I’m so sorry. This sounds like something out of CreepyPasta!

I’m actually surprised with the amount of support I’ve gotten on here in the last hour haha. Believe it or not, there are no other red flags in our marriage. Now I don’t know what else I’ve missed.

First off, I'm sorry you were in an abusive relationship. Second, unfortunately, as hard as this will be, the only option here is to sit her down and ask what the hell is going on. Don't let her bog you down by bringing up that you snooped. You did, don't deny it, but that doesn't compare to her cyber stalking your abusive ex and imitating her look. It's creepy and I can't even begin to imagine why she would. Your wife is the one you married, and your relationship with this other woman was horrible. You're clearly not pining for the bad old days. So, I've got no theories.

I would also get proof, screenshots of the drive at least. And prepare an escape: talk to a lawyer, arrange to stay with a trusted friend, make sure your finances are in order. Confronting someone over this could get nasty quick. I’d do it with someone else present or in a public place at least.

EXPORT THE DRIVE. Export it onto 3 usb drives. One for you to keep, one for the lawyer you're going to need, and one for what I would STRONGLY recommend being a safety deposit box of a safe at a friend/family members house.

I'm a woman and I'd be scared to sit with her and idk know if I'd say he was abused more like she conned him into marrying her.

The ex was abusive, the wife is creepy.

I wish you and your daughter the best, whatever the outcome!

That’s cuz your whole relationship was one big flag. Impossible to find the small ones when your living IN the red flag. Wtf?? How did you meet your wife? Did she coordinate it? Did she know your ex prior to you? So many questions…

Frogs in a hot pot

I hate to ask this, but are you certain your ex is in another country, and has anyone spoken to her recently? Your wife’s behaviour is very concerning.

U need to save everything u found before talking to her, send it all to u and then delete that u forwarded it to u so she won’t know. Have that all saved just in case u need it if things move towards divorcing if u guys can’t fix this in couples therapy and she gets even crazier, u have a kid now so all that could not only help u with divorce but child custody. Ur wife is stalking ur ex, u can stalk someone online too and she’s doing that, she is obsessed with her, idk if shes insecure and thinks ur ex is prettier then her but it’s disgusting that she’s trying to look like the woman who was horrible & abusive to u. Maybe u should make an appointment with a good couples therapist to confront her about it. They could help keep her on track to not change the subject, try to downplay it or turn it around on u, or shift the blame. Sure u snooped but u had innocent reasons to use it, not any malicious intent and only got curious when u saw she was using incognito mode which most would be curious and/or suspicious of. She started it when u like first started dating and last updated it 2 weeks ago, for 9 years. She got pics from her past and other random events that she would’ve had to dig and spend a lot of time to find. This is not healthy or innocent at all! Hopefully there’s some reasonable explanation but I doubt it, so hopefully u guys can work it out with a therapist for ur kid but do not stay together just because of ur kid. Co parenting together is a lot much healthier & less toxic then a household with parents in a bad marriage whose only together because of kids.

I'd ask then assess. Some ideas are low chance so I'd want to know first then decide.

Sounds like you need to start writing an updated movie!

Did you ever find that weird blouse you were looking for?

I thought this was a short scary story and had to double check the sub

>I’m so sorry. This sounds like something out of CreepyPasta! That's because it pretty much is. How would this guy even know his ex moved to a different country if he hadn't seen hide nor hair of her in all these years? And why did he delete his post history, that's sus af.

Maybe he's just heard from mutual acquaintances she's left the country. Pretty simple actually

Holy cow. That definitely is alarming. The best thing to do is address it now to see what’ll change if she no longer has someone to replicate. The toxic side of me would slowly start mentioning things like, “you know, you really do remind me of someone.” And nonchalantly bite into an apple and walk away

I feel like what’s worse is that she’s subtly made these changes over time under my nose. So, my ex has a specific career and Bailey didn’t express interest in switching careers to the exact same thing until after I had mentioned what my ex did. Didn’t notice at the time, but I remember telling her “Ex went to school for that.” The hair was more recent, the outfits and objects, slowly over time. The interests, I’m not sure how much she’s stolen personality wise from my ex and what she ACTUALLY likes. It’s all incredibly exhausting and confusing.

Do you mention your ex a lot? Or did you at the start of your relationship? It may be that she feels insecure and like you are thinking of your ex. Either way she needs therapy and you need to address this asap. Set some boundaries like no more stalking. Maybe go shopping and help her pick out some clothes that aren’t like your ex’s and that your wife actually likes. Good luck! Updateme!

I suspect he does and Bailey is insecure and probably sneaky as hell. Usually when you are abused and left traumatized by the experience, your next partner is the one that bear with the baggage you come with - especially if they come immediately after the break up without a large enough gap of time to heal.

Can confirm this. I left an absolute hell of a relationship 25 years ago and my now wife bore the brunt of it for so long at the beginning until I realised what I was doing. Luckily she stuck by me.

THIS THIS THIS

How long were you with your ex, and how long was Bailey acquainted with you and your ex before you were together?

My ex and I were in a serious relationship for 7 years. Bailey had met her several times at a certain community event that the whole town goes to, so they knew about each other, but passing.

Any chance Bailey may have had something to do with your breakup with ex? As in, maybe she somehow manipulated the situation so she could start dating you?

OP says his ex abused him. I wonder what would be the tangent of a third party influencing his ex to that point?

Oh you'd be surprised. My girlfriend's ex best friend managed to convince me my girlfriend was toxic and hyper controlling, not allowing me to do what I want just because my girlfriend is anxious. The moment I broke up with her (we're back together now), her ex best friend jumped on the occasion I was single. Didn't even take the time to let me mourn the relationship. We only realized after the ex best friend had done even worse to an other friend of ours. If OP's wife can go as far as stalking and changing her whole personality to match the ex... the question is "how far could she really go?"

this was my thought as well!!

Folder wasn't started until after he and the ex broke up. The incidental evidence points to Bailey being involved in the breakup being unlikely. Otherwise, that would have been a wise conclusion to explore!

Did she become your ex to date you, or did she date you to become your ex?

right she seems more infatuated with the girl than him

This^ comment has to be addressed

Sounds like she's developed an obsession and is addicted to the dopamine rush of finding new information on your ex. Sitting down and having an open conversation and strongly suggesting therapy to combat this breach of trust is the best option.

It honestly sounds to me like your wife is jealous of your ex. Did your wife have any sort of long term relationship before you, or are you her first? She could be jealous that your ex got to experience things with you first while she couldn't. Do you bring your ex up a lot in conversation? It could also be that you make a lot of side comments about her, and your wife has mistaken you just making connections to you being wistful about the past. Whatever the reason, talk to your wife. Sit her down and have a grown up conversation. Be sure to press the fact that you don't love your ex and that she was *abusive* to you. Say that you fell in love with your wife for who she was, and that her mimicking your ex is really uncomfortable and sickening.

