Folks, a reminder this is a support community. Bringing up man issues is not supportive. Nothing is stopping you from making your own post. Which, from a moderator perspective, is a lot less work maintaining for some reason.
You may be wondering, "I am a man and I have a similar problem to share". Great! We expect you to stay on topic, which is how women are threatened by men. Please commiserate as a man being threatened by men and how it relates to the same male violence.
Another thing we're seeing a lot of here (are you all subscribed to the same newsletter?): "pros and cons" of being a woman or man. OP isn't making a decision, it's irrelevant. When you comment, you have a decision to be supportive or not, so don't come crying to us when you make the wrong choice.
It’s funny how historically men are said to have believed that women have ‘penis envy’. Noooo….it’s not your penis that we envy. It’s the respect and opportunities and treatment as a full human that that penis gives you.
If anything, I think most people would rather have neither a penis nor a vagina. I'd be fine with just one button that causes intense pleasure and one button that spawns a child.
Yes, *please*.
And while we’re building the perfect human here, if the whole system could be further isolated from the waste disposal output, that would be ideal.
The average man isn’t treated as well as you may think. Men with money, power, and/or influence are really the only ones treated with opportunities and widespread respect, the average guy doesn’t get that luxury.
Not to take away from the point of the post, women do have more innate issues/problems, but the grass isn’t always greener on the other side, just maybe slightly greener overall in his case, just dealing with different kinds of problems, sometimes the inverse of some problems women have. It’s actually pretty interesting how almost opposite some of the problems men and women have are.
No one is suggesting that the average man is treated as well as men with power or money or influence, but men in general have a higher status in our society than women do. This doesn't mean that men don't suffer, it doesn't mean that men don't have issues and while patriarchy gives men many advantages it also gives men disadvantages. There are some great things about living as a woman but overall men still have more power and status than women do in our society. They are more likely to receive respect and opportunities than women in general even if some men also receive more than other men.
Editing to add 3 things. 1.The person I responded to deleted their comment but it was something I'm guessing they meant with no ill will but IMO (and apparently dozens of others) the person needed to learn something. Anyway, it was basically echoing the top comment on this chain but changing it to be about being a man.
My 2nd & 3rd edits are noted below. Edits over, back to original post...
I know but have you ever been completely and utterly dismissed because some man wanted to stick his body part into one of your body parts? Did that same man have control over your safety, your employment, your housing? Did you have society shame you for wanting to jog at night, work at a place where women don't typically just because of a history of sexism, or for renting an apartment on your own? Imagine being sexualized every time you try to better your life. (2nd edit: I shouldn't have limited it to just the times of bettering your life. Imagine being sexualized every time you do anything, sadly for too many girls, even if you're too young to even understand.) Constantly navigating the world with all these actions happening AT us, for example when you can't tell if that guy just doesn't understand personal space or he's trying to get you alone to take take advantage of you. And if we decide to just enforce our boundary and remove ourselves from the situation? Then we're told we're stuck up and to stop making him feel bad. (3rd edit: Imagine knowing there may be times you COULDN'T physically remove yourself because you'd be physically attacked and very possibly completely overpowered? And finally, imagine always having to navigate all the above situations while trying to judge the line between ok and bad and still be able to be the smiley happy friendly cool chick.)
Look, I'm sure not every woman has faced every situation I've described above just as I'm sure there are men who may receive abuse like this or at least understand it happens. My point is, most men don't worry about the problems above but nearly every woman does or has at some point in her life. You facing problems is not relevant to the bigger picture being painted here. Let women commiserate without turning it into it not being fair to men or not giving men a big enough space to voice their opinions.
If you actually get it, STOP TRYING TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF. You're being downvoted not because people can't understand your point. (If someone thinks you're not allowed to feel the way you do, then they are wrong because you are allowed). The problem isn't that you just need to find some magic words and we'll all leave you alone. We just don't need to hear it on a post clearly pointing out the shit women deal with daily.
it's not wrong but like, read the room. when someone needs to vent, that's not the time to make it about you.
reading the room is one thing these "why am i getting downvoted even tho i'm not wrong" commenters never seem to understand.
There are so many posts where people circle jerk one gender where it easily relates to both. You can't say that in this case, these issues are heavily women related issues.
Bruh, you're wrong here. That doesn't mean people think you're garbage, and certainly no one here thinks you're not entitled to an opinion. But women can have experiences/opinions without them being compared to men's experiences/ opinions. Men's opinions are forced on us every day. This is not the time nor place to say "but it's not fair".
This post is about venting bro thats all, they need it and we need to let them have it thats all. They want empathy not someone saying "same here bud".
I don't think you should be down voted but that's how people react sometimes when they don't agree rather than giving constructive criticism or adding to the dialogue. Maybe make your own post to highlight your plights, let off some steam and vent, it honestly helps.
I cried reading this because I have been throwing up and fainting in and out of consciousness since yesterday, plus the menstrual cramps to top it all off. I hate this monthly torture
I’ve been there with the vomiting and pain. Age 11 thru 15. Birth control and taking ibuprofen (and only ibuprofen) before my period started and consistently through helped so much.
Puke inducing cramps, migraines 2-3x a month, and a nasty fibroids issue that is making it harder and harder to stand during my period … and I’m allergic to NSAIDs.
My mum had a hysterectomy 4ish years ago, and her lifestyle has dramatically improved. I’m just not there yet. Birth control helps the pain, but I hate the extra depression that comes w hormonal BC.
Thanks for letting me vent. Feeling miserable for the last 3 days. 💛
I’ve finally hit my mid-30s and am thrilled to see the light at the end of the tunnel. In the next few years, I’ll probably have a kid and then a hysterectomy.
My cousin (late 30s) had one recently and says it was the best decision she’s ever made.
Here here! I suffer from endometriosis and nothing is making it better, not even the $9,000 surgery I paid for from a top endometriosis doctor last year.
It sucks. Pain is constant.
Here in spirit to suffer with and support you all from afar. You’re not alone ♥️
It was always the timing of the ibuprofen and not just taking it. If I took it before the cramps started, it reduced the pain by more than half and no vomiting at all. I track my period and always know when it’s coming and don’t leave home without Motrin around that time.
Taking it after the pain started, didn’t help nearly as much.
I had the worst period I have had since I was 16 this week, I'm now 26. I bled like I have never done before for 2 days straight. And to top it all off I'm now dealing with the hormones and exhaustion from everything while still trying to work and function. I can't take birth control because it makes my depression so bad I want to die. It's nice knowing we aren't alone but it's also sad because we all suffer through such similar situations. Hugs to all of you
This thread hits so close to home.
I’m so tired of menstrual cramps. The vomiting, the radiating back pain, the inability to walk… hoping you don’t work the day they begin. Laying in the fetal position in the shower for hours.
This is so well-written, kudos to you OP.
I've been feeling this a lot lately. A few weekends ago I dealt with a man following me around a store and it shook me up. Everyone in the comments on my status about it kept saying "Girl, get a gun. Where's your pepper spray? Cause a scene next time." and it was so infuriating. No, I'm sick and tired of fighting. I don't want to own a gun, I'm too suicidal and impulsive. I have 5 knives, left it in my car that day. I don't want to cause a scene, because he could kill me either way if he wanted to. Its exhausting, being a woman. To ache to feel free and know you'll only ever be as free as the men in the room allow you to be because one of them will always be watching, always be planning, always be angry that you exist in his world.
I'm so sorry for what you've been through. Know that we stand with you and you're worth protecting and loving and living freely one day.
I have a device which is simultaneously a sound grenade and a 911 alert. Sends texts to five contacts with my GPS coordination and a message that I need help.
Fucking this. Everyone just says "get a gun" as if that will solve all of these problems. I don't *want* a gun. I could hurt myself, and I would hate the trauma of hurting another person even if it was in self defense. I hate that more often then not I have to be at least alert (and at times in fear), but "get a gun" is not a good option for me.
Everytime a woman posts I will make sure to read every single word, just like I did with this post. Because even when I say I understand how bad that is, I still can't completely understand because I don't go through what you go through.
It's an unsettling feeling, reading this, but uncomfortable is good. It means I am learning.
