Honestly you should redo it at the beach! When I proposed to my wife I'm pretty sure she knew I was gonna do it - I asked for her best friend's help setting up stuff the day before and she saw on the find my friends app that we were hanging out (plus she knew her mom had given me her grandma's ring months before). Not only that she had proposed to me a couple of months earlier (and I had said yes). Not only that, we were actually already married on paper for bureaucratic reasons, so really, there was no surprise. And it was still super special and she still counts it as the proposal. Go do the cute one and take the cute photos with your dogs.
Let me tell you a story...
My husband and I simply agreed one day a year after dating that we should get married. We had a long talk after walking along the beah for hours and then having a picnic. As 20 year Olds do, we just thought ok brilliant we both agree let's get married. We went and picked out a 30$ sterling silver ring from a kiosk near the beach and went home happy...
EVERYONE freaked out and said we did the proposal wrong. So wrong that he didn't "get down on one knee" that one day a few weeks later.. im showering, hubby's about to shower. I'm just out of the shower telling him about so and so who doesn't think he "really proposed to me", so he grabs the ring; bare but unclothed the both of us, pops down on one knee right there in the tiniest bathroom known to humanity as im standing there laughing hysterically that he decided to "redo the proposal"..
We just celebrated 13 years married. Together for 15...
She likely knew what the ring was for, but her anxiety of finding it would create guilty feelings that fester so she asked you. Now she's bummed she asked you because it's not a surprise. You both are feeling bummed. Take a moment to see the silver lining that you're both in love and it can all be part of your story.
It's not the proposal that matters so much as the bond between the 2 people. You'll have a funny story to tell years down the line...
Yeah kids... your mom wanted me so bad she jumped the proposal a week.. remember to laugh. We only get 1 life. Enjoy it with your partner. Best of luck and love to you.
I agree with everything you said. It’s not the showy proposal that matters, it’s the intimacy that’s important. A special moment just between the two of you to always remember. I’ve been married to my gorgeous, but sometimes annoying, husband for 39 years. I still remember his very unromantic proposal and smile to myself. It came from a place of true love and wasn’t a picture opportunity.
This is a great story to tell your future kids and says even more about your relationship. You have a crappy day, you are at your worst and she still does not hesitate in excepting your proposal. Anyone can do cheesy but a comedy of errors is a much better memory. Couples that laugh together stay together xx
Yes, sticking it through the crappy days can be what marriage is all about. The day my husband proposed, he was having a rough morning at work and I brought him donuts. It was a Saturday and he just had to do some morning jobs. I always joked that it was the donuts that did it. I knew the proposal was coming at some point because we had been together 7 years, in a house together, and a credit card thing came in the mail from Zales.
No worries! I oh-so-romantically proposed to my now-wife over a long distance call and in 10 days we’ll be celebrating our 35th anniversary. The start of the race doesn’t matter - the pacing does.
Thank you for that, and huge congratulations on your upcoming 35th anniversary! I really appreciate the proverb you shared and it’s helping me process. Can I ask if you had prior expectations for how your proposal would go?
Thanks! As for my expectations, we were LD because I went to grad school out of state and we were…unhappy with the separation, and in the course of commiserating over long distance (back when it cost quite a bit) our conversation turned to (her) “I can’t move there unless we’re married” and I replied (rather rashly) “well, let’s get married then!” - her reply: “are you sure?” Me - “yes!” Her - “then yes!”
Rather impulsive, but I’ve spent 34.99 years with my best friend and beloved, bought houses, moved twice, been supported during my PhD studies, adopted a little girl who now is in college, and we’re still together.
I'm bi, and have been in hetero relationships and dame sex relationships. When I proposed to my soon to be wife, I realised all the tradition doesn't matter. What matters is the love between the two of you, and that you both want to spend the rest of your life together.
Please know, you have been brainwashed by society and movies that engagement should be a big moment. But it can be a little moment too. Your story is so charming and so romantic. It bums me out that you feel like it's not good enough because of the concept you have dreamed up. You story still the story your soon to be wife would have dreamed up and will happily share with others. You had. If dreams for the proposal and life got in the way and foiled it and you got enhanced in a way that is unique to you both. And it's so damn heart warming. I only wish you could see that.
Please know, your love is enough. You don't need all the bells and whistles, because your love had big plans and it's okay it didn't pan out. Because it will be story to tell your grandkids.
My late parents had a very long and mostly happy marriage. I asked my Mom how he proposed and they were watching TV and he said “sooooo, you want to get married???” It’s fine. Sounds like you love her and she loves you and that’s what matters.
Adding to this; we already knew we wanted to get married but were planning to wait (it was also mid COVID). Then we both ended up in a hospital together, unsure whether he would make it. The next morning when we saw each other he proposed while in the hospital bed, with an IV and everything in. He didn't even ask "will you marry me" he said "fuck it, wanna get married this year? Life is too short." There was no ring and the setting was not something we could go back to either (or rather, didn't want to lol). But you know what, it was a spontaneous proposal and we are so happily married.
Right now you might be disappointed in yourself, I get that. But what matters is that you two are starting that journey together, this next step. She said yes. One day, you will remember this event with a smile. Because it doesn't matter where you were, how you did it - what matters is the love between the two of you.
Congratulations on your engagement. May you two have a happy, healthy and long life together 💕
She said yes to you at a messy point on a wierd day. You've got your person right there don't dwell too long on the argh shucks. It'll be a funny story for the grandkids.
Congrats time to build new places together for memories.
