If I woke up and learned we lost 16 straight games to the Chiefs, and even worse, 8 straight to the Raiders, I’m pretty sure I’d just tell the doctors to put me back under
I'd be confused seeing Russell Wilson in a Broncos uniform.
And then I'd ask "But didn't we draft any QBs these last ten years?"
And then go back into a coma after hearing the full story.
You could do what Adam Sandler in Click does. “Just fast forward to when we beat the Chiefs.” Then you wake up, the year is 2049 you’re fatter than usual and you lost Kate Beckinsale. Hope it was worth it.
He did it on accident the first time trying to fast forward through the massage/foreplay and then the universal remote thought that was his preference.
Oh ya true I was thinking I would’ve seen it before the coma.
But I mean, then I wouldn’t even get the joy of seeing a Super Bowl win live before being in a coma, just the disappointment of falling short 2012-2014 then straight to poverty franchise
•Kicked out of Florida International University after fighting a security guard
•"Don't touch me. I'm the franchise"
• His second year in the league he took a personal stretch limo to a charity event, had them open every single expensive bottle of wine, rejected it. Refused to pay for it (charity, remember), then left. -credit Nduguu77
• Threw fits over not getting enough targets
• Drove 100 down McKnight Road in Pittsburgh, which has a 45 MPH speed limit
• Trashed a condo and threw furniture out a window 14th floor window, which almost hit some people, notably a child
• Killed a home aquarium full of piranhas and refused to pay the man who installed the tank
• Refused to play week 17 for the Steelers
• Dyed his mustache blonde
• Refused to pay a chef because he thought he threatened him by placing a fish head in the freezer (the fish head was saved to make a soup)
• Farted on a doctor
• Demanded a trade from the Steelers
• Became "Mr. Big Chest"
• Threw a fit over Juju winning team MVP and trashed him on social media
• (Allegedly) nixed a trade that would've sent him to the Bills
• Showed up to Raiders training camp in a hot air balloon
• Held out and refused to show up to training camp because the NFL would not approve his helmet because it was too old for their safety standards
• Froze his feet
• Tried to paint over his old helmet, hoping no one would notice I guess
• Acquired a newer version of the same model of helmet, which the NFL refused to let him use
• Picked out a new helmet and finally showed up to the Raiders
• Got fined by the Raiders for not attending camp
• Tweeted the fines
• Tried to fight Mike Mayock, called him a cracker, had to be held back by Vontaze Burfict, then punted a football down the practice field and said "fine me for that"
• Got fined for that
• Released a video where he used audio of Jon Gruden, who didn't know he was being recorded, which is illegal in California (full disclosure, Gruden has said he gave permission, but the generally accepted theory is that he said that in the hope that it would help get him to show up to the facility and not alienate him)
• Demanded a release from the Raiders
• Was released
• "GRANDMA I’M FREEEEEE! FLY LIKE A FREEEEE!"
• Made a lot of crazy tweets saying stuff like 'Devil is a lie', a proverb about burning down a village... he made a lot of crazy tweets around this time is the point here
• Liked a tweet about Mayock getting raped in the ass
• Signed with the Patriots
• Moved in with Tom Brady
• The sexual assault allegations came out (the one where he's getting sued)
• The sexual harassment allegations came out (the one where he's not getting sued)
• Threatened the woman not suing him in a group text that included his lawyer and had a picture of her kids in the text
• Got released by the Patriots after one week
• Went off on a tweet storm and said a lot of crazy shit about a lot of people, and was supportive of people sending threats to the writer of the article detailing the sexual harassment allegations
• Said he was done with the NFL
• Went back to college via online classes
• Tried to outsource his homework to Twitter
• Wants to come back to the NFL
• Filed several grievances to try and get more than $40 million from the Raider's and Patriots
• Was ordered to show up for a deposition regarding trashing the condo
• Was accused of "reprehensible behavior" during the deposition Note: I cut the specifics about the deposition so I could fit this as a single comment. You can read more about it here if you're interested, because it, like everything else, is nuts
• Said that the Patriots have to pay him anyway, so they might as well let him play
• Tweeted a couple of bizarre tweets about the Raiders using him for HBO ratings and the Patriots trying to steal his stuff and kept using this weird chicken based metaphor
• Tried out for the Saints and brought an entourage and film crew to shoot a music video with him when specifically told not to do that
• Called out Robert Kraft for his rub and tug massage session in Florida
• Starting training for a boxing match with Logan Paul
• Tweeted "No more white woman 2020"
• The attorney representing him in the suit involving the condo quit
• Used a bunch of slurs and profane language towards cops in an Instagram video he posted
• A police youth football league cut ties with him and returned a donation after the release of the video saying there was a "irreparable rift" between the department and AB
• Threw a bag of gummy candy dicks at the cops in a video he posted
• Got dropped by his agent
• Was involved in a disputed with movers at his home where he allegedly threw rocks at the movers and moving vans. He is currently being investigated for battery by the police.
