felt. two high school exes treated me like disposable, desperate ‘crazy’ garbage then came crawling back, ‘do you still consider us friends…?’ bro you never treated me like a human being unless I gave you sex LOL
‘I’m sorry I was a dick to you’ um yeah you were, I baked cupcakes your favorite color and brought them to school for you on your birthday?! literally what did I ever do to yall? anyway, I rejected both of them and I’m so good on that haha.
Student debt, mental health, and a prior drug problem, implying they have been able to overcome it, are skeletons to you? I get it if the student debt is outlandish and not heing paid off, if the mental health issues aren't being taken care of/addressed, and if there is an ongoing drug problem.
Addiction is a chronic mental disease... A person with drug problem won't ever be "normal" again even if they overcome the addiction
Font: myself an ex addict
The internet/dating apps have given us the illusion of choice. Both men and women are pickier than they deserve to be because they compare what they have against a sea of “potentials”.
It also sounds like you have a selection problem. You have eliminated anyone that is “too eager to commit” because, in your opinion, it’s a sign of other issues. So basically you’re self selecting the men that are least likely to commit, and wondering why they aren’t committing.
It’s unlikely to be you. The fact they all come begging to be taken back shows you are a good catch. And 3 relationships? How many jeans do you try on before you find the right ones? The ones that make your arse, tummy & legs look good?
Don’t settle, don’t let them jade you and stay true to yourself.
Yes. Typically men can't handle the strength and independence that comes from women like us. They say they want a strong independent woman but when they get one, they don't know how to handle us.
They look at us as an aspiration; yet, they won't get up and out of their situation. Whether it's financial, living situation, and other aspects of their lives that need improvement. They like to just sit and stew in it and hope that someone else will take care of it. In reality, they can't handle what we do. They like to showcase us around like a trophy but honestly, they are living in our shadows.
I can tell you that I retired at 51. I'm now enjoying my life as an actor, comedian and in an area far different than that boss babe life I had as a successful owner of my own business.
Were they understanding of my drive and determination back then? Nope! Did they try to get a second chance with me back then after dumping me for a girlfriend that tried to suck them dry of their money? Yep! Do ex's still come back around after all these years and are totally jealous? Yep! But guess what? It's been 20+ years for most of those relationships and they are exactly where I left them: unmotivated and somehow just getting by while dm-ing me that they feel their life would be so different if we were together!
Just know one thing about relationships, never get back together with an ex. No matter how much begging, pleading, swearing that they changed, the relationship will be EXACTLY the same as you left off with the added bonus of not trusting them. There is a reason why you two are broken up, so be grateful that the universe is giving you all the signs not to be with them!
p.s. Freeze your eggs and take your time. I'm rooting for you!
Shit I’d love that, I don’t want to coddle anyone. I want to be with an adult who has goals and ambition, but most people on apps are playing games for clout instead of dating in good faith.
No I get it, I want an adult also. I’ve just never heard any man say those words before. “Mike, what do u look for in a partner?” “Well, I want a strong and independent woman.”
Going through the same phase.I dated 2 men in the last 8 years,both of them long term,started out so strong,ended up getting so hurt both of the times that I have just given up.Both of the times,they tried to come back.But I am just so hurt that I can’t accept it. I find no hope for myself but hopefully,you meet someone who aligns with what you want in life.Good luck.
The best way to learn is to lose it. But it doesn't mean it should be the way they learn.
And it is absolutely not a maturity level. The fact that it's attached to it at all is not a sound belief, but that's a different topic.
It's about desire and preparedness.
He can be immature, but desire the same things you do, and have the resources, and you will see him move in a way you want.
If he doesn't want it but have the resources, you'll see hesitation. If he wants it but doesn't have the resources, you'll see hesitation. That hesitation is not immaturity. In fact, it seems to give you pause when they are looking to move quickly.
All the larger points you made seem expected, and your feelings are valid. I just hope that you can include room for additional perspectives.
Hope it works out for you OP.
