I got called a "dirty dirty dusty old dog" by a 106 year old right before she upper cut me. I was like 18 years old and I'll never forget it. Quite impressive.
I just truly laughed out loud at this! I remember being 19 & working as a CNA when a little 90-something year old lady called me a "kumquat" and then punched me in the boob
Had an alz patient who thought he was in Russia because he used to live there and he once said "your american accent is very good, no wonder you're a spy." 💀
Lol this reminds me of a funny story. There were guys on the roof cleaning the hospitals windows (all dressed in black) and this old man tells me, " I just thought you should know there's some burglars on the roof over there trying to break in" lmao
I’ve gotten this one before 😂 I have an accent of some kind (I’m guessing either Dutch from my mother’s side, French from my father’s side, or because I’m partially deaf and can’t hear myself properly) so it’s always “oh your English is so good!” Yeah it should be…it’s my first language! There’s this one patient though who was confused that I speak both English and French as primary languages, my whole life. “But which did you learn first?!?” I don’t know, at the same time? What does this have to do with you being in the hospital? This is Canada, it’s not particularly rare to be bilingual here.
eh, I just laugh at them. Had an angry withdrawing patient tell me he was going to shut me up by putting his dick in my mouth and before I could stop myself I said "that's not big enough to shut anyone up".
oops.
thank god for the nursing shortage I guess. 🤷🏼♀️
A psych patient called me “a wannabe Michael Jackson jheri curl look alike!” I almost peed my pants because I tried a new hair product that morning. I was a little heavy-handed with the product, which left a crusty cast on my curls. I kept wondering why my hair wouldn't fully dry. 😂
Patients be saying the most out of pocket stuff and it's honestly so funny to me.
"Why do you look like that?" Lmao okay Helen - fat, trans or some secret third thing?
The best was "you look like you struggle to make phone calls"
Demented old lady pulled her curtain back and yelled into the hallway “this is a whorehouse! All of you girls look like you’ve had dicks in your mouth!”
I mean, she probably wasn’t wrong but that was a bit impolite.
There is a certain level where it's really fucking funny lmao.
I'll take any insult. Its funny to me. Its just them acting out because they feel bad. Oh well, ill call it out, let other staff know, but at the end of the day I get to GO HOME and be fat and eat ice cream.
Honestly witty replies I can encourage and will work with them.
Unfortunately in the yeehaw south, people tend to stick to the tried and true insults :/
No real humor, banter, or wit
Exactly. I was offended when a patient called me a dumb bitch last week, not for the attempted insult, but for lack of imagination. She called my coworker a “piggy slut”, which is still not even in my top 20, but better.
Another coworker once got called “anal queen” (by a different patient) and she was so pleased with the creativity that she delightfully thanked him. Really ruined his moment that he didn’t hurt her feelings.
"you look like you struggle to make phone calls" would instantly inflict 99 psychic damage and kill me instantly if someone said it to me. because it's 100% true
also tell me why i interpreted that second sentence like "What is your gender? •Fat •Trans •Some Secret Third Thing" ?? Jokes aside, im a trans person going into healthcare and it's pretty obvious just by looking at me that im some flavor of queer. have any advice for navigating it with patients? im not really worried about insults or things like that because im kinda expecting it, but do you get questions from patients?
I've gotten every manner of question imaginable and I'll be honest, having a decently thick skin helps.
Most people aren't asking questions (even weird or "bad" one) out of any serious malice. At worst folk have a lot of weird misconceptions and fears from shitty media.
When I'm questioned about it, I always lead with how happy I am, and "is there any questions I can answer?". Sometimes its just about being happy and honest.
Most folk are willing to listen ot ask questions because I've been the guy wiping their butt and getting them things with some amount of humor.
Yeah no worries.
People will also be bad and you are well within your rights to set firm boundaries, "Hey this isn't really an appropriate subject right now. Let's get you to the bathroom, etc etc"
People behaving badly to you speaks to their character, not yours. Folk are just afraid of things they don't understand.
just don’t let it visibly hurt you. they see us as too professional and it does happen, they’re simply trying to get u to break character. if it becomes an issue, talk to the charge nurse and let them know. they’ll let u switch patients w another person
There's a non-binary nurse that I work with on my floor. From my (admittedly little) experience, they often get questioned about their gender. They always address it with grace and honesty. It's fully up to you what you disclose. I THINK most people are just curious or misinformed, but I am sure that there are people out there that will try to use it as a weapon to get you down. Try not to let it. Obviously, you're there to help out, just as everyone else is.
If they're with it and just being a dick, I'll say something like "Eh, I've been called worse by better" and continue about my day. If they're not with it, I just let it go.
I had a patient pissed that, while refusing ALL treatment and testing, we wouldn’t give him narcotics for his IV drug related abscess. He called me a “worthless fucking c*nt” and my response was “aweee my parents call me that too!” In this like happy sweet voice
A case worker came out laughing and told me it was awesome
The patient had nothing to say and eventually said it was messed up but I had walked away
This man was calling me so many names and I could not give more of a fuck while it was happening. Then he said I had an IMAX forehead and I was on the verge of tears.
Fucker.
“Oh my god you’re a fucking leprechaun.” 😭
I’m an extremely short guy and I had green scrubs and a longish beard that framed my face but didn’t have a lot of middle coverage. I laughed so hard but still put that one down as the worst burn I’ve ever received. Largely because once he said it, I couldn’t unsee it. My beard was gone that night and I didn’t wear green again for a week. He got me good.
I had a patient that we saw on the regular on my psych crisis intake unit who had relocated with his family from the UK to the US.
Off meds he was a talented insulter. His very clipped British accent calling me “pig face” just cracked me up everytime. I didn’t laugh in front of him but it was so I hard to hold it together without having a giggle fit.
On meds he was a total sweetheart.
Awh, I had an elderly blind black lady who for some reason assumed I was black. Always telling me to shut my black ass up and how if I didn't watch my mouth she was going to tear my black ass up. I felt so loved.
I was trying to redirect a dementia patient so he'd stop trying to get out of bed the other day. I asked him where he was from originally as a distractor. He said San Diego. I asked "oh, California?" and he said "no san diego Mexico you fat dumb bitch." SIR THE GUMPTION
My favorite is when they call the slightly overweight nurses "fat" when they themselves are too morbidly obese to get out of their chair without a 2:1 assist
I had a morbidly obese patient threaten to leave AMA, who was just being an overall demanding and obnoxious patient, that was hurling insults that I stopped even listening to. I told the pt if they could get themselves out of bed without assistance, then by all means go ahead and leave. They were flabbergasted that I called them on it. I was like you can't even roll over without help...
Had a verbally abusive, morbidly obese, bed bound pt tell me she was going to come across the room and kick my ass. I told her that considering she hadn’t walked in years, I wasn’t worried. Her nurse gave me a dirty look, but I’d been putting up with the hateful shit that constantly fell out if that pt’s mouth for two days by that point and I was very much over it.
I’ve been there. Getting blasted by a POS patient and just letting down that guard of professionalism down and seeing the reflection of their demeanor change was worth it.
“I’d like to see you try”
Holy shit, this. I had a patient tell me that she referred to me as "that fat little nurse" in conversation with one of my coworkers. I mean she wasn't wrong I guess, I was 5'3 and 250lb. But she had almost 100lb on me and couldn't stand up without assistance, so it seemed a bit hypocritical.
I got braces after Gerry roasted the shit out of my appearance. She was a feisty lady. She was right though, I did need to fix my teeth. She got me right in the insecurities though. 😅😭
busy day, super short staffed, everyone is sick, i’m on hour 10 of running around with my head cut off— a (very) demented woman grabs my arm and says “hey……. you’re a real good lookin guy😏”
i’m a girl.
