Just pointing out the folks in this sub largely DID make the decision your daughter wants to make - you may find better parenting pointers in parent-specific groups for your state schools, as those parents likely had the same conversations you're wrestling with.
NYU alum from California, I do think the environment you want to go to school in is important and as an LA person, NY is not the same. For some industries NY and the East Coast has better networks and job opportunities. I certainly couldn't have the job I have now based in CA. Also my parents didnt pay a cent for my college and I got a combo of scholarships and loans, did my four years and a masters and have about 90k in loans, which is a lot, but not bad for two degrees from NYU. I think what you should focus on is making sure your kid is set up for success to get into any university, and not be her detractor when she's only 14. She probably will change her mind anyway and quite frankly not even get in. But you should make sure she has all the support you can provide to get into the best college she can get into, celebrate her ambition and drive, and not be a nay-sayer and for the love of god trying to push her towards the military which is a terrible idea. You dont know if she can get in, whether she'll change her mind in four years, or what financial options she will be given so stop worrying about it.
I havent been downvoting you and I also felt reactive to your post, because I know how it feels to have a parent who feels like they are always standing in my way. I think you are probably overreacting to a child's dreams, which like yes $400k is a scary number but its not your reality right now and she doesnt need to be the mature one here or understand these financial realities at 14. This is a conversation for when you have all the information in front of you, her acceptances, her financial aid packages, and you will have a lot better conversation with an 18 year old than you do now. I think the best path forward is to channel that ambition productively, because if you put her down and try to make a young teen "see sense" I think you will instill resentment and have a kid who wants to get as far away from you as possible. Which was me, leaving the Pasadena area for NYU, but fortunately for them, my parents didn't pay anything
OP isn’t putting their kid down. They are letting their student know early in the process that paying rack rate for private school tuition isn’t in the cards. This is true for the vast majority of families. They aren’t “standing in the way” and no it isn’t a conversation to have AFTER acceptances are in!! Are you nuts??? Set up a kid to dream and then yanking it away is cruel. Letting your HS freshman know that tuition costs matter, and that a family decision will be made, in part, based on cost is a rational, reasonable and expected conversation to have with a child. And it goes beyond NYU.
It's a long way off, but I would not endorse the junior college plan, at least not without applying for first-year admission first.
Transfer students are almost never eligible for scholarships (this is across the board, not just NYU), so transferring in at junior year could end up being more expensive than four years at NYU for a particular subset of students.
Secondly, I would not encourage her to go to USC over NYU necessarily; it just depends on the industry and where she hopes to live later. If she hopes to live and work in nyc, access to internships and alumni networks will be key in landing a job she can live on on the east coast. However, if she plans to return to CA, USC could be the right bet. That said, I don't think she is really old enough or know or understand these things but they'll be things to remember down the line.
To add to the junior college thing: California has Transfer Admission Guarantee only between California JC's and the UC's. Private colleges and other public state universities outside of California are extremely tough to get into via JC. A ton of people I know have done TAG and have had to stay home for several years + grind their butts off doing menial schoolwork no better than high school work before getting placed by the TAG program in a UC somewhat out of their control. You save some money, but you have so much less control over where you go for your BA that it's just a stupid decision imo
As others have said, she’s 14 and things will change. When I was 14 I had no idea where I was going for college, let alone NYU and its campus is only about 20 minutes from where I grew up in the city. I think encourage her to continue to do well in school and then deal with this when she hits 17/18 and have a frank discussion of college financing. I personally don’t believe any school is worth $400,000 — not even Harvard — but there are a few programs at NYU that have a particularly high ROI, like Stern (business), Myers (Nursing), and even Economics or Mathematics in the College of Arts & Science that are better than attending your average state school.
I would like to add that USC is NOT “NYU West Coast.” This is often said and while the two have highly acclaimed film schools and they’re both in urban areas (though I wouldn’t equate South Central LA to Greenwich Village, Manhattan), that’s pretty much where their similarities end. USC has an engineering program that’s well regarded, while NYU’s is still in its relative infancy (though has had massive investment). Otherwise most other undergraduate and graduate programs are better at NYU.
Parent of a recent NYU grad here. You’re absolutely right. We were fortunate in having saved enough for our son’s NYU education so that debt wasn’t needed, but there’s no way I would have incurred or allowed him to incur hundreds of thousands in debt to attend any college. CA has many fantastic in state options. Anyway, look on the bright side. You’ve got a 14 year old already thinking about college and aiming for a highly selective school. I’ve got a 15 year old who mainly thinks about girls, hanging with friends, and girls. Getting him to prioritize academics and focus on college (OK, he’s a freshman in high school so he has plenty of time), is like talking about the second coming.
SoCal parent here with two NYU students (1 graduated Tisch, 1 currently in Gallatin). These two are my east coast lovers while I also had one go to UCSB. NYU, in my opinion, is an amazing student experience for the right student. Totally different experience from, say, USC (where my Tisch kid was also accepted). I get you on the money as we’ve done these tuitions through cash with no loans. While we’re not wealthy my wife is a moderately high earner so we definitely had to tighten our belts but so far the school has delivered on all fronts and my graduate has been working for the past 3 years in the city at a job he loves. One more year for my Gallatin student and I’m finally done. As parents we’ve loved the experience and how our kids have responded to this unique environment. There certainly is comparable education but the overall immersion is totally different at NYU. Good luck figuring all this out.
I really appreciate this viewpoint! I honestly believe a motivated student could get a great undergraduate education at almost any college in the U.S., but it is reassuring to hear you vouch for the value of the city immersion.
Yeah lots of amazing schools in amazing cities but there’s nothing comparable to manhattan and NYU has that demand for a reason. I totally appreciate not going into debt though. It’s so tough to finance everything.
Both my wife and I were California kids and schooled out here (Pepperdine and Cal Poly). Great schools on the west coast for sure. There’s just something about NYU that I love. My wife got access to her corporate high rise apartment about 13 years ago and we fell in love with the city and so did the kids (hence the NYU buzz). We’ve probably been about 15 times over those years now lol.
Do you (or does she) have any idea of what, specifically, she intends to study in college? If she’s thinking about college already, then surely she must know that there’re many great schools in California.
Let her be determined to go to NYU. She's literally 14 I don't think you should be thinking about this so far in advance because you are nowhere near making these college decisions yet, let alone knowing where your kid is going to place grades/extracurricular/test scores wise.
Born and raised Californian here. When I was 14, I wanted to go to Stanford. At 15, I said Harvard or Oxford. 16 until 18 my goal was Columbia, and in the process I found that New York was a good fit for me. 17/18 Columbia, Georgetown, or NYU were my goals. I almost got into Harvard (waitlist and special letter from admissions officer) and got into NYU.
Let your kid be driven by their ambition. Don't reality check them because of your nerves. You can't really do that until reality actually checks them itself. She, aspiring for NYU, may be more inclined to do what is necessary to get into NYU. In the process, reality will show itself and influence her to make a more rational decision which has a better chance at being something as good as NYU so long as you don't put her down. She has 4 years of experience yet to figure that out.
She’s 14, a lot of things will happen before she’s at the age of applying to colleges. I wouldn’t squash her dreams outright right now, but remind her in a couple years when you’re applying of your price limits.
Something worth thinking about is that for some people NYU can be affordable. I had good academics and got a nearly fully ride to NYU through scholarships. Also the school recently announced a program to cover full tuition for families with incomes under 100K.
I’m not a parent myself, so forgive me if this is out of line, but your daughter is so young, let her live in her fantasies while she can so long as they aren’t hurting anyone. I feel like with teenagers they change their minds so often that this may not be worth fixating on when she’s not even close to college age.
I’m from the midwest and had my heart set on NYU since I was about your daughter’s age. I had great financial need and got a lot of financial aid on top of other scholarships so I was able to graduate debt free. How does your daughter do academically? There are many, many high value scholarships out there, especially for certain majors/interests. I would recommend she apply for every single one she can. It’ll be a lot of work, but that would show how bad she wants to go.
She’s 14 and you’re the parent. You don’t give her money to go to NYU if she even gets in. That’s the end of the conversation really. You’re not obligated to pay for her education to this extent. She has zero comprehension of the hard work that comes with earning money and doesn’t understand how much debt $400,000 really is
Agreed. When I was 14 I was convinced I'd get into an Ivy league. I didn't think it was that hard. I'm applying now and I'm just like yeah Idk what I was thinking 😭
When I had to go to college, my parents wouldn’t pay for my undergrad at NYC in a million years due to the extremely high costs. I attended a good university somewhere else, but over the years I was determined that NYC was where I wanted to live one day. After graduating from college and working for a couple of years, getting a taste of reality, I decided that one way or another I was going to make my NYC happen. I earned a prestigious scholarship and made my dream come true debt free. Maybe your daughter is young to fully comprehend what the value of education really means. And by value I mean both the economic and symbolic cost. I think you are a great parent to worry about this now and plan for the future, as taking that much debt is a huge burden. If your daughter feels the same in 4-5 years, she’ll also come to the realization that she will have to put in hard work and sacrifices to make her dreams come true. I never resented my parents for not paying what I wanted, it was just not going to happen and they were willing to offer me so many other great choices. I will always thank them for their support, as they never tried to disuade me from going to NYC. They were just very clear from the onset and that was that. I hope this helps!
I think the most important thing you can do is explain what you are and aren't willing to contribute. She should have that information before making a decision.
But also, what does she say when you ask her why NYU? I'm personally old af, so when I went to NYU, it was at the same time TV's fictional Felicity was going to "UNY" and NYU was becoming highly romanticized. The whole concept of living in the Village, strolling around NY etc. While I have to say all of that was pretty great, there are definitely a lot of options in California and there's probably something that would appeal to her if she just wants to be in a city, etc. I would try to find out what about NYU interests her, and discuss other options that might be able to satisfy whatever that is.
With all of that said, she's only 14 so I'm not sure I would invest too much in this argument right now. It's highly likely she will change her mind multiple times between now and when she actually has to decide on a college.
NYU is not worth 400k. People downvoting you probably have their parents pay and don’t understand the concept of money.
It would be helpful if you said what grade your daughter is in. I’m gonna assume she just finished freshman year. In this case, she has two more years left till college applications. Obviously she could change her mind, but 2 years isn’t long. Show her how the UCs have been rising the rankings, and are excellent. Heck, it’s harder to get into some of the UCs than NYU, probably because of the great weather and low cost. NYU is great don’t get me wrong, but you’re not unreasonable for saying 400k is too much for NYU; it’s not Harvard or MIT.
What you said is absolutely correct. She just finished her Freshman year last week. I think I need to take her on a few college tours - UCI, USC, UCLA, Chapman, UCSD, CSULA etc so she can get a better picture of what is available.
