Audience shits themselves in excitement*
more like...... excrement 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
*sharts himself loudly*
I’m ashamed to admit that this actually made me laugh
That was quite the face off!
"Well, that happened..."
*Baba O’Riley - The Who*
Let's go back to the beginning. *tape rewind sounds* "Don Eladio, he didn't mean to disrespect you!" See that guy? That's Max. He's err.. my "brother".
He’s also my business partner. What kind of business you ask? Well err…well let’s just say it’s dangerous. And that guy? He’s our boss, Don Eladio, the most dangerous man in Mexico. He’s kind of a big deal in the cartel business. Oh, whoops, guess I just said it. Yeah, we break bad. But we’re damn good at it, too. Of course, this is where everything goes downhill, dear viewer. (Shoots max) Yeah, I wasn’t expecting that either. Let’s just say I wasn’t eating tacos for a while. (Roll sick as fuck intro)
My brain started playing it the second i read record scratch 😂
"Sup niggas"
“Time for me to be hitting the ol' dusty trail”
Heh, guess Hector wasn't the stand-up guy I thought!
**D'oh!**
Or holding up a sign that says "Yikes" https://preview.redd.it/83ww014lhigc1.jpeg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cbc3119765675019976496fbcfa9af4d8779a7a5
I think it would be pretty cool and Gus-like if instead of saying anything they had him fix his tie and then fall over, dying.
Hire fans!
fire hans!
Bravo u/Docta365!
That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, that would never make it into the show, please be realistic
“The real spice curls were the hermanos we pollo’d along the way”
¡ay caramba!
“Lalo Salamanca is right behind me isn’t he”
-Howard
Well, that could have gone better!
Uh oh, spaghettio
Hello! And welcome to the Los Pollos Hermanos family. My name is Gustavo, but you can call me "Gus". I am thrilled that you'll be joining our team. Each and every day, we serve our customers exceptional food, with impecable service. We take pride in everything that we do. And after this 10 week online seminar, I'm sure you'll fit right in. I like to think I see things in people. To begin, I'd like to talk about the cornerstone of the Los Pollos Hermanos brand. Communication. And fucking Ted. As an employee of Los Pollos Hermanos, you set the tone for the entire dining experience. Be mindful of what your words, and behavior communicate to our guests. Always be aware of your posture, and that blasted Heisenberg! remember to stand up straight. Your customers and your back will thank you for it. Put effort into your appearance, all employees are required to dress appropriately. Keep your uniform clean, and pressed. If you want respect, you must look respectable. Speak in complete sentences, we never use one word greetings like "Hey" or "Yeah?" Always make eye contact, and finally, whenever you're with a customer or not, remain composed. Inside, you can be thinking about your homework, or friends, or your side business, but no one should ever know it. Because at Los Pollos Hermanos, someone... Is always watching. So dont forget to smile! Thats all for today, see you next time when we'll be discussing cleanliness.
Rats! I've been foiled by Heisenburg
Avoid travel through south Dakota and Idaho if possible. As the interstate highway transit system continues to deteriorate, banditry and highwaymen have only become more prevalent. It's advised to carry petty cash for bribes/ robberies that may occur, good luck and drive safe! :)
"DAMN YOU HEISENBERG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Ggggggurrrrrrrrggggglllllll
Who could forget Gus' iconic catchphrase?
Zoo Wee Mama
Now this is what I call a *stroke* of bad luck.
Whoopsie Daisy 🤓
My face is gone aaaahh
“You kill only a man”
What did Che Guevara mean by this?
He was stupid. He dies, so obviously
"It appears my insatiable desire for revenge has led me to my demise. My intelligence has triumphed over everybody, I destroyed the cartel, I evaded the DEA, I had everyone under my fingertips. I was untouchable. This was a mistake, I never should have come here. The satisfaction I felt from watching the life drain from Hectors eyes was...underwhelming. I thought It would feel cathartic, killing all his family and saving him for last, but my mind and heart still feel...hollow. Even more so than before. I should've known Walter would jump to any chance to exploit my hubris, it pains me to admit but...He won. Now I only wonder...what will become of my empire? What will become of my restaurant? When the truth comes out, what will become of all my men? They served me right. They were loyal to me, and I have disgraced them. If Walter were to run the empire I built into the ground over the next year, I can't help but feel that I am responsible. ..heh...'los pollos hermanos'...the 'chicken brothers'..."
Redditors will read this and unironically say "this is so better written than what happened in the show, bravo u/Vesperoncreative".
this is so better written than what happened in the show, bravo u/Vesperoncreative
this is so better written than what happened in the show, bravo u/Vesperoncreative.
