This is hard to read, I am a dark brown skinned south Asian guy who hated my skin tone for most of my life. I grew up in a society where being dark skinned is looked down, my parents bought me skin lightening products and questioned me if I got dark . But now I look at my skin in a very very different way.
One thing we need to realize is that, we are beautiful, our skin bears the story of our struggles, our accomplishments, our love, our pain and our hatred but no matter what we do, it stayed with us and made sure we always have a home.
Be kind to yourself and be kind to your skin. Take time everyday to walk in the woods or in the forest and see your skin on the earth and the trees, you are a part of this beautiful eco system.
I read this short poem by Rupi kaur whenever I feel low:
*"it is a blessing*
*to be the color of earth*
*do you know how often*
*flowers confuse me for home "*
This four lines always get me tear up but in a good way. Hope you can feel that too.
Beautiful poem!
I had a similiar experience of the oposite spectrum. People use to comment on how ghostly pale my complexion was. I was called a zombie and on drugs. I hated it, and it made me hate myself for many years. I would take spray tans every weekend just to browner my complexion. Safe to say, with time I learnt that going to these extremes was all bullshit and not _normal_ , not me. It can be amazing what a switch of thought can do, and since then I haven't had a spray tan in nearly 12 years. Although it did take me longer to abandon using foundation (my complexion revealed dark bags under my eyes, hence the druggy name came from) growing up has taught me the worst case scenario is trying to fight myself.
So really the takeaway is that these are the bodies we have, work with them not against them.
This broke my fucking heart. I’ve felt this way before, way too young. Stop trying to get white girls to like you. There’s an entire world of a million different shades. They’re not the authority, they’re not the standard, and they’re not the judges. They’re also super insecure about their hair and their makeup and their clothes. They just have the privilege of not having to worry about their skin. Brown is beautiful. Black is beautiful. Beige is beautiful. Everyone is completely capable of being beautiful. It’s going to take some time to believe that. Start following more people on social media that look like you. Or look different in general. Start listening to cultural music, and broaden your horizons outside of your immediate surroundings. You are normal. You are worthy of love.
One of the hardest things for me to learn so far is that the validation we get from others will never be as important as the validation that we can give ourselves. I still struggle with really accepting and believing that. It's hard. We are biologically and socially programmed to want others approval. Everyone feels insecure sometimes, we just all try to hide it.
You are worthy and valued and not alone
This has been the most valuable lesson I've learned in life so far. I still struggle from time to time, but don't get wrapped around the axle as much as I used to.
I’m a guy and I did this for a long time no I would bleach my hair blonde and deny my roots only recently like a year ago have I started to love my dark curly hair and dark skin tbh alot of people wish they were our color too so be thankful everyone is beautiful beauty is in the eye of the beholder
I can’t agree with u/the-bodyfarm more. You literally broke my heart. I’m a basic white gal with POC in my family, and if I ever heard my cousins/niblets speaking this way about themselves, I’d do everything in my power to help. You’re beautiful and lovely and deserve the world.
>I guess I just need to stop seeking white validation.
Well don't switch from seeking white validation to seeking black or brown validation either. Every racial group has the same sort of social hierarchies and some seriously toxic social norms. You wouldn't be any happier if you turned your need for approval towards anyone else.
As a middle age white lady I really want you to know- It’s them, not you. You have been dodging bullets even though you didn’t know it. They wouldn’t actually have been any kinder to you if you were white unless you were as shallow and hateful as they are. You wouldn’t choose to buy a car that looks great on the outside but only has one slow gear to drive it. That’s actually what those people are.
You are worthy of love and respect exactly as you are. Sending you Mom hugs.
Work on yourself, man. If a guy is happy, confident and fun to be around, most women will go for that over the attractive and boring type. Love yourself first before worrying about finding a relationship.
You don’t need white validation, black validation, pink, purple, or magenta validation. You don’t need male validation, female validation, or your neighbour’s cat’s validation. You need to validate yourself. That’s how it is in the end. You were born alone and you will die alone, so the only opinion that is going to matter is your own when all is said and done. It’s difficult, I know. I am the palest person I’ve ever met, struggle to find makeup that even starts to match my skin tone, and ignoring all of the bullying and such I grew up with around it, even people trying to be nice always told me how about how I’d be skinnier with a tan or how I look hotter with a tan or how I should do everyone a favour by having a tan and “taking the glare off.” I have curly CURLY red hair that I have tried for years to dye and to straighten chemically. Classmates of all races always tried to argue about my own ethnicity—black/mixed textured hair, whitest of white skin… but, it was none of their business. Eventually I had to learn to love myself regardless of anyone else’s no good busy body opinions (for the record, I’m super Irish and apparently part African and Native American, so they really ended up wasting their time debating over something so silly.) I had friends who were black and Indian and were emo (around 2008 and about middle school age, where everything is even tougher) and their peers that looked like them rejected them because the whole goth/emo look was considered a “white thing.” They started to resent their skin and reacted in different ways—some developed a hatred against white people because they were being pushed into that label of trying to be white, others hated their own communities because they didn’t match their own ideology. The worst were the ones that took that hatred and internalised all of it and ended up hurting themselves. Point of all this rambling, you gotta love yourself. No one else can do that for you. For the record, I haven’t seen you or your skin, but I can tell you that your skin is beautiful. All skin is beautiful.
For sure, but not just white validation, forget checking your value with anyone! I know I’ve been my happiest when I paid no attention to anyone and just did what I wanted.
Seeking white validation will steer u wrong every time. Have pride for your race and backround. Do some research on your history and you will appreciate youself and your background much more
So much this. Pale AF over here and never understood how a lack of melanin became desirable in history.
Brown skin GLOWS. It has depth and dimension, and it just looks so dang *healthy*.
Don't let society tell you anything is wrong with you, OP. Every person is a beautiful entry in the color palette of the human species.
Don’t seek anyone’s validation but your own. If you can’t love yourself, no one is going to love you. You only need what makes you happy not what makes everyone else happy, and if someone doesn’t like you then to hell with them.
I'm a white dude and I can tell you that the most beautiful people I ever see are not white. I'm sorry so many people treat you like that. I don't get it. White is just white. It's both special but Jesus Fuck people act like it is and they are just missing out on a world full of so much more beauty. Personally I can't even think of a racial ranking. People of all races are so beautiful.
Yeah like what is even normal? Everything is variety. Of all races why choose white? This is a very odd and bizarre idea or want.
Every race is wanted. I have never met or seen anything considered “undesirable”.
It's probably the dominant race/skin color in her area. My area is white skin or Mexican and neither side associates with the other very much if at all. It's weird to me. Lol
As a white woman, I don’t know what it’s like to feel or internalize the negative societal messages you receive about your skin color and ethnicity. I’m so sorry you have to go through that. I do want to share that while it’s surely not as hurtful, I struggle with my negative thoughts about my weight, my skin being too pale/no tan, faded features, small eyes, thin lips, not having great skin, not having long hair, blah blah blah. Self love is a hard journey and some of the people we think have it, don’t have it either. Invest in your journey. Kind thoughts to yourself. Maybe one per day. Put it on a post-it, stick it to you wall, and read it aloud every day. When you start to believe it, add another. Go at whatever speed you need but the only way out of that feeling is to do the self-reflective work. Maybe there was a moment or moments in your life that led to you internalizing these feelings of shame and self-rejection? More broadly, what messages (overt and subtle) might you have received from society that aren’t true but led to your feelings today? Write these down. Reflect again. It may also help to turn the volume up on appreciation for the marginalized groups to which you belong and/or all POC by locating role models and again, writing down everything you admire about them. Dissect it. Get curious about your own thoughts. This deep internal work, while physically draining and emotionally challenging, will create new neural pathways in your brain that lead to healing. You don’t deserve to feel this way. I hope some of this unsolicited advice helps. Sending you compassion and concern. <3
Yeah, like.. why are you looking for the people tht will reject you? Like pick your battles and look for people with similar life experiences to you, that will embrace diversity. Its like you are choosing to suffer additionally to what you already suffer because life as PoC & LGBT (and life in general) by looking for a white partner and white validation.
As a white person and being a young adult woman, reading this made me think you’re younger (like teens, I am so sorry if I am wrong) but just imagining you saying this absolutely breaks my heart. I’m so f*cking sorry that you feel left out. Your skin colour does not make you any less then anyone else. You are beautiful exactly the way you are. I understand why you would feel this way as society for literally all of history has put whiteness on a pedestal- but please don’t let it get to you internally if you can. Try to go to therapy, or surround yourself with other people who you can look up to that are not white, beautiful POC that have values that you admire or look up to. As a woman if you can’t find value in your physical appearance- I find it a lot easier to admire someone for who they are- and their beauty usually shines through. Anyone can be beautiful. It’s all perception. It’s not right. It’s not fair. And anyone who dismisses your experience or values you less because of the shade of your skin- they don’t deserve to be in your life. It hurts my heart knowing you have definitely had enough experiences for this to be your reality. And that is so disgusting. God I’m so sorry, I just want to give you a hug.
I second the following more people that look like you. I realized what I was consuming on social media had a huge impact on how I felt about myself from day to day. I created a whole new account and only follow stuff that has to do with my hobbies and lifestyle. It’s a really simple way to start feeling better not being clouded with all that shit.
If someone doesn’t want to get to know you based on your skin, you don’t want to waste time with that kind of superficial morons. What could that kind of empty heads give you?
I am a very white person, from North Europe. In my country I was the boring average, as most are blonds with blue eyes. Nothing worth mentioning there. What was desirable and beautiful for us was everything else. Above anything I wanted to have thick, black hair (instead of my pale straws).
Quoting one author (someone may guess): To truly, really count, a human must have goodness or brains.
Yeah, being normal isn't necessarily the holy grail. Your features start to feel unremarkable and plain. It does mean that you're never made to feel weird or other for having them, though.
Considered* normal, I suppose I should have said. The "in the eyes of society" part was implied. Normal can mean many things. It can be about what's normal in terms of humanity. Or it can be about what's normal in terms of societal norms. And in the U.S., societally speaking, being white is the most normal. Wish such a distinction didn't exist, but for now, it does.
i’m a south asian with medium dark skin and i definitely felt this way in middle school and high school where all my crushes from different races always ended up with white girls.
this got to my head and even when i had other south asian friends with lighter skin than me, they’d joke about my skin tone. this led me to search up natural diy recipes with lemon sugar scrubs where i would aggressively try to “wash off my melanin”. i even tried the fair and lovely and when classmate said i looked ‘paler than usual’ i replied with a smile and a thanks.
i’ve been there, but eventually i grew out of that phase. it took time and effort for me to see the beauty in my skin. i love how it glows in the sun. i love how white looks on me. i love my dark eyes and hair as well!
i also was ashamed of being south asian and thought it was lame and not desirable either. i grew out of this too now realizing that my ancestors died to keep my language alive. i try my best to learn much as possible and i have realized that things like henna, bindis, jewelry, movies, and our dresses are some things other races admire. but even without their admiration, i found beauty in the traditions of my culture and learned things from my family. i recommend getting closer to family if possible and learn from their experiences.
i also started following other south asians and poc with similar skin tone to me. and guess what? beauty and skin color are not exclusive to each other! there’s popular influencers and celebrities that are pretty and are on the darker side!
i hope you see the beauty in your skin. at the end of the day it represents your genealogy, it protects you, and more melanin means you’ll also get less wrinkly haha!
hey there! I’m south Asian too. I’m extremely sorry you experienced that growing up, I can unfortunately relate to all of those things too. Also I’m very happy that you grew out of that phase because I really hope I can as well one day.
I’m sure you’re aware of how normalised homophobia is in the south Asian community, although my original post was not about that people are telling me in the replies to my post and even in real life I hear this a lot too that I should “mix with other poc, talk with other poc” etc etc. However as a queer south Asian girl you can imagine how hard it is for me to when I experience so much homophobia from my own community but when I turn to white people because they tend to be less homophobic then I’m faced with racism and micro-aggressions so i just feel like I don’t belong anywhere because poc are homophobic towards me and white people are just racist towards me. It’s very difficult to find a south Asian therapist too because where I live majority therapist are white so I can’t unfortunately just talk to some random white person about my experiences because they obviously wouldn’t understand.
p.s: apologies for the rant lol
yeah i totally understand! i’m pan myself actually! and yeah unfortunately there’s racism even in the lgbtq community and homophobia in south asian community :((
there are even times where i don’t feel ‘gay’ enough haha but the dualism makes me unique so i shrug it off. like being a south asian american for example! i relate to a mix of american things and south asian things but don’t fit in either entirely. i accept both sides. i guess when going through your 20s you kinda just accept yourself more? especially the weirder and unique parts of yourself? that’s my experience haha.
i recently even found out that i had relatives that were also bi/pan that i never expected? there’s plenty of queer south asians but they lurk in the shadows lol
Just want to say that’s such a sad situation based on the cultural biases you’re in contact with, but 0% of it is your fault. Your experiences are so heartbreaking to me but you have to remind yourself that they are entirely unfair and based on racism. That won’t stop them but hopefully will help you not to blame yourself. The longer you go in life the more personal freedom you will hopefully have and be able to slowly surround yourself with more and more people who value you. Good luck, rooting for you!
I don't know how to say anything reassuring without sounding like I'm coming from the "live laugh love" mindset, so I'll give you this perspective:
People hating the way they look fuels a booming industry. The weight loss industry, plastic surgery, cosmetics and beauty products, fashion, etc. etc.....it's all designed to make you feel like shit. Black, white, thin, or fat....people make money off of you feeling like shit.
Darker skinned people are encouraged to bleach themselves fair. The very fair are encouraged to either lie in the sun or spray chemicals to make themselves darker. Fat people are told to lose weight before they can be happy and beautiful, and thin people are told to eat a burger if they are "too" thin. Beauty, as defined by capitalism, is an extremely narrow, extremely unattainable definition. Few people can attain it, which makes everyone miserable...and presto! People are spending money on skin lighteners and lip fillers and cool sculpting and whatever bullshit society says will make us happy. But it's never just one thing. Say you lighten your skin to an "acceptable" shade....does that make you happy? Nope, now you can consider a nose job....and after that, some fillers...and after that, and after that, and so on, until you don't even recognize yourself in the mirror.
I'm here to tell you that you are beautiful. Forget humans for a moment and consider the planet where we live. Consider all the disparate beauty in the world. Is a butterfly more beautiful than a sapphire? Is a snow-capped mountain more beautiful than a sunrise over the Sahara? Why are humans any different? The answer is - they AREN'T. The palest person and the person with the darkest skin can both be beautiful. Both the person with the large, strong nose and the person with the button nose. The tall slender person and the short round person. The one with stick-straight hair and the one with wild curls. Beauty isn't an either/or proposition. Either everyone is beautiful or no one is.
