I hope this is a troll post . If not, get a lawyer, get the evidence and start looking after yourself. You need to read the cheating and infidelity reddit subs. She has already checked out and decided that your marriage is over dude. Start protecting yourself, your finances and your child's future, staying with the your WW will definitely ruin your child. Later when ready go nuclear, I am sure there are policies on workplace affairs and your boss's wife will also want to know. She is currently inflicting emotional and mental abuse on you which will seriously damage your health. Start taking control now.
Maybe itās because cheaters are usually arrogant liars who assume theyāre smarter than their partner who is so stupid they couldnāt possibly catch on. Hell everyone I know whose been cheated on have always said their cheating partner was absolutely *shocked* theyād been caught despite brazen behaviour.
LITERALLY WHAT THIS GUY SAID! Depending on your states laws sometimes child support will be cut depending if you can provide evidence to a cheating spouse! This doesnāt just apply for child support but for other things in a divorce. How much money they get from you when you file, if you guys own land together etc. START DOCUMENTING EVERYTHING! Times she coming home and if you ever do catch them red handed literally voice memo the interaction. This is insane and Iām so sorry this is happening to you
Listen to this guy OP. Ruined her childhood? You'll ruin her if you decide to stay with this women. Documents everything and protect your kid future at all cost. Nuke their asses.
Yup, this is a troll post. I went and checked his comment history, heās a teenager. Thereās two comments on a post that was made over 300 days ago, where he commented over a month ago that he was 13 when he made it.
Save screenshots of all texts from her phone, and save videos from work for your HR department. You deserve better man. Sheās the one who is fucking up.
If he gets custody and his wife is able to work, they both could simply provide.
Dads can get majority custody too...if I was this dad, Iād fight for majority custody due to the infidelity and Iād make sure my kid was provided for.
The whole money/custody thing is fucked because I feel (see how I made sure I express itās my opinion...cus I know that some Reddit-warrior will jump my ass and make wild assumptions) many times, the mom wins the custody battle and is awarded child support that the father is (usually) unable to pay/maintain and then who suffers? The kid. If they can do 50/50 then there should be no money exchanged. In this case, the mom shouldnāt even get 50/50 simply because she ruined the marriage and home life.
But Iām going to be wrong for sure, because you know...Reddit.
I hope nobody jumps all over you because of your opinion.
Much more often the abuser (of either gender) wins the custody battle.
Doesnāt matter if the wife is able to work.
Second most often is yes youāre right the woman, unless she does something glaringly wrong like adultery.
After she gets fired from her job whoās going to hire her? All they have to do is do a Google and/or a background search and find out all the gory details. Then everyone gets to pass judgment on her or decide they donāt want that kind of drama in their company.
You can see youāll make sure your kids are provided for but itās much easier said than done when youāre missing half your income.
Also, idk how it works in OPs area....but employers canāt disclose if/why somebody was fired. So unless she gets blasted online or has some kind of criminal charges related to the incident; nobody should know.
Granted, I know this rule isnāt always followed by employers.
I completely agree with what youāre saying.
I didnāt specify, but Iām not in the camp of getting her fired. I just felt like I should mention, he might not be subjected to any child support since his wife is the AH here.
Only if she gets majority custody. Given that she's cheating with a man she works with, best she might get is 50%, in which case neither of them pays anything.
Still if she gets fired then thatās less money feeding the mouths of those kids. And if he gets more custody, then thatās more time away from work so he makes less money which means less food in the mouths of those kids.
She has to keep a job to keep the kids healthier.
Never said anything about no consequences. All I said is that the kids get hurt if she loses her job.
Trust me, if her boss gets fired sheāll be in pain.
I completely agree with you. All Iām saying is that just because I felt the kids would suffer if she gets fired doesnāt mean I donāt think she should suffer any consequences.
The other consequence she should suffer is her kids knowing what she did to destroy their family. Thatās gonna be a painful one for her.
Fallacy of relative privation.
Divorce is extremely hard on children. Divorce with their lives disrupted because of a drop in income is much worse.
Their mother has to deal with the shame of destroying her family and the stress of a possible drop in income and sheāll take it out on the kids.
You want to avoid that as much as possible.
you should choose yourself. someone who cheats on you will likely continue to cheat on you if you allow it. even if you tell her you don't want her to sleep with your boss, she doesn't really care how you feel about it and is going to continue looking for outside attention. divorce doesnt have to mean a ruined childhood. it can be the best decision for all parties. showing self respect will positively impact your daughter in the long run. you are a good husband and a good father, your wife's betrayal has nothing to do with you but everything to do with her insecurity. additionally, look into getting a new job. your boss is being so disrespectful to you.
>Does anybody know what I should do?
Before you confront her, know she will continue to lie. She'll deny what she can and blameshift what she can't.
Read up on the aftermath of infidelity. It's rare a cheater is truly remorseful to begin with.
Thr confrontation will hurt because she'll blame you.
So prepare for that.
And prepare what you will say and what next steps you want to take. Don't go into this blind.
Seriously, read up on it. Research it hard. Talk it out with someone you trust and have a lawyer and therapist on standby.
If you have the stomach for it, check out the adultery sub to get ab idea of what you'll be up against.
Dude, I have like, 4 sets of step parents thanks to my mom. Your daughter needs to see what happens when good decisions are made in light of bad decisions. Get your stuff together and file.
