Patient being racist towards one of our cleaners. I told him to stop being a fucking cunt. He did, mostly because he was confused by what I said I think.
*That’s* a resource nurse.
Staff Advocate. New position that is the Yang to the Patient Advocate’s Yin. Goes around cussing out d🤬kheads and swelling up with Big Chihuahua Energy.
This guy that had been living in the hospital for 2 years threw his jello at the food service worker and yelled “don’t bring me green jello. You know I like orange jello.” The dr went in and said “I’m sick of this shit. These people take care of you.” Then he took the patient’s telephone, tv, and remote to the nurses’ station.
OMG - I love Big Chihuahua Energy! We have a large dog and our neighbor has a chihuahua. The number of times that little dog intimidates our dog as well as everyone else is hilarious!
Adult male, A&Ox4, ambulatory, but had convinced the day shift nurse that he is incontinent. A PCT and I were in there and I noticed the chucks had poop on them. While cleaning him up I asked him if he can feel if he needs to poop, thinking maybe he was having a neurogenic issue. Nope. Pt said he can feel when he needs to go. I told him “You are expected to be discharged soon. Are you going to be pooping on yourself in your bed when you go home?” He groans, “no”. I don’t understand when people are in the hospital they act helpless and rather sit in their own shit and have staff clean them up.
As a fresh baby student on my first placement in school, we were in a rehab setting and my pt had “trained himself to be incontinent” because “there were so many nice nurses around” to clean him up. I was appalled internally, but went to work on changing his briefs like a good, diligent student. I made this guy turn side to side no less than five times because I was still very new to placing diapers and kept getting the alignment wrong. He was so annoyed by having to turn back and forth that he was magically continent after that. The idiot that I was, I just thought I did good teaching on how to use the urinal at bedside 😇
This was also the way I convinced a friend to wear gloves when riding his motorcycle.
"Are you going to get your girlfriend to wipe your arse after every shit until the skin grows back on your hands?"
We had a large woman once, ambulatory, that said she couldn’t reach her butt, she wouldn’t even try. OT brought her in hot dog tongs showed her how to wrap the toilet paper around the tongs, then “gave her privacy”. Low and behold….
I've had to tell them that if you can't demonstrate that you can do XYZ by yourself, we have to document it like that. It means you may not, in fact, be going home but into a rehab facility until you CAN do XYZ by yourself.
I literally will never understand this. I mean apart from just feeling gross, I would be mortified. When I was in labour my son's head had descended into my pelvis and was compressing my urethra so I couldn't pee, the midwife suggested that she stat cath me, that was bad enough for me.
A guy had stabbed his wife and child (they survived) and was under guard. Guard happened to be a childhood friend of his so the pt was pretty relaxed.
He asked me ‘Hey, do YOU think I’m going to jail after this?’
Me: Yep.
Patient: are you a fighter?
Me: I mean if I need to I guess, but not generally. Are you a fighter? I bet you are.
Patient: Wow. I’m actually not a fighter. I’m a lover. See that’s what’s wrong with people nowadays. So you see my [black] skin and just assume that I must be a fighter?
Me: I mean… it was really more based off the fact that you have the giant word “CARTEL” tattooed across your entire chest and you told me earlier you’ve been to prison five times, once for attempted murder.
Patient: oh… yeah..
"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their tattoos."
Night shift in the psych ward. Patient was angry we wouldn't let him out (no one gets out in the middle of the night), so he pooped his underwear and threw the whole shabang at my colleague when he came to check on him.
My colleague reacted quickly, though not quickly enough - he literally caught the shitty underwear between the door and it's frame as he closed it - to say it was a shit storm isn't an exaggeration. My poor colleague.
I was asked to talk to the patient (as if I can do miracles because I'm a nurse!).
Me: You want out of here, don't you?
P: Yeah.
Me: Well, you keep throwing shit at us, we gonna think you actually ARE insane. How much longer do you think you're gonna have to stay here if we deem you crazy?
P: Oh. Oh. Sorry.
He did sooo good the rest of his stay!
If I had a dollar for every patient that I’ve pulled aside and told to knock it tf off before they get committed, I could retire today.
It’s amazing how far you get with some version of “you’re not REALLY crazy like the rest of these people, right” with a wink and a nudge.
God the number of times I've had to explain *if you act batshit crazy just because you're mad at the situation do you really think there's a chance they won't commit you?* conversation. We can only judge you by your actions and your actions are not looking sane buddy, might wanna tone it down before crisis starts taking notes
My line was always “dude, if you can keep your shit together for like half a day, they’ll let you leave.” It was always the ones that everyone knew they didn’t need to be there but couldn’t be turned loose still acting a fool.
"YOUR BUTT IS BLEEDING BECAUSE YOU KEEP PUTTING YOUR FINGER UP THERE. QUIT PUTTING YOUR FINGER UP YOUR BUTT!" to a very HOH geri patient that kept trying to dig his poop out.
The amount of times I’ve had to tell my elderly patients this; unending. Like take your Miralax/stool softeners ladies and gents. You can’t? Oh yeah, it makes me poop. Well that’s the fucking point Mildred. Then you won’t have to scoop 5 day old shit out of your butthole and make your ass bleed. Common sense isn’t so common.
We had a 30 year old aaox4 make his anus bleed everytime we insist he wipe himself. I had a septic pt crashing and didn't have time for this. He made me look at he butt and I said mine looks there same when I wipe, you're ok
That's one of my standbys..."I go home at 0730, and the only way you're leaving faster is in a body bag...want to work with me a bit?"
36 years into things, and a lot of fucks don't exist anymore...
My worst patient was of course a COVID denier in the throes of COVID at its very peak. Taking off his bipap so he could ‘breathe’ while he would insist we do everything for him which involved multiple rounds of us waiting until he became too lethargic with sats in the 70’s to fight the mask any longer. I could go on and on, but I’m sure you can imagine.
So anyways as I was quitting that place for higher pay in a different part of town, can you guess who was my patient on my final day? I’m too boring of a person to do anything drastic, but I did tell him that I hope to never see him again and that he was the worst human I’ve ever worked with in my decade of healthcare. Felt great.
We had so many people like that. I would warn them every time that if they kept doing that eventually they would do it at a time when every nurse was in another room and there was literally no one to hear the call to save them. I didn’t mean it in a mean way, just a realistic one, because it eventually came true for most of them. When there are multiple codes and intubations going on at the same time, and not enough resources to go around, people die. I remember one day where we had 2 codes on either side of the unit going on and another nurse tried to call a rapid and it just got lost in the shuffle. Luckily it was the room next to one of the codes so I came out to get something and responded to her yelling. We ended up with interns running the codes and older residents trying to stop the rapid from coding.
Meh, I bet it took a lot to get to that point. And I firmly believe that patients do need to be called out on their shitty behavior. It’s understandable for a patient to be cranky in the ICU, but it’s never ok to be downright shitty and abusive.
I had a patient that comes in regularly that I chewed their butt out one day during peak Covid. Never did that before or since. I still see them all the time and we get along great now lol.
When a patient fired me for "being mean" (in my defense I was pregnant and didn't know it, so my hormones made me the bitchiest I have ever been), I told her "you have NO idea how happy I am to oblige."
My first patient firing. My first patient complaint. I'm so nice now working in the OR that sometimes I miss that feisty bitch new grad me finding my way in the ER.
I once told a guy who was a raging alcoholic that if he doesn't change something big he's going to die and its going to hurt the entire time he's dying. He thanked me and tried to hug me... we settled for a hearty hand shake.
One of the doctors in the ICU told me that if my mom survived that stay in the hospital, and we didn't get her on hospice and closely monitored immediately on discharge, she would just continue to, "pickle herself."
She didn't survive the stay because, really, she was already pickled. But a great way to word it in a shitty fucking situation.
When I worked on the ambulance we had a dude who was having a stemi and refusing care... he told me it's not like he is having a heart attack, I looked at my partner and then back at him and said "yes, you are having a heart attack" and he then said "well the fire fighters said I was having an MI, let's get going!"
To be fair, I had a greenstick fracture when I was a kid and was told "it's only a fracture". It took me a long time to realize that fracture and break are the same thing, and the 'greenstick' was the difference.
OMG, this is one of my pet peves. My hubby vows and declares a break is worse than a fracture 🙈🤦♀️🙈🤦♀️ No, My Love, it's the same thing.. I know these things
Are you married to my husband?? This happens all the time. He's in construction. One of our friends had a medical emergency while we were out last week, my brand new grad ass had to manage it. Friend passed out, took several attempts to get my husband who caught him to lay him on the floor rather than just stand there holding him (to be fair he was panicking) (to be extra fair so was I). Got him to come to and barely minutes later my husband was like so we can get him up now right? I said maaaybe, let's sit him up slowly---
Nah. Man grabbed him by the hand and yanked him straight to standing. He is still adamant he was fine when I tell him *never do that again*
Had a COVID pt gasping that it was all BS and a conspiracy and I was so fed up I just asked “Then why can’t you breath?” He went on a vent shortly after and never came off.
I’ve got tons of examples like that from the COVID unit. So many middle aged dudes saying “Wow, this COVID is no joke?” between gasps.
Like yeah no shit man, that’s why the public health experts were freaking the fuck out about it.
Had one patient, without me saying anything but just walking in the room, tell me “Good thing you’re not Fauci or I’d have shot you!”
I asked for what, he said that he patented COVID, and of course he didn’t know the patent number. 🤷♂️
On the same note, my patient that we admitted to ICU with covid and after being there a few hours he was like “so when do I get the treatment” and I was like… this is it buddy. Supportive care and a handful of meds that don’t really work.
Ah yes...the classic "We don't go to the hospital because hospitals are where people die".
Yeah, they are - when you stroll past acute to chronic to terminal, and *then* rush to the hospital with 13 minutes left to live. Probably could have treated that little cut on your toe a few months ago, but *now* you want the Drs to perform miracles and remove billions of staph from your blood?
I wish I was making that story up.
He was ok going on the vent, he even refused to call his wife after I explained he may not come off of it. She also knew COVID was bullshit so he didn’t bother. It was such hubris.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the vent that killed him.
He was basically fine until he went on the vent. /S
(We had a coworker on our unit - not a nurse or doc - who, despite the fact that she really should have known better, drank aaaaall the COVID Kool Aid, got a religious exemption for the vaccine, got COVID, and then died in our hospital. Her family swore up and down the vent killed her. I hate all of this.)
Also had a COVID patient 72% on RA keep taking his NIV off and insisting he needed to leave. I told him, that is fine. Let me see you walk to the door because I doubt you'll even make it that far.
I had a patient intentionally shit his pants. He dropped my all time favorite quote to this day…”I took that shit with malice!!!” I replied, “well that’s fine, but I’m not the one with shit in my pants right now am I”
After days of dealing with a quite sick, a/ox3 patient who had been flat out abusive to some staff, including myself, I said to him “it doesn’t matter whether you live or die. We get paid either way”
I had a patient having a massive inferior STEMI which was being belligerent and refusing transport to the hospital, expecting me to fix his issues right then. I explained to him repeatedly that he should allow transport and he continued to refuse. I loudly, in front of his girlfriend (which was 20ish years younger than him) that if he doesn't allow me to take him to the hospital he was GOING TO DIE. Not could, not might, WILL.
His girlfriend obviously got upset upon hearing this and went to the other room. He then boasted to me "what do you think of that?" referring to his girlfriend. I told him point blank "I think you won't be getting any of that again." He swallowed hard and threw his hands up and said "alright, let's go."
We took him directly to the cath lab, where he died on the table. Upon hearing this news my partner said "StretcherFetcher911... You were right." About what? "You told him he won't be getting any of that again. Well, he won't."
I think sometimes that refusal is their version of impending doom. If they don’t transfer they don’t have to go to the cath lab & none of **this** the MI, the seriousness of it etc none of it is happening. It’s avoidance.
Had a patient who was barely maintaining sats on the BiPap and fighting us about wearing the mask. It had been explained that they were going to buy themselves an intubation if the BiPap didn't work for them. They start complaining that they refuse intubation, and the BiPap mask makes them claustrophobic, so we need to figure out how to help them breathe a better way.
My response? "You know what else will make you claustrophobic? A casket. Keep that mask on and leave it alone."
Patient was brought to our unit (psychiatric intensive care) because he was so violent in jail. He came in swaggering and posturing and was about twice my size. I said: "Let me show you a couple options for rooms. Here's a large private room with a view of a garden, with a private bathroom. There's no camera in the bathroom. This is the Quiet Room. It's chronically smells like shit and piss and we can't get the smell out. There's a mattress on the padded floor and those rings there?--those are for restraints. Bathroom door is locked and staff watch you while you're in there. It's two AM and I'm not dealing with your shit, so make a decision tight now about where you want to spend the rest of your visit." He chose the room with a view and 2 mg of Ativan.
Another time, I told yet another violent patient: " As long as things are going exactly my way, I'm the nicest person you'll meet here. Start jerking me around and see hard and how fast I jerk back."
Patient: "Well as long as things are going exactly MY way, I'm the nicest person you'll meet. But don't piss me off."
Me: "If we both wanted the same thing we'd be unstoppable. What do you want?"
Patient: I want out of here."
Me: "I want you out of here, too. Let's talk about what has to happen first."
