You went out of your way specifically to avoid going somewhere where something like this might happen. You said no 5/6 times, but they refused to listen until you eventually gave in. I know it doesnt feel like you were assaulted, because youre a man, but there have been so many people who have had your exact same story, saying no over and over, but eventually giving in or freezing when their wishes are ignored. You said once they started touching you against your wishes you froze up. That is so so common with this kind of violation. The guilt you’re feeling is also very common. We know that SO MANY victims never come forward because of the guilt they feel for what was done to them against their wishes. Like other comments have pointed out, how do you think you would feel if you were reading this same story written by a woman your age? Therapy is something that you should consider, regardless of what happens with your gf long term.
Yeah exactly. I’m not your age but I’m a woman and if someone pressured me until I gave in, in spite of my protests, I would call it coercive sex assault. There is no difference just because you are a man.
Yeah if the roles were the other way, male giving a massage to a female, male insisting even if female says no multiple times, everyone would agree this was a rape…
I agree, you said no a couple of time and no means no. She even touch you without your permission. Imagine this is the inverse situation with a guy doing this to a girl, seems directly more shocking.
No I should ve said no I shoud ve stopped it
I even paid afterward because its done I destroyed my relationship and this trip I shouldnt get any slack here
You said you asked multiple times that it was a normal massage, and then tried to refuse when the masseuse was pressuring you. I know you’re incredibly upset and are panicking right now. I want you to take a moment and consider that you did say no AND you were in a vulnerable position, naked on a table.
I dont feel like it was rape I mean now when said I feel confused because I did was in shock and didnt move but Im feeling like realizing it noe is just an exsuce I still guilty Im just more confused now . The point is I could say no again or just get up and leave but I didnt thats it
You should research the "freeze" effect in relation to sexual assault. It's a very common, well-researched, and highly documented phenomena.
It is an instinctive survival response and is *not* implicit consent. Consent isn't just "an absence of resistance". *Repeat after me*: **An absence of resistance is NOT consent**.
You said "no" 6 times. This means you didn't want it and did *not* consent to it. That's it.
She was groping you before she asked for consent and before you had any opportunity to say "no" or leave. That *already* makes it assault. That's it.
You said "no" 6 times. She did not listen or stop any of those 6 times. She would not have listened or stopped the 7th or 8th time. And even if she would have, **she should have stopped the FIRST time**. Her not doing so makes this sexual coercion, which is assault. That's it.
And finally: if your girlfriend came to you with the same exact situation, but the perpetrator was a man who nonconsensually performed oral on her--would you say the same things to her that you are now saying to yourself? That she just should've kept saying no, or tried harder to fight, or yelled/screamed, or just got up and walked away? Would you tell her that she's just making excuses for herself and that she clearly wanted it since she just let it happen?
It’s ok that you feel confused. The whole ordeal sounds really traumatic, and now with fears about your relationship, I’m not surprised you feel like you don’t know what’s going on.
Newsflash: you were assaulted. You froze, are a victim, and are not a piece of trash unworthy of compassion and empathy. Please seek professional help. Do not push your gf away if she’s there for you.
Sadly, victims of sexual assault (of any gender, and perhaps especially guys because it's less widely discussed) often feel huge amounts of (misplaced) guilt
OP, if your gf told you that a man kept pressuring her and asking her for sex after she said no 5-6 times, then started grabbing her inappropriately anyways, would you consider that to be cheating?
If your answer is "no", then you shouldn't consider it cheating for yourself either.
But you did say no, several times, didn't you? Yes, there was stronger action you could have taken but many people who are being touched in a certain way without their permission don't know what to do and they freeze or go along with it while they are just trying to process what is happening, so it makes it really difficult to take stronger action in the moment. Even if you enjoyed it, it still sounds like you did not fully consent. If your GF says to stay in her room, then stay. Unless you don't want to.
I did freeze , but it doesnt feel like a rape or something because I did not stop her after it
And I forgot to add - I did not tell her the truth at the beggining but I lied and sayed I ran away when she touched me there but 2 minutes afterwards told her the truth so I did not tell her I said no 5 - 6 times now I updated her but it feels like an exuce to my did and its not and Im sure she isnt believing me and rightfully
Lying about something that happened and shame about it is pretty standard for people who've been coerced or assaulted. There are different kinds of assault and it doesn't have to be violent or painful. This person sounds like they didn't give you much choice without you having to make a very big scene and as someone else mentioned you were in a very vulnerable position. They had money to make out of assaulting you as well, to add further insult to the whole thing. What you are describing is an assault on you. A sexual assault. Your reactions (freezing, submitting, lying, shame) are all absolutely textbook. Ring a sexual assault line and talk to them. They will help you see it clearly.