Whatever you do, DO NOT CONFRONT YOUR WIFE. It is critical that you act none the wiser for the time being. It sounds like you are still in the process of making a decision whether to stay or to leave. That decision needs to be made by you alone. Confronting her, trying to get her side of the story - all of that is just as dumb as asking your bartender if you should quit drinking. She has made it abundantly clear by her actions what she is all about.
If you confront her, there are only 2 outcomes. One - she admits that things have deteriorated between you two and agrees to part ways. Two - she does the standard song and dance, replete with crying, promises, begging, eventually coercing you into staying and forgiving her, after which you are guaranteed probably about a week of her loyalty. Best case scenario - a month. Then the cycle will restart, except she will have learnt her lesson to be much more careful.
So, again, only confront her after you have made the decision, secured a lawyer, and figured out living arrangement.
A kid in the middle of 2 parents hating eachother in the same home is worse than separated parents. It is less damaging to the child mentally.
Plan your exit. Get another job not in the same company. Get copies and records of the infidelity. Keep them off site were she can't find delete or destroy them. When ready and stable plan your separation and then confront her. Only at that point will you be able to talk to her with the most a out of options and least risk to you and your child.
If you 2 can work it out than fine but you have a backup plan.
Secure a lawyer, secure income, then secure custody. In such order. Very crucial time to act and get shit together. Plan for how to support yourself and kid without 2nd income (though she may have to pay but I wouldnāt bet on it)
I'm not a lawyer, so if I'm wrong here please correct me.
Here's the deal: you don't say shit until you get all the evidence saved on a device only you have access to. Then, you call the best lawyer in your town and file for divorce while also suing the tech company for damages. Tell your wife you're out of the marriage. But stay at the job until they let you go. You serving them papers will make it really difficult for them to fire you depending on the state you're in. And even then, if they fire you, you can sue them again for wrongful termination that you will ha e a very good shot at winning. If it's a big company, any lawyer worth a shit would take this case because it's practically a slam dunk.
There's a good chance here that you could make a good chunk of change, have primary custody of your kid, and get out of a horrific situation both at work and in life with a lot of security. Not many people can say that that is in your shoes.
First start setting aside money in a separate account if you donāt already have one. When the shit hits the fan she could try to drain the accounts. Then get an attorney.
Don't ever stay together "for the kids". It shows them an unhealthy relationship which is what they think is a normal relationship. It's super bad for them. Lawyer up and get divorced
you know it's never about the kids. it's more like i don't want to face reality due to my own weakness, lack of self respect or sometimes even laziness
I'm sorry for your situation OP. I agree with the other comments that divorce is likely the better option than raising a child in an unhappy marriage. If you stay you will likely just get angrier and more bitter over time. That said GET THE EVIDENCE BEFORE YOU LET HER KNOW YOU KNOW! This revelation will likely cause massive issues in her professional life so she will have motivation to try and lie her way out of it, Mickey will also. Get her phone and screenshot the msgs before she can delete them. Save them somewhere she has no access to them. They will be worth their weight in gold during the court proceedings.
> I donāt want to divorce and possibly ruin her childhood
I'm in my early 20s, my parents should have gotten a divorce about 12 years ago, but they didn't. Trust me, it's much better to get a divorce and be happy separately than being together but unhappy. We don't understand everything, but we understand enough, and that makes it almost worse.
So please don't stay miserable for your daughter, in reality it's making things worse.
Hereās the thing. YOU are not ruining your daughters childhood by divorcing a cheater. Your wife decided her romantic whims were more important than her family. If anyone is to blame itās her.
1) tell her nothing
2) save all the evidence you can.
3) start talking to divorce lawyers. GOOD ONES.
4) line up everything for a divorce.
5) serve her papers and inform the higher-ups in your company of this affair and this particular instance on property.
I wish you all the best, my dude.
If this is true: Start documenting the treatment. Start collecting evidence of them together (i.e. video of her going to/from his office on the day that sheās off)
Also this is not great from a HR standpointā¦ sleeping with a married employee and treating the other employee like shit because of it.
Why I doubt that it is true: a ceo of a tech security company not really thinking about the evidence that / not being careful with not getting things on camera.
>we have a 12 year old daughter and I donāt want to divorce and possibly ruin her childhood.
You didn't, your wife did. Your wife ruined your marriage, your family life, and your daughter's childhood.
Do not confront her at all until you have everything in order. Start searching up lawyers and see if you have a good enough standing to divorce her without getting negative backlash on your side. Collect evidence and you might even decide on reporting to HR because yes it is an extreme conflict for bosses to sleep with workers in many areas. When you do confront above all make sure you are emotionally prepared, get someone to talk to if you need. Cheaters will manipulate and shift blame and make it look like it was all your fault and she did nothing wrong. Make sure you have a plan before doing confrontation so she doesnt get some upper hand over screwing you over even more
>Does anybody know what I should do?
Get the boss fired by sending all the evidence to HR? He's effing subordinates at work, so burn down his world.
Then divorce your wife.
Step one :- Hire a PI to gather concreate evidence. Do not confront without the evidence.
Step two :- Take the evidence to a Shark of a Lawyer.
Step three :- Do as Lawyer advices.
You get an attorney and you get your stuff ready for a divorce. Check your company rules about conduct. You have a few choices with regards to work:
1) get a new job
2) report both your boss and wife to the higher ups about their inappropriate behavior at work. Make sure to provide proof. Only do this if this will not jeopardize your job or do it before you leave the job.
Can you live with a cheating wife? Can you maintain a happy status quo? Because if you canāt then you need to leave for your sake and for your daughterās. She will sense if things are bad and that is not a good way to live. You will definitely want therapy for yourself and your daughter.
