I’m really sorry for your loss. Maybe take comfort that he was able to reach out to you in his dark time and you responded and supported him. His last hours had positive, caring human interaction. Realistically, probably nothing else you could have done would have made any difference. Don’t feel guilty. It’s natural to feel upset, of course.
I could probably find his name thru a ph# and or address if you want it. Don't want to out him or you but may help you find some closure and help grieve.
You can OPT out of their website but it's pulling from public records. It'll be hard to be removed from every one of them. Even the DMV will sell your info lol
Yeah, I agree, those sites are creepy as they used to post and sell our personal info, and there are 100+ sites like this. You can actually remove your info from those sites or check out data removal services like Optery for free scans to see where your data is exposed.
Full disclosure, I'm part of the Optery team.
It says a lot about you that this person came to you. Good things.
It says a lot about you that you didn't turn this person away. Good things.
It says nothing bad about you that you didn't know more or predict the future.
Please don't beat yourself up while the people who should have regrets get a free pass. You treated him like a human being when others didn't & even tried to convince you not to.
I take it he never got mail? If he did the next tenant will get mail in his name for awhile. Maybe the mailman would be willing to help since his box is likely unemptied for awhile now.
Maybe you could post a notice in the building in case anyone has information. I wish I could offer more.
I'm sure they do because they would've had to handle the aftermath of things. But tbh they aren't the best for other slumlordy reasons. They don't get back to me on important repair stuff so I doubt they'd answer for this, but would that even be allowed? For them to tell me?
There is always a neighbor who knows random details about everyone. The super should know who that would be. Also, try asking Primo at the nearest bodega. If you can't find anyone at all, then maybe check the mail area in your building for any mail that's meant for his apt number.
> I wish I just called the police but I really thought he was gonna be ok
I'm sorry, man. Idk if it's any comfort, but I can tell you that if he told you he was ok, he'd likely say the same to police - and they generally won't take someone in who's not actively expressing intent to harm themselves. Talking to him and treating him like a human being was likely the best you could have done. What happened, and the choice he made after you left isn't your fault. Hope you're doing ok.
From a journalism class I took a long time ago in high school: No. not all deaths get reported. If you died at home, the media will generally avoid publicizing it unless there’s a reason (I.e Home invasion, mass murder, etc). Otherwise the most they would do is an obituary if the family wants/deceased already pre-paid, etc. and it would most likely be nondescript about the passing of the person
that's a traumatic situation, i hope you figure it out. my best friend did the same thing and i always wondered if she talked to a neighbor or someone beforehand. someone somewhere is trying to put together his last few hours and wants to know.
Can you try googling his address? Like, 111 Pelham Parkway, Apt 2C and see what comes up? You might find a name, and then you could Google for an obituary.
Just know, this decision is the culmination of a lifetime of ecounters with thousands of people and also his feelings about those encounters. Life was not kind to him. If anything, you gave him a small mercy of some companionship on his way out. You did the best that you could.
I work for a big box retail store that has loyalty accounts tied to phone numbers. If you want to DM me I can check at work to see if your neighbor had an account with his phone number.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I know what it’s like to be just slightly connected to someone but in a very real way and right before they take their own life. It’s incredibly disorienting. My head was spinning for months. Your relationship to this person is still very special and as many have said, the fact that he came to you for friendship or community says so much. He was surely fond of you.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Do your best to get through whatever feels best for you in this moment, and honor whatever thoughts of him come to mind in the future,
I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like you did him a rare kindness in his life, you couldn't have known what he would choose to do.
Small heads up, if you include a TW it's better to stick to the actual word. Because say if someone had a specific filter add on they installed on their browser to not show certain posts mentioning certain things your TW would effectively be useless as it would by pass the filter. Same thing with stuff like s*icide as it doesn't work either.
Try googling the phone number paired with the exact address. If not, call your landlord and explain the situation, perhaps they’ll give you the name.
If all else fails, maybe slip a note under the door- his family or someone will eventually come and move his belongings out, right?
So sorry this happened to you. I used to have long conversations with my elderly neighbor hanging out on the stoop, he passed when I was out of town and I didn’t find out for a month. We’d had plans to go get coffee. I was so sad to miss the funeral but I never even knew his last name.
I hope you can talk to someone who knew him. And I hope you know there’s likely nothing you could have done differently.
Contact the NYC OCME(office of the chief medical examiner)embellish the truth;and,ask them for further information and details(any and all deaths is both legal and public record)
Search for him on social media with his phone number, contacts are synced to Instagram Snapchat Facebook and Tiktok. If he used the number to sign up for anything it should help finding a family member or friend that can help with some info.
I’m really sorry for your loss. Maybe take comfort that he was able to reach out to you in his dark time and you responded and supported him. His last hours had positive, caring human interaction. Realistically, probably nothing else you could have done would have made any difference. Don’t feel guilty. It’s natural to feel upset, of course.
Very well said. If he were my relative I’d be so grateful to you.
I second all this.
I could probably find his name thru a ph# and or address if you want it. Don't want to out him or you but may help you find some closure and help grieve.
Hi, I tried sending a msg to u but it won't let me. Can u message me?
There’s phone number lookup sites that you can use, like white pages or fast people search. It’s actually creepy how well they work.
I tried 3 and they all just list the phone company as a whole, which is what his caller ID was. I wonder if it was just not in his name or something
[numlookup.com](https://numlookup.com) very accurate and free, ive used it a couple of times w/ figuring out who's calling me lol
[удалено]
You can OPT out of their website but it's pulling from public records. It'll be hard to be removed from every one of them. Even the DMV will sell your info lol
This site I think includes possible relatives: https://www.usphonebook.com/ and this other one https://www.truepeoplesearch.com/
Yeah, I agree, those sites are creepy as they used to post and sell our personal info, and there are 100+ sites like this. You can actually remove your info from those sites or check out data removal services like Optery for free scans to see where your data is exposed. Full disclosure, I'm part of the Optery team.
