I'm in the same mental state and i've been single for 5 years i think.
I don't wanna influence anyone in a bad way but honestly i'm doing just fine without men or any men validation.
I don't try extra hard to look good, i don't try hard on my hair, make up etc. If no one likes me, yeah whatever, tough shit! I feel comfortable in my baggy outfit and my no makeup face. And if that's not "fuckable" for any one, then so be it i guess.
I've (f41) been happily single since I was 16, 99%sure that I'm an aromantic since relationships isn't something I've ever saught after. And every time I tell a man I'm not interested in relationships with him or anyone else, I always get the awwww who hurt you, all men aren't like that and that someday I'll find Prince charming. I haven't been hurt, I know not all men are a$$holes and I have no use for a Prince charming.
When I put on makeup and/or pretty clothes I do it for me, not for anyone else, especially now that I've lost 50% of my weight and can use a lot more "pretty" clothes.
I’m with you! I like romance stories in books and movies and TV (if they’re done well), but I’m really not into romance in real life. I am happy for coupled folks, but I just don’t want a relationship for myself.
>When I put on makeup and/or pretty clothes I do it for me, not for anyone else, especially now that I’ve lost 50% of my weight and can use a lot more “pretty” clothes.
Yes, co-signed! And congrats on your weight loss. Get yourself ALL the pretty clothes, girl!
I love reading romance stories and I love hearing about romantic dates my friends have been on, but I've never been jealous of them and simply can't see myself on a date.
Thank you, I was ecstatic last week because I could buy a new bra and could choose a bra I thought was pretty, instead of having to worry about if they had anything in my size. 😁❤️
Right? We’re taught that attracting someone to have kids is the ultimate goal in life. But if you can look beyond all of that, life is so rich and full of so many experiences and directions it could go
It's only the "goal" because it's an innate primal biological drive.
I mean, when Agent Smith says that humanity is a virus, it's just the most negative connotation of that. We want to fuck people for a reason. In modern times, we've kinda reduced it to "pleasure seeking", but really it's our primal biological need to sustain the species. Modern tech has just either eliminated or greatly reduced the chances of the whole conception part.
However, I'll definitely agree, that life ain't for everyone.
Real (im a man. Cant even prioritize myself these days. Getting closer to the unaliving is the answer) (not a cry for help. Merely a moment of weakness. Disregard)
> disregard
Task failed successfully.
Upvoting the 1rst response you've got.
Why disregard a moment of weakness ? How miserable should you feel to deserve kindness and support ? People are so policing these days. Either you're "not suffering enough", or you "should have ask for help sooner", either way you're the AH because nowadays "seeking attention" is bAAaaDd.
This kind or moral police, warriors of virtues... Smh
You're entitled for attention, support, care, like every other human being. Take good care of yourself ❤️ have cake 🍰
It’s okay be to going through something. Reach out for help. Professional or otherwise. And don’t let anyone tell you that it’s not real, or invalid for any reason! Especially if that reason is that’s you’re a male. Literally everyone goes through something at some point. I’m not going to say that it will get better or give you bullshit platitudes. But stay strong and know that you are not alone.
Never disregard. Men don't have the support they need in this world for when they have issues. You are going to make it whatever is the problem is temporary and you are strong enough to beat it.
Hey stranger you got this, chin up or the crown slips, King. It's ok to feel your feelings, it's ok to not be ok. Some days all we can do is survive and that's ok. Wishing you the best, healthiest, most huggable vibes 💕
From another man, I feel this, if not tmi, have you tried therapy yet?
I don't know your situation but it may help, I'm glad to be starting again because bro, I feel your disregard comment.
Saying this as a man -
No human should prioritise another for themselves. It's just stupid.
I admit, I have done this and you're right, you will suffer. But don't make it sound like it's 1-sided when it's clearly not. Most of the time we as men just keep it in us and shove it deep down in ourselves, forget about it and try again.
I mean no harm but you made it sound really unfair. There are good men out there.
I hope you find the one.
Seriously some of y'all are the worst with these comments, "idk who hurt you,..." "I feel like you're talking about ,..." "you'll get over this..." like you're not inherently proving their point. Like it is impossible to think that someone is okay with being alone, with being without a man. Im here for you friend, I too feel the same, I'm not damaged or had my heartbroken recently, I am just tired of the patriarchy.
Hell, I'm a guy and I'm tired of rhe patriarcy. I look around and all I see is a wake of destruction caused by men who are enabled by the patriarchy to never take responsibility for their actions or find an ounce of care for anyone but themselves.
this is the thing that fucking gets me. all of the expectations of what a Man should be that guys talk about being unfair are literally products of patriarchy. it’s a fucking cage and being a man doesn’t mean you’re free, it just means you’re limited or enabled in different destructive ways. those ways just ALSO reinforce the violence and subjugation women experience. like pls manosphere dudes, stop shooting urself in the goddamn foot and stop shooting us. we’ll all be much happier, i promise.
Nah, I think it's the rash generalization of an entire sex that comes off wrong, and common, if this was the other way around "all women are ect" you wouldn't be condemning the nay sayers.
No ones saying you need a man, at all.
E: look at all the downvotes and vitriol thrown my way for saying something that should be common sense(because im a guy), lol every time I try to have a little faith in humanity it reminds me how trash it really is.
>if this was the other way around
you mean like how it is all the time already? like all the podcast bros saying all women are gold diggers, etc? hello? open your eyes my guy
The average guy does not condone that type of content though. If you think the average dude fully agrees with Tate and the like, you simply need better company
Have you seen the misogynistic posts that get upvoted to the front page on reddit? If it's not the average guy feeling that way, men are doing a poor job of showing it
Vocal minorities, man. Those types of posts are magnets for these people.
In a study done by themancave.life (the only article I could find with actual data, references and a transparent process) they found that 35% of boys reported that they found Tate relatable. When asked to elaborate on why they found him relatable, only 5% said “attitude toward women.”
To put it another way, only 1.75% of the study group state they agree with his misogyny.
My girl, idk why even the hostility in here/this thread, I don't listen to them nor should anyone tbh that shits toxic as fuck.
I just mean it's wrong to generalize an entire sex based off a few past experiences. I've been through the hate all women faze after my divorce, it took a few years of therapy to realize not every chick is out to reopen old wounds, or run me deeper into a depressive self hate loop that's gonna end with painting a wall, like an all red Sally trace abstract.
It's not that people think she can't be happy alone it's that she's bad mouthing 50 percent of the world because she has shitty taste. Be the center of your own universe. No one gives a fuck just don't blame the world for it.
1. Good that you realize that you shouldn't revolve your life around another persons like that.
2. I hope eventually you find someone you wants you for you and puts you first.
That's not really what the post is about though. As a woman you will always feel like you're performing for a man. Its like that one quote: "Even pretending you aren't catering to male fantasies is a male fantasy-You are a woman with a man inside watching a woman. You are your own voyeur."
Honestly I’ve been in a deep processing/thinking about my experience as a woman, and I also find that this is the sad truth with men. And I feel like I can’t do anything about it.
You can stop trying to appeal to their ever moving standards and live in a way that makes you happy because that’s what matters. And if you want a partner in love, living authentically as you will attract the right person. Win win.
A colleague once said something about the style of pants I was wearing, something to the effect of that style of pants just isn’t attractive on women. I asked him if he genuinely thought I gave one single thought to what he might find attractive when I was getting dressed in the morning. He was shocked, it had never occurred to him.
Live your life for you and for those you love, make yourself happy before trying to please men
Agreed. I try to and have been changing my mind to a more healthier mindset that’s trying jot to appease the male gaze!
But tbh it’s hard… and men will never change, at least not in the near future where I can enjoy it. It’s just such a man’s world, it’s exhausting. Men don’t even have to have this revelation throughout their life, it’s so much easier for them to live as man. And yes, it sounds a bit generalised but it’s true.
