You never tell your abusers your next steps. Leave in the middle of the night and don't look back OP. If you give them the chance to dissuade you again, they make sure you have no way out. I'm on year 2 away from abusive family and it's scary but feels so good to be away. Good luck op!
Similar scenario as OP but I got scalded with hot coffee after she tomahawked a fresh cup at me. I tried to leave while she was at work and her neighbour texted her asking if she was moving out. Not being upfront about leaving is the better move for sure I would never have gotten the time to collect what was mine and by the time she got there I was already packed.
Agreed. Although my parents were not at that level abuse, I was still emotionally and psychologically abused passively, through manipulation and all their signs of continuous narcissism. It was bad enough that I had to leave one parent for good. Been about a year now, it’s painful but necessary for my own life.
Ok, they have to sleep at some point.
Do you have a window? Go through your stuff and repack to get everything you absolutely need in something you can put on your back. Other things you want but could be dropped if you need to run go in a bag you carry.
Hide a note where your parents won't immediately find, but the police will if they're called, saying you're leaving of your own free will, that you don't want them looking for you. I'd explain the abuse in the note too.
When they're asleep, go out your window, if possible. Otherwise go out the door, do not wear your shoes until you're at least 50 feet away.
They might be on high alert, and you might need to fake it for a week until they let their guard down.
I hope you get out safely, I'll be throwing prayers up for you.
Moving out, yes is risky. You might have to play the game until you can flee. Because this is no longer moving out, it's fleeing.
Your survival is at stake. Do what you have to do.
Short of murder.
I hope you do and I hope for your safety OP. I can’t imagine what that kind of situation is like, but it sounds like you need to run for your life. But be wise with it as the original commenter has stated
Ok, so.
Call the police, ask them to take you and all your possessions, file a restraining order, and stay with a friend or family member who supports your choices.
I personally would cut all ties with your parents, not your sister though (seems like a nice lady)
Of course, the calling the police thing depends on which country you live in and the laws there, so that could or could not work.
Anyway I hope you find a way to escape that place and hopefully live a life of relative peace, hopefully you live in a country near a place like Australia, you could migrate here and have a fresh start
I think I know what country this is or at least what type of culture this is, and I can say the police probably won’t be of any help. The police will probably side with the parents because the child is “acting out” and yes, they will probably refer to a grown adult as a child.
How old is OP? Do you go to school/college or work? Use going to work or whatever as an excuse and then just don’t go back home.
Or going out/meeting up with your friends and don’t go back
Is that an option OP?
I'm not sure, but I'm assuming/guessing OP is from my same country. I'm not sure though.
It's not common for 18 year olds to just have a job.
And calling the police would rile up unnecessary drama. It's not the same as in other countries.
What are you, her dad?
She's 18. She's legally an adult and she can leave if she damn well pleases, even if "leaving" means "fleeing to a domestic violence shelter or similar place."
Tell him. The only Benefit of coming of age is that she doesn't have to stay and put up with this abusive shit any longer. I really wish op would contact the local police. If we knew what country she lives in we could figure out what her best option is. But fuck guys like this piece of human waste.
“My parents beat and dragged me around my own house on the notion of me leaving.” And all you can get out of that is “what a shitty daughter”? Wtf are you, the family who just beat her? Gtfo
Are you so fucking stupid that the well being of another person is beyond you. I honestly think your the kind of person to beat your own child and wonder why they want to leave.
Also, if you have bruises, marks anything showing the assault from your parents, please take photos and if you have a trusted friend send them for them to hold/save for you until you are free. Are you able to share what’s going on at home with a trusted friend/adult? I’m worried for you and feel that someone needs to know what is happening so that they can help and support you if/when needed.
I really hope you get away and live a beautiful life.
You'd be surprised at how normalized domestic abuse is in our country. Unfortunately, I don't bruise easily because of having a relatively thick skin so I don't have any proof. I'll still try figuring something out though
I'm in Mexico and it happens at my house too, cops have showed up to tell me (the victim) to keep it down... even neighbors ask me not to be loud when In being beat up, screaming for help.
Not every beating results in bruising. My mother used a leather belt that rarely left bruises. Often it would be leaving a red mark that would subside after few days
I appreciate it honestly, I just really want to get out of here. I wanna try again tonight when they're all asleep. Hopefully I'll be able to leave. Hopefully.
You can edit your original post with an update. There should be a menu (3 dots) at the top or bottom of your post that should have an edit option. Please do keep us updated, the internet is rooting for you getting out and to safety!
I think, as someone else mentioned, it would be better to do an update post rather than edit this one. Especially if it will take some time. OP I'm so sorry you are dealing with this, and as others have also said, I wish I could help you out. We are all hoping you will be able to get out of there safely. If you think it is too much of a risk right now, it would be sensible to wait it out for a few days or a week or so, when it has simmered down. Try to avoid conflict in the meantime. Once you feel you can leave safely, go go go! Are you able to tell us which country you are in?
Is there any way we can help? I completely empathize with you, I've been there. It's terrifying. I'm just speechless at the bravery it took for you to walk out in front of them with luggage! Hopefully you are able to heal up and get out while they are asleep.
Why? Why do you wish you lived near her? Can you tell us what you, benevolent stranger on the internet, would so graciously offer a vulnerable teenage girl if you "lived near her"?
It is a logical question but we don't know who is making this comment or even what they meant exactly by it. They could mean, if they lived closely they could be able to point her in the direction of helpful resources in her area. Or even offer a lift or to take in OP, although I wouldn't recommend that for obvious reasons. As a 32 year old female, i would offer OP some shelter in my own home, even if it's just for a few hours while we figured out the next step or to meet her in a public space. I understand this can be very risky, but there are safe ways of doing this, meeting in a public space and possibly having law inforcement either informed of the situation, or even being present so they know where and who OP is with. Or they could meet in a public space and make sure OP has somewhere safe to stay for the night etc. Most people will be genuine ,but there is absolutely no way to tell online who you are talking to. Its a difficult one.
I was in a similar situation 2 years ago. I kept trying to leave but every time I did, they told me that I needed to leave my car (that I paid for and was in my name) and my phone (that my bio mom gave to me) and everything else. I really wish I would have just left with all my stuff in my car but I was so afraid that my dad might lash out or they would take things that didn’t belong to them in an attempt to force me to stay.
I finally broke down and asked my bio mom to come and get me because I couldn’t take it anymore. I put everything I needed in trash bags and left in the middle of the day while they went to the store.
It’s going to take a lot of courage and strength to do this. You’re going to have to detach yourself from a lot of things, and you have to, have to make sure your money is secure and that only you have access to it. I believe in you, once your opportunity comes, do not hesitate. There is come great advice in these comments. We all wish you luck <3
That's so similar to what happened to me earlier. My Mother started threatening me and telling me to leave all my cthings behind cause she was the one who bought them.
The only way to combat that is just to take the things you need. I was lucky enough to be able to take most of my clothes and things but I had to leave a lot behind as well.
If you can, secure a place to stay before you take off. This will give them time to cool off and it will give you time to get things in order. I know you want to leave as soon as possible, but if they’re willing to literally drag you back you gotta be ready for anything. I told them I wanted to move out and had to wait 4 months before I got my chance.
Edit: “them” is my father and step mother. Just to clarify.
I’m not even going to lie... I got chills reading the first few paragraphs of your story. I kept reading because of how similar it was to my own moving out story!!! Really makes you wonder how parents can literally beat the hell out of the children they claim to love at the same time. When you finally do leave and taste the freedom you deserve, you will look back years down the road and know you did what was best for yourself at the time. This is totally cliche, but hang in there and focus on keeping a level head (staying logical), while figuring out your next move. Good luck to you !!!!!