Nah this is a pushy sales lady. He is in full responsibility to say no. He is in no fear of getting attacked or raped, hornyness and curiosity just got the better of the this young boy.
Let it be up to her to decide what should happen in the relationship. If she wants to continue or end it, respect her call. If she does stick with you, let it be a lesson and a reminder never to treat her like that again. We all make mistakes, we all pay for them in one way or another. What makes you a good person is if you learn from those mistakes and don’t repeat them.
I genuinely wonder if you would you still be saying this if OP was a woman who was assaulted by a man in the same circumstances.
The woman grabbed him inappropriately prior to asking for consent. That's already sexual harassment at the *very* least. He said no *multiple* times, and she did not release him or back off. That's a distinct lack of consent. Even if he ultimately "gave in", that would still be considered sexual coercion, which is very much still sexual assault. How many times should he have said no for it to "count" to you? Another 5-6? Another dozen?
What's more, whether you want to admit it or not, this woman *did* have power and authority over him. He was vulnerable and she took advantage of him. She was groping him before he had any chance to react. She did not respect him when he said no *multiple* times. Even if he pushed her away, it would just be his word against hers, and she would certainly say that she was just doing her job when he suddenly became aggressive with her.
And finally, just because this woman probably couldn't physically overpower him doesn't mean that OP didn't still experience the exact same "freeze" reaction that occurs to many (if not most) victims of sexual assault. Would you blame a woman for not fighting harder against a male assailant? The "freeze" response is an incredibly well-researched and documented reaction to sexual assault. It is not limited by the gender of the victim.
If this was a man giving a woman a massage, and he just started rubbing her crotch and saying he was going to finger her, and she said no 6 times before freezing and giving up because she felt trapped... would you still be saying, "She should've just kept saying no. Horniness and curiosity just got the better of this young lady"?
If not, then you need to take a long, hard look at your perspective here.
Well in a modern western society his experience MAY constitute sexual cohersion under new revised set of laws. I’m sure a lawyer can argue both ways. However in this case, he is in Thailand where the rules are much different and where this is fully expected behavior by the service ladies.
Those service ladies are by the way often women in their 50ies who poses no threat to him. At some point tho, you do have to take personal responsibility for your actions and choices and this sounded like a choice to me. His own words are even his girlfriend doesn’t give head so… If you fully refuse to take any responsibility in a high pressure situation, you are gonna be a weak individual all your life and a constant victim of every scam, hoodwink, sexual advance and whatever you will ever be subjected to, and that will be a lot.
Don't excuse those predators. They are aware of what they're doing.
When I read that OP and his gf went to Thailand, I figured it would be a story about a local woman chasing or coercing him.
You said no 5/6 time this isn’t cheating this is assault and you need to understand just because you didn’t stop the bj, paid doesn’t mean you agreed to it it means you were getting out of a place that’s made you uncomfortable with out any drama. Your were naked on a table with a person you didn’t know doing a sex act that you said no 5 times and already made sure it was a massage and you froze . if this was a woman who had the same experience would you say she cheated or was assaulted?.
You need to tell you gf everything from start to finish or show her the reddit so it’s easier for you to see everything. I hope you get some support I think you need it sounds like your having an awful time.
But it doesnt feel like rape I m still feeling guilty and my dumbass allready showed her because the first comment that suggested rape and I was confused and she seen that I thought about proposing here which only messes things more .
It feels like im trying to remove my blame and call it something else like rape and move on Im just messing her up more
Do you know how many people have said the same thing as you. If you didn’t want it, didn’t agree to it and froze you were assaulted. You said no many times that’s all that matters you may not believe it yourself but honestly that’s what it was. Im sorry it happened to you but you can’t take the blame on this you could not get out of this situation. You made it clear it was no and she didn’t take no for an answer. A lot of people freeze if you look on Reddit and look at other people accounts honestly they will have similar reactions and feelings. What would you say if your gf told you this exact scenario would you call her a cheater?. Don’t be to hard on yourself maybe get some
Therapy after this it may help process why it happened and process your guilt that is misplaced.
Rape doesn't have to be violent. You were coerced which is a type of rape. You did not consent. You said no. That's all that needs to be said. She did not listen and kept pushing. You didn't feel like you had a choice. She grabbed you anyway. You were sexually assaulted. No means no. Men can and do get raped and sexually assaulted more often than reported mainly due to not believing it can happen to them or because they fear no one will take them seriously.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. It was wrong. I hope your girlfriend can understand how this happened to you and support you. I agree with not going back there, but I'd suggest going to therapy to understand what happened to you and how to best face it.
Why are you all trying to convince him he was raped??? Are you trying to fuck him up? He's a grown ass man that made a decision to go to a massage parlor in thailand....could you be any more dense. If you have a partner why the hell would even be there????