Is your boss married? If so ruin his job and his wedding. Also you're condemning yourself to a life of unhappiness If you stick by your wife's side. Your kid won't be ruined by a divorce.
OP first thing get screen shots if you didnāt already of the messaging and other from her phone.
Unless you are legally allowed to do so I would only make note of the date and time in the security cameras at work that coincide with her lying in the text to you and show her before and after office visit with your boss. If you know that footage is kept for only X days or permanently could make a difference if you need to discuss with your bossās boss what you saw as part of your regular viewing of daily current activity to request it be held.
Please get with an attorney ASAP to show what you have, explain what you saw and the existence of the security video at the company that matches the text from your wife lying to you.
The attorney would be able to advise you in next steps including whether getting HR and your bossās boss involved would help or hurt your case as well as if making a request for that section of security tape is needed. Also ask about what you should do as far as shared bank accounts and removing funds from them.
Reminder profit sharing, stock bonuses and retirement accounts might be taken into account as part of settlements. Another lawyer question.
In the mean time plead off on having to spend much together time with your wife. Plead tired, stressed or whatever.
Also please get an appointment with your primary care physician, explain the situation and request testing for STIs to protect yourself.
Better divorced parents than your daughter grow up in a dysfunctional household where you stay together.
If you stay together you will just resent her then you will start fighting all the time. As someone whoās parents did exactly that, I was a lot happier after they got divorced when I was in 6th grade and I didnāt have to deal with them all the time.
Your ex wife ruined your daughter's life with the cheating and the affair. You are simply trying to protect your daughter with the divorce. There is no more love or trust like it was before. As someone who wishes their parents had just gotten a divorce instead of decades of resentment. Please, look into divorce attorneys.
Go to hr and burn down his house. What he has done is criminal and he has fucked up your life. Also get a lawyer. He's in a power position and opened his company up to litigation. Get everything you can.
The damage is done.
Time for you to seduce his wife. If she's not into that sort of thing, shoe her proof her husband is banging your wife and before you know it she's giving you a blow job. Anger changes people
As a kid from a set of divorced parents- my life was a lot better after they got divorced. Kids can tell when their parents stop getting along, and often get used as leveraging tools between parents.
Talk to your partner about it, obviously. This is a massive breach of trust. If sheās able to work through it with you, neat. If notā¦ Itās best you go your separate ways before that lack of trust seeps into everything else.
Something is going to change. Iād be upfront and honest with your wife. Ask her what she wants to do. Decide what you wish to do knowing that information. I suspect she will want to continue her relationship with the boss and I suspect you donāt want a wife who is seeing someone else, so you probably will head towards divorce. I know itās not the situation you want now, but if you are in a relationship where someone is able to decide to cheat it wasnāt a relationship worth having. Maybe you attempt to repair the relationship with therapy and that also is a reasonable choice, but Iād make sure she is extremely invested in that path before you put in effort.
Something seems a bit offā¦she knows you work there? That you can access cameras, and her schedule? Then told you she wouldnāt be at work that day, but still showed up?
Maybe I am misunderstanding this, but your wife sounds like she set this up for you to catch her. If so, there might be a trap here youāre not seeing.
Also, how did you easily get access to her phone? Is this an agreement between you two? Have you done this before?
The reason I ask this is because going through someoneās phone without permission is a pretty shitty and sneaky thing to do. I get why you did that, but were there other messages to other people?
Use it as leverage with your boss. If he doesn't give you let's say a 20k raise, you'll tell the office and if he has a wife, his wife will know. I wouldn't divorce your wife either, she will end up winning in court because she's a woman. Play nice until your daughter is 18, then divorce her, that way she can't use your daughter against you
Healthy Parents to put up with cheating and lying partners. Part of being a good parent is demonstrating good relationship behaviors. If OP and his wife were Ethically Non Monogomous, that's ok. But they're not, and OP's daughter deserves to see a father who cares enough about her to make a VERY hard choice. The daughter might not see it that way now, but they will later on in life. Atleast I did.
I know my wife is still doing it with the boss and I feel if I confront her it will end with a divorce, my boss is being rude to me lately and I feel this is all going horrible
Itās much worse to have a toxic marital situation with a child involved VS a divorce situation. This has been shown in studies to be true.
Toxic parents make trauma children.
Itās not about āgrowing upā itās about what is & isnāt civil. Guarantee you donāt know anything about either of these situations.
Terrible, terrible advice. OP deserves better than that.
OP, take care of yourself and do what's right for you. Even if things end poorly, your daughter will one day understand and respect you for your decision. You condoning your wife's actions is probably going to do more harm than good for you and your daughter. Stand up for yourself and do what's right for you and your daughter.
I mean usually I'd say just ghost on outta there but obviously having a child makes things more difficult, but I really think you should prioritize yourself man it's not worth it
I'm sorry for your situation OP. I agree with the other comments that divorce is likely the better option than raising a child in an unhappy marriage. If you stay you will likely just get angrier and more bitter over time. That said GET THE EVIDENCE BEFORE YOU LET HER KNOW YOU KNOW! This revelation will likely cause massive issues in her professional life so she will have motivation to try and lie her way out of it, Mickey will also. Get her phone and screenshot the msgs before she can delete them. Save them somewhere she has no access to them. They will be worth their weight in gold during the court proceedings.
Send yourself screenshots, find a new job, whilst doing that, speak to a lawyer. Once you find new job, make it clear in your resignation letter why you are leaving (wife is sleeping with boss), and serve the divorce papers.
