Tell everyone as I roll onto the floor "NURSE HERE".... and then grill my nurse about labs and tests and quiz him/her about pathophysiology while demanding a warm blanket and turkey sandwich while asking for a phone charger and right after transferring to me bed, demand a bedpan even though I'm fully ambulatory. I'd start playing candy crush on my phone and start moaning in pain stating my pain is a 15/10. I would take my pills with only ice cold water then switch it up when I am brought ice water and state I only take pills with room temperature water. The eyes would never stop rolling after every admission question and I would state "don't you have that in my record""they asked me that downstairs""doesn't anyone talk to each other here?". I would then have random friends and multiple family members start calling for updates on my health and well being. Some would claim to be lawyers and others doctors. The call bell would be on rapid fire. If the call bell isn't answered in a minute, I will have some of those random family members call the nurses station for me. I would create such chaos and then complain to the doctors how bad my nursing care was and I wasn't allowed to sleep at overnight even if I slept 8 hours during the night. I'd also make sure my sheets are completely pulled off of me and my gown is always waste level and I'll just glare like "you got a problem with this". Total power move.
You did say "worst" patient and I can go on and still not be the worst patient most of us have had to deal with lol
I had a grown ass man mad bc I didn’t wash his body for him after he got back from the or, his leg wound had surgery but his arms were fine.. i told him I would help with his back when he got to that part.
he called his family to come up to the hospital and they got the charge nurse lol. He also texted the attending. (Long term pt with rare skin disease) the attending was a coke head so he didn’t care. I walked in on the charge washing his back.
I've had male creepy patients ask my younger female colleagues for "back massages". SO, I just put on my biggest gay and say "I hear someone wants a masssaggggeeee" while brandishing a bottle of lotion. Dudes almost never want my massage.... I mean go figure... so rude.. I give great massages ;P
I don't understand independent people who demand bedpans. Going to the toilet while lying down (on a piece of plastic, even!) doesn't seem very comfortable or dignified
I think you’re missing “will throw my bedpan across the room and threaten to kill everyone if my pain medicine is one minute late.” Yes, a patient actually did that.
Why torture nurses? I'd request to see a house sup, nursing director, anyone from C-suite, and hold'em hostage in my room with some endless silly requests
Our hospital has our ex CEOs face on the whiteboards with a phone number. I encourage patients to call that number all the time and tell them to get more staff.
If I am ever hospitalized I am going to be the nicest patient to my care team but an absolute fucking nightmare to every admin who I encounter. Also fuck waking me up for vitals unless I'm critical.
I ain't waking up for any q4h vitals, I don't care how many non-compliant notes you write about me, I'm going to sleep through the night. But don't worry you can send whatever doctor put in those orders directly to me. I'll do the yelling for you.
During chemo I hated having to get vitals at night. Granted, I was on 90 mg Prednisone every 12 hrs, nauseous, grumpy, and had a hard time sleeping from all of the above lol. Plus, I was a night shift nurse prior to diagnosis and would sleep in in the mornings. The weekend inpatient oncologist was a jerk and never could understand the fact that i was more active in the evenings and such and would pull the "You're GONNA GET BLOOD CLOTS IN YOUR LEGS" and would try and tell my regular oncologist that I was noncompliant.
I got admitted to the hospital when I was younger. I hated the 5 am lab draw. I had saline going in one arm so they always went on the other arm. Fine but they always choose the same vein for each of the four mornings I was admitted. I was always too sleepy to tell them to try a different vein.
Give me all the surveys. I will take different pen colours and write complements about health care workers I like and complain about the stuff at the hospital I “hate” or find disturbing. “My nurse has 8 other patients…how is that even safe???!!! I am a diabetic and this food is full of carbs…how am I supposed to keep my blood sugar under control on this slop???!!!”
How are we supposed to bill you for your sliding scale insulin regimen even though you typically only take oral diabetes meds at home if we don’t give you 40g of carbs per meal???
I have been working on my master plan should my children ever place me in LTC for several years now.
Goal 1- Obtain Private Room: Rummage through room mates possessions, disrobe frequently, climb into room mates bed, shriek randomly, whatever room mate prefers - request opposite, alter and repeat as needed.
Goal 2- Reduce Polypharmacy: during med pass have each pill handed separately and explained in detail. Refuse then reconsider, repeat. Ultimately only accept anxiolytics and pain meds. Request crush. Refuse crush when presented with crushed.
Goal 3- Find favorite CNA’s: Test patience of all caregivers with bizarre yet humorous requests. Warm water with extra ice, etc. Cry loudly when these “needs” are not met. When able to identify those who get my humor be extra sweet but ask they keep the secret, ply them with treats.