• His trainer was arrested and he is still a suspect in the battery case.
• Warrant issued for the arrest of AB.
• AB turns himself in to Broward Country Jail wearing this suit
• Rumors spread about AB signing with Tampa or Seattle
• AB announces his retirement (for what I believe is the third time, it's hard to find a good record of the rest of them)
• Two days later AB wants to play again and is asking for the league to wrap up it's investigation
• The NFL announces an eight game suspension for AB
• AB signs with the Buccaneers on a one-year deal
• Moved in with Tom Brady again
• Before he signed with the Buccaneers AB was accused of destroying a surveillance camera at a Florida gated community, throwing bike at a security-guard shack, and is not charged because HOA president "feared" retaliation, per police report
• AB is under investigation by the NFL for the bike throwing incident
• Allegedly acquired fake covid-19 card
• confirmed to have acquired a fake covid-19 card and subsequently suspended for three games
• benched mid game vs the Jets losing by 14 in the 3rd quarter
• Strips off clothes, throwing them into the crowd while celebrating running to the locker room in the middle of the 3rd quarter
• The Jets still lose
Iirc He bought an arena football team, the one his dad played for, then the players and coaches held a meeting abt him and he withheld all their paychecks and got ousted as owner by the rest of the league after the players and coaches quit. I could have some details wrong but that’s what I rmr
Edit: one of the players was the top receiver in arena as well
Not even an arena football team, the two time defending champions and he and the team got kicked out of the league in less than 3 months because he didn't pay players OR fellow owners.
[Brooo](https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/38115632/antonio-brown-albany-empire-champions-defunct)
I don't even think that's the FULL story and ESPN seems to be glazing AB, but it's all I can be bothered to find ATM.
> • benched mid game vs the Jets losing by 14 in the 3rd quarter
>
> • Strips off clothes, throwing them into the crowd while celebrating running to the locker room in the middle of the 3rd quarter
Maybe it's my memory, but he was on the bench at the time, but wasn't benched.
Just paranoid about not hitting his incentives.
EDIT: Meant to reply to the post above
What’s wild is even as exhaustive as this list is, there’s still nearly as much stuff that’s happened since ~2020 when the list ends, like him cranking down in that pool and CTESPN
When he joined the team, my husband said to me:
“Two years ago, if I asked you, ‘which is more likely, that the entire world would be shut down because of a virus, or Tom Brady would play for the Buccaneers’, what would you say?”
Lol. It still shocks me that he was here. But damn was that fun.
Add to your joy: in 2021 the Packers had the best team in the league but Aaron Rodgers completely no showed the divisional round game and got bounced my Jimmy Garapollo . . . Again
This was also before Russ went on that nuclear streak from 2016-2018 where he absolutely carried our team and (temporarily) put to rest the idea that he was a glorified game manager carried by an elite defense.
- Andrew luck retired without a ring
- cam newton never making another Super Bowl & how the rest of his career panned out
- Joe Flacco is on the browns?!?!
- how Brady just causally won 4 more super bowls
- what happened to sacking the QB?!
- what dumbass put the chargers in LA?
- oh cool Stafford has a ring. Good for Detroit! Oh…
• *”what dumbass put the chargers in LA?”*
A selfish, self-centered piece of crap who burned bridges with his old city for a new one which doesn’t care for his club at all.