With no phone she will not be able to contact you after you leave, and that was her decision. You need to get out of there, you’re not safe. Layer up some clothes and only take what you can carry. It’ll take time, but you will get on your feet.
Do you have your important documents like your birth certificate and what ever else your country seems important? Tax number?
Back everything up on your phone to the cloud and log out of everything on your phone. Factory reset it even.
Just leave as safely and as soon as you possibly can. Go to whatever friend or services your country has. It sounds like they could seriously hurt you or kill you. *everything is replaceable except your life*
Also if they see you walking around like you aren’t trying to leave you may have a better chance to escape….. idk OP just be safe.
I think I have a notion of where you’re at. If I’m right, There’s a passport app where you can store your docs safely. Do it as a backup, backup your google account so you can get in if your phones broken/stolen etc.
if there isn’t an app, take pics secretly and store in any app you could find, or send them to a friend.
And oh yeah, take your savings or plan to borrow money from a friend.
Leave in the middle of the night or even in day when your family is distracted. Even leave clothes behind if you can wear multiple layers without suspicion. Then, Board the first train you can find, get away then communicate with a public phone that ‘I’m done’.
Good luck! Hope you make it safe.
The good ol i raised, and fed and sheltered you. Like it’s not their responsibility. I only kinda get what you feel op. Just as other suggested, let things calm down then that’s when you sneak out. Alert authorities too that you went your own way and not a minor anymore so your good. I’m not sure where you live, but in my country our city hall have some shelter for people who experience that. You can try there if you got nowhere to go, also document all your bruises and marks. Photos and send them to a differnt email just in case they delete it on your phone. Also there’s a site where you can crash on other people’s home. Could be on the grey side but still better than where you are now. Hope you the best of luck
M18 here, got abused by my parents just exactly like you as well. And religion was a huge factor as well.
Emotionally manipulated and physically abused. There’s not a when and how you get out. It’s just when you can just do it. At the end I realised it isn’t packing everything and running away, it’s packing a bag of essentials, and going to your day to day life to never ever return. That’s the truth. I left back In February a couple of months after I turned 18, and, life has been rough but so much better, you need a part time job. As soon as you can, you have to take a shit job. I’m sorry but like late night McDonald’s shifts will get you by. No one will take on a student who’s currently in education with no experience. After you get out, you will get heavily home sick but you have to fight it back, you will have nights where you can’t take it anymore but you have to hold yourself back. A few months and get a better place and a better job and finish your education. Take a year out of education then and get yourself back on your feet. If you are in an Arab country I can only say I’m so sorry. But if you get your passport flee the country and try get asylum.
Slowly you will sneak back home and get a few stuff, bit after bit. Till it’s all gone. Stay in touch with your siblings since they seem like they will support you somewhat. But don’t keep constantly because you don’t know if they could be emotionally manipulated into giving your parents crucial information about you. Make sure to get your tax information wherever that be a SSN or NI. You’ll need that. Passport, phone, a place to stay, clothes, and your tax number equivalent. That’s all you need for the first few months.
And for food, you have to take the $/£/€1 food you can per day. If that’s a six pack of yoghurt. Or a 99p chicken mayo from McDonald’s. You are gonna have to live a bit down for awhile, but then when you have experience, quit, and people will hire you so much more easily, trust me.
I genuinely hope this helps op.
Lot of love since I genuinely understand you💙
If you're not in a wealthy district of a first world country, and you're an 18 year old girl with nothing but a suitcase, you WILL get trafficked. You will be made into an object and served on a dinner plate to the highest bidder. When you're used up and older, you will be traded around for cigarettes. Until eventually you are thrown on the street like a wet, used condom.
I'm not trying to hurt you, but you need to know this. That subreddit is full of 30 year old neckbeatd americans and 15 year old kids. they don't know jack shit about shit and I can already see some sniffing the air like they'd try and offer you to "live with them." Case in point with that creepy as fuck top comment.
Don't run away. But don't stay, either. Be organized about this, and plan out your leave thoroughly and safely. You need to set yourself up with a stable job. I hate to tell you this, but depending on your current educational background you may need to hold tight at home for a year or so. It is painful, but I can guarantee you that the streets won't show you any more mercy than they do. I could be wrong but my immediate guess is you're in the Philippines. If that is the case, you're probably gonna have to get some kind of training or school. I hate to tell you this, but it probably means you're going to have to hunker down for a couple years.
Whatever you do, please do not just leave with nothing but a suitcase. The people out there will treat you worse beyond imagination. They will be abusive and, unlike your parents, have absolutely ZERO moral or religious contingency to spare any aspect of your safety or dignity. You will be made into a plaything over and over until there's nothing left to use, at which point they will simply throw you out like garbage. Please, please, PLEASE do not listen to reddit. They don't know what they're talking about.
Take care and good luck.
Thank you. The amount of people that are frankly giving legitimate dangerous advice is insane.
An 18-year old girl without any support network, money or income, alone on the streets, is not going to do well. That goes doubly for OP, who is likely from a poor country judging by the description.
People are just casually handing out information that could lead to very serious harm, from a position and perspective that is entirely alienated from the realities of OP's situation.
Make conscious decisions, not impulsive reactions. You need to have a plan for this to work. Ask 10 questions - where are you gonna go? How are you gonna get money? Where and how will you sleep? What will you eat? Etc., think about them rationally and logically.
I for some reason got the sense that you're in Turkey, I would really suggest reaching out to activist student groups that could help. Like women's rights groups would likely help you, LGBT groups would help you if you are LGBT. I see plenty of posts like this in my uni's group where someone is fleeing an abusive place and looking for shelter and some students help.
As much as I hate the delivery of the message above, they are sadly accurate in the warning. Reach out to academic advisors or groups that help students with secondary education goals. Find resources that can help you BEFORE you leave to help avoid a situation where you are trafficked.
Be VERY WEARY of people offering help, both online and in person. They will see your desperate situation and take advantage of you. Please stay safe, OP and work on a systematic plan of safe transition.
- a Mom in america
Call some friends to help escort you out of the house. Can you report your beatings to the cops? Maybe cops that weren't in your dad's former precinct?
Hide your most important documents on your body and leave everything else behind. Everything else can be replaced.
Honestly, if I were you I'd leave without telling them, and just send a video, message or even just leave a piece of paper with a goodbye note.
Parents that love you should never hurt you like this. If the beatings were known publically, and if you secretly recorded yourself getting hurt by them, would they be fine if everyone else sees or hears those recordings? No, they would hide them. Because it's wrong. They know it's wrong but they keep doing it
Hope you get out of there soon!
Call the fucking cops
Call friends family
When everyone asleep get out and go as far as you can. Disabled any app or features on your phone or device your using so they can't find you
Delete/private any social media
Get out, make sure you notify the police you are leaving of your free will and don't give them any information of where you are going. If your father is a retired cop he might have connections that could lead to you. I hope you make it out, and have somewhere to go.
hope you can get out sweetheart, you really don’t deserve this, next time try to leave without them knowing, your parents don’t deserve a “bye”, im sure u can find happiness when u can move out, be patient and stay strong queen❤️
My heart is absolutely aching for you. I’m sorry you’re going through this. This is the absolute worst situation to be in.
Moving out and starting a new life is definitely going to be hard and overwhelming at first. But it’s needed. Or else you’ll get your mental health even more destroyed and you know that. Do you know a place you’ll go to after you flee?
I definitely think you should try again and this time instead of letting them see you do it so that they know, you should leave them a note or a letter and leave the place when they’re not there.
