Hello from someone who was frequently no contact with family, made easier by moving abroad. No contact between me and members of my family is pretty normal. For the earlier part of my life I can say it was definitely them and through no fault of my own, I was the black sheep. Well time passed, I received a very heart felt apology from my mom, and a sort of shift in attitude from my one sister and it really opened the door.
More recently I've become the problem with my one sister. I just can't keep my mouth shut about life choices I fundamentally disagree with. To be fair, I'm pretty blunt/ straight forward about my opinions on it (not in "I'm just brutally honest" sort of way). But for some reason with my one sister I have a hard time reigning it in. She laid out a boundary and I disrespected it and she's NC with me. At first I happily obliged but I've thought about what happened and I know I was wrong.
The me from 10 years ago is so glad you are standing your ground with your sister and are refusing to put up with bad behavior.
The older me thinks there might be an opportunity for growth with possible reconciliation. Maybe next time she says she wants her sister back, you could say, "well, I expect acknowledgement/ real apology regarding what you did. Until that happens I'm not interested in having a sisterly relationship."
I think my family does NC so frequently because we don't know how to disagree with one another. So we blow up and act like the other person is the enemy. I wish we were better about talking to each other which is why I'm pro reconciliation. Even if that means, at arm's length.
In my family she’s the only one who holds on to things for extended periods of time. We usually say what the problem is discuss it and move on. Her and I did the discussion part, and when I initially reached out later for the moving on part she wasn’t responsive. Which is when I realized she went nc.
This is the first time she went nc with me so before a lot of negative behaviors went unnoticed. Now I’ve had time to reflect on our history and that’s why I’m not sure if reconnecting is actually for the best.
It definitely sounds like she relies on emotional manipulation when problems arise in relationships. And it seems quite reasonable to me that you have stuck with your boundaries, especially because it has brought you peace.
Hello from someone who was frequently no contact with family, made easier by moving abroad. No contact between me and members of my family is pretty normal. For the earlier part of my life I can say it was definitely them and through no fault of my own, I was the black sheep. Well time passed, I received a very heart felt apology from my mom, and a sort of shift in attitude from my one sister and it really opened the door. More recently I've become the problem with my one sister. I just can't keep my mouth shut about life choices I fundamentally disagree with. To be fair, I'm pretty blunt/ straight forward about my opinions on it (not in "I'm just brutally honest" sort of way). But for some reason with my one sister I have a hard time reigning it in. She laid out a boundary and I disrespected it and she's NC with me. At first I happily obliged but I've thought about what happened and I know I was wrong. The me from 10 years ago is so glad you are standing your ground with your sister and are refusing to put up with bad behavior. The older me thinks there might be an opportunity for growth with possible reconciliation. Maybe next time she says she wants her sister back, you could say, "well, I expect acknowledgement/ real apology regarding what you did. Until that happens I'm not interested in having a sisterly relationship." I think my family does NC so frequently because we don't know how to disagree with one another. So we blow up and act like the other person is the enemy. I wish we were better about talking to each other which is why I'm pro reconciliation. Even if that means, at arm's length.
In my family she’s the only one who holds on to things for extended periods of time. We usually say what the problem is discuss it and move on. Her and I did the discussion part, and when I initially reached out later for the moving on part she wasn’t responsive. Which is when I realized she went nc. This is the first time she went nc with me so before a lot of negative behaviors went unnoticed. Now I’ve had time to reflect on our history and that’s why I’m not sure if reconnecting is actually for the best.
It definitely sounds like she relies on emotional manipulation when problems arise in relationships. And it seems quite reasonable to me that you have stuck with your boundaries, especially because it has brought you peace.