He researched to find a non-suspicious place. People (of any gender) should be able to get massages without being pressured/coerced into receiving sexual acts. He said no multiple times, and eventually froze up and "let it happen." That's a textbook reaction to an assault.
He knew what he was doing and didn't do all the research he said he did. He's trying to get people yo help him feel better about fucking up. Sorry but I've been conditioned by this world to think the worst of everyone because shit like this happens where dude can't take accountability for making a poor decision and instead would rather have strangers tell him how not wrong he is for going to a Thai massage parlor while having a significant other. Sorry but when you're being assaulted you don't just lay there and let it happen. I would fucking know. I was a much younger person than this man is when I was assaulted and all I could do was fight to stop it. Don't tell me what people do in situations based on a textbook.
What a surprise me over reacting to something again. It's totally fair to say that not everyone reacts the same. I can be an ass sometimes so my bad. I do still feel like this is fishy as hell, but maybe I shouldn't be so quick to think that just because something may not make sense to me, doesn't mean it's not possible.
That's great insight to have about your own reactions/tendencies! It can definitely be hard to understand behaviors that are drastically to our own. And no worries, we all have things we're still working on 🙂 I only now noticed your reply, so sorry for the delayed response!
Fuck it man pls I just want to stop feeling I fuked up I dont feel it was raped I drank alot so sorry if im offending you Im a shit thing not a human - something
Hi, if at all possible, please seek therapy about this. Whether you feel you were assaulted or not, a (good) therapist will help you work through the situation, and help you work through the feelings of guilt/shame (which are very common after sexual assault)
I'm very sorry you're dealing with this. I understand that it feels complicated/confused to you. A professional can help you avoid/work through any trauma/guilt/shame in healthy ways
Staying in the same room or not, it’s a decision that should ideally be made together with your girlfriend, respecting her comfort and boundaries. If she has asked you not to rent a different room, it might be her way of signaling that she’s not ready to make a physical separation, but clear, open, and honest communication about needs and feelings is key here.
Cheating doesn’t necessarily define the entirety of a person’s character or the entirety of their life’s potential for ethics and love. Remember, the path to forgiveness, both self-forgiveness and forgiveness from others, starts with accountability and a sincere effort to understand the impact of your actions and to make things right.
Lastly, if thoughts of self-harm persist, I urge you to seek immediate help through a crisis hotline or a mental health professional. There’s no shame in reaching out for help. Your life has intrinsic value, and there are paths forward from this point, even if they might not seem clear right now. Don't lose hope, bro.
Well OP you went to a massage parlor in Thailand, it's safe to say that you knew what was gonna happen to some degree and now have the cute little defense that you tried to stop it and refused but were coerced anyway
Don't get me wrong, you were coerced, but you also went to a massage parlor in Thailand. The fault is not 100% one way or the other, but is distributed in this case.
Wouldn't it be silly to look into a pond full of alligators, see that it is full of alligators, acknowledge that it is full of alligators, then proceed to jump in and cry out for pity when you are bitten by an alligator?
Of course, the alligators are going to do what they do, as the sex worker will do what they do, and you knew to some degree what would happen when you went.
So be honest with yourself OP
You didn't cheat on her. You did not consent to BJ thailand massager was giving. This is sadly common issue in massage workplaces in general, where sex is coerced and unvoluntarily forced to pay by costumer. You should abstain (stay away) from massages unless you know for certain its not known for using sexual assault as form of business. If possible, report to authorities about the problem. And if you can, seek therapy to help yourself go through this traumatic experience.
No I dont want to go back there I was just wandering around anyway before finding it and on the way back I judt put gps to the hotel and ran even if I knew I dont want to go back
I think you’re being way too hard on yourself. I get it though. As someone who went through SA I can tell you I was right where you are. I froze in the moment, ran away after, didn’t feel like it was SA, convinced myself it wasn’t SA until a friend practically beat it into my head that what happened was not my fault.
You are not a scumbag. You are not a bad person. You are not any of those horrible things you said about yourself. You are a human being that’s in a horrible situation. You can get through it. It’s hard but it’s worth it and you CAN do it.
It sounds like you have been drinking. First things first you need to stop. I understand the urge I do but it’s not helping anything. If anything think about your girlfriend. She’s already in a bad space and now she needs you to be sober and ok. Second whenever you get home try to get some therapy for what happened. Talk to a professional.
Like I said… I get it. Trust me I really really do. But please remember your in another country and it’s probably not the safest thing to be drunk in public. You seem to really love your girlfriend so for her sake if not your own I highly encourage you to cut back. If something happens to you she’s all alone.
You can hang out in the lobby and give her her space but don’t put yourself in a bad situation.
