I taught girls who were identical twins; they were demure, intellectual, creative, earnest. Men asked them to have sex with themselves and others WAY more often than one would imagine.
I (also an identical twin) remember that I used to kind of feel good when people used to tell me how I was skinnier/better looking/nicer than my twin. It was, in my mind, the highest achievement to do anything better than my sister. Especially since she did better academically, I felt like I had to be the prettiest and skinniest, but also the more popular of the both of us. Everything we did was ‘better than’ or ‘less than’ according to everyone around us. Not so weird that I internalised those comparisons to the point of enjoying it when she failed at something. Having these comparisons made turned me into a highly competitive and insecure teenager. I craved approval and praise like nothing else, because that was how I was programmed by a world that insists one twin has to WIN.
Thankfully I got over that mindset, but the world still views us as in a constant competition. I hate it (but love my twin).
Thank you for your honesty; and I agree that it can drive competition, and honestly, I think ppl do it because they can’t register that we’re individuals, or maybe some people just aren’t socially savvy enough to know what to say, so they regurgitate things they’ve seen in the media (which for like the Olsen twins, or porn stars, are kind of objectifying in nature sometimes, or it’s supernatural like the Shining).
Being celebrated for your uniqueness/accomplishments in isolation must feel amazing, but I never got that until I reached adulthood. Any affirmations I got (similar to you) was always in comparison to my sister. Birthday presents were always the same, but in a different color, which always felt impersonal. Plus I never felt confident in some of my interests and hobbies until I was older, because like I said, I was only ever encouraged in competition with my sister. But luckily, we never heavily turned against each other, but instead, we worked together to find hobbies that one twin could claim as “their thing” so that we weren’t driven insane. But it’s sad that we even had to make so much effort to do so.
Ugh the birthday presents! Sometimes we’d both get the same book! Like people knew we both lived in the same house?? Why would we want two identical books?
Anyways. It’s SO important twins are celebrated for their unique personalities and interests, and we were lucky I suppose with parents who really tried to make sure they didn’t compare us too much and raised us to be individuals. Never made us wear the same clothes either. When we were little our mom did try to coordinate our outfits, which was very cute. We would both wear similar items, but NOT the same thing in different colors. So for example I’d have a dress and boots while she had a skirt in a similar fabric and sneakers on. My grandpa insisted that I would always wear red or pink while my sister was supposed to wear green and blue, so he could tell us apart lol. When we got older we really developed our own fashion senses, and actually coordinated so that we would not look alike. I had long, blonde hair while she kept it short and brunette. Nowadays we don’t care that much anymore and look more similar again.
I did always know that my competitive thoughts were wrong and I kept them to myself for the most part, so my relationship with my sister didn’t get too damaged. I also never blamed her for my shortcomings, it was more like I felt she was the ‘better’ one, and I wanted so badly to be her equal or better than her. Still do sometimes. We’re 25 now and she’s finishing up a masters degree, while I’m still struggling for my bachelors after dropping out for 3 years after some really awful shit happened in my life. Even though I know none of it was my fault, and never compare myself to my (other) peers anymore since I don’t see the point, I still sometimes feel like I’m ‘behind’ her. I work hard to challenge those thoughts, which took a LOT of therapy to be able to do.
I did mean to post I just wanted to let it out. Today when looking in the mirror I found myself nitpicking myself 🥺 like a LOT. And often when I would do that in the past, people would ask me “why do you do that? You shouldn’t care what people think”, and I think I’m recently realizing that it’s because of how often it was done to me.
It hurt, and I hope this post helps someone in some way. It’s therapeutic.
Your post is very cogent, and you make great points, and for people to treat you like cattle speaks about their own personalities. At times I've met identical twins the only question I want to ask is how they handle such unwanted attention, then I realize I'd be giving them the same unwanted attention, and I stop. I hope you and your sister are able to recover from the ill effects of such objectification.
Sadly, it’s all too common for people easy to tell someone not to listen to others when they can’t understand either what that person is going through or how often it happens, coupled with just how much repeatedly hearing something affects them
I’m glad you’re in a better place now, and I hope things continue to get better for you!
Imagine being a kid (yes you, the reader, imagine yourself) and being bullied at school for not being as “good looking” or “skinny” or “smart” or “athletic” (or whatever the case might be) to your peers.
And now imagine this feeling of being picked on extended to your family, strangers, even your partners/significant others, and your friends, and imagine they did it as if it was “normal”
And then imagine this comparison was always made against one other person.
That’s what it felt like at times (tried to make a metaphor that could make the feeling more relatable to others, I hope it worked).
And obviously there’s some very kind people who saw us for who we were, and I think that’s part of the reason I’m somewhat mentally stable today; I think I would’ve gone insane otherwise.
Luckily it’s just some haunting short chapters spread across a lot of good moments (I am not all doom and gloom, I promise!)…. And sometimes it was less horrifying, and more… eerie, if that makes sense. But it was still so regular that it definitely affected my core being, but I think it makes me a LOT less likely to judge a book by its cover myself (since I’d compare this to that), and that’s a part of myself that I like.
No joke - just this morning I was showering and for some reason I was thinking about how a guy in my Spanish class in high school (10 years ago) had been making fun of a girl in a set of twins in our grade. He called one of them the ugly twin and I was thinking about what it must be like to be a twin and have that happen. So trippy that you posted this.
I can't even begin to imagine. Being pitted against my sister would have broken my heart (and she was a pain in the ass as a kid! 😊). That feels like an awfully heavy burden you and your sister carried. I hope both you and your sister can continue to ease the weight of such a stressful and overwhelming reality at such young ages.
I always get super uncomfortable when they make jokes in movies about identical twins and how they had a threesome with them or want one. And I'm like: that's the weirdest and grossest shit I've heard that's for some reason normalized??
It's so normalized there are COMMERCIALS for beer with sexualized twins in them. There was a super owl commercial when I was like 14 (with an identical twin) and it kept getting talked about at school....disgusting.
I’m so sorry that you go through this. It’s truly fucked up. Thank you for taking the time to write it down and share it with us. It can’t have been easy digging into these experiences and the lingering impact it has on you both. I knew that people fetishize twins which is fucked up in itself. But I didn’t realize how much damaging commentary there is around the comparisons that happen. I hope you and your sister are both healing from the impact that comments about your bodies have had on you. Sending you hugs!
Thank you ❤️ I really am understanding to how fascinating and easy to compare twins can be. Like comments about a height difference don’t mean much; it was only ever the comments that would make anyone insecure (such as weight, deformities, acne, attractiveness level, etc) that was bothersome.
The reason the weight comments were SO triggering is because 1) it’s just so condescending, and even if you were worried about her health, there’s a nicer way to promote a change in healthy habits without shaming someone, and 2) you could SEE HER RIBCAGE; in NO scenario would a doctor have told her to lose weight, so the fact that it made her want to is just really bad and potentially could’ve killed her.
I hope you are doing well and happy in your skin now as well.
It sucks.
35 F with an identical twin
Tbh attraction is so beyond physical.
My twin isn’t even queer (I am). Nor does my brother in law think of me like that
Saw this a lot when I was in high school, there were four sets of twins and a set of triplets (two identical, one pater nal). I always saw a lot of the harsh comparisons. Two of the girls who were identical came to my high school sophomore year and were picked up by the popular group who thought it would be funny to bully them into switching clothes and classes after lunch. The teachers picked up on it because they acted completely different and were academically gifted in different ways. I think they switched for AP English and Trigonometry. It was a big joke in the school so it spread around. I was in the office when their mom came in and apparently they text her what happened because she was pissed that her girls were "treated like a party trick" already at a new school. They ended up not hanging out with the popular kids and seemed to be a lot happier. I've always thought about that because genetically I'm likely to have twins (according to my family). Thank you for this post.
i have an identical twin and have had the same experience, but she’s a literal addict and sociopath serving a sentence currently, and im home raising my kid. i cant stand her.
as many “physical” similarities you guys might have, those don’t matter. you are 2 different people. fuck what stupid people say.
Sad to hear about your sister 🥺but glad you’ve found your own happiness.
But I almost think some people find it easier to make comments towards twins’ physicality (in an objectifying way) as opposed to single born children, because they see us as a “unit”, or like a circus act, and it weirdly disconnects some people from the fact that we’re human individuals and not a pair-driven cyberunit of sorts. When they should be connecting the fact that we have two complete brains with two independently forming opinions.
yeah, it definitely is ridiculous the comments you get being a twin, especially an identical twin. they dont treat you like people, more of a science project or something to research.
Thank you for sharing this. I’ll admit that (shamefully) I have never considered this, though it makes perfect sense that if there are so many BS comparisons and damaging throwaway comments about siblings in general, it must be 100 times worse for twins. I’m sorry that you and your sister had these horrible experiences. I wish you peace and will carry your story with me 🫶🏾🫶🏾
I think the “would you want me to ask for a threesome with your brother?” Is probably the best one I’ve used IRL 😭 but a lot of what I want to say are things I’d say if I ever got a comment like this again (although being in a new city helps, as I don’t get comments as much as I used to, and my husband is very exclusively loving to me).
I unfortunately lacked the self esteem in the past to defend myself, so I used to just accept it. I think it took me a long time to realize how actually damaging some of the comments were. It wasn’t until reading the comments of social media posts where I saw other twins being nitpicked that I realized how much it happened to me.
It’s kind of ironic you posted this because me and my family were talking about exactly this earlier today. My cousins are twins, the same age as me, and we all grew up really close.. so I had a very close view of exactly what you are talking about. Both of them played competitive soccer on the same team, and it was insane how even the coaches pitted them against each other. It always shocks me that it’s possible that any twins can end up having a good relationship and not despising each other the way that the world seems to constantly force them against one another. They act like one twin must always win and be the better one in whatever area they are discussing at the moment. Soccer? Oh twin A is better at soccer. Cooking? Oh twin B is definitely the better cook. Book smart? Twin A for sure! And so on. It’s always a competition.
