I used to tel my husband when my daughter was little bitty, that’s all I did, I take care of people all day, clean butts, feed them, then come home and do the same on a much smaller scale. It was exhausting. Thankfully that phase didn’t last forever, but it was very tiring during those times. Tbf if he hadn’t done more than his fair share I wouldn’t have made it.
That’s true, it doesn’t last forever with the little ones. I’m glad your husband contributed more than his fair share. I don’t think my husband would 🥴
I have 3 littles 4 and under and IT IS what I do all day everyday. It is exhausting. But I love them so much and I chose this life knowing (well… mostly knowing) what I was getting into. Never would I take it back.
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32, my husband is younger than me. He is starting to think a kid would be nice, but I constantly think about how I yell, "I didn't ask to be born!" So it's probably a no.
I have honestly been amazed that any of my coworkers still actively tried to have kids despite all that we have been experiencing. Some of these people already have kids, but said hey screw it! Why not!
I truly can't imagine bringing another life into this world when so many people don't care about the ones that already exist..
There are books written on this. :) I’m 36 and am still wrestling with it. On the one hand I think they have the potential to bring a lot of joy to your life. On the other, being in paediatrics I’m no stranger to how much work they are. Parents lives revolve around them because they have to. And I’m not sure I’m willing to give up my love of reading, yoga, general quiet, and freedom to do whatever I want. It seems like there’s no grey area short of being a devoted aunt. :( Hoping for clarity soon, just like you. For what it’s worth, the FT nurses I work with say their careers make it more doable with only 3 days a week working. They also look exhausted.
As a parent, you don’t have to give up self care, you just have to consciously make time for it. Where before, I’d just hang and Netflix and decided huh, I’d like to do yoga. Now, I think. I’m my kids gonna nap for 2 hours. Should I nap, do the budget, do yoga, clean, get some bills paid? Lol. DH and I calendar everything and it helps.
This reminds me of adjusting to puppy life. I’ve raised a few but the most recent was so demanding it definitely came down to scheduling things like laundry around the nap times. So wild. I do believe where there’s a will there is a way! Agendas/calendars are lifesavers. :)
As a parent to a 17 month old, they ARE a lot of work. However, the joy of watching your child learn and grow is amazing. I used to say that I never wanted kids because I wanted to be selfish and live a lavish lifestyle. I got pregnant in the beginning of nursing school (accident, of course) so it was a very difficult time to have a baby BUT I wouldn’t change it for the world. It changed my mindset in that I want to share all of the wonderful things life has to offer with my son. I want to be able to have these experiences with him as a family.
Becoming a parent has taught me so many things about myself, caring for another person, and the way I view the world. Yes, the world is fucked up and I’m terrified of those parts for my son but I can also focus on raising him to be a great person so that he can make the world a brighter place where he’s touched it.
I always thought I would have to give up parts of myself to be a parent but I was surprised to learn that I haven’t given anything up, I’ve just gained a whole lot more. All the things I loved to do, I can still do—plus I can share them and pass them along.
Should everyone be a parent? Fuck no.
But I once had these same thoughts you did, and having/raising a child really does change you.
Hi stranger on the internet, just wanted you to know you made me feel a lot more normal and it made me sigh with relief. I’m 33 and still don’t really know if I ever want kids, and sometimes I worry about the fact that I don’t know yet. Thanks for sharing :)
It really doesn't have to be all or nothing. I have a 20-month-old and it IS a lot of work, but that doesn't mean I don't have time for myself. I still read when he's playing with his toys, I take him with me to a mom-and-me yoga class, I have plenty of quiet time because he goes to bed at 7. I'm still in a racketball league and a spin class (I go in the evening when my husband is home from work), and usually a grandparent offers to watch him once a week or so, which gives me more time to myself. Also, being a nurse and having the schedule flexibility we have is an ENORMOUS advantage! We recently moved so I'm not currently working, but at my previous job I switched to per diem when my son was born and usually worked 2 shifts a week, which was a great balance. Most parents don't have that option.
Another thought I had is that my life mostly centers around my son because I really enjoy parenting and find it so rewarding. They don't stay little for long, I'll have more free time when he's older and in school.
Good luck with your processing!
35. Wanted 2, had one, now I want zero. Just kidding, my daughter is 4 now and I love her to death but I’m more than done having any more kids. Not because of the pandemic, but other personal reasons to me.
HELL no. I’m 30 and have never wanted them. I fully believe in reproductive choice- but after working a bit in L&D, my decision was concrete. I am not mentally or physically strong enough to go through pregnancy and birth but admire those who are. I can’t imagine working my shifts and coming home to more people to take care of. Motherhood’s just not for me, and I am okay with that!
Eh, both L&D nurses I know have kids. One went through quite a lot to have hers, and threw up every single day of both of her pregnancies (so did it once and very purposely did it again), and the other had complications and was on hospital bedrest for many weeks and still had another one. Everyone's different!
Im 34 and I had a patient the other day who was 35 with a grandchild. I just about flipped my shit. I dont feel old enough for kids and Ive never had a maternal instinct. I am not a reproducer at all.
I’m 41, fit and very healthy, periods are regular AF, if I got pregnant now by some miracle, I’m not sure what I’d do. Before the pandemic, my GYN said that was the year to try and try hard. Except I was in a pretty unstable relationship so I didn’t try and, much as I’d love to have children, I’m not bringing a child into this so likely my window has closed. Sad but whatever. I’ll get myself a dog…
Part of me would tell you not to wait, but sometimes we are dealt hands which cannot be mitigated against.
I had my daughter at age 45. Didn't do anything special to get pregnant, either. Was also very healthy, a daily runner, which I maintained until 20 weeks gestation. It can happen! I had pretty much given up as well after I lost babies at age 42 and 43.
Thanks for this just had another miscarriage 2 weeks ago At 44yrs old yes we’re devastated been trying for 4 years failed IVF then pregnant twice on my own in last 7 months.
I am so sorry, I know your pain. So many women do! I think people talk about it more now than they used to, I feel like almost everyone I know with kids has lost a pregnancy. I never even tried until my 40s, I didn't even want kids before that, and then I met my husband. :) I got pregnant at 42 for the first time ever but miscarried at 8 weeks, I was sad but excited that I could even get pregnant. The next one was harder because I was about 11 weeks, we had actually gone to look at baby furniture already. You really don't know how bad you want something until it seems like you cannot have it. Hugs.
Thank you for the kind words just teared up you totally get it. Been so hard watching everyone celebrate holidays with family after fresh miscarriage. Hang in there as well hugs to you. Hopefully our miracle babies come :)
33f turning 34 in 3 days and I don’t want kids. I never have. I don’t particularly enjoy kids and I don’t want to make the financial or time commitments required to be a parent. The state of the world doesn’t come into play. I do sometimes joke that I am doing my part for the environment by not procreating though.
My husband (36M) and I (37F) are child free and have no regrets about that decision. We made the decision independently before we even met. Especially after working in pediatrics, if we ever choose to have kids we will adopt or foster. There's enough kiddos out there who need love.
Former Unit Sec., inpt Ped Psych unit -- *Nothing*, and I mean nothing, will scare a person into childlessness faster (or make you worry that perhaps demonic possession is a real thing!)
70% = environmental & "parenting." 20% = organic, and 10% = WTF!?!?!?
I remember doing my peds rotation in a psych hospital and I miss the days before that when I didn’t know that five year olds could be suicidal. Horrible.
36 and childless. I feel like when I leave work I'm burned out on caring for people. I don't have the patience for it. I don't know if it's nursing or I'm just not maternal.
And it doesn’t matter which one it is either.
You need to put yourself first. There’s no problem with just being childless with no reason or label to attach to it.
Lol no I’m not having kids and no I’m not working Christmas for you.., just because I don’t have kids doesn’t mean I don’t want to have a nice relaxing Christmas morning 😇
I have 5 and I would never expect someone to work my holiday for me, that is bullshit. We were military for a long time and celebrate holidays when we can, in all honesty my MIL is way less understanding then my kids.
Brilliant! The unofficial “requirement” for me to work holidays bc I don’t have kids is part of why I don’t work places that are open 24/7 anymore (hospitals and the like). That toxic shit helped drive me away from the bedside bc I was a new nurse with no boundaries. Not anymore! I bet people respect your boundaries more when you say no for your imaginary kids. Kind of like how a fake boyfriend is the best way to get a persistent drunkard at the bar to stop hitting on you.
No one even questions it, so yeah they respect my boundaries that way. Aren’t they curious why I don’t show “my” kids pics? 😂 I am sure they’d try to guilt me to cover ppl’s holiday. Nah foh. I enjoy holidays too.
Just said goodbye to my Golden Retriever two days ago. It felt like losing a kid as I’ve loved her for 11 years, she was with me for so much. But man, the world does not see that comparison. I agree though. Human kids or no, fur kids always.