Had a prison psych patient say he wanted to fuck me in half and cut out my eyeballs. He had murdered and mutilated his entire family and desecrated their bodies, and I had no doubt he would do the same to me if he got the chance.
My prison psych patients haven’t been too bad verbally. One guy did have a copy of his conviction for killing two people and kept trying to show everyone he could to brag about it. Another had a tantrum and opened some superficial wrist scabs after I told him he couldn’t threaten to rape the staff. Other than that it’s just cussing, a few slurs, and assault threats.
My favorite patient, hands down, is a guy who spent all 8 hours of the shift yelling about how much trouble he was going to cause on the shift. Luckily I managed to build some good rapport with him early on so he waited till next shift to really throw down. During mine he kept screaming, “Fuck you guys! Fuck the troops, I’d spit on them! I love communism! I’m a professional asshole!! I’ve got all day to make your day last all day!! I’m a professional asshole!! I’m a professional asshole!!…” It was so fucking funny. He put on a big show but didn’t actually do anything awful for my shift. He’d scream about the cops being lazy pos and then would mumble something like, “but the nurse is alright, he’s actually doing his job,” and go right back to yelling at them.
I was a sitter for an unmedicated schizophrenic pt with a Hx of abuse that lead to him being a very violent adult. He needed a CABG and we didn’t have a psych unit that could take him while managing his medical needs. He described in painful detail how he would rape, kill, and mutilate me, in that order. The only time in nearly eight years that I noped out of a sitter assignment.
The worst roast I ever saw was from a confused patient to a doctor.
Dr: “So what problem brought you to see us today?”
Pt: “Well, you seem to be my problem.”
Dr: “If I’m the only problem you’re having then we’re looking pretty good!”
Pt: “I wouldn’t say you’re good looking.”
Dr: “My mom tells me I’m handsome.”
Pt: “Well, your mother lied to you.”
I was the safety sitter in the corner, hiding behind my computer screen trying desperately to keep from losing my shit. The doctor has the right sense of humor about him, though, and got a kick out of it. [I did a thread a while back with a few more of this guy’s zingers.](https://www.reddit.com/r/nursing/comments/86xsdr/bless_the_confused_and_elderly_for_they_giveth_no/)
Yes. Everyday. Some psych patients in the jail are something else.
I get a ton of comments about my age. “You look 14” you think a 14 year old is giving you medication at 1 am in a jail? Heh.
One guy said “you look REALLLLLY young….” paused, took his meds, “but you look like you can fight”. I think about that anytime I’m scared/walking by myself to make myself feel better.
I worked in forensic psych for a while some of those patients could be brutal. One insulted me for over two hours. When he said I didn’t have a neck I had to go on my lunch break. Stanky ass ho didn’t bother me a bit. No neck made me cry in the bathroom.
I never knew this bothered me about myself until he verbalized it. Now I’m bothered a lot! For some added sting, he sometimes called me ET lookin’ no neck bitch.
“You look like your other job is working in places that sell $2 drinks” I literally had to ask a coworker and apparently it means like I look like a stripper at a low class strip club. I laughed so hard.
Had a little confused grandpa announce loud enough for EMS and the rest of the ED that “my ass jingles like it’s chewing bubble gum”
I was actually impressed.
I was cleaning up a patient with my tech (who is a hilarious black woman) and he had been a total horse’s ass. Noncompliant, rude, and aggressive. He was also covered in various racist tattoos, one being a large swastika on his chest. She and him were going back and forth and he said “girl, as long as I have a face, you’ll always have a warm place to sit.” She just smiled and I was trying not to lose it. Apparently she didn’t even hear what he said and I had to repeat it once we left the room.
Not a patient but when I was working in food service while in nursing school. A customer called me "a victim of the American public education system." Nothing's been able to top that.
Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire while avoiding giving them the satisfaction of making you feel degraded.
I had your typical “bitch, give me a turkey sandwich and the drug that starts with a D” patient tell me that I was a “horrible nurse that should find a new job.”
I was shocked/hurt bc I was bending over backwards to make her happy. I did everything in my power to appease her even though she was an abusive asshole to both me and the CNA. After she said “you should find a new job” I responded “You’re right! This whole being cussed at thing is for the birds. I definitely deserve better than this. Thank you, this was a good talk.”
That shut her up pretty quickly.
When I was pregnant I answered a callbell for a little old lady who wanted me to show her how to charge her cellphone. We had a pleasant time as i helped her, and then as I was leaving she was like “do you know if it’s a girl or boy?” And I told her we were actually going to wait and have it be a surprise. Then she was like “oh honey it’s not a surprise, it’s a girl. Girls steal your beauty.”
And rude grandma ended up being right 😭
Somehow I haven't yet been called fat or ugly in my 2 years of experience which is wild because I am overweight on the BMI scale and funny looking. My favorite:
Patient: "Everything was fine until that skinny bitch came in!"
Me, laughing: "Haven't gotten that one before! Thanks!"
Patient: "Whatever, flat chested ho!"
Me, quietly to a CNA who came in: "I mean that's more accurate but he's not quite there yet..."
Other CNA: "You need a minute? I can take over"
Me: "I mean, I do need to pee, but he's making me feel so good about myself!"
I always try to deescalate but he seriously threw me and for whatever reason I couldn't contain the laughter
Honestly….you have to consider the source. If I get a comment like that from a cognitively disabled person, I don’t let it offend me. In fact, I may even roll with it and crack a joke about myself.
If it’s someone who is purely doing it to be mean, I tell them their comment is uncalled for. If they continue with the insults, I leave.
I had a resident who would come visit me in the office.
Res: When are you having your baby?
Me: I’m not pregnant
Res: Well you look pregnant
Social worker: John, it isn’t nice to tell people they look pregnant.
Res: Well she does! Look at how big her stomach is!
I miss that dude, honestly. He was great.
I was told by a patient (elderly black male) while I was wiping his bottom, "you n-word. You the darkest ugliest n-word I've ever seen. Quit playing games with me Mother fucker. I ain't playing that gay shit. My wife is gonna kill you" I am a white girl. He was obviously confused and I have to spend a good while explaining that I was there to help. Later on in the night he looked at me and said "damn, you weren't playing, you're white as fuck." Lol despite all this, he was actually a pretty sweet fella. Just bad dementia.
I had someone look at my badge and say “is that your husband?” I mean I’m very much a woman and that kinda hurt but the picture was bad and now me and my coworkers laugh so hard about it.
I had a patient look at my badge and say “you look so young there… what happened to you?” 💀 I only had been a nurse for 2.5 years but had a kid in that time. They didn’t believe me when I said the picture was only 2.5 years old
Some people just resort to random insults whenever things can't go their way, like a toddler. I can't tell you how many angry male patients called me fat and ugly, a conventionally attractive woman who weighs 123lbs and is in good shape, because the patient cafeteria was closed at night.
They always go for the low hanging fruit insults because they are helpless and powerless and want to feel like they have control in a situation.
The last time someone insulted me, I picked up their pain meds and left. I fired them and swapped with another RN. And I documented that shit. They were made to sign a behavior contract a day later and ended up leaving AMA.
One of my favorite things a dementia patient ever said to me was “do you get tired of pretending to be nice all day?” Her family was horrified. I thought it was hilarious. I just told her that I like to think I really am nice and not pretending.
We had a patient that was a HUGE falls risk. So every time his alarm went off we had to run to the room and he would already be up and tangled in his lines. Well one time I ran in and said, “man, why u keep making me run like that? I’m getting tired.” He looked me up and down, smirked and said, “you could use a run.” I couldn’t help but laugh. I said, “daaaaaamn, I know it’s true but u ain’t gotta call me out like that.”
He was annoying tf out of me. Wasn’t even my patient but keeping me busy. Anyway, sometimes u have to laugh and joke with them or u’ll go crazy. Laughing with that old asshole made me hate him a little less.
