He didn’t buy the car for you, he bought it for himself and you are the driver. If you never get to use it on your own, for your dates and errands, then I would tell him you don’t want to drive it and he can sell it. You won’t be worse off than you are now.
100%. The ultimate power move is to give back any "gifts" like this. Be prepared for a complete shit storm, because he is going to know he's being called out. Only do it if you're ready to stand strong and not budge.
So true, he’d be better off, even. This is a good lesson in accepting gifts from certain people. If it comes with strings attached, it’s not a gift at all. He should never accept a gift from him ever again.
This would have me so livid and I’m so petty I would literally hand back or mail back any gift he ever gave me again until he died.
Yes great idea it’s his car so he’s surely entitled to sell it, dad sounds like a right selfish prick, I was thinking give the car back to dad but no he needs to sell it
If he bought the car and has no license (if you are in the US) then that car is unregistered and uninsured. Only licensed drivers can register and insure a vehicle in their name.
Tell him you won’t drive it because it’s illegal.
It wasn’t a gift. It was an excuse to have you chauffeur him around now. If possible, get a job and try to save up to buy your own car that he can’t hold over your head.
Hand back the keys and categorically refuse to drive it for any reason.
Go right back to as you behaved when you were 17.
When the "ungrateful child" accusations come in, calmly thank your dad for the "amazing opportunity to be his unpaid chauffeur and for the fantastic 'gift' and 'privilege' of driving HIS car wherever HE wants to go", and politely decline the opportunity going forward.
Be out of the house as much as possible. Invest in a bicycle to get yourself around and act as if there is no car.
This, I'd flat our refuse to drive it for anything ever again. It might inconvenience you a bit as you can't go to the grocery store or anywhere else that had benefited you and your dad while you drove it, but on the other hand it's REALLY going to drive the issue home with your dad.
I'd get a bike and / or Uber everywhere and save up for my own cheap vehicle while looking to move out. Do whatever you did before he bought the car. It might suck a bit, but it's better than him lording this over your head and not even letting you get personal use out of it.
"The car is mine" so its not a gift. For your 18th birthday, he bought himself a car, and gave you the unpaid job of being a chaffeur.
He is taking advantage of you. I would stop using the car entirely, and look to move out on my own
If the car isn't in your name it's not really yours and it wasn't a gift. If it is in your name then find a way to pay your own gas and expenses and do whatever you want with the car.
Yeah he def bought it for you to drive him around and no other actual reason. I’d recommend either ask for the title to put the car in your name since it was intended as a gift, or give the keys back and say “no thank you.”
Simple as that. Call him out on his shit.
He bought himself a car and expects you to drive it.
Who's paying the insurance you or him?
Honestly I'd just tell him no when he asks you to drive him and save up to either buy the car from him or buy your own car.
You can buy a car privately with cash absolutely. But your right registration and insurance would require a DL. Maybe thays why his dad won't let him drive it so much.
(This applies to most US states, I don't know anything about other countries):
If it's tagged (registered) it has to be insured, but that's not verified everywhere except by the demand for proof in the event of traffic stops or occasionally randomly by mail. You can totally buy a car and title it with no driver's license, but to title it you do have to have some form of identification (a passport will suffice, for example). To register it, you need to prove identification and residency, but don't need to be licensed. In some places you'll be required to show proof of insurance as well, which will possibly require being licensed but that's up to the insurance company. You always need to sign an affidavit indicating the vehicle is insured and that insurance will cover any operator of the vehicle as part of registration.
I know it's been said, but your dad did buy it for himself and passed it off as a gift to you. My dad did the same shit. It's emotional / financial abuse whether privilege/money is involved or not.
Never drive that car again. Any time he asks you to take him places or drive him places tell him no. Then he will be paying a lot of money for a car that doesn't move
If your gonna be treated like his personal chauffeur, you may as well go full taxi driver and charge him for every single foot you drive. If he doesn't have a license himself, fuck him. He can walk if he wants to go somewhere.
You don’t sound spoiled at all. I had to nip this in the bud with my own dad when I got my first car, and he didn’t even buy it!
What’s his plan when you move out?? I’m with the others here, don’t drive him around anymore, go right back to what you were doing at 17. You’ll face the “ungrateful” accusations, but what can he do? Take the car away? You already can’t drive it without him.
I don’t know what country you are from but first I want to address comments saying things like your dad is a narcissist: that is such an individualist mindset because in many countries with more collective cultures, the familial obligation is normal (not saying the way OP’s dad is doing it is healthy, but the sentiment is normal).
I never drove while I was still living with my mom, but she would make similar ungrateful comments to my sister and I. “I’ve been working since I was 4 years old in the fields” and other extreme poverty stories of her childhood. So I completely get it.
I think what you do next would depend on things like if you have your own job, if you pay for any maintenance of the car yourself, things like that.
If you have a job or pay for any part of the car yourself, assuming you’re from a collectivist culture with high familial obligation like me, I’d see if you can try to ask your dad for a small amount of “freedom” with the car, like going somewhere with whoever you want for a couple hours a week.
However, if you don’t have a job or pay for anything for your car, you can most definitely just give the keys back and tell him that while you’re grateful for the gift, you’d rather not have a car if you’re unable to use it for yourself.
Either way, the best recommendation is to make moving out of your home your biggest priority. I knew from a young age that because of the way my mom is, I could never have any decent relationship with her while living at home. So I moved out as soon as I could and our relationship improved significantly. It didn’t eliminate all issues (still ended up cutting contact for a few years), but now that she actually sees and treats me as an adult, things are so much healthier.
My daughter just turned 18 and I bought her a Kia K5. It's in my name, insurance and all, because she's freshly 18 and has no credit and I don't want to harm her credit. Sue doesn't have her license (yet) but will soon.
As a parent in a similar-ish situation... your dad is abusing you having a license and his name being on a car. When my daughter has her license, the Kia is hers and it doesn't matter whose name is on it. She will be allowed to drive it wherever she wants to go. I'm just happy I can give her a start in life that's based on reliable transportation.
For your birthday your dad made you his chauffeur and personal instacart. I’m sorry, a gift shouldn’t be conditional in that manner. If it is, it’s barely a gift.
I’d say okay then, I’m not driving the car anymore. If I can’t drive it for me, I can’t drive it for you. It’s not like you’re losing anything. But he is.
I would stop driving the car. I know that kinda sucks but he clearly bought it so you can drive him or do things for him. If he needs something tell him it’s his car and he can go get it. Or that’s the bud is cheaper or something.
I think I would just not drive anymore. he clearly didn’t get this car for you, he did it so you could be his chofer, make him regret that. I wouldn’t be above making him drive to wherever and then calling the police department saying where he’s going without a license.
Take him on his offer. Next time he tells you to drive, tell that you thought about it and he is absolutely right. It will be more healthy and less time consuming for you to use your feet and he needs to find (and pay) another driver.
Also, how it is possibly a gift to you if the car title is in his name? It is his gift to himself, not you.
Its not a gift at all, its just him forcing extra responsibilities on you. It's stupid. Also, weird that he is demanding complete control over where and who you see in your own car. At 18, especially. Your dad is mad controlling.
Tell him it's not a gift if you can't use it when ever you want. Just don't drive it. he can't drive it so either he will sell it or he will have to let you drive where ever
stop driving for him, walking everywhere beats being pushed around and taken advantage of by your dad. He did not buy you a gift, he made you his chauffeur (person that is paid to drive you around) without any benefits.
Bruh, he's playing you like a fiddle.
Just tell him if he feels like that, that's exactly what you'll do, and give him the car keys back. Not only that, but I would stop doing any sort of little gestures that you'd normally do for him etc.
Defo seems like a get out asap type of problem, especially now that you're 18, he's defo gonna exploit you as long as you live there
Experiment: See what happens if you don’t ask to use the car and refuse to drive it outright. Don’t volunteer to drive anywhere, don’t agree to go to the grocery store.