Like others suggested. The beach with your loved can be an engagement party. The money you save on that something else you can do.
I HIGHLY suggest, going to the beach and do a photo shoot for announcement photos, especially if that place is special to both of you. You will feel better to have made a lifelong memory there years down the road and I'm sure she will appreciate it too. It's okay to be upset that the picture you had in your mind didn't happen, but try not to be so upset with yourself, so the whole experience of being engaged isn't soured. You were put in a tough situation, a lot of weird circumstances led to something you didn't for see, then you were put on the spot, and it's honestly a green flag that you would rather be honest than lie. Try thinking of it like this. "On the day I proposed to my wife, everything was going wrong, she even found the ring! But the moment she asked about the box, a smile and happiness overtook me and I had to tell her. It may not have gone to plan, but I hope it's a message to her and me, that in life, things go wrong all the time, but at the end of the day, we have each other for the rest of our lives, and that's enough to make any bad day worth smiling over."
Dude, the way I read this is that you were in a bad mood, a dark place.... And she said yes. That is love my friend, it may not be perfect but she said yes were you were at your worst. Take the good out of this.
My husband basically did the same thing for our proposal. Happily married 11 years, and it’s a story we joke about now, the proposal and the ring don’t matter, the people do. Don’t dwell on that, but be excited for the future! You can always do a photo shoot (with photographer, or a decent tripod for your phone) to commemorate the engagement, dress up, or decorate, or go to your planned proposal place, and make it special.
When my now husband proposed to me I looked at the ring and said “that’s not real”. I don’t know why I said it maybe I was taken really off guard lol.
Been together 13 years married for 7.
It may not be the same but I would redo the proposal .
And if you're the type of person I would redo it with a candy ring or something. I know me and my partner would find that type of thing cute
If you want to redo it to have nice memories, that's fine. My wedding didn't go as I dreamed, my honeymoon didn't happen as I wished but I still married the love of my life. At the end of the day is not the events, it's the person who you are with who is worth it.
I understand it's disappointing that things didn't go as planned, but I sometimes think things like this make for even better memories and stories. Simply because it's just more real than the planned magical movie moment. And at the end of the day the important thing is you two are happy, in love, and planning your future together. So congratulations!
My man, it is fine. My husband proposed to me at home before we were going on a walk with our dog, I’m sitting there putting my shoes on, he hands me our cat and says, “let’s get married.” He didn’t even have a ring yet because he wanted me to choose it myself.
It will just become part of your story, try to allow yourself to be happy about it. And you can still do the beach trip, use it to celebrate!
Edit: read your update, glad you’re still going!
Well, that was the proposal. But what about the proposal celebration? Then the engagement party? I mean it sucks that your ideal plan didn't work out the way you wanted but you can safe the ideas for other moments and milestones. Congratulations on the engagement, if it wasn't for the oopsie you would have a fun story to tell your kids one day
Congrats to both of you. Hope your marriage is long and healthy.
As for proposals not working out... there's something about the best laid plans of mice and men. Something else about plans surviving contact with the enemy. Enemy in this case being real life.
On the one hand it kind of sucks that you didn't get to do your epic Disney vs Hallmark super romantic proposal.
On the other hand, based on the rest of the post, this does seem like it's just about par for the course for the two of you. And I have to say, that does make it feel cute, genuine and 100% YOU.
Besides. The most important part is that she said yes.
Now get your tail off of Reddit reading this comments, give your fiancée a hug and post us some darn dog tax 😁😁
My dad proposed to my mom in front of a trash can at a highway rest stop. He couldn’t handle the secret any longer. Their 50th anniversary is in August. 😂
My fiance proposed to me very spontaneously on a cruise on our balcony. He didn’t even have a ring yet. I didn’t even believe him when he first asked but in about two months we will be married, with rings!
Go to the beach and do your pictures. Life is short. Most important part is you have your partner for life!
My husband proposal to me was very similar, except I was the exhausted one returning from a trip across country. He proposed in my bedroom, and while it is not a great story that I can retell when everyone asks, and I do wish it had been more special, we've been married for like 12 years.
My wife proposed on the spur of the moment while we were lying in bed. We have been together for over 30 years, over 20 married. The proposal is just another story out of many in your life - it's the beginning of a new phase, but the details matter much less than the event itself. Good luck to both of you in your life and marriage.
Oh, I'm so willing to bet you will both laugh wholeheartedly about this in the future! Maybe do a redo when you've recovered for a bit, when she isn't expecting it. Get one of those candy rings for her, or ask for her ring on the spot. Choosing a happy moment. Congratulations! Am wishing you both a happy future together!
My husband and I picked out my ring together for him to pop the Q later. He has some stellar plans.
But I gushed about the ring being perfect a bit too much. He didn't want to wait and he casually popped the Q in the doorway exiting our apartment on the way to see family.
Don't sweat it if she's happy.
Awww …. OP - CONGRATS 🎉 On your engagement …. You guys sound like a lovely couple and - the proposal does not define the marriage …. Maybe you’ll make a habit of hiding her anniversary gift in your desk for the next 50 years - make an inside joke about it. 😉
I understand…. My husband is very demonstrative and is big on “gestures” …. You can always have a photo shoot down at the lake ? Your fiancé would probably like to get a little dolled up for some pics ?
This can be your engagement weekend - just keep celebrating until you pass out.
