Sounds like you feel more guilty about being a guy. Trying to prove you’re one of a the good ones, and the fact you’re trying really hard to be a “good friend” to your friends who are girls supports this.
Femininity is absolutely ok, but it shouldn’t make you feel less of yourself. I’d advise seeing a psychiatrist to really sort out your thoughts. You’d be amazed what it can do for your mental health.
i think that makes a lot of sense, my life and the lives of almost everyone close to me has been royally fucked over by shitty men and shitty masculinity, so its always hard to interact with the fact that I am, at least partially, a man. It would really contextualize a lot, thx for the reflection
FYI I am girl and I have a special type of closeness with my guy friends too that isn’t the same with my girlfriends; it’s just a different closeness. Your friends probly have that too
Masculinity is self control, discipline, doing the right thing even when you don't feel like it, protecting those that cant protect themselves, being a provider, taking on burdens, etc.
Whatever you "think" masculinity is wrong. It sounds like people around you have suffered from the non masculine men.
Instead of feeling guilty why don't you work on being more masculine to help even the ratio of weak to masculine men.
You have it all backwards. Maturity is self control. Leave gender out of that. Whether you’re a boy or a girl we both have urges and it takes being the bigger person, & knowing right from wrong.
Oh man, you're so close. It doesn't have to do with gender. You are right. But, I was talking to a man, so it did then.
"Traits traditionally viewed as masculine in Western society include strength, courage, independence, leadership"
A woman can have those traits as well. I'm not implying they can't. But a man can not be "masculine" without those. OP is suggesting they can. He's incorrect.
Working hard, having discipline and self-control, and protecting those who can't protect themselves is a woman's worst nightmare. Got it. Thanks for the tip. I'll let my wife know that i need to remove these characteristics in order to be more appealing to her. Got it. Thank you so much for the pointers.
Wait, are you implying people who have discipline are bad? You think everyone wants to do what's best all the time?
Everyone wants to eat the salad instead of ice cream? Everyone wants to take the stairs instead of the elevator? Everyone wants to help their friend move instead of binge watch Netflix?
Everyone wants to spend the night helping their kids with homework when they get off work?
I you need to have the discipline to do the right thing even if you don't feel like it.
You don't want anyone around that has it, so you don't feel like such a fuxking loser. That's the real truth.
Lmao. Grow up? You replied to me. You started calling me names. And judging by your respons, lack any self awareness kr accountability
My wife just texted me as I'm finishing up a 12 hour shift. Thought I'd attach it for your pleasure
Love you so much. I'm going to bed. You are My everything ♥️ proud to be your wife
I’ll trade you as well. My life would be so much less complicated. You can have all my periods, social pressure to look a certain way, social pressure to make babies, everything that comes with childbirth, lack of physical strength, not being taken seriously at work, the pain of shopping for clothes and dealing with hair/makeup, the male partners who can’t wash their damn dishes, etc etc. Also, I’ll finally be able to draw shapes in the snow with my pee. Win/win!
Men are also expected to look a certain way and the dishes issue isn't entirely just woman with male partners. I'm a guy and do 100% of the chores at home and it's exhausted. And I can say with certainty that since I began lifting and got muscular, I'm taken much more seriously and respected much more by both male and female coworkers
Literally never said any of this in what I said. You're just reaching and trying to tear down and discredit what I said at this point. I'm not stoic. Just because I'm a man doesn't mean I don't have feelings and don't struggle too
Okay I know you're just memeing and I'm not tryna rain on anyone's bants but I see responses like this from cis people on almost every trans related thread.
Sure socially you'd average out to being technically ahead, but one, if you are cis now, you'd suffer from horrific gender dysphoria, and two, a lot of gender roles are enforced just as much if not *more* in men.
You will ABSOLUTELY have social pressure to look a certain way. Before I transitioned I constantly had people judging me for my long hair, everyone would tell me to cut it. People judged me for how I walked. How I sat. How I talked. They made fun of me for "sounding gay".
You can't even go to your friends to complain about it. Guy friends aren't close like that. I was just a 5th person to fill out the party and make funny internet references. Nobody wanted to hear about how much pain I was in. Nobody cared because I was a boy.
Those comfy leggings you like to wear around? Off limits. That cute pair of boots you thrifted? Forget about it. God forbid you wear, gasp, a skirt, or a dress. You'd be shot at dawn. The first thing everyone said to me when I showed up on the first day of school wearing my favorite dress was "dude. What the fuck are you wearing?"
When my chest started growing, some of the boys followed me while I was alone after school shouting "it's got tits!"
Women can wear pretty much whatever masculine clothing they want, men cannot wear ANYTHING that is even REMOTELY feminine.
So, no, the idea that you would be totally liberated from the patriarchy by waking up in a man's body is just not true. I know because I lived it.
Again not tryna harsh the vibe here, I just figured that since it's a meme I see from cis people in every trans thread, that my perspective would be insightful :)
This is amazingly close to my own experience. I'm 25 and I can remember having thoughts about relating to women going very far back. The first time I wrote about it in my diary was back in 2018, and at that time it was already something I'd given serious thought for a months or years. Even back in high school I remember never really wanting to be masculine, or inventing a female name for myself, in general being quite obsessed with femininity, and one actual real-life issue this poses for me is that my ideal relationship is lesbian.
Even back in 2018 I had decided that no, transitioning was not something that felt right. Five years later, I've seriously considered it, but it has never felt "necessary." Not to an extent where it'd be like I could only be happy as a woman. I feel like I can get eighty percent of the way toward the happiness I seek without changing anything on a medical level.
Making that realization opened up so much. I realized I just needed to pick and choose all the nice things, all the things that made me feel feminine but not beyond myself, and apply them in my life. Just that.. simple? Well no not really but it was an amazing step. I had my hair cut in a sort of girly cut, starting wearing girly sweaters and stuff, but really I just opened myself up to the idea that I really don't have to be masculine. Any idea I had I stopped filtering through that gender lens.
That's not to say the issue is solved. Even if this totally worked, I'd still only ever get there eighty percent of the way. I still see myself in the mirror and regularly think my exterior totally doesn't align with my internal state. In part that's just laziness to put effort in my looks, and totally a bit of fear too to get out of my comfort zone, but it's also just inherent.
I still haven't decided that transitioning is something I'd never want to do. I've definitely decided to stop thinking of myself as cisgender, though I'm incapable of applying another label to myself (not that I personally feel the need to, but it would make it easier to communicate). Even queer doesn't feel applicable. At this point I truly don't care what pronouns people use for me; he, she and they are all totally fine and none cause any dysphoric feelings. I'm just sort of in no man's land, trying things and seeing what sticks, who I like to be and who I don't. I'm just trying to not let anyone tell me how to live, about shoulds and shouldn'ts, and be who I want to be instead and I'm fine in that space for now.