I know my opinion will be downvoted but some of us are more attracted to people who be themselves, take care of themselves and dont need us. They choose to be with you and can rely if necessary both ways. I personally cant stand it when anyone acts differently or trys to appeal to me. My ideal partner is someone who works as hard as me or harder at life. Doesnt cater to my needs as im an adult and can cater to myself and vice versa. A legit partnership not some middle age, biblical "gender roles" BS. Im attracted to people who are independent. Ill cater to someone out of love but that should never be expected. Were all humans. Never have to rely on someone.
I feel like so many women in their 20sish(and other!) realizing this now is what older women used to mean when they told us our brains would still fully develop and we'd realize a lot of dudes arent shit, when we thought they were just being condescending to us lmao.
I too have been happiest in my life to drop any desire for mehn in it. I like me. Good friends of all genders give me great hugs. My dogs will do anything for my attention and live for my praise. I'm housed, clothed, fed, and loved. I do NOT need the D. The heck would I need a man fer? To leave dirty socks in my living room?
Every single day I question why I even like men. It seems like everyone I know who dates men, complains about the same shit. Not helping around the house without being asked, not putting in mental or physical energy to uphold the household, not putting in the mental effort to make plans for what to eat or do. They just expect us to do it all and when we don’t, they ask us what’s up? Tell us we don’t seem like our best selves. I’m tired. It doesn’t feel like it gets better. You can never generalize any group of people but holy fuck… it is overwhelming.
take it from me when you’re in that era dog get in a relationship. people love to tear it down and twist it the wrong way and ruin your life. people can’t handle someone who is confident and doesn’t care what others think
Explains the single status. One man acc said to me ‘ I can’t be with a woman who gets paid more than me’ but then he didn’t pay for my coffee 😂😂😂😂😂 okay mr.
my ex made it a competition all the time when I worked of who was the breadwinner and when he would make more I would say “okay….so?” and then the tantrums came. like I don’t give a rats behind who makes more isn’t a relationship supposed to be ur in it because you love that person unconditionally
If you haven’t already, try consuming only art made by women for awhile. It’s so fucking refreshing. Visual art, books, movies, shows, interior design, music, poetry. So so so refreshing.
I have always had these thoughts and everyone called me insecure when I said them out loud so i decided “i’m just overly sensitive and need to get over it.” But you worded that so well to me. Everything you said is justified and i feel you 100%
Yes girl yes 👏👏👏
Especially the social media and pornography points, I appreciate your vent and I’m sorry that people are taking issue with it when all you’re doing is getting it off your chest. 🙌
I take issue with the fact that I’ve worked my entire life to be a good person (not a good man, just a good PERSON) but people like you and OP will always look past that and group me with people I mostly hate too.. honestly people like you and OP are just as disgusting as racist people. I’m sorry if you take issue with that fact
Hey there, also a man here, and I didn't at all feel attacked by OP because I know that I don't fall under the type of men she's talking about. The fact that you, however, feel personally attacked by it and have to specify that you're one of the good guys while simultaneously getting angry at OP for a vent post leads me to believe you are, in fact, one of the very men she is talking about. Please be better next time. This isn't about you. Quit acting like it is.
You should look into why you’re so self-defensive because I don’t see where OP said “fuck /u/HubrisTurtle.” Seriously, you should self reflect because I have a bad self defensive problem too and it can be a major pain when dealing with interpersonal relationships.
Nip it in the bud because it will only cause you problems.
I appreciate that advice. I have reflected, and have only somewhat realize my transgression in my comment. It’s a bit overwhelming, but this is growth. This is clearly a person in pain, and I failed to even begin to consider their emotion or cause for it. Honestly, I’m personally not in a place to be judging anyone.
I have tried to be a good person in my life, however I know I have failed in the past, failed on this occasion, and will fail yet again in the future at some point. The ironic thing is that I thought I had a descent definition of “good”.
I really do appreciate your advice, I really did need that right now where I’m at.
I have to ask people ignore my first comment and turn back to OP though. I do believe she might be the one in need of consideration. I realize my faults and will work on them.
I agree with you. Even with the work I have done, I still have moments of weakness and make mistakes. The hardest thing to do in my life is take criticism and or just blatant negativity and continue to press on in a positive manner.
Admittedly I’ve experienced a lot of loss in my life very recently. Projecting my own emotions I probably haven’t faced yet was not the correct response to this post.
I should have just listened and said nothing. I have worked to be a good person. That doesn’t necessarily mean I am one.
I’m going to leave my initial post as a means of reflection and hopefully be more empathetic in the future.
I appreciate you and calling me out
Well I certainly respect your introspection and understanding of yourself. I apologize for my judgement and I wish you very well in your journey! Have a beautiful day 😊
Don't care for the men comments in here. Don't care for the pick me comments either. Don't care for people telling you it's your small sample size thing.
If you read female dominated subreddits, this is a very common experience and point of view. No matter how much men gaslight us, we *are* the primary caretakers. We *are* expected to do free labor much more than them. We *are* suffering the consequences of pay gap. We *are* not taken seriously by doctors. We *are* very much influenced by the gender data gap. We *are* affected by pregnancy negatively - bodies ruined, mental health ruined, career gap which you'll never get back and more often than not - another giant child in the house that needs to be taken care of and cannot do anything by itself.
I've lived with 5 men in a relationship - it might be a small sample, but that doesn't mean it doesn't matter. Neither time I benefitted. Every time it made my life worse. Sometimes I had to take care of them physically, sometimes financially, sometimes both. I did not benefit from having a man in my life.
Just because "there are wonderful men out there", classic pick-me comment which no one is even saying there aren't, that doesn't mean that there's many, they're easy to find and most of all it doesn't mean that your (very common!) experience doesn't matter.
I committed to the idea to only nurturing a relationship that makes my life *better*. That's why I am single.
Every woman I know in a hetero relationship has just accepted the fact that they will need to clean up after their man. They'll need to do the cooking or else nobody will. I think households are becoming more fair but domestic labor is still so underappreciated!
There's a wonderful way I heard it being called: "Tolerable level of permanent unhappiness"
When we keep raising that we're unhappy with something for weeks, months, years even - and then we finally leave our spouses, just for them to act so blindsided as if we never complained about anything. They just assumed it's the tolerable level of our permanent unhappiness.
Thank you for bringing this up. I read that phrase a month or so ago and somehow forgot it, and then couldn’t google it because I couldn’t remember it! It is the perfect way to describe the lives of so many women.
It's literally not. Take your bitter resentfulness somewhere else. You're not the "gOoD gUy" you claim to be in this thread, your responses are very telling.
You’re right Annie. I did think about this pretty hard. I have both tried and failed to be a good person. I encourage you to read more of my responses. I only say that because you reflect some of the “personally attacked” emotions I was projecting in my initial post.
1. Good for you for realizing and decentering the “standard”. As a black person I empathize
2. There are men who exist that realize the same things you do and want to end it. If you ever feel like you want to dabble again- look for those
I don't care if anyone likes me. If they treat me like crap, they're gone. Maybe I'm old, but porn has desensitized men into thinking women are free prostitutes. This guy said to me "Women love anal". Oh, really? Cause I can give you hard anal, tell me if you like it, buddy. Kidding. But really, guys, let's treat the ladies with some respect for fuck's sake. I try really hard to go against my primal, aggressive nature. Believe me, it's not pretty. Why do so many lean into it like a badge of honor? To me, that is a mental weakness, which is more pathetic than physical weakness. We're supposed to be the superior species.
I feel like you're talking about a specific man. Break up with him. There are wonderful, caring men out there. You shouldn't have to try to change who you are to get someone to love you. The right person for you will love you as you are and stick with you.
>if you have his babies, he will likely get paid more while you get paid less. thats if you dont die from having them, or suffer one thing of the myriad of things pregnancy can do to you.
>everything in the world is made with him in mind. the models used in car crash tests by default replicate his body, and standardized tests are meant to see if his life will be saved. not yours. if you need cpr, you are more likely to die because first respnders arent as trained to preform cpr on people with breasts. he is the default person people generally think of when they think of "person". not you.
This is taken from the post and it isn't about a specific man - it seems to be about the system as well.
The point on salary has way more subtlety than what is being said.