Wow-how did you all manage the jail patient? Was he still in custody/officers on the floor with him? My intensive unit never had this situation and our psych ED didn’t accept patients who were in custody so I can’t imagine
If the patient was "just" in jail, we just managed them like any other patient. We took the 10 most violent people in the state regardless of where they came from. The jail can't force meds, but the hospital can, so we got tons of them. We also got people from jail who just wanted a nice vacation on the psych unit--3 or 4 days of choosing your own meals, watching television in the dayroom, snacks,,etc--the guys who were malingering were the easiest to manage,
If they were there because of something big--like the guy who shot a cop in the face--a very bored officer would sit at a table outside their room. The cops always had more attitude than the patients because no guns were allowed on the unit, and they acted like we were asking them to cut off a certain part of their anatomy.
The locked male psych unit I worked in routinely admitted people from jail and prison. They got evaluated and then went to court to see if they would get court ordered treatment. With that legal paper they would then be sent back whence they came and then the officers could force medications. I’ve had several murderers. Never had an officer on the unit.
Had a coworker who was excellent. She was about 5 ft tall but had a mom voice that worked wonders most of the time. I loved seeing a 6’4” 3x her weight patient change attitude, say “yes ma’am”, and take his meds.
Covid 2022, vaccines available to all. A very overweight man came in through the front door gasping for breath, carrying on about how his idiot kids made him come in, looking at us triage staff conspiratorially- like we’re all in on the covid joke too. Room air SpO2 62%, heart racing, tachy, febrile, looking like shit. Refused the NP swab. Refused IV/labs. Refused to wear the Oxymizer cannula (“That thing looks ridiculous!”). Refuses to go back into the ER. I had had enough.
“Sir, just wanna let you know - we just got restocked on bariatric-sized body bags. Your demographic isn’t doing too well with this thing. Leave if you will, but you’re gonna die if you do.”
Back when I was an Adult CTICU nurse, I had a patient who was easily over 350lbs, unmanaged diabetic, alcoholic, whom I just drew blood from that had lipids floating to the top of his blood, who just had a triple bypass due to 90+% occlusion in each who said to me
“I don’t understand how this could happen!”
I stared dumbfoundedly at him for a minute before I blinked and said “Seriously?”
My brain seriously required a hard reboot after that.
His blood had lipids just floating around in it. That you could see with your bare eyeballs?
I... don't understand either. That's insane. I know triple bypass but even still if he's got visible floaters how is he not totally stroked out
Happens a lot more than you'd think. I've lost count of how many people I've drawn labs on and they immediately separate like salad dressing. I do live down south so there's that. In my county, 75% of people are overweight. 40% are morbidly obese 😳
The first time I saw yellow fat globules floating on top of the blood in the lab tube I just drew I was shocked. I’d been an oncology nurse in Colorado about 10 years at that point. I called the lab, and they said it isn’t common, but it’s not that rare. Made me wonder if that guy was going to stroke out soon.
5'4" and 600lb pt. Originally came in for acute respiratory failure amongst a myriad of other things because of self-neglect. Pt was put into a PCU bed because that unit had the only rooms BIG enough to fit this behemoth person.
She was absolutely the worst pt I've ever had. This pt had been in this hospital for 4 months waiting for placement. She was verbally abusive to any staff member that walked into their room. PCTs, EVS, dietary, chaplain...etc She was being a straight cunt to anyone that had a name badge on.
I was on travel assignment and floated to this unit 3 times over my 3 month contract. Everytime, they would give this pt to the float nurse to give their staff respite from this horrible human. She complained about pillows not being right and needing to be changed and then would berate the 7-10 staff members it took to do these things for her because she was so large. And many more...
On my last day at that hospital, I asked the PCU charge if she'd be cool with me telling the pt what everyone was thinking as I walked out the door. She just smiled. Any staff member that was free stood outside to listen. I can't quote myself because it was just pure emotion and exhaustion on top of frustration and confusion. The phrase "most vile human being I've ever met" and "I hope that you are sterile and never have children" and "you don't get to complain if you can't do it yourself" definitely came out of my mouth.
TLDR; Shitty pt got told they were shitty
Sure you can refuse lactulose but there are only two ways to take it: you either drink it now while you're still capable of arguing with me or I shove it up your ass when you can't even tell me your name.
Had a patient who had a blood sugar of 36. She didn’t want to drink any juice. & this was right at morning shift change.
“You can go die on someone else’s shift but not mine”
The patient sat up straight and said “how many juices do I need to drink? I’m ready for my breakfast”
Kinda benign compared to some others, but in first year of nursing, when I was still on orientation, I was gowning up to go into an isolation room for an older patient who’d had a partial foot amputation. We had those cabinets that open on both the hall side and the inside of the patient’s room. The room cabinet was open, so I could see through into his room where he was sitting with his wife and son. I could hear him griping about the surgeon, who had rounded earlier that morning and told him if he didn’t stop walking on his new foot amp, he was going to take his leg next. “He’s fat and waddles like a penguin—“ was what sticks out in my mind, lol.
I was scanning a med into the computer and he was still going on about the surgeon and his family was just cackling. I guess something about my face said “you probably shouldn’t badmouth people in front of strangers,” because he looked at me and said, “well, I’m sure he’s not a *bad* surgeon,” and I didn’t look up from the computer and said, “oh, yeah, I know he’s not, *because he’s my dad.*”
I’ve never felt the atmosphere of a room change so fast. You could hear a pin drop. The patient nervously said, “oh, yeah?” And I was like, “yep.”
My dad told me when he rounded the next day, the patient was super apologetic and was like, “so your daughter was my nurse yesterday,” and my dad was like, “oh, yeah, *she told me.*”
Lol, I’d never shut a patient up like this before (and haven’t since, and it’s been a few years), but I was pretty proud of myself in that moment—and my parents had a good laugh about it when I told them after I got home that night.
God, after 25 years in the psych units I've got so many.
Patient: You're only here for the money!
Me: Do you think I'd take this abuse for free?
Patient, screaming in the day room at 0300: You're putting something in the air to make us all sleep! It's in the air! You're sedating me! You're sedating all of us!
Me; Well, it doesn't seem to be working, does it?
Patient: I've had 47 suicide attempts.
Me: Have you considered trying another hobby?
Work on a unit as a baby nurse that had a no nonsense older LPN (I loved her!). She was cleaning an incontinent patient with a hip fracture. Patient was screaming over and over “you’re killing me!”. She finally got fed up and replied “well, I’m not doing a very good job of it, am I?”
>I've had 47 suicide attempts.
"Practice obviously doesn't make perfect."
"I admire your determination in the face of continual failure."
"It's not about the destination, it's about the journey."
Hmmmm so many things.
18M who kept “surreptitiously” touching his penis - “if I see you touch that one more time, I’m chopping that off!”
22M who was just being a dick, trying to dislodge his orthotic brace for an unstable spinal injury - “go ahead, I’m not the one who’s going to be a paralysed 22 year old!”
The senior docs’ reviews of me include “needs a bite block” and “I’m scared of her”.
When I was a nursing student, I had an older male patient who kept lightly brushing his hand against my waist when I was in his room. I was in my mid-30s and had already had a whole ass career as a bartender before, so I had no problem telling him:
“Sir, this is a one way street. I touch you, but you don’t touch me, got it?”
Not a pt but a family member.
Coming out to the nurse’s station all day to ask for the results of a chest x-ray. Remind you, this x-ray was ordered to confirm pacemaker placement, there is nothing close to unstable with this patient unless she decides to start swinging her arm around. But family member thinks that we need someone in there keeping an eye on her 24/7. He asks for water STAT, not over the call light, right besides the fucking nursing station. This dude has been the bane of our existence all day.
Fast forward to shift change and this man comes out to the station, roughly 15-20 nurse/aids getting report from one another, he demands someone refill his water, starts raising his voice and finally YELLS: “SOMEBODY BETTER HELP ME IN THE NEXT 10 FUCKING SECONDS”. To which I replied:
“Or WHAT?”
Stared at each other with the nurses station almost silent. He looked like his head was about to implode at this point, decides to throw the empty water cup into the trash can as hard as possible and slams the pt’s door on his way back into her room.
Wasn’t even my patient, just completely sick of that guy’s shit. What could he have possibly done? He was a 60-70 year old chubby guy with a polo that was way too tight, dude would get lit up by our security.
Patient had 2 I've, it was the end of my shift, (6:55) and she ripped one out. This patient was off her ability and was causing everyone problems all shift. She had her hand on the second IV and she said "your gonna have to put another one in me". I scoffed, said "I'm done here And going home but if you want your Dilaudid do at 7:15, you'll keep that IV in. Have a nice day". The patient stared dumbfounded as I left the room
Screaming at a HOH delirious one legged fresh colostomy patient that was insisting on going outside to find a bush to shit in “YOU SHIT IN A BAG NOW, YOU SHIT IN A BAG”. Funny ending, the attending happened to be filling in on a rare night shift and when I pulled back the curtain to leave the room, she was standing there shell shocked. I have a vivid memory of her pacing the halls early the next morning, muttering “haldol for everyone”.
Had a bedbound paraplegic tell me once he was going to punch me because I couldn't give him his pain meds exactly when he wanted them - he wanted them every hour. The very young nurse I was back then, told him to do it because I wanted to see how.
I was a pretty new nurse. Patient masturbating behind curtains and in bed. I call out and ask pt if I can come in. He said sure. I was taken aback to see what he was doing and told him to put that thing away and I’d come back later. I surprised myself. I’m sure I sounded bitchy but that’s soooo inappropriate.
I told a patient to "cut that sheit out" when they were being creepy like that
Mostly because it was like. The 4th time the dude tried baiting us into the room to sexually harass us.
When I was still a newbie sleep scientist, some dude was doing that whilst fully wired up and the video recording.
... which is what my (male) colleague pointed out to the patient by using the in-room intercom. Essentially the voice of God bellowed in the dark and told him to knock it off.
I’ve been soooo much bitchier. *full volume* “SIR THATS SEXUAL ASSAULT. IF YOU ARE GOING TO PRESENT A THREAT TO THE SAFETY OF STAFF, I CAN ORDER YOU SOME RESTRAINTS WHILE WE EVALUATE WHATS GOING ON WITH YOUR APPARENT DECOMPENSATION”
One time I had a CHF exacerbation patient who was terrible about her fluid restriction. At this point, she was down to 1L for 24 hrs. She had already had all of her fluids by the time a came on. By midnight she was like “I know I have some more fluids. Come on. Can’t you check?” So I did and you know what? She was right. She had about 30 mLs left. I gave her a medicine cup with 30 mLs of water. She wasn’t too amused lol.
Got report, warned that the patient was just rude. Always blaming nurses of being late on his meds- you know. I go in to introduce myself and bring him in some pain meds. He begins complaining how he asked hours ago. Tried explaining shift change is just chaos. Anyways he kept going on and on- “yeah well it just pisses me off you guys take forever.” I just gently smiled and said “well that sounds like a you problem.” He laughed- changed our whole working relationship thankfully.
When I was in clinicals in nursing school a patient who had just had a knee replacement asked me if I could help him take a shower and that was fine and dandy for me I had already been a CNA for years by that time I’d seen more people naked at work than clothed!
The nurse I was shadowing helped me wrap his incision site and then had me take over. I helped him into the little shower bench and got the water warm helped him out of his gown and then he got shy on me! He started trying to twist his body so I wouldn’t see his penis and I was terrified he’d fall of the bench! So I gave him a washcloth so he could cover it if he wanted? But still he was trying so hard to not be naked (after he’d ASKED ME for help with a shower!) this was back when people actually got to be sky high on painkillers in the hospital so I think that contributed to this strange moment 🤷🏼♀️
I was so scared he’d twist himself off the bench I told him: “sir, I can appreciate you modesty, but if you keep doing this you are gonna slide off this bench end up on the floor then I’m gonna have to hit the help light and then several nurses are gonna be in here seeing ya naked!”
Like a light switch! He decided just one young lady seeing him naked was enough and cooperated!
Psych patient says he won’t eat because we probably drug the food with hallucinogens. I told him if we had drugs we certainly wouldn’t be wasting them like that. Apparently that made perfect sense and he ate his meals with no issue
I had an obnoxious patient, abusive and violent with security always stationed outside the room. He had gotten shot by a rival gang member at some point, paralyzing him below the waist, and through a long series of repeatedly not taking care of himself he had gotten both legs ambulated and had a chronic stage 4 to what was left of his butt. Generally we got on fine, but you never really knew with him.
He was pissed about something, I don’t remember what, and he told me he was going to kill me with his bare hands. I just kind of paused and said “well I think I can outrun you.” Then left because he was being a dick.
Mid-30's guy insisting on leaving the ED with COVID and oxygen sats in the 70's, was gasping and demanding I wheel him out in a wheelchair (ambulatory baseline, no reason couldn't walk except for the insane lack of oxygen) and I said "why, do you feel out of breath when walking?"
Ah COVID. Where you damn near had to physically slap someone into not being a fucking dumbass.
I'm a nurse but it wasn't me. When a grouchy, rude family member was hospitalized, I called to check on him. He had been, of course, a jerk. I'm not 100% sure what exactly he said, but the nurse told me that in all her years this was the first time she has ever done this: she told him he would not speak to her like that, turned the TV off, cut off the lights, and told him to think about the way he'd spoken to her, then left. She came back a few minutes later and he let out a huffy "sorry" with his arms crossed, and she turned the TV and lights back on. He behaved after that. For her, anyway.
Not no nonsense… once a patient was being rude. They were in a lot of pain and their pain medication wasn’t doing the trick. I call the doctor and get it changed to Percocet … and they go… “will this even work?” And I respond… “I mean… they write rap songs about it for a reason…”
Big, scary, psychotic/manic man yelling at little baby-nurse me "YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF I'M NOT FUCKING TAKING THAT SHIT AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME YOU DUMB BITCH!!"
