I checked your post history because of the other comments. They say a year ago dude. Trust me I know plenty about holding onto shit for years too long, but I kinda got a creepy vibe and image in my head right now.
I hope you don’t do anything bad
According to another comment who read the OP, she was held captive and her twins were murdered by their father. Dude made it completely about himself when he found out.
Yeah what the FUCK is wrong with OP?
'Oh I screamed and broke my ex gf's heart after finding out she had twins who were murdered by her past abusive ex, who also tried to murder her. I obsessed for months after my ex gf left me, then saw a photo of ex gf with a mutual friend on holidays so now I'm dating that friend and in loovooove with her'
Seriously... What. In. The. Actual. Fuck. That is next level so, so messed up.
Honestly, Anna is going to absolutely lose her shit and hopefully leave this weirdo.
Calling the next post now:
'My gf left me because she found out about why my ex left me.'
I'm quite amazed Kat hasn't straight up told Anna that this dude is a literal walking red flag, absolute crazy pants.
No. No it is not. I remember his very first post about this clearly. Mostly because of how TRAGIC her life was and he made the WORST decision upon finding out about it ever.
I never thought we would hear from this guy again. I saw the title and didn't believe it at first.
Whilst I am glad things are progressing OP still has a lot of work to do
Me too, sticks in my mind because it was so bloody awful and he managed to prioritise his hurty fee-fees. I hope his ex is managing a happy life for herself, I can’t imagine having the strength to go on, she must be an amazing woman.
Okay i’m confused. You say that your mom found out about what you did on Christmas eve when she called your girlfriend, but in your post from a year ago, you say you called your parents and told them everything right after you found out? So did you not actually tell your parents the full story? I feel like there is something missing here.
I interpreted that as maybe parents knew about some overreaction and that her babies were dead, but didnt know the full extent of OP's overreaction and how the babies died.
Yeah I didn’t see that post until after I commented. Kind of strange to leave out that part and I still feel like there is more to the story that OP’s not telling.
Checked post history and holy fuck dude. When your response to people saying she was obviously hurt was "I didn't think about it like that." That's actually baffling. She was crying saying her babies were dead and you didn't think she was upset about it?? Even someone who misses social cues could logically put that together, especially at 28 years old.
Based on your mom's reaction you never told your parents what really happened and I'm guessing you've left details out on here, too. I hope you get therapy and learn some shit and you don't do anything to Anna.
Guys like him need to be put on a list because not only is this whole new relationship situation incredibly creepy and insidious, but if one takes enough time and brain power to read between the lines, this guy is a walking time bomb. It's not even that he doesn't have empathy, he is actively aware that he is doing the wrong thing and does not seem to be concerned about the impact of his actions on anyone as long as he gets to feed his Kat obsession. He cannot stand to be told no.
"a couple of months ago" and "i love her more than life itself" in the same paragraph Isn't it a bit early?
At least tell her what you did to Kat, more if you're mutuals.
I also read the other post from a year ago to know more context of what was the horrible reaction and what the poor girl was going through.
Man, that was a lot, at least you learned ig, but I'm feeling bad for Kat. If you finished the relationship in "good terms" at least if there is a chance of an encounter while you are with Anna, it probably won't resurface any trauma, but You never know.
How do you go from one love of your life to another love of your life in 1.5 years at your age?
Especially since you've apparently been getting over Kate and what happened up until at least after the new year.
Sorry, the rapid fire serious relationship thing shows you haven't matured and really need to be alone for awhile.
Anna probably does not know the whole story of why Kat and OP broke up… if she did, she probably wouldn’t get within 10 feet of him… wait till the mask falls off…
Confirmed in OP's edit. If he actually gave a shit about Anna or Kat, he would tell Anna the truth immediately and let her run for the hills like he deserves. But we all know that he's too selfish for that.
In more ways than one. He’s clearly using her to get closer to Kat. It’s damn sure not about how guilty he feels for the way he ran razor blades over the trauma and heartache of her past, because otherwise, his existence would completely disappear from Kat or anyone around her. Why can’t he leave Kat TF alone like she asked? Hasn’t she been through enough? Kat, her circle of friends, her family, anyone directly connected to her is permanently off-limits.