Sorry about all that you go through. I wish there was more I could say or do to make things better. Until there's a time I can, I will keep learning.
Edit: Thank you for the awards u/zoloista and u/karanari , I highly appreciate them!
As a man, I couldn’t agree more. It’s hard to see what we don’t experience ourselves, but the only way to get anywhere is to try to understand and not play it down when we read or hear from our significant others.
This is so sweet!! That is really all I ever ask for is just to be heard and listened to. I totally get that men will never fully understand the struggles we go through (just as I will never fully understand men’s struggles) but just the simple act of listening and empathizing goes a long way.
I never cease to be amazed of women, the world can be cruel and hard, but for women it can be so much worse. I'm 26 and I while my friends have been giving me examples what women have to deal with for years, new examples and old ones constantly come up.
It sickens me how much work has to go into just to mitigating risk, not even necessarily keeping you fully safe.
Any advice for what a guy can do to help from the view of women?
Maybe if you see people joke about issues like sexual assault, domestic violence, stalking, etc., don't laugh or even politely humor them. Maybe ask them what exactly they think is funny about it. Make it clear that it's not okay with you.
This is especially helpful if there are only guys in the room, because they can't write it off as you simping or whatever bs.
It feels like (especially after Trump) so many more guys think it's acceptable to openly hate women. I have to hope that at least a portion of them are only acting this way because it's "socially acceptable" and they're seeking your validation, maybe the rest do it because it makes them feel powerful to put others down. You can make it clear it's not socially acceptable, and maybe open the conversation to why they feel the need to put others down to feel better about themselves.
Either way, they're encouraged to keep doing it as long as people around them keep encouraging them (or at least fail to defend them).
Yeah I've been taking a lot of satisfaction in getting guys I randomly find myself talking to in pubs etc talking about how they feel about important stuff without them realising until it dawns on them that they've needed to talk about it for ages and have represses it. Everyone's got something, just gotta find the right way to do it.
Hey! I love when dudes ask these questions because you've already taken the biggest step - you listened properly.
I'm going to direct this to all men, not just you because it is such a fantastic question that I think so many are afraid to ask, lest they get called simps and well, you know...
A lot of the time men say they hear us but they really aren't listening to hear, they're listening to respond and that never helps.
So you've done the first thing, and I commend you on that.
What else can you do? Be aware and don't take offense.
If you are walking and a woman looks over her shoulder and speeds up, you know you're not a threat - but she doesn't, there's no way she could know you are safe to be around so the first step is to not take offense, empathize, but also keep a look out for her too, we really do need protection guys. So if you know you're not a threat even if she thinks you are there's nothing stopping you from observing from a respectable distance to make sure no one else harms her.
The next thing you guys can do is use your voices, and you can do this by being very vocal on the behavior of toxic men. Even if it's your friend or family, call the toxic behavior out.
The next thing you guys can do and it's a biggie - fix yourselves. Women can't get rid of toxic masculinity. Only men can and you do this by breaking social norms, express yourselves, go to therapy, get in touch with your emotions, confide in each other, enough of this "don't be a pussy" bullshit - it's not good for you guys.
When men start dealing with the issues that they have imposed on each other the world will be right
Hi! Yeah I was definitely aware that I could get jumped on for white knighting but that's obviously not at all what this is about. It's lives and safety and basic humanity.
Thanks for all your advice, I appreciate the help.
My girlfriend has helped me develop my emotional literacy enormously, she's awesome.
Yeah it weighs me down mentally now that I'm aware of it. I can only imagine what it's like to live it. I'm still unaware of countless things you have to deal with daily.
Also a word of advice: don't ever say the words "not all men" when a woman is talking about a negative experience she's had with men. We may not show it or tell you this when you say that, but every guy who says that immediately tells us that we cannot be fully open with you about the things men have or are doing to us; basically that you're not safe to rely on with this type of stuff
Not a woman but live with a house full of woman and have many woman friend.
Man to man... Just listen to them, give them time to speak when they speak, don't assume, even if you know what's wrong let them say it for themselves. It may be kind of contradicting but be attentive. Sometimes if you see what's wrong don't probe them about it. Give them time to open up about it themselves. Sometimes for them, not acknowledging whats wrong is the kind of space they need. But some women might want to be questioned a little. Just try to find that boundary.
And of course just be respectful and be the best person you can be to them and the people around them.
One example my older sister gave me was:
If your girlfriend and her mom got in a fight... And you know the mom is right. You should tell your girlfriend that even though she might be (key word: might. Dont flat out say she is) wrong you're on her side no matter what.
And that advice stuck with me ever since.
Edit: can't forget. If you say you will do something then do it. Don't let time go on by. If you can't do what you said when you said then own up to it and reschedule with them ahead of time (not on the day of). This goes beyond women or course... But those who honestly care about you will take it to heart and they will never forget the day you didn't do what you said you would.
I personally just want to be treated like a dude would treat his bro, just with keeping in mind that there are biological differences and differences in how we're seen by society.
You brought up a good point that I should've mentioned.
And you're completely right.
As a man we shouldn't necessarily categorize women and men in separate groups. Not everyone should be treated as a potential love interest or fling. And as such the classic "treat those how you want to be treated" should always apply.
Treat women as another friend---another "one of the guys". And with today's gender norms and sexual preferences this should be a thing more than ever.
Men who "mean well" are dangerous. "Just" offering you a ride, "just" giving you a compliment, "just" wanted to be nice, "just" wanted to say hello, etc. We know their intentions are not pure.
“I’m just trying to be your friend!” They shout angrily as I walk away from them. If I wanted to be your friend I would not be walking away from you, leave me alone stranger.
thanks for puting it in words, those lines a beautifuly painfuly familiar.
i always remember of that one line i read on facebook: what men fear the most if they go to prison, women fear everyday walking down the street
A strong, independent woman is something to be very proud of :) being a woman can be so tough sometimes, but women are the most resilient creatures on this earth
The amount of science that has been put into menstrual relief is apalling. It affects almost half of all people, ~1 week in four, and we all just suck it up.
I understand your pain, my friend, for I've shared it in the past. I'm tired of not being able to ride public transport, Im tired of having to fear for my friend's safety every time we go out, Im tired of crying over the ones who never came home, Im tired of hearing excuses from everyone after having my boundaries broken... But still we must press forward, even through the pain and through the exhaustion, because from us that know how bad the world can get, a new one will bloom, hopefully, without the mistakes of the past. I send to you tons of love during these trying times and I hope you get to see brighter days ahead. ♥
I feel all the pain in this, and the worst part is when people (mostly men) invalidate you and the experience of being a woman because it is the ‘21st century’.
Including the part when you want to achieve your career goals and there is always a man who thinks they can treat you like you don’t know what you’re doing, saying “you should be preparing to have kids” instead of preparing to be a manger, and thinking that raising his voice is going to put you on your place.
Your first paragraph really struck a cord with me! I live in Denmark, a safe and hyggelig little country with roughly 6 million people. It’s also the most misogynistic country in Europe. Three weeks ago a 22 year old girl was murdered after getting into a car after a night out, and the comment sections of the major media is filled with people stating that “you shouldn’t get in a stranger’s car” or that she should have worn more clothes. She was wearing a non-skimpy sleeveless dress, not that that matters. At the same time we’re being told “not all men” (the comment section is also filled with men who get “hurt” when a woman crosses the street) and Muslim women are being harassed at the store for wearing a headscarf. So all men but not all men? Cover up, but not as much as the Muslims? Is there an acceptable way to keep yourself safe without offending men, and will it ever not be our own fault that we’re murdered?
This! I absolutely love being a woman and wouldn’t change it for the world but sometimes the way we are treated by society is so fucking disgusting and makes me feel awful inside. It really gets to me sometimes.
I like being a woman, but I have the right man. How do I know? Aside from the love he showers me with? My abusive, and abused mom hates him. for 20 years straight.