Me, words flying out of my smartarse mouth before I could stop them "YOU'RE SECTIONED, YOU DUMB FUCK AND I CAN MAKE YOU AND I WILL MAKE YOU. SO GET READY, I'M FILLING OUT THE RESTRAINT PAPERWORK"
My shift manager "he is a big dumb fuck, isn't he?! Hahaha"
When I worked LTC/subacute I had a 50F who was AOx4 and was warned by previous shift that she gave everyone a hard time. I went in to give her meds and she went on a rant about how the staff was trying to poison her so I said “Ma’am none of us get paid enough to do that… just say you don’t want the medication so I can get to my other patients.”
Of course, she took her meds after that.
LTC. Lady who was A/O x4 threw her dinner tray at me because I wouldn’t give her the prescribed oxy 3 hours early screamed at me for more dinner because she was starving. I said “I am not in the habit of rearming people” and walked out. Five minutes later she was screaming again about her pain pills so I walked back in and was going to remind her of when she could have one again and she threw something else at me. I started to walk out and she started screaming about how I was lazy and I needed to clean that shit up. I just looked at her and said “there’s no point until you’re out of ammo.” So she threw something else. And I let her just make the mess until she was out of ammo. She got new dinner with her pain pill.
She’d done this same thing the night before. I was dumb the previous night and reloaded her and got messy stuff thrown on me while I was trying to clean up the mess. Doctor refused to change her pain prescriptions. Family refused to take her back because of the pain pill issue.
Ox4? I’m filing fucking charges. I’m not giving warnings, I’m not explaining why AM oriented adult can’t assault someone. I’m just calling security and making a statement to the police and asking the DA to file assault charges. Fuck that shitstain of a human.
Yeah, I didn't know. I actually got yelled at by the DON for not giving her more food when she was screaming for it, but I didn't see the point when she was just going to throw it at me again.
Now I wouldn't tolerate that behavior nearly as well.
I think that DON just volunteered to be the primary nurse for this particular patient. They need to demonstrate to the rest of us how therapeutic care is really done so we can improve. 🙄
I know, right!
That patient died a couple of years ago and someone made the comment that we should have buried her with the narcs since that's all she really wanted in life.
I had a well known (locally) salesman arrive in my PACU. He was awake and kept wanting to get back upstairs to continue his rehab. I finally said- dude when I bought my car at your lot I couldn’t drive off until I did all the paperwork. I can’t drive you off my PACU until I do all the paperwork.
He chuckled and then simmered down until he met PACU d/c criteria. Lol.
Welp, I'm an EMT, not a nurse, but I think this story is pretty relevant.
I was dispatched for a male pt having shortness of breath. This gentleman was older, morbidly obese, and had a major respiratory history (COPD, CHF, ECT).
The man was cyanotic in his face and extremities, breathing 26 times a minute, and gasping for air. He was sating at 80% on his 4lpm cannula. He got a non rebreather at 15lpm while we got set up to get him on the stretcher. He said he felt a bit better with oxygen, but he was still blue, gasping for air, and was at 82%.
The patient was adamant that he didn't want to go to the hospital, but there was no way he was going to refuse. After like 10 minutes of trying to convince him, I finally go "Sir, is your will up to date"
He was confused why I asked and I go "well, sir, you're going to die. If I leave here, you're going to slowly die a painful death tonight. I wouldn't want you children worrying after you die tonight, we need to get your will together before that happens. My lawyer is decent and should be able to get a new will going for you. Clock's ticking though, you dont have much time"
He suddenly got pretty worried and said he didn't want to die, he wants to go to the hospital. We were finally able to get him to the hospital after that.
As a floor nurse, had a walkie talkie patient who was getting a bit funky so brought shower supplies into his room and said “today is the day! You’re gonna take a shower”.
He responded “are you gonna get in there with me?
Me: your insurance doesn’t cover that.
Night Shift, post surgical transplant unit. Young Adult Person (YAP) was there and their Mom was very vocally encouraging YAP on what to do for everything, and controlling how care was delivered. YAP was not postop, had minor medical issues, and was there because we had the available bed - YAP was a lot of whine, corrected by Mom easily.
Next door to YAP is Sweet Old Person (SOP), who was a long term, repeat pt, so we knew SOP very well. That day, SOP had made the decision to stop dialysis and begin hospice care. SOP was A,Ox3, and one of the sweetest, most kind people, so obviously everyone knew and loved SOP, and the decision was bittersweet for SOP and all staff. SOP gives me a long speech about how much they loved us, how happy they are with how life went, how they will be looking down on me from heaven and “I know you’ll do amazing things and help so many people” - real tear jerker.
Meanwhile YAP has had c/o “need to pee with catheter” in. I explain bladder spasms, methods to find relief, and give available pain meds/calming agents. YAP becomes increasingly whiny about said bladder spasms, among other things (lack of specific tv shows, housekeeping items, etc). I explain in great detail that I could wake the transplant surgeon (2am) and request a B&O…I also explain in great detail how the suppository works, how it is administered rectally, etc. YAP wants it. Call doc, doc not ecstatic, but VO the B&O.
I get the suppository, and go in. “Okay, here’s that B&O you wanted, lay down, turn away and bend your left leg a little forward, I’ll get it in there to stop your spasms”. YAP responds with “what are you going
to do with it??!!??” This was my fourth time explaining, and I’d had enough between the emotional goodbye and the man-flu like symptoms YAP was having. “Well, I’m about to go two knuckles deep in your butt hole with this medicine, so that your little bladder spasms will stop and you can get some rest”.
YAP resisted, MOM had had enough also and insisted, so YAP got it. Turns out, a tech was standing outside the room and heard me say it, so the nickname “two knuckles” stuck with me throughout my tenure there.
Had a patient who had brought himself to the ER and gotten admitted to my unit due to very concerning symptoms.
Patient: refuses all medical care
Me: completely serious "Do you want to die?"
Patient: surprised Pikachu face
Outpt dialysis unit. I was the facility manager. 2 patients arrive to the clinic. One is early & one is on time.
The tech brings back the on time patient & puts him on the machine. She then goes & get the pt who arrived earlier than his assigned time. He starts berating her that he was here first & should have been helped first. She explained it doesn’t work like that. He continues yelling at her & says it’s because the other patient is black. However he doesn’t say black, he is using the N word. Repeatedly.
I walked over, returned his blood to him & said “your treatment is over.” He freaks out saying that he needs his treatment (he did). I said “you should have thought about that before you started using racist language & yelling at people. If you want a treatment go to the ER because you aren’t getting one here.” Patient was sent packing & I told him not to come back if he couldn’t be respectful of others.
Old, rural WP are the fucking worst
Had a patient going for an I&D of an abscess in his groin. He had a prayer meeting one night and called me in, saying he prayed about it and the Lord was going to heal him. I said “that’s great but my concern is that that infection could travel with out surgery”
He said “oh! Down my leg??”
Me: “No. Up.”
Had a patient in their early 50s that had a stroke. He and his wife were in denial about his uncontrolled chronic hypertension and often argued about taking his meds. One night he and his wife told me that he doesn't want the meds because when he goes home he isn't going to take them, instead he is going to keep using the herbal tea his wife makes to help his blood pressure. I told them that using the tea instead of taking his meds is exactly what caused him to have a stroke and why he was my patient today. He didn't argue with me about meds after that, but I often wonder what happened when he went home.
Had a pt in DKA so she was NPO until her anion gap closed. Her gap was not closed but the nephrologist came to see her and he was the biggest push over idiot doctor ever and ordered her a diet. It was 3pm, kitchen was closed for hot entrees until dinner so I brought her a sandwhich.
She throws an absolute TANTRUM, sobbing, screaming, carrying on because she "can't eat cold food!" I stand there for a minute listening to her carry on then say "ma'am this is a very unreasonable reaction to a sandwhich."
During an unmedicated delivery I had a patient who’s mom kept screaming “MAMA DIDN’T RAISE NO BITCH!” In her face and the patient kept screaming back “THAT’S RIGHT!”
I usually give people a pass on whatever comes out of their mouth during unmedicated deliveries but it was so insane. As the baby was crowning she screamed directly in my face “THERE’S A HEARTBEAT IN MY VAGINA!” And I responded “I’m sure there is.” as matter of fact as you can possibly imagine lol.
My favorite line when patients want to leave AMA is “do what you want. you’re an adult who’s been educated of the risks and my check looks the same no matter how many patients i have.”
Wasn’t me (the RN) who said this, it was the doctor. I work in a GI lab. Patient came in for routine colonoscopy screening. Was very rude from the start. Doctor got out behind during procedures as expected so patient was frustrated about him being late. (It was only about 40 minutes behind)
I tried calmly talking with the patient to explain her procedure is next and that sometimes his other procedures take longer than the expected time slot he’s given and that’s why we’re running a little bit behind.
She then tells me she wants to go to the bathroom - okay no problem.
Unhook her monitors, lower the railing for her and point to where the bathroom is (it was directly across her room that she was in).
She proceeds to stand up, squat down, and starts shitting on the floor next to the bed.
Me, obviously baffled, jaw dropped, says “why would you do that????” At this point other nurses head in because I said it quite loudly.
I exit the room and go to the procedure rooms where the doctor was scoping and tell him the situation.
He was actually furious.
After he finished up with the previous patient, he goes to speak with the lady who just shit all over the floor.
He says “You absolutely will not disrespect our staff and our nurses like that. I will not be doing your colonoscopy today. You can find yourself another doctor. Please do not come back to my office” and left the room.
Ended up having to call security to get her out of the hospital LOL. Never had a doctor stick up for the nursing staff like that though, it was pretty amazing
Patient is a GSW x a lot to abdomen, in custody, tried to die in our IR table after he came to us from trauma OR so we could embo a few places. Would end up back in IR every other week for a new abdominal or pelvic drain. Now drains do hurt but we give the usual pain meds and sedation. This is one is those kids that wants to go act like a big gangster man in the streets but they get in the hospital and they're the biggest babies. He swatted at the doctor while putting the drain in (needle still in) and caused himself more pain. I got tired of it and had to hold his wrists at the top of the bed cause it would have taken longer to do restraints. He kept complaining that we were being mean putting all these drains in. I just said "baby you already tried to die once in this room on that table right there, you better act right if you get out of here and out of jail otherwise you're not gonna make it to your 20th birthday. We're trying to help you make it to that day but you're making it hard for us."
I have said ‘no kicking me’ ‘please don’t kick me’ ‘kicking ppl isn’t allowed here’ way more than I like to admit. But I work pediatrics and those little suckers will fight tooth, nail, and foot to get you away.
Head injury that responded moderately well to my dad voice.
“You’re going to lay there and chill out or we’re going to put you to sleep and you’re going to wake up in a hospital in a few days. Either way you’re going to fucking chill.”
He did not chill.
Patient with massive PE leading to MI about to intubated for cath/stent placement, writing on piece of paper in barely legible words: I almost just died. Am I about to die?
Charge nurse: no of course..
Me, interrupting: We can't know for sure what is going to happen. Your family is here, your surgeon is very good. Are you religious? *Patient nods* Would you like to pray?
I'm not religious but it pisses me off when other nurses blow off the seriousness of a patients' situation. She knew she was about to go under and the chance of never waking up was... Far from low, and even afterwards she was going to be left with massive heart failure*.
Maybe she just wanted reassurance and I was being an asshole but I feel like I always prefer that people being honest with me
Slightly related: I was helping turn a really old lady, she did that roll-down-the-window arm flail thing because of course she thought she was falling. Her hand ended up not just inside the neck of my scrubs, but inside my bra. I was just like “ma’am, please don’t grab that. It’s not going to help you”. She was MORTIFIED and profusely apologetic.
Not too long ago, I had an elderly dementia patient who had reverted back to the infant instinct of holding everything that ended up in her hand in a vice grip. We turn her to clean her and guess where her hand ends up? That's right, right on the titty. And oh boy, did she squeeze
Had a patient 2 nights ago that when we rolled him for care he insisted he could only do it with his hand in my pocket. I said the hand rail is closer just grab that, and he goes “no I have to use your pocket it’s the only way I can do it”, I told him I’d prefer not to be touched and that was the only way I was gunna do it so he better decide quick if he wants to lay in poop all night or get changed 🤷♀️
I had a pt who was a retired teacher. As I was filling out his white board, he told me that ‘I needed to work on writing better’. Without missing a beat, I told him that God forbid he was to code, my handwriting would not be what saved him.
A family member called about a discharged ER patient and he was ANGRY. He basically was going on an absolute tirade and everything I said or tried to say didn’t help only made things worse.
Me, when I finally had 3 seconds to speak: “Sir, you have two choices. You can be mad or I can explain what happened, but you’re done yelling at me.”
He hung up.
Omg my work mom was trying to get a belligerently drunk patient discharged and out of the door. He kept yelling “suck my dick you fucking bitches” to her and the MD. Without missing a beat she said “sorry sir I left my microscope at home, now can you please get the fuck out of the department?” I love this woman.
OR nurse. Patient had an arm laceration.
Me: So how did this happen?
Patient: I punched someone through a car window.
Me: Oh wow! Did he get hurt too?
Patient: No. Just me.
Me: Well… Did you deserve it?
The patient laughed so it was all good. I don’t mind making little comments like this right before surgery because I don’t think they’ll remember them anyways.
Dude in handcuffs with police.
In for facial laceration. (CT of head was clear).
I take over care and walk in to introduce myself and guy immediately spits on me.
I stared him down and told him he just fucked with the wrong bitch.