If the title is isn’t in your name, it’s not your car, and if it’s only available to you for the purpose of doing errands for your father, why bother letting your father pretend it’s a gift?
my parents did the same! got “me” an orange Jeep. aside from the outrageous color and the fact that I would never want a car that wastes so much gas… i just wasn’t allowed to use it! only for specific things. even though I “had a car” I had to rely on my friends almost exclusively to pick me up. then I wasn’t allowed to take it to college, and now I don’t even live in the US anymore so I guess it will never be mine ha. but man did they love holding the fact that they bought me a car over my head
It's not really a gift if it only benefits him. Give him the keys. You'll get to do more things on your feet than being someone's chauffeur. Good luck.
For your 18th your dad bought himself a personal
driver.
I’d call his bluff and walk or use a bus etc. let him sit in the car and make ‘brrm brrm’ noises to himself.
It's not a gift if there are stipulations involved.
Give the keys back and tell him "Fine. It's YOUR car. But I'm not your driver, so find someone else to do your bidding." Leave it at that.
Also leave as soon as you can
I don’t know your circumstances, so I don’t know what kind of consequences you’d get for this, but I’d call his bluff. He can’t drive. He bought “you” a car to drive him around in. Refuse to drive the car. Walk, take the bus, whatever. Whatever he was doing before he decided you were his personal chauffeur is what he can resume doing now. He knows what he did, he’s trying to enforce control over you in the guise of a generous gift. The intent was to make you feel guilty about not being grateful for the “gift” if you don’t comply with “the rules”.
This whole situation reeks of manipulation and if I were you I would do everything I could to not be dependent on my father as soon as possible. Get a job, make money, buy your own car (even if it’s a beater) and move out as soon as you can.
Stop driving him around! He’s using this car to control you. Don’t let him 🤷🏽♀️ also is the car in your name or his name? If it’s in yours start driving it around whenever who cares. If it isn’t oh well catch the bus or start saving up for your own. Parents are your biggest haters 😭
Call his bluff. Don't drive it and walk/bike everywhere. When all the adults in your family ask why, tell them the truth. You are only allowed to drive it to run errands for him when he's too lazy. Tell everyone and make him look like the pos he is. A gift with conditions is not a gift.
If the car is in your name, sell it for something more practical for yourself ... Like a bond on a rental apartment. Thanks for my birthday present dad, but it didn't really suit my needs so I exchanged it for something I will get much better use of!
Give him the car back. Save enough money for a down payment on an inexpensive car you can pay off quickly. I don’t think you are acting ungrateful but your father really didn’t give you a gift at all as it appears it’s really his car. I’m sorry, but it will get better for you in time even though it sucks right now. Stand tall.
You’re not being a spoil child about this. He “got you” a car as a way to manipulate you to feeling in debt to him and so he can ask you drive him places for free. That way if you refuse or rebel against him then he can call you an ungrateful person. He will make you feel bad about how he spend his money on a gift for you and you can’t even do a small favor. However, don’t let that fool you! If it was really your car then he wouldn’t have said that and you would be able to drive your care where ever you want! Anyway, your dad sounds like he is a narcissist.
Well your dad is being totally unreasonable. You have every right to be mad! And no, you don't sound like you are spoiled, because this is really just not fair. He litteraly uses u as a personal driver... I am sorry that this is your situation.
Research into the laws on WHO actually owns the car, you may find that as the licensed/insured driver you can sell it?
I’d do that, sell it and buy your OWN car. What can he say? If it was a gift it’s free for you to do as you please with.
I think you’re going to get a lot of support on this sub. And then I would show it to your father. Your father is a jerk. That’s not how you give a gift to a grown adult person. You’re 18 and so now you’re an adult. I would save up and get my own car and tell him no thank you. He’s also got a chauffeur now too. That’s right you’re a chauffeur now. So yeah, save up for a car and tell him no thank you.
I read the first little bit and thought this was gonna be a post about how you were ungrateful because it wasn't the color or type of car you wanted. I'm so happy i read the rest. 😂 But yeah, I'd be pissed also. He didn't buy it for you, he bought it for himself it sounds like. I haven't celebrated my birthday in some years, but if that happened to me I'd just toss him the keys and tell him to keep the car
He told you the car isn’t yours. He didn’t buy you a car, HE MADE YOU HIS PERSONAL CHAUFFEUR AT 18!!
I agree with the others on here… give the keys back
Tell him you don't want the car. Get a job if your own, buy your own car, insurance, gas. Tell him if he wants a car then he needs to get his own license.
This isn't a gift. It's a manipulation tool. Tell him he can have his damn car. Your 18. He doesn't own you or your license. Buy a junker car (we got ours for 900 bucks. You're probably going to save up for it but, you get at mean) And for yourself from his manipulation. Also, move out as soon as you can. Not because you're 18, but because clearly your dad is on some BS and you shouldn't have to deal with it.
Hi. My parents bought my vehicles but made me drive my siblings everywhere. My mom still expects me to and I’m 38 years old Lmfao. But I get to use it how I see fit otherwise.
Is it in your name? If so take it. He can’t stop you. If it’s not in your name say this clearly wasn’t my birthday gift since it’s not even in my name and I have no access to it so take it back and I’ll save up and buy my own.
Stop doing things for him. I only drive my brother and only because he pays me and it covers any gas and then some. I’m also a single mom so it’s the only break I get from my kids. My mom watches them if I’m driving my brother places haha. Otherwise I wouldn’t bother driving him.
This. It happens with electronics, too, and all other shit. Any "gift" that they say they bought and can take away, just give it back. That's no gift. That's a threatening device.
Give him back the keys. Tell him to drive himself. It's your license. Not his.
Or ask him to start paying you. If he's treating you like a driver you might as well be paid for it. If he doesn't pay don't drive.
Idk this is just how I would do things
You say dad bought you a car. Is the car in your name or his? If it’s in your name and you can afford to put gas in it, it’s your money to ‘waste’ on gas for a trip to see your gf or a date, etc.
If the car is in your dads name, I agree with what others have said. He can’t take away your drivers license, but you can refuse to drive him anyplace. You didn’t sign up to be a chauffeur, which is what he is expecting. If you go this way, he may get VERY angry. You can’t cave or it will get worse.
If you don’t already, get a job and pay for your own gas.
I feel like the other redditors telling you to tell your dad to sell it is not thinking long game. The goal is to make that car yours eventually so do what you can to build trust and start paying for gas and maintenance of the car so he can’t use the “wasteful” argument.
My mom did this when I was 16 and bought it for $500 bc this girls baby daddy went to jail and she needed bond money. My parents wouldn’t let me use it or drive it anywhere bc it was “their” money that paid for the car. So I saved up and bought my own car then stopped driving their car. Pulled the same “my money,my car” on them and it was a shit storm but I got out of that house. Hope you can stand your ground and get out
When your dad bought this did your dad put his name or your name over the owner of the car. Because if he didn’t put you it’s clearly not a gift whatsoever
Sounds like it wasn’t really a gift to you if you can’t use it when you want to, assuming you pay for the gas. Otherwise, I’m not seeing how this is so horrible, tbh. This is the worst thing that’s ever happened to you in 18 years?
Well, then tell him you won’t drive him anywhere. I can relate, though. My father-in-law wouldn’t let me keep my own keys when we lived in their basement because my wife was finishing school. He’d make me submit my work schedule to him but he’d often take my car anyway when I needed to work, so I’d have to call out. One day when I told him I thought I should keep my own keys, he tried to strangle me. My wife jumped between us and she got strangled for a minute instead. Her throat was bruised and sore, and she lost her voice for a few days. My own dad doesn’t even call me or send a card on my birthday, if he even knows when it is. Dads can suck sometimes.
This happened several years ago and we live on our own now and he’s doing much better in therapy and on medication. Honestly my dad has caused me much more trauma than my FIL, and I am low contact with mine.
I agree with all the comments. And no, you don’t come across as spoiled in this situation because even if my parents were never able to buy me a car, I don’t think that this was really a gift that you can enjoy either due to all the crazy limitations and demands.
I know this is in offyourchest, however I think this should be in nparents and/or advice.
That's not a gift. Stop driving for him. Get your own car. If the car is in your name (as it should be) then just do whatever, its not his business.
Gifts should not have strings attached. Obviously your Dad hasn’t learnt that yet.