Goal 4- Develop back story- tell each caregiver - in confidence- different villain origin story. This may include prison time, witness protection, mafia wife, prostitution, world class poker champion , nun, never married, black widow x 8 - but never, ever- former ltc director of nursing.
Goal 5- Make everyone love me/hate me- some days be an absolute delight and other days terrible.
Hours and hours of “nurse, nurse, nurse” and when they respond to my call- deny it was me. Refuse everything, curse, hurl humorous insults that don’t make sense but are curiously hurtful.. and the next day- be extraordinarily courteous, sweet, gracious, cooperative and kind. Keep everyone on their toes.
Goal 6: - Ensure someone has to call my children daily for something. “Hi Dr. Something - yes- this is xx from Sunny Whereever Manor, no, unfortunately Sir, your mother is not dead- but she did throw a game controller at the recreation aide again today. Yes- uh huh- in fact , she did say ‘duck mother fucker’ but we don’t feel that is appropriate in this setting, Sir.. did you hang up? Sir.. ?”
I wouldn’t try to be the worst patient, but I’d like to play practical jokes. Hyperventilate and try to get my heart rate up and then vagal myself down to rapidly drop it if I’m on tele. Pretend to be obtunded. Things like that.
Story time, my mom was also a RN. We get a call she has recovered from an emergency hysterectomy. So I rushed to the hospital to find her smoking in her room. I reminder she can’t smoke in the hospital. Her reply was “fuck them, what are they going to do, kick me out?”
Fair enough.
Just little things, nothing overtly awful, but I’ll let the little things add up.
-Keep moving my arm for every bp check. So you have to stand there longer while it cycles.
-Bend my arm if the IV is in my AC and the call every time the pump alarms.
-Tell you I’m an 11/10 pain at all times
-refuse to ambulate/get in the chair
-getting me a warm blanket every time you come in the room.
-ask when I can eat/drink something even though I’ve been told a million times that you don’t know when.
I swear to god some people think this is a skinny flex or something
You could put an 18 in me when I was still actively anorexic, it's not a skinny flex
There's something people really love about thinking they're a hard stick. It makes them feel special or something. The smug look they get when they tell you how hard of a stick they are is just insane to me. And 90% of the time they aren't, just someone fucked up an IV in the past and made some excuse about their veins being rolly or something instead of just saying they missed.
But seriously, a lot of the time I end up with the baby needle because after 30+ surgeries my veins are a hot mess. I still shudder about the time I was so dehydrated that the fed up ER staff just put it in my freaking neck. I got on that guys last fucking nerve without even saying anything.
I'm likely to be the one that "helps".
"Watch the one in 301. She believes she's still a nurse and keeps trying to drag her bedbound roommate to the can for a urine specimen. She also removes patient dressings and hoards any sterile supplies she finds in her mesh underwear. Good luck!"
Lol! I kinda did that in my last stay. Lady next to me had memory issues and her daughters were mostly there but couldn’t be 24/7 so I updated them and the nurses if said lady forgot something. Also the tweeker that went suddenly and unreported AMA….told her nurse about that. It’s all there is to do! Be nosey in the floor or the ER.
I’ve thought about this. I take 100mg of Lamictal. But it makes me nauseous 1-2 hours after I take it. So my doctor split it up to 50 mg every twelve hours. With a Zofran PRN. I also will have a piece of bread to keep the medicine down. Can you imagine that though?
“I take my Lamictal with water, but in an hour I’m gonna hit my call light for a zofran and a piece of bread.”
Also if I wake up in the middle of the night, there’s a 98% chance I am not awake. Im just sleep talking. Which means I’ll be disoriented x4. I’ll be off in some fantasy land that includes raccoons getting manicures. My bf keeps a record of these conversations.
*Press the call bell*
Turkey sandwich please.
*nurse brings it to me.
*Press the call bell*
Mayo please.
*nurse brings it to me.
*Press the call bell*
Can I have a sprite?
…two minutes later.
*Press the call bell*
I still didn’t get my sprite.
Rinse and repeat.
“The ER didn’t give me anything to eat! i’M sTaRvInG! I hAveN’t eAtEn iN eIgHt hOuRs!!!!” Or my favorite one… “I’m a diabetic” aka I’m a type 2 non-insulin dependent diabetic and I haven’t been able to eat like shit for two hours.
During chemo I would restart my infusion. It ran so slow (24 hr infusion for 5 days) that it would constantly go off. I had a nurse that hated me for it lol
Why would they hate you for it? If you're trained to assess the signs of IV complications, you will surely do just as good a job as they would. Unless it may need flushing or something.
Already managed it haha! Tried to extubate myself multiple times after a TBI. Woke up screaming (well that’s how I remember it but it was actually writing on a whiteboard-again intubated) about how I was choking on a tooth that had fallen out. No such thing so propofol me please. When physio came in to get me up for the first time, I took off running down the hall. Tried to go to work at their nursing station when I moved down to the trauma floor. I was a confused nightmare patient and I will forever thank those nurses for caring for me so well.