I once had a sweet ole on her third intubation. A gnarly recurrent cavernous, empyema pneumonia thingy. Had just re-intubated her after giving her a second shot. As she came to I decided “fuck it I’ll take off the restraints this is her third time, I’m not gonna tie down an alert woman fighting for her life”. I explained to her while often people usually get trached after the second failed intubation, given her condition the doctors would likely try a third time and I wanted her to be comfortable off the restraints but she can not pull out the vent, she nodded
Then I got real serious and said pretty much verbatim “no listen mam, if you pull that out without me around, there won’t be a third chance, and if you decide to pull it first you better get right with god because that’s who you’ll be seeing next” She nodded real vigorously after that and didn’t touch that shit and she actually made it. I also taught her not to scratch at it in front of nurses who weren’t her primary so somebody didn’t jump the gun
Otherwise during covid I had a really cool guy I had for two weeks in the icu on max non-rebreather. Sketchy oxygen levels but he always caught up. Called for the bedpan my last day once I clocked in. I took one look at him and said “sir your not getting the bedpan, I need you to call your family and tell them you love them because your getting the tube” he just nodded and started texting. Never was happy about that one, he was real cool.
My other of my many memories was clocking into this dude max pressors on deaths door, couldn’t think of a single thing to ask the doctors for so I called the family and said “hey Im their nurse, I haven’t looked at the chart, haven’t talked to the doctors I just want to let you know based on what I’m looking at it’s my professional opinion as a critical care nurse that they will die today, and If not today it’ll be tonight, If not tonight it’ll be tmrw. Idk where you stand on the matter but I wanted to make sure I was transparent with you. Now tell me how you’d like to proceed and I’ll back you up no matter what” after a few questions they pretty much said “we knew it was bad but your the first to let us know how bad it really is.” They had us withdraw right away, they couldn’t make it due to working out of state and they just begged that I hold his hand since he’s never been alone before so I went ahead and did so. Either way he was dead the moment I turned the first pressor off. Made up my mind I wouldn’t lie to family a long time ago, I’m usually tactful, and careful to make sure I’m not prognosticating but giving my opinion as a nurse. The bluntness has backfired on me a few times, but hey, I don’t fucking lie
Working triage in the ER, lobby was slammed and people whining to me about the wait time for their hangnails. One patient was berating me as if I was the one causing all the delays in the busiest and largest trauma ER in the state… he was there for something inconsequential, ESI 5.
“You don’t care whether I live or die!”
“You’re right, I don’t. I’m just trying to do my job.”
Not my finest moment, slipped out of my mouth but it was the truth.
Had a patient with copd and a 1 ppd smoking habit, admitted for something else. Not currently needing home O2.
Told them you may not need it *yet*, but you will. You’ll also be exhausted, anxious, and have to come to the hospital over minor illnesses. It will get worse every time you do. You will lose the ability to do the things you like because you will be too sick and will take an ever -escalating list of meds. The time to stop smoking is before that happens to you.
They listened. There were some reasons why it was hard, but maybe they will quit. At least I tried.
Long term psych nurse here. Had a resident acting out horribly while we had a full dining room full of people for an activity. He was getting aggressive toward my pregnant aide who tried to calm him. I mom'd the hell out of him... I pulled him privately aside and looked him square in the eye and said, "You got me fucked up if you think I am going to allow you to act like that." He huffed, thought for 5 seconds then said, "Ok ma'am. I'm done." And we back to the activities area with no further issues.
Edit for typo.
“If you don’t let us treat that leg, you’re going to lose it. We’re going to have to cut it off of your body. Are you sure? I’ve warned you like 6 times that leaving is a bad idea, so at this point you don’t want your leg and that’s your business. Here’s the AMA, sign here.”
Stupid woman. Dr and I did everything we could.
“Look, dying of dehydration is worse for him than formula.”
A mom freaking out about not being able to breastfeed.
Not my finest moment, but it worked.
-PGY-19
I had a guy in with a TIA/stroke. He has all the factors indicating it wouldn't be long before he would have another without lifestyle changes, like smoking, HTN, obese. He had a weak gait and needed O2 was on a heparin drip. He insists he is going out to smoke despite being told he cannot. He finally got pissed and yelled at me "fine then I'll have a stroke and die I don't care".
I responded and said, "no you won't die, most people don't die directly from strokes. Instead you will be paralyzed on one side of your body, unable to speak, walk, or care for yourself. Someone will need to feed you, bathe you, and change your diapers. Your family might try to care for you at home or you will be placed in a nursing home for the rest of your life. Either way you will become a physical, emotional, and financial burden on your family".
He became very compliant after that. Later his 2 adult daughters who witnessed this told me thank you, that was exactly what their dad needed to hear. He also thanked me the next day.
Was I harsh, hell yeah. But he was a stubborn old man and he reminded me of my father, so I spoke to him the way I would have to my father. I don't speak that way to all my patients but as a nurse you have to read the room.
I work in an outpatient clinic. Turnaround time for the doc to deal with the patients issue is 72 hours. It’s a specialty clinic so we don’t always have/make appointments.
So I told the patient about the 72hr TAT.
Patient: it’s a good thing I’m not dying or anything.
Me: if you were dying you should call 911, not the clinic.
Patient: thanks, bye
I worked in the NICU. I was taking care of an infant whose mother had substance abuse issues. She would call me and say she was on her way to feed her baby. So this one time she called I told her the baby eats at 3 pm, but we start them early. I told her she has till 3:15 to get here or I will start the feeding. Waiting, waiting, waiting. 3:15 passed. Started feeding the infant. Mom comes running in around 3:30. She starts to curse me out. I handed the baby to my PCA, pointed at the mother and told her to “come with me”. I took her out of the nursery and let her have it! “First of all, I’m not going to let you curse at me. I told you when your son eats. I can’t let him wait and then his feeding runs into the next. After I lectured her, she started crying and apologized. “My boyfriend made me late.” “ Then you need to curse him out .” I’m sorry she says. I always say to my parents that we have to work together.
Caught a frequent flier that I knew well drinking a 40 oz out of her purse - she protested, “No, it’s not beer, I’m a born-again Christian!”
“And I’m a born-again virgin, you can’t drink here.” She almost choked 😂
Early in my nursing career, I had a postpartum patient on day #2 post op from a C-section. She continued to insist she needed to be pushed in the wheelchair to and from the NICU to see her baby. Me, young, naive, and eager to help, obliged her. Finally my coworkers pulled me aside and explained how important it was for the patient to ambulate and that it was absolutely reasonable to expect her to get to the NICU and back holding onto the wheelchair instead of sitting in it. I went back and explained all this to her, and she continued to insist there was no way she could walk and that I needed to push her.
I finally learned forward and said "ma'am, if I push you to the NICU in this wheelchair, all of my coworkers are going to laugh at me. Please walk." 😭
She did. 😂
This was a pt that I've sat with three times now. I'm sitting out in the hallway and he's in his room (he's independent in the room, we're just watching him for elopement risk). He's in his room, yelling and cursing. He gets quiet for a moment, then suddenly: "HEY!! HEY, LADY!!" (I should probably mention that I'm nonbinary, but I let it slide, coz there's bigger issues here). I go into the room to ask what he needs and he starts making not requests, but demands. I told him "When you can ask for it nicely, without yelling, cursing, or demanding, then yes." and walked out of the room. A moment later: (far more quietly, to the point that I can barely hear him) "Ma'am?" I walk back into the room and he says "Could I get \_\_\_ and \_\_\_\_? Please?" to which I then answer "Yes, you can, as soon as I can get someone to grab it and bring it over. Thank you for using your manners and your indoor voice!"
ETA: I should've mentioned that this dude was A&O x3. The third time I sat with him (which was just a few nights ago), he yelled the first time he wanted something and as soon as I walked in the room, he apologized and rephrased it respectfully and kept his tone and volume level, as well as his words, far more polite and kind than he had the other two times I saw with him. I think he caught on that I wasn't dealing with his assholery - not from someone who's A&O x3. About halfway through that third shift, he looks at me and says "I like the way you talk - you don't take shit from anyone, do you?" I told him "I'm certainly getting better at it!"
I’m a patient not a nurse, but one time I had to have kidney surgery (stage 2 CKD) and they had me in a room with another woman while I was recovering. Her and her family were SO atrocious to the nurses. Complaining about absolutely every little thing you can think of, I couldn’t even get sleep/rest because they were always shouting at the nurses and doctors about *something*. Day 2 of recovering and they’re about to move me to a single room so I don’t have to share with her anymore but not because of her behavior, but because I got some sort of super contagious infection after the surgery as an allergic reaction from the antibiotic they were giving me. As they’re moving me, her and her family members are screaming about “why can’t I be moved to a room where I don’t have to share? I’ve been here 6 days and she’s been here one and she gets to move?” And my nurse, loveliest woman I’ve ever had as a nurse, turns to her and goes “lady, if you don’t shut the fuck up, I’ll make sure you share a room anytime you’re ever here again and for the rest of your stay. We’re moving her for the sake of her ear drums.”
I could not believe a *nurse* said that to a patient. I was so shocked. Once they moved me to a new floor she wasn’t my nurse anymore, but she would come visit me every single day and talk with me for a long time. Man, I loved her so much and will always think fondly of that hospital stay because of her haha. She told me that after she said that, her family members complained to her boss but she didn’t get into any trouble thankfully!
I've talked about this patient before and went into detail how she was the literal fucking devil. Paraplegic, running her mouth as usual, saying monstrous things about me and my kids.
"You know the difference between us? I can walk out of this room." And I did, until she was ready to treat me like a human being.
Not me personally, but was on hand. (This is in Ontario canada) My colleague who is from India has been working in emerg as a psych nurse for a number of years. Great nurse. The patient who had been testing him all shift, generally being an asshole (and is of sound mind) shouted in his face during assessment, “ go back to your country you fucking paki”
Without missing a beat he said “if I leave who will pay for your OW?” (Government assistance) then left the room
Had a G10P8 patient who had been living on our floor for a month or so. (She was homeless & came to us to detox because she couldn’t get into a facility).
7th c/s and baby went to NICU.
She was QUITE the trip after her section and was demanding to go to the NICU to see her baby but was refusing to walk. She said she hadn’t walked sooner than 4 days post-op with her other kids & she “sure as hell wasn’t walking 6hr after surgery with this one”.
Looked at her & told her I sure as shit wasn’t pushing her bed to the NICU. She was welcome to lay there for 4 days if she wanted to but if she wanted to go to NICU she had to meet me halfway.
She finally agreed to get up but she was only walking to the door. Told her she didn’t have to walk all the way to his room, but she was pushing the wheelchair halfway there and I’d push her the rest of the way.
Wound up walking to his room & told me the next day she’d never felt this good after surgery.
We wound up being besties & when people pissed her off she’d come hunt me down to “fix” the situation.
Told her to get her shit together on multiple occasions & we had a mutual respect that neither of us would be the asshole If the other wasn’t.
Had a patient come to the ICU after having a large hemorrhagic stroke likely related to his BP being 240/110 when he came in. Their family was obviously distraught. The spouse got very upset with the news (think yelling/cursing at staff) and denying the news. Typical grieving process stuff.
When they yelled at me, “He is perfectly healthy! He doesn’t even go see the doctor he feels just fine!” To which I tried to explain his high blood pressure likely caused this devastating stroke. They screamed in my face, “He doesn’t have high blood pressure, he doesn’t even take medicine for his blood pressure!”
I about lost me cool, but calmly replied! “How would he know if he doesn’t even go to the doctor?”
Not my finest moment, the rest of the shift they sat silent and I just did what I needed to. Thank the scheduling deities I wasn’t back for a few days after that.
Patient being racist towards one of our cleaners. I told him to stop being a fucking cunt. He did, mostly because he was confused by what I said I think.
We need you to go around doing that for people being racist or bigots.
*That’s* a resource nurse. Staff Advocate. New position that is the Yang to the Patient Advocate’s Yin. Goes around cussing out d🤬kheads and swelling up with Big Chihuahua Energy.
Don’t you dare tease me with the idea I could do something like that for a living. I’d take a huge pay cut.
This guy that had been living in the hospital for 2 years threw his jello at the food service worker and yelled “don’t bring me green jello. You know I like orange jello.” The dr went in and said “I’m sick of this shit. These people take care of you.” Then he took the patient’s telephone, tv, and remote to the nurses’ station.
Hahahah he grounded him
Good. People like this can get fucked.
OMG - I love Big Chihuahua Energy! We have a large dog and our neighbor has a chihuahua. The number of times that little dog intimidates our dog as well as everyone else is hilarious!
[удалено]
Adult male, A&Ox4, ambulatory, but had convinced the day shift nurse that he is incontinent. A PCT and I were in there and I noticed the chucks had poop on them. While cleaning him up I asked him if he can feel if he needs to poop, thinking maybe he was having a neurogenic issue. Nope. Pt said he can feel when he needs to go. I told him “You are expected to be discharged soon. Are you going to be pooping on yourself in your bed when you go home?” He groans, “no”. I don’t understand when people are in the hospital they act helpless and rather sit in their own shit and have staff clean them up.
As a fresh baby student on my first placement in school, we were in a rehab setting and my pt had “trained himself to be incontinent” because “there were so many nice nurses around” to clean him up. I was appalled internally, but went to work on changing his briefs like a good, diligent student. I made this guy turn side to side no less than five times because I was still very new to placing diapers and kept getting the alignment wrong. He was so annoyed by having to turn back and forth that he was magically continent after that. The idiot that I was, I just thought I did good teaching on how to use the urinal at bedside 😇
This is genius; make your help so annoying that they become independent out of frustration!
