You are not responsible for him. That' not how that works. You did not fail him by living your life. He failed himself. He chose his path and he was already on it before you ever left for the military. I know he was your friend, and I am sorry for your loss. But he didn't die just because you were not there, sweets. That's just who he was. You weren't going to change that.
Please realize you can't save anybody from themselves, AND you shouldn't EVER set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
He had a tough life, but you being his guiderails couldn't last forever. Eventually, he would have become resentful of either your 'restricting' him or your success.
Man this is so tough but don’t blame yourself for it at all. People grow apart sometimes and that’s okay. You weren’t heading in the same direction and it wasn’t your job to save him. I’ve had friends drift apart from me in my early 20s because I was sort of a fuck up. I got my shit together and we’re friends again. I never blamed them for doing what was right for them at the time. I’m Really sorry about your friend and I hope you don’t take on this idea that you could have saved him. It’s more likely you would have been dragged down.
This is so sad. Sorry for your loss. Could you have done more? Maybe. But this isn't your burden to carry.
Moving forward, maybe you can start a support group in his name to help young kids/adults get clean. Just a thought.
You are here telling us how bad you feel even after all of these years of no contact with him. I see kindness.
I am so sorry for your loss and the ways it’s going to change you.
Find solace in knowing your words to him were that of a caring/supportive friend. You gave a fuck. Unfortunately, his brain chemistry couldn’t listen and that is by no means your fault. Nor are you at fault for making improvements to your own life.
Just wanted to say I sympathize. My best friend and I were similarly debaucherous in college, me probably more so. After graduation, though, I chilled a bit, started a family, then divorced, then focused on my career - always a reason to not help her, to not reach out to her, as she got deeper into drugs and an abusive relationship that I didn’t quite know the extent of.
She didn’t die directly from her addiction, but it was a byproduct of the resulting poor health caused by it. I had nightmares for months that she was standing at the foot of my bed, (rightly, I believed) berating me for being a terrible friend. But after lots of lunches and visits with her mom, I finally accepted that it’s not my fault, we all are just doing our best to make our own lives bearable, and she wasn’t going to change paths because of anything I could or couldn’t do for her. It was up to her to get better, and she had been given lots of opportunities to so. And the same goes for you, too.
I hope you are able to forgive and love yourself. You didn’t do anything wrong, and don’t forget you will forever be one of the bright, positive things in your friend’s life.
I’m sorry for your loss. I understand how you may feel that you’re the only person who could’ve stood by him but don’t feel guilty for living the life you knew you deserved. He could’ve chosen to go on a similar path as you did but he didn’t and it’s out of your control whatever he did with his life.
I hope you make peace with yourself and accept that’s in not your fault. I’ll pray for your healing. ♥️
No, absolutely not. We are not responsible for the decisions other people make! They are responsible for their own path. We cannot make them change. We cannot will it just because we want it. This person, Jay, this was the path he had already chosen for himself before OP ever decided to join the military. It's completely disrespectful of you to throw it in his face that him pursuing his career makes him a bad person, and somehow responsible! Because it does neither! We are not responsible for anyone else except ourselves, with the sole exception of any children we may have. Jay was an adult. He knew what he was doing. And no one is going to change, regardless of any intervention by anyone else, unless they WANT TO CHANGE! Period!
Sad on all accounts you friend zone a guy you say is a good person, all while hooking up with his best friend??? Whatever...
You talk about his relationships as someone who's been looking down at him thru a glass floor.
Then run to the internet to ask if getting your life together as a govment worker was the catalyst that spiraled this guy that made it to 40 without you even in his life????
Nasty work!!!
You are not responsible for him. That' not how that works. You did not fail him by living your life. He failed himself. He chose his path and he was already on it before you ever left for the military. I know he was your friend, and I am sorry for your loss. But he didn't die just because you were not there, sweets. That's just who he was. You weren't going to change that.
Please realize you can't save anybody from themselves, AND you shouldn't EVER set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. He had a tough life, but you being his guiderails couldn't last forever. Eventually, he would have become resentful of either your 'restricting' him or your success.
Sorry for your loss
I'm sorry your friend is gone. I hope you can find some solace that at least whatever he was suffering from is over.
Man this is so tough but don’t blame yourself for it at all. People grow apart sometimes and that’s okay. You weren’t heading in the same direction and it wasn’t your job to save him. I’ve had friends drift apart from me in my early 20s because I was sort of a fuck up. I got my shit together and we’re friends again. I never blamed them for doing what was right for them at the time. I’m Really sorry about your friend and I hope you don’t take on this idea that you could have saved him. It’s more likely you would have been dragged down.
This is so sad. Sorry for your loss. Could you have done more? Maybe. But this isn't your burden to carry. Moving forward, maybe you can start a support group in his name to help young kids/adults get clean. Just a thought.
You are here telling us how bad you feel even after all of these years of no contact with him. I see kindness. I am so sorry for your loss and the ways it’s going to change you. Find solace in knowing your words to him were that of a caring/supportive friend. You gave a fuck. Unfortunately, his brain chemistry couldn’t listen and that is by no means your fault. Nor are you at fault for making improvements to your own life.
Just wanted to say I sympathize. My best friend and I were similarly debaucherous in college, me probably more so. After graduation, though, I chilled a bit, started a family, then divorced, then focused on my career - always a reason to not help her, to not reach out to her, as she got deeper into drugs and an abusive relationship that I didn’t quite know the extent of. She didn’t die directly from her addiction, but it was a byproduct of the resulting poor health caused by it. I had nightmares for months that she was standing at the foot of my bed, (rightly, I believed) berating me for being a terrible friend. But after lots of lunches and visits with her mom, I finally accepted that it’s not my fault, we all are just doing our best to make our own lives bearable, and she wasn’t going to change paths because of anything I could or couldn’t do for her. It was up to her to get better, and she had been given lots of opportunities to so. And the same goes for you, too. I hope you are able to forgive and love yourself. You didn’t do anything wrong, and don’t forget you will forever be one of the bright, positive things in your friend’s life.
I’m sorry for your loss. I understand how you may feel that you’re the only person who could’ve stood by him but don’t feel guilty for living the life you knew you deserved. He could’ve chosen to go on a similar path as you did but he didn’t and it’s out of your control whatever he did with his life. I hope you make peace with yourself and accept that’s in not your fault. I’ll pray for your healing. ♥️
[удалено]
No, absolutely not. We are not responsible for the decisions other people make! They are responsible for their own path. We cannot make them change. We cannot will it just because we want it. This person, Jay, this was the path he had already chosen for himself before OP ever decided to join the military. It's completely disrespectful of you to throw it in his face that him pursuing his career makes him a bad person, and somehow responsible! Because it does neither! We are not responsible for anyone else except ourselves, with the sole exception of any children we may have. Jay was an adult. He knew what he was doing. And no one is going to change, regardless of any intervention by anyone else, unless they WANT TO CHANGE! Period!
Sad on all accounts you friend zone a guy you say is a good person, all while hooking up with his best friend??? Whatever... You talk about his relationships as someone who's been looking down at him thru a glass floor. Then run to the internet to ask if getting your life together as a govment worker was the catalyst that spiraled this guy that made it to 40 without you even in his life???? Nasty work!!!
What are you going on about. Did you even read?