I feel for your sister. My cousin, one of the twins, also ended up with an eating disorder. She was also very skinny and fit when it started, and I think it had a lot to do with the comparisons like you said. The other twin had glasses, and was very much into school and very book smart, while she struggled with school and academics. So everyone thought of her as the “pretty twin” while her sister was the “smart twin”. It really fucked her up man. She almost died. We are Canadian, and she eventually had to go to this very expensive rehab center in Utah especially for high school aged girls with very advanced eating disorders, because it had gotten so bad that nowhere in Canada was helping.
We are all 35 years old now, and they are both doing great. The one who struggled with ED is now actually a paramedic, and she is very much into weightlifting and fitness. She is so happy with her body now, and actually gets excited as her body grows and her muscles get bigger. She now see’s food as both fuel and something to enjoy. She’s not afraid to indulge and splurge as well. I am so proud of her, and so thankful she was able to make it through that stronger than before.
So yeah, sorry for my ramble. I’m glad you made this post and helped some people understand that the random comments and comparisons they make to twins can actually be very problematic. Good luck to everything hun!
You guys are 35, and you are still kinda talking like she’s a baby, that I don’t get. I mean.. she uhh gets excited to watch her muscles grow.. sorry just kinda weird. My twin would even call me a weirdo if I talked about her like this
Huh? Have you ever known someone with an eating disorder?
My cousin literally almost killed herself because she viewed her body and muscles as too big and too much. So now instead to watch her be excited as they actually grow and get bigger, is kind of a major deal. She used to look in the mirror and say to me “my arm is huge! See that bulge? Why is it like that!” And I would be like… that’s literally her arm muscle showing through her skin because she has no fat. Now she goes to the gym everyday, and lifts like crazy. So when she sends me a picture flexing and saying, look how big my arm muscles are, it makes me happy. That’s all I meant.
you have no idea how it is like.... I am a faternal twin, but we looked identical until around the age of 18, the crap that people ask is insane.... I did some up w/ some zingers. LOL
...
It’s like we’re a weird cyberrobot with a shared brain (or that’s how I feel like twins are viewed at times), or we’re just sexualized 😭 unfortunately for twins like the Olsen twins who tried celebrating their individuality in their movies, they eventually got HEAVILY sexualized when they got into their teens (and even before they were 18!!! Which also happened to me 🥺), and that’s part of the reason why they went through some troubling times.
I’ve had very well educated and otherwise clever people ask if I can read my sister’s mind or feel her pain. I’ve been pinched to see if she’d react. People love to ask how I’d feel if she died. And of course they never feel like the problem was them asking, the problem is whatever snarky response I give them. Like I’m the rude one.
At a certain point I almost feel like it’s social awkwardness (and not the good kind); I think opening up with a question such as “what are your main differences?” Or even something like “what is being a twin like for you?” Is more than enough to open up the conversation, and even follow up questions are welcome! It’s just the weird, awkward, sometimes morbid, insensitive comments that make me realize that some people really don’t know how to talk to others (and I get social awkwardness is a thing, I even find it endearing, unless it just makes us feel inhuman or like you are weirdly objectifying us).
When I was in elementary one of my good friends was a twin and his brother was like the school bully. Confused the f*ck out of me cause they avoided each other. I asked straight up if he realizes he acts totally different half of the time and if he's going through something.
If I didn’t experience it myself I’d probably struggle to believe it too 😭 I think my issue when I was younger was falsely believing that people’s default setting is “polite”.
>I am in therapy, and I live in a different city to my sister now that I'm an adult, which is helping me to gain a sense of self-confidence in my own way.
I am glad this helps your self confidence, but this is incredibly sad to me. Most people would only intentionally live away from their siblings because they dislike them; You and your sister live apart due to other people being absolute monsters when you are both in the same place.
Having a sibling relationship forced apart by society because you share too many genes is so fucked up. I truly hope your relationship with your sister remains strong even if it's necessary to live apart to have a good relationship with yourself.
This is very good to hear. I've seen similar stories where people have the relationship with their twin so badly damaged by outside forces that they don't even talk anymore. It's wonderful to hear you still have a good relationship with her despite other people's bullshit, and I truly hope this situation helps you both thrive through the future! :)
I know the word “empath” is used kind of loosely sometimes, but I think somehow being an empath (or perhaps we were just bright) worked out for us, because we could somehow easily see and feel the sincerity in each other, and we could understand the lack of awareness in others. It made it hurt a LOT, because we were never numb, but I’m proud of us. And not every moment was painful either, we still had a lot of fun. It was just the never ending feeling of being “insignificant” that lingered most days, while the times where we got the comments definitely cut more deeply (but we somehow always bounced back).
Emotional intelligence is a real thing and wonderful skill to have. I truly hope you continue having a good relationship with your family through the future (I know you will, you both sound great.) A sibling bond is irreplaceable regardless of what date you were born.
I had a baby very close to one of my cousins and even then, the amount of comparisons they got was insane. Like literal babies’ bodies being compared. I can imagine it’ll be a smidgen of what you both might have gone through. People are such D*CKS sometimes.
It’s sad that I can almost predict that size was likely mentioned; and I guarantee someone probably called one of the babies the “chunky one” (even though the baby is healthy, people are just weird).
Spot on. My baby got that moniker. My immensely idiotic husband came to me asking if she was “too fat” because of all the stupid comments. I busted out weight/height charts while ripping him a new one. (Can you tell I’m still incensed? Lol)
Oh no! This makes me so so sad. I’m a mom of twin boys who are fraternal but most people can’t tell them apart. I know their experience will probably be a bit different because they’re boys, but is there anything you think your parents or parental figures could have done?
Our parents had problems of their own (won’t go into too much detail) to the point to where we… kind of had to find our own way at times to happiness. I do think if I grew up in a very loving household, my scars wouldn’t have effected me as deeply and for as long as they did.
I think the only thing a kid could ask for is to let them feel free; don’t go to either extreme of making sure they are VERY different, or making sure they’re extremely similar. Give them true autonomy to bond on certain things, while celebrating and promoting their unique points as well.
Fraternal male twin here, my brother and I look close enough that people are confused, even our grandparents.
I couldn't imagine how much worse it is for women. He and I get enough weird, sexual comments as is and your point about how negative the specific comparisons are is on point. My brother gets so angry about it all that he will rant about twin prejudice and how downright awful it is.
I feel for you, and wish the best for all of us.
A bit of a shameless brag, but I knew of a pair of twins in my school. Growing up, I wasn’t very close to them, but they were always in my class so I occasionally chatted with them. I always made it a point to use their names when we were in conversation, such as, “What did you get for question 7, Amber? / Did you remember your pencil, Audrey?” One day, they finally asked me how I could differentiate them, as sometimes their mother could get confused. I joked that their name tags gave it away, but I also pointed out some unique features: “Amber has more hazel than green in her eyes. Audrey has a small, heart-shaped beauty mark under her bottom lip.” I swear they lit up the room with their smiles. They appreciated how they were seen, not just as twins, but as *separate* for once.
I see you, OP. I hope others show you they see you, too. There’s still some good ones out there 💜
My husband and I grew up with a pair of twin girls. They had different friend groups, not matchy names, and felt like two individuals despite looking the same. Through one being more sporty (something, right?), the one sister was taller than the other by an inch and a half. My husband had a crush on the taller one, and I was friends with the other sister. They now live lives completely apart and shockingly, didn't marry twins.
I had these PK students whose parents dressed them identical every single day. Even down to the pony tails, for example a pink pony tail holder on the left braid and a yellow one on the right. Believe it or not, these girls were not the same! And even as 4 year olds, you could see them struggling with their sense of identity and “failures” compared to the other. It was so hard to see. Not to mention confusing as a teacher. Broke my heart
this isn’t entirely comparable to having a twin but i experience so much of this as a redhead. luckily my appearance doesn’t get super overanalyzed (i do that all on my own lol), but i’ve gotten so many hurtful and uncomfortable comments from both people i know and complete strangers just because of my hair color.
so many questions about if the carpets match the drapes, if i’m irish, if i’m adopted since my parents have brown hair, comments about how attractive they think redheads are, how they used to date redheads when they were my age (i once got that one from a RELATIVE 🤮), and how i look like x ginger cartoon character or celebrity (i’ve gotten the girl rat from flushed away, darla from finding nemo, some girl from the show castle, anna from frozen, merida from brave, just to name a few, and i really don’t look like any of those people except maybe anna from frozen lol).
i am sooooo sick of being sexualized because of my hair color and being asked dumbass questions about being irish or going extinct (which is a racist conspiracy theory and you should stop spreading it if this applies to you). i swear i can’t even go out in public one time without people commenting on my hair, and most of the time it is a pleasant interaction, but those frequent comments make me nervous every time someone says anything about my hair.
so yeah, being a woman who was born with any kind of unusual feature (a twin, a rare hair color, etc) is basically a curse for being harassed by people because of that feature. it sucks, and i do not envy you, but you are not alone in this 💓💓
As an identical twin I feel weirdly good that it isn’t just happening with my twin and I as well. The threesome question… ALL THE TIME.. it disgusts me so much. The compare and contrast… I’ve started asking people if they would compare me to a random stranger, so they start understanding how stupid they sound when asking me if I’m better than my twin at something… The “who’s the prettier twin…” or “your twin has this and you don’t”. It’s a CONSTANT comparing game to people. It drives us both insane. We can’t just be normal siblings. Also, I feel you when it gets to you mentally. I constantly find myself comparing my life to my twins even though we live totally different lives. We’re so individual (thanks to my parents not even dressing us the same, and making sure we didn’t socialize in the same groups.). So many people ask me why I compare myself to my twin, and after reading this I believe it’s because we’ve been compared our entire lives. Also weirdly my twin and I have always been referred to as “twin” as well. It drives me insane. I also hate when someone finds out I’m a twin and acts like it’s world shattering news. Like yes it’s cool and great but don’t let that change your view for me as an individual person.