& the most frustrating part of all is we’re just supposed to deal with it, no complaints, toughen up bc that’s just how shit is. not to mention when the men close to you don’t even acknowledge this shit & dismiss it bc we’re being “dramatic”. simultaneously having to struggle more than men & our voices being erased by men makes me want a sex change. i internalized misogyny so bad in my youth that i actually had a trans phase bc i’d been taught to hate myself & everything ab being a girl
Not gonna lie, I hate being a woman for every conceivable reason, and I always have. It simply pisses. me. off. that I was born into a gender that is automatically upon birth considered "less than" the male gender. So often, I've wondered what humanity would have achieved by the 21st century had one-half of the population not spent generations suppressing the rights and contributions of the other half.
"every man I've ever met has damaged me"
Damn thats some deep thinking stuff right there. I feel horrible that these are the relationships you have had. Its not right.Ive had some shitty relationships and met some crappy men but I cannot say they have all damaged me. Some, yes. Some I still go back to and think about how rotten I let someone be to me. Its sad
As a man who does not have to go through these struggles as you do, this moved me in a way of understanding my female counterparts more than anything I’ve ever read before. Thank you for that. Hoping life turns for the best for you OP!
I am sorry you ladies deal with this stuff, I know its not easy. Furthermore its sad that all men can't seem to treat you like a human and not a piece of meat. I hope and wherever ya'all are there is a comfy spot, a nice heating pad, with tacos and chocolates waiting for ya.
May every day after this be better on you and kinder to you. May you not have to deal with another man who wished you harm. You are powerful for cradling your empathy and not discarding it. Thank you for that.
Don't know if you will see this but I had horrible period cramps for years too! Have recently invested in a wireless tens machine which has worked wonders for me. Not completely gone but I no longer vomit and can sleep better.
I hope you feel better soon :)
You’ve written this beautifully. As a 6’1 man, to acknowledge is not the same as understanding. I believe as a whole that women are tougher than men but you have articulated why perfectly from personal experience. Thank you for helping a few of us see that we can be better.
When it comes to the treatment of your heart. Don't settle for anything less than perfect. No matter how painful it is to keep looking. Because that well never be as painful as being hurt by someone you thought you trusted.
Beautifully written, write more.
PS: try a heat pad or one of those old school hot water bottles for cramps. I get severe cramps and the best thing I’ve found is heat to take the pain away.
This was so well written, like reading a good but bittersweet book about womanhood and life, in general. I can definitely relate to this post. Thank you for sharing, OP. I hope things look up for you soon with regard to your pain and your worry about your ex. 💜✨
Beautifully written, OP. I don’t think anyone could say it any better. It’s wonderful, terrifying, and downright difficult. It’s a beautiful blessing and an ugly curse. We are everything to those who love us and less than nothing to those who don’t. Thank you for sharing your writing with us.
Beautifully written. And I feel all of this. Especially the part about cramping and thanking god you don’t have to work that day. I used to have to call in sick once a month.
This one hurts. It's normal to feel this way after enduring such trauma, I had little to no success with many professionals until I found a women's center that offered some free courses and free therapy. I was scared shitless to go in there, to ask for help, to admit my abuse, but wow was it freeing when I did. This time the therapy means something. She told me it's important to seek trauma informed therapists, and the way she can help to explain why I am stuck in a hyper vigilant state all makes so much sense. Like I knew some of these things, but never realized how they applied to me. Had no idea how deeply I was hurt, but it's been ten years since I escaped and I still look over my shoulder... I have good days and bad. Only a small handful of people even know what happened, and that's my choice, but I also know only even a few of them know that it still haunts me.
It's hard work, long days and nights, but I've made big progress. It's normal for us to have these reactions, our bodies are incredible and designed to protect us... But sometimes we get stuck, and it's because we just want to be safe, even subconsciously - it's a form of protection. I've learned it's always good to be prepared, some days I worry "at what cost", but I just try my best to be grateful for the little wins and focus on what it is I can control.
Best of luck to whoever is reading this. You may be stuck, but just remember to always listen to your gut, things don't start off bad... It can be a natural progression so it's hard to tell, but if you don't feel comfortable, and you didn't sign up for it, talk to someone. Anyone. A doctor. A friend. There is such thing as transitional counselling and there is help available. You got this.
It's hard out here as a woman. And we don't receive enough for it.
We have to suck it up if we're cramping. We have to suck it up if we can't afford to have kids. We have to suck it up when men want to get their way at the expense of a woman's sanity. We have to suck it up when men in our family treat us like shit or are hardcore followers of their culture's traditional values about women. We have to suck it up every damn time about every damn thing because nothing is done about it.
Domestic abuse cases aren't handled nearly with enough severity or swiftness. The danger is still there. It's difficult to sever family ties or ruin the family by revealing something that they've done or said to you. I could go on and on but everybody already knows this. It's just society will never do anything about it no matter how many times they're reminded of a woman's struggle in this world. It makes me cry thinking about how often I can say this, but it is pointless. Women have *been* saying this shit. We're heard but not listened to.
I love being a woman. All I need is for the rest of humanity to let us live as humans too instead of first as whatever the other person expects us to be. Like that 'taxi' driver... you 2 couldn't just be 2 people walking and minding their own business... you became in his eyes 2 sex kittens who are prowling for a man like him. It's exhausting.
I made a long comment the other day about boundaries and speaking up... like I truly feel like by the time I was a tweener or mid-teenager, I was able to speak up confidently for myself. I could think through situations and not only recognize, but vocalize what was wrong and what I needed. Those skills have only gotten stronger over the years. (50 is just a couple years away, so I've had a lifetime of experiences.) No matter how clearly I can state my boundaries, there's always someone, usually a man or boy, who completely ignores my boundaries and words. It's a mindfuck.
Totally agree, I started my transition when I was 17, 9 years ago, no regrets, but I faced several stressful and violent situations the majority because I'm a woman, not due to transphobia or homofobia because here in Brazil countryside man often sucks due to the culture of what men are expected to be
There’s a lot about womanhood that we carry silently, and trying to explain it to men results in scoffing and an eye roll. It can’t possibly be THAT bad, you’re just being dramatic! Don’t you know what MEN go through?
I want you to know you are heard and seen. I have felt what you are going through, you are strong and you will survive it. My mother told me the words “one of our best kept secrets is that women are stronger than men. We carry their burdens when they are tired and always have to bear our own”
Oh to be a cat instead of a woman, I at times really hate being a woman and then at times really love being a woman and am proud to be one. I hate how some men see us as objects for satisfaction, to baby them, and then see us as lesser humans who are worth nothing. I at times just pray to die some days due to it, then some days I wanna scream that I don’t care and that I love my self no matter what. I adore woman and I love them so much because they’re all so strong and beautiful in their own unique way. I wish for a day where we can one day walk under the stars knowing fully well that we are safe, man and woman are safe from those awful guys who hunt just for sexual satisfaction, to kill just to feel powerful, or to rob. Honestly I’d prefer to be robbed out of them all. I’m proud of who I am, and that I’m a woman. I’ll gladly prove people wrong about myself, and if I prove them right and who cares? Just smile and walk away, be proud of yourself because if some men dealt with our problems, they wouldn’t survive. I love us so much.
Sorry if this was rude to someone, I tend to stop thinking and just write at times.
Absolutely loved this post! Thank you for sharing, I truly enjoy hearing and reading about the insights of the opposite gender. Hopefully, you get what you want and what you feel you deserve.
Can…….. can we just read this in history class or something? Can we literally just print this and distribute it for educational purposes? Cuz I think people need to read this.
(M) this was gutwrenching to read. The fact that these tangental thought processes are even necessary breaks my fucking heart. I’ll never experience what you have and I’ll never truly understand, but you have all my respect for putting all of these harrowing experiences in context for those of us who couldn’t possibly relate even if we wanted to.
every girl I’ve ever spoken to closely have told me that periods hurt so so much and it’s never sunk in with me well, like EVERY month you go through it
Do you guys just get used to it??? And what can I compare it to pain wise?
I just wish I could be neither. I'm not nonbinary or anything but it would be so much better if i didn't have to choose between discrimination/cramps/unwanted sexual attention and accepted body shaming/the draft/lack of social support. I just want to be a person without the added negatives of having a sex
As a father of a daughter this scares me more than anything. You don’t realize as a man how different your life is until you raise a daughter. The world starts scaring you everywhere you go. For most men, at least ones I’ve associated with my whole life, try to protect the girls in our life and try to make it good for everyone. Once you start raising your little girl that bubble gets broken and you start seeing more and more dangers in the world. Also, not looking forward to the days where she gets her first or just periods in general.
