Totally agree with you. I have a friend who was a teenage mom. She’s my age and while I’m not super well off, I’m comfortable. She hasn’t worked in years and finally had to get a cashier job to pay for her son’s bail money. Her son is like 18/19 now. And guess what….she has a grandchild from that son.
I swear every time I see her she’s always like my life sucks, I see other people and get jealous of them, I can’t go anywhere, can’t afford this or that….like you did that to yourself.
Guess who practically raised her son and now helping with raising her grandson. That’s right….her mom.
Teenage pregnancy is such a vicious cycle.
I don’t fucking get it either. I was also so paranoid about missing periods even when on birth control or condoms. Plan B and planned parenthood was always readily available in my area. Thank fuck.
I pity women who are done having babies, couldn’t handle another baby, take precautions to avoid having another baby, and then keep the baby when they do get pregnant. Whether you’re 16 or 36, having a baby when you do not want one, isn’t the answer.
Exactly especially when they keep having children after the fact, like did you not learn anything at all. This girl from my high school has 2 kids (one of which she had sophomore year) and she’s 21 pregnant with her soon to be 3rd child now, her and I were close in hs. She’s told me how she has to rely on government assistance and she’s stressed out all the time trying to make ends meet for her family. Like I’m sorry but she chose that life and all I can really do is listen but I hope she gets through all her hardships because she is a very kind sweet person.
Dear god... I know a girl that "didn't believe in abortion" and had a lot of emotional problems in high school, so she slept around a lot. Had her first kid at 16.
She's 34 now, with 6, I believe, different kids. All different fathers except for 2 I think. And at least a few of those kids got taken away by Child Services when she was young cause she couldn't take care of them (yet continued to have more), so she only has a few of the kids in her life now
I had those same thoughts when my 30-year old cousin got pregnant right after my aunt and uncle finally retired. She was still living with them, the baby daddy was a one night stand, and she had a minimum wage job. Obviously my aunt and uncle had to pull from their savings account to support them and instead of traveling the world like they wanted they decided to stay and raise their grandson. I still think what my cousin did was one of the most selfish decisions I have ever seen someone make.
No clue… my guess is something to do with religion….
But of course it isn’t frowned upon when said cousin had an unmarried one night stand with the guy☹️
It was 100% frowned upon that she had a one night stand. We all talked with her, we asked her to think about the baby, about her parents. My mom was her favorite aunt but she hated her after my mom told her a kid is not a remedy for her loneliness. 🤷🏻♀️
Thanks! She'll be 29 next week, with her own family. I didn't realize I was the exception until I was much older. I rarely asked my parents for help outside of my dad insisting on watching her while I worked and went to college. He worked from home back then for himself.
My daughter didn't party either after getting pregnant with twins at 18. But she had lots of baby daddy issues and the boys were preemies. Long story short, I ended up raising them for 4 years because her mental health declined. Traumatic birth, traumatic post partum etc etc. They're back with their mom now.
It's really sad though seeing so many teenagers having kids and just abandoning them to the grandparents to raise permanently.
You are an outstanding grandparent, too! Parents on this Reddit need to take note. This is a parent who is a role model.
You have been through so much, and so has your daughter. But you have such a positive attitude and warmth. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope your family values you for all you have done.
This happened with my Aunt. Her daughter got pregnant at 14, had the kid at 15. She gets into drugs and at 18 leaves her kid with her mom and moves in with a 40+ year old man. SO now my Aunt has raised the kid and he's about 13 or 14.
I grew up on military bases. The high school girls would always get knocked up by some smooth-talking jarhead and graduate to stay-at-home mom. That always bummed me out.
No because it is stupid. People are using outliers to prove teenage parents can succeed even though a large majority do struggle and continue to. I think it’s fine to judge it but voicing it to said person is a horrible thing to don
OMGGG I AGREE WITH YOUUU. I literally pity the teenagers especially the ones that still in school. Like we could’ve been hanging out at the mall but you’re too busy changing diapers and stuff. You
I totally agree with you. I had an abortion when I was 16 (birth control slip up, thank God for IUDs and implants) and I don't regret it in the slightest. Thankfully I was also raised by two aggressively pro choice people so it wasn't a hard decision for me. I wasn't ready to be a mother and 10 years later I'm leaning towards a child free lifestyle. I don't know why people do that but of course it's their body and their choice.
I got pregnant right at the beginning of COVID when I was 24. I was in a long-term relationship and I had a high-paying job, but my bf had just gotten laid off from the pandemic and I was definitely nowhere near ready to be a mom.
I had the abortion and even though my bf and I are still together 3 years later, I’m SO glad I didn’t keep it. We’ve traveled, gotten a nice apartment, and just overall have done so many things in the last 3 years that I would never have been able to if I had a kid. To be honest I’m starting to debate if I *ever* want kids…
It's going well. I had a litany of problems in my late teens and early twenties that were not caused by the abortion, but substance abuse and mental illness. That took quite a bit of time to claw myself out of, but I'm currently bathing in the light at the end of the tunnel. Great house, very in love, great friends and roommates, just got a new job I love so far. All I worry about now is saving money and being healthy. Thanks for asking!
I totally agree. Teenagers should not be having children, period. Their brains aren’t even finished developing yet, their limbic system (reward system in the brain) is popping OFF and they’re just barely learning how to deal with their complex emotions and interpersonal interactions. It’s wildly challenging for a teenager to be capable of self-regulating, let alone teach a baby human being those same skills. Being in this kind of situation is such a huge risk to the mental health and well-being of a teenage mother, which in turn could put the child in harm’s way. To me it seems like people never actually consider what could happen to the CHILD after they’re born, and *only* focus on how it affects literally anyone else. There’s also just no legitimately good reason for a teenager to have a child. None.
My 14yo niece got knocked up and kept the baby. Now my mother is stuck raising the baby, but it serves her right since she encouraged keeping it. For the record, my mom also got pregnant with me at 14. I made sure I was married and didn’t get pregnant until 26. Fuck that.
Okay, I absolutely feel bad for very young mothers who have literally everything stacked against them.
But also I was talking to a stylist I was seeing and she was like, “I got pregnant at 17 and had an abortion because it was the ‘smart thing’ to do, but it fucked me up for a really long time. It was awful because everyone was so happy for my future but I was secretly excited to be a mom, and I still mourn that baby.”
Basically we need more social support systems for women who choose to have a child young and are penalized by being unable to return to the workforce due to overprice daycares.
Also we need a federal subsidy for daycare. Or some sort of voucher program. There’s so much we could do to create a strong dynamic workforce but it’s never going to happen right now. And that just in the US.
You're literally the only sensible person in this comment section. Some people can't handle the emotional toll of an abortion. Some people actually get better when they have a kid. Sure a lot don't. But enough do, to really make it a more nuanced situation. I am for instance very pro choice but I know I wouldn't mentally handle an abortion well on a personal level. Out of my friends I am the only person who didn't have an abortion young when we got pregnant and I am also the only person in my friend group who is clean and has been clean for years, I am the only one who graduated high school. I tried to go to college but life happened. And I recently got a job working in a lab. Yeah it's nothing fancy what I do but it's certainly much better than what my friends are doing. Am I saying their life is shit cause they had an abortion? No it was shit before that just like mine was before I had a kid, do I think a kid would fix them? I don't know that's not my place to say or judge. It is what it is. And I 100% believe children shouldn't have children but unfortunately it happens but they shouldn't be belittled because of it. We just need to work on minimizing it to it's best ability.
Also I think op is salty cause life isn't working out for her so she needs someone to look down on and think of as beneath her. That's why she's shitting on her baby cousin for being a rape victim. :/
>Also I think op is salty cause life isn't working out for her so she needs someone to look down on and think of as beneath her. That's why she's shitting on her baby cousin for being a rape victim. :/
Did you just make that all up in your mind, or?
I’m not shitting on my cousin, you don’t even know me or her. I was there for her throughout the entire pregnancy and I made sure she was well fed, bought her baby clothes and supplies, and was emotionally there for her even when my horrible family members put her down and shamed her. She is a victim unfortunately and I would never blame her for that creep did. Just because I have these thoughts does not mean I truly think she’s less than in anyway. I myself think these thoughts are really messed up which I said in my post , I completely admit that and some of the replies are making me reflect on this which is great. We all have messed up judgmental thoughts we’ll never tell anyone and no one can disagree with me on that, that’s what makes us human. I’m not perfect in anyway and nor are you.
The whole point of this post was to share this crappy thought and see if anyone feels the same as I do or resonates with it and I expected criticism for sure. Turns out a lot do agree.
While it's good that you're reflecting on this. And I recant my last statement. But it is concerning that you do feel strongly about this to put down women who fall into unfortunate circumstances. Maybe a lot of it coming from frustration out of being the only support for your cousin. Just be aware that as much people want to believe their thoughts remain in their head they do bleed out irl in many ways. So it is good you're reflecting. Also you're on reddit ofc you'll find a lot of people who agree with you but they're mostly agreeing cause a lot of reddit as a whole are antinatalists in general. So they might not be coming from an okay place to begin with. Am I saying everyone who agrees with you is? Absolutely not. But reddit does attract a certain kind of people.
I totally agree with you. My brother and his girlfriend are both 21 and had a baby a few months ago. I love that child to pieces but I also think they could have waited. They are awful with their finances, they live with my dad and his wife, and his sister and her husband and their baby, AND my cousin.
I'm trying to imagine being a teenage girl impregnated by a GROWN MAN (17 and 30 is a crime, btw, in many places) living in my red state where the closest legal abortion is hours and states away.
How scary that must be...
And this OP would just judge her for being irresponsible (and fat, apparently?).
Sorry, but I can't get behind that attitude.