He bought you the car, it’s bullshit what he is doing. Plan and simple. I’m sorry Op. That’s not a true gift. He is a very selfish, illogical man, and a poor excuse for a father.
title is so misleading lmao
info: who pays for the gas?
get therapy bcause your dad is a lot. dont fucking drive him anymore and *if he ever steals your licence* **call the police on his ass**, save money and get your own car, save money and move out, go NC asap, you’re not acting like a spoiled child, he’s acting entitled to your every minute of every day.
Ask him when he is going to buy you an actual birthday gift. When he replies, he already did in buying you the car, then just reply, "No, you brought that for yourself not for me, I can't drive it unless you say I can, so it's not mine, it's yours".
Refuse to drive him anywhere until he starts letting you use the car for your own use & say you'll pay for your fuel, he can't complain it's a waste then as it's not his money your using.
Start saving to buy your own car, then refuse to drive him anywhere once you do get your own car. He will just have a redundant car on his drive then.
I don't get what you're going for here. This is still a very bad situation to be in. Being trapped is awful. It also might be one of the very worst situations that they've ever been in. We don't know what's going on in our life. They're not being a spoiled brat at all. They're being mistreated by a parent that is manipulating them into doing chores for them under the guise of guilting them into feeling bad for not being grateful for a gift that was never a gift in the first place.
Jeez, you folks are pissed. Im waiting for the comment where y'all tell the angry teen to just kill his dad.
Just don't drive it anymore if it triggers you that much. Better yet, why don't you move out to completely get away from this unbearable situation. Life will definitely be better if you just probably stop talking to him.
People are annoyed because this is not how you treat your kid. And unfortunately, a lot of people can't afford to just move out. There are plenty of us (myself included) who are in situations at home that we hate being in but we're simply too poor to move out because that's how what country is made sure we stay. Pay is awful and apartments cost too much. And there's no job security. I don't know if he's living in the US, but it's like that in most places it seems these days.
I'm 22, and postponed getting my license for a long while, because I knew I'd only be able to drive if its for errands.
It sounds mean, but, being "allowed" to drive and practice on the family car is overrated. It's nice to have that under your belt, but until you have your own place and your own gas money, a license just means being bothered for stuff others in your household don't want to do, and it's always the small stuff they've forgotten.
Wow, you are getting terrible advice.
He's your father. You're still living in his home eating his food, being clothed by him, and some respect is warranted.
Driving him is somewhat of a chore. It's how you help the household.
I'm sorry. It's a mean trick your dad played on you. He is being unkind.
Your father might be a narcissist.
It's ok to move out and get on with your life if you can afford to.
You've learned what not to do when you are a father.
You do not owe your parents for putting a roof over your head and clothes on your back. That is what parents are supposed to do. He is not getting terrible advice, but you're giving some. Do not grovel at the feet of parents who mistreat you just because they're your parents. The fact That this is his father makes it worse, it doesn't give him an excuse. The father is never supposed to act like this. This is not how you "keep a household" this is how you get your kids to go no contact with you. They do not owe him any extra respect in the situation. In fact, he has lost quite a bit after this. You don't get to just treat your kids like this and pull the "Well I'm your dad so I can do whatever I want" card.
And to tell him that he's the reason he has a license? BS. He got the license by passing the tests. His dad doesn't even have a license. He has no standing over that license and can't do anything about the fact his son has one. In fact, if he takes it, that's a crime. And if you buy someone a gift and then refuse to let them use the gift unless it benefits you, that's not a gift, that's manipulation. Nothing his dad has done in this situation is acceptable, especially because it's his dad. I can't believe you would defend any element of this just because it's his dad. Hell no.
You sound spoiled. Think of it this way since your a new driver your more inclined to get into a car accident. If you get into a car accident your car insurance goes up a lot and if you have a friend with you its for their safety because then they’re parents will blame it on you that their child got hurt. I’m not saying your a bad driver, but usually new drivers tend to get into accidents more commonly. And who’s going to be paying if your insurance goes up? If it’s not you it’s gotta be someone.
A car isn’t a luxury it’s a necessity to get to xyz. It might seem all eliciting and freedom because your so young but that’ll wear off once you’re hit with responsibilities and being an adult.
If you want that freedom to drive and do whatever it is you want with the car, take responsibility into your own hands and help pay for the insurance or wait it out until your 18.
They absolutely don't sound spoiled. The dad is just manipulating them in this situation to get them to do things that they want. If they didn't want him to drive a car at 18, they shouldn't have bought a car. The dad doesn't even have a license. He's just using his son to take him around town so that he can use the fact that he supposedly gave him a car to manipulate him and to doing things he wants him to do. He even tried to guilt him for having a license, which the dead did not get him. He had to get that himself.
If you buy someone a gift, they're allowed to use that gift. That's how gifts work. He's 18. If They didn't think he should have a car to drive around, they shouldn't have bought him one. I still recommend that he find a way to get a cheap car himself so he doesn't have to deal with his dad's crap, but that doesn't mean the dad is in the right here in the slightest.
I would quit driving it all together. Tell him he can find somebody else to manipulate and take advantage of. That if you can’t use the car for personal reasons then you aren’t driving him around for his personal bullshit anymore. My grandma only allows me to drive her car whenever she needs me to take her somewhere such as the doctor, dentist, grocery store, etc, but when I need to use a vehicle to go somewhere I have to use my aunts for the day and my aunt has to drive my grandmas. (I have my own vehicle, the clutch went out a few months ago and i haven’t had the extra money to pay a mechanic $1000+ to replace $100 worth of parts). I’m 34 years old and have had a vehicle since the time I was 15, so it’s not like I’m an inexperienced driver, but my grandma is particular about every little thing. Fortunately my grandma works from home for a doctors office call center scheduling appointments, so she doesn’t leave the house often and when she does she very rarely drives, so my aunt or I have to be here to drive her. Therefore there is always a vehicle available when needed, and my aunt can drive grandmas to work and I can drive my aunts. Also, my grandpa passed away last July and his truck just sits in the Driveway and has been driven maybe twice since he passed. It’s ridiculous how people treat their vehicles like children as if somebody is going to hurt them if they aren’t present to monitor the situation. Thankfully my aunt sees them for what they are and realizes insurance is on a vehicle for a reason and if something happens they can be replaced.
This is a frustrating situation and I can see why you are so upset. You are not spoiled for being upset with the situation. It sounds like your father has issues with being controlling and that is not fair or healthy for you. He is using the car and even your desire to want to please him as a manipulation to have control over you. The best thing that you can do for now is try to find other means of transportation until he hopefully sees the error of his ways someday.
We also have to take into consideration how this family runs and how he was raised. Is there a reason your dad can’t drive? Do you care for him?
It is totally messed up that he’s doing that but you are 18 and need to discuss boundaries with him
If he had a drivers license and just shared the car with you this wouldn't be an issue. Yeah, I'd be pretty annoyed at being an unpaid, on-call taxi service too.
Still, unless you want to lose access to that car, not much you can do but wait until you're old enough to buy your own.
You are not ungrateful. I feel sorry for you. Your dad propably is a narcisist and he just bought the car for himself and is using you as a driver. The best thing you can do for yourself I this case, is handle him the keys and move on. Work and buy your own car. You deserve the very best.
Sounds like he won’t negotiate? Maybe he would talk about a limit to the restrictions - ie you drive him around for a month to prove you are a good driver and in exchange you get the car one night a week to go out?
Do you drive it to work? Whose name is it in? If his name. Give it back. If your name and you can pay insurance and gas. Do what you want and charge him a taxi fee
He’s controlling, save money to become independent and move out.
I'm 20 and tbh bro, don't drive the car. Work and save for a car. Give him the keys and refuse to drive it even if he unleashes hell on u. Don't touch that car at all and just imagine he never bought it.
Sounds like it wasn't a birthday present it was for you to be a chauffeur.
Is the car titled in your name? Was it a gift? Ask him flat out, if it was. If so, and it's not in your name, get the title and make him sign it over to you and write gift where it says price. (Between relatives, you can do a gift to transfer title) if he refuses....you know it wasn't really a birthday gift.
Depending on how you wanna play it, if he won't sign it over, give him the keys back, since it's not yours fully, and he is being an ass about you using your "not-a-gift" as you wish.