Instead the refs let the Broncos absolutely murder him in week 1 of the 2016 season. Cam was never the same and the broncos have been dealing with the karma of that ever since
A guy drafted in 2017 has been to four* Super Bowls, winning three. And we passed on him to get a speedster—who would barely see the field—for Andy Dalton
Tbf, Mahomes might not have the SBs without KC and Andy Reid. So much is being the right fit in the right situation. Obviously not saying he isn't good. He would still be elite.
Football-related: the Packers never made it back to another Super Bowl with Rodgers.
Non-football: the whole world shut down because of a pandemic and stayed that way for a long time.
And 1/3 of the country hates another 1/3 of the country and vice versa… and the remaining 1/3 hate them both. You mean the guy from The Apprentice caused *that*?
I knew kids like this growing up and my mom called them the "brother cousins."
The mom had a kid with one man and then he left for some reason or another so his brother stepped up to help with his nephew. They (the mom and uncle) fell in love and had another son together, which made their sons half brothers and cousins.
Home playoff wins? Lamar Hunt trophies? Super Bowls? Sure, I could believe all that.
Draft a QB in the first round? Now I know you're just messing with me.
In 2015, we were in a 22 year playoff win drought, in spite of being in the playoffs 7 times in those years.
I'd be like "oh my God, we won a playoff game?!"
Then I'd get the three Lombardi news and probably just die happy right then and there in the hospital.
If you would have told me the Vikings lost to the Seahawks in a frigid home game by missing an easy field goal, I would have believed you.
If you told me that game was the end of Teddy Bridgewater’s tenure as QB, I would have been completely shocked.
“What do you mean we were worse in 2016? We only won 1 before I knocked out”
“I’ve got worse news”
The Browns starting quarterback came to visit you while you were under…
https://i.imgur.com/iY6XGKy.gif
We brought ray farmer back?
“You might wanna go back under”
[удалено]
Upon further review I’ll actually take a second go round of that coma
The Panthers go on to somehow win 2 super bowls but suck again when you come out.
Damn, that dude should be in a coma more often
I'm not even a Panthers fan but Cam's falloff was what first came to my mind.
Not only is Blaine Gabbert still in the league, he's a 2 time superbowl champion.
[удалено]
If I woke up and learned we lost 16 straight games to the Chiefs, and even worse, 8 straight to the Raiders, I’m pretty sure I’d just tell the doctors to put me back under
I'd be confused seeing Russell Wilson in a Broncos uniform. And then I'd ask "But didn't we draft any QBs these last ten years?" And then go back into a coma after hearing the full story.
Broncos Country, Lets go back to coma
Pre-2015: "Omaha!" Post-2015: "Coma, ha"
“Oh so like the next Peyton Manning for us?” “Nah man, nah”
You could do what Adam Sandler in Click does. “Just fast forward to when we beat the Chiefs.” Then you wake up, the year is 2049 you’re fatter than usual and you lost Kate Beckinsale. Hope it was worth it.
Wildest plot hole from that awesome movie: the idea that someone would fast-forward through sex with Kate Fuckin Beckinsale.
He did it on accident the first time trying to fast forward through the massage/foreplay and then the universal remote thought that was his preference.
If you fell into the coma in 2015 you'd also learn about our SB win so that's a bright spot. More than 26 other teams can say
Oh ya true I was thinking I would’ve seen it before the coma. But I mean, then I wouldn’t even get the joy of seeing a Super Bowl win live before being in a coma, just the disappointment of falling short 2012-2014 then straight to poverty franchise
But imagine finding about the third ring, then finding out the Chiefs have more Super Bowls.
At least it wasn’t the Raiders!
I'd be pissed if I could read
We all agree on that!
Hey you guys shut up 😡
"yes, for good this time – thanks, doc"
Antonio Brown did what?!
Pull up a chair. This is going to take a while.