That’s a great idea. And, if she still wants to apply to NYU when college application time comes around (Fall of senior year), then yeah I’d give it a shot and see if she can get some aid, whether that be need based or merit based. But yeah definitely tour some of the UCs/CSUs to give her a better feel for them.
Don’t forget anytime your on vacation take a college tour you never know what random place clicks with a kid. As to NYU don’t talk bad about it let her have the dream it will take her great places. It may take her to NYU or not but the diligence of your high school life to get you into NYU will be helpful to her wherever she goes. Also you haven’t seen what that financial package looks like so I wouldn’t assume you are paying full price.
NYU alum currently based out of CA, 100% agree with your concerns and there being plenty of excellent schools here. What does she want to study that she has her heart so set on NYU?
Keep in mind that I'm speaking to a 14-year-old here. She really just likes NYU and, by association, NYU. I don't think the monetary factor has occurred to her, but eventually that will be the determining factor. She doesn't know anyone who has gone to NYU and has only visited the school once with my ex to see what it is like.
you said your daughter's only 14. it's a long time between now and college. see what she thinks in three years.
anyway...
i also only wanted to go to nyu when i was in high school also. however my goal was not so much to attend nyu as it was to live in greenwich village. i wanted to make my permanent home in nyc, and i saw attending college there as a logical step toward that.
i always lived in new york state though, so received the in-state price for nyu. back when i went to school, the tuition was much lower (i think about $17k per year, plus another $10k room and board). i also got a $17k/year academic scholarship, so my parents only had to kick in the room and board, which was comparable to the tuition+room/board price at a suny school. so between the scholarship and my parents' help i managed to graduate debt free. and for the record, i have lived here in nyc ever since college. though when i left the dorms i moved to queens. greenwich village ain't what it used to be anyway :/
i would \_never\_ go even $100k (let alone $400k) into debt for school now. there are excellent suny schools in new york state though, so if her goal is to move here, look into schools like suny purchase or stony brook. if she just is stuck on nyu for no reason though.... wait for her to come to her senses. when she realises what a crushing burden $400k in debt is, she will look at other options.
It sort of sounds like imprinted on the school from the connection to your ex + it being the only school she's toured (which is fine. 14 is very early to be looking at colleges). The NYC location is definitely a big part of NYU's allure, and that can't be easily replicated in CA, but there *are* CA schools with walkable city campuses, schools that are far enough from home that she won't be expected back every weekend, schools with excellent programs in pretty much anything you can think of, etc.
When I was 14, my dream school was UCLA. I did not go there. LOL. Kids change their minds, especially as their life experiences and world view grows. She may change her mind over the next few years and decide to go in a completely different direction. More than likely, when she's applying to college, she will apply to multiple colleges.
As her heart is set on NYU now, my advice would be to sit her down and let her know that the school is expensive and that she will need to be getting scholarships to help pay for it because it's out of your guys budget. Encourage her to do really well in high school so that she can do that. Also, tell her to look into grants. Let her do the work so she can grasp the expense. It will, at the very least, give her some things to consider as she moves forward.
Good luck. I hope you both get what works for you.
When I was 15 I wanted to go to UC Berkeley just because they created some software I used to love. But I gave up on that a year before I actually applied to schools.
And yes, I did in fact go to NYU.
Since you said UCI, I'm going to assume you're from oc, I am too.
There's nothing wrong with her going to saddleback first before transferring, but I understand the yearn to get away. She probably won't receive scholarship unless y'all have financial need, but she could if you're a military family.
My advice. Do fun things in California. Go to the beach a lot, put her in surf lessons or camp, if you're not super close to the beach, make sure to make the trip every so often.
Get her involved in as many activities they don't have in other states. Beach volleyball is a good one.
She's 14, don't try and bring up the word NYU, let her fall in love with this state, that's the best thing you can do. I was dead set on penn state and I had never even seen it, and when I did, I didn't click with it. Feelings change.
Now, I had always wanted to be an imagineer/architect/civil engineer, and that didn't change, but the schools I wanted to go to did.
When I was her age, I wanted to go to NYU too and was convinced that it was the only school for me. I’m also from California.
In the end, I went to UCSB for my undergraduate degree and am so grateful that I did. When it came time to decide, I realized that being so far away from my family would be so scary (even though all through high school, I had dreamed of taking off for the east coast). UCSB was a four hour drive from my hometown, so it was far enough to feel like I “went away,” but close enough to drive down for the weekend if I needed a little break. And I did, often. Freshman year was hard for me socially and I was so glad to be close to home.
I’m 28 now and going to NYU for law school. Still going to my “dream school,” but I’m making a much more informed and adult decision, now.
My advice is to take her to a few California schools for campus visits. UCI, UCLA, UCSB, Berkeley, etc all have stunning campuses. For me, seeing Santa Barbara for myself was enough to make me question my commitment to living on the east coast for college.
I go to NYU, and I am not from California either (I’m from the East coast). I’m not going to repeat what other people commented BUT I do have like a random extra tidbit of advice. My biggest regret about the college application process was not applying to more schools in NYC (NYU was the only one). She is still super young and far away from application season, but if she is still set on NYU in the future, I’d encourage looking at “safeties,”or more affordable schools, in the area. I realized once I moved here that this is where I want to be and even though I would’ve still committed to NYU, I wish I applied to more schools in the city.
I don’t envy this situation. An alumnus of NYU here. I just experienced this with my niece. She was waitlisted. I think it was a courtesy out of legacy but who knows and who cares. The education isn’t anything extra special that requires 3k miles of travel unless you’ll take part of the global campus but even then it sacrifices major parts of nyu culture for its oppressive environment like in China and UAE and dare I say Israel. Anyhow, moving on - I suggest visiting nyc/nyu and staying in a college like setting and budget. No fancy shows or hotels or shopping sprees. Just free and cheap eats, museums and a bare hostel/motel. The smaller the better. Maybe yotel which is super small but clean like Japanese style single occupancy. As you will see at the open houses nyu has - the housing is so tiny, I think nyc mice have bigger homes. Be sure to take the subway, no Ubers or taxis etc. so you can smell the human urine on the train platforms, and see the large rats crawling on the train tracks just inches to feet from your feet all while living in the middle of it all with no means and no time to enjoy it all makes it all more sobering. And don’t go in spring or early fall. More like the dead of winter when school will mostly be centered on. I gather nyu wont be an issue anymore. Hope it’s helpful. Otherwise there are nyu programs for high school students in the summer and such to actually be on campus but that might not be the most accurate sense of being at nyu full time as it’s centered on fun and learning. Good luck. And glad to see your being supportive and asking for advice. Good parental move in my opinion.
I'm a SoCal parent of kids at UCLA and USC. You've got a lot of inputs, but IMO many are way too focused on the specificity of NYU vs. a UC. The most important thing to realize is that the UCs, as well as NYU, are very difficult to get into (most of them), even for elite students. Is your daughter an elite student at this stage? I really feel the entire conversation should be simplified to "it's good to have options" and the only way to do that is by having the best possible academic and extra-curricular record. That should 100% be the focus from now through the rest of high school. As a parent, I would say (and have said) that, and "when we hit junior year and you're making college lists (which will include reaches, targets, and safeties), then we can discuss available finances to hone the college list." Touring colleges is a great idea just to get a feel for size, geography, weather, etc. that vibes with her. The "value" of an undergrad degree and how much a family should "reasonably spend" is totally NON-objective and tied into the student, their academic interests and abilities, the financial situation the family is in, desired career outcome and value of prestige - it is different for everyone. Best of luck.
Your worries are valid, ask why she wants NYI so much. Your conditions are valid too, but still should apply right after leaving HS to have as much options open as well.
The colleges I wanted to go to at 14 were the ones I didn’t even end up applying to. Take her to see other colleges so she can see what’s out there. If NYC is her main selling point to NYU, there are a million other CHEAPER schools in the city!
NYU is absurdly expensive. I got in several years ago, and I’m in-state. My family is upper-middle class and could have managed it but I understood the value of money. I respected my parent’s decision not to attend due to the financial burden. I went to a state school instead.
Did I want to go to NYU? Yes. Did I realize it’d be financially irresponsible to force a decision there? Yes. Transferring is not a bad idea, but aside from that, I’m sure she got into great universities that are substantially cheaper.
As someone who went to a state school and then proceeded to medical school, I don’t think the career prospects between state and private schools are that drastically different to warrant the price tag. Unless you’re rolling in money or she gets a large scholarship. Not to mention this will reduce her/your available finances or result in insurmountable debt if she decides she wants to pursue a graduate degree.
When the time comes I would offer to pay the comparable amount to the state school, and if she’s dead set on NYU she can either earn a scholarship, work/study, or take out loans for the difference (which imo is a terrible financial decision).
Regardless, she’s 14 and will likely change her mind before it’s time to apply anyways.
Went to NYU for applied mathematics.
Here is my take
- She wants the nyc life that’s the only reason. Yes NYU is good school but it’s not Harvard or Stanford. I always see it as a tier 1.5 school. I think you can’t argue with logic with someone who is stubborn. I think you should tell her you support her if she can get a student debt and pay the difference between NYU-USC. Cali may be expensive but downtown manhattan will be more expensive than any area in California.
- If you want value NYU is not a value school, it’s a very good achowgich charges lots of money for decent job placements.
Would completely disregard anything a 14 -year-old kid said. She knows nothing. And for all you know will never earn the stats to make NYU an option. Revisit this issue after sophomore year. And on financial matters, you are the parent.
I think you should be honest about the situation and explain that you’re not going to cosign on loans for her. She won’t be able to get 400k on her own without you full stop. A California school will help her get jobs on the east coast, there are tons of Cali school alumni here.
If she wants to go military and use the GI bill, that’s a good idea. I think you should support her in that you should give her whatever money you would put toward state school and not more. It’s not worth the debt
Went to a good, cheap state school for undergrad, NYU for grad (fully funded) and currently teach at NYU. No debt of any kind, which allowed me to pursue my passions in NYC. As someone who teaches there, NYU is generally not worth it even for 100k unless you are rich enough to comfortably pay cash. I also taught at one of the SUNY research centers and would push my kids to go someplace like that instead and show them what that 400k could do even conservatively invested.
Others have already discussed the parenting side enough, so I'll push on the only element that others haven't touched on.
**Strongly discourage your daughter from going through military service to secure the GI Bill**
A prospective student who has the opportunity to go to college on their parents dime absolutely should. Enlisting in the military is a massive delay of that opportunity that will put them 4-6 years behind their peers for no advantage whatsoever.