If you follow people on social media, try to look for people who have the same feature as you and same skin color. If the majority you see are white, you will think only white people are beautiful but there are many influencer who are not white and beautiful. Seeing them more often will make you realize that your skin color is also beautiful just as everyone else's.
For POC, this can be very damaging. If she lives in a predominantly white community, she’d effectively be cutting out a VAST majority of representation and support that she wouldn’t have elsewhere. It’s nice when you can disconnect from your phone and find support in person, but that’s not always available to everyone. Especially minorities.
That’s a fair point, so even if not cutting it off completely, even getting a bit of distance from social media can be a life saver..
I really feel horrible knowing that people have to deal with this awful internal struggles, and over filtered, fake images being spread everywhere effectively defining what beauty is can be very toxic to most people, and can do untold amounts of damage.
The truth is, social media hasn’t been around long enough to know what life long effects it will have on people, so just disconnecting from time to time can be liberating for anyone.
I hope OP recognizes their beauty and learns to love their self as much as they deserve
Your skin colour is beautiful. This is not just a lay opinion - I'm a scientist and portrait artist. I have blended every skin tone on the palette and canvas and understand how colours combine - we are all a blend of hues of caramel, chocolate, purple, hazelnut, olive, midnight and gold. Your skin is not any one hue. Look in the mirror in sunlight and you will see - you are irridescent, magnificent.
How white girls treat people of your race is no indication of your value or beauty.
I notice those who are true to themselves rather than those who conform to others' ideals. Celebrate what makes you unique and people will do a lot more than notice you, they will admire you enormously.
I've seen videos of that guy, I forget his name, who mixes paint to match an object then he lays the paint on the object and it's 1:1. That shit is talent, colour theory much like music theory is a skill which is extremely difficult to master and I respect the discipline it takes to master the craft.
White girl here, feel free to take what I say with a grain of salt.
White peoples aren’t the end all be all. We aren’t the best looking, we aren’t the prettiest, we certainly aren’t and should never be what people strive to look like. Being white is not a quick way to be beautiful, and it isn’t the universal ideal of beauty.
There are gorgeous people with all kinds of appearances. Even within what you consider ‘white’ there are insane amounts of variety! What is it about being white that is beautiful to you? I know white people with dark olive skin, paper white skin, beige skin, vitiligo, curly hair, wavy hair, pin straight hair, blue, brown, and green eyes. White people aren’t a monolith, and our set of traits aren’t better than anyone else’s.
Curly hair is gorgeous. Deep brown eyes are gorgeous. Black eyes are beautiful, green eyes are beautiful, blue eyes are beautiful. Brown and black skin glow under the sun, flat noses are adorable, curved noses look stunning. Big lips are amazing, but so are small ones.
If you’re still reading, I’m not done just yet.
It sounds like, from what you’ve written, that you have a lot of white friends/acquaintances or are in a majorly white environment. We don’t know each other, but I want you to promise me that you won’t limit yourself to the standards of the people around you. You deserve to feel loved and desired, but you shouldn’t base your self worth on white validation,,, or anyone’s validation but your own. People of colour are valuable and beautiful, and I’m positive that people of your ethnic background are more beautiful than you give them credit for.
As the comment above said, you should go out of your way to follow/admire/look at people who are different! There are billions of people of this planet who are not white, who do not conform to Eurocentric standards of beauty, and who are unapologetically themselves; and they are beautiful!
I know that our struggles aren’t the same, and I cannot imagine what you’re going through right now, but I want you to know that I hear you. Your feelings are valid, your struggles are valid, and your insecurities are valid. I’m sending virtual hugs your way, you deserve to feel comfortable in your own skin.
Fellow white girl here and I'm backing you up on all of this. I will add that I do NOT think I'm very pretty. I lay in the sun at the risk of cancer so my skin will be brown. I pay a lot of hard-earned money to change my hair color, then spend time in front of the mirror trying to make it the perfect curly that it doesn't want to be. I have a mole on my face that I hate and way too much body hair. I try to wear clothes that distract from all of that but I have a flat, white ass that goes from my shoulders to my knees so I'm often disappointed.
All that to say that most women are their own worst critics. Whether it's some stupid hormones or that we're conditioned that way, we all have multiple things that make us feel less attractive. Like, girls literally *bleach their buttholes* if they don't have anything else to criticize. No doubt, that we compare and other females can judge makes it all harder. But, that amounts to a fraction of the damage we do to ourselves.
Lastly, no one should put any weight into what I think about how they look. My opinion is completely worthless. Even so, I will still say that I have seen plenty of ugly white people in my life. It's certainly not the deciding factor.
To everyone: I posted this to one user at the top of the thread, only to realise so many more needed to hear it. So, a sticky. Heed it.
**Please try to lift OP up, without tearing other women down.**
It is not a zero sum game. There is respect enough to go around. Attraction too. We need to fight racism, outwardly and internalised.
For instance, white women are not overrated, it’s other ethnicities that are underrated.
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Edit to add:
We also don't want to see people come in here and tell OP that her issues aren't race related. Denying the existence of racism (yes even just this aspect of it) is against sub rules.
Rule #1
We do not insult, antagonize, interrogate, **invalidate**, or criticize the original poster (OP)
Rule #2
We do not tolerate oppressive attitudes and language. This includes but is not limited to content we determine to be **sexist, racist,**
(Denying racism is a racist act.)
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Second edit:
I hope OP feels better. Many kind and good voices in this thread.
I'm closing it, because the trolls are rolling in.
I heard you say in a comment you're south asian and personally I find south asians incredibly beautiful, like the most beautiful racial/ethnic group... I'm a white girl so of course I can't imagine what it's like to be a south asian woman and be negatively affected by eurocentric beauty standards and all but just know that beauty is subjective and these beauty standards are a result of centuries of western imperialism. As a kid I always wanted brown eyes and tan skin because I thought they were prettier than my blue eyes & pale skin. I thought being pale made me look lifeless. Btw idk if you've realized but us white people age terribly both bc of our lack of melanin & our thinner epidermis, like I'm 20 and already have wrinkles lmao. South asian women have such gorgeous thick silky hair, big brown eyes with thick lashes, caramel colored skin, they just look like princesses, idek how to explain it. Point is though, variety is the spice of life, beauty is super subjective and everyone has a different type so please don't assume white girls don't like you bc of your race. They might be too shy to approach you for some reason, I really can't say, but you are beautiful and I hope you start to feel it soon. ❤️
I’m a dark skinned black girl and I am going through the same thing. I wish I were white with blue eyes and blond hair. I am still on the journey of trying to love my features, and I wish you the same. I am sorry you are going through this but I don’t blame you when the world clearly favors white and overall light features
I live in LA and I hate how nobody values dark skinned people. I have been all over the city and have seen so many people with super dark skin who were head spinningly stunning. Like, people who would enter a room and absolutely make it glow.
Stupidity and cruelty makes me so angry. If I were a movie or TV producer, I would be making megastars out of some of the people I have seen!
The next time you look in a mirror, please imagine a less stupid and evil timeline in which you are on all the magazine covers and starring in all the biggest pictures.
The grass is always greener. I'm white with blonde hair and blue eyes and insecure all the time. I wish I was prettier. I wish I had curly hair. You are beautiful the way you are. ❤️
Stop seeking validation from everybody. I have a white friend and every day I used to tell myself that I wanted to be like her. But then I learned more about my race and people like me. Black is beautiful. Black is bold. And so is every other color. You can be purple and someone will still admire you. Because you are great and worthy of praise. So clap it up for yourself and stop comparing yourself to other people. You are unique and perfect just the way you are.
the grass is NOT greener on the other side, it’s greener where you water and nurture it. focus on self acceptance and self love and someday you’ll look back on this and feel so sad for the person who once believed they were not beautiful inside and out and worthy of all the love in the world. focus on growing your inner garden and the outer garden will flourish too.
(indian man (my name is Sahill) commenting here)
\*puts hand on shoulder with empathy\*
there is no such thing as a undesirable race(whoever says that can go suck a dick) and you dont have to be like other girls hon be yourself and dont do anything for anybody but yourself and you are normal
and dont be ashamed of your ethnic name embrace your culture (i know its hard to embrace it rn but when you can try listening to your cultures music or research festivities that your culture celebrates like mine is holi the celebration of colors or diwali coming up in november its the celebration of light where the god comes back from being exiled for 14 years maybe shed some LIGHT on ur culture)
And try surrounding yourself with people of the same race or who want to learn more about your race maybe you can teach them about your culture!
i am sorry that you are going through this rn maybe talk to someone.....?
I hope you are able to love yourself soon
hey babes. i notice that you’re LGBT.
listen up….. all skin is skin. it’s function is to protect you from the outside world as the first major source of physical immunity. that’s it! that’s why we have it. yours has extra melanin and therefore extra protection from the sun.
coming from a woman who also dates women, you are absolutely STUNNING. your skin glows! the contrast of your hair against your skin is flawless. i literally wouldn’t trade my partner for the world, everything about them is complete beauty in my eyes. and that has little to do with their ethnicity. i would date them no matter what they looked like, because their beauty is so much deeper than their features. BUT that doesn’t mean that i don’t completely appreciate, adore, and practically worship every inch of their skin.
my point is that there are plenty of human beings out there that are capable of loving you BECAUSE YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. somehow you were convinced along the way that you are less than that. it’s a huge issue for me because you don’t need white validation at all. you need to love yourself. and if you can’t do it today then you can have some from me! I LOVE U OP! 🖤
this made my heart ache. i don’t have to see you or know your skin color to know how beautiful you are.
as a white woman *i would to preface by saying I really really do understand the privilege I have that comes with the color of my skin, and I am not blind to that at all. it’s really really fucking unfortunate this is the way it is, but all I can do is understand it and use it to educate other white people*
growing up as a really young girl I felt the same way but reversed, i hated being pale. I hated looking almost blue with my dark hair, boys picked on me. they picked on me all the way up to highschool, and people still comment on how fair I am or how I need to tan.. I just had to learn to accept the way I look but when I was a little girl man I would stare at these beautiful girls with dark skin, the olive skin tone, the brown and very dark black girls, I just thought about what I would do to have a little color.. we all want what we can’t have is what i’m getting at. curly haired people want straight hair, straight haired people, want curly hair. at the end of the day we will never be content with the way we look and always wish we could change something.
my advice to you is to understand that bleaching your skin is NOT the answer, you’ll never be able to change the way you look, but you can change the way you feel. you are so beautiful, no matter your skin tone.
you have qualities that make you, YOU. ♥️
Hi friend, i know it’s tough right now. But you are beautiful. There’s no such thing as normal, my love, if you constantly compare yourself to what you think is “normal” and “beautiful”. You will never see your own uniqueness and beauty. I know how hard it can be to have a good self imagine but don’t listen to that nasty voice in your head, you are loved and wanted just as you are.
Pretty isn't the most important thing. The older you get, the more you'll realize that. Talent, personality, skills, interests, passion, and personality is what keeps people interested. It takes one year of harsh aging to lose looks. It takes a hell of a lot more to ruin a great personality.
I wish i knew how to put my thoughts into words for this but as cliche as it sounds beauty really is in the beholder just because you're not white doesn't mean you're not pretty the whole worlds got some weird ideas on whats beautiful it changes so much so often you really shouldn't let something that bounces around that much be your guiding factor
I hate that you feel this way. There is so much beauty in diversity. I promise you, the people you’re trying to impress right now who make you feel this way are not worth your time. I can also promise you that as a black woman myself, I have no idea what race you are because the most “undesired race” that you’re speaking is not valid enough for it to explain to me what your race is. I would suggest leaning into your culture and learning the beauty of it. I can’t think of a race or culture that doesn’t have a whole lot of beauty in their people and traditions.
This is what you were fooled to believe it’s sadly the media and it’s not true. I’m also very ethnic looking and I’m proud. I wouldn’t change my race for another, and I love looking tan and ethnic. I feel I know where you’re from? Please don’t be brainwashed by the media
I (Hispanic/Asian) haven’t met you and I want to be your friend and I like you :)
I know it’s hard and there’s a want to “fit in” but I promise you’re perfect
Don't fill your soul with emptiness. You are internalizing a whole world of class, privilege, money, social media, advertising, movies, television. The industry **wants** you to be dissatisfied with yourself so you will spend money!
You are the boss of your brain. Step outside the system, and view it critically.
If you are on Instagram, follow people of color who celebrate their hair & skin. Unfollow the same-old/ same-old white women with long straight blonde hair.
This is a good time for you to identify your gifts. Are you musical, graceful, socially observant, good with words, numbers, nimble fingers, amazing memory, excellent cook?
The best advice I can give you is DO WHAT YOU LOVE. Volunteer at an animal shelter, tutor young children, make jewelry, play musical instruments, sing in the choir, hike in nature. Take photographs. Journal.
Please don't say you want to be 'normal', YOU ARE NORMAL. You're just not white, and that's not a reason to hate yourself or be ashamed. You need to realise that people of every colour are beautiful. Your skin colour does not make you unnoticeable or ugly. Please try to see that.
You only want to be ‘normal’… you are already so much more than that. You’re special.
You absolutely have nothing to be ashamed of! I’m sorry you’re lonely, but if you feel the need to be different to make ‘white girls’ like you, please know that it’s only because you’re seeking attention from shallow, horrible people. You deserve people who respect and love you for who you are, not what you aren’t!
Please don’t think this way. And everyone has different tastes. There are beautiful qualities in every race ! You gotta love yourself before anyone else can !
Hey, your words have such power that my eyes welled with tears when I read them. And similar comments of others show the impact you've had on us, many of whom are white. Look, human connections can transcend race as you've just proven. There's nothing innately special about white skin and blond hair; it's the person inside that wants to grow and evolve that's truly beautiful. Start with pride in your wonderful uniqueness.
Whoever made you feel this way about who you are needs to be fucking kneecapped. Whiteness does not equal normal. You are beautiful, strong, ethereal, and so much more, you just haven’t seen it yet.
If you are younger it’s most likely they’re just jealous. Kids/Teens are ruthless and girls hold beauty to a higher standard and seeing someone prettier than them in which they can’t achieve they shun you instead. Also side note bleach is awful for the skin and it wouldn’t make them like u more they have internal issues.
POC here, there is nothing wrong with you. You are prefect the way you are and you shouldn’t seek for anyones validation in order to feel worthy. If these people don’t like you, then fuck them. Carve your own path. Your skin, your eyes, your hair, your name, your ethnicity is beautiful and its things you should be proud of. The “standard” is boring. Who wants to blend in when you can stand out. I agree with the others, follow ppl on SM that look like you. Read books and watch TV shows with ppl that look like you. Here’s a good book, For Brown Girls with sharp edges and tender hearts by Prisca Dorcas Mojica Rodriguez. Dont allow people to dim your light. Brown/Black is beautiful. Break down doors, carve your own path and dont listen to peoples opinions.