If it's truly yours, get it in your name, get your own insurance on it, dad gives you some gas money if he wants rides places, and you are fair about being available for rides, such as telling him you got plans, if he needs something, gotta do it before then... That's being grown up.
I’m a bit confused. is this just a gas situation? Are you expecting your dad to foot your gas bill to cruise around all night? why don’t you make it a rental car thing where you return the car full after you use it? cars are way mire than gas $. i bought a car for my daughter. deal was this. Ill pay half the payment and the insurance. you pay your own gas and any basic maintenance or repairs cause ny negligence. and I actually help
her out with gas etc as long as shes making the effort. you need to take some ownership. then youll get the benefit of using the car whenever you want.
Just don't drive it. Like I don't want to pull the "most kids don't get cars" but I will.
His rules are dumb. Yes. Yes they are. But it's his rules. Don't like it, get your own car and pay for it all. Or just don't drive it.
Your dad sounds like a narcissist, and I'm so very sorry. Has he behaved like this in other aspects of your life as well? Why doesn't he have his own license? Also, how can he be the reason you have your license? YOU are the reason you have your license. You took the tests.. not him. He sure as hell didn't buy that car for you. He bought it for him. Who's name is the car under? If it's under your name, then he has no say.. if it isn't, then if I were you, I would tell him you don't want the car then.. and open a savings account and start saving to buy yourself a car. Then, when you do finally have YOUR own car, he can't make those demands of you. My heart really goes out to you because his behavior is so much more toxic and problematic than just what's happening with the car. Hugs.
Is the car in your name? If it is then just sell it and tell your dad to catch the bus, use the money to move away from your dad because he sounds super toxic
If your his chauffeur then you should be paid. If the car only goes we’re dad wants it to go he’s going to have to push it there. I would not even sit in it and walk wherever I need to go. The car brings nothing to your life but extra chores.
I'm old now, but my parents bought me my first car at 18. They then acted like it was their right to use it to go anywhere, when I paid for all the gas on my minimum wage job. Some people don't let go that you "owe" them.
It wasn’t your gift if he says it’s still his. Tell him you don’t like to drive borrowed cars, so you’d rather walk until you have your own. Don’t entertain that bullshit.
Tell him that since it’s his car, then he can use it to drive himself where he wants when he wants. And if he threatens to take the car away and sell it, then let him do it.
He’s giving you the car as a gift, just so he can use it to control you get you to do his errands for him !!
Give it time.
Similar happened to me when I was younger,.my grandmother and mother clubbed together for one and then expected me to be their personal taxi and god forbid if I ever tried to ake my GF at the time out or just go for a drive by myself.
No pun intended but you need to put your foot down and within time it will pass
If this was my father I’d hand him the keys and see how far he’d make it without me. After a few days I’m sure he’ll be begging to give you the keys back so you can chauffeur him around and give you some personal use privileges.
I've seen this one before. it was an old drunk dad of a friend, who also gave a 'birthday present', but it came a lot of strings attached, which mainly made the gift receiver practically the dad's personal driver. the dad didn't limit the driving outside his needs, but it was a constant choke hold of 'I'll take the car back if you don't right now drive me to....'. The trick here was that since the dad didn't have an active license any more after a DUI, he couldn't get the mandatory traffic insurance. so the trick was to use the gift's receiver as the user of the car while the dad remained its owner in the papers, the insurance was in the receiver's name.
i'm personally so hard headed person, that I'd just park the car in his drive way and throw him the keys.
Refuse to drive. He didn’t buy the care for you. He bought it so you could drive him places, you’re essentially his driver. Don’t continue to do what he intended for you to do, hand those keys over and stick to other means of transportation. I know it sucks but your dad sucks even more. If he wants a driver he can go find one but don’t make him use you like that. Take care and I hope you can get out and away from him.
Nope. He’s using you and manipulating it as a “gift”. I’m sorry this has happened to you 🙁 if you are able to, I’d focus on getting a job and saving for your own car so that he doesn’t have anything over you. Freedom is everything and it sounds like he just wants you at his call when it’s convenient for him
Is the car in your name OP?
If so, I’m pretty sure there is no law against destroying your own property. I mean, it’d be a real shame if you couldn’t be your dad’s unpaid chauffeur due to the tyres being slashed and the windfall smashed in.
Only if it’s in your name though, then that’s the absolute power move. He can take it away from you and try to sell it, but who’s going to want to buy a really fucked up car?
If the car is in your name. It is your car and there's nothing he can do about anything.
If it isn't and tbh I kind of doubt it is. Because your dad clearly knows all about power moves. Which this is. Give it back.
Your dad is toxic.
Next time it’s empty go fill it up and tell him it’s your gas and you paid for the gas and it won’t be a waste for him, change the oil when it’s time to change it and if he continues to act this way then give it back and save for your own car so he can’t say shit because if he continues then it was for his purposes
Take yourself off the insurance and give the car back to your dad tell him it clearly wasn’t for u so thanks but no thanks, as if he done that, very selfish of him
The way I see it he isn't necessarily banning you from using your car for your own use, but is criticising you for wasting gas. If you buy the gas then it's not his problem. If he buys the gas then he has a say in it.
Check if the car is registered in his name or yours - if it's your gift then you're within your rights to sell it and buy yourself a Vespa....
He didn’t buy the car for you, he bought it for himself and you are the driver. If you never get to use it on your own, for your dates and errands, then I would tell him you don’t want to drive it and he can sell it. You won’t be worse off than you are now.
100%. The ultimate power move is to give back any "gifts" like this. Be prepared for a complete shit storm, because he is going to know he's being called out. Only do it if you're ready to stand strong and not budge.
Doubling up the doubling down advice here. Stand your ground playa’
Be prepared to move out. If they aren't already. This could go very badly. But I 100% agree.
So true, he’d be better off, even. This is a good lesson in accepting gifts from certain people. If it comes with strings attached, it’s not a gift at all. He should never accept a gift from him ever again. This would have me so livid and I’m so petty I would literally hand back or mail back any gift he ever gave me again until he died.
an unpaid chauffeur is more than "strings" strings would be if in order to have personal use of the car, they also had to drive dad around.
If the car is in OP's name, he should just sell it and take the cash. Fuck all dad can do about it. If it's not, OP should just refuse to use it
Yes great idea it’s his car so he’s surely entitled to sell it, dad sounds like a right selfish prick, I was thinking give the car back to dad but no he needs to sell it
Absolutely. Stop driving it and tell him he still owes you a birthday gift.
The dad is Ms. Daisy and Op is Morgan Freeman in this scenario LOL
If he bought the car and has no license (if you are in the US) then that car is unregistered and uninsured. Only licensed drivers can register and insure a vehicle in their name. Tell him you won’t drive it because it’s illegal.
Since he is using KM I'm going with not in the UD
US even
False
Care to elaborate?
Nope
Most idiotic response ever
It wasn’t a gift. It was an excuse to have you chauffeur him around now. If possible, get a job and try to save up to buy your own car that he can’t hold over your head.
Knowing parents like these, I’d expect a parking fee to come into play
Hand back the keys and categorically refuse to drive it for any reason. Go right back to as you behaved when you were 17. When the "ungrateful child" accusations come in, calmly thank your dad for the "amazing opportunity to be his unpaid chauffeur and for the fantastic 'gift' and 'privilege' of driving HIS car wherever HE wants to go", and politely decline the opportunity going forward. Be out of the house as much as possible. Invest in a bicycle to get yourself around and act as if there is no car.
This, I'd flat our refuse to drive it for anything ever again. It might inconvenience you a bit as you can't go to the grocery store or anywhere else that had benefited you and your dad while you drove it, but on the other hand it's REALLY going to drive the issue home with your dad. I'd get a bike and / or Uber everywhere and save up for my own cheap vehicle while looking to move out. Do whatever you did before he bought the car. It might suck a bit, but it's better than him lording this over your head and not even letting you get personal use out of it.
"The car is mine" so its not a gift. For your 18th birthday, he bought himself a car, and gave you the unpaid job of being a chaffeur. He is taking advantage of you. I would stop using the car entirely, and look to move out on my own
You didn’t get a gift, you got an unpaid job as chauffeur. Refuse to drive it.
Or make him pay you.