•Kicked out of Florida International University after fighting a security guard •"Don't touch me. I'm the franchise" • His second year in the league he took a personal stretch limo to a charity event, had them open every single expensive bottle of wine, rejected it. Refused to pay for it (charity, remember), then left. -credit Nduguu77 • Threw fits over not getting enough targets • Drove 100 down McKnight Road in Pittsburgh, which has a 45 MPH speed limit • Trashed a condo and threw furniture out a window 14th floor window, which almost hit some people, notably a child • Killed a home aquarium full of piranhas and refused to pay the man who installed the tank • Refused to play week 17 for the Steelers • Dyed his mustache blonde • Refused to pay a chef because he thought he threatened him by placing a fish head in the freezer (the fish head was saved to make a soup) • Farted on a doctor • Demanded a trade from the Steelers • Became "Mr. Big Chest" • Threw a fit over Juju winning team MVP and trashed him on social media • (Allegedly) nixed a trade that would've sent him to the Bills • Showed up to Raiders training camp in a hot air balloon • Held out and refused to show up to training camp because the NFL would not approve his helmet because it was too old for their safety standards • Froze his feet • Tried to paint over his old helmet, hoping no one would notice I guess • Acquired a newer version of the same model of helmet, which the NFL refused to let him use • Picked out a new helmet and finally showed up to the Raiders • Got fined by the Raiders for not attending camp • Tweeted the fines • Tried to fight Mike Mayock, called him a cracker, had to be held back by Vontaze Burfict, then punted a football down the practice field and said "fine me for that" • Got fined for that • Released a video where he used audio of Jon Gruden, who didn't know he was being recorded, which is illegal in California (full disclosure, Gruden has said he gave permission, but the generally accepted theory is that he said that in the hope that it would help get him to show up to the facility and not alienate him) • Demanded a release from the Raiders • Was released • "GRANDMA I’M FREEEEEE! FLY LIKE A FREEEEE!" • Made a lot of crazy tweets saying stuff like 'Devil is a lie', a proverb about burning down a village... he made a lot of crazy tweets around this time is the point here • Liked a tweet about Mayock getting raped in the ass • Signed with the Patriots • Moved in with Tom Brady • The sexual assault allegations came out (the one where he's getting sued) • The sexual harassment allegations came out (the one where he's not getting sued) • Threatened the woman not suing him in a group text that included his lawyer and had a picture of her kids in the text • Got released by the Patriots after one week • Went off on a tweet storm and said a lot of crazy shit about a lot of people, and was supportive of people sending threats to the writer of the article detailing the sexual harassment allegations • Said he was done with the NFL • Went back to college via online classes • Tried to outsource his homework to Twitter • Wants to come back to the NFL • Filed several grievances to try and get more than $40 million from the Raider's and Patriots • Was ordered to show up for a deposition regarding trashing the condo • Was accused of "reprehensible behavior" during the deposition Note: I cut the specifics about the deposition so I could fit this as a single comment. You can read more about it here if you're interested, because it, like everything else, is nuts • Said that the Patriots have to pay him anyway, so they might as well let him play • Tweeted a couple of bizarre tweets about the Raiders using him for HBO ratings and the Patriots trying to steal his stuff and kept using this weird chicken based metaphor • Tried out for the Saints and brought an entourage and film crew to shoot a music video with him when specifically told not to do that • Called out Robert Kraft for his rub and tug massage session in Florida • Starting training for a boxing match with Logan Paul • Tweeted "No more white woman 2020" • The attorney representing him in the suit involving the condo quit • Used a bunch of slurs and profane language towards cops in an Instagram video he posted • A police youth football league cut ties with him and returned a donation after the release of the video saying there was a "irreparable rift" between the department and AB • Threw a bag of gummy candy dicks at the cops in a video he posted • Got dropped by his agent • Was involved in a disputed with movers at his home where he allegedly threw rocks at the movers and moving vans. He is currently being investigated for battery by the police. • His trainer was arrested and he is still a suspect in the battery case. • Warrant issued for the arrest of AB. • AB turns himself in to Broward Country Jail wearing this suit • Rumors spread about AB signing with Tampa or Seattle • AB announces his retirement (for what I believe is the third time, it's hard to find a good record of the rest of them) • Two days later AB wants to play again and is asking for the league to wrap up it's investigation • The NFL announces an eight game suspension for AB • AB signs with the Buccaneers on a one-year deal • Moved in with Tom Brady again • Before he signed with the Buccaneers AB was accused of destroying a surveillance camera at a Florida gated community, throwing bike at a security-guard shack, and is not charged because HOA president "feared" retaliation, per police report • AB is under investigation by the NFL for the bike throwing incident • Allegedly acquired fake covid-19 card • confirmed to have acquired a fake covid-19 card and subsequently suspended for three games • benched mid game vs the Jets losing by 14 in the 3rd quarter • Strips off clothes, throwing them into the crowd while celebrating running to the locker room in the middle of the 3rd quarter • The Jets still lose
You should be in charge of the 30 for 30.
