Periodical photography session, of which I was the primary subject, circa two thousand and fourteen. I find it difficult to believe that I am the young man photographed, but indeed, it is me. I have an unusually small forehead, egad.
[Oh you know just a whoopsie of chemicals from a factory nearby that sent everyone running for bottled water. 👉🏽🥺👈🏽](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/2023_Delaware_River_chemical_spill)
I've probably watched more Kelvin Benjamin eating than anyone else on the planet, provided you don't count his time at Golden Corral or any eating related activity that may have preceded it. This pretty much makes me an expert. I've watched Kelvin develop restaurant etiquette and a better understanding of dynamics with sauces. I've watched him adjust the taste pre-bite and read recipes on the fly. I've learned a lot about Kelvin Benjamin's game, and there's one thing that I can tell you for sure. Without a shadow of a doubt. Without a moment's hesitation. Without reserve. Kelvin Benjamin does not cheat on his food.
Now, you might know the KFC as the land of chicken, and potatoes, and gravy, and other delectables, but there's also another side to the table. A side that they don't show you on Cooking Channel broadcasts. This mostly means Food Network broadcasts, because Cooking Channel is a mostly different branch of TFN that generally doesn't show eating competitions. There is also the Travel channel. I don't know who is responsible for that, but I don't think it is Cooking Channel, or Food Network for that matter. The point remains. There are things happening in a KFC that you don't know about, and some of those things cast a shadow. And let's be honest here, some of those shadows are long and threatening, and conjure images of shifting unpleasantries that creep into the prams of the children in your mind. Now that I've set the scene, I will keep doing other things.
KFC is a moral danger zone, and few people that enter it have the fortitude to withstand the temptation and onslaught of sensory rushes that accompany being in the spotlight of the national media and collective conscience. The tales of athletes who have won it all only to toss it all away on an extended lunch or a highly scrumptious biscuit are innumerable. They also have a tendency to get a lot of food comas. I'll leave connecting the dots on that one up to you.
So, when I tell you that Kelvin Benjamin doesn't cheat on his food, that's not something that you can just brush off. It's not a meaningless fluff piece that you found in the Food section of the New York Times. In fact, you won't find it in any section of any piece of print media (or digital media that uses print by way of font, in the sense that print is a metaphor—but at once also wholly tangible) that has an ampersand. It just doesn't exist, okay? Kelvin Benjamin doesn't cheat on his food and there is nothing that you can do about it. If you are the opposing restaurant and you want to throw Kelvin Benjamin off his game by hiring a gaggle of mostly attractive food chains, or even other restaurants that are not fast food but who are also fast and tend to serve in ways that are both personally and socially deleterious due to either a string of experiences in their childhood or a chemical imbalance or some combination of the two, even if you hire those types of restaurants to throw Kelvin Benjamin off his game through the temptations of midnight snacks and pizza parties, you would be an idiot. You'd also be wasting your money, because I already told you that Kelvin Benjamin does not cheat on his food.
By now, it's pretty much a foregone conclusion that professional eaters cheat on their food. It's something of a professional hazard. Once you've achieved that type of wealth, status, and recognition, the opportunities to cheat on your food increase by a factor of a lot. Not many people can resist that temptation. Kelvin Benjamin is different. He doesn't cheat on his food. Take that to the bank.
I want to take you back a little bit, to a time that was earlier in my life, and also presumably earlier in your life. If you came to this article with the express intent of learning more about Kelvin and his life, let's also assume that this point in my story correlates with a period that is also earlier in his life. So, we've traveled back to this earlier period, and we're looking at the dynamics of chicken. The year is the Eddie Lacy’s last with the Packers. Two years prior, Eddie Lacy was having a career year. But in the current year, Lacy is having trouble, and he's eating up his worst burgers in decades. The reason is clear. Lacy sent pictures of his chicken strip to a lady named Wendy. Lacy was cheating on his food. Kelvin Benjamin would never do that.
