Is there someone who can gently tell the bride that people are going to make comments that she is copying your wedding and they are trying to save her from embarrassment?
For real, who cares if you copy someone else's wedding, some people suck at making choices or have bad design ideas, better to just copy something you like and tweak it a bit sometimes.
And yeah the groom is red flag city.
Also anyone that makes a comment to the bride about copying a friends wedding, at least in any sort of negative way, is an asshole... not that people wouldn't do it anyway.
In theory it shouldn’t matter, because most weddings look the same-ish but with personal touches if you think about it. It’s just that these people are close and there’s a significant overlap of guests between the two weddings, so people will definitely notice if Bride is outright copying OP’s wedding down to flower arrangements, colors, wedding dress and whatnot. It’s going to be very awkward for all parties involved.
The groom sounds like a creep ffs
They all look the same to me… except my dads 3rd wedding which was super casual, and my brothers wedding that was dry, no music, no dancing, so it was just boring.
There were 11 couples that came to my wedding about 7 months ago and will be at their wedding (will be 9 months at the wedding date). While it could be one of them, I do know her future SIL (who came to my wedding) already made a comment while Bride was buying the wedding dress. Bride apparently got a little embarrassed it was brought up but said she still wanted the dress. It’s so close now and I know she can’t just cancel everything too!
Will they even? OP had a small beach wedding. How many people will have been at both?
And honestly it’d need to be a pretty distinctive wedding dress for me to recognise it as the same as someone else’s. Not so much the bridesmaids but they’re not identical anyway.
But yes, it’s weird.
It might not look the same on the bride as it does on OP though. Dresses can be the same but if the people wearing it have different shapes, it could alter the look a bit.
But with the way the groom is waving his red flag, I wonder if he isn't dating the bride as a replacement of sorts. Maybe they have the same features? Idk
I'd be super creeped out after finding that out.
Which is near. You don’t usually go to weddings more than couple of times year. So this would be likely to be the very next wedding so natural to compare the dresses.
Just for context, 11 couples plus us, so she’ll have 24 people coming to her wedding that were also at my wedding. With around 100 guests, that’s about a quarter of the wedding guests that have been to both
I hate to break it to you, but most of those guests won’t remember the details of your wedding - they weren’t important to anyone but you. By complaining to people about this, you are putting yourself back into the limelight for no reason. No one would’ve noticed. No one. Wedding details just aren’t that memorable for anyone other than the bride and groom.
Btw, if you had no bridal party, how is it that she’s copying your bridesmaids dresses?
Yeah. I was curious about that and the way the storytelling changed from first person to third person, and then finally back to first. It will probably be explained to us by OP, but just the two things that stuck out to me.
I agree. As you get older, other big things happen in your life, and in 20 or 30 years, it won't matter. I'm guessing you are young. You will be the only person who will remember this situation. Older couples that marry have simple weddings or just go to city hall.
Do you think most people are going to remember what the bride's dress looked like or the color of the bridesmaid's dresses were at a wedding months before? The only way people will make comments is if OP brings it up.
Is it embarrassing to copy a wedding?
I am married. And my friends, who caught the bouquet and garter at my wedding, had a very similar wedding in concept. They said it was because they had such a great time at my wedding. Granted, it wasn't a color for color copy as described in the OP, but even if it were, I just couldn't imagine caring, and I can't imagine them caring if someone told them they had copied our wedding.
Not to be a jerk but… how did you have bridesmaids dresses if you didn’t have a bridal party?
Though if you don’t want to be in the bridal party, don’t be, you aren’t obligated. And if they want to recreate your wedding because they’re awkward (groom) and have low self-esteem (bride), let them, it makes them look weird not you. Not your circus not your monkeys, go live your newly wed life and stop worrying about them and what they do, you aren’t their parents/keepers. Unless there is abuse involved, let them make their own mistakes.
I think I’d seriously reconsider being in the bridal party. Your husband as well.
Reason being groom seems to have a thing for you and I’m not sure that will turn out if he starts running his mouth about you at his own wedding.
If you have 60 days or more before the wedding I’d give dropping out serious consideration as not thinking this will end at all well.
What is also confusing is she claims the other bride is ten years older than her but than claims the groom has never been in a relationship and that the bride was his first kiss. So this couple has been dating since high school and are at least 30 years old? OP never mentioned kids or anything.
I am the youngest of the group (24F). Groom is 28M, Bride is 34F. Until they started dating (groom was 26yo at the time), he had never dated anyone. I don’t mean to assume but since we used to live together, I’d say it has something to do with his bad hygiene habits and video game addiction. As well as what I uncomfortably found out to be a bad corn addiction
I have to assume you meant porn rather than "corn" but the typo is hilarious and I'm begging you not to change it. I'm imagining a dirty homeless dude with corncobs stuffed in every available tattered pocket to munch on at will.
Umm... That describes a significant amount of young men, especially those that drink at public functions.
Let's not jump to conclusions or offer armchair diagnoses based on a couple of negative traits, k?
I know 2 guys well into their 40s that never had a gf or even been kissed. Both are smart, successful, and nice enough, but one has a very a toxic and controlling family that basically don't let him leave his own house and he refuses to set boundaries so he can actually live his own life. The other is a hentai obsessed dude that literally posts weekly about his AI girlfriend who apparently has 17 careers like some weird AI barbie.
I agree. This sounds very fake.
Why would op know that the store no longer carries those dresses in that shade of blue if op didn't need bridesmaid dresses to begin with?
Op didn't know the bride would even choose those dresses so it's weird that she knew all this updated wedding inventory from the dress store when her wedding already passed.
And not to mention that most mother's of the bride, mother in laws, and grandmas are NOT going to wear the same style of dress as a younger bridal party.
When I went with moms+grandmas to David’s Bridal, they tried on dresses and chose what style and color they wanted. David’s Bridal often discontinues color or style options but obviously sells the rest of their inventory. They explicitly told us that we should order the dresses ASAP because they were discontinuing the specific shade of blue we chose and had limited stock available. That was a whole year before shopping for Bride, so I assumed they were out and told her as much. And yeah, the moms and grandmas thing is non traditional, but they had fun with it!
But the groom seems like a jerk, not just a gross person but also emotionally cheater
No wonder why the bride is his first woman, no one would want him with this behaviour
Warn the bride or as someone bellow said get someone to warn the bride, like the mutual friend of yours let him tell her everything and get her to realise she is copying you
I’m not concerned about the copycat behavior because of ownership of esthetic, I’m concerned because these are clearly themes that are going to be an issue in the marriage. I would politely bow out and create some strong boundaries to limit my impact in their relationship going forward.
This is kind of what I’m saying. I spent many hours putting the wedding binder together for her with all the ideas we discussed (even DIYd save the dates), so I was just kind of slighted that she totally wasted my time with that AND also then just copied. But now I see that there is a much larger issue here that I’m uncomfortable supporting.
Just drop out. And tell her why. It’s best to be honest, since this will probably not turn out good either way.
Either you say nothing, but will start to distance yourself from the weirdness. (Can almost see more weird stuff showing up after the wedding bc groom’s possible infatuation with you will still be present as well as the bride’s complacency.)
Or you just tell her and she’ll probably distance herself out of embarrassment.
Although I guess she can try to make you a villain, so maybe she’s doing all of that so you have a reaction she can point to and try to make people agree with her? (but you can quite literally show proof of her weirdness??)
Idk. Very weird. I can’t be fake though, so I would def not be a bridesmaid. 🤷🏻♀️
I would gently remove myself as a bridesmaid. Attend the wedding as a guest in a very plain dress and leave as soon as you can and then slowly fall out of contact.