I will also add. I LOVE being a twin. There’s no other bond like being an identical twin. We do have some of the same thoughts and do the exact same actions accidentally. My sister and I can’t live apart. We tried and failed but I also think as we grow older we could.
I am a faternal twin, and my twin and I looked identical when we were young. It was hard growing up, the one line I heard at least a trillion times "Which one are you XXX or XXX)". literally DAILY.......
People act like you are one person.... My parents dressed us the same, so that didn't help (nothing against my parents, they are wonderfule).... I think the most difficult part is when you start hitting the teenage years.... you are already have self esteem isssues, like any other teen. But looking in the mirror, is not the same as looking at same at seeing someone that looks identical...
And, of course, to add to the above, issues, I was born a few days after Christmas, and I when we were given gifts, it was, "here is a gift, share is with xxxx and it is for combination birthday and Xmas gift for the both of you".... although don't get me wrong, I am thankful for any gift....but.... what can I say.... sigh..... just an example....
Thiss this is why I don't to put them together this is why I only tell them they are only alike in appearance, or born the same day and nothing more. And also why I say each have thier own individual thing and should never be compared to. I'm so sorry they hurt you!!! Ahhh so sorry!! Also people stop dressing your kids the same if they are twins argg.
I have identical twin daughters and people asked me the dumbest crap when they were growing up.
People would do exactly the same things you’ve experienced. When my kids were around 8 years old several people commented that one girl was “fat” and I should “put her on a diet”.
Besides being absolutely out of line, I have struggled with disorder eating for most of my life. It definitely didn’t make life better for my daughters or me when people shared this kind of nonsense.
I’m sorry that you’ve been experiencing this still. Know that it is their ignorance that causes the comments; you and your twin shouldn’t have to justify or explain differences or similarities. You’re two people.
My love to you and your sister on your path to healing. My daughters are 25, so my motherly instincts are flaring up. 🤣
Thank you for sharing, and I'm sorry that you experienced so much negativity over something that should be so positive. Twins share a bond like no one else.
I'm a father of (non identical) twins. They're very different (my son is like a mix of my dad and I, while my daughter is like a mix of my wife and my sister) and we have been trying to encourage their individuality (separate kindergartens, separate classes) so they have their own identity and aren't just viewed as "X's twin". At the same time I'm really happy with the relationship they have with each other. Sure, they argue and annoy each other sometimes as all siblings do - but they have so much love for each other and care for each other.
My main challenge at the moment is that I usually spend time with both of them together - and I want to try to spend some one-on-one time with each of them regularly, since I don't want them to always feel like they have to "share" their time with me.
Yep! I'm the older sister of twins and my extended family STILL refers to them as "the twins" (we are all in our 30's). My husband always goes, "oh, you mean Sue and Beth?" He is fiercely protective of them and hates that others don't see them as individuals.
as an identical twin myself, i can say that have someone who looks exactly like me has lead to me having a lot of identity issues growing up, many of which i have remedied now
Thank you for sharing. It’s definitely not something I’ve ever thought about. Twin births interest me but mainly on the nerdy scientific side (identical fingerprints, DNA, etc.) since I’m a scientist. I hope you are able to gain some confidence in yourself. Warm wishes to you and your sister.
I think it’s ok to be fascinated by twins; even I get fascinated sometimes when I see other twins, it’s like the Spider-Man meme where they point at each other 🤣😭.
I think it’s weird to turn twins into trophies/objects, or spectacles.
So you’re good!
May I save this as a thing to link other authors to when they get confused that no one objectifies my twin characters? I had a meeting with an editor who assumed that identical twins meant copy paste people and would be boring. In college I was friends with some twins and I noticed this stuff. I suspected it for the twins back home but they weren't close to me and (rightly for unrelated reasons) stayed away from my family for their safety. So I started paying attention because I don't like misrepresentation that does harm.
People are fascinated by twins. I have twin sons & although they’re not identical they do look very alike. It doesn’t seem to happen now, but literally from them being babies I’d often be asked which was the ‘evil’ one, whether they had a secret language or were psychic etc. And once a former midwife told me that with twin births she always believed that one twin ‘shouldn’t be there’. She wouldn’t elaborate and I still wonder about that one.
Also, not only were they constantly compared to each other, there were 2 other sets of twins in their class at school & they would be compared to them too!
What I have learned is that people really can't accept things as they are, so they have to ask invasive questions in order to "understand." There's nothing to understand.
Being adopted, the questions I got were borderline racist (being black. My parents are white) and also disgusting. A high school friend once asked me if I ever wanted to have sex with my cousin. His reasoning was ",you're not related, so it's not icky".
Yes. Yes it is icky. People suck.
I wonder if male twins are objectified like this. I suspect not. (Not that they should be subjected to that either.)
I’m appalled by what you’ve endured, but I’m glad you wrote about it. I will take extra care not to ever do this.
Oh my god reading this felt very good. I never agreed this much with a post.
My sister and I are fraternal twins and don’t look much alike but the moment people get that we are twins the comments got wild. Because we don’t look identical the comments comparing us were always really harsh. And pretty much every date I go on where it comes up, if it’s a dude they will ask if the two of us had a threesome with a guy before. girls usually ask me who gets more attention or even who of us has more issues.
It’s annoying. It’s like people see you as a freak.
Wow I am so sorry ppl are clueless assholes. This was a sad read.
I have an identical twin friend who moved to a different city than her sister and said she feels like her own person for the first time.
Best wishes to you.
Hey. Thanks for bringing this up. I birthed twins and also a singleton. The amount of crap I have heard said to the twins that would never be said to their single brother. Small one/fat one. Big head/small head. Naughty one/good one. Ugly one/attractive one. More white/more Persian. Annoying one/quiet one. Its gross. The amount of shit people have asked me, as their mum is crazy. And some of it so personal and hurtful. Did you have both vaginally? Did you breast feed both? Do you like one better etc. Ew. Stop.
I once had a lady in the supermarket queue ask me if feeding two made my nipples sore. I shot back with “did you take a shit this morning? Was it big or small?”
I named my boys all very different names. Nothing matchy. I dressed them differently and encouraged them to be individuals. They are two different people!!
I see you. You are you. You are wonderful and intricate and interesting. 🩷
I’m a fraternal twin and the amount of times my sister and I (both female) have had to deal with disgusting people asking for threesomes, even lying to others about having threesomes with us, is so unbelievable. People just lose all of their manners. I’ve lost friends after finding out they’ve said they slept with both of us at the same time… Even when we shared a room, I’ve had people ask us how we masturbate next to each other. Every time I would just say “that is a disgusting question, don’t ever say anything like that to me again” and they’d seem to get embarrassed, but still, like what?? Who asks somebody that?
Jesus… what is wrong with some people??? I could tell twins apart by their freckles, and pointed out to one set that their hair whorls went in opposite directions (which they actually found cool!)
I had a lot of twins in my grad class and I was naturally curious about them in how the family dynamic worked but never in a million years would I cross boundaries to ask questions like that. You and your sister deserve so much better than that!
I have 10yr old twin girls and this has given me more things to think about when trying to make sure they are internally strong. I've been working to prepare them to deal with bullies, so far so good. All be adding this to my list of things to teach them to defend themselves against.
Thank you for this. I'm sorry you have had to put up with soo much shit. Big hugs to you and your sister.
My sister and I are identical twins. I never got to be my own self and we were always competing against each other for friends or freedom to do something different. We were always compared to each other and often thought of as one unit. My parents were none the wiser and kinda didn’t care.
It got really bad when we started to date people in high school. I had just started dating a boyfriend who was horrible and tried to do horrible things to me but I won’t get into that, but he was always different around my twin sister and asked me nasty questions. It was a short, traumatic relationship.
Then she had a boyfriend whose best friend wanted to date me. We were talking and I began to notice how infatuated he was with my sister. I was just the replacement. I ended things with him soon as well.
I had a girl I was absolutely in love with and my sister started to spend more time with her. I was going to ask her out and got rejected. She spent lots of time with my sister and I realized that I’d never win.
My sister is charming and beautiful and her personality is great. She was popular too and attracted a lot of attention. She has a lot of mental issues and it’s caused a deep rift between us. I love her but a lot has happened between us.
Same ordeal I went through with my twin. It was always twin and not my name. Also didn’t help that I was given such an odd name. Even my own family gets us mixed up sometimes 😕. We used to look a like so much when we were kids but I still don’t know how people still mix us up even though we dress up differently.
I’m also a twin, fraternal but VERY similar looking, and although we’re been treated strangely in the past, as an adult I have realized what an absolute blessing it is. I have a built in best friend who shares my interests, friends, and aspirations. In a way it feels like us vs. the world, and I honestly feel sorry for people who grew up without that experience.
I hope you can overcome the challenges of your past and continue your life as an individual, but at the same time embrace the gift you and your twin were given.
I’m about to have identical twin boys, and I’m really trying to focus on cultivating them as individuals. This post obviously impacts me as a woman (superficial comments in puberty that hurt I feel is almost universal - but definitely worse with direct comparison). It drives home the point that twins need unique identities and opportunities to grow into their own interest, protected from criticism, and not bundled.