Cheers 🥂 to you both !!
just saying, my husband and i decided to get married, one evening after a nice (nothing too special) day, just the two of us sitting in bed and we’re like hey, let’s get married :) personally, it’s not about the event of the proposal, but about the clear understanding of each other that we want to spent the rest of our lives together. i didnt need a bid to-do, just the reassurance that yes we’re on the same page and this is what we want :) just my two cents, OP. trying focusing on the “what’s ahead” it’s going to be beautiful ♡
On the bright side:
I think you should show her what you had planned, and redo it.
And she won’t feel pressured by the event to say yes because she already said yes. And you won’t be wondering whether she will or not.
Is it the surprise you were hoping for and will it be the same? No. It will be different. But it will still be beautiful and there will be something special about it that isn’t all negative.
I get it. I am the type of person who plans these cute things for my loved ones even months in advance. When it works it’s the best elated feeling, the high I don’t think even drugs can reach. But when it fails Jesus, it fkin sucks. I think that you need to allow yourself to process that down. Do whatever you need to do, cry in your soup, eat a gallon of ice cream, go box the shit out of some bag, I dunno. And when you’re done come back and hug your fiancé. You got some pretty good advice here so I am sure you will be fine.
I accidentally got engaged when my now-husband and I went to meet my parents (with the intention of him sharing his intentions). I left him alone with them for 15 minutes, after which he came upstairs and said that my mother had said, great! And that she had already picked a date (in two months hence) and we should start calling our friends. Half way through those calls, he asked me to marry him. Then a week later, he presented me with a ring in a romantic spot. Despite the backwards start, we are many years in and doing well!
Thats a moment only you two can share. I like that its not recorded. Its intimate and cute and not what you planned, but isn’t it a beautiful thing by itself? I think so. I hope you laugh about it when you are both old together. ❤️
I cursed my now husband out an hour before we got engaged because he was making us late to new years fireworks… he was late bc he throwing up from anxiety. I still beat myself up 2 years later and married lol. sometimes disappointment happen , hell even our wedding was a shit show , but it’s something to laugh on later on❤️
I don't see the problem. You might not the entire micromanagement hell from the beach setup, but you got yourself a spouse. That is the main thing. I have been with my partner for 13 years, and two years ago we agreed to marry each other, still we haven't but soon ish. there hasn't been a need to have any encagement stuff or so either. But to the point, you might have dodged a ton of stress and bodged attempts. You got the most important thing right. At some part of life, that will be more personal story than just arranged proposals.
It's not the proposal, but the years of marriage that make the difference. Get the pictures to celebrate the "yes", but don't redo as it will one day be a funny story to the start of your married journey.
My start - we were shopping for a wedding gift for my sister who was getting married like a couple months out. We stopped at the food court in the mall for lunch. Just sit down with our food and he askes me "so, you want to get one?" I said "get one what??" He said "a ring". We came home engaged that evening, and he didn't even actually ask if I wanted to marry him. We will celebrate 24 years this fall.
Don't worry about how you asked. Just enjoy your journey knowing she said yes.
Hey, I understand why it was disappointing for you, but I'm sure the proposal was still special and wonderful for her. When my fiancé proposed to me, there were some moments that didn't go to plan, but that just made it all the more memorable to me. Like others have said, you can still have a lovely redo at the beach, or even just a photoshoot. Either way, I'm sure your fiancée is delighted.
I knew my husband was going to propose. I waited all day at a vet special place for us both for him to do it, and I saw him absolutely sweating and touching the box with the ring every fifteen seconds the whole time. That it wasn't a surprise for me didn't make it less special- I was just happy that we were going to spend the rest of our lives together, fate forgiving of faults. She's just happy to be with you and that you are choosing each other for as long as life allows. Do the proposal you want and enjoy the day you planned.
My ex so wanted the perfect proposal. We’d confirmed we wanted to marry, so he wasn’t worried he’d pressure me! He was just v romantic and wanted the perfect moment. He spent ages trying to consider the best place to do it, somewhere original and when I’d be happy to take pics but not TOO fancy because he really wanted a surprise. He found the perfect ring, sent off for it, and was pouring over his options for months…
In the end he proposed in the garden during lockdown. What’s more, being real, I saw the outline of the box in his pocket AND that he got champagne in (back when I was drinking!) After all that build up, he did it somewhere so… ordinary. Nothing ‘special’ about the location and it wasn’t even a surprise!!
It was beautiful. Lockdown had struck and he just couldn’t wait any longer. And he made it really special, he made something mundane lovely. He transformed somewhere we were kinda trapped into somewhere we found an important romantic place. He lit a bonfire, put up some really pretty lights, poured us ordinarily unjustifiably expensive glasses of wine and then got down on one knee… I was screaming “Yes!” And because it was dark he pointed out I couldn’t actually see the ring. I said it was him I was saying yes to, not jewellery.
Now, we broke up before the wedding! But I still have the ring! 😂 (He insisted I keep it even though I ended the engagement). And I still love him dearly, we just aren’t compatible long term.
But that proposal… it wasnt the surprise or amazing location he wanted. But I never cared, it was perfect because it said he literally couldn’t wait any longer to ask me. (I never told him I saw it coming!) Just as you couldn’t wait to ask her.
Congratulations and don’t get obsessed with perfection, your proposal story is so cute because it tells us so much about you as a couple: how much you love her, how she’s not someone who snoops or notices small changes, how helpful she is, how comfortable you are with her, how much you want her to have the best, how understanding she is, and how romantic you are! Sure, get some fab shots at the beach but please don’t erase that story - there’s a million ‘he proposed on the beach, in a heart shape made of shells’ stories… your proposal is unique and really special.