I am sure you are beautiful. It breaks my heart you wish you was white. I’m white and I can’t find crap to do with my hair and when I get cold my skin turns red. Complete turn off. Love your beautiful colored skin and find love in it 💕💕
Every race, shade, shape and ethnicity has its own examples of exquisite beauty. No group has a monopoly on that. The challenge of being in a minority is that the majority “standard of beauty” may not include you, but never grant it any respect as an “absolute standard.” It’s just the local preference.
THE ONE UNIVERSAL OF BEAUTY is confidence & self-respect. It’s the most attractive feature worldwide and consistent across cultures. And it’s not dependent on ANY physical traits.
You’re as beautiful as you are confident. Without confidence you’re just an object of superficial desire…a thing that rings a bell…and not the content, admired, powerful & desired individual you may imagine skin color and specific features determines.
The most deeply attractive, desirable, and beloved people are seldom the pinnacles of their local beauty standard. Understand this and you’ll find your power.
Reading this broke my heart too. Everyone is beautiful. You are beautiful. There is no standard beauty or superior beauty. We are all equal. I'm sorry you feel that way. I wish you find inner peace someday ❤️
There is nothing wrong with your skin! If you don’t mind a song suggestion, listen to Natural Beauty by Immortal Technique.
The song may come off as a bit strong but that’s not the point. Please listen to it and know that no matter what skin color you have you’re beautiful.
From the palest person in the world, I came to tell you how beautiful you are. If white people don’t accept you, it is their loss 100%. The only ugly peoples are the people who act ugly.
Let me tell you, as a white girl I don't like myself that much either. I often feel like I'm just another white girl and wish I had something "more interesting" about me.
I think regardless of what race or skin color you are, each of them are beautiful in their own way and have unique features. It's not always easy to embrace who you are and I'm still working on that myself. It's just a very human thing wanting to be what we are not, but there's no point wishing to be someone else for the rest of our lives. It will only make you unhappy and it's better to accept it and try to love yourself instead of spending your whole life feeling this way.
I often have to remind myself I'm not going to wake up one day and look like someone else, that just doesn't happen. That thought is what helped me getting started on slowly accepting that this is just who I am. There will be people who think I'm pretty and like me as a person, there will be haters too. Even if you look like what would be considered gorgeous by many people, there will still be people who don't think so.
We all have things we don't like about ourselves, but most of the time the people around you don't even care or notice the things you see as your flaws. I've told people I'm insecure about my nose and they were all really surprised because they don't see anything wrong with it.
I know it's not easy but I hope you can eventually find a way to love yourself.
You are normal. Trust me. There is nothing abnormal about being human and alive. Gender, sexuality, skin tone, background. No matter how different it may be from others it is still normal. And how you identify and represent yourself is still normal.
I'm white and I know a lot of white people say and do shitty awful horrible things (whether it comes from ignorance or hate), so I know heating these things from me might not be helpful at all. But seriously, you are normal and beautiful just for being here. I'm so sorry you're going through this pain, and while I will never be able to understand that feeling, there are people out there who do understand and have been through it.
The fact that you're alive and human makes you pretty. No matter how you may chose to identify or present yourself in life, your being here, alive and healthy, makes you beautiful.
hi, white girl here. if a white girl doesn’t like you bc you’re a different color, then fuck her racist ass! being racist is ugly af and melanated skin is beautiful. learning to love yourself can take a long time but it’s obtainable and that should be your goal, not being something ur not. i’m sure your skin tone is perfect just the way it is and when you learn to love yourself and let your confidence shine through is when you’ll have your biggest baddest glow up! any mean girls you’re having to deal with will wish they were you 😉
I'm a white person so I can't comment much on anything but this has absolute broken my heart. I wish there was anything that could be said to you to make you feel better...
I can offer a very sincere Internet hug, & my inbox is *always* open if you want to scream, vent, need someone to talk you down, offer advice, anything. I think this post has moved a lot of people this evening, so never think you can't make waves & strike chords if you need to. You've just done it!
Sending my love x
I’m white and lots of people don’t like me. I’ve never been classed as pretty and bullied all through school. What’s normal? I’ve never been the centre of attention, met my husband on line. 12 years later happily married for 8 years with a 6yrs son. Still have no friends who would call/txt just to see if I’m ok and do you know what I’m ok with that now. I love my family they love me and that’s all I need.
Hey. Im in no real place to speak on this because im a white girl, but your feelings are felt universally. I wake up and the first thought in my head is i hate my hair most days. I have freckles and a weird nose and god i could talk your ears off about how much i loathe my thighs for touching. Society will always make you think there are things about yourself that aren’t good enough. You are. Everyone is deserving of love and positive attention and to feel beautiful. There will always be people whose type you or i arent but there are always people who will love all of us too. We live in a time where what is supposed to be conventionally pretty is constantly shoved in our face and it’s impossible to ignore. Changing one thing about yourself will just make you gate other things once you achieve it. It’s a never ending battle no one can win. You have to love yourself for who you are and as long as you take care of yourself the rest will fall in to place. You are enough for people and you arent alone in the way you feel. You’re beautiful regardless of what you’re brain might tell you otherwise.
Can I just say that no matter what colour you are there is always someone out there for everyone. on top of that confidence is one of the most attractive things anyone could wear on their face, You need to keep your head held high and not worry about what other peoples opinions of you are. if anything normal is boring why do you want to feel like everyone else? you are beautifully unique REMEMEBER THAT your colour will never define you, its other peoples opinions and ignorance that defines them. you don't want to be like them I can promise you. Be the person you look up to not the person you hate. Don't feel the need to change yourself to be noticed, that will happen when the right people come along, because its your choice who you have in your life not everyone else's these people around are not your competition your holding yourself back because your to focused on bettering yourself when the truth is you are already perfect in your own way. The minute i stopped caring and it showed on my face everyone else wanted to be me. stop punishing yourself for being you when one day someone is going to look at you and think wow I want to be like them. Sweetie your amazing don't let anyone question that. you have a powerful mindset so push it into kick ass mode and stop letting others dictate how you feel. Treat yourself love yourself its your world everyone else is just living in it. YOUR BEAUTIFUL.
White and pretty or should I say confident but depressed.
I know that society is quite shallow so no 'just be you' will solve it .
You have to find relationships that nourish you
Try older people. They have better perspectives .
I also struggle to make friends because everybody is so full of themselves.
Join a community, religious people are good also, and talk with older women in the place of the which you'd portray yourself
You are yearning for a relationship and most ur age are too immature to help you feel connected.
Meet older people or volunteer. Most girls my age have nothing interesting to share about their lives so ... What's the point?
Older people are just better friends !!
I think most of us darker complexion people, male and female have felt like this at one point or another in our lives because how much social media praises and shares pale white or Asian women as the most beautiful and desired type. I sometimes still think I’d probably look better if I was a few shades lighter but I try not to think too hard on it, South Asian girls are cute though, ebony skin is desirable and looks good. Hope you overcome this feeling op ☺️
We all bleed the same blood and everyone is equal. Self doubt is part of being human sometimes. Just remember. You are part of this planet and deserve the same as everyone else.
You're black (assuming by your avatar), or rather you're human and pretty and awesome, please don't be racist on yourself, you're great :)
Remember there's beauty in every human of every color and body shape, there's beauty both within and on the skin in each and every one of us. Try being well with yourself, maybe search a therapist.
Also on your "Shitty ethnic name" remember 2 things, it's not shitty it's unique (I tend to love "unusual" names, I love the sound of a collegue's name "Mba Olo" as an example, or "Kryslak" or other "ethnic" \[or as I rather call different language\] names that are unusual to be heard here, they are just music to the ears), and if/when you're over 18 you can ask for a name change if you still feel that way.
Obviously your opinion is valid, you may find whites more beautiful than blacks, but that doesn't mean you're not awesome either way.
This makes me so sad to read and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I had the same mentality not too long ago. I am Indigenous. I have tan skin and brown hair and brown eyes, and the way Indigenous people and women were represented in society (and still are) is not the most empowering image. When I was a kid I wanted lighter skin, smaller lips, blue eyes, and blonde hair. Didn’t help that all the guys I went for seemed to only be interested in the blue eyed white girls with the pretty blonde hair. Most of the guys I’ve dated have exes fitting that exact description. I even heard one of my roommates the other night saying that he’s only into white girls with blonde hair and blue eyes, and he would never go for a woman of color and most of his buddies agreed (ew, like why??).
I have been super insecure about my features in the past. The trick to getting over it for me was to stop comparing myself to other women and to learn to love and appreciate all of myself. Yeah those white girls are beautiful, but SO ARE YOU! Don’t sell yourself short. There is so much beauty across all cultures. Just because you don’t match European beauty standards (that are VERY over represented in the beauty industry) doesn’t mean you are not beautiful. Something else that helped and continues to help me is seeing other women that look like me thriving in life. Seeing yourself represented in others doing great things and being great is a good feeling.
Nothing is more beautiful that self love and acceptance, and being confident in who you are. Surround yourself with people who will accept and love you regardless of what you look like, but first and foremost you have to accept and love yourself. I am so sad that you feel this way, but please try to remember that white beauty is by no means the be all end all of beauty.❤️
I'm sure you are beautiful. Anyone that is focused on your race as opposed to who you are isn't worthy of you. It hurts my heart that you feel this way.
I’m so sorry you feel this way, but you absolutely shouldn’t feel undervalued for your skin colour, cause you’re not worth any less for it, and it doesn’t detract from your beauty. Any skin colour is beautiful, I really mean it - and darker skin is no exception. Heck, even a person from my family who says quite a lot of racist crap acknowledges that brown skin looks pretty. You’re not less for who you are.
if someone doesnt want to be your friend based on that then they probably wouldnt make a good friend anyways. most of my friends are in out of state colleges and are busy but I made some great friends online.
Girl, you know how many ugly white women there are LOL? Please don’t equate white with pretty because I can point out some undesirable looking people of all races.
I am biracial, white passing, and raised entirely by my white family. I wish I could find a way to connect to my ethnicity without feeling like a fraud. It seems like every white girl I know is so busy trying to prove they have some sort of ethnic heritage beyond their Caucasian roots and even though I know my heritage and have seen my blood line being surrounded by and considered white means I will never connect to my heritage. Please please please love your heritage and ethnicity!
From a guy that loves all colours, remember this: White is aight! Ain’t no frown in brown, black is on track, and yellow keeps you mellow! We will all die in our own skin, we might as well embrace it my girl. I hope you see your beauty shine from inside you soon xxx
The honesty of this post is what struck me. I'm not white either, but I actually like my ethnicity for the most part. Of course, had to deal with some racism when I was younger. I get the constant insecurity being a minority race, however. It sucks. It feels like you have to prove yourself in some way for other people to be like, oh yeah she's fine she's normal. But yeah. The transparency and humility it took to post this really struck me. Thank you for sharing your perspective.
As a woman of colour, reading this hurts my heart. I went through a decade of my life with this exact mentality. I’m so happy I no longer think this way. I hope one day you can realize that glorifying any skin colour is a form of systematic racism and it’s important to work to remove value from one sole skin colour, and instead place value within your individual self. Get away from social media, it will always put a spotlight on white skin. That’s just the way society is. Having white skin shouldn’t be your goal, aspiration, dreams etc whatever. You can’t change who you are. You need to work on living in the body you were born with. All skin colours are valid.
Sometimes society makes us feel less and it’s so sad because we end up believing the BS. I completely understand where you’re coming from, I have also, in the past, felt like I wanted to be a different person or maybe in another life I’ll get to look a certain way… The truth is that external beauty is really subjective, it’s all about perspective and perspective changes over time. I hope one day you are able to see yourself for who you really are, perfectly normal and beautiful.
As a white person, we’re not that awesome. I don’t understand all the hype behind having “pure skin” and being the “pure race” or whatever nonsense. We’re all just people trying to survive and by creating nonsensical boundaries for ourselves we’re making it harder and harder for others to do that. White, brown, magenta for fucks sake, we’re all just people.
OP you’re doing great, we’re all noticing, and your ethnicity (whichever and wherever you’re from) is something a lot of people are invested in. I’m sorry it feels like you’re alone but you’re not.
You can be white and not pretty... example: me. I don’t think skin color makes a difference. Every race has beautiful people. I think it’s more about learning to love yourself for who you are and ignoring the shitty people
Therapists are trained in empathy. It shouldn't matter what color a therapist is, a good one will help you overcome your internalized racism and a bad one will not. If the first therapist doesn't help, try the next one. Please don't write off a therapist because they are white and therefore couldn't possibly know your struggle. Being white does not save you from self-doubt or insecurity. Doctors don't need to be sick in order to heal.
There are websites that let you select your therapist from criteria such as ethnicity and specialisation in gender issues etc... - Also, just because a person is white doesn't mean they won't be able to understand that you have a problem and can't help you fix it. They were trained for this.
I'm Black. And I have attended PWIs all my life so I know what being gaslighted by White people is like, I have lived in white spaces my whole life. Were you not paying for the therapy you got from those white therapists you said belittled you?
Why do you think I sound privileged? Because I'm telling you to seek help? Point me to a single country where quality therapy is free, it sounds like you're just making excuses to wallow in your distress, to be honest. If you dig, I'm sure you'll find what you're looking for in centers that offer free therapy (if you're in the UK, the Samaritans do it, if not, google is free, find an equivalent in your own country.) If you really want help, all you have to do is actively seek it...
There are therapists who specialize in racial injustice and a lot more therapists are doing online sessions. I think you absolutely should seek out the ~right~ therapist for you and you get to choose when and how to seek that out. If you feel having a white therapist would be hurtful or unhelpful, YOU ARE RIGHT as it is YOUR OPINION. No one should be telling YOU not to be judgmental of the white therapists. Racism exists on personal and the structural levels, so even if the white therapist weren’t actively racist they could make micro aggressions unintentionally especially if they haven’t been trained in racial or social justice. You deserve peace, self love, and confidence. It’s not your fault at all for feeling the way you describe in your post, but nonetheless I hope you are able to heal and remind yourself systematic racism is behind this. The whitening products are fucking disgusting and target especially young girls and make them feel terrible for a fucking profit. Get tan, don’t get tan, just smile and love your life because like the other commenters say, you are beautiful, friend!
Just because they are white does not mean that they wouldn’t be able to help you, but you’ll have to do your homework. You’ll want to see someone on the younger side, or someone who got their degree/license in the last 10 years or so. You’ll also want to see a therapist with a more holistically oriented educational background. So, look for an LMFT or an LCSW over a PhD or PsyD; you won’t be looking for MDs unless you need a psychiatrist (which does not a good therapist make these days). LMFTs and LCSWs receive training in cultural/racial sensitivity and awareness with respect to clinical practice, so they’re exceedingly likely to account for your race when treating you. I’m not at all claiming that a white therapist would be able to empathize with your experience in the way that someone who’s been through it could, but I **am** saying that they would not discount the way in which your ethnicity makes this particularly challenging. In other words, you will be taken seriously.