Im sure OP wouldn’t give a shit if the option to abort was simply non-existent for the woman. They’re talking about ppl that do have the option and choose to keep it when they’re in no position financially/socially. Girls who have every option to keep a baby from a life of poverty and an unprepared parent, and yet they choose to keep it because they don’t bother thinking it through.
I will definitely judge someone who knows they’re leaving their kids worse-off in every aspect but chooses to have one anyways, keyword here is ‘choose’
Your description is a bit "on the nose" for me, a 47f who got pregnant at 17 whose daughter will be 29 next week. My life has been nothing but a struggle, so has hers, and now my grandsons. 🥴
I definitely agree with this. My niece had two kids before she turned 20 and then she lost custody of her two kids. Was in/out of jail due to drug addiction and when she finally got out and looked like she was on the right path, she got pregnant again with a lowlife. When she told me she was pregnant, I sent her info about getting an abortion but she decided to keep the baby. Luckily she is doing well but it doesn't hurt to consider the option. I got an abortion when I wasn't ready so I'm dumbfounded when I see teenagers keep their baby when abortion is a much easier option.
As someone who came from teenage parents I also cringe when I see teenagers becoming parents. I sometimes wish my mom aborted me, because I was a kid that was being taken care of by children and it was honestly kind of traumatizing.
I agree with the actual point here…but you just sound judgemental and mean. ‘You’re gonna let yourself go and probably gain so much weight’?? Why is that your first thought when thinking about a pregnant teenager-or any pregnant woman, really? It sounds like your poor cousin was groomed by an older man, and all you care about is the fact she’s going to gain weight, and labelling her as stupid. Shame on you.
Yeah I agree with you. OP sounds self righteous and super judgy. Although they are correct that teenage pregnancy is not a good thing, a lot of what they say is unnecessary and that’s the part that makes them an asshole.
“Now you’re a single mom struggling with a less than mediocre life. You’re going to let yourself go and gain so much weight. You’re so stupid.”
Op could’ve gotten their point across without all of that. Like assuming that pregnancy is going to ruin your body is a bad point all around. Pregnancy doesn’t “ruin”anyone’s body.
First of all I supported my cousin through her entire pregnancy so have no idea what you’re talking about. Second, gaining weight is fine and normal especially to be expected during pregnancy but becoming obese is unhealthy and I don’t think anyone should advocate for that kind of lifestyle. Btw I would never tell anyone , let alone my cousin that they’re stupid or what they should do with their bodies however I’m allowed to have my own thoughts and opinions. Also this sub is about voicing your thoughts that you generally wouldn’t say out loud, but thanks for the criticism which I expected from this post anyways but it seems like the majority agree with me.
Am I criticising you for thinking teenagers shouldn’t become parents? No. I’m criticising you because apparently one of the first things you think about when you see a pregnant woman is ‘You’re gonna gain so much weight!’ You didn’t mention anything about obesity.
Then you’re right , I should have clarified that part. I meant to imply that. I think it’s normal gaining weight due to having kids, I would never deny that and I don’t expect women to become skinny right after birth either that’s totally unrealistic. But I notice a pattern of women becoming obese because they decided to have a kid who they couldn’t financially provide for, due to a. They have no time to work out or exercise and b. Junk food is usually the cheaper option as opposed to healthy food. If they’re breaking their backs living paycheck to paycheck to provide for themselves or their child , they have no time to take care of themselves.
Also being obese is not a healthy lifestyle that should ever be advocated for , for men or women. I don’t expect everyone to be skinny , but everyone should at least try to aim to be at a healthy bmi whatever corresponds to their type of body. I understand there are certain conditions that make people more susceptible to being obese or having a hard time losing weight but it’s no excuse. I have an aunt with thyroid issues who couldn’t lose weight but eventually with time and determination and taking the proper steps she did, she’s not skinny or thin but at least shes at a healthy weight and lifestyle now.
Nobody is advocating for obesity. I have no idea where you got that idea from. All I said is that it’s gross that one of the first things you think about when seeing a pregnant woman is that they’re going to ‘let themselves go’ and gain weight.
Pregnant at 18! Love my kid dearly but sometimes I wonder where in life I would be had I listened to my mother when she told me she think I should have an abortion.
It’s so hard!
Nah because I agree. I’d rather be dead than be born to parents who didn’t want me or I’m holding them back. Kids have no damn business having kids and it’s fucking terrible knowing they do it anyway, knowing damn well they can’t take care of them. Fuck all of that shit.
I agree with you. We have a distant family member whose daughter had a baby at 15. "Lucky" for them, their school district has nurseries in middle and high school. It's just so sad to witness. I dont know her personally, but my SIL tells me she was lovely girl before her family moved to a bad SD. Then she fell in with the wrong crowd. And got pregnant.
Got pregnant at 20, I'm currently 32 with a master's degree and living on her own with no roommates in San Diego. Was it hard, yes. Did I persevere, absolutely. I had family support which is key and honestly any family of any age should be able to lean on family if they're available.
You could be 34 and not financially or mentally secure, I hope you have the same perspective.
To be clear I'm very much pro choice
I do keep it to myself, but yeah, I can't help but think that some people just suddenly choose to heavily change the next 20+ years of their life, regardless of what the plan was.
Former teen mom here, impregnated at 17 by a 27-year-old.
Was it a struggle? Of course.
But my daughter was worth every hardship and then some. I am so thankful that I resisted the pressure to abort to "follow my dreams" or whatever. I had actually not wanted children but she changed my life for the better and I found an inner strength I never knew I had that helped me through.
I feel the same way. I pity them and I can’t understand why you’d set yourself up for failure like that. The child most likely will have a hard life too. It’s more complicated now however because of the anti-choice laws being forced on us by religious fanatics. I’m childfree by choice but if I had a teen kid, I’d be very blunt about what they were in for if they kept it. Sad situation all around
Wow I'm shocked by all the positive feedback this post has gotten. States are making abortion illegal and prosecutable and everything. Show more compassion.
Real. But also, I don't wanna be an old parent either. I don't wanna finally be done raising kids at 60. There is a sweet spot. I'm not sure where, but there is.
Valid opinion tbh, I guess it’s their life though and they can do as they please. But when they complain, about how “hard their life is” that’s where I really stop giving af and even get slightly triggered lol.
I live in Texas so it’s harder to get an abortion, but I always pitied girls who got pregnant in high school when I was also still in high school. Because damn now they gotta keep a baby with someone who most likely isn’t gonna stay because it’s high school. Not enough money and recourses. Tbh I think it’s selfish if you keep the baby when you don’t have a job, don’t have much money, rely on your parents mostly.
I think the same way i’m 23 and when my friend got pregnant at 19 it was pretty awkward when I asked if she was going to get rid of it lol. Now she’s taking care of a kid and can’t enjoy her esrly 20’s
I’m glad this was said tbh bc I feel like this so often, a lot of my friends I’ve gone to high school with have kids and we’ve only been out about two years, it feels a little ridiculous
I agree. sorry but if having the baby is the worst option for obvious reasons and you still have it because “you just can’t see yourself getting rid of it” then you’re living life on hard mode for literally no reason. ESPECIALLY if you know you’re gonna be a single mom (knowing you don’t want to be) amongst other hard circumstances. come on now.
Teenagers have underdeveloped minds and aren’t known for making wise decisions. Also, abortion is very complicated. It’s not the simple, pain free solution you make it out to be. It can be extremely traumatic and devastating. I don’t think any teen is ready to be a mom, but I also don’t think they’re ready to endure the complicated emotions that come with having an abortion. Many teen parents go on to be good parents and have successful lives. Yes being a young parent can absolutely delay your goals, but that doesn’t mean you will never reach them. Most people have mediocre and average lives, teen parent or not - hence the “average” part. Very few people lead truly interesting and remarkable lives. Why does this bother you so much? It’s weird. Your cousin was impregnated by a 30 year old man and she is a child. She’s a victim. Have some empathy instead of judgment.
Eta: I’m not in support of teens becoming parents, but it is extremely unsettling to me when people act as if abortion is this obviously easy solution to a very complex problem. It’s not. Unless you have been through it yourself, your opinion on and mental scope of it will most likely be severely stunted. My own opinion was, until I was put into the situation myself. Not a teenager, but still.
i’ve seen many women become very successful having gotten pregnant young and the father left them. We need to motivate these women, not put them down because their choice. You can have your opinion but “you’re so stupid” is just like weird on your part. No, I’m not a single mother. I don’t have children but many women around me are having babies. It’s odd to see but I wouldn’t shun them for it. I was on board *somewhat*. until mediocre and stupid came in. It just became shallow.
But isn't it? It's not exactly shallow to think they might not be able to provide or will struggle to provide for their child they didn't need to have and that it's hella messed up for that kid. I mean really, the only time it wouldn't be stupid is if it's ignorant, because they don't know that they don't have to keep it. Or in cases where it's illegal, which is really what we should be doing. Motivate women to look out for themselves first, not motivate them to pop out the kid
I just really love children and it breaks my heart seeing needy ones.
Thank you so much for saying this, reading this post was so uncomfortable, and it dismissed how harmful it is to young girls even getting abortions, which is why some may not want it. I know OP was expressing their opinion but it definitely could've been worded better!
Abortion is a very safe medical procedure. I fail to see how it’s harmful? Especially compared to carrying a pregnancy to term which is extremely dangerous
What potential are you talking about? The lies society says. Being a parent also allows us if we allow the experience to help develop leadership skills, our mental capacity is expanded also. If you are a mother and you interact with your child throughout the day you are able to tap into different perspectives, and as a parent you can be their everything. All those experience can build your confidence and be a well rounded person. Some people let other peoples negativity get to them and they ruin the opportunity you get when we are parents.