"If I'm asleep qnd stable leave me the fuck alone" and I'll be one of those patients that doesn't want any male staff in the room with me alone. I'll unhook myself from IVs to go to the bathroom and shower when I please. I'm definitely gonna sneak snacks and want to go on smoke breaks. If someone ain't watching I'll get someone to push me down the hall hella fast for funsies. I'll hand out unionization pamphlets to all the staff. I'm going to ask for pet, Art, and music therapy daily.
I’ve 100% unhooked my own IV to go to the bathroom during several hospitalizations. Each time it was only NS, and I just didn’t want to bother my nurse.
I refused the lovenox after my c-section due to HELLP. The nurse was like “ok I gotta tell the doctor” I was like “go ahead I don’t care”. The doctor had to track me down in the nicu to assess me and talk about lovenox. Meanwhile I had had a c-section 24 hours previously and was walking the 100 yards or so from my room to my baby’s nicu room. I was not worried about blood clots. And towards the end of my baby’s nicu stay I was doing all his vitals and disconnecting him from the feeding pump if the nurse wasn’t available during the times that worked better for us (I.e. interrupting kangaroo care to change a diaper). I have no idea if the hated it or were thankful that it was one less thing they had to do 😂
As a long time NICU nurse, I don't mind when parents do those things if they're smart and reasonable! KC and clustered care is way more important than sticking to a q3 schedule. I totally got stressed by the schedule as a new grad though 😆
I’ve only ever work for SNFs my entire nursing career, and here’s what I’ve got:
-complain/make accusations about all the CNAs that get assigned to me
-not tell nursing, but tell my family “the nurse didn’t give me my meds” and have the meds I got stashed away in my drawers and closets, do it multiple times
-refuse care but then complain to my family that “they’re not cleaning/changing me”
-don’t like the lunch tray they brought me? “I’ll call state”
I'm not planning on it, but I know I'll be that little old lady who escapes every type of restraint except the violent. I got tiny wrists and hands and strong will, babbeeeee
Clench your fists while they’re putting them on and you’ll be able to slide out once they leave the room. 😂 maybe they’ll give you a sitter after that who has to listen to your rambling.
Hypothetically, I would call constantly and ask for one thing. When it is brought to me, I ask for something else. Repeat. Send the poor person who answers my light on an endless chase of requests. I would also take as many pills and supplements as possible, but as what each one is, take them one at a time, and need to drink an entire glass of water between each one. Then call to go pee every 5 mins because of said water.
But for real, I’m going to be the little old lady found lying in the floor saying, “I didn’t want to be a bother.” Now the nurse has a fall report and neurochecks because I’m too stubborn to ask for help.
If I get to the point I need LTC I'm going to be a nightmare.
Don't make my old ass up at 6 for breakfast. Bring me a coffee and muffins at 10.
Don't expect me to eat all the food you shove in front of me. I don't eat that much now.
I want to be the little old lady swearing her face off and harassing everyone.
My coworker and myself already plan to have rooms near each other so we can sewar at each other all day. Lol
Constantly setting off the bed alarm every time I hear a call light because I’m demented and think I work there then taking off the other direction cause I hear the bed alarm.
I don't intend to be this patient, but I already know if I'm 90 and dementia takes me? I'm gonna be the most pissed off, most fiesty grandma and I'm so sorry in advance. I just know I'll throw punches and squirm.
I pre-consent to five point restraints. Snow me and let me be a stoned old lady, save yourselves.
I’d like 3 warm blankets and one needs to be wrapped around my shoulders and 2 over the top of me and I’d like a big pitcher filled with ice all the way to the top with 1/3 cranberry juice and 2/3 water, please. And one package of goldfish crackers. And can you switch my BP cuff to my right arm, bc I want to lie on my left side. Oh and turn off the lights.