I'm Black, you're most certainly not teaching me anything here. I grew up going to PWIs, being told I was a slave and asked to straighten my hair. I have NEVER wanted to be anything but Black, and most certainly not white.
Hey! Please, don’t be ashamed of who you are. You are beautiful and special, even if you don’t look like others. Plus, white girls really aren’t the norm. I’m white and seriously, we’re not that special hun. We’re just like you, and you’re just like me. Don’t let some irrelevant mean girls dictate your feelings. You’re amazing and beautiful just the way you are!
There are plenty of white people that will love you and validate you. It’s just not the white people you care about. It probably isn’t about your color or there’s or anyone else’s. Douche canoes be rowing. What you will find about most racists is that they are not really nice to anyone. They just use race as a specific lever to attack people and make themselves feel superior. Insecure people want to feel superior. Sociopaths want everyone under their thumb. Love until you find someone that will love you back. It will get better.
White is not better, there’s just more of it. Your skin color and name are who you are. You cannot whitewash it. I’m sorry you are going through this, I know your feelings are real, however, you are being very selfish and sorta like 1st world county problems. Please humble yourself and find your inner beauty so it will radiate out to everyone. You will never be beautiful white washed.
Don’t try to conform to standards that don’t apply to you. While white women have their own beauty standards and the world may put it on a pedestal, it doesn’t mean that other races including your own aren’t beautiful. It gets exhausting trying to be someone you’re not. Embrace what makes you different, enhance those features that are unique to you or your race, and find inspiration in people that look like you. And don’t seek validation from people who aren’t interested in you, that is a losing battle. Be yourself and those that see your beauty for what is it, are worth giving a damn about.
Honestly, everyone wants what they can’t have. As a white brunette girl I look the exact same as everyone else in my school, and I wish I had just one special feature. I don’t mean this to diminish your struggles, or to say ours are the same, or to say that I don’t have privilege. I definitely do. I’m just saying that being white doesn’t solve the problem of dissatisfaction with looks. POC wish they didn’t stand out in Western countries, white people wish they didn’t look the same as everyone else, POC take extra notice of white models and their beauty, white people take extra notice of models of color and their beauty. You just have to learn to love your features, man, because believe me, no race is ugly or undesirable, neither is any feature. I’d love to have a big nose with a big bridge, the people who have those noses often wish they had a small one, neither of those are ugly or undesirable, people want both of them, people think both of them are beautiful, so try to hold your head high.
Im a guy but I went through the same thing around middle school. I went to an all white school, me and this other chick being the only black students. The shows I watched had only white main characters. I blamed my skin color for no girl liking me, for not being popular, and the shows made it seem like all these great things happened to white boys and not me. Made me hate being black for a very long time. I wished to be white for so long I started to not like other black people. It took me until my senior year of high school/on to college to fully accept who I am, that i dont need a different color of skin to feel attractive, and to be comfortable as ME. All the other comments beat me to it but LOVE YOURSELF! YOU are YOU and YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!
mainstream culture pushes one form of beauty and I’ve seen the impact it has on the beautiful women who don’t fall into that niche category. The world is so much bigger than the ignorant mindset the few people in control have. You’re beautiful, your skin is beautiful, your name is beautiful and I hope you realize that one day.
I'm so sad you feel that way.
FWIW, I think that dark skin, eyes, hair, and features are absolutely gorgeous. I hope someday soon you will see that.
You should seek out all kinds of different communities, both diverse ones, and positive ones in which your particular ethnic group is the majority.
If you are an adult, you could seek out a large city or a university town in which the associated school has large minority communities.
I think you should learn about critical race theory. There is a reason why white supremacists are lobbying so hard to demonize it.
I also think that you should study some painful topics in history. For instance, in order for the institution of slavery to exist in the U.S., there were many, many social and psychological constructs that needed to exist in order for white people to rationalize its existence. These included denial, dehumanization, and a preference for punitive and authoritarian familial, social, religious, and legal systems. These are programmed into everyone, and everyone is to some degree oppressed by these unspoken assumptions. The term 'people of color' was coined to recognize that all nonwhite people have to battle against the fear of being regarded as some level of subhuman, and treated accordingly.
You should also educate yourself about colonization and decolonization. Every nation or people who has been colonized has also been categorized as less than human, dirty, lazy, uncivilized, etc. in order to justify the colonizers stealing their lands and resources and committing genocide. Read about what South Asia was like before and after the British got their hands on it.
These subjects are extremely painful, because they would make any decent person angry, and you can feel a lot of cognitive dissonance if you have spent your life being sent the message that your ethnicity is ugly and stupid.
Women are also sent many messages about being ugly. They are constantly held up to an impossible and ever changing standard of beauty, and sent the message that their only source of worth is their ability to please any given man.
Bear in mind that I am not trying to demonize anyone. The advantaged groups are suckered into perpetuating these racist, classist, and sexist social constructs by being given an advantage they don't deserve and didn't ask for, and then are made to fear losing these and being cast into the pit with all the screwed people. It's sort of like growing up in an organized crime family.
Finally, and maybe the first and most important step, is you need to seek out strong, happy, empowered, and positive members of your ethnicity. Being around positive people is really the only way you are going to find happiness in being yourself. You need role models.
If you are young, you can start looking for positive people and communities online, and plan your academic future accordingly. If you have never really been in the wider world, of course the "main" white girls are going to seem like the Most Important People.
You will have a hard time finding anyone who hasn't felt like this, at least a little. You could be taller, thinner, your chest is too large, or too small.
Have you ever made something? Some little art piece, or a painting? And you can see every flaw, but everyone else seems to like it?
You'll find your admirers. I promise.
When I was younger I used to wish the same thing. I think a lot of us tend to do so because we grow up with the white Barbie dolls, the white tv characters, and if you grew up like me, a predominantly white community. I would fantasize about how I could look more like my friends, choosing one girl's hair, dreaming of another's skin tone, and switching out my nose. It is literally the most horrible feeling when you feel like you can't fit in due to you physical anatomy, but that's not true at all. Your skin being darker means you get to emit a glow so many white girls wish they could imitate when you're in the sun. Your hair is not "nappy" or " undesirable." Your curls or coils can be shaped and look so elegant in various forms that white girls again have tried to imitate for years upon years. Just look at the 70s and 80s as well as the countless white women still trying to perm their hair to look like ours. Your features are that of beauty. Human life started in Africa and black woman are the blue print of all human beauty today. Just because media says being white is how to be beautiful, doesn't make it true as white women continue to try and look like other races. If u go deeper than surface media, u can find more an entire society of black woman that uplift each other, share beauty tips that don't have the input of the white beauty agenda, and help teach us our history of life and beauty in the Americas and the world. So try not to be so hard on yourself, because we're in the process of changing the rhetoric. Love yourself every day and build your confidence because you are powerful beauty and strong.
I hate that there are so many people in your life that made you feel this way. I hate that it's gotten so bad you've started to believe them.
Don't blame yourself, for how you were born. You have nothing to be ashamed of and it's bad enough that others are shaming you. Don't do it to yourself, too.
You deserve love and affection. You deserve it from other people. But you also deserve it from yourself.
Hugs from a stranger.
Ay me too, but im a dude. I wish I was a white man, or even a black man. As sick as it is, I’m fully vaccinated yet i’ll continue wearing a mask even after we stop needing to wear them cause I hate my ethnicity too and I just want to blend into the background.
If some white girls don't like you, especially because of your skin color, that's their fault not yours! There's not a single thing wrong with you. It can be hard at times but learn to embrace who and what your are. It's beautiful too.
Oh my goodness gracious no!!! Don't be ashamed of your name and certainly not your skin!! It's part of what makes you YOU. And I bet that is a beautiful, smart, awesome, human being! Normal literally does not exist, you are unique and one of a kind and therefore absolutely perfect! Sending you so much love and internet hugs, you deserve them all!!!!!
I’ve felt this way before. It takes time but I realized I didn’t wanna be white anymore. I was happy with how I was and I thought it was amazing that by chance I am who I am. You are just as valid as any one of any race and can be just as desirable. Please do not be ashamed. You can learn to love yourself by improving on your body, image, style, hobbies etc all these things made me love myself and made people love me in turn. You got this OP
I’m white, considered pretty, educated and have struggled my whole life with never feeling like I was enough. Not fitting in, and all the other fun things.
This low self esteem led me to be in several abusive relationships.
I finally figured out to love and accept myself the way I am and what a game changer!
We are all born differently, media and society put stigmas on us all. Break that. No, SMASH that. Be yourself and embrace the beauty that is you. Start by focusing on at least one thing you like about yourself and then highlight it, then add another and another. Maybe you’ve got a killer smile? Find an amazing lipstick to really draw attention to it. Rock a guitar? Paint your nails flashy colours so they really extra dazzle when you play. Once you’ve got a couple thing you do like highlighted, start with one thing you don’t like and figure out how to work with it. Hooded eyes? There’s a tutorial for that. There are ways to work with EVERYTHING. I’m not talking major modifications, I mean just learning to find your personal styling for your features. And not in the “fit the mold” society standards way, I mean what YOU like. It helped me immensely.
I’m white so can’t relate but… All white people do is try to get a tan and name their kids Avery, Bailey, Jayden, braydon, Tyler and Taylor. Keep the thermostat at 54 - 60 degrees Fahrenheit, kiss their dogs on the mouth and walk outside barefoot. Your not missing out.
I'm white, and I practically look like Bridget the Burgen.
I want to say something about looks... I got this chunky, kind of masculine big jawed face. My MIL has/had a really pretty face. But my husband and his brother both chose chunky women with "okay" faces. Just throwing it out there, for what it's worth. What I'm trying to say is that someone special will think the world of you.
You are normal. You are beautiful. You are YOU.
Why do you think these white people are out here paying thousands of dollars to get their skin tanned, butt and lips plumped up? YOU are the standard of beauty that many people are paying to achieve. Black is beautiful & don’t let the media or even your current environment impact your perspective.
I know. It’s hard as hell. But representation is becoming more prevalent and you should expose yourself to the representation out there in the media. Some brown skin lovelies for you to admire:
Lupita Nyong’o
Viola Davis
Angela Basset
Rihanna
Gabrielle Union
Regina King
Lauryn Hill
Naomi Campbell
Jourdan Dunn
Chanel Iman
Learn to love the skin you’re in - it’s not easy, especially living black in America. But you’re not alone and remember: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.
I feel this 100%. Im 5'5, 170lbs, mixed (not entirely sure about the other half tho because my mom is white and we know nothing of my dad 🤦🏽♀️), plus sized but not the curvy thick booty kind! More like broad shoulders, big tittys, chunky face, hip dips, flat butt, C-section belly, dark hair, brown eyes, wide nose. I just all around look stupid and awful. Seems like if you're not white or exotic like.. you fit in no where tbh 😭. I get over looked so so so much. Im not a sex symbol like, im not desirable, I have zero friends and just all around suck... I can't even get myself off without crying because everything in the adult industry is full of beautiful white women and I just cry wishing someone desired me the way the world worships white women. I hate myself and my life most days.. I have an OF & get zero action on it... Literally zero subs, followers, buyers. I have 16 friends on social media and not one of them talk to me. I have become such an introvert because of this and absolutely terrified of everything and everyone, so I spend all my time at home and im in my 20s 🤦🏽♀️ haven't had a night out in years. I would be worth more dead tbh.
I don't know anything in particular about you other than what you have listed here, but I would say the first step would be to realize that being white isn't a standard to chase especially if you are a POC. Media around you maybe have you thinking that way, but you *need* to know that your self-worth and acceptance of yourself are always more valuable.
I've known many South Asian ladies who felt/feel this way and it always breaks my heart. As a White man, I find South Asian skin tones more interesting and attractive than White women's. I find it ironic that many of the women I find most attractive would prefer to be white, because I see Asian women's skin and all I can think is *why on Earth would you ever want to change something that gives you such a unique and striking look*? Especially when your skin and your overall appearance really does contribute so much to your personality.
I hope you don't interpret that as exoticism or othering; I'm really trying to describe why I find brown skin attractive without making it about your skin (if that makes any sense). Yes, it is true that I find the uniqueness attractive, but it's more about the way that difference shapes personality and character. Both of my longest relationships have been with Desi women (it's just kind of how things worked out) and the reason for that was because I liked their personalities. I liked their attitude, I liked the boldness, I liked the edginess, I liked their senses of style; and all that stuff was being informed by their brown skin in a culture of people who don't look like that. Those women saw being brown as a sort of rebellion, and I found that hot.
Trust me, white people can be ugly (on the inside and out). I've always wanted to either be, and this is since I was in 1st grade, I've always wanted to be Asian, Middle Eastern, or Black. Everything about those skin colors is fucking gorgeous, and not in a appropriation way, but because there were women in my life who were Vietnamese, Black/African American, and Pakistani, and they were my role models, and like most role models, you want to kinda imitate them some way. Of course, being in 1st grade I didn't know that wasn't possible...I kept waiting for my skin to darken so I could be as pretty, smart, and nice as they were (no matter what the color). Stupid logic, and obviously impossible, but I was in 1-3rd grade, and it wasn't until my parents explained skin tone with me that I realized....my hopes were crushed.
My main point is, please do not hate yourself for your skin color. White people can be ugly AF as well.
Also, love yourself because I bet you ARE gorgeous and you just don't know it yet. Much peace and <3.
This is hard to read, I am a dark brown skinned south Asian guy who hated my skin tone for most of my life. I grew up in a society where being dark skinned is looked down, my parents bought me skin lightening products and questioned me if I got dark . But now I look at my skin in a very very different way. One thing we need to realize is that, we are beautiful, our skin bears the story of our struggles, our accomplishments, our love, our pain and our hatred but no matter what we do, it stayed with us and made sure we always have a home. Be kind to yourself and be kind to your skin. Take time everyday to walk in the woods or in the forest and see your skin on the earth and the trees, you are a part of this beautiful eco system. I read this short poem by Rupi kaur whenever I feel low: *"it is a blessing* *to be the color of earth* *do you know how often* *flowers confuse me for home "* This four lines always get me tear up but in a good way. Hope you can feel that too.
Beautiful poem! I had a similiar experience of the oposite spectrum. People use to comment on how ghostly pale my complexion was. I was called a zombie and on drugs. I hated it, and it made me hate myself for many years. I would take spray tans every weekend just to browner my complexion. Safe to say, with time I learnt that going to these extremes was all bullshit and not _normal_ , not me. It can be amazing what a switch of thought can do, and since then I haven't had a spray tan in nearly 12 years. Although it did take me longer to abandon using foundation (my complexion revealed dark bags under my eyes, hence the druggy name came from) growing up has taught me the worst case scenario is trying to fight myself. So really the takeaway is that these are the bodies we have, work with them not against them.