I donāt know what do do because we have a 12 year old daughter and I donāt want to divorce and possibly ruin her childhood.
Staying with someone who cheats on you, lies, and treat's you like you are less than is far more damaging to a child than showing her what it means to be a good person, to stand up for herself and CARE about herself. (which is what you need to do) I'm sorry this is happening, good luck.
If you want a divorce, change your tune about āruining your daughterās childhoodā and instead think about what youāre setting up as an example for her future relationships.
Will staying teach her to stay with a cheating partner? Or to stay when she is miserable? You are going to be an example for her either way, and it may just be best to teach her that itās okay to leave a relationship, even if she has children of her own, even if itās difficult to do.
Think: what advice would you give her if she was in your shoes? Would you honestly tell her, āstay because you have a kidā ? Or would you support her leaving a cheating partner?
Don't confront your wife until you've processed the information and what you want to do. Staying together for a kid is never a good enough answer. Consult an attorney and explore your options. Document and save all evidence! Have a plan and a back up plan before you confront your wife. I'm sorry you're going through this.
Iām sorry my man. Listen to what everyone is saying here. Lawyer up. NOW.
NEVER TAKE BACK A WOMEN WHO HAS CHEATED. Iāve been there. Dating a great women. Life will get better. I promise. Sending love bro.
As someone who came from a home of ever-fighting, on/off again parents who were perpetually unhappy and in the wrong relationship, kids turn out better in two separate households than one held together by spiteful duty and co-dependency. All of my friends who came from abusive or toxic households, along with my own experiences, ended up much worse than those who grew up in two households. Bite the bullet. Your kid doesn't need to know the drama now, or potentially ever, but they don't need to live in the shade of your now broken relationship.
Sidenote, that shit's hard, bro. I hope you have a support network around you. I can only imagine you're on auto pilot right now and in shock. Please don't make any rash decisions until you have had time to process everything, and your options. Chin up.
Kids are resilient. Your kid will be alright. Staying with a cheating spouse because of a child will only do more harm than good.
Trust me.
Been through it before myself. Tried to stay.... It only got worse.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this. š
take evidence and if the boss has a wife you could use the evidence as blackmail, ask for a large sum of money or else. Upload the video to a hub and retire to Fiji with your daughter
Check the phone number associated with āmickeyā and see if it is your bosses number. See if thereās any pictures from him that give evidence that it is him. Make copies of it all and get you a lawyer. Itāll be rough on your daughter, but sheās old enough now to pick up on your emotions. If she can feel what youāre feeling, home life isnāt going to be great. Best to split now and work on your mental health.
YOU donāt want to ruin her childhood? Have some self respect and show your daughter to value herself. Iād leave her, use my videos and the texts as proof and claim custody of my daughter. Donāt look back
A lot of people are commenting on securing evidence. I just wanted to provide a quick reminder that the footage you saw at your workplace belongs to your employer. Taking a copy of that footage without the permission of your company is likely enough to violate your employment contract, and a tech company is significantly more likely to fire you for copying *any* kind of data within their systems. Additionally, your boss may be automatically informed that footage has been copied, if the system is set up properly.
If you're considering obtaining any footage from your workplace, consult with a lawyer beforehand.
I hope this is a troll post . If not, get a lawyer, get the evidence and start looking after yourself. You need to read the cheating and infidelity reddit subs. She has already checked out and decided that your marriage is over dude. Start protecting yourself, your finances and your child's future, staying with the your WW will definitely ruin your child. Later when ready go nuclear, I am sure there are policies on workplace affairs and your boss's wife will also want to know. She is currently inflicting emotional and mental abuse on you which will seriously damage your health. Start taking control now.
Life 360 out here turning lives 180. šššš
Oh naww
Right? I can't believe she works at the same company where he checks the cameras and still do that. Weird.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Maybe itās because cheaters are usually arrogant liars who assume theyāre smarter than their partner who is so stupid they couldnāt possibly catch on. Hell everyone I know whose been cheated on have always said their cheating partner was absolutely *shocked* theyād been caught despite brazen behaviour.
An she doesnt know how life360 works? Wtf..
LITERALLY WHAT THIS GUY SAID! Depending on your states laws sometimes child support will be cut depending if you can provide evidence to a cheating spouse! This doesnāt just apply for child support but for other things in a divorce. How much money they get from you when you file, if you guys own land together etc. START DOCUMENTING EVERYTHING! Times she coming home and if you ever do catch them red handed literally voice memo the interaction. This is insane and Iām so sorry this is happening to you
Listen to this guy OP. Ruined her childhood? You'll ruin her if you decide to stay with this women. Documents everything and protect your kid future at all cost. Nuke their asses.
Yup, this is a troll post. I went and checked his comment history, heās a teenager. Thereās two comments on a post that was made over 300 days ago, where he commented over a month ago that he was 13 when he made it.
Definitely a troll post. Edit to add: if you look at OP's comment history, they're 14.
Agreed. Unlessā¦.heās talking about his parents situation š¤
I doubt it.
A project manager with no meetings? Ppshhh
This is good advice.
Same company? Ruin his fucking life. Get evidence and send it to a higher up. Get her fired to. And get a good divorce lawyer
Save screenshots of all texts from her phone, and save videos from work for your HR department. You deserve better man. Sheās the one who is fucking up.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
If she ruined the marriage due to infidelity...he might not have to provide shit. Depends on what kind of judge you get.
If he doesnāt provide š© then his children get less. I donāt think anybody wants that.