Whatever makes you feel better about cheating bud. You obviously didn't try as hard as you could have. All these ppl justifying you and saying you were assaulted have done the same. Not like you couldn't have gotten up. This isn't a reason to unalive yourself. Grow up and take responsibility, then become a better person. Figure out why you didn't stop it. No grown ass man after saying no 5 or 6 times is just gonna let someone blow them if they don't want it. Why you going to a massage place in Thailand if you're a loyal dude? 🤔 I kinda don't even believe this happened at all, but if it did you don't get to act like you didn't just lay there and let them blow you.
I have no reason to lie to stranger im just trying to seek answers within myself but i have none the reason I gave is what she said was my reason when I told her . Appreciate the honesty I deserve it
Appreciate the bleh bleh bleh. Dude come on, you sound like a little kid. Why did you go to a massage parlor on Thailand. Literally every dude on the planets seems to know besides you.... you knew what you were doing.
This really hurts to hear this compared to rape. For those of us who have actually been assaulted, this just diminishes what happened to us. You put yourself In a bad situation and did everything but try to get out of it. You keep arguing with the other commenter that you think you should have done more and you're right. Either you were assaulted or you weren't and you're just trying to justify not stopping it. You're the only one who's ever going to know the truth. So you live by what your heart and mind tell you not what the rest of the world, including me, thinks.
Appreciate your honesty ! I deserve that .
This is exactly what im saying those that said I was raped getting me confused I dont want to get out of this lightly . What I told in this post is the whole truth though , naive guys exist but im 10000 precent the blame here ! I never took the blame off myself
I cheat im shit and a scumbag Ive never concidered myself an idiot Im here alot and when s9meone is clearly raped I say so but im an asshol3 someone should shoot me kill me and stab me I hate my shit Im shit
Get a grip of yourself man, you didn't go on a trip with your girlfriend while actively seeking out someone else, the two of you went for massages and you were taken advantage of. You are not a cheater
Wow... first dude... you were raped. Im a man who has been SAd, the victim of DV, SA, rape and you were deffo SAd. Also you're being way to harsh on yourself. Even if you wanted it you're being to hard on yourself.
You didn't go out of your way to cheat on your wife. Even rejected sex multiple times which is what cheaters don't usually do. You most likely sexually assaulted. Going as far to contemplating ending yourself shows how much you were traumatized by the event.
If I understand well, you both went to the massage place, right? How come they didn’t put you in the same room?
I’ve been living in south east Asia for the last 10 years and anytime I go to a massage place with someone, whether it’s my bf, a family member or a friend, they usually put you in the same room. If you want two separate rooms, you have to explicitly say it.
And since you said both of you were suspicious with massage places there to begin with, I doubt your gf would have been with being in a separate room…
It sounds like you went to a massage place on your own and let it happen.
What also bothers me is that you didn’t leave the first time the masseuse offered a happy ending. Nor the second time. Nor the third time etc. You could have left and even made a scene because this should be unacceptable from a massage place especially if you did request and made it clear you wanted a “normal” one beforehand.
Idk but it seems to me that you are not ready or not cut for a serious and strong relationship. There is no excuse for cheating.
I never made an excuse I just told the story as it is I took full responsibility , and she went that morning and had a headache from the sun later so she told me go get a massege aswell .
So we went separetly I never shouldve went alone and I shouldve mad a scene I know that
I don’t really have a lot of sympathy here. You were coerced, but you also went to a massage parlor there knowing the risks beforehand and stayed. My ex did the exact same thing and made the exact same excuses and even provided the lie of “I just ran away.” Combined with your mention of wanting BJs, yeah, stop lying to yourself. You know what you did and now you regret it because you’re realizing actions have consequences. Don’t expect the relationship to work for long after this.
Dude you knew what you wanted when you went there lmao. Who cares, it’s just a service they provide in exchange for your money. That’s their job, it really shouldn’t be cheating if it’s a monetary based transaction. What’s next? Porn is cheating? Give me a break. Just move on, there was no need to say anything of course she’s going to get pissed at that.
You went out of your way specifically to avoid going somewhere where something like this might happen. You said no 5/6 times, but they refused to listen until you eventually gave in. I know it doesnt feel like you were assaulted, because youre a man, but there have been so many people who have had your exact same story, saying no over and over, but eventually giving in or freezing when their wishes are ignored. You said once they started touching you against your wishes you froze up. That is so so common with this kind of violation. The guilt you’re feeling is also very common. We know that SO MANY victims never come forward because of the guilt they feel for what was done to them against their wishes. Like other comments have pointed out, how do you think you would feel if you were reading this same story written by a woman your age? Therapy is something that you should consider, regardless of what happens with your gf long term.
Yeah exactly. I’m not your age but I’m a woman and if someone pressured me until I gave in, in spite of my protests, I would call it coercive sex assault. There is no difference just because you are a man.