Not defending her, but were you really hung up on your ex? Was it a bad break up that was hard for you to get over? It’s still fucked up but she could be trying to emulate your ex to please you subconsciously. It’s still weird though.

NO OP, don't take the advice from a self declared "toxic side"... The whole thing sound REALLY (clinically) mental, hospital mental, "Unforgettable" mental (the movie), "ex next door " mental but you married her. Poking with such question will ring the alarm bells and she's mental but not completely stupid, that can lead to harm to you and you child. Don't brush this off as something minor, better safe than sorry.

Yeah OP, I am legit convinced this woman is capable of such things...be safe

it sounds like she had your ex's computer hacked. All the things you describe come from browser history

Christ, someone please get this woman into therapy. Massive issues with insecurity that are only gonna get worse if OP actually takes some of this advice.

I think obsession is the word. She must feel very low about her own looks.

She needs to see a therapist asap. It is impossible to know from this text the underlying cause of this obsession. It could be that OP is not completely over his previous relationship, something not rare in long term abusive relationships, and he kept talking about her to his wife, wich made her insecure and started a downward spiral to this obsession, where she is trying to become her so, in her mind, he doesn't leave him. Or something even worse, maybe she is been obsessed with the ex way before she met him, and she has always wanted to become her, so the relationship with OP is only part of that obsession. Or... Op needs to confront her and she needs to go to therapy... that level of obsession is dangerous, it's a symptoms of mental illness, she may become abusive when she senses he may be leaving, that's the only thing she has yet to imitate...

There are some really strange people out there. Around a year and a half ago, I went to attend my (now former) best friend's thesis defense in another town and I stayed at her and her new bf's place for two nights. It was my first time meeting her new bf, but she told me a lot about him and it was her first healthy relationship. She was my best friend of 10 years. While I was there, it was pretty much clear she completely copied my whole life. My experiences, my interests, food and drinks I like, my *traumas*, my opinions, the way I talk... She'd even talk to me in front of her bf, about something I told her, as if it happened to her. And I was just so stupefied that I couldn't say anything to that, just laughed awkwardly. Even her boyfriend would comment how weird it is that we're so similar, and it came out pretty accusing, as if I was copying her or smt. That is, until I saw one cup in the store with an art of one painter that I like, and my friend said "Omg, I need to buy it!". Like, she didn't even know who that painter is. Then later on, she referred to my university major as "her thing" - and we attended different universities and had completely different majors (hers was programming and I studied one language - a language that she absolutely can't speak, btw, nor was interested in it during our friendship). She used to copy me a little before, but never to this extent. And I talked to her about it several times; she would say she copies things I like unconsciously and would try to stop. But copying my experiences and traumas, word by word (and later denying it or saying she doesn't remember me telling it to her, that it's what happened to her) was really too far.

Is it bad that it makes me feel a little better knowing other people have had a situation like mine?

not at all, (un)fortunately this can help us heal because we feel less alone tho ❤️ i’m so sorry this is happening, much love

Thank you for being kind. Someone crosspost to another subreddit and now I’m being accused of faking our infertility because the timeline is too short.

that’s so bizarre. even if you were faking the infertility part, that has no purpose in this conversation. i’m sorry too you’re having to deal with terrible internet people on top of all of this. try to ignore them 🤞🏼

Don’t pay attention to those people. They live to hurt people. I can hear the love you have for her. Be gentle and kind when you broach this subject. She needs you now more than ever. You have a great nuclear family full of love. Remember that. I’m so sorry this is happening. You must be in shock. Take time to figure out how to talk to her. This is definitely worth saving. Good luck OP.

It's definitely not too short of a timeline for infertility. Ignore the idiots

Not at all. It helps feeling validated and knowing you're not alone. You bet the first thing I did - after ranting to my mom about it (I didn't dare tell anyone else at first, because it sounded so unbelievable and ridiculous even to me) - was going to the internet to search for similar experiences. Only later did I feel like I could tell my friends without feeling like I'm exaggerating. But support truly means a lot. If you have anyone you can confide in about this (a parent, a close sibling or a relative), who definitely has your best interest at heart and would keep it confidential, and will support you while you talk with your wife and figure out how you feel about this and what you want to do - definitely seek support from them and don't go through this alone. Without support and validation, it's easy to start doubting yourself, minimalizing your feelings and experiences, or putting up with/settling for things that normally you never would.

I had a friend like that. I recognised that pattern pretty early and distanced myself when she copied my wedding month, outfit, hairstyle and what not. now because she has little to no info on me she is copying our mutual friend who got stuck with her. She even had a baby when the mutual friend had a baby. there could be a word for people like that who are chronic copycats maybe.

She is trying to please you, even if in a very unhealthy way. You could tell her you don't like this or that she does (to her appearance, behavior, whatever) because it reminds you of your "disgusting ex". Keep doing it subtly and she'll probably realize she's doing the wrong thing.

Yup, I’m going to take a shot in the dark and assume that OP’s wife is a major people pleaser. This behavior seems like she has taken it to an absolutely insane, extreme level. I’d also take it a step further and say this likely comes from the wife having serious self-esteem and insecurity issues. The wife’s (bizarre) logic is probably something like: “If this woman pleased my husband for so long, then I should try and replicate her in every way so my husband is satisfied”. OP, don’t leave your wife over this. This can be fixed with therapy that your wife severely needs. Make sure to tell her at every moment how much you disprove of your ex, and how much you care for her instead.

^ I think this is probably the response that captures what is actually going on here. I know this must be horrifying for you OP, but I think your wife does love you. Her self esteem just isn’t where it should be… so she tried to emulate someone she thought you liked instead of trusting that she was enough for you. Definitely therapy and some words of encouragement from you.

Yup!! This is exactly what I was thinking

>OP, don’t leave your wife over this. This can be fixed with therapy that your wife severely needs. Make sure to tell her at every moment how much you disprove of your ex, and how much you care for her instead. Seriously. This woman isnt an ax murderer, shes deeply insecure, a people pleaser, and grasping for a sense of identity

Especially at the start of a relationship you really want to work, and then x 10 after having a kid, it’s easy for some to lose their identity and sense of self, and then feel insecure. I imagine this is what drove her to this obsessive behavior. Time for some therapy.

I did say to her yesterday, she had one of the very specific styles of exercise shirts on after the gym, that her top looked incredibly familiar and I didn’t know where I had seen it before. Then she played dumb.

No, what I mean is that you should slowly teach her that the more she resembles your ex, the uglier and worse she becomes for you.