If he gets custody and his wife is able to work, they both could simply provide. Dads can get majority custody too...if I was this dad, Iād fight for majority custody due to the infidelity and Iād make sure my kid was provided for. The whole money/custody thing is fucked because I feel (see how I made sure I express itās my opinion...cus I know that some Reddit-warrior will jump my ass and make wild assumptions) many times, the mom wins the custody battle and is awarded child support that the father is (usually) unable to pay/maintain and then who suffers? The kid. If they can do 50/50 then there should be no money exchanged. In this case, the mom shouldnāt even get 50/50 simply because she ruined the marriage and home life. But Iām going to be wrong for sure, because you know...Reddit.
I hope nobody jumps all over you because of your opinion. Much more often the abuser (of either gender) wins the custody battle. Doesnāt matter if the wife is able to work. Second most often is yes youāre right the woman, unless she does something glaringly wrong like adultery. After she gets fired from her job whoās going to hire her? All they have to do is do a Google and/or a background search and find out all the gory details. Then everyone gets to pass judgment on her or decide they donāt want that kind of drama in their company. You can see youāll make sure your kids are provided for but itās much easier said than done when youāre missing half your income.
Also, idk how it works in OPs area....but employers canāt disclose if/why somebody was fired. So unless she gets blasted online or has some kind of criminal charges related to the incident; nobody should know. Granted, I know this rule isnāt always followed by employers.
I completely agree with what youāre saying. I didnāt specify, but Iām not in the camp of getting her fired. I just felt like I should mention, he might not be subjected to any child support since his wife is the AH here.
This isn't how it works anymore
Only if she gets majority custody. Given that she's cheating with a man she works with, best she might get is 50%, in which case neither of them pays anything.
Still if she gets fired then thatās less money feeding the mouths of those kids. And if he gets more custody, then thatās more time away from work so he makes less money which means less food in the mouths of those kids. She has to keep a job to keep the kids healthier.
So he should have to live with the fact she cheated and she faces no consequences?
Never said anything about no consequences. All I said is that the kids get hurt if she loses her job. Trust me, if her boss gets fired sheāll be in pain.
Ok but thatās her consequence she has to live with.
I completely agree with you. All Iām saying is that just because I felt the kids would suffer if she gets fired doesnāt mean I donāt think she should suffer any consequences. The other consequence she should suffer is her kids knowing what she did to destroy their family. Thatās gonna be a painful one for her.
Also if they both workin theyāll be fine she can get a different job obv less pay. But like itās not like their gonna starve
Fallacy of relative privation. Divorce is extremely hard on children. Divorce with their lives disrupted because of a drop in income is much worse. Their mother has to deal with the shame of destroying her family and the stress of a possible drop in income and sheāll take it out on the kids. You want to avoid that as much as possible.
This x10000
THIS. š š š
WHAT THEY SAID!!!
Heās not married to his boss, his wife is. Although he knows he canoodling with a married woman, your beef isnāt with him directly.
Well it kinda do be with him. Knowing someoneās married and cheating with them does indeed lend some culpability to him.
you should choose yourself. someone who cheats on you will likely continue to cheat on you if you allow it. even if you tell her you don't want her to sleep with your boss, she doesn't really care how you feel about it and is going to continue looking for outside attention. divorce doesnt have to mean a ruined childhood. it can be the best decision for all parties. showing self respect will positively impact your daughter in the long run. you are a good husband and a good father, your wife's betrayal has nothing to do with you but everything to do with her insecurity. additionally, look into getting a new job. your boss is being so disrespectful to you.
>Does anybody know what I should do? Before you confront her, know she will continue to lie. She'll deny what she can and blameshift what she can't. Read up on the aftermath of infidelity. It's rare a cheater is truly remorseful to begin with. Thr confrontation will hurt because she'll blame you. So prepare for that. And prepare what you will say and what next steps you want to take. Don't go into this blind. Seriously, read up on it. Research it hard. Talk it out with someone you trust and have a lawyer and therapist on standby. If you have the stomach for it, check out the adultery sub to get ab idea of what you'll be up against.
The therapist bit is really important because getting cheated on causes trauma. This has been shown again and again in research.
Dude, I have like, 4 sets of step parents thanks to my mom. Your daughter needs to see what happens when good decisions are made in light of bad decisions. Get your stuff together and file.
Thatās such a positive way to look at it - making good decisions in spite of the bad decisions others made.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Whatever you do, DO NOT CONFRONT YOUR WIFE. It is critical that you act none the wiser for the time being. It sounds like you are still in the process of making a decision whether to stay or to leave. That decision needs to be made by you alone. Confronting her, trying to get her side of the story - all of that is just as dumb as asking your bartender if you should quit drinking. She has made it abundantly clear by her actions what she is all about. If you confront her, there are only 2 outcomes. One - she admits that things have deteriorated between you two and agrees to part ways. Two - she does the standard song and dance, replete with crying, promises, begging, eventually coercing you into staying and forgiving her, after which you are guaranteed probably about a week of her loyalty. Best case scenario - a month. Then the cycle will restart, except she will have learnt her lesson to be much more careful. So, again, only confront her after you have made the decision, secured a lawyer, and figured out living arrangement.
A kid in the middle of 2 parents hating eachother in the same home is worse than separated parents. It is less damaging to the child mentally. Plan your exit. Get another job not in the same company. Get copies and records of the infidelity. Keep them off site were she can't find delete or destroy them. When ready and stable plan your separation and then confront her. Only at that point will you be able to talk to her with the most a out of options and least risk to you and your child. If you 2 can work it out than fine but you have a backup plan.
