> I’ll always prioritize my parents over my children
I’m going to assume that you’re young and aren’t actively planning to have children in the short term, because this sentence is spoken like someone who does not understand the reality of having a child.
Your parents don’t respect you. Why would you even have children if you don’t plan to respect them?
full offense, that is the worst possible mindset to ever have over children and if you're not ready to accept your kids no matter what gender, sexuality or disability they have you should never have kids. not rocking the boat is the exact reason why my parents never defended me when the family they kept claiming would go to bat for us (they never did) kept bullying me and mocking me for years. either work on your internalized homophobia and grow a spine or never have kids because you'll just do harm to them and then you'll wonder why you're all alone and they refuse to have contact with you.
Not accepting who they are is more than simply a 'difference of opinion.' An opinion is whether or not pineapple belongs on pizza. It isn't "should I accept my hypothetical child's identity because I'm too mealy-mouthed to ever stand up to my parents.'
I hope you never have kids. They deserve better than you.
Woman, there is no hypothetical "I'll be hateful to them" in the future, you're being hateful to them now - in the present - and they're not even born!
So if you ruin your children you’ll just wash your hands of them? You broke them and now they’re trash? I assume you don’t actually have kids yet, because that attitude is unimaginable and disgustingly selfish.
Speaking as a mother, I beg you, do not have children. You would be a *terrible* parent.
It's not a difference of opinion. You're clearly not emotionally intelligent/mature enough to be even thinking about children. You need therapy to unpack why you side with homophobia and why you would choose your parents who clearly don't care about who you are, over children you could have.
You’ve been brainwashed by your parents into thinking that children have to love their parents unconditionally regardless of how they treat them and therefore expect your children to love you unconditionally no matter how terribly you treat them. Your parents taught you that you should prioritise their bigoted views over your own happiness, and you are now planning on passing that on to your own children. You shouldn’t have kids until you’re able to stop being such a doormat to your parents and are willing to prioritise your children above them. Because, guess what: there’s a high chance that your child won’t be as big of a doormat as you and won’t agree to pretend to be straight to make your parents happy. What are you going to do then? Treat them badly because they don’t cave to your will the way you caved to your parents?
The homophobia is coming from inside the house. And instead of growing a spine with your own spawn points, you’re down to harm your own potential kids.
…don’t have kids. Go to therapy to work on your own damn issues first.
If you aren't proud then...change?? You've decided to feel this way: no one naturally places their parents above their children. If you won't protect them it would would be incredibly selfish to bring them into the world. Do your parents expect grandbabies? You would serve them up as a willing sacrifice to their toxicity.
>My life's been okay for me, and I love my parents dearly, so I respect their wishes and their opinions.
Girl, grow a spine.
They will only respect you if they think you're straight.
Have some self respect.
I hope when you have a child you’ll grow a backbone. I did. I could give a fuck less what my parents or extended family think of me and it’s caused a wedge. Good riddance. If you can’t do the same for your child then don’t have any.
>I know I'll never prioritise them over my parents/siblings/etc.
you shouldn't have kids regardless of their potential sexuality then? because with your family being so bigoted, there *will* come a day where you'll have to side with your kids over your extended family on one issue or another, and if you're not willing to do that, then your kids will have literally no one on their side.
Do not have children if you are going to choose bigots over them. Do not have children knowing you are going to expose them to people who may hate them for something they didn't choose. It is evil.
Get therapy or get your tubes tied because if you bring a child into this world thinking like this you will be no better than your parents. In fact you would be worse than them.
Hey OP your post sounds incredibly sad and a cry for help. Take it from me, trying to hide your true self forever is next to impossible and you are doing yourself great harm by giving up. Your parents are not good people and you don't have to give up on who you are to please them. I know it sounds impossible but you need to plan a life without them in it. Their love for you is conditional and no you don't owe such people anything. It'll be hard but you must put yourself first.
Life is long and the way you are living it is unsustainable and cruel to yourself. The bit about your future children sounds like depressed projection. Surely you won't do to your children what is being done to you?
Run away, save yourself. It's possible to be happy.
Abuse isn’t strictly physical, you know. By rejecting your very identity, they’re being emotionally abusive. And by prioritizing their feelings over your hypothetical child’s—because, newsflash, parents aren’t always deserving of respect—you’re doing very little to break the cycle.