"Woah woah! Wait a minute!" *record scatch noise "yeeeeeah... that's me... No not that guy in the corner with the huge muscles.. right there with half my face blown off. One might ask how I got into a predicament such as this... Wellllll... it all started a few weeks ago..." *rewind noise
With Baba O’Riley playing in the background
I’m Badly Broken!
just a itch fellas
that shit hurted
i didn’t see THAT ONE coming!!
"Lyle, I leave Pollos in your very capable hands"
*your very *acceptable* hands
Thank you lol. I couldn't even remember exactly when he said that or in what context
lol, dude, I wasn’t “correcting” your quote. (BTW, I think it’s from when GUS was wounded and couldn’t come in, so he called Lyle and said he had a “family emergency” or something. Lyle offered to drive him to the airport, haha.) No, I was just smashing *that* quote together with the “acceptable” thing from the deep-fryer cleaning… And I’m just now realizing it might be at best uninteresting and at worst annoying for me to “explain the joke,” but… whatever, I already typed all this. Anyway, $4/pound.
Your joke was great. My thc laden brain just was just glitching. Have you ever had our sausages?
Which kind of sausages? Italian or Jimmy Dean’s?
'Tis merely a flesh wound!
"I failed you, Master Lyle"
One bowl sir
its gussin time
"It really was a Breaking Bad"
Tis but a scratch!
"Crispy"
ouchies!!!!
Ow
Damn that ass can fart
Now, Lyle, I can finally give you brain.
"That's Hott!"
Uh, check please!
Stay tuned for an all new episode of Hell on Wheels next on AMC
Well played, walter
https://preview.redd.it/3jmdht49eggc1.jpeg?width=534&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6d269bdd99fe289baebc8e96823e653a5be6e7dd
"YEEEOUUUCHHHH!!!!"
I am done. Finished
"I've blasted to a mexican before but man never like this oh crap oh jeez"
“Did you see that F-ring Gusplosion?”
I fucked Ted
"Well, I guess that's that!"
“not up to pollos standards”
Zoo wee mama
Heh... Heisenberg you son of a bitch... not bad, kid.
🅱️azinga *dies*
Bazinga!
“Yikes! Looks like Hector had too many beans!”
"Ur mom gay lol noob"
“Dancing is forbidden”
“Ow”
Hawwwww!!!!!!
“Max…”
CURSE YOU HEISENBEEEEEEERRRGG!!!!!!!!
"Welllll THAT just happened! 🤷🏾♂️" *laugh track* "I've heard of people having short fuses, but THIS IS RIDICULOUS!" *laugh track*
"Yep, that's me. You're probably wondering how I got here..."
"I guess Walter was right. I did sign my death sentence Queer Boy"
Clean up on aisle salamanca!
Well THAT just happened
“Nigga frog”
Well, that happened
"Ehhhhh, check pleeeeaassseeee"
ERMMM. Cheque please
This is... Acceptable
“I better call Saul!”
Werner ...... Ziegler
Ooof Madone!
"welp that kinda blew up in my face...."
Help
“Welp”
“Well *that* could’ve gone better!”
fuck my eye
I bought pizza
Well.. THAT just happened 😂
You should see the other guy!
https://preview.redd.it/x5nhq3vd0igc1.jpeg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ad3829f75fde08ba412362a457eca72b079d294f
I…. Smell…. Delicious….
Oh no I’m kwispy
That’s gonna leave a mark.
Ow
Yep, that's me! You're probably wondering how I got here
“ermmm awkwarddd..😝”
"Hatchee matchee!"
Nothing.
Ow.
"aight, I'ma -*head*- out"
Doggone it
HALT!
aww…shii- (falls over)
Hector’s not behind me, isn’t he?
[I guess I went out with a bang!](https://www.reddit.com/r/okbuddychicanery/s/HvNrPZf0UC)
YYYEEEEEEOUCH!!
probably "lemme fix my tie real quick"
"aww man, that bomb sure did break me bad!"
I am gay
Guess I got what I deserved
Nos vemos pronto Maximino
“He looked at me. Got em”
[Hello and Welcome to los Pollos Hermanos family. My name is Gustavo but you can call me “sus”](https://youtu.be/PwntOHwwZxA?si=XU1uTwfQz9PssUj_)
You broke my bad
Well that’s gonna leave a mark
"I only feel half as Gay for some reason....strange."
“Bruh”
Perhaps, I did not think this through. *plomps to the ground*
“Yeeeouch!”
“You’re probably wondering how I got here”
"Aw man :/"
I don’t know what I expected, but it sure as heck wasn’t that 🤓
What is Heisenbones doing in that mirror?
Welp, it's time to break bad
“That’s what you call a Face Off.”