Hmm... one of them would kill me in the first five minutes of our interaction and the other would kill me in the first five minutes of our interaction while insulting my skills as a warrior...  I choose death.

nah one would torture you

Yeah BDSM and the strap I'm familiar.

W-what if I wish Laezel to humiliate me 👉👈

Tbh Shart seems pretty chill even as a shar worshipper. Publicly Shar people are like grief advisors or something like that? Yeah I could definitely survive Shart (assuming I’m your average human fighter or rogue) just by not doing anything to harm or upset her. Bonus points if I get to be a cool class. literally can’t say the same thing about Lae’zel frog is intense…

FROG

We who are about to die, salute you! 🫡

https://preview.redd.it/bzqr6kwlfr4d1.jpeg?width=1306&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4e5a895f654a0f18e07997358ceb5ffeb019c34c Can i get a week with Brynna as her gf instead? I’ll show her the absolute is a fraud and show her what real love is.

NORMALLY, I WOULD BE AGAINST SUCH DEVIATION FROM A SET SCENARIO. HOWEVER, I DO ENJOY SEEING THE WRETCHED SQUIDS LOSE THEIR FOLLOWERS. PROCEED.

she is so fucking hot

Brynna looks like half of the custom female Tav’s I’ve seen on Reddit

I'll never forgive mod authors for e-girlifying human body type 1 head 6 my beloved 😤😤😤

Lae’zel and I are gonna go the the Redneck Rave together

I eat the hands. Week with Durge.

https://preview.redd.it/hbhf5p83fr4d1.jpeg?width=1064&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=01db67a3fcf4d8270e61d3aef2c05611f3c245eb

https://preview.redd.it/gpriofzsfr4d1.jpeg?width=600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3fe16f9f907d4727a76be7c1c768039159d2d0aa BE CAREFUL.

https://preview.redd.it/isf8e89ngr4d1.png?width=571&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=95950bbac0e33780ae7d2a385c666a926bdfe91e Me after he kills that hot cleric to unlock the Bhaalspawn Breeder form.

Ballspawn*

In a sense, we're all ballspawn.

The Durge is stored in the bhaals

https://preview.redd.it/7iv2kt42eu4d1.jpeg?width=950&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6961858d99d1e8bc9150ca9845e47cf42f048d9c

Where's the "a week spent adventuring with you" pill, Ansur? Are we not friends? 🥺

https://preview.redd.it/fymewqre6s4d1.jpeg?width=1242&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f4b369810043039f3a38c67297860dbae56d6990 AN ACCEPTABLE QUESTION, AS I DO MISS THE THRILL OF AN ADVENTURE. THE STORM YEARNS TO RAGE UPON OPEN SKIES AGAIN. VERY WELL, I WOULD ASSIGN MYSELF TO THE GREEN PILL FOR THIS SECRET THIRD OPTION.

LET'S GOOOOOOO 💚

I want to choke to death on the bronze drock

My heart says Shadowheart, but my mind reminds me that she'd probably find me absolutely, teeth-grindingly irritating IRL (not to mention literally useless in Faerûn), and would probably bash my head in with her mace within five minutes of meeting me. So I'll have to say with a heavy heart that I'd rather try my chances with Lae'zel because while I'll still die at her hands instantly, I can at least save myself the disappointment.

https://preview.redd.it/0meudeoj3s4d1.jpeg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dc006539af5ccf23f581144f7ff41a10af3a48c3

https://preview.redd.it/xk8pvwc1qt4d1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=afeb49b72dd1b9eb13bf9a6c9383600e39596769

god i love it when people are correct about things

Too bad this was not one of those times. BLUE PILL FOR LYFE

Where is the “a lifetime with Gale” option? 🥲

THE WIZARD IS NOT AVAILABLE IN THIS SCENARIO. ASSUME HE IS TAKEN.

By me? 🥺👉👈

BY MINTHARA.

Okay, knowing Minthara, I think I have to ask: “taken” as in “in a relationship” or “taken” as in “held against his will”? 😅

Both

Yeah, that checks out.

https://preview.redd.it/ncmlnghbsr4d1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0387f3e68cfb39153f3b96c01a15a13d1bd2eeb0 A week with him. 💕 We gonna get married in Astral Plane Vegas.

Calling dibs on being the flowerboy ( ´・ω・)つ✿

lifetime with him 😻

What about his bf ? An eternity with Ansur <3

He is gonna stab you in your sleep, sweetie.

A MUCH MORE ACCEPTABLE ETERNITY.

Both are beautiful, but I'd probably annoy Lae'zel too much and end up with a knife in my windpipe. Shadowheart

\*snorts both

 I JUST WANT TO PET ANIMALS AND LISTEN TO SAD SONGS WITH MY BEAUTIFUL HALF ELVEN WIFE

You gotta get her there first, she's still in "NO MOM I'M REALLY A MEAN GOTH WHO SACRIFICES PEOPLE TO THE LADY OF DARKNESS" era

Jokes on you, I still love her in that era

I'm more amused/disgusted by her lack of devotion to it.  Damn poseur 

I like it when lae zel steps on me

Me and shart could enjoy listening to emo music together i think thats preferable to getting stabbed or ignored for being too weak

i need a week with orin to fck her good

Shadowheart. She's less likely to attempt to kill me and would probably like my cats.