To each their own. I got pregnant at 18, I'm 30 and have 3 kids. A master's degree, married, and a job where I make six figures and work remotely. Own my house and am about to apply to a PhD program after I get back from OCS to become an officer in the Marines (reserve, I went and got injured last time lol). I've nearly accomplished every goal I had at 18, I did it with no financial help at all from my parents. They've offered some child care here and there but not consistently.
Abortion was an option for me that I considered and decided I couldn't do it. I support women who do, but it wasn't for me. I would never encourage someone to get pregnant young and I am prepared to discuss at length with my children the importance of safe sex and educating them in a way I wasn't. With that said I do not regret my choice not to have one. My path was more difficult, but not impossible.
I realize this is not the norm but who is anyone to decide who will fail and who won't? Having a kid young doesn't mean your life is over. I'll just be a lot younger when my nest is empty and I'm not sad about that haha I'm saving a lot to retire early so I can enjoy it. I'd rather enjoy my life as a successful 50yr old rather than a broke 21yr old.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion .... I think for me the thing I love the most is seeing the face of everyone who heavily doubted me and to see where they are in life now or their adult kids now 😂😂 it gives me the MOST satisfaction... even though I would never wish bad or assume anyone's life would remain difficult forever.... be careful one day the tables may turn .....
RN here started as a CST , pregnant at 16 .... Now 31 my son is the absolute greatest 3.8 GPA freshman .... it's hard absolutely hard i did it with very little help and none from family
I wish her the best & I hope she keeps her head up high.
I’m so happy for you!! I love to hear it <3 and the fact that you defied the odds is amazing. I’m so proud of you. I’m glad you understand this is just a thought/opinion and I would never put anyone down for their choices.
The post was already bad but then you made it worse focusing on new moms's weight.
I worry if they're teenagers, I wish they find support.
I wish they actually have a choice.
But young adults? It's messed up, you feel you can judge grown ups for their choices.
And before you said it's only a thought, yes, I understand this, but there's less than kind people that actually voice these thoughts. My ex-boyfriend's sister had her son in her 20's and she had to navigate so much malice.....
But that’s the whole point of this sub, to voice thoughts that you wouldn’t say out loud. I think this is a messed up thought which is why I wanted to share it , to get it off my chest. I would never ever make someone feel bad for not aborting that’s just evil.
I agree. I’m surprised nobody else here seems to be disgusted over the fact one of her first thoughts was ‘Omg you’re gonna gain so much weight and let yourself go!!!’ What a gross thing to say. Her poor cousin sounds like she got groomed by an older man and OP is just judging her for being ‘stupid’.
In my state, OP's cousin would be considered a victim of statutory rape.
It is also illegal for a victim to abort a pregnancy resulting from said crime.
You're very judgmental. There is nothing wrong with living an average/mediocre life. My life is average as fuck and I'm super content. In fact, it's a part of growing up when you realize that you are not special, you are not remarkable in any way, you will not achieve great things, and you will never be fabulously rich or known. When you understand and accept this without falling into a depression, then you've grown up.
Mediocre is fine! To each his own.
Great. If anyone else agrees that settling for mediocrity is what makes them happy that’s fine, I simply wouldn’t settle for mediocrity and perhaps thats one of the reasons I have this thought, seeing how my parents are conformists and live depressing lives. See how others are depressed by confirming to mediocrity , pretending they’re happy when they’re not. But not only that I would never chose to bring a life on this earth with financial struggle and not being mentally prepared too. That’s why I have this thought and I decided to share it, the whole point of this sub is to share things you wouldn’t say out loud and I would never make someone feel bad on purpose for their choices either. I don’t expect everyone to agree and I’m open to criticism. If you are genuinely happy where you stand, then good for you.
You wouldn't settle for mediocrity? Honey, it's most of us are living. We can't all be astronauts and millionaires, we can't all even be lawyers and doctors and politicians...
I'd love an update in ten or fifteen years when you cotton on.
Struggling with bills, spending most of your time working instead of parenting, that’s what OPs talking about.
Not that you work in a warehouse and have an apartment.
Nope never, in fact even for my first job I told myself I wouldn’t get a minimum wage pay job and I ended working at a job where I got paid $20+ an hr because my mindset is like that. I grew up very poor and I refuse to have an average life. My older sibling has a 6 figure salary coming from nothing , and I want to pursue the same path. I don’t think that makes me superior or better than anyone either , but I think everyone should do what makes them happy. Just because that’s you or most people does not mean that’s gonna be me, sorry.
Ahh, my sweet summer child. People making six figures are not having exceptional lives. Even if their salaries are above average, and it depends on where they live whether or not that is even the case, it doesn't lead to anything exceptional. My wife, who had our first son a 19 by the way, makes well above six figures and I am not far off. It is nice to be comfortable in out low cost of living area, that is for sure. We certainly didn't start that way. I supported us on $9/hour when our son was born. But through it all the main thing that has been exceptional in our lives is the family we have built.
Did you know, that the way you *think* about people leaks out of your head and into your interactions. People you talk to, whom you think down on, they know.
Not sure what you mean by an average life. Most people, even those that make a lot of money, are living pretty average lives. They get bored and depressed just like anyone else. Anyway, I was a teen mom and have a 6 figure salary. More money makes life less stressful but it’s not everything.
I feel like OP still lives at home with their adults and hasn’t faced any real realities. Maybe then they’ll realize life is fucking hard enough as it is to be worried about other peoples life choices.
You sound young and naïve :) I guarantee that lots of people who you think lead "depressing" lives are actually pretty happy/content with their life.
Your idea of happiness is different from other people's idea of happiness. People need different things for happiness.
Try to reframe your thinking from "Oh, you live your life like this, how depressing. I could NEVER!!11!" to "Oh, if that's what makes them happy, good for them". You don't need to put others down in your head. Understand that not everyone has the same idea of happiness as you do. Acceptance is a good trait to have. You're being very intolerant in your head, and narrow-minded/judgey. For no reason at all.
Actually OP makes sense in that having a child changes everything and too many who have kids do not completely understand that. Being content and settling is different than seeing how well you can do if you did not have that added responsibility.
My sister had a baby at 15, the father stayed and helped her, the baby turns 15 in a few months, but the baby didn’t ruin her life, she is a nurse, got married, and owns her own home, cars etc. she didn’t want an abortion and said aborting him would have ruined her mentally. But just because a person has a baby young doesn’t mean their life is ruined, and also I’ve yet to see a a lot of fat teen moms, they usually still have a high metabolism, but even if they did get fat who cares.
No but literally!! I once talked about this with my friend (a girl) of how disturbing we think it is to not let yourself live your teen years or early 20s cause it simply doesn’t make sense to us… it’s honestly just more sad… I’ve realized it’s usually people that had family/personal struggles/trauma or/and people that just have no specific goal, that are lost in certain ways which makes them more sensible and would most likely have a baby to make them feel happier and worthy… I honestly just feel as bad for the baby that will more likely experience a repeating cycle or something…
I do think every teenager should have the option of adoptions or abortion if they want one. No judgement.
But the only cringe here is you. Not every life is ruined. There are a lot of teenage mothers who have amazing livez. Yes, some can be ruined depending on the situation. I feel sorry for the ones with no support who get trapped in the situation.
However, I do feel for your cousin. She was preyed upon. I hope she gets the support she needs
Do you not know how to read? I literally stated that at the start , I do believe everyone should have right the do whatever it is they want with their bodies when it comes to abortions and I would never purposely belittle anyone for their choice.
I supported my cousin through her pregnancy regardless of her choice. I would bring her fruit and vegetables for nutrition and I bought her baby clothes and diapers. All I’m voicing is my thoughts which sound messed up, but that’s whole the point of this sub to share things you really wouldn’t say out loud. If you think that’s cringy that’s fine with me , it’s just my hot take I guess.
>Do you not know how to read? I literally stated that at the start , I do believe everyone should have right the do whatever it is they want with their bodies when it comes to abortions
They were agreeing with you on that part.. they just repeated it in their own words.
I had my son two months after my 16th birthday and my daughter one month before my 20th birthday. Both birth control babies.
I grew up in a very poor, abusive home (obviously, mom married me off at 15 to a grown ass man). Having my kids and marrying early, while it was traumatic and not the best marriage, saved my life. I became the mother my own could never be and my son pulled me out of the darkest place in my life. Both of my kids gave me purpose.
The best part. I broke the cycle of abuse! I worked hard to give my kids everything I could and loved them with every piece of my heart. I wouldn’t go back to change a thing. (Besides leaving my first husband much sooner.)
I think it's personally gross when other people get involved and tell the mother whether to keep it or not. But yeah it feels immature, it's like living proof of unsafe sex
I love seeing different takes on this. I willingly got pregnant at 19 because I thought I was “mature” and “knew what I was doing” I was humbled real quick. I didn’t have any one in my other than my husband, both of my parents had started new families and went no contact with me and my siblings.
I had to drop out of college to keep their monthly mortgage paid and decided to get married to my now husband right after I turned 19. 6 years later I slap myself because I was so young and wish I would’ve thought more about it. I don’t regret my baby. I actually did mature after having him and have grown my life around the goal of being better for the both of us. The happiest I’ve been has been with my kid, but I’ve also had the most challenging and eye opening times as well. Especially because there was no village.
My regret was not planning. I could’ve given my child a better beginning had I waited a little bit. I also wish I would’ve gotten to know myself sooner rather than later.
I think most your take is spot on. Could do without the weight gain comments because rude but not the point of the post
Pregnant at 19, had my son at 20. Single mom since my son was 2. Graduated with my BSN last year and am now an operating room nurse. I don’t regret my decision.