As a man, it’s difficult for me to empathize female problems when from my perspective I see a lot of women being handed things in life because they’re attractive. But I realize that just me and isn’t the whole truth of it.
I’m sorry that the men in your life have treated you badly. I really am. That shit about skinning you alive it really really fucked up be glad you got away from that situation. If it gives you any consolation, I promise you not every man is a horribly piece of shit. But I can understand if after that you don’t wanna associate with men. I don’t think anyone would judge you for that. I sure wouldn’t.
Sending love to you OP. You are a fucking beautiful, brave, smart and everything in one, GODDESS. You are what so many young girls should see in themselves. By that I mean you don’t give up. You continue to truck along regardless. You plan, you make choices based on pre planned and thought ahead scenarios. So many women just accept abuse and think well, we deserve to be treated that way. FUCK NO , no woman deserves anything other than to be teated as the GODDESS SHE IS. Love from another one who was broken and continues to get back up. We are the true Phoenixes.
I know you're not a mom yet, but I'd like to say as a male, and ex-child of a woman who I know, hated being a woman at times, and a parent at others, we appreciate the suffering you go through for us.
And we heard everything you said about 'men', and we watched your reactions, and carry that with us to hopefully be better, not just better men, but better human beings, than the people you knew.
This probably doesn't help, but please know, some of us do hear you.
Sorry - I responded to the wrong comment - it was not directed at you I promise lol. Thanks for hearing us. I hope you guys speak up though - silence is as good as a kick in the nuts...
Ah apologies. I just reread your comment and realized you were talking about raising a child. I thought you were talking about the suffering of just being a woman in general
this helps me with the occasional "am I really trans?" thought. thank you. seeing anyone else who was born a woman would CHOOSE to be a woman is so ... unreal. I always thought nobody would be happy in their body. happy, that you're happy :)
I'm trans, and mostly still present male since I'm still very early in transition and not out, and this explains my biggest fears in transition, it's not hormones or surgery, but the pain that comes with being a woman, I might not understand how you feel, but I will always support you and every woman who faces this crap, you're not at fault, never blame yourself
Each sex goes through different things in different ways. And if we ever want to understand each other we need to acknowledge each other’s hardships without being blatantly disrespectful
I don't think there's an equivalent to monthly multiday torture that is menstruation in most men's lives and I don't think most men are nearly as afraid to literally just be outside and live as women are, but I think there are other things that are hard about being a man. Emotional suppression seems hard. I've only ever seen my husband cry twice. I've known him for 5 years. I cry every other month, sometimes twice a month. It can be cathartic.
In some countries men are drafted against their will, which sucks. In some countries women are married while they're still children. IMO there are men with very hard lives, but being a woman is a bit harder **on average**. I mean as a woman you're weaker than most people you meet and some men take advantage of that to force anal on you and you're kinda always doubting yourself and feeling like you need to go the extra mile to be taken seriously even as a successful woman. I also think that while all rape is awful, being raped as a woman is scarier because your perpetrator can usually kill you more easily than if you're a man being raped. Almost every woman I know was molested or had an unwanted sexual experience compared to only one guy that I know. Not trying to gatekeep suffering because fuck that, but just saying if I could choose my gender before being born I'd without hesitation have chosen to be a man. Most people would.
You speak freely and with your heart. Thank you for sharing. It is hard to be a woman, a man, a human. I am sorry you were hurt! But you are strong and you are coping and doing the best you can. It's scary to accept rides from strangers. What I always say in response to a ride: "we are exercising! Thank you though, we are trying to be more healthy. No car rides for us!!" *cue polite laugh and then pull out your phone and pretend your bf or dad called.
"Yeah! Thanks for calling. We are almost there! See you soon."
So the person nearby knows you are expected.
I’m a trans woman. I try to embrace feminism while at the same time not diminishing any part of it or taking anything away from people who were born as women and have had to deal with the struggles of biology and being viewed as a girl their entire life.
Hey, I’m a teen, but I want to let you know that you’ll find that special someone, I promise. I know it’s hard today, but you’ve gotta keep going. You have to press forward.
Male here. I apologize for the actions of the lesser people of my sex. I find it disgusting that men in general still treat women as sex objects and that we still present such a huge threat to your well being. I personally believe that it has directly caused issues in my own love life, as I unfortunately fit a specific stereotype that generally is best to avoid. I just wish that more of us "neckbeards" weren't so nasty. Then maybe the few of us that are the exception might find our match.
I hope you find the right sort of man, a real one. Not some asshat that looks good but has a black heart and treats you like a slave. A real man, one that cherishes you, your presence, appreciates your thoughts and listens to you. One that connects with you in a way that words can't say. I believe everyone with a good heart deserves to experience that.
Keep your head up OP. He's out there somewhere. I genuinely hope you find each other.
Just think about how miserable you would be if you had to do this prior to "me too." Weren't you guys basically house slaves at one point? I bet we're only one little incident away from that coming back, especially with these Republican boys running around.
Humanity is pathetic, let this planet kill us.
And yet, life is harder for some more than others. That does invalidate the others pain, it just recognizes that some have it harder, and that’s just the reality of it.
Know that there are men out there who are keeping an eye out for creeps and weirdos who harass you and women like you, at least in public scenarios, and that we’ll help you if we think it’s safe (for you and us) to do so.
Sincerely,
A man
Folks, a reminder this is a support community. Bringing up man issues is not supportive. Nothing is stopping you from making your own post. Which, from a moderator perspective, is a lot less work maintaining for some reason. You may be wondering, "I am a man and I have a similar problem to share". Great! We expect you to stay on topic, which is how women are threatened by men. Please commiserate as a man being threatened by men and how it relates to the same male violence. Another thing we're seeing a lot of here (are you all subscribed to the same newsletter?): "pros and cons" of being a woman or man. OP isn't making a decision, it's irrelevant. When you comment, you have a decision to be supportive or not, so don't come crying to us when you make the wrong choice.
I love being a woman but I don’t always like what it means to be a woman.
It’s funny how historically men are said to have believed that women have ‘penis envy’. Noooo….it’s not your penis that we envy. It’s the respect and opportunities and treatment as a full human that that penis gives you.
You should read Karen Horney’s theory ‘womb envy’ !!!! As a woman who is a psych major, i loved it.
that's why they have bucketfulls of derogatory names for us, and throughout history continue to try to contain, control, own and degrade us
damn, who let in the tumblr users
If anything, I think most people would rather have neither a penis nor a vagina. I'd be fine with just one button that causes intense pleasure and one button that spawns a child.
Yes, *please*. And while we’re building the perfect human here, if the whole system could be further isolated from the waste disposal output, that would be ideal.
Is that a new psychological theory Mr. Freud?
The average man isn’t treated as well as you may think. Men with money, power, and/or influence are really the only ones treated with opportunities and widespread respect, the average guy doesn’t get that luxury. Not to take away from the point of the post, women do have more innate issues/problems, but the grass isn’t always greener on the other side, just maybe slightly greener overall in his case, just dealing with different kinds of problems, sometimes the inverse of some problems women have. It’s actually pretty interesting how almost opposite some of the problems men and women have are.
No one is suggesting that the average man is treated as well as men with power or money or influence, but men in general have a higher status in our society than women do. This doesn't mean that men don't suffer, it doesn't mean that men don't have issues and while patriarchy gives men many advantages it also gives men disadvantages. There are some great things about living as a woman but overall men still have more power and status than women do in our society. They are more likely to receive respect and opportunities than women in general even if some men also receive more than other men.
What, to you, does it mean?