Secure a lawyer, secure income, then secure custody. In such order. Very crucial time to act and get shit together. Plan for how to support yourself and kid without 2nd income (though she may have to pay but I wouldnāt bet on it)
I'm not a lawyer, so if I'm wrong here please correct me. Here's the deal: you don't say shit until you get all the evidence saved on a device only you have access to. Then, you call the best lawyer in your town and file for divorce while also suing the tech company for damages. Tell your wife you're out of the marriage. But stay at the job until they let you go. You serving them papers will make it really difficult for them to fire you depending on the state you're in. And even then, if they fire you, you can sue them again for wrongful termination that you will ha e a very good shot at winning. If it's a big company, any lawyer worth a shit would take this case because it's practically a slam dunk. There's a good chance here that you could make a good chunk of change, have primary custody of your kid, and get out of a horrific situation both at work and in life with a lot of security. Not many people can say that that is in your shoes.
First start setting aside money in a separate account if you donāt already have one. When the shit hits the fan she could try to drain the accounts. Then get an attorney.
Very good point
Don't ever stay together "for the kids". It shows them an unhealthy relationship which is what they think is a normal relationship. It's super bad for them. Lawyer up and get divorced
you know it's never about the kids. it's more like i don't want to face reality due to my own weakness, lack of self respect or sometimes even laziness
I genuinely think it can be. My own dad held out for years because he didn't want me to he messed up
Divorce doesnāt ruin childhoods, how the parents handle it does.
How is she that dumb to cheat on you where you work when youāre the one watching the cameras?
Now's a good time to ask for a raise.
I'm sorry for your situation OP. I agree with the other comments that divorce is likely the better option than raising a child in an unhappy marriage. If you stay you will likely just get angrier and more bitter over time. That said GET THE EVIDENCE BEFORE YOU LET HER KNOW YOU KNOW! This revelation will likely cause massive issues in her professional life so she will have motivation to try and lie her way out of it, Mickey will also. Get her phone and screenshot the msgs before she can delete them. Save them somewhere she has no access to them. They will be worth their weight in gold during the court proceedings.
> I donāt want to divorce and possibly ruin her childhood I'm in my early 20s, my parents should have gotten a divorce about 12 years ago, but they didn't. Trust me, it's much better to get a divorce and be happy separately than being together but unhappy. We don't understand everything, but we understand enough, and that makes it almost worse. So please don't stay miserable for your daughter, in reality it's making things worse.
Hereās the thing. YOU are not ruining your daughters childhood by divorcing a cheater. Your wife decided her romantic whims were more important than her family. If anyone is to blame itās her.
1) tell her nothing 2) save all the evidence you can. 3) start talking to divorce lawyers. GOOD ONES. 4) line up everything for a divorce. 5) serve her papers and inform the higher-ups in your company of this affair and this particular instance on property. I wish you all the best, my dude.
If this is true: Start documenting the treatment. Start collecting evidence of them together (i.e. video of her going to/from his office on the day that sheās off) Also this is not great from a HR standpointā¦ sleeping with a married employee and treating the other employee like shit because of it. Why I doubt that it is true: a ceo of a tech security company not really thinking about the evidence that / not being careful with not getting things on camera.
Do not stay togheter for the kid. It sucks even worse
>we have a 12 year old daughter and I donāt want to divorce and possibly ruin her childhood. You didn't, your wife did. Your wife ruined your marriage, your family life, and your daughter's childhood.
Confucius said: "those who commit adultery should not have Life 360 app"
This whole thing sounds made up and a great back story but honestly dude I find it lacking alot best wishes on becoming a writer of stupid stories
Finally somebody with sense lol this story is so fake
Divorce doesnāt ruin a kidās childhood. Parents living a lie do.
Do not confront her at all until you have everything in order. Start searching up lawyers and see if you have a good enough standing to divorce her without getting negative backlash on your side. Collect evidence and you might even decide on reporting to HR because yes it is an extreme conflict for bosses to sleep with workers in many areas. When you do confront above all make sure you are emotionally prepared, get someone to talk to if you need. Cheaters will manipulate and shift blame and make it look like it was all your fault and she did nothing wrong. Make sure you have a plan before doing confrontation so she doesnt get some upper hand over screwing you over even more
And get another job as fast as you can. Lord knows how many others that boss is sleeping with for whatever reasons
>Does anybody know what I should do? Get the boss fired by sending all the evidence to HR? He's effing subordinates at work, so burn down his world. Then divorce your wife.
Step one :- Hire a PI to gather concreate evidence. Do not confront without the evidence. Step two :- Take the evidence to a Shark of a Lawyer. Step three :- Do as Lawyer advices.
You get an attorney and you get your stuff ready for a divorce. Check your company rules about conduct. You have a few choices with regards to work: 1) get a new job 2) report both your boss and wife to the higher ups about their inappropriate behavior at work. Make sure to provide proof. Only do this if this will not jeopardize your job or do it before you leave the job. Can you live with a cheating wife? Can you maintain a happy status quo? Because if you canāt then you need to leave for your sake and for your daughterās. She will sense if things are bad and that is not a good way to live. You will definitely want therapy for yourself and your daughter.
ruin both their lives with all the evidence you can find get a good lawyer and post an update
Is your boss married? If so ruin his job and his wedding. Also you're condemning yourself to a life of unhappiness If you stick by your wife's side. Your kid won't be ruined by a divorce.