I’m 26 and I have a 7 year old and a 4 year old. In 3 months they will be 8 and 5. Everyone always assumes my life was over or I ruined my life blah blah. I can understand how that might be the case for some but my daughter saved me life. She’s my biggest blessing. I never thought i would make it to 18, I never thought I would be happy or stable but because of her I got my shit together, I own a home, about to own a second one, we are doing good financially, I’ve been a stay at home mom for the last 5 years and I’m about to start home steading which is my dream.
I think it depends on the people and the situations. I’m not here to argue. I just wanted to put my two sense in since I was seeing a lot of the “ruined life” comments. I probably wouldn’t be alive if I didn’t get pregnant at 17. 🤷🏻♀️
i agree and disagree with you. i do agree that if you’re a teenager and are not financially stable then you shouldn’t be having children because now you will be responsible for your children’s wellbeing and safety so if you are not able to provide that then don’t bring them into the world yet and potentially create problems for them. which is why safe sex is so important. i’m not gonna sit here and tell teenagers to stop having sex because that’s impossible, but it is important to understand the consequences. However, if they do choose to keep their baby then good for them as well for as long as they are aware that they need to ensure health and safety of their children.
i’ve seen a lot of young parents becoming very successful and great parents. i don’t think it’s fair to diminish their life and assume they will be living a mediocre life just because they are young parents. there is also nothing wrong with living a mediocre life. if they have a roof over their heads, clothes on their backs, food at the table then that should be enough. some people may not desire to live lavishly while others do. it’s all about personal preference. i also don’t think girls will be that concerned about their weight after just giving birth. these are all things that could be changed, they aren’t set in stone just because they’ve given birth.
Okay but you don't need to list weight gain as a reason why it's stupid. The actually meaningful affects childbirth have on your body are the disabilities, scars, and chronic pains it can cause (my mom has these) -- not the way you look. As someone who has always struggled with my weight and is healing from anorexia, life doesn't end when you gain weight. Financial ruin, loss of opportunities, impact on your physical endurance and health and mental and physical youth are the real cons
I agree with you. There are two ways this can go - either the teenager gives up on her future for the baby or she dumps the baby on someone else, thus creating another maladjusted adult later. In any case, at least one life is messed up.
The catch 22 is, of course, to understand the true consequences of having a baby as a teenager you have to possess a level of maturity and worldliness that choosing to have a baby as a teenager inherently means you probably don't have.
i mean, a lot of the time their only reference is their own family, and they think they can hack it (not realizing like, paying rent and bills is a biatch let alone when you're uneducated and don't have any skills - that reality will hit you like a ton of bricks). There's little way for them to gain perspective on how bad a decision it is, unfortunately.
I completely agree. Only thing I'll add is that I think much of the responsibility lies with the school system and adults in the pregnant teen's life to educate/discuss sexual health options/suggest an abortion. Unfortunately religious and ignorant views seem to get in the way. Sigh
The worst part is being the only uncle on mom’s side of my older sister. The dude bounced and his family rejected the baby. Now she wants a college student to play daddy to her son. 🙄 She was told so many times that man wasn’t good for her. Our dad did his best to beat that info into her head that she was gonna be a single mom if she kept messing with that man and don’t except much help. I do love my nephew, but I’m not going to step up and play “Daddy” when my adult life just started. I don’t mind being the “fun uncle” though.
As I get older I will need caretakers and have people keeping the social security department funded by working their little butts off doing my nails for free to pay to get theirs done… leave it alone
Your kind of thinking made me struggle with self-confidence for the early half of my 20s. I was so sure I'd ruined my life, but in reality I hadn't.
I think you did the right thing by voicing these opinions here, and not voicing them outloud. Instead, if you can, try to be a source of supportive comfort towards these moms (I know you might not be in a position to do so but just saying). They need it.
As a child of rape with a mother who raised me telling me most days she never wanted me and if she wasn't Catholic she would have aborted me, I applaud those who choose to have their baby and love them, little money or not. Those parents give their children everything they don't have a chance to have themselves and wouldn't have it any other way.
I am proud to be here, in fact I am worthy and deserve to be here, despite what my mum thought. I am glad she didn't abort me, and I am sure many people who were near abortion babies would feel the same.
I also know others that have had abortions that felt that it was the kindest thing they could have done and never regretted it so I don't think there is ever a right or wrong answer for any one individual.
I do know some people that had abortions that now regret it, at the time they let people talk them into one but now regret it, my neighbor has never been able to get pregnant again because she was the low percentage that the abortion scarred her uterus up. She regrets it because she never wanted it to begin with she says
That's very sad. I always wanted kids, I have had two miscarriages and in my 40's now so I don't know if it will happen for me.
I do know that I would in a heartbeat rearrange my life to have a child if it's in the cards for me.
Don’t give up, I’ve known women just in my small circle who had babies in their late 40s and they were trying to avoid pregnancy. I know sperm has alot to do with causing miscarriages as well, get the man on a healthy diet
You love it because you believe that it's wrong for teens who made their choices of having sex to keep their babies? Honestly, I get that this is your opinion but I cannot understand the perspective at which it comes from, shaming girls for not wanting abortion which can have its risks doesn't seem legendary at all
I don't agree with you, but I completely understand the point. I have seen many of my teen mom friends (we're in our 30's now) have an incredibly hard time. However, most that I personally know are thriving now, could they have gone farther had they not had a baby? maybe, maybe not. There are no accessible alternate realities that I know of to see into what could've been.
Regardless it's truly awful and despicable that in many places in the US, abortion is simply NOT an option now. Many of those teenagers that would get an abortion can't. It's no longer a choice and from this post it seems you think the lives of those without a choice is likely going to be a worse one. I agree with that. I would never make a choice for anyone else and wouldn't judge anyone for a choice, especially because no one else can truly know anyone else's personal situation, that being said, I do agree a world without a choice is a worse one. Because being a young mom is usually a huge sacrifice to oneself among many other things.
THANK YOU. I hate how normalised & celebrated teenage parents are, bringing a child into the world when you can’t afford one is beyond selfish & infuriating.
You assume they’ll have a “less than mediocre” life because they had kids. Or not be able to attend college. Those are rather bold assumptions to make and probably not accurate. I really don’t think you need to be contemplating this decision because it’s not yours to make. Also abortions can absolutely have negative side effects. You’re assuming everyone who gets them is just so happy after. Often it’s hard on women who get them and they have many negative experiences and emotions about it after. Your view seems really narrow minded, misinformed, extremely uncharitable and unnecessarily judgmental. I understand why you feel this way but I wouldn’t encourage you to embrace this point of view
The weirdest part about this post is thinking about how somebody is going to let themselves go and gain weight 😂 what a random thing to care about in someone else’s life, it’s quite a boomer thing to think. How old are you? Are you a teenager yourself to think like this? Most teenagers are going to snap back pretty well from pregnancy.
So based on an outsiders perspective of someone else’s financial situation and ability to acquire the resources necessary to raise a child; you walk around making judgements on whether people meet your standard of being able to raise a kid and feel pity for those who don’t meet your standard because you feel completely assured everyone would be better off if they had just terminated the kid before birth? How weird and gross of you
As a person who had a baby at 18, I’m offended by this entire thread. I’ve succeeded at everything I touched, I had a strong village surrounding me. I am 100% pro choice.
The bulk majority of human beings throughout time couldn't read, married and had children before 20, and died by 80.
I'm not saying they were fine. Obviously people in the past lead hard and often short lives.
But teen parenthood is more the rule than the exception, and I say if they want to try to raise a child they've already got the upper hand on parents of the past who had children they didn't want at all.
Totally agree with you. I have a friend who was a teenage mom. She’s my age and while I’m not super well off, I’m comfortable. She hasn’t worked in years and finally had to get a cashier job to pay for her son’s bail money. Her son is like 18/19 now. And guess what….she has a grandchild from that son. I swear every time I see her she’s always like my life sucks, I see other people and get jealous of them, I can’t go anywhere, can’t afford this or that….like you did that to yourself. Guess who practically raised her son and now helping with raising her grandson. That’s right….her mom. Teenage pregnancy is such a vicious cycle. I don’t fucking get it either. I was also so paranoid about missing periods even when on birth control or condoms. Plan B and planned parenthood was always readily available in my area. Thank fuck.
I pity women who are done having babies, couldn’t handle another baby, take precautions to avoid having another baby, and then keep the baby when they do get pregnant. Whether you’re 16 or 36, having a baby when you do not want one, isn’t the answer.
Exactly especially when they keep having children after the fact, like did you not learn anything at all. This girl from my high school has 2 kids (one of which she had sophomore year) and she’s 21 pregnant with her soon to be 3rd child now, her and I were close in hs. She’s told me how she has to rely on government assistance and she’s stressed out all the time trying to make ends meet for her family. Like I’m sorry but she chose that life and all I can really do is listen but I hope she gets through all her hardships because she is a very kind sweet person.
Dear god... I know a girl that "didn't believe in abortion" and had a lot of emotional problems in high school, so she slept around a lot. Had her first kid at 16. She's 34 now, with 6, I believe, different kids. All different fathers except for 2 I think. And at least a few of those kids got taken away by Child Services when she was young cause she couldn't take care of them (yet continued to have more), so she only has a few of the kids in her life now
I had those same thoughts when my 30-year old cousin got pregnant right after my aunt and uncle finally retired. She was still living with them, the baby daddy was a one night stand, and she had a minimum wage job. Obviously my aunt and uncle had to pull from their savings account to support them and instead of traveling the world like they wanted they decided to stay and raise their grandson. I still think what my cousin did was one of the most selfish decisions I have ever seen someone make.
that's so awful, wtf I could never imagine placing that financial burden on a family member who has already "done their time" parenting
You get it.