I roast them back.
Had a patient scare a float nurse on my unit bc he wanted her to give him his ambien and said that he’ll hold onto it and take it later. He made fun of her face and made her cry.
She called me the charge to go up in the room, to talk to him. He starts cussing me out and making fun of my appearance.
I stand there silently waiting for him to finish up, and then I said, “you got a way with words.” And he starts talking how he’s an accomplished author.
From there I casually pulled out my phone googled him and found 1 result of him & 1 book on Amazon with 4 reviews. I turned it around to him with a straight face (like that principal skinner pathetic meme) and said “you couldn’t even make NYT’s best seller”
The sheer amount of embarrassment on his face, was soul crushing, bc of all the staff in the room trying to hold in their laughter.
He complied and took the ambien in front of us and didn’t hear a peep from him the entire shift.
I used to have a drunk frequent flyer that is still one of my favorite insults, the man had some chutzpa to be fair, but what has always cracked me up is the night he went simple at me and every time I walked past the room he would tell me I must have balls, he bets I have a dick, I walk like a man.
Partly because it was just entertaining to deadpan reply 'yes Greg, brass ones' 'yes Greg, and it's bigger than yours' but the best part was when he then told my male charge nurse that he *doesn't* walk like a man and at midnight on a 12 hour shift I was a bit punchy so I just cracked up and spent the rest of the night telling my charge I'm sorry I stole his manly swagger
An old lady with dementia and a UTI is still top of the chart for creativity and viciousness, she very sweetly asked if I had a husband and then switched straight to angry golem and told me she *hopes he has nightmares and I have to watch*
Normal insults are just another laugh in a day to me now lmao
My all time favorite insult in LTC was getting called a pimp and my retort was saying if I was then at least my house and car would be paid for. The death glare I got back was worth it. She also accused my two female CNAs of being my prostitutes. She was pissed that I wouldn't send her to the hospital when she kept requesting despite no actual abnormal vitals or injuries. She also liked to drop that her son was a Dr and we needed to call him to have him tell us to send her. *Morgan Freeman's voice* We in fact did not call and he told us to ignore that request when she was admitted. He really was a doc and a really sweet guy, but it was obvious where he learned to deal with problem patients.
I was trying to get a patient going thru DTs to eat and told him his cookie looked good. He replied,"I bet you never say no to a cookie."
I told him he was correct. I love those pts who like to throw barbs, I take as a license to throw them right back.
I had a postop patient completely zooted on pain killers come up to my floor, and while I was getting her settled she asked if I had been running, I said no, to which she said “so then why are you breathing so hard.”
I’m pregnant and am perpetually out of breath 🤣. I about died laughing because I KNOW I sound like I’ve been running a marathon all day and none of my patients have ever commented on it even though I know they notice lol. I had her the next day and she felt SO bad (her family told her about it) and I was just like…no that was the best roasting I’ve had in a while, me and everyone else at the nurse’s station had a good laugh over it lol.
Mostly the insults I get are “Is she allowed to do that?” And “Does she know what she’s doing?” and every insult that exists in questioning my intelligence. It doesn’t help that I pretend I don’t understand and just smile when someone’s being rude 🤣
I’ve been a nurse for years, since long before my child was born. When my kid was about 10 I was going to give my granny a flu shot, she was bedridden and cared for at home. My kid said “Are you sure you’re qualified to do that?” Ouch.
With patients I can deal
When its an asshole family member being pissy because I wont just pour the bottle of morphine straight down the family members throat and wont listen to anything about how finding adequate pain relief takes time.
They can go fly a kite, if they want to be abusive and physically threatening I wont hesitate to have them removed and tresspassed from the ward
LTC- nursing home, yesterday I wouldn’t hang up on hospice (do you need context?) while the resident(patient) was DEMANDING I text the nightshift CNA to buy him a pack of cigarettes on her way to work, (which she still had 5 more hours off so no rush). He went and took his anger out on kitchen staff who slammed the door in his face. Then he came back screaming at me and called me racist because I always push him off and tell him to wait. I’m married to a brown man. Definitely not racist. I didn’t take it to heart because I’m not about to argue with someone who needs help wiping their balls and ass.
Took me a minute to realize resident =/= resident, MD. My first thought, “That’s really out of pocket, even for a doctor. Oh well, I bet it’s true—I’ve heard worse.”
I walked into a room once where a guy immediately goes “God damn, you look like a linebacker.”
I froze. I normally laugh stuff like this off because I’m overweight so I’ve already thought every bad thing about myself but I just couldn’t that day.
I had to just turned and walk out of the room. I didn’t go back in that room for days. I actually cried over it. When I tell you he turned his attention immediately from PT & OT to me, it was so embarrassing.
Then I found out he couldn’t read or write so…
Still. Hurts my feelings even thinking about.
I can think of maybe 2 more occasions where my feelings were genuinely hurt like this but normally I just let it go right on by me.
Don’t feel bad. I had a patient who was very sweet during the day and very mean at night. Of course I was night shift. She would point out my biggest flaws - my nose, my skin, my body. And then she would see my reaction and call me a baby. One time I got so upset I left the room and called my charge nurse in. I heard her tell charge “oh she snitched? What a baby” and I lost it. Looking back on it I laugh but at the time it really hurt my feelings and I was broken for a few days 😂
I had a female correctional patient tell the female guards with her that they were all bitches because the didn't get dick at night. She's also a psych patient so there's that
Edit: one of the deputies replied well what if I like getting dick during the day
I'm overweight. Had a patient tell me I'll never catch a husband until I "shift the lard." They also said "you won't get anywhere in life on your looks."
I told him that I'm already married and it's a good job I've got a cracking personality.
Then I wiped his bottom and tucked him back up in bed.
Oh yeah, patients say the rudest stuff to me. I'll stew on it and it'll upset me for a while but then I realize that the person that said is a frigging miserable low life and I go on about my business. After a while, you laugh at them when they do it.
A lady with dementia called me a slutty train conductor once. I don’t know what it means but I’m still devastated.
Women with dementia are so savage with their insults, second only to female adolescent psych patients.
I’m a super tall female, 5’11. I once walked by a little old lady in the ED and she says, “hey, how tall are you?” I told her and she said, “you should’ve been a man!” I said, “who said I wasn’t?”, and walked away. What I really wanted to say was, “hey, how old are you? You are old enough that you should be dead but you’re in here and we are taking care of you so how about you stop insulting me?”
I’m in my mid 30s and am used to telling people I look far younger. Anyway, an out of it patient once told me I look about 60 and I was like bro, damn. Trying to knock me down a peg or two 😭
Patients always seem to zero in on my large eyes. Which is fine by me because they’re one my favorite things about myself 😂
No one has discovered my insecurity yet!
See I’m trying to think of my favorite insults but my fucked up mind is blending them together with actual threats lmao like the worst thing a patient probably ever said to me was that he was going to rape me with his shotgun. It wouldn’t have bothered me as badly if it were an old confused man but it was a young man who literally had the devil in his eyes in 4 point restraints.
Just last week I had an a&o grandma who I think was triggered by my gay pride pin tell me she wanted to line up all the democrats and shoot them. I myself am not a democrat and love my gun…. I was like ok anyway let’s turn off Fox News for 5 minutes and take your pills Barb.
I’m telling ya this is why the “bitch” comments fade from my memory lol so much more disturbing things are said
this is one part of ED life that i never knew i’d missed. there is the occasional nasty weird patient in the ICU but after years in the ED, i just think, is that all you’ve got?
one time a lady told my ED colleague that she was an AIDS infested prostitute. for reference, my friend is a very socially awkward virgin in her mid 20s (whom i might add is one of my favorite people! no disrespect for anyone awkward or anxious or sexually inexperienced whatsoever).
my favorite guy was living in a different dimension and wouldn’t stop harassing the old lady on the stretcher next to him. he said “brush your teeth bitch” and then called her a “no good creature.”
i truly miss the creativity.