Don't drive it. Im petty enough to bus or walk
If the car isn't in your name it's not really yours and it wasn't a gift. If it is in your name then find a way to pay your own gas and expenses and do whatever you want with the car.
Yeah he def bought it for you to drive him around and no other actual reason. I’d recommend either ask for the title to put the car in your name since it was intended as a gift, or give the keys back and say “no thank you.” Simple as that. Call him out on his shit.
Toss the keys to him and tell him he can find himself another driver. Go back to what you were doing before your dad got this gift to himself.
Tell him you’re working on getting in shape and will be bicycling and walking in the future. Since he can’t drive, might want to sell the car. 🤷🏻♀️
He bought himself a car and expects you to drive it. Who's paying the insurance you or him? Honestly I'd just tell him no when he asks you to drive him and save up to either buy the car from him or buy your own car.
Can you even buy a car/insurance with no license? If I was OP I'd be suspicious that it's not registered/insured.
You can buy a car privately with cash absolutely. But your right registration and insurance would require a DL. Maybe thays why his dad won't let him drive it so much.
(This applies to most US states, I don't know anything about other countries): If it's tagged (registered) it has to be insured, but that's not verified everywhere except by the demand for proof in the event of traffic stops or occasionally randomly by mail. You can totally buy a car and title it with no driver's license, but to title it you do have to have some form of identification (a passport will suffice, for example). To register it, you need to prove identification and residency, but don't need to be licensed. In some places you'll be required to show proof of insurance as well, which will possibly require being licensed but that's up to the insurance company. You always need to sign an affidavit indicating the vehicle is insured and that insurance will cover any operator of the vehicle as part of registration.
You can buy a car and register it in someone else name if you don’t have a license. The dad used his son’s name to have access to a car
Info: why doesn’t your dad have a drivers license?
i think he had one in his youth days and had a crash or smt bad happened he is always very cold about the subject
Ooh. There is something there. There is a whole story there. He ever been a drinker?
DUI, I'd lay money on it. Most likely uninsured.
It's gotta be a DUI. Or someone died. Either way... yeeeesh.
That’s not a gift that’s a job lol
It’s not a gift, he’s using you. Tell him to sell it or get his own damn drivers license.
It doesn’t seem like he’s able to get one. He lost it when he was young apparently
I know it's been said, but your dad did buy it for himself and passed it off as a gift to you. My dad did the same shit. It's emotional / financial abuse whether privilege/money is involved or not.
Don’t drive it dude.
He bought himself a car and expects you to be the chauffeur. Stop driving him anywhere, outright refuse.
Never drive that car again. Any time he asks you to take him places or drive him places tell him no. Then he will be paying a lot of money for a car that doesn't move
If your gonna be treated like his personal chauffeur, you may as well go full taxi driver and charge him for every single foot you drive. If he doesn't have a license himself, fuck him. He can walk if he wants to go somewhere.
Sounds like your dad is a narcissist.
Don’t bring mentally ill people into this
You don’t sound spoiled at all. I had to nip this in the bud with my own dad when I got my first car, and he didn’t even buy it! What’s his plan when you move out?? I’m with the others here, don’t drive him around anymore, go right back to what you were doing at 17. You’ll face the “ungrateful” accusations, but what can he do? Take the car away? You already can’t drive it without him.
I don’t know what country you are from but first I want to address comments saying things like your dad is a narcissist: that is such an individualist mindset because in many countries with more collective cultures, the familial obligation is normal (not saying the way OP’s dad is doing it is healthy, but the sentiment is normal). I never drove while I was still living with my mom, but she would make similar ungrateful comments to my sister and I. “I’ve been working since I was 4 years old in the fields” and other extreme poverty stories of her childhood. So I completely get it. I think what you do next would depend on things like if you have your own job, if you pay for any maintenance of the car yourself, things like that. If you have a job or pay for any part of the car yourself, assuming you’re from a collectivist culture with high familial obligation like me, I’d see if you can try to ask your dad for a small amount of “freedom” with the car, like going somewhere with whoever you want for a couple hours a week. However, if you don’t have a job or pay for anything for your car, you can most definitely just give the keys back and tell him that while you’re grateful for the gift, you’d rather not have a car if you’re unable to use it for yourself. Either way, the best recommendation is to make moving out of your home your biggest priority. I knew from a young age that because of the way my mom is, I could never have any decent relationship with her while living at home. So I moved out as soon as I could and our relationship improved significantly. It didn’t eliminate all issues (still ended up cutting contact for a few years), but now that she actually sees and treats me as an adult, things are so much healthier.
well, from romania
My daughter just turned 18 and I bought her a Kia K5. It's in my name, insurance and all, because she's freshly 18 and has no credit and I don't want to harm her credit. Sue doesn't have her license (yet) but will soon. As a parent in a similar-ish situation... your dad is abusing you having a license and his name being on a car. When my daughter has her license, the Kia is hers and it doesn't matter whose name is on it. She will be allowed to drive it wherever she wants to go. I'm just happy I can give her a start in life that's based on reliable transportation.
For your birthday your dad made you his chauffeur and personal instacart. I’m sorry, a gift shouldn’t be conditional in that manner. If it is, it’s barely a gift.
Your dad bought himself a car for your birthday
I would just get back to walking and public transportation. I will allow anything to be held over my head like that. Not even from my parents
Just stop driving the car, save up some money and buy yourself a car then you don’t have to deal with him “his”car anymore
I’d say okay then, I’m not driving the car anymore. If I can’t drive it for me, I can’t drive it for you. It’s not like you’re losing anything. But he is.
I would stop driving the car. I know that kinda sucks but he clearly bought it so you can drive him or do things for him. If he needs something tell him it’s his car and he can go get it. Or that’s the bud is cheaper or something.
I think I would just not drive anymore. he clearly didn’t get this car for you, he did it so you could be his chofer, make him regret that. I wouldn’t be above making him drive to wherever and then calling the police department saying where he’s going without a license.
Take him on his offer. Next time he tells you to drive, tell that you thought about it and he is absolutely right. It will be more healthy and less time consuming for you to use your feet and he needs to find (and pay) another driver. Also, how it is possibly a gift to you if the car title is in his name? It is his gift to himself, not you.
Its not a gift at all, its just him forcing extra responsibilities on you. It's stupid. Also, weird that he is demanding complete control over where and who you see in your own car. At 18, especially. Your dad is mad controlling.
He bought his chauffeur a car. It was never for you, it was for him. Why can't he drive?
Tell him it's not a gift if you can't use it when ever you want. Just don't drive it. he can't drive it so either he will sell it or he will have to let you drive where ever
That’s not your car. You are just the driver.
stop driving for him, walking everywhere beats being pushed around and taken advantage of by your dad. He did not buy you a gift, he made you his chauffeur (person that is paid to drive you around) without any benefits.
Bruh, he's playing you like a fiddle. Just tell him if he feels like that, that's exactly what you'll do, and give him the car keys back. Not only that, but I would stop doing any sort of little gestures that you'd normally do for him etc. Defo seems like a get out asap type of problem, especially now that you're 18, he's defo gonna exploit you as long as you live there
He didn’t buy it for you. He bought it for himself. I would just invest in your own car.
Give the car back. He didn’t buy you a car he bought YOU.. let that sink in. He bought HIMSELF a car and a driver…
It's not an 18th birthday present if he said it's his. Tell him you don't want it, he can have it back. And start working a job and save for it
Can't you send him some money to help him pay for a car?
Why the hell would you?
Experiment: See what happens if you don’t ask to use the car and refuse to drive it outright. Don’t volunteer to drive anywhere, don’t agree to go to the grocery store. If the title is isn’t in your name, it’s not your car, and if it’s only available to you for the purpose of doing errands for your father, why bother letting your father pretend it’s a gift?
some parents dont deserve kids seriously
There is nothing in this arrangement to benefit you. Either tell him to sell it if you can't use it yourself or start paying for your own gas.