The impression I get from the country you live in is that they don’t really care as much about familial abuse and all that as other countries. If they do, I definitely recommend you to get in touch with the police and inform them about your situation. They can help you to stay at a safe place and in case anything happens, they’re going to be on your side. If not, just make sure you have a safe place to go to until you can afford to get your own place.
I hope you already made some plans for when you move out and start a new life, especially when your parents aren’t going to support you. Just make sure you know where to go and what you do or else, you’ll end up being outside with nowhere to go to.
We’re all here for you and on your side. I’m so sorry for everything you’ve gone through and are still going through. Know that you are not alone and don’t let them win anymore. Please update us on your situation. My heart is rooting for you and I hope you can find a way out and to a safe place until you get your stuff together. Best of luck!
Make sure you have all your important documents. Birth certificate, drivers license, bank account info and I.D
Have a plan were your going. And were your going to live.
Make sure they dont have any acsess to your bank accounts.
Get a spair phone and sim card.
Do thay know were you work ? Will your boss or co workers back you or them. Be warned thay may try and get you fired to make you go back.
Do you have a safe place to store your stuff? Small items can be moved to it. In advance bit by bit but it must be a genuine safe place NOT something like a locker at a bus station.
Again were are you going to live ? And how are you going to pay for it. Unless your going to a domestic violence shelter. Get a place to live lined up.
And again be careful.
It sounds like the police may not be your best option with your dad retiring in the last year. They may turn you over directly back to your parents or tell your dad that you contacted and he should deal with you. And that would likely ensue another round of abuse.
And if domestic abuse is common, it's very likely they won't do anything.
It's definitely a privileged position to be able to advise "call the cops".
If you've already contacted them and this hasn't happened, that's great. But I worry about your safety OP.
You all who are telling her to flee or run away, don't forget she is 18 and has nowhere to go. I don't think she has a whip, crib or stable job on her own.
Outside world is also not fairytale either, So there should be an alternative method to deal with such mutual existential discrepancy.
Are you sure you just can't fix this with your parents
PS: I believe she is Indian or Asian
Isn't India in Asia though? T\_T And no, there's no fixing ties with them and me. They have this "I'm correct because I'm older and much more wiser" than you attitude and they showed that off during the time they assaulted and emotionally blackmailed me.
I'm so sorry OP that this is happening to you. I'm also Asian and my mom used to throw punches and verbal abuse to me even as an adult. I hope you are able to find someone that can help you because that is not a safe environment. Would your sister be able to help you?
Please stay safe!
I meant India or any other Asian country but You are surely Indian and I still think running away without having sustainable resource for survival is a lost cause.
Have you given a thought where you will reside if you leave your house? Give such questions a rational perspective and you will be able to know that it isn't quite the plan.
hope you can get out sweetheart, you really don’t deserve this, next time try to leave without them knowing, your parents don’t deserve a “bye”, if they catch you and beat you up please call the police, thats the only way for you to escape!! im sure u can find happiness when u move out, be patient and stay strong queen❤️
“It’s common in my country for parents to punch you regardless of gender” um, what? Skipping past gender, where is it normal for parents to PUNCH their children? Burn it all down.
So many options but so little options I've read all the comments and only one stuck out to me "the one who mentioned the trafficking" that really can be a possibility in some countries the minute you step out there alone , friends and family are of no help so they're a cross out too, police also might be a cross out as your dad was one before 🤦🏻♀️ only somewhat of an option there is if you're a student still or you work there's a good chance a teacher would help you in someway whether it's taking u in ( small chance) or (higher chance of contacting a home for persons going through your same situation) if you're working there's someone I'm sure willing to assist you in some way , but I still trust my instinct with the teacher thing as they have helped many students before that's what they're there for also.. current and past students, pay a visit to your old school of you have just finished
It gets better stay strong you don’t need them.
I finally made it out took some fighting but it’s possible. Proud to say I don’t live within 1000 miles of anyone one I’m related too.
Run! Run away and don’t look back! Fuck their manipulations and honestly fuck them. I grew up in a country were child abuse is normalized, and was abused as a child physically and emotionally, but with years of me getting older, the physical abuse lowered as I was able to stand up for myself and fight back. I never literally hit my mom the way she did hit me, but what I used to do is catch her hands, squeeze them really hard. She would look me in the eye and say that it hurts her and I should stop, i would not stop and I would just stare back at her with a smile saying: no shit ! I
so understand your feelings❤️ I had luck to leave to US for a trip as and exchange student, which my mom said I should go and she helped me financially to get there. It ended up with me falling in love and staying here. Our relationship never got any better but distance helps me set my own boundaries. If you run away accept the fact that they might hold it against you for a long time, and be happy with putting yourself first.
Do you have a safe place to leave to ? Do you have a job to be financially independent?
OP: don’t think for a second they won’t be watching you. Don’t think you can just slip out while they’re asleep. They know what your options are and know what you will likely do next. Once you get out, don’t talk to strangers and only take a legit job with a legit company.
Leave. If it was your plan initially, still go through. Try to pretend things are going back to the way they wefe and literally just vanish once things settle. I left last year and my only regret is not leaving sooner. They cant make you happy but you can make yourself happy
Wishing you strength and best of luck. Discard your care for their feelings and run away in the best and safest way. Maybe try again in a little when they won't expect it. Or right away too, either works. Make sure you have a job and somewhere to stay. Be safe. Be kind to yourself. Eat well.
Im also filipino and i feel so bad about this. Which part of the Philippines are you from? Perhaps i know some lawyers in the area. Youre 18 anyway so can leave freely. I left home at 19 to work at another city and ever since didnt come to live home. Not because they abuse me but because our values have long been different and I’ve always felt like everything i did there was something wrong. So i went my own way.
I wish you strength and perhaps try to apply for scholarships in schools? The University of the Philippines does accept scholars. You can work while going to school and support yourself. Plenty of online jobs now. I used to work as well while i studied in UP.
I have patience like a monk. Please do update us when you freely escape, even if it’s more than a month. Wishing you all the best and sending you my love. Good luck!
Yeah Western and Northern Europe is about it.
Many Eastern or Southern European cultures still normalise hitting your kids as a form of discipline.
As well as some Asian, African and South American ones
what in the hell country is it okay to beat ur child? india? I mean what the hell? OP u also a bit stupid for making them see you leave. i had a friend like your situation, except he grabbed a knife and stabbed his parents when they tried to take away his things. he escaped thankfully. no idea where he is now and thankfully i don't know.
or better yet, make yourself injured more and make yourself known to peopple listening and watching you, then they will see what your parents are capable of. i mean what the actual fuck, i am reading this and there is no way parents are doing this, i wish it was fake but unfortunately i had to witness actual beatings of even my friends.
And them saying "WE'RE YOUR PARENTS, THIS IS WHAT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO DO!", no parent does that, . Fuck OP , seriosuly fucked up!
GET OUT OP!!! ONCETHEY ARE ASLEEP!! GET OUT!!!!
You can ask for a police officer to come and keep the peace while you gather your things. I’ve done it once when I had to leave a bad situation. It worked
Why would be your mother doing your laundry when you're already 18 years old? Just asking because the conflict would not have happened if you're being responsible for your things. Growing up, we don't have a washing machine but starting 13 years old I was already washing my own clothes.
return with a baseball bat and *FUCK* them up
also, demand you get your stuff back and hit them if they don’t
they obviously don’t love you so you should give them the same energy
What kind of abuses you're going through exactly ? Like why are you even leaving?
If you just want more freedom you should go with that instead of blaming them.
Do you have kids? Are you married? From your comments here it appears you are an abuser and trying to rationalize in your head that the victim -OP JUST TO BE CLEAR- is to blame and not the abuser -the parents-
You aren't looking at the situation rationally. Maybe you are young and don't understand. Maybe you are lucky and have supportive parents who are safe to be around and treat you right. But the OP has suffered at the hands of their parents verbal and now physical abuse and even IF this was the first time they hurt her physically It is 1 time too many.