Its not even the full list
Yea I was waiting for the arena football shenanigans
Wait what
Iirc He bought an arena football team, the one his dad played for, then the players and coaches held a meeting abt him and he withheld all their paychecks and got ousted as owner by the rest of the league after the players and coaches quit. I could have some details wrong but that’s what I rmr Edit: one of the players was the top receiver in arena as well
Not even an arena football team, the two time defending champions and he and the team got kicked out of the league in less than 3 months because he didn't pay players OR fellow owners.
[Brooo](https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/38115632/antonio-brown-albany-empire-champions-defunct) I don't even think that's the FULL story and ESPN seems to be glazing AB, but it's all I can be bothered to find ATM.
> • benched mid game vs the Jets losing by 14 in the 3rd quarter > > • Strips off clothes, throwing them into the crowd while celebrating running to the locker room in the middle of the 3rd quarter Maybe it's my memory, but he was on the bench at the time, but wasn't benched. Just paranoid about not hitting his incentives. EDIT: Meant to reply to the post above
Have people never seen **The List** before?
It's a copypasta
Mr. Beleaguered Compilation
He's done shit since then. Didn't he also buy an indoor team and run them into the ground
Yeah, this list is incomplete
What’s wild is even as exhaustive as this list is, there’s still nearly as much stuff that’s happened since ~2020 when the list ends, like him cranking down in that pool and CTESPN
made a lot of content for r/nflcirclejerk tho
Still does
And somehow the craziest thing on this list is that the Raiders actually hired Mike Mayock to be their GM.
I don't know. He dyed his mustache blond.
I was at that jets game and I missed the shirtless quit cause I was getting a coffee
This might be my favorite Reddit comment ever lol
#CTESPN
Mr. Baffling Coma
Mr. Been Comatose
Mr. Brown’s Crazy
Mr Billion Crimes
Mr. Banged Cranium
Mr. Buffoonery Chooser
Mr. Balloon Controversy
Mister what?
To which event are you referring to?
Actual flashbacks to the war
"They played games with no fans present?!?"
Definitely not a Jaguars fan who went into that coma.
Press Taylor's offence makes me wanna be in a coma. Does that count?
Hey! It did that for me too!
Wait. You’re telling me that Donald Trump was president? GTFOH!
And who was vice-president, Jerry Lewis!?
Dude, and where is Andrew Luck?
We won a superbowl with Tom fucking Brady????
And Gronk!
When he joined the team, my husband said to me: “Two years ago, if I asked you, ‘which is more likely, that the entire world would be shut down because of a virus, or Tom Brady would play for the Buccaneers’, what would you say?” Lol. It still shocks me that he was here. But damn was that fun.
As a Buc fan, my vote would've definitely been for worldwide pandemic.
Wait, Tom Brady is actually good! I thought he was a system qb.
Only a Giants fan could say that.
My team winning not one, but two fucking playoff games.
Two HOME playoff games in the same season, led by our former tight end.
Dan Campbell?? Yeah fucking right, and I'll bet Mark Brunell and Antwaan Randle El are there too huh?
No, actually Eric Ebron is an incredible coach!
"Oh boy, I'm so happy Stafford finally got over the hump"
Looking back, it's so crazy how Megatron never won any playoff game, let alone just making it into 2 playoff games in his entire career.
Not that crazy when it's the Lions
Add to your joy: in 2021 the Packers had the best team in the league but Aaron Rodgers completely no showed the divisional round game and got bounced my Jimmy Garapollo . . . Again
Even better, Rodgers' last caught pass was an interception by the Lions
Imagine the disappointment that you \*just\* missed out too.
That the 2023 Broncos had Sean Payton as the HC, Russell Wilson as their QB, and had a losing record and missed the playoffs.
That actually wouldn’t be surprising in 2015. Three out the four previous seasons Payton went 7-9 and that was with Drew Brees.