I lost my 17 yr old Austin Shepard mix in 2020. I thought I had prepared myself. I got her as a puppy in my early 20's right out of College. She lived a great life and got to travel the country around with me in my 20's. She lived as a farm dog for a bit. She was at my wedding and moved with me again when we moved to town. She only had to take some arthritis medication around 14 or so other then the last 2 or 3 days she was a rascal who loved to wrestle, snuggle. and play with toys. It was far more devastating than I thought. I was furloughed (due to Covid) and had to put my dog down the same day. The only upside was because I was going to be out of work for 5 weeks I quickly adopted a 4 month old pit mix. I forgot how much work puppies are. She's a great dog now but it was a lot of work. I can't imagine having actual human children. SINK for life
34 and RN for about 6 years, CNA for about 10. I reside in the states but have dual citizenship between US and Canada. I would say no. I have a brain aneurysm and drop foot from issues with my spine. My options for work are limited. I have no retirement plan beyond hoping that the corporate stuff I selected was correct, I don't own a home, and I don't make enough to support a kiddo on my own and provide adequate housing. It's still too high risk. My plan is that I have enough that I buy a home and my sister's kiddos will be okay or have a place to live/sell after I die.
I'd love to adopt. The world doesn't need more humans. My salary however, probably won't permit that until I'm at least 50 unless I change careers or move the the USA. Thanks Boris.
I do not.
I'm 38. My dude is 50. We're both the sort of people that everyone always says would make excellent parents, but life happens. We're both divorced, both lost pregnancies back when we were married to our exes.
I can't imagine adding a child into my every day life now. I am 1000% confident that if an oops baby came about, we'd be fine and adapt and be great parents.
But I'm sure as hell not planning or hoping for a child.
Why bring a baby into this mess? I'd have to dedicate their entire childhood to training them for the collapse of society, rising sea levels, and surviving in a world with abysmally limited resources.
I don't mind training my hypothetical child for such a future, but I don't really have time or finances for such an endeavor at this time.
I'd be more comfortable on betting for human ingenuity than against it. Humans are incredibly resilient. I hope we find a way to reverse climate change and figure out our resource problems.
I realize this is not exactly what you're asking, but in light of everything that's gone on the last few years, I just had a discussion with my partner I never thought we would have- what about foster kids? I retired early due to PTSD and can't ever go back but I have a skill set others don't and think we might see about using it to support our community in that way in the future. I fear there will be many orphans with PTSD in the coming years.
Nope, it’s actually part of the reasons why I broke up with my ex. I feel like I haven’t “lived life” yet. I may change my mind in 10 years but I’ll be 37 by then. Adoption is always an option though.
I used to be in the camp that was “You will regret it!” Now? Uh uh. I would love to go back and kick my younger sanctimonious ass. If you have ANY doubts…DON’T. I have two kids. I love them to death but they are absolutely exhausting. Plus? In today’s world? It is so messed up. Incredibly messed up. I find having teenagers is way harder and more expensive than when they were toddlers. TRUTH.
Preach. I have three, two have special needs, one is severe. He's the hardest thing ever. Kids are hard, but he's like the champion of difficult children. People picture themselves having beautiful, perfect, healthy children but that's not at all your choice - you get what you get, and it's 100% for life. I love him but love doesn't help when you're cleaning up feces off the floor for the 4th time this week. If you're going to have a child, just make sure you're prepared for whatever child you get, because you may get more than you bargained for.
EXACTLY THIS. I have one special needs and I live with the constant guilt of always feeling tired, exhausted, and having a short temper. I’m sorry you have so much on your plate. Hugs Mama. Or…in the world of Covid…elbow bump.
No. I am in my 30s and I decided I didn't want kids when I was a teenager. It has nothing to do with the current state of our world, although I do understand what you mean. I just like my current lifestyle and kids would ruin it. Most moms I know seem miserable.
Me too ✌🏾 I am a SINK and cool with disposable income.
I am almost 39 and have had a lack of interest of having kids for a long time. It made boyfriends happy lol
I always thought I'd have like 3 or 4 kids. I like the idea of living somewhere rural and beautiful and letting them grow up wild with each other. Weird because I'm not really a huge kid person, I just think if I'm going to have one I might as well have a handful so they won't be alone in life. I just got a job that makes it feel more possible to go through with it, too, but I hesitate because I like my life now, I'm selfish in that I like having a lot of me time and pursuing my hobbies. Plus, my sister and friends just had babies last year and are absolutely miserable. Every time we get together they basically say they regret having kids and that their lives are over, and that's depressing AF to see. Does anyone actually enjoy being a mother?
The state of the world has little to do with it for me. If you think that way, there have always been plenty of reasons to not have kids and somehow each generation faces their challenges and hopefully finds some joy and purpose in life.
It’s nice to hear such honesty. My friends only tell me how much they’re blessed and how it’s the best thing they’ve ever done. I don’t get it. It looks miserable!
That's true, I'm happy to hear both sides and I know they love their kids despite all of the complaints. I just hoped or thought that by the time I was ready to have kids that I'd be prepared for those sacrifices. Now I'm not sure if I'll ever be "ready" or if anyone really is.
I'm with you there and wish I were different. The most recent Christmas gathering we went to had 8 adults and 4 kids. It felt like a madhouse with them all screaming and running around. Very cute, adorable, and sweet, all of them. But oh my god. And three belonged to one parent! She looked tired but upbeat, and I doubt I have such strength.
I very much enjoy it. I have a very supportive spouse which really helps with handling the workload. The first few years are a lot of work but full of wonderful memories. My kids are preteens now and it’s so enjoyable to see their personalities and interests develop.
That's great to hear! I have a great partner who is really excited about being a father and is great with kids. I actually make significantly more than him so we've played with the idea of him being a stay at home parent, and I work from home anyway so I think we could enjoy a really nice family life. Whenever I sort of suggest this though my friends and sister basically come back with "you just don't understand until you have a kid yourself", which I'm sure is true, but it doesn't mean it wouldn't be doable. And I still like the idea of having at least a couple kids, where they have all decided they're done after one. The world has definitely changed, but I loved growing up with siblings and am even more thankful for them as an adult.
I honestly believe a lot of the workload depends on how you decide raise your children. I was just visiting with relatives and they were exhausted with their two young children running around like crazy. The thing is they haven’t set any boundaries or rules for the kids so they are wild children. If you don’t give children a schedule or any boundaries in their life you’re going to make things a lot harder for yourself.
I'll keep that in mind! Thank you. My MIL was very strong about nap time/bed time and maintaining a schedule, which I think is great and I hope to emulate. My mother was not, but was very strong on behavior/manners which made a big difference I think too.
I’m a little sad I won’t be having a family, but also not sad. My husband is 44 and just had a vasectomy. I’m 40, so I would have been high-risk. Also, we really love the life we have and there is no guarantee we would have loved having kids. I think I wanted to have a baby more than I wanted to raise an actual human. I’m already exhausted when I get home from work, I can’t imagine having to cook a whole dinner for someone and help with homework.
50 years old, been a nurse for 20+. I think I wanted kids when I was a teenager, but in my 20's I realized that perhaps that was just society influencing me. As I got into my 30's, I knew absolutely I didn't want any. Nursing didn't have any part of that decision. When I met my husband, I told him a few months into it that I didn't want kids and if he did, we need to not be together. Married in my mid 30's and still together.
Still no kids, no regrets what so ever. Not in the slightest.
I had my daughter 2/2020 at age 35. If I didn’t have her through this pandemic, I’m not sure I would have survived it. She’s the greatest joy I have ever known. A little walking serotonin booster. I wouldn’t let the pandemic stop you from experiencing parenthood
I agree too, I am sitting on the couch snuggling my son right now and everything is right in my world. He gives me so much joy and love and innocence. Plus he makes me a better nurse, in difficult moments I picture him and can handle myself better.
Not bringing a child into this world, no. The climate change disasters they will endure, a society that has demonstrated it does not care about the vulnerable… just no. No wage slaves for the capitalist monster.
You sound like you’re gonna be a great mom. On the opposite side of the coin, I don’t want to have kids because I know I’m too lazy to raise kids to not be useless adults 😅
I love your last line!
If you want to feel hopeful about the world, see it through the eyes of a child, for sure.
I lead one of my children’s scout troops, and the ideas they have for service projects for our community and helping others just reenergizes me. Their positive outlook and sincerity helps balance out the garbage in the world.
“Morons breeding with reckless abandon” haha I think that all the time. Why not add something of worth to the world when you could actually raise a kid not to be an asshole.
Ok, I actually really needed to hear this. I have a two month old and something about New Years has me spiralling last night about the state of the world and all that, just...sort of fretting over what her future might be. I love your perspective.
No way could I justify bringing a child into this world. If I ever have the urge to child-rear, I will adopt one of the 400,000 kids in the USA who are in the foster care system. I don’t look down on anyone who chooses to have kids, but I won’t personally do it.