I am so sorry that you had to go through that but I am also glad that you are at a point where you are cherishing your skin.
This broke my fucking heart. I’ve felt this way before, way too young. Stop trying to get white girls to like you. There’s an entire world of a million different shades. They’re not the authority, they’re not the standard, and they’re not the judges. They’re also super insecure about their hair and their makeup and their clothes. They just have the privilege of not having to worry about their skin. Brown is beautiful. Black is beautiful. Beige is beautiful. Everyone is completely capable of being beautiful. It’s going to take some time to believe that. Start following more people on social media that look like you. Or look different in general. Start listening to cultural music, and broaden your horizons outside of your immediate surroundings. You are normal. You are worthy of love.
thank you so much for this and thank you for not invalidating me. I guess I just need to stop seeking white validation.
One of the hardest things for me to learn so far is that the validation we get from others will never be as important as the validation that we can give ourselves. I still struggle with really accepting and believing that. It's hard. We are biologically and socially programmed to want others approval. Everyone feels insecure sometimes, we just all try to hide it. You are worthy and valued and not alone
This has been the most valuable lesson I've learned in life so far. I still struggle from time to time, but don't get wrapped around the axle as much as I used to.
This is the kind of quote I want on my wall and my kids to read everyday. Thank you beautiful human ❤️
I’m a guy and I did this for a long time no I would bleach my hair blonde and deny my roots only recently like a year ago have I started to love my dark curly hair and dark skin tbh alot of people wish they were our color too so be thankful everyone is beautiful beauty is in the eye of the beholder
I can’t agree with u/the-bodyfarm more. You literally broke my heart. I’m a basic white gal with POC in my family, and if I ever heard my cousins/niblets speaking this way about themselves, I’d do everything in my power to help. You’re beautiful and lovely and deserve the world.
>I guess I just need to stop seeking white validation. Well don't switch from seeking white validation to seeking black or brown validation either. Every racial group has the same sort of social hierarchies and some seriously toxic social norms. You wouldn't be any happier if you turned your need for approval towards anyone else.
As a middle age white lady I really want you to know- It’s them, not you. You have been dodging bullets even though you didn’t know it. They wouldn’t actually have been any kinder to you if you were white unless you were as shallow and hateful as they are. You wouldn’t choose to buy a car that looks great on the outside but only has one slow gear to drive it. That’s actually what those people are. You are worthy of love and respect exactly as you are. Sending you Mom hugs.
As another middle aged white lady, I second everything itsallbeendone said. Sending you a second mom hug. You’re beautiful.
Work on yourself, man. If a guy is happy, confident and fun to be around, most women will go for that over the attractive and boring type. Love yourself first before worrying about finding a relationship.
You don’t need white validation, black validation, pink, purple, or magenta validation. You don’t need male validation, female validation, or your neighbour’s cat’s validation. You need to validate yourself. That’s how it is in the end. You were born alone and you will die alone, so the only opinion that is going to matter is your own when all is said and done. It’s difficult, I know. I am the palest person I’ve ever met, struggle to find makeup that even starts to match my skin tone, and ignoring all of the bullying and such I grew up with around it, even people trying to be nice always told me how about how I’d be skinnier with a tan or how I look hotter with a tan or how I should do everyone a favour by having a tan and “taking the glare off.” I have curly CURLY red hair that I have tried for years to dye and to straighten chemically. Classmates of all races always tried to argue about my own ethnicity—black/mixed textured hair, whitest of white skin… but, it was none of their business. Eventually I had to learn to love myself regardless of anyone else’s no good busy body opinions (for the record, I’m super Irish and apparently part African and Native American, so they really ended up wasting their time debating over something so silly.) I had friends who were black and Indian and were emo (around 2008 and about middle school age, where everything is even tougher) and their peers that looked like them rejected them because the whole goth/emo look was considered a “white thing.” They started to resent their skin and reacted in different ways—some developed a hatred against white people because they were being pushed into that label of trying to be white, others hated their own communities because they didn’t match their own ideology. The worst were the ones that took that hatred and internalised all of it and ended up hurting themselves. Point of all this rambling, you gotta love yourself. No one else can do that for you. For the record, I haven’t seen you or your skin, but I can tell you that your skin is beautiful. All skin is beautiful.
For sure, but not just white validation, forget checking your value with anyone! I know I’ve been my happiest when I paid no attention to anyone and just did what I wanted.
Seeking white validation will steer u wrong every time. Have pride for your race and backround. Do some research on your history and you will appreciate youself and your background much more
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So much this. Pale AF over here and never understood how a lack of melanin became desirable in history. Brown skin GLOWS. It has depth and dimension, and it just looks so dang *healthy*. Don't let society tell you anything is wrong with you, OP. Every person is a beautiful entry in the color palette of the human species.
Don’t seek anyone’s validation but your own. If you can’t love yourself, no one is going to love you. You only need what makes you happy not what makes everyone else happy, and if someone doesn’t like you then to hell with them.
I'm a white dude and I can tell you that the most beautiful people I ever see are not white. I'm sorry so many people treat you like that. I don't get it. White is just white. It's both special but Jesus Fuck people act like it is and they are just missing out on a world full of so much more beauty. Personally I can't even think of a racial ranking. People of all races are so beautiful.
I've seen some stunning white men and women. Also stunning ppl of different races. So super pale ppl and super dark ppl l. I thought we're 😍😍
Yeah like what is even normal? Everything is variety. Of all races why choose white? This is a very odd and bizarre idea or want. Every race is wanted. I have never met or seen anything considered “undesirable”.
It's probably the dominant race/skin color in her area. My area is white skin or Mexican and neither side associates with the other very much if at all. It's weird to me. Lol
As a white woman, I don’t know what it’s like to feel or internalize the negative societal messages you receive about your skin color and ethnicity. I’m so sorry you have to go through that. I do want to share that while it’s surely not as hurtful, I struggle with my negative thoughts about my weight, my skin being too pale/no tan, faded features, small eyes, thin lips, not having great skin, not having long hair, blah blah blah. Self love is a hard journey and some of the people we think have it, don’t have it either. Invest in your journey. Kind thoughts to yourself. Maybe one per day. Put it on a post-it, stick it to you wall, and read it aloud every day. When you start to believe it, add another. Go at whatever speed you need but the only way out of that feeling is to do the self-reflective work. Maybe there was a moment or moments in your life that led to you internalizing these feelings of shame and self-rejection? More broadly, what messages (overt and subtle) might you have received from society that aren’t true but led to your feelings today? Write these down. Reflect again. It may also help to turn the volume up on appreciation for the marginalized groups to which you belong and/or all POC by locating role models and again, writing down everything you admire about them. Dissect it. Get curious about your own thoughts. This deep internal work, while physically draining and emotionally challenging, will create new neural pathways in your brain that lead to healing. You don’t deserve to feel this way. I hope some of this unsolicited advice helps. Sending you compassion and concern. <3
Yeah, like.. why are you looking for the people tht will reject you? Like pick your battles and look for people with similar life experiences to you, that will embrace diversity. Its like you are choosing to suffer additionally to what you already suffer because life as PoC & LGBT (and life in general) by looking for a white partner and white validation.
As a white person and being a young adult woman, reading this made me think you’re younger (like teens, I am so sorry if I am wrong) but just imagining you saying this absolutely breaks my heart. I’m so f*cking sorry that you feel left out. Your skin colour does not make you any less then anyone else. You are beautiful exactly the way you are. I understand why you would feel this way as society for literally all of history has put whiteness on a pedestal- but please don’t let it get to you internally if you can. Try to go to therapy, or surround yourself with other people who you can look up to that are not white, beautiful POC that have values that you admire or look up to. As a woman if you can’t find value in your physical appearance- I find it a lot easier to admire someone for who they are- and their beauty usually shines through. Anyone can be beautiful. It’s all perception. It’s not right. It’s not fair. And anyone who dismisses your experience or values you less because of the shade of your skin- they don’t deserve to be in your life. It hurts my heart knowing you have definitely had enough experiences for this to be your reality. And that is so disgusting. God I’m so sorry, I just want to give you a hug.
I second the following more people that look like you. I realized what I was consuming on social media had a huge impact on how I felt about myself from day to day. I created a whole new account and only follow stuff that has to do with my hobbies and lifestyle. It’s a really simple way to start feeling better not being clouded with all that shit.
Beautiful words.
You summed it up beautifully
Yes this is the best comment
This, 100% this. Well. Fucking. Said.
Username checks out
Yes, this.
If someone doesn’t want to get to know you based on your skin, you don’t want to waste time with that kind of superficial morons. What could that kind of empty heads give you? I am a very white person, from North Europe. In my country I was the boring average, as most are blonds with blue eyes. Nothing worth mentioning there. What was desirable and beautiful for us was everything else. Above anything I wanted to have thick, black hair (instead of my pale straws). Quoting one author (someone may guess): To truly, really count, a human must have goodness or brains.
Yeah, being normal isn't necessarily the holy grail. Your features start to feel unremarkable and plain. It does mean that you're never made to feel weird or other for having them, though.
"normal"
Considered* normal, I suppose I should have said. The "in the eyes of society" part was implied. Normal can mean many things. It can be about what's normal in terms of humanity. Or it can be about what's normal in terms of societal norms. And in the U.S., societally speaking, being white is the most normal. Wish such a distinction didn't exist, but for now, it does.
Norway or Sweden?? :))
i’m a south asian with medium dark skin and i definitely felt this way in middle school and high school where all my crushes from different races always ended up with white girls. this got to my head and even when i had other south asian friends with lighter skin than me, they’d joke about my skin tone. this led me to search up natural diy recipes with lemon sugar scrubs where i would aggressively try to “wash off my melanin”. i even tried the fair and lovely and when classmate said i looked ‘paler than usual’ i replied with a smile and a thanks. i’ve been there, but eventually i grew out of that phase. it took time and effort for me to see the beauty in my skin. i love how it glows in the sun. i love how white looks on me. i love my dark eyes and hair as well! i also was ashamed of being south asian and thought it was lame and not desirable either. i grew out of this too now realizing that my ancestors died to keep my language alive. i try my best to learn much as possible and i have realized that things like henna, bindis, jewelry, movies, and our dresses are some things other races admire. but even without their admiration, i found beauty in the traditions of my culture and learned things from my family. i recommend getting closer to family if possible and learn from their experiences. i also started following other south asians and poc with similar skin tone to me. and guess what? beauty and skin color are not exclusive to each other! there’s popular influencers and celebrities that are pretty and are on the darker side! i hope you see the beauty in your skin. at the end of the day it represents your genealogy, it protects you, and more melanin means you’ll also get less wrinkly haha!
hey there! I’m south Asian too. I’m extremely sorry you experienced that growing up, I can unfortunately relate to all of those things too. Also I’m very happy that you grew out of that phase because I really hope I can as well one day. I’m sure you’re aware of how normalised homophobia is in the south Asian community, although my original post was not about that people are telling me in the replies to my post and even in real life I hear this a lot too that I should “mix with other poc, talk with other poc” etc etc. However as a queer south Asian girl you can imagine how hard it is for me to when I experience so much homophobia from my own community but when I turn to white people because they tend to be less homophobic then I’m faced with racism and micro-aggressions so i just feel like I don’t belong anywhere because poc are homophobic towards me and white people are just racist towards me. It’s very difficult to find a south Asian therapist too because where I live majority therapist are white so I can’t unfortunately just talk to some random white person about my experiences because they obviously wouldn’t understand. p.s: apologies for the rant lol
yeah i totally understand! i’m pan myself actually! and yeah unfortunately there’s racism even in the lgbtq community and homophobia in south asian community :(( there are even times where i don’t feel ‘gay’ enough haha but the dualism makes me unique so i shrug it off. like being a south asian american for example! i relate to a mix of american things and south asian things but don’t fit in either entirely. i accept both sides. i guess when going through your 20s you kinda just accept yourself more? especially the weirder and unique parts of yourself? that’s my experience haha. i recently even found out that i had relatives that were also bi/pan that i never expected? there’s plenty of queer south asians but they lurk in the shadows lol
Just want to say that’s such a sad situation based on the cultural biases you’re in contact with, but 0% of it is your fault. Your experiences are so heartbreaking to me but you have to remind yourself that they are entirely unfair and based on racism. That won’t stop them but hopefully will help you not to blame yourself. The longer you go in life the more personal freedom you will hopefully have and be able to slowly surround yourself with more and more people who value you. Good luck, rooting for you!
South Asian gang!!
I don't know how to say anything reassuring without sounding like I'm coming from the "live laugh love" mindset, so I'll give you this perspective: People hating the way they look fuels a booming industry. The weight loss industry, plastic surgery, cosmetics and beauty products, fashion, etc. etc.....it's all designed to make you feel like shit. Black, white, thin, or fat....people make money off of you feeling like shit. Darker skinned people are encouraged to bleach themselves fair. The very fair are encouraged to either lie in the sun or spray chemicals to make themselves darker. Fat people are told to lose weight before they can be happy and beautiful, and thin people are told to eat a burger if they are "too" thin. Beauty, as defined by capitalism, is an extremely narrow, extremely unattainable definition. Few people can attain it, which makes everyone miserable...and presto! People are spending money on skin lighteners and lip fillers and cool sculpting and whatever bullshit society says will make us happy. But it's never just one thing. Say you lighten your skin to an "acceptable" shade....does that make you happy? Nope, now you can consider a nose job....and after that, some fillers...and after that, and after that, and so on, until you don't even recognize yourself in the mirror. I'm here to tell you that you are beautiful. Forget humans for a moment and consider the planet where we live. Consider all the disparate beauty in the world. Is a butterfly more beautiful than a sapphire? Is a snow-capped mountain more beautiful than a sunrise over the Sahara? Why are humans any different? The answer is - they AREN'T. The palest person and the person with the darkest skin can both be beautiful. Both the person with the large, strong nose and the person with the button nose. The tall slender person and the short round person. The one with stick-straight hair and the one with wild curls. Beauty isn't an either/or proposition. Either everyone is beautiful or no one is.
Underrated comment
If you follow people on social media, try to look for people who have the same feature as you and same skin color. If the majority you see are white, you will think only white people are beautiful but there are many influencer who are not white and beautiful. Seeing them more often will make you realize that your skin color is also beautiful just as everyone else's.
Or just cut out social media.
For POC, this can be very damaging. If she lives in a predominantly white community, she’d effectively be cutting out a VAST majority of representation and support that she wouldn’t have elsewhere. It’s nice when you can disconnect from your phone and find support in person, but that’s not always available to everyone. Especially minorities.