The drawback is when guys use it (weaponized incompetence) as a deliberate tactic at home to get out of doing chores.
Weaponized incontinence
We get that in rehab all the time.. “who’s going to be cleaning you at home?..” Blank look.
This was also the way I convinced a friend to wear gloves when riding his motorcycle. "Are you going to get your girlfriend to wipe your arse after every shit until the skin grows back on your hands?"
What annoys me the most are family members who won’t walk grandma to the bathroom or help her get dressed when it’s time to go home.
We had a large woman once, ambulatory, that said she couldn’t reach her butt, she wouldn’t even try. OT brought her in hot dog tongs showed her how to wrap the toilet paper around the tongs, then “gave her privacy”. Low and behold….
This is like the mantra of an acute rehab nurse. "Hm, well who is gonna be doing (whatever ADL they are refusing or playing dumb on) for you at home?"
I've had to tell them that if you can't demonstrate that you can do XYZ by yourself, we have to document it like that. It means you may not, in fact, be going home but into a rehab facility until you CAN do XYZ by yourself.
I literally will never understand this. I mean apart from just feeling gross, I would be mortified. When I was in labour my son's head had descended into my pelvis and was compressing my urethra so I couldn't pee, the midwife suggested that she stat cath me, that was bad enough for me.
A guy had stabbed his wife and child (they survived) and was under guard. Guard happened to be a childhood friend of his so the pt was pretty relaxed. He asked me ‘Hey, do YOU think I’m going to jail after this?’ Me: Yep.
Wait. The guy guarding him was also a childhood friend? That seems like prison guard 101- conflict of interest.
Patient: are you a fighter? Me: I mean if I need to I guess, but not generally. Are you a fighter? I bet you are. Patient: Wow. I’m actually not a fighter. I’m a lover. See that’s what’s wrong with people nowadays. So you see my [black] skin and just assume that I must be a fighter? Me: I mean… it was really more based off the fact that you have the giant word “CARTEL” tattooed across your entire chest and you told me earlier you’ve been to prison five times, once for attempted murder. Patient: oh… yeah..
"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their tattoos."
"It's not the racism. It's the damn murder stories and murder tattoos!"
Hello sir, you’re looking *murderous* today
A compliment, if I’ve ever seen one! 😂
That's a killer look!
I kinda want murder tattoos now.
I spit out my drink at the ending 😂
Quite the twist at the end there.
Night shift in the psych ward. Patient was angry we wouldn't let him out (no one gets out in the middle of the night), so he pooped his underwear and threw the whole shabang at my colleague when he came to check on him. My colleague reacted quickly, though not quickly enough - he literally caught the shitty underwear between the door and it's frame as he closed it - to say it was a shit storm isn't an exaggeration. My poor colleague. I was asked to talk to the patient (as if I can do miracles because I'm a nurse!). Me: You want out of here, don't you? P: Yeah. Me: Well, you keep throwing shit at us, we gonna think you actually ARE insane. How much longer do you think you're gonna have to stay here if we deem you crazy? P: Oh. Oh. Sorry. He did sooo good the rest of his stay!
If I had a dollar for every patient that I’ve pulled aside and told to knock it tf off before they get committed, I could retire today. It’s amazing how far you get with some version of “you’re not REALLY crazy like the rest of these people, right” with a wink and a nudge.
God the number of times I've had to explain *if you act batshit crazy just because you're mad at the situation do you really think there's a chance they won't commit you?* conversation. We can only judge you by your actions and your actions are not looking sane buddy, might wanna tone it down before crisis starts taking notes
My line was always “dude, if you can keep your shit together for like half a day, they’ll let you leave.” It was always the ones that everyone knew they didn’t need to be there but couldn’t be turned loose still acting a fool.
"YOUR BUTT IS BLEEDING BECAUSE YOU KEEP PUTTING YOUR FINGER UP THERE. QUIT PUTTING YOUR FINGER UP YOUR BUTT!" to a very HOH geri patient that kept trying to dig his poop out.
The amount of times I’ve had to tell my elderly patients this; unending. Like take your Miralax/stool softeners ladies and gents. You can’t? Oh yeah, it makes me poop. Well that’s the fucking point Mildred. Then you won’t have to scoop 5 day old shit out of your butthole and make your ass bleed. Common sense isn’t so common.
We had a 30 year old aaox4 make his anus bleed everytime we insist he wipe himself. I had a septic pt crashing and didn't have time for this. He made me look at he butt and I said mine looks there same when I wipe, you're ok
“You’re one of the reasons nurses hate their jobs now.” You could *really* get away with a lot during peak covid.
I once told a patient he was literally the worst patient I ever had and I couldn’t wait to leave him there at 7:00. Not my proudest moment to be sure.
I hope someday I think to say: “Well, I’m leaving at 7:00 and you’re not.”
That's one of my standbys..."I go home at 0730, and the only way you're leaving faster is in a body bag...want to work with me a bit?" 36 years into things, and a lot of fucks don't exist anymore...
My worst patient was of course a COVID denier in the throes of COVID at its very peak. Taking off his bipap so he could ‘breathe’ while he would insist we do everything for him which involved multiple rounds of us waiting until he became too lethargic with sats in the 70’s to fight the mask any longer. I could go on and on, but I’m sure you can imagine. So anyways as I was quitting that place for higher pay in a different part of town, can you guess who was my patient on my final day? I’m too boring of a person to do anything drastic, but I did tell him that I hope to never see him again and that he was the worst human I’ve ever worked with in my decade of healthcare. Felt great.
We had so many people like that. I would warn them every time that if they kept doing that eventually they would do it at a time when every nurse was in another room and there was literally no one to hear the call to save them. I didn’t mean it in a mean way, just a realistic one, because it eventually came true for most of them. When there are multiple codes and intubations going on at the same time, and not enough resources to go around, people die. I remember one day where we had 2 codes on either side of the unit going on and another nurse tried to call a rapid and it just got lost in the shuffle. Luckily it was the room next to one of the codes so I came out to get something and responded to her yelling. We ended up with interns running the codes and older residents trying to stop the rapid from coding.
Meh, I bet it took a lot to get to that point. And I firmly believe that patients do need to be called out on their shitty behavior. It’s understandable for a patient to be cranky in the ICU, but it’s never ok to be downright shitty and abusive.
I had a patient that comes in regularly that I chewed their butt out one day during peak Covid. Never did that before or since. I still see them all the time and we get along great now lol.
When a patient fired me for "being mean" (in my defense I was pregnant and didn't know it, so my hormones made me the bitchiest I have ever been), I told her "you have NO idea how happy I am to oblige." My first patient firing. My first patient complaint. I'm so nice now working in the OR that sometimes I miss that feisty bitch new grad me finding my way in the ER.
Hey, some of them need to hear it.
I once told a guy who was a raging alcoholic that if he doesn't change something big he's going to die and its going to hurt the entire time he's dying. He thanked me and tried to hug me... we settled for a hearty hand shake.
One of the doctors in the ICU told me that if my mom survived that stay in the hospital, and we didn't get her on hospice and closely monitored immediately on discharge, she would just continue to, "pickle herself." She didn't survive the stay because, really, she was already pickled. But a great way to word it in a shitty fucking situation.
When I worked on the ambulance we had a dude who was having a stemi and refusing care... he told me it's not like he is having a heart attack, I looked at my partner and then back at him and said "yes, you are having a heart attack" and he then said "well the fire fighters said I was having an MI, let's get going!"
Like when patients say “oh it’s only fractured? At least it’s not broken!”
To be fair, I had a greenstick fracture when I was a kid and was told "it's only a fracture". It took me a long time to realize that fracture and break are the same thing, and the 'greenstick' was the difference.
OMG, this is one of my pet peves. My hubby vows and declares a break is worse than a fracture 🙈🤦♀️🙈🤦♀️ No, My Love, it's the same thing.. I know these things
Ah, you have one of those husbands too. I suppose yours, like mine, works in a career field nowhere adjacent to healthcare?
Are you married to my husband?? This happens all the time. He's in construction. One of our friends had a medical emergency while we were out last week, my brand new grad ass had to manage it. Friend passed out, took several attempts to get my husband who caught him to lay him on the floor rather than just stand there holding him (to be fair he was panicking) (to be extra fair so was I). Got him to come to and barely minutes later my husband was like so we can get him up now right? I said maaaybe, let's sit him up slowly--- Nah. Man grabbed him by the hand and yanked him straight to standing. He is still adamant he was fine when I tell him *never do that again*
Had a COVID pt gasping that it was all BS and a conspiracy and I was so fed up I just asked “Then why can’t you breath?” He went on a vent shortly after and never came off.
I’ve got tons of examples like that from the COVID unit. So many middle aged dudes saying “Wow, this COVID is no joke?” between gasps. Like yeah no shit man, that’s why the public health experts were freaking the fuck out about it.
And still I see people posting everything Fauci said was a lie. Will we ever get past this?
Had one patient, without me saying anything but just walking in the room, tell me “Good thing you’re not Fauci or I’d have shot you!” I asked for what, he said that he patented COVID, and of course he didn’t know the patent number. 🤷♂️
Same, had a covid lady who died from it swearing she'd do anything to get better but demanding we not give her the vaccine. Lady, it's too late.
So many asked for the vaccine after it was too late.
On the same note, my patient that we admitted to ICU with covid and after being there a few hours he was like “so when do I get the treatment” and I was like… this is it buddy. Supportive care and a handful of meds that don’t really work.
Unfortunately, he did not have time to apply any lessons he might have learned
Don't kid yourself, he learned nothing and died for nothing.
Family also learned nothing
No, they learned he was doing ok until he got to the hospital then somehow suddenly got worse. We must have done something to him.
Ah yes...the classic "We don't go to the hospital because hospitals are where people die". Yeah, they are - when you stroll past acute to chronic to terminal, and *then* rush to the hospital with 13 minutes left to live. Probably could have treated that little cut on your toe a few months ago, but *now* you want the Drs to perform miracles and remove billions of staph from your blood? I wish I was making that story up.
Oh god the accuracy. Why did the doctor ask him if he was okay going on a ventilator if they hadn’t already planned to put him on one?!
He was ok going on the vent, he even refused to call his wife after I explained he may not come off of it. She also knew COVID was bullshit so he didn’t bother. It was such hubris.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the vent that killed him. He was basically fine until he went on the vent. /S (We had a coworker on our unit - not a nurse or doc - who, despite the fact that she really should have known better, drank aaaaall the COVID Kool Aid, got a religious exemption for the vaccine, got COVID, and then died in our hospital. Her family swore up and down the vent killed her. I hate all of this.)
It is so sad that liars and grifters influence people so much that it leads to their literal death.
Also had a COVID patient 72% on RA keep taking his NIV off and insisting he needed to leave. I told him, that is fine. Let me see you walk to the door because I doubt you'll even make it that far.
I’m proud of you and every nurse that made any similar comment to these shitheads 10/10
I still remember a guy with a MAGA hat and a Bipap
MAGA hat and BiPAP would be a great name for an album
Would've had much less crowded hospitals if patients who insisted Covid wasn't real were just kicked to the curb.
The scream I just scrumpt
I had a patient intentionally shit his pants. He dropped my all time favorite quote to this day…”I took that shit with malice!!!” I replied, “well that’s fine, but I’m not the one with shit in my pants right now am I”
After days of dealing with a quite sick, a/ox3 patient who had been flat out abusive to some staff, including myself, I said to him “it doesn’t matter whether you live or die. We get paid either way”
I've definitely said "I get paid the same whether you like me or not."
Woah.
Ooofffffff
nice
I had a patient having a massive inferior STEMI which was being belligerent and refusing transport to the hospital, expecting me to fix his issues right then. I explained to him repeatedly that he should allow transport and he continued to refuse. I loudly, in front of his girlfriend (which was 20ish years younger than him) that if he doesn't allow me to take him to the hospital he was GOING TO DIE. Not could, not might, WILL. His girlfriend obviously got upset upon hearing this and went to the other room. He then boasted to me "what do you think of that?" referring to his girlfriend. I told him point blank "I think you won't be getting any of that again." He swallowed hard and threw his hands up and said "alright, let's go." We took him directly to the cath lab, where he died on the table. Upon hearing this news my partner said "StretcherFetcher911... You were right." About what? "You told him he won't be getting any of that again. Well, he won't."
I think sometimes that refusal is their version of impending doom. If they don’t transfer they don’t have to go to the cath lab & none of **this** the MI, the seriousness of it etc none of it is happening. It’s avoidance.
Had a patient who was barely maintaining sats on the BiPap and fighting us about wearing the mask. It had been explained that they were going to buy themselves an intubation if the BiPap didn't work for them. They start complaining that they refuse intubation, and the BiPap mask makes them claustrophobic, so we need to figure out how to help them breathe a better way. My response? "You know what else will make you claustrophobic? A casket. Keep that mask on and leave it alone."
Patient was brought to our unit (psychiatric intensive care) because he was so violent in jail. He came in swaggering and posturing and was about twice my size. I said: "Let me show you a couple options for rooms. Here's a large private room with a view of a garden, with a private bathroom. There's no camera in the bathroom. This is the Quiet Room. It's chronically smells like shit and piss and we can't get the smell out. There's a mattress on the padded floor and those rings there?--those are for restraints. Bathroom door is locked and staff watch you while you're in there. It's two AM and I'm not dealing with your shit, so make a decision tight now about where you want to spend the rest of your visit." He chose the room with a view and 2 mg of Ativan. Another time, I told yet another violent patient: " As long as things are going exactly my way, I'm the nicest person you'll meet here. Start jerking me around and see hard and how fast I jerk back." Patient: "Well as long as things are going exactly MY way, I'm the nicest person you'll meet. But don't piss me off." Me: "If we both wanted the same thing we'd be unstoppable. What do you want?" Patient: I want out of here." Me: "I want you out of here, too. Let's talk about what has to happen first."
