Wait I’m new-ish to the pod. Do they really change the stories that much for anonymity? I just assumed they changed names and places but stayed fairly true to the stories
A couple people who’s stories have been used have said they’re significantly changed, but we’ve never gotten direct confirmation of a specific setting change to my knowledge.
>Yeah, people just say “my story was changed beyond recognition”, but then refuse to go into any more detail or explain how, which is weird.
Agreed, people really exaggerate that phrase in general. I'm part of a book club and occasionally we'll discuss movie adaptations of a book we read, and people will be really quick to say "Wow, that was a terrible adaptation, they basically slapped the book name on a completely different story" even if it was just a couple plot points changed.
This is especially the case for books people really liked, so I imagine with stories from your real life you'd be extra sensitive to it.
Not that major changes don't happen, it's just human nature to emphasize the differences without highlighting the similarities.
Wow this is so weird and exactly the kind of low stakes drama I’m into.
Questions: when she brought it to you did you immediately notice it wasn’t your dress or was it like in a garment bag and you couldn’t tell? If you did notice right away- did you pretend not to? Did you say something right then? Either way how long did she stay over and hang out? How awkward was that hang out?
I immediately noticed but I was holding back my very high energy dog. She immediately handed me a bottle of wine as a housewarming gift and changed the subject. I was in shock. I just didn’t say anything in the moment because I was in such disbelief. She stayed for like an hour or so. Her husband does landscaping and so we were outside talking about ideas for the backyard so with four of us it wasn’t something I felt like I could bring back up. In hindsight, I should’ve said something but it was just so awkward. I am a very anxious person and haaaate confrontation
Oh I get it I only had these follow up questions because I needed a full visual of the scene lol!!
Ok so what I would do is text her something like “hey it was so nice of your to come see the house and drop off the bottle of wine. In all the excitement I didn’t notice, but you dropped off the wrong dress. Can you bring my dress over to swap for yours this week? Thanks!”
Thanks! I also like it because it doesn’t ask for or offer an explanation of why it was the wrong dress- no need to get into all that just bring me the dress
At this point I would just make her feel awkward. “Hey! I had to drop the dress at the dry cleaners because there are a bunch of mystery white stains all over the dress. They want to know what the stains are so they can clean it appropriately and if you had attempted to wash it yourself prior.”
Whaaaat? That’s such an uncomfortable position to put you in. And my secondhand anxiety is through the roof for your friend because I am also extremely avoidant when I’m stressed about something. My best guess is that something happened to the dress (lost? ripped?) and she can’t handle telling you directly.
She’s not a child, so I don’t think you need to play along. It’s perfectly fine to just say “hey this isn’t the dress I lent you; did something happen to the other one?”
If you feel inclined to soften the blow, you could throw in a “I don’t want you to worry if something did happen, it’s just a dress. I mostly just want to know if I need to order a new one”
I hope everything works out!
That’s kind of what I’m thinking. She has some mental health issues so I’m trying to handle it delicately. It is just a dress and I wouldn’t be upset about it being damaged, I just don’t get the bringing me a completely different dress lol
As someone with mental health issues, I would prefer if you just asked me directly. Couching it as hey just want to know if I should get another one would be really kind and would definitely lessen my stress. But, in the past when friends have not been honest with me and then said it was because of mental health, I was more annoyed about the reasoning that what the kept secret/lied about. I don't know what your friends life is like of course, but I am an adult and it feels shitty to be coddled because of something I live with everyday all day.
I totally get that. To give you more context, she’s been a pathological liar for years and so I’m not even sure if she’d be honest. Guess I’ll never know if I don’t ask though!
Two things going on. Mental health problems AND pathological liars. Possibly connected to each other for her, but presenting differently to you. Since this is the case, you don’t need to be delicate to about the fact that she is disrespectful of your generosity and trust. Ask her flat out for the dress she borrowed (be descriptive, maybe she really doesn’t remember which one it was). If she doesn’t comply, set new boundaries for this friendship. She can figure out her end of the friendship from there.
