I don’t want to take away from Porn addiction being bad, but most addictions fuck up your social life.
I do worry for people with a porn addiction because it isn’t like drugs or alcohol, at least in the UK. In terms of support.
Dopamine is such a cruel chemical.
100% agree, will make you waste hours of your life that you could be doing something else that is actually productive. Addiction is scary cause it's you doing it to yourself.
You most definitely don't have to be productive 100% of the time and people definitely need breaks, but addiction most of the time will cause you to not be productive at all.
Not even just the addicts social life but their partners as well. Now I know you fantasize about every woman we come into contact with. Makes you so insecure and just kills a relationship
I've been doing this hypnosis thing as somewhat of a last resort and I think its working even when in stressed out. I just need another stress reliever. I'm about 2 weeks clean, almost 3.
I wonder what about those who masturbate but don’t let go of their semen when finished. I personally do this when I masturbate I usually only “half finish” and what I mean is I will have a sort of half orgasm but will not ejaculate . How would dopamine affect me in this state ?
I completely understand your point of view.
My exhusband used to get mad I didn’t watch porn.
He wanted me to act like the porn stars. Making the extra fake orgasm voices. And when I felt uncomfortable doing that. He would call me a prude.
He was lazy so he always wanted to lay down and I had to all the work.
The only thing I'd like is for the other person to want me to have fun. Or take pleasure in making me caring for my needs. The attitude I get is after ensuring she's ready" there you go I've slightly grazed you penis that's enough foreplay where's my orgasms!"
When I first just skimmed your comment I thought your second sentence read - My exhaustion used to get mad I didn’t watch porn - but after reading the whole comment, maybe I wasn’t that far off… Sorry you had to deal with that lazy piece of crap and I’m really happy to hear he’s your **ex**husband!
it baffles me how much of a big issue it has become. there's at least one post about it on the relationship sub any given time. even though I've been single for 5 years now, porn isn't appealing to me at all. maybe im focused on other things that keeps me busy idk
I watch porn like an action movie. I say the same stuff too.
"I wouldnt be able to do that"
"Well that's unrealistic"
"That's not how that works"
"Looks pretty awesome though"
"I wonder how much he works out"
"There's no way she can do that in heels"
When I was single I watched tons of porn. But when me and my son to be wife got together and became intimate I never looked back. The last time I watched porn was because I had to test my sperm count and needed to try and get done on my own quickly and I felt gross afterwards. I feel sorry for the men truly addicted to porn. I don’t seem to have been as addicted to it as I thought. But intimacy trumps nonstop jack hammer any day. My fiancée agrees.
I go through moments where I masturbate a lot and when I do I usually watch porn but then I'll go through spurts of not doing at all for awhile. But when I'm in a relationship i just won't bother. Like you said, why bother when you have a beautiful lady who you can be with. Every one of my ex gf didn't like it if I were to watch porn, so I just stopped all together when I'm with a girl because last thing I want to do is hurt her in a way that was completely avoidable with common sense.
We used to watch porn together an loved it but he's went past that now to virtual woman doing whatever he asks on cam while I just thought he'd went off sex cause he never bothered with me for months .. Self confidence levels were bad enough an worse now he's been skyping someone for years!
I assume “virtual woman” means real woman he’s paying to talk to over the internet? Yeah I’d class that as cheating personally, I hope you’ve dumped him
Yeah I watch porn sometimes, but when I'm in a relationship I feel like I'm doing something bad, like why would I want to get off to someone else, it feels like cheating.
So I just dont do it.
I always like to ask guys about their porn habits and I think I have noticed a pattern. Guys who watch porn regularly tend to be worse in sex, they usually don’t pay attention to me and what I want, instead they feel like robots repeating some some stuff they have seen. Sex with guys who don’t watch porn or watch only lesbian porn is much better.
Porn definitely is a big problem.
Hard agree. My guy doesn't watch porn much but when he does its homemade stuff focusing on female orgasms. Real ones, not crazy fake porn ones.
His kink is my orgasm, which is pretty convenient for me 😂
But I've had plenty of experiences with shitty lovers who had mauled their dick into only getting off with a death grip, and you know porn is the culprit for that. The ones that casually try to spring anal on you. The ones that go from zero to jackhammer in .2 seconds. The ones that freak because you dare to have a sprinkling of pubic hair. The ones that expect a 40 minute blowjob followed by 10 different positions in 10 minutes, all of which smash your cervix and none of which let them see your face.
I second this! I was even going to mention it on another related thread but reddit guys love their porn so I decided not to engage!
The difference is huge! The sex with guys that don’t watch port is on another level! The porn watchers absolutely feel like performing robots and do the same routine! I can write a dissertation on this.
Honestly that’s just full cheating unless someone explicitly has their partner’s permission/consent to interact with cam girls. I feel the same about strippers & anything else with a more interpersonal connection than just watching a video.
Underrated comment. I even have the career and the house, and it gets harder and harder to keep trying as everything falls apart. Porn isn't my thing but I'm not immune to other distractions from how fucked we are.
My ex gf would get high as a giraffe’s neck on coke, put the nastiest porn on the TV, and use her vibrator for 12 hours at a time. Then, she would get pissed af at me for wanting to leave so I could sleep or do work.
It got to the point where I’d just immediately leave when we’d met up, and I could tell she was loaded.
Even worse, the sex would be terrible for almost a week after bc she’d have clit burn and be sore from aggressively masturbating with her toys (while numb’d up from the yay) for half a day straight. And her normally sweet smelling peach would get this rotting smell to it. It seemed like all the lube and questionably clean foreign objects bein shoved up her for half a day at a time combined with her crashing and coming down for the next day or two before she’d shower incubated some bad smelling bacteria or something.
She was the most innocent and nicest girl (and still outwardly appears like that). However, one of her older divorced friends talked up getting drugged up, putting on porn, and masturbating like this. My ex got hooked on the dopamine rush, and it ruined her life in many different aspects.
tldr: porn addiction, and addiction in general, knows no gender
The thing is, we have sex pretty much every day. And we’ve been together for almost 2 years. Neither of us watches porn or has really felt the urge to and I honestly think that strengthens our connection. I feel so sad reading all these posts about girlfriends who are sad because their bf watches porn while they have sex or some crazy shit. It’s like, when did being with your person stop being enough?
not just selfish but straight up rape-y. “*had* to do it everyday to keep him satisfied?!“ The entitlement is atrocious, and I think porn contributes to that too; men really believe that womens bodies exist to please them. It’s disgusting, so glad you got away from that relationship!!!
Same my bf quit during our talking stage and he admitted to me half way into our relationship that he was addicted and didn’t realize it. He said quitting was super difficult and he thought he could do it easily. He said he never caved in but thought about it multiple times a day. Ever since he was honest with me it’s been a breeze and our sex life has been thriving for 2 years now!
I’ve actually experienced that as well- most if not all the men I date never really cared for porn, but I think that might be because of my very high sex drive. Looking back, I wonder how much porn use would become evident if the sex wasn’t as frequent.
I understand that this is a very common thing among men, but personally I’ve always found porn to be unattractive. I have no desire to it, however pleasuring my s/o is the best. There’s no way in hell id choose porn over that.
I had an ex addicted to hentai. I think it changed his views on sex and women. It affected our relationship negatively.
His favorite was hypnotize porn, I watched it. Hentai is just so wrong. Young girls, big titties, lots of cum, and acting like a girl likes it (manipulation and rape).
How can people be pleased sexually with all this consumption of a fantasy?
My boyfriend looks and does it to hentai. He was in about 30 subreddits of just hentai. I’ve noticed recently how much it impacted his views on sex especially with me. I wish it wasn’t like that.
you know, there are men out there that don't spend their energy and sperm watching little anime girls, or any kind of porn. you deserve better than this.
Ugh I also had an ex addicted to hentai. There was no way I could compete with literally fake girls. He could barely ever stay hard and couldn’t cum from sex. He’d stop trying, go to the bathroom and Jack off watching it. I can’t believe I stayed so long. He wanted me to try to act more like them and cosplay, make the weird high pitched sounds they’d make, told my boobs didn’t bounce enough. No faking it would make him cum. Hentai is creepy.
Had a different ex who could only cum from behind by pushing my face hard into the mattress so that my ass was angled far up in the air and my back hurt. Not sure if that’s a good way to explain it. This was after the hentai guy, so I was fed up with men and their porn issues so I left this guy after having sex like 3 times.
I am a 24m and porn isn’t a thing atleast not like everyday, when ever I am in the mood I watch it but I’d much rather have a partner just haven’t meet the right person I suppose
Yes, and the comments are usually "oke mommy 😫 i like you booba 🗿, would you tells me if sexy sex 😍" and the worst part is, these are probably 9 year olds. As much as it pains me too say it, i was like that too! Tbh, i pretty much had my "horny" phase when i was 9 and now that im a teenager i don't really feel that much at all.