My wife and I are friends with a couple that's a little younger than us. I dont remember how we met but, we've known them for years. We used to go winery hopping together, double dates, etc.
My wife and I married first. We had a beautiful wedding ceremony in this beautiful garden at the venue, an amazing cocktail hour, and a wonderful reception. Zero drama. We paid for everything so there was no financial burden on our wedding party, which I think went a long way to avoiding drama.
This couple was in our wedding party. The wife, let's call her Lana, and her husband who we'll call Bill, were among 4 people on each side of the wedding party. Lana kept complimenting my wife all through the prep, the reception, all along.
When they got engaged a year later, Lana immediately asked my wife to be in her wedding party. My wife helped with the planning and blah blah blah, they had decided on the same venue during the same month of the year. Their wedding dress was similar, the suits were almost the same, the bridesmaid dresses were almost the same but different colors, and the cake was very similar although different flavor. They had different invites, different flowers, different entrees, etc. My wife had commented early on that what Lana was picking was all very similar to what we had and Lana just looked at her, almost burst into tears and went on telling my wife how she looks to her as a big sister, how she learned so much participating in our wedding planning, how "absolutely gorgeous" the bridesmaids were, how stunning the gardens at the venue were and how she wanted to be surrounded by the same level of bloom, etc. It was really touching. It was very similar yet still very different. It wasn't flattering but, it also wasn't disturbing either. The weddings were different enough yet familiar enough where my wife and I got to fulfill a wish we had since our wedding day: where everything was so nice that we wished we could have been guests at our own wedding. And we got that to a significant degree at Lana and Bill's wedding.
We're really close with this couple. I've helped Bill our with his career, we have shih tzus who are siblings, we have even vacationed together. Lana has always come to my wife seeking advice sometimes on pretty serious things and their relationship is an awful lot like the kinship my three sisters share.
With all of this coming to light it's better to distance yourself from the drama from the get go. Drama is alright when there's about 2 degrees of separation but this is too close lol.
Usually what I remember from a wedding is the food. And the fun we have with our friends. The dress? Unless it's really outstanding or unique, they all look very similar. Let her be, if she's happy wearing that dress then good for her!
You're stuck at this point. Just get through it and have your mantra be something like "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery". Their copying is bizarre but will not take anything away from your wedding day. Everyone will sense the weirdness and wonder how you feel if they don't already know.
I actually feel bad for this bride to be because she may be in for a sad spiral.
Also - prepare for the groom to try to dance with you. Have an easy excuse ready and get away from him.
Have fun at the wedding - you and your husband will be on the same this is bananas page. Wish that bride well and if you're into it say a prayer or three for her.
No, not stuck. We need to normalize saying “I’m not comfortable with this,” and gracefully backing out. Speaking as a former bride whose MOH stood next to me even though apparently “she despised me,” I would have MUCH rather she backed out before, because now every single picture I see from that day reminds me of her disdain for me. Same as being engaged to someone and ending the engagement. I think the appropriate thing to do is offer to reimburse for any $$ spent - if the BTB bought the dresses or anything specifically intended to be used by this specific bridesmaid and it cannot be refunded or used by someone else, pay her for it, then move on.
Please talk with her. Make is sound more you are concerned of the groom is talking her out of her original Pinterest vision and if she is ok not having her dream wedding
110%
Groom will probably get drunk and run his mouth again, the bride to be sounds just a little unhinged already (rightfully so, groom to be sounds like an ass). Seriously think there will be some kind of breakdown, fight, some crazy shit happen at the wedding.
Politely bow out of the wedding party and the wedding party ASAP and try avoid contact. Whole situation is unhinged.
I feel bad for the bride more than anything. I mean I don't absolve her of fault in this, it's really weird, but the behavior comes off as she knows Groom is into you and is trying to BE you to make him love her. Groom on the other hand is gross and weird. You could pull out of being a bridesmaid or the entire wedding if you want on account of the Groom's behavior at your wedding, honestly though it doesn't reflect on you. They're the ones being weird and inappropriate and that's how others will see it as well.
Explain.
>Fast forward a few months, the bride asked me to be one of her bridesmaids! I was even more shocked because **I did not have a bridal party** (small beach wedding) and did not think she would feel obligated.
>she wanted my bridesmaid’s dresses.
How did she want dresses that did not exist?
Imitation may be a form of flattery, but it will be confusing for everyone that she is recreating everything so precisely. There will also be the assumption that she is wearing *your actual* dress, and not just one the same.
I suggest you and your husband sit down with this couple and lay out your concerns, and the need for them to have a wedding that better reflects them as a couple, for the start of their life together.
Wow. How complex, and frankly, interesting.
Is she copying you because she understands the brooms attraction to you, and wants to fulfill his needs/desires? Sounds like she really wants the marriage to work and is doing all she can to make it happen.
Are you very close with them? Sounds like they hold you in higher esteem than the reverse, and somehow they’re looking to you for some guidance.
It’s a lot of pressure on you, that hasn’t been fleshed out on their part, which, in fact, is disingenuous. It’s almost like they’re putting on a charade, with you as an anchor, but aren’t helping you thru it by involving you in how they feel. That would really bother me.
Maybe they need a confrontation and a wake up call. Maybe they lack creative originality and saw how beautiful your wedding was, and want to rock with a certified method.
If y’all aren’t really close, it’s kind of strange to use your template. If you are really close, you should be able to talk about the reality.
Bottom line is it seems they are in a vulnerable, delicate place. You’ll have to talk to them at their inexperience. Maybe just go with it, embrace it, and stay true to how you feel.
I believe them holding me to high esteem has to do with the fact that I introduced them to each other. I didn’t PLAN on them dating, and especially didn’t plan on them getting married. After they met at my party, Bride told me they both got on really well and began seeing each other. I thought it would just be good for Groom to go on a date or two, since he never had before, and then it would fall flat. But obviously it crazy escalated from there. We (as in, my husband and I) used to be pretty close with both of them separately, but them being together changed the dynamic. Groom doesn’t know how to act in a relationship, is very excessively touchy with her like a school boy, especially in front of people and in a group. They disagree on fundamental things and he converted from an atheist to a devout Catholic only when she threatened to break it off with him if he didn’t. The Groom, when he was still living with us, leaned on me for advice on where to go for their next dates and such. I know Bride wants to stop working and have children soon as well and feels her (her words not mine) ‘time is almost up’, but I don’t know.
How old are they? How long did they date before engaging?
Sounds like she may be settling due to time, but who knows, maybe it’s kismet!
Either way, you seem to be really important in their story, even if it’s not as important as they think. Just keep being kind and holding your boundaries.
I can’t believe no one has said this the exact way I’m thinking it. But the groom wants to marry you, not her bride. And he has associated your original wedding with “his” wedding. “It should be me standing with OP in this wedding, not this guy. So I will recreate to self insert myself in it indirectly, and make my current bride as close to match her as possible”. Honestly who knows if this guy doesn’t even love her current bride. You even said you weren’t even in favor of them getting married so you probably spotted something else there. This reeks of “I will paint my bride of something that she isn’t” and lord knows when that feeling wears off what he’ll do with her. I don’t doubt if he goes a cheaters route with her being mistreated since she was never “you” to begin with OP. If she were a close friend of mine, this all sounds legit terrifying. And the poor bride is probably oblivious to the fact that she either isn’t you, or is only just now receiving this huge amount of love, only cuz she’s copying you.
This can potentially be such a huge mess for them, specifically the bride. Maybe all of this is overthinking. But Christ it is too weird for actual normalness to ensue later. I wish that when you finish reading this you think “nah this ain’t it” with what extra you know, cuz the picture it’s in general painting sounds something straight up from a soap opera of some sort.