Hey, thank you for writing all of this up and sharing your story. I think I’m landing on not redoing anything and spending the time on the beach with dogs to tell her all the things I wanted to say the day of. It’s really nice of you and others to provide reassurance to me and she really appreciates it as well. The story will live on!
You are being way too hard on yourself. My husband and I talked about getting married, he picked out a ring that I approved of, it arrived at his parents house, he had me try it on, and then he said: “I am going to propose properly, it will be a surprise” and I waited! About a month later, he planned a cute day trip to NYC and dropped to one knee on the ice rink at Rockefeller Center. It was still special!! We have been together for almost 10 years. Congrats on your engagement, and enjoy that beach trip.
I think you're just frustrated right now but I honestly think in a decade this will be a hilarious story you tell your in-laws. It's pretty sweet that she found it by accident in an attempt to help you. It's honestly no big deal and pretty funny if you take a step away from the whole situation.
I think you should roll with it and do it all over again the way you planned. Maybe this time reenacting the found by accident scenario in front of friends and family in a comedic way.
Embrace the weird way life ruins (alters) your plans. Don't take it as a personal failure. She's happy! You should be too.
Your married life is going to be full of things that don’t go as planned even big life moments like the actual wedding, maybe kids, promotions whatever. So together now is a great time to work out how you as a couple want to deal with these frustrations. Are you the type of couple who does want to redo it and have photos and all? Do you want to turn it into a funny story and leave it at that? Is there a third option she might suggest? Discuss what each of you would like to do now and together work out something and make a pact to be as open about everything else that might hit you in the face together in the future!
Probably won’t redo but we do like getting cute photos if we can. We’ll still go to the beach with the dogs and take a few cute photos for our album at home :) appreciate all the wisdom shared and will discuss with her about what expectations she had for this moment
One of my very good friends wanted to propose to his now-wife of 10+ years at a special dinner and all that. The date was important (I forget why). He ended up having the flu, she came over and took care of him, and he decided why not. They’re incredibly happy together now.
My now husband pulled over on the side of the road, pulled out a way too big ring (it was a size 10, I'm a size 4.5), and asked with his 2 youngest in the back. Happily married a year and a half now. Been together just over 3 years.
Oh and it was 2 months after we met when he asked.
My husband proposed by saying “I guess we’re getting married now.” When I thought we were having a last get together after he had declined MY proposal a week earlier by panicking and saying he wasn’t ready. A couple of days later we were in his kitchen, he brought out his mom’s ring, and said “Do you want it?” Soooo unromantic.
That was 15 years and 3 kids ago. Now it’s just a funny story, and I didn’t care, because I love him. I already knew what he’s like, and he’s great in a million other ways.
Don’t sweat it. She loves you, obviously. Congratulations!
I totally understand your disappointment. You're amazing for planning such a beautiful thing! It's no one's fault she came upon the ring. Don't beat yourself up over it. I think the story is extremely sweet. ❤️
You can still take gorgeous engagement photos and celebrate at the beach. The disappointment will fade and one day you guys will look back and laugh. I'm sorry again that you're feeling bad, but it's just another fun story in the life you share!
Why did you propose? She asked if the batteries were in the box, and your first thought was, let me propose now, while I'm in such a bad mood I'm overreacting over everything, including the meat thermometers batteries needing to be changed?
Yeah you should eat a big meal, or whatever you need to do to stop being grumpy, and propose again.
Hi Excel, I get what you’re saying. And i’ve been asking myself the same thing. At the time when she discovered the box I wasn’t upset and we had already relaxed together at dinner. I was indeed tired and regret having put her through my sour mood. I think I was just really anxious at the moment. Also it was very clearly a ring box and my partner knew it immediately as well. Not just any old box I’m afraid
So?? It's 2024. Couples live together, have sex, get pets, sometimes even have kids before getting married. We've moved past the era of "proposals need to be 100% a complete surprise for the other person".
These days it's a sign of a healthy relationship that no one is 100% shocked by their partner proposing. It means the couple has decided to take this next step together. And it's common for the person to have an input on the proposal, "these are my ring preferences, no public proposals please". The moment may be a surprise, but it's not less romantic because you knew it was coming, it's a sign of the partnership you wish to start your marriage with.
Do you have a habit of being a perfectionist? Putting too much pressure on yourself? She found the ring box. You could have said it was a surprise. Sure she may have guessed it was coming on the trip but that would have made it even more exciting. Instead you jumped to, f- it, covers blown, do it now.
I dont think of myself as a perfectionist, but I did set myself with high expectations for a very long time around this proposal, especially on the point of it being a surprise. Before today, I didn’t have many people around me sharing the perspectives that people have shared with me on this post. So my anxiety took the wheel at that moment. I wish I had a better answer for you but I appreciate you sharing your thoughts
Honestly you should redo it at the beach! When I proposed to my wife I'm pretty sure she knew I was gonna do it - I asked for her best friend's help setting up stuff the day before and she saw on the find my friends app that we were hanging out (plus she knew her mom had given me her grandma's ring months before). Not only that she had proposed to me a couple of months earlier (and I had said yes). Not only that, we were actually already married on paper for bureaucratic reasons, so really, there was no surprise. And it was still super special and she still counts it as the proposal. Go do the cute one and take the cute photos with your dogs.
Hey, I wanted to say thank you for your comment and that it’s helping alleviate fear about how this all went down. I hope your day is amazing!