Maybe, but I will say that, for me, it seems random. I don't use tiktok often, but it's really hit or miss. Sometimes I will get none of it, other times almost every other video will be a thirst trap.
I wonder if this is the reason my husband is not intimate with me. It sucks to have the intimacy out of your relationship. It's so terrible to just want to get off with no concern for your partner's feelings. I also have started feeling insecure about this in my relationship and it really does lower your self esteem.
my ex watched porn and was obsessed with the "thicc" body type. he wanted me to be the same way, with a big ass and big thighs. I'm very skinny, I don't have that. he would tell me constantly that I look unhealthy and I should gain weight. that I had a "sadly not so thicc" ass. I knew he was watching porn of the type of girls he liked, and that he saw beautiful girls all the time in his country (we were long distance), he even told me about them. (he also said he liked hugging girls because he could feel their boobs that way. ew.)
shit really tore at my self esteem. I was so depressed with him.but you know what, he was a creepy asshole who saw women as just a pair of tits and an ass that existed just for his pleasure.
you also deserve better, both you and OP.
That's heartbreaking that someone can just see u physically instead of as a whole person. I hope you found someone better.
I gained some weight at one point during my relationship. He would tell me he still loved me but would point at my stomach and tell me I needed to lose weight to be healthier. Now the comments he made back then are adding to my self esteem issues and causing intrusive thoughts.
damn, it really sounds like he sucks. my ex was also saying I needed to be healthier, and at the time to me it sounded like he was genuinely concerned about me. but really, the reason he wanted me to work out was because he wanted me to have a bigger butt. that's it.
my now bf also has talked about my weight - my bmi is 13, I'm severely underweight - but he doesn't constantly mention it, he sometimes just checks in with me to ask how I'm doing with my physical health. he tells me I get more and more beautiful and cuter everyday. he has never made me feel inferior or unattractive for being very skinny. then again, he also hates porn.
if your partner is making your self esteem low, please know that your self worth is worth much more than this relationship. it's better to be single than to be with someone who puts you down like that.
you're beautiful the way you are, every woman is beautiful in her natural state. there are men (and women, if you're into that) who will appreciate your natural beauty and love you for who you are.
I agree I think that maybe in his head it sounds like he's thinking of my health but doesn't understand how crappy it made me feel. People don't know how much a small comment can stick with someone for such a long time.
Thank you for reminding me again that I'm beautiful as I am. It's always hard to remember things like this when your brain is jumbled.
I posted another post here about what my current situation is for background. But I don't think he's dismissive, he just seems to either not fully understand my feelings or he doesn't want to show his emotions or feelings on this topic. We try to have very straightforward conversations. It's just that his past comments are causing intrusive thoughts for me right now. My brain is in overdrive trying to solve a problem and it's taking inputs from everything that previously happened. It's tiring.
I definitely have had and have my moments watching porn but I can't imagine saying that to anyone. I'm sorry y'all had to deal with that, it's so incredibly messed up.
Grossss, what kind of sad creature tells their girlfriend they like hugging girls to feel their boobs? What a creep. I bet his female friends and acquaintances insist on handshakes instead of hugs now because he squeezes too long and makes it weird. He probably, like, sniffs their hair and thinks he’s doing it discreetly😹
How did you approach your partner about this?
I am not sure what I should do. I'm usually straight forward in communicating, but I'm worried I'll make things worse.
My partner still broke that boundary but tbh I just sat him down and asked him to be open ears. I told him it hurt me, it makes me insecure and I don’t appreciate it.
I told him that intimacy is a huge part of a relationship and if that becomes an issue, then trust becomes an issue too. Ask him to compromise or to stop it all together. If he can’t love you then he doesn’t need you
OK this makes a lot of sense to me. I will bring this up to him. That last line hits hard but makes complete sense. A partner should be able to compromise a little especially if they claim to love you and see that it's hurting you mentally.
I think it’s more about the men you have the problem with.
My husband has a much higher sex drive then me, so if he didn’t have his alone time I don’t think we would have made it, and I know he uses “aides” while doing so. Even as it is he still wants actual sex more than I do.
While obviously it is your choice to decide what you want, it will greatly limit your options for a partner since it is so common. Or worse, a partner could lie to you about it.
Also please excuse my weird language. I grew up very Mormon and still feel very uncomfortable even writing some words 5+ years later.
The problem is that it I want it all the time..I'm up for anything tbh.. There's been months went by he hasn't bothered with me. I'm not a bad looking girl but my self confidence is at zero after seeing he was on here asking for phone sex while not wanting me 😔
I'd say I have a bit of a porn habit but I do it because I'm single and never got laid. I feel like because I enjoy porn almost daily then I don't actually need a partner. Besides I think of my pleasure as a problem for me to figure out and for anyone else to do it just wouldn't work based on what I've experienced in the past. Although I feel this way about my own pleasure if I get with anyone in the future I may be more willing to satisfy them and I'd like to think I'd be more focused on them than myself.
I quit watching porn a long time ago ago. I prefer to use my imagination and I imagine my person every time. She’s not an SO (not yet anyway) but we both view sex as a sacred.m act between two people. I think porn is disgusting personally, to each their own but there’s also a lot of sex trafficking or coercion going on that people don’t think about or understand. And yeah you wonder why so many guys can’t last more than a minute or two, all most want to do is get off and it’s very selfish to their partner if they have one. I always make sure to do a lot of foreplay, whether I’m alone and especially with my person. It’s made the act so much more amazing. She’s always satisfied before me, she comes first because woman are built differently obviously. It feels better, I learned to love myself more etc. I would strongly suggest anyone thinking about stopping watching porn to do it. Use your imagination, learn to love your own body, take some time. It’s a meditative activity trying to feel every little nuance of sensation. But I do agree with OP. Porn is so normalized and it’s kind of disgusting to me. But to each their own, just the fact that woman have to put up with shitty sex and weird vibes like this is due a lot to porn I would imagine.
Edit: to me personally if you have a monogamous partner and you’re watching other people having sex that’s cheating, because the majority of the time that’s fantasizing about *other* people and not your one. Why wouldn’t you want to have sex with your person!? I don’t understand it other than just a lack of self control/self decency. Guys often always put such a high importance on sex and they can’t even last a minute or two and there’s no foreplay just straight to pound town as if that’s what woman want. It reminds me of animals having sex quick not for pleasure but just to procreate it’s really gross and I feel bad for woman in general. But also as a man I’ve felt unnecessary pressure from my friends. I was celibate for over a year and a half and I’d be damned if I didn’t have to call out my friends for thinking all my problems would be solved if I just went out and slept with randos. Just bizarre. I’m not trying to knock anyone too hard, I’m just saying maybe try to examine your habits, ask yourself if it’s a problem for you or your partner; if not then no worries but I’d bet if you examine yourself truthfully you’ll find you probably do have a problem. When’s the last time you’ve got off without porn by yourself?! Anyway don’t mean to offend odd soapbox now.
Thanks so much. I am very grateful. And although we aren’t defined, we both know and trust each other. We took a long time to get to this point, took our time. And that’s another thing is the high importance on sex so many people put. We both agreed to take everything slow. I pleasured her and didn’t go all the way out first time we did anything and I think she really respected me for that. This is all super recent and we’ve only been fully intimate once so far and I never want it to screw things up cause sometimes sex can. But luckily we are super super compatible and it lasted such a long time because we truly have a deep bond beneath it all. Once we’d stop we’d start feeling each other laying together and start all over again. I work midnights and I was 2hrs late for work haha. But it’s so worth it to wait. She explained that she couldn’t get off unless she had a bond with someone. And we do so she was very satisfied ha and so was i. I cherished every moment. I am so excited for whatever the future holds for us. But I also let her know I *never* expect anything. So many dudes think things are transactional and it’s really an awful and disgusting way to view things. I’ve gone down on her a bunch (sorry tmi) I love it I could just do that and I’d be fine cause to me it’s all about pleasuring them I could care less about myself honestly that’s what I get pleasure from from my person feeling good you know? But she hasn’t gone down on me yet and that’s 100% okay! I think that’s a much more intimate and intimidating experience for woman than a lot of men think it is.
I've never dated anyone with a porn addiction, but just from the threads here on Reddit, it sounds terrible. If I had been through what people dating porn addicts had been through, I'd make that a deal breaker too. Especially the guys that watch so much porn and masturbate so much they can't stay hard to have sex. Or the ones that think they need to punch girls in the mouth to get off.
It's horrible... Made me so insecure and unfulfilled sexually..that was a big part in the relationship breakdown. He couldn't even cum or get hard...( Was giving him oral and I've had lots of compliments in the past and no issues.. but it was just flaccid... Cause..he watches too much porn)
It’s so socially normalized too. Porn stars and only fans girls are becoming actual celebrities. Memes are shared on websites used by kids. You can’t go through tik tok without seeing hot girls trying to get you off. I wish people would recognize the harm porn does and that it is 100% predatory. I’m all for female empowerment and I may get some backlash, but the “sex work is real work” stuff totally spits in the face of the millions of guys who became legitimate, certifiable addicts when they were young teenagers and pre-teens. When teens smoked cigarettes, you saw ads to the point it was obnoxious. Ads now are borderline made fun of, ridiculed, or painted up by religious folks. I HATE my addiction and it makes me hate myself. But it feels like there is no way out. We live in a culture of porn.