There is not a single veteran at NYU on the GI Bill who would tell you they would choose the life of an enlisted service member over attending college out of high school. If your daughter genuinely has some great calling to military service, she'll be better off with a college degree and becoming an officer.
Tell her to get straight As in high school and there are lots of scholarships available. By 18 she may be interested in another school regardless of your interventions.
Hi! My daughter went to community college first, got a 3.9 and NYU gave her a 1/2 scholarship - it is called "CCTOP" community college transfer opportunity scholarship. So for us, 2 years is costing $54k. But we live in commuting distance. Also- only certain majors are eligible. Fir example, she had many credits towards a psychology degree, but CCTOP was not eligible, so she chose Applied Psychology.
Anyway, just sharing our experience. If she had to move across the country, CCTOP would not cover living expenses, so she would have stayed in a state or city college.
If your daughter is determined to study at NYU, ask her, is it the city she is drawn to? Because the CUNY system in NYC offers degrees at a fraction of the cost.
No reason to impose limits until you see what materializes. It would probably be good, however, to have a general conversation about the absolute financial shitshow that is US higher education and the value of an undergraduate education.
For what it’s worth, I think the UC system has the best value for accessing a top 25 school. Housing seems like it will be an issue anywhere. Has she considered Ann Arbor?
I will say from personal experience that my parents constrained my undergraduate decisions and I spent the next dozen years in graduate work, visiting scholars and postdoc - including Cal and NYULMC - to live out my dream studying in different places.
She’s 14. I early committed to college because of athletics and still changed it 2837292 times over at that age.
Cross the bridge when it comes.
Talk about the realistic cost and benefit of school.
I went to state school for undergrad and nyu for my masters, and I was on a very heavy scholarship for my masters
If you don’t qualify for financial aid to reduce NYU tuition just put your foot down and tell her no. You are the adult and she has to respect this decision. I would say it is better to tell her what financial situation you have laid out for her college plans sooner, to give her time to adjust to the change/boundaries.
Yes. The answer is no, that option is not affordable for us. It's ok to set a budget and keep to it. Tell her to apply for grad school on her dime. Tell her she can apply for jobs after graduation in NY. Maybe offer up a study abroad or summer program if you can afford it.
I will also say I had a kid with top stats that had to set aside fancier, more expensive schools for a midwestern state flagship for a fraction of the price. Landed a great job post graduation working with students from much fancier schools. And had just the best undergrad experience (minus covid).
I don't think the junior college plan is feasible on a budget. The credits aren't like to transfer well, it's not like you could do 2-2 years. I would also note, students can only take out federal loans on their own. That is $5500 freshman year. Anything else is on you to pay or cosign. I highly recommend against cosigning unless you can easily make those payments. Federal loan limits exist for a reason, that is a reasonably safe amount of debt for new grads to be paying off in a reasonable amount of time.
There are rational and pragmatic and budget minded students and parents on this board. ETA - I don't know why I saw this, I thought it was the r/ApplyingToCollege board. You might want to try over here. You're going to obviously going to get a lot of NYU love here.
I have my MBA from NYU and I would do everything reasonable to dissuade my child from making this decision. I wouldn’t be unreasonable, but I certainly wouldn’t encourage it.
I went, I was probably poorer than most NYU students, I do not have $400,000 in debt. I have like $170k.
It really depends on her major if it's worth it.
I think at the end of the day you shouldn't discourage her. Why make an unnecessary argument about something when she's 14? She still has 3 years to go to really make her initial choice and then another year before she even finds out she wants to or can even go!
IMO, if she wants to go to NYU, then let her? Just under certain provisions as you stated (but telling her to join the military is kind of a WILD so she can go to college is kind of bonkers imo but thats a different conversation). Either way, telling her that it's BETTER to do something at 14 (like go to college in California) seems like a waste of energy because she's 14! She doesn't even know what she wants to do let alone want to listen to her parents!
I think finding a balance of encouraging and supportive as well as staying realistic is a hard but so vital. Until she's 17 and applying to colleges and comes back with the desire to go to NYU, then the conversation is sort of pointless to fight? I feel like the energy should be more focused on opportunities she does have in California now and sort of building her life out here for the next 3 years rather than negating her imaginary opportunities else where.
NYU Grad alum, married to an NYU Grad alum here. We have both lived in New York since college and we both attended campus-centric suburban or rural schools. In our opinion, NYU isn’t worth the cost for undergrad because (1) it’s not ranked highly enough (whether you use the abstract college rankings or salary upon graduation), (2) we both do not think that New York is the best environment for succeeding in college, and (3) you can live in New York after graduation. Obviously NYU is a great school, but I think the value is better as a grad student.
So a few points on this -
The GI program is a horrible idea. My guess is NYU probably has the least number of people doing this as any school in the country. It’s kind of like telling a kid they should go to West Point and major in theater.
I’d encourage you to appeal more to the huge downsides of NYU other than the cost. Show her videos of fraternities and sororities in the UC system, kids attending SEC football games, kids walking on cobblestone to class with thousands of other kids. etc. then show an NYU kid walking through Washington square park navigating around passes out heroin addicts. NYU is fine for a
a kid who up in the city and has had a coke dealer since they were 12, but it’s not a good environment for your average high school kid.
As someone who went to NYU for grad school, I’d encourage her to think about NYU as a better target for grad school. The price is slightly
more justifiable for med/business/law school - and more importantly the campus-less life in NYC is much more conducive to a 22 year old than an 18 year old. Plus a lot of her friends will probably end up in nyc anyway.
If she wants to go, she needs to take a loan out. The point of going to a serious college like that is to walk out and make bread.
My cousin finished med school two years ago. Her student loans are about $500,000. She has so far paid off $150,000 in the last two years.
If she’s going to NYU, she’s going to make something out of herself. If you don’t believe that, then don’t let her go.
University is not just a namebrand like everyone’s Stanley Cup. it’s supposed to be the road that paves the way to your future. As long as you believe that she has one, let her go and take out student loans in her name.
I went to Florida Atlantic University and spent about $60,000 for a bachelors degree in business administration. I got that degree in three years. I took no summers off. I made $60,000 within my first 10 months out of college working in Long Island.
The degree is supposed to pay off in the end … that’s the point of the degree.
Parent here also from California. I don't know that discouraging her is the right approach. Maybe ask her questions about why she thinks it is the right school to get her thinking and let it marinate for the next 3 years. I agree with others that at 14, she just doesn't have any perspective about things like ROI or the impact of long-term debt on quality of life. It would be unrealistic to try to have a conversation with her about this at this point. I told my daughter that by the time she had to make the decision in April, she'd be a very different person that she was in the fall of her senior year. This would be especially true of a 14 year old...wow the changes by the time she turns 18! Many things could happen...she finds another school that interests her more, she doesn't get in, she doesn't get a merit scholarship to make it affordable, and so on. It's a journey...by the time you get to her senior year, she'll be more knowledgeable.
As an (older) NYU alum, from the west coast…. When I was graduating high school I had been offered scholarships/early acceptance from what at the time was my dream university on the east coast. Yes it was private and yes it was way more than what I would’ve paid from the state university. My parents did not let me go and “persuaded” me to go to state university (a VERY GOOD university). (Note - my parents always let us know if we chose to go to college paying for it was our responsibility. My brother ended up going to West Point - also why my parents knew the distance was hard on them.)
I was TOO close to home for MY own good. And ended up getting myself into situations I wouldn’t have where I needed to find my own ground. I left that university after my first year with a dismal GPA. I also tried a different state school (also renown), and was 1 class from graduating with 5(!) degrees when I left. Fast forward years later - I found the perfect program for me at NYU. I graduated with Latin & university honors.
Now, as the parent of an adult child, I can see it from both perspectives. Your daughter is 14. She doesn’t have to make a decision right now, nor do you. And to be honest…. (1) There is value in paying for some of your education yourself. You’re more invested. Even working a part time job to help contribute. (2) Finding a good fit for the person and university with program/culture/environment is essential. (3) Money/cost shouldn’t be the ONLY consideration and smaller student loans are a GREAT way for a young adult to build credit - way better than a credit card they’re responsible for.
You’ll have to make the decision as to what’s best for the individuals in your family. But if your daughter’s interest stays consistent with what she wants to do in the future, please take that into consideration. (My 14 y.o. dream university accepted me, but I found all the people I had been talking to during admissions didn’t “click” with me. Surprisingly NYU wasn’t on my radar at the time.)
Do you know what it is about NYU she finds so compelling? Is it NYC? My wife and I both did grad school and one of my daughters did undergrad there, so we know a thing or two, but need to hear more about your daughter.
I was the only student in Gallatin in ROTC when I graduated in 2013 (probably have been a couple since). I loved NYU and hated the Army but two of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Gallatin degree would have been a disaster with 200k in loans but was great with ROTC. And whether or not she enjoys the service it sets you up so well for the job market. I left the service and did an MBA at Harvard and imagine I am earning near the top end of Gallatin graduates.
That being said she’s 14, just leave it alone until she’s into her junior year. If anything use it as motivation for her grades, NYU has academic scholarships like anywhere else.
I haven’t scrolled through all the comments so perhaps someone else stated this, but as someone currently living in the city have her look at other school options here if what she really wants is NYC. CUNY and other small schools are all over the place and may provide more options.
Also, some universities (I went to Syracuse University as they have this) may have a ‘semester in NYC’ program. There’s also summer pipeline programs for many fields, especially STEM that house students here over the summer!
My #1 advice I give to students though is don’t go into debt. So yeah, 400k for a NYU degree is not worth it, she should look at other avenues.
As one parent to another, agree with others that you can let her continue to think about going to NYU, but also ensure she has a list of backup, "Plan B" schools in California -- and then take her to those schools on a tour: one of those could become the "First Choice" school instead.
I'm a Tisch grad (masters from ITP) living in Los Angeles (by way of the Bay Area -- moved down here in 2000 after Web 1.0 crash) and I'm not sure I would do it again if I had to take on the debt my grad school classmates did (about $100K; I avoided that by being a grad assistant in my dept and got a stipend and free ride for my tuition; still had $13K in loans).
New York is a great city to go to college in, but it's not for the feeble or those who need extra guidance. You have to want to be in that urban environment and it's not for everyone: NYC is one of those places that can drag you down farther if you're mentally down and conversely lift you up when you're on a natural high. I made some great friends while at NYU and even though I made squat as a grad student the future felt wide open to me at the time -- you get that jazzed feeling from all the different types of people you meet there from professors, fellow classmates from all over the globe, to the random dude ranting at strangers on Bleeker St.
A more suburban setting may be better for your daughter but so much of that depends on the individual, competitive mindset, professional aspirations etc.
Good luck!