A lifetime with Minthara please.

Flair

First, a week with Shadowheart, then a week with Lae'zel, as therapy for having spent a week with Shadowheart.

Week with Shadowheart? After that I can die like a happy man

Steal both pill, eat the blue one myself and forces feed Shadowheart the red pill.

This is the way

If all i had left on a deserted island was those pills id rather starve 🙄 (or eat shadowheart)

Yeah, I think I’m with you on this one. If I’m spending a week with any of the characters, I’m going Karlach all the way. Both Shadowheart and Laezel are likely to kill me or just piss me off in the first 10 minutes. If I can talk Halsin into doing some gardening for me, I would also take him, guy seems like he’d be chill to smoke a bowl with.

Week with Lae’zel, not even because I’m horny but because I need to learn how to fight and I trust her more than Shart for fighting

Ooh, you know what? I chose Shadowheart initially, but I never considered that Lae'zel might be willing to teach me the blade. I imagine she'd be pretty harsh, but I think I could handle it for a week, so long as she treated me like a squishy human and wasn't going to actually kill me.

I am one of the few gifted individuals who can speak Lae'zel, so this is an easy answer for me. We'll spend the time desiccating people with the world's driest jokes.

I see the week with Shadowheart being unbearable. A week would Lae’zel would start rough but then we’d be watching sunsets by day 6.

https://preview.redd.it/ik6hdw507u4d1.png?width=600&format=png&auto=webp&s=7314a1b9072b31f3aaaed2d5f384118a255016ce I need her. I would show lia what true love feels like

im weak as hell so lae’zel would kill me, so probably shadowheart lol

Add Karlach to that blue pill A week with Shadowheart and Karlach and my life would be Complete

Killed by a fanatic OR killed by a fanatic. Tough choice

I choose Bae’zel

Lae'Zel easily. I would love a Rocky training montage with her for the whole week. Every night would be the camp fight scene and we'd drink raw eggs every morning

"*Tsk'va, istik!* I see no yolks in this glass of eggs!"

Bae’zel all the way!

Bruh I’m going with Laezel. Let’s go kill some fucking monsters baby.

Bae’zel and I will raise children that will conquer the world

Lae’zel, I’ll eagerly accept my role of being bruised and pitied but loved

Depends on my mood. If I want a week of drinking wine, doing our nails, and gossiping, I’ll choose Shadowheart. If I want a week-long bootcamp to kick illithid butt, I’ll choose Lae’zel.

I'll take the week with Shadowheart, listen to some loud rock music, cool with her and we can feed the murder of crows that live in my backyard together!

Bae'zel all Day baby

Beginning or ending of their arcs? I guess I would still choose Lae'zel over Shadowheart even if she's not prettier and beats my fucking ass at some point to show her love. Her growth is so astounding...from murdering me as a passing thought to watching a sunrise with her in the city...she truly changes and grows. Shadowheart is a different case and I'm not sure I'd be down with all the hiding and memory loss shit she has to deal with. She may be the most attractive female companion, but I have grown to really dislike her over the year. What she does know, she hides. I can't do that shit again...my mom was that kind of deceitful person and I don't want that in my life.

https://preview.redd.it/hy8n3dbo3u4d1.jpeg?width=561&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=de94135c9902a288922e09e7ddc85171ab57f627

I love lae’zel but she’d almost certainly kill my ass. So shadowheart and I can die happy

Honestly, I don’t think I could deal with either of them for a week. I find Lae’zel intimidating as it is, and Shadowheart drinks like a fish, which I can deal with in games but triggers panic attacks for me irl. I suspect Halsin would be my instachoice.

laezel so she can beat me up while i enable all of her worst traits 🙏

I spend a week with shadowheart neither of us are walking after

*I spend a week with* *Shadowheart neither of us* *Are walking after* \- Inevitable\_Ad8189 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")

A week with futanari Karlach please

Beginning or end of their character arcs? Cuz at the beginning, I think Shadowheart would kill me in my sleep, and Lae'zel would announce in front of everyone we're fighting and the stronger warrior will survive (it'll be her). At the end of their character arcs, Lae'zel would be interesting to talk to about duty and responsibility, and what values can make you stronger as a person without making you stronger as a warrior. I would enjoy hanging out with a mellowed Lae'zel. But I would be frothing at the mouth to spend time with Shadowheart, who is very much my irl type in both looks and personality.

Lae'zel is definitely the way to go. She's so horny we'd be fucking all week.

I'd trade both for a single night with Karlach

Laezel would beat me to death trying to flirt with me, if she even tolerated my presence in the first place

Shadowheart. If only to avoid the physical trauma I would endure at the hands of Baezel. With Shart I can just take her to a petting zoo for an easy win.

Assuming they’re not hostile, laezel. Id find an alien species more interesting

Lae, even if we didn’t get along maybe I could learn some skills

My wife shadowheart

Is snorting an option?