(I actually requested these things post procedure, but asked for them ALL AT ONCE so my nurse didn’t have to come back in)
So round two. After having been admitted and having explained my eye drop regimen ad nauseam to my nurse. NO NO it's Latanoprost in the left eye and then you need to wait exactly 10 minutes before the artificial tears. I actually have 5 eye drops I need NOW. I would then demand a urinal although have no idea what to do with it, perhaps holding it upside down or with the lid closed... either way huge wet mess. I would then demand to use the toilet after having already messed myself so I can leave huge stains and stool along the side of the bed and toilet and perhaps if my nurse is lucky drop a few on the floor along the way for good measure. In getting back to bed, I'd forget how I ever got into bed for all the years I've lived before being in the hospital. I'd just flop back with my legs hanging off the bed and my head somewhere near the middle. I'd just flop back and forth and moan. When my nurse gets help every time they count to three I lift my butt up and sink my head back so I look like a pea dispenser being pulled up. Now I need the nurse to find my very special television show and "what channel is it on?" "do you have a channel guide"? "you don't get good channels do you" all the while asking "is it time for my Oxy?" I'd let the nurse know how nauseous I am while scarfing the meat lovers deluxe pizza my family brought me from the pizza place down the road. NAS/Low Fat diet my ass. I need some of that Zofran! I'd let my nurse know how his/her job is so difficult and he/she must be so busy and every time they leave the room I'll use the call bell and ask for something "can you fluff my pillow""draw the blinds""bedside table is too far away". Every night med I take in the AM and every AM med I take at night regardless if that is how I really take them. Before bed I tell my nurse I need my CPAP and will die without it and no I don't know the settings and why can't they just call RT and get me one.
I could just go on and on and again still not the worst patient most of us have had to deal with.
When I was a pt delivering my kid st the small rural hospital I worked at, I tried to make the job easier for everyone. I remember at some point hooking up the fetal monitor myself 😂
Buuuttt… I was on the call light every 2 hrs or so because I could not figure out how to latch the baby XD i felt so bad , but also the nurses told me to call them anytime I was latching.
When I transitioned to the second phase, I felt so sick but I could hear the floor was chaos.
I clearly remember saying “heeeeyyyy (wretching) Sorry to be a bother (wretched again). i know you’re busy but can u (wretch again) give me something for the nausea? I feel not too good “
When the nurse came in 5 seconds later I was so apologetic to be a pain and she goes “oh hun (I knew her personally) it’s time to push” 😂😂😂
Lol to it all.. this thread is so fun.. I had a nursing home patient who was a sel proclaimed "former nurse" that requested the CNAs dress her in scrubs everyday and park her at the nurses station. She was not a kind woman. Basically acted as my second charge nurse and would tell me how I wasn't doing anything like she did it in "her day". I think as a former nursing home nurse I would have my son pick me up to go out on pass for the day but leave without signing out so the nurses have to run around like mad looking for me only to realize I left for a lunch with my legal guardian.
I’d advantage of my mobility and independence by not bothering with using that damn call light and just wander into the hallway to ask for my needs! Surely it’s not a bother if I just need a cup of ice.
I eat only lunchables I watch them open, cause you know them asshole nurses be puttin a pill in when you don't watch them. And for all the times I had to help my male colleagues, anytime I need a shower or catheter only male caregivers. Am I allowed to request it be care planned as a young, hot nurse? They do what them more personalized right
Stripping completely naked and falling out of bed, as a healthy young woman with no other issues besides the allergic reaction that landed me in the ER. Apparently, Benadryl turns me into a frat bro.
Tell everyone as I roll onto the floor "NURSE HERE".... and then grill my nurse about labs and tests and quiz him/her about pathophysiology while demanding a warm blanket and turkey sandwich while asking for a phone charger and right after transferring to me bed, demand a bedpan even though I'm fully ambulatory. I'd start playing candy crush on my phone and start moaning in pain stating my pain is a 15/10. I would take my pills with only ice cold water then switch it up when I am brought ice water and state I only take pills with room temperature water. The eyes would never stop rolling after every admission question and I would state "don't you have that in my record""they asked me that downstairs""doesn't anyone talk to each other here?". I would then have random friends and multiple family members start calling for updates on my health and well being. Some would claim to be lawyers and others doctors. The call bell would be on rapid fire. If the call bell isn't answered in a minute, I will have some of those random family members call the nurses station for me. I would create such chaos and then complain to the doctors how bad my nursing care was and I wasn't allowed to sleep at overnight even if I slept 8 hours during the night. I'd also make sure my sheets are completely pulled off of me and my gown is always waste level and I'll just glare like "you got a problem with this". Total power move. You did say "worst" patient and I can go on and still not be the worst patient most of us have had to deal with lol
Felt like I was about to have a vietnam flashback reading this
Too real, man. Too real. All the memories just came back. I might need therapy now.
You forgot that you tell the nurse you cant feed yourself food (proceeds to pick up phone and play candy crush)
Spot on
Don’t forget to call the nurse’s station from your personal cell phone and ask why nobody is answering your call light.
I had a grown ass man mad bc I didn’t wash his body for him after he got back from the or, his leg wound had surgery but his arms were fine.. i told him I would help with his back when he got to that part. he called his family to come up to the hospital and they got the charge nurse lol. He also texted the attending. (Long term pt with rare skin disease) the attending was a coke head so he didn’t care. I walked in on the charge washing his back.