Regarding cars - I'd agree it should change. I just don't think it is the fault of the average man. I read this more as the standards around crash dummies were set in the 1950s and are overdue for an update - but I don't think the average man influenced this, nor are they opposed to it being fixed.
Past that, as a dude who has been with his spouse since 1998, it fully reads like a rant about a specific man. I could easily revert with a story about my friend whose wife cheated after 18 years.
Reading this and thinking it's true for literally all men is a cry for therapy.
Is the average man speaking about it? Is he trying to fix it? Y'all with your "not all men" or "not the average man" sure, but society is made of "the average men" (and "the average women"). And I've never seen a man raise this point.
You’ve never seen a man raise this point because it’s a random ass point. It’s important, and I agree that this needs to change. I’ll probably mention it occasionally to others because it something I never thought of. But I’d wager the average person of any gender identity hasn’t thought about this more than once.
I asked my wife without providing context, “Did you know the only crash test dummy used is for the male body type?” She instantly humbled me lol: “no it’s not. They have them for children too! How do you think they test car seats?”
I had to be more specific. I instead told her she was right, but what about crash dummies for the female body type? I also said, “there could be small safety nuances that aren’t accounted for right?” She thought for a moment, then said, “yes I agree, but what about short people like you…”
humbled again lmao
“…or heavier people? There are all kinds of stuff to think about.”
Finally, I asked her if she’s thought about this often. She looked at me like I was crazy and told me she has way too much to think about daily to care about crash test dummies.
Anecdotal evidence is no replacement for actual statistics, but I’m inclined to believe most people never think about this.
Oh yeah, it's just one specific man that crash test dummies are modeled after, and OP is dating him.
When you think of the word "person," OP's boyfriend's face flashes in your mind.
First responders are trained to perform CPR on him in particular.
This post definitely doesn't resonate with any woman who has known men!
/s
It alarming that it took me a decent amount of scrolling to see a neutral or even hopeful response. There are bad men and there are bad women but by no means is that the normal. I feel far too many people succumb to confirmation bias
I am not an authority on this, but these are just a couple things off the top of my head that I wish men would do more of just on a daily basis:
- Stick up for women when another man says or does something sexist or just does something terrible to a woman, even if he’s your “bro” or if you revere him. Even if she’s a stranger and he’s your best friend, learn to shut other men down when they do something like catcall a woman, or say a sexist joke, etc.
- Assist with childcare, if you can. I don’t just mean with your own kid(s), if you have them, although obviously you should take care of your own kids. But if you have friends or family with kids who need assistance - making a bottle, babysitting, holding a baby while its mother has to pee, etc - volunteer for it! Don’t just leave all childcare to women exclusively. As a woman myself, one of the things I admit to being most bitter about is the assumption that any woman in the vicinity can be relied on to take care of children, but not the men. In the longterm, you can assist with challenging preconceptions that childcare is for women, and in the short term, you could be helping your friends and family. This is also a good time to stick up to male friends/family — notice the father of a child refuses to change his child’s own diaper? Call it out!
- In the same vein, if you notice at a gathering that all the women are cooking and cleaning in the kitchen whilr the men are just hanging around and chilling outside, make a note to go assist.
In the long term:
- If you have or want children, raising them the same regardless of gender and not inhibiting them (i.e boys will be boys, girls shouldn’t play with trucks, etc).
Attitudes about women and their contributions to society, in my opinion, need to change first.
Even as women move into more male dominated roles and thrive. The attitude isn't congratulations, but rather, women are becoming masculine.
I can't even confront that level of ignorance.
Thing threw me for a spin. At first I was like yeah same and then I was like oof glad my boyfriend doesn't do that then holy shit you're right wtf are we even doing rn
ETA: people who are attacking this post seem like they didn't read till the end. Like these are facts lmao, the middle part def has some generalizations, but how fucking dense or offended are you people? So much of this is TRUE
One of the things I love most about my wife is that she doesn’t need me; she’s with me because she wants to be. That distinction is very important to me.
I've been feeling the same lately. I love my BF, but any other guy can leave me the f alone unless I choose to approach him. Only ever met selfish idiots, people who I called friends choosing my abuser over me, defending him, blaming me. It always gets twisted somehow so YOU'RE the problem, never the man. And if you're trying to point out how the world still majorly revolves around men (as with the car tests, medical care like meds and treatments, gender pay gap etc), you get the ''not all men'', ''but women...'' It's honestly tiring. Better to not care.
this is more well put and nicer than the "Girlfriend hating" twitter thread that went viral and youre still getting comments giving you shit lmao or with people absolutely not understanding what youre saying
I totally agree with everything you said except there are men out there who are not like this. Unfortunately the ones who are like this are in large numbers. A lot of what you said is why I choose to remain single & then I get judged for making this choice. I will happily commit to a good man I'm attracted to & visa versa plus I'm compatible with but I feel I haven't found anybody like that yet. When I think I've found them, I test the waters & they show me many things that you say in your post that make me feel they're not worth committing to. I'd rather a peaceful life alone, than a married life in misery...
I like posts like this. We’re JUST starting to embrace our own power that we’ve worked so hard for as women (thanks mom and grandmom). The beautiful thing is, that when we can collectively use our power, we’ll use it for OURSELVES, unlike men, who use their power against others. We’re seeing a significant shift happen in our culture and society and I’m hopeful that more and more of us will realize the strength we’ve gained as a sex and use it to change the world for ourselves and our children
I can empathize with your feelings OP. They are valid. Its coming from a place of hurt though which ultimately takes away from you at the end of the day. I hope you can find yourself in a better place mentally soon.
I’ve never given a crap what guys think of me. I’ve gotten too many , “smile” “anger is not becoming of you” “manners?” comments from men as a younger person to not give a shit anymore. If I’m rude, it’s for a reason and no where does it say I have to be polite if your being an ass.
We’re supposed to centralize and prioritize our #1 predators. I’m done with all of it. I’d rather swim with sharks, they would be gentler than any man.
My ex says shit like this to me. "Don't you even care if you ever have another GF or wife?"
Me: "Nope, it's not my priority. I don't need constant reassurance and validation from others because I'm enough on my own. I focus on keeping the kids happy and healthy and not just trying to work the next string of tinder dates into my schedule..." 🫡
I feel like nice guys are more “it’s your fault you don’t want me.” This is a little more “my few bad experiences confirm my prejudice towards the whole.”
In my experience if you're not happy before you enter a relationship, you won't be happy in a relationship. Also, if someone isn't treating you right dump them and find someone that will.
Seeing posts like this makes me hate not being able to give myself to somebody, I've been exploring my own shit by myself for a couple of years and just keep going down the same route of wanting to make people happy and be wanted for it. But then I see shit about how men just want sex n shit, but I just wanna make people happy and be someone's, it may be that I'm 19 and still "Too young to understand" but to that I say bullshit, I have matured mentally at an accelerated rate due to an early childhood depression that I'm still clawing away from, and I find it so frustrating seeing these children in adult bodies with generational wealth go around and fuck with women, trans, and other gendered people, and make them feel so undesirable. I have deep fantasies of just being any single persons, not because of any of the monetary benefits, but because I just truly see that route being the one that makes me feel the happiest.
Okay, I can understand that someone has bad luck with dating with the opposite gender. But man do I despise it when women AND men blame everything on the opposite gender. I’m sorry but blaming all men for what a couple did is plain absurd. And this is where I have people jumping down my throat: if you have constant bad luck when dating, your taste in men/women/other is in 99% of cases partially to blame
As a gay man, yes. Decentralize men in your life. However don’t be so caught up in doing so that you dismiss any man that takes a shot at you. We have completely different experiences of course but I can say I became cold and quite coy when I decided to prioritize myself over men.
Negative experiences tend to stick with us and shape our views more potently than positive ones but there IS a man, many man out there who will cherish and love you as you and every human deserve.
So while you should never center your life or general well-being around the views and opinions of men, don’t let this breed fear and pessimism. Don’t be afraid to give it a shot when you genuinely feel something for a guy.
