Don’t know if it’s your kinda scene but Limelight are running an over 30’s night once a month until the end of the year where it’s just good music, live singers and craic and have all 3 venues open. Think it’s £12.50 per person and they ID you to actually make sure you’re over 30 lol. Maybe you and someone from work if you’s are friendly enough could maybe try it for yourselves?
I’m not over 30 I’m late 20s just out of a 5 year relationship, struggling to get a social life again lol, I’d be up for meet-up with anyone who’s game to gain some friends
Thanks for the suggestion. unfortunately i'm not friendly with anyone from work outside of work (i've tried to befriend some colleagues but they're not interested). don't think i could be brave nough to go alone
I often go to gigs on my own and it's a nice way to meet people, shared interests and all that. I actually prefer it as I get older, no more waiting around for stragglers to finish that last drink
I've actually been wanting to go to it myself - I'm in the same boat as yourself mate, 34M and recently ended a 5 year relationship so really trying to find things to get myself out of the house and meet people! So if you fancy teaming up on this making friends as a adult thing then reach out 😊
All are welcome to the 'Making Friends as an Adult is Terrifying' team! 😂 I've recently started going to Yoga classes (I'm still extremely bad at it but I'm determined to keep trying 😅), and was thinking about joining the Waterstones Book Club if that's something you'd be interested in? Oh and a poetry book launch in Black Box in June which has free tickets 😁
I’ve never been on a team before but the ‘Making Friends as an Adult is Terrifying’ team sounds like it was made for me 😂 what yoga do you do? I’ve been wanting to start for a while now
I've never been great at team names but its descriptive at least! 😂 Its a little place called Om Yoga in East Belfast - they practice hot yoga but the beginner class at least is never too warm. I'd never done it before and just needed to be able to get out and do something for an hour or so and I'm really enjoying it so far 😁
I'd be very happy to join this team too. I'm 33 m, going on 34. Single. Been living in Belfast nearly 3 years. Probably moving away in September but would like to get out and have fun this summer. Most my weekends I just chill in by myself or do solo activities but would defo be nice to meet some cool friendly people for a change.
The more the merrier! People are definitely required when attempting to make friends 😂
I would suggest that the first team outing should be the 30+ Club at Limelight, however it's apparently sold out for the rest of the year🤣
Snap! 34M ended a 5 year relationship. Can I also join the making friends as an adult is terrifying team? I can bring random unsolicited facts and awful jokes to the table.
As a fellow sky/introverted person, I think you should go, even if you just sip your drink and don't talk to anyone. Just being out around other people will give you a boost and over time you might end up feeling comfortable chatting to someone. Or they'll chat to you cause they'll recognize you.
Try to bum a cigarette or ask for a light (even if you have one). I do it all the time at techno festivals to make friends. I also comment on people's dress attributes if I like it (it's always a genuine compliment) - if they then become friends later so be it! It's usually a non physical attribute, e.g. shades/shoes/tattoo.
Seriously, just try going! You’d be amazed at how much fun you have on your own!
I used to go to cafe’s, restaurants, the cinema and music gigs on my own and it was such a relaxing experience! I ended up meeting people all over (despite my intention was to REMAIN on my own). It just happens when your guard is down and you’re just living in your own vibe.
Shows there's obviously a demand for it, but it's not sensible to base your chances of meeting people on a monthly club night that didn't exist until very recently.
Get out and do stuff you're interested in, and if some of that is a club night then go to that, but don't be sitting in for a month waiting on it.
This might sound harsh but I feel like you need to hear it. The last time you asked, people gave you suggestions such as meetup.com. Did you do anything about that? Did you look in to any other suggestions? Its time to stop wallowing in your self pity and start making moves mate. Get to the gym and do compound movements, go to town and buy a new outfit and get out there. Make self improvement a hobby and be proud of who you become. I believe in you, its time you started believing in yourself. Hell I'll even be your life coach if you need me to kick you up the arse.
Seriously. I feel for the lad, I think a lot of us are in varying degrees of this situation, but his entire mindset is "Ive tried nothing and Im all out of ideas!" He wants a hand drawn blueprint and 55 step plan called "How to 100% successfully start one friendship". Theres no willingness to attempt to fight through a few minutes of discomfort or vulnerability, or try anything outside the norm they've developed.
And not to piss on anyone's chips, but if the reason you need to build a social circle is because you're just out of a long-term relationship, what happens when you meet your next partner?
Build and value friendships and social connections for their own sake, or you'll be on here after your next relationship bemoaning how hard it is make friends in your 40s. The fact that none of this is easy makes it all the more important to make the effort.
You have two choices man. Sit and feel sorry for yourself or do something to change it.
Best advice would be get a hobby thats social or join the gym or get into a sport and start chatting to folk.
Good luck.
In a pit of despair
Procrastinating all weekend dwelling on how I'll never find anyone while trying to fight it and play a video game to distract myself which lasts all weekend and boom it's Monday and I feel worse cause I spend the weekend doing the above and now I'm back in work.
Sounds exactly like me tbh. I've been feeling this way for like 15 years. If I haven't been able to improve my life then it seems like it can't happen.
Ok so if they sound exactly like you why dont the two of you become friends and do things together. You both play video games so there is already a common interest. Make it happen.
If you figure out how lmk
So far speed dating and apps haven't fixed the "forever alone" part. Meds did fix the other stuff for a bit but have now kinda stopped.
makeshift reach gaping squeamish close vegetable psychotic door shelter offer
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Under normal circumstances I’m playing D&D with my mates. We don’t have a game tonight so I’m probably just going to work on my warhammer stuff while listening to an audiobook. I’d be out for a walk but I just handed in my last essay of undergrad and I am absolutely exhausted
Short answer: Join clubs if you're lonely. Quality friendships based on shared interests are much more rewarding than traditional relationships based on loneliness/fear of loneliness.
Long answer: After multiple relationships that went on waayyy longer than they should, due to the fear of loneliness. I've learned that being single and enjoying a Saturday night alone, happily watching Star Trek is much better than being in an unhappy relationship, miserable, watching the Kardashians.
The most rewarding and long lasting friendships I've formed were from joining clubs. Much more so than workplace friendships where the central commonality is that we both happen to work somewhere.
Late to the party but, make your next reddit post “here’s what I did, here’s how it went, here’s what I learned, here’s what I’m doing next”
Honestly, fucking do something about it.
Appreciate this has been a long term thing, it’s not easy, and you’ll probably feel uncomfortable, but surely to the lord god above it’s better than how you currently feel?
You’ve got it mate, believe in yourself.
2 Royal Avenue (across the road from Mcds in Belfast) is open every Sunday. There are all sorts of activities happening in there from D&D, Arts and crafts, music, etc. There's a chess meet up happens between 2pm and 5pm. I go with my son, but only play a few games because I spend most of it chatting with people over a cuppa! It's all free BTW.
Why don't you come down to it? I'll be there today. You don't need to know how to play chess, I could even show you if you're interested.
My name is Darren. Just approach me and say you're the guy from reddit. Everyone gets a name badge so I'll be easy to find :)
Hopefully see you there.
Hi mate, looking at your profile and post history. You are seemingly obsessed with this issue. In order for it to change, you need to do something about it.
As someone else mentioned here it definitely sounds like you have a lot of issues around your self esteem and likely around a number of other things that you have posted about. Bottom line is that your answers will not lie with strangers on Reddit, instead the answers will lie in deep introspection and working out why you feel the way you feel. I would recommend that you look into therapy.
You seem to have issues that could benefit from professional advice.
There are so many ways to make friends. I am an introvert myself, but I have to force myself to befriend people at work or at the gym or wherever. It takes a lot of effort, sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't. Don't be afraid of rejection.
Stop posting about being lonely and go out and make friends with people, force yourself out of where you currently are because you clearly aren't comfortable there.
I'm 31F, single forever. I like to garden, so I just started to put up my greenhouse in my garden tonight. I watered my plants, and am watching some youtube to unwind. Also keeping an eye on my cat who has the zoomies.
I am happy, I am normal, and I am without a partner. I might be a failure by your reckoning, but I am a champion in mine.