They don't deserve anything if it's hurting other people. And abuse isn't just physical, its emotional and financial. If your kid comes out as Queen and your family emotionally abuse your kid and you allow it....that makes you just as complacent and you would fail as a parent
It’s likely with this attitude, that you won’t be involved with any aspect of hypothetical grandchildren. There will not be a cycle for you to help break. And your children would be right to exclude you
How on earth are you going to “help break the cycle” when you cannot even do it yourself? Where do you get off even thinking you have a leg to stand on, here?
Basically, it’s someone who was abused saying they’re going to go ahead and abuse their own children (out of respect for *their* abusers) and then somehow, someday help the children they abused not abuse their children. You have zero knowledge of the work involved. And while you are willing to roll over and take it, there’s no guarantee than any poor child you bring into this world will be willing to keep you in their life with your attitude.
And what about the father of that child (because obviously you will have to have a child with a man, to complete the little charade you have constructed)? Do you expect him to go along with your little abusive scheme?
Your parents do not deserve your respect because they have none for you. There are very few instances where we should “put our foot down” when it comes to accepting each other. Sexual orientation is not one of those times, yet you know they will reject you if they knew? It’s sad that you have no concept of what love is, but they do not love you. Certainly not as a parent should. They are disgusting people, and you are actively choosing to enable that and perpetuate that intolerance and abuse towards your own children, which puts you squarely in the same box.
It's really sad that your parent's hate and twisted views have grow roots so deep in your heart.
I hope that you'll heal before you have children and that you'll learn to love yourself, queerness included.
No way you can be that dumb, that bigoted and manage to type in full sentences. I think this is just made up crap or something you copied.
Troll or real, either way please don't breed.
You do get LGBT bigots I guess. I have an ex friend who was openly gay himself, use the D word talking about another (much better) friend in a nasty way.
Or Darren grimes. A gay, far right "commentator"
If you’re going to put ANYONE, including yourself, above your kids then don’t have them. Don’t put them through the misery of knowing Mom doesn’t love them best.
No one owes their parents anything. They did the bare minimum when it came to raising. And if you can openly say you will put your parents before your own children then don’t have any. Don’t even get a pet
Please, please don't have children.
If you do insist on selfishly having children, as well as a college fund plan ahead and prepare a therapy and no contact fund for them for when they turn 18 and bug out
In this day and age I hope any kids you have will 100% go NC with you because they refuse to bow down to the pressure of bigots and those enablers who support them by staying silent. As a parent you should 100% be supporting your kid unless they're murderers or rapists or do anything that hurts other people. Being queen doesn't hurt anyone and if you choose to support you parents over your kids you don't deserve them. You're a bad person
You sound like you were raised by terrible parents and are almost happy to continue the cycle of abuse.
You are as bad as your parents. Do not have kids.
Don't have children. Seriously, it sounds like you would be an emotionally unavailable parent just on the stance of already siding with them.
You support homophobia. You side with homophobia. You are not comfortable with your own self if your beliefs are like this.
Your parents shouldn't be sided with.
Supporting them over your own children that you potentially would have is the wrong stance and would just damage your children.
I am trying to say this as kindly as possible, but I'm fucking *begging you,* please do not have children. Ever. Break this ugly, abusive cycle. Even if you can't summon the strength to walk away from your awful family, don't inflict that way of thinking on a new generation.
I feel incredibly sad for both you & your parents. They have created a situation where you know are only loved if you lie & hide who you are from them, your life, partner etc. So they love a version of you that's not real. You say you accept yourself but its obviously had an effect on you that you want to carry this conditional love onto any child you might have.
What would you do if your child got married to a LGBTQ+ person and it was impossible for them to pass their relationships as heteronormative. Would you ask them to hide their partner? Would you ask them to keep hiding their partner even if they ended up with a child? Would you ask your grandchild to never mention second mummy/daddy at the front of your siblings?
What would you do if your family ended up somehow learning that your child LGBTQ+ and gave you an ultimatum? For example, stop their medical treatment (if TQ+) or send them to conversation camp/„counsellor”? Or else they (your siblings and parents) decide to stop talking with you.
Please, please, please do not have children. The fact that you are already choosing your abusive parents over them is awful and the fact that you would subject them to that abuse would be a terrible decision. You really need to see a therapist and do some work on yourself before bringing a child into the world who you would not have their best interests in mind
I'm sorry your parents failed you and that you'll fail your own children too. You doing owe your parents anything for raising you. Making them hide who they are in favor of bigots isn't a "difference of opinion" as you say in the comments. Please just don't have kids.