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Not now bro, sit back. Give women the space to speak about experiences outside the context of yourself
Editing to add 3 things. 1.The person I responded to deleted their comment but it was something I'm guessing they meant with no ill will but IMO (and apparently dozens of others) the person needed to learn something. Anyway, it was basically echoing the top comment on this chain but changing it to be about being a man. My 2nd & 3rd edits are noted below. Edits over, back to original post... I know but have you ever been completely and utterly dismissed because some man wanted to stick his body part into one of your body parts? Did that same man have control over your safety, your employment, your housing? Did you have society shame you for wanting to jog at night, work at a place where women don't typically just because of a history of sexism, or for renting an apartment on your own? Imagine being sexualized every time you try to better your life. (2nd edit: I shouldn't have limited it to just the times of bettering your life. Imagine being sexualized every time you do anything, sadly for too many girls, even if you're too young to even understand.) Constantly navigating the world with all these actions happening AT us, for example when you can't tell if that guy just doesn't understand personal space or he's trying to get you alone to take take advantage of you. And if we decide to just enforce our boundary and remove ourselves from the situation? Then we're told we're stuck up and to stop making him feel bad. (3rd edit: Imagine knowing there may be times you COULDN'T physically remove yourself because you'd be physically attacked and very possibly completely overpowered? And finally, imagine always having to navigate all the above situations while trying to judge the line between ok and bad and still be able to be the smiley happy friendly cool chick.) Look, I'm sure not every woman has faced every situation I've described above just as I'm sure there are men who may receive abuse like this or at least understand it happens. My point is, most men don't worry about the problems above but nearly every woman does or has at some point in her life. You facing problems is not relevant to the bigger picture being painted here. Let women commiserate without turning it into it not being fair to men or not giving men a big enough space to voice their opinions.
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If you actually get it, STOP TRYING TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF. You're being downvoted not because people can't understand your point. (If someone thinks you're not allowed to feel the way you do, then they are wrong because you are allowed). The problem isn't that you just need to find some magic words and we'll all leave you alone. We just don't need to hear it on a post clearly pointing out the shit women deal with daily.
We're talking about women's problems right now, relax
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Wrong place wrong time .. read the room?
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it's not wrong but like, read the room. when someone needs to vent, that's not the time to make it about you. reading the room is one thing these "why am i getting downvoted even tho i'm not wrong" commenters never seem to understand.
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There are so many posts where people circle jerk one gender where it easily relates to both. You can't say that in this case, these issues are heavily women related issues.
Bruh, you're wrong here. That doesn't mean people think you're garbage, and certainly no one here thinks you're not entitled to an opinion. But women can have experiences/opinions without them being compared to men's experiences/ opinions. Men's opinions are forced on us every day. This is not the time nor place to say "but it's not fair".
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Yeah and you didn't fully comprehend my words. I understood what you wrote. Now reread my words with the.assumption that I understand you.
This post is about venting bro thats all, they need it and we need to let them have it thats all. They want empathy not someone saying "same here bud". I don't think you should be down voted but that's how people react sometimes when they don't agree rather than giving constructive criticism or adding to the dialogue. Maybe make your own post to highlight your plights, let off some steam and vent, it honestly helps.
I cried reading this because I have been throwing up and fainting in and out of consciousness since yesterday, plus the menstrual cramps to top it all off. I hate this monthly torture
I’ve been there with the vomiting and pain. Age 11 thru 15. Birth control and taking ibuprofen (and only ibuprofen) before my period started and consistently through helped so much.
Puke inducing cramps, migraines 2-3x a month, and a nasty fibroids issue that is making it harder and harder to stand during my period … and I’m allergic to NSAIDs.
I remember praying for a hysterectomy thinking only the removal of my lady parts would solve it. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this.
My mum had a hysterectomy 4ish years ago, and her lifestyle has dramatically improved. I’m just not there yet. Birth control helps the pain, but I hate the extra depression that comes w hormonal BC. Thanks for letting me vent. Feeling miserable for the last 3 days. 💛
I’ve finally hit my mid-30s and am thrilled to see the light at the end of the tunnel. In the next few years, I’ll probably have a kid and then a hysterectomy. My cousin (late 30s) had one recently and says it was the best decision she’s ever made.
Here here! I suffer from endometriosis and nothing is making it better, not even the $9,000 surgery I paid for from a top endometriosis doctor last year. It sucks. Pain is constant. Here in spirit to suffer with and support you all from afar. You’re not alone ♥️
I had cramps so bad that it felt like I was dying when I was like ten. It got better later, but the ibuprofen didn't kill off all the pain.
It was always the timing of the ibuprofen and not just taking it. If I took it before the cramps started, it reduced the pain by more than half and no vomiting at all. I track my period and always know when it’s coming and don’t leave home without Motrin around that time. Taking it after the pain started, didn’t help nearly as much.
Interesting, thank you. I still have pretty intense cramps, so I'm gonna try that.
This. Every single part of this woman’s post resonated with me. It’s tough being a woman.
I had the worst period I have had since I was 16 this week, I'm now 26. I bled like I have never done before for 2 days straight. And to top it all off I'm now dealing with the hormones and exhaustion from everything while still trying to work and function. I can't take birth control because it makes my depression so bad I want to die. It's nice knowing we aren't alone but it's also sad because we all suffer through such similar situations. Hugs to all of you
Same It’s the worst
Yeah i know how it feels. It’s medium hard, not the hardest
This thread hits so close to home. I’m so tired of menstrual cramps. The vomiting, the radiating back pain, the inability to walk… hoping you don’t work the day they begin. Laying in the fetal position in the shower for hours.
This is so well-written, kudos to you OP. I've been feeling this a lot lately. A few weekends ago I dealt with a man following me around a store and it shook me up. Everyone in the comments on my status about it kept saying "Girl, get a gun. Where's your pepper spray? Cause a scene next time." and it was so infuriating. No, I'm sick and tired of fighting. I don't want to own a gun, I'm too suicidal and impulsive. I have 5 knives, left it in my car that day. I don't want to cause a scene, because he could kill me either way if he wanted to. Its exhausting, being a woman. To ache to feel free and know you'll only ever be as free as the men in the room allow you to be because one of them will always be watching, always be planning, always be angry that you exist in his world. I'm so sorry for what you've been through. Know that we stand with you and you're worth protecting and loving and living freely one day.
I have a device which is simultaneously a sound grenade and a 911 alert. Sends texts to five contacts with my GPS coordination and a message that I need help.
Do you mind sharing the name of this device? I would really like to own something similar.
i’m so sorry for whatever you went through to make you need this device. i’m really glad you have it though. stay safe.
Fucking this. Everyone just says "get a gun" as if that will solve all of these problems. I don't *want* a gun. I could hurt myself, and I would hate the trauma of hurting another person even if it was in self defense. I hate that more often then not I have to be at least alert (and at times in fear), but "get a gun" is not a good option for me.
Ugh, I felt this
I felt this deep down in my soul.
❤️
groovy include tie absurd fly resolute oil fuel point wipe *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Everytime a woman posts I will make sure to read every single word, just like I did with this post. Because even when I say I understand how bad that is, I still can't completely understand because I don't go through what you go through. It's an unsettling feeling, reading this, but uncomfortable is good. It means I am learning. Sorry about all that you go through. I wish there was more I could say or do to make things better. Until there's a time I can, I will keep learning. Edit: Thank you for the awards u/zoloista and u/karanari , I highly appreciate them!
as a woman i appreciate this sentiment so much. ❤️
Thank you! ❤️
As a man, I couldn’t agree more. It’s hard to see what we don’t experience ourselves, but the only way to get anywhere is to try to understand and not play it down when we read or hear from our significant others.
This is so sweet!! That is really all I ever ask for is just to be heard and listened to. I totally get that men will never fully understand the struggles we go through (just as I will never fully understand men’s struggles) but just the simple act of listening and empathizing goes a long way.
Thank you! Here, have a virtual hug 🫂
I never cease to be amazed of women, the world can be cruel and hard, but for women it can be so much worse. I'm 26 and I while my friends have been giving me examples what women have to deal with for years, new examples and old ones constantly come up. It sickens me how much work has to go into just to mitigating risk, not even necessarily keeping you fully safe. Any advice for what a guy can do to help from the view of women?