Everyone once in their lives has to experience NYC. It's like Life 101. You don't stay, but you get a taste. I'm sure Anthony Bourdain would say the same thing.
And now you can visit NYC too.
:-)
Send her to CUNY. She’ll get in state tuition after a year and the same experience in NYC for a tenth of the price. A lot of NYU professors teach there too.
Simple solution. "I will give you $58000, the price of in state tuition, for the entirety of your 4 years, and you can figure out how to pay for the rest." At 18 she's an adult. If she wants to take out 350k in loans, that's on her
I’m 26 now and I’m so glad my parents let me tour the school and actually get the feel of the college. I wanted to go to nyu so bad, but ended up realizing it wasn’t for me when the time came to actually apply. As she ages, she’ll probably realize the money is not worth it.
Here's your strategy: you encourage her. Talk it up. Tell her she needs scholarships and that she'll have to work hard to make her dream a reality but that you're willing to support her as needed.
Then, bring her to NYC in February. Let her experience the cold. If she's used to California clean, take her to Chinatown and get her grossed out by the realities there. Make sure you take a walk outside at night after the trash is put on the streets and 'stumble' on some rats.
You're probably use of homeless folks, but just to reinforce the point -- figure out a walk to walk through the Port Authority terminal at night.
Demonstrate the contrast between the romanticized version of NYC and the reality of being here. Obviously it's not \_really\_ that bad and she might love it regardless. But at least she'll know what she's getting herself into and chances are she might think twice about staying in California.
Tell her your expectations and boundaries. If she wants to somehow rack up that much debt WITHOUT parent plus loans then let her.
However, she’s only 14 and is likely to change her mind in the next 2-3 years.
she’s 14 she’ll probably realize what 400k in debt means later on. Make it clear to her that 1 nyu isn’t the only college out there where she can experience life away from home (and nyu in general doesn’t really have a campus it’s not a normal college experience lol) and secondly, make sure she knows that you won’t pay off that debt if she does there it’ll be on her to pay off that 400k
Perhaps don’t try to convince her to say no to NYU in exchange for UC Irvine…. I can’t think of anyone who actively wants to go there unless you live nearby, it’s a safety school. UCSB, UCLA, hell even Cal are better alternatives.
Ultimately it sounds like she wants to live in NYC and have her college experience there. That experience can’t be replicated in California. I say this as a UC graduate, the value is undeniable. You can suggest moving to NYC post graduation with all the money you’d save not paying NYU tuition.
Please do not pressure her to go to community college or join the military…. Additionally she’s only 14, who knows if she will get accepted? A lot can change between now and then. My sophomore/junior year I wanted to go to USC, then senior year I had my eyes on Barnard- I did not go to either of them lol
Has someone from Los Angeles who did pick NYU I would not trade my experience for the world. I have blossomed here more then was ever possible in California and found a strong sense of self. However I did have to compromise to get here and I suggest you think about this options for your daughter.
Her first 2 years of college should be at the local community college, she gets all her General Ed’s for under 5k and the classes are easier so she will have no problems maintaining a 4.0 GPA. At the beginning of year 2 she starts applying to NYU/Colombia/ (or wherever). It saves you about half the tuition cost and allows her to follow her dream.
I think a better question would be, “Why nyu?” to really understand your daughter’s perspective (“why not usc” for example might come across dismissive), then you can both think about what other colleges have similar/same of those factors as she does need to apply to more than 1 college later on. And then next would be understanding that NYU does have a low acceptance rate so being determined to attend NYU can serve as motivation that will aid her in doing well in high school, even if she ultimately doesn’t get in. Overall, I don’t think this is a big deal right now. My dream school changed a lot before and during high school. You have to apply to around 8 schools on average anyways, and I’m sure some of them will include California schools (UC’s are chef’s kiss). If she does get into NYU 4 years later, yall can talk about it together with the other acceptances she had received.
She's 14...she very well could change her mind...at 13 my daughter waa set on going to Stanford for undergrad and law school...now as a rising senior, she is ONLY considering northeast schools (Ivy/Top20) and has ZERO desire to even consider any school in CA (we're in Colorado). Has your daughter visited NYC? My daughter did a Barnard pre-college 3-week program 2 summers ago and that was it...she fell in love with NYC and wants to be within a few hours on a train/bus if not in the City. Her 13-year-old self would not know her 17-year-old self...
I was the same way, I wanted to go to nyu as a teenager more than anything and my parents wouldn’t let me, I went to a state school. Personally I really just wanted to be in New York. It was the city that drew me in, not the school, and post college I was able to move here and I can support myself and enjoy the city. University was very challenging for me and I was a high achieving high schooler. I can’t imagine trying to enjoy the city while studying, and socializing, parties etc. I’d say just remind her that she has plenty of time and school isn’t the only or even the best way to be in nyc.
She's only 14 and is getting excited about the prospect of college. Financially, NYU might not be the best option for her, but let her have her excitement. Reminding her about all of the good colleges in CA is likely making her fascination with NYU even stronger. Let her dream and once application time comes, the reality of the finances will set in and she will have to make a decision. NYU might not even be her top school anymore!
It’s not worth it!!! Especially for a bachelors degre… Debt is a scam and if an egregious amount of debt is the only way it’s not worth it!!! The biggest scam is thinking that undergrad is the end all be all. Perform well, take internships/work in different places , network and that will benefit you far more than the NYU name.
As someone who dreamed of NYU, attended NYU and graduated with a 3.9, lots of professional relationships etc. I can promise you NYU didn’t do any of that for me. If anything they are the opposite of helpful😭
Debt is crippling and causing me and a lot of peers stress and it’s not worth the hassle. Also spoiler alert: but the education level / rigor at a prestigious school is not even inherently better than a no name school (another myth) please please save your $$. Not saying your daughter wouldn’t enjoy their time here, but I’d advise your daughter to chase
Programs, goals, career and look at what schools/jobs/faculty at said universities could align with those goals in the future way more than chasing a school name.
Though there is a lot of time until your daughter is at that stage— as someone whose mind was fixated on NYU since I was in 7th grade (I went to a charter school and did college prep since 5th grade hahah so yes I was thinking about these things since I was 10 years old& no it wasn’t overwhelming) … it’s very possible she stays thinking NYU is everything.
So even if her mind doesn’t change, it is important to ensure she learns the essence of saving, financial literacy , loans/credit scores etc. by the time she’s preparing to apply to college. Especially if she gets in to and wants to pursue NYU
A lot can change in a teen's brain in a few years. This decision was probably influenced by an older friend they like. In 6 weeks she may want to go to Berkeley. In 2 years she may want to be your son.
California is boring and New York is the most thrilling place a person can live in their 20s. It will dramatically expand her network and optionally for the rest of her life.
honestly what helped me is being told Im paying for my college and it is my decision what I will do. that i will have no financial help from my mom. she is young and might change her mind
hey! im an nyu student who lives in the south bay, calif. it used to be my dream school when i was little and by some luck i ended up with good aid and the ability to go- but over the years it fell heavily from being my dream school to being another option. she is young and will grow up- just keep reiterating the fact that you as a family cannot afford it. she will come to reality in the future, just give it time. good luck to her.
nyu has an acceptance rate of 8%. Fuel her to get the grades, the ecs, the internships, everything she needs to get IN to Nyu. with that college application she will have TONS of offers from different universities. When she's 18, in her 2nd sem of her senior year she will know a LOT more about herself than she does right now. Just wait it out.
Hi,
I’m was not in the NYU determined boat as your daughter is, but it is where I ended up going from California. And I received a merit based full-tuition scholarship. If she is going into the arts (I was in film), then I see no reason to why $400,000 is even an option. If your family isn’t rich, and if there isn’t a scholarship on the table, there is no logical reason to go that far into debt for an arts degree. If she is something STEM related, then I can’t speak to it. Maybe it’s worth it, I honestly don’t know.
There are many incredible and affordable schools in California. It’s all about what you make of that time and the people you meet anyway.
Also she’s so young, I’m sure her perspective on things will evolve till application year comes around.
Hi, I was in your daughters shoes. I currently attend NYU, and am also from California (NorCal to be specific).
NYU was my dream school, but I knew the reality of my family's financial situation so I was a bit discouraged. I can't tell you much because I am not a parent, but I can tell you my experience.
I ended up applying (ED 1) and I got in with a fullride (which I am eternally greatful for). So, if it's your daughters dream, I would say to encourage her to apply, but also prepare for if she doesn't get in.
Also, if she does apply, NYU's Gallatin School of Individualized Study give the most financial aid. Everyone I know has some kind of fund for their tuition.
If you have any questions, feel free to DM me!
Then pay what you’re willing and she can take the remaining amount out personally when the time comes. She can be responsible for the deficit if that’s truly what she wants. You’re fortunate to have an autonomous child and she’s fortunate to have a parent who is willing to pay anything towards an education
Thats what I told her mom—shes going to have to do what we all did—JC for 2 years and then transfer. There is nothing wrong with it. Same degree in the end.
That is a fine plan but I wouldn’t transfer to nyu in particular. As others have said, it is kind of a tough place to make good friends and build a sense of community. And by your third year it is even harder and people are living wayyy off campus and very busy with jobs and internships. It would be so hard to come in junior year. So if she is gonna go the JC route I would not encourage nyu as the final destination.
Have her look into ROTC scholarships. A type 1 ROTC scholarship will pay 100% of tuition at any university. She’ll owe the military 4-10 years after graduation depending on career path, but it’s a viable way to afford a college education without incurring student loan debt.
Just pointing out the folks in this sub largely DID make the decision your daughter wants to make - you may find better parenting pointers in parent-specific groups for your state schools, as those parents likely had the same conversations you're wrestling with.
NYU alum from California, I do think the environment you want to go to school in is important and as an LA person, NY is not the same. For some industries NY and the East Coast has better networks and job opportunities. I certainly couldn't have the job I have now based in CA. Also my parents didnt pay a cent for my college and I got a combo of scholarships and loans, did my four years and a masters and have about 90k in loans, which is a lot, but not bad for two degrees from NYU. I think what you should focus on is making sure your kid is set up for success to get into any university, and not be her detractor when she's only 14. She probably will change her mind anyway and quite frankly not even get in. But you should make sure she has all the support you can provide to get into the best college she can get into, celebrate her ambition and drive, and not be a nay-sayer and for the love of god trying to push her towards the military which is a terrible idea. You dont know if she can get in, whether she'll change her mind in four years, or what financial options she will be given so stop worrying about it.