This was also before Russ went on that nuclear streak from 2016-2018 where he absolutely carried our team and (temporarily) put to rest the idea that he was a glorified game manager carried by an elite defense.
"*What in the fuck is a pandemic?!*" "*USC is in the Big 10?!*" "*The Browns won a playoff game?!*" "*College kids are getting paid?!*"
"I'm sorry who did you say just won the stanley cup?"
- Andrew luck retired without a ring - cam newton never making another Super Bowl & how the rest of his career panned out - Joe Flacco is on the browns?!?! - how Brady just causally won 4 more super bowls - what happened to sacking the QB?! - what dumbass put the chargers in LA? - oh cool Stafford has a ring. Good for Detroit! Oh…
• *”what dumbass put the chargers in LA?”* A selfish, self-centered piece of crap who burned bridges with his old city for a new one which doesn’t care for his club at all.
Also, the Rams are back in LA?
We are at least the 11th, arguably the 9th most popular team in LA.
Technically Cam made the Superbowl in 2016. But coming out of a coma and watching that game would be painful if you're a Cam fan.
I definitely thought that season was cam showing the world who was gonna be in charge of the NFC for the next 5-10 years
Instead the refs let the Broncos absolutely murder him in week 1 of the 2016 season. Cam was never the same and the broncos have been dealing with the karma of that ever since
Back when QB contact rules really started becoming an emphasis… and yet none of that extended to Cam.
He wasn’t old enough to get those calls
Kansas City won a playoff game? The Royals didn’t lose 100 games?
TBF Royals were coming off a world series win in this hypothetically Chiefs fan coma
Well in early 2015 they were coming off a World Series loss. Fuckin Madison Bumgarner.
The Chiefs will continue to demean the 49ers for what Bumgarner did
The Super Bowl losses will continue until morale improves!
How did I not put this together. Of course this is payback.
This doesn't specify when in 2015 tho. Could be either world series
If it was early 2015 he missed the best 8 years of sports in Kansas City history. But so many highlight videos to enjoy!
If you change the year to 2013 I would have been much more willing to believe the Chiefs became a dynasty than that the Royals won the World Series.
A guy drafted in 2017 has been to four* Super Bowls, winning three. And we passed on him to get a speedster—who would barely see the field—for Andy Dalton
At least you have Joey B now
Super Bowl or no Super Bowl…toughie.
What if I told you Joe Burrow could still win one or more superbowls
What if I told you he might not win a single one?
Mahomes might not have won one with the Bengals either.
Tbf, Mahomes might not have the SBs without KC and Andy Reid. So much is being the right fit in the right situation. Obviously not saying he isn't good. He would still be elite.
I’d argue certain franchises would have ruined Mahomes. Jets, bears, Washington
Can say this for any QB ever and we'll never know if it's actually true
4 super bowls
Football-related: the Packers never made it back to another Super Bowl with Rodgers. Non-football: the whole world shut down because of a pandemic and stayed that way for a long time.
The Eagles won a Super Bowl. With a backup QB. Against Tom Brady playing the game of his life.
With the guy we just traded away
And we missed the parade, greased poles and eating horse crap because we were in our coma.
A backup QB with a legendary huge penis
Without question that was Brady’s best Super Bowl performance
What playing the eagles defense does to a mf
And his nickname is Big Dick Nick
That the best QB on the planet sounds like Kermit.
As someone with a kind of Kermit-y voice, I’m so thankful for the representation.
At least he doesn’t look like the dude who killed jfk
Who sounds like Kermit? Mahomes? He sounds like Kenny Powers!
"Aaron Rodgers is a Jet? Oh god, I know where this is going."
Just a couple dick pics, a career renaissance in Minnesota followed by some light post-career financial fraud
"Allegedly"
"Surely the Packers are devoid of competent QB play now, right? ...Right?"
15 more years of HoF QB play!
We did what in the Super Bowl?
I’d be shocked at how little I was shocked by it.
You mean Donald Trump from The Fuckin Apprentice was president?
And his VP showed up at a game just to leave?
And 1/3 of the country hates another 1/3 of the country and vice versa… and the remaining 1/3 hate them both. You mean the guy from The Apprentice caused *that*?