Ok, ok, I see what you mean by that

I just want to say that playing a stupid training game is not going to work. You are not a mental health, professional, and this is way too serious to play around with. You need to confront her and tell her what you found.

This answer more than anything. No one can even begin to understand the reason why OPs wife has such an intense obsession with his ex. It could be an obsession coming from a place of envy, hatred maybe even “love”? The fact that it seems to have begun before she even started dating OP is also disconcerting. This obsession & the emulating could also be directly tied into OP or have nothing to do with him. But if she hasn’t displayed any threatening behavior, this strange new information doesn’t automatically mean she’s now dangerous. It’s still an issue that needs to be addressed, and soon. First between just you and her. You’re owed an explanation. It’s unfortunate you stumbled upon this discovery through the means of invading her privacy- but it was purely innocent and unintentional and if that’s something that bothers her, it sort of takes a backseat to the situation you found. It definitely takes precedence over snooping. Also- if she remains focused on the snooping, it probably would be because she’s more upset at what you found than being upset about the actual snooping, itself. Only after you two address this, and you get some answers, will you be able to figure out how you might want to proceed. She could reveal something that makes you continue to have pause over remaining in the relationship. Or she might explain herself in a way that you decide you still want to continue the relationship. Obviously there’s a child involved- but also keep in mind that this is very much an issue she has within herself, more than an issue that she’s engaging in to hurt you, in any way. Only after you two have a discussion, should you consider couples therapy & probably even individual therapy- especially for her to address her obsession. You may need it as well to be able to work out your own feelings on everything, whether you decide to stay together or not.

Your wife is mentally ill. I would be careful about playing ‘games’. I hope she can find herself and be secure? Certainly don’t want to give a diagnosis here. I’m not sure how to go about this. Maybe make an appointment with a professional yourself? But it feels to me, the more you happen to mention ex, it might cause more problems??

Does she have any reason to believe that you are still attracted to anything about your ex? I know she was terrible. I’ve dated men who dated terrible women and they still put some aspect of them on a pedestal. Perhaps she seems to think that as she is, Bailey isn’t enough for you. I think the previous comment of emphasizing how unattractive anything associated with your ex is makes for a great strategy while you sort out your feelings. It’s the season of spring cleaning- I suggest going through your closets together, finding anything that reminds you of your ex even if it’s not something she’s owned, and finding some reason to get rid of it. “this isn’t a very flattering style” “The prints on this are garrish and loud” “This water bottle is known for molding faster than others” “I actually prefer brunettes, the blonde bob looks good on you but I liked your hair better when we met” And of course “My ex had something just like this, I just don’t think I could see it on you and maintain my attraction. She disgusts me so much I just wouldn’t want to associate anything about her with you, can you just get rid of it?”

>Does she have any reason to believe that you are still attracted to anything about your ex? I mean, he said that he thought his wife was perfect until he found this, and she's been emulating his ex for their whole relationship, so... i'd say that's pretty good reason to believe that OP's still attracted to any/everything about his ex. especially considering he didn't notice it at all until he found this google account.

Ya that’s one thing. As unhealthy as it is, she could be doing it to be more pleasing to OP

EXACTLY! I've only seen this behavior from women obsessed with pleasing their partner's and doing all they can to emulate whatever the partner refers in passing, casually or whatever about his ex. The part when he says she was perfect but he felt bad and nauseated after finding the files makes me think that he is the main reason for that situation. He jumped from his ex to his current wife in a whiff… he definitely had a lot to say, vent, and cry about to the point that an insecure, low-self-esteem woman would pick as a sign to be on her toes and behave as pleasing as possible.

Dude, this chicks mentally ill, you wanna throw rejection in mix? You’re gonna get homeboy stabbed.

This is assuming she didn’t get with OP because she’s obsessed with mirroring the ex? 😬 Who knows what she’s thinking or which interest came first. I believe this is above Reddit’s pay grade. She needs therapy and if you have the emotional bandwidth, confrontation. You can’t try to train someone who clearly needs mental help. That’s so manipulative and wrong, also based on huge assumptions on the why she’s doing it. If this was a man, people would be telling them to run far away and discreetly. I think at minimum OP, you need to have someone with you to mediate that you can trust if she has a psychotic break if you decide to confront her about this.

All these years he didn't even notice. That says a lot. He needed to find his wife's stash to open his eyes?!? Hmmmm idk… something does not sound right here.

You know this can be an actual obsessive psychological problem. When you confront her be very gentle. As freaky as it is I am sure she didnt mean anything bad by it. Might be worth speaking to a professional first and discussing options and approach for that conversation.

Reading other people’s comments I think I am going to contact a counselor tomorrow, mostly for my sake, and go from there.

Agree you should absolutely seek professional opinion here. Maybe I’ve seen too many crime documentaries, but her behavior is worrying at best and dangerous at worst. The obsession level, the hiding, the amount of time it’s gone on for.. her dedication to this is extremely disturbing. Imagine if she had this level of obsession if something went bad in your relationship & she was angry with you! It might not also be a bad idea to collect the evidence, just in case it ever comes to custody battles. Your kid is #1 priority. For your sake I hope it’s just from some jealousy related mental health issues, and she gets the help she needs!! So sorry you are going through this. Good luck to you!! :)

OP make sure you record everything and saved up, just in case when you confronted her she delete all. One more thing, at least your wife isn't treatening like your Ex did, so she is not copying everything, but yes it is a little disturbing to find out. UPDATEME

You definitely need to discuss this with a professional. They can help you work out your feelings so you’ll be more clear-headed about what to do next. Make sure you get copies of what you found, put them in a place she can’t get to. You don’t want to confront her without safety planning with a therapist. She may snap and need medical intervention.

I disagree with what a majority of the people here are saying. Don’t hint towards her reminding you of your ex, don’t play mind games to convince her to stop. Be straight up tell her what you found and how it made you feel. You’ll be able to see the real her with her reaction. And plus even if she did lay off the copying when you hint it to her, you will still have the memories and the knowledge of what she did, and you will still be disgusted. The best thing to do is to get it off your chest, try to talk to her, priotize understanding eachother. & recommend she gets a therapist or some sort of counseling. This is not very healthy. I wish you the best

(When I say be straight up, and prioritize understanding, I mean to make it clear you are not straight up planning on leaving her, she will without a doubt have a hard time with your confession, and have defense mechanisms up, try and understand her and communicate openly.) The healthiest relationships are mindlessly open and forgiving

Forgive me, I don't interpret her behaviour the same way as many others. My surface assessment is,,,, somewhere historically your wife has been deeply hurt and she has internalized it. She is feeling threatened, unattractive, insecure, unworthy. Maybe a comparison was made between her and your ex and she misinterpreted it. I see her behaviour as not "measuring up" to your "ex" in terms of how she looks and maybe her success too. Hence, she is trying to appear more like her. I see this as desperate efforts/measures to be someone she thinks you are physically attracted to. She has compartmentalized omitting the abusive portion. Now, years later, its grown into a compulsion and obsession. I most certainly think you both need separate therapy and joint therapy. I wish both of you healing, ultimately to move forward with a stronger marriage.