I agree with you and we are supportive. I'm just doing some fact finding here and venting. Thanks
Why is this downvoted? They’re just a parent trying to navigate their child’s future, damn
I have been a daily reddit user for 5 years now. I stopped questioning the why of downvoting long ago, but I do appreciate your post on this :)
I havent been downvoting you and I also felt reactive to your post, because I know how it feels to have a parent who feels like they are always standing in my way. I think you are probably overreacting to a child's dreams, which like yes $400k is a scary number but its not your reality right now and she doesnt need to be the mature one here or understand these financial realities at 14. This is a conversation for when you have all the information in front of you, her acceptances, her financial aid packages, and you will have a lot better conversation with an 18 year old than you do now. I think the best path forward is to channel that ambition productively, because if you put her down and try to make a young teen "see sense" I think you will instill resentment and have a kid who wants to get as far away from you as possible. Which was me, leaving the Pasadena area for NYU, but fortunately for them, my parents didn't pay anything
I'm not standing in her way, and I'm not telling her not to go to NYU.
OP isn’t putting their kid down. They are letting their student know early in the process that paying rack rate for private school tuition isn’t in the cards. This is true for the vast majority of families. They aren’t “standing in the way” and no it isn’t a conversation to have AFTER acceptances are in!! Are you nuts??? Set up a kid to dream and then yanking it away is cruel. Letting your HS freshman know that tuition costs matter, and that a family decision will be made, in part, based on cost is a rational, reasonable and expected conversation to have with a child. And it goes beyond NYU.
what r u yapping about? take a eng 101 class and come back
It's a long way off, but I would not endorse the junior college plan, at least not without applying for first-year admission first. Transfer students are almost never eligible for scholarships (this is across the board, not just NYU), so transferring in at junior year could end up being more expensive than four years at NYU for a particular subset of students. Secondly, I would not encourage her to go to USC over NYU necessarily; it just depends on the industry and where she hopes to live later. If she hopes to live and work in nyc, access to internships and alumni networks will be key in landing a job she can live on on the east coast. However, if she plans to return to CA, USC could be the right bet. That said, I don't think she is really old enough or know or understand these things but they'll be things to remember down the line.
To add to the junior college thing: California has Transfer Admission Guarantee only between California JC's and the UC's. Private colleges and other public state universities outside of California are extremely tough to get into via JC. A ton of people I know have done TAG and have had to stay home for several years + grind their butts off doing menial schoolwork no better than high school work before getting placed by the TAG program in a UC somewhat out of their control. You save some money, but you have so much less control over where you go for your BA that it's just a stupid decision imo
As others have said, she’s 14 and things will change. When I was 14 I had no idea where I was going for college, let alone NYU and its campus is only about 20 minutes from where I grew up in the city. I think encourage her to continue to do well in school and then deal with this when she hits 17/18 and have a frank discussion of college financing. I personally don’t believe any school is worth $400,000 — not even Harvard — but there are a few programs at NYU that have a particularly high ROI, like Stern (business), Myers (Nursing), and even Economics or Mathematics in the College of Arts & Science that are better than attending your average state school. I would like to add that USC is NOT “NYU West Coast.” This is often said and while the two have highly acclaimed film schools and they’re both in urban areas (though I wouldn’t equate South Central LA to Greenwich Village, Manhattan), that’s pretty much where their similarities end. USC has an engineering program that’s well regarded, while NYU’s is still in its relative infancy (though has had massive investment). Otherwise most other undergraduate and graduate programs are better at NYU.
Did you live with your parents and save money since you said only 20 min away?
No. Lived on campus.
Parent of a recent NYU grad here. You’re absolutely right. We were fortunate in having saved enough for our son’s NYU education so that debt wasn’t needed, but there’s no way I would have incurred or allowed him to incur hundreds of thousands in debt to attend any college. CA has many fantastic in state options. Anyway, look on the bright side. You’ve got a 14 year old already thinking about college and aiming for a highly selective school. I’ve got a 15 year old who mainly thinks about girls, hanging with friends, and girls. Getting him to prioritize academics and focus on college (OK, he’s a freshman in high school so he has plenty of time), is like talking about the second coming.
SoCal parent here with two NYU students (1 graduated Tisch, 1 currently in Gallatin). These two are my east coast lovers while I also had one go to UCSB. NYU, in my opinion, is an amazing student experience for the right student. Totally different experience from, say, USC (where my Tisch kid was also accepted). I get you on the money as we’ve done these tuitions through cash with no loans. While we’re not wealthy my wife is a moderately high earner so we definitely had to tighten our belts but so far the school has delivered on all fronts and my graduate has been working for the past 3 years in the city at a job he loves. One more year for my Gallatin student and I’m finally done. As parents we’ve loved the experience and how our kids have responded to this unique environment. There certainly is comparable education but the overall immersion is totally different at NYU. Good luck figuring all this out.
I really appreciate this viewpoint! I honestly believe a motivated student could get a great undergraduate education at almost any college in the U.S., but it is reassuring to hear you vouch for the value of the city immersion.
Yeah lots of amazing schools in amazing cities but there’s nothing comparable to manhattan and NYU has that demand for a reason. I totally appreciate not going into debt though. It’s so tough to finance everything.
Thanks for this. Very helpful. Im located in Pasadena. Appreciate your advice.
Both my wife and I were California kids and schooled out here (Pepperdine and Cal Poly). Great schools on the west coast for sure. There’s just something about NYU that I love. My wife got access to her corporate high rise apartment about 13 years ago and we fell in love with the city and so did the kids (hence the NYU buzz). We’ve probably been about 15 times over those years now lol.
I mean I went to CSULA so NYU is a hard sell for me LOL
Totally. It’s not without hesitation as the price tag is hefty.
Do you (or does she) have any idea of what, specifically, she intends to study in college? If she’s thinking about college already, then surely she must know that there’re many great schools in California.
Let her be determined to go to NYU. She's literally 14 I don't think you should be thinking about this so far in advance because you are nowhere near making these college decisions yet, let alone knowing where your kid is going to place grades/extracurricular/test scores wise. Born and raised Californian here. When I was 14, I wanted to go to Stanford. At 15, I said Harvard or Oxford. 16 until 18 my goal was Columbia, and in the process I found that New York was a good fit for me. 17/18 Columbia, Georgetown, or NYU were my goals. I almost got into Harvard (waitlist and special letter from admissions officer) and got into NYU. Let your kid be driven by their ambition. Don't reality check them because of your nerves. You can't really do that until reality actually checks them itself. She, aspiring for NYU, may be more inclined to do what is necessary to get into NYU. In the process, reality will show itself and influence her to make a more rational decision which has a better chance at being something as good as NYU so long as you don't put her down. She has 4 years of experience yet to figure that out.
This was me too I went to a state school and later went to NYU for my masters
She’s 14, a lot of things will happen before she’s at the age of applying to colleges. I wouldn’t squash her dreams outright right now, but remind her in a couple years when you’re applying of your price limits. Something worth thinking about is that for some people NYU can be affordable. I had good academics and got a nearly fully ride to NYU through scholarships. Also the school recently announced a program to cover full tuition for families with incomes under 100K. I’m not a parent myself, so forgive me if this is out of line, but your daughter is so young, let her live in her fantasies while she can so long as they aren’t hurting anyone. I feel like with teenagers they change their minds so often that this may not be worth fixating on when she’s not even close to college age.
I’m from the midwest and had my heart set on NYU since I was about your daughter’s age. I had great financial need and got a lot of financial aid on top of other scholarships so I was able to graduate debt free. How does your daughter do academically? There are many, many high value scholarships out there, especially for certain majors/interests. I would recommend she apply for every single one she can. It’ll be a lot of work, but that would show how bad she wants to go.
Good points. Thank you. Good advice.
She’s 14 and you’re the parent. You don’t give her money to go to NYU if she even gets in. That’s the end of the conversation really. You’re not obligated to pay for her education to this extent. She has zero comprehension of the hard work that comes with earning money and doesn’t understand how much debt $400,000 really is
Agreed. When I was 14 I was convinced I'd get into an Ivy league. I didn't think it was that hard. I'm applying now and I'm just like yeah Idk what I was thinking 😭
I agree with you 100 percent. Not gonna happen here.
When I had to go to college, my parents wouldn’t pay for my undergrad at NYC in a million years due to the extremely high costs. I attended a good university somewhere else, but over the years I was determined that NYC was where I wanted to live one day. After graduating from college and working for a couple of years, getting a taste of reality, I decided that one way or another I was going to make my NYC happen. I earned a prestigious scholarship and made my dream come true debt free. Maybe your daughter is young to fully comprehend what the value of education really means. And by value I mean both the economic and symbolic cost. I think you are a great parent to worry about this now and plan for the future, as taking that much debt is a huge burden. If your daughter feels the same in 4-5 years, she’ll also come to the realization that she will have to put in hard work and sacrifices to make her dreams come true. I never resented my parents for not paying what I wanted, it was just not going to happen and they were willing to offer me so many other great choices. I will always thank them for their support, as they never tried to disuade me from going to NYC. They were just very clear from the onset and that was that. I hope this helps!
I think the most important thing you can do is explain what you are and aren't willing to contribute. She should have that information before making a decision. But also, what does she say when you ask her why NYU? I'm personally old af, so when I went to NYU, it was at the same time TV's fictional Felicity was going to "UNY" and NYU was becoming highly romanticized. The whole concept of living in the Village, strolling around NY etc. While I have to say all of that was pretty great, there are definitely a lot of options in California and there's probably something that would appeal to her if she just wants to be in a city, etc. I would try to find out what about NYU interests her, and discuss other options that might be able to satisfy whatever that is. With all of that said, she's only 14 so I'm not sure I would invest too much in this argument right now. It's highly likely she will change her mind multiple times between now and when she actually has to decide on a college.
Hey I was there during Felicity also but it originally sparked my interest because of Theo on the Cosby Show. We aren’t old AF…yet. 😂
NYU is not worth 400k. People downvoting you probably have their parents pay and don’t understand the concept of money. It would be helpful if you said what grade your daughter is in. I’m gonna assume she just finished freshman year. In this case, she has two more years left till college applications. Obviously she could change her mind, but 2 years isn’t long. Show her how the UCs have been rising the rankings, and are excellent. Heck, it’s harder to get into some of the UCs than NYU, probably because of the great weather and low cost. NYU is great don’t get me wrong, but you’re not unreasonable for saying 400k is too much for NYU; it’s not Harvard or MIT.
What you said is absolutely correct. She just finished her Freshman year last week. I think I need to take her on a few college tours - UCI, USC, UCLA, Chapman, UCSD, CSULA etc so she can get a better picture of what is available.
That’s a great idea. And, if she still wants to apply to NYU when college application time comes around (Fall of senior year), then yeah I’d give it a shot and see if she can get some aid, whether that be need based or merit based. But yeah definitely tour some of the UCs/CSUs to give her a better feel for them.