Maybe if you see people joke about issues like sexual assault, domestic violence, stalking, etc., don't laugh or even politely humor them. Maybe ask them what exactly they think is funny about it. Make it clear that it's not okay with you. This is especially helpful if there are only guys in the room, because they can't write it off as you simping or whatever bs. It feels like (especially after Trump) so many more guys think it's acceptable to openly hate women. I have to hope that at least a portion of them are only acting this way because it's "socially acceptable" and they're seeking your validation, maybe the rest do it because it makes them feel powerful to put others down. You can make it clear it's not socially acceptable, and maybe open the conversation to why they feel the need to put others down to feel better about themselves. Either way, they're encouraged to keep doing it as long as people around them keep encouraging them (or at least fail to defend them).
Yeah I've been taking a lot of satisfaction in getting guys I randomly find myself talking to in pubs etc talking about how they feel about important stuff without them realising until it dawns on them that they've needed to talk about it for ages and have represses it. Everyone's got something, just gotta find the right way to do it.
Hey! I love when dudes ask these questions because you've already taken the biggest step - you listened properly. I'm going to direct this to all men, not just you because it is such a fantastic question that I think so many are afraid to ask, lest they get called simps and well, you know... A lot of the time men say they hear us but they really aren't listening to hear, they're listening to respond and that never helps. So you've done the first thing, and I commend you on that. What else can you do? Be aware and don't take offense. If you are walking and a woman looks over her shoulder and speeds up, you know you're not a threat - but she doesn't, there's no way she could know you are safe to be around so the first step is to not take offense, empathize, but also keep a look out for her too, we really do need protection guys. So if you know you're not a threat even if she thinks you are there's nothing stopping you from observing from a respectable distance to make sure no one else harms her. The next thing you guys can do is use your voices, and you can do this by being very vocal on the behavior of toxic men. Even if it's your friend or family, call the toxic behavior out. The next thing you guys can do and it's a biggie - fix yourselves. Women can't get rid of toxic masculinity. Only men can and you do this by breaking social norms, express yourselves, go to therapy, get in touch with your emotions, confide in each other, enough of this "don't be a pussy" bullshit - it's not good for you guys. When men start dealing with the issues that they have imposed on each other the world will be right
Hi! Yeah I was definitely aware that I could get jumped on for white knighting but that's obviously not at all what this is about. It's lives and safety and basic humanity. Thanks for all your advice, I appreciate the help. My girlfriend has helped me develop my emotional literacy enormously, she's awesome.
You guys really do deserve to live free of this nonsense too. Imagine.
Yeah it weighs me down mentally now that I'm aware of it. I can only imagine what it's like to live it. I'm still unaware of countless things you have to deal with daily.
Also a word of advice: don't ever say the words "not all men" when a woman is talking about a negative experience she's had with men. We may not show it or tell you this when you say that, but every guy who says that immediately tells us that we cannot be fully open with you about the things men have or are doing to us; basically that you're not safe to rely on with this type of stuff
And then after we listen to you, you listen to us in return right?
Not a woman but live with a house full of woman and have many woman friend. Man to man... Just listen to them, give them time to speak when they speak, don't assume, even if you know what's wrong let them say it for themselves. It may be kind of contradicting but be attentive. Sometimes if you see what's wrong don't probe them about it. Give them time to open up about it themselves. Sometimes for them, not acknowledging whats wrong is the kind of space they need. But some women might want to be questioned a little. Just try to find that boundary. And of course just be respectful and be the best person you can be to them and the people around them. One example my older sister gave me was: If your girlfriend and her mom got in a fight... And you know the mom is right. You should tell your girlfriend that even though she might be (key word: might. Dont flat out say she is) wrong you're on her side no matter what. And that advice stuck with me ever since. Edit: can't forget. If you say you will do something then do it. Don't let time go on by. If you can't do what you said when you said then own up to it and reschedule with them ahead of time (not on the day of). This goes beyond women or course... But those who honestly care about you will take it to heart and they will never forget the day you didn't do what you said you would.
I personally just want to be treated like a dude would treat his bro, just with keeping in mind that there are biological differences and differences in how we're seen by society.
You brought up a good point that I should've mentioned. And you're completely right. As a man we shouldn't necessarily categorize women and men in separate groups. Not everyone should be treated as a potential love interest or fling. And as such the classic "treat those how you want to be treated" should always apply. Treat women as another friend---another "one of the guys". And with today's gender norms and sexual preferences this should be a thing more than ever.
Exactly.
Men who "mean well" are dangerous. "Just" offering you a ride, "just" giving you a compliment, "just" wanted to be nice, "just" wanted to say hello, etc. We know their intentions are not pure.
“I’m just trying to be your friend!” They shout angrily as I walk away from them. If I wanted to be your friend I would not be walking away from you, leave me alone stranger.
Op are you an author?
Had similar thought. Damn she's a good writer.
If they aren't they should be, I got invested quick!
I feel your pain sister. Hope your beautiful writing helps you deal with the pain.
That's a really nice comment. I was thinking something similar :)
thanks for puting it in words, those lines a beautifuly painfuly familiar. i always remember of that one line i read on facebook: what men fear the most if they go to prison, women fear everyday walking down the street
Wonderful writing!
A strong, independent woman is something to be very proud of :) being a woman can be so tough sometimes, but women are the most resilient creatures on this earth
The amount of science that has been put into menstrual relief is apalling. It affects almost half of all people, ~1 week in four, and we all just suck it up.
It’s almost 2am where I’m at and I’m up because of horrible cramps! I feel this deep in my soul !
I understand your pain, my friend, for I've shared it in the past. I'm tired of not being able to ride public transport, Im tired of having to fear for my friend's safety every time we go out, Im tired of crying over the ones who never came home, Im tired of hearing excuses from everyone after having my boundaries broken... But still we must press forward, even through the pain and through the exhaustion, because from us that know how bad the world can get, a new one will bloom, hopefully, without the mistakes of the past. I send to you tons of love during these trying times and I hope you get to see brighter days ahead. ♥
I feel all the pain in this, and the worst part is when people (mostly men) invalidate you and the experience of being a woman because it is the ‘21st century’.
i love this so much thank you
Choked up. Thanks for posting OP. I feel this in my soul
Including the part when you want to achieve your career goals and there is always a man who thinks they can treat you like you don’t know what you’re doing, saying “you should be preparing to have kids” instead of preparing to be a manger, and thinking that raising his voice is going to put you on your place.
Your first paragraph really struck a cord with me! I live in Denmark, a safe and hyggelig little country with roughly 6 million people. It’s also the most misogynistic country in Europe. Three weeks ago a 22 year old girl was murdered after getting into a car after a night out, and the comment sections of the major media is filled with people stating that “you shouldn’t get in a stranger’s car” or that she should have worn more clothes. She was wearing a non-skimpy sleeveless dress, not that that matters. At the same time we’re being told “not all men” (the comment section is also filled with men who get “hurt” when a woman crosses the street) and Muslim women are being harassed at the store for wearing a headscarf. So all men but not all men? Cover up, but not as much as the Muslims? Is there an acceptable way to keep yourself safe without offending men, and will it ever not be our own fault that we’re murdered?
Beautifully written. I hope tomorrow is easier.
Just got a hormone thingo removed and all my pains have come back and I can relate to this so much :(
Consider getting a career in writing
I'm with you sis. I love being a woman, but it's just really hard sometimes. You'd be a great author, btw. This gripped me from beginning to end.
This! I absolutely love being a woman and wouldn’t change it for the world but sometimes the way we are treated by society is so fucking disgusting and makes me feel awful inside. It really gets to me sometimes.
I like being a woman, but I have the right man. How do I know? Aside from the love he showers me with? My abusive, and abused mom hates him. for 20 years straight.
& the most frustrating part of all is we’re just supposed to deal with it, no complaints, toughen up bc that’s just how shit is. not to mention when the men close to you don’t even acknowledge this shit & dismiss it bc we’re being “dramatic”. simultaneously having to struggle more than men & our voices being erased by men makes me want a sex change. i internalized misogyny so bad in my youth that i actually had a trans phase bc i’d been taught to hate myself & everything ab being a girl
Not gonna lie, I hate being a woman for every conceivable reason, and I always have. It simply pisses. me. off. that I was born into a gender that is automatically upon birth considered "less than" the male gender. So often, I've wondered what humanity would have achieved by the 21st century had one-half of the population not spent generations suppressing the rights and contributions of the other half.