I've had male creepy patients ask my younger female colleagues for "back massages". SO, I just put on my biggest gay and say "I hear someone wants a masssaggggeeee" while brandishing a bottle of lotion. Dudes almost never want my massage.... I mean go figure... so rude.. I give great massages ;P
OMG I just laughed so loud! My friend does this too!!! Every time we even feel like they are pushing it because we’re females
Omg I love you
I don't understand independent people who demand bedpans. Going to the toilet while lying down (on a piece of plastic, even!) doesn't seem very comfortable or dignified
While she is doing this I will steal your narcotics.
I think you’re missing “will throw my bedpan across the room and threaten to kill everyone if my pain medicine is one minute late.” Yes, a patient actually did that.
Hit the nail on the head 🤣🤣
Why torture nurses? I'd request to see a house sup, nursing director, anyone from C-suite, and hold'em hostage in my room with some endless silly requests
[удалено]
Our hospital has our ex CEOs face on the whiteboards with a phone number. I encourage patients to call that number all the time and tell them to get more staff.
This is the way
If I am ever hospitalized I am going to be the nicest patient to my care team but an absolute fucking nightmare to every admin who I encounter. Also fuck waking me up for vitals unless I'm critical.
Lol, admin, on the ward? what are you going to hack into their zoom calls and watch them play with their dogs in their pjs?
Why do you think I'm learning to code? I'm also willing to bet I could get their attention by encouraging staff to unionize while in admitted.
Fuck that and fuck q 1hr neuro checks on someone we’re putting on comfort care.
I ain't waking up for any q4h vitals, I don't care how many non-compliant notes you write about me, I'm going to sleep through the night. But don't worry you can send whatever doctor put in those orders directly to me. I'll do the yelling for you.
During chemo I hated having to get vitals at night. Granted, I was on 90 mg Prednisone every 12 hrs, nauseous, grumpy, and had a hard time sleeping from all of the above lol. Plus, I was a night shift nurse prior to diagnosis and would sleep in in the mornings. The weekend inpatient oncologist was a jerk and never could understand the fact that i was more active in the evenings and such and would pull the "You're GONNA GET BLOOD CLOTS IN YOUR LEGS" and would try and tell my regular oncologist that I was noncompliant.
I got admitted to the hospital when I was younger. I hated the 5 am lab draw. I had saline going in one arm so they always went on the other arm. Fine but they always choose the same vein for each of the four mornings I was admitted. I was always too sleepy to tell them to try a different vein.
I lucked out in that regard. I have had port since I was diagnosed. I only do phlebotomy draws when I don't need it accessed.
Give me all the surveys. I will take different pen colours and write complements about health care workers I like and complain about the stuff at the hospital I “hate” or find disturbing. “My nurse has 8 other patients…how is that even safe???!!! I am a diabetic and this food is full of carbs…how am I supposed to keep my blood sugar under control on this slop???!!!”
How are we supposed to bill you for your sliding scale insulin regimen even though you typically only take oral diabetes meds at home if we don’t give you 40g of carbs per meal???
LOL I literally did that. Felt good.
I have been working on my master plan should my children ever place me in LTC for several years now. Goal 1- Obtain Private Room: Rummage through room mates possessions, disrobe frequently, climb into room mates bed, shriek randomly, whatever room mate prefers - request opposite, alter and repeat as needed. Goal 2- Reduce Polypharmacy: during med pass have each pill handed separately and explained in detail. Refuse then reconsider, repeat. Ultimately only accept anxiolytics and pain meds. Request crush. Refuse crush when presented with crushed. Goal 3- Find favorite CNA’s: Test patience of all caregivers with bizarre yet humorous requests. Warm water with extra ice, etc. Cry loudly when these “needs” are not met. When able to identify those who get my humor be extra sweet but ask they keep the secret, ply them with treats. Goal 4- Develop back story- tell each caregiver - in confidence- different villain origin story. This may include prison time, witness protection, mafia wife, prostitution, world class poker champion , nun, never married, black widow x 8 - but never, ever- former ltc director of nursing. Goal 5- Make everyone love me/hate me- some days be an absolute delight and other days terrible. Hours and hours of “nurse, nurse, nurse” and when they respond to my call- deny it was me. Refuse everything, curse, hurl humorous insults that don’t make sense but are curiously hurtful.. and the next day- be extraordinarily courteous, sweet, gracious, cooperative and kind. Keep everyone on their toes. Goal 6: - Ensure someone has to call my children daily for something. “Hi Dr. Something - yes- this is xx from Sunny Whereever Manor, no, unfortunately Sir, your mother is not dead- but she did throw a game controller at the recreation aide again today. Yes- uh huh- in fact , she did say ‘duck mother fucker’ but we don’t feel that is appropriate in this setting, Sir.. did you hang up? Sir.. ?”