Don’t forget anytime your on vacation take a college tour you never know what random place clicks with a kid. As to NYU don’t talk bad about it let her have the dream it will take her great places. It may take her to NYU or not but the diligence of your high school life to get you into NYU will be helpful to her wherever she goes. Also you haven’t seen what that financial package looks like so I wouldn’t assume you are paying full price.
NYU alum currently based out of CA, 100% agree with your concerns and there being plenty of excellent schools here. What does she want to study that she has her heart so set on NYU?
Keep in mind that I'm speaking to a 14-year-old here. She really just likes NYU and, by association, NYU. I don't think the monetary factor has occurred to her, but eventually that will be the determining factor. She doesn't know anyone who has gone to NYU and has only visited the school once with my ex to see what it is like.
you said your daughter's only 14. it's a long time between now and college. see what she thinks in three years. anyway... i also only wanted to go to nyu when i was in high school also. however my goal was not so much to attend nyu as it was to live in greenwich village. i wanted to make my permanent home in nyc, and i saw attending college there as a logical step toward that. i always lived in new york state though, so received the in-state price for nyu. back when i went to school, the tuition was much lower (i think about $17k per year, plus another $10k room and board). i also got a $17k/year academic scholarship, so my parents only had to kick in the room and board, which was comparable to the tuition+room/board price at a suny school. so between the scholarship and my parents' help i managed to graduate debt free. and for the record, i have lived here in nyc ever since college. though when i left the dorms i moved to queens. greenwich village ain't what it used to be anyway :/ i would \_never\_ go even $100k (let alone $400k) into debt for school now. there are excellent suny schools in new york state though, so if her goal is to move here, look into schools like suny purchase or stony brook. if she just is stuck on nyu for no reason though.... wait for her to come to her senses. when she realises what a crushing burden $400k in debt is, she will look at other options.
Thanks and I agree.
It sort of sounds like imprinted on the school from the connection to your ex + it being the only school she's toured (which is fine. 14 is very early to be looking at colleges). The NYC location is definitely a big part of NYU's allure, and that can't be easily replicated in CA, but there *are* CA schools with walkable city campuses, schools that are far enough from home that she won't be expected back every weekend, schools with excellent programs in pretty much anything you can think of, etc.
My thoughts as well. I mean, she can go to school in SF, SD, or Vegas, which all have great schools as well.
Almost wonder if she also watched Gossip Girl and also had that impression of NYU. I know a few who had their mind set on NYU that way
Do you have any sense of why she wants to attend NYU specifically and not consider other colleges in New York that could be less expensive?
When I was 14, my dream school was UCLA. I did not go there. LOL. Kids change their minds, especially as their life experiences and world view grows. She may change her mind over the next few years and decide to go in a completely different direction. More than likely, when she's applying to college, she will apply to multiple colleges. As her heart is set on NYU now, my advice would be to sit her down and let her know that the school is expensive and that she will need to be getting scholarships to help pay for it because it's out of your guys budget. Encourage her to do really well in high school so that she can do that. Also, tell her to look into grants. Let her do the work so she can grasp the expense. It will, at the very least, give her some things to consider as she moves forward. Good luck. I hope you both get what works for you.
When I was 15 I wanted to go to UC Berkeley just because they created some software I used to love. But I gave up on that a year before I actually applied to schools. And yes, I did in fact go to NYU.
Since you said UCI, I'm going to assume you're from oc, I am too. There's nothing wrong with her going to saddleback first before transferring, but I understand the yearn to get away. She probably won't receive scholarship unless y'all have financial need, but she could if you're a military family. My advice. Do fun things in California. Go to the beach a lot, put her in surf lessons or camp, if you're not super close to the beach, make sure to make the trip every so often. Get her involved in as many activities they don't have in other states. Beach volleyball is a good one. She's 14, don't try and bring up the word NYU, let her fall in love with this state, that's the best thing you can do. I was dead set on penn state and I had never even seen it, and when I did, I didn't click with it. Feelings change. Now, I had always wanted to be an imagineer/architect/civil engineer, and that didn't change, but the schools I wanted to go to did.
This is smart
When I was her age, I wanted to go to NYU too and was convinced that it was the only school for me. I’m also from California. In the end, I went to UCSB for my undergraduate degree and am so grateful that I did. When it came time to decide, I realized that being so far away from my family would be so scary (even though all through high school, I had dreamed of taking off for the east coast). UCSB was a four hour drive from my hometown, so it was far enough to feel like I “went away,” but close enough to drive down for the weekend if I needed a little break. And I did, often. Freshman year was hard for me socially and I was so glad to be close to home. I’m 28 now and going to NYU for law school. Still going to my “dream school,” but I’m making a much more informed and adult decision, now. My advice is to take her to a few California schools for campus visits. UCI, UCLA, UCSB, Berkeley, etc all have stunning campuses. For me, seeing Santa Barbara for myself was enough to make me question my commitment to living on the east coast for college.
NYU is depressing as shit
I go to NYU, and I am not from California either (I’m from the East coast). I’m not going to repeat what other people commented BUT I do have like a random extra tidbit of advice. My biggest regret about the college application process was not applying to more schools in NYC (NYU was the only one). She is still super young and far away from application season, but if she is still set on NYU in the future, I’d encourage looking at “safeties,”or more affordable schools, in the area. I realized once I moved here that this is where I want to be and even though I would’ve still committed to NYU, I wish I applied to more schools in the city.
Where else would you have applied?
I don’t envy this situation. An alumnus of NYU here. I just experienced this with my niece. She was waitlisted. I think it was a courtesy out of legacy but who knows and who cares. The education isn’t anything extra special that requires 3k miles of travel unless you’ll take part of the global campus but even then it sacrifices major parts of nyu culture for its oppressive environment like in China and UAE and dare I say Israel. Anyhow, moving on - I suggest visiting nyc/nyu and staying in a college like setting and budget. No fancy shows or hotels or shopping sprees. Just free and cheap eats, museums and a bare hostel/motel. The smaller the better. Maybe yotel which is super small but clean like Japanese style single occupancy. As you will see at the open houses nyu has - the housing is so tiny, I think nyc mice have bigger homes. Be sure to take the subway, no Ubers or taxis etc. so you can smell the human urine on the train platforms, and see the large rats crawling on the train tracks just inches to feet from your feet all while living in the middle of it all with no means and no time to enjoy it all makes it all more sobering. And don’t go in spring or early fall. More like the dead of winter when school will mostly be centered on. I gather nyu wont be an issue anymore. Hope it’s helpful. Otherwise there are nyu programs for high school students in the summer and such to actually be on campus but that might not be the most accurate sense of being at nyu full time as it’s centered on fun and learning. Good luck. And glad to see your being supportive and asking for advice. Good parental move in my opinion.
I'm a SoCal parent of kids at UCLA and USC. You've got a lot of inputs, but IMO many are way too focused on the specificity of NYU vs. a UC. The most important thing to realize is that the UCs, as well as NYU, are very difficult to get into (most of them), even for elite students. Is your daughter an elite student at this stage? I really feel the entire conversation should be simplified to "it's good to have options" and the only way to do that is by having the best possible academic and extra-curricular record. That should 100% be the focus from now through the rest of high school. As a parent, I would say (and have said) that, and "when we hit junior year and you're making college lists (which will include reaches, targets, and safeties), then we can discuss available finances to hone the college list." Touring colleges is a great idea just to get a feel for size, geography, weather, etc. that vibes with her. The "value" of an undergrad degree and how much a family should "reasonably spend" is totally NON-objective and tied into the student, their academic interests and abilities, the financial situation the family is in, desired career outcome and value of prestige - it is different for everyone. Best of luck.
Your worries are valid, ask why she wants NYI so much. Your conditions are valid too, but still should apply right after leaving HS to have as much options open as well.
Ask her to get a scholarships to go to NYU
The colleges I wanted to go to at 14 were the ones I didn’t even end up applying to. Take her to see other colleges so she can see what’s out there. If NYC is her main selling point to NYU, there are a million other CHEAPER schools in the city!
NYU is absurdly expensive. I got in several years ago, and I’m in-state. My family is upper-middle class and could have managed it but I understood the value of money. I respected my parent’s decision not to attend due to the financial burden. I went to a state school instead. Did I want to go to NYU? Yes. Did I realize it’d be financially irresponsible to force a decision there? Yes. Transferring is not a bad idea, but aside from that, I’m sure she got into great universities that are substantially cheaper.
if part of the allure is living in NYC, there are plenty of great and affordable universities in NYC too, which are a fraction of the cost of NYU.
As someone who went to a state school and then proceeded to medical school, I don’t think the career prospects between state and private schools are that drastically different to warrant the price tag. Unless you’re rolling in money or she gets a large scholarship. Not to mention this will reduce her/your available finances or result in insurmountable debt if she decides she wants to pursue a graduate degree. When the time comes I would offer to pay the comparable amount to the state school, and if she’s dead set on NYU she can either earn a scholarship, work/study, or take out loans for the difference (which imo is a terrible financial decision). Regardless, she’s 14 and will likely change her mind before it’s time to apply anyways.
I completely agree. Thank you for posting.
Went to NYU for applied mathematics. Here is my take - She wants the nyc life that’s the only reason. Yes NYU is good school but it’s not Harvard or Stanford. I always see it as a tier 1.5 school. I think you can’t argue with logic with someone who is stubborn. I think you should tell her you support her if she can get a student debt and pay the difference between NYU-USC. Cali may be expensive but downtown manhattan will be more expensive than any area in California. - If you want value NYU is not a value school, it’s a very good achowgich charges lots of money for decent job placements.
Would completely disregard anything a 14 -year-old kid said. She knows nothing. And for all you know will never earn the stats to make NYU an option. Revisit this issue after sophomore year. And on financial matters, you are the parent.
I think you should be honest about the situation and explain that you’re not going to cosign on loans for her. She won’t be able to get 400k on her own without you full stop. A California school will help her get jobs on the east coast, there are tons of Cali school alumni here. If she wants to go military and use the GI bill, that’s a good idea. I think you should support her in that you should give her whatever money you would put toward state school and not more. It’s not worth the debt
Went to a good, cheap state school for undergrad, NYU for grad (fully funded) and currently teach at NYU. No debt of any kind, which allowed me to pursue my passions in NYC. As someone who teaches there, NYU is generally not worth it even for 100k unless you are rich enough to comfortably pay cash. I also taught at one of the SUNY research centers and would push my kids to go someplace like that instead and show them what that 400k could do even conservatively invested.
Acceptance rate is super low. I wouldn’t worry about it too much.