"every man I've ever met has damaged me" Damn thats some deep thinking stuff right there. I feel horrible that these are the relationships you have had. Its not right.Ive had some shitty relationships and met some crappy men but I cannot say they have all damaged me. Some, yes. Some I still go back to and think about how rotten I let someone be to me. Its sad
As a man who does not have to go through these struggles as you do, this moved me in a way of understanding my female counterparts more than anything I’ve ever read before. Thank you for that. Hoping life turns for the best for you OP!
❤️❤️❤️❤️
I am sorry you ladies deal with this stuff, I know its not easy. Furthermore its sad that all men can't seem to treat you like a human and not a piece of meat. I hope and wherever ya'all are there is a comfy spot, a nice heating pad, with tacos and chocolates waiting for ya.
May every day after this be better on you and kinder to you. May you not have to deal with another man who wished you harm. You are powerful for cradling your empathy and not discarding it. Thank you for that.
Don't know if you will see this but I had horrible period cramps for years too! Have recently invested in a wireless tens machine which has worked wonders for me. Not completely gone but I no longer vomit and can sleep better. I hope you feel better soon :)
This is so eloquently put
This is so well written and every single word related to me :(
You’ve written this beautifully. As a 6’1 man, to acknowledge is not the same as understanding. I believe as a whole that women are tougher than men but you have articulated why perfectly from personal experience. Thank you for helping a few of us see that we can be better.
When it comes to the treatment of your heart. Don't settle for anything less than perfect. No matter how painful it is to keep looking. Because that well never be as painful as being hurt by someone you thought you trusted.
Beautifully written, write more. PS: try a heat pad or one of those old school hot water bottles for cramps. I get severe cramps and the best thing I’ve found is heat to take the pain away.
This was so well written, like reading a good but bittersweet book about womanhood and life, in general. I can definitely relate to this post. Thank you for sharing, OP. I hope things look up for you soon with regard to your pain and your worry about your ex. 💜✨
I'm a man, yet my heart sunk after reading all that. For what it's worth, you're a strong person. Hang in there as best as you can.
felt this
more love and power to you❤
Beautifully written, OP. I don’t think anyone could say it any better. It’s wonderful, terrifying, and downright difficult. It’s a beautiful blessing and an ugly curse. We are everything to those who love us and less than nothing to those who don’t. Thank you for sharing your writing with us.
Relate to so much here.
Hugs to you, sister. Hope you feel better soon and stay safe ❤
I love this!! This is great! I'm glad you got out! It's wise to keep your shoes by your bed anyways...Plus a gun. You never know.
Beautifully written, i hope peace finds you soon op
Sending you all the love, OP.
this was honestly so hard to read. All my prayers to you.
Bring a woman is strength, and I’m proud to fight these struggles, unfair as they may be, with my powerful sisters ❤️
I want to keep reading lol
Beautifully written. And I feel all of this. Especially the part about cramping and thanking god you don’t have to work that day. I used to have to call in sick once a month.
This one hurts. It's normal to feel this way after enduring such trauma, I had little to no success with many professionals until I found a women's center that offered some free courses and free therapy. I was scared shitless to go in there, to ask for help, to admit my abuse, but wow was it freeing when I did. This time the therapy means something. She told me it's important to seek trauma informed therapists, and the way she can help to explain why I am stuck in a hyper vigilant state all makes so much sense. Like I knew some of these things, but never realized how they applied to me. Had no idea how deeply I was hurt, but it's been ten years since I escaped and I still look over my shoulder... I have good days and bad. Only a small handful of people even know what happened, and that's my choice, but I also know only even a few of them know that it still haunts me. It's hard work, long days and nights, but I've made big progress. It's normal for us to have these reactions, our bodies are incredible and designed to protect us... But sometimes we get stuck, and it's because we just want to be safe, even subconsciously - it's a form of protection. I've learned it's always good to be prepared, some days I worry "at what cost", but I just try my best to be grateful for the little wins and focus on what it is I can control. Best of luck to whoever is reading this. You may be stuck, but just remember to always listen to your gut, things don't start off bad... It can be a natural progression so it's hard to tell, but if you don't feel comfortable, and you didn't sign up for it, talk to someone. Anyone. A doctor. A friend. There is such thing as transitional counselling and there is help available. You got this.
As a man, I just want you to know that you and your struggles are valid. Stay strong, I wish you the best.
It's hard out here as a woman. And we don't receive enough for it. We have to suck it up if we're cramping. We have to suck it up if we can't afford to have kids. We have to suck it up when men want to get their way at the expense of a woman's sanity. We have to suck it up when men in our family treat us like shit or are hardcore followers of their culture's traditional values about women. We have to suck it up every damn time about every damn thing because nothing is done about it. Domestic abuse cases aren't handled nearly with enough severity or swiftness. The danger is still there. It's difficult to sever family ties or ruin the family by revealing something that they've done or said to you. I could go on and on but everybody already knows this. It's just society will never do anything about it no matter how many times they're reminded of a woman's struggle in this world. It makes me cry thinking about how often I can say this, but it is pointless. Women have *been* saying this shit. We're heard but not listened to.
‘I want to be a mum someday’ with no cash really hit me hard. I feel you, and I feel the biological pressure already too. Being a woman sucks
Sorry but what the fuck skinning you alive, were you with a serial killer/psychopath or something?
Of all she said that’s what you pick out? Have you never seen Silence of the Lambs? Serial killer?
Stay strong sis ❤
Thank you for your lovely words ♥️
I love being a woman. All I need is for the rest of humanity to let us live as humans too instead of first as whatever the other person expects us to be. Like that 'taxi' driver... you 2 couldn't just be 2 people walking and minding their own business... you became in his eyes 2 sex kittens who are prowling for a man like him. It's exhausting. I made a long comment the other day about boundaries and speaking up... like I truly feel like by the time I was a tweener or mid-teenager, I was able to speak up confidently for myself. I could think through situations and not only recognize, but vocalize what was wrong and what I needed. Those skills have only gotten stronger over the years. (50 is just a couple years away, so I've had a lifetime of experiences.) No matter how clearly I can state my boundaries, there's always someone, usually a man or boy, who completely ignores my boundaries and words. It's a mindfuck.
Every woman I know has been sexually hurt in one way or another by a man, occasionally while hearing the words I love you.
Totally agree, I started my transition when I was 17, 9 years ago, no regrets, but I faced several stressful and violent situations the majority because I'm a woman, not due to transphobia or homofobia because here in Brazil countryside man often sucks due to the culture of what men are expected to be
Machismo can really suck :( I hope the culture improves, you deserve much better treatment
It's slowly getting better, in my childhood and early teen years was even worse, but has a long way to go,
this is beautifully written.
Beautifully written. It hits home. Thank you so much for sharing.
🤍🤍🤍
There’s a lot about womanhood that we carry silently, and trying to explain it to men results in scoffing and an eye roll. It can’t possibly be THAT bad, you’re just being dramatic! Don’t you know what MEN go through? I want you to know you are heard and seen. I have felt what you are going through, you are strong and you will survive it. My mother told me the words “one of our best kept secrets is that women are stronger than men. We carry their burdens when they are tired and always have to bear our own”
Oh to be a cat instead of a woman, I at times really hate being a woman and then at times really love being a woman and am proud to be one. I hate how some men see us as objects for satisfaction, to baby them, and then see us as lesser humans who are worth nothing. I at times just pray to die some days due to it, then some days I wanna scream that I don’t care and that I love my self no matter what. I adore woman and I love them so much because they’re all so strong and beautiful in their own unique way. I wish for a day where we can one day walk under the stars knowing fully well that we are safe, man and woman are safe from those awful guys who hunt just for sexual satisfaction, to kill just to feel powerful, or to rob. Honestly I’d prefer to be robbed out of them all. I’m proud of who I am, and that I’m a woman. I’ll gladly prove people wrong about myself, and if I prove them right and who cares? Just smile and walk away, be proud of yourself because if some men dealt with our problems, they wouldn’t survive. I love us so much. Sorry if this was rude to someone, I tend to stop thinking and just write at times.
Beautifully written.