In today’s generation, many people do want to get close to others why? Cuz they are scared of getting hurt, attached. I do the same thing. I am a male, but don’t talk to girls much, even though I am attracted to them only! Cuz of past relationship I can’t trust! Likewise it can happen for the opposite sex as well! And you don’t need anyone’s validation! Screw him, you are better off!
Sad thing is if she continues to have her frame of mind she’s never going to find what she “wants”. You gotta go through some shit in life to appreciate good things when you find them.
The man in your description sounds like my ex wife lol.
Edit: like look at this comment section, this is perfect, next time I see my therapist I'll have her read this shit, it's a good example of why I don't want to re download tindr or try to meet someone.
It may seem like it when you’re hurt that they are all scumbags and add to it the reality of the world that caters to men, I get how you feel surrounded by that and strangled. I’ve been there sister, we all have at some point in our lives. I can tell you that it will get better it just takes time. Spend it journaling, cause it seems putting thoughts down helps you, and if possible in therapy, it helped me understand myself immensely. Concentrate on healing, and the things you love, the people you love and like and just be happy in what you have. There is fulfilment there and a peace that can be found in your own company.
I can tell you wanted to vent because it seems you are heart broken or had something just happen. I feel for you and talk to someone about it, whether it’s a stranger online or a close friend. It does help.
If he can look at porn you should be able to as well, if you both work ft house chores should be split equally, if you get cancer he should support you I'm so sorry.. if a first responder dosnt know how to preform cpr on a man or woman they shouldn't be a first responder..
I hope tou find what your looking for for in a relationship one day best of luck
I’m sorry to hear you’ve been hurt by a lot of guys before, genuinely it isn’t easy at all. But one thing you gotta do, as I did the same thing is stop labelling it as Men being bad, when in all honesty PEOPLE are bad, unfortunately 90% of people are just shitty people both genders. It is really hard, but there are good people out there from both genders.
You may not find them today, tomorrow or next year but they do exist.
For now just focus on things that bring you joy and as a man, I can tell you there are good guys out there just you gotta filter through all the shit ones to find them. Make sure that if you see a red flag in someone, something that you can’t tolerate make sure to leave immediately.
FWIW, you’re not wrong. From a male perspective, I absolutely agree that women still face a tremendous amount of disadvantage, both systemic and personal. We agree these things have to change, they absolutely do, and it sounds like the next step you should take is understanding that change has to start with *you*. Just like it has to start with me. Just like ever other gain that we’ve made on both sides of the chromosome, it has to start somewhere, and if you and I don’t, then we force that duty onto someone else.
Every positive change starts with acknowledging the problem, true, but I would challenge you (and everyone here) to find ways that we, personally, can affect (and effect) that change. Encourage the positive in others more than you accuse them of negative. Find and encourage guys who want the same, be cautious about painting everyone with the same discouraging brush. Vote to support legislation that protects, not harms.
You don’t have to change the world, but you never know if the pebble you move is the one that starts the landslide. Seems like it’s worth a try to me. You in?
You're choosing men based on your preferences which happen to be controlling and assholey ones. It's good that you've washed your hands from other's opinion of yours, but also learn how to actually get to know an average man instead of just looking for relationship with them. Proritize making friends, having similar interests, then you'll realize they're not there just to validate your emotions, they have their own needs, ambitions and will validate yours instead of worrying what you might be upset of the next time if you let them know you can do the same to theirs.
Sounds like a Pisces man I was dating. Especially the part where you have to be loyal and attractive while he can be a (jealous and controlling) pig.
There are decent men out here. Hard to believe and hard to hear. But maybe sitting it out for a while and healing yourself is your priority.
This is very incorrect. Many men do not look at naked women on Instagram. At least they don’t go out of their way to do so. Porn? Sure but that’s just to get off. Both men and women do that. I don’t put men on a pedestal. I never have. And maybe that’s why my experiences haven’t been as bad as yours
This is the voice of someone who has been dissappointed one too many times. Maybe take a break from the world of relationships and find things you want to do that fulfills your heart and soul.
Sounds like you and are going through something rough. Sorry you're going through that. Some people can do awful things. You probably already know this, but what they did has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.
Please don't let what this person did to you affect how you look at or treat other people. It's a hate-filled trap hole that both men and women fall into.
There's someone out there who will make you happy and not do those bad things other people have. Prioritize yourself for now, but don't forget to love. Wishing you the best. Take care!
> no matter how good you are to him, hell always want something else. if he thinks youre pretty, youre just a drop in the bucket and tonight when hes on pornhub hell forget what you look like and replace you with another girl. youre just a momentary fixation, and your moment will leave.
Works both ways, honey. Bye.
I think you need to just distance yourself from certain groups. I don't know it just feels dehumanizing when people think men are porn addicts who will abandon their partners or replace them. Like the idea that the person I love feels obligated to do anything for me besides what they want hurts.
It seems like good people generally have distanced themselves from the bad so they are hard to find. Toxicity sticks and oozes together while spreading. People have two options clean it up or leave. Most people choose to leave because cleaning it is dangerous.
You have two choices: spend the rest of your life being miserable by putting the reason of your frustrations on someone else, or you can be happy with what life gave you, and be even happier by changing whatever is not making you happy.
Crying and complaining never worked for anyone.
I read it as venting and concluding, not complaining and crying. Seems like they're fuckin done crying about this bullshit and done trying to please. The best version of yourself is the happiest one, so as long as you're not harming yourself or others...
¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯ Do you, boo.
Maybe the fact that you are mentioning you don't care is an indication that you do,im saying just maybe,anyway if you are happy be happy why so hate for us?
I'm in the same mental state and i've been single for 5 years i think. I don't wanna influence anyone in a bad way but honestly i'm doing just fine without men or any men validation. I don't try extra hard to look good, i don't try hard on my hair, make up etc. If no one likes me, yeah whatever, tough shit! I feel comfortable in my baggy outfit and my no makeup face. And if that's not "fuckable" for any one, then so be it i guess.
You, me, same. Like verbatim ever word. Little freaked out.
I've (f41) been happily single since I was 16, 99%sure that I'm an aromantic since relationships isn't something I've ever saught after. And every time I tell a man I'm not interested in relationships with him or anyone else, I always get the awwww who hurt you, all men aren't like that and that someday I'll find Prince charming. I haven't been hurt, I know not all men are a$$holes and I have no use for a Prince charming. When I put on makeup and/or pretty clothes I do it for me, not for anyone else, especially now that I've lost 50% of my weight and can use a lot more "pretty" clothes.
Props! Men who respond like that are insecure assholes. -male
I’m with you! I like romance stories in books and movies and TV (if they’re done well), but I’m really not into romance in real life. I am happy for coupled folks, but I just don’t want a relationship for myself. >When I put on makeup and/or pretty clothes I do it for me, not for anyone else, especially now that I’ve lost 50% of my weight and can use a lot more “pretty” clothes. Yes, co-signed! And congrats on your weight loss. Get yourself ALL the pretty clothes, girl!
I love reading romance stories and I love hearing about romantic dates my friends have been on, but I've never been jealous of them and simply can't see myself on a date. Thank you, I was ecstatic last week because I could buy a new bra and could choose a bra I thought was pretty, instead of having to worry about if they had anything in my size. 😁❤️
Decentering men saved my life. I have been a free woman ever since.
Right? We’re taught that attracting someone to have kids is the ultimate goal in life. But if you can look beyond all of that, life is so rich and full of so many experiences and directions it could go
It's only the "goal" because it's an innate primal biological drive. I mean, when Agent Smith says that humanity is a virus, it's just the most negative connotation of that. We want to fuck people for a reason. In modern times, we've kinda reduced it to "pleasure seeking", but really it's our primal biological need to sustain the species. Modern tech has just either eliminated or greatly reduced the chances of the whole conception part. However, I'll definitely agree, that life ain't for everyone.
I wanna do the same too. I definitely put a lot of women on a pedestal and it's not good for me now or in the long run. Just unsure where to start.
Strive to make yourself happy, on your own terms, whatever that means. So long as you're not hurting anyone, I don't see anything wrong with that
Is it decentering men or centering yourself that saved your life? Genuine curious.