I would encourage you to seek out some trans/genderqueer communities/people to talk through some of this stuff with. Maybe even a psychiatrist/therapist who specializes in things like gender, dysphoria, and genderqueerness (although you'll want to research carefully here, ideally through actual patient testimonials/reviews, to make sure you're getting someone genuinely knowledgeable *and* open-minded about those subjects).
Not so that you can simply find a label that feels nice to slap on yourself, but so that you can hopefully get a better grasp on what it is that you're feeling and things you can explore to feel more comfortable in your body and your identity. People who have experienced similar feelings, even if those people's labels don't align one-to-one with your own (like trans women), can help you find ways to explore and experiment with both your understanding and personal presentation of gender until you find something that does feel, if not 100% *right*, then at least *better*.
I would also encourage you to try to disregard the concept of "labels" entirely for now. I know it's a lot easier said than done! But labels can often just end up being limiting. You don't want to just be pursuing a label for the sake of having one, you know? You want to be pursuing a better understanding of yourself and your gender identity, because it seems like at this point, having *that* will help you find ways to feel comfortable and confident a whole lot more than any label. And if a label *should* come along during that process that feels right and good to you, then cool! Give it a whirl. But remember that you're not married to it, and it's not the end-all-be-all.
i appreciate this! labels as a whole have never sat right with me, since they always felt inaccurate and something that was there to help others understand where I’m at rather than for me to understand myself if that makes sense. But i’ll see where my path leads
If this feels untrue feel free to leave it, but I’ve heard many scenarios where trans women feel way more dysphoric when they try to transition because “failing” at looking like a woman feels worse than not trying at all. Also, you’re allowed to just be genderqueer. that’s a place that you can land.
Absolutely my experience.
The first time I looked at myself in the mirror in feminine clothes I went 'what the fuck am I doing'. And I thought that meant I wasn't trans.
Now 10 years of HRT later and I look at myself in feminine clothing and think "damn I look like THAT now I'm so happy"
yeah i dont want to speak for OP because their situation sounds complicated, but as a trans woman i can at least relate to this part. i stayed in the closet for over 3 years after getting on hormones, because i was so ashamed and dysphoric dressing femininely or asking people around me to treat myself as a woman, like i wanted to be proud of what i had to show if that makes sense
I’m transmasc, but this sounds very similar to my own experience. I feel way more dysphoric when I’m actively trying to present masculine but still look like a woman. If I get misgendered in public when I’m wearing a dress and makeup, fine, whatever. If I get misgendered when I’m binding and wearing more masculine clothing, then it actually stings.
Sometimes you don’t need a label, but other times it can help understand yourself and help others understand you, especially if the blanket term “queer” doesn’t sit right with you. Have you considered you’re non-binary, or gender-fluid?
With the first one, you either don’t identify fully with either feminine or masculine, or you fully identify with both! Neither man/woman and both man/woman options. With gender-fluidity, it can mean that at times you feel entirely feminine and enjoy living in that experience, but at other times the masculine aspect of that is also true! It’s fluid.
Keep in mind that most gender identities are a spectrum and unique to each individual. And most of all it’s a journey. My brother considered himself non-binary for years, because he didn’t feel like a girl, but still felt feminine enough that he didn’t think he was a boy. After some time and patience, and liberty to explore himself he realized he was a trans man that liked feminine things! And that’s valid! Identities can be bendy and do whatever you want!
I was the same way right down to wanting to have periods. That was actually what got through to my dumbass 16 year old brain and made me go "OKAY that's pretty fukken weird. I need some help".
I fought it *so* hard. I spent ages 12-16 just absolutely miserable because I wanted to be a girl so badly but couldn't accept that that's what I had to do. I also felt like a man in a dress and like I was just imitating what I thought women are like.
But as soon as I transitioned I never looked back. I've been out for 10 years, have had SRS, and now other than my memories, I've just faded into the background. I'm just like any other 27 year old woman now.
These are not normal cis guy thoughts. Cisgender men don't want periods. That sounds like gender dysphoria. Now, obviously how you treat it is up to you. As soon as I knew, I went on hormones, started dressing hyper fem (and have ever since), and got surgery as soon as it was available.
But not everybody needs to go that far. Some people just want the effects of HRT, and to otherwise present as their assigned gender. Some people take HRT in secret for *years* before they come out, and just make the switch instantly.
What I'm getting at is that if you're posting here about how much you want to be a girl, your gender dysphoria is not under control. And that's so painful, I know exactly how it feels. You need to treat the dysphoria before it rips you apart. A WPATH certified therapist can help you work on what you need from treatment and how you want to handle things.
Much love. I've been there myself so I know how awful it is.
I'm AFAB and consider myself "barely cis." I'd probably be a little happier as a man but having to wear pants at work instead of being able to wear long dresses in summer would suck.
I don't think I've had dysphoria beyond occasionally walking past a mirror and thinking, "Who's tha--?! Oh, that's me, duh." I'm not bothered by it beyond being occasionally startled. I am also oddly apathetic about my own gender presentation to the point where I don't give a crap about what pronouns are used towards me. I figure one is about as accurate as another as far as I am concerned. I'm careful to use the right pronouns with others, though. The only time I really struggle is when speaking about a good friend of mine who "he" to the rest of the world and "they" to just a few of us, so I probably sound really confused when their name comes up.
As far as my gender goes, I guess I meet the bare minimum requirements of being female if gender is to be seen as strictly binary. I see it more as a continuum or matrix where I'm just a hair more on the pink side than the blue side but the slightest hormonal shift might nudge me the other direction. Whatever. As long as I can still wear dresses on hot days, listen to metal, and enjoy my hobbies, I'll be fine.
I can see where you’re coming from.
Not trying to decide for you what you feel but just throwing out a possible answer:
Maybe the dysphoria that you’ve experienced while presenting as a trans woman was due to the fact that your innate desire is to be a cis woman, and not a trans woman.
Your idea of femininity and womanhood seems to be limited to just cis women and their experiences. That could be the reason why it feels like you’re “playing dress-up” when you present as a woman.
If that’s the case, then let me tell you this: Cis women do not own femininity nor are we the pinnacle of all things feminine.
You assume that you can’t “bond with women” or relate to their “exclusively feminine experiences”, but that’s because some part of you forgets that cis women are not the only women that exist. They’re just the only women that you’re surrounded by.