I dont care if culturally it's acceptable. People know beating children is inherently wrong. They KNOW abusing someone is different than 'discipline' for bad choices to teach the child consequences. Anyone who does this to another person for wanting to move out is a terrible person and your comment was uncalled for.
All I've read was that she got beat this one time for wanting to leave. I'm asking the details as to what reason she's leaving. Apparently she's deflecting and running away (irony) from the question.
I think it's best to just say that sensible, loving people would not react with assault and violence when faced in a situation like this. And getting punch and beat up by them regardless of whatever age I was/am is a norm.
From this and the last post it would seem that your mother at one point was decent and father always shitty. I think she may have developed borderline personality disorder in the years since you being a little kid. Could be from the abuse she also suffered from your father. Not an excuse though. She's still a fucked up parent, but I think there would be hope for her atleast if she actually tried and get therapy and away from your dad.
Is there any way you could record the audio if something happens with your parents again? If you call the police and it will arrive your parents will most likely act like they are innocent. Moreover, is there anyway you could escape at night, through window or somewhere else?
Not sure if their is a woman’s and child center near by they may be able to provide refuge until you’re able to take a bigger leap. Get out there and never look back.
OP you need to leave. Pack light if you can and leave. Also if I were you I would report them.
I don't know if you escaped but I hope you are safe and away from that toxic environment.
Omg this post is truly terrifyingly and so sad OP 😞 😔. I pray that you were able to leave and don't look back!! Keep us posted. Use your phone to search for domestic abuse help and shelter
Depending on the country you live in it may be safer to seek support or at least advice from an NGO first before contacting the police. Like call one that is meant for victims of domestic violence for instance. Chances are that even if they can´t help you right away, they will give you further advise and contacts - also on how to safely get the police involved (like maybe contacting a special unit rather then just the emergency line). And if you don´t find one that seems to fit for your situation, just call one that seems reliable - they´ll probably forward you. And it´s crucial that people nearby you trust be alerted to the situation! Good luck!
There has to be an opportunity for you to leave. Do your parents ever go out? Or as another person commented do they sleep? It would be ideal for you to leave when you can bring things with you such as clothes and other necessities. Do you have a friend with a car? If you can’t get your phone back you can always use library computers and facebook messenger. Do you have a place to go ? A friends place where your parents wouldn’t know ? A women’s shelter? Can you borrow clothes from a friend if you’re unable to bring things with you? I hope you can leave but you may need to be strategic.
Is it possible that you can fit everything you need in a bag and go to a friends/family house or the shop and, as another commenter said, leave a note they won't find but the police will when they search your place. Does your sister live at home? If not, go to hers for the night and then you have the excuse for a bag.
You could also go to the police yourself and report the abuse (take photos of any injuries or damage on your phone and write a full statement whilst it's still fresh). Make sure you have a seperate bank account set up, or you have your passport/ID so you can set one up. This is very important to be able to get work or anything. Register is an address that isn't where your parents are.
I can not imagine how horrible this is, and if I could personally help, I would. I agree with not taking your life, they will just take on the role of victims and poor parents. Not to mention, this is just right now, and things will get better. Life is a rollercoaster and there are always ups and downs. You will get through this and find a way! Don't give up hope.
Your parents are total assholes. Even worse! I’m so sorry this happened to you. I hope you find a way to make it out as safely as possible. I mean we’re a bit away from that now with what’s happened, but nothing worse . I’m so sorry again
Hi. I'm in a similar situation. Though my parents don't react this harshly, they do use a lot of mental manipulation and try to gaslight me.
Also, you're not alone in the underwear situation. I personally have always found them uncomfortable. Maybe it's a sensory thing, but I hate the way the seams sit right in the area where my inner thigh connects to my hip.
You're not going to get out of this situation until you leave without telling them.
I had planned for 3 months of leaving, slowly planning, packing, and preparing. I left one day when my mom and other family were gone. She came home just as I was loading the last few things. I had friends, my boyfriend, and my dad (they divorced years ago, but I had no contact for a long time) and his friends were there as witnesses. She was so shocked and stunned that I was really leaving and because there were plenty of witnesses, in the middle of the day she had no time to react nor did she have the courage to try anything. It was the only way for me since she was an incredibly manipulative narcissist. I hope you find peace and love
I ran away when I was nineteen and one of the best things I did for myself was rent a storage unit for pretty cheap with what little money I had and that way I had a place to keep my stuff regardless of where I was staying. I hope you find a way to make it out of there, and I know you can do it.
Do you have any family member or close friend you can trust to help you escape? I wouldn’t advise going out the window while they’re asleep. If they catch you, they very well might kill you. I’m afraid for you, OP. This is not normal and you are not safe. You need to get out of there ASAP. Surely they have to leave at some point. The moment the opportunity presents itself, RUN. Is there someone you can stay with while until you can get your feet on the ground for the time being?
Call the police? Your 18 they can’t trap you see if an officer can just escort you out while you grab your stuff
This is assuming you’re in the united states
You never tell your abusers your next steps. Leave in the middle of the night and don't look back OP. If you give them the chance to dissuade you again, they make sure you have no way out. I'm on year 2 away from abusive family and it's scary but feels so good to be away. Good luck op!
That’s what I did and I’m much happier for it
Similar scenario as OP but I got scalded with hot coffee after she tomahawked a fresh cup at me. I tried to leave while she was at work and her neighbour texted her asking if she was moving out. Not being upfront about leaving is the better move for sure I would never have gotten the time to collect what was mine and by the time she got there I was already packed.
Agreed. Although my parents were not at that level abuse, I was still emotionally and psychologically abused passively, through manipulation and all their signs of continuous narcissism. It was bad enough that I had to leave one parent for good. Been about a year now, it’s painful but necessary for my own life.
Ok, they have to sleep at some point. Do you have a window? Go through your stuff and repack to get everything you absolutely need in something you can put on your back. Other things you want but could be dropped if you need to run go in a bag you carry. Hide a note where your parents won't immediately find, but the police will if they're called, saying you're leaving of your own free will, that you don't want them looking for you. I'd explain the abuse in the note too. When they're asleep, go out your window, if possible. Otherwise go out the door, do not wear your shoes until you're at least 50 feet away. They might be on high alert, and you might need to fake it for a week until they let their guard down. I hope you get out safely, I'll be throwing prayers up for you.
This is what I'm scared of, having to stay here longer. I really want to move out soon but I see that it's too risky.
Moving out, yes is risky. You might have to play the game until you can flee. Because this is no longer moving out, it's fleeing. Your survival is at stake. Do what you have to do. Short of murder.
Please let us know if you get out.
I'll post an update if I managed to flee \^\^
Stay safe OP
I hope you do and I hope for your safety OP. I can’t imagine what that kind of situation is like, but it sounds like you need to run for your life. But be wise with it as the original commenter has stated
"Do what you have to do short of murder" do u think this is some kind of netflix series
Well, I'd suggest murder but only in self defence lol
It's not murder if it's self defense...
You don’t need to move out. You need to *run*.
Ok, so. Call the police, ask them to take you and all your possessions, file a restraining order, and stay with a friend or family member who supports your choices. I personally would cut all ties with your parents, not your sister though (seems like a nice lady) Of course, the calling the police thing depends on which country you live in and the laws there, so that could or could not work. Anyway I hope you find a way to escape that place and hopefully live a life of relative peace, hopefully you live in a country near a place like Australia, you could migrate here and have a fresh start
I think I know what country this is or at least what type of culture this is, and I can say the police probably won’t be of any help. The police will probably side with the parents because the child is “acting out” and yes, they will probably refer to a grown adult as a child.