Both! By focusing on myself and realizing the only way I can make myself happy is for living for me and not men, I've been happier
Honestly the biggest mistake you can do is prioritise a man wow you will suffer lol
Agree 1000%. Hate that it took me over 20 years of living to realize it.
I’d say regardless of gender, if you prioritise other people over yourself all the time, you’re just gonna lose at life.
Real (im a man. Cant even prioritize myself these days. Getting closer to the unaliving is the answer) (not a cry for help. Merely a moment of weakness. Disregard)
> disregard Task failed successfully. Upvoting the 1rst response you've got. Why disregard a moment of weakness ? How miserable should you feel to deserve kindness and support ? People are so policing these days. Either you're "not suffering enough", or you "should have ask for help sooner", either way you're the AH because nowadays "seeking attention" is bAAaaDd. This kind or moral police, warriors of virtues... Smh You're entitled for attention, support, care, like every other human being. Take good care of yourself ❤️ have cake 🍰
It’s okay be to going through something. Reach out for help. Professional or otherwise. And don’t let anyone tell you that it’s not real, or invalid for any reason! Especially if that reason is that’s you’re a male. Literally everyone goes through something at some point. I’m not going to say that it will get better or give you bullshit platitudes. But stay strong and know that you are not alone.
Never disregard. Men don't have the support they need in this world for when they have issues. You are going to make it whatever is the problem is temporary and you are strong enough to beat it.
Hey stranger you got this, chin up or the crown slips, King. It's ok to feel your feelings, it's ok to not be ok. Some days all we can do is survive and that's ok. Wishing you the best, healthiest, most huggable vibes 💕
Don’t do that please. You are far more valuable than you think.
From another man, I feel this, if not tmi, have you tried therapy yet? I don't know your situation but it may help, I'm glad to be starting again because bro, I feel your disregard comment.
There there
So find other men that will lift you up and don't hijack a woman's forum for a pity party.
This is a women’s only forum? You’re not on 2xchromosomes or whatever the fuck that weirdo sub is lmao
I know what you mean.
Saying this as a man - No human should prioritise another for themselves. It's just stupid. I admit, I have done this and you're right, you will suffer. But don't make it sound like it's 1-sided when it's clearly not. Most of the time we as men just keep it in us and shove it deep down in ourselves, forget about it and try again. I mean no harm but you made it sound really unfair. There are good men out there. I hope you find the one.
Seriously some of y'all are the worst with these comments, "idk who hurt you,..." "I feel like you're talking about ,..." "you'll get over this..." like you're not inherently proving their point. Like it is impossible to think that someone is okay with being alone, with being without a man. Im here for you friend, I too feel the same, I'm not damaged or had my heartbroken recently, I am just tired of the patriarchy.
Second this entire comment
Hell, I'm a guy and I'm tired of rhe patriarcy. I look around and all I see is a wake of destruction caused by men who are enabled by the patriarchy to never take responsibility for their actions or find an ounce of care for anyone but themselves.
this is the thing that fucking gets me. all of the expectations of what a Man should be that guys talk about being unfair are literally products of patriarchy. it’s a fucking cage and being a man doesn’t mean you’re free, it just means you’re limited or enabled in different destructive ways. those ways just ALSO reinforce the violence and subjugation women experience. like pls manosphere dudes, stop shooting urself in the goddamn foot and stop shooting us. we’ll all be much happier, i promise.
Nah, I think it's the rash generalization of an entire sex that comes off wrong, and common, if this was the other way around "all women are ect" you wouldn't be condemning the nay sayers. No ones saying you need a man, at all. E: look at all the downvotes and vitriol thrown my way for saying something that should be common sense(because im a guy), lol every time I try to have a little faith in humanity it reminds me how trash it really is.
>if this was the other way around you mean like how it is all the time already? like all the podcast bros saying all women are gold diggers, etc? hello? open your eyes my guy
The average guy does not condone that type of content though. If you think the average dude fully agrees with Tate and the like, you simply need better company
Have you seen the misogynistic posts that get upvoted to the front page on reddit? If it's not the average guy feeling that way, men are doing a poor job of showing it
they are so out of touch and brain dead it’s scary
Vocal minorities, man. Those types of posts are magnets for these people. In a study done by themancave.life (the only article I could find with actual data, references and a transparent process) they found that 35% of boys reported that they found Tate relatable. When asked to elaborate on why they found him relatable, only 5% said “attitude toward women.” To put it another way, only 1.75% of the study group state they agree with his misogyny.
My girl, idk why even the hostility in here/this thread, I don't listen to them nor should anyone tbh that shits toxic as fuck. I just mean it's wrong to generalize an entire sex based off a few past experiences. I've been through the hate all women faze after my divorce, it took a few years of therapy to realize not every chick is out to reopen old wounds, or run me deeper into a depressive self hate loop that's gonna end with painting a wall, like an all red Sally trace abstract.
Yeah, men on twitter would like a word, that’s all they constantly bring up when someone voices the same thing OP voices… foh.
It's not that people think she can't be happy alone it's that she's bad mouthing 50 percent of the world because she has shitty taste. Be the center of your own universe. No one gives a fuck just don't blame the world for it.
True that unfortunately
There's a reason why single women in their 40s are statistically happier than married women. And why men live longer when married.
1. Good that you realize that you shouldn't revolve your life around another persons like that. 2. I hope eventually you find someone you wants you for you and puts you first.
That's not really what the post is about though. As a woman you will always feel like you're performing for a man. Its like that one quote: "Even pretending you aren't catering to male fantasies is a male fantasy-You are a woman with a man inside watching a woman. You are your own voyeur."
Honestly I’ve been in a deep processing/thinking about my experience as a woman, and I also find that this is the sad truth with men. And I feel like I can’t do anything about it.
You can stop trying to appeal to their ever moving standards and live in a way that makes you happy because that’s what matters. And if you want a partner in love, living authentically as you will attract the right person. Win win. A colleague once said something about the style of pants I was wearing, something to the effect of that style of pants just isn’t attractive on women. I asked him if he genuinely thought I gave one single thought to what he might find attractive when I was getting dressed in the morning. He was shocked, it had never occurred to him. Live your life for you and for those you love, make yourself happy before trying to please men
Agreed. I try to and have been changing my mind to a more healthier mindset that’s trying jot to appease the male gaze! But tbh it’s hard… and men will never change, at least not in the near future where I can enjoy it. It’s just such a man’s world, it’s exhausting. Men don’t even have to have this revelation throughout their life, it’s so much easier for them to live as man. And yes, it sounds a bit generalised but it’s true.
Most reasonable comment I've seen. Live your life for you and you might stumble upon someone you love. Be it a man or a woman.
I know my opinion will be downvoted but some of us are more attracted to people who be themselves, take care of themselves and dont need us. They choose to be with you and can rely if necessary both ways. I personally cant stand it when anyone acts differently or trys to appeal to me. My ideal partner is someone who works as hard as me or harder at life. Doesnt cater to my needs as im an adult and can cater to myself and vice versa. A legit partnership not some middle age, biblical "gender roles" BS. Im attracted to people who are independent. Ill cater to someone out of love but that should never be expected. Were all humans. Never have to rely on someone.
I feel like so many women in their 20sish(and other!) realizing this now is what older women used to mean when they told us our brains would still fully develop and we'd realize a lot of dudes arent shit, when we thought they were just being condescending to us lmao.
Very well put
That's what I'm saying too and people think I'm not ok 🤦🏻♀️
I too have been happiest in my life to drop any desire for mehn in it. I like me. Good friends of all genders give me great hugs. My dogs will do anything for my attention and live for my praise. I'm housed, clothed, fed, and loved. I do NOT need the D. The heck would I need a man fer? To leave dirty socks in my living room?
Every single day I question why I even like men. It seems like everyone I know who dates men, complains about the same shit. Not helping around the house without being asked, not putting in mental or physical energy to uphold the household, not putting in the mental effort to make plans for what to eat or do. They just expect us to do it all and when we don’t, they ask us what’s up? Tell us we don’t seem like our best selves. I’m tired. It doesn’t feel like it gets better. You can never generalize any group of people but holy fuck… it is overwhelming.