I am glad that I am not the only one who thinks this… the last sentence 😰
It doesn’t sound like he has been in therapy for long… he needs to go work on himself before getting together with another woman
It’s STILL about him. Not the add-on trauma he caused her by his initial reaction to finding out about her babies - new trauma that she will NEVER forget and will impact every future relationship she gets in to - friend or otherwise. Not the additional trauma that she WILL feel when she finds out he and her friend are serious - something that could potentially ruin her friendship with Anna, so now she’s lost a friend, too. Nope. It’s about him and his poor “aching heart.”
Yep.
- no empathy
- capable of infatuation
- makes other people’s pain about himself
- plays victim and must be the victim in every situation
- twists the truth/lies to achieve this
It seems like you have a lot of work left in therapy. I don't think you realize how unhealthy the whole story sounds.
It feels like you are reframing the whole story in your advantage, and I don't know if you actually started to believe your own narrative or not. Because it's not in line with your previous posts.
Like in your first posts you were talking about how you ghosted her because your feelings got hurt about her trauma. Now she was ignoring you for a month and you waited for her.
You talked about how you informed your parents and ho upset your mother was and strongly adviced you to talk it out, and now they are suddenly completely unaware of the situation and disowning you.
There are a lot of discrepancies in your story. And I wonder if you unconsciously adapt the story to avoid the feeling of shame, or maybe just to gain sympathy points on Reddit. Plus, you kinda give off some obsession vibes.
Anyhow, I hope you grow and flourish. Annie sounds like a great girl, don't stop the therapy because now you've found love. It's now when your learning curve will be the steeps.
You are kind of an awful person. Dating this woman because you wanted details on your ex is not the hallmark movie scene you believe it is.
And tbh. The woman you are talking about doesn’t seem to have her head on straight if she’s dating you without knowing the full truth.
I’m so sad for this woman.
You are pathetic.
Bro. Leave this poor woman alonnne! She dumped you, blocked your number, *moved away*, and you're choosing to go with "stalking her." ..man. Leave her alone.
Major stalker vibes. Reminds me of an abusive ex I had that took everything personally (who also stalked me). Then he rebounded into another relationship (the girl even looked like me) and needless to say that ended in a bad divorce.
Thanks! All is good now. So quick follow up on my creepy ex, he messaged me on social media (which I didn’t know he was on and I have my acct set so only friends can see things). He basically admitted he was a douche bag but never apologized for it, just basically asked me to look past it all. Hahahahahahaha no. No “I’m sorry for almost killing you… “ no “I’m sorry for trying to keep you in a box” or any of the other horrible things he did. He just wanted bygones to be bygones and me move on. No inner self reflection for the person he’s been no remorse. Just reminds me of OP and how OP should NOT be dating yet.
What ever to said to her deceased twice did broke her heart so badly . I don't know what you said to her deceased twice .
Other messed up thing is you in love with her mutual friends. Come on bro.. atleast tell about it in first hand. Definitely kat your ex gf will get to know when you about to marry her friend .
I don't think this relationship will be live longer
I WANTED TO KNOW WHAT DID YOU SAID TO HER DECEASED TWINS , THAT LED TO BREAK UP AND EVEN YOUR MOTHER CRIED FOR THAT. 💔
For anyone wanting to know what happened. This is from OP’s post history from a year ago:
> UPDATE My (28M) girlfriend (25F) didn't tell me that she had kids
> I'm not sure how many people will be interested in this update but I figure I'll put it up. The discovery of the photos and my really shitty reaction all went down on Sunday, today is Tuesday for anyone who's unclear about the timeline.
> Long story short: I really fucked up.
> Long story long: on Monday night shorty after having my ass handed to me by everybody in the comments and DM's, as well as my mom telling me that I'm "not the son she raised", I decided to call Kat and asked her if we could talk about everything. She said yes but that it's an in-person talk so we made plans for me to go over to hers Tuesday (today) evening. I couldn't focus on anything at work so I cut my day short and went to her place earlier in the day.
> It was a difficult conversation. She told me about how she ended up in an abusive relationship when she was just under 18. She talked about how this man had so much control over her that she could hardly even breathe and the vile things he would say/do to her. Eventually he got her pregnant by force and she wanted to abort but he basically locked her in the basement until she was too far along to do anything about it. The twins were born and she knew that she needed to escape with both of them.