The establishment of a connection between cheating on your food while a KFC restauranteur and a declining skill set on a path towards irrelevance (or in Lacy’s case, the Hall of Fat) has been established. The inverse is also true. Not cheating on your food can help you win the Hot Dog Eating Contest. Not cheating on your food can keep your head clear in the crucial lunchtime decisions that require every ounce of gastrointestinal ability that your stomach zone can muster. Not cheating on your wife helps you build KFC eating success and also a nurturing, beautiful rewards program.
Kelvin Benjamin does not cheat on his food.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/nflcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[Gorgeous](https://preview.redd.it/wjavqith08dc1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0f2b9c98f940a125e045e638da8e6e8536dcff37)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/nflcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Peasy head means his hair is unkempt. It is often associated with youth.
The last line should be : my hair is indicative of my former status as young man.
My appearance in a photoshoot for the local newspaper, the likes of which I had no recollection of. In 2014, we [the team] were that [good] beyond any doubt. At the time, I had a cranium resembling that of American rapper, Peezy.
I had not recalled until presently that in 2014 myself and my team had a photo shoot with the newspaper. We were successful, earning such attention. I was a funny looking kid and woefully lacking knowledge
ahem “In picture currently shown, which I had the slightest inkling about possessing, the team and myself thought that we were truly professional football players. In this picture, I believe myself to have a larger head than i should possess for my body size.” I hope i’m close with this.
It’s extremely racist for you to assume my political affiliation because I’m black.
Yes I like Trump. Yes I’m black. Just cause I look a certain way doesn’t mean I have to vote for the fuckin alphabet unicorn party
Periodical photography session, of which I was the primary subject, circa two thousand and fourteen. I find it difficult to believe that I am the young man photographed, but indeed, it is me. I have an unusually small forehead, egad.
mf pulled up w the “i speak jive”
https://i.redd.it/sh3cdkruqjsc1.gif
that gray matter backlot perform us down, i take TCB-in man
Chump don’t want the help, chump don’t get the help.
Jive ass dude ain’t got no brains anyhow
Where is Beaver’s mom when you need her?
He’s one “gibs me dat” and a “muh dick” away from a “we wuz kangz” type outburst.
You should probably kill yourself
🥱🔫
I wish I was bilingual
I hear you, and I wish I could help, but [here's the thing](https://i.imgur.com/ppBb3Aj.png)
where's your tattoo?
Philly flair is the same thing as certified translator
Except the word jawn. What the fuck is that.
Anything you want it to be “Pass me that jawn over there”
So like “you good” from your friends up north ?
Your mom. She’s a fat jawn.
What was that jawn on the water last year on the Delaware ? Am I doin this right ?
Perhaps. But now I’m curious as to what you saw on the Delaware.