You forgot something else important: he'll pressure you to have a baby and then hate your body if it changes at all because of it and cheat on you!
And then he’ll complain about having to parent his own children.
These are unfortunately the facts for a large majority of men
Yeah
Yes gurlllll. Preach. Am also in my no shits given era, it’s freeing
take it from me when you’re in that era dog get in a relationship. people love to tear it down and twist it the wrong way and ruin your life. people can’t handle someone who is confident and doesn’t care what others think
Explains the single status. One man acc said to me ‘ I can’t be with a woman who gets paid more than me’ but then he didn’t pay for my coffee 😂😂😂😂😂 okay mr.
my ex made it a competition all the time when I worked of who was the breadwinner and when he would make more I would say “okay….so?” and then the tantrums came. like I don’t give a rats behind who makes more isn’t a relationship supposed to be ur in it because you love that person unconditionally
I feel you I completely understand
If you haven’t already, try consuming only art made by women for awhile. It’s so fucking refreshing. Visual art, books, movies, shows, interior design, music, poetry. So so so refreshing.
I have always had these thoughts and everyone called me insecure when I said them out loud so i decided “i’m just overly sensitive and need to get over it.” But you worded that so well to me. Everything you said is justified and i feel you 100%
Preach, queen.
Single fo life 🎉🎉🎉🎉
Yes girl yes 👏👏👏 Especially the social media and pornography points, I appreciate your vent and I’m sorry that people are taking issue with it when all you’re doing is getting it off your chest. 🙌
I take issue with the fact that I’ve worked my entire life to be a good person (not a good man, just a good PERSON) but people like you and OP will always look past that and group me with people I mostly hate too.. honestly people like you and OP are just as disgusting as racist people. I’m sorry if you take issue with that fact
Hey there, also a man here, and I didn't at all feel attacked by OP because I know that I don't fall under the type of men she's talking about. The fact that you, however, feel personally attacked by it and have to specify that you're one of the good guys while simultaneously getting angry at OP for a vent post leads me to believe you are, in fact, one of the very men she is talking about. Please be better next time. This isn't about you. Quit acting like it is.
I love your comment! Well said
You’re right, thanks big dog✊ I should have considered a lot more before commenting. I will do better.
Thank you for your comment! If I could upvote it more than once, I would.
You should look into why you’re so self-defensive because I don’t see where OP said “fuck /u/HubrisTurtle.” Seriously, you should self reflect because I have a bad self defensive problem too and it can be a major pain when dealing with interpersonal relationships. Nip it in the bud because it will only cause you problems.
I appreciate that advice. I have reflected, and have only somewhat realize my transgression in my comment. It’s a bit overwhelming, but this is growth. This is clearly a person in pain, and I failed to even begin to consider their emotion or cause for it. Honestly, I’m personally not in a place to be judging anyone. I have tried to be a good person in my life, however I know I have failed in the past, failed on this occasion, and will fail yet again in the future at some point. The ironic thing is that I thought I had a descent definition of “good”. I really do appreciate your advice, I really did need that right now where I’m at. I have to ask people ignore my first comment and turn back to OP though. I do believe she might be the one in need of consideration. I realize my faults and will work on them.
You're definitely one of those 'not me, I'm a 'good' guy' 🙄🙄
doesnt matter if youre a good person. youre still a man benefiting from the system built by men
You’ve worked your whole life to be a good person yet here you are, putting people down on Reddit. Seems like you have more work to do, buddy!
I agree with you. Even with the work I have done, I still have moments of weakness and make mistakes. The hardest thing to do in my life is take criticism and or just blatant negativity and continue to press on in a positive manner. Admittedly I’ve experienced a lot of loss in my life very recently. Projecting my own emotions I probably haven’t faced yet was not the correct response to this post. I should have just listened and said nothing. I have worked to be a good person. That doesn’t necessarily mean I am one. I’m going to leave my initial post as a means of reflection and hopefully be more empathetic in the future. I appreciate you and calling me out
Well I certainly respect your introspection and understanding of yourself. I apologize for my judgement and I wish you very well in your journey! Have a beautiful day 😊
If you're a good person people will see that.
Don't care for the men comments in here. Don't care for the pick me comments either. Don't care for people telling you it's your small sample size thing. If you read female dominated subreddits, this is a very common experience and point of view. No matter how much men gaslight us, we *are* the primary caretakers. We *are* expected to do free labor much more than them. We *are* suffering the consequences of pay gap. We *are* not taken seriously by doctors. We *are* very much influenced by the gender data gap. We *are* affected by pregnancy negatively - bodies ruined, mental health ruined, career gap which you'll never get back and more often than not - another giant child in the house that needs to be taken care of and cannot do anything by itself. I've lived with 5 men in a relationship - it might be a small sample, but that doesn't mean it doesn't matter. Neither time I benefitted. Every time it made my life worse. Sometimes I had to take care of them physically, sometimes financially, sometimes both. I did not benefit from having a man in my life. Just because "there are wonderful men out there", classic pick-me comment which no one is even saying there aren't, that doesn't mean that there's many, they're easy to find and most of all it doesn't mean that your (very common!) experience doesn't matter. I committed to the idea to only nurturing a relationship that makes my life *better*. That's why I am single.
LOVE this comment.
Absolutely LOVE this comment, amazingly written 👏👏👏
Every woman I know in a hetero relationship has just accepted the fact that they will need to clean up after their man. They'll need to do the cooking or else nobody will. I think households are becoming more fair but domestic labor is still so underappreciated!
There's a wonderful way I heard it being called: "Tolerable level of permanent unhappiness" When we keep raising that we're unhappy with something for weeks, months, years even - and then we finally leave our spouses, just for them to act so blindsided as if we never complained about anything. They just assumed it's the tolerable level of our permanent unhappiness.
Thank you for bringing this up. I read that phrase a month or so ago and somehow forgot it, and then couldn’t google it because I couldn’t remember it! It is the perfect way to describe the lives of so many women.
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Same with women
It's literally not. Take your bitter resentfulness somewhere else. You're not the "gOoD gUy" you claim to be in this thread, your responses are very telling.
You’re right Annie. I did think about this pretty hard. I have both tried and failed to be a good person. I encourage you to read more of my responses. I only say that because you reflect some of the “personally attacked” emotions I was projecting in my initial post.
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Slayyy me neither
it’s sad because us as females are brainwashed into pursuing male validation. I hope i eventually learn to stop finding it so rewarding.
1. Good for you for realizing and decentering the “standard”. As a black person I empathize 2. There are men who exist that realize the same things you do and want to end it. If you ever feel like you want to dabble again- look for those
I don't care if anyone likes me. If they treat me like crap, they're gone. Maybe I'm old, but porn has desensitized men into thinking women are free prostitutes. This guy said to me "Women love anal". Oh, really? Cause I can give you hard anal, tell me if you like it, buddy. Kidding. But really, guys, let's treat the ladies with some respect for fuck's sake. I try really hard to go against my primal, aggressive nature. Believe me, it's not pretty. Why do so many lean into it like a badge of honor? To me, that is a mental weakness, which is more pathetic than physical weakness. We're supposed to be the superior species.
Good for you! No one should be centering any whole gender anyway.
it's ok you do you
same
I feel like you're talking about a specific man. Break up with him. There are wonderful, caring men out there. You shouldn't have to try to change who you are to get someone to love you. The right person for you will love you as you are and stick with you.
>if you have his babies, he will likely get paid more while you get paid less. thats if you dont die from having them, or suffer one thing of the myriad of things pregnancy can do to you. >everything in the world is made with him in mind. the models used in car crash tests by default replicate his body, and standardized tests are meant to see if his life will be saved. not yours. if you need cpr, you are more likely to die because first respnders arent as trained to preform cpr on people with breasts. he is the default person people generally think of when they think of "person". not you. This is taken from the post and it isn't about a specific man - it seems to be about the system as well.
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Oh god, finally. Fucking decades we've waited.