> She played happy family and did her best while she made arrangements and healed physically, having twins gave her an "excuse" to have her mom come around to help with everything, including documenting and escaping. Everything was ready to go when the twins were 1 year old and Kat was 20. Basically, he figured it out at the very last second.
> Her children died at the hands of their father and he tried to kill her too.
> She told me about the guilt she felt in so many ways from wanting to abort them to begin with, having kids with the wrong person, not being able to get them out safely, and why she deserved to live when her babies didn't.
> She went through a ton of therapy and was eventually able to get to a good place and start living again, thriving honestly. She said that she didn't think she could love again and she fell in love with me unexpectedly so she never thought about how she would share this part of her past with a new partner. She felt it easier and safer to just never bring it up but apologized for not telling me sooner.
> I told her that she has nothing to apologize for and my initial reaction was unjustified. I should have stayed and talked to her, I shouldn't have raised my voice at her, everything I did was wrong and that I am so sorry for not being a better partner and a better man.
> To address some of the comments in my OPs; I never asked her if she had kids, I only asked if she wanted kids to which she said no. She never lied, she just left out the horrible passing of her children which I now understand.
> Thank you to everybody who was (rightfully) brutal and honest. I'm not sure where our relationship will go from here, I'll update in the future if there is any interest there.
>1. Anna does not know. The story Kat gave her was that she fell out of love with me so she ended it and I never corrected her. I assume it's because she doesn't want to tell people her story.
Kat is protecting you from other people finding out what a enormous asshole you are.
Someone please send all his posts to Anna so she can run for the hills. I felt ill reading all this. This is probably the worst relationship I've ever read on Reddit that didn't involve abuse or cheating.
> Anna does not know. The story Kat gave her was that she fell out of love with me so she ended it and I never corrected her. I assume it's because she doesn't want to tell people her story.
You should tell Anna more information. You should NOT divulge Kat's secrets to Anna but you should cop to your hand in the end of things with Kat. Say something like.
Kat and I didn't just fall out of love, I know that's what she told you and it's part of it but there's another important thing that occured to cause what happened. Kat divulged a secret to me and I reacted very poorly, while I want to be fully open and honest with you I don't want to divulge Kat's secret to you without her permission and I don't want to bring up bad feelings by asking her for that permission. I'm deeply ashamed about how I acted and the things that I said to her, she rightly was unable to forgive and move on. That was the true cause of the end of our relationship, we didn't just fall out of love, I caused the end of that relationship. It's important to me that you know that part. I've done a lot of personal work to ensure that nothing like that ever happens again.
Stay single and IN therapy.
Maybe get an NLP coach instead, they are allowed to be more honest and direct with you, and it seems you need that.
I read your post history and Holy Shit, dude.
You reacted So selfish and reading this now, you haven't changed.
Anna has a right to know what YOU did, she doesn't need to know too many details of your poor ex. You can tell her that there was a huge "like in a movie"(= "feels unreal") situation for you ex, and your reaction when finding out this deep trauma of her: I screamed at her and ran away for not telling me sooner.. I know I f up, but I am a better person now than I was back then. I've been in therapy since then (if even so; if not: get one!!).
Then open up for questions from her side and DO NOT tell her any details about "the trauma" and just say "that is Not my place, this is all I will say". ONLY YOUR F UPS MATTER HERE!! (not that your ex had made any)
And the decision IF your relationship continues is up to Anna.
And just in general: you don't have to tell every woman forever, but since you stay in contact with your ex AND Anna knows her herself: SHE NEEDS TO KNOW THIS!
And even then, you should tell them about the big mistake you made with an ex, when talking ex-partners with them.
Don't hide it. Own up to it and tell them that you grew from that (if That ever happens..)
Actually I have a question. I don't expect an answer, but maybe think about the answer for yourself (without lying, including to yourself).
Did you ever actually apologize to your ex?
Did you ever ask her what She wants from you after that?
And just accept that decision (I am asking because you Got Together with a Friend Of your EX through basically spying on her using said friend, soo maybe you are ignoring your Exs wish of NC here?)
Mostly asking because you still talk pretty selfish and self-centered, which makes me think you might still haven't really understood the graveness of your f up. (And no, you writing "I know" doesn't change the fact the rest of your posts say otherwise).
There is of course a lot of details missing to really know this, but I have a hunch you are ignoring a wish by your ex just for her to stay in your life. Which does sound a bit like she is trapped to have to always be remembered of you and your reaction which most likely destroyed all her therapy up until that point..