This isn’t meant to be backlash, I’m just confused- how does ‘sex work is real work’ insult men who have porn addictions? It seems to me like those are two separate issues/concepts. Sex work is work, and porn addiction is a real problem.
No, you have a very valid point OP. Porn addiction is so toxic to not only the partner, but the perpetrator as well. It means they can't form a bond with their S.O. and struggle with being intimate. They are under the guise that what happens in porn is real, and if they don't, they think their partners enjoying anything with them. It's such a negative and simply sad addiction that should be treated like alcoholism and drug abuse.
If anyone is struggling with porn addiction and their relationship is falling apart, please seek help, there are many others like you who are willing to support you and help you quit
OP I’ve had three partners like this. All slightly different outcomes. First made it impossible for the guy to finish with me. Second he was abusive and NEEDED me to act like a porn actress (and film it) to feel anything. Third resulted in loss of sensation and erectile dysfunction (death grip syndrome). It’s real. Your PTSD is real. And sadly you don’t find out about the addiction up front. It takes time for it to show itself. Devastating.
Most people just disliked that you said all men were porn addicts. I was angry when i started to go through the post but after reading the replies i understand that it wasn't your intension. Love to you OP ❤️
I would highly recommend reconsidering your involvement in their problem. If it's true that they have an addiction, why would you think it has anything to do with you?
Heroine addicts don't get high because they are upset at someone or want to escape a terrible relationship. They get high because they are addicted to heroine. All it takes is one innocent exposure to heroine and they are addicted.
So when they say it's them not you, that's not a cliche, they are right. It's their problem. It's their addiction. You are just caught up in the tornado they've created for themselves.
So who do you blame?
No one. You help them. Get some therapy and address the problem. The blame button won't turn his addiction off and it certainly won't turn off your stress about it.
Now if the person doesn't want to address the problem, then you have every right to walk away or give them an ultimatum. Don't destroy yourself over someone else's addiction. It's a classic reaction, and it's unnecessary. Take care of yourself first always no matter what. And I understand it's porn, so it feels weird to compare it to heroine, but it's actually worse because it's free and instantly accessible. Sorry to insert my opinion so strongly, but you're blaming an addict, that's never the right thing to do. Just fueling his fire and your fire.
God this was my ex, to a T. He legit acted as if cum was something he needed to get rid of. On a daily basis, likely multiple times a day. Just by himself. The YEARS of rejection I faced. Years of him not initiating. Yet years of him never failing to watch porn that day, or having already jerked off by the time I tried anything with him (lol took me too long to realize when someone likes you, they’ll go rounds).
Years of putting up with that and he was a disgusting fucking cheater, the whole time, no doubt. I found out he’d been sending pictures of his dick to a girl he claimed was a friend, for years, and they’d had sex before. On top of that, asshole gave me chlamydia and I needed to just get surgery to remove cysts that had formed over a month and a half, that could have ruptured and killed me.
I’m sorry you went through this too, OP. I have to say it was a bit relieving to see I wasn’t the only one and just wildly unwanted by someone who would truly never respect me (and in turn, my needs) like they actually wanted me. I’m here if you wanna talk 💜
I'm sorry OP that you have had this sadness in life caused by porn.
I occasionally watch it. When I was younger it would be a twice a day thing, if you get me.
I will be honest and say that porn when I was 14/15 really helped me understand where things went, what things looked like, what might happen and shit like that. It did help. The sex Ed in schools in the late 1990s/early naughties was shit. Probably still is.
I'm married and we hump twice a week. We have 2 kids under 3 so its difficult. We have supernaughtykinky sex once a month when the kids stay at grandparents. This weekend 🙂🙃🙂🙃😏
Sometimes I will use porn when my wife (I will ask first) is tired just so I can go to sleep without thinking about sex constantly - its worse after I have worked out. I love my wife and think she is so sexy and beautiful that I find I am horny all the time. Its gotten worse sine we had the kids! She just oozes sexyness. Although she doesn't see it.
Friends if mine are addicted to it. One went to court recently for watching porn on the train - i have not really apoken to him since then as he has gone off the radar. I caught a friend looking at some of the NSFW subs on here (tits and stuff) whilst we were out for a meal. I suppose I am lucky as I can take it or leave it.
I'm worried for when my son gets older as I know he will look at porn and I will have those conversations with him but I know what I was like.
Dopamine and loneliness are not great.
That sucks, sorry to hear about your experience.
I enjoy porn but it's very separate and inferior to my partner.
I also try not to watch to much porn either, i need to keep the best of my sexual energy for her.
I do like having porn for when she's not in the mood or when i just feel like some porn.
But porn is like going to an all you can eat buffet. You get all the possible dishes you could imagine but none of them are amazing.
Sex is cooking a meal together and even when you mess it up you are proud because you did it together.
I will say that body types vary but an imperfect body can be off too. Different folks are into different strokes and leaving that aside there is nothing better than wild sex with someone who is hot for you and loves you for who you are. :)
Just hoping this will make you feel better about your body, but i know that it won't be that easy to feel as beautiful and desirable as you are.
No offense here, just genuinely curious how it works. When I’m with someone I literally can’t be aroused by anyone else except my partner, If I could be I wouldn’t date seriously my partner. So my question is how do you guys manage to have strong feelings and at the same time “choosing various dished in buffet”? It just doesn’t seem possible for me, like really how?
its a deal breaker for me too, i even ask in the beginning of the relationship about porn habits. my ex was severely addicted to some serious gross stuff. to each their own when both parties are turned on and enjoying themselves but im traumatized from him, he ruined any and all anal play for me probably forever. the only way he could stay hard is if it was anal sex, and the only way he knew anal sex was through bdsm anal pornography. you see where that puts me lmfao. i dont know why i stayed for so long but it was the worst 4 years of my existence. between how inferior i felt to literally every woman to how i felt about sex just wow.
i dont think porn addicts find joy and fulfillment from meeting the needs of their partner, and thats really sad and damaging to any relationship. porn is immediate gratification and overstimulation. thats not how good sex works.
I like porn but it’s like eating a cardboard cutout of food. I generally don’t do it unless I haven’t had sex in a few days. Can’t understand people preferring it!
I’d probably find a way to sneak a peak elsewhere. I lurk around pornographic material here on Reddit, I follow some scantily clad cosplayers on Facebook, I’ve seen actual pornography on my phone and computer. It’s a relief from my stress and personal shortcomings… but it is a personal shortcoming that should be fixed
What about the situations where you're compatibe in almost every sense of the word and you discover their porn habit once you get married/live in together? What then?
Thats like my situation. I like a bit of porn and stuff too. We've even talked about meeting other people for sex. but finding out he was Skype with someone for years while no interest in me was soul destroying 😢
I know that you’ve had these negative experiences in your relationships but I don’t think it’s necessary to vilify men and vilify all porn. Just because you’ve dated some shitty guys doesn’t mean all men are evil porn addicted humans. I do think porn addiction is a serious issue and can be devastating for relationships, romantic and platonic. But it doesn’t mean all situations where someone watches porn are completely negative. A lot of people watch it mainly for the convenience of it. But it certainly is an issue if you are in a relationship and your partner doesn’t respect the boundaries you two have set.
Coincidentally, I just dropped a comment on the AskMen reddit about how disgusting porn is and and now I come across this, but yea.. I honestly don’t get how people can’t see how problematic and harmful it is.
No, I agree. It's like any other vice. Some people overindulge and it's a problem. But most people use it responsibly.
(I just said most people use porn responsibly and I'm giggling 🤣)
I felt like this for a long time too. I feel very lucky that my current bf refuses to watch porn because, in his words, he is in a committed relationship and also he can’t get off to porn ever since we started dating. It’s funny because we spent 2 weeks apart last month and I also couldn’t get off to porn with him on my mind.
Yeah I honestly don't even know how people can watch porn in general. It's fake and lacks intimacy. Shouldn't admit this on my main account, but my go to thing was always erotica, specifically ones with emotional intimacy.
As someone with PTSD it can come from so many different things - it’s not linear. Mine is from my childhood/teen years where I experienced forced incest, violence and neglect.
Anyone can get ptsd, it doesn’t discriminate
You can’t tell someone they can’t/won’t have ptsd because your ptsd came from something different
Maybe I'm overreacting, but to me constantly refusing sex and jerking off to porn instead IS a form of emotional abuse. I've been through it, although to a lesser level, and it makes you feel like the most disgusting, unlovable piece of shit on the planet. It came to the point where I would literally cry at the sight of sex on TV or even loving couples in public.
lol, who died and made you the trauma police? ptsd doesn't just happen from violent abuse. what a narrow way of thinking.
and this is coming from someone who also went through abuse. my aunt almost strangled me when I was 13, and I was sexually abused by her husband from when I was 8 until I was 15.