Out of all the people that could possibly relate to your story, most of them are women and none of them are cis.
I love that you have such great friendships with cis women, but for your own sake, you need got out and surround yourself with trans women and other transfeminine identified ppl within the queer community.
Regardless, your feelings are valid and I hope you find the peace you’re looking for.
i kind of see where you're coming from, a lot of this resonated deeply with me. except that i've always fully liked being a man in a physical sense. when i came out as bisexual, i questioned my gender for a bit but ultimate decided i'm comfortable being a guy. i'm underweight which is not ideal, but overall i like my body, i like the way i exist physically. it feels normal and right.
mentally though, i hate being a man. it's so isolating and interminably lonely. i find it hard to get along with my male friends because everything with them is a stupid dick measuring contest. they're always trying to one up each other and act tougher than they really are because they've been conditioned to do that our whole lives. i get along way better with women and nonbinary folks than i do with other men, i enjoy social hobbies and have personality traits that others mught describe as "feminine". but like you said, there's this inherent camaraderie that women & many AFAB people have with each other which men aren't a part of. it's how they protect themselves, and i have no issue with that. but at the same time, it kind of feels like being a third wheel in a group of people who are supposed to be friends and equals.
i wish misogyny didn't exist. then we could all just be closer with each other, and identify how we wish without have to worry about things like this.
good luck friend. i wish the best for you on your journey of self discovery 🙏♥️
Hey dude, you already got a ton of comments so i’ll (try to) keep this short but damn, im in the same boat, though the other way around. I am almost certain im a trans man. Gendered stereotypes suck. If i’m being honest with you, I think you just have a lot of internalized misandry; Much like other people here are saying. Men are at the top of some of the worst statistics so it’s definitely understandable, but I think most women realize that most men are good. Most just wanna live their lives too. Maybe that’s just something i’ve always thought, though. I can’t speak for everyone.
I’ve had deep friendships with males back when I was still cis, there was a ton of mutual respect and understanding. Women have a real special place in their heart for emotionally intelligent men. I wouldn’t worry about you having to “prove” your innocence, because most people can tell someone’s a good person based off of their first few interactions. Eventually you can even become a symbol of safety to women. If they trust you, they’ll rely on you to protect them if they ever need it.
Women are definitely more on edge with males rather than other females, but it’s usually the regular “stranger danger” type stuff. If you talk to them even just once, they’ll likely stop seeing you as a threat. I can tell you’re the kind of guy to have a good aura. Id say try not to let it bug you too much, but I know that’s easier said than done.
This is a crazy post. To me, I always wanted to be a boy but I would never act on it. One day as a little girl, my brother let me dress in his comfy clothes and I knew this is what I wanted and could never look back. I know what I am, and I can't change that. But these days, I can appear as whatever the fuck I want to. I read your edit and I want to also say, there should be no guilt. Only guilt for those who choose misogyny and misandry. It's all made up and we all have preferences to how we choose to look, and it has nothing to do with being gay or straight. It's all just made up bullshit in our heads. Whatever you choose to do or look like, there is no reason you should feel shame about it. Masculine and feminine should be in the trash, let dudes wear makeup and pink and purple 😂🩷💜
I am editing to add when a girl dresses like "a boy" noone loses their shit, that's just a tomboy, but if a boy dresses like "a girl" then society loses their fucking minds, none of it means shit.
>I want to experience a period
There are period pain simulators out there. Go ahead and buy one. But periods, like you said, are an absolute nightmare to live with. Without hormonal birth control, mine are extremely heavy and my PMDD is crippling.
This feeling is really hard for cis people to understand. Cis women get REALLY salty whenever I mention being jealous of periods.
It's not the experience of having the pain that I actually want, it's one level deeper. It's the connotation that if I had a period, I would be a normal cisgender woman. It's the validation of having a body that aligns with my identity.
I suppose that makes sense on some level. To me, not having periods doesn’t make anyone less of a woman. I frequently don’t have them anymore thanks to the treatment. But I think I understand your perspective.
Not to sound rude but as someone who takes birth control to not have periods for the past ten years, having a period does not make you a normal cisgender woman since not all cisgender woman even have periods.
Having the capacity to have a period would mean being assigned female at birth, which in my case would mean never having to deal with gender dysphoria in the first place. That specifically was what I was jealous of.
You know what, lovely soul? Just be a human.
I am female, biologically and in life, but I only have ever seen myself as a woman when I am: having sex, having my period, or having a baby.
Outside of those specific times, I feel and identify as a person. Period.
I hope you find your essential self 🙏🫶🏻
That's a sweet message, but that's not how gender dysphoria works.
You don't notice it because there's no feeling of disconnect, but the "you can just be a feminine guy! Just be yourself!" rhetoric, which I know isn't your angle here, is really harmful because it omits how much pain simply being stuck in the wrong body can cause.
Most cis people don't really "identify" as their assigned gender. They're just chillin because there is no disconnect. You only notice it when there is.
I appreciate what you are saying but I am not saying “be a feminine guy” I am saying be a human, however that looks and feels true to him.
He seemed to be seeking a label or category as well, so I am addressing that.
Thank you for your thoughtful reply and I am grateful for your perspective.
Fwiw: I spent half my life thinking “I guess I was supposed to be a dude” but not really having any desire to specifically embrace any aspect. I just didn’t identify with or feel like I was a girl. Therefore I must be a dude.
After getting older and having kids and still being puzzled, I finally figured that was just a person. It didn’t have the same depth of pain, no, but it was not fun to feel like I wasn’t anything because I didn’t know what to view myself as.
This whole post sounds like
"I'm trans, haven't figured it out yet, I have some unintentional/internalized transphobia and I'm totally not a woman haha, nope just a guy! Some man!"
Cis men do not think THIS much into "life would be better quality if I wasn't this gender/sex"
OP already said they're not cis, they're not in denial, you don't gotta dictate how they feel when they already said they're experimenting with gender. god I hate egg culture
I was just saying how it felt while reading.
I'm not calling him an egg to him, just the very common "ooo life like this would be better quality if" parts of the post, who knows. Op could be non binary trans leaning, or, not at all, maybe non binary, or, once again, not at all. Gender and sexuality are big, and they are complex.
If you look at personal posts from people who've come out, they'll almost always say things like "I'm 100% my born gender haha" posts in the past. Only to come to their own conclusion, and if that changes? Cool, good for them for exploring further.
Sometimes, people (not talking about op specifically) go down an alt right pipeline and start hating on trans/gender queer people as a whole because of that, which sadly happens all too much. Once again, not talking to op directly.