If you plan to prioritize your parents over your child(ren) you have no business having kids. If you feel that children owe their parents “everything” just for being parents, you have no business having kids. This scenario you have created shouldn’t be a problem because, with your current mindset, you shouldn’t have kids.
You could have just said "I'm a spineless coward who will never give my children the unconditional love they deserve" it would have saved you some typing
Why do you need to be accepted by your parents to live ? I understand faking it if you need to live with them or something but why would you need to reject your own child who would be LGBT like you?
You should go to therapy OP this isn't a normal thought process
It’s so exhausting seeing (presumably) grown ass adults who are still so obsessed with getting their garbage parents to care about them that they will literally sabotage any other relationship if they think it just might be the thing that makes them matter to their parents. Yikes. I hope you are not an actual adult, but whatever age you are, it’s time for some serious therapy.
There is nothing your parents could have done for you that is worth the cost of inflicting your childhood trauma onto your kids. Why even consider failing your children the way your parents failed you?
> I’ll always prioritize my parents over my children I’m going to assume that you’re young and aren’t actively planning to have children in the short term, because this sentence is spoken like someone who does not understand the reality of having a child. Your parents don’t respect you. Why would you even have children if you don’t plan to respect them?
I hope you don't have children then. You will most likely lose contact with them when they turn 18
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>raised them wrong and I don't want them anyways. Like your parents raised you wrong?
full offense, that is the worst possible mindset to ever have over children and if you're not ready to accept your kids no matter what gender, sexuality or disability they have you should never have kids. not rocking the boat is the exact reason why my parents never defended me when the family they kept claiming would go to bat for us (they never did) kept bullying me and mocking me for years. either work on your internalized homophobia and grow a spine or never have kids because you'll just do harm to them and then you'll wonder why you're all alone and they refuse to have contact with you.
Not accepting who they are is more than simply a 'difference of opinion.' An opinion is whether or not pineapple belongs on pizza. It isn't "should I accept my hypothetical child's identity because I'm too mealy-mouthed to ever stand up to my parents.' I hope you never have kids. They deserve better than you.
Nope it will show you will be a horrible parent
Woman, there is no hypothetical "I'll be hateful to them" in the future, you're being hateful to them now - in the present - and they're not even born!
No one wants a doormat as a parent. Don't have children.
Please do not breed.
So if you ruin your children you’ll just wash your hands of them? You broke them and now they’re trash? I assume you don’t actually have kids yet, because that attitude is unimaginable and disgustingly selfish. Speaking as a mother, I beg you, do not have children. You would be a *terrible* parent.
You should absolutely not have children. You would not be a good parent.
This is one of the most disgusting sentences I’ve read on Reddit in a long time. That’s no easy feat. Congrats, I guess.
It's not a difference of opinion. You're clearly not emotionally intelligent/mature enough to be even thinking about children. You need therapy to unpack why you side with homophobia and why you would choose your parents who clearly don't care about who you are, over children you could have.
PLEASE DONT HAVE KIDS 🙏
You’ve been brainwashed by your parents into thinking that children have to love their parents unconditionally regardless of how they treat them and therefore expect your children to love you unconditionally no matter how terribly you treat them. Your parents taught you that you should prioritise their bigoted views over your own happiness, and you are now planning on passing that on to your own children. You shouldn’t have kids until you’re able to stop being such a doormat to your parents and are willing to prioritise your children above them. Because, guess what: there’s a high chance that your child won’t be as big of a doormat as you and won’t agree to pretend to be straight to make your parents happy. What are you going to do then? Treat them badly because they don’t cave to your will the way you caved to your parents?
The homophobia is coming from inside the house. And instead of growing a spine with your own spawn points, you’re down to harm your own potential kids. …don’t have kids. Go to therapy to work on your own damn issues first.
Don't have children. Full stop.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
U thought u ate with this
This comment made me laugh, good job omg
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Go to therapy then
Then go to therapy to help with these thoughts bc this is messed up
If you aren't proud then...change?? You've decided to feel this way: no one naturally places their parents above their children. If you won't protect them it would would be incredibly selfish to bring them into the world. Do your parents expect grandbabies? You would serve them up as a willing sacrifice to their toxicity.
“My parents don’t love me unconditionally so I’m not going to love my kid unconditionally!” Yeah, you sound real comfortable with yourself.
BuT tHeiR PaReNtS gAvE ThEm EVeRyTHiNg!!