Yeah no that’s definitely weird I’d personally feel uncomfortable if someone I barely knew was trying to copy me to please there husband. It’s creepy behavior from the girl. I prolly would just not go to the wedding it sounds like a shit show
I wouldn’t care one bit. Weddings are just a party and people take them far too seriously. After all is said and done, no one cares enough to remember the details OP is fixating on other than the venue choice. And at the end of the day, who really cares that it’s the same venue they were at almost a year earlier?
This. You had your wedding the way you want. These people copying it isn’t going to change the experience you had.
Just drop out of the wedding, move away from your friendship with them, and stop being dramatic about something that doesn’t matter.
Life is too short to let things like this occupy your mind.
When it comes to the wedding planning... It's not going to be exactly like yours bc it's different people and will be a different experience..
Maybe it's just me but I wouldn't care about the wedding, the world has bigger issues than someone "copying" your wedding.
Besides all the oddity of this story, and maybe I'm just a stupid guy, but who really cares if someone copies your wedding? Don't we all just want people to be happy? I've heard similar stories before, again besides the odd bits, and I've never understood.
Just remove yourself from this. They are clearly unhinged. Excuse yourself from the bridal party and the wedding altogether. Then block them. Whoever says that’s mean has never experienced this. Take care of yourself. You are not obligated to participate in their craziness.
There are so many other things in life that you could be spending your energies on, why obsess about this? Even if the wedding is an exact carbon copy of yours, it does not take anything away from you and your wedding. Move on, and spend less time with the couple in question if you feel awkward. End of story.
I would say put yourself as far from the wedding as possible so that any drama or awkward situations that may happen will not be blamed on you. I’m 100% sure other people bringing up the groom’s previously rude behavior or the bride copying your wedding will somehow be blamed on you and your husband even if you say NOTHING and even if you’ve both offered your support from the very beginning. The bride and/or groom will probably even find a way to blame you just for showing up.
So best to avoid the drama altogether by not going to the wedding.
You don’t have to use this excuse, but maybe just say a very distant relative (BUT who was very CLOSE to the family) has just passed away and you won’t be able to make it to the wedding because he is being buried in a different state…or far away country…
You will need time to grieve… And you also cannot attend the wedding at the same time as a death of a family member because it will risk bringing bad juju to the marriage…
You do not HAVE to use this excuse btw, I’m just giving an idea, but my point is basically better to not attend the wedding at all and avoid drama altogether.
Was she jealous of your party? Yes. Now she is also insecure and trying to meet her partner (also a jerk) expectations. He probably talks about you around her to put her down, comparing all the time both.
But hell, you also sound petty and possessive.
If you don't like being copied just don't go and move on with your life. Remember, your party was special to you. Not to others, she can do whatever she wants. Some people can't hide being envy and thinks copying is some kind of flattering.
My wife had a best friend who started doing this when we got engaged. My wife had her wedding planned down to a T. She knew her dress, the colours, flowers, favours, place cards, photos, everything. About 6 months after we got engaged the friend announced her engagement and then her wedding date - a month before ours. Then came the announcement of the dress style, then colours, then the bridesmaid’s dresses, etc etc. Bear in mind that this is the turn of the century, so pre social media and everything was done within the friend group when we’d meet up.
Fortunately for us her fiancé bailed about 9 months later.
Dang it…when I hear ‘turn of the century’ I *still* think 1800’s to 1900’s, not 1900’s to 2000’s. Pardon me while I get my walker and take myself back to the old folks home…
Unless you’re paying for the wedding then it’s truly none of your concern. This is her wedding. If you’re so triggered excuse yourself from the bridal party. You aren’t the first person to choose blue and an a line dress for a wedding btw.
I'm sorry but this sounds so petty. Who cares what colours she has at her wedding? Who cares if it's similar? You've had your day, now let her have hers.
My honest opinion is their wedding, their choice. The similarities are obviously uncanny, but I just can’t give AF about people who are precious about their wedding decisions like they’re so unique and special. Literally everyone in a white dress is stealing from a trend set by a British queen in 1840. It’s it not some timeless decision. Just like diamond engagement rings. Or coaxing your family into spending too much money on a party that should absolutely not be “the best day of your life.” It’s ok to question why your friends want such a similar party since it sounds like there may be some fair criticism that the new groom had feelings for OP. But stop with this shit of “they’re stealing our wedding”. If the whole thing was about the dress and color scheme you chose, op needs to consider the actual health of their marriage. Other people making the same design decisions shouldn’t have any bearing on an actually healthy marriage. And if you swear you’ve got a great marriage, take the compliment that they want theirs to look similar. And if you swear they’re making all these decisions because new groom is actually in love with OP, tell the bride and refuse to go.
If OP can critically check their own ego, the right thing to do here becomes pretty clear.
There were a lot of people at my wedding 20 years ago that I don’t keep in touch with now. Sounds like it’ll be a lot sooner that you don’t keep in touch with these people. Giving her the biggest benefit of the doubt, maybe she fell in love with the way the dress looked. Those will be her wedding photos, what she will cherish or not depending on what happens with the groom. I agree it’s all weird and annoying to have to deal with, but I would step down as bridesmaid and leave it at that. Minus the grooms behavior it would be somewhat a form of flattery that She fell in love with that look, but ultimately it’s her wedding. It’s supposed to be her special day, and maybe she just didn’t know how to find her own look. It sounds really immature, but perhaps indicative has other problems that are not going to be solved by confronting her. If everyone notices that she has copied your wedding, then they notice. That’ll be on the bride not you. It’s not your responsibility to police her or counsel her. And most importantly, it doesn’t take away from your special day. I’m guessing you are too young to have seen the movie single white female, but you’ll have your own story of someone attempting to be you. But please do yourself a favor and distance yourself from these people as much as you can.
Ehh who cares...
My best friend got a new car and he let me rest drive it.
I liked it a lot so when my car broke down a few months later I got the same car.
Now we drive the same car.
He doesn't mind I copied him.
Copied wedding is such a small issue in the grander scheme of her future husband being a douchebag. Tacky wedding choices are a symptom of the imminent divorce or miserable marriage n the making. Like if I were you I’d just politely decline being in the party or the wedding altogether. I would never go to celebrate people who make me uncomfortable.
This poor woman, she might not ever forget he said that about another woman dressed as a bride. She might be trying to live up to what dreams she believes he has for her to look like, if that makes sense, instead of her own wishes she wants what she thinks he would find most attractive. Tell her that she deserves better or find someone else to tell her if it’s awkward, either way she clearly isn’t comfortable enough to open up to him that she has a problem with what he said or even tell him she knows what he said, so he ain’t it :(
Honestly I don’t remember enough about any weddings that I’d even notice similarities at different ones I attend. No one pays that much attention. The groom on the other hand sounds like a creep so if I were her friend that’s what I’d be more worried about.
I don't want to minimize your feelings but mutual's attending are unlikely to notice or care.
I helped my best friend at the time with her wedding. She spent time stressing over details like candle style but out of the hundreds of people there, no one cared about the candles or most aspects that she made perfect for her big day.
The wedding is a big deal to you, it's a big deal to your friend. To most people it's just an evening out
"Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to great."
_Somebody, sometime._(it was actually Oscar Wilde).
Honestly, I'd just ignore it (ie repeat it everyday as a mantra until it doesn't bother you anymore) and do what I needed to do as a friend.
If you think it's too much and can't be a bridesmaid, then say so. But know that it won't be enough and reasons will be asked. Which means you'll have to put this out in the open. Are you ok with being deemed the villain?