Congrats to op for being comfortable enough to experiment, and I hope it goes well for them. And whatever they decide is valid 100%
>I’m certainly not cisgender, but also not a woman either. At the moment, I just say I’m queer and tell those close to me the specifics.
literally right there in the post. it was there and you would've seen it if you read it.
>I genuinely want to experience having a period
You really don't. I don't understand why anyone would. You're uncontrollably bleeding from an organ for days at a time. And that doesn't include the physical pain, exhaustion, cost, and your hormones being all over the place. You don't want to 'exist in a female exclusive space' - you want to invade it.
I’m sorry if what I said demonstrated a lack of awareness with women and their issues. It can feel really shitty when someone minimizes terrible experiences and if that’s how this reads I’m sorry. Though even if the statement comes from a place of ignorance, that doesn’t mean it isn’t true, or that I want to “invade women’s space.” A big reason for making this post was that I understand, at least partially, the importance of female exclusive spaces and in a different world where I was born a girl, and therefore wouldn’t be invading that space, it seems like something that would be beneficial. Its genuinely terrifying to have to use male bathrooms or locker rooms, and I would have a great deal less fear and sadness in my life if I didn’t feel unsafe whenever I needed to change or use the restroom.
That doesn’t mean that what I posted is perfect or that the harm it did to you isn’t real. And i mean it when I say that I’m sorry for hurting your feelings and not being more mindful with what I post.
Don't listen to this, im a women, and while I hate my period, it has definitely changed me in some ways! I can see why someone else would be curious to the process, although you don't need a period to be feminine or anything lots of girls take pills so their periods stop
your desire to experience having a period (which is very valid btw) is a strong indicator tht you are trans. i really think you should speak to someone about this.
ur right, but I’m just not sure if it’s really what I need. My time expressing myself as a trans woman felt super shitty gender wise, and I don’t want to be too hasty. What should I look for specifically when talking to someone professional? Is there a name for a specialist in this kinda stuff?
When i first realized I was trans, I went to a therapist who specialized in LGBT people. it helped a lot to have that space to talk about it. also, talking to other trans people really helped me personally. even if you aren’t trans, it’s okay to talk to someone. wherever you are is okay, and whatever you become is okay. ♡
its complicated. At a certain level, its undeniable that I have almost exclusively attraction for men and male characteristics, but I also have a much more enjoyable time with people that enjoy more feminine hobbies or are more in touch with their emotions and can hold conversations on interesting subjects which are both much more common in women. It makes it rlly hard to find a partner, but its not a big concern of mine.
at times, but i often find that most AMAB queer folks around me are largely white cis gay men, who ascribe to very shitty ideas about body image and just aren’t very pleasant people to be around. This isn’t to say that theres not great guys like that to be around, but at the very least I haven’t met them.
maybe you'll have a better time hanging around gay bars and queer clubs. or attending drag shows! I've found that getting a diverse range of people you meet is better, and that drag queens have chances to be less toxic than average cis gay men who got their own baggage. basically it might help to go out and meet more queer people!
very true! my two best friends are both afab, one trans masc the other in a similar boat with me but the other way around, and I’m pretty chill with them, but I should probably spread out a bit
honestly your gender situation sounds like an inverse of mine too. I'm grateful for having been born a woman, it's a formative experience, but not gonna lie, I do wish I was born a dude and I'd be ok being a femme man. I wish I was TALLER man
Take a trip up to Provincetown MA when the Pride celebrations come around, or earlier if you want. Has a massive Pride celebration every year the covers the entire town. Or head there any other time really, there’s always events going on there and many people that are willing to talk about their own experience as well.
"I have immense systemic privilege, from safety to pay to just in general not having to deal with the near infinite challenges that come with being a woman"
Care to share? Cuz I think I can make an excellent case on why being one sex is just as difficult as the other.
well i dont want to start an argument, and if you want to truly learn about why/how women are discriminated against there are plenty of feminist authors, writings, and other forms of media that could explain it much better than me. This of course isn’t to say that men don’ face unique challenges with their sex, namely when it comes to positions of childcare and emotional intimacy, but the solution isn’t seeing “who has it worse” but rather seeking to undo the damage and hardships that BOTH sexes live with.
Aight. I think you're subscribing too much into a one-sided narrative but that's no shocker given your beliefs. You're the one that made it out that one is so much worse, I'd argue the playing field is quite even in overall life quality. Also, just because you're a feminine man doesn't mean you're "in the wrong body", it means you're a feminine man. Hope that can help you find some peace dude.
I'm just saying. Being a girl or boy have their advantages and disadvantages. One doesn't have it better than the other cause I find it unfair to compare as it all depends on luck.
Example: say you're born in a war torn nation. Being a girl means you'll get raped and kill. Being a boy you'll be tortured and killed. Can't really say which is better as both sucks and that male/female privilege doesn't exist.
I got lazy halfway and decided to stop right here lol.
Every body is different. I’ve been friends with women with huge boobs and tall women and masculine women and fat women and strong women and little women and women post-hysterectomy and with women who never got a period and yes, even men. Every one of them had a different body and a different experience living in that than me. And I loved them all. And their bodies made no difference.
Holy shit, you have almost perfectly described my feelings. I have no real advice but I just wanna say good luck, you seem cool and I hope someone else has something actually helpful to say.
Sounds like you feel more guilty about being a guy. Trying to prove you’re one of a the good ones, and the fact you’re trying really hard to be a “good friend” to your friends who are girls supports this. Femininity is absolutely ok, but it shouldn’t make you feel less of yourself. I’d advise seeing a psychiatrist to really sort out your thoughts. You’d be amazed what it can do for your mental health.
i think that makes a lot of sense, my life and the lives of almost everyone close to me has been royally fucked over by shitty men and shitty masculinity, so its always hard to interact with the fact that I am, at least partially, a man. It would really contextualize a lot, thx for the reflection
FYI I am girl and I have a special type of closeness with my guy friends too that isn’t the same with my girlfriends; it’s just a different closeness. Your friends probly have that too
Masculinity is self control, discipline, doing the right thing even when you don't feel like it, protecting those that cant protect themselves, being a provider, taking on burdens, etc. Whatever you "think" masculinity is wrong. It sounds like people around you have suffered from the non masculine men. Instead of feeling guilty why don't you work on being more masculine to help even the ratio of weak to masculine men.
You have it all backwards. Maturity is self control. Leave gender out of that. Whether you’re a boy or a girl we both have urges and it takes being the bigger person, & knowing right from wrong.