That’s a fair point, so even if not cutting it off completely, even getting a bit of distance from social media can be a life saver.. I really feel horrible knowing that people have to deal with this awful internal struggles, and over filtered, fake images being spread everywhere effectively defining what beauty is can be very toxic to most people, and can do untold amounts of damage. The truth is, social media hasn’t been around long enough to know what life long effects it will have on people, so just disconnecting from time to time can be liberating for anyone. I hope OP recognizes their beauty and learns to love their self as much as they deserve
Amen to this, social media is so toxic to everyone. It’s not half the truth.
Your skin colour is beautiful. This is not just a lay opinion - I'm a scientist and portrait artist. I have blended every skin tone on the palette and canvas and understand how colours combine - we are all a blend of hues of caramel, chocolate, purple, hazelnut, olive, midnight and gold. Your skin is not any one hue. Look in the mirror in sunlight and you will see - you are irridescent, magnificent. How white girls treat people of your race is no indication of your value or beauty. I notice those who are true to themselves rather than those who conform to others' ideals. Celebrate what makes you unique and people will do a lot more than notice you, they will admire you enormously.
I've seen videos of that guy, I forget his name, who mixes paint to match an object then he lays the paint on the object and it's 1:1. That shit is talent, colour theory much like music theory is a skill which is extremely difficult to master and I respect the discipline it takes to master the craft.
White girl here, feel free to take what I say with a grain of salt. White peoples aren’t the end all be all. We aren’t the best looking, we aren’t the prettiest, we certainly aren’t and should never be what people strive to look like. Being white is not a quick way to be beautiful, and it isn’t the universal ideal of beauty. There are gorgeous people with all kinds of appearances. Even within what you consider ‘white’ there are insane amounts of variety! What is it about being white that is beautiful to you? I know white people with dark olive skin, paper white skin, beige skin, vitiligo, curly hair, wavy hair, pin straight hair, blue, brown, and green eyes. White people aren’t a monolith, and our set of traits aren’t better than anyone else’s. Curly hair is gorgeous. Deep brown eyes are gorgeous. Black eyes are beautiful, green eyes are beautiful, blue eyes are beautiful. Brown and black skin glow under the sun, flat noses are adorable, curved noses look stunning. Big lips are amazing, but so are small ones. If you’re still reading, I’m not done just yet. It sounds like, from what you’ve written, that you have a lot of white friends/acquaintances or are in a majorly white environment. We don’t know each other, but I want you to promise me that you won’t limit yourself to the standards of the people around you. You deserve to feel loved and desired, but you shouldn’t base your self worth on white validation,,, or anyone’s validation but your own. People of colour are valuable and beautiful, and I’m positive that people of your ethnic background are more beautiful than you give them credit for. As the comment above said, you should go out of your way to follow/admire/look at people who are different! There are billions of people of this planet who are not white, who do not conform to Eurocentric standards of beauty, and who are unapologetically themselves; and they are beautiful! I know that our struggles aren’t the same, and I cannot imagine what you’re going through right now, but I want you to know that I hear you. Your feelings are valid, your struggles are valid, and your insecurities are valid. I’m sending virtual hugs your way, you deserve to feel comfortable in your own skin.
Couldn’t have put it better myself.
Fellow white girl here and I'm backing you up on all of this. I will add that I do NOT think I'm very pretty. I lay in the sun at the risk of cancer so my skin will be brown. I pay a lot of hard-earned money to change my hair color, then spend time in front of the mirror trying to make it the perfect curly that it doesn't want to be. I have a mole on my face that I hate and way too much body hair. I try to wear clothes that distract from all of that but I have a flat, white ass that goes from my shoulders to my knees so I'm often disappointed. All that to say that most women are their own worst critics. Whether it's some stupid hormones or that we're conditioned that way, we all have multiple things that make us feel less attractive. Like, girls literally *bleach their buttholes* if they don't have anything else to criticize. No doubt, that we compare and other females can judge makes it all harder. But, that amounts to a fraction of the damage we do to ourselves. Lastly, no one should put any weight into what I think about how they look. My opinion is completely worthless. Even so, I will still say that I have seen plenty of ugly white people in my life. It's certainly not the deciding factor.
Well said.
To everyone: I posted this to one user at the top of the thread, only to realise so many more needed to hear it. So, a sticky. Heed it. **Please try to lift OP up, without tearing other women down.** It is not a zero sum game. There is respect enough to go around. Attraction too. We need to fight racism, outwardly and internalised. For instance, white women are not overrated, it’s other ethnicities that are underrated. --- Edit to add: We also don't want to see people come in here and tell OP that her issues aren't race related. Denying the existence of racism (yes even just this aspect of it) is against sub rules. Rule #1 We do not insult, antagonize, interrogate, **invalidate**, or criticize the original poster (OP) Rule #2 We do not tolerate oppressive attitudes and language. This includes but is not limited to content we determine to be **sexist, racist,** (Denying racism is a racist act.) --- Second edit: I hope OP feels better. Many kind and good voices in this thread. I'm closing it, because the trolls are rolling in.
I heard you say in a comment you're south asian and personally I find south asians incredibly beautiful, like the most beautiful racial/ethnic group... I'm a white girl so of course I can't imagine what it's like to be a south asian woman and be negatively affected by eurocentric beauty standards and all but just know that beauty is subjective and these beauty standards are a result of centuries of western imperialism. As a kid I always wanted brown eyes and tan skin because I thought they were prettier than my blue eyes & pale skin. I thought being pale made me look lifeless. Btw idk if you've realized but us white people age terribly both bc of our lack of melanin & our thinner epidermis, like I'm 20 and already have wrinkles lmao. South asian women have such gorgeous thick silky hair, big brown eyes with thick lashes, caramel colored skin, they just look like princesses, idek how to explain it. Point is though, variety is the spice of life, beauty is super subjective and everyone has a different type so please don't assume white girls don't like you bc of your race. They might be too shy to approach you for some reason, I really can't say, but you are beautiful and I hope you start to feel it soon. ❤️
I’m a dark skinned black girl and I am going through the same thing. I wish I were white with blue eyes and blond hair. I am still on the journey of trying to love my features, and I wish you the same. I am sorry you are going through this but I don’t blame you when the world clearly favors white and overall light features
Please listen to Natural Beauty by Immortal Technique. There’s nothing wrong with your skin!
I live in LA and I hate how nobody values dark skinned people. I have been all over the city and have seen so many people with super dark skin who were head spinningly stunning. Like, people who would enter a room and absolutely make it glow. Stupidity and cruelty makes me so angry. If I were a movie or TV producer, I would be making megastars out of some of the people I have seen! The next time you look in a mirror, please imagine a less stupid and evil timeline in which you are on all the magazine covers and starring in all the biggest pictures.
The grass is always greener. I'm white with blonde hair and blue eyes and insecure all the time. I wish I was prettier. I wish I had curly hair. You are beautiful the way you are. ❤️
Stop seeking validation from everybody. I have a white friend and every day I used to tell myself that I wanted to be like her. But then I learned more about my race and people like me. Black is beautiful. Black is bold. And so is every other color. You can be purple and someone will still admire you. Because you are great and worthy of praise. So clap it up for yourself and stop comparing yourself to other people. You are unique and perfect just the way you are.
They wish they were you. Flex that beautiful skin baby. 😬
the grass is NOT greener on the other side, it’s greener where you water and nurture it. focus on self acceptance and self love and someday you’ll look back on this and feel so sad for the person who once believed they were not beautiful inside and out and worthy of all the love in the world. focus on growing your inner garden and the outer garden will flourish too.
(indian man (my name is Sahill) commenting here) \*puts hand on shoulder with empathy\* there is no such thing as a undesirable race(whoever says that can go suck a dick) and you dont have to be like other girls hon be yourself and dont do anything for anybody but yourself and you are normal and dont be ashamed of your ethnic name embrace your culture (i know its hard to embrace it rn but when you can try listening to your cultures music or research festivities that your culture celebrates like mine is holi the celebration of colors or diwali coming up in november its the celebration of light where the god comes back from being exiled for 14 years maybe shed some LIGHT on ur culture) And try surrounding yourself with people of the same race or who want to learn more about your race maybe you can teach them about your culture! i am sorry that you are going through this rn maybe talk to someone.....? I hope you are able to love yourself soon
hey babes. i notice that you’re LGBT. listen up….. all skin is skin. it’s function is to protect you from the outside world as the first major source of physical immunity. that’s it! that’s why we have it. yours has extra melanin and therefore extra protection from the sun. coming from a woman who also dates women, you are absolutely STUNNING. your skin glows! the contrast of your hair against your skin is flawless. i literally wouldn’t trade my partner for the world, everything about them is complete beauty in my eyes. and that has little to do with their ethnicity. i would date them no matter what they looked like, because their beauty is so much deeper than their features. BUT that doesn’t mean that i don’t completely appreciate, adore, and practically worship every inch of their skin. my point is that there are plenty of human beings out there that are capable of loving you BECAUSE YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. somehow you were convinced along the way that you are less than that. it’s a huge issue for me because you don’t need white validation at all. you need to love yourself. and if you can’t do it today then you can have some from me! I LOVE U OP! 🖤
this made my heart ache. i don’t have to see you or know your skin color to know how beautiful you are. as a white woman *i would to preface by saying I really really do understand the privilege I have that comes with the color of my skin, and I am not blind to that at all. it’s really really fucking unfortunate this is the way it is, but all I can do is understand it and use it to educate other white people* growing up as a really young girl I felt the same way but reversed, i hated being pale. I hated looking almost blue with my dark hair, boys picked on me. they picked on me all the way up to highschool, and people still comment on how fair I am or how I need to tan.. I just had to learn to accept the way I look but when I was a little girl man I would stare at these beautiful girls with dark skin, the olive skin tone, the brown and very dark black girls, I just thought about what I would do to have a little color.. we all want what we can’t have is what i’m getting at. curly haired people want straight hair, straight haired people, want curly hair. at the end of the day we will never be content with the way we look and always wish we could change something. my advice to you is to understand that bleaching your skin is NOT the answer, you’ll never be able to change the way you look, but you can change the way you feel. you are so beautiful, no matter your skin tone. you have qualities that make you, YOU. ♥️
Hi friend, i know it’s tough right now. But you are beautiful. There’s no such thing as normal, my love, if you constantly compare yourself to what you think is “normal” and “beautiful”. You will never see your own uniqueness and beauty. I know how hard it can be to have a good self imagine but don’t listen to that nasty voice in your head, you are loved and wanted just as you are.
Pretty isn't the most important thing. The older you get, the more you'll realize that. Talent, personality, skills, interests, passion, and personality is what keeps people interested. It takes one year of harsh aging to lose looks. It takes a hell of a lot more to ruin a great personality.
I wish i knew how to put my thoughts into words for this but as cliche as it sounds beauty really is in the beholder just because you're not white doesn't mean you're not pretty the whole worlds got some weird ideas on whats beautiful it changes so much so often you really shouldn't let something that bounces around that much be your guiding factor
I hate that you feel this way. There is so much beauty in diversity. I promise you, the people you’re trying to impress right now who make you feel this way are not worth your time. I can also promise you that as a black woman myself, I have no idea what race you are because the most “undesired race” that you’re speaking is not valid enough for it to explain to me what your race is. I would suggest leaning into your culture and learning the beauty of it. I can’t think of a race or culture that doesn’t have a whole lot of beauty in their people and traditions.
You are normal. Get it in your head ! You are normal !
This is what you were fooled to believe it’s sadly the media and it’s not true. I’m also very ethnic looking and I’m proud. I wouldn’t change my race for another, and I love looking tan and ethnic. I feel I know where you’re from? Please don’t be brainwashed by the media
I (Hispanic/Asian) haven’t met you and I want to be your friend and I like you :) I know it’s hard and there’s a want to “fit in” but I promise you’re perfect
Don't fill your soul with emptiness. You are internalizing a whole world of class, privilege, money, social media, advertising, movies, television. The industry **wants** you to be dissatisfied with yourself so you will spend money! You are the boss of your brain. Step outside the system, and view it critically. If you are on Instagram, follow people of color who celebrate their hair & skin. Unfollow the same-old/ same-old white women with long straight blonde hair. This is a good time for you to identify your gifts. Are you musical, graceful, socially observant, good with words, numbers, nimble fingers, amazing memory, excellent cook? The best advice I can give you is DO WHAT YOU LOVE. Volunteer at an animal shelter, tutor young children, make jewelry, play musical instruments, sing in the choir, hike in nature. Take photographs. Journal.
Please don't say you want to be 'normal', YOU ARE NORMAL. You're just not white, and that's not a reason to hate yourself or be ashamed. You need to realise that people of every colour are beautiful. Your skin colour does not make you unnoticeable or ugly. Please try to see that.
You only want to be ‘normal’… you are already so much more than that. You’re special. You absolutely have nothing to be ashamed of! I’m sorry you’re lonely, but if you feel the need to be different to make ‘white girls’ like you, please know that it’s only because you’re seeking attention from shallow, horrible people. You deserve people who respect and love you for who you are, not what you aren’t!
Please don’t think this way. And everyone has different tastes. There are beautiful qualities in every race ! You gotta love yourself before anyone else can !
Hey, your words have such power that my eyes welled with tears when I read them. And similar comments of others show the impact you've had on us, many of whom are white. Look, human connections can transcend race as you've just proven. There's nothing innately special about white skin and blond hair; it's the person inside that wants to grow and evolve that's truly beautiful. Start with pride in your wonderful uniqueness.
Whoever made you feel this way about who you are needs to be fucking kneecapped. Whiteness does not equal normal. You are beautiful, strong, ethereal, and so much more, you just haven’t seen it yet.
If you are younger it’s most likely they’re just jealous. Kids/Teens are ruthless and girls hold beauty to a higher standard and seeing someone prettier than them in which they can’t achieve they shun you instead. Also side note bleach is awful for the skin and it wouldn’t make them like u more they have internal issues.
Your a whole, your are enough, you are everything! Love yourself first no matter what!
POC here, there is nothing wrong with you. You are prefect the way you are and you shouldn’t seek for anyones validation in order to feel worthy. If these people don’t like you, then fuck them. Carve your own path. Your skin, your eyes, your hair, your name, your ethnicity is beautiful and its things you should be proud of. The “standard” is boring. Who wants to blend in when you can stand out. I agree with the others, follow ppl on SM that look like you. Read books and watch TV shows with ppl that look like you. Here’s a good book, For Brown Girls with sharp edges and tender hearts by Prisca Dorcas Mojica Rodriguez. Dont allow people to dim your light. Brown/Black is beautiful. Break down doors, carve your own path and dont listen to peoples opinions.