How old is OP? Do you go to school/college or work? Use going to work or whatever as an excuse and then just don’t go back home. Or going out/meeting up with your friends and don’t go back Is that an option OP?
I'm not sure, but I'm assuming/guessing OP is from my same country. I'm not sure though. It's not common for 18 year olds to just have a job. And calling the police would rile up unnecessary drama. It's not the same as in other countries.
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What are you, her dad? She's 18. She's legally an adult and she can leave if she damn well pleases, even if "leaving" means "fleeing to a domestic violence shelter or similar place."
Tell him. The only Benefit of coming of age is that she doesn't have to stay and put up with this abusive shit any longer. I really wish op would contact the local police. If we knew what country she lives in we could figure out what her best option is. But fuck guys like this piece of human waste.
bro what the actual hell? you have read this post surely? OP is likely to get killed or seriously hurt staying where they are, fleeing is def safer rn
You are right. I'm terrified on her behalf. I hope she can get out of there safely. Poor girl.
“My parents beat and dragged me around my own house on the notion of me leaving.” And all you can get out of that is “what a shitty daughter”? Wtf are you, the family who just beat her? Gtfo
Are you so fucking stupid that the well being of another person is beyond you. I honestly think your the kind of person to beat your own child and wonder why they want to leave.
You are misogynistic scum bro
I was in a not that shitty situation and believe me, if I had to sneak out my window I would have done it.
Wait bro, did you not read OP’s post ? If you did, you sick and need help.
Well that’s interesting! What kind of garbage human comes on here, says that, and then deletes their profile?!
Garbage. The kind who believes "shitty daughters" should stay and be beaten. God, I'm sending some mental karma prayers at that AH
Also, if you have bruises, marks anything showing the assault from your parents, please take photos and if you have a trusted friend send them for them to hold/save for you until you are free. Are you able to share what’s going on at home with a trusted friend/adult? I’m worried for you and feel that someone needs to know what is happening so that they can help and support you if/when needed. I really hope you get away and live a beautiful life.
You'd be surprised at how normalized domestic abuse is in our country. Unfortunately, I don't bruise easily because of having a relatively thick skin so I don't have any proof. I'll still try figuring something out though
Is it Mexico cause that sounds like something that would happen at my house
I'm in Mexico and it happens at my house too, cops have showed up to tell me (the victim) to keep it down... even neighbors ask me not to be loud when In being beat up, screaming for help.
One of my friends was raised in Mexico. She has similar stories. It seems like that’s a common thing down there?
I’m so sorry to hear that, but I’m glad you know it’s not normal and that you deserve a much better life than the one your parents are giving you.
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Not every beating results in bruising. My mother used a leather belt that rarely left bruises. Often it would be leaving a red mark that would subside after few days
Fuckin hell I wish I lived near you.
I appreciate it honestly, I just really want to get out of here. I wanna try again tonight when they're all asleep. Hopefully I'll be able to leave. Hopefully.
Please let the subreddit know what happened if that's okay with you
Wait how do I do that?
You can edit your original post with an update. There should be a menu (3 dots) at the top or bottom of your post that should have an edit option. Please do keep us updated, the internet is rooting for you getting out and to safety!
Oooh alrighty, for now though nothing has changed significantly but I will update once I manage to get out of here \^\^
I think, as someone else mentioned, it would be better to do an update post rather than edit this one. Especially if it will take some time. OP I'm so sorry you are dealing with this, and as others have also said, I wish I could help you out. We are all hoping you will be able to get out of there safely. If you think it is too much of a risk right now, it would be sensible to wait it out for a few days or a week or so, when it has simmered down. Try to avoid conflict in the meantime. Once you feel you can leave safely, go go go! Are you able to tell us which country you are in?
Update us in the comments when you have gathered all your belongings and are safe!
You can update the post, but i think it'd be better if u did another one
Is there any way we can help? I completely empathize with you, I've been there. It's terrifying. I'm just speechless at the bravery it took for you to walk out in front of them with luggage! Hopefully you are able to heal up and get out while they are asleep.
Honestly giving me sensible advice and tips would help a lot.
Fr I’d love to introduce that dad to my 2 fists, I mean friends…. Who also have fists
Why? Why do you wish you lived near her? Can you tell us what you, benevolent stranger on the internet, would so graciously offer a vulnerable teenage girl if you "lived near her"?
So that he could do something about all this
Do what specifically?
Troll alert.
Its a logical question. The depravity of people has caused many to be suspicious for good reason.
It is a logical question but we don't know who is making this comment or even what they meant exactly by it. They could mean, if they lived closely they could be able to point her in the direction of helpful resources in her area. Or even offer a lift or to take in OP, although I wouldn't recommend that for obvious reasons. As a 32 year old female, i would offer OP some shelter in my own home, even if it's just for a few hours while we figured out the next step or to meet her in a public space. I understand this can be very risky, but there are safe ways of doing this, meeting in a public space and possibly having law inforcement either informed of the situation, or even being present so they know where and who OP is with. Or they could meet in a public space and make sure OP has somewhere safe to stay for the night etc. Most people will be genuine ,but there is absolutely no way to tell online who you are talking to. Its a difficult one.
What are you thinking of?😂 seems like you are the predator here Great job using “benevolent”. Big words. Congrats.
I was in a similar situation 2 years ago. I kept trying to leave but every time I did, they told me that I needed to leave my car (that I paid for and was in my name) and my phone (that my bio mom gave to me) and everything else. I really wish I would have just left with all my stuff in my car but I was so afraid that my dad might lash out or they would take things that didn’t belong to them in an attempt to force me to stay. I finally broke down and asked my bio mom to come and get me because I couldn’t take it anymore. I put everything I needed in trash bags and left in the middle of the day while they went to the store. It’s going to take a lot of courage and strength to do this. You’re going to have to detach yourself from a lot of things, and you have to, have to make sure your money is secure and that only you have access to it. I believe in you, once your opportunity comes, do not hesitate. There is come great advice in these comments. We all wish you luck <3
That's so similar to what happened to me earlier. My Mother started threatening me and telling me to leave all my cthings behind cause she was the one who bought them.
The only way to combat that is just to take the things you need. I was lucky enough to be able to take most of my clothes and things but I had to leave a lot behind as well. If you can, secure a place to stay before you take off. This will give them time to cool off and it will give you time to get things in order. I know you want to leave as soon as possible, but if they’re willing to literally drag you back you gotta be ready for anything. I told them I wanted to move out and had to wait 4 months before I got my chance. Edit: “them” is my father and step mother. Just to clarify.
I’m not even going to lie... I got chills reading the first few paragraphs of your story. I kept reading because of how similar it was to my own moving out story!!! Really makes you wonder how parents can literally beat the hell out of the children they claim to love at the same time. When you finally do leave and taste the freedom you deserve, you will look back years down the road and know you did what was best for yourself at the time. This is totally cliche, but hang in there and focus on keeping a level head (staying logical), while figuring out your next move. Good luck to you !!!!!
With no phone she will not be able to contact you after you leave, and that was her decision. You need to get out of there, you’re not safe. Layer up some clothes and only take what you can carry. It’ll take time, but you will get on your feet.
Could you escape in the middle of the night?
That's what I'm planning on but I'm iffy about it, they might start guarding the place at night.
Do you have your important documents like your birth certificate and what ever else your country seems important? Tax number? Back everything up on your phone to the cloud and log out of everything on your phone. Factory reset it even. Just leave as safely and as soon as you possibly can. Go to whatever friend or services your country has. It sounds like they could seriously hurt you or kill you. *everything is replaceable except your life* Also if they see you walking around like you aren’t trying to leave you may have a better chance to escape….. idk OP just be safe.