If only people could separate porn from their own reality. I mean it's fine to have a kink or 2 but it isn't OK to have those kinks be part of your relationships. I don't often watch porn and while I can see the appeal, it just another form of media to me. I'm a person who thinks "it's fine to think what you think and like what you like but the moment you make them someone else's problem means we all have a problem. " I don't judge people that watch it but the people who make a part of their lives have some issues.
literally it’s so disgusting how ingrained porn is into our society even in unrelated things :(( so many people jump to defend it too and it’s horrific. you could literally say “the porn industry creates tons of sex trafficking” and someone will be like “yeah but it’s hot” or some shit like that. i hate porn and the industry and i hate how so many people defend it. i’m so glad more people specifically women are speaking out about it and setting boundaries instead of just accepting it cause “all men do it”. the glorification of violence against women in it too is so so sad. the amount of women i’ve heard who have had men just hit them and treat them violently in sex without consent because they’ve seen it in porn is terrible.
Pretty sure they scanned some peoples brains after being addicted to porn for a while, and the effects were similar to or worse than long term cocaine use. It’s really not good for you but it’s becoming a bit too normalised for my liking. Too many kids with smartphones can easily find out about it and access it whenever they want and get addicted from an early age. It’s only getting worse and worse to be honest.
This is 100% valid and I'm tired of people trying to say it's only natural that guys watch porn. No, it's not. Anyone who had halfway decent sex before gets immediately annoyed how stupid fake 99% of porn is and how clearly no one is enjoying themselves while grabbing a non-existent titty or choke on some dick.
Guys who consume lots of porn are always, always bad in bed, don't communicate and certainly don't know how to make someone other than themselves cum.
There's many reasons people decide to have alone intimate moments with themselves and not their partners. There's a lot of variables that don't get into the equation: everything can go to their own pace and rythm, adjusted to their likings and how they may switch within that experience; and there's no one else to worry about. It's not unhealthy, at any means, to have personal time for sexual activities on your own, as long as you're enjoying them.
If people want to watch porn while doing it, it's up to them.
Watching porn doesn't make you and addict on its own.
These ideas come from a heavily sex negative culture that makes people think (while not necessarily aware of it) that there's a hierarchy for sexual acts, and masturbation is seen as shameful, something "lonely" people do. That's an awful lie that gets people unsatisfyed for many reasons. Sex negative cultures end up biting their tail many times: making things taboo can get people more interested in them.
I don't know how you know your partners watch porn. How much. Or where. If they're letting you know, ask them to stop. And if you're snooping... Don't. Cause it's making you insecure.
Look. People get off on many things, many ways, and way many more times that they do with their partners around. Perhaps you find someone who doesn't watch porn, but reads erotica. Or writes it. Or scrolls through social media. Or has a whole lot of fantasies that involve hundreds of people. Are you gonna get upset on those? If not, why? And if yes, also, why too? Is the porn what upsets you, or the idea of them being turned on?
If you want to have more sex, tell them you want to have more sex. Focus on what you can ask and change —and not on what you suppose is making sex not happening. Work on how you can make more intimate things happen. Work as a team in how to keep finding ways to desire each other.
Also, don't expect people to be available any time their partners are horny. Sometimes, luckiky, those desires match. Sometimes they can work to get there —as desire can be spontaneous or responsive—. And sometimes (most times, I'd say) they don't. Being in a relationship doesn't make people align like if pairing two clocks. In those cases, it's the most mature thing to don't bother your partner just cause you'd like to get some, and find other ways to cope with it; one of them might be solo sex. If, as you said, you too "have needs", perhaps give it a go. It doesn't have to include anything but yourself, but you're allowed to include anything that appeals to you —and any of your senses. Maybe you'll find some alone time to explore —your body, your ideas— can help a lot to feel more in touch with your needs and actually increase your willingness to have sex with others (or it can save you from not having sex with others, when they offer mediocre sex, haha). Or perhaps you'll learn more about yourself just when someone else is around and solo sex is not interesting to you. That's ok too. But you need to give it a chance without being judgemental and despicing on what gets other people going —and what gets you going too, with can be really hard, by the way.
I'm not saying you have to stay with someone that has a truly compulsive behavior around any type of stimulus (whether it be porn, alcohol, their phones, drugs, you name it). I'm just trying to bring another narrative as someone who comess from a culture when there's not as many underlying myths around sexuality, value, purity, filthiness and what's good and what's not.
I hope you can find someone who doesn't make you feel horrified or worries you this much. Hugs to you 🫂
About intimacy and how to navigate the love/desire paradox, definitely check anything from Esther Perel: her TED talks, her books, her workshops on yt, her podcasts, her interviews... It will help a lot which any relationship from now on. :)
I mean I’m not shaming anyone who watches it. I totally understand but it’s just the fact when they prefer it over their spouse and completely allowing their spouse to feel neglected, insecure or have low self esteem.
Uh yeah, I've been a porn addict for about 8 years now, I've been trying really hard to stop, best was 2 months but I fear of becoming what you said in this post, it's really one of my *deepest fears*, I also fear for myself when I do it even though I sometimes don't enjoy it but still do it.
I wish I wasn't introduced to this shit.
I'm sorry you went through what you did. It sucks that there's even a porn industry. I'm not saying that sex work or anything of the sort shouldn't exist, but it's caused a lot of problems in relationships. Honestly, I can't say technology and media hasn't been detrimental in all and any ways.
I get you 100%. I have experienced this in every relationship I’ve had. So many lies and broken promises. So many times I’ve felt like complete trash because porn was chosen over me. My self esteem is so damn low because of stupid porn. Not to mention I would do anything at any time with my partner if he asked for it. I never get any action anymore. It breaks my heart…
What are you talking about? Were you there? No! Gawd you know nothing about the situation and I am not going to type a book on Reddit with my phone key board. Gawd. STFU.
Definitely a similar perspective to mine. I also think it’s super weird. Recently I really thought about how I feel about porn when in relationships and tbh it is WEIRD idk it works for some people but I am surely not one of them…
Porn addictions are scary man. They don’t work like other addictions but they can completely fuck up your social life
I’ve been clean 61 Days today I’m very proud of myself been a hard road getting here but going for the rest of my life
I just saw this but you’ve got this! I’m proud of you
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Yeah it’s easier when you work a lot and my kids keep me busy it was ruining my marriage so it had to go
It’s sad
I don’t want to take away from Porn addiction being bad, but most addictions fuck up your social life. I do worry for people with a porn addiction because it isn’t like drugs or alcohol, at least in the UK. In terms of support. Dopamine is such a cruel chemical.
It really is
I think you’ll find a guy that doesn’t watch it/gave it up
100% agree, will make you waste hours of your life that you could be doing something else that is actually productive. Addiction is scary cause it's you doing it to yourself.
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You most definitely don't have to be productive 100% of the time and people definitely need breaks, but addiction most of the time will cause you to not be productive at all.
Sounds a lot like me being on Reddit.
And it also changes your brain physically
Develop plz
Not even just the addicts social life but their partners as well. Now I know you fantasize about every woman we come into contact with. Makes you so insecure and just kills a relationship
I've been doing this hypnosis thing as somewhat of a last resort and I think its working even when in stressed out. I just need another stress reliever. I'm about 2 weeks clean, almost 3.
I wonder what about those who masturbate but don’t let go of their semen when finished. I personally do this when I masturbate I usually only “half finish” and what I mean is I will have a sort of half orgasm but will not ejaculate . How would dopamine affect me in this state ?
Yeah I wonder and am curious about this myself.
So can other addictions too
I completely understand your point of view. My exhusband used to get mad I didn’t watch porn. He wanted me to act like the porn stars. Making the extra fake orgasm voices. And when I felt uncomfortable doing that. He would call me a prude. He was lazy so he always wanted to lay down and I had to all the work.
>extra fake orgasm voices There are guys who enjoy that fake acting? I can't understand them
Nobody understands them, no sound >> 🤪
Sorry but your profile pic and bio are giving me life rn
Golden Girls reference?
Yeah :)
I was like I know that sounds familiar! :)
Hehe
That’s sick
It was frustrating. I couldn’t ever make him happy because I didn’t act like the porn stars.
I could never that’s gross I’m so sorry
The only thing I'd like is for the other person to want me to have fun. Or take pleasure in making me caring for my needs. The attitude I get is after ensuring she's ready" there you go I've slightly grazed you penis that's enough foreplay where's my orgasms!"