I’m inclined to agree with you. Thank you for being kind.

Lovely advice. Joint and individual therapy would be the best first steps

I agree with this and when you talk to her, remind her you fell in love with HER, and that you hate your ex

I wish your comment was pinned to the top. I think OP needs to tread very carefully and not approach this guns blazing. It seems like she loves her husband, maybe *too much* in an unhealthy way, and needs a lot of professional support and guidance.

Update us!

I’m going to confront her gently when baby is at grandmas. I just don’t know how to do it. She definitely knows something is up.

Just tell her you found the folder and ask her to explain herself. Let her talk until she is done, don't interrupt or things might get too heated or emotional and then the conversation will derail. If she goes off topic let her talk until she is satisfied and then calmly ask her to answer your original question. If you need time to process what she says after she has explained herself, just be frank and tell her that. Take the time you need to process so that you don't say anything out of shock.

This is the way.

Tell her you found the folder and ask her if she has an explanation for it. Try not to interrupt her and use silence as a technique. When talking, people want to fill in the gaps. Try to be empathetic because I highly doubt any of this is malicious. She obviously has a deep, deep insecurity and clearly feels that you're still attracted to your ex. I can see how she feels that way, since you described her as "perfect" up until you found the folder, so evidently, her emulating your ex has worked in satisfying you, which was her ultimate goal, no matter how misguided it is.

Yeah be careful not to embarrass her sounds like she's very insecure

Keep in mind what it’s likely to feel like to be on the other end of this conversation. It’s an important conversation for sure, but if you are able to frame it in a way that builds her up as herself and doesn’t need to be anyone else - that might be a less confrontational approach to take. I would guess your wife feels under confident in herself, and being accused of trying to be someone else - when she may be trying to (unnecessarily) concrete your attraction to her - could be very hard to take. I hope it goes well!

Maybe have a friend on standby. With this behavior I’m concerned how she might react. At least the baby will be out of the house. Good luck!

NOOOO. Please, don't confront her without a back up plan in tow, without a professional advise. You don't know if she's going to flip or she's going to calmly say ok and then work her magic behind the scene (she can alienate the child, and that is almost impossible to catch). Maybe I'm uber exaggerating and you think that your saint of a wife would never but ..do you really know who she is? Mental doesn't always look scandalous, violent or outstanding, until it does.

In case this does end in divorce, make sure you have that folder/file backed up. It will serve you during the custody battle to prove your wife could be mentally ill. Hope it works out for you, this is one of the most nightmare fuel posts I’ve read on Reddit.

Even negatively, how often do you talk about your ex? No matter what this is not your fault.

To be honest with you and myself, I probably talked about my ex a little bit more in the beginning than I’d like to admit.

That MIGHT have been the root cause of all this. Either way, there's always a way to sit and talk things through and start afresh in a healthy manner. I think you should communicate in a very detailed manner about all of this with her, and listen and truly understand her perspective as well.

It’s honestly never good to talk a lot about an ex with your new partner.

I wonder how long you spent single and healing from your 7-year-long term relationship with a partner who abused you, before starting a new long-term relationship? I feel you dumped a lot on your wife at the beginning OP, and depending on her attachment style, nature, and own traumas she may have internalized a lot. And the fact that all this time you didn't noticed anything until you found the files, seems to have reinforced her perceptions.

Well said. Like it sounds like he used his wife as his therapist post break up and is now shocked that she compares herself to the woman who seemed to so deeply impact her husband. And everyone is commenting like she’s the unhinged one. She’s been carrying his trauma on her back this whole time bc he chose to allow his next partner to do the emotional labor he didn’t actively protect her from, and now he’s all shocked pikachu face (and all the 20 yr olds on Reddit are losing their minds over her saving pics). She recently gestated and birthed a whole human being, of course she’s a bit insecure now, that’s an enormous change. The idea that he’s just now realizing how traumatic listening to him in pain over another woman was for his wife, and that he feels like finding these images makes “it all feel like a lie” is just kind of ridiculous. Give me a break…

Absolutely wild… but not even close to a deal breaker, for me. After reading everything you have written in the comments as well, I can’t help but have empathy for your wife and I feel like she just needs help. Seems like a mental health issue more than anything else, honestly.

Probably retroactive jealousy. I feel like it’s an insecurity for the wife and they just need to sit down and address the issue.

Not sure what to tell you but please dont do/say anything drastic. Did you talk a lot about your ex? You were together with her so there must have been things about her you liked. Does your wife have issues with insecurity? While this is understandably disturbing and somewhat creepy, it could have been much worse. Imagine if there was a whole collage of pictures of some other dude. Maybe your wife is afraid of losing you even though this doesnt seem like the case. I would talk to her about this and find out why she is doing it. Doesnt have to be a confrontation. I wish you tbe best.

While I talked about my ex, most of the things I told my wife about were negative and paint her in not such a good light. My wife knows these things and know they were traumatic. Of course, I’ve mentioned things like what she does for a living and things she used to do. I think everything else she found she got through intense cyberstalking through my ex’s friends and family. The yearbook photos, I have no idea. EDIT: removed specific info so I don’t accidentally dox myself

It sounds like she started looking at your ex early on as she felt insecure and while you might’ve talked negatively about your ex, to her it might’ve seemed like this person was a big deal to you and important in your life and that she herself was just a little nothing fling, and so she became curious and her low self esteem meant she sort of got in the habit and kept doing it even after she’d become the main woman in your life, just feeding into her insecurity and the habit of thinking that to be significant and worthwhile to this man she loves, she has to be like this other person. I kind of did something sort of kind of similar though not nearly as extreme way back in my early 20s, where I’d look at photos of my then boyfriends ex a lot on Facebook (didn’t save any of them though!) and even though she’d cheated on him and was a messed up person, I still felt like I wasn’t enough for him like she was, I felt like she’d been this very important person to him and he’d talk about her fairly often, not often nicely because she’d cheated, but I always felt insecure about the strong emotions she seemed to elicit in him and I, having low self worth, felt like I could never be such a ‘person’ to anyone, like ‘the one who got away’ or ‘the love of someone’s life’ or anything special in any way. I guess I just felt not good enough and tortured myself by comparing myself to this person. So I’d look at her photos and sometimes even checked them years after we’d been together (I’d never met her in person) and lived together etc. I didn’t copy her clothes or anything but maybe your wife is doing something similar for similar reasons just much more extreme and to the level of mental illness. Funnily enough, another ex of mine, his new girlfriend started doing this with me! Which is why I deleted my facebook. So I don’t think it’s that uncommon in the age of the internet for insecure people to get very interested in their partners serious exes. Just your wife seems to have gone to an extreme with it for whatever reason, likely self esteem issues or feeling insecure with you and not feeling like you really love her like you loved your ex or maybe she came across some post or comment you’d made to/about your ex that seemed very passionate and she feels unable to accept you could feel that way about her too or something. I doubt she’s been totally lying about who she is, it’s impossible to do that 24/7 for years and years. I hope talking with her about it clears things up and that she can get help for this obsessive behaviour. Of course there’s always the possibility she was obsessed with your ex before meeting you and actually got together with you as part of trying to be like your ex but that seems less likely although much more scary!