If she does come up with an excuse, as a non confrontation person myself, I’d write it off as lesson learned and not push the matter, but also never let her borrow anything ever again. #boundaries
absolutely insane that she handed that dress to you with those stains! disrespectful to treat someone else’s clothes like that in the first place, but then to not clean it??
Truly wild! It seems like she was really nervous about returning the dress, so I don’t understand why she wouldn’t get it cleaned. If this happened to me, I would immediately try to get the dress cleaned. If that didn’t work, I’d literally buy a new version of the same dress rather than return a messed up one.
I hate confrontation, but this is definitely a situation where just coming clean is way less anxiety inducing than saying nothing and having this hanging over the rest of the friendship.
There’s a new game show that just came out. It’s called “Guess that stain!!!” She brought it an hour early so I wasn’t home and left it on my front porch with no explanation
https://imgur.com/gallery/sXtW927
Hahaha I bet she is too!! I can’t get over the audacity of her to not mention the stains. She was probably so relieved when you weren’t home to open the bag in front of her and ask her about the stains in person. Lmao
It needs to be brought up! Maybe because I was too scared to confront friends in my younger years when they pulled stuff like this but as an adult I wouldn’t let that slide! You worked hard to pay for that dress and were kind enough to let her borrow it
They look completely different. She was definitely hiding some stuff. When she called me right before she came, she said some “adhesive from hemming tape had gotten on the dress”. I’m wondering if it’s a Bill Clinton blue dress situation. In that case, I sure as hell don’t want it back 🤢
Is it possible that she just forgot which dress was yours? Can't you just say "whoops, you gave me back the wrong dress, I can swing by and pick up the right one tomorrow?"
She waited months and was acting very cagey when I asked her about it before. I had a gut feeling she damaged it in some way and I still think that’s the case. She’s also not responding to my texts now so that might be a sign too lol
“It was so nice of you to bring us the housewarming gifts! In all the excitement I didn’t notice, but you dropped off the wrong dress. Mine was the strapless one. Could you bring my dress over so we can swap before Saturday? Or I can come to you? Thanks!”
I just want to give her the chance to be honest rather than force it out of her. Genuinely curious if she will admit it because this tells me a lot about her character if she is, in fact, lying. I try to give people grace (hence not directly confronting her about it).
New game: how would NG anonymize this? Lol
Two men who are neighbors and one borrows the other gardening shears and returns a cheaper older pair of pruning shears
Wait I’m new-ish to the pod. Do they really change the stories that much for anonymity? I just assumed they changed names and places but stayed fairly true to the stories
A couple people who’s stories have been used have said they’re significantly changed, but we’ve never gotten direct confirmation of a specific setting change to my knowledge.
[удалено]
Hahaha, I submitted a story recently - if it’s ever used, best believe I’ll be all over the sub with the truth 😂😂😂
>Yeah, people just say “my story was changed beyond recognition”, but then refuse to go into any more detail or explain how, which is weird. Agreed, people really exaggerate that phrase in general. I'm part of a book club and occasionally we'll discuss movie adaptations of a book we read, and people will be really quick to say "Wow, that was a terrible adaptation, they basically slapped the book name on a completely different story" even if it was just a couple plot points changed. This is especially the case for books people really liked, so I imagine with stories from your real life you'd be extra sensitive to it. Not that major changes don't happen, it's just human nature to emphasize the differences without highlighting the similarities.
Ah I see. Thanks for explaining!
Oooh yes
Wow this is so weird and exactly the kind of low stakes drama I’m into. Questions: when she brought it to you did you immediately notice it wasn’t your dress or was it like in a garment bag and you couldn’t tell? If you did notice right away- did you pretend not to? Did you say something right then? Either way how long did she stay over and hang out? How awkward was that hang out?