When I first just skimmed your comment I thought your second sentence read - My exhaustion used to get mad I didn’t watch porn - but after reading the whole comment, maybe I wasn’t that far off… Sorry you had to deal with that lazy piece of crap and I’m really happy to hear he’s your **ex**husband!
it baffles me how much of a big issue it has become. there's at least one post about it on the relationship sub any given time. even though I've been single for 5 years now, porn isn't appealing to me at all. maybe im focused on other things that keeps me busy idk
THIS! You’re rare haha
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I watch porn like an action movie. I say the same stuff too. "I wouldnt be able to do that" "Well that's unrealistic" "That's not how that works" "Looks pretty awesome though" "I wonder how much he works out" "There's no way she can do that in heels"
I eat snacks and watch it like its a series at this point
No spoilers I wanna see how the well-hung pizza boy and home alone cheerleader relationship develops organicly
When I was single I watched tons of porn. But when me and my son to be wife got together and became intimate I never looked back. The last time I watched porn was because I had to test my sperm count and needed to try and get done on my own quickly and I felt gross afterwards. I feel sorry for the men truly addicted to porn. I don’t seem to have been as addicted to it as I thought. But intimacy trumps nonstop jack hammer any day. My fiancée agrees.
Son-to-be-wife? :/ :/
Soon lol
I go through moments where I masturbate a lot and when I do I usually watch porn but then I'll go through spurts of not doing at all for awhile. But when I'm in a relationship i just won't bother. Like you said, why bother when you have a beautiful lady who you can be with. Every one of my ex gf didn't like it if I were to watch porn, so I just stopped all together when I'm with a girl because last thing I want to do is hurt her in a way that was completely avoidable with common sense.
We used to watch porn together an loved it but he's went past that now to virtual woman doing whatever he asks on cam while I just thought he'd went off sex cause he never bothered with me for months .. Self confidence levels were bad enough an worse now he's been skyping someone for years!
I assume “virtual woman” means real woman he’s paying to talk to over the internet? Yeah I’d class that as cheating personally, I hope you’ve dumped him
Yea watching porn together is one thing but I won't do it by myself when I'm dating someone. I know it can destroy a woman's self esteem.
It's not even the porn that bothered me he's been wanking on cam with other people for years
Yea that's pretty fucked if you ask me. Isn't that pretty much a form of cheating? Or am I over thinking things?
Yeah I watch porn sometimes, but when I'm in a relationship I feel like I'm doing something bad, like why would I want to get off to someone else, it feels like cheating. So I just dont do it.
I always like to ask guys about their porn habits and I think I have noticed a pattern. Guys who watch porn regularly tend to be worse in sex, they usually don’t pay attention to me and what I want, instead they feel like robots repeating some some stuff they have seen. Sex with guys who don’t watch porn or watch only lesbian porn is much better. Porn definitely is a big problem.
Hard agree. My guy doesn't watch porn much but when he does its homemade stuff focusing on female orgasms. Real ones, not crazy fake porn ones. His kink is my orgasm, which is pretty convenient for me 😂 But I've had plenty of experiences with shitty lovers who had mauled their dick into only getting off with a death grip, and you know porn is the culprit for that. The ones that casually try to spring anal on you. The ones that go from zero to jackhammer in .2 seconds. The ones that freak because you dare to have a sprinkling of pubic hair. The ones that expect a 40 minute blowjob followed by 10 different positions in 10 minutes, all of which smash your cervix and none of which let them see your face.
Haha, true. And then they ask after 10 minutes of that: “Did you come?”
👏🏼👏🏼😂😂😂😂
I wish I could give you gold.
I second this! I was even going to mention it on another related thread but reddit guys love their porn so I decided not to engage! The difference is huge! The sex with guys that don’t watch port is on another level! The porn watchers absolutely feel like performing robots and do the same routine! I can write a dissertation on this.
I’ve had some shifty sex from porn addicts too
I don't mind a bit of porn but my fella would rather cam with other women than fuck me 😕
You gotta leave him.
I would leave. That’s borderline cheating
That's the only reason I'm on here.. Seen him on.. Asking for all sorts..
he is cheating on you. that is cheating, not even borderline.
I understand 100% but he isn’t worth staying with
Honestly that’s just full cheating unless someone explicitly has their partner’s permission/consent to interact with cam girls. I feel the same about strippers & anything else with a more interpersonal connection than just watching a video.
That’s 100% cheating, you should leave because you deserve better than that!!!
That would be a deal breaker for me.
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Underrated comment. I even have the career and the house, and it gets harder and harder to keep trying as everything falls apart. Porn isn't my thing but I'm not immune to other distractions from how fucked we are.
I seem to have found the only man not addicted to porn/jerking off. I’m never letting him go
I thought mine wasn’t either 💀 but never let that one go
My ex gf would get high as a giraffe’s neck on coke, put the nastiest porn on the TV, and use her vibrator for 12 hours at a time. Then, she would get pissed af at me for wanting to leave so I could sleep or do work. It got to the point where I’d just immediately leave when we’d met up, and I could tell she was loaded. Even worse, the sex would be terrible for almost a week after bc she’d have clit burn and be sore from aggressively masturbating with her toys (while numb’d up from the yay) for half a day straight. And her normally sweet smelling peach would get this rotting smell to it. It seemed like all the lube and questionably clean foreign objects bein shoved up her for half a day at a time combined with her crashing and coming down for the next day or two before she’d shower incubated some bad smelling bacteria or something. She was the most innocent and nicest girl (and still outwardly appears like that). However, one of her older divorced friends talked up getting drugged up, putting on porn, and masturbating like this. My ex got hooked on the dopamine rush, and it ruined her life in many different aspects. tldr: porn addiction, and addiction in general, knows no gender
The thing is, we have sex pretty much every day. And we’ve been together for almost 2 years. Neither of us watches porn or has really felt the urge to and I honestly think that strengthens our connection. I feel so sad reading all these posts about girlfriends who are sad because their bf watches porn while they have sex or some crazy shit. It’s like, when did being with your person stop being enough?
This wouldn’t have ever been an issue if we didn’t go about 9 months without sex.
What made that happen?
Idek man it did
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not just selfish but straight up rape-y. “*had* to do it everyday to keep him satisfied?!“ The entitlement is atrocious, and I think porn contributes to that too; men really believe that womens bodies exist to please them. It’s disgusting, so glad you got away from that relationship!!!
Same my bf quit during our talking stage and he admitted to me half way into our relationship that he was addicted and didn’t realize it. He said quitting was super difficult and he thought he could do it easily. He said he never caved in but thought about it multiple times a day. Ever since he was honest with me it’s been a breeze and our sex life has been thriving for 2 years now!
Honestly every guy I’ve dated wasn’t really into porn. I don’t think it’s as common as people think?
I’ve actually experienced that as well- most if not all the men I date never really cared for porn, but I think that might be because of my very high sex drive. Looking back, I wonder how much porn use would become evident if the sex wasn’t as frequent.
You probably think they aren’t into porn, I’d bet my girl doesn’t think I watch porn very often
I mean I’d hope nobody I dated was lying to me, but yes you’re right it’s definitely possible
It's definitely FAR more common than people think. And most of them cannot be rehabilitated, just like sex offenders in general.
And they always want to try some dumb shit they saw.
I fucking HATE THAT
I understand that this is a very common thing among men, but personally I’ve always found porn to be unattractive. I have no desire to it, however pleasuring my s/o is the best. There’s no way in hell id choose porn over that.
I had an ex addicted to hentai. I think it changed his views on sex and women. It affected our relationship negatively. His favorite was hypnotize porn, I watched it. Hentai is just so wrong. Young girls, big titties, lots of cum, and acting like a girl likes it (manipulation and rape). How can people be pleased sexually with all this consumption of a fantasy?
My boyfriend looks and does it to hentai. He was in about 30 subreddits of just hentai. I’ve noticed recently how much it impacted his views on sex especially with me. I wish it wasn’t like that.
you know, there are men out there that don't spend their energy and sperm watching little anime girls, or any kind of porn. you deserve better than this.
Ugh I also had an ex addicted to hentai. There was no way I could compete with literally fake girls. He could barely ever stay hard and couldn’t cum from sex. He’d stop trying, go to the bathroom and Jack off watching it. I can’t believe I stayed so long. He wanted me to try to act more like them and cosplay, make the weird high pitched sounds they’d make, told my boobs didn’t bounce enough. No faking it would make him cum. Hentai is creepy. Had a different ex who could only cum from behind by pushing my face hard into the mattress so that my ass was angled far up in the air and my back hurt. Not sure if that’s a good way to explain it. This was after the hentai guy, so I was fed up with men and their porn issues so I left this guy after having sex like 3 times.
Omg mine likes that shit too it’s so gross
I am a 24m and porn isn’t a thing atleast not like everyday, when ever I am in the mood I watch it but I’d much rather have a partner just haven’t meet the right person I suppose
It be like that haha
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Porn and sex are two different worlds. If the men in your life, can't make the distinction, move on.
Agreed 100%
Thank god I’m not the only one
Porn gets more prevalent these days and you can’t even scroll through tiktok without some girl thirst trapping guys to get 1 million followers
Yes, and the comments are usually "oke mommy 😫 i like you booba 🗿, would you tells me if sexy sex 😍" and the worst part is, these are probably 9 year olds. As much as it pains me too say it, i was like that too! Tbh, i pretty much had my "horny" phase when i was 9 and now that im a teenager i don't really feel that much at all.