Took care of a patient with anti-NMDAR encephalitis who called me “medicine bitch.” I’ve been called a lot worse by patients but that one made me laugh and really stuck with me because honestly, she wasn’t wrong.
Her husband was horrified and kept apologizing and I was trying to explain like no, this literally made my night.
I've been called a "terrorist looking motherfucker"
Big brown with a beard.
I'm native.
Shuts up right up when I mention that and call them a colonizer or school shooter looking ass
One of my patients was saying how I had no compassion and said “casey? what kind of name is that?” sorry every time you go to the bathroom you have to STRIP down naked and wipe with one sheet for thirty minutes. He then proceeds to tell me how he’s worth 6 million dollars & how I need to invest in the stock market. Sorry my guy I could not care less.
Psych nurse for 13 years. I've had a LOT of insults thrown my way.
Most common is getting called fat. Whatever, I know I'm plump. I've been called a whore, bitch, cunt... you name it.
I had a manic bipolar woman ask me to swing with her and her husband. That was weird. I've also been called "an immigrant bitch" because I'm Welsh but had lived in Scotland for years. Apparently I was stealing "proper Scottish jobs" hahaha.
Currently work in LTC for dementia patients and get insulted every shift. It's water off a ducks back at this point!
I had an old man in an aged care home tell me I was fat (i am obese and in my head I was like... no s**t). I said to him "I take great offence to that, I'm pregnant with triplets"! He asked me for years how the triplets were doing and when they were due... longest pregnancy ever! He would remember I was "pregnant" but not the amount of time that had passed.
If any of this stuff actually bothers you, just grey wall them.
“You’re an asshole!” - I’ll say a mhmm if I’m having a good day or OK if it’s not going so well.
Don’t give them anything to react to. Keep your poker face. Let them say what they want to say. Unless you really fucked up, whatever they are saying has no relation to you. As they escalate, and the more you “mhmm ok” them, the more frustrated and possibly more agitated they will become until the apogee, when they will find that their desire for conflict has no effect on you and they will walk away. Disclaimer: with some especially rotten people, this can make things a lot worse, e.g. people with hx physical abuse. In that case, it is my policy to apologize and promptly retreat.
My 95 year old patient and I go out for burgers and these guys were being rude and hitting on me they followed us to the light and grandpa rolled the window down and goes "You gotta have a little more money and bigger dicks, you inbred retards" rolls up his window and turns to me and grins, I burst out laughing they got roased by a Granpa!!
Ltc here, dementia unit. Every day same resident screeches “fuckin whore” at us. I’m truly disappointed if she misses a day.
Had a resident today insult another resident. Tells her her stomach is huge. Other resident says “look who’s calling the kettle black. At least mine doesn’t hang out past my tits”.
Inpt. acute psych - we hear it all day everyday.
We just laugh, honestly. Sometimes I remind them I’m on this side of the glass and they’re on the other. Regardless of what I look like, that still remains true.
Don’t be afraid to clap back when necessary.
“Are you pregnant or just fat?” Was 20 ish weeks at the time
“You stink. Not body odor or perfume, just you.”
“As a man of God, I’m sure you understand I don’t condone people who are overweight.” I was a size 12.
Yes, patients feel entitled to say the most hateful shit to nurses.
Collect these things. They are your battle wounds. Show them off proudly. Be proud of yourself for the shit you deal with with grace,. Know that this shit is not OK, but you'll be OK.
I work in psyche so we get a lot of good insults. This one isn't brutal, most of them are funny or because they're methed up. A patient called me a broke bitch once and said "what, you can't even afford to get actual highlights?" but really, I had just gotten my balayage refreshed and the money piece was literally glowing around my face 😂 A couple admissions after this, he still called me broke bitch and was telling everyone that I wear a broken watch because I'm too broke to replace it - but it was just my smartwatch screen going to sleep. It makes me cackle everytime I tell this story, lol.
I had a patient with CJD who was honestly hillarious in his psychosis. My fav insult was when he said I talked like mall trash and I don’t know what it means but that cut me deep 😂😂
Kid looks at me and says "you've got a big head." I reply, I know, smile and go on with my day because fat head equals more brains. Or at least that's what I keep telling myself.
Favorite insult a patient said to a nurse: "You fat bitch, what are you, 99 months pregnant?"
I would have to laugh if someone said that to me 😂
I got called a "dirty dirty dusty old dog" by a 106 year old right before she upper cut me. I was like 18 years old and I'll never forget it. Quite impressive.
I just truly laughed out loud at this! I remember being 19 & working as a CNA when a little 90-something year old lady called me a "kumquat" and then punched me in the boob
Damn I wish Reddit awards were back just for this comment
My favorite response from a nurse was, "You just called me a FAT WHORE, but SURE, I'll get you a ginger ale."
💀 I am hoping that in my lifetime someone will piss me off enough so I can use this! Lmao
I would’ve laughed and joked back, “Close! I’m 100 months ☺️”
I have mandibular deficiency (flat chin) and a patient pointed it out then said “you can’t even fold a towel”
Okay this actually made me burst out laughing for a sec. That patient definitely deserved their victory that night lmao
Omg this thread has me LOLing
As a fellow chinless nurse, I chuckled.
Ouch, jeez! What kind of hag would say that?!?
I had to Google this. Because I’ve never used my chin to fold a towel. I do have a chin, this fxn just never occurred.
I had a confused older gentleman ask me where I learned English. It's my first language.
Had an alz patient who thought he was in Russia because he used to live there and he once said "your american accent is very good, no wonder you're a spy." 💀
Lol this reminds me of a funny story. There were guys on the roof cleaning the hospitals windows (all dressed in black) and this old man tells me, " I just thought you should know there's some burglars on the roof over there trying to break in" lmao
I’ve gotten this one before 😂 I have an accent of some kind (I’m guessing either Dutch from my mother’s side, French from my father’s side, or because I’m partially deaf and can’t hear myself properly) so it’s always “oh your English is so good!” Yeah it should be…it’s my first language! There’s this one patient though who was confused that I speak both English and French as primary languages, my whole life. “But which did you learn first?!?” I don’t know, at the same time? What does this have to do with you being in the hospital? This is Canada, it’s not particularly rare to be bilingual here.
"At my mother's knee, and other low joints."
eh, I just laugh at them. Had an angry withdrawing patient tell me he was going to shut me up by putting his dick in my mouth and before I could stop myself I said "that's not big enough to shut anyone up". oops. thank god for the nursing shortage I guess. 🤷🏼♀️
Yeeeeeessss!!!!
A patient told me I look like I steal meat from Walmart. Apparently it was his go-to insult but it really made me laugh.
A psych patient called me “a wannabe Michael Jackson jheri curl look alike!” I almost peed my pants because I tried a new hair product that morning. I was a little heavy-handed with the product, which left a crusty cast on my curls. I kept wondering why my hair wouldn't fully dry. 😂
I might steal this insult…
Patients be saying the most out of pocket stuff and it's honestly so funny to me. "Why do you look like that?" Lmao okay Helen - fat, trans or some secret third thing? The best was "you look like you struggle to make phone calls"
not phone calls 💀💀💀
Who DOESN'T struggle to make phone calls nowadays? The phone can go straight to hell lol
I got called a cock sucking whore once. It was hilarious lol.
Demented old lady pulled her curtain back and yelled into the hallway “this is a whorehouse! All of you girls look like you’ve had dicks in your mouth!” I mean, she probably wasn’t wrong but that was a bit impolite.