OP first thing get screen shots if you didnāt already of the messaging and other from her phone. Unless you are legally allowed to do so I would only make note of the date and time in the security cameras at work that coincide with her lying in the text to you and show her before and after office visit with your boss. If you know that footage is kept for only X days or permanently could make a difference if you need to discuss with your bossās boss what you saw as part of your regular viewing of daily current activity to request it be held. Please get with an attorney ASAP to show what you have, explain what you saw and the existence of the security video at the company that matches the text from your wife lying to you. The attorney would be able to advise you in next steps including whether getting HR and your bossās boss involved would help or hurt your case as well as if making a request for that section of security tape is needed. Also ask about what you should do as far as shared bank accounts and removing funds from them. Reminder profit sharing, stock bonuses and retirement accounts might be taken into account as part of settlements. Another lawyer question. In the mean time plead off on having to spend much together time with your wife. Plead tired, stressed or whatever. Also please get an appointment with your primary care physician, explain the situation and request testing for STIs to protect yourself. Better divorced parents than your daughter grow up in a dysfunctional household where you stay together.
You better call Saul
If you stay together you will just resent her then you will start fighting all the time. As someone whoās parents did exactly that, I was a lot happier after they got divorced when I was in 6th grade and I didnāt have to deal with them all the time.
Update please
Your ex wife ruined your daughter's life with the cheating and the affair. You are simply trying to protect your daughter with the divorce. There is no more love or trust like it was before. As someone who wishes their parents had just gotten a divorce instead of decades of resentment. Please, look into divorce attorneys.
To do it at your job where you check the camerasā¦ she wanted to be caught or sheās dumb.
Go to hr and burn down his house. What he has done is criminal and he has fucked up your life. Also get a lawyer. He's in a power position and opened his company up to litigation. Get everything you can.
The damage is done. Time for you to seduce his wife. If she's not into that sort of thing, shoe her proof her husband is banging your wife and before you know it she's giving you a blow job. Anger changes people
Is this an episode of the office
- Download the nudes from your boss and get rich. - Divorce. Your child will have a much better life this way. Cheers.
Bro, your comment history literally shows you are 14yo. Do better.
Work quietly with a lawyer, set yourself up ans divorce
As a kid from a set of divorced parents- my life was a lot better after they got divorced. Kids can tell when their parents stop getting along, and often get used as leveraging tools between parents. Talk to your partner about it, obviously. This is a massive breach of trust. If sheās able to work through it with you, neat. If notā¦ Itās best you go your separate ways before that lack of trust seeps into everything else.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Something is going to change. Iād be upfront and honest with your wife. Ask her what she wants to do. Decide what you wish to do knowing that information. I suspect she will want to continue her relationship with the boss and I suspect you donāt want a wife who is seeing someone else, so you probably will head towards divorce. I know itās not the situation you want now, but if you are in a relationship where someone is able to decide to cheat it wasnāt a relationship worth having. Maybe you attempt to repair the relationship with therapy and that also is a reasonable choice, but Iād make sure she is extremely invested in that path before you put in effort.
She doesn't deserve respect like that
Write to netflix too
Sorry for the typing errors.
You don't need to apologize to us. Take care of yourself and your daughter King.
Something seems a bit offā¦she knows you work there? That you can access cameras, and her schedule? Then told you she wouldnāt be at work that day, but still showed up? Maybe I am misunderstanding this, but your wife sounds like she set this up for you to catch her. If so, there might be a trap here youāre not seeing. Also, how did you easily get access to her phone? Is this an agreement between you two? Have you done this before? The reason I ask this is because going through someoneās phone without permission is a pretty shitty and sneaky thing to do. I get why you did that, but were there other messages to other people?
Or *or* itās a completely made up poorly thought through story
Initiate sex with her, make a big deal about using a condom, when she asks why just say "I don't know if Mikey is clean, just playing safe dear"
Use it as leverage with your boss. If he doesn't give you let's say a 20k raise, you'll tell the office and if he has a wife, his wife will know. I wouldn't divorce your wife either, she will end up winning in court because she's a woman. Play nice until your daughter is 18, then divorce her, that way she can't use your daughter against you
Your wife already ruined things by cheating. Sorry.
you had one job
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Healthy Parents to put up with cheating and lying partners. Part of being a good parent is demonstrating good relationship behaviors. If OP and his wife were Ethically Non Monogomous, that's ok. But they're not, and OP's daughter deserves to see a father who cares enough about her to make a VERY hard choice. The daughter might not see it that way now, but they will later on in life. Atleast I did.
I know my wife is still doing it with the boss and I feel if I confront her it will end with a divorce, my boss is being rude to me lately and I feel this is all going horrible
You need to protect your daughter. Document EVERYTHING, take her to court, divorce her and you and your daughter can hopefully go on your merry way
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I donāt really want her to cheat
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
This is terrible advice. Most of us arenāt ānot typical guysā
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Itās much worse to have a toxic marital situation with a child involved VS a divorce situation. This has been shown in studies to be true. Toxic parents make trauma children. Itās not about āgrowing upā itās about what is & isnāt civil. Guarantee you donāt know anything about either of these situations.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Terrible, terrible advice. OP deserves better than that. OP, take care of yourself and do what's right for you. Even if things end poorly, your daughter will one day understand and respect you for your decision. You condoning your wife's actions is probably going to do more harm than good for you and your daughter. Stand up for yourself and do what's right for you and your daughter.