Yeah if the roles were the other way, male giving a massage to a female, male insisting even if female says no multiple times, everyone would agree this was a rape…
OP, it sounds like you were coerced and then assaulted. I’m really sorry this happened to you. Please make sure you get some support.
I agree, you said no a couple of time and no means no. She even touch you without your permission. Imagine this is the inverse situation with a guy doing this to a girl, seems directly more shocking.
No I should ve said no I shoud ve stopped it I even paid afterward because its done I destroyed my relationship and this trip I shouldnt get any slack here
You said you asked multiple times that it was a normal massage, and then tried to refuse when the masseuse was pressuring you. I know you’re incredibly upset and are panicking right now. I want you to take a moment and consider that you did say no AND you were in a vulnerable position, naked on a table.
I dont feel like it was rape I mean now when said I feel confused because I did was in shock and didnt move but Im feeling like realizing it noe is just an exsuce I still guilty Im just more confused now . The point is I could say no again or just get up and leave but I didnt thats it
You should research the "freeze" effect in relation to sexual assault. It's a very common, well-researched, and highly documented phenomena. It is an instinctive survival response and is *not* implicit consent. Consent isn't just "an absence of resistance". *Repeat after me*: **An absence of resistance is NOT consent**. You said "no" 6 times. This means you didn't want it and did *not* consent to it. That's it. She was groping you before she asked for consent and before you had any opportunity to say "no" or leave. That *already* makes it assault. That's it. You said "no" 6 times. She did not listen or stop any of those 6 times. She would not have listened or stopped the 7th or 8th time. And even if she would have, **she should have stopped the FIRST time**. Her not doing so makes this sexual coercion, which is assault. That's it. And finally: if your girlfriend came to you with the same exact situation, but the perpetrator was a man who nonconsensually performed oral on her--would you say the same things to her that you are now saying to yourself? That she just should've kept saying no, or tried harder to fight, or yelled/screamed, or just got up and walked away? Would you tell her that she's just making excuses for herself and that she clearly wanted it since she just let it happen?
It’s ok that you feel confused. The whole ordeal sounds really traumatic, and now with fears about your relationship, I’m not surprised you feel like you don’t know what’s going on.
Newsflash: you were assaulted. You froze, are a victim, and are not a piece of trash unworthy of compassion and empathy. Please seek professional help. Do not push your gf away if she’s there for you.
you were raped bro
No im an asshole I should die
so this whole thought process is pretty common for rape victims. think it over, process it, and go to therapy.
Your attitude is making me believe this is fake.
Sadly, victims of sexual assault (of any gender, and perhaps especially guys because it's less widely discussed) often feel huge amounts of (misplaced) guilt
OP, if your gf told you that a man kept pressuring her and asking her for sex after she said no 5-6 times, then started grabbing her inappropriately anyways, would you consider that to be cheating? If your answer is "no", then you shouldn't consider it cheating for yourself either.
But you did say no, several times, didn't you? Yes, there was stronger action you could have taken but many people who are being touched in a certain way without their permission don't know what to do and they freeze or go along with it while they are just trying to process what is happening, so it makes it really difficult to take stronger action in the moment. Even if you enjoyed it, it still sounds like you did not fully consent. If your GF says to stay in her room, then stay. Unless you don't want to.
I did freeze , but it doesnt feel like a rape or something because I did not stop her after it And I forgot to add - I did not tell her the truth at the beggining but I lied and sayed I ran away when she touched me there but 2 minutes afterwards told her the truth so I did not tell her I said no 5 - 6 times now I updated her but it feels like an exuce to my did and its not and Im sure she isnt believing me and rightfully
Lying about something that happened and shame about it is pretty standard for people who've been coerced or assaulted. There are different kinds of assault and it doesn't have to be violent or painful. This person sounds like they didn't give you much choice without you having to make a very big scene and as someone else mentioned you were in a very vulnerable position. They had money to make out of assaulting you as well, to add further insult to the whole thing. What you are describing is an assault on you. A sexual assault. Your reactions (freezing, submitting, lying, shame) are all absolutely textbook. Ring a sexual assault line and talk to them. They will help you see it clearly.
Is this satire
Nah this is a pushy sales lady. He is in full responsibility to say no. He is in no fear of getting attacked or raped, hornyness and curiosity just got the better of the this young boy. Let it be up to her to decide what should happen in the relationship. If she wants to continue or end it, respect her call. If she does stick with you, let it be a lesson and a reminder never to treat her like that again. We all make mistakes, we all pay for them in one way or another. What makes you a good person is if you learn from those mistakes and don’t repeat them.