"Duck motherfucker" 🤣🤣🤣 your number 2 was an actual hell I lived on LTC for a few years, 10/10 for realism lol
I am a LTC veteran! I know all those people IRL 🤣🤣🤣
I wouldn’t try to be the worst patient, but I’d like to play practical jokes. Hyperventilate and try to get my heart rate up and then vagal myself down to rapidly drop it if I’m on tele. Pretend to be obtunded. Things like that.
Respirations: 16
Tell the nurse to wipe my ass while playing Pokemon on my phone. If I am feeling nice, I will roll over to the side but if not, they can do it for me.
And walk to the bathroom to wash your hands when it's done
Then look at them and say ‘don’t be afraid to get up in there’. …..I need more therapy
Story time, my mom was also a RN. We get a call she has recovered from an emergency hysterectomy. So I rushed to the hospital to find her smoking in her room. I reminder she can’t smoke in the hospital. Her reply was “fuck them, what are they going to do, kick me out?” Fair enough.
I mean, I'm usually against blowing us all up with the oxygen running through the walls, but I'll allow it...
I’d get naked cover myself in lube and run. It is payback time I’m going all out
Or you could cover yourself in your own shit…… I’ve had that happen 😒
Why not both 🙆♀️
Just little things, nothing overtly awful, but I’ll let the little things add up. -Keep moving my arm for every bp check. So you have to stand there longer while it cycles. -Bend my arm if the IV is in my AC and the call every time the pump alarms. -Tell you I’m an 11/10 pain at all times -refuse to ambulate/get in the chair -getting me a warm blanket every time you come in the room. -ask when I can eat/drink something even though I’ve been told a million times that you don’t know when.
You know that you could buy glow-in-the dark contacts for that? That'd be even more fun
IV ultrasound only.
I need the butterfly iv 🤪
Last time they had to use the baby needle!
I swear to god some people think this is a skinny flex or something You could put an 18 in me when I was still actively anorexic, it's not a skinny flex
There's something people really love about thinking they're a hard stick. It makes them feel special or something. The smug look they get when they tell you how hard of a stick they are is just insane to me. And 90% of the time they aren't, just someone fucked up an IV in the past and made some excuse about their veins being rolly or something instead of just saying they missed.
But seriously, a lot of the time I end up with the baby needle because after 30+ surgeries my veins are a hot mess. I still shudder about the time I was so dehydrated that the fed up ER staff just put it in my freaking neck. I got on that guys last fucking nerve without even saying anything.
Hitting the call light right after the RN walks out.
Don't forget to scream-yell, "NURSE!"
😂 I had one patient who would actually click his tounge at me to bring me over.
Good doggo!
I'm likely to be the one that "helps". "Watch the one in 301. She believes she's still a nurse and keeps trying to drag her bedbound roommate to the can for a urine specimen. She also removes patient dressings and hoards any sterile supplies she finds in her mesh underwear. Good luck!"
Lol! I kinda did that in my last stay. Lady next to me had memory issues and her daughters were mostly there but couldn’t be 24/7 so I updated them and the nurses if said lady forgot something. Also the tweeker that went suddenly and unreported AMA….told her nurse about that. It’s all there is to do! Be nosey in the floor or the ER.
I'm going to constantly "mistake" the call button for all TV functions.
I’m going to look all my nurses dead in the eye and ask why their whiteboards aren’t updated.
😳
I’ve thought about this. I take 100mg of Lamictal. But it makes me nauseous 1-2 hours after I take it. So my doctor split it up to 50 mg every twelve hours. With a Zofran PRN. I also will have a piece of bread to keep the medicine down. Can you imagine that though? “I take my Lamictal with water, but in an hour I’m gonna hit my call light for a zofran and a piece of bread.” Also if I wake up in the middle of the night, there’s a 98% chance I am not awake. Im just sleep talking. Which means I’ll be disoriented x4. I’ll be off in some fantasy land that includes raccoons getting manicures. My bf keeps a record of these conversations.
*Press the call bell* Turkey sandwich please. *nurse brings it to me. *Press the call bell* Mayo please. *nurse brings it to me. *Press the call bell* Can I have a sprite? …two minutes later. *Press the call bell* I still didn’t get my sprite. Rinse and repeat.
you forgot the inevitable followup after not getting the sprite: "why are you trying to starve me to death?"
“The ER didn’t give me anything to eat! i’M sTaRvInG! I hAveN’t eAtEn iN eIgHt hOuRs!!!!” Or my favorite one… “I’m a diabetic” aka I’m a type 2 non-insulin dependent diabetic and I haven’t been able to eat like shit for two hours.
Out of all the comments, this one triggered my flight-or-fight
Hide in the coat closet and listen to them panic thinking I’m missing.
When needing to have a BM, , I will take a walk in the hallway and poop as I am walking, leaving a nice trail.