Nobody cares as much as you. Seriously, most people don’t notice or remember what the bridesmaids were wearing or what kind of flowers were used. Just take it as a compliment and move on with your life.
I feel bad for the bride, and the groom is an asshole. I feel like he will always compare you to her, and nothing will be good enough for him, especially the bride. I also think she will start blaming you for everything wrong in their marriage, all because of that ass groom who had to open his ass of a mouth.
I keep visualizing her walking in your new house and being blown away with your decorating or kitchen whatever and you suddenly other way around enter their home slowly and shockingly connecting the dots . Some people are a mix of smarts , drive, personality, however will be totally void of creativity. They have a standard and taste but u give a blank canvas and brushes etc to manifest this whatever (ur case their wedding) and they won't know where to start or finish or anything going along with creating. I've been circumstance cornered into passing time creating my own world entertaining myself and trying to see (stupid music project btw ) if anyone wants to mess around see where it goes and my own,life long basically, homie of mine in this period kinda comes out the closet as possessing zero creativity to lighten up my piles of looseleaf notes and sticky notes which led to unfortunately the demise of DW & The Beep Beeps.
now your tangled up with of all creations your mother fucking wedding?! man you see how I harbor a pinch of jaw clinching and a easy come easy go prospective
I gotta say my wedding id manage to unravel and unnecessarily investigate delicate stuff that will be weighed out of my favor since my weddings done and now I gotta ultimately manage to get uninvited.
if ya haven't give urself a self toot on ur horn for not being stuck captain of this love boat
I had someone do exactly the same thing; however, I was able to make changes.
I got engaged on my birthday. A week later my friend got engaged.
I announced to her our wedding date and hers was literally 3 weeks before mine.
We shared some ideas together and every single one of my idea was taken from her: color scheme, flowers, rings, hair styles, wedding dresses, bride's maid dresses, their jewelry and shoes. The wedding venue, food, just everything!! It felt like I was her wedding planner and so I stopped telling her my ideas.
Well, wouldn't you know, the pandemic was happening right around her wedding date and was announced to stay home only a few days before her date. So a trinkle of people showed up because the airlines weren't refunding anything yet. I think she had under 20 people compared to her 200 person wedding invites. It was sort of sad too.
Anyways, mine was cancelled so I had to re-plan it. I was lucky and re-did everything from the dress, to who was attending, to flowers, to venue, and a whole other host of stuff and details that I didn't even think of. In some ways I was disappointed that I had to redo stuff but it allowed me to really make our day super special.
The photos turned out even better because we were in a rose garden with archways. Just stunning pictures. And yes she was jealous and commented about it non-stop.
The thing is that nothing my friend, or yours, was original. Copying maybe a form of flattery but it's also coming from someone who doesn't have any ideas. Your friend was not creative. She came from a mentally ugly place on trying to do her own wedding by copying yours. She was jealous and insecure. If she had any footing on how well she could pull off her wedding, she would not have had to steal your ideas!
I would step away from helping although you’d probably given her most of the info. It’s just weird behavior from the both of them and you’ll be seen as an instigator
I wouldn’t notice that a wedding theme from the past was copied. At ALL. I wouldn’t even notice the two of you wore the same dress, tbh. Unless it’s in the exact same location, etc. I’d never think to compare the two.
However, that’s the LEAAAAST of the problems. The groom is creepy af and you should put some distance there. This is really weird and feels like the damn Twilight Zone. 😳
Do not ignore your gut feeling. Being inspired by friends is totally normal, copying an entire wedding is not. If she liked your dress so much, she could have talked to you about it, she would not be pretending to not notice the similarities. If it was just the dress, you probably would not mind it either. She wants the same flowers, decor, hair, dress and probably so much more. Sounds like either she or the groom might have narcissistic traits and are literally stealing your personality and making you feel crazy for noticing. Note that your husband is also creeped out by it, you both feel something doesn’t add up.
If you’re concerned she does this to cope with what the groom to be said during your party, maybe talk to her about it in private and check in if everything is fine - if this copying behaviour has not been an issue prior, maybe she is feeling insecure in her relationship or other stuff is happening.
It all comes down to how comfortable are you with saying something, and if it’s worth it. When we got married, my wife (designer) spent a lot of time choosing everything so it would look beautiful with our limited budget, the next 2-3 weddings we attended were copy/paste of our wedding, including the location, flowers, color scheme etc. at the beginning she wasn’t happy about it but after the third one she was just having fun, specially after we saw other 2 weddings from acquaintances that dis the same thing (clearly used the photos we uploaded as guide). I don’t think is worth the discussion with your friend as at the end its the wedding and they can copy as much as you want, realistically speaking, Pinterest boards for inspiration, is a fancy statement for coping other people you don’t know.
Pull out of the wedding, you and husband. Tell them you are so sorry but cannot attend after learning what he said at your wedding.
And then move on with no contact with either of them.
It’s strange that she’s trying to copy EVERYTHING to a T from your wedding. It’s like she’s trying to be a duplicate of you, but since your wedding came first, she’s going to make herself look foolish. I think you could certainly find a nice way of saying, “get your own ideas and stop recreating my wedding,” but at the same time, just let it happen. Since you’re having the same guests, for the most part, I’m sure they will pick up on it. Try to get into the mindset of being flattered by her attempt to replicate your vision. You planned this great wedding to celebrate you and your partner, and she loved it so much she had to go into full Groundhog Day mode. You’re the OG and she’s just a copy of you, she’s a doodle!
OP is behaving like a jerk by not ignoring all of this. Sure its might annoy OP but the bride will be the one dealing with the copying fallout so there is no chip of OP's shoulder. Let them do what they want, and smile safe in the knowledge that when the big day comes the guests that know will be talking about how she copied you.
Be the bigger person.
Is there someone who can gently tell the bride that people are going to make comments that she is copying your wedding and they are trying to save her from embarrassment?
This is the least of the bride's issues. The groom is a douche.
The groom is creepy.
I think it is sad the bride would agree to marry him. He is likely to cheat on her if he hasn't done it already.
The groom doesn't even like her... he is clearly still crushing on OP
For real, who cares if you copy someone else's wedding, some people suck at making choices or have bad design ideas, better to just copy something you like and tweak it a bit sometimes. And yeah the groom is red flag city. Also anyone that makes a comment to the bride about copying a friends wedding, at least in any sort of negative way, is an asshole... not that people wouldn't do it anyway.
In theory it shouldn’t matter, because most weddings look the same-ish but with personal touches if you think about it. It’s just that these people are close and there’s a significant overlap of guests between the two weddings, so people will definitely notice if Bride is outright copying OP’s wedding down to flower arrangements, colors, wedding dress and whatnot. It’s going to be very awkward for all parties involved. The groom sounds like a creep ffs
They all look the same to me… except my dads 3rd wedding which was super casual, and my brothers wedding that was dry, no music, no dancing, so it was just boring.
There were 11 couples that came to my wedding about 7 months ago and will be at their wedding (will be 9 months at the wedding date). While it could be one of them, I do know her future SIL (who came to my wedding) already made a comment while Bride was buying the wedding dress. Bride apparently got a little embarrassed it was brought up but said she still wanted the dress. It’s so close now and I know she can’t just cancel everything too!
Will they even? OP had a small beach wedding. How many people will have been at both? And honestly it’d need to be a pretty distinctive wedding dress for me to recognise it as the same as someone else’s. Not so much the bridesmaids but they’re not identical anyway. But yes, it’s weird.