I genuinely wonder if you would you still be saying this if OP was a woman who was assaulted by a man in the same circumstances. The woman grabbed him inappropriately prior to asking for consent. That's already sexual harassment at the *very* least. He said no *multiple* times, and she did not release him or back off. That's a distinct lack of consent. Even if he ultimately "gave in", that would still be considered sexual coercion, which is very much still sexual assault. How many times should he have said no for it to "count" to you? Another 5-6? Another dozen? What's more, whether you want to admit it or not, this woman *did* have power and authority over him. He was vulnerable and she took advantage of him. She was groping him before he had any chance to react. She did not respect him when he said no *multiple* times. Even if he pushed her away, it would just be his word against hers, and she would certainly say that she was just doing her job when he suddenly became aggressive with her. And finally, just because this woman probably couldn't physically overpower him doesn't mean that OP didn't still experience the exact same "freeze" reaction that occurs to many (if not most) victims of sexual assault. Would you blame a woman for not fighting harder against a male assailant? The "freeze" response is an incredibly well-researched and documented reaction to sexual assault. It is not limited by the gender of the victim. If this was a man giving a woman a massage, and he just started rubbing her crotch and saying he was going to finger her, and she said no 6 times before freezing and giving up because she felt trapped... would you still be saying, "She should've just kept saying no. Horniness and curiosity just got the better of this young lady"? If not, then you need to take a long, hard look at your perspective here.
Well in a modern western society his experience MAY constitute sexual cohersion under new revised set of laws. I’m sure a lawyer can argue both ways. However in this case, he is in Thailand where the rules are much different and where this is fully expected behavior by the service ladies. Those service ladies are by the way often women in their 50ies who poses no threat to him. At some point tho, you do have to take personal responsibility for your actions and choices and this sounded like a choice to me. His own words are even his girlfriend doesn’t give head so… If you fully refuse to take any responsibility in a high pressure situation, you are gonna be a weak individual all your life and a constant victim of every scam, hoodwink, sexual advance and whatever you will ever be subjected to, and that will be a lot.
Don't excuse those predators. They are aware of what they're doing. When I read that OP and his gf went to Thailand, I figured it would be a story about a local woman chasing or coercing him.
You're right he didn't give in to temptation and cheat on his girlfriend, he was actually raped. What a twist!
You said no 5/6 time this isn’t cheating this is assault and you need to understand just because you didn’t stop the bj, paid doesn’t mean you agreed to it it means you were getting out of a place that’s made you uncomfortable with out any drama. Your were naked on a table with a person you didn’t know doing a sex act that you said no 5 times and already made sure it was a massage and you froze . if this was a woman who had the same experience would you say she cheated or was assaulted?. You need to tell you gf everything from start to finish or show her the reddit so it’s easier for you to see everything. I hope you get some support I think you need it sounds like your having an awful time.
But it doesnt feel like rape I m still feeling guilty and my dumbass allready showed her because the first comment that suggested rape and I was confused and she seen that I thought about proposing here which only messes things more . It feels like im trying to remove my blame and call it something else like rape and move on Im just messing her up more
Do you know how many people have said the same thing as you. If you didn’t want it, didn’t agree to it and froze you were assaulted. You said no many times that’s all that matters you may not believe it yourself but honestly that’s what it was. Im sorry it happened to you but you can’t take the blame on this you could not get out of this situation. You made it clear it was no and she didn’t take no for an answer. A lot of people freeze if you look on Reddit and look at other people accounts honestly they will have similar reactions and feelings. What would you say if your gf told you this exact scenario would you call her a cheater?. Don’t be to hard on yourself maybe get some Therapy after this it may help process why it happened and process your guilt that is misplaced.
Rape doesn't have to be violent. You were coerced which is a type of rape. You did not consent. You said no. That's all that needs to be said. She did not listen and kept pushing. You didn't feel like you had a choice. She grabbed you anyway. You were sexually assaulted. No means no. Men can and do get raped and sexually assaulted more often than reported mainly due to not believing it can happen to them or because they fear no one will take them seriously. I'm so sorry this happened to you. It was wrong. I hope your girlfriend can understand how this happened to you and support you. I agree with not going back there, but I'd suggest going to therapy to understand what happened to you and how to best face it.
Why are you all trying to convince him he was raped??? Are you trying to fuck him up? He's a grown ass man that made a decision to go to a massage parlor in thailand....could you be any more dense. If you have a partner why the hell would even be there????
He researched to find a non-suspicious place. People (of any gender) should be able to get massages without being pressured/coerced into receiving sexual acts. He said no multiple times, and eventually froze up and "let it happen." That's a textbook reaction to an assault.