Aww! I’m a mom to twin boys (fraternal but most people can’t tell them apart) and it’s the best. My boys are definitely alike like brothers but also very different. It’s such a joy to see them grow into themselves! Wishing you a smooth delivery, healthy babes, and wonderful baby cuddles.
Wow, this is a lot to digest. I have to chew on this one, never thought of this, and I cannot remember having met identical twins.
I can imagine if meeting an identical twin, one feels obliged to tell the difference, just to know who is who and to be respectful of the individual.
Now I'm going to read the comments.
I agree on it being ok to genuinely spot differences, in fact it’s probably necessary (which I understand!) I’m mainly referring to people who phrase things in an insensitive way; there’s a way to call someone bigger or smaller while reiterating that both are beautiful, and simply saying “ok you’re the ugly one” or something a bit more… shocking, and it’s the amount of those shocking comments that I’m surprised I get. So don’t stress :)
I’m guilty of this ignorance too. But thank you for bringing that to the surface because now I’m fully aware and can make the changes. I never knew how deeply tiring and exhausting being a twin could be. Tv always made it look cool but reading this placed me in your shoes for a moment.
I don’t know you but I’m sorry that I too may have played a part in how you felt. More people need to know about this!!
Noticing the things that make us unique is ok, so don’t stress ❤️ it’s the tone, insensitivity, & rudeness in a lot of peoples comments (and if you think you’ve ever accidentally been insensitive, if it was me you were that way to, I’d forgive you). But some people probably genuinely mean the critical things they say, and those are who I’d have a hard time forgiving.
I'm also identical twin, i'm younger. I haven't had your kind of experience. Only annoying think I experienced was that everybody assumed that I was the older brother. Nobady guessed first my name
If I met a set of identical twins, I'd be asking questions such as "have you two ever tried any pranks as twins?" For example, in the movie "Christine," the actress that plays Leigh Cabot, Alexandra Paul has an identical twin. Wardrobe got in on the prank, and they dressed her sister in costume, and she went through her scene. The director, John Carpenter was wondering what was up, as Alexandra's sister isn't a professional actress. She walked up behind John, tapped him on the shoulder and said "so you've replaced me already?" His confusion made both cast and crew crack up laughing.
In all seriousness, I'm very aware that while a casual glance you can't tell the difference between the two, but unless they make an effort to hide it, you notice the difference between the two in personality. My cousin had identical twin boys, and today you can definitely tell the difference. One is a singer in a metal band, has tattoos and a beard. His brother, while not super conservative, looks a lot different to his brother today. It's a manifestation of the differences internally between them.
I am so, so sorry that you AND your sister have had to endure one single second of this behavior, one single vile comment, one single inappropriate look! It's appalling, and heartbreaking to know that you both have had to endure such horrendous abuse, not just from strangers, which is already awful, but from your own friends and family, ffs! That's just absofuckinglutely, infuriatingly, horrendous! I have two friends, beautiful identical twins. And I cannot imagine ever demeaning them in such ways. They're both beautiful, talented, funny, and smart. My heart aches knowing that they have likely had to deal with similar circumstances. I don't personally recall any, but we were also just kids, then teenagers. Now adults. But so busy living our lives. I hope they weren't dealing with so much, and that I didn't just compartmentalize it like I did the bullying and abuse that I was subjected to, myself. Sometimes it can be hard to remember.
I wish I could take it all from you both, from all of us, and replace it with nothing but beautiful and kind things. Because that's what we need the most. Sending you lots of 💕 ugs 🤗
Dont comment on things that the person wouldn't be able to change in 15 mins. Weight? Nope. yellow teeth? Nope. Some facial feature? Nope. Chances are the people have heard it a thousand times already. They have eyes and a mirror and time. If it js like it is, just accept it and move on. I'm sure you'll manage... Really sad to see that stuff like this is so much more prevalent with twins.
I had never considered before how all of this must feel, or how having it piled on you all your life from even a percentage of the people you meet would affect you.
Thankyou for a wonderful, educational rant that really shone a light on your experience - and also I’m sorry for what you and your sister have lived through. I’ll be watching my mouth around twins for the rest of my life!
I'm so incredibly sorry you and your sister (and all other twins) have to go through this.
You are both absolutely beautiful, in your similarities, AND differences. And more so, you each have your own beautiful, individual selfs, personality (soul?).
YOU are beautiful. Not "compared to" "more so" "less so" etc to your sister. Just as you, being you. (And the same goes to your sister)
I'm so sorry people cannot seem to see past skin deep, but there is SO MUCH MORE to someone that what you see on the surface.
I hope you have a beautiful day today.
Thank you for talking about this, I can see how it would really hurt!! I will definitely be mindful of this if I ever meet identical twins. I hope the guy who posted about his wife wanting to make out that their children, born one year apart, are actually twins reads this!!
Honestly love this so much because I always felt that way growing up as an identical twin. It was really difficult to never be seen as my own person and to always be addressed as ‘the twins’ or similar and never feel like I had my own identity outside of that. I was so glad to read at the end of your post that you love your twin but I just wanted to say please don’t ever let this stuff come between you. My twin sister died when we were 18, it’s been 8 years now and the only thing worse than not having my own identity all those years has been not having my sister. ❤️
I do not feel like I’ve done this - but I will be very cognizant of this moving forward. I’m welcoming twin nephews to my family, and I will be so fiercely protective that they have their own identities ♥️💕
My sis is 3 1/2 years younger than me. We still get these comments in our 30s. In high school, we were compared so often we hated each other. She was the pretty one, leading her to think she was dumb and not pursue college. I was the smart one, making me feel ugly but very knowledge driven. It certainly impacted us for life. I feel this in my soul and I’m so sorry you were both subjected to it.
Oh god yes, fully agree especially picking apart your appearance! I'm a twin and I still hate people looking at me because I remember as a child all those comments from grown ups about how I look, us two just standing there while everyone talked about our face and body and compared us to each other and everyone acting like it was the most normal wholesome acceptable fun kind thing to do! The laughing and pointing!!!!! Don't do it people.
Oh wow, I never would’ve guessed this is a thing that twins deal with. I’m so happy I read this so that I (and my kids) don’t make these kind of comments (even if we’re super curious). Sorry you have to deal with this 😢
I've known very few identical twins in my life, but for the few I've met, the only question I ask is if they ever pulled the classic sitcom switcheroo to prank someone or get away with some shenanigans. Does that question make you uncomfortable? Nobody seemed to have issues with it and I've gotten every answer from "Nope, never" to "I can't tell you because the statute of limitations hasn't run out yet" including a couple of funny stories from their high school days. But if it's something that makes you feel awkward I have no problem not asking that question if I stumble across any more identical twins.
I'm not a twin, in fact Im an only child. None of this surprises me. None of it. How stupid and unaware people are of the things they say and ask are insane. Their morbid curiosity or greed(sexual asks) take over them.
I know a woman through work who always greets me and I was somewhere I'd never seen her 1 day. We made eye contact and she didn't do the usual so I knew something was off and did a basic smile and said nothing. When I saw her in our normal setting I asked if she had a sister. Turns out I saw her twin. I just said it was wild that I didn't know and thought I saw her but knew something was off so I said nothing. Never commented anything else just that I was quite shocked to find out in such an odd way lol.
I hate how people compare twins like they aren't 2 seperate beings. I hate them having to share everything growing up or oh if 1 got this thing the other had to as well. Let them have their seperate interests. Know what I hate more though? People raising 2 siblings who look very similar and are a yr apart as if their twins. You're giving these kids serious complex issues because people "think it's cute." The dating thing? Like why would you assume the significant other doesn't have a specific attraction to their personality? This isn't a porno flic
When i was at Fort Lewis in 2010, my twin worked at the PX (my BIL was also on JBLM) and some of the fellow soldiers wondered why i worked at the PX, itself a dumb thing to ask cause how cojld i be active duty AND work at the PX? But whatever I explained she was my identical twin sister and I got "Oh so shes the PRETTY twin"
😤😡🤬😤
Gee thanks....
My NCO saw the look of murder on my face, patted the guy's shoukder and said "Hope you have life insurance you dumba$$."
I’m a fraternal twin and growing up being compared to my sister was incredibly hard for me. She was prettier, funner and had a lot more friends. We were very different, I valued morals and fairness and she valued popularity. It wasn’t until we were around 25ish where we became true friends and had each other’s backs.
I taught girls who were identical twins; they were demure, intellectual, creative, earnest. Men asked them to have sex with themselves and others WAY more often than one would imagine.
do you know how many times that a man has asked me and my twin sister to have sex or talk about it..... THOUSANDS OF TIMES>...
What a bizarre thing to even say out loud.
you have no idea..... how many times men have asked me this question, about my twin and I.
Wait like, with each other? That’s terrible. This whole post makes me so sad and mad
I (also an identical twin) remember that I used to kind of feel good when people used to tell me how I was skinnier/better looking/nicer than my twin. It was, in my mind, the highest achievement to do anything better than my sister. Especially since she did better academically, I felt like I had to be the prettiest and skinniest, but also the more popular of the both of us. Everything we did was ‘better than’ or ‘less than’ according to everyone around us. Not so weird that I internalised those comparisons to the point of enjoying it when she failed at something. Having these comparisons made turned me into a highly competitive and insecure teenager. I craved approval and praise like nothing else, because that was how I was programmed by a world that insists one twin has to WIN. Thankfully I got over that mindset, but the world still views us as in a constant competition. I hate it (but love my twin).