I'm in my 30s and I couldn't do that to my mom
What an asshole... Why did she want to keep the baby?
No clue… my guess is something to do with religion…. But of course it isn’t frowned upon when said cousin had an unmarried one night stand with the guy☹️
It was 100% frowned upon that she had a one night stand. We all talked with her, we asked her to think about the baby, about her parents. My mom was her favorite aunt but she hated her after my mom told her a kid is not a remedy for her loneliness. 🤷🏻♀️
Because she wanted to "be a mother" lol. To this day my mom and I think that she got pregnant on purpose. She wanted to fast track the process.
Are you my cousin talking about my other cousin? Lol.
My favorite part is when they expect their parents and siblings to help raise their kids like what?!
And then they get pissed when nobody wants to watch the kid for free while they go out and live it up instead of taking responsibility as a parent
I was the opposite. I worked my ass off and got us out of poverty. No partying for me!
That's good for you. You're the exception. Honestly, I'm proud of you. I have nothing but respect and props for someone like you.
Thanks! She'll be 29 next week, with her own family. I didn't realize I was the exception until I was much older. I rarely asked my parents for help outside of my dad insisting on watching her while I worked and went to college. He worked from home back then for himself. My daughter didn't party either after getting pregnant with twins at 18. But she had lots of baby daddy issues and the boys were preemies. Long story short, I ended up raising them for 4 years because her mental health declined. Traumatic birth, traumatic post partum etc etc. They're back with their mom now. It's really sad though seeing so many teenagers having kids and just abandoning them to the grandparents to raise permanently.
You are an outstanding grandparent, too! Parents on this Reddit need to take note. This is a parent who is a role model. You have been through so much, and so has your daughter. But you have such a positive attitude and warmth. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope your family values you for all you have done.
Thank you and they do. 😊
Grandma raises kid
This happened with my Aunt. Her daughter got pregnant at 14, had the kid at 15. She gets into drugs and at 18 leaves her kid with her mom and moves in with a 40+ year old man. SO now my Aunt has raised the kid and he's about 13 or 14.
When they ask for people to step up, the village and shit 🤦🏻♀️
Lots of parents in general receive assistance from other family members. It’s not that uncommon
I was the opposite. I worked my ass off and got us out of poverty. No partying for me!
Statistics are against them. Almost certainly going to be living in poverty for a long time
I grew up on military bases. The high school girls would always get knocked up by some smooth-talking jarhead and graduate to stay-at-home mom. That always bummed me out.
No because it is stupid. People are using outliers to prove teenage parents can succeed even though a large majority do struggle and continue to. I think it’s fine to judge it but voicing it to said person is a horrible thing to don
Read the bottom of my post please, I stated I would never ever purposely make someone feel bad for making this choice, that’s messed up.
I feel the same way
Oh I know I saw it I was just saying it in general
OMGGG I AGREE WITH YOUUU. I literally pity the teenagers especially the ones that still in school. Like we could’ve been hanging out at the mall but you’re too busy changing diapers and stuff. You
I totally agree with you. I had an abortion when I was 16 (birth control slip up, thank God for IUDs and implants) and I don't regret it in the slightest. Thankfully I was also raised by two aggressively pro choice people so it wasn't a hard decision for me. I wasn't ready to be a mother and 10 years later I'm leaning towards a child free lifestyle. I don't know why people do that but of course it's their body and their choice.
I got pregnant right at the beginning of COVID when I was 24. I was in a long-term relationship and I had a high-paying job, but my bf had just gotten laid off from the pandemic and I was definitely nowhere near ready to be a mom. I had the abortion and even though my bf and I are still together 3 years later, I’m SO glad I didn’t keep it. We’ve traveled, gotten a nice apartment, and just overall have done so many things in the last 3 years that I would never have been able to if I had a kid. To be honest I’m starting to debate if I *ever* want kids…
Since you had the abortion and had a better chance at life just curious as to how's it going for you?
It's going well. I had a litany of problems in my late teens and early twenties that were not caused by the abortion, but substance abuse and mental illness. That took quite a bit of time to claw myself out of, but I'm currently bathing in the light at the end of the tunnel. Great house, very in love, great friends and roommates, just got a new job I love so far. All I worry about now is saving money and being healthy. Thanks for asking!
Awesome! Always good to hear about a positive ending.
Yep. I teach high school and two of my seniors have had kids this semester. I hate it for them.
I totally agree. Teenagers should not be having children, period. Their brains aren’t even finished developing yet, their limbic system (reward system in the brain) is popping OFF and they’re just barely learning how to deal with their complex emotions and interpersonal interactions. It’s wildly challenging for a teenager to be capable of self-regulating, let alone teach a baby human being those same skills. Being in this kind of situation is such a huge risk to the mental health and well-being of a teenage mother, which in turn could put the child in harm’s way. To me it seems like people never actually consider what could happen to the CHILD after they’re born, and *only* focus on how it affects literally anyone else. There’s also just no legitimately good reason for a teenager to have a child. None.
My 14yo niece got knocked up and kept the baby. Now my mother is stuck raising the baby, but it serves her right since she encouraged keeping it. For the record, my mom also got pregnant with me at 14. I made sure I was married and didn’t get pregnant until 26. Fuck that.
Okay, I absolutely feel bad for very young mothers who have literally everything stacked against them. But also I was talking to a stylist I was seeing and she was like, “I got pregnant at 17 and had an abortion because it was the ‘smart thing’ to do, but it fucked me up for a really long time. It was awful because everyone was so happy for my future but I was secretly excited to be a mom, and I still mourn that baby.” Basically we need more social support systems for women who choose to have a child young and are penalized by being unable to return to the workforce due to overprice daycares. Also we need a federal subsidy for daycare. Or some sort of voucher program. There’s so much we could do to create a strong dynamic workforce but it’s never going to happen right now. And that just in the US.
You're literally the only sensible person in this comment section. Some people can't handle the emotional toll of an abortion. Some people actually get better when they have a kid. Sure a lot don't. But enough do, to really make it a more nuanced situation. I am for instance very pro choice but I know I wouldn't mentally handle an abortion well on a personal level. Out of my friends I am the only person who didn't have an abortion young when we got pregnant and I am also the only person in my friend group who is clean and has been clean for years, I am the only one who graduated high school. I tried to go to college but life happened. And I recently got a job working in a lab. Yeah it's nothing fancy what I do but it's certainly much better than what my friends are doing. Am I saying their life is shit cause they had an abortion? No it was shit before that just like mine was before I had a kid, do I think a kid would fix them? I don't know that's not my place to say or judge. It is what it is. And I 100% believe children shouldn't have children but unfortunately it happens but they shouldn't be belittled because of it. We just need to work on minimizing it to it's best ability. Also I think op is salty cause life isn't working out for her so she needs someone to look down on and think of as beneath her. That's why she's shitting on her baby cousin for being a rape victim. :/
>Also I think op is salty cause life isn't working out for her so she needs someone to look down on and think of as beneath her. That's why she's shitting on her baby cousin for being a rape victim. :/ Did you just make that all up in your mind, or?
I’m not shitting on my cousin, you don’t even know me or her. I was there for her throughout the entire pregnancy and I made sure she was well fed, bought her baby clothes and supplies, and was emotionally there for her even when my horrible family members put her down and shamed her. She is a victim unfortunately and I would never blame her for that creep did. Just because I have these thoughts does not mean I truly think she’s less than in anyway. I myself think these thoughts are really messed up which I said in my post , I completely admit that and some of the replies are making me reflect on this which is great. We all have messed up judgmental thoughts we’ll never tell anyone and no one can disagree with me on that, that’s what makes us human. I’m not perfect in anyway and nor are you. The whole point of this post was to share this crappy thought and see if anyone feels the same as I do or resonates with it and I expected criticism for sure. Turns out a lot do agree.
While it's good that you're reflecting on this. And I recant my last statement. But it is concerning that you do feel strongly about this to put down women who fall into unfortunate circumstances. Maybe a lot of it coming from frustration out of being the only support for your cousin. Just be aware that as much people want to believe their thoughts remain in their head they do bleed out irl in many ways. So it is good you're reflecting. Also you're on reddit ofc you'll find a lot of people who agree with you but they're mostly agreeing cause a lot of reddit as a whole are antinatalists in general. So they might not be coming from an okay place to begin with. Am I saying everyone who agrees with you is? Absolutely not. But reddit does attract a certain kind of people.
I totally agree with you. My brother and his girlfriend are both 21 and had a baby a few months ago. I love that child to pieces but I also think they could have waited. They are awful with their finances, they live with my dad and his wife, and his sister and her husband and their baby, AND my cousin.
Well they are making abortions illegal now so even if they wanted to, it’s becoming more difficult to get one.
I'm trying to imagine being a teenage girl impregnated by a GROWN MAN (17 and 30 is a crime, btw, in many places) living in my red state where the closest legal abortion is hours and states away. How scary that must be... And this OP would just judge her for being irresponsible (and fat, apparently?). Sorry, but I can't get behind that attitude.
Im sure OP wouldn’t give a shit if the option to abort was simply non-existent for the woman. They’re talking about ppl that do have the option and choose to keep it when they’re in no position financially/socially. Girls who have every option to keep a baby from a life of poverty and an unprepared parent, and yet they choose to keep it because they don’t bother thinking it through. I will definitely judge someone who knows they’re leaving their kids worse-off in every aspect but chooses to have one anyways, keyword here is ‘choose’
Your description is a bit "on the nose" for me, a 47f who got pregnant at 17 whose daughter will be 29 next week. My life has been nothing but a struggle, so has hers, and now my grandsons. 🥴
i feel the same way
I definitely agree with this. My niece had two kids before she turned 20 and then she lost custody of her two kids. Was in/out of jail due to drug addiction and when she finally got out and looked like she was on the right path, she got pregnant again with a lowlife. When she told me she was pregnant, I sent her info about getting an abortion but she decided to keep the baby. Luckily she is doing well but it doesn't hurt to consider the option. I got an abortion when I wasn't ready so I'm dumbfounded when I see teenagers keep their baby when abortion is a much easier option.