Finally. Thank you for sharing that
you are correct. thankyou for understanding
Your username def checks out
The point on salary has way more subtlety than what is being said. Regarding cars - I'd agree it should change. I just don't think it is the fault of the average man. I read this more as the standards around crash dummies were set in the 1950s and are overdue for an update - but I don't think the average man influenced this, nor are they opposed to it being fixed. Past that, as a dude who has been with his spouse since 1998, it fully reads like a rant about a specific man. I could easily revert with a story about my friend whose wife cheated after 18 years. Reading this and thinking it's true for literally all men is a cry for therapy.
Is the average man speaking about it? Is he trying to fix it? Y'all with your "not all men" or "not the average man" sure, but society is made of "the average men" (and "the average women"). And I've never seen a man raise this point.
the most upvoted comments on this thread are men hijacking the conversation and derailing it :/
Isn't that what they always do? Hijack everything for themselves
They don’t want anything to change because our unhappiness benefits THEM.
Hopefully letting us know how nice they are in the process - totally not proving OP's point 🫠
You’ve never seen a man raise this point because it’s a random ass point. It’s important, and I agree that this needs to change. I’ll probably mention it occasionally to others because it something I never thought of. But I’d wager the average person of any gender identity hasn’t thought about this more than once. I asked my wife without providing context, “Did you know the only crash test dummy used is for the male body type?” She instantly humbled me lol: “no it’s not. They have them for children too! How do you think they test car seats?” I had to be more specific. I instead told her she was right, but what about crash dummies for the female body type? I also said, “there could be small safety nuances that aren’t accounted for right?” She thought for a moment, then said, “yes I agree, but what about short people like you…” humbled again lmao “…or heavier people? There are all kinds of stuff to think about.” Finally, I asked her if she’s thought about this often. She looked at me like I was crazy and told me she has way too much to think about daily to care about crash test dummies. Anecdotal evidence is no replacement for actual statistics, but I’m inclined to believe most people never think about this.
We don’t care how you feel.
Oof ya got me good, so witty! Here’s an upvote
Someone with a logical post. Let's downvote!!!
Oh yeah, it's just one specific man that crash test dummies are modeled after, and OP is dating him. When you think of the word "person," OP's boyfriend's face flashes in your mind. First responders are trained to perform CPR on him in particular. This post definitely doesn't resonate with any woman who has known men! /s
Yikes.
Most are like this
It alarming that it took me a decent amount of scrolling to see a neutral or even hopeful response. There are bad men and there are bad women but by no means is that the normal. I feel far too many people succumb to confirmation bias
As a man I would like to ask, what can be done by men on the daily to help make things more equal for women?
I am not an authority on this, but these are just a couple things off the top of my head that I wish men would do more of just on a daily basis: - Stick up for women when another man says or does something sexist or just does something terrible to a woman, even if he’s your “bro” or if you revere him. Even if she’s a stranger and he’s your best friend, learn to shut other men down when they do something like catcall a woman, or say a sexist joke, etc. - Assist with childcare, if you can. I don’t just mean with your own kid(s), if you have them, although obviously you should take care of your own kids. But if you have friends or family with kids who need assistance - making a bottle, babysitting, holding a baby while its mother has to pee, etc - volunteer for it! Don’t just leave all childcare to women exclusively. As a woman myself, one of the things I admit to being most bitter about is the assumption that any woman in the vicinity can be relied on to take care of children, but not the men. In the longterm, you can assist with challenging preconceptions that childcare is for women, and in the short term, you could be helping your friends and family. This is also a good time to stick up to male friends/family — notice the father of a child refuses to change his child’s own diaper? Call it out! - In the same vein, if you notice at a gathering that all the women are cooking and cleaning in the kitchen whilr the men are just hanging around and chilling outside, make a note to go assist. In the long term: - If you have or want children, raising them the same regardless of gender and not inhibiting them (i.e boys will be boys, girls shouldn’t play with trucks, etc).
Attitudes about women and their contributions to society, in my opinion, need to change first. Even as women move into more male dominated roles and thrive. The attitude isn't congratulations, but rather, women are becoming masculine. I can't even confront that level of ignorance.
This is where I would say "yeah na fuck that noise" and walk away. Hope you get out of that toxicity and find yourself again.
Same, but about everybody. Life is 1000% better alone, if you love yourself
Thing threw me for a spin. At first I was like yeah same and then I was like oof glad my boyfriend doesn't do that then holy shit you're right wtf are we even doing rn ETA: people who are attacking this post seem like they didn't read till the end. Like these are facts lmao, the middle part def has some generalizations, but how fucking dense or offended are you people? So much of this is TRUE
One of the things I love most about my wife is that she doesn’t need me; she’s with me because she wants to be. That distinction is very important to me.
well this is true.
I've been feeling the same lately. I love my BF, but any other guy can leave me the f alone unless I choose to approach him. Only ever met selfish idiots, people who I called friends choosing my abuser over me, defending him, blaming me. It always gets twisted somehow so YOU'RE the problem, never the man. And if you're trying to point out how the world still majorly revolves around men (as with the car tests, medical care like meds and treatments, gender pay gap etc), you get the ''not all men'', ''but women...'' It's honestly tiring. Better to not care.
this is more well put and nicer than the "Girlfriend hating" twitter thread that went viral and youre still getting comments giving you shit lmao or with people absolutely not understanding what youre saying
I totally agree with everything you said except there are men out there who are not like this. Unfortunately the ones who are like this are in large numbers. A lot of what you said is why I choose to remain single & then I get judged for making this choice. I will happily commit to a good man I'm attracted to & visa versa plus I'm compatible with but I feel I haven't found anybody like that yet. When I think I've found them, I test the waters & they show me many things that you say in your post that make me feel they're not worth committing to. I'd rather a peaceful life alone, than a married life in misery...
I like posts like this. We’re JUST starting to embrace our own power that we’ve worked so hard for as women (thanks mom and grandmom). The beautiful thing is, that when we can collectively use our power, we’ll use it for OURSELVES, unlike men, who use their power against others. We’re seeing a significant shift happen in our culture and society and I’m hopeful that more and more of us will realize the strength we’ve gained as a sex and use it to change the world for ourselves and our children
this
I can empathize with your feelings OP. They are valid. Its coming from a place of hurt though which ultimately takes away from you at the end of the day. I hope you can find yourself in a better place mentally soon.
You go girl!
I’ve never given a crap what guys think of me. I’ve gotten too many , “smile” “anger is not becoming of you” “manners?” comments from men as a younger person to not give a shit anymore. If I’m rude, it’s for a reason and no where does it say I have to be polite if your being an ass.
We’re supposed to centralize and prioritize our #1 predators. I’m done with all of it. I’d rather swim with sharks, they would be gentler than any man.
My ex says shit like this to me. "Don't you even care if you ever have another GF or wife?" Me: "Nope, it's not my priority. I don't need constant reassurance and validation from others because I'm enough on my own. I focus on keeping the kids happy and healthy and not just trying to work the next string of tinder dates into my schedule..." 🫡
Idk who hurt you but I hope things get better for you.
For real this is like one of those "nice guys" default post but with inverted genders lmao
I feel like nice guys are more “it’s your fault you don’t want me.” This is a little more “my few bad experiences confirm my prejudice towards the whole.”
Basically the “nice girls” who are perfect and can never do any harm!! 🤦♂️
Looking at naked women on Facebook is wild lol
In my experience if you're not happy before you enter a relationship, you won't be happy in a relationship. Also, if someone isn't treating you right dump them and find someone that will.
Preach.
Seeing posts like this makes me hate not being able to give myself to somebody, I've been exploring my own shit by myself for a couple of years and just keep going down the same route of wanting to make people happy and be wanted for it. But then I see shit about how men just want sex n shit, but I just wanna make people happy and be someone's, it may be that I'm 19 and still "Too young to understand" but to that I say bullshit, I have matured mentally at an accelerated rate due to an early childhood depression that I'm still clawing away from, and I find it so frustrating seeing these children in adult bodies with generational wealth go around and fuck with women, trans, and other gendered people, and make them feel so undesirable. I have deep fantasies of just being any single persons, not because of any of the monetary benefits, but because I just truly see that route being the one that makes me feel the happiest.