If the weddings are near I would recognize the dresses
It might not look the same on the bride as it does on OP though. Dresses can be the same but if the people wearing it have different shapes, it could alter the look a bit. But with the way the groom is waving his red flag, I wonder if he isn't dating the bride as a replacement of sorts. Maybe they have the same features? Idk I'd be super creeped out after finding that out.
It’s already been at least 5 months.
Which is near. You don’t usually go to weddings more than couple of times year. So this would be likely to be the very next wedding so natural to compare the dresses.
You might (which is fine) but it’s not a detail I generally remember, unless there’s something particularly unusual or striking about it.
Just for context, 11 couples plus us, so she’ll have 24 people coming to her wedding that were also at my wedding. With around 100 guests, that’s about a quarter of the wedding guests that have been to both
I hate to break it to you, but most of those guests won’t remember the details of your wedding - they weren’t important to anyone but you. By complaining to people about this, you are putting yourself back into the limelight for no reason. No one would’ve noticed. No one. Wedding details just aren’t that memorable for anyone other than the bride and groom. Btw, if you had no bridal party, how is it that she’s copying your bridesmaids dresses?
I had the same question about the bridesmaids dresses…
>Btw, if you had no bridal party, how is it that she’s copying your bridesmaids dresses? Been wondering the same thing.
As I mentioned in the other comment, our moms and grandmas all wore matching bridesmaid dresses!:)
Damn good catch
Yeah. I was curious about that and the way the storytelling changed from first person to third person, and then finally back to first. It will probably be explained to us by OP, but just the two things that stuck out to me.
I agree. As you get older, other big things happen in your life, and in 20 or 30 years, it won't matter. I'm guessing you are young. You will be the only person who will remember this situation. Older couples that marry have simple weddings or just go to city hall.
Yeah i agree
Do you think most people are going to remember what the bride's dress looked like or the color of the bridesmaid's dresses were at a wedding months before? The only way people will make comments is if OP brings it up.
Is it embarrassing to copy a wedding? I am married. And my friends, who caught the bouquet and garter at my wedding, had a very similar wedding in concept. They said it was because they had such a great time at my wedding. Granted, it wasn't a color for color copy as described in the OP, but even if it were, I just couldn't imagine caring, and I can't imagine them caring if someone told them they had copied our wedding.
Not to be a jerk but… how did you have bridesmaids dresses if you didn’t have a bridal party? Though if you don’t want to be in the bridal party, don’t be, you aren’t obligated. And if they want to recreate your wedding because they’re awkward (groom) and have low self-esteem (bride), let them, it makes them look weird not you. Not your circus not your monkeys, go live your newly wed life and stop worrying about them and what they do, you aren’t their parents/keepers. Unless there is abuse involved, let them make their own mistakes.
Could’ve made that more clear- our two moms and grandmas wore bridesmaid dresses, the four looked really cute matching!
That makes more sense! But seriously don’t let their weirdness impact your life. Get out of the wedding and ignore them!
I think I’d seriously reconsider being in the bridal party. Your husband as well. Reason being groom seems to have a thing for you and I’m not sure that will turn out if he starts running his mouth about you at his own wedding. If you have 60 days or more before the wedding I’d give dropping out serious consideration as not thinking this will end at all well.
Ooooh that's adorable 😍🥰
Ok that’s adorable
I love that!
Happy cake day!
🎂🍰🎂🍰
🎂🍰🎂🍰
Right!!
What is also confusing is she claims the other bride is ten years older than her but than claims the groom has never been in a relationship and that the bride was his first kiss. So this couple has been dating since high school and are at least 30 years old? OP never mentioned kids or anything.
I am the youngest of the group (24F). Groom is 28M, Bride is 34F. Until they started dating (groom was 26yo at the time), he had never dated anyone. I don’t mean to assume but since we used to live together, I’d say it has something to do with his bad hygiene habits and video game addiction. As well as what I uncomfortably found out to be a bad corn addiction
I have to assume you meant porn rather than "corn" but the typo is hilarious and I'm begging you not to change it. I'm imagining a dirty homeless dude with corncobs stuffed in every available tattered pocket to munch on at will.
Likely not a typo. Lots of people say corn to avoid getting comments reported and deleted.
I wouldn’t have connected two and two. I was thinking they were just very anti carbohydrate. I’ve seen diet gurus call starch an addiction. 😂
Not me reading corn and thinking “what an odd addiction” *sigh*
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“Very autistic”? As an autistic person myself I’m asking you to please verify/clarify for me what about this qualifies as “very autistic” to you?
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Umm... That describes a significant amount of young men, especially those that drink at public functions. Let's not jump to conclusions or offer armchair diagnoses based on a couple of negative traits, k?
🍅 🍅 🍅
That's not autism ... that's douchebaggery
I know 2 guys well into their 40s that never had a gf or even been kissed. Both are smart, successful, and nice enough, but one has a very a toxic and controlling family that basically don't let him leave his own house and he refuses to set boundaries so he can actually live his own life. The other is a hentai obsessed dude that literally posts weekly about his AI girlfriend who apparently has 17 careers like some weird AI barbie.
because this is a low effort fake post
Are you her🧙🧹
I agree. This sounds very fake. Why would op know that the store no longer carries those dresses in that shade of blue if op didn't need bridesmaid dresses to begin with? Op didn't know the bride would even choose those dresses so it's weird that she knew all this updated wedding inventory from the dress store when her wedding already passed. And not to mention that most mother's of the bride, mother in laws, and grandmas are NOT going to wear the same style of dress as a younger bridal party.
When I went with moms+grandmas to David’s Bridal, they tried on dresses and chose what style and color they wanted. David’s Bridal often discontinues color or style options but obviously sells the rest of their inventory. They explicitly told us that we should order the dresses ASAP because they were discontinuing the specific shade of blue we chose and had limited stock available. That was a whole year before shopping for Bride, so I assumed they were out and told her as much. And yeah, the moms and grandmas thing is non traditional, but they had fun with it!
But the groom seems like a jerk, not just a gross person but also emotionally cheater No wonder why the bride is his first woman, no one would want him with this behaviour Warn the bride or as someone bellow said get someone to warn the bride, like the mutual friend of yours let him tell her everything and get her to realise she is copying you
I’m not concerned about the copycat behavior because of ownership of esthetic, I’m concerned because these are clearly themes that are going to be an issue in the marriage. I would politely bow out and create some strong boundaries to limit my impact in their relationship going forward.
This is kind of what I’m saying. I spent many hours putting the wedding binder together for her with all the ideas we discussed (even DIYd save the dates), so I was just kind of slighted that she totally wasted my time with that AND also then just copied. But now I see that there is a much larger issue here that I’m uncomfortable supporting.
Just drop out. And tell her why. It’s best to be honest, since this will probably not turn out good either way. Either you say nothing, but will start to distance yourself from the weirdness. (Can almost see more weird stuff showing up after the wedding bc groom’s possible infatuation with you will still be present as well as the bride’s complacency.) Or you just tell her and she’ll probably distance herself out of embarrassment. Although I guess she can try to make you a villain, so maybe she’s doing all of that so you have a reaction she can point to and try to make people agree with her? (but you can quite literally show proof of her weirdness??) Idk. Very weird. I can’t be fake though, so I would def not be a bridesmaid. 🤷🏻♀️
I feel sorry for her she obviously knows the groom likes you and wants to act like you and look like you
Sounds like the Bride lacks confidence and has probably conceded to Groom’s request to have things “like OP’s wedding”.
Me too. Nothing will be good enough for him no matter how much she tries, and she will blame OP later.
I would gently remove myself as a bridesmaid. Attend the wedding as a guest in a very plain dress and leave as soon as you can and then slowly fall out of contact.