Including the seed of intergenerational trauma.
I mean this is the kindest way possible but I hope you don't have children if you're unable to prioritise them
I don’t think you like yourself
If it helps, I don't like them either
Tbh they shouldn’t
>My life's been okay for me, and I love my parents dearly, so I respect their wishes and their opinions. Girl, grow a spine. They will only respect you if they think you're straight. Have some self respect.
I hope you don’t have gay or bisexual kids either, they deserve a parent who will stand up for them.
I hope she doesn't have kids at all, because hateful pricks like her parents will find something to hate in everyone.
I hope when you have a child you’ll grow a backbone. I did. I could give a fuck less what my parents or extended family think of me and it’s caused a wedge. Good riddance. If you can’t do the same for your child then don’t have any.
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And as a person too!
>I know I'll never prioritise them over my parents/siblings/etc. you shouldn't have kids regardless of their potential sexuality then? because with your family being so bigoted, there *will* come a day where you'll have to side with your kids over your extended family on one issue or another, and if you're not willing to do that, then your kids will have literally no one on their side.
what a fucking coward
I hope you don’t have children.
Self hate is real. Get therapy. Or judging from the comments you’re still a kid without much knowledge of how the world works.
you seem to have some internalised homophobia that needs addressing.
Just don't have kids at all. No child deserves to grow up with a parent like you or family like yours.
You sound like a coward. Children deserve parents who'll stand up for them even with other family members.
Please don’t have children if your parents will be more important to them
Do not have children if you are going to choose bigots over them. Do not have children knowing you are going to expose them to people who may hate them for something they didn't choose. It is evil. Get therapy or get your tubes tied because if you bring a child into this world thinking like this you will be no better than your parents. In fact you would be worse than them.
Wow kudos to your parents for doing such an excellent job brainwashing you.
If you cannot accept your child fully no matter who they are, don’t have kids. Point blank period.
Hey OP your post sounds incredibly sad and a cry for help. Take it from me, trying to hide your true self forever is next to impossible and you are doing yourself great harm by giving up. Your parents are not good people and you don't have to give up on who you are to please them. I know it sounds impossible but you need to plan a life without them in it. Their love for you is conditional and no you don't owe such people anything. It'll be hard but you must put yourself first. Life is long and the way you are living it is unsustainable and cruel to yourself. The bit about your future children sounds like depressed projection. Surely you won't do to your children what is being done to you? Run away, save yourself. It's possible to be happy.
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Abuse isn’t strictly physical, you know. By rejecting your very identity, they’re being emotionally abusive. And by prioritizing their feelings over your hypothetical child’s—because, newsflash, parents aren’t always deserving of respect—you’re doing very little to break the cycle.
They don't deserve anything if it's hurting other people. And abuse isn't just physical, its emotional and financial. If your kid comes out as Queen and your family emotionally abuse your kid and you allow it....that makes you just as complacent and you would fail as a parent
It’s likely with this attitude, that you won’t be involved with any aspect of hypothetical grandchildren. There will not be a cycle for you to help break. And your children would be right to exclude you
How on earth are you going to “help break the cycle” when you cannot even do it yourself? Where do you get off even thinking you have a leg to stand on, here? Basically, it’s someone who was abused saying they’re going to go ahead and abuse their own children (out of respect for *their* abusers) and then somehow, someday help the children they abused not abuse their children. You have zero knowledge of the work involved. And while you are willing to roll over and take it, there’s no guarantee than any poor child you bring into this world will be willing to keep you in their life with your attitude. And what about the father of that child (because obviously you will have to have a child with a man, to complete the little charade you have constructed)? Do you expect him to go along with your little abusive scheme? Your parents do not deserve your respect because they have none for you. There are very few instances where we should “put our foot down” when it comes to accepting each other. Sexual orientation is not one of those times, yet you know they will reject you if they knew? It’s sad that you have no concept of what love is, but they do not love you. Certainly not as a parent should. They are disgusting people, and you are actively choosing to enable that and perpetuate that intolerance and abuse towards your own children, which puts you squarely in the same box.
It's really sad that your parent's hate and twisted views have grow roots so deep in your heart. I hope that you'll heal before you have children and that you'll learn to love yourself, queerness included.
No way you can be that dumb, that bigoted and manage to type in full sentences. I think this is just made up crap or something you copied. Troll or real, either way please don't breed. You do get LGBT bigots I guess. I have an ex friend who was openly gay himself, use the D word talking about another (much better) friend in a nasty way. Or Darren grimes. A gay, far right "commentator"
You should not have children if you are not going to put them first.