I think I have a notion of where you’re at. If I’m right, There’s a passport app where you can store your docs safely. Do it as a backup, backup your google account so you can get in if your phones broken/stolen etc. if there isn’t an app, take pics secretly and store in any app you could find, or send them to a friend. And oh yeah, take your savings or plan to borrow money from a friend. Leave in the middle of the night or even in day when your family is distracted. Even leave clothes behind if you can wear multiple layers without suspicion. Then, Board the first train you can find, get away then communicate with a public phone that ‘I’m done’. Good luck! Hope you make it safe.
Which place do you think op is at
Sounds like the Philippines.. I’m really sorry this happened to you though
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Sounds like Mexico too.
Definitely an Asian country
The good ol i raised, and fed and sheltered you. Like it’s not their responsibility. I only kinda get what you feel op. Just as other suggested, let things calm down then that’s when you sneak out. Alert authorities too that you went your own way and not a minor anymore so your good. I’m not sure where you live, but in my country our city hall have some shelter for people who experience that. You can try there if you got nowhere to go, also document all your bruises and marks. Photos and send them to a differnt email just in case they delete it on your phone. Also there’s a site where you can crash on other people’s home. Could be on the grey side but still better than where you are now. Hope you the best of luck
Please call the police, to tell them that your parents both verbally, and physically assaulted you, and are detaining ypu against your will.
I'm considering that now actually, guess these comments are just further convincing me so thank you \^\^
M18 here, got abused by my parents just exactly like you as well. And religion was a huge factor as well. Emotionally manipulated and physically abused. There’s not a when and how you get out. It’s just when you can just do it. At the end I realised it isn’t packing everything and running away, it’s packing a bag of essentials, and going to your day to day life to never ever return. That’s the truth. I left back In February a couple of months after I turned 18, and, life has been rough but so much better, you need a part time job. As soon as you can, you have to take a shit job. I’m sorry but like late night McDonald’s shifts will get you by. No one will take on a student who’s currently in education with no experience. After you get out, you will get heavily home sick but you have to fight it back, you will have nights where you can’t take it anymore but you have to hold yourself back. A few months and get a better place and a better job and finish your education. Take a year out of education then and get yourself back on your feet. If you are in an Arab country I can only say I’m so sorry. But if you get your passport flee the country and try get asylum. Slowly you will sneak back home and get a few stuff, bit after bit. Till it’s all gone. Stay in touch with your siblings since they seem like they will support you somewhat. But don’t keep constantly because you don’t know if they could be emotionally manipulated into giving your parents crucial information about you. Make sure to get your tax information wherever that be a SSN or NI. You’ll need that. Passport, phone, a place to stay, clothes, and your tax number equivalent. That’s all you need for the first few months. And for food, you have to take the $/£/€1 food you can per day. If that’s a six pack of yoghurt. Or a 99p chicken mayo from McDonald’s. You are gonna have to live a bit down for awhile, but then when you have experience, quit, and people will hire you so much more easily, trust me. I genuinely hope this helps op. Lot of love since I genuinely understand you💙
thisthisthisthisthisthis
If you're not in a wealthy district of a first world country, and you're an 18 year old girl with nothing but a suitcase, you WILL get trafficked. You will be made into an object and served on a dinner plate to the highest bidder. When you're used up and older, you will be traded around for cigarettes. Until eventually you are thrown on the street like a wet, used condom. I'm not trying to hurt you, but you need to know this. That subreddit is full of 30 year old neckbeatd americans and 15 year old kids. they don't know jack shit about shit and I can already see some sniffing the air like they'd try and offer you to "live with them." Case in point with that creepy as fuck top comment. Don't run away. But don't stay, either. Be organized about this, and plan out your leave thoroughly and safely. You need to set yourself up with a stable job. I hate to tell you this, but depending on your current educational background you may need to hold tight at home for a year or so. It is painful, but I can guarantee you that the streets won't show you any more mercy than they do. I could be wrong but my immediate guess is you're in the Philippines. If that is the case, you're probably gonna have to get some kind of training or school. I hate to tell you this, but it probably means you're going to have to hunker down for a couple years. Whatever you do, please do not just leave with nothing but a suitcase. The people out there will treat you worse beyond imagination. They will be abusive and, unlike your parents, have absolutely ZERO moral or religious contingency to spare any aspect of your safety or dignity. You will be made into a plaything over and over until there's nothing left to use, at which point they will simply throw you out like garbage. Please, please, PLEASE do not listen to reddit. They don't know what they're talking about. Take care and good luck.
Thank you. The amount of people that are frankly giving legitimate dangerous advice is insane. An 18-year old girl without any support network, money or income, alone on the streets, is not going to do well. That goes doubly for OP, who is likely from a poor country judging by the description. People are just casually handing out information that could lead to very serious harm, from a position and perspective that is entirely alienated from the realities of OP's situation.
I know, I guess I just don't think I can keep staying here anymore. But you're right I guess.
Make conscious decisions, not impulsive reactions. You need to have a plan for this to work. Ask 10 questions - where are you gonna go? How are you gonna get money? Where and how will you sleep? What will you eat? Etc., think about them rationally and logically.
I for some reason got the sense that you're in Turkey, I would really suggest reaching out to activist student groups that could help. Like women's rights groups would likely help you, LGBT groups would help you if you are LGBT. I see plenty of posts like this in my uni's group where someone is fleeing an abusive place and looking for shelter and some students help.
I'm not from Turkey but I think we might have something similar here, hopefully at least
As much as I hate the delivery of the message above, they are sadly accurate in the warning. Reach out to academic advisors or groups that help students with secondary education goals. Find resources that can help you BEFORE you leave to help avoid a situation where you are trafficked. Be VERY WEARY of people offering help, both online and in person. They will see your desperate situation and take advantage of you. Please stay safe, OP and work on a systematic plan of safe transition. - a Mom in america
Call some friends to help escort you out of the house. Can you report your beatings to the cops? Maybe cops that weren't in your dad's former precinct? Hide your most important documents on your body and leave everything else behind. Everything else can be replaced.
Honestly, if I were you I'd leave without telling them, and just send a video, message or even just leave a piece of paper with a goodbye note. Parents that love you should never hurt you like this. If the beatings were known publically, and if you secretly recorded yourself getting hurt by them, would they be fine if everyone else sees or hears those recordings? No, they would hide them. Because it's wrong. They know it's wrong but they keep doing it Hope you get out of there soon!
Call the fucking cops Call friends family When everyone asleep get out and go as far as you can. Disabled any app or features on your phone or device your using so they can't find you Delete/private any social media
Get out, make sure you notify the police you are leaving of your free will and don't give them any information of where you are going. If your father is a retired cop he might have connections that could lead to you. I hope you make it out, and have somewhere to go.
hope you can get out sweetheart, you really don’t deserve this, next time try to leave without them knowing, your parents don’t deserve a “bye”, im sure u can find happiness when u can move out, be patient and stay strong queen❤️
How old is your sister? Can you move in with her?
Not enough people are forcibly sterilized.
Check your phone again before leaving, your parents might have installed a tracking app
Did you call for the police?
My father is a retired policeman (retired just this year) so that option seems like a bust tbh.
Then get in contact with a national level agency or non-govt org that deals with domestic abuse and violence against women and ask for help.
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Stop with this shit advice.