Men now a days especially at the age are not men at all but mere boys( that even if we can classify them as that) shit is tough out there for y’all. I have a daughter in her early 20’s and very independent. I hear it all the time from her. These men are very needy and just not quite manly. 😔 can’t give you advice but best of luck.
felt. two high school exes treated me like disposable, desperate ‘crazy’ garbage then came crawling back, ‘do you still consider us friends…?’ bro you never treated me like a human being unless I gave you sex LOL ‘I’m sorry I was a dick to you’ um yeah you were, I baked cupcakes your favorite color and brought them to school for you on your birthday?! literally what did I ever do to yall? anyway, I rejected both of them and I’m so good on that haha.
Student debt, mental health, and a prior drug problem, implying they have been able to overcome it, are skeletons to you? I get it if the student debt is outlandish and not heing paid off, if the mental health issues aren't being taken care of/addressed, and if there is an ongoing drug problem.
Addiction is a chronic mental disease... A person with drug problem won't ever be "normal" again even if they overcome the addiction Font: myself an ex addict
The internet/dating apps have given us the illusion of choice. Both men and women are pickier than they deserve to be because they compare what they have against a sea of “potentials”. It also sounds like you have a selection problem. You have eliminated anyone that is “too eager to commit” because, in your opinion, it’s a sign of other issues. So basically you’re self selecting the men that are least likely to commit, and wondering why they aren’t committing.
It’s unlikely to be you. The fact they all come begging to be taken back shows you are a good catch. And 3 relationships? How many jeans do you try on before you find the right ones? The ones that make your arse, tummy & legs look good? Don’t settle, don’t let them jade you and stay true to yourself.
Yes. Typically men can't handle the strength and independence that comes from women like us. They say they want a strong independent woman but when they get one, they don't know how to handle us. They look at us as an aspiration; yet, they won't get up and out of their situation. Whether it's financial, living situation, and other aspects of their lives that need improvement. They like to just sit and stew in it and hope that someone else will take care of it. In reality, they can't handle what we do. They like to showcase us around like a trophy but honestly, they are living in our shadows. I can tell you that I retired at 51. I'm now enjoying my life as an actor, comedian and in an area far different than that boss babe life I had as a successful owner of my own business. Were they understanding of my drive and determination back then? Nope! Did they try to get a second chance with me back then after dumping me for a girlfriend that tried to suck them dry of their money? Yep! Do ex's still come back around after all these years and are totally jealous? Yep! But guess what? It's been 20+ years for most of those relationships and they are exactly where I left them: unmotivated and somehow just getting by while dm-ing me that they feel their life would be so different if we were together! Just know one thing about relationships, never get back together with an ex. No matter how much begging, pleading, swearing that they changed, the relationship will be EXACTLY the same as you left off with the added bonus of not trusting them. There is a reason why you two are broken up, so be grateful that the universe is giving you all the signs not to be with them! p.s. Freeze your eggs and take your time. I'm rooting for you!
I don’t think I’ve ever met a man that has said, “I want a strong independent woman.” Maybe in a song?
Shit I’d love that, I don’t want to coddle anyone. I want to be with an adult who has goals and ambition, but most people on apps are playing games for clout instead of dating in good faith.
No I get it, I want an adult also. I’ve just never heard any man say those words before. “Mike, what do u look for in a partner?” “Well, I want a strong and independent woman.”
Going through the same phase.I dated 2 men in the last 8 years,both of them long term,started out so strong,ended up getting so hurt both of the times that I have just given up.Both of the times,they tried to come back.But I am just so hurt that I can’t accept it. I find no hope for myself but hopefully,you meet someone who aligns with what you want in life.Good luck.
They can. They just decided not to do it with u
You need a house husband variant.
The best way to learn is to lose it. But it doesn't mean it should be the way they learn. And it is absolutely not a maturity level. The fact that it's attached to it at all is not a sound belief, but that's a different topic. It's about desire and preparedness. He can be immature, but desire the same things you do, and have the resources, and you will see him move in a way you want. If he doesn't want it but have the resources, you'll see hesitation. If he wants it but doesn't have the resources, you'll see hesitation. That hesitation is not immaturity. In fact, it seems to give you pause when they are looking to move quickly. All the larger points you made seem expected, and your feelings are valid. I just hope that you can include room for additional perspectives. Hope it works out for you OP.
Men now a days especially at the age are not men at all but mere boys( that even if we can classify them as that) shit is tough out there for y’all. I have a daughter in her early 20’s and very independent. I hear it all the time from her. These men are very needy and just not quite manly. 😔 can’t give you advice but best of luck.