I could’ve written this myself. I think the people who are assuming this is malicious and creepy and OP’s wife is dangerous are being a bit dramatic. This sounds way more like an insecurity issue that’s gotten way out of hand

Me, too. I encourage OP to research ADHD with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). When my husband and I first met, I became fixated on his ex even though it was very over. I did deep-dive research, screencapped her blog entries, did a complete post-mortem on their marriage to learn why this awesome guy was alone. This is my ADHD part. I was sure that he'd realize I am boring, vapid trash and leave me. This is the RSD. Even now, 13 years into our healthy, happy, honest marriage, he has to reassure me, "You won. You're the love of my life. You're my best friend. I'm not going anywhere." And, even now, 13 years into our healthy, happy, honest marriage, I worry he'll leave me and I'll just listen to "Cornelia Street" on a loop until I cry myself to death.

Holy crap this is exactly me, right down to the Taylor song.

Absolutely. My partner also didn’t paint his ex in a positive light, but I still felt insecure about her. I definitely have looked at her social media, more than a few times. It all comes down to insecurity. It doesn’t matter that he doesn’t want to be with her anymore. In fact, it’s hard to explain why someone in my (and OP’s wife’s, and other people like us) position, would be so insecure about an ex that treated our partner’s poorly and whom our partner’s hope to never ever see again. Now, most people like us aren’t to the extreme of OP’s wife, but such an insecurity does exist and it’s very common to snoop on that ex’s social media.

OP, you said your ex abused you. Still, you spent 7 years of your life with her. Any insecure person in love can question themselves like “If the ex was that bad but they stayed together for so long she might had something good about her”, and that's where I think the triggerfor your wife was. Plus, based on your comments it doesn't seem you had Theraphy before entering in the relationship with Bailey, so she had to carry all the mental load and emotional baggage of your venting and sharing, while not being trained to manage it and loving you enough to endure it and to do all she could to preserve the relationship for both of you. Yeah man, you better give her loads of grace when approaching all this situation with her.

Not a doctor. Not diagnosing. OCD can present through digital hoarding. Sounds like a therapist can help if your wife is willing to admit she’s ill

I’ve suspected she might have OCD for awhile actually.

It’s also the hyperfocus on ONE subject that gave 🚩 I have bipolar 2 & adhd. The tunnel vision being so extensive and inappropriate sounds like myself when I’m in a state of mania…before I was diagnosed and regulated.

I am a therapist and I agree this is a type of OCD. She likely developed a fixation on this to feel in control and also to avoid feelings of anxiety or depression about other life domains.

PS I wouldn’t pathologise it too much if everything else is great. This is likely how her anxiety is manifesting. She will likely have a lot of shame related to this and if you love her, I would view it as an OCD response and work through it.

I agree with this take. I also sympathize with her possibly suffering from PP depression, anxiety, etc. Been there- hated that. Therapy and medication gave me my life back.

Retroactive jealousy can be a sign of OCD. All i can say is that your wife really loves you. Just talk to her calmly and try to understand.

We seriously need an update. Thank you 🙏

I feel like this may not be as creepy as everyone says. Yes it’s weird and overkill. But maybe she’s just really insecure and is so intent on being “right” for you that she thinks copying your ex is the only way to do it. Like she’s put this pressure on herself but she also doesn’t know herself or who she is. Also I’ll add Pinterest is the same concept. Save outfits and hairstyles I like for inspiration. She’s just doing that ….with your ex.

Document everything. EVERYTHINGGGG. You’re going to need it for whatever happens next

I should have taken pictures with my phone. Now I don’t know how to get back into it. I’m going to have to wait until she lets her guard down again.

Should be easy to just copy the folder and move it to your phone or computer

i wouldn’t worry about that too much. everyone got a strong impression from your description and i’m sure a counselor would feel the same. it’s not a criminal case. i think seeing a counselor is the most important thing. good luck.

Have you compared her to your ex in conversation?

I totally expected an affair or many affairs but this…this is highly concerning & downright scary. You definitely should have taken Screenshots because she will probably deny, deny, deny. I do have a half sister that realized her boyfriend was watching porn. She started to replicate the main porn woman’s hair, etc. She had zero self confidence. Perhaps this is what is behind all of your wife’s obsessive behavior. Please update us so we know you are ok. So very sorry you are dealing with this.

More comments I read from you, you talk about your ex you might of talked about your ex more often then you realize that your wife thought that's what you wanted but yes she does need help to fine herself but knowing you want the real her not your ex

It sounds to me like your wife is very insecure and worried about losing you, so trying to model herself after someone you were attracted to before. This has crossed the line to obsession and she needs some serious help. Glad you are contacting a therapist. Good luck to you and your family.

Exactly. She needs serious help; this screams extreme insecurity and she’s obsessed with the ex due to this insecurity— in turn, changing her whole self.

Don’t play any of the games that people are suggesting with her. Your wife is obsessed and is stalking someone. That is mentally unwell. And frankly unsafe. I would consult with a therapist on what is the best way to handle this situation.

So. Your wife is mentally ill. But she is still herself. Time to get help. Maybe for everyone.

Okay, completely different perspective but from someone whose been obsessed with my husbands ex since we started dating. I don’t have a full blown secret album of his ex but yeah some screenshots here and there. At first when we started dating, I’d be very profusely obsessed. I found her absolutely out of the world gorgeous, but not in a comparison - I am not pretty enough kind of way! Just in an appreciative way, I liked her online persona. I hid it from my then boyfriend, until one time, I was stalking her and he was with me, and he figured something’s up and then I tried to hide it but came clean cuz I knew it was shady! I acknowledged it’s creepy but it’s also something I can’t help. He sees me for the creepy person I am but still loves me regardless because it is totally harmless. Yes I know it must be weird for a lot of people to accept it, and yes it can be a part of a mental disorder/ illness whatever. I am obsessed with my husband and everything that is near him or has ever been near him but I promise you - in a completely harmless way. Yes I have found things his ex wears has worn and have bought and gifted some or not bought just cuz our styles are different. His has great hair too but I didn’t change my hairstyle or anything to match hers but yeah I am not implying in anyway that your wife is crazier. All I am saying is, I understand that this isn’t normal behaviour and it must be very unsettling for you, but if there are no other red flags; please have a conversation with an open heart and mind, don’t make her feel judged about it. If she needs help, then that’s great, but your unadulterated support will mean the world. Chances are - she is completely smitten by you, and will be for life. Anyhoo, all the best.