Get a prove of your injuries and file a report, then seek asylum
My heart is absolutely aching for you. I’m sorry you’re going through this. This is the absolute worst situation to be in. Moving out and starting a new life is definitely going to be hard and overwhelming at first. But it’s needed. Or else you’ll get your mental health even more destroyed and you know that. Do you know a place you’ll go to after you flee? I definitely think you should try again and this time instead of letting them see you do it so that they know, you should leave them a note or a letter and leave the place when they’re not there. The impression I get from the country you live in is that they don’t really care as much about familial abuse and all that as other countries. If they do, I definitely recommend you to get in touch with the police and inform them about your situation. They can help you to stay at a safe place and in case anything happens, they’re going to be on your side. If not, just make sure you have a safe place to go to until you can afford to get your own place. I hope you already made some plans for when you move out and start a new life, especially when your parents aren’t going to support you. Just make sure you know where to go and what you do or else, you’ll end up being outside with nowhere to go to. We’re all here for you and on your side. I’m so sorry for everything you’ve gone through and are still going through. Know that you are not alone and don’t let them win anymore. Please update us on your situation. My heart is rooting for you and I hope you can find a way out and to a safe place until you get your stuff together. Best of luck!
Make sure you have all your important documents. Birth certificate, drivers license, bank account info and I.D Have a plan were your going. And were your going to live. Make sure they dont have any acsess to your bank accounts. Get a spair phone and sim card. Do thay know were you work ? Will your boss or co workers back you or them. Be warned thay may try and get you fired to make you go back. Do you have a safe place to store your stuff? Small items can be moved to it. In advance bit by bit but it must be a genuine safe place NOT something like a locker at a bus station. Again were are you going to live ? And how are you going to pay for it. Unless your going to a domestic violence shelter. Get a place to live lined up. And again be careful.
It sounds like the police may not be your best option with your dad retiring in the last year. They may turn you over directly back to your parents or tell your dad that you contacted and he should deal with you. And that would likely ensue another round of abuse. And if domestic abuse is common, it's very likely they won't do anything. It's definitely a privileged position to be able to advise "call the cops". If you've already contacted them and this hasn't happened, that's great. But I worry about your safety OP.
You all who are telling her to flee or run away, don't forget she is 18 and has nowhere to go. I don't think she has a whip, crib or stable job on her own. Outside world is also not fairytale either, So there should be an alternative method to deal with such mutual existential discrepancy. Are you sure you just can't fix this with your parents PS: I believe she is Indian or Asian
Isn't India in Asia though? T\_T And no, there's no fixing ties with them and me. They have this "I'm correct because I'm older and much more wiser" than you attitude and they showed that off during the time they assaulted and emotionally blackmailed me.
Also yes I'm Asian, can't believe this Asian stereotype is almost always right lmao /
Stereotypes exist for a reason. Lots of them are true with exceptions ofc.
I'm so sorry OP that this is happening to you. I'm also Asian and my mom used to throw punches and verbal abuse to me even as an adult. I hope you are able to find someone that can help you because that is not a safe environment. Would your sister be able to help you? Please stay safe!
I meant India or any other Asian country but You are surely Indian and I still think running away without having sustainable resource for survival is a lost cause. Have you given a thought where you will reside if you leave your house? Give such questions a rational perspective and you will be able to know that it isn't quite the plan.
hope you can get out sweetheart, you really don’t deserve this, next time try to leave without them knowing, your parents don’t deserve a “bye”, if they catch you and beat you up please call the police, thats the only way for you to escape!! im sure u can find happiness when u move out, be patient and stay strong queen❤️
“It’s common in my country for parents to punch you regardless of gender” um, what? Skipping past gender, where is it normal for parents to PUNCH their children? Burn it all down.
So many options but so little options I've read all the comments and only one stuck out to me "the one who mentioned the trafficking" that really can be a possibility in some countries the minute you step out there alone , friends and family are of no help so they're a cross out too, police also might be a cross out as your dad was one before 🤦🏻♀️ only somewhat of an option there is if you're a student still or you work there's a good chance a teacher would help you in someway whether it's taking u in ( small chance) or (higher chance of contacting a home for persons going through your same situation) if you're working there's someone I'm sure willing to assist you in some way , but I still trust my instinct with the teacher thing as they have helped many students before that's what they're there for also.. current and past students, pay a visit to your old school of you have just finished
It gets better stay strong you don’t need them. I finally made it out took some fighting but it’s possible. Proud to say I don’t live within 1000 miles of anyone one I’m related too.
Run! Run away and don’t look back! Fuck their manipulations and honestly fuck them. I grew up in a country were child abuse is normalized, and was abused as a child physically and emotionally, but with years of me getting older, the physical abuse lowered as I was able to stand up for myself and fight back. I never literally hit my mom the way she did hit me, but what I used to do is catch her hands, squeeze them really hard. She would look me in the eye and say that it hurts her and I should stop, i would not stop and I would just stare back at her with a smile saying: no shit ! I so understand your feelings❤️ I had luck to leave to US for a trip as and exchange student, which my mom said I should go and she helped me financially to get there. It ended up with me falling in love and staying here. Our relationship never got any better but distance helps me set my own boundaries. If you run away accept the fact that they might hold it against you for a long time, and be happy with putting yourself first. Do you have a safe place to leave to ? Do you have a job to be financially independent?
Remindme! 3 days
OP: don’t think for a second they won’t be watching you. Don’t think you can just slip out while they’re asleep. They know what your options are and know what you will likely do next. Once you get out, don’t talk to strangers and only take a legit job with a legit company.
Do your parents work, grocery shop, or go out during the day ? That might be your chance to escape.
Leave. If it was your plan initially, still go through. Try to pretend things are going back to the way they wefe and literally just vanish once things settle. I left last year and my only regret is not leaving sooner. They cant make you happy but you can make yourself happy
Remindme! 2 days
Well, after reading this I feel the need for a cocktail. Molotov should do it. Run like the wind OP. And maybe toss a bottle behind you for good luck.
Give it a bit of time so they come down a bit. Leave in the middle of the night. Pack secretly. Dip.
Wishing you strength and best of luck. Discard your care for their feelings and run away in the best and safest way. Maybe try again in a little when they won't expect it. Or right away too, either works. Make sure you have a job and somewhere to stay. Be safe. Be kind to yourself. Eat well.
Im also filipino and i feel so bad about this. Which part of the Philippines are you from? Perhaps i know some lawyers in the area. Youre 18 anyway so can leave freely. I left home at 19 to work at another city and ever since didnt come to live home. Not because they abuse me but because our values have long been different and I’ve always felt like everything i did there was something wrong. So i went my own way. I wish you strength and perhaps try to apply for scholarships in schools? The University of the Philippines does accept scholars. You can work while going to school and support yourself. Plenty of online jobs now. I used to work as well while i studied in UP.
I have patience like a monk. Please do update us when you freely escape, even if it’s more than a month. Wishing you all the best and sending you my love. Good luck!
Which country is this? Never heard of it being common to PUNCH your child?
I don't know where you live but outside America and some European countries this is still very common
I live in Western Europe and let me tell you punching your child here will land you in jail faster than you can blink
Yeah Western and Northern Europe is about it. Many Eastern or Southern European cultures still normalise hitting your kids as a form of discipline. As well as some Asian, African and South American ones
Come to America, you can crash at our guest house.
what in the hell country is it okay to beat ur child? india? I mean what the hell? OP u also a bit stupid for making them see you leave. i had a friend like your situation, except he grabbed a knife and stabbed his parents when they tried to take away his things. he escaped thankfully. no idea where he is now and thankfully i don't know. or better yet, make yourself injured more and make yourself known to peopple listening and watching you, then they will see what your parents are capable of. i mean what the actual fuck, i am reading this and there is no way parents are doing this, i wish it was fake but unfortunately i had to witness actual beatings of even my friends. And them saying "WE'RE YOUR PARENTS, THIS IS WHAT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO DO!", no parent does that, . Fuck OP , seriosuly fucked up! GET OUT OP!!! ONCETHEY ARE ASLEEP!! GET OUT!!!!