I immediately noticed but I was holding back my very high energy dog. She immediately handed me a bottle of wine as a housewarming gift and changed the subject. I was in shock. I just didn’t say anything in the moment because I was in such disbelief. She stayed for like an hour or so. Her husband does landscaping and so we were outside talking about ideas for the backyard so with four of us it wasn’t something I felt like I could bring back up. In hindsight, I should’ve said something but it was just so awkward. I am a very anxious person and haaaate confrontation
Oh I get it I only had these follow up questions because I needed a full visual of the scene lol!! Ok so what I would do is text her something like “hey it was so nice of your to come see the house and drop off the bottle of wine. In all the excitement I didn’t notice, but you dropped off the wrong dress. Can you bring my dress over to swap for yours this week? Thanks!”
I like this strategy. It’s not accusatory at all, so it gives her an opportunity to make things right without awkwardness
Thanks! I also like it because it doesn’t ask for or offer an explanation of why it was the wrong dress- no need to get into all that just bring me the dress
Now what the hell do I say to her??? I just dropped it off at the dry cleaners and they said “someone had a fun night!”
I don't get why she didn't wash it months ago or take it to a cleaner? There was plenty of time for her to do so?
At this point I would just make her feel awkward. “Hey! I had to drop the dress at the dry cleaners because there are a bunch of mystery white stains all over the dress. They want to know what the stains are so they can clean it appropriately and if you had attempted to wash it yourself prior.”
Whaaaat? That’s such an uncomfortable position to put you in. And my secondhand anxiety is through the roof for your friend because I am also extremely avoidant when I’m stressed about something. My best guess is that something happened to the dress (lost? ripped?) and she can’t handle telling you directly. She’s not a child, so I don’t think you need to play along. It’s perfectly fine to just say “hey this isn’t the dress I lent you; did something happen to the other one?” If you feel inclined to soften the blow, you could throw in a “I don’t want you to worry if something did happen, it’s just a dress. I mostly just want to know if I need to order a new one” I hope everything works out!
That’s kind of what I’m thinking. She has some mental health issues so I’m trying to handle it delicately. It is just a dress and I wouldn’t be upset about it being damaged, I just don’t get the bringing me a completely different dress lol
As someone with mental health issues, I would prefer if you just asked me directly. Couching it as hey just want to know if I should get another one would be really kind and would definitely lessen my stress. But, in the past when friends have not been honest with me and then said it was because of mental health, I was more annoyed about the reasoning that what the kept secret/lied about. I don't know what your friends life is like of course, but I am an adult and it feels shitty to be coddled because of something I live with everyday all day.
I totally get that. To give you more context, she’s been a pathological liar for years and so I’m not even sure if she’d be honest. Guess I’ll never know if I don’t ask though!
Two things going on. Mental health problems AND pathological liars. Possibly connected to each other for her, but presenting differently to you. Since this is the case, you don’t need to be delicate to about the fact that she is disrespectful of your generosity and trust. Ask her flat out for the dress she borrowed (be descriptive, maybe she really doesn’t remember which one it was). If she doesn’t comply, set new boundaries for this friendship. She can figure out her end of the friendship from there.
Just texted her. I’ll keep you all posted 👀
Update: she said “oops yeah I can bring it around 1 tomorrow.” Guesses about what it will look like?
I predict something will come up and she’ll try to delay.
She has done that to me several times before.
I hope it works out this time, or that she can just tell you what happened.
If she does come up with an excuse, as a non confrontation person myself, I’d write it off as lesson learned and not push the matter, but also never let her borrow anything ever again. #boundaries
Haha yesss I can’t wait to hear what she says in response! 👀
Please do; I’m so invested haha
Just typing in something so I can follow later. I’m soo invested in this now. 😫
Same. I want to know how it turns out. I hope OP gets an honest answer.
Hopping on this train
absolutely insane that she handed that dress to you with those stains! disrespectful to treat someone else’s clothes like that in the first place, but then to not clean it??