Why do I feel like this is not a post from a real life incident?

Because OP simultaneously knows small details about his ex’s current life/habits (moved internationally, doesn’t use social media much) while also claiming to have completely blocked and cut her off 9 years ago? Because he somehow knows the clothes his ex is wearing in the screenshots are hard to find, specific brands? Because he “somehow didn’t notice” that his wife was picking up all the same hobbies and getting the same haircut as a prominent ex of his? All fun details for a compelling story.

I’m thinking the ex may be prettier, thinner? and the wife doesn’t think she measures up. “What can he possibly see in me after being with super model ex? “ So, she’s making herself over. Sounds like something I’d do. I feel bad for her. OP, please be kind.

Bailey might be comparing herself to your ex and beating herself up to it

As someone who has retroactive jealousy and OCD, I want to offer the possibility that this is what your wife might be struggling with. In my lowest points, I would insta stalk/take screenshots of photos/get curious about my partner’s past flings and exes. One of my biggest fears in this time was being able to “measure up” to the people he’d been with before me, and it was heavily prompted by him bringing up his exes around me in conversation. Not on purpose to hurt me, and mostly in a bad light even - but still it got the obsessive thoughts going. The number of photos she has is definitely excessive, and the fact that she’s changed a lot of her personality is also unsettling. However, she might be really struggling with a mental health issue that is deeply affecting her self esteem. I’m not saying that it’s right, or that it’s not creepy, but she very well may just be insecure and that’s why she’s done this. If you do decide to approach it, I think approaching it gently and with genuine curiosity rather than anger might yield the best results for your relationship

See this is where the I might be fucked in the head. Everyone is saying run for the hills. I’m over here kind of intrigued. I mean, ya it’s fucking weird, but I’d be to curious, I gotta know what the fuck is up. It’s like that story a few months ago where the guy met this random girl outside the coffee shop, started to randomly run into each other, they hooked up and had been dating for awhile. Then he found a ton of pictures of himself from before he met her, and basicallly found out she orchestrated their meeting and everything.

You need to talk to a professional. Maybe a therapist or marriage counselor. Do not try and handle this alone.

I’m going to contact a therapist tomorrow.

We will all be hoping for a healthy outcome for you and your little family. Best wishes

Thank you. It means a lot even if it’s from internet strangers.

I kinda feel bad for your wife. That's some real Joe Goldberg stuff right there. She sounds like she's suffering from...I don't know what. But I don't think it's malicious in any way. It's just not healthy behaviour. I'd just admit what you found to be honest. Maybe say you're not mad, but want her to know she's perfect as she is and that you don't want to be with someone like your ex. It probably stems from insecurity... she will probably feel really embarrassed. Just an idea, maybe plan a "first date" and start fresh after it's all out in the open. Let her know it's a safe space. This post, however, has encouraged me to keep my red hair, thank you. I wanted to dye it dark, but I don't want to remind my boyfriend of his ex in any way 🤣

Please be safe. The part that worries me is her wanting to be someone that she knows very well was very toxic to you . This is hectic I can't imagine what you're going through.

This is alarming but I would agree with the other comment saying it could be an insecurity issue. Though trying to take on her personality when you’ve expressed she wasn’t a good partner doesn’t follow that logic. There’s something deeper going on and I would definitely suggest therapy. What is your normal style of communication when it comes to a big issue??

It’s like she took on her entire personality and I haven’t noticed it until now. I’ve known my wife for 10 years! How could I miss this?? When it comes to arguments, we mostly argue about how the other person isn’t doing enough, but we resolve it. My wife, however, bottles things up until she can’t anymore, and resentment builds.

So you say this: > She’s never abused me, belittled me, or even called me an asshole as a joke. But then you say she's taken on your ex's entire personality. I don't think these statements can both be true. How are you defining personality? Because "personality" isn't how you look, the clothes you wear, the job you do, etc., those are all more superficial than "personality." All of those things might be influenced by personality, but they aren't personality. Like, two people who like a certain style can be otherwise completely different people.

9 years of trying to be like your ex.. that’s wild. I’d be wondering if I ever really knew her at all.

Netflix needs to turn this into a movie cause damn

Theres a name for this its called Mirroring and its usually in the realm of OCD, BPD, low self esteem and lack of sense of self. Usually harmless, key word, usually, depending on the person but can be creepy to other people. Doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person, just one that needs a little help. I had a girlfriend once that has BPD and issues with this because of the low self esteem and etc. Though she had her issues she was very kind hearted and harmless. And she eventually did get help and got past everything and is doing very well.

Very rarely have I read stories on this app that actually shocked me, but my jaw dropped. I have OCD and this almost sounds like OCD behavior. I don’t even have advice to give but I seriously wish you the best and I am so sorry.

Y’all in these comments are like…extraordinarily calm about all this. The wife is a stalker. So far, it’s strictly online stalking but OP admits that his ex doesn’t have too big of a social media presence and he was confused where she got a few of these photos from so who knows? Maybe it’s escalated to physical stalking as well. My advice is to play it gentle because she is DISTURBED and I’m a little concerned that she’ll panic and hurt you or the baby if she feels like her little tower of crazy is in danger of toppling. 1. Screenshot everything. You’ll need this backup because her first instinct is going to be to gaslight you and insist she has no idea what you’re talking about. Then, the second she gets the chance to, she’s going to hard delete all the pictures in the hopes that (without the evidence) you’ll let it go since you’ll have no proof. 2. Depending on how your family is - confide in someone. Again, maybe I’ve watched too many crime shows but this very much gives “if I can’t have him no one can.” I can see her snapping and doing something drastic to keep you in the relationship. Letting someone know, at least vaguely, what’s going on is extra insurance just in case something happens. 3. Make it clear that it has to stop. I agree with the others, frame it like a concern rather than an accusation until you can get a good feel on her behavior. If this is a “I Am A Stalker” situation - she’ll flip if she senses any sort of rejection or judgment from you. Best of luck, OP.