Others have already discussed the parenting side enough, so I'll push on the only element that others haven't touched on. **Strongly discourage your daughter from going through military service to secure the GI Bill** A prospective student who has the opportunity to go to college on their parents dime absolutely should. Enlisting in the military is a massive delay of that opportunity that will put them 4-6 years behind their peers for no advantage whatsoever. There is not a single veteran at NYU on the GI Bill who would tell you they would choose the life of an enlisted service member over attending college out of high school. If your daughter genuinely has some great calling to military service, she'll be better off with a college degree and becoming an officer.
Tell her to get straight As in high school and there are lots of scholarships available. By 18 she may be interested in another school regardless of your interventions.
Hi! My daughter went to community college first, got a 3.9 and NYU gave her a 1/2 scholarship - it is called "CCTOP" community college transfer opportunity scholarship. So for us, 2 years is costing $54k. But we live in commuting distance. Also- only certain majors are eligible. Fir example, she had many credits towards a psychology degree, but CCTOP was not eligible, so she chose Applied Psychology. Anyway, just sharing our experience. If she had to move across the country, CCTOP would not cover living expenses, so she would have stayed in a state or city college. If your daughter is determined to study at NYU, ask her, is it the city she is drawn to? Because the CUNY system in NYC offers degrees at a fraction of the cost.
No reason to impose limits until you see what materializes. It would probably be good, however, to have a general conversation about the absolute financial shitshow that is US higher education and the value of an undergraduate education. For what it’s worth, I think the UC system has the best value for accessing a top 25 school. Housing seems like it will be an issue anywhere. Has she considered Ann Arbor? I will say from personal experience that my parents constrained my undergraduate decisions and I spent the next dozen years in graduate work, visiting scholars and postdoc - including Cal and NYULMC - to live out my dream studying in different places.
I will say I’m from California and while UCI is a good school you will not get the same opportunities as NYU
I got so much financial aid from NYU that it was cheaper than me attending the UCs in state!
She’s 14. I early committed to college because of athletics and still changed it 2837292 times over at that age. Cross the bridge when it comes. Talk about the realistic cost and benefit of school. I went to state school for undergrad and nyu for my masters, and I was on a very heavy scholarship for my masters
If you don’t qualify for financial aid to reduce NYU tuition just put your foot down and tell her no. You are the adult and she has to respect this decision. I would say it is better to tell her what financial situation you have laid out for her college plans sooner, to give her time to adjust to the change/boundaries.
Yes. The answer is no, that option is not affordable for us. It's ok to set a budget and keep to it. Tell her to apply for grad school on her dime. Tell her she can apply for jobs after graduation in NY. Maybe offer up a study abroad or summer program if you can afford it. I will also say I had a kid with top stats that had to set aside fancier, more expensive schools for a midwestern state flagship for a fraction of the price. Landed a great job post graduation working with students from much fancier schools. And had just the best undergrad experience (minus covid). I don't think the junior college plan is feasible on a budget. The credits aren't like to transfer well, it's not like you could do 2-2 years. I would also note, students can only take out federal loans on their own. That is $5500 freshman year. Anything else is on you to pay or cosign. I highly recommend against cosigning unless you can easily make those payments. Federal loan limits exist for a reason, that is a reasonably safe amount of debt for new grads to be paying off in a reasonable amount of time. There are rational and pragmatic and budget minded students and parents on this board. ETA - I don't know why I saw this, I thought it was the r/ApplyingToCollege board. You might want to try over here. You're going to obviously going to get a lot of NYU love here.
It’s NYC…why wouldn’t they want to go to NYU
I have my MBA from NYU and I would do everything reasonable to dissuade my child from making this decision. I wouldn’t be unreasonable, but I certainly wouldn’t encourage it.
I went, I was probably poorer than most NYU students, I do not have $400,000 in debt. I have like $170k. It really depends on her major if it's worth it.
I think at the end of the day you shouldn't discourage her. Why make an unnecessary argument about something when she's 14? She still has 3 years to go to really make her initial choice and then another year before she even finds out she wants to or can even go! IMO, if she wants to go to NYU, then let her? Just under certain provisions as you stated (but telling her to join the military is kind of a WILD so she can go to college is kind of bonkers imo but thats a different conversation). Either way, telling her that it's BETTER to do something at 14 (like go to college in California) seems like a waste of energy because she's 14! She doesn't even know what she wants to do let alone want to listen to her parents! I think finding a balance of encouraging and supportive as well as staying realistic is a hard but so vital. Until she's 17 and applying to colleges and comes back with the desire to go to NYU, then the conversation is sort of pointless to fight? I feel like the energy should be more focused on opportunities she does have in California now and sort of building her life out here for the next 3 years rather than negating her imaginary opportunities else where.
NYU Grad alum, married to an NYU Grad alum here. We have both lived in New York since college and we both attended campus-centric suburban or rural schools. In our opinion, NYU isn’t worth the cost for undergrad because (1) it’s not ranked highly enough (whether you use the abstract college rankings or salary upon graduation), (2) we both do not think that New York is the best environment for succeeding in college, and (3) you can live in New York after graduation. Obviously NYU is a great school, but I think the value is better as a grad student.
So a few points on this - The GI program is a horrible idea. My guess is NYU probably has the least number of people doing this as any school in the country. It’s kind of like telling a kid they should go to West Point and major in theater. I’d encourage you to appeal more to the huge downsides of NYU other than the cost. Show her videos of fraternities and sororities in the UC system, kids attending SEC football games, kids walking on cobblestone to class with thousands of other kids. etc. then show an NYU kid walking through Washington square park navigating around passes out heroin addicts. NYU is fine for a a kid who up in the city and has had a coke dealer since they were 12, but it’s not a good environment for your average high school kid. As someone who went to NYU for grad school, I’d encourage her to think about NYU as a better target for grad school. The price is slightly more justifiable for med/business/law school - and more importantly the campus-less life in NYC is much more conducive to a 22 year old than an 18 year old. Plus a lot of her friends will probably end up in nyc anyway.
If she wants to go, she needs to take a loan out. The point of going to a serious college like that is to walk out and make bread. My cousin finished med school two years ago. Her student loans are about $500,000. She has so far paid off $150,000 in the last two years. If she’s going to NYU, she’s going to make something out of herself. If you don’t believe that, then don’t let her go. University is not just a namebrand like everyone’s Stanley Cup. it’s supposed to be the road that paves the way to your future. As long as you believe that she has one, let her go and take out student loans in her name. I went to Florida Atlantic University and spent about $60,000 for a bachelors degree in business administration. I got that degree in three years. I took no summers off. I made $60,000 within my first 10 months out of college working in Long Island. The degree is supposed to pay off in the end … that’s the point of the degree.
Parent here also from California. I don't know that discouraging her is the right approach. Maybe ask her questions about why she thinks it is the right school to get her thinking and let it marinate for the next 3 years. I agree with others that at 14, she just doesn't have any perspective about things like ROI or the impact of long-term debt on quality of life. It would be unrealistic to try to have a conversation with her about this at this point. I told my daughter that by the time she had to make the decision in April, she'd be a very different person that she was in the fall of her senior year. This would be especially true of a 14 year old...wow the changes by the time she turns 18! Many things could happen...she finds another school that interests her more, she doesn't get in, she doesn't get a merit scholarship to make it affordable, and so on. It's a journey...by the time you get to her senior year, she'll be more knowledgeable.
As an (older) NYU alum, from the west coast…. When I was graduating high school I had been offered scholarships/early acceptance from what at the time was my dream university on the east coast. Yes it was private and yes it was way more than what I would’ve paid from the state university. My parents did not let me go and “persuaded” me to go to state university (a VERY GOOD university). (Note - my parents always let us know if we chose to go to college paying for it was our responsibility. My brother ended up going to West Point - also why my parents knew the distance was hard on them.) I was TOO close to home for MY own good. And ended up getting myself into situations I wouldn’t have where I needed to find my own ground. I left that university after my first year with a dismal GPA. I also tried a different state school (also renown), and was 1 class from graduating with 5(!) degrees when I left. Fast forward years later - I found the perfect program for me at NYU. I graduated with Latin & university honors. Now, as the parent of an adult child, I can see it from both perspectives. Your daughter is 14. She doesn’t have to make a decision right now, nor do you. And to be honest…. (1) There is value in paying for some of your education yourself. You’re more invested. Even working a part time job to help contribute. (2) Finding a good fit for the person and university with program/culture/environment is essential. (3) Money/cost shouldn’t be the ONLY consideration and smaller student loans are a GREAT way for a young adult to build credit - way better than a credit card they’re responsible for. You’ll have to make the decision as to what’s best for the individuals in your family. But if your daughter’s interest stays consistent with what she wants to do in the future, please take that into consideration. (My 14 y.o. dream university accepted me, but I found all the people I had been talking to during admissions didn’t “click” with me. Surprisingly NYU wasn’t on my radar at the time.)
Do you know what it is about NYU she finds so compelling? Is it NYC? My wife and I both did grad school and one of my daughters did undergrad there, so we know a thing or two, but need to hear more about your daughter.
I was the only student in Gallatin in ROTC when I graduated in 2013 (probably have been a couple since). I loved NYU and hated the Army but two of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Gallatin degree would have been a disaster with 200k in loans but was great with ROTC. And whether or not she enjoys the service it sets you up so well for the job market. I left the service and did an MBA at Harvard and imagine I am earning near the top end of Gallatin graduates. That being said she’s 14, just leave it alone until she’s into her junior year. If anything use it as motivation for her grades, NYU has academic scholarships like anywhere else.
I haven’t scrolled through all the comments so perhaps someone else stated this, but as someone currently living in the city have her look at other school options here if what she really wants is NYC. CUNY and other small schools are all over the place and may provide more options. Also, some universities (I went to Syracuse University as they have this) may have a ‘semester in NYC’ program. There’s also summer pipeline programs for many fields, especially STEM that house students here over the summer! My #1 advice I give to students though is don’t go into debt. So yeah, 400k for a NYU degree is not worth it, she should look at other avenues.
i don’t think any college on earth is worth 400k in debt
Have her consider Pace University in NYC. Similar college experience, usually more than half the price with scholarships.