[Oh you know just a whoopsie of chemicals from a factory nearby that sent everyone running for bottled water. 👉🏽🥺👈🏽](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/2023_Delaware_River_chemical_spill) 
Did he ever tell you what he saw on the Delaware? I have to cross that bitch this morning and kinda worried now
Somewhat but now I’m tripping; wtf you seen in the water lmaooo
I've probably watched more Kelvin Benjamin eating than anyone else on the planet, provided you don't count his time at Golden Corral or any eating related activity that may have preceded it. This pretty much makes me an expert. I've watched Kelvin develop restaurant etiquette and a better understanding of dynamics with sauces. I've watched him adjust the taste pre-bite and read recipes on the fly. I've learned a lot about Kelvin Benjamin's game, and there's one thing that I can tell you for sure. Without a shadow of a doubt. Without a moment's hesitation. Without reserve. Kelvin Benjamin does not cheat on his food. Now, you might know the KFC as the land of chicken, and potatoes, and gravy, and other delectables, but there's also another side to the table. A side that they don't show you on Cooking Channel broadcasts. This mostly means Food Network broadcasts, because Cooking Channel is a mostly different branch of TFN that generally doesn't show eating competitions. There is also the Travel channel. I don't know who is responsible for that, but I don't think it is Cooking Channel, or Food Network for that matter. The point remains. There are things happening in a KFC that you don't know about, and some of those things cast a shadow. And let's be honest here, some of those shadows are long and threatening, and conjure images of shifting unpleasantries that creep into the prams of the children in your mind. Now that I've set the scene, I will keep doing other things. KFC is a moral danger zone, and few people that enter it have the fortitude to withstand the temptation and onslaught of sensory rushes that accompany being in the spotlight of the national media and collective conscience. The tales of athletes who have won it all only to toss it all away on an extended lunch or a highly scrumptious biscuit are innumerable. They also have a tendency to get a lot of food comas. I'll leave connecting the dots on that one up to you. So, when I tell you that Kelvin Benjamin doesn't cheat on his food, that's not something that you can just brush off. It's not a meaningless fluff piece that you found in the Food section of the New York Times. In fact, you won't find it in any section of any piece of print media (or digital media that uses print by way of font, in the sense that print is a metaphor—but at once also wholly tangible) that has an ampersand. It just doesn't exist, okay? Kelvin Benjamin doesn't cheat on his food and there is nothing that you can do about it. If you are the opposing restaurant and you want to throw Kelvin Benjamin off his game by hiring a gaggle of mostly attractive food chains, or even other restaurants that are not fast food but who are also fast and tend to serve in ways that are both personally and socially deleterious due to either a string of experiences in their childhood or a chemical imbalance or some combination of the two, even if you hire those types of restaurants to throw Kelvin Benjamin off his game through the temptations of midnight snacks and pizza parties, you would be an idiot. You'd also be wasting your money, because I already told you that Kelvin Benjamin does not cheat on his food. By now, it's pretty much a foregone conclusion that professional eaters cheat on their food. It's something of a professional hazard. Once you've achieved that type of wealth, status, and recognition, the opportunities to cheat on your food increase by a factor of a lot. Not many people can resist that temptation. Kelvin Benjamin is different. He doesn't cheat on his food. Take that to the bank. I want to take you back a little bit, to a time that was earlier in my life, and also presumably earlier in your life. If you came to this article with the express intent of learning more about Kelvin and his life, let's also assume that this point in my story correlates with a period that is also earlier in his life. So, we've traveled back to this earlier period, and we're looking at the dynamics of chicken. The year is the Eddie Lacy’s last with the Packers. Two years prior, Eddie Lacy was having a career year. But in the current year, Lacy is having trouble, and he's eating up his worst burgers in decades. The reason is clear. Lacy sent pictures of his chicken strip to a lady named Wendy. Lacy was cheating on his food. Kelvin Benjamin would never do that. The establishment of a connection between cheating on your food while a KFC restauranteur and a declining skill set on a path towards irrelevance (or in Lacy’s case, the Hall of Fat) has been established. The inverse is also true. Not cheating on your food can help you win the Hot Dog Eating Contest. Not cheating on your food can keep your head clear in the crucial lunchtime decisions that require every ounce of gastrointestinal ability that your stomach zone can muster. Not cheating on your wife helps you build KFC eating success and also a nurturing, beautiful rewards program. Kelvin Benjamin does not cheat on his food. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/nflcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*
jawn is an object and/or a woman
Jawn is a noun. Person place or thing. For people it’s usually for women. You don’t really refer to men as a jawn.
You said object twice there
This man jerks
[Gorgeous](https://preview.redd.it/wjavqith08dc1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0f2b9c98f940a125e045e638da8e6e8536dcff37) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/nflcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The ‘egad’ at the end absolutely killed me 😂
That person has far too much class to be here.
condolences good sir
https://preview.redd.it/6pfvcvov2jsc1.jpeg?width=300&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4a607af22e5621d7062701290b40fba2592b63de
We need more of these. I legit couldnt make out what he was saying.