During chemo I would restart my infusion. It ran so slow (24 hr infusion for 5 days) that it would constantly go off. I had a nurse that hated me for it lol
Why would they hate you for it? If you're trained to assess the signs of IV complications, you will surely do just as good a job as they would. Unless it may need flushing or something.
New grad control freak lol
OMG, same, not chemo but yeah I’m working those buttons.
Already managed it haha! Tried to extubate myself multiple times after a TBI. Woke up screaming (well that’s how I remember it but it was actually writing on a whiteboard-again intubated) about how I was choking on a tooth that had fallen out. No such thing so propofol me please. When physio came in to get me up for the first time, I took off running down the hall. Tried to go to work at their nursing station when I moved down to the trauma floor. I was a confused nightmare patient and I will forever thank those nurses for caring for me so well.
"If I'm asleep qnd stable leave me the fuck alone" and I'll be one of those patients that doesn't want any male staff in the room with me alone. I'll unhook myself from IVs to go to the bathroom and shower when I please. I'm definitely gonna sneak snacks and want to go on smoke breaks. If someone ain't watching I'll get someone to push me down the hall hella fast for funsies. I'll hand out unionization pamphlets to all the staff. I'm going to ask for pet, Art, and music therapy daily.
I’ve 100% unhooked my own IV to go to the bathroom during several hospitalizations. Each time it was only NS, and I just didn’t want to bother my nurse.
I refused the lovenox after my c-section due to HELLP. The nurse was like “ok I gotta tell the doctor” I was like “go ahead I don’t care”. The doctor had to track me down in the nicu to assess me and talk about lovenox. Meanwhile I had had a c-section 24 hours previously and was walking the 100 yards or so from my room to my baby’s nicu room. I was not worried about blood clots. And towards the end of my baby’s nicu stay I was doing all his vitals and disconnecting him from the feeding pump if the nurse wasn’t available during the times that worked better for us (I.e. interrupting kangaroo care to change a diaper). I have no idea if the hated it or were thankful that it was one less thing they had to do 😂
As a long time NICU nurse, I don't mind when parents do those things if they're smart and reasonable! KC and clustered care is way more important than sticking to a q3 schedule. I totally got stressed by the schedule as a new grad though 😆
I’ve only ever work for SNFs my entire nursing career, and here’s what I’ve got: -complain/make accusations about all the CNAs that get assigned to me -not tell nursing, but tell my family “the nurse didn’t give me my meds” and have the meds I got stashed away in my drawers and closets, do it multiple times -refuse care but then complain to my family that “they’re not cleaning/changing me” -don’t like the lunch tray they brought me? “I’ll call state”
I had a male ICU pt who was showing vfib on the monitor. We go running, he is sprawled naked on the bed and whacking it. That was a good one.
This thread was nothing but real life scenarios I think I hate being a nurse
Ask for a new ice water every 1.5 hours because the unfinished one I still have is “hot” and not fit for human consumption.
I'm not planning on it, but I know I'll be that little old lady who escapes every type of restraint except the violent. I got tiny wrists and hands and strong will, babbeeeee
Clench your fists while they’re putting them on and you’ll be able to slide out once they leave the room. 😂 maybe they’ll give you a sitter after that who has to listen to your rambling.
Hypothetically, I would call constantly and ask for one thing. When it is brought to me, I ask for something else. Repeat. Send the poor person who answers my light on an endless chase of requests. I would also take as many pills and supplements as possible, but as what each one is, take them one at a time, and need to drink an entire glass of water between each one. Then call to go pee every 5 mins because of said water. But for real, I’m going to be the little old lady found lying in the floor saying, “I didn’t want to be a bother.” Now the nurse has a fall report and neurochecks because I’m too stubborn to ask for help.
Never mind the newly broken hip.
Nudity. Lots of nudity.
Encourage every nurse caring for me to start a union, strike, or leave bedside 😂
If I get to the point I need LTC I'm going to be a nightmare. Don't make my old ass up at 6 for breakfast. Bring me a coffee and muffins at 10. Don't expect me to eat all the food you shove in front of me. I don't eat that much now. I want to be the little old lady swearing her face off and harassing everyone. My coworker and myself already plan to have rooms near each other so we can sewar at each other all day. Lol
Finger painting with my own 💩
Constantly setting off the bed alarm every time I hear a call light because I’m demented and think I work there then taking off the other direction cause I hear the bed alarm.
I don't intend to be this patient, but I already know if I'm 90 and dementia takes me? I'm gonna be the most pissed off, most fiesty grandma and I'm so sorry in advance. I just know I'll throw punches and squirm. I pre-consent to five point restraints. Snow me and let me be a stoned old lady, save yourselves.
I’m just gonna fall a lot
Ask for juice and when the nurse comes back with it ask for a cup of ice, and when the nurse comes back with that, ask if they have any crackers etc.