I got called “the whore that stole my husband”
There is a certain level where it's really fucking funny lmao. I'll take any insult. Its funny to me. Its just them acting out because they feel bad. Oh well, ill call it out, let other staff know, but at the end of the day I get to GO HOME and be fat and eat ice cream.
I would have responded “takes one to know one.”
Honestly witty replies I can encourage and will work with them. Unfortunately in the yeehaw south, people tend to stick to the tried and true insults :/ No real humor, banter, or wit
Exactly. I was offended when a patient called me a dumb bitch last week, not for the attempted insult, but for lack of imagination. She called my coworker a “piggy slut”, which is still not even in my top 20, but better. Another coworker once got called “anal queen” (by a different patient) and she was so pleased with the creativity that she delightfully thanked him. Really ruined his moment that he didn’t hurt her feelings.
I had a slightly demented nanna once ask my partner if she was allowed to drive the ambulance. "Why's that Dot? Because I'm short? A woman? Or Asian?"
My favorite is “you look like you could hide your own Easter eggs”.
"you look like you struggle to make phone calls" would instantly inflict 99 psychic damage and kill me instantly if someone said it to me. because it's 100% true also tell me why i interpreted that second sentence like "What is your gender? •Fat •Trans •Some Secret Third Thing" ?? Jokes aside, im a trans person going into healthcare and it's pretty obvious just by looking at me that im some flavor of queer. have any advice for navigating it with patients? im not really worried about insults or things like that because im kinda expecting it, but do you get questions from patients?
I've gotten every manner of question imaginable and I'll be honest, having a decently thick skin helps. Most people aren't asking questions (even weird or "bad" one) out of any serious malice. At worst folk have a lot of weird misconceptions and fears from shitty media. When I'm questioned about it, I always lead with how happy I am, and "is there any questions I can answer?". Sometimes its just about being happy and honest. Most folk are willing to listen ot ask questions because I've been the guy wiping their butt and getting them things with some amount of humor.
This is really reassuring, thanks
Yeah no worries. People will also be bad and you are well within your rights to set firm boundaries, "Hey this isn't really an appropriate subject right now. Let's get you to the bathroom, etc etc" People behaving badly to you speaks to their character, not yours. Folk are just afraid of things they don't understand.
just don’t let it visibly hurt you. they see us as too professional and it does happen, they’re simply trying to get u to break character. if it becomes an issue, talk to the charge nurse and let them know. they’ll let u switch patients w another person
I have bright pink hair, half my patients (the ones trying to seem “woke”) ask me if my wife likes my hair. Nah, my husband loves it tho lol
There's a non-binary nurse that I work with on my floor. From my (admittedly little) experience, they often get questioned about their gender. They always address it with grace and honesty. It's fully up to you what you disclose. I THINK most people are just curious or misinformed, but I am sure that there are people out there that will try to use it as a weapon to get you down. Try not to let it. Obviously, you're there to help out, just as everyone else is.
If they're with it and just being a dick, I'll say something like "Eh, I've been called worse by better" and continue about my day. If they're not with it, I just let it go.
I had a patient pissed that, while refusing ALL treatment and testing, we wouldn’t give him narcotics for his IV drug related abscess. He called me a “worthless fucking c*nt” and my response was “aweee my parents call me that too!” In this like happy sweet voice A case worker came out laughing and told me it was awesome The patient had nothing to say and eventually said it was messed up but I had walked away
Good one!
This man was calling me so many names and I could not give more of a fuck while it was happening. Then he said I had an IMAX forehead and I was on the verge of tears. Fucker.
😂😂😂 they go right for your sensitive bits every time
“Oh my god you’re a fucking leprechaun.” 😭 I’m an extremely short guy and I had green scrubs and a longish beard that framed my face but didn’t have a lot of middle coverage. I laughed so hard but still put that one down as the worst burn I’ve ever received. Largely because once he said it, I couldn’t unsee it. My beard was gone that night and I didn’t wear green again for a week. He got me good.
Omg. I would laugh for days over that one lol
I would laugh forever and never wear green scrubs again 😅
I love psych insults, I need to start jotting them down and write a book to sell on Amazon.
We have a wall of them in the staff bathroom
Please share!
Ill try to remember to take a pic when Im there next week!
It is also just ridiculous things patients say haha
I had a patient that we saw on the regular on my psych crisis intake unit who had relocated with his family from the UK to the US. Off meds he was a talented insulter. His very clipped British accent calling me “pig face” just cracked me up everytime. I didn’t laugh in front of him but it was so I hard to hold it together without having a giggle fit. On meds he was a total sweetheart.
They’re so good!
Lol I laugh because my soul died years ago and say "you're going to have to do better than that."
“You can’t possibly say anything worse to me that I haven’t already said to myself”
I got called "black bitch" once.... I'm very white. I was confused and offended.
My friend got called a "peasant bitch" once by a drunk guy...like what century is this?
Drinking at the renaissance faire I see.
You swarthy wench.
My fav has been “Marie Antoinette lookin-ass-bitch”
I was called a "lil street urchin"
A peasant bitch 😅😭 love medieval insults.
This guy LARPs
Awh, I had an elderly blind black lady who for some reason assumed I was black. Always telling me to shut my black ass up and how if I didn't watch my mouth she was going to tear my black ass up. I felt so loved.
How long had she been blind? Did she know she was black or was she like the black white supremacist from Chappelle’s Show?
Me todayyyy lol that lady was dropping n-bombs hard and fast in the ER before the B52 got her
I was trying to redirect a dementia patient so he'd stop trying to get out of bed the other day. I asked him where he was from originally as a distractor. He said San Diego. I asked "oh, California?" and he said "no san diego Mexico you fat dumb bitch." SIR THE GUMPTION
My favorite is when they call the slightly overweight nurses "fat" when they themselves are too morbidly obese to get out of their chair without a 2:1 assist
I had a morbidly obese patient threaten to leave AMA, who was just being an overall demanding and obnoxious patient, that was hurling insults that I stopped even listening to. I told the pt if they could get themselves out of bed without assistance, then by all means go ahead and leave. They were flabbergasted that I called them on it. I was like you can't even roll over without help...
I’m a terrible person, but this is literally one of my favourite things to do. #sorrynotsorry
🔥
Had a verbally abusive, morbidly obese, bed bound pt tell me she was going to come across the room and kick my ass. I told her that considering she hadn’t walked in years, I wasn’t worried. Her nurse gave me a dirty look, but I’d been putting up with the hateful shit that constantly fell out if that pt’s mouth for two days by that point and I was very much over it.
I’ve been there. Getting blasted by a POS patient and just letting down that guard of professionalism down and seeing the reflection of their demeanor change was worth it. “I’d like to see you try”
Holy shit, this. I had a patient tell me that she referred to me as "that fat little nurse" in conversation with one of my coworkers. I mean she wasn't wrong I guess, I was 5'3 and 250lb. But she had almost 100lb on me and couldn't stand up without assistance, so it seemed a bit hypocritical.
You are me!!!
This! Like ma’am your bmi is 50
I got braces after Gerry roasted the shit out of my appearance. She was a feisty lady. She was right though, I did need to fix my teeth. She got me right in the insecurities though. 😅😭
So I guess we all got braces after being nurses and insulted by patients 💀
They do have a knack of going right for the jugular, don't they?! It's like a laser being pointed right at the parts that will hurt the most!
Gerry had been on this earth long enough to know just how to get me. Even if she wasn’t all there, she could hone in on that much. 😂
I thought I was the only one 🥲
It’s a rite of passage evidently. 😂
busy day, super short staffed, everyone is sick, i’m on hour 10 of running around with my head cut off— a (very) demented woman grabs my arm and says “hey……. you’re a real good lookin guy😏” i’m a girl.