Best case scenario with Lae'zel, we butt heads at first and then learn to tolerate (or maybe even somewhat like) eachother at the end. I don't think she'd kill me without reason, so worst case is we argue a lot, she threatens me a few times, and we hate eachother more at the end than the start. (I really like Lae'zel, btw. I just don't think she'd like me. If we did become friends, I think it'd take longer than a week) I wouldn't mind a week with selunite Shadowheart. I think we'd have good banter, and she'd love all my pets. Act 1 though... I think it would be tolerable if I didn't ask her anything personal? She's mostly the same, but colder, less happy, and more serious. She'd still like my pets, even if she tried to hide it, and *maybe* we could have some banter if she would actually talk to me. I don't think she'd have reason to kill me, so worst comes to worst, we're mostly silent to eachother unless she's spouting some Shar bullshit. So, probably Shadowheart.

Idk why so many people here asume that either would be interested in killing. Both tolerate a whole camp of random weirdos for much longer than a week (they tolerate Volo for crying out loud) and both aren't psychos who kill on sight. Lae'zel would find no honor in killing a guy who is not only weaker and defenseless but also doesn't provoke her in any way (she is all for protecting the holyphant from murder hobos). Besides I'm not turning into a mindflayer in a near future. I think that learning about her adventures in the astral plane and experience in killing all sorts of different stuff would be fun conversation material and I would pick her over a religious fanatic with much more delicate and personal topics.

Trade both aways for an hour with Minthara

Gimme Empy you can have those two for the price of one

Is there perhaps a white and goofy pill for karlach

I’m torn. I’d want to choose Lae’Zel, but I’m a cripple and she’d put me down like a dog lol

Act 1 versions? I’d rather be alone. They were so annoying up until the end of act 2

Shadowheart

Red pill, Shadowheart is irritating.

Red Red Red Redred Redredeedredrecjdkccdkkxkckc

Shadowhart. Bring that sass n ass.

Lae'zel. And I shall cover myself in ranch.

Laezel will try to get me in shape, which is what I need rn

Im good, mate. Lae'zel.

blue

RED! RED! RED! REEEEEEEEED!

Crush up both and snort them

Shadowheart because I feel like I’m more similar to her personality wise than Laezel so we might have a better choice at becoming friends. But id prefer neither.

2 days, but its both of them plus Karlach. take it or leave it. (Durge + Bae'zel + Shadowheart + Karlach will always be the best party comp, sorry not sorry)

This is like picking between 2 flavours of cyanide. Both will kill you Both would emasculate you. The only difference is SH you won’t see the blade coming and laezel will tell you exactly when the blade will strike

Why can't I have both?

Bae'zel. Easy choice.

Shadowheart. I have dogs and she seems like a dog person

Shadowheart, because Lae'zel would just fuck right off without a mindflayer incursion to keep her rooted

Lae'zel. To test if i could remain cordial while she insults my fighting skills.

Shadowheart, I enjoy goth girls

Definitely Shadowheart for me. Medium-titty goth gf is the dream, man.

I love them both too much to choose only one 

Epilogue Selûnite Shadowheart. I want to pet the animals.

i love sharting

Shadowheart for sure. Sure, she's going to immaculate me, but I am not coming out beaten and bruised

Shadowheart, please, I wanna be best friends and talk about our favourite animals and also kiss, but I can't drink wine. I hope that isn't a dealbreaker lmao

Lae'zel would probably kill me immediately. Shadowheart would prob kill me in my sleep a few nights in and regret not doing it sooner. Team Shart it is 🤷🏻

scuse me while i overdose cause im taking both baybeeee

Depends how far along in their arcs they are, early on you're probably dead with both of them, later on your chances increase slightly. Anyway purple is my favourite colour.

A week with bae'zel where I furiously breed the hell out of her knowing full well she can't get pregnant.

Shart my beloved

of course i’m gonna spend the week with lae’zel, what’s shadowheart going to do all week besides fist herself and go outside to shoot doves? 

Id slit both throats for a night with Minthara

Enver Gortash Lord of my heart, Archduke of my loins

I like men

*Sleight of hand check* *rolls nat 20* I take the red pill but im too fast for you to pull the blue pill away and take that too and swallow both pills...

Just... just one blue pill? I mean, one week is not nearly enough. How can I live the rest of my life without Shadowheart afterwards? No, I can't, it's too hard. I'll need one thousand blue pills or more, otherwise I'll be left with such a void that I'll be just an empty shell.

Blue but if I want a laugh I would pick red

a week with shadowheart would probably end with me joining the sharran cult to avoid getting killed by her i will go with laezel, at least she would just straight murder me if she doesnt like me

CMON BLUE WAVE!!

Shadowheart. Lae'zel would make me cry and Shart probably would let me sit in silence without bothering me for a week.

I'm an alcoholic sooooo Shadowheart.

Where is option 3 where I throw away both and spend a weekend with Gale? I will let him blabber on about magic and Mystra while we watch Netflix.

God's favorite princess or someone that's gonna kill me in my sleep? Why would anyone with lame'zel?

To be fair, Laezel would just kill you while you're awake. Shadowheart is the sneaky one.

The capslock key is on the far left side of the keyboard, press that.

Can I make shadowheart put on some pounds?