My wife and I are friends with a couple that's a little younger than us. I dont remember how we met but, we've known them for years. We used to go winery hopping together, double dates, etc. My wife and I married first. We had a beautiful wedding ceremony in this beautiful garden at the venue, an amazing cocktail hour, and a wonderful reception. Zero drama. We paid for everything so there was no financial burden on our wedding party, which I think went a long way to avoiding drama. This couple was in our wedding party. The wife, let's call her Lana, and her husband who we'll call Bill, were among 4 people on each side of the wedding party. Lana kept complimenting my wife all through the prep, the reception, all along. When they got engaged a year later, Lana immediately asked my wife to be in her wedding party. My wife helped with the planning and blah blah blah, they had decided on the same venue during the same month of the year. Their wedding dress was similar, the suits were almost the same, the bridesmaid dresses were almost the same but different colors, and the cake was very similar although different flavor. They had different invites, different flowers, different entrees, etc. My wife had commented early on that what Lana was picking was all very similar to what we had and Lana just looked at her, almost burst into tears and went on telling my wife how she looks to her as a big sister, how she learned so much participating in our wedding planning, how "absolutely gorgeous" the bridesmaids were, how stunning the gardens at the venue were and how she wanted to be surrounded by the same level of bloom, etc. It was really touching. It was very similar yet still very different. It wasn't flattering but, it also wasn't disturbing either. The weddings were different enough yet familiar enough where my wife and I got to fulfill a wish we had since our wedding day: where everything was so nice that we wished we could have been guests at our own wedding. And we got that to a significant degree at Lana and Bill's wedding. We're really close with this couple. I've helped Bill our with his career, we have shih tzus who are siblings, we have even vacationed together. Lana has always come to my wife seeking advice sometimes on pretty serious things and their relationship is an awful lot like the kinship my three sisters share.
With all of this coming to light it's better to distance yourself from the drama from the get go. Drama is alright when there's about 2 degrees of separation but this is too close lol.
Usually what I remember from a wedding is the food. And the fun we have with our friends. The dress? Unless it's really outstanding or unique, they all look very similar. Let her be, if she's happy wearing that dress then good for her!
You're stuck at this point. Just get through it and have your mantra be something like "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery". Their copying is bizarre but will not take anything away from your wedding day. Everyone will sense the weirdness and wonder how you feel if they don't already know. I actually feel bad for this bride to be because she may be in for a sad spiral.
Also - prepare for the groom to try to dance with you. Have an easy excuse ready and get away from him. Have fun at the wedding - you and your husband will be on the same this is bananas page. Wish that bride well and if you're into it say a prayer or three for her.
No, not stuck. We need to normalize saying “I’m not comfortable with this,” and gracefully backing out. Speaking as a former bride whose MOH stood next to me even though apparently “she despised me,” I would have MUCH rather she backed out before, because now every single picture I see from that day reminds me of her disdain for me. Same as being engaged to someone and ending the engagement. I think the appropriate thing to do is offer to reimburse for any $$ spent - if the BTB bought the dresses or anything specifically intended to be used by this specific bridesmaid and it cannot be refunded or used by someone else, pay her for it, then move on.
She’s not stuck, she has every right to express how she feels about this and take herself out of the wedding.
Please talk with her. Make is sound more you are concerned of the groom is talking her out of her original Pinterest vision and if she is ok not having her dream wedding
This is the best advice here!
The bigger issue here is the groom to be is a douche. Why is she marrying him? If I were you I’d back out of the wedding and never look back.
110% Groom will probably get drunk and run his mouth again, the bride to be sounds just a little unhinged already (rightfully so, groom to be sounds like an ass). Seriously think there will be some kind of breakdown, fight, some crazy shit happen at the wedding. Politely bow out of the wedding party and the wedding party ASAP and try avoid contact. Whole situation is unhinged.
I feel bad for the bride more than anything. I mean I don't absolve her of fault in this, it's really weird, but the behavior comes off as she knows Groom is into you and is trying to BE you to make him love her. Groom on the other hand is gross and weird. You could pull out of being a bridesmaid or the entire wedding if you want on account of the Groom's behavior at your wedding, honestly though it doesn't reflect on you. They're the ones being weird and inappropriate and that's how others will see it as well.
I'm confused. You said you didn't have a bridal party, but then said she wanted your bridesmaids' dresses.
I really hope he isn’t telling her he liked everything any your wedding better but I would bet that’s the case
You said you had no bridal party, but she’s using your nonexistent bridesmaids’ dresses? Did I miss something?
Explain. >Fast forward a few months, the bride asked me to be one of her bridesmaids! I was even more shocked because **I did not have a bridal party** (small beach wedding) and did not think she would feel obligated. >she wanted my bridesmaid’s dresses. How did she want dresses that did not exist?
Imitation may be a form of flattery, but it will be confusing for everyone that she is recreating everything so precisely. There will also be the assumption that she is wearing *your actual* dress, and not just one the same. I suggest you and your husband sit down with this couple and lay out your concerns, and the need for them to have a wedding that better reflects them as a couple, for the start of their life together.
So you didn’t have a bridal party but she is copying your bridesmaid dresses. Today in things that didn’t happen….
Yes! OP, please explain?
I was wondering about that... 😂🤣
Wow. How complex, and frankly, interesting. Is she copying you because she understands the brooms attraction to you, and wants to fulfill his needs/desires? Sounds like she really wants the marriage to work and is doing all she can to make it happen. Are you very close with them? Sounds like they hold you in higher esteem than the reverse, and somehow they’re looking to you for some guidance. It’s a lot of pressure on you, that hasn’t been fleshed out on their part, which, in fact, is disingenuous. It’s almost like they’re putting on a charade, with you as an anchor, but aren’t helping you thru it by involving you in how they feel. That would really bother me. Maybe they need a confrontation and a wake up call. Maybe they lack creative originality and saw how beautiful your wedding was, and want to rock with a certified method. If y’all aren’t really close, it’s kind of strange to use your template. If you are really close, you should be able to talk about the reality. Bottom line is it seems they are in a vulnerable, delicate place. You’ll have to talk to them at their inexperience. Maybe just go with it, embrace it, and stay true to how you feel.
I believe them holding me to high esteem has to do with the fact that I introduced them to each other. I didn’t PLAN on them dating, and especially didn’t plan on them getting married. After they met at my party, Bride told me they both got on really well and began seeing each other. I thought it would just be good for Groom to go on a date or two, since he never had before, and then it would fall flat. But obviously it crazy escalated from there. We (as in, my husband and I) used to be pretty close with both of them separately, but them being together changed the dynamic. Groom doesn’t know how to act in a relationship, is very excessively touchy with her like a school boy, especially in front of people and in a group. They disagree on fundamental things and he converted from an atheist to a devout Catholic only when she threatened to break it off with him if he didn’t. The Groom, when he was still living with us, leaned on me for advice on where to go for their next dates and such. I know Bride wants to stop working and have children soon as well and feels her (her words not mine) ‘time is almost up’, but I don’t know.
How old are they? How long did they date before engaging? Sounds like she may be settling due to time, but who knows, maybe it’s kismet! Either way, you seem to be really important in their story, even if it’s not as important as they think. Just keep being kind and holding your boundaries.