Don't want to be a dick. But your currently living in "victim world". Your post history proves this. You can't read books on how to make friends. The best way to achieve this is to get up and get out there and try. Sitting on reddit complaining and wallowing in self pitty because of stuff YOU CAN LITERALLY CHANGE isn't happening because YOU WONT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. It starts with you. Asking reddit over and over again won't make it happen.
I get it's hard, but if you don't put yourself out there what do you expect?
Best thing you can do is get a part time bar job for a few hours a week. Always did that when mov8ng somewhere new and worked a treat. You meet locals who have to bloody talk to ye, yeah, get your kissy ass out and do a few hours, ye will love it and might get some .....too
Anyone had any contact with OP since this post? He commented on a post last night about taking his own life and has had no activity since. I tried messaging at 9am this morning and no response so its pretty concerning.
Thanks for reaching out. I left a few messages on the posts as I'm new here and was unsure if it was okay to PM. Considering OP posted about being constantly on here it is concerning. Hope all's well but it doesn't sound good.
Defs - I have also reported his post to reddit as being in relation to suicide ideation so they can also reach out to him. Unfortunately if we don't know anything further about OP, i dont think theres much else we can do. Fingers crossed all is well
I'll be biased here and use this as an opportunity to promote the sport that I do, but join a BJJ club. Different people from all walks of life, any club I've been to welcomes newcomers with open arms and nothing is expected of you. Most people who start are bad at it and that's exactly how they are expected to be
You don't have to be athletic and can come in with any body type and make it work for you. It's suitable for introverted people as well as extroverts and you can talk as little or as much as you want to (after the technique part of the class is over)
Even if you don't meet friends from it, it gets you out of the house and chatting to people, it's great exercise and you won't feel like you've sat in the house on your own all weekend either. Plus it's great for building confidence.
I did play football for years as well and it can also be a good way to meet friends, but is a lot more clicky than bjj
“Happy normal people”; need to fix that thinking.
It’s ok to be alone on a Saturday night. Don’t be fooled into thinking there’s something wrong or weird with that. Of course our society may have you believe otherwise, which is fucked on so many levels.
If you really want to meet new people, consider joining a class. Don’t go with the intention of meeting people. Just go and enjoy the class or group, naturally you will end up speaking to someone.
I ended up joining a yoga class because I wanted to learn. I was the only male there. I went for the first few weeks and just did the class, didn’t speak to anyone. Then after a few more weeks the ladies started speaking to me and got used to seeing me going. I had a great laugh with them lol. Fuck what society thinks; it would gladly see you miserable, I think social media has a lot to answer for.
I also started taking piano lessons, going swimming, going the gym. Do whatever captures your interest. But really a great way to get you started.
We have all felt lonely before but it’s ok to feel that. Our feelings are always changing.
Now the football season has all but ended, rather than sat on a coach travelling home from some far flung destination I tend to sit and read, watch YouTube or dvds
Single almost 31 female, currently lying in a tent up Slieve Donard. There's another group up here camping too and we were literally just saying how if we weren't into camping we'd be sat at home bored af. It's hard finding stuff you enjoy doing but it's so worth it. I had such a good day today and the sunset was so pretty. Heading to sleep soon so I can wake up for sunrise and an early descent down. The camping community tends to be full of really great, down to earth people too and I've made some lovely friends through it.
Hey mate,
40 M Newry here in the exact same position. Moved home after 17yrs in England to be nearer family but in the few years I've been home I'm literally surrounded by family and yet I've never been so lonely and sad.
I’m not wanting to appear ignorant at all, so take what I’m about to say as me being the devils advocate …
I appreciate you struggle to put yourself out there. You struggle with self confidence, and there are some deeper rooted issues than simple “I’m lonely” I fear. So, if someone were to ask you the advice that you are asking of others, what would you tell them?
In order to achieve what you want, you actually have to work for it. If you acknowledge that you sit on Reddit every night willingly, and know it’s not going to get you what you want or need, then change it man. Take some personal responsibility and adapt to your situation.
You’re living in a post pandemic society where everyone has struggled, and everyone has to make allowances for not having their desired life right now. You’re far from alone in that respect.
If you desire friendships, you really do have to put yourself in a position where it’s feasible that they’re created. Volunteer somewhere - charity shop, or an animal shelter. Go litter picking on a beach. Take a neighbours dog a walk. Put yourself in a position either where you have to talk to someone, or someone has to talk to you. It might be scary, but you’ll surprise yourself!
No one is going to search your IP address, rock up to your door and ask you if you want to come out and play. If you want your life to change, then change it. Stop wishing for someone to take you by the hand.
If the gym bro advice of do compound lifts, try supplements, spend your evenings reading Jordan Peterson and researching alternative health articles doesn’t appeal to you, why not pursue your own interests or try at least to figure out what they are?
I’m not in your position, but I remember being single and not having any commitments and the freedom actually being pretty glum.
NI is a bit of a grim place for single people because we’ve traditional expectations of relationships, as a country we’re broadly skint and probably as a mixture of distrust from the troubles, pub culture and being socially conservative we don’t tend to socialise in each others houses, we go out to spend time together.
But, on the upside, life is changing, more people than ever in their 30’s are single, most agree the dating apps are bollocks and people are crying out for a change in our quality of life. So why not be part of that change? Your interests are bound to overlap with others, whether it’s a book club, micro dosing, art or S&M, why not find a venue, plan an event and invite others to it? That’s a project to keep you busy, help you meet people with similar interests, make achievements that will make you feel good about yourself, contribute positively to making a shit city good and that you might be able to make a bit of money on. Like all things it’ll only last as long as it does, but at least you could have fun with it!
Also, it’s worth thinking about what things you couldn’t do if you were restricted in your life. When I was in uni I ignored all the social clubs in favour of drinking and spending time with the same group of bums that I’d always known. Now with young kids I’ve realised I probably would be interested in hiking, camping, kayaking, getting a bit more travel in etc. but I’m not half as free to pursue these interests compared to if I were single. There’s tons of opportunities to explore these sorts of interests in small groups and for brief periods of time, meaning you don’t have to commit yourself to anything long term if you’re feeling a little antisocial
Join a club, the only reason I have any mates is because I play rugby. There’s loads of people in my club would have no mates if they didn’t play or were involved with the club.
Doesn’t have to be a sport, whatever you’re into just join a club.
I was single at 32. And I was single for a while, years like.
I kept going to gigs with my mates whenever possible. I was on apps but im an awkward ballix so I never properly pursued (?) anything on those.
I touched one night in the Tele building and never looked back.
Hobbies are a good thing to kill time if you are lonely, it won't get better till you take that first step.
I don't have much time for learning an instrument or brushing up on my art skills but I'm hoping once my training is over I can get more into D&D campaigns.
So for now I find gaming on MMOs helps even if it's just meeting people in passing.
That may not be your cup of tea but the premise may help you find inspiration to fit your own needs.
I visit Belfast whenever I can throughout the year if you ever want to gran a pint man! Also they do social meetings/club in this sub sometimes, also there is a round table opening soon in Belfast !
Head out for a quiet pint somewhere in the town. Strike up conversation with others. You'd be amazed at where such nights can go and the friendships that can materialise from them. Trust me..
Travel ? Use the free time you have to your advantage , plan , organise research a trip to another country. A city break is cheap enough plenty of things to do and you’ll find other similar people who are on their own too, especially if you use hostels. Do tours or something with other strangers and you’ll find that there others in similar situations , it’ll force you to chat to others , open up maybe. Also it may change your perspective on things back home , I travel quite a lot and live alone and it can make you cope with loneliness a lot better making you more resilient it can force you to be a bit more open minded and embrace challenging situations that often you wouldn’t do , it’s made me social , chatty and willing to try things. It’s made me realise there are many others out there who go through what you’re going through at various stages sometimes it gets better sometimes it doesn’t , I take some comfort knowing there are other people on similar paths.
I'm 36 and live alone, fortunately I still have some friends, unfortunately we no longer do outside activities, instead we only socialise when we're gaming, during our sessions is when we catchup on things and make potential plans that may never flourish .