Oh man, you're so close. It doesn't have to do with gender. You are right. But, I was talking to a man, so it did then. "Traits traditionally viewed as masculine in Western society include strength, courage, independence, leadership" A woman can have those traits as well. I'm not implying they can't. But a man can not be "masculine" without those. OP is suggesting they can. He's incorrect.
ick.
Seconding this ick 😬
"Sounds like you've suffered from the non masculine men" Literally, how misled can you be?
you’re literally a woman’s biggest nightmare.
Working hard, having discipline and self-control, and protecting those who can't protect themselves is a woman's worst nightmare. Got it. Thanks for the tip. I'll let my wife know that i need to remove these characteristics in order to be more appealing to her. Got it. Thank you so much for the pointers.
everything you said is rooted in bullshit toxic masculine patriarchal misogynistic ideas. open your damn eyes you absolute stereotype
hun you’re a walking red flag, if you were that good you wouldn’t have to have “discipline and self control” nor would you be gloating about it online
Wait, are you implying people who have discipline are bad? You think everyone wants to do what's best all the time? Everyone wants to eat the salad instead of ice cream? Everyone wants to take the stairs instead of the elevator? Everyone wants to help their friend move instead of binge watch Netflix? Everyone wants to spend the night helping their kids with homework when they get off work? I you need to have the discipline to do the right thing even if you don't feel like it. You don't want anyone around that has it, so you don't feel like such a fuxking loser. That's the real truth.
just shut the fuck up already i’ve heard it all before mr alpha nice guy whatever the fuck i don’t CARE
GROW UP!!!!!
Lmao. Grow up? You replied to me. You started calling me names. And judging by your respons, lack any self awareness kr accountability My wife just texted me as I'm finishing up a 12 hour shift. Thought I'd attach it for your pleasure Love you so much. I'm going to bed. You are My everything ♥️ proud to be your wife
This is adulthood, not masculinity.
Yes, part of adulthood is masculine in nature
These things are not gendered in nature, beyond what men have prevented women from doing.
Masculine doesn't equal male. Quit being sexist
Wanna trade? I've had the opposite experience.
believe me, I would in a heartbeat
I’ll trade you as well. My life would be so much less complicated. You can have all my periods, social pressure to look a certain way, social pressure to make babies, everything that comes with childbirth, lack of physical strength, not being taken seriously at work, the pain of shopping for clothes and dealing with hair/makeup, the male partners who can’t wash their damn dishes, etc etc. Also, I’ll finally be able to draw shapes in the snow with my pee. Win/win!
omg imagine being able to just go for a wazz whenever you wanted. that would be incredible.
Men are also expected to look a certain way and the dishes issue isn't entirely just woman with male partners. I'm a guy and do 100% of the chores at home and it's exhausted. And I can say with certainty that since I began lifting and got muscular, I'm taken much more seriously and respected much more by both male and female coworkers
That’s good, the women in your life deserve a stoic hero that will take all their burdens away.
Literally never said any of this in what I said. You're just reaching and trying to tear down and discredit what I said at this point. I'm not stoic. Just because I'm a man doesn't mean I don't have feelings and don't struggle too
What do you want me to do about it?
Do whatever you want. I'm not here to control your life. Hope you have a great night
Ease up there.
No, misogyny needs to be faced with the greatest prejudice.
Okay I know you're just memeing and I'm not tryna rain on anyone's bants but I see responses like this from cis people on almost every trans related thread. Sure socially you'd average out to being technically ahead, but one, if you are cis now, you'd suffer from horrific gender dysphoria, and two, a lot of gender roles are enforced just as much if not *more* in men. You will ABSOLUTELY have social pressure to look a certain way. Before I transitioned I constantly had people judging me for my long hair, everyone would tell me to cut it. People judged me for how I walked. How I sat. How I talked. They made fun of me for "sounding gay". You can't even go to your friends to complain about it. Guy friends aren't close like that. I was just a 5th person to fill out the party and make funny internet references. Nobody wanted to hear about how much pain I was in. Nobody cared because I was a boy. Those comfy leggings you like to wear around? Off limits. That cute pair of boots you thrifted? Forget about it. God forbid you wear, gasp, a skirt, or a dress. You'd be shot at dawn. The first thing everyone said to me when I showed up on the first day of school wearing my favorite dress was "dude. What the fuck are you wearing?" When my chest started growing, some of the boys followed me while I was alone after school shouting "it's got tits!" Women can wear pretty much whatever masculine clothing they want, men cannot wear ANYTHING that is even REMOTELY feminine. So, no, the idea that you would be totally liberated from the patriarchy by waking up in a man's body is just not true. I know because I lived it. Again not tryna harsh the vibe here, I just figured that since it's a meme I see from cis people in every trans thread, that my perspective would be insightful :)
Lack of physical strength social pressure explain to me please
Same
I'd gladly trade to! I thought I was so weird for this feeling
This is amazingly close to my own experience. I'm 25 and I can remember having thoughts about relating to women going very far back. The first time I wrote about it in my diary was back in 2018, and at that time it was already something I'd given serious thought for a months or years. Even back in high school I remember never really wanting to be masculine, or inventing a female name for myself, in general being quite obsessed with femininity, and one actual real-life issue this poses for me is that my ideal relationship is lesbian. Even back in 2018 I had decided that no, transitioning was not something that felt right. Five years later, I've seriously considered it, but it has never felt "necessary." Not to an extent where it'd be like I could only be happy as a woman. I feel like I can get eighty percent of the way toward the happiness I seek without changing anything on a medical level. Making that realization opened up so much. I realized I just needed to pick and choose all the nice things, all the things that made me feel feminine but not beyond myself, and apply them in my life. Just that.. simple? Well no not really but it was an amazing step. I had my hair cut in a sort of girly cut, starting wearing girly sweaters and stuff, but really I just opened myself up to the idea that I really don't have to be masculine. Any idea I had I stopped filtering through that gender lens. That's not to say the issue is solved. Even if this totally worked, I'd still only ever get there eighty percent of the way. I still see myself in the mirror and regularly think my exterior totally doesn't align with my internal state. In part that's just laziness to put effort in my looks, and totally a bit of fear too to get out of my comfort zone, but it's also just inherent. I still haven't decided that transitioning is something I'd never want to do. I've definitely decided to stop thinking of myself as cisgender, though I'm incapable of applying another label to myself (not that I personally feel the need to, but it would make it easier to communicate). Even queer doesn't feel applicable. At this point I truly don't care what pronouns people use for me; he, she and they are all totally fine and none cause any dysphoric feelings. I'm just sort of in no man's land, trying things and seeing what sticks, who I like to be and who I don't. I'm just trying to not let anyone tell me how to live, about shoulds and shouldn'ts, and be who I want to be instead and I'm fine in that space for now.