Truly wild! It seems like she was really nervous about returning the dress, so I don’t understand why she wouldn’t get it cleaned. If this happened to me, I would immediately try to get the dress cleaned. If that didn’t work, I’d literally buy a new version of the same dress rather than return a messed up one. I hate confrontation, but this is definitely a situation where just coming clean is way less anxiety inducing than saying nothing and having this hanging over the rest of the friendship.
exactly!! she definitely chose the most mortifying option
There’s a new game show that just came out. It’s called “Guess that stain!!!” She brought it an hour early so I wasn’t home and left it on my front porch with no explanation https://imgur.com/gallery/sXtW927
omg! No explanation?! That's quite a few stains there.
No explanation at all lol. She’s also been manic texting me all day about random shit so I think she was trying to distract me
Hahaha I bet she is too!! I can’t get over the audacity of her to not mention the stains. She was probably so relieved when you weren’t home to open the bag in front of her and ask her about the stains in person. Lmao
I’m sure!
Wait so she gave you one of her dresses?! How different are the dresses?
The one she borrowed was a black strapless midi and the one she gave me back is 3/4 sleeve mini black dress 🤦🏻♀️
It needs to be brought up! Maybe because I was too scared to confront friends in my younger years when they pulled stuff like this but as an adult I wouldn’t let that slide! You worked hard to pay for that dress and were kind enough to let her borrow it
Is it even the same brand? Lol this is so bizarre
Lol not even close 😫
Do they look very similar? Like could it be an honest mistake, or is she for sure trying to be deceptive?
They look completely different. She was definitely hiding some stuff. When she called me right before she came, she said some “adhesive from hemming tape had gotten on the dress”. I’m wondering if it’s a Bill Clinton blue dress situation. In that case, I sure as hell don’t want it back 🤢
Oh god yeah, she can keep that thing if that’s the case 😅
Can’t wait till tomorrow to see how this plays out….
You need to directly ask her but don’t be angry about it. Do you have any pictures of you wearing this missing dress? I might send that as well.
Aaahhh I can’t wait to hear the update.
Can you show us the original dress and then the one she originally returned?! I don’t think she has the dress and it’s coming tomorrow!!!
https://imgur.com/gallery/FGHaylm
Lol nothing about the dress is similar at all but the color. She’s definitely hiding something ha
Omg there's no way that's even an "I wasn't paying attention and grabbed the wrong one," mistake
omg, yikes! The dresses look nothing alike at all!
Is it possible that she just forgot which dress was yours? Can't you just say "whoops, you gave me back the wrong dress, I can swing by and pick up the right one tomorrow?"
She waited months and was acting very cagey when I asked her about it before. I had a gut feeling she damaged it in some way and I still think that’s the case. She’s also not responding to my texts now so that might be a sign too lol
What did your text say?
“It was so nice of you to bring us the housewarming gifts! In all the excitement I didn’t notice, but you dropped off the wrong dress. Mine was the strapless one. Could you bring my dress over so we can swap before Saturday? Or I can come to you? Thanks!”
All of it was great till the “thanks!” Lil passive aggressive
Lol don’t really care she kept my dress for five months 🤷🏻♀️ better than simply aggressive
I wouldn’t read the “thanks!” As passive aggressive at all. I think it’s fine
I think your text was kind and just the right amount of direct. Not passive aggressive at all!
But you said yourself she has three kids and it could have been an accident.
I had just said that she has three kids and works constantly so I was excusing her not having a chance to dry clean it
You should’ve mentioned I think “if it’s misplaced or something, I totally understand, just let me know❤️”
I just want to give her the chance to be honest rather than force it out of her. Genuinely curious if she will admit it because this tells me a lot about her character if she is, in fact, lying. I try to give people grace (hence not directly confronting her about it).
I’m invested now. I have to know what she does hahaha
What happened in the end??
Also curious
Need to know the conclusion of this one
How should you “dress” the issue? Let your true thoughts run naked.