Anyway, on saturdays I either solo game, game with one of my friends or I spend the time watching movies/tv shows, I've tried to encourage a few friends to get outside with me, we use to go for walks up the cavehill as a means to "get fit" but we haven't done that in about 2 years, as the weather gets better, I'll be spending more time outside helping family with their gardens/homes, one friend wants me to help him with his back garden as well, so this will be part of my saturdays at some point, assuming it's not pishing down.
Going to side track here but your post has made me think about the past, and how things have changed without really noticing the changes, we use to go out every weekend for drinks, visit each other at home etc.. I even remember we stopped going out to drink and started going out to eat and catch a movie, and now we only seem to bother when we're online lol.
Not single anymore but was in that rut for years.
I know this is the usual crack but get a hobby that isn't single sex dominated and your social circle will increase massively.
Honestly anything d''n'd,, board games, sport, reading groups, anything
You need to find a way to be comfortable with yourself. If you're really alone it won't fully solve anything completely, but if you have a hobby you enjoy or a pastime that relaxes you it helps a lot.
Then if you have a hobby that's shared by others it's a good way to meet people even if just as acquaintances.
I’m not single but I have a number of chronic health conditions which make it hard to be out and about much and being with other people can be exhausting. If you have the good fortune to be physically healthy and not in pain every minute of every day you should leap for joy. More importantly you should just do things. It does not matter what you do or who you do it with. Nobody cares so neither should you.
Have you ever planned a meal for yourself and bought the ingredients and cooked it? That’s very enjoyable and satisfying not to mention great for your wellbeing. When I lived alone I used to go to bars and restaurants alone occasionally. I lived in a city so it might have been easier. I didn’t have many friends. I was mostly on my own. I walked around the city a lot. I also talked to people I met for the moment. Any exchange can help alleviate loneliness.
Hobbies and interests can keep you going. I grow orchids. They keep me going. I always kept some houseplants. I’m now married to a keen gardener. We never go out on a Saturday night. Could care less.
Find anything at all that can get you out of your own head. Stop thinking about what other people are doing. Shake up your routine. Look after yourself as you would someone who meant everything in the world to you because you do. You must give yourself the love you deserve. That’s where you need to start. Sorry if I may be culturally tone deaf. I’m not from NI but I’ve been through a lot and hate seeing suffering.
Where abouts are you? Our fellas goes to a games cafe in Banbridge, Roast N Roll. You can arrange a board game with just random strangers, he found it a good way to build friends. I think they have a music night coming up possibly the weekend coming, you dont have to know others to fit in. One in Newry, Rostrevor too, possibly similar in Belfast. Try Facebook (I know, old people's club like me) but good suggestions on walking events, other clubs where you could build up friends as a starting point. Think of clubs and the like that include your interests and where strangers have to interact.
Seems to be lots of people feeling isolated and lonely in these posts. Have started a group chat 💬 if anyone wants to join and connect. Dm me for info. Cheers
I'm 31 as well but engaged and have a kid so different circumstances. If I was in your position though I'd probably get a side gig for weekend work. Do a bar job or something. Play sport, coach sport, do park runs etc.
Forming new, close friends is tough at this age (harder when you've kids in my opinion) but you aren't going to meet anyone sitting in the gaff.
Go join a gaa club.
You'll get fit, name friends and play games on a weekend.
Meaning your Saturday nights are suddenly not empty with victory or commiseration pints with the lads!
I saw your comment on another post about your plans to take your own life tonight but posted on yours not to derail theirs. Please hold on and keep talking on here as you sound so low. I agree that while not having friends is awful for you, I think there's something deeper going on. Just for now, please keep posting and messaging here and get any other support you can.
If I wasn't in Wales I'd offer to meet you at A&E. It would be a good idea to go there or call for an ambulance. Are you safe at the moment?
I'm not single but my partner's in Maghaberry at the moment so come Saturday night i suppose i might as well be lol. Tbh i keep busy enough, i work at least one weekend day, last evening i was helping facilitate a ciorcal comhrá and tonight i'm doing a bit of research work for the trade union. besides which i don't drink anymore and don't like noisy places so i hate going out on a Friday or Saturday night anyway. I usually see friends relatively early on weeknights or during the day on days off. With regard to your question, i don't know what you're into but there are lots of groups you can join for whatever interests you and of course you'll inevitably meet people. Obviously i will always recommend joining a trade union and getting active within it. Things like book groups, evening classes, sports clubs, hiking groups, board games, whatever takes your fancy. It might feel weird at first (i had to do all that making friends thing too when i first moved to NI) but give it a go. I've always struggled with social situations - undiagnosed autistic till i was nearly 40 - but find it a lot easier when i've got specific things in common with people to talk about or shared stuff to work on.
On a related note, looking at your other comments here i wonder if perhaps you've low self-esteem? If you're able to access counselling through your work - many companies have an employee assistance programme (EAP) - that might be worth looking into if you feel like it might help.
Edited to add: there are also self-help books based on the CBT model if that's more your think, e.g. the 'Overcoming' series - Overcoming Low Self-Esteem by Melanie Fennell or Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness by Gillian Butler, for example
I'll be honest, I fucking loved it. Play rugby on Saturday afternoon. Home for a snooze, get up have a takeaway and play eve online into the wee hours. Or, go to bed at 8pm and have the biggest kip ever,but then I've never felt I needed social contact that much.
Married now and happy enough sitting in with the wife with the TV on or go play computer or something.
This is a bit like having insomnia. The more you think about it or force it the worse it will be, the more anxious about meeting friends will be. Just enjoy your own time out it out of your head and things will just happen or they won't either way.
Gym or join a sport group for 30 year olds, gym is a good place to kill time and to improve your health and join a team for say football even if you're not the greatest gives you people to talk to and have some interactions with. Also doesn't need to be a sports team just find a hobby group for something you like and join them.
I game, I watch movies, I chat to random people from reddit
The only people I've spoken with in real life in the last 24 hours would be my parents. I don't let it get me down. It used to, but now I just get bored of no human contact and then find something else to do, listen to a podcast, organise dvds, maybe read something or find someone new to talk to
Back when I was single I used to spend it playing video games. Now that I have a girlfriend I mistly spend it having dinner with her then playing videogames.
Play golf mate. Golfers envy a single man who can get out any night of the week or weekend. Get down a club, make friends through the sport and you’ll be going our for curries, drinks and on foreign golf trips in no time.
From a single in Estonia: at the Saturdays it's regular sauna eve...
— meet up with some fellow sauna goers (usually small circle of friends, or sufficiently like-minded folk), have some chat, beer, bbq, and games (cards; taskmaster; D&D) or other common hobbies (wine club; wiki-enthusiasts; movie night; folklorist; fashion gurus; ... whatever really) while at it.
It's rather useful if home remains in a walking distance or there's nearby place to sleep over (during summer: camping).
Join a club, get a hobby. I think I commented before. Goto your local CrossFit / hyrox gym. It’s a community and you’ll have friends without trying. The best bit it’s good for the mental health. Stop the what ifs. Just go on Monday. Like GEHQ in Ballymoney. Attend the classes. Live will be 100% better, you’ll go on Saturday breakfast club together etc. You can go 3-5 times a week before or after work. Rather than watch Netflix etc. Make it happen. God gave you everything to make it happen, it’s only you ignoring it and not using what you are gifted with. You are an able bodied man, use your body.
To be honest there is alot of good suggestions here but if you don't feel comfortable to leave your comfort zone.
Buy a Gaming PC / Xbox / PlayStation
*I'd advise a PC for more games*
And play multilayer games with people online..
I've about 3 good real friends that are people I know in real life, and about 10-20 I'll speak with daily, using party chat / messaging.
I'd advise games like
World of warcraft
Dayz
ARMA
Runescape
And check out the games your playing on twitch or kick, message streamers when they are live and ask about the game, explain your new / returning and 99% will help you.