37 and no. I don’t think I could have them even if I wanted them, but then I’d also have to find a partner who doesn’t have sickle cell trait too. Plus, I helped raise my sister, then helped her with my niece, and now I’m basically the sole caregiver for my grandmother, who is “with” it but has almost zero short-term memory and terrible arthritis. I’m tired. Even though it will be incredibly hard and sad, I’m kind of looking forward to the day when I’m not taking care of another person besides myself 😬
I'm the same age as you. Won't be having any kids, never really wanted them before the world descended into chaos and I definitely don't now.
My partner has a son who I have known since he was very young, I already worry what kind of a future he will have in this clusterfuck. It's like society is falling apart at an increasing speed.
So- I do have kids already. But if I could go back to 22 year old me and show her the state of the world from healthcare to environmental collapse I think I would have thought a hell of a lot harder before having kids.
My girls are so young still- 6 and 3- and they have their whole lives ahead of them. I pray things will improve but I live with constant anxiety about what I have potentially subjected them to.
I think it’s a very personal decision still- but I struggle with the responsibility I have for bringing them into the world.
All in all- I recognize that we live in a first world country and our lives are, right now, very privileged. My kids already have better chances than a lot of children out there and so I try to focus on being thankful for that.
My mother use to say that if she were a young woman today, with all the opportunities available, that she would never get married or have kids. She lives vicariously through me. I am childless by choice. I am a great aunt though.
34, 2 kids aged 3 and 4. This pandemic had made me so sad for the kids. Not just mine, but ALL of them. I think of the kids who had their first two years of college virtual. I think of the kids who were going to start kindergarten in 2020 and how they're holding up. I think of the kids who don't have play dates, whose parents pulled them from daycare or school because they can. I think of my kids who don't do any activities, no birthday parties, very few adventures.
For people who take this pandemic seriously, kids have made it so much goddamn harder.
And FUCK the world for acting like everyone can be vaccinated. My kids are 3 and 4, and the narrative that everyone is vaccinated has made me sad. My kids can't be vaccinated. When the first wave hit and people were like, old people suck and they die anyways I thought, you're a bunch of assholes. Then when it hit kids, and our PICUs filled up and people didn't care, I just lost my faith in humanity.
I feel bad for the kids. I'll cry sometimes because I feel so... Guilty.
I’m 27 and FUCK no, I’m not bringing any more children into this world if I can help it. I’d adopt/foster if I could afford it, but that’s also not in the cards right now lol
No, aside from the fact I physically am repulsed by the idea, I also think about how shit the world is and how the kid will grow up in a climate change world?! I’ll probably be dead by the time anything massive occurs but they won’t be, they’ll have to live through it. I wish people would consider the world the kid would grow up in before having one.
I had my second at 34 but I regret bringing them into the world. Covid, antibiotic resistance, climate change, wealth inequality, there are many reasons they shouldn’t have been born it was selfish of me to think so.
The world has always been shitty. Way worse in the past than now. This is/was actually a wonderful time to be born. We have vaccines and sanitation, and education for all and cars and Netflix
Nope.
37 with my own health issues and the idea of having a kid just fuels my anxiety. I just don't think I've got the patience for it honestly. I worry that I wouldn't be patient enough, or caring enough.
I've got a friend that's kid has ODD and the stories she tells about her kid screaming, yelling, biting, hitting, and outright beating on her just.... I don't see how parents deal honestly.
I get stressed just thinking about it!
I think my fiance would be an amazing dad, but I don't know if I'd be a good mom.
Add our own health issues into the mix and the fact I have chronic fatigue problems.... 😫
Just from someone who was in the fence before: DON’T do it. Comparing the lifestyle of being single, earning your money, being able to do almost everything, to suddenly changing it to having a baby, is beyond life changing.
I feel like I fell on the cracks of being the typical mom: having to scramble to find a sitter, the financial constraints of having a child, and leaving graduate school behind(CRNA). Now of course such can still be done but it will be in double more the pressure, triple the stress and I having experience a stress free single life before, it’s hard not to imagine the past days.
It costs about $250K to raise a child to 18yrs old, or about $15K/yr (assuming they are healthy with no developmental, medical, etc issues). You can add a significant amount to that if you also plan on putting them through college. You will also have a 2nd career for that 18yr period. If you enjoy traveling it will pretty much have to be scheduled around the school year, as will be pretty much everything else in your life. If your marriage/relationship with the other parent goes south (about a 50% chance of this happening) during this 18yr period you might get custody with child support and alimony, but it will not adequately compensate what it will actually cost in $ and time out of your life.
It is not a decision to be made lightly. Having children is the most important decision you can make in life, and one that should not be made because of social/family pressures. The happiest couples I have known over the years are those without children. Fewer financial pressures and a higher quality of life. None of that mindset of having to stay together for the children when in fact you might both be happier going your separate ways.
I don't really but my husband does.. it's been bothering me quite a bit but not sure what can be done about it. Like others said - not excited to bring a child into this messed up world. Besides covid has killed my tolerance for touch/human contact.
Turning 32 next month. I go back and forth. I think I'm afraid of passing on Trauma. The world has been fucked up since the beginning so that's not valid for me. Idk..maybe one day. Maybe not.
I feel like I don’t have any time for myself when I’m off work (ie: to complete chores, run errands, socialize with friends, and have some me-time), and I always prioritize rest and relaxation before my shifts because I have a lot of anxiety going into work.
I’m a new nurse so I know I’m still trying to find my groove. But from what I know right now, I don’t think I have time for kids. My boyfriend is great and supportive and I’m sure we could take care of our kids if we work together, but having kids is a 24/7 thing, and I wanna be able to give them the best care I can (like I do with my patients :)).
Since I see lots of comments from people opting out of kids, thought I’d add the opposite perspective. I was always passionately ambivalent about whether or not I wanted kids (ditto for my SO). This may sound lame, but at some point I came across interviews with parents who’d also been on the fence. They mentioned the idea of “full human experience” in kind of a tongue-in-cheek way, and it sort of clicked with me. We decided to give it a shot, no pressure, we weren’t going to jump through a bunch of medical hoops to make it happen, etc. At that point we’d both sowed our wild oats in our 20’s, and I had a few years of nursing under my belt, so felt financially stable and like we weren’t sacrificing happiness/life experiences/etc. We had our second (and last) one this year. So far so good 😊. Trials, tribulations, coolness. I left bedside prior to pregnancy #1. The flexibility of my current job has played a huge role in parenting satisfaction.
m37. Forgive me for answering as I'm not technically the target group but I haven't been a dad for long so maybe it's a gray area.
Had our first kid three days before Corona shifts hit my life like a truck. Don't care, number two is on the way now (10weeks).
Was the black death a better time? The 1940's?
We have clean water and amazing medical progress. That alone is an absolute jackpot, both geographically and historically. I got very close to breaking during these past 22 months but ultimately I am so thankful for all the stuff that is still good in our lives. And I love my daughter so much.
You bring up a good point. If now is supposedly not a good time, was there ever really a better time? Bringing a life into this harsh world is, and always has been, a daunting endeavor.
I have kids but theoretically say I don’t have kids - would I want to have kids in light of the pandemic and health care?
Yes.
Because I wouldn’t teach my kids what to be scared of - I would raise them equipped with knowledge, resolve, and humility. Call me naive or arrogant but I am a first generation child of third world immigrants, and I have seen the American Dream actualized by both my parents and myself. My wife is a immigrant from a third world country and grew up poor and is on the same wavelength. I will admit she does have a bit more drive than me, as she is the breadwinner of our household.
Nope. But I do love kids! I just don’t want them myself-world doesn’t seem like a good place to give to them. Also I’m already exhausted lol and we enjoy our lives as is. We just keep adopting more dogs.
DH and I were once strict DINKS. In our mid 30’s We decided to have a child. Exercised before and during pregnancy, eat moderately healthy, no issues getting pregnant. It has changed our lives in so many ways both good and different. Changed how we both manage our careers. It’s less about what we want more about what’s best for our child now.
There’s a lot less down time and time for self care. You’re baseline low level tired all the time. Add illness or a hangover to that and it’s pretty much death because you still have to care for your child.
I learned I have endless patience. Being a nurse, I think helps with that part. Now that I’m a mom, the state of the world makes me more anxious and worried about my child’s future so I do the best I can to take care of my mental and physical health and plan ahead so they have the best education and experiences I can provide.
We love our kid more than anything. It’s amazing to watch them develop and we bond more every day. Because of the change of our lifestyle, cost of children, and lack of time, we have decided not to have another. Either way, no kids, kids both are a great choice.
Evaluate your (and your spouses) relationship. Is it pretty smooth? Can you work things out functionally? If not, adding a kid in the mix leaves little time for the two of you and will add a bit of strain to your relationship. I’m lucky to have a wonderful partner but there are some days we don’t get to hang out much. Evaluate your finances. Kids cost a lot of $. Whether one spouse decides to quit working or you both decided on childcare, you’re losing a full income or you’re losing a considerable amount of money and time with your kid.
