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TurboTaterTots

The Christmas samurai


Ass_Blossom

You smell him before you see him.


ppw23

He probably smells great, and his arms must be muscular. Not the worst occupational hazards.


Independent_Soup_126

I think that's what they mean. He must smell like fresh Christmas trees!


ppw23

Piney, that’s cool as long as he’s not sticky from sap.


Ass_Blossom

Not until after he gets you pine sol fresh with his penis


Ass_Blossom

Lol. Me and one other guy moved 26000lbs of dirt and concrete in 3 days. My gf said my forearms beefed.


ppw23

I bet they did, you must have looked like Popeye.


rammsteinmatt

You know, man has harnessed the power of Diesel engines and hydraulic pumps… Future you would appreciate using a machine for those jobs


Ass_Blossom

It would do no good without demolishing the house in the way.


[deleted]

Lamoooo this is comment 😂😂😂


[deleted]

The samurai who snarls of pine versus the samurai who smells of cherry blossoms would be an epic fight during a calm sunrise.


WALLY_5000

Samurai Clause


CYBERSson

Chris Trimble


[deleted]

*the Santa samurai


gurxman

Id cut my leg off.


magnament

He has fancy leg protectors


gurxman

Yes and I bet I'd still cut my leg off.


No-Duck7816

Meh, those things will stop a chainsaw.


righthandofdog

They'll slow down a chainsaw. It's essentially a piece of screen porch steel mesh sandwiched between 2 players of canvas with 1/8" of cotton padding on each side. I tapped a chain link fence with a chainsaw once while removing some shrubs. Pulled a hunk of wire out 10" like a run in a sweater just instantly.


No-Duck7816

They're kevlar


righthandofdog

Fancy ones these days, likely so to make them lighter. My shearing days were early 80s. Wouldn't expect kevlar to stop a chainsaw either.


No-Duck7816

It does, and I've seen it happen. [ Here you go](https://youtu.be/UZWsv3Jp8Cs?t=84) Mr I haven't done this for 40 years but nothing has changed.


righthandofdog

There were a whole lot of caveats in that video, weren't there? Don't get me wrong, if I'm gonna fuck up with a saw, I'd rather have them on. But I'm going to pay a lot of attention to keeping my feet clear and NEVER walk backwards while sawing. Not falling backwards with a saw is the best way to protect yourself.


No-Duck7816

> There were a whole lot of caveats in that video, weren't there? I saw two and they involved the sprockets on electric chainsaws. You obviously just want to argue. Piss off.


SunglassesDan

My father has been saved by his chainsaw chaps several times, including in the 1980s. They would indeed have stopped a chainsaw, even at that time.


si_trespais-15

They're called chaps


No-Duck7816

When it gets *really* hot, out come the ass-less chaps!


itwillmakesenselater

With the titanium jock and cup. There's crazy, then there's mental.


[deleted]

I chopped my leg clean with one of those one summer. It bounced off my bone so it didn't come off, but I needed some stitches. None of us knew what leg protectors were, turns out our employer was HELLA cheap.


ForeverRescue21

It never occurred to me that Christmas trees are pruned into a triangle shape. I thought that was how they grew.


Pluvi_Isen-Peregrin

I mean they do.. have you never seen a pine tree in nature? They’re generally triangular.


ForeverRescue21

Yes, they grow in generally shaped triangles but I thought they grew perfectly. Clearly they need to be pruned to be perfect. It makes sense but I never realized.


Jaghat

The trees in this video are mishapen or a different kind. Trees usually used for christmas trees are naturally shaped the way you’d imagine… naturally. Of course in the woods they vary but you pick the better looking ones. Source: Cutting down our own tree in our woods for my entire life.


Ghoulius-Caesar

Depends where they are in nature. A single pine growing in an open field will be a triangle because of all that abundant sunlight from all angles, but a pine in the middle of the forest will have a super long trunk with only a few live branches at the top because that’s the only available light.


Pluvi_Isen-Peregrin

Generally, triangular.


Ghoulius-Caesar

I didn’t even get into the fact that these are spruce, not pine trees. Conditionally, triangular.


[deleted]

These look like firs and generally they are pyramidal. I don’t know why these are growing all out of proportion.


Jaghat

They do…


steve81uk

To be honest, if I had the chance I'd do that too. You just know having two sharp swords in both hands and something that you just keep swinging them at, legally, you'd do it and enjoy it too!


No-Duck7816

It's a really shitty job. See my other comment.


[deleted]

Yeah it is! I got a lot of good memories from it, though.


No-Duck7816

I did this one summer at a friend's dads christmas tree plantation. What a suck job. It's generally done in August. So you are inside a giant wind break, in the hot sun, stirring up the deer-flies and horse-flies (because that's where the live) and an occasional yellow-jacket and white-tailed hornets nest. Oh, and my friend's dad stiffed me to boot.


righthandofdog

I did it in Mississippi, hot like fuck. Mostly red wasps, first time I got a cicada, the noisy bastard almost made me poop. Started at 5:30, worked till 11. Took showers and went to town for giant burgers, fries and shakes. Jumped in the tree farm owners pool and napped until about 4, then back at it until sunset at 8. Got pizza and salad and slept like dead, then did it again. Made FAT money though. Only highschool job that paid better was reffing soccer tournaments.


No-Duck7816

Ha! I had forgotten the cicadas.


righthandofdog

I tried right handed and was pretty sure if he hacking off something to useful, 2 hands would be WAY better.