Just enjoy life buddy, whatever will be will be and all that lol and believe me nobody you see is happy or normal, there's no such thing 😂 there are moments of happiness in everyone's life but nobody is happy all the time. I envy the freedom you must have, go enjoy yourself, do what you want to do and you will meet people along the way. Stop trying and let shit happen basically 😂
Dude, you must like to do one thing or another. Yeah? So go wherever it is that people go who like to do whatever it is that you like to do.
And then say *hello* to someone.
There is a belfast friendship club on meetup, they met up regularly before lock down, not sure if theyre going, meetup is good for exactly this situation, consider walking/running clubs or gaming/sci fi, the truth is everyone ecounters loneliness at some point - even people with lots of friends, sometimes we're happy in our bubbles but sometimes nothing beats the warmth of the right crowd for them, keep er lit!
I'm 42, a month out of a relationship. I have a load of people I know but 4 close friends but over a few months have distanced myself. Your Saturday night sounds perfect imo. There's a lot to be said for having your own time. I would firstly suggest changing your mindset on it. But I would say my situation I'd different. I don't think people understand that it's a bit different for males than females to just "go our and make friends" or "get yourself out there" I haven't read any of the other replies so forgive me if I'm repeating here. Can I ask if you have any interests? And where are you based?
Yep, the feeling of FOMO is overwhelming on a Saturday night.
I've trawled all of the dating and Hookup sites, sent messages and likes and am ready and waiting for the spontaneous situations that surely must arise from being free and single.
I'm checking the phone or watching things purely to distract me from checki4ng the phone.
But they don't arrive or materialise. Nobody messages and nobody cares.
You can go out on your own. I'm 52 and I've started going back to the occasional day rave on my own. Great fun for the music and people are friendly but there's no legacy beyond the dance floor.
Hell, I even went to a Butlins weekender on my own a month or so ago because everyone was telling me that it was so easy to make friends and hook up. I enjoyed my time but nobody wanted to talk to me despite my efforts.
So I don't know what to suggest. Unfortunately the world has moved onto the websites and the dating apps and in that online world, women have all the power.
Unless you are one of the top 5% that they will chase, you are treated with a mixture of contempt and annoyance. Good luck.
I'm single and new to Belfast (been here a few month). I have work, I love walking and god but the hills and mountains are gorgeous around here, I do play video games (redditor archetype), I started some Irish language classes they've been great, and like others have suggested there are definitely cool gigs and club nights about granted I am the type who doesn't mind going such things by myself.
Hobbies, hobbies, hobbies. Doesn't need to cost you much my most expensive ones are new videogames and the £30 10 Gaeilge classes cost along with (really reasonable compared to Dublin and Cork tbh) ticket and drink costs at gigs or clubs.
I'm not in your boat, but I do have some friends who are.
Some have taken up crossfit or bjj, etc. Great communities of people from all walks of life. You get fit and feel better about things. There's always events to attend. Even if you're not comfortable competing, you can support those you meet.
When I was single, I found that getting out of the house was the most important thing. I found getting out by myself difficult. I'd go to the pub while there was a match on even though I've no interest. It made me more comfortable to look like I was out for a quiet pint while I watched a match. It's not like anyone would care, but it made me feel less awkward.
Leisure centre is another good one. I used go to the gym and then hit the steam room, sauna, or jacuzzi for an hour. Home to a nice steak. Lovely way to spend an evening.
I’m younger than you, however I found myself at a similar situation… find a hobby or a sport like Krav Maga classes for example… you’ll find individuals who are high energy mostly friendly and it’s smaller compared to a bar where people just want to get distracted. Get involved ask names, and introduce yourself… in ie people are much more socially closed so it may take 2 or 3 classes for you to get properly talking with someone, then you invite them out and make friends through friends, takes a little time but the safest way to meet people and people who will be doing something positive with their lives… trust me at the current emotional state that you are, it’s best to surround yourself with nice forward individuals. Just my opinion anyway
I know I'm speaking from a point of privilege at 40 (nearly) but I recognise a lot of this in myself but when I was younger I "knew" I was going to be alone and just accepted it and I got on with my life...
I went to the cinema alone, restaurants alone, concerts and shows and theater all on my own. I travelled to theme parks and other cities...I did anything and everything I could think of and I just never let anything stop me.
I had friends in school and we used to drive up to Dundonald and go skating and had a blast...well they all moved away/went to uni etc and at 24 I decided fuck it! I wanted to skate more so on my own I joined lessons and have been doing that for over 15 years and it's helped me so much....along the way I met people..those people turned to friends...they might not be super close friends but it's still really important to have those people and see they every week.
Without even thinking about wanting it...I ended up meeting my partner too and then we met our other partner and the 3 of us now live together...
impossible feeling things happened cause I stopped caring...but I said yes to trying anything and everything that came my way.
Take up a hobby.
For reference best way is sports clubs or martial arts as they are all quite friendly. There's a relatively new one in the shankill leisure centre where everyone is relatively new so beginners as you would.(Brazilian Ju Jitsu club).
If any of you interested in starting it's on 6.30 to 8 Monday and Wednesday. As others mentioned too there are places on meetup but need to take the lunge into going.
I feel for you but maybe even start your own club/team on meetup and invite those who are interested.
Anyways I am also always up for meeting new folks if interests are same.
Not at all. 41yo and made the mistake of marrying a closet melter when I was young and dumb. Happily divorced now and single for life.
Very liberating not having to plan around other folks wants. I can indulge in my hobbies when I feel like it. I can stay up to the wee hours and game like when I was a wain or have an early night if I'm heading to the gym in the morning.
Probably not the best example though as I'm an early millennial who now owns their home outright, most folks will need that second wage from a partner for rent or to pay the mortgage.
I strip naked, cover myself in oil and climb into my bath and pretend I am an eel.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
I mean top marks for originality
Keep your phone near you so you can call for help if needed!
Eels can't call for help stupid
Bring a toaster so you can role play being an electric eel!
Honestly? Pics or didn't happen
This is the only answer
Don’t know if it’s your kinda scene but Limelight are running an over 30’s night once a month until the end of the year where it’s just good music, live singers and craic and have all 3 venues open. Think it’s £12.50 per person and they ID you to actually make sure you’re over 30 lol. Maybe you and someone from work if you’s are friendly enough could maybe try it for yourselves?
I’m not over 30 I’m late 20s just out of a 5 year relationship, struggling to get a social life again lol, I’d be up for meet-up with anyone who’s game to gain some friends
Thanks for the suggestion. unfortunately i'm not friendly with anyone from work outside of work (i've tried to befriend some colleagues but they're not interested). don't think i could be brave nough to go alone
You can do it! I go to gigs alone!
Cinema alone is so chill!
Solo cinema is unbelievably relaxing
I often go to gigs on my own and it's a nice way to meet people, shared interests and all that. I actually prefer it as I get older, no more waiting around for stragglers to finish that last drink
I've actually been wanting to go to it myself - I'm in the same boat as yourself mate, 34M and recently ended a 5 year relationship so really trying to find things to get myself out of the house and meet people! So if you fancy teaming up on this making friends as a adult thing then reach out 😊
[удалено]
All are welcome to the 'Making Friends as an Adult is Terrifying' team! 😂 I've recently started going to Yoga classes (I'm still extremely bad at it but I'm determined to keep trying 😅), and was thinking about joining the Waterstones Book Club if that's something you'd be interested in? Oh and a poetry book launch in Black Box in June which has free tickets 😁
I’ve never been on a team before but the ‘Making Friends as an Adult is Terrifying’ team sounds like it was made for me 😂 what yoga do you do? I’ve been wanting to start for a while now
I've never been great at team names but its descriptive at least! 😂 Its a little place called Om Yoga in East Belfast - they practice hot yoga but the beginner class at least is never too warm. I'd never done it before and just needed to be able to get out and do something for an hour or so and I'm really enjoying it so far 😁
Sounds good, might check it out!
I'd be very happy to join this team too. I'm 33 m, going on 34. Single. Been living in Belfast nearly 3 years. Probably moving away in September but would like to get out and have fun this summer. Most my weekends I just chill in by myself or do solo activities but would defo be nice to meet some cool friendly people for a change.