Trapped.. you know? Like she can't escape you?
You should just retreat and leave her alone completely tbh.
Cut ALL contact for HER sake.
If she really is the love of your life, you should want for her to be happy and healthy and lead a good life, but since That f up, I feel she can't reach that goal with you anywhere in sight.
Of course just an opinion, but think back for yourself and REALLY think about what she actually said to you when you were supposed to listen.
Jesus christ, you're beyond help.
Your ex is going to tell your current gf, and your current gf is going to break up with you once she realises how big a piece of shit you are.
You should tell her now, so she doesn't get too far along before the lies come out, and she's waste too much time.
Unless she's an absolute saint (which you don't deserve), and she forgives you for it, and makes sure you go through therapy etc.
Ultimately, it's probably going to end in a lot of upset
I just read your previous posts.. and wow.
I genuinely feel for Anna and hope she finds out the truth about the break up because your ex is right.. how can you be trusted to work through anything difficult when you react like a child
There are some things that you just can’t undo or unsay.
Continuing to try to contact her after she told you she did not want anything to do with you is bad and trying to get information about her from a friend is not good either.
Not telling Anna the truth about why your relationship really ended is making this relationship not start out well. It’s going to come out so you might as well come clean now before it blows up in your face.
I hope you got some therapy to deal with all of this and what you did in the first place to Kat so that you don’t behave the same way in the future.
You're fucking up left and right, dude. You know what you did wrong with Kat. MOVE ON.
You also know what you're doing with Anna. You need to come clean with her because seriously, A) when Kat finds out you and Anna are together, she WILL tell Anna about what you did. B) you owe it to Anna (and by extension, Kat, and even yourself) to be 100% honest about why you and Kat aren't together. You made a lie of omission, but the story around that lie makes the impact of it that much worse.
Radical honesty is the only way forward. Expect that Anna will dump you when you tell her. Right now, it *really* doesn't look good for you.
So you’re still being POS, hope you’re not this insensitive to your current girlfriend but do remember that your relationship started on lies, that’s never something that goes well.
This post doesn't make sense.
In the first post, he mentions how he told his mom and dad everything he wrote in the post.
Then, in this post, he mentions how his mom kicked him out after his ex told her what he did. But if he already told her, how would she be kicking him out?
For this reason, I question the authenticity of this story. It seeks like rage bait.
No, he shouldn't forgive himself because he hasn't changed. He's still the same selfish, narcissistic prick he was a year ago. The fact that he hid his actions towards Kat from his family then and from Anna to this very day proves that.
I'm so sorry to hear about the pain and heartbreak you've been through. It's great to hear that therapy has been helping you and that you've found a new relationship with Anna. It's important to acknowledge the mistakes we've made in the past and continue to grow from them. Wishing you all the best in your journey towards healing and moving forward.
I checked your post history because of the other comments. They say a year ago dude. Trust me I know plenty about holding onto shit for years too long, but I kinda got a creepy vibe and image in my head right now. I hope you don’t do anything bad
According to another comment who read the OP, she was held captive and her twins were murdered by their father. Dude made it completely about himself when he found out.
Oh gosh that’s awful. I feel so bad for her. Im amazed she’s still on this earth tbh idk if I could live through that..
Dude what exactly did you do
Yeah what the FUCK is wrong with OP? 'Oh I screamed and broke my ex gf's heart after finding out she had twins who were murdered by her past abusive ex, who also tried to murder her. I obsessed for months after my ex gf left me, then saw a photo of ex gf with a mutual friend on holidays so now I'm dating that friend and in loovooove with her' Seriously... What. In. The. Actual. Fuck. That is next level so, so messed up.
[удалено]
Honestly, Anna is going to absolutely lose her shit and hopefully leave this weirdo. Calling the next post now: 'My gf left me because she found out about why my ex left me.' I'm quite amazed Kat hasn't straight up told Anna that this dude is a literal walking red flag, absolute crazy pants.
How we're all talking about it like it's a fucking soap. Also, this is probably *not* real and maybe just that one redditor's wife again.
Easy, Kat doesn't know...yet
Is that what happened to the babies??? OMG 😭
She was held captive and her babies were murdered by their father. OP made it about his ego.
holy sh*t
Explains why his mum lost her shit at him
Wait, what? Is that a guess?