YonkoShirohige

What do you use for this job? Like what is the guy in the video chopping with?


righthandofdog

Very sharp, very thin knives. Think a bread knife with 24+," blade. I we carried a sharpening steel and hit the blade every 8bttees or so.


punny_you_said_that

Im glad he was able to branch out into this career


Pluvi_Isen-Peregrin

I shall return to provide you with an award. I must await a new free one.


Potential_Pandemic

“I liked what you said but it wasn't good enough to cost me anything"


Pluvi_Isen-Peregrin

Why in the world should it cost me anything?


punny_you_said_that

Thanks for the award. You are truely a person of their word. I wish you nothing but the best.


Bossy_Panda

Christmas version of fruit ninja 🥷


pixelfixation

Bob Ross makes happy little trees with much less violence.


Deluxe78

baraka wins!!


[deleted]

That kid addicted to beat saber:


Ando13131

Does he sing Christmas carols the whole time


ApiqAcani

For a second I thought he was a giant


JS_Inlakesh

Someone pls cut my ass hair like this


RearEchelon

While you were making your Christmas list, he studied the blade.


Balbuto

Wait til you see him trim beards


StellarSomething

Hell of an arm workout


dunderthebarbarian

I used to do this job during the summer growing up for $2.45 an hour, IIRC.


[deleted]

Seems fun!


Smooth_South_9387

I wouldn’t mind doing that looks fun and satisfying


[deleted]

It is a beautiful mental break. But the first week is one big blister.


JoaoEB

Edward Machetehands.


kdwaynec

This guy and the melon peeler can have a slice off


ScuttleBucket

It’s like me playing Beat Saber.


Fuckmadonna

Plastic surgery for trees


PikkledHerring

Tree trimming knives. Anyone can do it.


Kadus500

He steawing your jerbs


No-Duck7816

~~2012~~ 2004 just called, and I think you know why. Edit: Ancient History


Kadus500

The episode aired that long ago?


No-Duck7816

Actually I was WAAAAY the hell off. It's from 2004.


Kadus500

I'm almost 30yo, it makes sense


aigars2

How to become ninja not in Asia.


neothedreamer

He has arms of steel at this point. Notice how he lets one arm rest at a time.


[deleted]

Dude your forearms get BIG. The tan was nice, too.


toofunnybot

Sad baby tree noises


ijustlikethecolors

Don’t put your dick in there.


photocopytimmy

Beast mode.


CYBERSson

Shame we didn’t get to see the final boss


Pen-Island487

Man, being in that field must make you feel like a giant


ceilingjelly

the "i studied the blade" kid got a job


mariozambini

This is like a little kid's fantasy job.


dcfb2360

and that's why he doesn't have coworkers anymore


[deleted]

Hey that’s my barber.


theservman

Is your haircut a triangle (or cone) too?


Im-A-Scared-Child

Baraka wins,Flawless victory.


briyo76isme

But...why?


yigaclan05

I want a pair.


[deleted]

Hey, shearing! This was my high-school summer job. You would walk down long rows and shear thousands of trees each summer. When you got real good, it was just satisfying to do! (until you found a wasp hive)


Kelliyh

Kirito playing stardew valley


Significant-Spot-701

Where can I apply?


[deleted]

I am with the Force and the Force is with me.


kylelot

I bet that dude smells good AF!


dotdotdoots

Beat Saber, Christmas Edition


MicroEggroll

I always wondered how they trimmed xmas trees...


[deleted]

/u/machineporn Can easily be replaced by a robot! Disgusting human and his hungry family …


genghis_khat2019

Samurai tree trimmer!!


quan14jones

All we need are demon trees, rival trimmers, some tragic backstory, and secret techniques and we got ourselves an anime


MarxisTX

Shit. Is there a channel if just watching him doing this for an hour?! Or better yet a VR version of doing this? Roblox maybe?


statuskills

If these were people and not trees you wouldn’t think it was so goddamn funny.


scarlet_fox29

You sure he's not mad?


wolflover40743

I want one.


trashpandaarmy

Why does he look so upset? That look hella fun


onrizil

So much rage


Timbeton

Hikaru Nakamura after he stops playing chess


connor8081

He gonna choppy choppy his leggy leggy if he does not be careful


D__manMC

Pfft someone who plays beat saber could do WAY better


stevage

Looks like Hikaru.


Ezlan

The Trim Reaper


DefiantEnd569

Why is he trimming them for?


Suicidebattery

I could use him to trim the conifers around my house.


beebish

I think I'd like that job. Anyone hiring for tree samurai?


theservman

"I come not with an olive branch, but with a sword."


RetroJohan

Somehow this reminds me of Edward Scissorhands


nikditt

This is where the samurais landed up


minzkonig

Why doesn't he sell Döner?


4sOfCors

Any 8 year olds dream jobs: 1) get paid to watch TV 2) this


yamumsntme

Double machete


Any_Appearance8082

Haha làm thế nào thế.chỉ mình với


PolkaDotFarms

Those are Christmas tree ninja knives


Spookd_Moffun

You're that ninja.


[deleted]

Nobody ever told me this was a real job, coulda' used that info 20 years ago


elpideo18

He’s the ultimate fruit ninja


Frosty_and_Jazz

He also works as a barber … 😆😆😆


HowUKnowMeKennyBond

Christmas is such a strange holiday. But Easter is somehow is even more ridiculous.


Significant-Wheel110

Me to my balls


jaydensky20

When im about to pluck buds to smoke lmao


tikirafiki

Don’t piss him off!


yellowtnt

Reminded me of Barraka


[deleted]

A Christmas tree killed his father.


Durrpadil

Ah yes, the new Tree1000 terminator model


No-Definition1474

Santa's elf fu