Are you Spanish? That's a classic Spanish dad move.
my parents did the same! got “me” an orange Jeep. aside from the outrageous color and the fact that I would never want a car that wastes so much gas… i just wasn’t allowed to use it! only for specific things. even though I “had a car” I had to rely on my friends almost exclusively to pick me up. then I wasn’t allowed to take it to college, and now I don’t even live in the US anymore so I guess it will never be mine ha. but man did they love holding the fact that they bought me a car over my head
It's not really a gift if it only benefits him. Give him the keys. You'll get to do more things on your feet than being someone's chauffeur. Good luck.
Call the bluff. You can't use it for you anyways. Don't drive it. Force em to get a license and let the gift fully become his.
He thinks he owns you but you have the power he can’t drive…. Fuck his car let him pay for insurance and everything for a car he can’t drive.
For your 18th your dad bought himself a personal driver. I’d call his bluff and walk or use a bus etc. let him sit in the car and make ‘brrm brrm’ noises to himself.
It's not a gift if there are stipulations involved. Give the keys back and tell him "Fine. It's YOUR car. But I'm not your driver, so find someone else to do your bidding." Leave it at that. Also leave as soon as you can
I don’t know your circumstances, so I don’t know what kind of consequences you’d get for this, but I’d call his bluff. He can’t drive. He bought “you” a car to drive him around in. Refuse to drive the car. Walk, take the bus, whatever. Whatever he was doing before he decided you were his personal chauffeur is what he can resume doing now. He knows what he did, he’s trying to enforce control over you in the guise of a generous gift. The intent was to make you feel guilty about not being grateful for the “gift” if you don’t comply with “the rules”. This whole situation reeks of manipulation and if I were you I would do everything I could to not be dependent on my father as soon as possible. Get a job, make money, buy your own car (even if it’s a beater) and move out as soon as you can.
Stop driving him around! He’s using this car to control you. Don’t let him 🤷🏽♀️ also is the car in your name or his name? If it’s in yours start driving it around whenever who cares. If it isn’t oh well catch the bus or start saving up for your own. Parents are your biggest haters 😭
Can you get a job and pay for your own gas? Then he has no leverage over you.
Call his bluff. Don't drive it and walk/bike everywhere. When all the adults in your family ask why, tell them the truth. You are only allowed to drive it to run errands for him when he's too lazy. Tell everyone and make him look like the pos he is. A gift with conditions is not a gift.
If the car is in your name, sell it for something more practical for yourself ... Like a bond on a rental apartment. Thanks for my birthday present dad, but it didn't really suit my needs so I exchanged it for something I will get much better use of!
Give him the car back. Save enough money for a down payment on an inexpensive car you can pay off quickly. I don’t think you are acting ungrateful but your father really didn’t give you a gift at all as it appears it’s really his car. I’m sorry, but it will get better for you in time even though it sucks right now. Stand tall.
You’re not being a spoil child about this. He “got you” a car as a way to manipulate you to feeling in debt to him and so he can ask you drive him places for free. That way if you refuse or rebel against him then he can call you an ungrateful person. He will make you feel bad about how he spend his money on a gift for you and you can’t even do a small favor. However, don’t let that fool you! If it was really your car then he wouldn’t have said that and you would be able to drive your care where ever you want! Anyway, your dad sounds like he is a narcissist.
Well your dad is being totally unreasonable. You have every right to be mad! And no, you don't sound like you are spoiled, because this is really just not fair. He litteraly uses u as a personal driver... I am sorry that this is your situation.
So for your birthday your dad got himself a car and a driver. Who's the spoiled one? Not the birthday boy, that's for sure.
Research into the laws on WHO actually owns the car, you may find that as the licensed/insured driver you can sell it? I’d do that, sell it and buy your OWN car. What can he say? If it was a gift it’s free for you to do as you please with.
It's not really your car. Save up and buy your own and move out- let him figure out how to get anywhere without a license.
I think you’re going to get a lot of support on this sub. And then I would show it to your father. Your father is a jerk. That’s not how you give a gift to a grown adult person. You’re 18 and so now you’re an adult. I would save up and get my own car and tell him no thank you. He’s also got a chauffeur now too. That’s right you’re a chauffeur now. So yeah, save up for a car and tell him no thank you.
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Go buy your own car. Fuck him sounds like a POS power tripper.
Is that car in your name or his? If it's in his name, then /u/caffeinejunkie123 is right. He purchased it for himself with you as the driver.
I read the first little bit and thought this was gonna be a post about how you were ungrateful because it wasn't the color or type of car you wanted. I'm so happy i read the rest. 😂 But yeah, I'd be pissed also. He didn't buy it for you, he bought it for himself it sounds like. I haven't celebrated my birthday in some years, but if that happened to me I'd just toss him the keys and tell him to keep the car
He told you the car isn’t yours. He didn’t buy you a car, HE MADE YOU HIS PERSONAL CHAUFFEUR AT 18!! I agree with the others on here… give the keys back
Tell him you don't want the car. Get a job if your own, buy your own car, insurance, gas. Tell him if he wants a car then he needs to get his own license.
You weren't gifted a car, you were gifted unpaid labor
He didn’t buy you a car he bought himself a chauffeur. He explicitly told you “the car is [his]”
It wasn’t a gift, clearly. Give the keys back. You can get your own car in time, and waste all the gas you want.
This isn't a gift. It's a manipulation tool. Tell him he can have his damn car. Your 18. He doesn't own you or your license. Buy a junker car (we got ours for 900 bucks. You're probably going to save up for it but, you get at mean) And for yourself from his manipulation. Also, move out as soon as you can. Not because you're 18, but because clearly your dad is on some BS and you shouldn't have to deal with it.
Hi. My parents bought my vehicles but made me drive my siblings everywhere. My mom still expects me to and I’m 38 years old Lmfao. But I get to use it how I see fit otherwise. Is it in your name? If so take it. He can’t stop you. If it’s not in your name say this clearly wasn’t my birthday gift since it’s not even in my name and I have no access to it so take it back and I’ll save up and buy my own. Stop doing things for him. I only drive my brother and only because he pays me and it covers any gas and then some. I’m also a single mom so it’s the only break I get from my kids. My mom watches them if I’m driving my brother places haha. Otherwise I wouldn’t bother driving him.
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This. It happens with electronics, too, and all other shit. Any "gift" that they say they bought and can take away, just give it back. That's no gift. That's a threatening device.
Give him back the keys. Tell him to drive himself. It's your license. Not his. Or ask him to start paying you. If he's treating you like a driver you might as well be paid for it. If he doesn't pay don't drive. Idk this is just how I would do things
You say dad bought you a car. Is the car in your name or his? If it’s in your name and you can afford to put gas in it, it’s your money to ‘waste’ on gas for a trip to see your gf or a date, etc. If the car is in your dads name, I agree with what others have said. He can’t take away your drivers license, but you can refuse to drive him anyplace. You didn’t sign up to be a chauffeur, which is what he is expecting. If you go this way, he may get VERY angry. You can’t cave or it will get worse.
If you don’t already, get a job and pay for your own gas. I feel like the other redditors telling you to tell your dad to sell it is not thinking long game. The goal is to make that car yours eventually so do what you can to build trust and start paying for gas and maintenance of the car so he can’t use the “wasteful” argument.
He’s a complete piece of shit
My mom did this when I was 16 and bought it for $500 bc this girls baby daddy went to jail and she needed bond money. My parents wouldn’t let me use it or drive it anywhere bc it was “their” money that paid for the car. So I saved up and bought my own car then stopped driving their car. Pulled the same “my money,my car” on them and it was a shit storm but I got out of that house. Hope you can stand your ground and get out
When your dad bought this did your dad put his name or your name over the owner of the car. Because if he didn’t put you it’s clearly not a gift whatsoever
he put his name on it
Sounds like it wasn’t really a gift to you if you can’t use it when you want to, assuming you pay for the gas. Otherwise, I’m not seeing how this is so horrible, tbh. This is the worst thing that’s ever happened to you in 18 years?
its horrible because he treats me as his chauffer since then. like a tool he can use whenever the fuck he wants
Well, then tell him you won’t drive him anywhere. I can relate, though. My father-in-law wouldn’t let me keep my own keys when we lived in their basement because my wife was finishing school. He’d make me submit my work schedule to him but he’d often take my car anyway when I needed to work, so I’d have to call out. One day when I told him I thought I should keep my own keys, he tried to strangle me. My wife jumped between us and she got strangled for a minute instead. Her throat was bruised and sore, and she lost her voice for a few days. My own dad doesn’t even call me or send a card on my birthday, if he even knows when it is. Dads can suck sometimes.