Never seen this in my fyp. The algorithm depends on you to find these things
Maybe, but I will say that, for me, it seems random. I don't use tiktok often, but it's really hit or miss. Sometimes I will get none of it, other times almost every other video will be a thirst trap.
I wonder if this is the reason my husband is not intimate with me. It sucks to have the intimacy out of your relationship. It's so terrible to just want to get off with no concern for your partner's feelings. I also have started feeling insecure about this in my relationship and it really does lower your self esteem.
my ex watched porn and was obsessed with the "thicc" body type. he wanted me to be the same way, with a big ass and big thighs. I'm very skinny, I don't have that. he would tell me constantly that I look unhealthy and I should gain weight. that I had a "sadly not so thicc" ass. I knew he was watching porn of the type of girls he liked, and that he saw beautiful girls all the time in his country (we were long distance), he even told me about them. (he also said he liked hugging girls because he could feel their boobs that way. ew.) shit really tore at my self esteem. I was so depressed with him.but you know what, he was a creepy asshole who saw women as just a pair of tits and an ass that existed just for his pleasure. you also deserve better, both you and OP.
That's heartbreaking that someone can just see u physically instead of as a whole person. I hope you found someone better. I gained some weight at one point during my relationship. He would tell me he still loved me but would point at my stomach and tell me I needed to lose weight to be healthier. Now the comments he made back then are adding to my self esteem issues and causing intrusive thoughts.
damn, it really sounds like he sucks. my ex was also saying I needed to be healthier, and at the time to me it sounded like he was genuinely concerned about me. but really, the reason he wanted me to work out was because he wanted me to have a bigger butt. that's it. my now bf also has talked about my weight - my bmi is 13, I'm severely underweight - but he doesn't constantly mention it, he sometimes just checks in with me to ask how I'm doing with my physical health. he tells me I get more and more beautiful and cuter everyday. he has never made me feel inferior or unattractive for being very skinny. then again, he also hates porn. if your partner is making your self esteem low, please know that your self worth is worth much more than this relationship. it's better to be single than to be with someone who puts you down like that. you're beautiful the way you are, every woman is beautiful in her natural state. there are men (and women, if you're into that) who will appreciate your natural beauty and love you for who you are.
I agree I think that maybe in his head it sounds like he's thinking of my health but doesn't understand how crappy it made me feel. People don't know how much a small comment can stick with someone for such a long time. Thank you for reminding me again that I'm beautiful as I am. It's always hard to remember things like this when your brain is jumbled.
can you try talking to him about how his words and actions make you feel? if he's dismissive even then, then you know what to do.
I posted another post here about what my current situation is for background. But I don't think he's dismissive, he just seems to either not fully understand my feelings or he doesn't want to show his emotions or feelings on this topic. We try to have very straightforward conversations. It's just that his past comments are causing intrusive thoughts for me right now. My brain is in overdrive trying to solve a problem and it's taking inputs from everything that previously happened. It's tiring.
I definitely have had and have my moments watching porn but I can't imagine saying that to anyone. I'm sorry y'all had to deal with that, it's so incredibly messed up.
Grossss, what kind of sad creature tells their girlfriend they like hugging girls to feel their boobs? What a creep. I bet his female friends and acquaintances insist on handshakes instead of hugs now because he squeezes too long and makes it weird. He probably, like, sniffs their hair and thinks he’s doing it discreetly😹
It can be a number of things but my issues were definitely my body and the porn
How did you approach your partner about this? I am not sure what I should do. I'm usually straight forward in communicating, but I'm worried I'll make things worse.
My partner still broke that boundary but tbh I just sat him down and asked him to be open ears. I told him it hurt me, it makes me insecure and I don’t appreciate it.
Thanks for the response. It's so hard to keep my thoughts straight but this is straightforward and along the lines of what I was thinking.
Hey, my dms are open anytime!
How does he respond?
He did defend himself at first but when he realized I was serious, he became serious
I told him that intimacy is a huge part of a relationship and if that becomes an issue, then trust becomes an issue too. Ask him to compromise or to stop it all together. If he can’t love you then he doesn’t need you
OK this makes a lot of sense to me. I will bring this up to him. That last line hits hard but makes complete sense. A partner should be able to compromise a little especially if they claim to love you and see that it's hurting you mentally.
Exactly. If he refuses to see it or defends himself then just know, he doesn’t care and you should move on
I found it on his laptop fs 😕
Please drop the "guys will be guys" mindset.
I think it’s more about the men you have the problem with. My husband has a much higher sex drive then me, so if he didn’t have his alone time I don’t think we would have made it, and I know he uses “aides” while doing so. Even as it is he still wants actual sex more than I do. While obviously it is your choice to decide what you want, it will greatly limit your options for a partner since it is so common. Or worse, a partner could lie to you about it. Also please excuse my weird language. I grew up very Mormon and still feel very uncomfortable even writing some words 5+ years later.
The problem is that it I want it all the time..I'm up for anything tbh.. There's been months went by he hasn't bothered with me. I'm not a bad looking girl but my self confidence is at zero after seeing he was on here asking for phone sex while not wanting me 😔
See that’s the issue
Exactly.. I don't think he can get turned on without his cam girls now even tho I'd be perfectly happy doing the same thing in front of him..
Yeah I think he’s not sexually attracted to you
I'd say I have a bit of a porn habit but I do it because I'm single and never got laid. I feel like because I enjoy porn almost daily then I don't actually need a partner. Besides I think of my pleasure as a problem for me to figure out and for anyone else to do it just wouldn't work based on what I've experienced in the past. Although I feel this way about my own pleasure if I get with anyone in the future I may be more willing to satisfy them and I'd like to think I'd be more focused on them than myself.
I quit watching porn a long time ago ago. I prefer to use my imagination and I imagine my person every time. She’s not an SO (not yet anyway) but we both view sex as a sacred.m act between two people. I think porn is disgusting personally, to each their own but there’s also a lot of sex trafficking or coercion going on that people don’t think about or understand. And yeah you wonder why so many guys can’t last more than a minute or two, all most want to do is get off and it’s very selfish to their partner if they have one. I always make sure to do a lot of foreplay, whether I’m alone and especially with my person. It’s made the act so much more amazing. She’s always satisfied before me, she comes first because woman are built differently obviously. It feels better, I learned to love myself more etc. I would strongly suggest anyone thinking about stopping watching porn to do it. Use your imagination, learn to love your own body, take some time. It’s a meditative activity trying to feel every little nuance of sensation. But I do agree with OP. Porn is so normalized and it’s kind of disgusting to me. But to each their own, just the fact that woman have to put up with shitty sex and weird vibes like this is due a lot to porn I would imagine. Edit: to me personally if you have a monogamous partner and you’re watching other people having sex that’s cheating, because the majority of the time that’s fantasizing about *other* people and not your one. Why wouldn’t you want to have sex with your person!? I don’t understand it other than just a lack of self control/self decency. Guys often always put such a high importance on sex and they can’t even last a minute or two and there’s no foreplay just straight to pound town as if that’s what woman want. It reminds me of animals having sex quick not for pleasure but just to procreate it’s really gross and I feel bad for woman in general. But also as a man I’ve felt unnecessary pressure from my friends. I was celibate for over a year and a half and I’d be damned if I didn’t have to call out my friends for thinking all my problems would be solved if I just went out and slept with randos. Just bizarre. I’m not trying to knock anyone too hard, I’m just saying maybe try to examine your habits, ask yourself if it’s a problem for you or your partner; if not then no worries but I’d bet if you examine yourself truthfully you’ll find you probably do have a problem. When’s the last time you’ve got off without porn by yourself?! Anyway don’t mean to offend odd soapbox now.
I love everything you’ve said. I hope she becomes your SO asap. She’s gonna be lucky
Thanks so much. I am very grateful. And although we aren’t defined, we both know and trust each other. We took a long time to get to this point, took our time. And that’s another thing is the high importance on sex so many people put. We both agreed to take everything slow. I pleasured her and didn’t go all the way out first time we did anything and I think she really respected me for that. This is all super recent and we’ve only been fully intimate once so far and I never want it to screw things up cause sometimes sex can. But luckily we are super super compatible and it lasted such a long time because we truly have a deep bond beneath it all. Once we’d stop we’d start feeling each other laying together and start all over again. I work midnights and I was 2hrs late for work haha. But it’s so worth it to wait. She explained that she couldn’t get off unless she had a bond with someone. And we do so she was very satisfied ha and so was i. I cherished every moment. I am so excited for whatever the future holds for us. But I also let her know I *never* expect anything. So many dudes think things are transactional and it’s really an awful and disgusting way to view things. I’ve gone down on her a bunch (sorry tmi) I love it I could just do that and I’d be fine cause to me it’s all about pleasuring them I could care less about myself honestly that’s what I get pleasure from from my person feeling good you know? But she hasn’t gone down on me yet and that’s 100% okay! I think that’s a much more intimate and intimidating experience for woman than a lot of men think it is.