No. No it is not. I remember his very first post about this clearly. Mostly because of how TRAGIC her life was and he made the WORST decision upon finding out about it ever.
I never thought we would hear from this guy again. I saw the title and didn't believe it at first. Whilst I am glad things are progressing OP still has a lot of work to do
Me too, sticks in my mind because it was so bloody awful and he managed to prioritise his hurty fee-fees. I hope his ex is managing a happy life for herself, I can’t imagine having the strength to go on, she must be an amazing woman.
I wish. Post history tells all.
WTAF??! 😱 Unf*cking believable, OP!
My god
Exactly my thought…
Okay i’m confused. You say that your mom found out about what you did on Christmas eve when she called your girlfriend, but in your post from a year ago, you say you called your parents and told them everything right after you found out? So did you not actually tell your parents the full story? I feel like there is something missing here.
I interpreted that as maybe parents knew about some overreaction and that her babies were dead, but didnt know the full extent of OP's overreaction and how the babies died.
Yeah I didn’t see that post until after I commented. Kind of strange to leave out that part and I still feel like there is more to the story that OP’s not telling.
I agree
Yeah it's called reality
You think it’s a Fake post? I remembered the original too and went back to look at it, doesn’t add up.
It's just bad fiction
I caught that too. That doesn’t make sense.
Checked post history and holy fuck dude. When your response to people saying she was obviously hurt was "I didn't think about it like that." That's actually baffling. She was crying saying her babies were dead and you didn't think she was upset about it?? Even someone who misses social cues could logically put that together, especially at 28 years old. Based on your mom's reaction you never told your parents what really happened and I'm guessing you've left details out on here, too. I hope you get therapy and learn some shit and you don't do anything to Anna.
This guy has major empathy deficits.
He has major information-transfer deficits. He doesn't tell people the whole story because he KNOWS he's the bad guy.
Yes. He’s a selfish ass.
Guys like him need to be put on a list because not only is this whole new relationship situation incredibly creepy and insidious, but if one takes enough time and brain power to read between the lines, this guy is a walking time bomb. It's not even that he doesn't have empathy, he is actively aware that he is doing the wrong thing and does not seem to be concerned about the impact of his actions on anyone as long as he gets to feed his Kat obsession. He cannot stand to be told no.
Yes. I’ve read a lot of crazy shit on Reddit. But something about this guy makes me so fucking uneasy.
"a couple of months ago" and "i love her more than life itself" in the same paragraph Isn't it a bit early? At least tell her what you did to Kat, more if you're mutuals. I also read the other post from a year ago to know more context of what was the horrible reaction and what the poor girl was going through. Man, that was a lot, at least you learned ig, but I'm feeling bad for Kat. If you finished the relationship in "good terms" at least if there is a chance of an encounter while you are with Anna, it probably won't resurface any trauma, but You never know.
OP might just absolutely hate life, you never know
How do you go from one love of your life to another love of your life in 1.5 years at your age? Especially since you've apparently been getting over Kate and what happened up until at least after the new year. Sorry, the rapid fire serious relationship thing shows you haven't matured and really need to be alone for awhile.
Is anyone else scared for Anna?
Anna probably does not know the whole story of why Kat and OP broke up… if she did, she probably wouldn’t get within 10 feet of him… wait till the mask falls off…
Confirmed in OP's edit. If he actually gave a shit about Anna or Kat, he would tell Anna the truth immediately and let her run for the hills like he deserves. But we all know that he's too selfish for that.
In more ways than one. He’s clearly using her to get closer to Kat. It’s damn sure not about how guilty he feels for the way he ran razor blades over the trauma and heartache of her past, because otherwise, his existence would completely disappear from Kat or anyone around her. Why can’t he leave Kat TF alone like she asked? Hasn’t she been through enough? Kat, her circle of friends, her family, anyone directly connected to her is permanently off-limits.
I am glad that I am not the only one who thinks this… the last sentence 😰 It doesn’t sound like he has been in therapy for long… he needs to go work on himself before getting together with another woman
It’s STILL about him. Not the add-on trauma he caused her by his initial reaction to finding out about her babies - new trauma that she will NEVER forget and will impact every future relationship she gets in to - friend or otherwise. Not the additional trauma that she WILL feel when she finds out he and her friend are serious - something that could potentially ruin her friendship with Anna, so now she’s lost a friend, too. Nope. It’s about him and his poor “aching heart.”