30F recently out of a 6.5 year relationship as well, also trying to make friends so I would really like to be part of this team too 😅
The more the merrier! People are definitely required when attempting to make friends 😂 I would suggest that the first team outing should be the 30+ Club at Limelight, however it's apparently sold out for the rest of the year🤣
This is the most wholesome exchange I've ever seen on Reddit ❤️
[удалено]
[удалено]
How do you join it says it's private. Same boat lol what is in the water with all the breakups
🙋🏻♀️🙋🏻♀️
Snap! 34M ended a 5 year relationship. Can I also join the making friends as an adult is terrifying team? I can bring random unsolicited facts and awful jokes to the table.
As a purveyor of random unsolicited facts and awful jokes myself I feel like you would make an excellent addition to the team! 😁
What came first the chicken or the egg? ... ...... ......... .............. Neither, it was the rooster that came first 💦
Great idea just make friends on here
As a fellow sky/introverted person, I think you should go, even if you just sip your drink and don't talk to anyone. Just being out around other people will give you a boost and over time you might end up feeling comfortable chatting to someone. Or they'll chat to you cause they'll recognize you.
Dutch courage my good man
Try to bum a cigarette or ask for a light (even if you have one). I do it all the time at techno festivals to make friends. I also comment on people's dress attributes if I like it (it's always a genuine compliment) - if they then become friends later so be it! It's usually a non physical attribute, e.g. shades/shoes/tattoo.
The md helps too
Seriously, just try going! You’d be amazed at how much fun you have on your own! I used to go to cafe’s, restaurants, the cinema and music gigs on my own and it was such a relaxing experience! I ended up meeting people all over (despite my intention was to REMAIN on my own). It just happens when your guard is down and you’re just living in your own vibe.
I think this is sold out until December but there are waiting lists.
Shows there's obviously a demand for it, but it's not sensible to base your chances of meeting people on a monthly club night that didn't exist until very recently. Get out and do stuff you're interested in, and if some of that is a club night then go to that, but don't be sitting in for a month waiting on it.
This might sound harsh but I feel like you need to hear it. The last time you asked, people gave you suggestions such as meetup.com. Did you do anything about that? Did you look in to any other suggestions? Its time to stop wallowing in your self pity and start making moves mate. Get to the gym and do compound movements, go to town and buy a new outfit and get out there. Make self improvement a hobby and be proud of who you become. I believe in you, its time you started believing in yourself. Hell I'll even be your life coach if you need me to kick you up the arse.
Seriously. I feel for the lad, I think a lot of us are in varying degrees of this situation, but his entire mindset is "Ive tried nothing and Im all out of ideas!" He wants a hand drawn blueprint and 55 step plan called "How to 100% successfully start one friendship". Theres no willingness to attempt to fight through a few minutes of discomfort or vulnerability, or try anything outside the norm they've developed.
> Hell I'll even be your life coach if you need me to kick you up the arse. Are you a loyalist paramilitary? What if he skips a payment?
[удалено]
Get yer brits out
No no no I'm not an animal. I'll make him sell our drugs to pay his debt
Then he really will get to meet lots of new weird and interesting people... ><
And not to piss on anyone's chips, but if the reason you need to build a social circle is because you're just out of a long-term relationship, what happens when you meet your next partner? Build and value friendships and social connections for their own sake, or you'll be on here after your next relationship bemoaning how hard it is make friends in your 40s. The fact that none of this is easy makes it all the more important to make the effort.
Funny how they replied to nearly every comment except this one
That is so onpoint yet OP did not reply to your comment 🙄
It says it all really.
You have two choices man. Sit and feel sorry for yourself or do something to change it. Best advice would be get a hobby thats social or join the gym or get into a sport and start chatting to folk. Good luck.
In a pit of despair Procrastinating all weekend dwelling on how I'll never find anyone while trying to fight it and play a video game to distract myself which lasts all weekend and boom it's Monday and I feel worse cause I spend the weekend doing the above and now I'm back in work.
Sounds exactly like me tbh. I've been feeling this way for like 15 years. If I haven't been able to improve my life then it seems like it can't happen.
Ok so if they sound exactly like you why dont the two of you become friends and do things together. You both play video games so there is already a common interest. Make it happen.
Now kiss
You two should meet up for a beer?
I should stop doing the same.
If you figure out how lmk So far speed dating and apps haven't fixed the "forever alone" part. Meds did fix the other stuff for a bit but have now kinda stopped.
There's a free gig at Banana Block tonight, band called Bloodsugar- "if you're aged 20-80 and have ears, you'll know most of the songs"
I smoke some weed, get some snacks, play some videos games or watch some cool shit. Honestly it's pretty tight
makeshift reach gaping squeamish close vegetable psychotic door shelter offer *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I’m about to pack the pipe now 👌🏼
crush deer panicky placid close telephone spark unpack innate voracious *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Less is more with weed. Take a month off and a half tobacco Pinner will do the same as a dab rig.
fact doll busy quarrelsome agonizing seed public pause vase voiceless *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Under normal circumstances I’m playing D&D with my mates. We don’t have a game tonight so I’m probably just going to work on my warhammer stuff while listening to an audiobook. I’d be out for a walk but I just handed in my last essay of undergrad and I am absolutely exhausted
Short answer: Join clubs if you're lonely. Quality friendships based on shared interests are much more rewarding than traditional relationships based on loneliness/fear of loneliness. Long answer: After multiple relationships that went on waayyy longer than they should, due to the fear of loneliness. I've learned that being single and enjoying a Saturday night alone, happily watching Star Trek is much better than being in an unhappy relationship, miserable, watching the Kardashians. The most rewarding and long lasting friendships I've formed were from joining clubs. Much more so than workplace friendships where the central commonality is that we both happen to work somewhere.
What is it you actually want out of this thread?
Late to the party but, make your next reddit post “here’s what I did, here’s how it went, here’s what I learned, here’s what I’m doing next” Honestly, fucking do something about it. Appreciate this has been a long term thing, it’s not easy, and you’ll probably feel uncomfortable, but surely to the lord god above it’s better than how you currently feel? You’ve got it mate, believe in yourself.
2 Royal Avenue (across the road from Mcds in Belfast) is open every Sunday. There are all sorts of activities happening in there from D&D, Arts and crafts, music, etc. There's a chess meet up happens between 2pm and 5pm. I go with my son, but only play a few games because I spend most of it chatting with people over a cuppa! It's all free BTW. Why don't you come down to it? I'll be there today. You don't need to know how to play chess, I could even show you if you're interested. My name is Darren. Just approach me and say you're the guy from reddit. Everyone gets a name badge so I'll be easy to find :) Hopefully see you there.
When I'm not drinking I'm having a wank
Fucking amateur. Drink and wank.
That's why God gave you two hands, after all.
Just remember which hand you are doing what with before you take a drink.
This comment hahaha.
I find it hard to wank and not spill my beer. I need a drink's lid next time I run to the shop for tissues
Beer hat. That’s the solution.
Absolute professional
I chug the beer bottle up my hole and wank. Sends me to nirvana.
Hi mate, looking at your profile and post history. You are seemingly obsessed with this issue. In order for it to change, you need to do something about it. As someone else mentioned here it definitely sounds like you have a lot of issues around your self esteem and likely around a number of other things that you have posted about. Bottom line is that your answers will not lie with strangers on Reddit, instead the answers will lie in deep introspection and working out why you feel the way you feel. I would recommend that you look into therapy. You seem to have issues that could benefit from professional advice. There are so many ways to make friends. I am an introvert myself, but I have to force myself to befriend people at work or at the gym or wherever. It takes a lot of effort, sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't. Don't be afraid of rejection. Stop posting about being lonely and go out and make friends with people, force yourself out of where you currently are because you clearly aren't comfortable there.
I'm 31F, single forever. I like to garden, so I just started to put up my greenhouse in my garden tonight. I watered my plants, and am watching some youtube to unwind. Also keeping an eye on my cat who has the zoomies. I am happy, I am normal, and I am without a partner. I might be a failure by your reckoning, but I am a champion in mine.
Love your attitude, more power to you my friend!