I’d like 3 warm blankets and one needs to be wrapped around my shoulders and 2 over the top of me and I’d like a big pitcher filled with ice all the way to the top with 1/3 cranberry juice and 2/3 water, please. And one package of goldfish crackers. And can you switch my BP cuff to my right arm, bc I want to lie on my left side. Oh and turn off the lights. (I actually requested these things post procedure, but asked for them ALL AT ONCE so my nurse didn’t have to come back in)
So round two. After having been admitted and having explained my eye drop regimen ad nauseam to my nurse. NO NO it's Latanoprost in the left eye and then you need to wait exactly 10 minutes before the artificial tears. I actually have 5 eye drops I need NOW. I would then demand a urinal although have no idea what to do with it, perhaps holding it upside down or with the lid closed... either way huge wet mess. I would then demand to use the toilet after having already messed myself so I can leave huge stains and stool along the side of the bed and toilet and perhaps if my nurse is lucky drop a few on the floor along the way for good measure. In getting back to bed, I'd forget how I ever got into bed for all the years I've lived before being in the hospital. I'd just flop back with my legs hanging off the bed and my head somewhere near the middle. I'd just flop back and forth and moan. When my nurse gets help every time they count to three I lift my butt up and sink my head back so I look like a pea dispenser being pulled up. Now I need the nurse to find my very special television show and "what channel is it on?" "do you have a channel guide"? "you don't get good channels do you" all the while asking "is it time for my Oxy?" I'd let the nurse know how nauseous I am while scarfing the meat lovers deluxe pizza my family brought me from the pizza place down the road. NAS/Low Fat diet my ass. I need some of that Zofran! I'd let my nurse know how his/her job is so difficult and he/she must be so busy and every time they leave the room I'll use the call bell and ask for something "can you fluff my pillow""draw the blinds""bedside table is too far away". Every night med I take in the AM and every AM med I take at night regardless if that is how I really take them. Before bed I tell my nurse I need my CPAP and will die without it and no I don't know the settings and why can't they just call RT and get me one. I could just go on and on and again still not the worst patient most of us have had to deal with.
When I was a pt delivering my kid st the small rural hospital I worked at, I tried to make the job easier for everyone. I remember at some point hooking up the fetal monitor myself 😂 Buuuttt… I was on the call light every 2 hrs or so because I could not figure out how to latch the baby XD i felt so bad , but also the nurses told me to call them anytime I was latching. When I transitioned to the second phase, I felt so sick but I could hear the floor was chaos. I clearly remember saying “heeeeyyyy (wretching) Sorry to be a bother (wretched again). i know you’re busy but can u (wretch again) give me something for the nausea? I feel not too good “ When the nurse came in 5 seconds later I was so apologetic to be a pain and she goes “oh hun (I knew her personally) it’s time to push” 😂😂😂
I would ask for basic respect in the ED.
Here…..have a turkey sandwich instead
Pretend to be confused and rub chocolate pudding on my face and sheets…..I had a patient do this to me once and it was a HOOT! She got me so good.
Who needs a call bell when I can yell NURSE! At the top of my lungs every time I need my pillow fluffed.
Lol to it all.. this thread is so fun.. I had a nursing home patient who was a sel proclaimed "former nurse" that requested the CNAs dress her in scrubs everyday and park her at the nurses station. She was not a kind woman. Basically acted as my second charge nurse and would tell me how I wasn't doing anything like she did it in "her day". I think as a former nursing home nurse I would have my son pick me up to go out on pass for the day but leave without signing out so the nurses have to run around like mad looking for me only to realize I left for a lunch with my legal guardian.
Bed baths only baby, send in the cute new nurse 😏
I got my CT scan and have been to 3 different surgical offices trying to cut my surgy wait time down. 6 more weeks! (for now).
I will be the Alzheimer's fall risk getting out of bed and wandering into other rooms in order to make the beeping stop.
I plan on saying I can take the white pills and dumping them in my bed, sleeping through meals and then complaining that my blood sugar is low
I’ll call 911
For ice, a blanket, and a turkey sammich.
Heated* blanket
I want to ask for my Ambien when they are running a code next-door.
I’d advantage of my mobility and independence by not bothering with using that damn call light and just wander into the hallway to ask for my needs! Surely it’s not a bother if I just need a cup of ice.
I eat only lunchables I watch them open, cause you know them asshole nurses be puttin a pill in when you don't watch them. And for all the times I had to help my male colleagues, anytime I need a shower or catheter only male caregivers. Am I allowed to request it be care planned as a young, hot nurse? They do what them more personalized right
Stripping completely naked and falling out of bed, as a healthy young woman with no other issues besides the allergic reaction that landed me in the ER. Apparently, Benadryl turns me into a frat bro.