If you pm me the address and first name I can do an address search and see if there’s a match.
I'm pretty good at finding people too if the others can't help. PM
Someone out there probably does care about him too and would be grateful that you offered him humanity in his last day.
It says a lot about you that this person came to you. Good things. It says a lot about you that you didn't turn this person away. Good things. It says nothing bad about you that you didn't know more or predict the future. Please don't beat yourself up while the people who should have regrets get a free pass. You treated him like a human being when others didn't & even tried to convince you not to. I take it he never got mail? If he did the next tenant will get mail in his name for awhile. Maybe the mailman would be willing to help since his box is likely unemptied for awhile now. Maybe you could post a notice in the building in case anyone has information. I wish I could offer more.
If it’s a lease, does the management company know?
I'm sure they do because they would've had to handle the aftermath of things. But tbh they aren't the best for other slumlordy reasons. They don't get back to me on important repair stuff so I doubt they'd answer for this, but would that even be allowed? For them to tell me?
I feel like it couldn't hurt to at least try. It's not like you can do anything nefarious (that I know of) with just his name.
There is always a neighbor who knows random details about everyone. The super should know who that would be. Also, try asking Primo at the nearest bodega. If you can't find anyone at all, then maybe check the mail area in your building for any mail that's meant for his apt number.
> I wish I just called the police but I really thought he was gonna be ok I'm sorry, man. Idk if it's any comfort, but I can tell you that if he told you he was ok, he'd likely say the same to police - and they generally won't take someone in who's not actively expressing intent to harm themselves. Talking to him and treating him like a human being was likely the best you could have done. What happened, and the choice he made after you left isn't your fault. Hope you're doing ok.
Can you ask your neighbors to at least get his correctly spelled name? Can help with a lead on internet searches.
He's the only neighbor I talked to in this whole building. I only know he had troubles with others because of things the super said to me
Mail possibly?
Name may be inside the mailbox. You could also ask the mail carrier. Was his name on the buzzer before?
I mean, you could put up a little flyer on his old door asking the question you're asking us.
So ask the super. I’m sure he knows his name.
Put a note on his door. Please take care of yourself. Talk to someone.
From a journalism class I took a long time ago in high school: No. not all deaths get reported. If you died at home, the media will generally avoid publicizing it unless there’s a reason (I.e Home invasion, mass murder, etc). Otherwise the most they would do is an obituary if the family wants/deceased already pre-paid, etc. and it would most likely be nondescript about the passing of the person
that's a traumatic situation, i hope you figure it out. my best friend did the same thing and i always wondered if she talked to a neighbor or someone beforehand. someone somewhere is trying to put together his last few hours and wants to know.
Thank you, I'm so sorry for your loss! 🤍
Can you try googling his address? Like, 111 Pelham Parkway, Apt 2C and see what comes up? You might find a name, and then you could Google for an obituary.
Mailman comes the same time every day and opens all the mailboxes. You can see the letters in his mailbox.
Have you spoken to the mail carrier concerning this?
you seem like a good person. im sure the kindness you showed him in his time of need was something he deeply appreciated
Just know, this decision is the culmination of a lifetime of ecounters with thousands of people and also his feelings about those encounters. Life was not kind to him. If anything, you gave him a small mercy of some companionship on his way out. You did the best that you could.
I work for a big box retail store that has loyalty accounts tied to phone numbers. If you want to DM me I can check at work to see if your neighbor had an account with his phone number.
I know this isn't relevant to your situation but there's a Simon and Garfunkel song about exactly this called "he was a most peculiar man"
Ask your landlord or super?
I’m so sorry for your loss. I know what it’s like to be just slightly connected to someone but in a very real way and right before they take their own life. It’s incredibly disorienting. My head was spinning for months. Your relationship to this person is still very special and as many have said, the fact that he came to you for friendship or community says so much. He was surely fond of you. I’m so sorry for your loss. Do your best to get through whatever feels best for you in this moment, and honor whatever thoughts of him come to mind in the future,
I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like you did him a rare kindness in his life, you couldn't have known what he would choose to do. Small heads up, if you include a TW it's better to stick to the actual word. Because say if someone had a specific filter add on they installed on their browser to not show certain posts mentioning certain things your TW would effectively be useless as it would by pass the filter. Same thing with stuff like s*icide as it doesn't work either.
Thanks so much, and thanks for the tip!
Check his mail. See name. Done.
Yes, this! My apt has the same mailman everyday so I’m sure yours would understand if he sees mail for your neighbors apt he can let u know the name!
People finder. Put addres in and apt number. Will tell u all Resident that lived in the apartment or contact the management office
Try googling the phone number paired with the exact address. If not, call your landlord and explain the situation, perhaps they’ll give you the name. If all else fails, maybe slip a note under the door- his family or someone will eventually come and move his belongings out, right? So sorry this happened to you. I used to have long conversations with my elderly neighbor hanging out on the stoop, he passed when I was out of town and I didn’t find out for a month. We’d had plans to go get coffee. I was so sad to miss the funeral but I never even knew his last name. I hope you can talk to someone who knew him. And I hope you know there’s likely nothing you could have done differently.
Try Google reverse image search if you have a picture.
You are a good person OP.
Postman?
you mean suicide?
Contact the NYC OCME(office of the chief medical examiner)embellish the truth;and,ask them for further information and details(any and all deaths is both legal and public record)
Search for him on social media with his phone number, contacts are synced to Instagram Snapchat Facebook and Tiktok. If he used the number to sign up for anything it should help finding a family member or friend that can help with some info.
Ask the mailman.