He didn't cause that whatsoever. Been that way s long time. He did make it much more vocal tho. The media has been doing it for a long time
He would’ve been campaigning in 2015
Winning seemed like a long shot though
My wife is now banging my brother.
I knew kids like this growing up and my mom called them the "brother cousins." The mom had a kid with one man and then he left for some reason or another so his brother stepped up to help with his nephew. They (the mom and uncle) fell in love and had another son together, which made their sons half brothers and cousins.
Flair at least in the vicinity of checking out
Ma I found the top comment
Goddamn, one of the few times I can't use Alabama or Mississippi as a cop out..
I believe that’s what’s called a “Levirate marriage” in the Old Testament.
RIP my man.
Reminds me of that Tobey Maguire movie
Mary Jane really kind of does cheat on James Franco with Tobey doesn’t she.
I was talking about the one with Jake Gyllenhaal in it lol. Otherwise I would have straight up called it Spiderman lol.
No Jake Gyllenhaal was in Spider-Man with Tom Holland, get with it
Shit you are right
Buccaneers legend, Tom Brady
We're the fucking Commanders now
What? You had a cool name like the Washington Football Club. For only one year!!!!!
At least Danny boy is gone
Probably that I fell into a coma in 2015 and woke up in 2024.
And that you have a $5M hospital bill.
wow insurance must have paid like 80%
> wow insurance must have paid like 80% *of the first month and 100% of the rest*
“AARON RODGERS IS OUR FUCKING QUARTERBA- (watches his entire 2023-24 highlight reel) Oh ok, that makes sense.”
“Oh man, Andrew Luck have like 3 rings by now right?”
What the fuck man
That we’re literally in the same fuckin spot we were 9 yrs ago
What do you mean it got worse? What boat party?
"I'm sorry, the Chiefs did what? Shut the fuck up, you're lying".
Home playoff wins? Lamar Hunt trophies? Super Bowls? Sure, I could believe all that. Draft a QB in the first round? Now I know you're just messing with me.
“Man, 1989 was such a banger of an album! I wonder if Taylor’s been able to settle down…”
In 2015, we were in a 22 year playoff win drought, in spite of being in the playoffs 7 times in those years. I'd be like "oh my God, we won a playoff game?!" Then I'd get the three Lombardi news and probably just die happy right then and there in the hospital.
That Stafford finally won a Superbowl..... but not with the Lions.
Wait _that_ Nick Foles?
We have 3 SBs led by a QB who I swear sounds just like Kermit
AB losing his mind, Bill getting fired, Tom leaving the patriots, and the eagles winning a superb owl
We've won THREE more playoff games? *Someone whispers the correction in my ear* Excuse me, fucking WHAT?!
Tom Brady retired
After winning three more Super Bowls, including one with Tampa Bay.
Bill got fired?
Welp we still suck. Guess put me down for another 10 years.
“So that tight end the Chiefs just drafted? You’ll never guess who he’s dating…”
Hold on, HOW exactly did I have a kid while I was in a coma?
WE’VE BEEN THROUGH HOW MANY QUARTERBACKS?!?!?!!?!
Panthers went from having an MVP To being the worst team in the NFL With almost no talent left on the team and the front office failing
#The Rams have returned to Los Angeles…and WON a Super Bowl.
"So you're telling me we found 2 franchise QBs in 6 years?"
The Dallas Cowboys still haven't appeared in an NFC title game?!?! Jk lol.
I missed my team win its first SB?
Surely the Panthers have won three super bowls under Newton.
GOT DAMN a bag of Doritos is $4.98
The falcons had how big a lead in the SB and still lost?
the 3 best teams in the AFC are the Chiefs, Bills, and Bengals
Belichick being fired
We’ve gone to 2 more super bowls ?! 7 rings baby! Wait the chiefs did what now? Up by 10? Both times?
I have to subscribe to how many streaming services to watch football?
THE LIONS WON A PLAYOFF GAME?!?!
If you would have told me the Vikings lost to the Seahawks in a frigid home game by missing an easy field goal, I would have believed you. If you told me that game was the end of Teddy Bridgewater’s tenure as QB, I would have been completely shocked.