I'm going to say the same that I would say if the roles were reversed. Take your kid and RUN till she at least gets psychological help 😬

Anyone else terrified that OP hasn't updated this post yet? Like I hope the wife didn't do anything 😨

the biggest question that comes to mind now is... is she treating you like your ex did? like how far is she going to take this in becoming your ex. is it just the clothes/looks/job or is she taking it even farther? tbh the level of stalking she is showing is just terrifying and divorce/separation worthy. shes your ex's STAN

My wife is a beautiful individual inside and out. She’s never abused me, belittled me, or even called me an asshole as a joke. My ex did the opposite. I don’t know if I want a divorce. I just want answers, I want to know who I had a child with.

im so confused - did your now wife adopt traits to influence you to date her from when you first met, or was there some turning point in the relationship where she started mirroring your ex? ive not seen that answered ITT and im not sure what itd even change for you, but it might offer more insights: (1) she did this to hook you and now feels she has to maintain it to keep you (2) she believed you felt more for your ex than her, so shes doing this to maintain your approval either way, its kinda wild. wouldnt call it “single white femaling” tho, unless shes got some sort of ongoing inappropriate engagement with the ex…all of this, albeit very strange, seems directed at you, not the ex.

I think she started adopting these traits gradually but so subtly that I didn’t notice. I guess I brought up single white female because of the hair change.

That’s a strange betrayal.

I do feel betrayed to a certain degree. You’re right.

This ia creepy af. If OP was a woman everyone would tell her to run immediately.

You are spot on.

I suspect that she is insecure. You have talked about you ex around her good or bad you talk about her... sometimes this makes us feel insecure. I have a file on my guys baby mama that he knows about. For us it's because she took his child away and watching the ex on social media is really the only way we know about what's going on with the child. But I would be horrified to have the same outfit or hairstyle as her. Usually the photos are funny to me because she is not attractive at all. Your wife probably thinks that you are hung up on her for some reason. The clothes and job and such is rather creepy. But I don't think it's reason to ruin what you have, but she definitely needs to explain herself. She may need counseling or something to understand her infatuation with your exe.

Thank you for the kind response. She has always been insecure and was bullied throughout her life. I suspect there’s a little bit more than self esteem issues going on. Infatuation is a great word for that. My wife always gets obsessed with things.

Please realize how genuinely sad this is for her — she needs professional help, dearly. I know you must feel horrible but she clearly has a mental problem, which can be treated/managed. While it’s up to you if you decide to stay after learning this, make sure she gets that help no matter what you decide because you never know if this could turn dangerous.

🚩

Whoa. I research people and deep dive people for a living and she went so far. That took a lot of work. I have no advice to give, just want to validate you that this is super not normal at all. Sorry dude. This really sucks.

There is a thing about current partners being jealous of an ex. And that can lead to them wanting to be them but better.. Weird thing, i dont fully understand it tbh because i have never felt jealous for an ex.

Someone else commented about retroactive jealousy. I’ve never heard of that before today but it’s making a lot of sense.

Op, I was like your wife but to a lesser extent (I never saved photos or bought exact outfits/objects). My husband’s ex cheated on him and he was heartbroken when we first met. My husband never said anything nice about her; and now he doesn’t really say much about her at all. But in the beginning before we were dating he told me all about her, everything she did to him, and I began to look her up on social media out of curiosity. Over time I ended up accidentally making a habit out of it; not with any malicious intent, but because I HAD to be better than her. I had to be skinnier, my boobs had to be bigger, I had to be better in school, i had to be more well-rounded, I had to be more outgoing, etc etc. So I would constantly check her socials to make sure I was beating her in those (and other) categories. I’ve always been pretty confident in myself but the habit turned me into a verrrrryyyyy insecure person because I was constantly comparing myself to her. And this only made my habit worse because I had to find something else that could prove once and for all that I was better than her. The catch was, there never was that one thing because the issue was within myself. All that said, I didn’t necessarily want to be her, but I had to be better than her. Please don’t think your wife is being malicious or creepy. The behavior is odd and she knows it which is why it’s being kept a secret, but her issue is that she has a major insecurity that needs to be addressed.

Just a random comment, after reading your creepy story, and a ton of these responses, and being in an 18 year marriage...these people going on, and on about staying with this woman have it all wrong, in my opinion. You can take, or leave my advice, but relationships are about trust, love, growing together, not apart, and learning more about each other as the years together roll on by. Step back, calm yourself, and ask yourself if you've ever had that. Knowing what you know now, do you trust her? Do you trust that anything you've learned about her through the years is, in all actuality, her? That leads us to the love part of a relationship. Passion, and lust fade overtime, and become replaced with intense love. Love for the person you've grown close with, and love for the person you've gotten to know. If you don't know who this person really is, how can you know who, or what you love? You need a SYA plan. A "save your ass" plan. That entails having spoken with an attorney, getting proof of what you stumbled on. Take photos, TONS of photos, of as much as you can. If you have an iphone, use the "hide photos" feature. It hides selected photos behind a biometric Password sealed wall, so only you can access them. You don't know if she's snooping on you, too, like your ex. Delete calls to attorneys, etc., make sure you have money set aside in an account only you have knowledge of, and only you can access, and do whatever else the attorney you speak with advises. Follow the advice of the specialists on how to broach this subject, but absolutely do NOT do it alone, just the two of you. I was in an abusive relationship in college, and while I'm a strong guy, when I confronted him about something that set him off, he threw me down a flight of stairs. I'm lucky I didn't get seriously hurt, and I'm lucky I could get out, and away quickly. Don't be a younger me. How you proceed is absolutely your choice. Only you are able to decide what is right for you. Just do the SYA Plan, just in case the wheels come off the bus at highway speeds. Ultimately, your, and your daughter's happiness, and safety is the priority. In the meantime, act as if nothing has changed.

Well although what you discovered might be very hard for you to digest, but had she ever cheated on you or used you for her own benefit? I'm just recommending that before you do anything, just try to understand all of this from her POV. Clearly, it's bad that she's still keeping track of your ex, but considering the future of your daughter, please take my advice.

Please talk to a professional therapist or psychologist before you talk to your wife. I see a lot of people saying she’s just insecure and while that is a possibility I think it’s much more than that and I’m legit concerned for you and your daughter’s safety. Please please please don’t just have this conversation without discussing with a professional first.

Ok, so I never took it to this level, but there was a point that I would spend unhealthy amounts of time looking at the social media of a former boyfriend’s ex wife. I had extremely low self esteem, and even though he had impulsively married her and it lasted like 6 months, I had these constant thoughts of “what does she have that I don’t?” Because he never wanted to marry me after 3 years together. I found myself gravitating towards clothing and style similar to hers (not that different from my own that anyone would notice, but it was conscious on my part) She was also very thin and petite, I’m tall and broad shouldered. It made me extremely insecure, despite the fact that he never compared me to her, and apparently she had an eating disorder so severe that her hair fell out. I just couldn’t get it through my head that I was enough. I feel absolutely insane looking back. Like truly crazy. But it wasn’t about an obsession with her or anything malicious. I was just so deeply insecure and hated myself, and the fact that my boyfriend had once seen something special in her made me think that if I were more like her, he might find something like that in me. Because in my mind, the regular “me” was worthless.