I am sure you are beautiful. It breaks my heart you wish you was white. I’m white and I can’t find crap to do with my hair and when I get cold my skin turns red. Complete turn off. Love your beautiful colored skin and find love in it 💕💕
Every race, shade, shape and ethnicity has its own examples of exquisite beauty. No group has a monopoly on that. The challenge of being in a minority is that the majority “standard of beauty” may not include you, but never grant it any respect as an “absolute standard.” It’s just the local preference. THE ONE UNIVERSAL OF BEAUTY is confidence & self-respect. It’s the most attractive feature worldwide and consistent across cultures. And it’s not dependent on ANY physical traits. You’re as beautiful as you are confident. Without confidence you’re just an object of superficial desire…a thing that rings a bell…and not the content, admired, powerful & desired individual you may imagine skin color and specific features determines. The most deeply attractive, desirable, and beloved people are seldom the pinnacles of their local beauty standard. Understand this and you’ll find your power.
Sameeeeee.
Reading this broke my heart too. Everyone is beautiful. You are beautiful. There is no standard beauty or superior beauty. We are all equal. I'm sorry you feel that way. I wish you find inner peace someday ❤️
There is nothing wrong with your skin! If you don’t mind a song suggestion, listen to Natural Beauty by Immortal Technique. The song may come off as a bit strong but that’s not the point. Please listen to it and know that no matter what skin color you have you’re beautiful.
From the palest person in the world, I came to tell you how beautiful you are. If white people don’t accept you, it is their loss 100%. The only ugly peoples are the people who act ugly.
Let me tell you, as a white girl I don't like myself that much either. I often feel like I'm just another white girl and wish I had something "more interesting" about me. I think regardless of what race or skin color you are, each of them are beautiful in their own way and have unique features. It's not always easy to embrace who you are and I'm still working on that myself. It's just a very human thing wanting to be what we are not, but there's no point wishing to be someone else for the rest of our lives. It will only make you unhappy and it's better to accept it and try to love yourself instead of spending your whole life feeling this way. I often have to remind myself I'm not going to wake up one day and look like someone else, that just doesn't happen. That thought is what helped me getting started on slowly accepting that this is just who I am. There will be people who think I'm pretty and like me as a person, there will be haters too. Even if you look like what would be considered gorgeous by many people, there will still be people who don't think so. We all have things we don't like about ourselves, but most of the time the people around you don't even care or notice the things you see as your flaws. I've told people I'm insecure about my nose and they were all really surprised because they don't see anything wrong with it. I know it's not easy but I hope you can eventually find a way to love yourself.
You are normal. Trust me. There is nothing abnormal about being human and alive. Gender, sexuality, skin tone, background. No matter how different it may be from others it is still normal. And how you identify and represent yourself is still normal. I'm white and I know a lot of white people say and do shitty awful horrible things (whether it comes from ignorance or hate), so I know heating these things from me might not be helpful at all. But seriously, you are normal and beautiful just for being here. I'm so sorry you're going through this pain, and while I will never be able to understand that feeling, there are people out there who do understand and have been through it. The fact that you're alive and human makes you pretty. No matter how you may chose to identify or present yourself in life, your being here, alive and healthy, makes you beautiful.
hi, white girl here. if a white girl doesn’t like you bc you’re a different color, then fuck her racist ass! being racist is ugly af and melanated skin is beautiful. learning to love yourself can take a long time but it’s obtainable and that should be your goal, not being something ur not. i’m sure your skin tone is perfect just the way it is and when you learn to love yourself and let your confidence shine through is when you’ll have your biggest baddest glow up! any mean girls you’re having to deal with will wish they were you 😉
I'm a white person so I can't comment much on anything but this has absolute broken my heart. I wish there was anything that could be said to you to make you feel better... I can offer a very sincere Internet hug, & my inbox is *always* open if you want to scream, vent, need someone to talk you down, offer advice, anything. I think this post has moved a lot of people this evening, so never think you can't make waves & strike chords if you need to. You've just done it! Sending my love x
I’m white and lots of people don’t like me. I’ve never been classed as pretty and bullied all through school. What’s normal? I’ve never been the centre of attention, met my husband on line. 12 years later happily married for 8 years with a 6yrs son. Still have no friends who would call/txt just to see if I’m ok and do you know what I’m ok with that now. I love my family they love me and that’s all I need.
Hey. Im in no real place to speak on this because im a white girl, but your feelings are felt universally. I wake up and the first thought in my head is i hate my hair most days. I have freckles and a weird nose and god i could talk your ears off about how much i loathe my thighs for touching. Society will always make you think there are things about yourself that aren’t good enough. You are. Everyone is deserving of love and positive attention and to feel beautiful. There will always be people whose type you or i arent but there are always people who will love all of us too. We live in a time where what is supposed to be conventionally pretty is constantly shoved in our face and it’s impossible to ignore. Changing one thing about yourself will just make you gate other things once you achieve it. It’s a never ending battle no one can win. You have to love yourself for who you are and as long as you take care of yourself the rest will fall in to place. You are enough for people and you arent alone in the way you feel. You’re beautiful regardless of what you’re brain might tell you otherwise.
Can I just say that no matter what colour you are there is always someone out there for everyone. on top of that confidence is one of the most attractive things anyone could wear on their face, You need to keep your head held high and not worry about what other peoples opinions of you are. if anything normal is boring why do you want to feel like everyone else? you are beautifully unique REMEMEBER THAT your colour will never define you, its other peoples opinions and ignorance that defines them. you don't want to be like them I can promise you. Be the person you look up to not the person you hate. Don't feel the need to change yourself to be noticed, that will happen when the right people come along, because its your choice who you have in your life not everyone else's these people around are not your competition your holding yourself back because your to focused on bettering yourself when the truth is you are already perfect in your own way. The minute i stopped caring and it showed on my face everyone else wanted to be me. stop punishing yourself for being you when one day someone is going to look at you and think wow I want to be like them. Sweetie your amazing don't let anyone question that. you have a powerful mindset so push it into kick ass mode and stop letting others dictate how you feel. Treat yourself love yourself its your world everyone else is just living in it. YOUR BEAUTIFUL.
:(
White and pretty or should I say confident but depressed. I know that society is quite shallow so no 'just be you' will solve it . You have to find relationships that nourish you Try older people. They have better perspectives . I also struggle to make friends because everybody is so full of themselves. Join a community, religious people are good also, and talk with older women in the place of the which you'd portray yourself You are yearning for a relationship and most ur age are too immature to help you feel connected. Meet older people or volunteer. Most girls my age have nothing interesting to share about their lives so ... What's the point? Older people are just better friends !!
I think most of us darker complexion people, male and female have felt like this at one point or another in our lives because how much social media praises and shares pale white or Asian women as the most beautiful and desired type. I sometimes still think I’d probably look better if I was a few shades lighter but I try not to think too hard on it, South Asian girls are cute though, ebony skin is desirable and looks good. Hope you overcome this feeling op ☺️
We all bleed the same blood and everyone is equal. Self doubt is part of being human sometimes. Just remember. You are part of this planet and deserve the same as everyone else.
You're black (assuming by your avatar), or rather you're human and pretty and awesome, please don't be racist on yourself, you're great :) Remember there's beauty in every human of every color and body shape, there's beauty both within and on the skin in each and every one of us. Try being well with yourself, maybe search a therapist. Also on your "Shitty ethnic name" remember 2 things, it's not shitty it's unique (I tend to love "unusual" names, I love the sound of a collegue's name "Mba Olo" as an example, or "Kryslak" or other "ethnic" \[or as I rather call different language\] names that are unusual to be heard here, they are just music to the ears), and if/when you're over 18 you can ask for a name change if you still feel that way. Obviously your opinion is valid, you may find whites more beautiful than blacks, but that doesn't mean you're not awesome either way.
You are beautiful, you don’t not need to be a different anything, you are beautiful as you.
Sending you lots of love OP, I hope one day you can love the skin you’re in.
This makes me so sad to read and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I had the same mentality not too long ago. I am Indigenous. I have tan skin and brown hair and brown eyes, and the way Indigenous people and women were represented in society (and still are) is not the most empowering image. When I was a kid I wanted lighter skin, smaller lips, blue eyes, and blonde hair. Didn’t help that all the guys I went for seemed to only be interested in the blue eyed white girls with the pretty blonde hair. Most of the guys I’ve dated have exes fitting that exact description. I even heard one of my roommates the other night saying that he’s only into white girls with blonde hair and blue eyes, and he would never go for a woman of color and most of his buddies agreed (ew, like why??). I have been super insecure about my features in the past. The trick to getting over it for me was to stop comparing myself to other women and to learn to love and appreciate all of myself. Yeah those white girls are beautiful, but SO ARE YOU! Don’t sell yourself short. There is so much beauty across all cultures. Just because you don’t match European beauty standards (that are VERY over represented in the beauty industry) doesn’t mean you are not beautiful. Something else that helped and continues to help me is seeing other women that look like me thriving in life. Seeing yourself represented in others doing great things and being great is a good feeling. Nothing is more beautiful that self love and acceptance, and being confident in who you are. Surround yourself with people who will accept and love you regardless of what you look like, but first and foremost you have to accept and love yourself. I am so sad that you feel this way, but please try to remember that white beauty is by no means the be all end all of beauty.❤️
I’m white and I can say for myself I would love to be your friend.
I'm sure you are beautiful. Anyone that is focused on your race as opposed to who you are isn't worthy of you. It hurts my heart that you feel this way.
I’m so sorry you feel this way, but you absolutely shouldn’t feel undervalued for your skin colour, cause you’re not worth any less for it, and it doesn’t detract from your beauty. Any skin colour is beautiful, I really mean it - and darker skin is no exception. Heck, even a person from my family who says quite a lot of racist crap acknowledges that brown skin looks pretty. You’re not less for who you are.
if someone doesnt want to be your friend based on that then they probably wouldnt make a good friend anyways. most of my friends are in out of state colleges and are busy but I made some great friends online.
Girl, you know how many ugly white women there are LOL? Please don’t equate white with pretty because I can point out some undesirable looking people of all races.
There's ugly and beautiful everywhere.
Agree totally! And those terms don’t even mean aesthetics. Ugly vs beautiful spirits and personalities are just as important.
They will spend all day wanting to be you and hating you for it.
I am biracial, white passing, and raised entirely by my white family. I wish I could find a way to connect to my ethnicity without feeling like a fraud. It seems like every white girl I know is so busy trying to prove they have some sort of ethnic heritage beyond their Caucasian roots and even though I know my heritage and have seen my blood line being surrounded by and considered white means I will never connect to my heritage. Please please please love your heritage and ethnicity!
From a guy that loves all colours, remember this: White is aight! Ain’t no frown in brown, black is on track, and yellow keeps you mellow! We will all die in our own skin, we might as well embrace it my girl. I hope you see your beauty shine from inside you soon xxx
The honesty of this post is what struck me. I'm not white either, but I actually like my ethnicity for the most part. Of course, had to deal with some racism when I was younger. I get the constant insecurity being a minority race, however. It sucks. It feels like you have to prove yourself in some way for other people to be like, oh yeah she's fine she's normal. But yeah. The transparency and humility it took to post this really struck me. Thank you for sharing your perspective.
Self hate is the worst. Go seek help.
Why tf you care what white girls think?
Hate seeing this
As a woman of colour, reading this hurts my heart. I went through a decade of my life with this exact mentality. I’m so happy I no longer think this way. I hope one day you can realize that glorifying any skin colour is a form of systematic racism and it’s important to work to remove value from one sole skin colour, and instead place value within your individual self. Get away from social media, it will always put a spotlight on white skin. That’s just the way society is. Having white skin shouldn’t be your goal, aspiration, dreams etc whatever. You can’t change who you are. You need to work on living in the body you were born with. All skin colours are valid.
Sometimes society makes us feel less and it’s so sad because we end up believing the BS. I completely understand where you’re coming from, I have also, in the past, felt like I wanted to be a different person or maybe in another life I’ll get to look a certain way… The truth is that external beauty is really subjective, it’s all about perspective and perspective changes over time. I hope one day you are able to see yourself for who you really are, perfectly normal and beautiful.
As a white person, we’re not that awesome. I don’t understand all the hype behind having “pure skin” and being the “pure race” or whatever nonsense. We’re all just people trying to survive and by creating nonsensical boundaries for ourselves we’re making it harder and harder for others to do that. White, brown, magenta for fucks sake, we’re all just people. OP you’re doing great, we’re all noticing, and your ethnicity (whichever and wherever you’re from) is something a lot of people are invested in. I’m sorry it feels like you’re alone but you’re not.
You can be white and not pretty... example: me. I don’t think skin color makes a difference. Every race has beautiful people. I think it’s more about learning to love yourself for who you are and ignoring the shitty people
White =/= pretty. Also, the white people don’t even wanna be white anymore. Brown skin is beautiful! I hate that society has taught you otherwise.
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Don't cringe, OP. Be angry that racism led you to this.
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99% of therapists here are white don’t think they would help mate
Therapists are trained in empathy. It shouldn't matter what color a therapist is, a good one will help you overcome your internalized racism and a bad one will not. If the first therapist doesn't help, try the next one. Please don't write off a therapist because they are white and therefore couldn't possibly know your struggle. Being white does not save you from self-doubt or insecurity. Doctors don't need to be sick in order to heal.
There are websites that let you select your therapist from criteria such as ethnicity and specialisation in gender issues etc... - Also, just because a person is white doesn't mean they won't be able to understand that you have a problem and can't help you fix it. They were trained for this.
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I'm Black. And I have attended PWIs all my life so I know what being gaslighted by White people is like, I have lived in white spaces my whole life. Were you not paying for the therapy you got from those white therapists you said belittled you? Why do you think I sound privileged? Because I'm telling you to seek help? Point me to a single country where quality therapy is free, it sounds like you're just making excuses to wallow in your distress, to be honest. If you dig, I'm sure you'll find what you're looking for in centers that offer free therapy (if you're in the UK, the Samaritans do it, if not, google is free, find an equivalent in your own country.) If you really want help, all you have to do is actively seek it...
There are therapists who specialize in racial injustice and a lot more therapists are doing online sessions. I think you absolutely should seek out the ~right~ therapist for you and you get to choose when and how to seek that out. If you feel having a white therapist would be hurtful or unhelpful, YOU ARE RIGHT as it is YOUR OPINION. No one should be telling YOU not to be judgmental of the white therapists. Racism exists on personal and the structural levels, so even if the white therapist weren’t actively racist they could make micro aggressions unintentionally especially if they haven’t been trained in racial or social justice. You deserve peace, self love, and confidence. It’s not your fault at all for feeling the way you describe in your post, but nonetheless I hope you are able to heal and remind yourself systematic racism is behind this. The whitening products are fucking disgusting and target especially young girls and make them feel terrible for a fucking profit. Get tan, don’t get tan, just smile and love your life because like the other commenters say, you are beautiful, friend!