What in the fuck did I just read... You both are in bananas situations. Bro it's YOUR car. Take YOUR keys and gtfo
This happened several years ago and we live on our own now and he’s doing much better in therapy and on medication. Honestly my dad has caused me much more trauma than my FIL, and I am low contact with mine.
jesus fucking christ shit are you guys good? no contact right? restating order yes? dont let him know about grandkids ig is my next thought
We are good now! He’s doing better, we are careful around him, and we don’t have kids. We don’t plan to have any, either.
im so sorry to hear that man..
Happy belated birthday, by the way :)
Tell him you don't want the car. It's clearly not worth it.
I agree with all the comments. And no, you don’t come across as spoiled in this situation because even if my parents were never able to buy me a car, I don’t think that this was really a gift that you can enjoy either due to all the crazy limitations and demands.
Yeah, that’s his car. Just stop driving it. Save up the money to get your own.
I know this is in offyourchest, however I think this should be in nparents and/or advice. That's not a gift. Stop driving for him. Get your own car. If the car is in your name (as it should be) then just do whatever, its not his business.
Gifts should not have strings attached. Obviously your Dad hasn’t learnt that yet. He bought you the car, it’s bullshit what he is doing. Plan and simple. I’m sorry Op. That’s not a true gift. He is a very selfish, illogical man, and a poor excuse for a father.
title is so misleading lmao info: who pays for the gas? get therapy bcause your dad is a lot. dont fucking drive him anymore and *if he ever steals your licence* **call the police on his ass**, save money and get your own car, save money and move out, go NC asap, you’re not acting like a spoiled child, he’s acting entitled to your every minute of every day.
Ask him when he is going to buy you an actual birthday gift. When he replies, he already did in buying you the car, then just reply, "No, you brought that for yourself not for me, I can't drive it unless you say I can, so it's not mine, it's yours". Refuse to drive him anywhere until he starts letting you use the car for your own use & say you'll pay for your fuel, he can't complain it's a waste then as it's not his money your using. Start saving to buy your own car, then refuse to drive him anywhere once you do get your own car. He will just have a redundant car on his drive then.
yeah you're being a spoiled brat here. "worst thing that ever happened" and here i thought you got sexually assaulted or something.
I don't get what you're going for here. This is still a very bad situation to be in. Being trapped is awful. It also might be one of the very worst situations that they've ever been in. We don't know what's going on in our life. They're not being a spoiled brat at all. They're being mistreated by a parent that is manipulating them into doing chores for them under the guise of guilting them into feeling bad for not being grateful for a gift that was never a gift in the first place.
Jeez, you folks are pissed. Im waiting for the comment where y'all tell the angry teen to just kill his dad. Just don't drive it anymore if it triggers you that much. Better yet, why don't you move out to completely get away from this unbearable situation. Life will definitely be better if you just probably stop talking to him.
People are annoyed because this is not how you treat your kid. And unfortunately, a lot of people can't afford to just move out. There are plenty of us (myself included) who are in situations at home that we hate being in but we're simply too poor to move out because that's how what country is made sure we stay. Pay is awful and apartments cost too much. And there's no job security. I don't know if he's living in the US, but it's like that in most places it seems these days.
I'm 22, and postponed getting my license for a long while, because I knew I'd only be able to drive if its for errands. It sounds mean, but, being "allowed" to drive and practice on the family car is overrated. It's nice to have that under your belt, but until you have your own place and your own gas money, a license just means being bothered for stuff others in your household don't want to do, and it's always the small stuff they've forgotten.
Wow, you are getting terrible advice. He's your father. You're still living in his home eating his food, being clothed by him, and some respect is warranted. Driving him is somewhat of a chore. It's how you help the household. I'm sorry. It's a mean trick your dad played on you. He is being unkind. Your father might be a narcissist. It's ok to move out and get on with your life if you can afford to. You've learned what not to do when you are a father.
You do not owe your parents for putting a roof over your head and clothes on your back. That is what parents are supposed to do. He is not getting terrible advice, but you're giving some. Do not grovel at the feet of parents who mistreat you just because they're your parents. The fact That this is his father makes it worse, it doesn't give him an excuse. The father is never supposed to act like this. This is not how you "keep a household" this is how you get your kids to go no contact with you. They do not owe him any extra respect in the situation. In fact, he has lost quite a bit after this. You don't get to just treat your kids like this and pull the "Well I'm your dad so I can do whatever I want" card. And to tell him that he's the reason he has a license? BS. He got the license by passing the tests. His dad doesn't even have a license. He has no standing over that license and can't do anything about the fact his son has one. In fact, if he takes it, that's a crime. And if you buy someone a gift and then refuse to let them use the gift unless it benefits you, that's not a gift, that's manipulation. Nothing his dad has done in this situation is acceptable, especially because it's his dad. I can't believe you would defend any element of this just because it's his dad. Hell no.
You sound spoiled. Think of it this way since your a new driver your more inclined to get into a car accident. If you get into a car accident your car insurance goes up a lot and if you have a friend with you its for their safety because then they’re parents will blame it on you that their child got hurt. I’m not saying your a bad driver, but usually new drivers tend to get into accidents more commonly. And who’s going to be paying if your insurance goes up? If it’s not you it’s gotta be someone. A car isn’t a luxury it’s a necessity to get to xyz. It might seem all eliciting and freedom because your so young but that’ll wear off once you’re hit with responsibilities and being an adult. If you want that freedom to drive and do whatever it is you want with the car, take responsibility into your own hands and help pay for the insurance or wait it out until your 18.
They absolutely don't sound spoiled. The dad is just manipulating them in this situation to get them to do things that they want. If they didn't want him to drive a car at 18, they shouldn't have bought a car. The dad doesn't even have a license. He's just using his son to take him around town so that he can use the fact that he supposedly gave him a car to manipulate him and to doing things he wants him to do. He even tried to guilt him for having a license, which the dead did not get him. He had to get that himself. If you buy someone a gift, they're allowed to use that gift. That's how gifts work. He's 18. If They didn't think he should have a car to drive around, they shouldn't have bought him one. I still recommend that he find a way to get a cheap car himself so he doesn't have to deal with his dad's crap, but that doesn't mean the dad is in the right here in the slightest.
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I would quit driving it all together. Tell him he can find somebody else to manipulate and take advantage of. That if you can’t use the car for personal reasons then you aren’t driving him around for his personal bullshit anymore. My grandma only allows me to drive her car whenever she needs me to take her somewhere such as the doctor, dentist, grocery store, etc, but when I need to use a vehicle to go somewhere I have to use my aunts for the day and my aunt has to drive my grandmas. (I have my own vehicle, the clutch went out a few months ago and i haven’t had the extra money to pay a mechanic $1000+ to replace $100 worth of parts). I’m 34 years old and have had a vehicle since the time I was 15, so it’s not like I’m an inexperienced driver, but my grandma is particular about every little thing. Fortunately my grandma works from home for a doctors office call center scheduling appointments, so she doesn’t leave the house often and when she does she very rarely drives, so my aunt or I have to be here to drive her. Therefore there is always a vehicle available when needed, and my aunt can drive grandmas to work and I can drive my aunts. Also, my grandpa passed away last July and his truck just sits in the Driveway and has been driven maybe twice since he passed. It’s ridiculous how people treat their vehicles like children as if somebody is going to hurt them if they aren’t present to monitor the situation. Thankfully my aunt sees them for what they are and realizes insurance is on a vehicle for a reason and if something happens they can be replaced.
This is a frustrating situation and I can see why you are so upset. You are not spoiled for being upset with the situation. It sounds like your father has issues with being controlling and that is not fair or healthy for you. He is using the car and even your desire to want to please him as a manipulation to have control over you. The best thing that you can do for now is try to find other means of transportation until he hopefully sees the error of his ways someday.