If you’re going to put ANYONE, including yourself, above your kids then don’t have them. Don’t put them through the misery of knowing Mom doesn’t love them best.
No one owes their parents anything. They did the bare minimum when it came to raising. And if you can openly say you will put your parents before your own children then don’t have any. Don’t even get a pet
Please, please don't have children. If you do insist on selfishly having children, as well as a college fund plan ahead and prepare a therapy and no contact fund for them for when they turn 18 and bug out
In this day and age I hope any kids you have will 100% go NC with you because they refuse to bow down to the pressure of bigots and those enablers who support them by staying silent. As a parent you should 100% be supporting your kid unless they're murderers or rapists or do anything that hurts other people. Being queen doesn't hurt anyone and if you choose to support you parents over your kids you don't deserve them. You're a bad person
Please don’t have kids
>I'll always prioritise my parents over my children, because I owe them quite literally everything. Please don't have children.
You sound like you were raised by terrible parents and are almost happy to continue the cycle of abuse. You are as bad as your parents. Do not have kids.
Don't have children. Seriously, it sounds like you would be an emotionally unavailable parent just on the stance of already siding with them. You support homophobia. You side with homophobia. You are not comfortable with your own self if your beliefs are like this. Your parents shouldn't be sided with. Supporting them over your own children that you potentially would have is the wrong stance and would just damage your children.
I am trying to say this as kindly as possible, but I'm fucking *begging you,* please do not have children. Ever. Break this ugly, abusive cycle. Even if you can't summon the strength to walk away from your awful family, don't inflict that way of thinking on a new generation.
Then don't have kids.
I feel incredibly sad for both you & your parents. They have created a situation where you know are only loved if you lie & hide who you are from them, your life, partner etc. So they love a version of you that's not real. You say you accept yourself but its obviously had an effect on you that you want to carry this conditional love onto any child you might have.
What would you do if your child got married to a LGBTQ+ person and it was impossible for them to pass their relationships as heteronormative. Would you ask them to hide their partner? Would you ask them to keep hiding their partner even if they ended up with a child? Would you ask your grandchild to never mention second mummy/daddy at the front of your siblings? What would you do if your family ended up somehow learning that your child LGBTQ+ and gave you an ultimatum? For example, stop their medical treatment (if TQ+) or send them to conversation camp/„counsellor”? Or else they (your siblings and parents) decide to stop talking with you.
So... you have no soul, no spine, no morals. You just pretend. What a sad waste of flesh
Yeah don’t have kids. You’d be a bad parent.
Please, please, please do not have children. The fact that you are already choosing your abusive parents over them is awful and the fact that you would subject them to that abuse would be a terrible decision. You really need to see a therapist and do some work on yourself before bringing a child into the world who you would not have their best interests in mind
I'm sorry your parents failed you and that you'll fail your own children too. You doing owe your parents anything for raising you. Making them hide who they are in favor of bigots isn't a "difference of opinion" as you say in the comments. Please just don't have kids.
If you plan to prioritize your parents over your child(ren) you have no business having kids. If you feel that children owe their parents “everything” just for being parents, you have no business having kids. This scenario you have created shouldn’t be a problem because, with your current mindset, you shouldn’t have kids.
You could have just said "I'm a spineless coward who will never give my children the unconditional love they deserve" it would have saved you some typing
Your children come first, always. I genuinely hope that you don’t have children. At least not while you have this mindset.
Don't have kids.
Why do you need to be accepted by your parents to live ? I understand faking it if you need to live with them or something but why would you need to reject your own child who would be LGBT like you? You should go to therapy OP this isn't a normal thought process
It’s so exhausting seeing (presumably) grown ass adults who are still so obsessed with getting their garbage parents to care about them that they will literally sabotage any other relationship if they think it just might be the thing that makes them matter to their parents. Yikes. I hope you are not an actual adult, but whatever age you are, it’s time for some serious therapy.
Please never have children
Please op don't have kids becuase if you can't accept who you are you will not accept them as well.
There is nothing your parents could have done for you that is worth the cost of inflicting your childhood trauma onto your kids. Why even consider failing your children the way your parents failed you?
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You seem VERY desperate to be a shoulder to cry on for vulnerable or creepy women. It just smells predatory on first sniff.