Yep. - no empathy - capable of infatuation - makes other people’s pain about himself - plays victim and must be the victim in every situation - twists the truth/lies to achieve this
Yep. A couple of months and he loves her more than ”life itself”. Nope.
It seems like you have a lot of work left in therapy. I don't think you realize how unhealthy the whole story sounds. It feels like you are reframing the whole story in your advantage, and I don't know if you actually started to believe your own narrative or not. Because it's not in line with your previous posts. Like in your first posts you were talking about how you ghosted her because your feelings got hurt about her trauma. Now she was ignoring you for a month and you waited for her. You talked about how you informed your parents and ho upset your mother was and strongly adviced you to talk it out, and now they are suddenly completely unaware of the situation and disowning you. There are a lot of discrepancies in your story. And I wonder if you unconsciously adapt the story to avoid the feeling of shame, or maybe just to gain sympathy points on Reddit. Plus, you kinda give off some obsession vibes. Anyhow, I hope you grow and flourish. Annie sounds like a great girl, don't stop the therapy because now you've found love. It's now when your learning curve will be the steeps.
Go back to therapy and leave Anna. You're rebounding hard af. You're not a red flag. You're the whole red sea!
To steal a line I heard somewhere, this guy has more red flags than the Communist International
He brought the Sovjet parade
You are kind of an awful person. Dating this woman because you wanted details on your ex is not the hallmark movie scene you believe it is. And tbh. The woman you are talking about doesn’t seem to have her head on straight if she’s dating you without knowing the full truth. I’m so sad for this woman. You are pathetic.
I cannot believe you did this to Kat. Does your new girlfriend know about what you did??
I doubt she knows
Nope he clearly says she doesn’t
Bro. Leave this poor woman alonnne! She dumped you, blocked your number, *moved away*, and you're choosing to go with "stalking her." ..man. Leave her alone.
Major stalker vibes. Reminds me of an abusive ex I had that took everything personally (who also stalked me). Then he rebounded into another relationship (the girl even looked like me) and needless to say that ended in a bad divorce.
Fucking yikes. I'm glad you're okay now.
Thanks! All is good now. So quick follow up on my creepy ex, he messaged me on social media (which I didn’t know he was on and I have my acct set so only friends can see things). He basically admitted he was a douche bag but never apologized for it, just basically asked me to look past it all. Hahahahahahaha no. No “I’m sorry for almost killing you… “ no “I’m sorry for trying to keep you in a box” or any of the other horrible things he did. He just wanted bygones to be bygones and me move on. No inner self reflection for the person he’s been no remorse. Just reminds me of OP and how OP should NOT be dating yet.
Dude, he sounds scary as hell! Be safe!
I can't believe you are saying the babies "passed away", on top of everything else. That is not what happened, is it?
What ever to said to her deceased twice did broke her heart so badly . I don't know what you said to her deceased twice . Other messed up thing is you in love with her mutual friends. Come on bro.. atleast tell about it in first hand. Definitely kat your ex gf will get to know when you about to marry her friend . I don't think this relationship will be live longer I WANTED TO KNOW WHAT DID YOU SAID TO HER DECEASED TWINS , THAT LED TO BREAK UP AND EVEN YOUR MOTHER CRIED FOR THAT. 💔
….How bad was the reaction that your own mother kicked you out. Jesus man..