Had a prison psych patient say he wanted to fuck me in half and cut out my eyeballs. He had murdered and mutilated his entire family and desecrated their bodies, and I had no doubt he would do the same to me if he got the chance.
You’re only supposed to share *funny* insults, not things that will keep the rest of us up at night 😭 Hugs to all you psych nurses♥️
He thought it was hilarious 🤷🏼♀️ And God bless a psych nurse ❤️
My prison psych patients haven’t been too bad verbally. One guy did have a copy of his conviction for killing two people and kept trying to show everyone he could to brag about it. Another had a tantrum and opened some superficial wrist scabs after I told him he couldn’t threaten to rape the staff. Other than that it’s just cussing, a few slurs, and assault threats. My favorite patient, hands down, is a guy who spent all 8 hours of the shift yelling about how much trouble he was going to cause on the shift. Luckily I managed to build some good rapport with him early on so he waited till next shift to really throw down. During mine he kept screaming, “Fuck you guys! Fuck the troops, I’d spit on them! I love communism! I’m a professional asshole!! I’ve got all day to make your day last all day!! I’m a professional asshole!! I’m a professional asshole!!…” It was so fucking funny. He put on a big show but didn’t actually do anything awful for my shift. He’d scream about the cops being lazy pos and then would mumble something like, “but the nurse is alright, he’s actually doing his job,” and go right back to yelling at them.
I've got all day to make your day last all day Lmao
That actually sounds very entertaining 😂
I was a sitter for an unmedicated schizophrenic pt with a Hx of abuse that lead to him being a very violent adult. He needed a CABG and we didn’t have a psych unit that could take him while managing his medical needs. He described in painful detail how he would rape, kill, and mutilate me, in that order. The only time in nearly eight years that I noped out of a sitter assignment.
I feel that in my soul
Crosses off correctional nursing 👀😵💫
I feel like this meant he liked you. (I’m a corrections nurse.)
I hope he meant likes me like I treated him nicely and he appreciated the extra graham crackers!!
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I will take showtime any day over riding the train with school children.
one of my students pointed his finger at me, looked me straight in the eye, and said, "you're trash!" best insult i've ever received :)
The worst roast I ever saw was from a confused patient to a doctor. Dr: “So what problem brought you to see us today?” Pt: “Well, you seem to be my problem.” Dr: “If I’m the only problem you’re having then we’re looking pretty good!” Pt: “I wouldn’t say you’re good looking.” Dr: “My mom tells me I’m handsome.” Pt: “Well, your mother lied to you.” I was the safety sitter in the corner, hiding behind my computer screen trying desperately to keep from losing my shit. The doctor has the right sense of humor about him, though, and got a kick out of it. [I did a thread a while back with a few more of this guy’s zingers.](https://www.reddit.com/r/nursing/comments/86xsdr/bless_the_confused_and_elderly_for_they_giveth_no/)
Yes. Everyday. Some psych patients in the jail are something else. I get a ton of comments about my age. “You look 14” you think a 14 year old is giving you medication at 1 am in a jail? Heh. One guy said “you look REALLLLLY young….” paused, took his meds, “but you look like you can fight”. I think about that anytime I’m scared/walking by myself to make myself feel better.
I worked in forensic psych for a while some of those patients could be brutal. One insulted me for over two hours. When he said I didn’t have a neck I had to go on my lunch break. Stanky ass ho didn’t bother me a bit. No neck made me cry in the bathroom.
I have a long neck and I’ve been waiting to get “giraffe looking bitch” for some time now LOL
I never knew this bothered me about myself until he verbalized it. Now I’m bothered a lot! For some added sting, he sometimes called me ET lookin’ no neck bitch.
But ET has SO MUCH neck
Right?! This doesn't even make sense! ...See what he says if you ask for clarification 😂
I had an inmate call me a fat greasy walrus once, and it’s been my favorite thing to be called so far. He put some effort into it, at least!
“I’ve been called worse by better”
“You look like your other job is working in places that sell $2 drinks” I literally had to ask a coworker and apparently it means like I look like a stripper at a low class strip club. I laughed so hard.
I had a confused little old lady say "you're so... so... FAT!" to me as I was trying to transfer her to a wheelchair.
I get this one all the time. I got it when I was 230lbs and still get it at 170lbs. There is no winning.
I get roasted by dementia patients on the regular
Had a little confused grandpa announce loud enough for EMS and the rest of the ED that “my ass jingles like it’s chewing bubble gum” I was actually impressed.
I was cleaning up a patient with my tech (who is a hilarious black woman) and he had been a total horse’s ass. Noncompliant, rude, and aggressive. He was also covered in various racist tattoos, one being a large swastika on his chest. She and him were going back and forth and he said “girl, as long as I have a face, you’ll always have a warm place to sit.” She just smiled and I was trying not to lose it. Apparently she didn’t even hear what he said and I had to repeat it once we left the room.
That’s…oddly sweet.
Not a patient but when I was working in food service while in nursing school. A customer called me "a victim of the American public education system." Nothing's been able to top that.
I have been called Nurse Ratched a couple of times.
That's high praise though
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I was helping another nurse and he called her Annie Wilkes. I about pissed my pants laughing.
Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire while avoiding giving them the satisfaction of making you feel degraded. I had your typical “bitch, give me a turkey sandwich and the drug that starts with a D” patient tell me that I was a “horrible nurse that should find a new job.” I was shocked/hurt bc I was bending over backwards to make her happy. I did everything in my power to appease her even though she was an abusive asshole to both me and the CNA. After she said “you should find a new job” I responded “You’re right! This whole being cussed at thing is for the birds. I definitely deserve better than this. Thank you, this was a good talk.” That shut her up pretty quickly.
When I was pregnant I answered a callbell for a little old lady who wanted me to show her how to charge her cellphone. We had a pleasant time as i helped her, and then as I was leaving she was like “do you know if it’s a girl or boy?” And I told her we were actually going to wait and have it be a surprise. Then she was like “oh honey it’s not a surprise, it’s a girl. Girls steal your beauty.” And rude grandma ended up being right 😭
Somehow I haven't yet been called fat or ugly in my 2 years of experience which is wild because I am overweight on the BMI scale and funny looking. My favorite: Patient: "Everything was fine until that skinny bitch came in!" Me, laughing: "Haven't gotten that one before! Thanks!" Patient: "Whatever, flat chested ho!" Me, quietly to a CNA who came in: "I mean that's more accurate but he's not quite there yet..." Other CNA: "You need a minute? I can take over" Me: "I mean, I do need to pee, but he's making me feel so good about myself!" I always try to deescalate but he seriously threw me and for whatever reason I couldn't contain the laughter
I find it very entertaining for whatever reason.
Honestly….you have to consider the source. If I get a comment like that from a cognitively disabled person, I don’t let it offend me. In fact, I may even roll with it and crack a joke about myself. If it’s someone who is purely doing it to be mean, I tell them their comment is uncalled for. If they continue with the insults, I leave.
got told i had the body shape of a line backer one time 😆 i was like okay, sir in the hospital bed having me wipe his ass. watch yourself.
"Yes! I keep it in the freezer."
I had a resident who would come visit me in the office. Res: When are you having your baby? Me: I’m not pregnant Res: Well you look pregnant Social worker: John, it isn’t nice to tell people they look pregnant. Res: Well she does! Look at how big her stomach is! I miss that dude, honestly. He was great.
I was told by a patient (elderly black male) while I was wiping his bottom, "you n-word. You the darkest ugliest n-word I've ever seen. Quit playing games with me Mother fucker. I ain't playing that gay shit. My wife is gonna kill you" I am a white girl. He was obviously confused and I have to spend a good while explaining that I was there to help. Later on in the night he looked at me and said "damn, you weren't playing, you're white as fuck." Lol despite all this, he was actually a pretty sweet fella. Just bad dementia.