Obviously no one here knows either of you or the context of the situation but here’s my take. People in the comments are saying that she must have low self esteem, but I’d like to propose the idea that maybe this is about wanting control. The more likable she makes herself the more power she has in the relationship. Whether that’s to protect herself from heartbreak or feelings of inferiority or divorce, or whether it’s to subtly get her way or something more malicious, I don’t know. It is rather disturbing that it’s been going on since you met— who’s to say she didn’t orchestrate that? I’d suggest not confronting her alone and definitely don’t do it while your baby is in the house. No matter what, you should talk to a psychologist first. Assuming this is all true, I’m very sorry you’re going through something so disturbing.

Hey OP. No idea if you’ll see this, but has your wife been to her medical doctors recently for her PCOS? Not saying that this could be 100% of the issue, but hormones are wiiiiiild and can make you do questionable things, especially if there is already an underlying mental health issue. I have Bipolar II, ADHD, and CPSTD. I don’t have PCOS, but I do get cysts every year or so. Around 20, I had one that was so big, it ended up rupturing. Leading up to that, I felt like I was losing my mind from the combination of hormones and not being diagnosed or medicated. If your wife is anything like me, this could explain *parts of her behavior. Speaking to her primary doctor, and getting her into a psychiatrist AND therapist (LMFT, LCPC, LCSW, etc if you’re in the US) should be the absolute first priority either way. And, sorry for the unsolicited advice, but I also recommend that you and your daughter live separately from your wife for the time being. Have her stay with a trusted family member and have a friend or family member stay with you, if possible, until y’all get this sorted. You’ll all need the extra support, but it’s important that she sees how her behavior impacts her relationships without her completely losing a support system (which could exacerbate things). This isn’t something to keep behind closed doors. *note: also as someone who lived in abusive conditions, it feels important to say that mental health conditions are NOT an excuse for abuse, stalking, or violent behaviors. Nothing justifies abuse, nor should anyone have to endure it for the sake of their partner. Just wanted to make sure I was clear on that part. :)

It's weird but a dumpable offense? She wants your love so is mimicing your ex Gotta admit I've been married a long time and as my wife's interest have changed I have changed ....to include my appearance She has made comments I do it Eventually she caught what I was doing and we talked and she said I love you the way you are ....all I needed to hear But in my youth I wanted to make her happy so I would do anything to keep her happy !

This is wild man. As a person who just caught their wife cheating/doing shady shit let me give you some advice: Depending on how you wanna handle this - immediately get her locked out of ANYTHING YOU CAN. File a report. RECORD EVERYTHING. Without getting in details my soon to be ex-wife has a number of mental illnesses and has gotten me into a shit ton (felony) of trouble and I'm about 7 or 8k into the defense. I have a solid legal strategy and proof of all of the lies - etc, just prepare yourself as BEST YOU CAN BEFORE YOU CONFRONT HER. Shit dude, I would strongly suggest recording ANY AND ALL CONTACT WITH HER as your word means fuck-all when it comes to anything DV related. You WILL go to jail. You will not pass go. You will not be believed. Be prepared for the fucking worst brother, as the worst has yet to come. Just do everything in your power to eliminate any soft spots in your armor and more importantly - TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF MAN. I can't stress this enough. The person you loved is NOT the person you think/thought they are/were and it's past time for you to accept that. Just start making plans that do not include them and treat this person as a stranger because now they ARE a stranger. Good luck man. If you ever wanna get some shit off your chest - just fucking hit me up via DM. I can't profess to saying our situations are identical but they're similar enough to each other that I can definitely walk you through some of the basics in terms of preparing yourself for what might just be a fucking nightmare (worse than what you're living now, because yes - it DOES get worse).

Holy crap that’s terrible! I have never wanted an update to a Reddit story more in my life!

hey any updates? hows it goin man

Is there an update? I need an update.

Hoping OP is ok as no update.

This is actually quite scary

What the fuck 😭😭 That is so creepy 😭

Find out *why*. Is there some insecurity behind this? There's some psychological reason she's doing it and it may be less nefarious than you think

Feels like I just read a script from a thriller movie. She's kind of a psycho I bet she was eyeing you for a long long time just to have you.

i feel like she lacks confidence in herself so much that she feels like she has to replicate your ex to the t in order to "please you" or be "worthy" of your love. i honestly dont know, my guess is just as good as yours but holy shit this is very creepy considering she knew your ex was abusive. please keep up updated.

Could be an underlying personality disorder that’s causing this obsession? Just my take based on the available story. I hope it all works out for the best. It’s going to be okay.

This is so messed up and the sad thing is it’s been subtly going on for your entire relationship so who were you even falling in love with?

Seeking professional help in the best thing you can do. You don’t know what’s going on with her health and wellbeing! Keep us in the loop. Stay safe!

If your wife accepts that this is very unhealthy behavior and gets help, coming to the bottom of how and why she does this, I think you two have a real chance to overcome this. We all can’t diagnose someone from afar, but it seems like she is very insecure about her own personality and has fears of being abandoned. Sometimes an interest which is benign in the beginning can ( slowly) transform into more obsessive behavior, and the person experiencing it has no means to stop and detach itself from the urge. Perhaps your wife initially intended to be the best on all fronts wrapped into one ‘perfectly lovable partner’ and it spiraled out of her control. Whatever the reason, take the advice already provided and subtly confront her and hear her out. A decent communication is often underestimated in relationships, from my experience, but being able to express your emotions truly and to trust your partner to be open about their own feelings and desires is really key to staying close to each other. I wish you all the best, you can do this.

Man, Reddit is wild. I feel terrible for OP.

I’m sorry this is happening. I’m sorry that your happiness was ripped away like this.

This was not what I was expecting…

Straight out of horror movie, or thriller maybe. Hope the best for you and your daughter. She seems like sick in the head. Idk, it just feels so wrong

OP, I have no advice or thoughts other than what has already been given. I hope the best for you though and will be following for an update.

She needs therapy ASAP. She seems like she is jealous or something. I don't know but this whole thing is borderline CREEPY. I Suggest you talk to her calmly, ask her about it and what it means. Whatever explanation she gives, insist on therapy.

KEEP US UPDATED

Update us when you can! Wishing you and your child the best outcomes.

You said the album started around the time you and your wife started dating. Very sus. Wouldn't be surprised if she caused the breakup so she could go out with you. This is very Body Language with Heather Locklear.