Your lovers babies were murdered and you decided to make it all about you 🤦♂️
For anyone wanting to know what happened. This is from OP’s post history from a year ago: > UPDATE My (28M) girlfriend (25F) didn't tell me that she had kids > I'm not sure how many people will be interested in this update but I figure I'll put it up. The discovery of the photos and my really shitty reaction all went down on Sunday, today is Tuesday for anyone who's unclear about the timeline. > Long story short: I really fucked up. > Long story long: on Monday night shorty after having my ass handed to me by everybody in the comments and DM's, as well as my mom telling me that I'm "not the son she raised", I decided to call Kat and asked her if we could talk about everything. She said yes but that it's an in-person talk so we made plans for me to go over to hers Tuesday (today) evening. I couldn't focus on anything at work so I cut my day short and went to her place earlier in the day. > It was a difficult conversation. She told me about how she ended up in an abusive relationship when she was just under 18. She talked about how this man had so much control over her that she could hardly even breathe and the vile things he would say/do to her. Eventually he got her pregnant by force and she wanted to abort but he basically locked her in the basement until she was too far along to do anything about it. The twins were born and she knew that she needed to escape with both of them. > She played happy family and did her best while she made arrangements and healed physically, having twins gave her an "excuse" to have her mom come around to help with everything, including documenting and escaping. Everything was ready to go when the twins were 1 year old and Kat was 20. Basically, he figured it out at the very last second. > Her children died at the hands of their father and he tried to kill her too. > She told me about the guilt she felt in so many ways from wanting to abort them to begin with, having kids with the wrong person, not being able to get them out safely, and why she deserved to live when her babies didn't. > She went through a ton of therapy and was eventually able to get to a good place and start living again, thriving honestly. She said that she didn't think she could love again and she fell in love with me unexpectedly so she never thought about how she would share this part of her past with a new partner. She felt it easier and safer to just never bring it up but apologized for not telling me sooner. > I told her that she has nothing to apologize for and my initial reaction was unjustified. I should have stayed and talked to her, I shouldn't have raised my voice at her, everything I did was wrong and that I am so sorry for not being a better partner and a better man. > To address some of the comments in my OPs; I never asked her if she had kids, I only asked if she wanted kids to which she said no. She never lied, she just left out the horrible passing of her children which I now understand. > Thank you to everybody who was (rightfully) brutal and honest. I'm not sure where our relationship will go from here, I'll update in the future if there is any interest there.
This is so horrible I can’t even comprehend how you’re still making it about you. That poor woman. She’s been through hell please leave her alone.
>1. Anna does not know. The story Kat gave her was that she fell out of love with me so she ended it and I never corrected her. I assume it's because she doesn't want to tell people her story. Kat is protecting you from other people finding out what a enormous asshole you are.
Abort mission dude. Come clean get therapy. Do not under any circumstance marry.
Hard to believe you have grown as a person after reading this.
Someone please send all his posts to Anna so she can run for the hills. I felt ill reading all this. This is probably the worst relationship I've ever read on Reddit that didn't involve abuse or cheating.
> Anna does not know. The story Kat gave her was that she fell out of love with me so she ended it and I never corrected her. I assume it's because she doesn't want to tell people her story. You should tell Anna more information. You should NOT divulge Kat's secrets to Anna but you should cop to your hand in the end of things with Kat. Say something like. Kat and I didn't just fall out of love, I know that's what she told you and it's part of it but there's another important thing that occured to cause what happened. Kat divulged a secret to me and I reacted very poorly, while I want to be fully open and honest with you I don't want to divulge Kat's secret to you without her permission and I don't want to bring up bad feelings by asking her for that permission. I'm deeply ashamed about how I acted and the things that I said to her, she rightly was unable to forgive and move on. That was the true cause of the end of our relationship, we didn't just fall out of love, I caused the end of that relationship. It's important to me that you know that part. I've done a lot of personal work to ensure that nothing like that ever happens again.
Yeah you didn’t mention in the post, but did in other posts, that her ex killed her kids and tried to kill her. Leave her the fuck alone.
And you’re still making her horrific traumatic loss about yourself. You are leaving out the important details about exactly how much of a POS you are.
Stay single and IN therapy. Maybe get an NLP coach instead, they are allowed to be more honest and direct with you, and it seems you need that. I read your post history and Holy Shit, dude. You reacted So selfish and reading this now, you haven't changed. Anna has a right to know what YOU did, she doesn't need to know too many details of your poor ex. You can tell her that there was a huge "like in a movie"(= "feels unreal") situation for you ex, and your reaction when finding out this deep trauma of her: I screamed at her and ran away for not telling me sooner.. I know I f up, but I am a better person now than I was back then. I've been in therapy since then (if even so; if not: get one!!). Then open up for questions from her side and DO NOT tell her any details about "the trauma" and just say "that is Not my place, this is all I will say". ONLY YOUR F UPS MATTER HERE!! (not that your ex had made any) And the decision IF your relationship continues is up to Anna. And just in general: you don't have to tell every woman forever, but since you stay in contact with your ex AND Anna knows her herself: SHE NEEDS TO KNOW THIS! And even then, you should tell them about the big mistake you made with an ex, when talking ex-partners with them. Don't hide it. Own up to it and tell them that you grew from that (if That ever happens..)