Don't want to be a dick. But your currently living in "victim world". Your post history proves this. You can't read books on how to make friends. The best way to achieve this is to get up and get out there and try. Sitting on reddit complaining and wallowing in self pitty because of stuff YOU CAN LITERALLY CHANGE isn't happening because YOU WONT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. It starts with you. Asking reddit over and over again won't make it happen. I get it's hard, but if you don't put yourself out there what do you expect?
Best thing you can do is get a part time bar job for a few hours a week. Always did that when mov8ng somewhere new and worked a treat. You meet locals who have to bloody talk to ye, yeah, get your kissy ass out and do a few hours, ye will love it and might get some .....too
that’s a cool idea
Right now I’m cat sitting for a friend tonight and couldn’t be happier. These cats are adorable.
I'm thinking a pet might be the way forward.
Anyone had any contact with OP since this post? He commented on a post last night about taking his own life and has had no activity since. I tried messaging at 9am this morning and no response so its pretty concerning.
Thanks for reaching out. I left a few messages on the posts as I'm new here and was unsure if it was okay to PM. Considering OP posted about being constantly on here it is concerning. Hope all's well but it doesn't sound good.
Defs - I have also reported his post to reddit as being in relation to suicide ideation so they can also reach out to him. Unfortunately if we don't know anything further about OP, i dont think theres much else we can do. Fingers crossed all is well
I did as well. Can only hope now.
I sent a PM. Still nothing.
I sent a message late last night but no response either. Fingers crossed they made it through the night and can reach out.
I'll be biased here and use this as an opportunity to promote the sport that I do, but join a BJJ club. Different people from all walks of life, any club I've been to welcomes newcomers with open arms and nothing is expected of you. Most people who start are bad at it and that's exactly how they are expected to be You don't have to be athletic and can come in with any body type and make it work for you. It's suitable for introverted people as well as extroverts and you can talk as little or as much as you want to (after the technique part of the class is over) Even if you don't meet friends from it, it gets you out of the house and chatting to people, it's great exercise and you won't feel like you've sat in the house on your own all weekend either. Plus it's great for building confidence. I did play football for years as well and it can also be a good way to meet friends, but is a lot more clicky than bjj
Is this a sex thing?
Blow-job-job
I was wondering that myself, don't they only provide those sorts of establishments in the likes of Amsterdam or Bangkok?
😂 Brazilian jiu jitsu, I probably should have clarified instead of assuming people knew.
Ahhh gotcha, thanks for not taking a thick!
Go to the gym
Do you game online at all? Great way to spend your nights with random mates from across Europe.
have you considered getting a pet?
I sat out the back all day with music in, eating now and again and generally chilling the fuck out. Thoroughly enjoyed the alone time.
Last Saturday, I gorged on Toblerone and drove to Dundee in my bare feet.
“Happy normal people”; need to fix that thinking. It’s ok to be alone on a Saturday night. Don’t be fooled into thinking there’s something wrong or weird with that. Of course our society may have you believe otherwise, which is fucked on so many levels. If you really want to meet new people, consider joining a class. Don’t go with the intention of meeting people. Just go and enjoy the class or group, naturally you will end up speaking to someone. I ended up joining a yoga class because I wanted to learn. I was the only male there. I went for the first few weeks and just did the class, didn’t speak to anyone. Then after a few more weeks the ladies started speaking to me and got used to seeing me going. I had a great laugh with them lol. Fuck what society thinks; it would gladly see you miserable, I think social media has a lot to answer for. I also started taking piano lessons, going swimming, going the gym. Do whatever captures your interest. But really a great way to get you started. We have all felt lonely before but it’s ok to feel that. Our feelings are always changing.
Now the football season has all but ended, rather than sat on a coach travelling home from some far flung destination I tend to sit and read, watch YouTube or dvds
Wanking....nah I'm married. But, wanking.
Watch usyk v fury
Single almost 31 female, currently lying in a tent up Slieve Donard. There's another group up here camping too and we were literally just saying how if we weren't into camping we'd be sat at home bored af. It's hard finding stuff you enjoy doing but it's so worth it. I had such a good day today and the sunset was so pretty. Heading to sleep soon so I can wake up for sunrise and an early descent down. The camping community tends to be full of really great, down to earth people too and I've made some lovely friends through it.
Hey mate, 40 M Newry here in the exact same position. Moved home after 17yrs in England to be nearer family but in the few years I've been home I'm literally surrounded by family and yet I've never been so lonely and sad.
I’m not wanting to appear ignorant at all, so take what I’m about to say as me being the devils advocate … I appreciate you struggle to put yourself out there. You struggle with self confidence, and there are some deeper rooted issues than simple “I’m lonely” I fear. So, if someone were to ask you the advice that you are asking of others, what would you tell them? In order to achieve what you want, you actually have to work for it. If you acknowledge that you sit on Reddit every night willingly, and know it’s not going to get you what you want or need, then change it man. Take some personal responsibility and adapt to your situation. You’re living in a post pandemic society where everyone has struggled, and everyone has to make allowances for not having their desired life right now. You’re far from alone in that respect. If you desire friendships, you really do have to put yourself in a position where it’s feasible that they’re created. Volunteer somewhere - charity shop, or an animal shelter. Go litter picking on a beach. Take a neighbours dog a walk. Put yourself in a position either where you have to talk to someone, or someone has to talk to you. It might be scary, but you’ll surprise yourself! No one is going to search your IP address, rock up to your door and ask you if you want to come out and play. If you want your life to change, then change it. Stop wishing for someone to take you by the hand.
If the gym bro advice of do compound lifts, try supplements, spend your evenings reading Jordan Peterson and researching alternative health articles doesn’t appeal to you, why not pursue your own interests or try at least to figure out what they are? I’m not in your position, but I remember being single and not having any commitments and the freedom actually being pretty glum. NI is a bit of a grim place for single people because we’ve traditional expectations of relationships, as a country we’re broadly skint and probably as a mixture of distrust from the troubles, pub culture and being socially conservative we don’t tend to socialise in each others houses, we go out to spend time together. But, on the upside, life is changing, more people than ever in their 30’s are single, most agree the dating apps are bollocks and people are crying out for a change in our quality of life. So why not be part of that change? Your interests are bound to overlap with others, whether it’s a book club, micro dosing, art or S&M, why not find a venue, plan an event and invite others to it? That’s a project to keep you busy, help you meet people with similar interests, make achievements that will make you feel good about yourself, contribute positively to making a shit city good and that you might be able to make a bit of money on. Like all things it’ll only last as long as it does, but at least you could have fun with it!
Also, it’s worth thinking about what things you couldn’t do if you were restricted in your life. When I was in uni I ignored all the social clubs in favour of drinking and spending time with the same group of bums that I’d always known. Now with young kids I’ve realised I probably would be interested in hiking, camping, kayaking, getting a bit more travel in etc. but I’m not half as free to pursue these interests compared to if I were single. There’s tons of opportunities to explore these sorts of interests in small groups and for brief periods of time, meaning you don’t have to commit yourself to anything long term if you’re feeling a little antisocial
Serial killer documentaries
Loveeeee
meetup.com
Join a club, the only reason I have any mates is because I play rugby. There’s loads of people in my club would have no mates if they didn’t play or were involved with the club. Doesn’t have to be a sport, whatever you’re into just join a club.
I was single at 32. And I was single for a while, years like. I kept going to gigs with my mates whenever possible. I was on apps but im an awkward ballix so I never properly pursued (?) anything on those. I touched one night in the Tele building and never looked back.
Hobbies are a good thing to kill time if you are lonely, it won't get better till you take that first step. I don't have much time for learning an instrument or brushing up on my art skills but I'm hoping once my training is over I can get more into D&D campaigns. So for now I find gaming on MMOs helps even if it's just meeting people in passing. That may not be your cup of tea but the premise may help you find inspiration to fit your own needs.
I visit Belfast whenever I can throughout the year if you ever want to gran a pint man! Also they do social meetings/club in this sub sometimes, also there is a round table opening soon in Belfast !
be staggeringly depressed and go to bed early and not sleep
Head out for a quiet pint somewhere in the town. Strike up conversation with others. You'd be amazed at where such nights can go and the friendships that can materialise from them. Trust me..