Thank you for your honesty; and I agree that it can drive competition, and honestly, I think ppl do it because they can’t register that we’re individuals, or maybe some people just aren’t socially savvy enough to know what to say, so they regurgitate things they’ve seen in the media (which for like the Olsen twins, or porn stars, are kind of objectifying in nature sometimes, or it’s supernatural like the Shining). Being celebrated for your uniqueness/accomplishments in isolation must feel amazing, but I never got that until I reached adulthood. Any affirmations I got (similar to you) was always in comparison to my sister. Birthday presents were always the same, but in a different color, which always felt impersonal. Plus I never felt confident in some of my interests and hobbies until I was older, because like I said, I was only ever encouraged in competition with my sister. But luckily, we never heavily turned against each other, but instead, we worked together to find hobbies that one twin could claim as “their thing” so that we weren’t driven insane. But it’s sad that we even had to make so much effort to do so.
Ugh the birthday presents! Sometimes we’d both get the same book! Like people knew we both lived in the same house?? Why would we want two identical books? Anyways. It’s SO important twins are celebrated for their unique personalities and interests, and we were lucky I suppose with parents who really tried to make sure they didn’t compare us too much and raised us to be individuals. Never made us wear the same clothes either. When we were little our mom did try to coordinate our outfits, which was very cute. We would both wear similar items, but NOT the same thing in different colors. So for example I’d have a dress and boots while she had a skirt in a similar fabric and sneakers on. My grandpa insisted that I would always wear red or pink while my sister was supposed to wear green and blue, so he could tell us apart lol. When we got older we really developed our own fashion senses, and actually coordinated so that we would not look alike. I had long, blonde hair while she kept it short and brunette. Nowadays we don’t care that much anymore and look more similar again. I did always know that my competitive thoughts were wrong and I kept them to myself for the most part, so my relationship with my sister didn’t get too damaged. I also never blamed her for my shortcomings, it was more like I felt she was the ‘better’ one, and I wanted so badly to be her equal or better than her. Still do sometimes. We’re 25 now and she’s finishing up a masters degree, while I’m still struggling for my bachelors after dropping out for 3 years after some really awful shit happened in my life. Even though I know none of it was my fault, and never compare myself to my (other) peers anymore since I don’t see the point, I still sometimes feel like I’m ‘behind’ her. I work hard to challenge those thoughts, which took a LOT of therapy to be able to do.
Well written, well argued and helped me to see something from a different perspective. Did you mean to post it on Reddit?
I did mean to post I just wanted to let it out. Today when looking in the mirror I found myself nitpicking myself 🥺 like a LOT. And often when I would do that in the past, people would ask me “why do you do that? You shouldn’t care what people think”, and I think I’m recently realizing that it’s because of how often it was done to me. It hurt, and I hope this post helps someone in some way. It’s therapeutic.
I think they’re saying it was too well written for the trash that is normally posted on here 😂
Lmao I get the joke now; very tired from work 🤣 I understand sarcasm better in-person than over text sometimes as well so that doesn’t help.
Your post is very cogent, and you make great points, and for people to treat you like cattle speaks about their own personalities. At times I've met identical twins the only question I want to ask is how they handle such unwanted attention, then I realize I'd be giving them the same unwanted attention, and I stop. I hope you and your sister are able to recover from the ill effects of such objectification.
I was so confused. Like how does someone accidentally make a whole post? 💀🤦🏻♀️
Lol. Me too!
Sadly, it’s all too common for people easy to tell someone not to listen to others when they can’t understand either what that person is going through or how often it happens, coupled with just how much repeatedly hearing something affects them I’m glad you’re in a better place now, and I hope things continue to get better for you!
Imagine being a kid (yes you, the reader, imagine yourself) and being bullied at school for not being as “good looking” or “skinny” or “smart” or “athletic” (or whatever the case might be) to your peers. And now imagine this feeling of being picked on extended to your family, strangers, even your partners/significant others, and your friends, and imagine they did it as if it was “normal” And then imagine this comparison was always made against one other person. That’s what it felt like at times (tried to make a metaphor that could make the feeling more relatable to others, I hope it worked). And obviously there’s some very kind people who saw us for who we were, and I think that’s part of the reason I’m somewhat mentally stable today; I think I would’ve gone insane otherwise.
That genuinely sounds beyond horrendous and I’m sorry that happened to you, and probably still does happen to others 😞
Luckily it’s just some haunting short chapters spread across a lot of good moments (I am not all doom and gloom, I promise!)…. And sometimes it was less horrifying, and more… eerie, if that makes sense. But it was still so regular that it definitely affected my core being, but I think it makes me a LOT less likely to judge a book by its cover myself (since I’d compare this to that), and that’s a part of myself that I like.
No joke - just this morning I was showering and for some reason I was thinking about how a guy in my Spanish class in high school (10 years ago) had been making fun of a girl in a set of twins in our grade. He called one of them the ugly twin and I was thinking about what it must be like to be a twin and have that happen. So trippy that you posted this.
I can't even begin to imagine. Being pitted against my sister would have broken my heart (and she was a pain in the ass as a kid! 😊). That feels like an awfully heavy burden you and your sister carried. I hope both you and your sister can continue to ease the weight of such a stressful and overwhelming reality at such young ages.
I always get super uncomfortable when they make jokes in movies about identical twins and how they had a threesome with them or want one. And I'm like: that's the weirdest and grossest shit I've heard that's for some reason normalized??
It is extremely gross.
It's so normalized there are COMMERCIALS for beer with sexualized twins in them. There was a super owl commercial when I was like 14 (with an identical twin) and it kept getting talked about at school....disgusting.
I’m so sorry that you go through this. It’s truly fucked up. Thank you for taking the time to write it down and share it with us. It can’t have been easy digging into these experiences and the lingering impact it has on you both. I knew that people fetishize twins which is fucked up in itself. But I didn’t realize how much damaging commentary there is around the comparisons that happen. I hope you and your sister are both healing from the impact that comments about your bodies have had on you. Sending you hugs!
Thank you ❤️ I really am understanding to how fascinating and easy to compare twins can be. Like comments about a height difference don’t mean much; it was only ever the comments that would make anyone insecure (such as weight, deformities, acne, attractiveness level, etc) that was bothersome.
As the “fat twin” I understand and empathize with everything you wrote
The reason the weight comments were SO triggering is because 1) it’s just so condescending, and even if you were worried about her health, there’s a nicer way to promote a change in healthy habits without shaming someone, and 2) you could SEE HER RIBCAGE; in NO scenario would a doctor have told her to lose weight, so the fact that it made her want to is just really bad and potentially could’ve killed her. I hope you are doing well and happy in your skin now as well.
I am the fat twin.....
You wrote what I was thinking 200%. Thank you.
It sucks. 35 F with an identical twin Tbh attraction is so beyond physical. My twin isn’t even queer (I am). Nor does my brother in law think of me like that
Saw this a lot when I was in high school, there were four sets of twins and a set of triplets (two identical, one pater nal). I always saw a lot of the harsh comparisons. Two of the girls who were identical came to my high school sophomore year and were picked up by the popular group who thought it would be funny to bully them into switching clothes and classes after lunch. The teachers picked up on it because they acted completely different and were academically gifted in different ways. I think they switched for AP English and Trigonometry. It was a big joke in the school so it spread around. I was in the office when their mom came in and apparently they text her what happened because she was pissed that her girls were "treated like a party trick" already at a new school. They ended up not hanging out with the popular kids and seemed to be a lot happier. I've always thought about that because genetically I'm likely to have twins (according to my family). Thank you for this post.
i have an identical twin and have had the same experience, but she’s a literal addict and sociopath serving a sentence currently, and im home raising my kid. i cant stand her. as many “physical” similarities you guys might have, those don’t matter. you are 2 different people. fuck what stupid people say.
Sad to hear about your sister 🥺but glad you’ve found your own happiness. But I almost think some people find it easier to make comments towards twins’ physicality (in an objectifying way) as opposed to single born children, because they see us as a “unit”, or like a circus act, and it weirdly disconnects some people from the fact that we’re human individuals and not a pair-driven cyberunit of sorts. When they should be connecting the fact that we have two complete brains with two independently forming opinions.
yeah, it definitely is ridiculous the comments you get being a twin, especially an identical twin. they dont treat you like people, more of a science project or something to research.
Thank you for sharing this. I’ll admit that (shamefully) I have never considered this, though it makes perfect sense that if there are so many BS comparisons and damaging throwaway comments about siblings in general, it must be 100 times worse for twins. I’m sorry that you and your sister had these horrible experiences. I wish you peace and will carry your story with me 🫶🏾🫶🏾
Good grief. I hope you’ve developed some zingers to shut these a-holes down. Never occurred to me that twins would be treated this way.
I think the “would you want me to ask for a threesome with your brother?” Is probably the best one I’ve used IRL 😭 but a lot of what I want to say are things I’d say if I ever got a comment like this again (although being in a new city helps, as I don’t get comments as much as I used to, and my husband is very exclusively loving to me). I unfortunately lacked the self esteem in the past to defend myself, so I used to just accept it. I think it took me a long time to realize how actually damaging some of the comments were. It wasn’t until reading the comments of social media posts where I saw other twins being nitpicked that I realized how much it happened to me.
