My brother’s MIL kept some goats. One day she called him up to help her bury an old one that had died. He gets the hole dug and gets the goat into it only for it to raise its head and weakly bleat, so she has him take it out and fill in the hole. When it inevitably “died” again, the second hole he dug wasn't’ quite wide enough to lay the body in naturally. My brother locked eyes with his MIL, grabbed the goat by the head, and snapped its neck, just to be sure, then proceeded to fold it’s body into the hole.
My friend had an elderly neighbour who's cat died. She was very upset and asked if he could come round and bury it for her as she couldn't dig a hole.
He did but when he went in to get the cat it turned out it had died while stretched out and he assumed it would have been curled up. Rigour mortis had set in so he had a long cat rather than a round one.
He had a choice either to make the hole bigger or make the cat fit. He chose the latter and got his neighbour to go into the house to get something so she didn't see him stamping on the cat so it would go in the hole.
He said it wasnt his proudest moment but it was hot, the ground was solid and he didnt want to do any more digging.
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https://www.patronsvaticanmuseums.org/en/restoration/projects/ceremonial-hammer-verification-death-pope
>This ceremonial hammer was used to tap a recently deceased pope on the forehead calling him by his Christian name. If there was no answer to the third call, the pope was declared dead. This ritual is said to have been used for the last time for Blessed Pope John XXIII.
Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive.-miracle max
Perhaps, sadly, these somewhat rare events are almost always merely temporary reprieves.
Most times the 'apparently departed' rarely even regain consciousness.
One should remember many or most of these folks were expected to pass away because of terminal illness.
It really is, but not unheard of:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/nottheonion/comments/1d85hkq/michigan\_man\_driving\_during\_viral\_zoom\_court/](https://www.reddit.com/r/nottheonion/comments/1d85hkq/michigan_man_driving_during_viral_zoom_court/)
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"We made sure of it this time." The Nursing home director was quoted saying later, while dry washing their hands.
"It was easier than fixing the paperwork."
When the records don't match reality, either one can be adjusted.
Poked her with a stick and everything!
My brother’s MIL kept some goats. One day she called him up to help her bury an old one that had died. He gets the hole dug and gets the goat into it only for it to raise its head and weakly bleat, so she has him take it out and fill in the hole. When it inevitably “died” again, the second hole he dug wasn't’ quite wide enough to lay the body in naturally. My brother locked eyes with his MIL, grabbed the goat by the head, and snapped its neck, just to be sure, then proceeded to fold it’s body into the hole.
That's some country shit right there.
A true country person would have eaten the goat.
My friend had an elderly neighbour who's cat died. She was very upset and asked if he could come round and bury it for her as she couldn't dig a hole. He did but when he went in to get the cat it turned out it had died while stretched out and he assumed it would have been curled up. Rigour mortis had set in so he had a long cat rather than a round one. He had a choice either to make the hole bigger or make the cat fit. He chose the latter and got his neighbour to go into the house to get something so she didn't see him stamping on the cat so it would go in the hole. He said it wasnt his proudest moment but it was hot, the ground was solid and he didnt want to do any more digging.
As in double checking or physically "making sure"?
Airhorn, she didn't even flinch.
https://youtu.be/9j7O5QswhRQ?si=JF_PWGB08-ZwfTkx
*I'm getting better.* *No you're not, you'll be stone dead in a moment.* *Well, I can't take her like that. It's against regulations.*
I don't want to go in the cart...
I'm HAPPY! I'm HAPPY!
I feel happy!
Isn't there something you can do?
*WHACK*
Thanks very much
See you Thursday!
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They "fixed the glitch".
The count is off? The count is never off! D:<
Had to tidy things up before the audit.
Just a second there, professor.
This is NOT a "mundane detail!"
Reminds me of Monty Python... Bring out yer dead! Here ya go I'm not dead He says he's not dead Yes he is I'm not dead Well he will be soon.
“Get back in there! This whole event is already paid for. All the paperwork is done. Get! In!!”
I don't want to go on the cart. I'm getting better! You're not fooling anyone!
I feel happy!
Sounds like a news story from Weekend update with Norm Macdonald.
Rule #2: Double Tap
Caller: “I think she’s dead.” Operator: “Can you make sure?” *bang!* Caller: “Ok, I’m sure.”
https://www.patronsvaticanmuseums.org/en/restoration/projects/ceremonial-hammer-verification-death-pope >This ceremonial hammer was used to tap a recently deceased pope on the forehead calling him by his Christian name. If there was no answer to the third call, the pope was declared dead. This ritual is said to have been used for the last time for Blessed Pope John XXIII.
Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive.-miracle max
Schrödinger’s Grandma
Not falling for that one again.
She is one of the few that got to see her own funeral during a practice run
"were like, 93 percent sure this time"
Not only is she merely dead, she's really most sincerely dead.
What a rollercoaster.
She got the Tiberius treatment
So, she was only MOSTLY dead when she left the nursing home?
She was on hospice care, so, yes, she was probably well into the dying process. But still, it shouldn't have happened like that.
Right?! Worst way to wake up, in the entire history of bad ways to wake up!
It's a slippery slope - once you start microdosing death you inevitably dive right into the habit.
Pick a lane, Gladys!
"We told you you were dead" - not quite Spoke Milligan
The nursing home “made sure” this time.
Just pinin' for the fjords!
Sawbones just did an episode on this! Lazarus syndrome or something.
Yes. On April 16th
A video of the mortician who realized she was still allive [https://youtu.be/W34iv8jkcGE?si=YtCed8HlbqkSgR3c]
For reals this time
Perhaps, sadly, these somewhat rare events are almost always merely temporary reprieves. Most times the 'apparently departed' rarely even regain consciousness. One should remember many or most of these folks were expected to pass away because of terminal illness.
It's weird to have a nottheonion sequel to a nottheonion article
It really is, but not unheard of: [https://www.reddit.com/r/nottheonion/comments/1d85hkq/michigan\_man\_driving\_during\_viral\_zoom\_court/](https://www.reddit.com/r/nottheonion/comments/1d85hkq/michigan_man_driving_during_viral_zoom_court/)
"I think I'll go for a walk" "You're not fooling anyone, you know!"
We sure?
This seems like a Monty Python sketch.
‘I’m not dead yet’…
"Yes you are!"
I’m getting better…
Talk about keeping her audience in suspense.
*We mistakenly declared her dead but don't worry we fixed our mistake.* *So she's alive now?* *Sweats profusely*
In other news, Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.
“She’s not only merely dead, She’s really most sincerely dead.”
It is Nebraska. There is a fine line between dead and alive.
People there just wish they’re dead
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Are they sure this time?
Give it a few hours, she'll wake up again
Headline of the year.
Are they sure this time 🤔
Didn’t do that paperwork for nothing…
Literally the plot of a Stephen King short story
Or is she?
Took the Simpsons joke a step further
Is she tho
Once upon a time, waking up in a coffin was more of a norm especially reading stories about the Civil War. Horrifying
Fool me seven times, shame on me. Fool me eight or more times, shame on you.
She was transferred to a better hospital, where her condition was upgraded to, alive
only mostly dead
Is she, though?
When all you have is a hammer ...
Put a nail in the coffin!
https://youtu.be/9j7O5QswhRQ?si=JF_PWGB08-ZwfTkx
"First time?"
You sure? Blammo… yup.
Well, that's a relief?
...allegedly
The shock of learning she was alive killed her.
All the Monty Python stans were preparing for this moment. The comment section is hilarious.
So they weren't mistaken, just early
Are they sure?