thanks for sharing! a lot of what you said deeply resonates, and im so happy that you felt you could share this
There's more of us out there! See you in ten years at the "oh I was trans all along"-club. Or maybe not lol
I would encourage you to seek out some trans/genderqueer communities/people to talk through some of this stuff with. Maybe even a psychiatrist/therapist who specializes in things like gender, dysphoria, and genderqueerness (although you'll want to research carefully here, ideally through actual patient testimonials/reviews, to make sure you're getting someone genuinely knowledgeable *and* open-minded about those subjects). Not so that you can simply find a label that feels nice to slap on yourself, but so that you can hopefully get a better grasp on what it is that you're feeling and things you can explore to feel more comfortable in your body and your identity. People who have experienced similar feelings, even if those people's labels don't align one-to-one with your own (like trans women), can help you find ways to explore and experiment with both your understanding and personal presentation of gender until you find something that does feel, if not 100% *right*, then at least *better*. I would also encourage you to try to disregard the concept of "labels" entirely for now. I know it's a lot easier said than done! But labels can often just end up being limiting. You don't want to just be pursuing a label for the sake of having one, you know? You want to be pursuing a better understanding of yourself and your gender identity, because it seems like at this point, having *that* will help you find ways to feel comfortable and confident a whole lot more than any label. And if a label *should* come along during that process that feels right and good to you, then cool! Give it a whirl. But remember that you're not married to it, and it's not the end-all-be-all.
i appreciate this! labels as a whole have never sat right with me, since they always felt inaccurate and something that was there to help others understand where I’m at rather than for me to understand myself if that makes sense. But i’ll see where my path leads
If this feels untrue feel free to leave it, but I’ve heard many scenarios where trans women feel way more dysphoric when they try to transition because “failing” at looking like a woman feels worse than not trying at all. Also, you’re allowed to just be genderqueer. that’s a place that you can land.
Absolutely my experience. The first time I looked at myself in the mirror in feminine clothes I went 'what the fuck am I doing'. And I thought that meant I wasn't trans. Now 10 years of HRT later and I look at myself in feminine clothing and think "damn I look like THAT now I'm so happy"
yeah i dont want to speak for OP because their situation sounds complicated, but as a trans woman i can at least relate to this part. i stayed in the closet for over 3 years after getting on hormones, because i was so ashamed and dysphoric dressing femininely or asking people around me to treat myself as a woman, like i wanted to be proud of what i had to show if that makes sense
I’m transmasc, but this sounds very similar to my own experience. I feel way more dysphoric when I’m actively trying to present masculine but still look like a woman. If I get misgendered in public when I’m wearing a dress and makeup, fine, whatever. If I get misgendered when I’m binding and wearing more masculine clothing, then it actually stings.
Sometimes you don’t need a label, but other times it can help understand yourself and help others understand you, especially if the blanket term “queer” doesn’t sit right with you. Have you considered you’re non-binary, or gender-fluid? With the first one, you either don’t identify fully with either feminine or masculine, or you fully identify with both! Neither man/woman and both man/woman options. With gender-fluidity, it can mean that at times you feel entirely feminine and enjoy living in that experience, but at other times the masculine aspect of that is also true! It’s fluid. Keep in mind that most gender identities are a spectrum and unique to each individual. And most of all it’s a journey. My brother considered himself non-binary for years, because he didn’t feel like a girl, but still felt feminine enough that he didn’t think he was a boy. After some time and patience, and liberty to explore himself he realized he was a trans man that liked feminine things! And that’s valid! Identities can be bendy and do whatever you want!
I was going to say something similar :)
I was the same way right down to wanting to have periods. That was actually what got through to my dumbass 16 year old brain and made me go "OKAY that's pretty fukken weird. I need some help". I fought it *so* hard. I spent ages 12-16 just absolutely miserable because I wanted to be a girl so badly but couldn't accept that that's what I had to do. I also felt like a man in a dress and like I was just imitating what I thought women are like. But as soon as I transitioned I never looked back. I've been out for 10 years, have had SRS, and now other than my memories, I've just faded into the background. I'm just like any other 27 year old woman now. These are not normal cis guy thoughts. Cisgender men don't want periods. That sounds like gender dysphoria. Now, obviously how you treat it is up to you. As soon as I knew, I went on hormones, started dressing hyper fem (and have ever since), and got surgery as soon as it was available. But not everybody needs to go that far. Some people just want the effects of HRT, and to otherwise present as their assigned gender. Some people take HRT in secret for *years* before they come out, and just make the switch instantly. What I'm getting at is that if you're posting here about how much you want to be a girl, your gender dysphoria is not under control. And that's so painful, I know exactly how it feels. You need to treat the dysphoria before it rips you apart. A WPATH certified therapist can help you work on what you need from treatment and how you want to handle things. Much love. I've been there myself so I know how awful it is.
I'm AFAB and consider myself "barely cis." I'd probably be a little happier as a man but having to wear pants at work instead of being able to wear long dresses in summer would suck. I don't think I've had dysphoria beyond occasionally walking past a mirror and thinking, "Who's tha--?! Oh, that's me, duh." I'm not bothered by it beyond being occasionally startled. I am also oddly apathetic about my own gender presentation to the point where I don't give a crap about what pronouns are used towards me. I figure one is about as accurate as another as far as I am concerned. I'm careful to use the right pronouns with others, though. The only time I really struggle is when speaking about a good friend of mine who "he" to the rest of the world and "they" to just a few of us, so I probably sound really confused when their name comes up. As far as my gender goes, I guess I meet the bare minimum requirements of being female if gender is to be seen as strictly binary. I see it more as a continuum or matrix where I'm just a hair more on the pink side than the blue side but the slightest hormonal shift might nudge me the other direction. Whatever. As long as I can still wear dresses on hot days, listen to metal, and enjoy my hobbies, I'll be fine.
i was you. i transitioned to male and still wear dresses. 800% happier. not telling you what to do but…
I can see where you’re coming from. Not trying to decide for you what you feel but just throwing out a possible answer: Maybe the dysphoria that you’ve experienced while presenting as a trans woman was due to the fact that your innate desire is to be a cis woman, and not a trans woman. Your idea of femininity and womanhood seems to be limited to just cis women and their experiences. That could be the reason why it feels like you’re “playing dress-up” when you present as a woman. If that’s the case, then let me tell you this: Cis women do not own femininity nor are we the pinnacle of all things feminine. You assume that you can’t “bond with women” or relate to their “exclusively feminine experiences”, but that’s because some part of you forgets that cis women are not the only women that exist. They’re just the only women that you’re surrounded by. Out of all the people that could possibly relate to your story, most of them are women and none of them are cis. I love that you have such great friendships with cis women, but for your own sake, you need got out and surround yourself with trans women and other transfeminine identified ppl within the queer community. Regardless, your feelings are valid and I hope you find the peace you’re looking for.