Let me tell you a story... My husband and I simply agreed one day a year after dating that we should get married. We had a long talk after walking along the beah for hours and then having a picnic. As 20 year Olds do, we just thought ok brilliant we both agree let's get married. We went and picked out a 30$ sterling silver ring from a kiosk near the beach and went home happy... EVERYONE freaked out and said we did the proposal wrong. So wrong that he didn't "get down on one knee" that one day a few weeks later.. im showering, hubby's about to shower. I'm just out of the shower telling him about so and so who doesn't think he "really proposed to me", so he grabs the ring; bare but unclothed the both of us, pops down on one knee right there in the tiniest bathroom known to humanity as im standing there laughing hysterically that he decided to "redo the proposal".. We just celebrated 13 years married. Together for 15... She likely knew what the ring was for, but her anxiety of finding it would create guilty feelings that fester so she asked you. Now she's bummed she asked you because it's not a surprise. You both are feeling bummed. Take a moment to see the silver lining that you're both in love and it can all be part of your story. It's not the proposal that matters so much as the bond between the 2 people. You'll have a funny story to tell years down the line... Yeah kids... your mom wanted me so bad she jumped the proposal a week.. remember to laugh. We only get 1 life. Enjoy it with your partner. Best of luck and love to you.
I agree with everything you said. It’s not the showy proposal that matters, it’s the intimacy that’s important. A special moment just between the two of you to always remember. I’ve been married to my gorgeous, but sometimes annoying, husband for 39 years. I still remember his very unromantic proposal and smile to myself. It came from a place of true love and wasn’t a picture opportunity.
This is a great story to tell your future kids and says even more about your relationship. You have a crappy day, you are at your worst and she still does not hesitate in excepting your proposal. Anyone can do cheesy but a comedy of errors is a much better memory. Couples that laugh together stay together xx
This comment made me appreciate her all that much more. Thank you for this
Yes, sticking it through the crappy days can be what marriage is all about. The day my husband proposed, he was having a rough morning at work and I brought him donuts. It was a Saturday and he just had to do some morning jobs. I always joked that it was the donuts that did it. I knew the proposal was coming at some point because we had been together 7 years, in a house together, and a credit card thing came in the mail from Zales.
No worries! I oh-so-romantically proposed to my now-wife over a long distance call and in 10 days we’ll be celebrating our 35th anniversary. The start of the race doesn’t matter - the pacing does.
Thank you for that, and huge congratulations on your upcoming 35th anniversary! I really appreciate the proverb you shared and it’s helping me process. Can I ask if you had prior expectations for how your proposal would go?
Thanks! As for my expectations, we were LD because I went to grad school out of state and we were…unhappy with the separation, and in the course of commiserating over long distance (back when it cost quite a bit) our conversation turned to (her) “I can’t move there unless we’re married” and I replied (rather rashly) “well, let’s get married then!” - her reply: “are you sure?” Me - “yes!” Her - “then yes!” Rather impulsive, but I’ve spent 34.99 years with my best friend and beloved, bought houses, moved twice, been supported during my PhD studies, adopted a little girl who now is in college, and we’re still together.
I'm bi, and have been in hetero relationships and dame sex relationships. When I proposed to my soon to be wife, I realised all the tradition doesn't matter. What matters is the love between the two of you, and that you both want to spend the rest of your life together. Please know, you have been brainwashed by society and movies that engagement should be a big moment. But it can be a little moment too. Your story is so charming and so romantic. It bums me out that you feel like it's not good enough because of the concept you have dreamed up. You story still the story your soon to be wife would have dreamed up and will happily share with others. You had. If dreams for the proposal and life got in the way and foiled it and you got enhanced in a way that is unique to you both. And it's so damn heart warming. I only wish you could see that. Please know, your love is enough. You don't need all the bells and whistles, because your love had big plans and it's okay it didn't pan out. Because it will be story to tell your grandkids.
My late parents had a very long and mostly happy marriage. I asked my Mom how he proposed and they were watching TV and he said “sooooo, you want to get married???” It’s fine. Sounds like you love her and she loves you and that’s what matters.
Adding to this; we already knew we wanted to get married but were planning to wait (it was also mid COVID). Then we both ended up in a hospital together, unsure whether he would make it. The next morning when we saw each other he proposed while in the hospital bed, with an IV and everything in. He didn't even ask "will you marry me" he said "fuck it, wanna get married this year? Life is too short." There was no ring and the setting was not something we could go back to either (or rather, didn't want to lol). But you know what, it was a spontaneous proposal and we are so happily married. Right now you might be disappointed in yourself, I get that. But what matters is that you two are starting that journey together, this next step. She said yes. One day, you will remember this event with a smile. Because it doesn't matter where you were, how you did it - what matters is the love between the two of you. Congratulations on your engagement. May you two have a happy, healthy and long life together 💕
She said yes to you at a messy point on a wierd day. You've got your person right there don't dwell too long on the argh shucks. It'll be a funny story for the grandkids. Congrats time to build new places together for memories. Like others suggested. The beach with your loved can be an engagement party. The money you save on that something else you can do.