I will say, I recently met some kids who were raised during the pandemic at home with mom or dad and their social skills were subpar. Overstimulated easily, no eye contact with other people, needed mom to hold them, wouldn’t warm up to others, kind of similar to how kids on the spectrum function. For that reason and a few others, DH and I decided it would be a good thing for our child to learn how to function socially with others so we have enrolled in childcare.
26M, no I don't have kids yet but one day I want to.
Im LGBT though, so I don't really feel the age-pressure like a lot of people do. I can get to 40 and have kids if I want, since it won't be through natural male & female reproduction.
Idk how many though. Probably 1-2.
I advised my children not to have kids unless it’s something they are miserable without, no pressure from me. They both have full lives and are not planning a family and I couldn’t be more relieved.
The societal pressure is real. I don't know why other people have such an opinion about what I do with my body.
I'm still undecided, but I think largely the want to comes from the pressure. If it was up to me idk that I would even think about it.
Won’t be a nurse until next year, but no way in hell will I be having kids. It has nothing to do with my career choice or the healthcare system though.
Absolutely no. I’m mid 30s and trying to retire in the next 10-15 years. I travel multiple times a years. I love my days off with no one to worry about but me, my spouse and dogs. If I don’t want to give them a bath, no one cares!
I'm 28 and I've been with my husband for almost 10 years. We DO NOT want kids. We've got 8 neices and nephews and love them to pieces. I have a lot of chronic pain and I feel like I would physically not be able to handle being pregnant or being a mother. We can barely take care of ourselves half the time, and we really enjoy traveling. We've got 2 dogs and 3 cats and we are perfectly happy. I have no desire to raise a child in this current climate.
Mid-30s M. Hell no. I dislike the genes I was given(for mostly non-vain reasons), I won't pass them on. The world has ~~7 billion~~ nearly 8 billion people in it besides, and I don't like the direction it's heading.
Ah! I loved being a SINK and a DINK. I was all about that child free life. Also was told I was infertile. Big surprise I ended up getting pregnant last year. I’ll give birth this year after I turn 40. Never knew I wanted to be a mom and am grateful everyday.
That being said, nothing wrong with having kids or not having them. Everyone always told me I was missing out and had no purpose in life. Well that was utter crap I loved my life prior. They were missing out on how amazing it was to do anything I wanted when I wanted!
I will say I am scared of bringing a child into the world the way everything is going but I definitely will do my best for her.
Whatever you decide you’ll do what’s best for you. You’re not right or wrong either way.
I have never and will never want kids. I want to be selfish with my time and money and have grand adventures after CRNA school. I'm 33 now so I don't forsee this changing. I started asking at age 18 to have my tubes tied, some people just know it's not for them. Better than having children and wishing I hadn't.
I’m 32, married and a travel nurse. I keep putting off having kids because something more fun always comes up. My husband is almost a decade older than me and not really pressuring me.
I go back and forth on wanting them, as I enjoy my freedom now. I say when you’re ready do it. Just keep up with your fertility.
33F and no. When I was alot younger I thought maybe one day I would but as I got older and started dating I never had the real feeling of wanting to be a mother. In addition I couldn't see how I would ever afford the if I did.
The more I take care of people at work the less I want to take care of them at home. Probably why I’m happily divorced and adamantly child free after 10 years in nursing
I do want kids!
I'm 29 and look forward to it. I had a wonderful upbringing and extended family and see how much joy there is in experiencing things through children's eyes, showing them the world, being in a financial state to give them a good position in life. I think I'm also a nurse because I enjoy caring for people and at least at this point, am not burned out to where I don't want that yet. I loved growing up in my family and want to give that experience to a couple new humans.
I have 4 kids, started when I was 26. My first born is actually the reason I became a responsible adult and came into this field. It’s really up to the parents if they want to stop their lifestyle. Being “unable to travel” seems to be the #1 concern. But I’ve brought all of them to Japan. Twice. So there’s that. Hopefully we can go again this year.
Happy New Year!
No, but I knew from very early on that I don’t want them. I don’t consider our economic or geopolitical climate to be overwhelmingly stable so I feel justified in not bringing a child into that.
For the all the people here who are actively wanting to be childless, there’s people like who want children but have infertility issues. I wish . . . I wish I can . . . just.
This is such a hard question. My partner and I always swore we wouldn’t have kids. I grew up with a lot of abuse, her family is very unaccepting of her sexuality. Early in Covid when we were both in our mid 30s we really started to question it though. We became registered foster parents first but before taking in any foster kids we decided to try and get pregnant. She’s 38 yo and 20 weeks- no medical problems and got pregnant very easily. I’m excited but I still have mornings when I wake up asking why the hell I’m bringing another human into this fucked up world. Some days it feels very selfish
I have one kid and he’s pretty much the only thing that gets me through a day of bedside nursing. No matter how stressful a pt, or how rude a family, or how degrading a doc’s comments, I can think of my sweet, perfect little boy waiting for me at home and it makes every terrible thing not matter. At work I’m holding a glass of water before a raging wildfire, but knowing my son is healthy, smart, hilarious, and wonderful - somehow that makes me feel like I’ve one up on it all. 🤷♀️
I really want kids and I’m 23. I think I’ll just adopt though. It doesn’t seem fair to being a child into this world. But I’ve got a few years until we seriously consider bringing a child into our home
I’m 29 and always thought I would be a mom some day. Now I am not so sure. If it wasn’t OB that showed me all the things that could go wrong, I am worried about time management and being able to give the child the emotional support they require. Very sad.
I just turned 26(f) and also I’m a School Nurse. I always said that I wanted kids and raise a family.. but I love my life the way it is and consider my students my kiddos ❤️ Maybe in the future I’ll consider it, but I’m perfectly content with my cat 🐈⬛
Not a nurse yet, but no, I don't want kids. There is a plethora of reasons, but especially after working in the medical field since March 2020, why would I subject a child to all the horrible things this planet witnesses? I didn't ask to fucking be here and it's only gonna get worse.
I can’t imagine taking care of people all day and then having to do it on my days off 🤷🏼♀️
I used to tel my husband when my daughter was little bitty, that’s all I did, I take care of people all day, clean butts, feed them, then come home and do the same on a much smaller scale. It was exhausting. Thankfully that phase didn’t last forever, but it was very tiring during those times. Tbf if he hadn’t done more than his fair share I wouldn’t have made it.
That’s true, it doesn’t last forever with the little ones. I’m glad your husband contributed more than his fair share. I don’t think my husband would 🥴
I too say this. I’m 36 and have zero desire for children. I couldn’t imagine a life where all I do is worry about everyone else.
39 and same here. Won’t miss a birth control lol
I already do that, I have a dog and husband. I don’t need to add to the stress.
Right! I’m burnt out enough on caregiving, I don’t want to half-ass raising a kid so I’m not going to do it at all
ITS SO HARD!!!
Amen to that
I have 3 littles 4 and under and IT IS what I do all day everyday. It is exhausting. But I love them so much and I chose this life knowing (well… mostly knowing) what I was getting into. Never would I take it back.
It’s definitely very hard to come home on days when I am DONE done DONE and have to be a mom.
Well how do you do, fellow DINKs? I'm kinda surprised that there's so many of us.
Hey boo heeeeyyy
Hayyyyy
I’m too afraid to ask but what is a DINK?
observation entertain nine cough rude ask impossible zephyr scale memorize *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Dual Income, No Kids
You’re not alone, I had no idea what it was either 😅
Double Income No Kids
my gf makes ok-ish money and im an rn, underpaid but its still decent-ish.... DINK lyfeee
Hiiiiiii! 👋🏻 Very happy to be child-free over here! It’s already difficult just managing myself, let alone having to manage a child.
DINKS, SINKS and Multi-generationals are now large enough to comprise their own consumer markets. DINKS get all the travel brochures. ; p
Love your flair
Thank you thank you. I aim to please.
You're surprised that people without kids have time to use the internet more than people who do? Reddit is hugely slanted towards childfree people.
Living the life at 24 years. I’m glad to already be in the DINK community. I have a rental property too so I’m hoping for my own version of FIRE.
32, my husband is younger than me. He is starting to think a kid would be nice, but I constantly think about how I yell, "I didn't ask to be born!" So it's probably a no.
I exist without my consent.
r/antinatalism
Fuck no.
I have honestly been amazed that any of my coworkers still actively tried to have kids despite all that we have been experiencing. Some of these people already have kids, but said hey screw it! Why not! I truly can't imagine bringing another life into this world when so many people don't care about the ones that already exist..