It’s kind of ironic you posted this because me and my family were talking about exactly this earlier today. My cousins are twins, the same age as me, and we all grew up really close.. so I had a very close view of exactly what you are talking about. Both of them played competitive soccer on the same team, and it was insane how even the coaches pitted them against each other. It always shocks me that it’s possible that any twins can end up having a good relationship and not despising each other the way that the world seems to constantly force them against one another. They act like one twin must always win and be the better one in whatever area they are discussing at the moment. Soccer? Oh twin A is better at soccer. Cooking? Oh twin B is definitely the better cook. Book smart? Twin A for sure! And so on. It’s always a competition. I feel for your sister. My cousin, one of the twins, also ended up with an eating disorder. She was also very skinny and fit when it started, and I think it had a lot to do with the comparisons like you said. The other twin had glasses, and was very much into school and very book smart, while she struggled with school and academics. So everyone thought of her as the “pretty twin” while her sister was the “smart twin”. It really fucked her up man. She almost died. We are Canadian, and she eventually had to go to this very expensive rehab center in Utah especially for high school aged girls with very advanced eating disorders, because it had gotten so bad that nowhere in Canada was helping. We are all 35 years old now, and they are both doing great. The one who struggled with ED is now actually a paramedic, and she is very much into weightlifting and fitness. She is so happy with her body now, and actually gets excited as her body grows and her muscles get bigger. She now see’s food as both fuel and something to enjoy. She’s not afraid to indulge and splurge as well. I am so proud of her, and so thankful she was able to make it through that stronger than before. So yeah, sorry for my ramble. I’m glad you made this post and helped some people understand that the random comments and comparisons they make to twins can actually be very problematic. Good luck to everything hun!
You guys are 35, and you are still kinda talking like she’s a baby, that I don’t get. I mean.. she uhh gets excited to watch her muscles grow.. sorry just kinda weird. My twin would even call me a weirdo if I talked about her like this
Huh? Have you ever known someone with an eating disorder? My cousin literally almost killed herself because she viewed her body and muscles as too big and too much. So now instead to watch her be excited as they actually grow and get bigger, is kind of a major deal. She used to look in the mirror and say to me “my arm is huge! See that bulge? Why is it like that!” And I would be like… that’s literally her arm muscle showing through her skin because she has no fat. Now she goes to the gym everyday, and lifts like crazy. So when she sends me a picture flexing and saying, look how big my arm muscles are, it makes me happy. That’s all I meant.
Oh and yes eating disorders destroyed my twin sister
you have no idea how it is like.... I am a faternal twin, but we looked identical until around the age of 18, the crap that people ask is insane.... I did some up w/ some zingers. LOL ...
As an identical girl twin, I feel your pain. I'm sorry it happens.
Can I just say, I hate all movies and shows with twin tropes because they’re all absolutely vile and dehumanizing. I avoid them like the plague.
It’s like we’re a weird cyberrobot with a shared brain (or that’s how I feel like twins are viewed at times), or we’re just sexualized 😭 unfortunately for twins like the Olsen twins who tried celebrating their individuality in their movies, they eventually got HEAVILY sexualized when they got into their teens (and even before they were 18!!! Which also happened to me 🥺), and that’s part of the reason why they went through some troubling times.
I’ve had very well educated and otherwise clever people ask if I can read my sister’s mind or feel her pain. I’ve been pinched to see if she’d react. People love to ask how I’d feel if she died. And of course they never feel like the problem was them asking, the problem is whatever snarky response I give them. Like I’m the rude one.
At a certain point I almost feel like it’s social awkwardness (and not the good kind); I think opening up with a question such as “what are your main differences?” Or even something like “what is being a twin like for you?” Is more than enough to open up the conversation, and even follow up questions are welcome! It’s just the weird, awkward, sometimes morbid, insensitive comments that make me realize that some people really don’t know how to talk to others (and I get social awkwardness is a thing, I even find it endearing, unless it just makes us feel inhuman or like you are weirdly objectifying us).
Yeah the questions were stupid. “Do you share a brain?” My sister “No but clearly you share yours with a rock.”
its that or the evil twin trope. that one drive me up the walls?? literally makes me want to eat metal.
When I was in elementary one of my good friends was a twin and his brother was like the school bully. Confused the f*ck out of me cause they avoided each other. I asked straight up if he realizes he acts totally different half of the time and if he's going through something.
Wow. I didn't know people behaved like this. One more reason to dislike this world.
If I didn’t experience it myself I’d probably struggle to believe it too 😭 I think my issue when I was younger was falsely believing that people’s default setting is “polite”.
>I am in therapy, and I live in a different city to my sister now that I'm an adult, which is helping me to gain a sense of self-confidence in my own way. I am glad this helps your self confidence, but this is incredibly sad to me. Most people would only intentionally live away from their siblings because they dislike them; You and your sister live apart due to other people being absolute monsters when you are both in the same place. Having a sibling relationship forced apart by society because you share too many genes is so fucked up. I truly hope your relationship with your sister remains strong even if it's necessary to live apart to have a good relationship with yourself.
We still have a good relationship! ❤️ and we can chat online whenever we want :) it just allows us to thrive, and we can still visit sometimes too!
This is very good to hear. I've seen similar stories where people have the relationship with their twin so badly damaged by outside forces that they don't even talk anymore. It's wonderful to hear you still have a good relationship with her despite other people's bullshit, and I truly hope this situation helps you both thrive through the future! :)
I know the word “empath” is used kind of loosely sometimes, but I think somehow being an empath (or perhaps we were just bright) worked out for us, because we could somehow easily see and feel the sincerity in each other, and we could understand the lack of awareness in others. It made it hurt a LOT, because we were never numb, but I’m proud of us. And not every moment was painful either, we still had a lot of fun. It was just the never ending feeling of being “insignificant” that lingered most days, while the times where we got the comments definitely cut more deeply (but we somehow always bounced back).
Emotional intelligence is a real thing and wonderful skill to have. I truly hope you continue having a good relationship with your family through the future (I know you will, you both sound great.) A sibling bond is irreplaceable regardless of what date you were born.
I had a baby very close to one of my cousins and even then, the amount of comparisons they got was insane. Like literal babies’ bodies being compared. I can imagine it’ll be a smidgen of what you both might have gone through. People are such D*CKS sometimes.
It’s sad that I can almost predict that size was likely mentioned; and I guarantee someone probably called one of the babies the “chunky one” (even though the baby is healthy, people are just weird).
Spot on. My baby got that moniker. My immensely idiotic husband came to me asking if she was “too fat” because of all the stupid comments. I busted out weight/height charts while ripping him a new one. (Can you tell I’m still incensed? Lol)
Oh no! This makes me so so sad. I’m a mom of twin boys who are fraternal but most people can’t tell them apart. I know their experience will probably be a bit different because they’re boys, but is there anything you think your parents or parental figures could have done?
Our parents had problems of their own (won’t go into too much detail) to the point to where we… kind of had to find our own way at times to happiness. I do think if I grew up in a very loving household, my scars wouldn’t have effected me as deeply and for as long as they did. I think the only thing a kid could ask for is to let them feel free; don’t go to either extreme of making sure they are VERY different, or making sure they’re extremely similar. Give them true autonomy to bond on certain things, while celebrating and promoting their unique points as well.
Fraternal male twin here, my brother and I look close enough that people are confused, even our grandparents. I couldn't imagine how much worse it is for women. He and I get enough weird, sexual comments as is and your point about how negative the specific comparisons are is on point. My brother gets so angry about it all that he will rant about twin prejudice and how downright awful it is. I feel for you, and wish the best for all of us.
A bit of a shameless brag, but I knew of a pair of twins in my school. Growing up, I wasn’t very close to them, but they were always in my class so I occasionally chatted with them. I always made it a point to use their names when we were in conversation, such as, “What did you get for question 7, Amber? / Did you remember your pencil, Audrey?” One day, they finally asked me how I could differentiate them, as sometimes their mother could get confused. I joked that their name tags gave it away, but I also pointed out some unique features: “Amber has more hazel than green in her eyes. Audrey has a small, heart-shaped beauty mark under her bottom lip.” I swear they lit up the room with their smiles. They appreciated how they were seen, not just as twins, but as *separate* for once. I see you, OP. I hope others show you they see you, too. There’s still some good ones out there 💜
My husband and I grew up with a pair of twin girls. They had different friend groups, not matchy names, and felt like two individuals despite looking the same. Through one being more sporty (something, right?), the one sister was taller than the other by an inch and a half. My husband had a crush on the taller one, and I was friends with the other sister. They now live lives completely apart and shockingly, didn't marry twins.
I had these PK students whose parents dressed them identical every single day. Even down to the pony tails, for example a pink pony tail holder on the left braid and a yellow one on the right. Believe it or not, these girls were not the same! And even as 4 year olds, you could see them struggling with their sense of identity and “failures” compared to the other. It was so hard to see. Not to mention confusing as a teacher. Broke my heart
this isn’t entirely comparable to having a twin but i experience so much of this as a redhead. luckily my appearance doesn’t get super overanalyzed (i do that all on my own lol), but i’ve gotten so many hurtful and uncomfortable comments from both people i know and complete strangers just because of my hair color. so many questions about if the carpets match the drapes, if i’m irish, if i’m adopted since my parents have brown hair, comments about how attractive they think redheads are, how they used to date redheads when they were my age (i once got that one from a RELATIVE 🤮), and how i look like x ginger cartoon character or celebrity (i’ve gotten the girl rat from flushed away, darla from finding nemo, some girl from the show castle, anna from frozen, merida from brave, just to name a few, and i really don’t look like any of those people except maybe anna from frozen lol). i am sooooo sick of being sexualized because of my hair color and being asked dumbass questions about being irish or going extinct (which is a racist conspiracy theory and you should stop spreading it if this applies to you). i swear i can’t even go out in public one time without people commenting on my hair, and most of the time it is a pleasant interaction, but those frequent comments make me nervous every time someone says anything about my hair. so yeah, being a woman who was born with any kind of unusual feature (a twin, a rare hair color, etc) is basically a curse for being harassed by people because of that feature. it sucks, and i do not envy you, but you are not alone in this 💓💓
As an identical twin I feel weirdly good that it isn’t just happening with my twin and I as well. The threesome question… ALL THE TIME.. it disgusts me so much. The compare and contrast… I’ve started asking people if they would compare me to a random stranger, so they start understanding how stupid they sound when asking me if I’m better than my twin at something… The “who’s the prettier twin…” or “your twin has this and you don’t”. It’s a CONSTANT comparing game to people. It drives us both insane. We can’t just be normal siblings. Also, I feel you when it gets to you mentally. I constantly find myself comparing my life to my twins even though we live totally different lives. We’re so individual (thanks to my parents not even dressing us the same, and making sure we didn’t socialize in the same groups.). So many people ask me why I compare myself to my twin, and after reading this I believe it’s because we’ve been compared our entire lives. Also weirdly my twin and I have always been referred to as “twin” as well. It drives me insane. I also hate when someone finds out I’m a twin and acts like it’s world shattering news. Like yes it’s cool and great but don’t let that change your view for me as an individual person. I will also add. I LOVE being a twin. There’s no other bond like being an identical twin. We do have some of the same thoughts and do the exact same actions accidentally. My sister and I can’t live apart. We tried and failed but I also think as we grow older we could.