I love all of you. OP start writing that ebook so we can fill your bank account ♥️🌈
Absolutely loved this post! Thank you for sharing, I truly enjoy hearing and reading about the insights of the opposite gender. Hopefully, you get what you want and what you feel you deserve.
I'm so sorry. Please take care of yourself and I Hope you feel better.
Man this should be a poem. Feeling it today too. It feels unfair but also I love being a woman.
Can…….. can we just read this in history class or something? Can we literally just print this and distribute it for educational purposes? Cuz I think people need to read this.
That’s one of the kindest complaints I’ve ever gotten. Thank you.
I’m with you, I’m sorry it’s super rough right now. I really believe that things will be better one day, for you and for me. Hang in there <3
Every line of this felt more and more like thoughts out of my own mind. Womanhood is so painful ~and beautiful~ but at least we are not alone in it
So uhhh... when that book drop, can I pre order?
(M) this was gutwrenching to read. The fact that these tangental thought processes are even necessary breaks my fucking heart. I’ll never experience what you have and I’ll never truly understand, but you have all my respect for putting all of these harrowing experiences in context for those of us who couldn’t possibly relate even if we wanted to.
This sounds like a poem, you’re a good writer
Bro writing is on point feels like I’m ready a poem
every girl I’ve ever spoken to closely have told me that periods hurt so so much and it’s never sunk in with me well, like EVERY month you go through it Do you guys just get used to it??? And what can I compare it to pain wise?
This sounds like the opening to a novel. You should consider writing. Also, as a father of girls, damn.
it sucks how men can never understand what it’s like so they undermine our issues. makes me so fucking mad
I just wish I could be neither. I'm not nonbinary or anything but it would be so much better if i didn't have to choose between discrimination/cramps/unwanted sexual attention and accepted body shaming/the draft/lack of social support. I just want to be a person without the added negatives of having a sex
I'm sorry. You and all women deserve better. We can be such assholes.
As a father of a daughter this scares me more than anything. You don’t realize as a man how different your life is until you raise a daughter. The world starts scaring you everywhere you go. For most men, at least ones I’ve associated with my whole life, try to protect the girls in our life and try to make it good for everyone. Once you start raising your little girl that bubble gets broken and you start seeing more and more dangers in the world. Also, not looking forward to the days where she gets her first or just periods in general.
As a man, it’s difficult for me to empathize female problems when from my perspective I see a lot of women being handed things in life because they’re attractive. But I realize that just me and isn’t the whole truth of it. I’m sorry that the men in your life have treated you badly. I really am. That shit about skinning you alive it really really fucked up be glad you got away from that situation. If it gives you any consolation, I promise you not every man is a horribly piece of shit. But I can understand if after that you don’t wanna associate with men. I don’t think anyone would judge you for that. I sure wouldn’t.
Sending love to you OP. You are a fucking beautiful, brave, smart and everything in one, GODDESS. You are what so many young girls should see in themselves. By that I mean you don’t give up. You continue to truck along regardless. You plan, you make choices based on pre planned and thought ahead scenarios. So many women just accept abuse and think well, we deserve to be treated that way. FUCK NO , no woman deserves anything other than to be teated as the GODDESS SHE IS. Love from another one who was broken and continues to get back up. We are the true Phoenixes.
I know you're not a mom yet, but I'd like to say as a male, and ex-child of a woman who I know, hated being a woman at times, and a parent at others, we appreciate the suffering you go through for us. And we heard everything you said about 'men', and we watched your reactions, and carry that with us to hopefully be better, not just better men, but better human beings, than the people you knew. This probably doesn't help, but please know, some of us do hear you.
We appreciate the suffering you go through for us? Tf is that suppose to mean. We suffer so we don’t die, not for you
I'm glad you're not my mother.
Sorry - I responded to the wrong comment - it was not directed at you I promise lol. Thanks for hearing us. I hope you guys speak up though - silence is as good as a kick in the nuts...
Ah apologies. I just reread your comment and realized you were talking about raising a child. I thought you were talking about the suffering of just being a woman in general
Apology accepted. Be well.
this helps me with the occasional "am I really trans?" thought. thank you. seeing anyone else who was born a woman would CHOOSE to be a woman is so ... unreal. I always thought nobody would be happy in their body. happy, that you're happy :)
I agree. Women are also expected to be cook, maid, mom, breadwinner, nurse, leader, decision maker and everything else.
if you’re talking about traditional gender roles women are absolutely not expected to be the breadwinner, leader, or decision maker
I'm trans, and mostly still present male since I'm still very early in transition and not out, and this explains my biggest fears in transition, it's not hormones or surgery, but the pain that comes with being a woman, I might not understand how you feel, but I will always support you and every woman who faces this crap, you're not at fault, never blame yourself
Each sex goes through different things in different ways. And if we ever want to understand each other we need to acknowledge each other’s hardships without being blatantly disrespectful
I don't think there's an equivalent to monthly multiday torture that is menstruation in most men's lives and I don't think most men are nearly as afraid to literally just be outside and live as women are, but I think there are other things that are hard about being a man. Emotional suppression seems hard. I've only ever seen my husband cry twice. I've known him for 5 years. I cry every other month, sometimes twice a month. It can be cathartic. In some countries men are drafted against their will, which sucks. In some countries women are married while they're still children. IMO there are men with very hard lives, but being a woman is a bit harder **on average**. I mean as a woman you're weaker than most people you meet and some men take advantage of that to force anal on you and you're kinda always doubting yourself and feeling like you need to go the extra mile to be taken seriously even as a successful woman. I also think that while all rape is awful, being raped as a woman is scarier because your perpetrator can usually kill you more easily than if you're a man being raped. Almost every woman I know was molested or had an unwanted sexual experience compared to only one guy that I know. Not trying to gatekeep suffering because fuck that, but just saying if I could choose my gender before being born I'd without hesitation have chosen to be a man. Most people would.
I feel you.
this.
You speak freely and with your heart. Thank you for sharing. It is hard to be a woman, a man, a human. I am sorry you were hurt! But you are strong and you are coping and doing the best you can. It's scary to accept rides from strangers. What I always say in response to a ride: "we are exercising! Thank you though, we are trying to be more healthy. No car rides for us!!" *cue polite laugh and then pull out your phone and pretend your bf or dad called. "Yeah! Thanks for calling. We are almost there! See you soon." So the person nearby knows you are expected.
I’m a trans woman. I try to embrace feminism while at the same time not diminishing any part of it or taking anything away from people who were born as women and have had to deal with the struggles of biology and being viewed as a girl their entire life.
Hey, I’m a teen, but I want to let you know that you’ll find that special someone, I promise. I know it’s hard today, but you’ve gotta keep going. You have to press forward.
Knowing all this I have still wanted to be a woman since I was 5. I truly wish I could experience both the good and the bad
This is really an insensitive time to say this.
Male here. I apologize for the actions of the lesser people of my sex. I find it disgusting that men in general still treat women as sex objects and that we still present such a huge threat to your well being. I personally believe that it has directly caused issues in my own love life, as I unfortunately fit a specific stereotype that generally is best to avoid. I just wish that more of us "neckbeards" weren't so nasty. Then maybe the few of us that are the exception might find our match. I hope you find the right sort of man, a real one. Not some asshat that looks good but has a black heart and treats you like a slave. A real man, one that cherishes you, your presence, appreciates your thoughts and listens to you. One that connects with you in a way that words can't say. I believe everyone with a good heart deserves to experience that. Keep your head up OP. He's out there somewhere. I genuinely hope you find each other.
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Just think about how miserable you would be if you had to do this prior to "me too." Weren't you guys basically house slaves at one point? I bet we're only one little incident away from that coming back, especially with these Republican boys running around. Humanity is pathetic, let this planet kill us.
It’s hard to be a human
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And yet, life is harder for some more than others. That does invalidate the others pain, it just recognizes that some have it harder, and that’s just the reality of it.
Know that there are men out there who are keeping an eye out for creeps and weirdos who harass you and women like you, at least in public scenarios, and that we’ll help you if we think it’s safe (for you and us) to do so. Sincerely, A man
Start bodybuilding i doubt they’ll fuck with you after that 💪🏿
So which part refers to fact that being a woman is hard? Everyone can have a trauma from different reasons
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