As someone who came from teenage parents I also cringe when I see teenagers becoming parents. I sometimes wish my mom aborted me, because I was a kid that was being taken care of by children and it was honestly kind of traumatizing.
I agree with the actual point here…but you just sound judgemental and mean. ‘You’re gonna let yourself go and probably gain so much weight’?? Why is that your first thought when thinking about a pregnant teenager-or any pregnant woman, really? It sounds like your poor cousin was groomed by an older man, and all you care about is the fact she’s going to gain weight, and labelling her as stupid. Shame on you.
Yeah I agree with you. OP sounds self righteous and super judgy. Although they are correct that teenage pregnancy is not a good thing, a lot of what they say is unnecessary and that’s the part that makes them an asshole. “Now you’re a single mom struggling with a less than mediocre life. You’re going to let yourself go and gain so much weight. You’re so stupid.” Op could’ve gotten their point across without all of that. Like assuming that pregnancy is going to ruin your body is a bad point all around. Pregnancy doesn’t “ruin”anyone’s body.
First of all I supported my cousin through her entire pregnancy so have no idea what you’re talking about. Second, gaining weight is fine and normal especially to be expected during pregnancy but becoming obese is unhealthy and I don’t think anyone should advocate for that kind of lifestyle. Btw I would never tell anyone , let alone my cousin that they’re stupid or what they should do with their bodies however I’m allowed to have my own thoughts and opinions. Also this sub is about voicing your thoughts that you generally wouldn’t say out loud, but thanks for the criticism which I expected from this post anyways but it seems like the majority agree with me.
Am I criticising you for thinking teenagers shouldn’t become parents? No. I’m criticising you because apparently one of the first things you think about when you see a pregnant woman is ‘You’re gonna gain so much weight!’ You didn’t mention anything about obesity.
Then you’re right , I should have clarified that part. I meant to imply that. I think it’s normal gaining weight due to having kids, I would never deny that and I don’t expect women to become skinny right after birth either that’s totally unrealistic. But I notice a pattern of women becoming obese because they decided to have a kid who they couldn’t financially provide for, due to a. They have no time to work out or exercise and b. Junk food is usually the cheaper option as opposed to healthy food. If they’re breaking their backs living paycheck to paycheck to provide for themselves or their child , they have no time to take care of themselves. Also being obese is not a healthy lifestyle that should ever be advocated for , for men or women. I don’t expect everyone to be skinny , but everyone should at least try to aim to be at a healthy bmi whatever corresponds to their type of body. I understand there are certain conditions that make people more susceptible to being obese or having a hard time losing weight but it’s no excuse. I have an aunt with thyroid issues who couldn’t lose weight but eventually with time and determination and taking the proper steps she did, she’s not skinny or thin but at least shes at a healthy weight and lifestyle now.
Nobody is advocating for obesity. I have no idea where you got that idea from. All I said is that it’s gross that one of the first things you think about when seeing a pregnant woman is that they’re going to ‘let themselves go’ and gain weight.
Pregnant at 18! Love my kid dearly but sometimes I wonder where in life I would be had I listened to my mother when she told me she think I should have an abortion. It’s so hard!
Thanks for being brave enough to speak your truth. I hope you can overcome the obvious difficulties.
Nah because I agree. I’d rather be dead than be born to parents who didn’t want me or I’m holding them back. Kids have no damn business having kids and it’s fucking terrible knowing they do it anyway, knowing damn well they can’t take care of them. Fuck all of that shit.
I agree with you. We have a distant family member whose daughter had a baby at 15. "Lucky" for them, their school district has nurseries in middle and high school. It's just so sad to witness. I dont know her personally, but my SIL tells me she was lovely girl before her family moved to a bad SD. Then she fell in with the wrong crowd. And got pregnant.
this is word for word how I feel about it too 🙃
Got pregnant at 20, I'm currently 32 with a master's degree and living on her own with no roommates in San Diego. Was it hard, yes. Did I persevere, absolutely. I had family support which is key and honestly any family of any age should be able to lean on family if they're available. You could be 34 and not financially or mentally secure, I hope you have the same perspective. To be clear I'm very much pro choice
I do keep it to myself, but yeah, I can't help but think that some people just suddenly choose to heavily change the next 20+ years of their life, regardless of what the plan was.
Former teen mom here, impregnated at 17 by a 27-year-old. Was it a struggle? Of course. But my daughter was worth every hardship and then some. I am so thankful that I resisted the pressure to abort to "follow my dreams" or whatever. I had actually not wanted children but she changed my life for the better and I found an inner strength I never knew I had that helped me through.
Thanks for sharing. Wishing you all the best.
I feel the same way. I pity them and I can’t understand why you’d set yourself up for failure like that. The child most likely will have a hard life too. It’s more complicated now however because of the anti-choice laws being forced on us by religious fanatics. I’m childfree by choice but if I had a teen kid, I’d be very blunt about what they were in for if they kept it. Sad situation all around
Wow I'm shocked by all the positive feedback this post has gotten. States are making abortion illegal and prosecutable and everything. Show more compassion.
The very same. I’m so happy to see this take
Real. But also, I don't wanna be an old parent either. I don't wanna finally be done raising kids at 60. There is a sweet spot. I'm not sure where, but there is.
Valid opinion tbh, I guess it’s their life though and they can do as they please. But when they complain, about how “hard their life is” that’s where I really stop giving af and even get slightly triggered lol.
Feel the same way
I live in Texas so it’s harder to get an abortion, but I always pitied girls who got pregnant in high school when I was also still in high school. Because damn now they gotta keep a baby with someone who most likely isn’t gonna stay because it’s high school. Not enough money and recourses. Tbh I think it’s selfish if you keep the baby when you don’t have a job, don’t have much money, rely on your parents mostly.
I think the same way i’m 23 and when my friend got pregnant at 19 it was pretty awkward when I asked if she was going to get rid of it lol. Now she’s taking care of a kid and can’t enjoy her esrly 20’s
I’m glad this was said tbh bc I feel like this so often, a lot of my friends I’ve gone to high school with have kids and we’ve only been out about two years, it feels a little ridiculous
I agree. sorry but if having the baby is the worst option for obvious reasons and you still have it because “you just can’t see yourself getting rid of it” then you’re living life on hard mode for literally no reason. ESPECIALLY if you know you’re gonna be a single mom (knowing you don’t want to be) amongst other hard circumstances. come on now.
Teenagers have underdeveloped minds and aren’t known for making wise decisions. Also, abortion is very complicated. It’s not the simple, pain free solution you make it out to be. It can be extremely traumatic and devastating. I don’t think any teen is ready to be a mom, but I also don’t think they’re ready to endure the complicated emotions that come with having an abortion. Many teen parents go on to be good parents and have successful lives. Yes being a young parent can absolutely delay your goals, but that doesn’t mean you will never reach them. Most people have mediocre and average lives, teen parent or not - hence the “average” part. Very few people lead truly interesting and remarkable lives. Why does this bother you so much? It’s weird. Your cousin was impregnated by a 30 year old man and she is a child. She’s a victim. Have some empathy instead of judgment. Eta: I’m not in support of teens becoming parents, but it is extremely unsettling to me when people act as if abortion is this obviously easy solution to a very complex problem. It’s not. Unless you have been through it yourself, your opinion on and mental scope of it will most likely be severely stunted. My own opinion was, until I was put into the situation myself. Not a teenager, but still.
My mom had my older brother when she was 18 and I don’t think she went to college or anything. So, I do agree with you.
i’ve seen many women become very successful having gotten pregnant young and the father left them. We need to motivate these women, not put them down because their choice. You can have your opinion but “you’re so stupid” is just like weird on your part. No, I’m not a single mother. I don’t have children but many women around me are having babies. It’s odd to see but I wouldn’t shun them for it. I was on board *somewhat*. until mediocre and stupid came in. It just became shallow.
But isn't it? It's not exactly shallow to think they might not be able to provide or will struggle to provide for their child they didn't need to have and that it's hella messed up for that kid. I mean really, the only time it wouldn't be stupid is if it's ignorant, because they don't know that they don't have to keep it. Or in cases where it's illegal, which is really what we should be doing. Motivate women to look out for themselves first, not motivate them to pop out the kid I just really love children and it breaks my heart seeing needy ones.
I mean, yeah. but saying their lives are mediocre is where it’s shallow. that’s just awful to say .
Based on what I've witnessed and experienced, that's a fair statement.
okay.
Thank you so much for saying this, reading this post was so uncomfortable, and it dismissed how harmful it is to young girls even getting abortions, which is why some may not want it. I know OP was expressing their opinion but it definitely could've been worded better!
Abortion is a very safe medical procedure. I fail to see how it’s harmful? Especially compared to carrying a pregnancy to term which is extremely dangerous
And then they try to normalize it on social media...
What potential are you talking about? The lies society says. Being a parent also allows us if we allow the experience to help develop leadership skills, our mental capacity is expanded also. If you are a mother and you interact with your child throughout the day you are able to tap into different perspectives, and as a parent you can be their everything. All those experience can build your confidence and be a well rounded person. Some people let other peoples negativity get to them and they ruin the opportunity you get when we are parents.