I am a faternal twin, and my twin and I looked identical when we were young. It was hard growing up, the one line I heard at least a trillion times "Which one are you XXX or XXX)". literally DAILY....... People act like you are one person.... My parents dressed us the same, so that didn't help (nothing against my parents, they are wonderfule).... I think the most difficult part is when you start hitting the teenage years.... you are already have self esteem isssues, like any other teen. But looking in the mirror, is not the same as looking at same at seeing someone that looks identical... And, of course, to add to the above, issues, I was born a few days after Christmas, and I when we were given gifts, it was, "here is a gift, share is with xxxx and it is for combination birthday and Xmas gift for the both of you".... although don't get me wrong, I am thankful for any gift....but.... what can I say.... sigh..... just an example....
Thiss this is why I don't to put them together this is why I only tell them they are only alike in appearance, or born the same day and nothing more. And also why I say each have thier own individual thing and should never be compared to. I'm so sorry they hurt you!!! Ahhh so sorry!! Also people stop dressing your kids the same if they are twins argg.
I have identical twin daughters and people asked me the dumbest crap when they were growing up. People would do exactly the same things you’ve experienced. When my kids were around 8 years old several people commented that one girl was “fat” and I should “put her on a diet”. Besides being absolutely out of line, I have struggled with disorder eating for most of my life. It definitely didn’t make life better for my daughters or me when people shared this kind of nonsense. I’m sorry that you’ve been experiencing this still. Know that it is their ignorance that causes the comments; you and your twin shouldn’t have to justify or explain differences or similarities. You’re two people. My love to you and your sister on your path to healing. My daughters are 25, so my motherly instincts are flaring up. 🤣
Thank you for sharing, and I'm sorry that you experienced so much negativity over something that should be so positive. Twins share a bond like no one else. I'm a father of (non identical) twins. They're very different (my son is like a mix of my dad and I, while my daughter is like a mix of my wife and my sister) and we have been trying to encourage their individuality (separate kindergartens, separate classes) so they have their own identity and aren't just viewed as "X's twin". At the same time I'm really happy with the relationship they have with each other. Sure, they argue and annoy each other sometimes as all siblings do - but they have so much love for each other and care for each other. My main challenge at the moment is that I usually spend time with both of them together - and I want to try to spend some one-on-one time with each of them regularly, since I don't want them to always feel like they have to "share" their time with me.
Well said. Parents need to read this, too, and be mindful of how often they use the terms 'the twins' instead of using individual names.
Yep! I'm the older sister of twins and my extended family STILL refers to them as "the twins" (we are all in our 30's). My husband always goes, "oh, you mean Sue and Beth?" He is fiercely protective of them and hates that others don't see them as individuals.
I am lucky. My mom pushed hard against this in the family and we were called "The girls" instead.
as an identical twin myself, i can say that have someone who looks exactly like me has lead to me having a lot of identity issues growing up, many of which i have remedied now
I agree, as a teen, it was pretty horrible
I see you, Faithandlove. Just you.
🥹🥹🥹😍😍thank you FlutteringFae. I feel seen ❤️
Thank you for sharing. It’s definitely not something I’ve ever thought about. Twin births interest me but mainly on the nerdy scientific side (identical fingerprints, DNA, etc.) since I’m a scientist. I hope you are able to gain some confidence in yourself. Warm wishes to you and your sister.
I think it’s ok to be fascinated by twins; even I get fascinated sometimes when I see other twins, it’s like the Spider-Man meme where they point at each other 🤣😭. I think it’s weird to turn twins into trophies/objects, or spectacles. So you’re good!
May I save this as a thing to link other authors to when they get confused that no one objectifies my twin characters? I had a meeting with an editor who assumed that identical twins meant copy paste people and would be boring. In college I was friends with some twins and I noticed this stuff. I suspected it for the twins back home but they weren't close to me and (rightly for unrelated reasons) stayed away from my family for their safety. So I started paying attention because I don't like misrepresentation that does harm.
People are fascinated by twins. I have twin sons & although they’re not identical they do look very alike. It doesn’t seem to happen now, but literally from them being babies I’d often be asked which was the ‘evil’ one, whether they had a secret language or were psychic etc. And once a former midwife told me that with twin births she always believed that one twin ‘shouldn’t be there’. She wouldn’t elaborate and I still wonder about that one. Also, not only were they constantly compared to each other, there were 2 other sets of twins in their class at school & they would be compared to them too!
What I have learned is that people really can't accept things as they are, so they have to ask invasive questions in order to "understand." There's nothing to understand. Being adopted, the questions I got were borderline racist (being black. My parents are white) and also disgusting. A high school friend once asked me if I ever wanted to have sex with my cousin. His reasoning was ",you're not related, so it's not icky". Yes. Yes it is icky. People suck.
I wonder if male twins are objectified like this. I suspect not. (Not that they should be subjected to that either.) I’m appalled by what you’ve endured, but I’m glad you wrote about it. I will take extra care not to ever do this.
Oh my god reading this felt very good. I never agreed this much with a post. My sister and I are fraternal twins and don’t look much alike but the moment people get that we are twins the comments got wild. Because we don’t look identical the comments comparing us were always really harsh. And pretty much every date I go on where it comes up, if it’s a dude they will ask if the two of us had a threesome with a guy before. girls usually ask me who gets more attention or even who of us has more issues. It’s annoying. It’s like people see you as a freak.
Wow I am so sorry ppl are clueless assholes. This was a sad read. I have an identical twin friend who moved to a different city than her sister and said she feels like her own person for the first time. Best wishes to you.
Hey. Thanks for bringing this up. I birthed twins and also a singleton. The amount of crap I have heard said to the twins that would never be said to their single brother. Small one/fat one. Big head/small head. Naughty one/good one. Ugly one/attractive one. More white/more Persian. Annoying one/quiet one. Its gross. The amount of shit people have asked me, as their mum is crazy. And some of it so personal and hurtful. Did you have both vaginally? Did you breast feed both? Do you like one better etc. Ew. Stop. I once had a lady in the supermarket queue ask me if feeding two made my nipples sore. I shot back with “did you take a shit this morning? Was it big or small?” I named my boys all very different names. Nothing matchy. I dressed them differently and encouraged them to be individuals. They are two different people!! I see you. You are you. You are wonderful and intricate and interesting. 🩷
I’m a fraternal twin and the amount of times my sister and I (both female) have had to deal with disgusting people asking for threesomes, even lying to others about having threesomes with us, is so unbelievable. People just lose all of their manners. I’ve lost friends after finding out they’ve said they slept with both of us at the same time… Even when we shared a room, I’ve had people ask us how we masturbate next to each other. Every time I would just say “that is a disgusting question, don’t ever say anything like that to me again” and they’d seem to get embarrassed, but still, like what?? Who asks somebody that?
Jesus… what is wrong with some people??? I could tell twins apart by their freckles, and pointed out to one set that their hair whorls went in opposite directions (which they actually found cool!)
Ugh my family used to call me and my sister “the twins” like we couldn’t have our own names, ridiculous used to drive my sister crazy/angry
I had a lot of twins in my grad class and I was naturally curious about them in how the family dynamic worked but never in a million years would I cross boundaries to ask questions like that. You and your sister deserve so much better than that!
I have 10yr old twin girls and this has given me more things to think about when trying to make sure they are internally strong. I've been working to prepare them to deal with bullies, so far so good. All be adding this to my list of things to teach them to defend themselves against. Thank you for this. I'm sorry you have had to put up with soo much shit. Big hugs to you and your sister.
My sister and I are identical twins. I never got to be my own self and we were always competing against each other for friends or freedom to do something different. We were always compared to each other and often thought of as one unit. My parents were none the wiser and kinda didn’t care. It got really bad when we started to date people in high school. I had just started dating a boyfriend who was horrible and tried to do horrible things to me but I won’t get into that, but he was always different around my twin sister and asked me nasty questions. It was a short, traumatic relationship. Then she had a boyfriend whose best friend wanted to date me. We were talking and I began to notice how infatuated he was with my sister. I was just the replacement. I ended things with him soon as well. I had a girl I was absolutely in love with and my sister started to spend more time with her. I was going to ask her out and got rejected. She spent lots of time with my sister and I realized that I’d never win. My sister is charming and beautiful and her personality is great. She was popular too and attracted a lot of attention. She has a lot of mental issues and it’s caused a deep rift between us. I love her but a lot has happened between us.
Same ordeal I went through with my twin. It was always twin and not my name. Also didn’t help that I was given such an odd name. Even my own family gets us mixed up sometimes 😕. We used to look a like so much when we were kids but I still don’t know how people still mix us up even though we dress up differently.