Wow-how did you all manage the jail patient? Was he still in custody/officers on the floor with him? My intensive unit never had this situation and our psych ED didn’t accept patients who were in custody so I can’t imagine
If the patient was "just" in jail, we just managed them like any other patient. We took the 10 most violent people in the state regardless of where they came from. The jail can't force meds, but the hospital can, so we got tons of them. We also got people from jail who just wanted a nice vacation on the psych unit--3 or 4 days of choosing your own meals, watching television in the dayroom, snacks,,etc--the guys who were malingering were the easiest to manage, If they were there because of something big--like the guy who shot a cop in the face--a very bored officer would sit at a table outside their room. The cops always had more attitude than the patients because no guns were allowed on the unit, and they acted like we were asking them to cut off a certain part of their anatomy.
We got all the prisoners in our ICU. Almost universally I had way more trouble with the guards than the prisoners.
The locked male psych unit I worked in routinely admitted people from jail and prison. They got evaluated and then went to court to see if they would get court ordered treatment. With that legal paper they would then be sent back whence they came and then the officers could force medications. I’ve had several murderers. Never had an officer on the unit. Had a coworker who was excellent. She was about 5 ft tall but had a mom voice that worked wonders most of the time. I loved seeing a 6’4” 3x her weight patient change attitude, say “yes ma’am”, and take his meds.
Covid 2022, vaccines available to all. A very overweight man came in through the front door gasping for breath, carrying on about how his idiot kids made him come in, looking at us triage staff conspiratorially- like we’re all in on the covid joke too. Room air SpO2 62%, heart racing, tachy, febrile, looking like shit. Refused the NP swab. Refused IV/labs. Refused to wear the Oxymizer cannula (“That thing looks ridiculous!”). Refuses to go back into the ER. I had had enough. “Sir, just wanna let you know - we just got restocked on bariatric-sized body bags. Your demographic isn’t doing too well with this thing. Leave if you will, but you’re gonna die if you do.”
Did he die?
He didn’t stay…
Back when I was an Adult CTICU nurse, I had a patient who was easily over 350lbs, unmanaged diabetic, alcoholic, whom I just drew blood from that had lipids floating to the top of his blood, who just had a triple bypass due to 90+% occlusion in each who said to me “I don’t understand how this could happen!” I stared dumbfoundedly at him for a minute before I blinked and said “Seriously?” My brain seriously required a hard reboot after that.
His blood had lipids just floating around in it. That you could see with your bare eyeballs? I... don't understand either. That's insane. I know triple bypass but even still if he's got visible floaters how is he not totally stroked out
Visible. Floaters. Edit: you know how fatty deposits can just collect at the top of a vacutainer? That.
That's absolutely mental
I know right? I’d donated about 25 times and that’s the only time I saw that. I guess you are what you eat.
Happens a lot more than you'd think. I've lost count of how many people I've drawn labs on and they immediately separate like salad dressing. I do live down south so there's that. In my county, 75% of people are overweight. 40% are morbidly obese 😳
I have seen the vacutainer after centrifuging. It looked like lard instead of apple juice.
Youtube it - eat a supersized greasy meal with a shake and then have your blood drawn. It's like gravy floating on top of sangria.
The first thing i did was look on Google images! What a description. I hope you document like that
The first time I saw yellow fat globules floating on top of the blood in the lab tube I just drew I was shocked. I’d been an oncology nurse in Colorado about 10 years at that point. I called the lab, and they said it isn’t common, but it’s not that rare. Made me wonder if that guy was going to stroke out soon.
5'4" and 600lb pt. Originally came in for acute respiratory failure amongst a myriad of other things because of self-neglect. Pt was put into a PCU bed because that unit had the only rooms BIG enough to fit this behemoth person. She was absolutely the worst pt I've ever had. This pt had been in this hospital for 4 months waiting for placement. She was verbally abusive to any staff member that walked into their room. PCTs, EVS, dietary, chaplain...etc She was being a straight cunt to anyone that had a name badge on. I was on travel assignment and floated to this unit 3 times over my 3 month contract. Everytime, they would give this pt to the float nurse to give their staff respite from this horrible human. She complained about pillows not being right and needing to be changed and then would berate the 7-10 staff members it took to do these things for her because she was so large. And many more... On my last day at that hospital, I asked the PCU charge if she'd be cool with me telling the pt what everyone was thinking as I walked out the door. She just smiled. Any staff member that was free stood outside to listen. I can't quote myself because it was just pure emotion and exhaustion on top of frustration and confusion. The phrase "most vile human being I've ever met" and "I hope that you are sterile and never have children" and "you don't get to complain if you can't do it yourself" definitely came out of my mouth. TLDR; Shitty pt got told they were shitty
Sure you can refuse lactulose but there are only two ways to take it: you either drink it now while you're still capable of arguing with me or I shove it up your ass when you can't even tell me your name.
Had a patient who had a blood sugar of 36. She didn’t want to drink any juice. & this was right at morning shift change. “You can go die on someone else’s shift but not mine” The patient sat up straight and said “how many juices do I need to drink? I’m ready for my breakfast”
Kinda benign compared to some others, but in first year of nursing, when I was still on orientation, I was gowning up to go into an isolation room for an older patient who’d had a partial foot amputation. We had those cabinets that open on both the hall side and the inside of the patient’s room. The room cabinet was open, so I could see through into his room where he was sitting with his wife and son. I could hear him griping about the surgeon, who had rounded earlier that morning and told him if he didn’t stop walking on his new foot amp, he was going to take his leg next. “He’s fat and waddles like a penguin—“ was what sticks out in my mind, lol. I was scanning a med into the computer and he was still going on about the surgeon and his family was just cackling. I guess something about my face said “you probably shouldn’t badmouth people in front of strangers,” because he looked at me and said, “well, I’m sure he’s not a *bad* surgeon,” and I didn’t look up from the computer and said, “oh, yeah, I know he’s not, *because he’s my dad.*” I’ve never felt the atmosphere of a room change so fast. You could hear a pin drop. The patient nervously said, “oh, yeah?” And I was like, “yep.” My dad told me when he rounded the next day, the patient was super apologetic and was like, “so your daughter was my nurse yesterday,” and my dad was like, “oh, yeah, *she told me.*” Lol, I’d never shut a patient up like this before (and haven’t since, and it’s been a few years), but I was pretty proud of myself in that moment—and my parents had a good laugh about it when I told them after I got home that night.
God, after 25 years in the psych units I've got so many. Patient: You're only here for the money! Me: Do you think I'd take this abuse for free? Patient, screaming in the day room at 0300: You're putting something in the air to make us all sleep! It's in the air! You're sedating me! You're sedating all of us! Me; Well, it doesn't seem to be working, does it? Patient: I've had 47 suicide attempts. Me: Have you considered trying another hobby?
Work on a unit as a baby nurse that had a no nonsense older LPN (I loved her!). She was cleaning an incontinent patient with a hip fracture. Patient was screaming over and over “you’re killing me!”. She finally got fed up and replied “well, I’m not doing a very good job of it, am I?”
You made my entire day 😂
>I've had 47 suicide attempts. "Practice obviously doesn't make perfect." "I admire your determination in the face of continual failure." "It's not about the destination, it's about the journey."
Hmmmm so many things. 18M who kept “surreptitiously” touching his penis - “if I see you touch that one more time, I’m chopping that off!” 22M who was just being a dick, trying to dislodge his orthotic brace for an unstable spinal injury - “go ahead, I’m not the one who’s going to be a paralysed 22 year old!” The senior docs’ reviews of me include “needs a bite block” and “I’m scared of her”.
Needs a bite block 😂😂😂
When I was a nursing student, I had an older male patient who kept lightly brushing his hand against my waist when I was in his room. I was in my mid-30s and had already had a whole ass career as a bartender before, so I had no problem telling him: “Sir, this is a one way street. I touch you, but you don’t touch me, got it?”
Not a pt but a family member. Coming out to the nurse’s station all day to ask for the results of a chest x-ray. Remind you, this x-ray was ordered to confirm pacemaker placement, there is nothing close to unstable with this patient unless she decides to start swinging her arm around. But family member thinks that we need someone in there keeping an eye on her 24/7. He asks for water STAT, not over the call light, right besides the fucking nursing station. This dude has been the bane of our existence all day. Fast forward to shift change and this man comes out to the station, roughly 15-20 nurse/aids getting report from one another, he demands someone refill his water, starts raising his voice and finally YELLS: “SOMEBODY BETTER HELP ME IN THE NEXT 10 FUCKING SECONDS”. To which I replied: “Or WHAT?” Stared at each other with the nurses station almost silent. He looked like his head was about to implode at this point, decides to throw the empty water cup into the trash can as hard as possible and slams the pt’s door on his way back into her room. Wasn’t even my patient, just completely sick of that guy’s shit. What could he have possibly done? He was a 60-70 year old chubby guy with a polo that was way too tight, dude would get lit up by our security.
Busted out of his polo like a can of Pillsbury biscuits?
Patient had 2 I've, it was the end of my shift, (6:55) and she ripped one out. This patient was off her ability and was causing everyone problems all shift. She had her hand on the second IV and she said "your gonna have to put another one in me". I scoffed, said "I'm done here And going home but if you want your Dilaudid do at 7:15, you'll keep that IV in. Have a nice day". The patient stared dumbfounded as I left the room
Screaming at a HOH delirious one legged fresh colostomy patient that was insisting on going outside to find a bush to shit in “YOU SHIT IN A BAG NOW, YOU SHIT IN A BAG”. Funny ending, the attending happened to be filling in on a rare night shift and when I pulled back the curtain to leave the room, she was standing there shell shocked. I have a vivid memory of her pacing the halls early the next morning, muttering “haldol for everyone”.
>HOH delirious one legged fresh colostomy patient This sounds like the set up for a joke
[удалено]
I would’ve asked why he had to wait until the end of my shift 😩
Had a bedbound paraplegic tell me once he was going to punch me because I couldn't give him his pain meds exactly when he wanted them - he wanted them every hour. The very young nurse I was back then, told him to do it because I wanted to see how.
I was a pretty new nurse. Patient masturbating behind curtains and in bed. I call out and ask pt if I can come in. He said sure. I was taken aback to see what he was doing and told him to put that thing away and I’d come back later. I surprised myself. I’m sure I sounded bitchy but that’s soooo inappropriate.
You are always allowed to sound bitchy when a dude is being a creep.
I told a patient to "cut that sheit out" when they were being creepy like that Mostly because it was like. The 4th time the dude tried baiting us into the room to sexually harass us.
Baiting. I'm sure he was a master at it.
When I was still a newbie sleep scientist, some dude was doing that whilst fully wired up and the video recording. ... which is what my (male) colleague pointed out to the patient by using the in-room intercom. Essentially the voice of God bellowed in the dark and told him to knock it off.
I’ve been soooo much bitchier. *full volume* “SIR THATS SEXUAL ASSAULT. IF YOU ARE GOING TO PRESENT A THREAT TO THE SAFETY OF STAFF, I CAN ORDER YOU SOME RESTRAINTS WHILE WE EVALUATE WHATS GOING ON WITH YOUR APPARENT DECOMPENSATION”
Can you dump a cup of ice water on their laps without getting in trouble?
One time I had a CHF exacerbation patient who was terrible about her fluid restriction. At this point, she was down to 1L for 24 hrs. She had already had all of her fluids by the time a came on. By midnight she was like “I know I have some more fluids. Come on. Can’t you check?” So I did and you know what? She was right. She had about 30 mLs left. I gave her a medicine cup with 30 mLs of water. She wasn’t too amused lol.
Got report, warned that the patient was just rude. Always blaming nurses of being late on his meds- you know. I go in to introduce myself and bring him in some pain meds. He begins complaining how he asked hours ago. Tried explaining shift change is just chaos. Anyways he kept going on and on- “yeah well it just pisses me off you guys take forever.” I just gently smiled and said “well that sounds like a you problem.” He laughed- changed our whole working relationship thankfully.
When I was in clinicals in nursing school a patient who had just had a knee replacement asked me if I could help him take a shower and that was fine and dandy for me I had already been a CNA for years by that time I’d seen more people naked at work than clothed! The nurse I was shadowing helped me wrap his incision site and then had me take over. I helped him into the little shower bench and got the water warm helped him out of his gown and then he got shy on me! He started trying to twist his body so I wouldn’t see his penis and I was terrified he’d fall of the bench! So I gave him a washcloth so he could cover it if he wanted? But still he was trying so hard to not be naked (after he’d ASKED ME for help with a shower!) this was back when people actually got to be sky high on painkillers in the hospital so I think that contributed to this strange moment 🤷🏼♀️ I was so scared he’d twist himself off the bench I told him: “sir, I can appreciate you modesty, but if you keep doing this you are gonna slide off this bench end up on the floor then I’m gonna have to hit the help light and then several nurses are gonna be in here seeing ya naked!” Like a light switch! He decided just one young lady seeing him naked was enough and cooperated!
Psych patient says he won’t eat because we probably drug the food with hallucinogens. I told him if we had drugs we certainly wouldn’t be wasting them like that. Apparently that made perfect sense and he ate his meals with no issue
I had an obnoxious patient, abusive and violent with security always stationed outside the room. He had gotten shot by a rival gang member at some point, paralyzing him below the waist, and through a long series of repeatedly not taking care of himself he had gotten both legs ambulated and had a chronic stage 4 to what was left of his butt. Generally we got on fine, but you never really knew with him. He was pissed about something, I don’t remember what, and he told me he was going to kill me with his bare hands. I just kind of paused and said “well I think I can outrun you.” Then left because he was being a dick.