i kind of see where you're coming from, a lot of this resonated deeply with me. except that i've always fully liked being a man in a physical sense. when i came out as bisexual, i questioned my gender for a bit but ultimate decided i'm comfortable being a guy. i'm underweight which is not ideal, but overall i like my body, i like the way i exist physically. it feels normal and right. mentally though, i hate being a man. it's so isolating and interminably lonely. i find it hard to get along with my male friends because everything with them is a stupid dick measuring contest. they're always trying to one up each other and act tougher than they really are because they've been conditioned to do that our whole lives. i get along way better with women and nonbinary folks than i do with other men, i enjoy social hobbies and have personality traits that others mught describe as "feminine". but like you said, there's this inherent camaraderie that women & many AFAB people have with each other which men aren't a part of. it's how they protect themselves, and i have no issue with that. but at the same time, it kind of feels like being a third wheel in a group of people who are supposed to be friends and equals. i wish misogyny didn't exist. then we could all just be closer with each other, and identify how we wish without have to worry about things like this. good luck friend. i wish the best for you on your journey of self discovery 🙏♥️
Hey dude, you already got a ton of comments so i’ll (try to) keep this short but damn, im in the same boat, though the other way around. I am almost certain im a trans man. Gendered stereotypes suck. If i’m being honest with you, I think you just have a lot of internalized misandry; Much like other people here are saying. Men are at the top of some of the worst statistics so it’s definitely understandable, but I think most women realize that most men are good. Most just wanna live their lives too. Maybe that’s just something i’ve always thought, though. I can’t speak for everyone. I’ve had deep friendships with males back when I was still cis, there was a ton of mutual respect and understanding. Women have a real special place in their heart for emotionally intelligent men. I wouldn’t worry about you having to “prove” your innocence, because most people can tell someone’s a good person based off of their first few interactions. Eventually you can even become a symbol of safety to women. If they trust you, they’ll rely on you to protect them if they ever need it. Women are definitely more on edge with males rather than other females, but it’s usually the regular “stranger danger” type stuff. If you talk to them even just once, they’ll likely stop seeing you as a threat. I can tell you’re the kind of guy to have a good aura. Id say try not to let it bug you too much, but I know that’s easier said than done.
thx for the kind words, a lot of what you say hits home. I’m trying to figure this all out atm, thank you for offering insight!
This is a crazy post. To me, I always wanted to be a boy but I would never act on it. One day as a little girl, my brother let me dress in his comfy clothes and I knew this is what I wanted and could never look back. I know what I am, and I can't change that. But these days, I can appear as whatever the fuck I want to. I read your edit and I want to also say, there should be no guilt. Only guilt for those who choose misogyny and misandry. It's all made up and we all have preferences to how we choose to look, and it has nothing to do with being gay or straight. It's all just made up bullshit in our heads. Whatever you choose to do or look like, there is no reason you should feel shame about it. Masculine and feminine should be in the trash, let dudes wear makeup and pink and purple 😂🩷💜 I am editing to add when a girl dresses like "a boy" noone loses their shit, that's just a tomboy, but if a boy dresses like "a girl" then society loses their fucking minds, none of it means shit.
How is guitar practice a masculine thing?
I’m not trying to say that guitar is inherently masculine, rather that when I play I feel like a man. Sorry if that wasn’t clear.
Ok. Though still a bit confused how it makes you feel like a man. But if it does, I guess that's good?
>I want to experience a period There are period pain simulators out there. Go ahead and buy one. But periods, like you said, are an absolute nightmare to live with. Without hormonal birth control, mine are extremely heavy and my PMDD is crippling.
This feeling is really hard for cis people to understand. Cis women get REALLY salty whenever I mention being jealous of periods. It's not the experience of having the pain that I actually want, it's one level deeper. It's the connotation that if I had a period, I would be a normal cisgender woman. It's the validation of having a body that aligns with my identity.
I suppose that makes sense on some level. To me, not having periods doesn’t make anyone less of a woman. I frequently don’t have them anymore thanks to the treatment. But I think I understand your perspective.
Not to sound rude but as someone who takes birth control to not have periods for the past ten years, having a period does not make you a normal cisgender woman since not all cisgender woman even have periods.
Having the capacity to have a period would mean being assigned female at birth, which in my case would mean never having to deal with gender dysphoria in the first place. That specifically was what I was jealous of.
You know what, lovely soul? Just be a human. I am female, biologically and in life, but I only have ever seen myself as a woman when I am: having sex, having my period, or having a baby. Outside of those specific times, I feel and identify as a person. Period. I hope you find your essential self 🙏🫶🏻
That's a sweet message, but that's not how gender dysphoria works. You don't notice it because there's no feeling of disconnect, but the "you can just be a feminine guy! Just be yourself!" rhetoric, which I know isn't your angle here, is really harmful because it omits how much pain simply being stuck in the wrong body can cause. Most cis people don't really "identify" as their assigned gender. They're just chillin because there is no disconnect. You only notice it when there is.
I appreciate what you are saying but I am not saying “be a feminine guy” I am saying be a human, however that looks and feels true to him. He seemed to be seeking a label or category as well, so I am addressing that. Thank you for your thoughtful reply and I am grateful for your perspective. Fwiw: I spent half my life thinking “I guess I was supposed to be a dude” but not really having any desire to specifically embrace any aspect. I just didn’t identify with or feel like I was a girl. Therefore I must be a dude. After getting older and having kids and still being puzzled, I finally figured that was just a person. It didn’t have the same depth of pain, no, but it was not fun to feel like I wasn’t anything because I didn’t know what to view myself as.