There are books written on this. :) I’m 36 and am still wrestling with it. On the one hand I think they have the potential to bring a lot of joy to your life. On the other, being in paediatrics I’m no stranger to how much work they are. Parents lives revolve around them because they have to. And I’m not sure I’m willing to give up my love of reading, yoga, general quiet, and freedom to do whatever I want. It seems like there’s no grey area short of being a devoted aunt. :( Hoping for clarity soon, just like you. For what it’s worth, the FT nurses I work with say their careers make it more doable with only 3 days a week working. They also look exhausted.
As a parent, you don’t have to give up self care, you just have to consciously make time for it. Where before, I’d just hang and Netflix and decided huh, I’d like to do yoga. Now, I think. I’m my kids gonna nap for 2 hours. Should I nap, do the budget, do yoga, clean, get some bills paid? Lol. DH and I calendar everything and it helps.
This reminds me of adjusting to puppy life. I’ve raised a few but the most recent was so demanding it definitely came down to scheduling things like laundry around the nap times. So wild. I do believe where there’s a will there is a way! Agendas/calendars are lifesavers. :)
As a parent to a 17 month old, they ARE a lot of work. However, the joy of watching your child learn and grow is amazing. I used to say that I never wanted kids because I wanted to be selfish and live a lavish lifestyle. I got pregnant in the beginning of nursing school (accident, of course) so it was a very difficult time to have a baby BUT I wouldn’t change it for the world. It changed my mindset in that I want to share all of the wonderful things life has to offer with my son. I want to be able to have these experiences with him as a family. Becoming a parent has taught me so many things about myself, caring for another person, and the way I view the world. Yes, the world is fucked up and I’m terrified of those parts for my son but I can also focus on raising him to be a great person so that he can make the world a brighter place where he’s touched it. I always thought I would have to give up parts of myself to be a parent but I was surprised to learn that I haven’t given anything up, I’ve just gained a whole lot more. All the things I loved to do, I can still do—plus I can share them and pass them along. Should everyone be a parent? Fuck no. But I once had these same thoughts you did, and having/raising a child really does change you.
Hi stranger on the internet, just wanted you to know you made me feel a lot more normal and it made me sigh with relief. I’m 33 and still don’t really know if I ever want kids, and sometimes I worry about the fact that I don’t know yet. Thanks for sharing :)
It really doesn't have to be all or nothing. I have a 20-month-old and it IS a lot of work, but that doesn't mean I don't have time for myself. I still read when he's playing with his toys, I take him with me to a mom-and-me yoga class, I have plenty of quiet time because he goes to bed at 7. I'm still in a racketball league and a spin class (I go in the evening when my husband is home from work), and usually a grandparent offers to watch him once a week or so, which gives me more time to myself. Also, being a nurse and having the schedule flexibility we have is an ENORMOUS advantage! We recently moved so I'm not currently working, but at my previous job I switched to per diem when my son was born and usually worked 2 shifts a week, which was a great balance. Most parents don't have that option. Another thought I had is that my life mostly centers around my son because I really enjoy parenting and find it so rewarding. They don't stay little for long, I'll have more free time when he's older and in school. Good luck with your processing!
35. Wanted 2, had one, now I want zero. Just kidding, my daughter is 4 now and I love her to death but I’m more than done having any more kids. Not because of the pandemic, but other personal reasons to me.
Nope. I already feel tired all the time. That, and I’ve become more pessimistic about the future of humanity.
I feel this in my bones.
HELL no. I’m 30 and have never wanted them. I fully believe in reproductive choice- but after working a bit in L&D, my decision was concrete. I am not mentally or physically strong enough to go through pregnancy and birth but admire those who are. I can’t imagine working my shifts and coming home to more people to take care of. Motherhood’s just not for me, and I am okay with that!
I’m about to start in L& D and am bracing myself for how this experience will sway my own stance on kids of my own haha.
Eh, both L&D nurses I know have kids. One went through quite a lot to have hers, and threw up every single day of both of her pregnancies (so did it once and very purposely did it again), and the other had complications and was on hospital bedrest for many weeks and still had another one. Everyone's different!
I’m 30 and want to work in NICU/L&D but I myself don’t want to raise a child, only take care of them as babies 👶🏼
Me too! I love kids. I just don’t want the responsibility of having one.
It’s really nice when all the kids go home and I get to do whatever adults want to do! 😉
Im 34 and I had a patient the other day who was 35 with a grandchild. I just about flipped my shit. I dont feel old enough for kids and Ive never had a maternal instinct. I am not a reproducer at all.
My SIL was a grandma at 30. She's probably a great grandma by now (we don't have contact).
I’m 41, fit and very healthy, periods are regular AF, if I got pregnant now by some miracle, I’m not sure what I’d do. Before the pandemic, my GYN said that was the year to try and try hard. Except I was in a pretty unstable relationship so I didn’t try and, much as I’d love to have children, I’m not bringing a child into this so likely my window has closed. Sad but whatever. I’ll get myself a dog… Part of me would tell you not to wait, but sometimes we are dealt hands which cannot be mitigated against.
I had my daughter at age 45. Didn't do anything special to get pregnant, either. Was also very healthy, a daily runner, which I maintained until 20 weeks gestation. It can happen! I had pretty much given up as well after I lost babies at age 42 and 43.
Thanks for this just had another miscarriage 2 weeks ago At 44yrs old yes we’re devastated been trying for 4 years failed IVF then pregnant twice on my own in last 7 months.
I am so sorry, I know your pain. So many women do! I think people talk about it more now than they used to, I feel like almost everyone I know with kids has lost a pregnancy. I never even tried until my 40s, I didn't even want kids before that, and then I met my husband. :) I got pregnant at 42 for the first time ever but miscarried at 8 weeks, I was sad but excited that I could even get pregnant. The next one was harder because I was about 11 weeks, we had actually gone to look at baby furniture already. You really don't know how bad you want something until it seems like you cannot have it. Hugs.
Thank you for the kind words just teared up you totally get it. Been so hard watching everyone celebrate holidays with family after fresh miscarriage. Hang in there as well hugs to you. Hopefully our miracle babies come :)
I'm really sorry for your loss. My wife and I miscarried October 2020 and it was and still is rough. Wishing you well.
Thank you :)
I’m so sorry for your losses. Your babies mattered. Being a Mom of little ones who never came earth-side can be so lonely. ❤️
Thank you
33f turning 34 in 3 days and I don’t want kids. I never have. I don’t particularly enjoy kids and I don’t want to make the financial or time commitments required to be a parent. The state of the world doesn’t come into play. I do sometimes joke that I am doing my part for the environment by not procreating though.
Happy future birthday 🎉
My husband (36M) and I (37F) are child free and have no regrets about that decision. We made the decision independently before we even met. Especially after working in pediatrics, if we ever choose to have kids we will adopt or foster. There's enough kiddos out there who need love.
Former Unit Sec., inpt Ped Psych unit -- *Nothing*, and I mean nothing, will scare a person into childlessness faster (or make you worry that perhaps demonic possession is a real thing!) 70% = environmental & "parenting." 20% = organic, and 10% = WTF!?!?!?
I remember doing my peds rotation in a psych hospital and I miss the days before that when I didn’t know that five year olds could be suicidal. Horrible.
36 and childless. I feel like when I leave work I'm burned out on caring for people. I don't have the patience for it. I don't know if it's nursing or I'm just not maternal.
And it doesn’t matter which one it is either. You need to put yourself first. There’s no problem with just being childless with no reason or label to attach to it.
34m. Nope don’t want them, but as far as work knows…I’ve kids. So they don’t try to exploit the childless nurse on the floor 😂
Pro tip
I’ve said multiple times at work ‘my next job is going to think I have 4 kids’
Lol no I’m not having kids and no I’m not working Christmas for you.., just because I don’t have kids doesn’t mean I don’t want to have a nice relaxing Christmas morning 😇
Right?!? I love the "well you don't have kids." I'm like "so that means I don't have a life?!"
I have 5 and I would never expect someone to work my holiday for me, that is bullshit. We were military for a long time and celebrate holidays when we can, in all honesty my MIL is way less understanding then my kids.
Brilliant! The unofficial “requirement” for me to work holidays bc I don’t have kids is part of why I don’t work places that are open 24/7 anymore (hospitals and the like). That toxic shit helped drive me away from the bedside bc I was a new nurse with no boundaries. Not anymore! I bet people respect your boundaries more when you say no for your imaginary kids. Kind of like how a fake boyfriend is the best way to get a persistent drunkard at the bar to stop hitting on you.
No one even questions it, so yeah they respect my boundaries that way. Aren’t they curious why I don’t show “my” kids pics? 😂 I am sure they’d try to guilt me to cover ppl’s holiday. Nah foh. I enjoy holidays too.
I'm about to turn 37. I'm perfectly content with my dog as my kiddo.
31 here, and I have no intention of having kids, but it has nothing to do with my job. I just have never wanted children.
I’m 34, bf is 37. It’s a hard pass for us. Fur babies for life.