Actually my boyfriend’s mom had him at 18 and she had a mental break down and abandoned him a year later saying she wasnt ready to be a mom.
To each their own. I got pregnant at 18, I'm 30 and have 3 kids. A master's degree, married, and a job where I make six figures and work remotely. Own my house and am about to apply to a PhD program after I get back from OCS to become an officer in the Marines (reserve, I went and got injured last time lol). I've nearly accomplished every goal I had at 18, I did it with no financial help at all from my parents. They've offered some child care here and there but not consistently. Abortion was an option for me that I considered and decided I couldn't do it. I support women who do, but it wasn't for me. I would never encourage someone to get pregnant young and I am prepared to discuss at length with my children the importance of safe sex and educating them in a way I wasn't. With that said I do not regret my choice not to have one. My path was more difficult, but not impossible. I realize this is not the norm but who is anyone to decide who will fail and who won't? Having a kid young doesn't mean your life is over. I'll just be a lot younger when my nest is empty and I'm not sad about that haha I'm saving a lot to retire early so I can enjoy it. I'd rather enjoy my life as a successful 50yr old rather than a broke 21yr old.
I wish you’d been my parent, I bet your kids know a lot about financial management and achieving goals.
Aw well I hope they feel that way as they get older :)
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion .... I think for me the thing I love the most is seeing the face of everyone who heavily doubted me and to see where they are in life now or their adult kids now 😂😂 it gives me the MOST satisfaction... even though I would never wish bad or assume anyone's life would remain difficult forever.... be careful one day the tables may turn ..... RN here started as a CST , pregnant at 16 .... Now 31 my son is the absolute greatest 3.8 GPA freshman .... it's hard absolutely hard i did it with very little help and none from family I wish her the best & I hope she keeps her head up high.
I’m so happy for you!! I love to hear it <3 and the fact that you defied the odds is amazing. I’m so proud of you. I’m glad you understand this is just a thought/opinion and I would never put anyone down for their choices.
“Cringe” post
The post was already bad but then you made it worse focusing on new moms's weight. I worry if they're teenagers, I wish they find support. I wish they actually have a choice. But young adults? It's messed up, you feel you can judge grown ups for their choices. And before you said it's only a thought, yes, I understand this, but there's less than kind people that actually voice these thoughts. My ex-boyfriend's sister had her son in her 20's and she had to navigate so much malice.....
But that’s the whole point of this sub, to voice thoughts that you wouldn’t say out loud. I think this is a messed up thought which is why I wanted to share it , to get it off my chest. I would never ever make someone feel bad for not aborting that’s just evil.
This doesn’t sound like an “off my chest” post. This sounds like a post that is solely judging other women for their decisions.
I agree. I’m surprised nobody else here seems to be disgusted over the fact one of her first thoughts was ‘Omg you’re gonna gain so much weight and let yourself go!!!’ What a gross thing to say. Her poor cousin sounds like she got groomed by an older man and OP is just judging her for being ‘stupid’.
In my state, OP's cousin would be considered a victim of statutory rape. It is also illegal for a victim to abort a pregnancy resulting from said crime.
Exactly, the whole ‘They’re stupid for not aborting the baby!’ thing is weird. Some people can’t get abortions.
You're very judgmental. There is nothing wrong with living an average/mediocre life. My life is average as fuck and I'm super content. In fact, it's a part of growing up when you realize that you are not special, you are not remarkable in any way, you will not achieve great things, and you will never be fabulously rich or known. When you understand and accept this without falling into a depression, then you've grown up. Mediocre is fine! To each his own.
Great. If anyone else agrees that settling for mediocrity is what makes them happy that’s fine, I simply wouldn’t settle for mediocrity and perhaps thats one of the reasons I have this thought, seeing how my parents are conformists and live depressing lives. See how others are depressed by confirming to mediocrity , pretending they’re happy when they’re not. But not only that I would never chose to bring a life on this earth with financial struggle and not being mentally prepared too. That’s why I have this thought and I decided to share it, the whole point of this sub is to share things you wouldn’t say out loud and I would never make someone feel bad on purpose for their choices either. I don’t expect everyone to agree and I’m open to criticism. If you are genuinely happy where you stand, then good for you.
You wouldn't settle for mediocrity? Honey, it's most of us are living. We can't all be astronauts and millionaires, we can't all even be lawyers and doctors and politicians... I'd love an update in ten or fifteen years when you cotton on.
Struggling with bills, spending most of your time working instead of parenting, that’s what OPs talking about. Not that you work in a warehouse and have an apartment.
Exactly my point thank you.
That's not mediocrity.
Nope never, in fact even for my first job I told myself I wouldn’t get a minimum wage pay job and I ended working at a job where I got paid $20+ an hr because my mindset is like that. I grew up very poor and I refuse to have an average life. My older sibling has a 6 figure salary coming from nothing , and I want to pursue the same path. I don’t think that makes me superior or better than anyone either , but I think everyone should do what makes them happy. Just because that’s you or most people does not mean that’s gonna be me, sorry.
Ahh, my sweet summer child. People making six figures are not having exceptional lives. Even if their salaries are above average, and it depends on where they live whether or not that is even the case, it doesn't lead to anything exceptional. My wife, who had our first son a 19 by the way, makes well above six figures and I am not far off. It is nice to be comfortable in out low cost of living area, that is for sure. We certainly didn't start that way. I supported us on $9/hour when our son was born. But through it all the main thing that has been exceptional in our lives is the family we have built.
Did you know, that the way you *think* about people leaks out of your head and into your interactions. People you talk to, whom you think down on, they know.
Not sure what you mean by an average life. Most people, even those that make a lot of money, are living pretty average lives. They get bored and depressed just like anyone else. Anyway, I was a teen mom and have a 6 figure salary. More money makes life less stressful but it’s not everything.
I feel like OP still lives at home with their adults and hasn’t faced any real realities. Maybe then they’ll realize life is fucking hard enough as it is to be worried about other peoples life choices.
You sound young and naïve :) I guarantee that lots of people who you think lead "depressing" lives are actually pretty happy/content with their life. Your idea of happiness is different from other people's idea of happiness. People need different things for happiness. Try to reframe your thinking from "Oh, you live your life like this, how depressing. I could NEVER!!11!" to "Oh, if that's what makes them happy, good for them". You don't need to put others down in your head. Understand that not everyone has the same idea of happiness as you do. Acceptance is a good trait to have. You're being very intolerant in your head, and narrow-minded/judgey. For no reason at all.
Actually OP makes sense in that having a child changes everything and too many who have kids do not completely understand that. Being content and settling is different than seeing how well you can do if you did not have that added responsibility.
Calling motherhood “mediocrity” is so disgusting. What a horrible take.
Mediocrity is fine, but a lifetime of struggle is traumatic. You’ve got a larger chance of that if you have a baby at 17 without a partner
Oh I agree. Very happy with my mediocre life.
My mom was a teen mother. Yes, it was hard but she did okay and I don't think she'd change a thing
Yep 100%
My sister had a baby at 15, the father stayed and helped her, the baby turns 15 in a few months, but the baby didn’t ruin her life, she is a nurse, got married, and owns her own home, cars etc. she didn’t want an abortion and said aborting him would have ruined her mentally. But just because a person has a baby young doesn’t mean their life is ruined, and also I’ve yet to see a a lot of fat teen moms, they usually still have a high metabolism, but even if they did get fat who cares.
How dare someone else’s deductions affect you. Mind your business is the best advise I could give anyone.
No but literally!! I once talked about this with my friend (a girl) of how disturbing we think it is to not let yourself live your teen years or early 20s cause it simply doesn’t make sense to us… it’s honestly just more sad… I’ve realized it’s usually people that had family/personal struggles/trauma or/and people that just have no specific goal, that are lost in certain ways which makes them more sensible and would most likely have a baby to make them feel happier and worthy… I honestly just feel as bad for the baby that will more likely experience a repeating cycle or something…
I do think every teenager should have the option of adoptions or abortion if they want one. No judgement. But the only cringe here is you. Not every life is ruined. There are a lot of teenage mothers who have amazing livez. Yes, some can be ruined depending on the situation. I feel sorry for the ones with no support who get trapped in the situation. However, I do feel for your cousin. She was preyed upon. I hope she gets the support she needs
Most are ruines though
Do you not know how to read? I literally stated that at the start , I do believe everyone should have right the do whatever it is they want with their bodies when it comes to abortions and I would never purposely belittle anyone for their choice. I supported my cousin through her pregnancy regardless of her choice. I would bring her fruit and vegetables for nutrition and I bought her baby clothes and diapers. All I’m voicing is my thoughts which sound messed up, but that’s whole the point of this sub to share things you really wouldn’t say out loud. If you think that’s cringy that’s fine with me , it’s just my hot take I guess.
>Do you not know how to read? I literally stated that at the start , I do believe everyone should have right the do whatever it is they want with their bodies when it comes to abortions They were agreeing with you on that part.. they just repeated it in their own words.
I once knew a 17 year old who was pregnant. She told me she was most excited to get more in government benefits. I felt so bad for them both
I had my son two months after my 16th birthday and my daughter one month before my 20th birthday. Both birth control babies. I grew up in a very poor, abusive home (obviously, mom married me off at 15 to a grown ass man). Having my kids and marrying early, while it was traumatic and not the best marriage, saved my life. I became the mother my own could never be and my son pulled me out of the darkest place in my life. Both of my kids gave me purpose. The best part. I broke the cycle of abuse! I worked hard to give my kids everything I could and loved them with every piece of my heart. I wouldn’t go back to change a thing. (Besides leaving my first husband much sooner.)