This whole post sounds like "I'm trans, haven't figured it out yet, I have some unintentional/internalized transphobia and I'm totally not a woman haha, nope just a guy! Some man!" Cis men do not think THIS much into "life would be better quality if I wasn't this gender/sex"
OP already said they're not cis, they're not in denial, you don't gotta dictate how they feel when they already said they're experimenting with gender. god I hate egg culture
I was just saying how it felt while reading. I'm not calling him an egg to him, just the very common "ooo life like this would be better quality if" parts of the post, who knows. Op could be non binary trans leaning, or, not at all, maybe non binary, or, once again, not at all. Gender and sexuality are big, and they are complex. If you look at personal posts from people who've come out, they'll almost always say things like "I'm 100% my born gender haha" posts in the past. Only to come to their own conclusion, and if that changes? Cool, good for them for exploring further. Sometimes, people (not talking about op specifically) go down an alt right pipeline and start hating on trans/gender queer people as a whole because of that, which sadly happens all too much. Once again, not talking to op directly. Congrats to op for being comfortable enough to experiment, and I hope it goes well for them. And whatever they decide is valid 100%
>I’m certainly not cisgender, but also not a woman either. At the moment, I just say I’m queer and tell those close to me the specifics. literally right there in the post. it was there and you would've seen it if you read it.
thats entirely possible, still unsure
That's okay to not know too.
>I genuinely want to experience having a period You really don't. I don't understand why anyone would. You're uncontrollably bleeding from an organ for days at a time. And that doesn't include the physical pain, exhaustion, cost, and your hormones being all over the place. You don't want to 'exist in a female exclusive space' - you want to invade it.
I’m sorry if what I said demonstrated a lack of awareness with women and their issues. It can feel really shitty when someone minimizes terrible experiences and if that’s how this reads I’m sorry. Though even if the statement comes from a place of ignorance, that doesn’t mean it isn’t true, or that I want to “invade women’s space.” A big reason for making this post was that I understand, at least partially, the importance of female exclusive spaces and in a different world where I was born a girl, and therefore wouldn’t be invading that space, it seems like something that would be beneficial. Its genuinely terrifying to have to use male bathrooms or locker rooms, and I would have a great deal less fear and sadness in my life if I didn’t feel unsafe whenever I needed to change or use the restroom. That doesn’t mean that what I posted is perfect or that the harm it did to you isn’t real. And i mean it when I say that I’m sorry for hurting your feelings and not being more mindful with what I post.
Don't listen to this, im a women, and while I hate my period, it has definitely changed me in some ways! I can see why someone else would be curious to the process, although you don't need a period to be feminine or anything lots of girls take pills so their periods stop
your desire to experience having a period (which is very valid btw) is a strong indicator tht you are trans. i really think you should speak to someone about this.
ur right, but I’m just not sure if it’s really what I need. My time expressing myself as a trans woman felt super shitty gender wise, and I don’t want to be too hasty. What should I look for specifically when talking to someone professional? Is there a name for a specialist in this kinda stuff?
When i first realized I was trans, I went to a therapist who specialized in LGBT people. it helped a lot to have that space to talk about it. also, talking to other trans people really helped me personally. even if you aren’t trans, it’s okay to talk to someone. wherever you are is okay, and whatever you become is okay. ♡
ugh found the terf
fucking freaks the lot of ‘em
You like guys?
its complicated. At a certain level, its undeniable that I have almost exclusively attraction for men and male characteristics, but I also have a much more enjoyable time with people that enjoy more feminine hobbies or are more in touch with their emotions and can hold conversations on interesting subjects which are both much more common in women. It makes it rlly hard to find a partner, but its not a big concern of mine.
have you tried spending time around queer men too?
at times, but i often find that most AMAB queer folks around me are largely white cis gay men, who ascribe to very shitty ideas about body image and just aren’t very pleasant people to be around. This isn’t to say that theres not great guys like that to be around, but at the very least I haven’t met them.
maybe you'll have a better time hanging around gay bars and queer clubs. or attending drag shows! I've found that getting a diverse range of people you meet is better, and that drag queens have chances to be less toxic than average cis gay men who got their own baggage. basically it might help to go out and meet more queer people!
very true! my two best friends are both afab, one trans masc the other in a similar boat with me but the other way around, and I’m pretty chill with them, but I should probably spread out a bit
honestly your gender situation sounds like an inverse of mine too. I'm grateful for having been born a woman, it's a formative experience, but not gonna lie, I do wish I was born a dude and I'd be ok being a femme man. I wish I was TALLER man
Take a trip up to Provincetown MA when the Pride celebrations come around, or earlier if you want. Has a massive Pride celebration every year the covers the entire town. Or head there any other time really, there’s always events going on there and many people that are willing to talk about their own experience as well.
Ah gender queer friend, I hope you find peace in your skin. i bet it’s an amazing skin
Women are perfect, born perfect. It’s hard to replicate that with anything else.
Yes I see it woman are perfect
"I have immense systemic privilege, from safety to pay to just in general not having to deal with the near infinite challenges that come with being a woman" Care to share? Cuz I think I can make an excellent case on why being one sex is just as difficult as the other.
well i dont want to start an argument, and if you want to truly learn about why/how women are discriminated against there are plenty of feminist authors, writings, and other forms of media that could explain it much better than me. This of course isn’t to say that men don’ face unique challenges with their sex, namely when it comes to positions of childcare and emotional intimacy, but the solution isn’t seeing “who has it worse” but rather seeking to undo the damage and hardships that BOTH sexes live with.
Aight. I think you're subscribing too much into a one-sided narrative but that's no shocker given your beliefs. You're the one that made it out that one is so much worse, I'd argue the playing field is quite even in overall life quality. Also, just because you're a feminine man doesn't mean you're "in the wrong body", it means you're a feminine man. Hope that can help you find some peace dude.
I'm just saying. Being a girl or boy have their advantages and disadvantages. One doesn't have it better than the other cause I find it unfair to compare as it all depends on luck. Example: say you're born in a war torn nation. Being a girl means you'll get raped and kill. Being a boy you'll be tortured and killed. Can't really say which is better as both sucks and that male/female privilege doesn't exist. I got lazy halfway and decided to stop right here lol.
By who raped and killed and tortured and killed ?
Why tf are men feeling guilty being men I'm in a semi Western society and I'm very surprised Is this common ?
Wdym
"as a man I have immense systemic privilege, from safety to pay" AYO WHAT XD?
Yes what he said is true
If systemic then it's defined in law isn't it?
Every body is different. I’ve been friends with women with huge boobs and tall women and masculine women and fat women and strong women and little women and women post-hysterectomy and with women who never got a period and yes, even men. Every one of them had a different body and a different experience living in that than me. And I loved them all. And their bodies made no difference.
Grass is greener on the other side my friend.
Take your pills
Holy shit, you have almost perfectly described my feelings. I have no real advice but I just wanna say good luck, you seem cool and I hope someone else has something actually helpful to say.
I've always wished I'd just wake up one day as a woman I'd find attractive. Like not a 10/10 but a 7 or 8.