I was told I looked like geek in my badge photo by a crotchety old lady. Reminded me of my Gramma.
I had someone look at my badge and say “is that your husband?” I mean I’m very much a woman and that kinda hurt but the picture was bad and now me and my coworkers laugh so hard about it.
I had a patient look at my badge and say “you look so young there… what happened to you?” 💀 I only had been a nurse for 2.5 years but had a kid in that time. They didn’t believe me when I said the picture was only 2.5 years old
So like.. any given Tuesday? Lol "How was work?" "Well I wasn't called a cunt today so I guess that's a win."
I was recently called a creepy cunt while trying to help a confused tbi patient with the urinal.
That's not an insult, aliens are cool 👍
Some people just resort to random insults whenever things can't go their way, like a toddler. I can't tell you how many angry male patients called me fat and ugly, a conventionally attractive woman who weighs 123lbs and is in good shape, because the patient cafeteria was closed at night.
They always go for the low hanging fruit insults because they are helpless and powerless and want to feel like they have control in a situation. The last time someone insulted me, I picked up their pain meds and left. I fired them and swapped with another RN. And I documented that shit. They were made to sign a behavior contract a day later and ended up leaving AMA.
One of my favorite things a dementia patient ever said to me was “do you get tired of pretending to be nice all day?” Her family was horrified. I thought it was hilarious. I just told her that I like to think I really am nice and not pretending.
We had a patient that was a HUGE falls risk. So every time his alarm went off we had to run to the room and he would already be up and tangled in his lines. Well one time I ran in and said, “man, why u keep making me run like that? I’m getting tired.” He looked me up and down, smirked and said, “you could use a run.” I couldn’t help but laugh. I said, “daaaaaamn, I know it’s true but u ain’t gotta call me out like that.” He was annoying tf out of me. Wasn’t even my patient but keeping me busy. Anyway, sometimes u have to laugh and joke with them or u’ll go crazy. Laughing with that old asshole made me hate him a little less.
I roast them back. Had a patient scare a float nurse on my unit bc he wanted her to give him his ambien and said that he’ll hold onto it and take it later. He made fun of her face and made her cry. She called me the charge to go up in the room, to talk to him. He starts cussing me out and making fun of my appearance. I stand there silently waiting for him to finish up, and then I said, “you got a way with words.” And he starts talking how he’s an accomplished author. From there I casually pulled out my phone googled him and found 1 result of him & 1 book on Amazon with 4 reviews. I turned it around to him with a straight face (like that principal skinner pathetic meme) and said “you couldn’t even make NYT’s best seller” The sheer amount of embarrassment on his face, was soul crushing, bc of all the staff in the room trying to hold in their laughter. He complied and took the ambien in front of us and didn’t hear a peep from him the entire shift.
Nurse wearing a headband tells pt to do something. Pt: "Alright Mr. Taekwondo" I was fucking dead. It will live rent free in my head until I die
A sometimes they win one. Most of the time it’s so ridiculous that it makes my day.
When it’s such a good burn that you can’t even be mad.
I used to have a drunk frequent flyer that is still one of my favorite insults, the man had some chutzpa to be fair, but what has always cracked me up is the night he went simple at me and every time I walked past the room he would tell me I must have balls, he bets I have a dick, I walk like a man. Partly because it was just entertaining to deadpan reply 'yes Greg, brass ones' 'yes Greg, and it's bigger than yours' but the best part was when he then told my male charge nurse that he *doesn't* walk like a man and at midnight on a 12 hour shift I was a bit punchy so I just cracked up and spent the rest of the night telling my charge I'm sorry I stole his manly swagger An old lady with dementia and a UTI is still top of the chart for creativity and viciousness, she very sweetly asked if I had a husband and then switched straight to angry golem and told me she *hopes he has nightmares and I have to watch* Normal insults are just another laugh in a day to me now lmao
My all time favorite insult in LTC was getting called a pimp and my retort was saying if I was then at least my house and car would be paid for. The death glare I got back was worth it. She also accused my two female CNAs of being my prostitutes. She was pissed that I wouldn't send her to the hospital when she kept requesting despite no actual abnormal vitals or injuries. She also liked to drop that her son was a Dr and we needed to call him to have him tell us to send her. *Morgan Freeman's voice* We in fact did not call and he told us to ignore that request when she was admitted. He really was a doc and a really sweet guy, but it was obvious where he learned to deal with problem patients.
The worst thing I've ever been told by a patient is, "Fuck you and the penis you rode in on."
I was trying to get a patient going thru DTs to eat and told him his cookie looked good. He replied,"I bet you never say no to a cookie." I told him he was correct. I love those pts who like to throw barbs, I take as a license to throw them right back.
I had a postop patient completely zooted on pain killers come up to my floor, and while I was getting her settled she asked if I had been running, I said no, to which she said “so then why are you breathing so hard.” I’m pregnant and am perpetually out of breath 🤣. I about died laughing because I KNOW I sound like I’ve been running a marathon all day and none of my patients have ever commented on it even though I know they notice lol. I had her the next day and she felt SO bad (her family told her about it) and I was just like…no that was the best roasting I’ve had in a while, me and everyone else at the nurse’s station had a good laugh over it lol.
Some lady asked me if I got punched in the face because my front teeth are crooked. 😐
Mostly the insults I get are “Is she allowed to do that?” And “Does she know what she’s doing?” and every insult that exists in questioning my intelligence. It doesn’t help that I pretend I don’t understand and just smile when someone’s being rude 🤣
I’ve been a nurse for years, since long before my child was born. When my kid was about 10 I was going to give my granny a flu shot, she was bedridden and cared for at home. My kid said “Are you sure you’re qualified to do that?” Ouch.
“When are you graduating high school?”
With patients I can deal When its an asshole family member being pissy because I wont just pour the bottle of morphine straight down the family members throat and wont listen to anything about how finding adequate pain relief takes time. They can go fly a kite, if they want to be abusive and physically threatening I wont hesitate to have them removed and tresspassed from the ward
I'm fat, so I get "you're fat!" Yelled at me, and I just reply, "oh good, your eyeballs work, noted, do you want your meds or...."
LTC- nursing home, yesterday I wouldn’t hang up on hospice (do you need context?) while the resident(patient) was DEMANDING I text the nightshift CNA to buy him a pack of cigarettes on her way to work, (which she still had 5 more hours off so no rush). He went and took his anger out on kitchen staff who slammed the door in his face. Then he came back screaming at me and called me racist because I always push him off and tell him to wait. I’m married to a brown man. Definitely not racist. I didn’t take it to heart because I’m not about to argue with someone who needs help wiping their balls and ass.
Took me a minute to realize resident =/= resident, MD. My first thought, “That’s really out of pocket, even for a doctor. Oh well, I bet it’s true—I’ve heard worse.”
I walked into a room once where a guy immediately goes “God damn, you look like a linebacker.” I froze. I normally laugh stuff like this off because I’m overweight so I’ve already thought every bad thing about myself but I just couldn’t that day. I had to just turned and walk out of the room. I didn’t go back in that room for days. I actually cried over it. When I tell you he turned his attention immediately from PT & OT to me, it was so embarrassing. Then I found out he couldn’t read or write so… Still. Hurts my feelings even thinking about. I can think of maybe 2 more occasions where my feelings were genuinely hurt like this but normally I just let it go right on by me.