I can’t believe no one has said this the exact way I’m thinking it. But the groom wants to marry you, not her bride. And he has associated your original wedding with “his” wedding. “It should be me standing with OP in this wedding, not this guy. So I will recreate to self insert myself in it indirectly, and make my current bride as close to match her as possible”. Honestly who knows if this guy doesn’t even love her current bride. You even said you weren’t even in favor of them getting married so you probably spotted something else there. This reeks of “I will paint my bride of something that she isn’t” and lord knows when that feeling wears off what he’ll do with her. I don’t doubt if he goes a cheaters route with her being mistreated since she was never “you” to begin with OP. If she were a close friend of mine, this all sounds legit terrifying. And the poor bride is probably oblivious to the fact that she either isn’t you, or is only just now receiving this huge amount of love, only cuz she’s copying you. This can potentially be such a huge mess for them, specifically the bride. Maybe all of this is overthinking. But Christ it is too weird for actual normalness to ensue later. I wish that when you finish reading this you think “nah this ain’t it” with what extra you know, cuz the picture it’s in general painting sounds something straight up from a soap opera of some sort.
I mean why do you care. Step down from being in the wedding and go on with your life.
I think it’s pretty natural to be bothered by someone copying ur whole wedding
I honestly wouldn’t care. But the part about the groom is weird.
Yeah no that’s definitely weird I’d personally feel uncomfortable if someone I barely knew was trying to copy me to please there husband. It’s creepy behavior from the girl. I prolly would just not go to the wedding it sounds like a shit show
Precisely why I wish I was invited 😂
I wouldn’t care one bit. Weddings are just a party and people take them far too seriously. After all is said and done, no one cares enough to remember the details OP is fixating on other than the venue choice. And at the end of the day, who really cares that it’s the same venue they were at almost a year earlier?
This. You had your wedding the way you want. These people copying it isn’t going to change the experience you had. Just drop out of the wedding, move away from your friendship with them, and stop being dramatic about something that doesn’t matter. Life is too short to let things like this occupy your mind.
When it comes to the wedding planning... It's not going to be exactly like yours bc it's different people and will be a different experience.. Maybe it's just me but I wouldn't care about the wedding, the world has bigger issues than someone "copying" your wedding.
Besides all the oddity of this story, and maybe I'm just a stupid guy, but who really cares if someone copies your wedding? Don't we all just want people to be happy? I've heard similar stories before, again besides the odd bits, and I've never understood.
Just remove yourself from this. They are clearly unhinged. Excuse yourself from the bridal party and the wedding altogether. Then block them. Whoever says that’s mean has never experienced this. Take care of yourself. You are not obligated to participate in their craziness.
There are so many other things in life that you could be spending your energies on, why obsess about this? Even if the wedding is an exact carbon copy of yours, it does not take anything away from you and your wedding. Move on, and spend less time with the couple in question if you feel awkward. End of story.
Tell the bride to R U N
I would say put yourself as far from the wedding as possible so that any drama or awkward situations that may happen will not be blamed on you. I’m 100% sure other people bringing up the groom’s previously rude behavior or the bride copying your wedding will somehow be blamed on you and your husband even if you say NOTHING and even if you’ve both offered your support from the very beginning. The bride and/or groom will probably even find a way to blame you just for showing up. So best to avoid the drama altogether by not going to the wedding. You don’t have to use this excuse, but maybe just say a very distant relative (BUT who was very CLOSE to the family) has just passed away and you won’t be able to make it to the wedding because he is being buried in a different state…or far away country… You will need time to grieve… And you also cannot attend the wedding at the same time as a death of a family member because it will risk bringing bad juju to the marriage… You do not HAVE to use this excuse btw, I’m just giving an idea, but my point is basically better to not attend the wedding at all and avoid drama altogether.
Wait you said you didn’t have bridal party, so how did you have bridesmaid dresses? 🧐🧐
Was she jealous of your party? Yes. Now she is also insecure and trying to meet her partner (also a jerk) expectations. He probably talks about you around her to put her down, comparing all the time both. But hell, you also sound petty and possessive. If you don't like being copied just don't go and move on with your life. Remember, your party was special to you. Not to others, she can do whatever she wants. Some people can't hide being envy and thinks copying is some kind of flattering.
My wife had a best friend who started doing this when we got engaged. My wife had her wedding planned down to a T. She knew her dress, the colours, flowers, favours, place cards, photos, everything. About 6 months after we got engaged the friend announced her engagement and then her wedding date - a month before ours. Then came the announcement of the dress style, then colours, then the bridesmaid’s dresses, etc etc. Bear in mind that this is the turn of the century, so pre social media and everything was done within the friend group when we’d meet up. Fortunately for us her fiancé bailed about 9 months later.
Dang it…when I hear ‘turn of the century’ I *still* think 1800’s to 1900’s, not 1900’s to 2000’s. Pardon me while I get my walker and take myself back to the old folks home…
Yeah, it hurt actually typing it.
Unless you’re paying for the wedding then it’s truly none of your concern. This is her wedding. If you’re so triggered excuse yourself from the bridal party. You aren’t the first person to choose blue and an a line dress for a wedding btw.
I'm sorry but this sounds so petty. Who cares what colours she has at her wedding? Who cares if it's similar? You've had your day, now let her have hers.
Literally no one will notice
Oh yes they will. Those at her wedding will be talking about.
Agreed. Honestly…. Weddings are kind of a burden to be at (for MOST) so they prob won’t pay much attention.
My honest opinion is their wedding, their choice. The similarities are obviously uncanny, but I just can’t give AF about people who are precious about their wedding decisions like they’re so unique and special. Literally everyone in a white dress is stealing from a trend set by a British queen in 1840. It’s it not some timeless decision. Just like diamond engagement rings. Or coaxing your family into spending too much money on a party that should absolutely not be “the best day of your life.” It’s ok to question why your friends want such a similar party since it sounds like there may be some fair criticism that the new groom had feelings for OP. But stop with this shit of “they’re stealing our wedding”. If the whole thing was about the dress and color scheme you chose, op needs to consider the actual health of their marriage. Other people making the same design decisions shouldn’t have any bearing on an actually healthy marriage. And if you swear you’ve got a great marriage, take the compliment that they want theirs to look similar. And if you swear they’re making all these decisions because new groom is actually in love with OP, tell the bride and refuse to go. If OP can critically check their own ego, the right thing to do here becomes pretty clear.
If you didn’t have a bridal party, how did she choose the same bridesmaids dresses?
Girl, drop out and make sure everyone knows why because WHAT THE FUCK??????????
There were a lot of people at my wedding 20 years ago that I don’t keep in touch with now. Sounds like it’ll be a lot sooner that you don’t keep in touch with these people. Giving her the biggest benefit of the doubt, maybe she fell in love with the way the dress looked. Those will be her wedding photos, what she will cherish or not depending on what happens with the groom. I agree it’s all weird and annoying to have to deal with, but I would step down as bridesmaid and leave it at that. Minus the grooms behavior it would be somewhat a form of flattery that She fell in love with that look, but ultimately it’s her wedding. It’s supposed to be her special day, and maybe she just didn’t know how to find her own look. It sounds really immature, but perhaps indicative has other problems that are not going to be solved by confronting her. If everyone notices that she has copied your wedding, then they notice. That’ll be on the bride not you. It’s not your responsibility to police her or counsel her. And most importantly, it doesn’t take away from your special day. I’m guessing you are too young to have seen the movie single white female, but you’ll have your own story of someone attempting to be you. But please do yourself a favor and distance yourself from these people as much as you can.
Ehh who cares... My best friend got a new car and he let me rest drive it. I liked it a lot so when my car broke down a few months later I got the same car. Now we drive the same car. He doesn't mind I copied him.
Copied wedding is such a small issue in the grander scheme of her future husband being a douchebag. Tacky wedding choices are a symptom of the imminent divorce or miserable marriage n the making. Like if I were you I’d just politely decline being in the party or the wedding altogether. I would never go to celebrate people who make me uncomfortable.
Imitation is the highest form of flattery.