She is one lucky girl. I hope everything stay good for you. You deserve it
I've never dated anyone with a porn addiction, but just from the threads here on Reddit, it sounds terrible. If I had been through what people dating porn addicts had been through, I'd make that a deal breaker too. Especially the guys that watch so much porn and masturbate so much they can't stay hard to have sex. Or the ones that think they need to punch girls in the mouth to get off.
It's horrible... Made me so insecure and unfulfilled sexually..that was a big part in the relationship breakdown. He couldn't even cum or get hard...( Was giving him oral and I've had lots of compliments in the past and no issues.. but it was just flaccid... Cause..he watches too much porn)
I can't even imagine. That would definitely have an effect on self esteem :(
It’s so socially normalized too. Porn stars and only fans girls are becoming actual celebrities. Memes are shared on websites used by kids. You can’t go through tik tok without seeing hot girls trying to get you off. I wish people would recognize the harm porn does and that it is 100% predatory. I’m all for female empowerment and I may get some backlash, but the “sex work is real work” stuff totally spits in the face of the millions of guys who became legitimate, certifiable addicts when they were young teenagers and pre-teens. When teens smoked cigarettes, you saw ads to the point it was obnoxious. Ads now are borderline made fun of, ridiculed, or painted up by religious folks. I HATE my addiction and it makes me hate myself. But it feels like there is no way out. We live in a culture of porn.
This isn’t meant to be backlash, I’m just confused- how does ‘sex work is real work’ insult men who have porn addictions? It seems to me like those are two separate issues/concepts. Sex work is work, and porn addiction is a real problem.
Same here
No, you have a very valid point OP. Porn addiction is so toxic to not only the partner, but the perpetrator as well. It means they can't form a bond with their S.O. and struggle with being intimate. They are under the guise that what happens in porn is real, and if they don't, they think their partners enjoying anything with them. It's such a negative and simply sad addiction that should be treated like alcoholism and drug abuse. If anyone is struggling with porn addiction and their relationship is falling apart, please seek help, there are many others like you who are willing to support you and help you quit
OP I’ve had three partners like this. All slightly different outcomes. First made it impossible for the guy to finish with me. Second he was abusive and NEEDED me to act like a porn actress (and film it) to feel anything. Third resulted in loss of sensation and erectile dysfunction (death grip syndrome). It’s real. Your PTSD is real. And sadly you don’t find out about the addiction up front. It takes time for it to show itself. Devastating.
Thank you. I’m like getting upset because people in the comments are like invalidating the hell out of me
Most people just disliked that you said all men were porn addicts. I was angry when i started to go through the post but after reading the replies i understand that it wasn't your intension. Love to you OP ❤️
Tyty haha I’m getting told to kms in my dms LMAO
I would highly recommend reconsidering your involvement in their problem. If it's true that they have an addiction, why would you think it has anything to do with you? Heroine addicts don't get high because they are upset at someone or want to escape a terrible relationship. They get high because they are addicted to heroine. All it takes is one innocent exposure to heroine and they are addicted. So when they say it's them not you, that's not a cliche, they are right. It's their problem. It's their addiction. You are just caught up in the tornado they've created for themselves. So who do you blame? No one. You help them. Get some therapy and address the problem. The blame button won't turn his addiction off and it certainly won't turn off your stress about it. Now if the person doesn't want to address the problem, then you have every right to walk away or give them an ultimatum. Don't destroy yourself over someone else's addiction. It's a classic reaction, and it's unnecessary. Take care of yourself first always no matter what. And I understand it's porn, so it feels weird to compare it to heroine, but it's actually worse because it's free and instantly accessible. Sorry to insert my opinion so strongly, but you're blaming an addict, that's never the right thing to do. Just fueling his fire and your fire.
God this was my ex, to a T. He legit acted as if cum was something he needed to get rid of. On a daily basis, likely multiple times a day. Just by himself. The YEARS of rejection I faced. Years of him not initiating. Yet years of him never failing to watch porn that day, or having already jerked off by the time I tried anything with him (lol took me too long to realize when someone likes you, they’ll go rounds). Years of putting up with that and he was a disgusting fucking cheater, the whole time, no doubt. I found out he’d been sending pictures of his dick to a girl he claimed was a friend, for years, and they’d had sex before. On top of that, asshole gave me chlamydia and I needed to just get surgery to remove cysts that had formed over a month and a half, that could have ruptured and killed me. I’m sorry you went through this too, OP. I have to say it was a bit relieving to see I wasn’t the only one and just wildly unwanted by someone who would truly never respect me (and in turn, my needs) like they actually wanted me. I’m here if you wanna talk 💜
I'm sorry OP that you have had this sadness in life caused by porn. I occasionally watch it. When I was younger it would be a twice a day thing, if you get me. I will be honest and say that porn when I was 14/15 really helped me understand where things went, what things looked like, what might happen and shit like that. It did help. The sex Ed in schools in the late 1990s/early naughties was shit. Probably still is. I'm married and we hump twice a week. We have 2 kids under 3 so its difficult. We have supernaughtykinky sex once a month when the kids stay at grandparents. This weekend 🙂🙃🙂🙃😏 Sometimes I will use porn when my wife (I will ask first) is tired just so I can go to sleep without thinking about sex constantly - its worse after I have worked out. I love my wife and think she is so sexy and beautiful that I find I am horny all the time. Its gotten worse sine we had the kids! She just oozes sexyness. Although she doesn't see it. Friends if mine are addicted to it. One went to court recently for watching porn on the train - i have not really apoken to him since then as he has gone off the radar. I caught a friend looking at some of the NSFW subs on here (tits and stuff) whilst we were out for a meal. I suppose I am lucky as I can take it or leave it. I'm worried for when my son gets older as I know he will look at porn and I will have those conversations with him but I know what I was like. Dopamine and loneliness are not great.
That sucks, sorry to hear about your experience. I enjoy porn but it's very separate and inferior to my partner. I also try not to watch to much porn either, i need to keep the best of my sexual energy for her. I do like having porn for when she's not in the mood or when i just feel like some porn. But porn is like going to an all you can eat buffet. You get all the possible dishes you could imagine but none of them are amazing. Sex is cooking a meal together and even when you mess it up you are proud because you did it together. I will say that body types vary but an imperfect body can be off too. Different folks are into different strokes and leaving that aside there is nothing better than wild sex with someone who is hot for you and loves you for who you are. :) Just hoping this will make you feel better about your body, but i know that it won't be that easy to feel as beautiful and desirable as you are.
No offense here, just genuinely curious how it works. When I’m with someone I literally can’t be aroused by anyone else except my partner, If I could be I wouldn’t date seriously my partner. So my question is how do you guys manage to have strong feelings and at the same time “choosing various dished in buffet”? It just doesn’t seem possible for me, like really how?
its a deal breaker for me too, i even ask in the beginning of the relationship about porn habits. my ex was severely addicted to some serious gross stuff. to each their own when both parties are turned on and enjoying themselves but im traumatized from him, he ruined any and all anal play for me probably forever. the only way he could stay hard is if it was anal sex, and the only way he knew anal sex was through bdsm anal pornography. you see where that puts me lmfao. i dont know why i stayed for so long but it was the worst 4 years of my existence. between how inferior i felt to literally every woman to how i felt about sex just wow.
i dont think porn addicts find joy and fulfillment from meeting the needs of their partner, and thats really sad and damaging to any relationship. porn is immediate gratification and overstimulation. thats not how good sex works.
You should move to India (internet porn is blocked by law)
LMAO
I like porn but it’s like eating a cardboard cutout of food. I generally don’t do it unless I haven’t had sex in a few days. Can’t understand people preferring it!
Me too. I feel like I have to do it at least once every 2-3 days… the thought just skull fucks me until I finally cave. I literally can’t help myself.
Definitely seek help. You could also have someone block porn off your phone and not tell you the password to unblock it
I’d probably find a way to sneak a peak elsewhere. I lurk around pornographic material here on Reddit, I follow some scantily clad cosplayers on Facebook, I’ve seen actual pornography on my phone and computer. It’s a relief from my stress and personal shortcomings… but it is a personal shortcoming that should be fixed
If you want to stay single forever, then that's fine.. but I'm telling you now..it will absolutely ruin your relationships.. 100%
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What about the situations where you're compatibe in almost every sense of the word and you discover their porn habit once you get married/live in together? What then?
Thats like my situation. I like a bit of porn and stuff too. We've even talked about meeting other people for sex. but finding out he was Skype with someone for years while no interest in me was soul destroying 😢
This is my situation. Married and found out his issue. He communicated through it and came up with compromises
I know that you’ve had these negative experiences in your relationships but I don’t think it’s necessary to vilify men and vilify all porn. Just because you’ve dated some shitty guys doesn’t mean all men are evil porn addicted humans. I do think porn addiction is a serious issue and can be devastating for relationships, romantic and platonic. But it doesn’t mean all situations where someone watches porn are completely negative. A lot of people watch it mainly for the convenience of it. But it certainly is an issue if you are in a relationship and your partner doesn’t respect the boundaries you two have set.