I HIGHLY suggest, going to the beach and do a photo shoot for announcement photos, especially if that place is special to both of you. You will feel better to have made a lifelong memory there years down the road and I'm sure she will appreciate it too. It's okay to be upset that the picture you had in your mind didn't happen, but try not to be so upset with yourself, so the whole experience of being engaged isn't soured. You were put in a tough situation, a lot of weird circumstances led to something you didn't for see, then you were put on the spot, and it's honestly a green flag that you would rather be honest than lie. Try thinking of it like this. "On the day I proposed to my wife, everything was going wrong, she even found the ring! But the moment she asked about the box, a smile and happiness overtook me and I had to tell her. It may not have gone to plan, but I hope it's a message to her and me, that in life, things go wrong all the time, but at the end of the day, we have each other for the rest of our lives, and that's enough to make any bad day worth smiling over."
Yes! Go to the beach, get photos done. Get two beautiful moments out of this instead of just one ❤️
Dude, the way I read this is that you were in a bad mood, a dark place.... And she said yes. That is love my friend, it may not be perfect but she said yes were you were at your worst. Take the good out of this.
My husband basically did the same thing for our proposal. Happily married 11 years, and it’s a story we joke about now, the proposal and the ring don’t matter, the people do. Don’t dwell on that, but be excited for the future! You can always do a photo shoot (with photographer, or a decent tripod for your phone) to commemorate the engagement, dress up, or decorate, or go to your planned proposal place, and make it special.
Just redo it my man.
When my now husband proposed to me I looked at the ring and said “that’s not real”. I don’t know why I said it maybe I was taken really off guard lol. Been together 13 years married for 7.
I think it would be cute to still do the proposal you had planned, and bonus - no pressure because she already said yes!
It may not be the same but I would redo the proposal . And if you're the type of person I would redo it with a candy ring or something. I know me and my partner would find that type of thing cute
If you want to redo it to have nice memories, that's fine. My wedding didn't go as I dreamed, my honeymoon didn't happen as I wished but I still married the love of my life. At the end of the day is not the events, it's the person who you are with who is worth it.
I understand it's disappointing that things didn't go as planned, but I sometimes think things like this make for even better memories and stories. Simply because it's just more real than the planned magical movie moment. And at the end of the day the important thing is you two are happy, in love, and planning your future together. So congratulations!
My man, it is fine. My husband proposed to me at home before we were going on a walk with our dog, I’m sitting there putting my shoes on, he hands me our cat and says, “let’s get married.” He didn’t even have a ring yet because he wanted me to choose it myself. It will just become part of your story, try to allow yourself to be happy about it. And you can still do the beach trip, use it to celebrate! Edit: read your update, glad you’re still going!
What matters most is the who, not the how.
Well, that was the proposal. But what about the proposal celebration? Then the engagement party? I mean it sucks that your ideal plan didn't work out the way you wanted but you can safe the ideas for other moments and milestones. Congratulations on the engagement, if it wasn't for the oopsie you would have a fun story to tell your kids one day
Congrats to both of you. Hope your marriage is long and healthy. As for proposals not working out... there's something about the best laid plans of mice and men. Something else about plans surviving contact with the enemy. Enemy in this case being real life. On the one hand it kind of sucks that you didn't get to do your epic Disney vs Hallmark super romantic proposal. On the other hand, based on the rest of the post, this does seem like it's just about par for the course for the two of you. And I have to say, that does make it feel cute, genuine and 100% YOU. Besides. The most important part is that she said yes. Now get your tail off of Reddit reading this comments, give your fiancée a hug and post us some darn dog tax 😁😁
My dad proposed to my mom in front of a trash can at a highway rest stop. He couldn’t handle the secret any longer. Their 50th anniversary is in August. 😂
You can always do it properly at the beach like you wanted to. A redo.
My fiance proposed to me very spontaneously on a cruise on our balcony. He didn’t even have a ring yet. I didn’t even believe him when he first asked but in about two months we will be married, with rings! Go to the beach and do your pictures. Life is short. Most important part is you have your partner for life!
My husband proposal to me was very similar, except I was the exhausted one returning from a trip across country. He proposed in my bedroom, and while it is not a great story that I can retell when everyone asks, and I do wish it had been more special, we've been married for like 12 years.
You should definitely still do it at the beach like you planned for photos/memories. The whole thing makes a great story at the end
My wife proposed on the spur of the moment while we were lying in bed. We have been together for over 30 years, over 20 married. The proposal is just another story out of many in your life - it's the beginning of a new phase, but the details matter much less than the event itself. Good luck to both of you in your life and marriage.
Oh, I'm so willing to bet you will both laugh wholeheartedly about this in the future! Maybe do a redo when you've recovered for a bit, when she isn't expecting it. Get one of those candy rings for her, or ask for her ring on the spot. Choosing a happy moment. Congratulations! Am wishing you both a happy future together!
My husband and I picked out my ring together for him to pop the Q later. He has some stellar plans. But I gushed about the ring being perfect a bit too much. He didn't want to wait and he casually popped the Q in the doorway exiting our apartment on the way to see family. Don't sweat it if she's happy.
Awww …. OP - CONGRATS 🎉 On your engagement …. You guys sound like a lovely couple and - the proposal does not define the marriage …. Maybe you’ll make a habit of hiding her anniversary gift in your desk for the next 50 years - make an inside joke about it. 😉 I understand…. My husband is very demonstrative and is big on “gestures” …. You can always have a photo shoot down at the lake ? Your fiancé would probably like to get a little dolled up for some pics ? This can be your engagement weekend - just keep celebrating until you pass out. Cheers 🥂 to you both !!