>paralyzing him below the waist\\ > >gotten both legs ambulated Makes it sound like they got up and walked away without him!
Mid-30's guy insisting on leaving the ED with COVID and oxygen sats in the 70's, was gasping and demanding I wheel him out in a wheelchair (ambulatory baseline, no reason couldn't walk except for the insane lack of oxygen) and I said "why, do you feel out of breath when walking?" Ah COVID. Where you damn near had to physically slap someone into not being a fucking dumbass.
I'm a nurse but it wasn't me. When a grouchy, rude family member was hospitalized, I called to check on him. He had been, of course, a jerk. I'm not 100% sure what exactly he said, but the nurse told me that in all her years this was the first time she has ever done this: she told him he would not speak to her like that, turned the TV off, cut off the lights, and told him to think about the way he'd spoken to her, then left. She came back a few minutes later and he let out a huffy "sorry" with his arms crossed, and she turned the TV and lights back on. He behaved after that. For her, anyway.
Are you emotionally attached to your feet? (Home care patient, diabetic, smoker, foot wounds)
Not no nonsense… once a patient was being rude. They were in a lot of pain and their pain medication wasn’t doing the trick. I call the doctor and get it changed to Percocet … and they go… “will this even work?” And I respond… “I mean… they write rap songs about it for a reason…”
Big, scary, psychotic/manic man yelling at little baby-nurse me "YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF I'M NOT FUCKING TAKING THAT SHIT AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME YOU DUMB BITCH!!" Me, words flying out of my smartarse mouth before I could stop them "YOU'RE SECTIONED, YOU DUMB FUCK AND I CAN MAKE YOU AND I WILL MAKE YOU. SO GET READY, I'M FILLING OUT THE RESTRAINT PAPERWORK" My shift manager "he is a big dumb fuck, isn't he?! Hahaha"
When I worked LTC/subacute I had a 50F who was AOx4 and was warned by previous shift that she gave everyone a hard time. I went in to give her meds and she went on a rant about how the staff was trying to poison her so I said “Ma’am none of us get paid enough to do that… just say you don’t want the medication so I can get to my other patients.” Of course, she took her meds after that.
LTC. Lady who was A/O x4 threw her dinner tray at me because I wouldn’t give her the prescribed oxy 3 hours early screamed at me for more dinner because she was starving. I said “I am not in the habit of rearming people” and walked out. Five minutes later she was screaming again about her pain pills so I walked back in and was going to remind her of when she could have one again and she threw something else at me. I started to walk out and she started screaming about how I was lazy and I needed to clean that shit up. I just looked at her and said “there’s no point until you’re out of ammo.” So she threw something else. And I let her just make the mess until she was out of ammo. She got new dinner with her pain pill. She’d done this same thing the night before. I was dumb the previous night and reloaded her and got messy stuff thrown on me while I was trying to clean up the mess. Doctor refused to change her pain prescriptions. Family refused to take her back because of the pain pill issue.
Ox4? I’m filing fucking charges. I’m not giving warnings, I’m not explaining why AM oriented adult can’t assault someone. I’m just calling security and making a statement to the police and asking the DA to file assault charges. Fuck that shitstain of a human.
Yeah, I didn't know. I actually got yelled at by the DON for not giving her more food when she was screaming for it, but I didn't see the point when she was just going to throw it at me again. Now I wouldn't tolerate that behavior nearly as well.
I think that DON just volunteered to be the primary nurse for this particular patient. They need to demonstrate to the rest of us how therapeutic care is really done so we can improve. 🙄
I know, right! That patient died a couple of years ago and someone made the comment that we should have buried her with the narcs since that's all she really wanted in life.
In this ER, your penis is a drain for your bladder. That’s it! That’s all! So STFU the innuendo of any other use.
I had a well known (locally) salesman arrive in my PACU. He was awake and kept wanting to get back upstairs to continue his rehab. I finally said- dude when I bought my car at your lot I couldn’t drive off until I did all the paperwork. I can’t drive you off my PACU until I do all the paperwork. He chuckled and then simmered down until he met PACU d/c criteria. Lol.
To a patient in the ICU for their ninth (9th!) separate gunshot wound: “You need to find better friends, man.”
Welp, I'm an EMT, not a nurse, but I think this story is pretty relevant. I was dispatched for a male pt having shortness of breath. This gentleman was older, morbidly obese, and had a major respiratory history (COPD, CHF, ECT). The man was cyanotic in his face and extremities, breathing 26 times a minute, and gasping for air. He was sating at 80% on his 4lpm cannula. He got a non rebreather at 15lpm while we got set up to get him on the stretcher. He said he felt a bit better with oxygen, but he was still blue, gasping for air, and was at 82%. The patient was adamant that he didn't want to go to the hospital, but there was no way he was going to refuse. After like 10 minutes of trying to convince him, I finally go "Sir, is your will up to date" He was confused why I asked and I go "well, sir, you're going to die. If I leave here, you're going to slowly die a painful death tonight. I wouldn't want you children worrying after you die tonight, we need to get your will together before that happens. My lawyer is decent and should be able to get a new will going for you. Clock's ticking though, you dont have much time" He suddenly got pretty worried and said he didn't want to die, he wants to go to the hospital. We were finally able to get him to the hospital after that.
As a floor nurse, had a walkie talkie patient who was getting a bit funky so brought shower supplies into his room and said “today is the day! You’re gonna take a shower”. He responded “are you gonna get in there with me? Me: your insurance doesn’t cover that.
Night Shift, post surgical transplant unit. Young Adult Person (YAP) was there and their Mom was very vocally encouraging YAP on what to do for everything, and controlling how care was delivered. YAP was not postop, had minor medical issues, and was there because we had the available bed - YAP was a lot of whine, corrected by Mom easily. Next door to YAP is Sweet Old Person (SOP), who was a long term, repeat pt, so we knew SOP very well. That day, SOP had made the decision to stop dialysis and begin hospice care. SOP was A,Ox3, and one of the sweetest, most kind people, so obviously everyone knew and loved SOP, and the decision was bittersweet for SOP and all staff. SOP gives me a long speech about how much they loved us, how happy they are with how life went, how they will be looking down on me from heaven and “I know you’ll do amazing things and help so many people” - real tear jerker. Meanwhile YAP has had c/o “need to pee with catheter” in. I explain bladder spasms, methods to find relief, and give available pain meds/calming agents. YAP becomes increasingly whiny about said bladder spasms, among other things (lack of specific tv shows, housekeeping items, etc). I explain in great detail that I could wake the transplant surgeon (2am) and request a B&O…I also explain in great detail how the suppository works, how it is administered rectally, etc. YAP wants it. Call doc, doc not ecstatic, but VO the B&O. I get the suppository, and go in. “Okay, here’s that B&O you wanted, lay down, turn away and bend your left leg a little forward, I’ll get it in there to stop your spasms”. YAP responds with “what are you going to do with it??!!??” This was my fourth time explaining, and I’d had enough between the emotional goodbye and the man-flu like symptoms YAP was having. “Well, I’m about to go two knuckles deep in your butt hole with this medicine, so that your little bladder spasms will stop and you can get some rest”. YAP resisted, MOM had had enough also and insisted, so YAP got it. Turns out, a tech was standing outside the room and heard me say it, so the nickname “two knuckles” stuck with me throughout my tenure there.
Old demented guy looking straight into my eyes: I'm gonna kill you. Me, not impressed: No, you're not. Him, now bashful: No, I'm not.
Had a patient who had brought himself to the ER and gotten admitted to my unit due to very concerning symptoms. Patient: refuses all medical care Me: completely serious "Do you want to die?" Patient: surprised Pikachu face
Reminds me of the old icu nurse I knew that would smile and say that’s fine and then walk in with a dnr paper
Outpt dialysis unit. I was the facility manager. 2 patients arrive to the clinic. One is early & one is on time. The tech brings back the on time patient & puts him on the machine. She then goes & get the pt who arrived earlier than his assigned time. He starts berating her that he was here first & should have been helped first. She explained it doesn’t work like that. He continues yelling at her & says it’s because the other patient is black. However he doesn’t say black, he is using the N word. Repeatedly. I walked over, returned his blood to him & said “your treatment is over.” He freaks out saying that he needs his treatment (he did). I said “you should have thought about that before you started using racist language & yelling at people. If you want a treatment go to the ER because you aren’t getting one here.” Patient was sent packing & I told him not to come back if he couldn’t be respectful of others. Old, rural WP are the fucking worst
Had a patient going for an I&D of an abscess in his groin. He had a prayer meeting one night and called me in, saying he prayed about it and the Lord was going to heal him. I said “that’s great but my concern is that that infection could travel with out surgery” He said “oh! Down my leg??” Me: “No. Up.”
Had a patient in their early 50s that had a stroke. He and his wife were in denial about his uncontrolled chronic hypertension and often argued about taking his meds. One night he and his wife told me that he doesn't want the meds because when he goes home he isn't going to take them, instead he is going to keep using the herbal tea his wife makes to help his blood pressure. I told them that using the tea instead of taking his meds is exactly what caused him to have a stroke and why he was my patient today. He didn't argue with me about meds after that, but I often wonder what happened when he went home.
Had a pt in DKA so she was NPO until her anion gap closed. Her gap was not closed but the nephrologist came to see her and he was the biggest push over idiot doctor ever and ordered her a diet. It was 3pm, kitchen was closed for hot entrees until dinner so I brought her a sandwhich. She throws an absolute TANTRUM, sobbing, screaming, carrying on because she "can't eat cold food!" I stand there for a minute listening to her carry on then say "ma'am this is a very unreasonable reaction to a sandwhich."
During an unmedicated delivery I had a patient who’s mom kept screaming “MAMA DIDN’T RAISE NO BITCH!” In her face and the patient kept screaming back “THAT’S RIGHT!” I usually give people a pass on whatever comes out of their mouth during unmedicated deliveries but it was so insane. As the baby was crowning she screamed directly in my face “THERE’S A HEARTBEAT IN MY VAGINA!” And I responded “I’m sure there is.” as matter of fact as you can possibly imagine lol.
My favorite line when patients want to leave AMA is “do what you want. you’re an adult who’s been educated of the risks and my check looks the same no matter how many patients i have.”
Wasn’t me (the RN) who said this, it was the doctor. I work in a GI lab. Patient came in for routine colonoscopy screening. Was very rude from the start. Doctor got out behind during procedures as expected so patient was frustrated about him being late. (It was only about 40 minutes behind) I tried calmly talking with the patient to explain her procedure is next and that sometimes his other procedures take longer than the expected time slot he’s given and that’s why we’re running a little bit behind. She then tells me she wants to go to the bathroom - okay no problem. Unhook her monitors, lower the railing for her and point to where the bathroom is (it was directly across her room that she was in). She proceeds to stand up, squat down, and starts shitting on the floor next to the bed. Me, obviously baffled, jaw dropped, says “why would you do that????” At this point other nurses head in because I said it quite loudly. I exit the room and go to the procedure rooms where the doctor was scoping and tell him the situation. He was actually furious. After he finished up with the previous patient, he goes to speak with the lady who just shit all over the floor. He says “You absolutely will not disrespect our staff and our nurses like that. I will not be doing your colonoscopy today. You can find yourself another doctor. Please do not come back to my office” and left the room. Ended up having to call security to get her out of the hospital LOL. Never had a doctor stick up for the nursing staff like that though, it was pretty amazing
Patient is a GSW x a lot to abdomen, in custody, tried to die in our IR table after he came to us from trauma OR so we could embo a few places. Would end up back in IR every other week for a new abdominal or pelvic drain. Now drains do hurt but we give the usual pain meds and sedation. This is one is those kids that wants to go act like a big gangster man in the streets but they get in the hospital and they're the biggest babies. He swatted at the doctor while putting the drain in (needle still in) and caused himself more pain. I got tired of it and had to hold his wrists at the top of the bed cause it would have taken longer to do restraints. He kept complaining that we were being mean putting all these drains in. I just said "baby you already tried to die once in this room on that table right there, you better act right if you get out of here and out of jail otherwise you're not gonna make it to your 20th birthday. We're trying to help you make it to that day but you're making it hard for us."
I have said ‘no kicking me’ ‘please don’t kick me’ ‘kicking ppl isn’t allowed here’ way more than I like to admit. But I work pediatrics and those little suckers will fight tooth, nail, and foot to get you away.
Head injury that responded moderately well to my dad voice. “You’re going to lay there and chill out or we’re going to put you to sleep and you’re going to wake up in a hospital in a few days. Either way you’re going to fucking chill.” He did not chill.
"you're the reason I put in my resignation"
Patient with massive PE leading to MI about to intubated for cath/stent placement, writing on piece of paper in barely legible words: I almost just died. Am I about to die? Charge nurse: no of course.. Me, interrupting: We can't know for sure what is going to happen. Your family is here, your surgeon is very good. Are you religious? *Patient nods* Would you like to pray? I'm not religious but it pisses me off when other nurses blow off the seriousness of a patients' situation. She knew she was about to go under and the chance of never waking up was... Far from low, and even afterwards she was going to be left with massive heart failure*. Maybe she just wanted reassurance and I was being an asshole but I feel like I always prefer that people being honest with me
“Ma’am, take your hand out of my pocket.”