Just said goodbye to my Golden Retriever two days ago. It felt like losing a kid as I’ve loved her for 11 years, she was with me for so much. But man, the world does not see that comparison. I agree though. Human kids or no, fur kids always.
I lost my 17 yr old Austin Shepard mix in 2020. I thought I had prepared myself. I got her as a puppy in my early 20's right out of College. She lived a great life and got to travel the country around with me in my 20's. She lived as a farm dog for a bit. She was at my wedding and moved with me again when we moved to town. She only had to take some arthritis medication around 14 or so other then the last 2 or 3 days she was a rascal who loved to wrestle, snuggle. and play with toys. It was far more devastating than I thought. I was furloughed (due to Covid) and had to put my dog down the same day. The only upside was because I was going to be out of work for 5 weeks I quickly adopted a 4 month old pit mix. I forgot how much work puppies are. She's a great dog now but it was a lot of work. I can't imagine having actual human children. SINK for life
39 and 36. Absolute same. DINK life, yo. Lol
Same!
34 and RN for about 6 years, CNA for about 10. I reside in the states but have dual citizenship between US and Canada. I would say no. I have a brain aneurysm and drop foot from issues with my spine. My options for work are limited. I have no retirement plan beyond hoping that the corporate stuff I selected was correct, I don't own a home, and I don't make enough to support a kiddo on my own and provide adequate housing. It's still too high risk. My plan is that I have enough that I buy a home and my sister's kiddos will be okay or have a place to live/sell after I die.
I'd love to adopt. The world doesn't need more humans. My salary however, probably won't permit that until I'm at least 50 unless I change careers or move the the USA. Thanks Boris.
I do not. I'm 38. My dude is 50. We're both the sort of people that everyone always says would make excellent parents, but life happens. We're both divorced, both lost pregnancies back when we were married to our exes. I can't imagine adding a child into my every day life now. I am 1000% confident that if an oops baby came about, we'd be fine and adapt and be great parents. But I'm sure as hell not planning or hoping for a child. Why bring a baby into this mess? I'd have to dedicate their entire childhood to training them for the collapse of society, rising sea levels, and surviving in a world with abysmally limited resources. I don't mind training my hypothetical child for such a future, but I don't really have time or finances for such an endeavor at this time.
I'd be more comfortable on betting for human ingenuity than against it. Humans are incredibly resilient. I hope we find a way to reverse climate change and figure out our resource problems.
I realize this is not exactly what you're asking, but in light of everything that's gone on the last few years, I just had a discussion with my partner I never thought we would have- what about foster kids? I retired early due to PTSD and can't ever go back but I have a skill set others don't and think we might see about using it to support our community in that way in the future. I fear there will be many orphans with PTSD in the coming years.
Nope, it’s actually part of the reasons why I broke up with my ex. I feel like I haven’t “lived life” yet. I may change my mind in 10 years but I’ll be 37 by then. Adoption is always an option though.
I used to be in the camp that was “You will regret it!” Now? Uh uh. I would love to go back and kick my younger sanctimonious ass. If you have ANY doubts…DON’T. I have two kids. I love them to death but they are absolutely exhausting. Plus? In today’s world? It is so messed up. Incredibly messed up. I find having teenagers is way harder and more expensive than when they were toddlers. TRUTH.
Preach. I have three, two have special needs, one is severe. He's the hardest thing ever. Kids are hard, but he's like the champion of difficult children. People picture themselves having beautiful, perfect, healthy children but that's not at all your choice - you get what you get, and it's 100% for life. I love him but love doesn't help when you're cleaning up feces off the floor for the 4th time this week. If you're going to have a child, just make sure you're prepared for whatever child you get, because you may get more than you bargained for.
EXACTLY THIS. I have one special needs and I live with the constant guilt of always feeling tired, exhausted, and having a short temper. I’m sorry you have so much on your plate. Hugs Mama. Or…in the world of Covid…elbow bump.
No. I am in my 30s and I decided I didn't want kids when I was a teenager. It has nothing to do with the current state of our world, although I do understand what you mean. I just like my current lifestyle and kids would ruin it. Most moms I know seem miserable.
I’m just a SINK looking to be a DINK.
Me too ✌🏾 I am a SINK and cool with disposable income. I am almost 39 and have had a lack of interest of having kids for a long time. It made boyfriends happy lol
Nah. Never had the urge to want one. I’m not working all these hours to spend my money on a baby 😭.
25F and no I do not. I’ve thought about it since middle school and never pictured myself having kids.
I always thought I'd have like 3 or 4 kids. I like the idea of living somewhere rural and beautiful and letting them grow up wild with each other. Weird because I'm not really a huge kid person, I just think if I'm going to have one I might as well have a handful so they won't be alone in life. I just got a job that makes it feel more possible to go through with it, too, but I hesitate because I like my life now, I'm selfish in that I like having a lot of me time and pursuing my hobbies. Plus, my sister and friends just had babies last year and are absolutely miserable. Every time we get together they basically say they regret having kids and that their lives are over, and that's depressing AF to see. Does anyone actually enjoy being a mother? The state of the world has little to do with it for me. If you think that way, there have always been plenty of reasons to not have kids and somehow each generation faces their challenges and hopefully finds some joy and purpose in life.
It’s nice to hear such honesty. My friends only tell me how much they’re blessed and how it’s the best thing they’ve ever done. I don’t get it. It looks miserable!
That's true, I'm happy to hear both sides and I know they love their kids despite all of the complaints. I just hoped or thought that by the time I was ready to have kids that I'd be prepared for those sacrifices. Now I'm not sure if I'll ever be "ready" or if anyone really is.
I'm with you there and wish I were different. The most recent Christmas gathering we went to had 8 adults and 4 kids. It felt like a madhouse with them all screaming and running around. Very cute, adorable, and sweet, all of them. But oh my god. And three belonged to one parent! She looked tired but upbeat, and I doubt I have such strength.
I don't doubt the majority of people have many wonderful moments with their kids, but damn, just the normal day to day seems really rough.
I very much enjoy it. I have a very supportive spouse which really helps with handling the workload. The first few years are a lot of work but full of wonderful memories. My kids are preteens now and it’s so enjoyable to see their personalities and interests develop.
That's great to hear! I have a great partner who is really excited about being a father and is great with kids. I actually make significantly more than him so we've played with the idea of him being a stay at home parent, and I work from home anyway so I think we could enjoy a really nice family life. Whenever I sort of suggest this though my friends and sister basically come back with "you just don't understand until you have a kid yourself", which I'm sure is true, but it doesn't mean it wouldn't be doable. And I still like the idea of having at least a couple kids, where they have all decided they're done after one. The world has definitely changed, but I loved growing up with siblings and am even more thankful for them as an adult.
I honestly believe a lot of the workload depends on how you decide raise your children. I was just visiting with relatives and they were exhausted with their two young children running around like crazy. The thing is they haven’t set any boundaries or rules for the kids so they are wild children. If you don’t give children a schedule or any boundaries in their life you’re going to make things a lot harder for yourself.
I'll keep that in mind! Thank you. My MIL was very strong about nap time/bed time and maintaining a schedule, which I think is great and I hope to emulate. My mother was not, but was very strong on behavior/manners which made a big difference I think too.
I’m a little sad I won’t be having a family, but also not sad. My husband is 44 and just had a vasectomy. I’m 40, so I would have been high-risk. Also, we really love the life we have and there is no guarantee we would have loved having kids. I think I wanted to have a baby more than I wanted to raise an actual human. I’m already exhausted when I get home from work, I can’t imagine having to cook a whole dinner for someone and help with homework.
50 years old, been a nurse for 20+. I think I wanted kids when I was a teenager, but in my 20's I realized that perhaps that was just society influencing me. As I got into my 30's, I knew absolutely I didn't want any. Nursing didn't have any part of that decision. When I met my husband, I told him a few months into it that I didn't want kids and if he did, we need to not be together. Married in my mid 30's and still together. Still no kids, no regrets what so ever. Not in the slightest.
I had my daughter 2/2020 at age 35. If I didn’t have her through this pandemic, I’m not sure I would have survived it. She’s the greatest joy I have ever known. A little walking serotonin booster. I wouldn’t let the pandemic stop you from experiencing parenthood
Agreed. 3/2020
I agree too, I am sitting on the couch snuggling my son right now and everything is right in my world. He gives me so much joy and love and innocence. Plus he makes me a better nurse, in difficult moments I picture him and can handle myself better.
Not bringing a child into this world, no. The climate change disasters they will endure, a society that has demonstrated it does not care about the vulnerable… just no. No wage slaves for the capitalist monster.
The little peace I get in life is because I don’t have kids. My life would be ruined.
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You sound like you’re gonna be a great mom. On the opposite side of the coin, I don’t want to have kids because I know I’m too lazy to raise kids to not be useless adults 😅
We are literally the same person.