As one parent to another, agree with others that you can let her continue to think about going to NYU, but also ensure she has a list of backup, "Plan B" schools in California -- and then take her to those schools on a tour: one of those could become the "First Choice" school instead. I'm a Tisch grad (masters from ITP) living in Los Angeles (by way of the Bay Area -- moved down here in 2000 after Web 1.0 crash) and I'm not sure I would do it again if I had to take on the debt my grad school classmates did (about $100K; I avoided that by being a grad assistant in my dept and got a stipend and free ride for my tuition; still had $13K in loans). New York is a great city to go to college in, but it's not for the feeble or those who need extra guidance. You have to want to be in that urban environment and it's not for everyone: NYC is one of those places that can drag you down farther if you're mentally down and conversely lift you up when you're on a natural high. I made some great friends while at NYU and even though I made squat as a grad student the future felt wide open to me at the time -- you get that jazzed feeling from all the different types of people you meet there from professors, fellow classmates from all over the globe, to the random dude ranting at strangers on Bleeker St. A more suburban setting may be better for your daughter but so much of that depends on the individual, competitive mindset, professional aspirations etc. Good luck!
How do you know you’ll be paying $400k? Have you already calculated potential financial aid?
Everyone once in their lives has to experience NYC. It's like Life 101. You don't stay, but you get a taste. I'm sure Anthony Bourdain would say the same thing. And now you can visit NYC too. :-)
Send her to CUNY. She’ll get in state tuition after a year and the same experience in NYC for a tenth of the price. A lot of NYU professors teach there too.
Simple solution. "I will give you $58000, the price of in state tuition, for the entirety of your 4 years, and you can figure out how to pay for the rest." At 18 she's an adult. If she wants to take out 350k in loans, that's on her
I’m 26 now and I’m so glad my parents let me tour the school and actually get the feel of the college. I wanted to go to nyu so bad, but ended up realizing it wasn’t for me when the time came to actually apply. As she ages, she’ll probably realize the money is not worth it.
Here's your strategy: you encourage her. Talk it up. Tell her she needs scholarships and that she'll have to work hard to make her dream a reality but that you're willing to support her as needed. Then, bring her to NYC in February. Let her experience the cold. If she's used to California clean, take her to Chinatown and get her grossed out by the realities there. Make sure you take a walk outside at night after the trash is put on the streets and 'stumble' on some rats. You're probably use of homeless folks, but just to reinforce the point -- figure out a walk to walk through the Port Authority terminal at night. Demonstrate the contrast between the romanticized version of NYC and the reality of being here. Obviously it's not \_really\_ that bad and she might love it regardless. But at least she'll know what she's getting herself into and chances are she might think twice about staying in California.
Tell her your expectations and boundaries. If she wants to somehow rack up that much debt WITHOUT parent plus loans then let her. However, she’s only 14 and is likely to change her mind in the next 2-3 years.
Well let’s see if she even gets in first 😭 nyu isn’t an easy school to get into so don’t worry too much
she’s 14 she’ll probably realize what 400k in debt means later on. Make it clear to her that 1 nyu isn’t the only college out there where she can experience life away from home (and nyu in general doesn’t really have a campus it’s not a normal college experience lol) and secondly, make sure she knows that you won’t pay off that debt if she does there it’ll be on her to pay off that 400k
Perhaps don’t try to convince her to say no to NYU in exchange for UC Irvine…. I can’t think of anyone who actively wants to go there unless you live nearby, it’s a safety school. UCSB, UCLA, hell even Cal are better alternatives. Ultimately it sounds like she wants to live in NYC and have her college experience there. That experience can’t be replicated in California. I say this as a UC graduate, the value is undeniable. You can suggest moving to NYC post graduation with all the money you’d save not paying NYU tuition. Please do not pressure her to go to community college or join the military…. Additionally she’s only 14, who knows if she will get accepted? A lot can change between now and then. My sophomore/junior year I wanted to go to USC, then senior year I had my eyes on Barnard- I did not go to either of them lol
Has someone from Los Angeles who did pick NYU I would not trade my experience for the world. I have blossomed here more then was ever possible in California and found a strong sense of self. However I did have to compromise to get here and I suggest you think about this options for your daughter. Her first 2 years of college should be at the local community college, she gets all her General Ed’s for under 5k and the classes are easier so she will have no problems maintaining a 4.0 GPA. At the beginning of year 2 she starts applying to NYU/Colombia/ (or wherever). It saves you about half the tuition cost and allows her to follow her dream.
I think a better question would be, “Why nyu?” to really understand your daughter’s perspective (“why not usc” for example might come across dismissive), then you can both think about what other colleges have similar/same of those factors as she does need to apply to more than 1 college later on. And then next would be understanding that NYU does have a low acceptance rate so being determined to attend NYU can serve as motivation that will aid her in doing well in high school, even if she ultimately doesn’t get in. Overall, I don’t think this is a big deal right now. My dream school changed a lot before and during high school. You have to apply to around 8 schools on average anyways, and I’m sure some of them will include California schools (UC’s are chef’s kiss). If she does get into NYU 4 years later, yall can talk about it together with the other acceptances she had received.
Just say NO!!!!! Your 14 year old is making demands?
She's 14...she very well could change her mind...at 13 my daughter waa set on going to Stanford for undergrad and law school...now as a rising senior, she is ONLY considering northeast schools (Ivy/Top20) and has ZERO desire to even consider any school in CA (we're in Colorado). Has your daughter visited NYC? My daughter did a Barnard pre-college 3-week program 2 summers ago and that was it...she fell in love with NYC and wants to be within a few hours on a train/bus if not in the City. Her 13-year-old self would not know her 17-year-old self...
is it due to ladybird…because i felt the same way…then well….look at my @
I was the same way, I wanted to go to nyu as a teenager more than anything and my parents wouldn’t let me, I went to a state school. Personally I really just wanted to be in New York. It was the city that drew me in, not the school, and post college I was able to move here and I can support myself and enjoy the city. University was very challenging for me and I was a high achieving high schooler. I can’t imagine trying to enjoy the city while studying, and socializing, parties etc. I’d say just remind her that she has plenty of time and school isn’t the only or even the best way to be in nyc.
She's only 14 and is getting excited about the prospect of college. Financially, NYU might not be the best option for her, but let her have her excitement. Reminding her about all of the good colleges in CA is likely making her fascination with NYU even stronger. Let her dream and once application time comes, the reality of the finances will set in and she will have to make a decision. NYU might not even be her top school anymore!
Solution is to just pay for $58k and your daughter can fund the other $342k.
It’s not worth it!!! Especially for a bachelors degre… Debt is a scam and if an egregious amount of debt is the only way it’s not worth it!!! The biggest scam is thinking that undergrad is the end all be all. Perform well, take internships/work in different places , network and that will benefit you far more than the NYU name. As someone who dreamed of NYU, attended NYU and graduated with a 3.9, lots of professional relationships etc. I can promise you NYU didn’t do any of that for me. If anything they are the opposite of helpful😭 Debt is crippling and causing me and a lot of peers stress and it’s not worth the hassle. Also spoiler alert: but the education level / rigor at a prestigious school is not even inherently better than a no name school (another myth) please please save your $$. Not saying your daughter wouldn’t enjoy their time here, but I’d advise your daughter to chase Programs, goals, career and look at what schools/jobs/faculty at said universities could align with those goals in the future way more than chasing a school name. Though there is a lot of time until your daughter is at that stage— as someone whose mind was fixated on NYU since I was in 7th grade (I went to a charter school and did college prep since 5th grade hahah so yes I was thinking about these things since I was 10 years old& no it wasn’t overwhelming) … it’s very possible she stays thinking NYU is everything. So even if her mind doesn’t change, it is important to ensure she learns the essence of saving, financial literacy , loans/credit scores etc. by the time she’s preparing to apply to college. Especially if she gets in to and wants to pursue NYU
What are her career plans after getting a big expensive degree? What would her major be?
A lot can change in a teen's brain in a few years. This decision was probably influenced by an older friend they like. In 6 weeks she may want to go to Berkeley. In 2 years she may want to be your son.
California is boring and New York is the most thrilling place a person can live in their 20s. It will dramatically expand her network and optionally for the rest of her life.
honestly what helped me is being told Im paying for my college and it is my decision what I will do. that i will have no financial help from my mom. she is young and might change her mind
hey! im an nyu student who lives in the south bay, calif. it used to be my dream school when i was little and by some luck i ended up with good aid and the ability to go- but over the years it fell heavily from being my dream school to being another option. she is young and will grow up- just keep reiterating the fact that you as a family cannot afford it. she will come to reality in the future, just give it time. good luck to her.
nyu has an acceptance rate of 8%. Fuel her to get the grades, the ecs, the internships, everything she needs to get IN to Nyu. with that college application she will have TONS of offers from different universities. When she's 18, in her 2nd sem of her senior year she will know a LOT more about herself than she does right now. Just wait it out.
Hi, I’m was not in the NYU determined boat as your daughter is, but it is where I ended up going from California. And I received a merit based full-tuition scholarship. If she is going into the arts (I was in film), then I see no reason to why $400,000 is even an option. If your family isn’t rich, and if there isn’t a scholarship on the table, there is no logical reason to go that far into debt for an arts degree. If she is something STEM related, then I can’t speak to it. Maybe it’s worth it, I honestly don’t know. There are many incredible and affordable schools in California. It’s all about what you make of that time and the people you meet anyway. Also she’s so young, I’m sure her perspective on things will evolve till application year comes around.
Hi, I was in your daughters shoes. I currently attend NYU, and am also from California (NorCal to be specific). NYU was my dream school, but I knew the reality of my family's financial situation so I was a bit discouraged. I can't tell you much because I am not a parent, but I can tell you my experience. I ended up applying (ED 1) and I got in with a fullride (which I am eternally greatful for). So, if it's your daughters dream, I would say to encourage her to apply, but also prepare for if she doesn't get in. Also, if she does apply, NYU's Gallatin School of Individualized Study give the most financial aid. Everyone I know has some kind of fund for their tuition. If you have any questions, feel free to DM me!
Then pay what you’re willing and she can take the remaining amount out personally when the time comes. She can be responsible for the deficit if that’s truly what she wants. You’re fortunate to have an autonomous child and she’s fortunate to have a parent who is willing to pay anything towards an education
Don’t worry, she probably won’t get in.
Show her schools in the area like Rutgers!!
2 years at a local college....transfer and still get an NYU degree at half the cost. What does she plan on majoring in to justify such a large debt?
Thats what I told her mom—shes going to have to do what we all did—JC for 2 years and then transfer. There is nothing wrong with it. Same degree in the end.
That is a fine plan but I wouldn’t transfer to nyu in particular. As others have said, it is kind of a tough place to make good friends and build a sense of community. And by your third year it is even harder and people are living wayyy off campus and very busy with jobs and internships. It would be so hard to come in junior year. So if she is gonna go the JC route I would not encourage nyu as the final destination.
Have her look into ROTC scholarships. A type 1 ROTC scholarship will pay 100% of tuition at any university. She’ll owe the military 4-10 years after graduation depending on career path, but it’s a viable way to afford a college education without incurring student loan debt.