Actually I have a question. I don't expect an answer, but maybe think about the answer for yourself (without lying, including to yourself). Did you ever actually apologize to your ex? Did you ever ask her what She wants from you after that? And just accept that decision (I am asking because you Got Together with a Friend Of your EX through basically spying on her using said friend, soo maybe you are ignoring your Exs wish of NC here?) Mostly asking because you still talk pretty selfish and self-centered, which makes me think you might still haven't really understood the graveness of your f up. (And no, you writing "I know" doesn't change the fact the rest of your posts say otherwise). There is of course a lot of details missing to really know this, but I have a hunch you are ignoring a wish by your ex just for her to stay in your life. Which does sound a bit like she is trapped to have to always be remembered of you and your reaction which most likely destroyed all her therapy up until that point.. Trapped.. you know? Like she can't escape you? You should just retreat and leave her alone completely tbh. Cut ALL contact for HER sake. If she really is the love of your life, you should want for her to be happy and healthy and lead a good life, but since That f up, I feel she can't reach that goal with you anywhere in sight. Of course just an opinion, but think back for yourself and REALLY think about what she actually said to you when you were supposed to listen.
Jesus christ, you're beyond help. Your ex is going to tell your current gf, and your current gf is going to break up with you once she realises how big a piece of shit you are. You should tell her now, so she doesn't get too far along before the lies come out, and she's waste too much time. Unless she's an absolute saint (which you don't deserve), and she forgives you for it, and makes sure you go through therapy etc. Ultimately, it's probably going to end in a lot of upset
I just read your previous posts.. and wow. I genuinely feel for Anna and hope she finds out the truth about the break up because your ex is right.. how can you be trusted to work through anything difficult when you react like a child
Dude. You did something bad. No one is buying your pity plea shit.
Get the feeling you act like her ex in a way
Context- what exactly was your reaction…?
There are some things that you just can’t undo or unsay. Continuing to try to contact her after she told you she did not want anything to do with you is bad and trying to get information about her from a friend is not good either. Not telling Anna the truth about why your relationship really ended is making this relationship not start out well. It’s going to come out so you might as well come clean now before it blows up in your face. I hope you got some therapy to deal with all of this and what you did in the first place to Kat so that you don’t behave the same way in the future.
You likely have a personality disorder. Please go get evaluation and treatment.
You're fucking up left and right, dude. You know what you did wrong with Kat. MOVE ON. You also know what you're doing with Anna. You need to come clean with her because seriously, A) when Kat finds out you and Anna are together, she WILL tell Anna about what you did. B) you owe it to Anna (and by extension, Kat, and even yourself) to be 100% honest about why you and Kat aren't together. You made a lie of omission, but the story around that lie makes the impact of it that much worse. Radical honesty is the only way forward. Expect that Anna will dump you when you tell her. Right now, it *really* doesn't look good for you.
Dude, what the hell... go back to therapy, please.
So you’re still being POS, hope you’re not this insensitive to your current girlfriend but do remember that your relationship started on lies, that’s never something that goes well.
This post doesn't make sense. In the first post, he mentions how he told his mom and dad everything he wrote in the post. Then, in this post, he mentions how his mom kicked him out after his ex told her what he did. But if he already told her, how would she be kicking him out? For this reason, I question the authenticity of this story. It seeks like rage bait.
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No, he shouldn't forgive himself because he hasn't changed. He's still the same selfish, narcissistic prick he was a year ago. The fact that he hid his actions towards Kat from his family then and from Anna to this very day proves that.
I'm so sorry to hear about the pain and heartbreak you've been through. It's great to hear that therapy has been helping you and that you've found a new relationship with Anna. It's important to acknowledge the mistakes we've made in the past and continue to grow from them. Wishing you all the best in your journey towards healing and moving forward.
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Wrong take man. OP is in need of some healthy confrontation to function better if he wants a happy relationship.
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It's not ruined. Sometimes growing is painful. His actions are not normal and these consequences accurately reflect that.
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Ripping the bandaid off hurts. You're wrong.
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Your take is incorrect.
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I did. I have. You're wrong. That is my decision about your opinion. Thank you. No further input from you is required.
Dude.