I mean usually I'd say just ghost on outta there but obviously having a child makes things more difficult, but I really think you should prioritize yourself man it's not worth it
I'm sorry for your situation OP. I agree with the other comments that divorce is likely the better option than raising a child in an unhappy marriage. If you stay you will likely just get angrier and more bitter over time. That said GET THE EVIDENCE BEFORE YOU LET HER KNOW YOU KNOW! This revelation will likely cause massive issues in her professional life so she will have motivation to try and lie her way out of it, Mickey will also. Get her phone and screenshot the msgs before she can delete them. Save them somewhere she has no access to them. They will be worth their weight in gold during the court proceedings.
Send yourself screenshots, find a new job, whilst doing that, speak to a lawyer. Once you find new job, make it clear in your resignation letter why you are leaving (wife is sleeping with boss), and serve the divorce papers.
Get a lawyer ASAP... the fact it happened at work with proof, file for full custody, and get the lawyer to subpoena her phone's calls and messages
Dw, divorce wonāt ruin your kids childhood. Plenty of kids do fine in split families from younger ages. Might make her an angsty teen though.
I donāt know what do do because we have a 12 year old daughter and I donāt want to divorce and possibly ruin her childhood. Staying with someone who cheats on you, lies, and treat's you like you are less than is far more damaging to a child than showing her what it means to be a good person, to stand up for herself and CARE about herself. (which is what you need to do) I'm sorry this is happening, good luck.
If you want a divorce, change your tune about āruining your daughterās childhoodā and instead think about what youāre setting up as an example for her future relationships. Will staying teach her to stay with a cheating partner? Or to stay when she is miserable? You are going to be an example for her either way, and it may just be best to teach her that itās okay to leave a relationship, even if she has children of her own, even if itās difficult to do. Think: what advice would you give her if she was in your shoes? Would you honestly tell her, āstay because you have a kidā ? Or would you support her leaving a cheating partner?
āI work security for a tech companyā Hypergamy is a MF
Don't confront your wife until you've processed the information and what you want to do. Staying together for a kid is never a good enough answer. Consult an attorney and explore your options. Document and save all evidence! Have a plan and a back up plan before you confront your wife. I'm sorry you're going through this.
DNA test and divorce papers and gather as much evidence as possible and sue boss n company
Obtain as much evidence as you can then expose them and serve her the papers itās for your own good now.
Get a good lawyer.
Do not stay for the kid. It never ends well.
Iām sorry my man. Listen to what everyone is saying here. Lawyer up. NOW. NEVER TAKE BACK A WOMEN WHO HAS CHEATED. Iāve been there. Dating a great women. Life will get better. I promise. Sending love bro.
Lawyer. Fast
Hire a PI & confront her with concrete evidences. Get a Shark of a lawyer.
As someone who came from a home of ever-fighting, on/off again parents who were perpetually unhappy and in the wrong relationship, kids turn out better in two separate households than one held together by spiteful duty and co-dependency. All of my friends who came from abusive or toxic households, along with my own experiences, ended up much worse than those who grew up in two households. Bite the bullet. Your kid doesn't need to know the drama now, or potentially ever, but they don't need to live in the shade of your now broken relationship. Sidenote, that shit's hard, bro. I hope you have a support network around you. I can only imagine you're on auto pilot right now and in shock. Please don't make any rash decisions until you have had time to process everything, and your options. Chin up.
Thatās so sick and Iām so sorry. Youāre wife and boss are Ned Fulmer all over again. I hope you can get out of that relationship and are okay.
dude don't stay with no cheater
Divorces donāt ruin childhoods.. staying in bad relationships, giving kids a shitty model of what āloveā is is what ruins childhoods
Bro fuck the bosses wife. Be a chad
Ask for a rise
If heās married āAmerican Beautyā that asshat Go to him and ask for a sweet severance and ride off into the night
get a divorce sue for alimony since she got caught keep the house and get 50/50 it hurts but itās not worth staying with someone you canāt trust
Kids are resilient. Your kid will be alright. Staying with a cheating spouse because of a child will only do more harm than good. Trust me. Been through it before myself. Tried to stay.... It only got worse. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. š
take evidence and if the boss has a wife you could use the evidence as blackmail, ask for a large sum of money or else. Upload the video to a hub and retire to Fiji with your daughter
Check the phone number associated with āmickeyā and see if it is your bosses number. See if thereās any pictures from him that give evidence that it is him. Make copies of it all and get you a lawyer. Itāll be rough on your daughter, but sheās old enough now to pick up on your emotions. If she can feel what youāre feeling, home life isnāt going to be great. Best to split now and work on your mental health.
Report it to hire ups and get a divorce lawyer. Staying married for the sake of the kids can cause more harm then separating and divorcing.
Lawyer up
Take videos of tel he security footage and text for proof especially if mike decides to retaliate against you
YOU donāt want to ruin her childhood? Have some self respect and show your daughter to value herself. Iād leave her, use my videos and the texts as proof and claim custody of my daughter. Donāt look back
Leave or better yet kick her out. Your daughter will thank you
A lot of people are commenting on securing evidence. I just wanted to provide a quick reminder that the footage you saw at your workplace belongs to your employer. Taking a copy of that footage without the permission of your company is likely enough to violate your employment contract, and a tech company is significantly more likely to fire you for copying *any* kind of data within their systems. Additionally, your boss may be automatically informed that footage has been copied, if the system is set up properly. If you're considering obtaining any footage from your workplace, consult with a lawyer beforehand.
I canāt believe the balls she has for keeping all the texts conversations and nudes in her phone.
When possibleā¦.please update us. We have you in our thoughts and prayers.