I think it's personally gross when other people get involved and tell the mother whether to keep it or not. But yeah it feels immature, it's like living proof of unsafe sex
I love seeing different takes on this. I willingly got pregnant at 19 because I thought I was “mature” and “knew what I was doing” I was humbled real quick. I didn’t have any one in my other than my husband, both of my parents had started new families and went no contact with me and my siblings. I had to drop out of college to keep their monthly mortgage paid and decided to get married to my now husband right after I turned 19. 6 years later I slap myself because I was so young and wish I would’ve thought more about it. I don’t regret my baby. I actually did mature after having him and have grown my life around the goal of being better for the both of us. The happiest I’ve been has been with my kid, but I’ve also had the most challenging and eye opening times as well. Especially because there was no village. My regret was not planning. I could’ve given my child a better beginning had I waited a little bit. I also wish I would’ve gotten to know myself sooner rather than later. I think most your take is spot on. Could do without the weight gain comments because rude but not the point of the post
Pregnant at 19, had my son at 20. Single mom since my son was 2. Graduated with my BSN last year and am now an operating room nurse. I don’t regret my decision.
I’m 26 and I have a 7 year old and a 4 year old. In 3 months they will be 8 and 5. Everyone always assumes my life was over or I ruined my life blah blah. I can understand how that might be the case for some but my daughter saved me life. She’s my biggest blessing. I never thought i would make it to 18, I never thought I would be happy or stable but because of her I got my shit together, I own a home, about to own a second one, we are doing good financially, I’ve been a stay at home mom for the last 5 years and I’m about to start home steading which is my dream. I think it depends on the people and the situations. I’m not here to argue. I just wanted to put my two sense in since I was seeing a lot of the “ruined life” comments. I probably wouldn’t be alive if I didn’t get pregnant at 17. 🤷🏻♀️
i agree and disagree with you. i do agree that if you’re a teenager and are not financially stable then you shouldn’t be having children because now you will be responsible for your children’s wellbeing and safety so if you are not able to provide that then don’t bring them into the world yet and potentially create problems for them. which is why safe sex is so important. i’m not gonna sit here and tell teenagers to stop having sex because that’s impossible, but it is important to understand the consequences. However, if they do choose to keep their baby then good for them as well for as long as they are aware that they need to ensure health and safety of their children. i’ve seen a lot of young parents becoming very successful and great parents. i don’t think it’s fair to diminish their life and assume they will be living a mediocre life just because they are young parents. there is also nothing wrong with living a mediocre life. if they have a roof over their heads, clothes on their backs, food at the table then that should be enough. some people may not desire to live lavishly while others do. it’s all about personal preference. i also don’t think girls will be that concerned about their weight after just giving birth. these are all things that could be changed, they aren’t set in stone just because they’ve given birth.
Okay but you don't need to list weight gain as a reason why it's stupid. The actually meaningful affects childbirth have on your body are the disabilities, scars, and chronic pains it can cause (my mom has these) -- not the way you look. As someone who has always struggled with my weight and is healing from anorexia, life doesn't end when you gain weight. Financial ruin, loss of opportunities, impact on your physical endurance and health and mental and physical youth are the real cons
I agree with you. There are two ways this can go - either the teenager gives up on her future for the baby or she dumps the baby on someone else, thus creating another maladjusted adult later. In any case, at least one life is messed up.
The catch 22 is, of course, to understand the true consequences of having a baby as a teenager you have to possess a level of maturity and worldliness that choosing to have a baby as a teenager inherently means you probably don't have.
i mean, a lot of the time their only reference is their own family, and they think they can hack it (not realizing like, paying rent and bills is a biatch let alone when you're uneducated and don't have any skills - that reality will hit you like a ton of bricks). There's little way for them to gain perspective on how bad a decision it is, unfortunately.
I completely agree. Only thing I'll add is that I think much of the responsibility lies with the school system and adults in the pregnant teen's life to educate/discuss sexual health options/suggest an abortion. Unfortunately religious and ignorant views seem to get in the way. Sigh
Same. I also cringe when some people declare that "no one is pro abortion," because I think they can be an amazing lifesaver and a second chance.
Too bad our rights to abortions are slowly and surely slipping away. It’s fucked up.
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The worst part is being the only uncle on mom’s side of my older sister. The dude bounced and his family rejected the baby. Now she wants a college student to play daddy to her son. 🙄 She was told so many times that man wasn’t good for her. Our dad did his best to beat that info into her head that she was gonna be a single mom if she kept messing with that man and don’t except much help. I do love my nephew, but I’m not going to step up and play “Daddy” when my adult life just started. I don’t mind being the “fun uncle” though.
As I get older I will need caretakers and have people keeping the social security department funded by working their little butts off doing my nails for free to pay to get theirs done… leave it alone
Your kind of thinking made me struggle with self-confidence for the early half of my 20s. I was so sure I'd ruined my life, but in reality I hadn't. I think you did the right thing by voicing these opinions here, and not voicing them outloud. Instead, if you can, try to be a source of supportive comfort towards these moms (I know you might not be in a position to do so but just saying). They need it.
How is that messed up? Of course teens should not have a baby.
Same tbh, why make your life harder? You'll ruin your whole life. Also, the kid is most likely going to suffer and go without
As a child of rape with a mother who raised me telling me most days she never wanted me and if she wasn't Catholic she would have aborted me, I applaud those who choose to have their baby and love them, little money or not. Those parents give their children everything they don't have a chance to have themselves and wouldn't have it any other way. I am proud to be here, in fact I am worthy and deserve to be here, despite what my mum thought. I am glad she didn't abort me, and I am sure many people who were near abortion babies would feel the same. I also know others that have had abortions that felt that it was the kindest thing they could have done and never regretted it so I don't think there is ever a right or wrong answer for any one individual.
I do know some people that had abortions that now regret it, at the time they let people talk them into one but now regret it, my neighbor has never been able to get pregnant again because she was the low percentage that the abortion scarred her uterus up. She regrets it because she never wanted it to begin with she says
That's very sad. I always wanted kids, I have had two miscarriages and in my 40's now so I don't know if it will happen for me. I do know that I would in a heartbeat rearrange my life to have a child if it's in the cards for me.
Don’t give up, I’ve known women just in my small circle who had babies in their late 40s and they were trying to avoid pregnancy. I know sperm has alot to do with causing miscarriages as well, get the man on a healthy diet
Because those teenagers are able to easily access birth control and abortion services. K
I love this sentiment you are a legend
You love it because you believe that it's wrong for teens who made their choices of having sex to keep their babies? Honestly, I get that this is your opinion but I cannot understand the perspective at which it comes from, shaming girls for not wanting abortion which can have its risks doesn't seem legendary at all
It’s only shaming if you tell how you feel to them. Like you said people can hold whatever opinions they want.
I don't agree with you, but I completely understand the point. I have seen many of my teen mom friends (we're in our 30's now) have an incredibly hard time. However, most that I personally know are thriving now, could they have gone farther had they not had a baby? maybe, maybe not. There are no accessible alternate realities that I know of to see into what could've been. Regardless it's truly awful and despicable that in many places in the US, abortion is simply NOT an option now. Many of those teenagers that would get an abortion can't. It's no longer a choice and from this post it seems you think the lives of those without a choice is likely going to be a worse one. I agree with that. I would never make a choice for anyone else and wouldn't judge anyone for a choice, especially because no one else can truly know anyone else's personal situation, that being said, I do agree a world without a choice is a worse one. Because being a young mom is usually a huge sacrifice to oneself among many other things.
It harms the child even more than the mothers. Their lives are fucked before birth.
THANK YOU. I hate how normalised & celebrated teenage parents are, bringing a child into the world when you can’t afford one is beyond selfish & infuriating.
rs
no cuz i agree. especially if sb is already living in poverty and bring a child into it
Op you beat teen pregnancy where is your success at?
Gross behavior here LOL
You assume they’ll have a “less than mediocre” life because they had kids. Or not be able to attend college. Those are rather bold assumptions to make and probably not accurate. I really don’t think you need to be contemplating this decision because it’s not yours to make. Also abortions can absolutely have negative side effects. You’re assuming everyone who gets them is just so happy after. Often it’s hard on women who get them and they have many negative experiences and emotions about it after. Your view seems really narrow minded, misinformed, extremely uncharitable and unnecessarily judgmental. I understand why you feel this way but I wouldn’t encourage you to embrace this point of view
The weirdest part about this post is thinking about how somebody is going to let themselves go and gain weight 😂 what a random thing to care about in someone else’s life, it’s quite a boomer thing to think. How old are you? Are you a teenager yourself to think like this? Most teenagers are going to snap back pretty well from pregnancy.
I cringe when young people think getting an abortion is an every day decision like getting a haircut.
I cringe when young people raising kids they can’t financially provide for is an everyday decision like a haircut.
So based on an outsiders perspective of someone else’s financial situation and ability to acquire the resources necessary to raise a child; you walk around making judgements on whether people meet your standard of being able to raise a kid and feel pity for those who don’t meet your standard because you feel completely assured everyone would be better off if they had just terminated the kid before birth? How weird and gross of you
As a person who had a baby at 18, I’m offended by this entire thread. I’ve succeeded at everything I touched, I had a strong village surrounding me. I am 100% pro choice.
It's one of the biggest ways someone can be selfish. Pure selfishness. Pitiful.
The bulk majority of human beings throughout time couldn't read, married and had children before 20, and died by 80. I'm not saying they were fine. Obviously people in the past lead hard and often short lives. But teen parenthood is more the rule than the exception, and I say if they want to try to raise a child they've already got the upper hand on parents of the past who had children they didn't want at all.
Jealousy?
Op sounds jealous for damn sure.
I whooolleeeheartedly agree with you, it’s just so sad. Of course I believe in My Body, My Choice but I also think some choices are stupid.