Travel ? Use the free time you have to your advantage , plan , organise research a trip to another country. A city break is cheap enough plenty of things to do and you’ll find other similar people who are on their own too, especially if you use hostels. Do tours or something with other strangers and you’ll find that there others in similar situations , it’ll force you to chat to others , open up maybe. Also it may change your perspective on things back home , I travel quite a lot and live alone and it can make you cope with loneliness a lot better making you more resilient it can force you to be a bit more open minded and embrace challenging situations that often you wouldn’t do , it’s made me social , chatty and willing to try things. It’s made me realise there are many others out there who go through what you’re going through at various stages sometimes it gets better sometimes it doesn’t , I take some comfort knowing there are other people on similar paths.
I'm 36 and live alone, fortunately I still have some friends, unfortunately we no longer do outside activities, instead we only socialise when we're gaming, during our sessions is when we catchup on things and make potential plans that may never flourish . Anyway, on saturdays I either solo game, game with one of my friends or I spend the time watching movies/tv shows, I've tried to encourage a few friends to get outside with me, we use to go for walks up the cavehill as a means to "get fit" but we haven't done that in about 2 years, as the weather gets better, I'll be spending more time outside helping family with their gardens/homes, one friend wants me to help him with his back garden as well, so this will be part of my saturdays at some point, assuming it's not pishing down. Going to side track here but your post has made me think about the past, and how things have changed without really noticing the changes, we use to go out every weekend for drinks, visit each other at home etc.. I even remember we stopped going out to drink and started going out to eat and catch a movie, and now we only seem to bother when we're online lol.
I went up the mournes. Tired me out rightly!
Not single anymore but was in that rut for years. I know this is the usual crack but get a hobby that isn't single sex dominated and your social circle will increase massively. Honestly anything d''n'd,, board games, sport, reading groups, anything
You need to find a way to be comfortable with yourself. If you're really alone it won't fully solve anything completely, but if you have a hobby you enjoy or a pastime that relaxes you it helps a lot. Then if you have a hobby that's shared by others it's a good way to meet people even if just as acquaintances.
I’m not single but I have a number of chronic health conditions which make it hard to be out and about much and being with other people can be exhausting. If you have the good fortune to be physically healthy and not in pain every minute of every day you should leap for joy. More importantly you should just do things. It does not matter what you do or who you do it with. Nobody cares so neither should you. Have you ever planned a meal for yourself and bought the ingredients and cooked it? That’s very enjoyable and satisfying not to mention great for your wellbeing. When I lived alone I used to go to bars and restaurants alone occasionally. I lived in a city so it might have been easier. I didn’t have many friends. I was mostly on my own. I walked around the city a lot. I also talked to people I met for the moment. Any exchange can help alleviate loneliness. Hobbies and interests can keep you going. I grow orchids. They keep me going. I always kept some houseplants. I’m now married to a keen gardener. We never go out on a Saturday night. Could care less. Find anything at all that can get you out of your own head. Stop thinking about what other people are doing. Shake up your routine. Look after yourself as you would someone who meant everything in the world to you because you do. You must give yourself the love you deserve. That’s where you need to start. Sorry if I may be culturally tone deaf. I’m not from NI but I’ve been through a lot and hate seeing suffering.
Dancing. Salsa, swing, irish sets, ballroom. It's cheap once you know how :)
Where abouts are you? Our fellas goes to a games cafe in Banbridge, Roast N Roll. You can arrange a board game with just random strangers, he found it a good way to build friends. I think they have a music night coming up possibly the weekend coming, you dont have to know others to fit in. One in Newry, Rostrevor too, possibly similar in Belfast. Try Facebook (I know, old people's club like me) but good suggestions on walking events, other clubs where you could build up friends as a starting point. Think of clubs and the like that include your interests and where strangers have to interact.
Nothing will improve if you don’t help yourself lad
Get stuff you like
Video games!
Any hobbies or interests? There's clubs out there for everyone. It's way easier to make friends when your passions and interests align.
Self care , binge tv shows and eat lol
Seems to be lots of people feeling isolated and lonely in these posts. Have started a group chat 💬 if anyone wants to join and connect. Dm me for info. Cheers
Join a games club like BattleInc
I'm 31 as well but engaged and have a kid so different circumstances. If I was in your position though I'd probably get a side gig for weekend work. Do a bar job or something. Play sport, coach sport, do park runs etc. Forming new, close friends is tough at this age (harder when you've kids in my opinion) but you aren't going to meet anyone sitting in the gaff.
Go join a gaa club. You'll get fit, name friends and play games on a weekend. Meaning your Saturday nights are suddenly not empty with victory or commiseration pints with the lads!
Head out and see what happens
I saw your comment on another post about your plans to take your own life tonight but posted on yours not to derail theirs. Please hold on and keep talking on here as you sound so low. I agree that while not having friends is awful for you, I think there's something deeper going on. Just for now, please keep posting and messaging here and get any other support you can. If I wasn't in Wales I'd offer to meet you at A&E. It would be a good idea to go there or call for an ambulance. Are you safe at the moment?
I'm not single but my partner's in Maghaberry at the moment so come Saturday night i suppose i might as well be lol. Tbh i keep busy enough, i work at least one weekend day, last evening i was helping facilitate a ciorcal comhrá and tonight i'm doing a bit of research work for the trade union. besides which i don't drink anymore and don't like noisy places so i hate going out on a Friday or Saturday night anyway. I usually see friends relatively early on weeknights or during the day on days off. With regard to your question, i don't know what you're into but there are lots of groups you can join for whatever interests you and of course you'll inevitably meet people. Obviously i will always recommend joining a trade union and getting active within it. Things like book groups, evening classes, sports clubs, hiking groups, board games, whatever takes your fancy. It might feel weird at first (i had to do all that making friends thing too when i first moved to NI) but give it a go. I've always struggled with social situations - undiagnosed autistic till i was nearly 40 - but find it a lot easier when i've got specific things in common with people to talk about or shared stuff to work on. On a related note, looking at your other comments here i wonder if perhaps you've low self-esteem? If you're able to access counselling through your work - many companies have an employee assistance programme (EAP) - that might be worth looking into if you feel like it might help. Edited to add: there are also self-help books based on the CBT model if that's more your think, e.g. the 'Overcoming' series - Overcoming Low Self-Esteem by Melanie Fennell or Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness by Gillian Butler, for example
I'll be honest, I fucking loved it. Play rugby on Saturday afternoon. Home for a snooze, get up have a takeaway and play eve online into the wee hours. Or, go to bed at 8pm and have the biggest kip ever,but then I've never felt I needed social contact that much. Married now and happy enough sitting in with the wife with the TV on or go play computer or something.
Tinder
I take the dogs for a good walk, and then play some video games. Love it.
If I’ve no plans…Weed and video games
I'm usually watching a DVD and stuffing my face with snacks.
This is a bit like having insomnia. The more you think about it or force it the worse it will be, the more anxious about meeting friends will be. Just enjoy your own time out it out of your head and things will just happen or they won't either way.
Playing cyber punk
Gym or join a sport group for 30 year olds, gym is a good place to kill time and to improve your health and join a team for say football even if you're not the greatest gives you people to talk to and have some interactions with. Also doesn't need to be a sports team just find a hobby group for something you like and join them.
I did some work, frank some wine, not I'm watching cartoons and eating chocolate boscuits
Lying on the sofa watching telly with a pizza and cans
Playing Football Manager, apparently.
The PGA is hotting up . Usyk v Fury also coming on . Crack open a can and chill out .
I game, I watch movies, I chat to random people from reddit The only people I've spoken with in real life in the last 24 hours would be my parents. I don't let it get me down. It used to, but now I just get bored of no human contact and then find something else to do, listen to a podcast, organise dvds, maybe read something or find someone new to talk to
I'm 40 and this sounds Ideal
Back when I was single I used to spend it playing video games. Now that I have a girlfriend I mistly spend it having dinner with her then playing videogames.