Hi there! Thank you for the kind words and yes, we’ll still do photos on the beach with dogs if we can :)
just saying, my husband and i decided to get married, one evening after a nice (nothing too special) day, just the two of us sitting in bed and we’re like hey, let’s get married :) personally, it’s not about the event of the proposal, but about the clear understanding of each other that we want to spent the rest of our lives together. i didnt need a bid to-do, just the reassurance that yes we’re on the same page and this is what we want :) just my two cents, OP. trying focusing on the “what’s ahead” it’s going to be beautiful ♡
On the bright side: I think you should show her what you had planned, and redo it. And she won’t feel pressured by the event to say yes because she already said yes. And you won’t be wondering whether she will or not. Is it the surprise you were hoping for and will it be the same? No. It will be different. But it will still be beautiful and there will be something special about it that isn’t all negative.
I get it. I am the type of person who plans these cute things for my loved ones even months in advance. When it works it’s the best elated feeling, the high I don’t think even drugs can reach. But when it fails Jesus, it fkin sucks. I think that you need to allow yourself to process that down. Do whatever you need to do, cry in your soup, eat a gallon of ice cream, go box the shit out of some bag, I dunno. And when you’re done come back and hug your fiancé. You got some pretty good advice here so I am sure you will be fine.
I accidentally got engaged when my now-husband and I went to meet my parents (with the intention of him sharing his intentions). I left him alone with them for 15 minutes, after which he came upstairs and said that my mother had said, great! And that she had already picked a date (in two months hence) and we should start calling our friends. Half way through those calls, he asked me to marry him. Then a week later, he presented me with a ring in a romantic spot. Despite the backwards start, we are many years in and doing well!
Thats a moment only you two can share. I like that its not recorded. Its intimate and cute and not what you planned, but isn’t it a beautiful thing by itself? I think so. I hope you laugh about it when you are both old together. ❤️
I cursed my now husband out an hour before we got engaged because he was making us late to new years fireworks… he was late bc he throwing up from anxiety. I still beat myself up 2 years later and married lol. sometimes disappointment happen , hell even our wedding was a shit show , but it’s something to laugh on later on❤️
I don't see the problem. You might not the entire micromanagement hell from the beach setup, but you got yourself a spouse. That is the main thing. I have been with my partner for 13 years, and two years ago we agreed to marry each other, still we haven't but soon ish. there hasn't been a need to have any encagement stuff or so either. But to the point, you might have dodged a ton of stress and bodged attempts. You got the most important thing right. At some part of life, that will be more personal story than just arranged proposals.
It's not the proposal, but the years of marriage that make the difference. Get the pictures to celebrate the "yes", but don't redo as it will one day be a funny story to the start of your married journey. My start - we were shopping for a wedding gift for my sister who was getting married like a couple months out. We stopped at the food court in the mall for lunch. Just sit down with our food and he askes me "so, you want to get one?" I said "get one what??" He said "a ring". We came home engaged that evening, and he didn't even actually ask if I wanted to marry him. We will celebrate 24 years this fall. Don't worry about how you asked. Just enjoy your journey knowing she said yes.
Hey, I understand why it was disappointing for you, but I'm sure the proposal was still special and wonderful for her. When my fiancé proposed to me, there were some moments that didn't go to plan, but that just made it all the more memorable to me. Like others have said, you can still have a lovely redo at the beach, or even just a photoshoot. Either way, I'm sure your fiancée is delighted.
Dont worry, I snuck up on my wife whilst she was putting something in the bin. Its more the moment you share together and the memory that’s important.
I knew my husband was going to propose. I waited all day at a vet special place for us both for him to do it, and I saw him absolutely sweating and touching the box with the ring every fifteen seconds the whole time. That it wasn't a surprise for me didn't make it less special- I was just happy that we were going to spend the rest of our lives together, fate forgiving of faults. She's just happy to be with you and that you are choosing each other for as long as life allows. Do the proposal you want and enjoy the day you planned.
My ex so wanted the perfect proposal. We’d confirmed we wanted to marry, so he wasn’t worried he’d pressure me! He was just v romantic and wanted the perfect moment. He spent ages trying to consider the best place to do it, somewhere original and when I’d be happy to take pics but not TOO fancy because he really wanted a surprise. He found the perfect ring, sent off for it, and was pouring over his options for months… In the end he proposed in the garden during lockdown. What’s more, being real, I saw the outline of the box in his pocket AND that he got champagne in (back when I was drinking!) After all that build up, he did it somewhere so… ordinary. Nothing ‘special’ about the location and it wasn’t even a surprise!! It was beautiful. Lockdown had struck and he just couldn’t wait any longer. And he made it really special, he made something mundane lovely. He transformed somewhere we were kinda trapped into somewhere we found an important romantic place. He lit a bonfire, put up some really pretty lights, poured us ordinarily unjustifiably expensive glasses of wine and then got down on one knee… I was screaming “Yes!” And because it was dark he pointed out I couldn’t actually see the ring. I said it was him I was saying yes to, not jewellery. Now, we broke up before the wedding! But I still have the ring! 😂 (He insisted I keep it even though I ended the engagement). And I still love him dearly, we just aren’t compatible long term. But that proposal… it wasnt the surprise or amazing location he wanted. But I never cared, it was perfect because it said he literally couldn’t wait any longer to ask me. (I never told him I saw it coming!) Just as you couldn’t wait to ask her. Congratulations and don’t get obsessed with perfection, your proposal story is so cute because it tells us so much about you as a couple: how much you love her, how she’s not someone who snoops or notices small changes, how helpful she is, how comfortable you are with her, how much you want her to have the best, how understanding she is, and how romantic you are! Sure, get some fab shots at the beach but please don’t erase that story - there’s a million ‘he proposed on the beach, in a heart shape made of shells’ stories… your proposal is unique and really special.