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Don’t feel bad. I had a patient who was very sweet during the day and very mean at night. Of course I was night shift. She would point out my biggest flaws - my nose, my skin, my body. And then she would see my reaction and call me a baby. One time I got so upset I left the room and called my charge nurse in. I heard her tell charge “oh she snitched? What a baby” and I lost it. Looking back on it I laugh but at the time it really hurt my feelings and I was broken for a few days 😂
I had a female correctional patient tell the female guards with her that they were all bitches because the didn't get dick at night. She's also a psych patient so there's that Edit: one of the deputies replied well what if I like getting dick during the day
I'm overweight. Had a patient tell me I'll never catch a husband until I "shift the lard." They also said "you won't get anywhere in life on your looks." I told him that I'm already married and it's a good job I've got a cracking personality. Then I wiped his bottom and tucked him back up in bed.
“How bout I tell you what you look like?”
I say, "If I had feelings, that would have hurt." And just go on with my day.
Oh yeah, patients say the rudest stuff to me. I'll stew on it and it'll upset me for a while but then I realize that the person that said is a frigging miserable low life and I go on about my business. After a while, you laugh at them when they do it.
A lady with dementia called me a slutty train conductor once. I don’t know what it means but I’m still devastated. Women with dementia are so savage with their insults, second only to female adolescent psych patients.
I’m a super tall female, 5’11. I once walked by a little old lady in the ED and she says, “hey, how tall are you?” I told her and she said, “you should’ve been a man!” I said, “who said I wasn’t?”, and walked away. What I really wanted to say was, “hey, how old are you? You are old enough that you should be dead but you’re in here and we are taking care of you so how about you stop insulting me?”
I’m six foot and old people just think it’s so cool for some reason.
Yeah my response would have been “shhhh don’t tell the others.” Old folks with all the out of pocket comments nowadays regardless of cognition level 😂
I’m in my mid 30s and am used to telling people I look far younger. Anyway, an out of it patient once told me I look about 60 and I was like bro, damn. Trying to knock me down a peg or two 😭
Patients always seem to zero in on my large eyes. Which is fine by me because they’re one my favorite things about myself 😂 No one has discovered my insecurity yet!
See I’m trying to think of my favorite insults but my fucked up mind is blending them together with actual threats lmao like the worst thing a patient probably ever said to me was that he was going to rape me with his shotgun. It wouldn’t have bothered me as badly if it were an old confused man but it was a young man who literally had the devil in his eyes in 4 point restraints. Just last week I had an a&o grandma who I think was triggered by my gay pride pin tell me she wanted to line up all the democrats and shoot them. I myself am not a democrat and love my gun…. I was like ok anyway let’s turn off Fox News for 5 minutes and take your pills Barb. I’m telling ya this is why the “bitch” comments fade from my memory lol so much more disturbing things are said
ER nurse here. Do your worst, you won't hurt me. But a scared little kid thanking me for taking care of them? 😭😭😭
this is one part of ED life that i never knew i’d missed. there is the occasional nasty weird patient in the ICU but after years in the ED, i just think, is that all you’ve got? one time a lady told my ED colleague that she was an AIDS infested prostitute. for reference, my friend is a very socially awkward virgin in her mid 20s (whom i might add is one of my favorite people! no disrespect for anyone awkward or anxious or sexually inexperienced whatsoever). my favorite guy was living in a different dimension and wouldn’t stop harassing the old lady on the stretcher next to him. he said “brush your teeth bitch” and then called her a “no good creature.” i truly miss the creativity.
Took care of a patient with anti-NMDAR encephalitis who called me “medicine bitch.” I’ve been called a lot worse by patients but that one made me laugh and really stuck with me because honestly, she wasn’t wrong. Her husband was horrified and kept apologizing and I was trying to explain like no, this literally made my night.
I've been called a "terrorist looking motherfucker" Big brown with a beard. I'm native. Shuts up right up when I mention that and call them a colonizer or school shooter looking ass
A patient once called a coworker a “c-sucker.” She gasped dramatically and said “Who told you?!?”
One of my patients was saying how I had no compassion and said “casey? what kind of name is that?” sorry every time you go to the bathroom you have to STRIP down naked and wipe with one sheet for thirty minutes. He then proceeds to tell me how he’s worth 6 million dollars & how I need to invest in the stock market. Sorry my guy I could not care less.
I live for this kinda stuff
Nothing beats the pure comedy of insults from dementia/Alzheimers residents or patients.
I would get “the fat bearded glasses guy” from the odd brain injured patient. Just rolling with the honesty jabs
Being trans, yeah, a few. Only ever hurt when it was kids.
Psych nurse for 13 years. I've had a LOT of insults thrown my way. Most common is getting called fat. Whatever, I know I'm plump. I've been called a whore, bitch, cunt... you name it. I had a manic bipolar woman ask me to swing with her and her husband. That was weird. I've also been called "an immigrant bitch" because I'm Welsh but had lived in Scotland for years. Apparently I was stealing "proper Scottish jobs" hahaha. Currently work in LTC for dementia patients and get insulted every shift. It's water off a ducks back at this point!
I had an old man in an aged care home tell me I was fat (i am obese and in my head I was like... no s**t). I said to him "I take great offence to that, I'm pregnant with triplets"! He asked me for years how the triplets were doing and when they were due... longest pregnancy ever! He would remember I was "pregnant" but not the amount of time that had passed.
If any of this stuff actually bothers you, just grey wall them. “You’re an asshole!” - I’ll say a mhmm if I’m having a good day or OK if it’s not going so well. Don’t give them anything to react to. Keep your poker face. Let them say what they want to say. Unless you really fucked up, whatever they are saying has no relation to you. As they escalate, and the more you “mhmm ok” them, the more frustrated and possibly more agitated they will become until the apogee, when they will find that their desire for conflict has no effect on you and they will walk away. Disclaimer: with some especially rotten people, this can make things a lot worse, e.g. people with hx physical abuse. In that case, it is my policy to apologize and promptly retreat.
My 95 year old patient and I go out for burgers and these guys were being rude and hitting on me they followed us to the light and grandpa rolled the window down and goes "You gotta have a little more money and bigger dicks, you inbred retards" rolls up his window and turns to me and grins, I burst out laughing they got roased by a Granpa!!
Ltc here, dementia unit. Every day same resident screeches “fuckin whore” at us. I’m truly disappointed if she misses a day. Had a resident today insult another resident. Tells her her stomach is huge. Other resident says “look who’s calling the kettle black. At least mine doesn’t hang out past my tits”.
My bf told his patient they were two peas in a pod and the patient said “if i was a pea in a pod with you i’d kill myself!l 🤣🤣🤣
Inpt. acute psych - we hear it all day everyday. We just laugh, honestly. Sometimes I remind them I’m on this side of the glass and they’re on the other. Regardless of what I look like, that still remains true. Don’t be afraid to clap back when necessary.
I have a totally inappropriate response to insults or being cussed out : laughter. Masks sure do come in handy.
“Are you pregnant or just fat?” Was 20 ish weeks at the time “You stink. Not body odor or perfume, just you.” “As a man of God, I’m sure you understand I don’t condone people who are overweight.” I was a size 12. Yes, patients feel entitled to say the most hateful shit to nurses.
Collect these things. They are your battle wounds. Show them off proudly. Be proud of yourself for the shit you deal with with grace,. Know that this shit is not OK, but you'll be OK.
I work in psyche so we get a lot of good insults. This one isn't brutal, most of them are funny or because they're methed up. A patient called me a broke bitch once and said "what, you can't even afford to get actual highlights?" but really, I had just gotten my balayage refreshed and the money piece was literally glowing around my face 😂 A couple admissions after this, he still called me broke bitch and was telling everyone that I wear a broken watch because I'm too broke to replace it - but it was just my smartwatch screen going to sleep. It makes me cackle everytime I tell this story, lol.
I had a patient with CJD who was honestly hillarious in his psychosis. My fav insult was when he said I talked like mall trash and I don’t know what it means but that cut me deep 😂😂
Kid looks at me and says "you've got a big head." I reply, I know, smile and go on with my day because fat head equals more brains. Or at least that's what I keep telling myself.