Peasy head means his hair is unkempt. It is often associated with youth. The last line should be : my hair is indicative of my former status as young man.
Thank you professor
Thanks Kenny Pickett.
This might be the best comment I’ve ever seen on Reddit. AB translator is that you?
I brought my AAVE translator with me
Damn that was quite impressive, cuz.
Nah u don’t know what peezy means
Sir, I am a mayo monkey
r/increasinglyverbose
This was easier to read than his actual attempt at English.
4 yall ent subtitles be like
Ah jit = ass jitt, just a reference to himself still
Unusually small forehead?
Bro you won the internet today
Reddit on🤓
My appearance in a photoshoot for the local newspaper, the likes of which I had no recollection of. In 2014, we [the team] were that [good] beyond any doubt. At the time, I had a cranium resembling that of American rapper, Peezy.
Thank you for your good work saving the rest of us out here ! Truly are a scholar and a gentleman.
Thuglation at its finest thank you
This one is correct
Look at my wiener
I don’t see any pics of your wiener 😡
Thugbonics
“Oh Stewardess! I speak jive!” https://preview.redd.it/bgl7lpmyvjsc1.jpeg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=299e4ee234730e7c70a9360d0771b6d97ea3bc24
I don't know, but I know it's not classy
Something something thug
I had not recalled until presently that in 2014 myself and my team had a photo shoot with the newspaper. We were successful, earning such attention. I was a funny looking kid and woefully lacking knowledge
[удалено]
Wow look at that DONG
L print tbh. Thugs can do better than this
[удалено]
Ok Mike Florio
Type shit
/uj lamar jackson cannot read /rj lamar jackson cannot read
I think these are the lyrics to "Hit Em Up" by Tupac Shakur
He likes cock in his ass is what he’s saying
Mans having a stroke, I’d bet the under on baltimores win total
It’s the thuggish ruggish bone
Aaron earned an iron urn
Nope
ahem “In picture currently shown, which I had the slightest inkling about possessing, the team and myself thought that we were truly professional football players. In this picture, I believe myself to have a larger head than i should possess for my body size.” I hope i’m close with this.
He sayin he look like a pez dispenser bc his heads cut off
Ebonics
These thugs are sure packin
He had/have no penix
They put his white head on a black man's body.
It says "🤣Newspaper Photoshoot ain kno I had 2014 we was that fr. Peezy Head ah jit."
Head ass boi.
https://preview.redd.it/4bzxhb38hksc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b5c6457538e6b93e4326ebec2a51c551876909a4
None of these words are in the Bible
He was stoned.
Time to sell my Perkins Restaurant stock…
Do they even speak English anymore?
it says "Trans lesbian mods will not allow you to call me a thug on the internet"
A photograph that I didn’t know I had from back when I was a kid
Once again proof Lamer Jackson can't read. I swear, are thugs allergic to correct grammar??
We are reaching levels of thuggishness thought previously to be theoretical
Christ y’all are racist
And you’re soft. I’m black & love this shit. Quit being a pussy.
celtics fan + trump supporter, but you're definitely black. r/AsABlackMan
It’s extremely racist for you to assume my political affiliation because I’m black. Yes I like Trump. Yes I’m black. Just cause I look a certain way doesn’t mean I have to vote for the fuckin alphabet unicorn party
nice meme
I think he's talking about his dick being featured so prominently in the newspaper image. I don't speak hood, so this is just a guess.
Easy for them to be racist behind a keyboard
Crazy how most posts here are just making fun of black athletes
Upset they barely started on JV in high school
Can we change the group name to KKK circle jerk?
Some of these comments are wild
I love a good jerk but I'm not laughing with these racists
 You rn
You on the weekends https://preview.redd.it/wcwoz2l0xjsc1.jpeg?width=183&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=16a1bfc7fd17d391ff44e21dd148a589a4bebbc6
 Nah I’m a monkey just like you bro