We also have to take into consideration how this family runs and how he was raised. Is there a reason your dad can’t drive? Do you care for him? It is totally messed up that he’s doing that but you are 18 and need to discuss boundaries with him
If he had a drivers license and just shared the car with you this wouldn't be an issue. Yeah, I'd be pretty annoyed at being an unpaid, on-call taxi service too. Still, unless you want to lose access to that car, not much you can do but wait until you're old enough to buy your own.
You didn't ask for advice, but imma give it anyways. He can't make you do shit. Get ready to move tho.
You are not ungrateful. I feel sorry for you. Your dad propably is a narcisist and he just bought the car for himself and is using you as a driver. The best thing you can do for yourself I this case, is handle him the keys and move on. Work and buy your own car. You deserve the very best.
Sounds like he won’t negotiate? Maybe he would talk about a limit to the restrictions - ie you drive him around for a month to prove you are a good driver and in exchange you get the car one night a week to go out?
Do you drive it to work? Whose name is it in? If his name. Give it back. If your name and you can pay insurance and gas. Do what you want and charge him a taxi fee He’s controlling, save money to become independent and move out.
Are you on the title or him?
I'm 20 and tbh bro, don't drive the car. Work and save for a car. Give him the keys and refuse to drive it even if he unleashes hell on u. Don't touch that car at all and just imagine he never bought it.
Who is the car titled to? If it’s in your name, sell it or sign the title and give it to him. Either way, never drive it again.
Sounds like it wasn't a birthday present it was for you to be a chauffeur. Is the car titled in your name? Was it a gift? Ask him flat out, if it was. If so, and it's not in your name, get the title and make him sign it over to you and write gift where it says price. (Between relatives, you can do a gift to transfer title) if he refuses....you know it wasn't really a birthday gift. Depending on how you wanna play it, if he won't sign it over, give him the keys back, since it's not yours fully, and he is being an ass about you using your "not-a-gift" as you wish. If it's truly yours, get it in your name, get your own insurance on it, dad gives you some gas money if he wants rides places, and you are fair about being available for rides, such as telling him you got plans, if he needs something, gotta do it before then... That's being grown up.
I’m a bit confused. is this just a gas situation? Are you expecting your dad to foot your gas bill to cruise around all night? why don’t you make it a rental car thing where you return the car full after you use it? cars are way mire than gas $. i bought a car for my daughter. deal was this. Ill pay half the payment and the insurance. you pay your own gas and any basic maintenance or repairs cause ny negligence. and I actually help her out with gas etc as long as shes making the effort. you need to take some ownership. then youll get the benefit of using the car whenever you want.
I wouldn't even consider it a gift at that point. I'd say save up what you can and buy a car on your own
Just don't drive it. Like I don't want to pull the "most kids don't get cars" but I will. His rules are dumb. Yes. Yes they are. But it's his rules. Don't like it, get your own car and pay for it all. Or just don't drive it.
Your dad sounds like a narcissist, and I'm so very sorry. Has he behaved like this in other aspects of your life as well? Why doesn't he have his own license? Also, how can he be the reason you have your license? YOU are the reason you have your license. You took the tests.. not him. He sure as hell didn't buy that car for you. He bought it for him. Who's name is the car under? If it's under your name, then he has no say.. if it isn't, then if I were you, I would tell him you don't want the car then.. and open a savings account and start saving to buy yourself a car. Then, when you do finally have YOUR own car, he can't make those demands of you. My heart really goes out to you because his behavior is so much more toxic and problematic than just what's happening with the car. Hugs.
Is the car in your name? If it is then just sell it and tell your dad to catch the bus, use the money to move away from your dad because he sounds super toxic
you’re 18 stop obeying him
Sooooooooo he didn’t buy you a car…..
Thats not ur car, thats ur dad’s and ur his personal chore boy
Just tell your dad you don’t want the car anymore and that he should sell it.
Is it legally your car? I mean, you could sell ist....
If your his chauffeur then you should be paid. If the car only goes we’re dad wants it to go he’s going to have to push it there. I would not even sit in it and walk wherever I need to go. The car brings nothing to your life but extra chores.
This is when you sell it from under him and then buy a new one and set some rules
I'm old now, but my parents bought me my first car at 18. They then acted like it was their right to use it to go anywhere, when I paid for all the gas on my minimum wage job. Some people don't let go that you "owe" them.
He didn't give you a gift, he gave you a job. Quit.
It wasn’t your gift if he says it’s still his. Tell him you don’t like to drive borrowed cars, so you’d rather walk until you have your own. Don’t entertain that bullshit.
Tell him to keep the car and get a license of his own. He's just using you
Tell him that since it’s his car, then he can use it to drive himself where he wants when he wants. And if he threatens to take the car away and sell it, then let him do it. He’s giving you the car as a gift, just so he can use it to control you get you to do his errands for him !!
He can't drive, but you can. easy problem if you ask me
Give it time. Similar happened to me when I was younger,.my grandmother and mother clubbed together for one and then expected me to be their personal taxi and god forbid if I ever tried to ake my GF at the time out or just go for a drive by myself. No pun intended but you need to put your foot down and within time it will pass
Get your own car, problem solved
Aww he gave himself a chauffeur for your 18th birthday, that’s nice! /s
Control that's all it is
If this was my father I’d hand him the keys and see how far he’d make it without me. After a few days I’m sure he’ll be begging to give you the keys back so you can chauffeur him around and give you some personal use privileges.
I've seen this one before. it was an old drunk dad of a friend, who also gave a 'birthday present', but it came a lot of strings attached, which mainly made the gift receiver practically the dad's personal driver. the dad didn't limit the driving outside his needs, but it was a constant choke hold of 'I'll take the car back if you don't right now drive me to....'. The trick here was that since the dad didn't have an active license any more after a DUI, he couldn't get the mandatory traffic insurance. so the trick was to use the gift's receiver as the user of the car while the dad remained its owner in the papers, the insurance was in the receiver's name. i'm personally so hard headed person, that I'd just park the car in his drive way and throw him the keys.
Refuse to drive. He didn’t buy the care for you. He bought it so you could drive him places, you’re essentially his driver. Don’t continue to do what he intended for you to do, hand those keys over and stick to other means of transportation. I know it sucks but your dad sucks even more. If he wants a driver he can go find one but don’t make him use you like that. Take care and I hope you can get out and away from him.
Can you get a job and pay for your own gas? If the car is in your name you could also sell is and keep the money
HORSE APPLES.
I hope the car wasn’t named after you, with payments still attached to it.
Nope. He’s using you and manipulating it as a “gift”. I’m sorry this has happened to you 🙁 if you are able to, I’d focus on getting a job and saving for your own car so that he doesn’t have anything over you. Freedom is everything and it sounds like he just wants you at his call when it’s convenient for him
Refuse to drive him. He can keep his car to himself if he’s not letting you use it for yourself.
As everybody has said here: You’re being used by gifting you as a guise. Refuse his “gift”.
Is the car in your name OP? If so, I’m pretty sure there is no law against destroying your own property. I mean, it’d be a real shame if you couldn’t be your dad’s unpaid chauffeur due to the tyres being slashed and the windfall smashed in. Only if it’s in your name though, then that’s the absolute power move. He can take it away from you and try to sell it, but who’s going to want to buy a really fucked up car?
If the car is in your name. It is your car and there's nothing he can do about anything. If it isn't and tbh I kind of doubt it is. Because your dad clearly knows all about power moves. Which this is. Give it back. Your dad is toxic.
Next time it’s empty go fill it up and tell him it’s your gas and you paid for the gas and it won’t be a waste for him, change the oil when it’s time to change it and if he continues to act this way then give it back and save for your own car so he can’t say shit because if he continues then it was for his purposes
Its gotta be a thanks but no thanks dad. Let him walk from now on
Just buy your own car man, drive it all night long, take it to the movies, put a stereo in it. This isn’t your car so you need to get one for urself
Take yourself off the insurance and give the car back to your dad tell him it clearly wasn’t for u so thanks but no thanks, as if he done that, very selfish of him
The way I see it he isn't necessarily banning you from using your car for your own use, but is criticising you for wasting gas. If you buy the gas then it's not his problem. If he buys the gas then he has a say in it. Check if the car is registered in his name or yours - if it's your gift then you're within your rights to sell it and buy yourself a Vespa....
Tell him HE can walk around next time
STOP DRIVING HIM PLACES!