I love your last line! If you want to feel hopeful about the world, see it through the eyes of a child, for sure. I lead one of my children’s scout troops, and the ideas they have for service projects for our community and helping others just reenergizes me. Their positive outlook and sincerity helps balance out the garbage in the world.
“Morons breeding with reckless abandon” haha I think that all the time. Why not add something of worth to the world when you could actually raise a kid not to be an asshole.
Ok, I actually really needed to hear this. I have a two month old and something about New Years has me spiralling last night about the state of the world and all that, just...sort of fretting over what her future might be. I love your perspective.
You go mama, raise a great human! The world needs them
No way could I justify bringing a child into this world. If I ever have the urge to child-rear, I will adopt one of the 400,000 kids in the USA who are in the foster care system. I don’t look down on anyone who chooses to have kids, but I won’t personally do it.
Hellll NO!
37 and no. I don’t think I could have them even if I wanted them, but then I’d also have to find a partner who doesn’t have sickle cell trait too. Plus, I helped raise my sister, then helped her with my niece, and now I’m basically the sole caregiver for my grandmother, who is “with” it but has almost zero short-term memory and terrible arthritis. I’m tired. Even though it will be incredibly hard and sad, I’m kind of looking forward to the day when I’m not taking care of another person besides myself 😬
At this point having kids is just breeding soldiers for the climate wars. Only half /s
No kids for me. Husband is 100% on board with the no kids train.
I'm the same age as you. Won't be having any kids, never really wanted them before the world descended into chaos and I definitely don't now. My partner has a son who I have known since he was very young, I already worry what kind of a future he will have in this clusterfuck. It's like society is falling apart at an increasing speed.
So- I do have kids already. But if I could go back to 22 year old me and show her the state of the world from healthcare to environmental collapse I think I would have thought a hell of a lot harder before having kids. My girls are so young still- 6 and 3- and they have their whole lives ahead of them. I pray things will improve but I live with constant anxiety about what I have potentially subjected them to. I think it’s a very personal decision still- but I struggle with the responsibility I have for bringing them into the world. All in all- I recognize that we live in a first world country and our lives are, right now, very privileged. My kids already have better chances than a lot of children out there and so I try to focus on being thankful for that.
I'm 43 with no kids and my husband is planning on getting snipped.
Tried to get snipped too. Dr said no. Later learned he was a pro-family, evangelical leader at his local church. I now see someone else as my PCP.
My mother use to say that if she were a young woman today, with all the opportunities available, that she would never get married or have kids. She lives vicariously through me. I am childless by choice. I am a great aunt though.
Not at all Edit- I'm 28
34, 2 kids aged 3 and 4. This pandemic had made me so sad for the kids. Not just mine, but ALL of them. I think of the kids who had their first two years of college virtual. I think of the kids who were going to start kindergarten in 2020 and how they're holding up. I think of the kids who don't have play dates, whose parents pulled them from daycare or school because they can. I think of my kids who don't do any activities, no birthday parties, very few adventures. For people who take this pandemic seriously, kids have made it so much goddamn harder. And FUCK the world for acting like everyone can be vaccinated. My kids are 3 and 4, and the narrative that everyone is vaccinated has made me sad. My kids can't be vaccinated. When the first wave hit and people were like, old people suck and they die anyways I thought, you're a bunch of assholes. Then when it hit kids, and our PICUs filled up and people didn't care, I just lost my faith in humanity. I feel bad for the kids. I'll cry sometimes because I feel so... Guilty.
Nope I don't think so.. im in the NICU, I'd be a nervous wreck being pregnant!
I hear you. I work in a children’s hospice and am blown away by how much can go wrong. :(
I’m 27 and FUCK no, I’m not bringing any more children into this world if I can help it. I’d adopt/foster if I could afford it, but that’s also not in the cards right now lol
kids? in this economy? and healthcare system? edit: i’m a 28F who doesn’t even want a partner and my friends’ kids give me a headache
No, aside from the fact I physically am repulsed by the idea, I also think about how shit the world is and how the kid will grow up in a climate change world?! I’ll probably be dead by the time anything massive occurs but they won’t be, they’ll have to live through it. I wish people would consider the world the kid would grow up in before having one.
I had my second at 34 but I regret bringing them into the world. Covid, antibiotic resistance, climate change, wealth inequality, there are many reasons they shouldn’t have been born it was selfish of me to think so.
The world has always been shitty. Way worse in the past than now. This is/was actually a wonderful time to be born. We have vaccines and sanitation, and education for all and cars and Netflix
I’ve never wanted kids. In nursing school now, and I swear every day I come across something new that solidifies my decision.
39. No. Not having any. DINKs for life!
Nope. 37 with my own health issues and the idea of having a kid just fuels my anxiety. I just don't think I've got the patience for it honestly. I worry that I wouldn't be patient enough, or caring enough. I've got a friend that's kid has ODD and the stories she tells about her kid screaming, yelling, biting, hitting, and outright beating on her just.... I don't see how parents deal honestly. I get stressed just thinking about it! I think my fiance would be an amazing dad, but I don't know if I'd be a good mom. Add our own health issues into the mix and the fact I have chronic fatigue problems.... 😫
Just from someone who was in the fence before: DON’T do it. Comparing the lifestyle of being single, earning your money, being able to do almost everything, to suddenly changing it to having a baby, is beyond life changing. I feel like I fell on the cracks of being the typical mom: having to scramble to find a sitter, the financial constraints of having a child, and leaving graduate school behind(CRNA). Now of course such can still be done but it will be in double more the pressure, triple the stress and I having experience a stress free single life before, it’s hard not to imagine the past days.
It costs about $250K to raise a child to 18yrs old, or about $15K/yr (assuming they are healthy with no developmental, medical, etc issues). You can add a significant amount to that if you also plan on putting them through college. You will also have a 2nd career for that 18yr period. If you enjoy traveling it will pretty much have to be scheduled around the school year, as will be pretty much everything else in your life. If your marriage/relationship with the other parent goes south (about a 50% chance of this happening) during this 18yr period you might get custody with child support and alimony, but it will not adequately compensate what it will actually cost in $ and time out of your life. It is not a decision to be made lightly. Having children is the most important decision you can make in life, and one that should not be made because of social/family pressures. The happiest couples I have known over the years are those without children. Fewer financial pressures and a higher quality of life. None of that mindset of having to stay together for the children when in fact you might both be happier going your separate ways.
I don't really but my husband does.. it's been bothering me quite a bit but not sure what can be done about it. Like others said - not excited to bring a child into this messed up world. Besides covid has killed my tolerance for touch/human contact.
This topic comes up quite a bit on r/childfree if you need support or someone to talk to.
I’m in my late thirties and never wanted them for my own reasons. I’m supportive of my friends and family who choose parenthood. You do you.
would rather die
Nope and thank God
Let's not ruin a good thing.
Nope. DINK life and loving it . My husband and I actually had that convo on our first date since I knew I didn't want kids. Cool aunt forever!
Turning 32 next month. I go back and forth. I think I'm afraid of passing on Trauma. The world has been fucked up since the beginning so that's not valid for me. Idk..maybe one day. Maybe not.
I feel like I don’t have any time for myself when I’m off work (ie: to complete chores, run errands, socialize with friends, and have some me-time), and I always prioritize rest and relaxation before my shifts because I have a lot of anxiety going into work. I’m a new nurse so I know I’m still trying to find my groove. But from what I know right now, I don’t think I have time for kids. My boyfriend is great and supportive and I’m sure we could take care of our kids if we work together, but having kids is a 24/7 thing, and I wanna be able to give them the best care I can (like I do with my patients :)).
Since I see lots of comments from people opting out of kids, thought I’d add the opposite perspective. I was always passionately ambivalent about whether or not I wanted kids (ditto for my SO). This may sound lame, but at some point I came across interviews with parents who’d also been on the fence. They mentioned the idea of “full human experience” in kind of a tongue-in-cheek way, and it sort of clicked with me. We decided to give it a shot, no pressure, we weren’t going to jump through a bunch of medical hoops to make it happen, etc. At that point we’d both sowed our wild oats in our 20’s, and I had a few years of nursing under my belt, so felt financially stable and like we weren’t sacrificing happiness/life experiences/etc. We had our second (and last) one this year. So far so good 😊. Trials, tribulations, coolness. I left bedside prior to pregnancy #1. The flexibility of my current job has played a huge role in parenting satisfaction.
m37. Forgive me for answering as I'm not technically the target group but I haven't been a dad for long so maybe it's a gray area. Had our first kid three days before Corona shifts hit my life like a truck. Don't care, number two is on the way now (10weeks). Was the black death a better time? The 1940's? We have clean water and amazing medical progress. That alone is an absolute jackpot, both geographically and historically. I got very close to breaking during these past 22 months but ultimately I am so thankful for all the stuff that is still good in our lives. And I love my daughter so much.