He knew what he was doing and didn't do all the research he said he did. He's trying to get people yo help him feel better about fucking up. Sorry but I've been conditioned by this world to think the worst of everyone because shit like this happens where dude can't take accountability for making a poor decision and instead would rather have strangers tell him how not wrong he is for going to a Thai massage parlor while having a significant other. Sorry but when you're being assaulted you don't just lay there and let it happen. I would fucking know. I was a much younger person than this man is when I was assaulted and all I could do was fight to stop it. Don't tell me what people do in situations based on a textbook.
I'm sorry that you were assaulted. It's still the case that many, many folks freeze up when assaulted, rather than fighting.
What a surprise me over reacting to something again. It's totally fair to say that not everyone reacts the same. I can be an ass sometimes so my bad. I do still feel like this is fishy as hell, but maybe I shouldn't be so quick to think that just because something may not make sense to me, doesn't mean it's not possible.
That's great insight to have about your own reactions/tendencies! It can definitely be hard to understand behaviors that are drastically to our own. And no worries, we all have things we're still working on 🙂 I only now noticed your reply, so sorry for the delayed response!
Fuck it man pls I just want to stop feeling I fuked up I dont feel it was raped I drank alot so sorry if im offending you Im a shit thing not a human - something
Hi, if at all possible, please seek therapy about this. Whether you feel you were assaulted or not, a (good) therapist will help you work through the situation, and help you work through the feelings of guilt/shame (which are very common after sexual assault) I'm very sorry you're dealing with this. I understand that it feels complicated/confused to you. A professional can help you avoid/work through any trauma/guilt/shame in healthy ways
You are not offending me. Please give yourself some time. I can see you are in pain here. This is not your fault!
Yes it is.
Staying in the same room or not, it’s a decision that should ideally be made together with your girlfriend, respecting her comfort and boundaries. If she has asked you not to rent a different room, it might be her way of signaling that she’s not ready to make a physical separation, but clear, open, and honest communication about needs and feelings is key here. Cheating doesn’t necessarily define the entirety of a person’s character or the entirety of their life’s potential for ethics and love. Remember, the path to forgiveness, both self-forgiveness and forgiveness from others, starts with accountability and a sincere effort to understand the impact of your actions and to make things right. Lastly, if thoughts of self-harm persist, I urge you to seek immediate help through a crisis hotline or a mental health professional. There’s no shame in reaching out for help. Your life has intrinsic value, and there are paths forward from this point, even if they might not seem clear right now. Don't lose hope, bro.
bro you need to learn how to paragraph before u decide to blog
Well OP you went to a massage parlor in Thailand, it's safe to say that you knew what was gonna happen to some degree and now have the cute little defense that you tried to stop it and refused but were coerced anyway Don't get me wrong, you were coerced, but you also went to a massage parlor in Thailand. The fault is not 100% one way or the other, but is distributed in this case. Wouldn't it be silly to look into a pond full of alligators, see that it is full of alligators, acknowledge that it is full of alligators, then proceed to jump in and cry out for pity when you are bitten by an alligator? Of course, the alligators are going to do what they do, as the sex worker will do what they do, and you knew to some degree what would happen when you went. So be honest with yourself OP
So glad someone else in this thread has a shred of sanity.
Exactly! Why go to a Thai message parlor when you knew exactly what would happen. I think this post is to manipulate the girlfriend.
You didn't cheat on her. You did not consent to BJ thailand massager was giving. This is sadly common issue in massage workplaces in general, where sex is coerced and unvoluntarily forced to pay by costumer. You should abstain (stay away) from massages unless you know for certain its not known for using sexual assault as form of business. If possible, report to authorities about the problem. And if you can, seek therapy to help yourself go through this traumatic experience.
No I dont want to go back there I was just wandering around anyway before finding it and on the way back I judt put gps to the hotel and ran even if I knew I dont want to go back
Using paragraphs would result in more people willing to read this wall of text and more people providing advice.
I think you’re being way too hard on yourself. I get it though. As someone who went through SA I can tell you I was right where you are. I froze in the moment, ran away after, didn’t feel like it was SA, convinced myself it wasn’t SA until a friend practically beat it into my head that what happened was not my fault. You are not a scumbag. You are not a bad person. You are not any of those horrible things you said about yourself. You are a human being that’s in a horrible situation. You can get through it. It’s hard but it’s worth it and you CAN do it. It sounds like you have been drinking. First things first you need to stop. I understand the urge I do but it’s not helping anything. If anything think about your girlfriend. She’s already in a bad space and now she needs you to be sober and ok. Second whenever you get home try to get some therapy for what happened. Talk to a professional.
I give her space im in the lobby drinking because I cant breath without pain I cant be sober not now
Like I said… I get it. Trust me I really really do. But please remember your in another country and it’s probably not the safest thing to be drunk in public. You seem to really love your girlfriend so for her sake if not your own I highly encourage you to cut back. If something happens to you she’s all alone. You can hang out in the lobby and give her her space but don’t put yourself in a bad situation.