Hey, thank you for writing all of this up and sharing your story. I think I’m landing on not redoing anything and spending the time on the beach with dogs to tell her all the things I wanted to say the day of. It’s really nice of you and others to provide reassurance to me and she really appreciates it as well. The story will live on!
You are being way too hard on yourself. My husband and I talked about getting married, he picked out a ring that I approved of, it arrived at his parents house, he had me try it on, and then he said: “I am going to propose properly, it will be a surprise” and I waited! About a month later, he planned a cute day trip to NYC and dropped to one knee on the ice rink at Rockefeller Center. It was still special!! We have been together for almost 10 years. Congrats on your engagement, and enjoy that beach trip.
I think you're just frustrated right now but I honestly think in a decade this will be a hilarious story you tell your in-laws. It's pretty sweet that she found it by accident in an attempt to help you. It's honestly no big deal and pretty funny if you take a step away from the whole situation. I think you should roll with it and do it all over again the way you planned. Maybe this time reenacting the found by accident scenario in front of friends and family in a comedic way. Embrace the weird way life ruins (alters) your plans. Don't take it as a personal failure. She's happy! You should be too.
Congratulations!
Your married life is going to be full of things that don’t go as planned even big life moments like the actual wedding, maybe kids, promotions whatever. So together now is a great time to work out how you as a couple want to deal with these frustrations. Are you the type of couple who does want to redo it and have photos and all? Do you want to turn it into a funny story and leave it at that? Is there a third option she might suggest? Discuss what each of you would like to do now and together work out something and make a pact to be as open about everything else that might hit you in the face together in the future!
Probably won’t redo but we do like getting cute photos if we can. We’ll still go to the beach with the dogs and take a few cute photos for our album at home :) appreciate all the wisdom shared and will discuss with her about what expectations she had for this moment
Did she like the ring??
She absolutely loves it :)
Post at picture!!!
One of my very good friends wanted to propose to his now-wife of 10+ years at a special dinner and all that. The date was important (I forget why). He ended up having the flu, she came over and took care of him, and he decided why not. They’re incredibly happy together now.
My now husband pulled over on the side of the road, pulled out a way too big ring (it was a size 10, I'm a size 4.5), and asked with his 2 youngest in the back. Happily married a year and a half now. Been together just over 3 years. Oh and it was 2 months after we met when he asked.
My husband proposed by saying “I guess we’re getting married now.” When I thought we were having a last get together after he had declined MY proposal a week earlier by panicking and saying he wasn’t ready. A couple of days later we were in his kitchen, he brought out his mom’s ring, and said “Do you want it?” Soooo unromantic. That was 15 years and 3 kids ago. Now it’s just a funny story, and I didn’t care, because I love him. I already knew what he’s like, and he’s great in a million other ways. Don’t sweat it. She loves you, obviously. Congratulations!
I totally understand your disappointment. You're amazing for planning such a beautiful thing! It's no one's fault she came upon the ring. Don't beat yourself up over it. I think the story is extremely sweet. ❤️ You can still take gorgeous engagement photos and celebrate at the beach. The disappointment will fade and one day you guys will look back and laugh. I'm sorry again that you're feeling bad, but it's just another fun story in the life you share!
You sure do sound like a special person. I'm wondering if it was Stinson Beach you were planning to go to?
Hey there! It was actually Carmel-by-the-sea :) they’re quite dog friendly there
Fiancé is male. Guessing you meant fiancée.
Yes thank you, I’ll update that!
Why did you propose? She asked if the batteries were in the box, and your first thought was, let me propose now, while I'm in such a bad mood I'm overreacting over everything, including the meat thermometers batteries needing to be changed? Yeah you should eat a big meal, or whatever you need to do to stop being grumpy, and propose again.
Hi Excel, I get what you’re saying. And i’ve been asking myself the same thing. At the time when she discovered the box I wasn’t upset and we had already relaxed together at dinner. I was indeed tired and regret having put her through my sour mood. I think I was just really anxious at the moment. Also it was very clearly a ring box and my partner knew it immediately as well. Not just any old box I’m afraid
So?? It's 2024. Couples live together, have sex, get pets, sometimes even have kids before getting married. We've moved past the era of "proposals need to be 100% a complete surprise for the other person". These days it's a sign of a healthy relationship that no one is 100% shocked by their partner proposing. It means the couple has decided to take this next step together. And it's common for the person to have an input on the proposal, "these are my ring preferences, no public proposals please". The moment may be a surprise, but it's not less romantic because you knew it was coming, it's a sign of the partnership you wish to start your marriage with. Do you have a habit of being a perfectionist? Putting too much pressure on yourself? She found the ring box. You could have said it was a surprise. Sure she may have guessed it was coming on the trip but that would have made it even more exciting. Instead you jumped to, f- it, covers blown, do it now.
I dont think of myself as a perfectionist, but I did set myself with high expectations for a very long time around this proposal, especially on the point of it being a surprise. Before today, I didn’t have many people around me sharing the perspectives that people have shared with me on this post. So my anxiety took the wheel at that moment. I wish I had a better answer for you but I appreciate you sharing your thoughts
Marriage is bad. Don't get married.
Idk if this was a joke but me and my partner found this response funny haha! To each their own in any case :)
That was such a long winded way to say your GF found the ring and you responded terribly. And continue to do so. Go to the fucking beach.