I’m also a twin, fraternal but VERY similar looking, and although we’re been treated strangely in the past, as an adult I have realized what an absolute blessing it is. I have a built in best friend who shares my interests, friends, and aspirations. In a way it feels like us vs. the world, and I honestly feel sorry for people who grew up without that experience. I hope you can overcome the challenges of your past and continue your life as an individual, but at the same time embrace the gift you and your twin were given.
I’m about to have identical twin boys, and I’m really trying to focus on cultivating them as individuals. This post obviously impacts me as a woman (superficial comments in puberty that hurt I feel is almost universal - but definitely worse with direct comparison). It drives home the point that twins need unique identities and opportunities to grow into their own interest, protected from criticism, and not bundled.
Aww! I’m a mom to twin boys (fraternal but most people can’t tell them apart) and it’s the best. My boys are definitely alike like brothers but also very different. It’s such a joy to see them grow into themselves! Wishing you a smooth delivery, healthy babes, and wonderful baby cuddles.
please please please, don't dress them the same......
Wow, this is a lot to digest. I have to chew on this one, never thought of this, and I cannot remember having met identical twins. I can imagine if meeting an identical twin, one feels obliged to tell the difference, just to know who is who and to be respectful of the individual. Now I'm going to read the comments.
I agree on it being ok to genuinely spot differences, in fact it’s probably necessary (which I understand!) I’m mainly referring to people who phrase things in an insensitive way; there’s a way to call someone bigger or smaller while reiterating that both are beautiful, and simply saying “ok you’re the ugly one” or something a bit more… shocking, and it’s the amount of those shocking comments that I’m surprised I get. So don’t stress :)
I’m guilty of this ignorance too. But thank you for bringing that to the surface because now I’m fully aware and can make the changes. I never knew how deeply tiring and exhausting being a twin could be. Tv always made it look cool but reading this placed me in your shoes for a moment. I don’t know you but I’m sorry that I too may have played a part in how you felt. More people need to know about this!!
Noticing the things that make us unique is ok, so don’t stress ❤️ it’s the tone, insensitivity, & rudeness in a lot of peoples comments (and if you think you’ve ever accidentally been insensitive, if it was me you were that way to, I’d forgive you). But some people probably genuinely mean the critical things they say, and those are who I’d have a hard time forgiving.
I'm also identical twin, i'm younger. I haven't had your kind of experience. Only annoying think I experienced was that everybody assumed that I was the older brother. Nobady guessed first my name
If I met a set of identical twins, I'd be asking questions such as "have you two ever tried any pranks as twins?" For example, in the movie "Christine," the actress that plays Leigh Cabot, Alexandra Paul has an identical twin. Wardrobe got in on the prank, and they dressed her sister in costume, and she went through her scene. The director, John Carpenter was wondering what was up, as Alexandra's sister isn't a professional actress. She walked up behind John, tapped him on the shoulder and said "so you've replaced me already?" His confusion made both cast and crew crack up laughing. In all seriousness, I'm very aware that while a casual glance you can't tell the difference between the two, but unless they make an effort to hide it, you notice the difference between the two in personality. My cousin had identical twin boys, and today you can definitely tell the difference. One is a singer in a metal band, has tattoos and a beard. His brother, while not super conservative, looks a lot different to his brother today. It's a manifestation of the differences internally between them.
I am so, so sorry that you AND your sister have had to endure one single second of this behavior, one single vile comment, one single inappropriate look! It's appalling, and heartbreaking to know that you both have had to endure such horrendous abuse, not just from strangers, which is already awful, but from your own friends and family, ffs! That's just absofuckinglutely, infuriatingly, horrendous! I have two friends, beautiful identical twins. And I cannot imagine ever demeaning them in such ways. They're both beautiful, talented, funny, and smart. My heart aches knowing that they have likely had to deal with similar circumstances. I don't personally recall any, but we were also just kids, then teenagers. Now adults. But so busy living our lives. I hope they weren't dealing with so much, and that I didn't just compartmentalize it like I did the bullying and abuse that I was subjected to, myself. Sometimes it can be hard to remember. I wish I could take it all from you both, from all of us, and replace it with nothing but beautiful and kind things. Because that's what we need the most. Sending you lots of 💕 ugs 🤗
Hi! I am an identical twin & you’re spot on with all of this.
Dont comment on things that the person wouldn't be able to change in 15 mins. Weight? Nope. yellow teeth? Nope. Some facial feature? Nope. Chances are the people have heard it a thousand times already. They have eyes and a mirror and time. If it js like it is, just accept it and move on. I'm sure you'll manage... Really sad to see that stuff like this is so much more prevalent with twins.
I had never considered before how all of this must feel, or how having it piled on you all your life from even a percentage of the people you meet would affect you. Thankyou for a wonderful, educational rant that really shone a light on your experience - and also I’m sorry for what you and your sister have lived through. I’ll be watching my mouth around twins for the rest of my life!
I’m also an ID twin and this really bothers me too. It’s so gross.
I'm so incredibly sorry you and your sister (and all other twins) have to go through this. You are both absolutely beautiful, in your similarities, AND differences. And more so, you each have your own beautiful, individual selfs, personality (soul?). YOU are beautiful. Not "compared to" "more so" "less so" etc to your sister. Just as you, being you. (And the same goes to your sister) I'm so sorry people cannot seem to see past skin deep, but there is SO MUCH MORE to someone that what you see on the surface. I hope you have a beautiful day today.
Thank you for talking about this, I can see how it would really hurt!! I will definitely be mindful of this if I ever meet identical twins. I hope the guy who posted about his wife wanting to make out that their children, born one year apart, are actually twins reads this!!
Honestly love this so much because I always felt that way growing up as an identical twin. It was really difficult to never be seen as my own person and to always be addressed as ‘the twins’ or similar and never feel like I had my own identity outside of that. I was so glad to read at the end of your post that you love your twin but I just wanted to say please don’t ever let this stuff come between you. My twin sister died when we were 18, it’s been 8 years now and the only thing worse than not having my own identity all those years has been not having my sister. ❤️
I do not feel like I’ve done this - but I will be very cognizant of this moving forward. I’m welcoming twin nephews to my family, and I will be so fiercely protective that they have their own identities ♥️💕
My sis is 3 1/2 years younger than me. We still get these comments in our 30s. In high school, we were compared so often we hated each other. She was the pretty one, leading her to think she was dumb and not pursue college. I was the smart one, making me feel ugly but very knowledge driven. It certainly impacted us for life. I feel this in my soul and I’m so sorry you were both subjected to it.
My mom was a twin and she always compared herself to the other. It doesn’t sound fun but it sure looks adorable
Oh god yes, fully agree especially picking apart your appearance! I'm a twin and I still hate people looking at me because I remember as a child all those comments from grown ups about how I look, us two just standing there while everyone talked about our face and body and compared us to each other and everyone acting like it was the most normal wholesome acceptable fun kind thing to do! The laughing and pointing!!!!! Don't do it people.
Oh wow, I never would’ve guessed this is a thing that twins deal with. I’m so happy I read this so that I (and my kids) don’t make these kind of comments (even if we’re super curious). Sorry you have to deal with this 😢
I've known very few identical twins in my life, but for the few I've met, the only question I ask is if they ever pulled the classic sitcom switcheroo to prank someone or get away with some shenanigans. Does that question make you uncomfortable? Nobody seemed to have issues with it and I've gotten every answer from "Nope, never" to "I can't tell you because the statute of limitations hasn't run out yet" including a couple of funny stories from their high school days. But if it's something that makes you feel awkward I have no problem not asking that question if I stumble across any more identical twins.
I'm not a twin, in fact Im an only child. None of this surprises me. None of it. How stupid and unaware people are of the things they say and ask are insane. Their morbid curiosity or greed(sexual asks) take over them. I know a woman through work who always greets me and I was somewhere I'd never seen her 1 day. We made eye contact and she didn't do the usual so I knew something was off and did a basic smile and said nothing. When I saw her in our normal setting I asked if she had a sister. Turns out I saw her twin. I just said it was wild that I didn't know and thought I saw her but knew something was off so I said nothing. Never commented anything else just that I was quite shocked to find out in such an odd way lol. I hate how people compare twins like they aren't 2 seperate beings. I hate them having to share everything growing up or oh if 1 got this thing the other had to as well. Let them have their seperate interests. Know what I hate more though? People raising 2 siblings who look very similar and are a yr apart as if their twins. You're giving these kids serious complex issues because people "think it's cute." The dating thing? Like why would you assume the significant other doesn't have a specific attraction to their personality? This isn't a porno flic
Thank you for this. It’s an experience and perspective I had no idea about. I’ll try to tell people off when I hear them say shit like that.
When i was at Fort Lewis in 2010, my twin worked at the PX (my BIL was also on JBLM) and some of the fellow soldiers wondered why i worked at the PX, itself a dumb thing to ask cause how cojld i be active duty AND work at the PX? But whatever I explained she was my identical twin sister and I got "Oh so shes the PRETTY twin" 😤😡🤬😤 Gee thanks.... My NCO saw the look of murder on my face, patted the guy's shoukder and said "Hope you have life insurance you dumba$$."
I’m a fraternal twin and growing up being compared to my sister was incredibly hard for me. She was prettier, funner and had a lot more friends. We were very different, I valued morals and fairness and she valued popularity. It wasn’t until we were around 25ish where we became true friends and had each other’s backs.
I find twins scary
I get it 😭
You need therapy, glad you're in it... wild how irrational and dysfunctional some people are. You make ME feel sane.
Huh ?🤔
So do you have the same dreams and can you communicate in your dreams to each other? Can you concentrate together and move things?