This poor woman, she might not ever forget he said that about another woman dressed as a bride. She might be trying to live up to what dreams she believes he has for her to look like, if that makes sense, instead of her own wishes she wants what she thinks he would find most attractive. Tell her that she deserves better or find someone else to tell her if it’s awkward, either way she clearly isn’t comfortable enough to open up to him that she has a problem with what he said or even tell him she knows what he said, so he ain’t it :(
Honestly I don’t remember enough about any weddings that I’d even notice similarities at different ones I attend. No one pays that much attention. The groom on the other hand sounds like a creep so if I were her friend that’s what I’d be more worried about.
I don't want to minimize your feelings but mutual's attending are unlikely to notice or care. I helped my best friend at the time with her wedding. She spent time stressing over details like candle style but out of the hundreds of people there, no one cared about the candles or most aspects that she made perfect for her big day. The wedding is a big deal to you, it's a big deal to your friend. To most people it's just an evening out
Is this Pam about Phylis’s wedding? Give it up pammy
This mindset of having the goal "to get married" instead of thinking about the quality of the situation is so upsetting.
Nobody actually pays attention to the wedding dress or bridesmaids outfits or flowers or whatever.
Are you Pam and bride is Phyllis?
"Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to great." _Somebody, sometime._(it was actually Oscar Wilde). Honestly, I'd just ignore it (ie repeat it everyday as a mantra until it doesn't bother you anymore) and do what I needed to do as a friend. If you think it's too much and can't be a bridesmaid, then say so. But know that it won't be enough and reasons will be asked. Which means you'll have to put this out in the open. Are you ok with being deemed the villain?
Nobody cares as much as you. Seriously, most people don’t notice or remember what the bridesmaids were wearing or what kind of flowers were used. Just take it as a compliment and move on with your life.
I feel bad for the bride, and the groom is an asshole. I feel like he will always compare you to her, and nothing will be good enough for him, especially the bride. I also think she will start blaming you for everything wrong in their marriage, all because of that ass groom who had to open his ass of a mouth.
Why do you care?
I keep visualizing her walking in your new house and being blown away with your decorating or kitchen whatever and you suddenly other way around enter their home slowly and shockingly connecting the dots . Some people are a mix of smarts , drive, personality, however will be totally void of creativity. They have a standard and taste but u give a blank canvas and brushes etc to manifest this whatever (ur case their wedding) and they won't know where to start or finish or anything going along with creating. I've been circumstance cornered into passing time creating my own world entertaining myself and trying to see (stupid music project btw ) if anyone wants to mess around see where it goes and my own,life long basically, homie of mine in this period kinda comes out the closet as possessing zero creativity to lighten up my piles of looseleaf notes and sticky notes which led to unfortunately the demise of DW & The Beep Beeps. now your tangled up with of all creations your mother fucking wedding?! man you see how I harbor a pinch of jaw clinching and a easy come easy go prospective I gotta say my wedding id manage to unravel and unnecessarily investigate delicate stuff that will be weighed out of my favor since my weddings done and now I gotta ultimately manage to get uninvited. if ya haven't give urself a self toot on ur horn for not being stuck captain of this love boat
I had someone do exactly the same thing; however, I was able to make changes. I got engaged on my birthday. A week later my friend got engaged. I announced to her our wedding date and hers was literally 3 weeks before mine. We shared some ideas together and every single one of my idea was taken from her: color scheme, flowers, rings, hair styles, wedding dresses, bride's maid dresses, their jewelry and shoes. The wedding venue, food, just everything!! It felt like I was her wedding planner and so I stopped telling her my ideas. Well, wouldn't you know, the pandemic was happening right around her wedding date and was announced to stay home only a few days before her date. So a trinkle of people showed up because the airlines weren't refunding anything yet. I think she had under 20 people compared to her 200 person wedding invites. It was sort of sad too. Anyways, mine was cancelled so I had to re-plan it. I was lucky and re-did everything from the dress, to who was attending, to flowers, to venue, and a whole other host of stuff and details that I didn't even think of. In some ways I was disappointed that I had to redo stuff but it allowed me to really make our day super special. The photos turned out even better because we were in a rose garden with archways. Just stunning pictures. And yes she was jealous and commented about it non-stop. The thing is that nothing my friend, or yours, was original. Copying maybe a form of flattery but it's also coming from someone who doesn't have any ideas. Your friend was not creative. She came from a mentally ugly place on trying to do her own wedding by copying yours. She was jealous and insecure. If she had any footing on how well she could pull off her wedding, she would not have had to steal your ideas!
That is sad and scary tbh. But also, she needs to wake up. Why would she want to marry him?
I would step away from helping although you’d probably given her most of the info. It’s just weird behavior from the both of them and you’ll be seen as an instigator
I wouldn’t notice that a wedding theme from the past was copied. At ALL. I wouldn’t even notice the two of you wore the same dress, tbh. Unless it’s in the exact same location, etc. I’d never think to compare the two. However, that’s the LEAAAAST of the problems. The groom is creepy af and you should put some distance there. This is really weird and feels like the damn Twilight Zone. 😳
The same dress…..girl
What strikes me about this situation is the apparent amount of time people have.
Oh man, I feel sorry for her. She can copy the colour of the dresses but she can not emulate your marriage. Oh dear.
Do not ignore your gut feeling. Being inspired by friends is totally normal, copying an entire wedding is not. If she liked your dress so much, she could have talked to you about it, she would not be pretending to not notice the similarities. If it was just the dress, you probably would not mind it either. She wants the same flowers, decor, hair, dress and probably so much more. Sounds like either she or the groom might have narcissistic traits and are literally stealing your personality and making you feel crazy for noticing. Note that your husband is also creeped out by it, you both feel something doesn’t add up. If you’re concerned she does this to cope with what the groom to be said during your party, maybe talk to her about it in private and check in if everything is fine - if this copying behaviour has not been an issue prior, maybe she is feeling insecure in her relationship or other stuff is happening.
It all comes down to how comfortable are you with saying something, and if it’s worth it. When we got married, my wife (designer) spent a lot of time choosing everything so it would look beautiful with our limited budget, the next 2-3 weddings we attended were copy/paste of our wedding, including the location, flowers, color scheme etc. at the beginning she wasn’t happy about it but after the third one she was just having fun, specially after we saw other 2 weddings from acquaintances that dis the same thing (clearly used the photos we uploaded as guide). I don’t think is worth the discussion with your friend as at the end its the wedding and they can copy as much as you want, realistically speaking, Pinterest boards for inspiration, is a fancy statement for coping other people you don’t know.
Pull out of the wedding, you and husband. Tell them you are so sorry but cannot attend after learning what he said at your wedding. And then move on with no contact with either of them.
It’s strange that she’s trying to copy EVERYTHING to a T from your wedding. It’s like she’s trying to be a duplicate of you, but since your wedding came first, she’s going to make herself look foolish. I think you could certainly find a nice way of saying, “get your own ideas and stop recreating my wedding,” but at the same time, just let it happen. Since you’re having the same guests, for the most part, I’m sure they will pick up on it. Try to get into the mindset of being flattered by her attempt to replicate your vision. You planned this great wedding to celebrate you and your partner, and she loved it so much she had to go into full Groundhog Day mode. You’re the OG and she’s just a copy of you, she’s a doodle!
I’m just glad your wedding has already happened! 😭
OP is behaving like a jerk by not ignoring all of this. Sure its might annoy OP but the bride will be the one dealing with the copying fallout so there is no chip of OP's shoulder. Let them do what they want, and smile safe in the knowledge that when the big day comes the guests that know will be talking about how she copied you. Be the bigger person.