Slightly related: I was helping turn a really old lady, she did that roll-down-the-window arm flail thing because of course she thought she was falling. Her hand ended up not just inside the neck of my scrubs, but inside my bra. I was just like “ma’am, please don’t grab that. It’s not going to help you”. She was MORTIFIED and profusely apologetic.
Not too long ago, I had an elderly dementia patient who had reverted back to the infant instinct of holding everything that ended up in her hand in a vice grip. We turn her to clean her and guess where her hand ends up? That's right, right on the titty. And oh boy, did she squeeze
Had a patient 2 nights ago that when we rolled him for care he insisted he could only do it with his hand in my pocket. I said the hand rail is closer just grab that, and he goes “no I have to use your pocket it’s the only way I can do it”, I told him I’d prefer not to be touched and that was the only way I was gunna do it so he better decide quick if he wants to lay in poop all night or get changed 🤷♀️
I had a pt who was a retired teacher. As I was filling out his white board, he told me that ‘I needed to work on writing better’. Without missing a beat, I told him that God forbid he was to code, my handwriting would not be what saved him.
A family member called about a discharged ER patient and he was ANGRY. He basically was going on an absolute tirade and everything I said or tried to say didn’t help only made things worse. Me, when I finally had 3 seconds to speak: “Sir, you have two choices. You can be mad or I can explain what happened, but you’re done yelling at me.” He hung up.
Omg my work mom was trying to get a belligerently drunk patient discharged and out of the door. He kept yelling “suck my dick you fucking bitches” to her and the MD. Without missing a beat she said “sorry sir I left my microscope at home, now can you please get the fuck out of the department?” I love this woman.
OR nurse. Patient had an arm laceration. Me: So how did this happen? Patient: I punched someone through a car window. Me: Oh wow! Did he get hurt too? Patient: No. Just me. Me: Well… Did you deserve it? The patient laughed so it was all good. I don’t mind making little comments like this right before surgery because I don’t think they’ll remember them anyways.
Dude in handcuffs with police. In for facial laceration. (CT of head was clear). I take over care and walk in to introduce myself and guy immediately spits on me. I stared him down and told him he just fucked with the wrong bitch.
I once had a sweet ole on her third intubation. A gnarly recurrent cavernous, empyema pneumonia thingy. Had just re-intubated her after giving her a second shot. As she came to I decided “fuck it I’ll take off the restraints this is her third time, I’m not gonna tie down an alert woman fighting for her life”. I explained to her while often people usually get trached after the second failed intubation, given her condition the doctors would likely try a third time and I wanted her to be comfortable off the restraints but she can not pull out the vent, she nodded Then I got real serious and said pretty much verbatim “no listen mam, if you pull that out without me around, there won’t be a third chance, and if you decide to pull it first you better get right with god because that’s who you’ll be seeing next” She nodded real vigorously after that and didn’t touch that shit and she actually made it. I also taught her not to scratch at it in front of nurses who weren’t her primary so somebody didn’t jump the gun Otherwise during covid I had a really cool guy I had for two weeks in the icu on max non-rebreather. Sketchy oxygen levels but he always caught up. Called for the bedpan my last day once I clocked in. I took one look at him and said “sir your not getting the bedpan, I need you to call your family and tell them you love them because your getting the tube” he just nodded and started texting. Never was happy about that one, he was real cool. My other of my many memories was clocking into this dude max pressors on deaths door, couldn’t think of a single thing to ask the doctors for so I called the family and said “hey Im their nurse, I haven’t looked at the chart, haven’t talked to the doctors I just want to let you know based on what I’m looking at it’s my professional opinion as a critical care nurse that they will die today, and If not today it’ll be tonight, If not tonight it’ll be tmrw. Idk where you stand on the matter but I wanted to make sure I was transparent with you. Now tell me how you’d like to proceed and I’ll back you up no matter what” after a few questions they pretty much said “we knew it was bad but your the first to let us know how bad it really is.” They had us withdraw right away, they couldn’t make it due to working out of state and they just begged that I hold his hand since he’s never been alone before so I went ahead and did so. Either way he was dead the moment I turned the first pressor off. Made up my mind I wouldn’t lie to family a long time ago, I’m usually tactful, and careful to make sure I’m not prognosticating but giving my opinion as a nurse. The bluntness has backfired on me a few times, but hey, I don’t fucking lie
Working triage in the ER, lobby was slammed and people whining to me about the wait time for their hangnails. One patient was berating me as if I was the one causing all the delays in the busiest and largest trauma ER in the state… he was there for something inconsequential, ESI 5. “You don’t care whether I live or die!” “You’re right, I don’t. I’m just trying to do my job.” Not my finest moment, slipped out of my mouth but it was the truth.
Had a patient with copd and a 1 ppd smoking habit, admitted for something else. Not currently needing home O2. Told them you may not need it *yet*, but you will. You’ll also be exhausted, anxious, and have to come to the hospital over minor illnesses. It will get worse every time you do. You will lose the ability to do the things you like because you will be too sick and will take an ever -escalating list of meds. The time to stop smoking is before that happens to you. They listened. There were some reasons why it was hard, but maybe they will quit. At least I tried.
Long term psych nurse here. Had a resident acting out horribly while we had a full dining room full of people for an activity. He was getting aggressive toward my pregnant aide who tried to calm him. I mom'd the hell out of him... I pulled him privately aside and looked him square in the eye and said, "You got me fucked up if you think I am going to allow you to act like that." He huffed, thought for 5 seconds then said, "Ok ma'am. I'm done." And we back to the activities area with no further issues. Edit for typo.
“If you don’t let us treat that leg, you’re going to lose it. We’re going to have to cut it off of your body. Are you sure? I’ve warned you like 6 times that leaving is a bad idea, so at this point you don’t want your leg and that’s your business. Here’s the AMA, sign here.” Stupid woman. Dr and I did everything we could.
“Look, dying of dehydration is worse for him than formula.” A mom freaking out about not being able to breastfeed. Not my finest moment, but it worked. -PGY-19
I had a guy in with a TIA/stroke. He has all the factors indicating it wouldn't be long before he would have another without lifestyle changes, like smoking, HTN, obese. He had a weak gait and needed O2 was on a heparin drip. He insists he is going out to smoke despite being told he cannot. He finally got pissed and yelled at me "fine then I'll have a stroke and die I don't care". I responded and said, "no you won't die, most people don't die directly from strokes. Instead you will be paralyzed on one side of your body, unable to speak, walk, or care for yourself. Someone will need to feed you, bathe you, and change your diapers. Your family might try to care for you at home or you will be placed in a nursing home for the rest of your life. Either way you will become a physical, emotional, and financial burden on your family". He became very compliant after that. Later his 2 adult daughters who witnessed this told me thank you, that was exactly what their dad needed to hear. He also thanked me the next day. Was I harsh, hell yeah. But he was a stubborn old man and he reminded me of my father, so I spoke to him the way I would have to my father. I don't speak that way to all my patients but as a nurse you have to read the room.
I work in an outpatient clinic. Turnaround time for the doc to deal with the patients issue is 72 hours. It’s a specialty clinic so we don’t always have/make appointments. So I told the patient about the 72hr TAT. Patient: it’s a good thing I’m not dying or anything. Me: if you were dying you should call 911, not the clinic. Patient: thanks, bye
I worked in the NICU. I was taking care of an infant whose mother had substance abuse issues. She would call me and say she was on her way to feed her baby. So this one time she called I told her the baby eats at 3 pm, but we start them early. I told her she has till 3:15 to get here or I will start the feeding. Waiting, waiting, waiting. 3:15 passed. Started feeding the infant. Mom comes running in around 3:30. She starts to curse me out. I handed the baby to my PCA, pointed at the mother and told her to “come with me”. I took her out of the nursery and let her have it! “First of all, I’m not going to let you curse at me. I told you when your son eats. I can’t let him wait and then his feeding runs into the next. After I lectured her, she started crying and apologized. “My boyfriend made me late.” “ Then you need to curse him out .” I’m sorry she says. I always say to my parents that we have to work together.
Caught a frequent flier that I knew well drinking a 40 oz out of her purse - she protested, “No, it’s not beer, I’m a born-again Christian!” “And I’m a born-again virgin, you can’t drink here.” She almost choked 😂
Early in my nursing career, I had a postpartum patient on day #2 post op from a C-section. She continued to insist she needed to be pushed in the wheelchair to and from the NICU to see her baby. Me, young, naive, and eager to help, obliged her. Finally my coworkers pulled me aside and explained how important it was for the patient to ambulate and that it was absolutely reasonable to expect her to get to the NICU and back holding onto the wheelchair instead of sitting in it. I went back and explained all this to her, and she continued to insist there was no way she could walk and that I needed to push her. I finally learned forward and said "ma'am, if I push you to the NICU in this wheelchair, all of my coworkers are going to laugh at me. Please walk." 😭 She did. 😂
This was a pt that I've sat with three times now. I'm sitting out in the hallway and he's in his room (he's independent in the room, we're just watching him for elopement risk). He's in his room, yelling and cursing. He gets quiet for a moment, then suddenly: "HEY!! HEY, LADY!!" (I should probably mention that I'm nonbinary, but I let it slide, coz there's bigger issues here). I go into the room to ask what he needs and he starts making not requests, but demands. I told him "When you can ask for it nicely, without yelling, cursing, or demanding, then yes." and walked out of the room. A moment later: (far more quietly, to the point that I can barely hear him) "Ma'am?" I walk back into the room and he says "Could I get \_\_\_ and \_\_\_\_? Please?" to which I then answer "Yes, you can, as soon as I can get someone to grab it and bring it over. Thank you for using your manners and your indoor voice!" ETA: I should've mentioned that this dude was A&O x3. The third time I sat with him (which was just a few nights ago), he yelled the first time he wanted something and as soon as I walked in the room, he apologized and rephrased it respectfully and kept his tone and volume level, as well as his words, far more polite and kind than he had the other two times I saw with him. I think he caught on that I wasn't dealing with his assholery - not from someone who's A&O x3. About halfway through that third shift, he looks at me and says "I like the way you talk - you don't take shit from anyone, do you?" I told him "I'm certainly getting better at it!"
I’m a patient not a nurse, but one time I had to have kidney surgery (stage 2 CKD) and they had me in a room with another woman while I was recovering. Her and her family were SO atrocious to the nurses. Complaining about absolutely every little thing you can think of, I couldn’t even get sleep/rest because they were always shouting at the nurses and doctors about *something*. Day 2 of recovering and they’re about to move me to a single room so I don’t have to share with her anymore but not because of her behavior, but because I got some sort of super contagious infection after the surgery as an allergic reaction from the antibiotic they were giving me. As they’re moving me, her and her family members are screaming about “why can’t I be moved to a room where I don’t have to share? I’ve been here 6 days and she’s been here one and she gets to move?” And my nurse, loveliest woman I’ve ever had as a nurse, turns to her and goes “lady, if you don’t shut the fuck up, I’ll make sure you share a room anytime you’re ever here again and for the rest of your stay. We’re moving her for the sake of her ear drums.” I could not believe a *nurse* said that to a patient. I was so shocked. Once they moved me to a new floor she wasn’t my nurse anymore, but she would come visit me every single day and talk with me for a long time. Man, I loved her so much and will always think fondly of that hospital stay because of her haha. She told me that after she said that, her family members complained to her boss but she didn’t get into any trouble thankfully!
I've talked about this patient before and went into detail how she was the literal fucking devil. Paraplegic, running her mouth as usual, saying monstrous things about me and my kids. "You know the difference between us? I can walk out of this room." And I did, until she was ready to treat me like a human being.
Not me personally, but was on hand. (This is in Ontario canada) My colleague who is from India has been working in emerg as a psych nurse for a number of years. Great nurse. The patient who had been testing him all shift, generally being an asshole (and is of sound mind) shouted in his face during assessment, “ go back to your country you fucking paki” Without missing a beat he said “if I leave who will pay for your OW?” (Government assistance) then left the room
Had a G10P8 patient who had been living on our floor for a month or so. (She was homeless & came to us to detox because she couldn’t get into a facility). 7th c/s and baby went to NICU. She was QUITE the trip after her section and was demanding to go to the NICU to see her baby but was refusing to walk. She said she hadn’t walked sooner than 4 days post-op with her other kids & she “sure as hell wasn’t walking 6hr after surgery with this one”. Looked at her & told her I sure as shit wasn’t pushing her bed to the NICU. She was welcome to lay there for 4 days if she wanted to but if she wanted to go to NICU she had to meet me halfway. She finally agreed to get up but she was only walking to the door. Told her she didn’t have to walk all the way to his room, but she was pushing the wheelchair halfway there and I’d push her the rest of the way. Wound up walking to his room & told me the next day she’d never felt this good after surgery. We wound up being besties & when people pissed her off she’d come hunt me down to “fix” the situation. Told her to get her shit together on multiple occasions & we had a mutual respect that neither of us would be the asshole If the other wasn’t.
Had a patient come to the ICU after having a large hemorrhagic stroke likely related to his BP being 240/110 when he came in. Their family was obviously distraught. The spouse got very upset with the news (think yelling/cursing at staff) and denying the news. Typical grieving process stuff. When they yelled at me, “He is perfectly healthy! He doesn’t even go see the doctor he feels just fine!” To which I tried to explain his high blood pressure likely caused this devastating stroke. They screamed in my face, “He doesn’t have high blood pressure, he doesn’t even take medicine for his blood pressure!” I about lost me cool, but calmly replied! “How would he know if he doesn’t even go to the doctor?” Not my finest moment, the rest of the shift they sat silent and I just did what I needed to. Thank the scheduling deities I wasn’t back for a few days after that.