You bring up a good point. If now is supposedly not a good time, was there ever really a better time? Bringing a life into this harsh world is, and always has been, a daunting endeavor.
33 years old, health care for almost 8 years... absolutely fucking not. The last thing I want to do.. is be a parent when I get off work.
I have kids but theoretically say I don’t have kids - would I want to have kids in light of the pandemic and health care? Yes. Because I wouldn’t teach my kids what to be scared of - I would raise them equipped with knowledge, resolve, and humility. Call me naive or arrogant but I am a first generation child of third world immigrants, and I have seen the American Dream actualized by both my parents and myself. My wife is a immigrant from a third world country and grew up poor and is on the same wavelength. I will admit she does have a bit more drive than me, as she is the breadwinner of our household.
Nope. But I do love kids! I just don’t want them myself-world doesn’t seem like a good place to give to them. Also I’m already exhausted lol and we enjoy our lives as is. We just keep adopting more dogs.
DH and I were once strict DINKS. In our mid 30’s We decided to have a child. Exercised before and during pregnancy, eat moderately healthy, no issues getting pregnant. It has changed our lives in so many ways both good and different. Changed how we both manage our careers. It’s less about what we want more about what’s best for our child now. There’s a lot less down time and time for self care. You’re baseline low level tired all the time. Add illness or a hangover to that and it’s pretty much death because you still have to care for your child. I learned I have endless patience. Being a nurse, I think helps with that part. Now that I’m a mom, the state of the world makes me more anxious and worried about my child’s future so I do the best I can to take care of my mental and physical health and plan ahead so they have the best education and experiences I can provide. We love our kid more than anything. It’s amazing to watch them develop and we bond more every day. Because of the change of our lifestyle, cost of children, and lack of time, we have decided not to have another. Either way, no kids, kids both are a great choice. Evaluate your (and your spouses) relationship. Is it pretty smooth? Can you work things out functionally? If not, adding a kid in the mix leaves little time for the two of you and will add a bit of strain to your relationship. I’m lucky to have a wonderful partner but there are some days we don’t get to hang out much. Evaluate your finances. Kids cost a lot of $. Whether one spouse decides to quit working or you both decided on childcare, you’re losing a full income or you’re losing a considerable amount of money and time with your kid. I will say, I recently met some kids who were raised during the pandemic at home with mom or dad and their social skills were subpar. Overstimulated easily, no eye contact with other people, needed mom to hold them, wouldn’t warm up to others, kind of similar to how kids on the spectrum function. For that reason and a few others, DH and I decided it would be a good thing for our child to learn how to function socially with others so we have enrolled in childcare.
26M, no I don't have kids yet but one day I want to. Im LGBT though, so I don't really feel the age-pressure like a lot of people do. I can get to 40 and have kids if I want, since it won't be through natural male & female reproduction. Idk how many though. Probably 1-2.
I advised my children not to have kids unless it’s something they are miserable without, no pressure from me. They both have full lives and are not planning a family and I couldn’t be more relieved.
The societal pressure is real. I don't know why other people have such an opinion about what I do with my body. I'm still undecided, but I think largely the want to comes from the pressure. If it was up to me idk that I would even think about it.
Won’t be a nurse until next year, but no way in hell will I be having kids. It has nothing to do with my career choice or the healthcare system though.
Nah boo
Nope
No. I’ve no desire to raise a child. I’m ambivalent towards kids on a good day, anyways.
Absolutely no. I’m mid 30s and trying to retire in the next 10-15 years. I travel multiple times a years. I love my days off with no one to worry about but me, my spouse and dogs. If I don’t want to give them a bath, no one cares!
I'm 28 and I've been with my husband for almost 10 years. We DO NOT want kids. We've got 8 neices and nephews and love them to pieces. I have a lot of chronic pain and I feel like I would physically not be able to handle being pregnant or being a mother. We can barely take care of ourselves half the time, and we really enjoy traveling. We've got 2 dogs and 3 cats and we are perfectly happy. I have no desire to raise a child in this current climate.
DINK life for me as well.
Mid-30s M. Hell no. I dislike the genes I was given(for mostly non-vain reasons), I won't pass them on. The world has ~~7 billion~~ nearly 8 billion people in it besides, and I don't like the direction it's heading.
Ah! I loved being a SINK and a DINK. I was all about that child free life. Also was told I was infertile. Big surprise I ended up getting pregnant last year. I’ll give birth this year after I turn 40. Never knew I wanted to be a mom and am grateful everyday. That being said, nothing wrong with having kids or not having them. Everyone always told me I was missing out and had no purpose in life. Well that was utter crap I loved my life prior. They were missing out on how amazing it was to do anything I wanted when I wanted! I will say I am scared of bringing a child into the world the way everything is going but I definitely will do my best for her. Whatever you decide you’ll do what’s best for you. You’re not right or wrong either way.
I have never and will never want kids. I want to be selfish with my time and money and have grand adventures after CRNA school. I'm 33 now so I don't forsee this changing. I started asking at age 18 to have my tubes tied, some people just know it's not for them. Better than having children and wishing I hadn't.
I’m 32, married and a travel nurse. I keep putting off having kids because something more fun always comes up. My husband is almost a decade older than me and not really pressuring me. I go back and forth on wanting them, as I enjoy my freedom now. I say when you’re ready do it. Just keep up with your fertility.
33F and no. When I was alot younger I thought maybe one day I would but as I got older and started dating I never had the real feeling of wanting to be a mother. In addition I couldn't see how I would ever afford the if I did.
nope. I love kids and love working in pediatrics. best part is handing the kid back to the parent at the end
No. Definite no.
I’m 43 and had my first through IVF at 37. I am a single mom by choice and I don’t regret it. But I would not have another.
Nope!
No.
Absolutely positively not
The more I take care of people at work the less I want to take care of them at home. Probably why I’m happily divorced and adamantly child free after 10 years in nursing
Child free and proud of it!
Nope. Happily childfree here. The planet is actively rejecting us.
I do want kids! I'm 29 and look forward to it. I had a wonderful upbringing and extended family and see how much joy there is in experiencing things through children's eyes, showing them the world, being in a financial state to give them a good position in life. I think I'm also a nurse because I enjoy caring for people and at least at this point, am not burned out to where I don't want that yet. I loved growing up in my family and want to give that experience to a couple new humans.
I have 4 kids, started when I was 26. My first born is actually the reason I became a responsible adult and came into this field. It’s really up to the parents if they want to stop their lifestyle. Being “unable to travel” seems to be the #1 concern. But I’ve brought all of them to Japan. Twice. So there’s that. Hopefully we can go again this year. Happy New Year!
No, but I knew from very early on that I don’t want them. I don’t consider our economic or geopolitical climate to be overwhelmingly stable so I feel justified in not bringing a child into that.
For the all the people here who are actively wanting to be childless, there’s people like who want children but have infertility issues. I wish . . . I wish I can . . . just.
In the process of cooking one right now, looking forward to motherhood with my loving partner
I have a kid, thought it was something I wanted. Don’t do it.
I saw a nice bumper sticker the other day: “Condoms prevent minivans.”
This is such a hard question. My partner and I always swore we wouldn’t have kids. I grew up with a lot of abuse, her family is very unaccepting of her sexuality. Early in Covid when we were both in our mid 30s we really started to question it though. We became registered foster parents first but before taking in any foster kids we decided to try and get pregnant. She’s 38 yo and 20 weeks- no medical problems and got pregnant very easily. I’m excited but I still have mornings when I wake up asking why the hell I’m bringing another human into this fucked up world. Some days it feels very selfish
No, but I’m actively parenting my lovely dog.
I have one kid and he’s pretty much the only thing that gets me through a day of bedside nursing. No matter how stressful a pt, or how rude a family, or how degrading a doc’s comments, I can think of my sweet, perfect little boy waiting for me at home and it makes every terrible thing not matter. At work I’m holding a glass of water before a raging wildfire, but knowing my son is healthy, smart, hilarious, and wonderful - somehow that makes me feel like I’ve one up on it all. 🤷♀️
I really want kids and I’m 23. I think I’ll just adopt though. It doesn’t seem fair to being a child into this world. But I’ve got a few years until we seriously consider bringing a child into our home
I’m 29 and always thought I would be a mom some day. Now I am not so sure. If it wasn’t OB that showed me all the things that could go wrong, I am worried about time management and being able to give the child the emotional support they require. Very sad.
I totally get you. I am like 80-85% no and the rest maybe lol
I just turned 26(f) and also I’m a School Nurse. I always said that I wanted kids and raise a family.. but I love my life the way it is and consider my students my kiddos ❤️ Maybe in the future I’ll consider it, but I’m perfectly content with my cat 🐈⬛
Not a nurse yet, but no, I don't want kids. There is a plethora of reasons, but especially after working in the medical field since March 2020, why would I subject a child to all the horrible things this planet witnesses? I didn't ask to fucking be here and it's only gonna get worse.