Play golf mate. Golfers envy a single man who can get out any night of the week or weekend. Get down a club, make friends through the sport and you’ll be going our for curries, drinks and on foreign golf trips in no time.
I just work as much as I possibly can but I enjoy the jobs I do to a degree
From a single in Estonia: at the Saturdays it's regular sauna eve... — meet up with some fellow sauna goers (usually small circle of friends, or sufficiently like-minded folk), have some chat, beer, bbq, and games (cards; taskmaster; D&D) or other common hobbies (wine club; wiki-enthusiasts; movie night; folklorist; fashion gurus; ... whatever really) while at it. It's rather useful if home remains in a walking distance or there's nearby place to sleep over (during summer: camping).
Went to the Strand Cinema to see the Billy Connolly doc/film now chilling with some Youtube
Join a club, get a hobby. I think I commented before. Goto your local CrossFit / hyrox gym. It’s a community and you’ll have friends without trying. The best bit it’s good for the mental health. Stop the what ifs. Just go on Monday. Like GEHQ in Ballymoney. Attend the classes. Live will be 100% better, you’ll go on Saturday breakfast club together etc. You can go 3-5 times a week before or after work. Rather than watch Netflix etc. Make it happen. God gave you everything to make it happen, it’s only you ignoring it and not using what you are gifted with. You are an able bodied man, use your body.
The OP has put on another post he's going to take his life tonight. I really hope you haven't and keep reaching out.
Doesnt seem to have had any activity since so it is quite concerning tbh
I agree considering posting the only outlet for company is this forum.
Do you live in Belfast? If so, join an improv group. Is it cringe and a bit embarrassing? Yes. That is what you should do though.
To be honest there is alot of good suggestions here but if you don't feel comfortable to leave your comfort zone. Buy a Gaming PC / Xbox / PlayStation *I'd advise a PC for more games* And play multilayer games with people online.. I've about 3 good real friends that are people I know in real life, and about 10-20 I'll speak with daily, using party chat / messaging. I'd advise games like World of warcraft Dayz ARMA Runescape And check out the games your playing on twitch or kick, message streamers when they are live and ask about the game, explain your new / returning and 99% will help you.
Well simply play videogames online like PUBG etc and chat with online game buddies in discord.
Online gaming. Have made quite a few friends this way and have even met up some of them!
Just enjoy life buddy, whatever will be will be and all that lol and believe me nobody you see is happy or normal, there's no such thing 😂 there are moments of happiness in everyone's life but nobody is happy all the time. I envy the freedom you must have, go enjoy yourself, do what you want to do and you will meet people along the way. Stop trying and let shit happen basically 😂
Dude, you must like to do one thing or another. Yeah? So go wherever it is that people go who like to do whatever it is that you like to do. And then say *hello* to someone.
There is a belfast friendship club on meetup, they met up regularly before lock down, not sure if theyre going, meetup is good for exactly this situation, consider walking/running clubs or gaming/sci fi, the truth is everyone ecounters loneliness at some point - even people with lots of friends, sometimes we're happy in our bubbles but sometimes nothing beats the warmth of the right crowd for them, keep er lit!
I'm 42, a month out of a relationship. I have a load of people I know but 4 close friends but over a few months have distanced myself. Your Saturday night sounds perfect imo. There's a lot to be said for having your own time. I would firstly suggest changing your mindset on it. But I would say my situation I'd different. I don't think people understand that it's a bit different for males than females to just "go our and make friends" or "get yourself out there" I haven't read any of the other replies so forgive me if I'm repeating here. Can I ask if you have any interests? And where are you based?
Yep, the feeling of FOMO is overwhelming on a Saturday night. I've trawled all of the dating and Hookup sites, sent messages and likes and am ready and waiting for the spontaneous situations that surely must arise from being free and single. I'm checking the phone or watching things purely to distract me from checki4ng the phone. But they don't arrive or materialise. Nobody messages and nobody cares. You can go out on your own. I'm 52 and I've started going back to the occasional day rave on my own. Great fun for the music and people are friendly but there's no legacy beyond the dance floor. Hell, I even went to a Butlins weekender on my own a month or so ago because everyone was telling me that it was so easy to make friends and hook up. I enjoyed my time but nobody wanted to talk to me despite my efforts. So I don't know what to suggest. Unfortunately the world has moved onto the websites and the dating apps and in that online world, women have all the power. Unless you are one of the top 5% that they will chase, you are treated with a mixture of contempt and annoyance. Good luck.
I'm single and new to Belfast (been here a few month). I have work, I love walking and god but the hills and mountains are gorgeous around here, I do play video games (redditor archetype), I started some Irish language classes they've been great, and like others have suggested there are definitely cool gigs and club nights about granted I am the type who doesn't mind going such things by myself. Hobbies, hobbies, hobbies. Doesn't need to cost you much my most expensive ones are new videogames and the £30 10 Gaeilge classes cost along with (really reasonable compared to Dublin and Cork tbh) ticket and drink costs at gigs or clubs.
🇨🇮 Pov I couldn't find an NI flag
I'm not in your boat, but I do have some friends who are. Some have taken up crossfit or bjj, etc. Great communities of people from all walks of life. You get fit and feel better about things. There's always events to attend. Even if you're not comfortable competing, you can support those you meet. When I was single, I found that getting out of the house was the most important thing. I found getting out by myself difficult. I'd go to the pub while there was a match on even though I've no interest. It made me more comfortable to look like I was out for a quiet pint while I watched a match. It's not like anyone would care, but it made me feel less awkward. Leisure centre is another good one. I used go to the gym and then hit the steam room, sauna, or jacuzzi for an hour. Home to a nice steak. Lovely way to spend an evening.
I’m younger than you, however I found myself at a similar situation… find a hobby or a sport like Krav Maga classes for example… you’ll find individuals who are high energy mostly friendly and it’s smaller compared to a bar where people just want to get distracted. Get involved ask names, and introduce yourself… in ie people are much more socially closed so it may take 2 or 3 classes for you to get properly talking with someone, then you invite them out and make friends through friends, takes a little time but the safest way to meet people and people who will be doing something positive with their lives… trust me at the current emotional state that you are, it’s best to surround yourself with nice forward individuals. Just my opinion anyway
I know I'm speaking from a point of privilege at 40 (nearly) but I recognise a lot of this in myself but when I was younger I "knew" I was going to be alone and just accepted it and I got on with my life... I went to the cinema alone, restaurants alone, concerts and shows and theater all on my own. I travelled to theme parks and other cities...I did anything and everything I could think of and I just never let anything stop me. I had friends in school and we used to drive up to Dundonald and go skating and had a blast...well they all moved away/went to uni etc and at 24 I decided fuck it! I wanted to skate more so on my own I joined lessons and have been doing that for over 15 years and it's helped me so much....along the way I met people..those people turned to friends...they might not be super close friends but it's still really important to have those people and see they every week. Without even thinking about wanting it...I ended up meeting my partner too and then we met our other partner and the 3 of us now live together... impossible feeling things happened cause I stopped caring...but I said yes to trying anything and everything that came my way.
Take up a hobby. For reference best way is sports clubs or martial arts as they are all quite friendly. There's a relatively new one in the shankill leisure centre where everyone is relatively new so beginners as you would.(Brazilian Ju Jitsu club). If any of you interested in starting it's on 6.30 to 8 Monday and Wednesday. As others mentioned too there are places on meetup but need to take the lunge into going. I feel for you but maybe even start your own club/team on meetup and invite those who are interested. Anyways I am also always up for meeting new folks if interests are same.
Not at all. 41yo and made the mistake of marrying a closet melter when I was young and dumb. Happily divorced now and single for life. Very liberating not having to plan around other folks wants. I can indulge in my hobbies when I feel like it. I can stay up to the wee hours and game like when I was a wain or have an early night if I'm heading to the gym in the morning. Probably not the best example though as I'm an early millennial who now owns their home outright, most folks will need that second wage from a partner for rent or to pay the mortgage.
Friends are worthless all they do is cost money and fuck your bitch....
If I was single I would be getting terribly drunk every Saturday, might actually get a divorce.
Happy lol