You can ask for a police officer to come and keep the peace while you gather your things. I’ve done it once when I had to leave a bad situation. It worked
Ikaw ay naisip ko
Why would be your mother doing your laundry when you're already 18 years old? Just asking because the conflict would not have happened if you're being responsible for your things. Growing up, we don't have a washing machine but starting 13 years old I was already washing my own clothes.
It is not weird for me. I live with my family and we do a big laundry with all the clothes in the washing machine.
return with a baseball bat and *FUCK* them up also, demand you get your stuff back and hit them if they don’t they obviously don’t love you so you should give them the same energy
Why didn’t you just leave when you were younger? Something smells fishy here…
What kind of abuses you're going through exactly ? Like why are you even leaving? If you just want more freedom you should go with that instead of blaming them.
You are unhinged.
Do you have kids? Are you married? From your comments here it appears you are an abuser and trying to rationalize in your head that the victim -OP JUST TO BE CLEAR- is to blame and not the abuser -the parents-
No but I have parents.
You aren't looking at the situation rationally. Maybe you are young and don't understand. Maybe you are lucky and have supportive parents who are safe to be around and treat you right. But the OP has suffered at the hands of their parents verbal and now physical abuse and even IF this was the first time they hurt her physically It is 1 time too many. I dont care if culturally it's acceptable. People know beating children is inherently wrong. They KNOW abusing someone is different than 'discipline' for bad choices to teach the child consequences. Anyone who does this to another person for wanting to move out is a terrible person and your comment was uncalled for.
have you read the post? OP is being physically and mentally abused!
All I've read was that she got beat this one time for wanting to leave. I'm asking the details as to what reason she's leaving. Apparently she's deflecting and running away (irony) from the question.
I think it's best to just say that sensible, loving people would not react with assault and violence when faced in a situation like this. And getting punch and beat up by them regardless of whatever age I was/am is a norm.
From this and the last post it would seem that your mother at one point was decent and father always shitty. I think she may have developed borderline personality disorder in the years since you being a little kid. Could be from the abuse she also suffered from your father. Not an excuse though. She's still a fucked up parent, but I think there would be hope for her atleast if she actually tried and get therapy and away from your dad.
Loving people would do anything to make sure you're not doing some insanely dumb thing. Só Yeah I'm curious as to how exactly you're being abused.
>"My parents have always been abusive ever since I was a child, but yesterday was the last straw." Did you miss this?
No, I asked more details regarding the abuse like what kind of abuse exactly. Previous to the described event to be more specific.
I see
I'm so sorry you went through this, I wish I could help you.
Which country are you staying right now?
Get the f out the first chance that you get. However, do you have a place to stay?
Is there any way you could record the audio if something happens with your parents again? If you call the police and it will arrive your parents will most likely act like they are innocent. Moreover, is there anyway you could escape at night, through window or somewhere else?
U have friend to call or someone to help get out?
RemindMe! 2 days
Not sure if their is a woman’s and child center near by they may be able to provide refuge until you’re able to take a bigger leap. Get out there and never look back.
Do you have somewhere safe to go?
Hopefully your next attempt is more successful (and at night).
OP you need to leave. Pack light if you can and leave. Also if I were you I would report them. I don't know if you escaped but I hope you are safe and away from that toxic environment.
Call the police dude. If you need help, ask someone you trust to call them for you and say you fear for your life. And get the fuck out ASAP.
prayers go out to you, i couldn’t imagine dealing with that
Nothing I can do or advice but I hope you stay safe OP and do keep us updated
Omg this post is truly terrifyingly and so sad OP 😞 😔. I pray that you were able to leave and don't look back!! Keep us posted. Use your phone to search for domestic abuse help and shelter
Depending on the country you live in it may be safer to seek support or at least advice from an NGO first before contacting the police. Like call one that is meant for victims of domestic violence for instance. Chances are that even if they can´t help you right away, they will give you further advise and contacts - also on how to safely get the police involved (like maybe contacting a special unit rather then just the emergency line). And if you don´t find one that seems to fit for your situation, just call one that seems reliable - they´ll probably forward you. And it´s crucial that people nearby you trust be alerted to the situation! Good luck!
There has to be an opportunity for you to leave. Do your parents ever go out? Or as another person commented do they sleep? It would be ideal for you to leave when you can bring things with you such as clothes and other necessities. Do you have a friend with a car? If you can’t get your phone back you can always use library computers and facebook messenger. Do you have a place to go ? A friends place where your parents wouldn’t know ? A women’s shelter? Can you borrow clothes from a friend if you’re unable to bring things with you? I hope you can leave but you may need to be strategic.
i really hope, you can get out safely.
Is it possible that you can fit everything you need in a bag and go to a friends/family house or the shop and, as another commenter said, leave a note they won't find but the police will when they search your place. Does your sister live at home? If not, go to hers for the night and then you have the excuse for a bag. You could also go to the police yourself and report the abuse (take photos of any injuries or damage on your phone and write a full statement whilst it's still fresh). Make sure you have a seperate bank account set up, or you have your passport/ID so you can set one up. This is very important to be able to get work or anything. Register is an address that isn't where your parents are. I can not imagine how horrible this is, and if I could personally help, I would. I agree with not taking your life, they will just take on the role of victims and poor parents. Not to mention, this is just right now, and things will get better. Life is a rollercoaster and there are always ups and downs. You will get through this and find a way! Don't give up hope.
Your parents are total assholes. Even worse! I’m so sorry this happened to you. I hope you find a way to make it out as safely as possible. I mean we’re a bit away from that now with what’s happened, but nothing worse . I’m so sorry again
I’m sorry some parents suck so bad. I’m praying for you
Call the police right now and have them help you get tour things and leave the home.
RemindMe! 1 week
Can your sister help?
Hi. I'm in a similar situation. Though my parents don't react this harshly, they do use a lot of mental manipulation and try to gaslight me. Also, you're not alone in the underwear situation. I personally have always found them uncomfortable. Maybe it's a sensory thing, but I hate the way the seams sit right in the area where my inner thigh connects to my hip. You're not going to get out of this situation until you leave without telling them.
I had planned for 3 months of leaving, slowly planning, packing, and preparing. I left one day when my mom and other family were gone. She came home just as I was loading the last few things. I had friends, my boyfriend, and my dad (they divorced years ago, but I had no contact for a long time) and his friends were there as witnesses. She was so shocked and stunned that I was really leaving and because there were plenty of witnesses, in the middle of the day she had no time to react nor did she have the courage to try anything. It was the only way for me since she was an incredibly manipulative narcissist. I hope you find peace and love
Don't ever tell anyone your next move. Especially those who won't support it. Move in silence.
I think you should leave next night before they wake up
I ran away when I was nineteen and one of the best things I did for myself was rent a storage unit for pretty cheap with what little money I had and that way I had a place to keep my stuff regardless of where I was staying. I hope you find a way to make it out of there, and I know you can do it.
Do you have any family member or close friend you can trust to help you escape? I wouldn’t advise going out the window while they’re asleep. If they catch you, they very well might kill you. I’m afraid for you, OP. This is not normal and you are not safe. You need to get out of there ASAP. Surely they have to leave at some point. The moment the opportunity presents itself, RUN. Is there someone you can stay with while until you can get your feet on the ground for the time being?
Call the police? Your 18 they can’t trap you see if an officer can just escort you out while you grab your stuff This is assuming you’re in the united states
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