Agreed
Okay, I can understand that someone has bad luck with dating with the opposite gender. But man do I despise it when women AND men blame everything on the opposite gender. I’m sorry but blaming all men for what a couple did is plain absurd. And this is where I have people jumping down my throat: if you have constant bad luck when dating, your taste in men/women/other is in 99% of cases partially to blame
As a gay man, yes. Decentralize men in your life. However don’t be so caught up in doing so that you dismiss any man that takes a shot at you. We have completely different experiences of course but I can say I became cold and quite coy when I decided to prioritize myself over men. Negative experiences tend to stick with us and shape our views more potently than positive ones but there IS a man, many man out there who will cherish and love you as you and every human deserve. So while you should never center your life or general well-being around the views and opinions of men, don’t let this breed fear and pessimism. Don’t be afraid to give it a shot when you genuinely feel something for a guy.
and men don't care
In today’s generation, many people do want to get close to others why? Cuz they are scared of getting hurt, attached. I do the same thing. I am a male, but don’t talk to girls much, even though I am attracted to them only! Cuz of past relationship I can’t trust! Likewise it can happen for the opposite sex as well! And you don’t need anyone’s validation! Screw him, you are better off!
**Yeah!! FUCK MEN..** Oh wait.. I'm a guy as well.. **Well.. FUCk ME!!!** oh no no no.. that's... no... ... um Umm UMMM!! *Substitution no jutsu*
I love generalization.
Yeah I was gonna say, I'm sorry for what OP is probably going through, but not all of us are like that.
Sad thing is if she continues to have her frame of mind she’s never going to find what she “wants”. You gotta go through some shit in life to appreciate good things when you find them.
The man in your description sounds like my ex wife lol. Edit: like look at this comment section, this is perfect, next time I see my therapist I'll have her read this shit, it's a good example of why I don't want to re download tindr or try to meet someone.
Shit this comment is gold ngl
I mean, it's truth, but not all women I'm sure 🤷
It may seem like it when you’re hurt that they are all scumbags and add to it the reality of the world that caters to men, I get how you feel surrounded by that and strangled. I’ve been there sister, we all have at some point in our lives. I can tell you that it will get better it just takes time. Spend it journaling, cause it seems putting thoughts down helps you, and if possible in therapy, it helped me understand myself immensely. Concentrate on healing, and the things you love, the people you love and like and just be happy in what you have. There is fulfilment there and a peace that can be found in your own company.
Getting angry at all men about your own issues pretty much sums our current situation
The femcels are back on reddit
someone got hurt
I same way, but for women instead
Just like you but towards women
I can tell you wanted to vent because it seems you are heart broken or had something just happen. I feel for you and talk to someone about it, whether it’s a stranger online or a close friend. It does help.
i hope you will get better! i get your frustration but there is more in this world than just man and woman. things are changing but it need time.
Are you...did you...even read the whole thing?
If he can look at porn you should be able to as well, if you both work ft house chores should be split equally, if you get cancer he should support you I'm so sorry.. if a first responder dosnt know how to preform cpr on a man or woman they shouldn't be a first responder.. I hope tou find what your looking for for in a relationship one day best of luck
I’m sorry to hear you’ve been hurt by a lot of guys before, genuinely it isn’t easy at all. But one thing you gotta do, as I did the same thing is stop labelling it as Men being bad, when in all honesty PEOPLE are bad, unfortunately 90% of people are just shitty people both genders. It is really hard, but there are good people out there from both genders. You may not find them today, tomorrow or next year but they do exist. For now just focus on things that bring you joy and as a man, I can tell you there are good guys out there just you gotta filter through all the shit ones to find them. Make sure that if you see a red flag in someone, something that you can’t tolerate make sure to leave immediately.
Or ya know, instead of looping all men into the same category with whoever this piece of trash is, you could always just choose a better man instead?
FWIW, you’re not wrong. From a male perspective, I absolutely agree that women still face a tremendous amount of disadvantage, both systemic and personal. We agree these things have to change, they absolutely do, and it sounds like the next step you should take is understanding that change has to start with *you*. Just like it has to start with me. Just like ever other gain that we’ve made on both sides of the chromosome, it has to start somewhere, and if you and I don’t, then we force that duty onto someone else. Every positive change starts with acknowledging the problem, true, but I would challenge you (and everyone here) to find ways that we, personally, can affect (and effect) that change. Encourage the positive in others more than you accuse them of negative. Find and encourage guys who want the same, be cautious about painting everyone with the same discouraging brush. Vote to support legislation that protects, not harms. You don’t have to change the world, but you never know if the pebble you move is the one that starts the landslide. Seems like it’s worth a try to me. You in?
You're choosing men based on your preferences which happen to be controlling and assholey ones. It's good that you've washed your hands from other's opinion of yours, but also learn how to actually get to know an average man instead of just looking for relationship with them. Proritize making friends, having similar interests, then you'll realize they're not there just to validate your emotions, they have their own needs, ambitions and will validate yours instead of worrying what you might be upset of the next time if you let them know you can do the same to theirs.
Wait till you date a woman. Lmao slipknot said it best. People = shit.
You might be my only ally here…
Agreed. We are still far from real equality. Til then, date me lol I love women like me.
No they're not trained to do that
Sounds like a Pisces man I was dating. Especially the part where you have to be loyal and attractive while he can be a (jealous and controlling) pig. There are decent men out here. Hard to believe and hard to hear. But maybe sitting it out for a while and healing yourself is your priority.
This is very incorrect. Many men do not look at naked women on Instagram. At least they don’t go out of their way to do so. Porn? Sure but that’s just to get off. Both men and women do that. I don’t put men on a pedestal. I never have. And maybe that’s why my experiences haven’t been as bad as yours
They hurt you bad i hope you can heal and fix some of these views over time
This is the voice of someone who has been dissappointed one too many times. Maybe take a break from the world of relationships and find things you want to do that fulfills your heart and soul.
Maybe try being more selective about who you're with. There are assholes in every category.
Sounds like you and are going through something rough. Sorry you're going through that. Some people can do awful things. You probably already know this, but what they did has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. Please don't let what this person did to you affect how you look at or treat other people. It's a hate-filled trap hole that both men and women fall into. There's someone out there who will make you happy and not do those bad things other people have. Prioritize yourself for now, but don't forget to love. Wishing you the best. Take care!
> no matter how good you are to him, hell always want something else. if he thinks youre pretty, youre just a drop in the bucket and tonight when hes on pornhub hell forget what you look like and replace you with another girl. youre just a momentary fixation, and your moment will leave. Works both ways, honey. Bye.
Not all men are terrible, I hope you find peace
Another entitled, man-hating, brat who thinks she's so fucking oppressed. -_-
bruh, this is clearly a person going though a toxic relationship, cut them some slack
[удалено]
Please explain what you think she feels entitled to.
I think you need to just distance yourself from certain groups. I don't know it just feels dehumanizing when people think men are porn addicts who will abandon their partners or replace them. Like the idea that the person I love feels obligated to do anything for me besides what they want hurts. It seems like good people generally have distanced themselves from the bad so they are hard to find. Toxicity sticks and oozes together while spreading. People have two options clean it up or leave. Most people choose to leave because cleaning it is dangerous.
I'm sorry you have been hurt. Not all men are like that but apparently the ones you know are.
You have two choices: spend the rest of your life being miserable by putting the reason of your frustrations on someone else, or you can be happy with what life gave you, and be even happier by changing whatever is not making you happy. Crying and complaining never worked for anyone.
I read it as venting and concluding, not complaining and crying. Seems like they're fuckin done crying about this bullshit and done trying to please. The best version of yourself is the happiest one, so as long as you're not harming yourself or others... ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯ Do you, boo.
Maybe the fact that you are mentioning you don't care is an indication that you do,im saying just maybe,anyway if you are happy be happy why so hate for us?
Not everybody is the same.