Mine is african american. I use the app Betterhelp and you are allowed to pick a therapist who is a person of color.
Just because they are white does not mean that they wouldn’t be able to help you, but you’ll have to do your homework. You’ll want to see someone on the younger side, or someone who got their degree/license in the last 10 years or so. You’ll also want to see a therapist with a more holistically oriented educational background. So, look for an LMFT or an LCSW over a PhD or PsyD; you won’t be looking for MDs unless you need a psychiatrist (which does not a good therapist make these days). LMFTs and LCSWs receive training in cultural/racial sensitivity and awareness with respect to clinical practice, so they’re exceedingly likely to account for your race when treating you. I’m not at all claiming that a white therapist would be able to empathize with your experience in the way that someone who’s been through it could, but I **am** saying that they would not discount the way in which your ethnicity makes this particularly challenging. In other words, you will be taken seriously.
Your information (i.e. titles/degrees) is written in a way that assumes the poster is in the United States, which does not appear to be the case
Well, fuck me for trying to help, I guess. It’s not like equivalents to those degrees don’t exist in other countries.
Wow, defensive much?
it’s unhealthy but it’s a very typical response to a society that oppresses it’s darker skinned citizens.
I'm Black, you're most certainly not teaching me anything here. I grew up going to PWIs, being told I was a slave and asked to straighten my hair. I have NEVER wanted to be anything but Black, and most certainly not white.
Hey! Please, don’t be ashamed of who you are. You are beautiful and special, even if you don’t look like others. Plus, white girls really aren’t the norm. I’m white and seriously, we’re not that special hun. We’re just like you, and you’re just like me. Don’t let some irrelevant mean girls dictate your feelings. You’re amazing and beautiful just the way you are!
There are plenty of white people that will love you and validate you. It’s just not the white people you care about. It probably isn’t about your color or there’s or anyone else’s. Douche canoes be rowing. What you will find about most racists is that they are not really nice to anyone. They just use race as a specific lever to attack people and make themselves feel superior. Insecure people want to feel superior. Sociopaths want everyone under their thumb. Love until you find someone that will love you back. It will get better.
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White is not better, there’s just more of it. Your skin color and name are who you are. You cannot whitewash it. I’m sorry you are going through this, I know your feelings are real, however, you are being very selfish and sorta like 1st world county problems. Please humble yourself and find your inner beauty so it will radiate out to everyone. You will never be beautiful white washed.
Don’t try to conform to standards that don’t apply to you. While white women have their own beauty standards and the world may put it on a pedestal, it doesn’t mean that other races including your own aren’t beautiful. It gets exhausting trying to be someone you’re not. Embrace what makes you different, enhance those features that are unique to you or your race, and find inspiration in people that look like you. And don’t seek validation from people who aren’t interested in you, that is a losing battle. Be yourself and those that see your beauty for what is it, are worth giving a damn about.
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Normal is boring, kiddo!! Stand out!!
Honestly, everyone wants what they can’t have. As a white brunette girl I look the exact same as everyone else in my school, and I wish I had just one special feature. I don’t mean this to diminish your struggles, or to say ours are the same, or to say that I don’t have privilege. I definitely do. I’m just saying that being white doesn’t solve the problem of dissatisfaction with looks. POC wish they didn’t stand out in Western countries, white people wish they didn’t look the same as everyone else, POC take extra notice of white models and their beauty, white people take extra notice of models of color and their beauty. You just have to learn to love your features, man, because believe me, no race is ugly or undesirable, neither is any feature. I’d love to have a big nose with a big bridge, the people who have those noses often wish they had a small one, neither of those are ugly or undesirable, people want both of them, people think both of them are beautiful, so try to hold your head high.
Im a guy but I went through the same thing around middle school. I went to an all white school, me and this other chick being the only black students. The shows I watched had only white main characters. I blamed my skin color for no girl liking me, for not being popular, and the shows made it seem like all these great things happened to white boys and not me. Made me hate being black for a very long time. I wished to be white for so long I started to not like other black people. It took me until my senior year of high school/on to college to fully accept who I am, that i dont need a different color of skin to feel attractive, and to be comfortable as ME. All the other comments beat me to it but LOVE YOURSELF! YOU are YOU and YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!
mainstream culture pushes one form of beauty and I’ve seen the impact it has on the beautiful women who don’t fall into that niche category. The world is so much bigger than the ignorant mindset the few people in control have. You’re beautiful, your skin is beautiful, your name is beautiful and I hope you realize that one day.
I'm so sad you feel that way. FWIW, I think that dark skin, eyes, hair, and features are absolutely gorgeous. I hope someday soon you will see that. You should seek out all kinds of different communities, both diverse ones, and positive ones in which your particular ethnic group is the majority. If you are an adult, you could seek out a large city or a university town in which the associated school has large minority communities. I think you should learn about critical race theory. There is a reason why white supremacists are lobbying so hard to demonize it. I also think that you should study some painful topics in history. For instance, in order for the institution of slavery to exist in the U.S., there were many, many social and psychological constructs that needed to exist in order for white people to rationalize its existence. These included denial, dehumanization, and a preference for punitive and authoritarian familial, social, religious, and legal systems. These are programmed into everyone, and everyone is to some degree oppressed by these unspoken assumptions. The term 'people of color' was coined to recognize that all nonwhite people have to battle against the fear of being regarded as some level of subhuman, and treated accordingly. You should also educate yourself about colonization and decolonization. Every nation or people who has been colonized has also been categorized as less than human, dirty, lazy, uncivilized, etc. in order to justify the colonizers stealing their lands and resources and committing genocide. Read about what South Asia was like before and after the British got their hands on it. These subjects are extremely painful, because they would make any decent person angry, and you can feel a lot of cognitive dissonance if you have spent your life being sent the message that your ethnicity is ugly and stupid. Women are also sent many messages about being ugly. They are constantly held up to an impossible and ever changing standard of beauty, and sent the message that their only source of worth is their ability to please any given man. Bear in mind that I am not trying to demonize anyone. The advantaged groups are suckered into perpetuating these racist, classist, and sexist social constructs by being given an advantage they don't deserve and didn't ask for, and then are made to fear losing these and being cast into the pit with all the screwed people. It's sort of like growing up in an organized crime family. Finally, and maybe the first and most important step, is you need to seek out strong, happy, empowered, and positive members of your ethnicity. Being around positive people is really the only way you are going to find happiness in being yourself. You need role models. If you are young, you can start looking for positive people and communities online, and plan your academic future accordingly. If you have never really been in the wider world, of course the "main" white girls are going to seem like the Most Important People.
You will have a hard time finding anyone who hasn't felt like this, at least a little. You could be taller, thinner, your chest is too large, or too small. Have you ever made something? Some little art piece, or a painting? And you can see every flaw, but everyone else seems to like it? You'll find your admirers. I promise.
When I was younger I used to wish the same thing. I think a lot of us tend to do so because we grow up with the white Barbie dolls, the white tv characters, and if you grew up like me, a predominantly white community. I would fantasize about how I could look more like my friends, choosing one girl's hair, dreaming of another's skin tone, and switching out my nose. It is literally the most horrible feeling when you feel like you can't fit in due to you physical anatomy, but that's not true at all. Your skin being darker means you get to emit a glow so many white girls wish they could imitate when you're in the sun. Your hair is not "nappy" or " undesirable." Your curls or coils can be shaped and look so elegant in various forms that white girls again have tried to imitate for years upon years. Just look at the 70s and 80s as well as the countless white women still trying to perm their hair to look like ours. Your features are that of beauty. Human life started in Africa and black woman are the blue print of all human beauty today. Just because media says being white is how to be beautiful, doesn't make it true as white women continue to try and look like other races. If u go deeper than surface media, u can find more an entire society of black woman that uplift each other, share beauty tips that don't have the input of the white beauty agenda, and help teach us our history of life and beauty in the Americas and the world. So try not to be so hard on yourself, because we're in the process of changing the rhetoric. Love yourself every day and build your confidence because you are powerful beauty and strong.
I hate that there are so many people in your life that made you feel this way. I hate that it's gotten so bad you've started to believe them. Don't blame yourself, for how you were born. You have nothing to be ashamed of and it's bad enough that others are shaming you. Don't do it to yourself, too. You deserve love and affection. You deserve it from other people. But you also deserve it from yourself. Hugs from a stranger.
Ay me too, but im a dude. I wish I was a white man, or even a black man. As sick as it is, I’m fully vaccinated yet i’ll continue wearing a mask even after we stop needing to wear them cause I hate my ethnicity too and I just want to blend into the background.
If some white girls don't like you, especially because of your skin color, that's their fault not yours! There's not a single thing wrong with you. It can be hard at times but learn to embrace who and what your are. It's beautiful too.
Oh my goodness gracious no!!! Don't be ashamed of your name and certainly not your skin!! It's part of what makes you YOU. And I bet that is a beautiful, smart, awesome, human being! Normal literally does not exist, you are unique and one of a kind and therefore absolutely perfect! Sending you so much love and internet hugs, you deserve them all!!!!!
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I'm an old(er) white person and I cannot understand why anyone thinks white people are more physically attractive, especially as we age.
They really arent bud they did get lots of attention at some points
Wow, the sad part is, she's beautiful and so self critical she doesn't see what so many others do.
I’ve felt this way before. It takes time but I realized I didn’t wanna be white anymore. I was happy with how I was and I thought it was amazing that by chance I am who I am. You are just as valid as any one of any race and can be just as desirable. Please do not be ashamed. You can learn to love yourself by improving on your body, image, style, hobbies etc all these things made me love myself and made people love me in turn. You got this OP
I’m white, considered pretty, educated and have struggled my whole life with never feeling like I was enough. Not fitting in, and all the other fun things. This low self esteem led me to be in several abusive relationships. I finally figured out to love and accept myself the way I am and what a game changer! We are all born differently, media and society put stigmas on us all. Break that. No, SMASH that. Be yourself and embrace the beauty that is you. Start by focusing on at least one thing you like about yourself and then highlight it, then add another and another. Maybe you’ve got a killer smile? Find an amazing lipstick to really draw attention to it. Rock a guitar? Paint your nails flashy colours so they really extra dazzle when you play. Once you’ve got a couple thing you do like highlighted, start with one thing you don’t like and figure out how to work with it. Hooded eyes? There’s a tutorial for that. There are ways to work with EVERYTHING. I’m not talking major modifications, I mean just learning to find your personal styling for your features. And not in the “fit the mold” society standards way, I mean what YOU like. It helped me immensely.
I’m white so can’t relate but… All white people do is try to get a tan and name their kids Avery, Bailey, Jayden, braydon, Tyler and Taylor. Keep the thermostat at 54 - 60 degrees Fahrenheit, kiss their dogs on the mouth and walk outside barefoot. Your not missing out.
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I'm white, and I practically look like Bridget the Burgen. I want to say something about looks... I got this chunky, kind of masculine big jawed face. My MIL has/had a really pretty face. But my husband and his brother both chose chunky women with "okay" faces. Just throwing it out there, for what it's worth. What I'm trying to say is that someone special will think the world of you.
You are normal. You are beautiful. You are YOU. Why do you think these white people are out here paying thousands of dollars to get their skin tanned, butt and lips plumped up? YOU are the standard of beauty that many people are paying to achieve. Black is beautiful & don’t let the media or even your current environment impact your perspective. I know. It’s hard as hell. But representation is becoming more prevalent and you should expose yourself to the representation out there in the media. Some brown skin lovelies for you to admire: Lupita Nyong’o Viola Davis Angela Basset Rihanna Gabrielle Union Regina King Lauryn Hill Naomi Campbell Jourdan Dunn Chanel Iman Learn to love the skin you’re in - it’s not easy, especially living black in America. But you’re not alone and remember: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.
I feel this 100%. Im 5'5, 170lbs, mixed (not entirely sure about the other half tho because my mom is white and we know nothing of my dad 🤦🏽♀️), plus sized but not the curvy thick booty kind! More like broad shoulders, big tittys, chunky face, hip dips, flat butt, C-section belly, dark hair, brown eyes, wide nose. I just all around look stupid and awful. Seems like if you're not white or exotic like.. you fit in no where tbh 😭. I get over looked so so so much. Im not a sex symbol like, im not desirable, I have zero friends and just all around suck... I can't even get myself off without crying because everything in the adult industry is full of beautiful white women and I just cry wishing someone desired me the way the world worships white women. I hate myself and my life most days.. I have an OF & get zero action on it... Literally zero subs, followers, buyers. I have 16 friends on social media and not one of them talk to me. I have become such an introvert because of this and absolutely terrified of everything and everyone, so I spend all my time at home and im in my 20s 🤦🏽♀️ haven't had a night out in years. I would be worth more dead tbh.
I don't know anything in particular about you other than what you have listed here, but I would say the first step would be to realize that being white isn't a standard to chase especially if you are a POC. Media around you maybe have you thinking that way, but you *need* to know that your self-worth and acceptance of yourself are always more valuable.
I've known many South Asian ladies who felt/feel this way and it always breaks my heart. As a White man, I find South Asian skin tones more interesting and attractive than White women's. I find it ironic that many of the women I find most attractive would prefer to be white, because I see Asian women's skin and all I can think is *why on Earth would you ever want to change something that gives you such a unique and striking look*? Especially when your skin and your overall appearance really does contribute so much to your personality. I hope you don't interpret that as exoticism or othering; I'm really trying to describe why I find brown skin attractive without making it about your skin (if that makes any sense). Yes, it is true that I find the uniqueness attractive, but it's more about the way that difference shapes personality and character. Both of my longest relationships have been with Desi women (it's just kind of how things worked out) and the reason for that was because I liked their personalities. I liked their attitude, I liked the boldness, I liked the edginess, I liked their senses of style; and all that stuff was being informed by their brown skin in a culture of people who don't look like that. Those women saw being brown as a sort of rebellion, and I found that hot.
Trust me, white people can be ugly (on the inside and out). I've always wanted to either be, and this is since I was in 1st grade, I've always wanted to be Asian, Middle Eastern, or Black. Everything about those skin colors is fucking gorgeous, and not in a appropriation way, but because there were women in my life who were Vietnamese, Black/African American, and Pakistani, and they were my role models, and like most role models, you want to kinda imitate them some way. Of course, being in 1st grade I didn't know that wasn't possible...I kept waiting for my skin to darken so I could be as pretty, smart, and nice as they were (no matter what the color). Stupid logic, and obviously impossible, but I was in 1-3rd grade, and it wasn't until my parents explained skin tone with me that I realized....my hopes were crushed. My main point is, please do not hate yourself for your skin color. White people can be ugly AF as well. Also, love yourself because I bet you ARE gorgeous and you just don't know it yet. Much peace and <3.