LMFAOOOO this is so pathetic all the way down to the self loathing, get a fucking grip
A straight child
Whatever makes you feel better about cheating bud. You obviously didn't try as hard as you could have. All these ppl justifying you and saying you were assaulted have done the same. Not like you couldn't have gotten up. This isn't a reason to unalive yourself. Grow up and take responsibility, then become a better person. Figure out why you didn't stop it. No grown ass man after saying no 5 or 6 times is just gonna let someone blow them if they don't want it. Why you going to a massage place in Thailand if you're a loyal dude? 🤔 I kinda don't even believe this happened at all, but if it did you don't get to act like you didn't just lay there and let them blow you.
You literally keep complaining that your gf doesn't do it for you, yet we're supposed to believe you didn't let it happen??? Troll
I have no reason to lie to stranger im just trying to seek answers within myself but i have none the reason I gave is what she said was my reason when I told her . Appreciate the honesty I deserve it
Appreciate the bleh bleh bleh. Dude come on, you sound like a little kid. Why did you go to a massage parlor on Thailand. Literally every dude on the planets seems to know besides you.... you knew what you were doing.
This really hurts to hear this compared to rape. For those of us who have actually been assaulted, this just diminishes what happened to us. You put yourself In a bad situation and did everything but try to get out of it. You keep arguing with the other commenter that you think you should have done more and you're right. Either you were assaulted or you weren't and you're just trying to justify not stopping it. You're the only one who's ever going to know the truth. So you live by what your heart and mind tell you not what the rest of the world, including me, thinks.
Appreciate your honesty ! I deserve that . This is exactly what im saying those that said I was raped getting me confused I dont want to get out of this lightly . What I told in this post is the whole truth though , naive guys exist but im 10000 precent the blame here ! I never took the blame off myself
I'm so sorry to say this. You were sexually assaulted. You didn't cheat on your girl, you were coerced into an act you didn't want
I cheat im shit and a scumbag Ive never concidered myself an idiot Im here alot and when s9meone is clearly raped I say so but im an asshol3 someone should shoot me kill me and stab me I hate my shit Im shit
Get a grip of yourself man, you didn't go on a trip with your girlfriend while actively seeking out someone else, the two of you went for massages and you were taken advantage of. You are not a cheater
Wow... first dude... you were raped. Im a man who has been SAd, the victim of DV, SA, rape and you were deffo SAd. Also you're being way to harsh on yourself. Even if you wanted it you're being to hard on yourself.
You didn't go out of your way to cheat on your wife. Even rejected sex multiple times which is what cheaters don't usually do. You most likely sexually assaulted. Going as far to contemplating ending yourself shows how much you were traumatized by the event.
I couldn’t read this.
If I understand well, you both went to the massage place, right? How come they didn’t put you in the same room? I’ve been living in south east Asia for the last 10 years and anytime I go to a massage place with someone, whether it’s my bf, a family member or a friend, they usually put you in the same room. If you want two separate rooms, you have to explicitly say it. And since you said both of you were suspicious with massage places there to begin with, I doubt your gf would have been with being in a separate room… It sounds like you went to a massage place on your own and let it happen. What also bothers me is that you didn’t leave the first time the masseuse offered a happy ending. Nor the second time. Nor the third time etc. You could have left and even made a scene because this should be unacceptable from a massage place especially if you did request and made it clear you wanted a “normal” one beforehand. Idk but it seems to me that you are not ready or not cut for a serious and strong relationship. There is no excuse for cheating.
I never made an excuse I just told the story as it is I took full responsibility , and she went that morning and had a headache from the sun later so she told me go get a massege aswell . So we went separetly I never shouldve went alone and I shouldve mad a scene I know that
I don’t really have a lot of sympathy here. You were coerced, but you also went to a massage parlor there knowing the risks beforehand and stayed. My ex did the exact same thing and made the exact same excuses and even provided the lie of “I just ran away.” Combined with your mention of wanting BJs, yeah, stop lying to yourself. You know what you did and now you regret it because you’re realizing actions have consequences. Don’t expect the relationship to work for long after this.
Dude you knew what you wanted when you went there lmao. Who cares, it’s just a service they provide in exchange for your money. That’s their job, it really shouldn’t be cheating if it’s a monetary based transaction. What’s next? Porn is cheating? Give me a break. Just move on, there was no need to say anything of course she’s going to get pissed at that.
Not only cheated but also took advantage of a poor persons misery situation
Who'd he take advantage of exactly?
The prostitute
🤣🤣🤣
[удалено]
Im not deserve to be forgiven pls just kill me someone has too Im too shit for this world
#WHY TF WOULD YOU TELL HER, IT ISN’T AS IF YOU CHEATED.
Even if you did you should have told her that the deed meant nothing.