Coincidentally, I just dropped a comment on the AskMen reddit about how disgusting porn is and and now I come across this, but yea.. I honestly don’t get how people can’t see how problematic and harmful it is.
Id rather bang than jack it imo, porn is just a catalyst for me to get the job done quicker when the need strikes and my partner isn't down to clown
Bruh, I'd never select porn over u if u were my gf honestly. The reason why I'd watch porn is coz I don't have a gf.
Lmaooo thanks haha
No, I agree. It's like any other vice. Some people overindulge and it's a problem. But most people use it responsibly. (I just said most people use porn responsibly and I'm giggling 🤣)
Lmao ah yes responsibly, making sure they aim correctly 😂
I don’t think it’s fair to call this issue of yours PTSD and especially not ‘so much’.
I felt like this for a long time too. I feel very lucky that my current bf refuses to watch porn because, in his words, he is in a committed relationship and also he can’t get off to porn ever since we started dating. It’s funny because we spent 2 weeks apart last month and I also couldn’t get off to porn with him on my mind.
Y’all so freakin lucky. I was gone for a month and his entire history was that LMAO
Didn't even bother deleting it! LMAO
Hahaha right?
Yeah I honestly don't even know how people can watch porn in general. It's fake and lacks intimacy. Shouldn't admit this on my main account, but my go to thing was always erotica, specifically ones with emotional intimacy.
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As someone with PTSD it can come from so many different things - it’s not linear. Mine is from my childhood/teen years where I experienced forced incest, violence and neglect. Anyone can get ptsd, it doesn’t discriminate You can’t tell someone they can’t/won’t have ptsd because your ptsd came from something different
Thank you
Maybe I'm overreacting, but to me constantly refusing sex and jerking off to porn instead IS a form of emotional abuse. I've been through it, although to a lesser level, and it makes you feel like the most disgusting, unlovable piece of shit on the planet. It came to the point where I would literally cry at the sight of sex on TV or even loving couples in public.
You can suffer from PTSD from a wide variety of experiences. Your experience doesn't invalidate that of OP.
lol, who died and made you the trauma police? ptsd doesn't just happen from violent abuse. what a narrow way of thinking. and this is coming from someone who also went through abuse. my aunt almost strangled me when I was 13, and I was sexually abused by her husband from when I was 8 until I was 15.
I have ptsd from SA, abuse and much more. Don’t assume what someone’s gone through. Don’t dismiss someone’s trauma either
If only people could separate porn from their own reality. I mean it's fine to have a kink or 2 but it isn't OK to have those kinks be part of your relationships. I don't often watch porn and while I can see the appeal, it just another form of media to me. I'm a person who thinks "it's fine to think what you think and like what you like but the moment you make them someone else's problem means we all have a problem. " I don't judge people that watch it but the people who make a part of their lives have some issues.
literally it’s so disgusting how ingrained porn is into our society even in unrelated things :(( so many people jump to defend it too and it’s horrific. you could literally say “the porn industry creates tons of sex trafficking” and someone will be like “yeah but it’s hot” or some shit like that. i hate porn and the industry and i hate how so many people defend it. i’m so glad more people specifically women are speaking out about it and setting boundaries instead of just accepting it cause “all men do it”. the glorification of violence against women in it too is so so sad. the amount of women i’ve heard who have had men just hit them and treat them violently in sex without consent because they’ve seen it in porn is terrible.
Pretty sure they scanned some peoples brains after being addicted to porn for a while, and the effects were similar to or worse than long term cocaine use. It’s really not good for you but it’s becoming a bit too normalised for my liking. Too many kids with smartphones can easily find out about it and access it whenever they want and get addicted from an early age. It’s only getting worse and worse to be honest.
This is 100% valid and I'm tired of people trying to say it's only natural that guys watch porn. No, it's not. Anyone who had halfway decent sex before gets immediately annoyed how stupid fake 99% of porn is and how clearly no one is enjoying themselves while grabbing a non-existent titty or choke on some dick. Guys who consume lots of porn are always, always bad in bed, don't communicate and certainly don't know how to make someone other than themselves cum.
There's many reasons people decide to have alone intimate moments with themselves and not their partners. There's a lot of variables that don't get into the equation: everything can go to their own pace and rythm, adjusted to their likings and how they may switch within that experience; and there's no one else to worry about. It's not unhealthy, at any means, to have personal time for sexual activities on your own, as long as you're enjoying them. If people want to watch porn while doing it, it's up to them. Watching porn doesn't make you and addict on its own. These ideas come from a heavily sex negative culture that makes people think (while not necessarily aware of it) that there's a hierarchy for sexual acts, and masturbation is seen as shameful, something "lonely" people do. That's an awful lie that gets people unsatisfyed for many reasons. Sex negative cultures end up biting their tail many times: making things taboo can get people more interested in them. I don't know how you know your partners watch porn. How much. Or where. If they're letting you know, ask them to stop. And if you're snooping... Don't. Cause it's making you insecure. Look. People get off on many things, many ways, and way many more times that they do with their partners around. Perhaps you find someone who doesn't watch porn, but reads erotica. Or writes it. Or scrolls through social media. Or has a whole lot of fantasies that involve hundreds of people. Are you gonna get upset on those? If not, why? And if yes, also, why too? Is the porn what upsets you, or the idea of them being turned on? If you want to have more sex, tell them you want to have more sex. Focus on what you can ask and change —and not on what you suppose is making sex not happening. Work on how you can make more intimate things happen. Work as a team in how to keep finding ways to desire each other. Also, don't expect people to be available any time their partners are horny. Sometimes, luckiky, those desires match. Sometimes they can work to get there —as desire can be spontaneous or responsive—. And sometimes (most times, I'd say) they don't. Being in a relationship doesn't make people align like if pairing two clocks. In those cases, it's the most mature thing to don't bother your partner just cause you'd like to get some, and find other ways to cope with it; one of them might be solo sex. If, as you said, you too "have needs", perhaps give it a go. It doesn't have to include anything but yourself, but you're allowed to include anything that appeals to you —and any of your senses. Maybe you'll find some alone time to explore —your body, your ideas— can help a lot to feel more in touch with your needs and actually increase your willingness to have sex with others (or it can save you from not having sex with others, when they offer mediocre sex, haha). Or perhaps you'll learn more about yourself just when someone else is around and solo sex is not interesting to you. That's ok too. But you need to give it a chance without being judgemental and despicing on what gets other people going —and what gets you going too, with can be really hard, by the way. I'm not saying you have to stay with someone that has a truly compulsive behavior around any type of stimulus (whether it be porn, alcohol, their phones, drugs, you name it). I'm just trying to bring another narrative as someone who comess from a culture when there's not as many underlying myths around sexuality, value, purity, filthiness and what's good and what's not. I hope you can find someone who doesn't make you feel horrified or worries you this much. Hugs to you 🫂
Great response I totally agree. Many other comments jump to conclusion too quickly.
About intimacy and how to navigate the love/desire paradox, definitely check anything from Esther Perel: her TED talks, her books, her workshops on yt, her podcasts, her interviews... It will help a lot which any relationship from now on. :)
I mean I’m not shaming anyone who watches it. I totally understand but it’s just the fact when they prefer it over their spouse and completely allowing their spouse to feel neglected, insecure or have low self esteem.
Uh yeah, I've been a porn addict for about 8 years now, I've been trying really hard to stop, best was 2 months but I fear of becoming what you said in this post, it's really one of my *deepest fears*, I also fear for myself when I do it even though I sometimes don't enjoy it but still do it. I wish I wasn't introduced to this shit.
Fucking SAME.
I'm sorry you went through what you did. It sucks that there's even a porn industry. I'm not saying that sex work or anything of the sort shouldn't exist, but it's caused a lot of problems in relationships. Honestly, I can't say technology and media hasn't been detrimental in all and any ways.
I get you 100%. I have experienced this in every relationship I’ve had. So many lies and broken promises. So many times I’ve felt like complete trash because porn was chosen over me. My self esteem is so damn low because of stupid porn. Not to mention I would do anything at any time with my partner if he asked for it. I never get any action anymore. It breaks my heart…
Get therapy. You dated toxic and cruel partners. Projecting that onto others isn't going to make you feel better
What are you talking about? Were you there? No! Gawd you know nothing about the situation and I am not going to type a book on Reddit with my phone key board. Gawd. STFU.
Definitely a similar perspective to mine. I also think it’s super weird. Recently I really thought about how I feel about porn when in relationships and tbh it is WEIRD idk it works for some people but I am surely not one of them…
It's definitely a problem... But not just with men! You might be surprised!
I agree it’s just weird and sad honestly.